What is this I don't even 2: Reloaded

by TheTallestGuy

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Slice of Life, Dark
Length: 1646

Continuation of WITIDE 1.

Alright bitches, I'm back and better than ever. Let's get this shit started. Ponies n shit. Go on adventures and uhh… fuck, stuff like that. Read the shit, mkay? Once again, inspired by and dedicated to WhatTheFap. For Christ's sake people, I did not write this for any LITERARY VALUE. Shit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-08 22:34:01 UTC

Autobots, roll out!

This crazy bitch was at it again. Fuckin' Princess Celestia, in all her sexy-ass goddessness 'n' shit, put Pinkamena Diane Pie in solitary confinement. How? With Applejack's super strength help of course. She magick-ed up a solitary confinement facility, just for Pinkamena, while Applejack hog-tied her and had her way with her (and yes, there were sloppy seconds, with lots of pussy juice and scissoring, you sick fucks). She then placed a straight jacket on her and tossed her in her room.

Pinkie stopped by to see Pinkamena. The cheerful Pinkie tried to talk to Pinkamena, but the crazy bitch kept talking about shit like "Cupcakes, gotta make my friends into cupcakes!", and "Gotta cut myself, because it feels good," she inhaled sharply through her teeth, "mmmmm, yeah!". Pinkie just couldn't talk to Pinkamena while the (this is a recurring theme) crazy bitch was performing auto-cunnilingus (licking her own vag, you illiterate bitches) on herself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the fuck up a minute! How the shit did Applejack get here? Remember, remember, in the last WITIDE, she was fucked to death (not to mention old. Ew.) by fucking ALIENS. How is she here? Well, guess what fuckers, that's a story for another time.

And guess what, that time is NOW!!! Anyway, this is what happened. So, Celestia noticed Applejack was missing before anyone else did (because she's magical and immortal 'n' shit. How the fuck do I know how it works?) and she went to investigate. She arrived at Sweet Apple Acres minutes after AJ was abducted. She switched to thermal vision, and saw a heat trail leading into space. She activated her Power Ranger powers and took to the skies in persuit.

She flew to space and burst into the ship just as old-ass AJ died (yes, it took a long time for Celestia to find the ship. Space is a big fucking place, mkay?). The ship began venting oxygen, but Celestia closed the hole with magic. She knew it would do no good to fight the alienz now, but she did anyway. She lit them on fire, shoved their probes so far up their asses that they came out of their mouths, and gored them with her horn. When they were all dead, she flew back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Equestria was fucked. Hard. While she was gone, time had passed, and ponies had been tossed into nuclear war. I mean, shit was BAD. Fucking skeletons everywhere, bumping and grinding their bones together in sexual fashion. Then, skeletons that weren't fucking were lying around everywhere. Celestia sighed.

She flared up her magic and unwound time. Turns out she had been gone for like, 1000 years. Time is weird in space. Black holes and trigonometry and physics and shit. Anyway, time rewound until 10 minutes before AJ was abducted. Celestia flew into space and fucked up the aliens, in the exact same manner, again. She stopped them before they got there. When she got back, she asked AJ for help containing Pinkamena. She used her magic to split her from Pinkie, raped her with a strap-on made out of solid chocolate, and put her in the loony bin.

Twilight ground her lower lips against Rainbow's, the two scissoring for the 123rd time that week. Having just discovered the joys of sexual pleasure, Twilight wasn't ready to give it up just yet. She applied more warming lube and sighed as their pussies practically glowed with the chemical heat. Rainbow then pour on a chilling lube, sharply inhaling as ice water washed over their genitals. They came together, soaking each other's lower halves.

Standing on shaky legs, Twilight said, "Come on Rainbow." She panted hard. "To the showers! I'm not done yet."

Rainbow was still on her back, mumbling, "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

Rarity awoke in the spa showers, Fluttershy looming over her. Then, it all hit her. What Fluttershy told her. Her, or rather, his admittance of his feelings.

"W-w-what are you doing?!" Rarity yelled as Fluttershy started dry-humping her leg.

"What I've always dreamt of doing," Fluttershy said as he flipped Rarity over.

"No! Classy ladies don't do this type of thing!"

"Oh shush. I know you masturbate when you think no one is around."

"I don't know-"

"You do know what I'm talking about. If you want, after I'm done, I can show you the dildo you hide in your boutique."

"Really, ladies don't-"

Fluttershy shoved a bar of soap into her mouth as he penetrated her virgin hole. Rarity squealed into the soap, biting down on it. Celestia, she was wetter than the showers. She showed it too, if you know what I mean. There was a dripping in the showers that didn't come from the showerheads.

Fluttershy pulled out, only to force his dick (if you haven't figured it out by now, dipshit, Fluttershy is a guy.) into Rarity's ass. She spat out the soap and screamed for all she was worth. Fluttershy held still, waiting for her pain to pass. Rarity's screams finally died into a dull whimper as Fluttershy pounded away. Within half an hour of nonstop pounding from Fluttershy, and seemingly nonstop squirting from Rarity, Fluttershy clenched his ass cheeks as he filled the stylist's ass with come.

Rarity fell to the floor, completely spent. She shuddered as she tried to control her breathing and orgasm. Come leaked from her ass into a pool on the ground. Fluttershy dragged his friend into the actual showers and turned all of them on. He had a mess to clean up.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were on another adventure to find their cutie marks. This time, they were trying violent things, like murder and assault. Maybe some stealing. They tried being whores and sluts before, but that didn't work out so well. This time, they were gonna mug a mutha fuckah. They were in the local park, and hiding out in a bush. From there, they observed a seedy-looking stallion with a thin mustache walking along the path.

"Alright, bitches of mine," Said Scootaloo, "here's the plan: I think this guy's a foaliphile, so we're gonna mug him to teach him a lesson. You two distract him while I ram him from behind with my scooter. Alright? Go!"

"But what are we supposed to do?" Applebloom asked.

"Fuck if I know, just do something!" Scootaloo said as she ran to get her scooter.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle walked onto the path, a few feet in front of the stallion. They weren't sure what to do when Applebloom grabbed Sweetie Belle's face and started making out with her friend.

Sweetie Belle moaned into Applebloom's mouth as their tongues intertwined. The stallion, who really WAS a foaliphile, groaned and started masturbating right in the middle of the park, the sick bastard. Scootaloo came roaring out of nowhere, slamming into his back, severing his spine. They just meant to mug him, but murder worked too. Scootaloo took the bits from his wallet and walked over to her friends, who were still busy kissing.

"Okay guys, you can stop now. We got the disturbed bee-yotch." Her friends didn't stop. "Uh, guys, you know we're done, right?" Applebloom moaned, as did Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo shrugged. "If you can't beat em, join em!"

She jumped into the fray, making it a threesome with her two friends. They had experimental, first-time lesbian sex (the best kind, the kind you all want to imagine and think your sisters or female friends had/are having) right in the park.

Now, you ask yourself something. Was it wrong to enjoy that scenery, three foals sexy-ing it up? If your answer is yes, imagine them being older or hit that fucking X button on your browser and go fap to legal-age humans. If your answer is no, then, hey, you like what you like, amirite? They're ponies, not humans. Then you ask the most important question. What the fuck does it matter? It's a story, Thetallestguy, so fucking get on with it, retard.

"Okay," I say, and continue writing.

Shining Armor leapt through the tall grass, spying on his opponent, Big Mac. He pulled apart a tuft of the stuff and looked with binoculars. What he saw amused him greatly.

"Oh... My... Celestia. This. Is too good."

Big Mac was playing tea with his doll. "Would you like some more pudding, Smarty Pants?"

Big Mac suddenly jumped up and pointed at the doll. "I am not being condescending! That's a very good point!"

Shining Armor burst into laughter, revealing his location. Big Mac looked at him surprised. "Oh no!" He pointed at Shining Armor. "You die!"

Big Mac leapt through the air at Shining Armor and punched him in the face, making his eyes flash. Shining Armor slid on the ground. Big Mac landed feet from him. "Let's go."

Shining Armor leapt up. "You got it." Drums played as different camera angles showed them at (obviously) different angles. Drums beat heavily in the background.

The wind blew softly. Shining Armor looked to his left and his face was one of defeat. "Oh no." A heavy guitar rift played, then was interrupted by a record scratch as the newcomer was revealed to be Caramel.

Caramel flamboyantly stood on one leg, holding his hooves together. "Don't fight you guys!"

Big Mac looked at Shining with a puzzled look on his face. Shining Armor explained, "It's... my little cousin... Caramel."

Caramel had worn a ninja eyeband to the fight. He pranced around. "Yaaaaay! Ohmygod, look, I braided my little tassle-y thingy!" He spun on one hind leg. "Wheeeeeee!" He landed, thrusting a hoof into the air. "Yeah!"

"He's not exactly the... pride of the family," Shining Armor explained.

Suddenly, while spinning some more, a narwhal fell from the sky and impaled Caramel, crushing him.

"That's completely ridiculous," said Big Mac.