On The Dark And Blue Horizon

by Nosfrat

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Romance
Length: 5633

When Shining Armor catches his wife cheating on him, he turns to his best friend Anonymous for comfort... and perhaps something else.

When Shining Armor catches his wife cheating on him, he turns to his best friend Anonymous for comfort... and perhaps something else.

Short, cute, mushy homoerotic bromance kind of thing.

Second person Anon x Shining Armor. Contains: lots of cheesy moments, profanity, stupid references and Jason Statham.

Rated teen for language, and some sensuality.

Published 2016-01-06 08:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-06 08:00:02 UTC

Seen Through Time

Author's Note

As with my last two stories, I named the story (and the single 'chapter') after a song I listened to while writing it (Seen Through Time by Cellador). I wish I could link it but YouTube copyright game too strong.
Edit: YouTube link

As stupid and unrelated as it is, it's still better than when I actually try to come up with a title.

Seen Through Time

You are Anonymous, the only human in Equestria. You live in Ponyville, in a small house on the outskirts of the town. And you are currently wandering around, bored out of your mind.
While life in Equestria is pretty good, it also gets extremely boring at times. You never liked reading that much, and there really isn't much else to do to pass the time here. With no TV and no Internet, you're forced to actually go outside when you're bored.

It doesn't help that you don't have a job. You used to help the Apples harvest apples, but there are only so many trees on their orchard. Without a special talent tattooed on your ass, not many ponies would want to hire you. You don't actually have any real talent in anything, either.

You sit down on a bench in Ponyville's town square, sighing as you look around. There are a few clouds in the sky, a couple of birds and pegasi are flittering about and some critters are playing in the shadow of a nearby tree. As boring and weird as this land full of cartoon horses can be, it's also peaceful.
You like peaceful.

You also like how-
Your inner monologue is cut short as mud splatters on your legs. You look around to see a small puddle of mud, and two fillies with dirty hooves. You shake your head and sigh. While ponies are peaceful in nature, young ponies are surprisingly... well, similar to human children.
That is to say, they're annoying, evil little shits.

You get up and loudly crack your neck. Should you go home and get some clean pants? That wouldn't be a bad idea, except for one little detail: you have none.
You're not sure how you're only remembering this now, but you originally wanted to go to Rarity's place and have her make you some clothes. You turn around and start walking towards where you think Carousel Boutique is located. Ponyville is surprisingly large for a small quaint town, and it's not hard to get lost. Especially since you haven't been living here for too long.

"Thanks again, Rarity!"

The white mare stifles a giggle, putting a hoof in front of her mouth. "Think nothing of it, Anonymous. As I told you, it is a challenge to design human clothes, and overcoming challenges is how one becomes a better and stronger pony."

You shrug. "Sure, I guess. Anyway, see you later."

"Come back tomorrow, darling!" she calls out as you start walking off. "I'll have your clothes ready."

You raise a finger to let her know you heard her, and keep walking towards... uh, where were you going?
You stop walking and look around, remembering that visiting Rarity was the only thing you had to do. You asked her how much you would owe her tomorrow, but she said she'd never want you to pay. She kept ranting about challenges and becoming better or some shit. Works for you, but you don't really care. You can think of many things that aren't challenging yet would help you become a better person.

Meat, for instance.
Fuck, being forced to be a vegetarian has taken its toll on you. And you don't even like fish.

As your mind wanders and your mouth waters in thoughts of something to eat that isn't a goddamn flower, you hear something behind you. You turn around and a smile appears on your face.

"Shiny!"

The white stallion extends his hoof, and you boop it with a fist.

"Hey, Anon. What's up?"

"Not much," you reply, "just walking around... not much to do, you know."

Shining Armor is your only real friend in this world. You two are close, but you don't see each other too often. Mostly because of how busy he usually is with his work, you rarely get a chance to hang out. You tried befriending other ponies, but you never really managed to bond with any of them. There's only so much a human and a cartoon pony can have in common, you suppose.
Shining is different, though. While you don't have much in common with him either, there's something between the two of you.

"So, what's up with you? What are you doing in Ponyville? You wanna hang out, maybe hit the bar?" you propose. He remains silent, looking down. You raise an eyebrow and put a hand on his withers, slightly cocking your head. "Hey man, you alright?"

He looks up and you finally realize that his eyes are red and puffy, and that he just looks like hammered shit in general.

"That... WHORE!", he shrieks, causing you to take a step back.

You raise your hands defensively. "Who? What happened, Shining?"

"It's... it's C-Cadance," he says, visibly fighting the tears. "I saw her... with... I SAW HER, ANON!"

"Where?"

"In bed with some... fucking stallion! One from the guard, I think... and they were... t-they were..." he trails off, the tears now flowing freely.

You kneel and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him into an awkward hug.

"There, there, Shiny," you say softly, patting his withers. "Calm down, it's gonna be alright."

He sobs softly into your embrace. Ponies are surprisingly... tactile. Back on Earth, comforting a friend by hugging him in the middle of the streets wouldn't have been your first idea, but here in Equestria it's commonplace.

You let go off him and stand back up, looking at him. His breathing is still erratic, but his crying has subsided a bit.

"Why did she do that, Anon? Am I really such a bad husband?"

"Of course not, Shiny, you're-"

"I know I'm often busy and I don't spend enough time with her, but that's not a reason to... do that!"

"I know, she's-"

"What does that stallion have that I don't?"

"Nothing. He's probably just a punk."

"So you're saying a punk is a better husband than I am? IS THAT IT?" he screams, slamming his forehooves against your chest.

You shake your head in disapproval, grabbing his forelegs and gently pushing him away. His upper body drops to the ground and he turns his head, avoiding your gaze.

"I'm sorry, Anon..."

"Don't worry about it. C'mon," you say, pointing a finger in a seemingly random direction, "let's hit the bar."

He looks at you hesitantly, shaking his head. "Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Sure, why not?" you reply, knowing full well how bad of an idea it is.

"Alright," he sighs. "Lead the way."

"So I took aim and told him, 'you peaked in high school, motherfucker!'"

The both of you erupt in laughter.

"Oh man, Anon! That's a good one!"

"Yeah... and then I shot him in the dick."

Shining's laughter instantly dies down, and he shoots you a worried glance.

While you spent a lot of time in the bar, Shining Armor didn't drink much. You, however, did. Even though you're much bigger than a pony, you're pretty fucking tipsy right now. You're not even sure that this story you just told him happened the way you recounted it. As far as you can remember, you never even held a gun in real life. Oh well... for now, all you want to do is go home and sleep. Shining is trotting alongside you, still chuckling at your story, even if the last bit seemed to worry him. Probably because humans and ponies don't have their dicks in the same place, or maybe because-

"Say, Anon..." he starts, his voice low and solemn.

"Yeah?" you slur.

"I don't... I don't wanna go home tonight."

Yeah, you figured he might ask you if he can stay over at your place. It makes sense, really. You probably wouldn't want to go home to your wife hours after finding out she had been cheating on you, either.

"You can crash at my place, no problem."

His face lights up. "Really?"

"Yeah," you smile. "You're my friend, Shiny. I'm not gonna let you hanging."

"Thanks, Anon."

You finish the surprisingly long trek back home, unlock your door and enter your house, throwing yourself on the couch. You don't even know why you lock your doors, crime in Ponyville is... well, is not, really. There's just nothing that even remotely resembles crime in this town.

"Hey Shiny, do you sometimes lock your doors?"

"Huh?" he raises his head, closing the door with a rear hoof. "Of course I do. That's pretty much my job, you know?"

"Oh," you groan. Goddamn you're drunk.

"Say, Shiny..." you trail off, not even remembering what you originally wanted to tell him. When no answer comes, you look around and see your friend leaning against the window, staring outside.

"You okay?" you ask, despite knowing full well that no, he's pretty fucking far from okay.

"The rain... I like rain. It's peaceful," he says in an emotionless voice.

"Uh... yeah, rain is cool. It's wet and shit," you say, suddenly wondering when was the last time you blurted out something that idiotic. Thankfully, he ignores your 'answer' and keeps staring outside. You can see a tear forming in the corner of his eye, glistening in the moonlight. As beautiful as it is, it's also heartwrenching to you.

"It wasn't raining a minute ago. Rain is... sudden."

You're not sure what's his deal with the whole rain thing, but he sounds like he really needs some sleep. And isn't rain in Ponyville controlled by pegasi anyway?

"C'mon Shiny, we gotta get some rest. You go upstairs and sleep in my bed, I'll crash on the couch. I'm already on it anyway, so go and get some rest, I'll just pass out here."

He slowly walks back near the couch and puts a hoof on your arm. "No, I'm not letting you sleep on the couch. You go sleep in your bed, I'll take the couch," he says.

You grunt. "Why?"

"You're my friend, Anon. I'm not letting you sleep here. Plus, it's bad for your back."

"You're a horse, what would you know about that?"

He snorts loudly. "Don't make me magic you up the stairs."

"I'm immune to magic."

He stares at you for a few seconds, then shakes his head. "Just go sleep in your bed, Anon."

You really don't know what's up with him tonight, but considering the shit he went through, you should probably just comply. You're also tired, and a tad too drunk to be arguing with him.

You get up (after some struggling) and slowly make your way up the stairs, trying not to trip. You eventually make it to your bed and just fall flat onto it, sighing heavily. You're drunk, but not enough not to worry about your friend. Should you really let him sleep alone downstairs?

He insisted.

You're awoken by a loud bang. "Empty the clip," you sit up wall-eyed and scream, "EMPTY THE CLIP!"

It takes you a few seconds and a bright flash of light to remember that you're in your bed in Equestria, and not on the docks of Hong Kong.
Goddamn your dreams are whack these days.

Another loud bang echoes through your room, followed by another bright flash and the telltale sound of rolling thunder and wood creaking.
Wait, wood creaking?

You turn your head and see Shining Armor standing in your doorway with a pillow under a hoof. You raise an eyebrow.

"Hey, Anon! I, uh... I heard you scream, and uh... I was just checking on you. You know, royal guard and all that? It's my job after all."

You may not have fully sobered up yet, but he's definitely acting weird.

Before you can formulate an answer, another flash of light blinds you. A few seconds later, the sound reaches you, causing Shining Armor to jump and take a step closer to you.

Is he... oh.

"Shiny, are you afraid of thunder?" you smirk.

"W-what? Of course not, I'm-"

Another flash of light cuts him off, and he closes his eyes, crunching his face. The sound hits and he shudders, hanging his head in defeat.

"Yes... yes, I am. I'm sorry Anon, I just... can I sleep with you? Please, just for tonight?"

"Sure, come here," you say, moving over and patting the spot where you were on the bed. "It's more than large enough for two persons. Er, ponies, whatever."

He takes a step hesitantly.

"Are you sure? You really don't mind?"

"Shut up and get your ass in here."

He jumps on the bed and jabs you in the arm with a hoof, before slipping his body under the blankets.

"It's warm in here," he says, snuggling against his pillow.

"Yeah, you're sitting where my ass was."

"That's a weird thing to say."

"But it's true."

"I guess..." he trails off, trying to process this whole situation. "No homo though, right?"

"I don't know," you shrug. "That sounds a little homo now that I think about it."

"Shut up, Anon."

"You shut up."

"You're like a kid."

"Says the one who's scared of thunder."

"So what? I may be a captain and a prince, but I'm still a pony. And lots of ponies are scared of thunder."

You yawn. That's probably true, ponies are afraid of a lot of shit.

"Look, in my world we have a traditional human song," you begin, patting him on the head as you start singing.

He chuckles before you can finish, and sighs deeply. "You know I don't like swearing, Anon."

That's true as well, the vast majority of ponies just don't swear, and typically don't like when you do it. You remember he swore once or twice yesterday. He must have been really shook up...
Maybe you should-

"Anon?" he interrupts your train of thought.

"Yeah?"

He turns his back to you. "Can you be the big spoon?"

You don't react for a few seconds, wondering if he's being serious.

"Please?" he adds, turning his head back to face you with puppy dog eyes.

Ah, fuck it. He's your friend, and you're here to comfort him. So what if he wants to spoon? It's not gay, balls can't touch in this position.
Well, maybe they can with a horse who's half your size, but whatever. You're not naked anyway.

You move closer to him and wrap an arm over him, bringing his back against your chest.

"Anon? Is that your... dick, against my flank?"

Oh.
Yeah, apparently you are naked.

"Of course not," you immediately reply, awkwardly moving your legs to try to avoid direct contact. His fur is soft and warm, goddamn.

He doesn't seem too convinced but he makes no attempt to push you away either. He's soft, he's warm, he's cuddly... you know he's a guy, and your best friend, but fuck if you're not enjoying this. This is some premium quality pone you're cuddling right now. His slow and steady breathing eventually lulls you to sleep, and you have time for only one last thought before sleep claims you.

'No homo.'

You wake up to the overly bright Equestrian Sun shining in your face. You groan, stretch your arms and yawn, before doing your morning ritual. By which you mean, throwing a dart into a photo of Celestia pinned to the wall and calling her a fucking twat. She's the one who got you a house, and you're sure she put that window here to prevent you from sleeping in. Conspiracy against mankind, is what it is.
You could always ask Rarity to make you some curtains, though...

Heh, why had you never thought of that? Perhaps today will be a good day.

You get up, suddenly remembering that Shining Armor slept in your bed. Is he gone? Did he go back to... you don't even know where he lives, actually. He probably has a room in the castle or something in Canterlot, but he's also supposed to be ruling the Crystal Empire or some shit. Politics bore you to death, Equestrian politics are no different.

A heavenly scent coming from downstairs forces you to drop your thoughts. You inhale deeply and follow the scent downstairs. When you enter your kitchen, you're met with a sight you wish you could unsee... or perhaps just see every morning.

Shining Armor is wearing a bright pink apron, and he's making pancakes. He sees you and freezes, staring at you with his large blue eyes. Damn, he may be your best friend but he's really, really cute.

"Hey, Shiny! Did you sleep well?"

He doesn't answer, instead pointing a hoof towards... oh.

OH.

You look down and remember that you indeed slept in the nude. You stare at him for a few more seconds while your mind reboots, and you quickly cover your morning wood with both hands and walk back upstairs.

You walk back downstairs a few minutes later, clothed and flaccid. You sit down at the table and Shining Armor puts a plate in front of you, filled with a bunch of some of the best looking pancakes you've ever seen. This is Pinkie Pie grade shit.

You're not sure what's up with Shining, or why he's acting all weird like that, but you sure don't mind. The cuddling was nice, and these pancakes are really great.

You both eat in awkward silence, neither of you wanting to talk about... well, anything, really. Everything since you left the bar yesterday has been awkward. You're sure that somewhere in his mind, Shining is wondering why you'd even have a pink apron. Just like in your mind, you're wondering why he'd take and wear your fucking pink apron, without asking you first. Still, you don't mind. He looks damn hot in it.

...good. You meant good, not hot. He's your friend, he can't be hot.

Well, he can, but not to you.

After you both ate, cleaned up and showered, you find yourselves sitting on your couch with nothing to do. You wish TV existed here, but technology in Equestria is pretty primitive in many aspects. One day, these ponies will really need to learn about science and shit. There's only so much magic can accomplish.

Shining Armor looks at you, scratching his ear with a forehoof. Why is he cute while doing that?

"Thank you," he says blankly.

You raise an eyebrow. "For what?"

He shakes his head. "For this... all of this. You comforted me, you were here for me when I needed you, you stayed with me when I was scared... you're the best friend a stallion could ask for, Anon."

You wave a hand dismissively.

"It's nothing, Shiny. That's what friends are for, right?"

"No," he says, putting a hoof on your arm and looking solemnly into your eyes. "It really means a lot to me."

Before you can reply, he grabs your arm (how do they even grab shit with hooves?) and brings it closer to his chest. "And uh... I kind of... don't want to go back home."

"Well, we can hang out if you want."

A smile appears on his face. "Yeah. I'd love that."

You wonder whether he's putting up a façade, or if he really stopped thinking about his wife. Maybe you're just that great of a friend?

"Say, you wanna go for a walk in the Everfree Forest?"

His eyes narrow. "The Everfree?"

"Yeah," you say casually. "I liked just walking around in the woods back home. Ponies here seem scared of the forest because the weather controls itself or some shit, but if anything, that makes it feel more like home to me."

Your friend seems conflicted. You can see that even though he's a powerful magic user and high ranking military officer, he's still a diminutive pastel horse.

You get up and extend a hand. "I'll protect you, don't worry," you say with a cheeky grin.

He grabs your hand and gets up as well, smiling but clearly uneasy about going into the big dark scary forest. One day you'll get an aneurysm from just thinking about how the fuck do they grab things with hooves, but hopefully it won't be today.

"Anon, do you really think we should be going deeper into the forest?"

You glare at Shining Armor.

"Yeah, why not?"

He seemed uneasy about coming in here in the first place, and he looked downright scared when you entered the forest proper. But right now, he just looks absolutely fucking terrified.

"This," he points towards your left with a hoof, "is why not."

You turn your head and instinctively take a step back, your mind trying to process what you're looking at. Maybe the ponies did have a legitimate reason for being afraid to come in here. You're still not sure what that thing is exactly, but it is pretty goddamn scary.

Sensing your confusion, Shining speaks. "It's a manticore. Its tail can kill a full grown stallion with a single sting. They're very territorial but not naturally aggressive, they won't attack you if you stay away and leave them alone, and I really think we should do that."

You're not listening to him. Your eyes are fixated on what the manticore is currently ripping from a corpse and sticking in its mouth.

Something your diet direly needs.

"Fuck. Shiny, I'm gonna ninja my way over there and grab his meal. Cover me."

You start thinking about how you're going to 'ninja your way over there', ignoring Shining's flabbergasted expression. How would a ninja make his way over there without being seen? Think of a ninja... shit, you're not a weeaboo, you don't know anything about ninjas.
Although, there was that one game you used to play... yeah, that'll work.

"How hilarious," you blurt out in an emotionless tone.

You extend your arm and open your hand, quickly walking in the opposite direction as Shining Armor stares in disbelief.

"You just set off my trap card."

You grab something off the ground and sprint towards the manticore.

"Your death approaches."

The creature finally notices you, but it's too late. You bring down your weapon, striking it between the eyes.

The twig breaks harmlessly, and you're suddenly looking at a pissed off manticore.

"Fuck."

You turn around and start running back towards Shining, who's still wearing the same 'what the fuck' expression.

"SHINY! HELP ME!" you scream as you close the distance, hearing the beast slash the air behind your back with his paws.

"ANON! GET BEHIND ME!" he shouts, throwing himself between you and the manticore as his horn lights up.

"HYPER BEAM THIS MOTHERFUCKER AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" you yell at him, still running away.

There's a brief flash of pink light followed by a shriek and the sound of a body hitting the ground.

You turn around and freeze. The manticore is slowly raising its tail over a concussed Shining Armor, ready to go for the kill.
Shining Armor is your friend. Like, your best friend. You really like him. As in, you don't want him to die. So you do the only thing you can think of.

You grab a big rock and throw it at the creature.

Its tail inches away from puncturing Shining's midsection, the manticore freezes and raises its head, glaring at you. It starts walking towards you, leaving the stallion alone long enough for him to stand up, clutching his head with a hoof.

The beast is quickly closing the distance as Shining slowly charges a spell. Fuck, you're gonna get mauled, you need to buy some time...

A loud roar deafens you, followed by a putrid smell. The manticore stares you down, clearly pissed beyond belief. It roars again, and you frown.

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?"

Its eyes narrow.

You nervously look away from the pissed off creature. When and why did you think that was a good idea? If only you could understand what it's 'saying'... maybe it understands you, though? Perhaps you could try to negotiate, talk it out of killing you or something?

You remember that one pony in Ponyville could do that. Too bad you're like a mile away from there, and the last time you talked to that pony it was to ask her if you could eat one of her chickens. Needless to say, you lost a potential friend that day.
Still, many animals know about her, so that's worth a shot.

"If you hurt me," you raise a finger, and jab it between the manticore's eyes, "Fluttershy will fuck you up!" you scream defiantly.

Its eyes widen and it slowly backs away, lowering its paws. It shoots you one last glare before walking away, its tail raised behind its body. Did that actually work? You know Equestrian animals can understand ponies, but you're not sure if they can understand you. This one clearly understood 'Fluttershy', though. You'd almost sympathize with it. You wouldn't have wanted to linger around her after the whole chicken thing. That mare can be absolutely terrifying when she's pissed.

Before you can do or say anything, a beam of pink light hits the creature in the side, sending its body barreling into yours. You feel a sharp pain in your side, and the last thing you see is Shining Armor galloping towards you as everything turns black.

You weakly open your eyes and look around you. Your room. You're in your bed.

Was it all a dream? That felt vivid as fuck. But if it really happened, wouldn't you be dead, or at least severely wounded? You feel fine, for the most part. But then if it was a dream, wouldn't you have woken up the second you got hurt?

You suddenly become aware of a faint sobbing sound coming from your left. You turn your head and see Shining Armor crying softly, his head buried into his hooves.

"Hey, Shiny..." you say weakly.

The stallion sniffles and looks up, and a few seconds pass before he jumps on you, crying loudly as he buries his head into your shoulder.

"ANON! I TH-THOUGHT Y-YOU WERE D... D-DEAD! I THOUGHT I L-LOST YOU! I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU! I... P-PLEASE D-DON'T LEAVE ME!"

You wrap a hand around his hoof and gently stroke his mane with your other arm. "Hey, I'm here. It takes more than that to kill me."

He slowly calms down, still sobbing breathing erratically.

"It... it stung you, Anon! I thought... I thought you'd die! How did you not die? Nopony can survive a manticore sting without immediate medical attention!"

"I'm no pony," you say as you turn to the side, letting out a pained groan. Looks like even though you survived, you still got stabbed. You don't remember much, but it's slowly coming back.

Suddenly, you also remember that you're in your room. "Shining, why am I not in the hospital?"

He slowly raises his head and looks at you. "Because... most pony doctors work with magic. They physically remove the poison from your body, using magic to locate and neutralize it. You... you're immune to magic. There's nothing anypony could have done to save you... I was so scared, I thought I was watching you die, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it! I felt so helpless, so powerless... I'm sorry Anon! I'd have let you die, I wouldn't have been able to save you! I'm a terrible friend!"

Before he can start bawling his eyes out again, you do something you never thought you would do, or want to do.

You kiss him.

His lips are warm, and they feel nice against your own. His fur is soft under your hands, and his expression is quickly turning to one of calm and harmony. You close your eyes as well, and enjoy this moment. It feels nice.

It feels right.

It seems like an eternity before your lips part. His eyes open, and he softly stares into yours. You never thought you'd kiss a guy, much less enjoy it, but then he's not a guy. He's your best friend. And a pony, but that's irrelevant right now. Although... his fur is really soft and warm. Yeah, you're actually pretty happy that he's a pony.

"Anon... why did you... why did you do that?"

"I don't know, Shiny. I just felt like doing it."

"Can you... you know?" he 'asks', blushing faintly.

"Do it again?" you inquire, a smirk forming on your face.

He nods and you pretend to think about it. "I don't know, that was pretty gay," you say with a large grin.

Shining Armor frowns, before booping you on the nose. "Shut up and kiss me."

You happily oblige, once again enjoying the sensation of his lips pressing against yours. His soft breathing caresses your face as his lips slightly part, the tip of his tongue poking out. You slightly open your mouth and flick the tip of his tongue with your own, causing him to melt into your arms as your kiss deepens.

Yeah, you really have no idea what's going on, but you can't bring yourself to give a shit. All you know is that you don't want it to end.

You're sitting on your couch with your friend. Well, boyfriend now you guess.

"How..." Shining mutters.

"Huh?" you blurt out.

"I still don't understand how you survived," he says, pointing at your bandaged side. It didn't hurt that much, the wound was probably not very deep. You might need some stitches, but it's nothing life threatening.

"Nothing kills me," you state matter-of-factly. "I'm immune to a hundred and seventy-nine different types of poison."

Shining stares at you with a Maud Pie grade deadpan.

"I know because I ingested them all at once," you clarify, "when I was deep undercover-"

"Anon," he cuts you off with a 'u fookin wot m9' glare.

"Alright, alright. Seriously though, I don't know. I guess it's like magic," you reply with a shrug.

"Like magic?" Shining inquires.

"Yeah, you know how I'm immune to magic because it doesn't exist in my world? The magic here doesn't know what to do with the molecules and shit that compose my body, so it just kind of... ignores me. Remember the first time we met, you hit me with a stunning spell that went right through my chest as if I weren't even there?"

"Yeah... you think the poison just 'ignores' you because there are no manticores on Earth, so their poison was never meant to interact with your body?"

"I don't know, I guess. Still, I think I should visit Zecora. She may have a potion to purge the poison from my body. Even if it's harmless to me, I don't want to keep this shit inside of me."

"Zecora?"

"Yeah. Potions work on me for some reason. Equestria is weird."

"Heh..."

You both let out a heavy, contented sigh. He seems to have completely forgotten his wife. You're not sure why, but you can always ask later. For now...

"Hey, Shiny."

"Yeah, Anon?"

"No homo, right?" you ask, wrapping a hand around the back of his head.

"No homo," he replies as you pull him in for a kiss.

Epilogue

You are Princess Cadance, honorary Element of Love, prettiest pony in all of Equestria, best matchmaker to ever walk this land, or any land really, and best princess in general.

You walk away from your crystal ball, satisfied. Once again, you have done it. You've known your husband was in love with this Anonymous creature for a while. You two slowly grew distant because of his work keeping him busy all the time, and your love for him ended up fading away. Even though he couldn't spend much time with Anonymous, you knew it. You could see it in his eyes whenever he would mention that weird ape.
You knew that deep inside, he had feelings for him.

Since he also had feelings for you, you had to shatter those first. So you did what any self-respecting Princess of Love would have done. You cheated on him and managed to get caught. Shining Armor immediately went to Anon for comfort, and things just escalated from here.

You really are the best matchmaker. Even though Flash Sentry said your plan was 'fucking asinine' and that you were a 'thundercunt' for even thinking about doing it... thankfully, he's still just a male, so convincing him wasn't too hard. You also felt sort of a connection to him, although he's been deathly afraid of you ever since you showed him what a real mare was like.

Obviously, he's now serving life in the dungeons for insulting you, but it's your dungeons. You can teleport in and out whenever you want... and you might just do that now.

After a bright flash of pale blue light, you stand before a frightened Flash Sentry shackled to a stone wall with a large metal chain.

For a brief moment, you feel ever so slightly despondent, as if you had done something wrong. You shake your head, look at the scared prisoner you're about to have fun with, and think about your husband who's probably having his own fun with his new human boyfriend.

Nah, you haven't done anything wrong.