Ponyhemian Rhapsody

by TheCastawayPariah

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 995

While imprisoned by Starlight Glimmer, our six heroines express their feelings about the situation in a wonderful ballad. (Song parody)

With their cutie marks mercilessly stripped from them, and being unlawfully held by Starlight Glimmer, our six heroines express their feelings about their current situation in a wonderful ballad.

~~~

Wrote this parody because I recently took quite a liking to Queen's legendary hit ^^. I suggest listening to the original song and reading the lyrics here in sync with the lyrics they replaced.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-08 13:30:01 UTC

Is This The Real Life?

So here they were. Twilight and her friends had had their cutie marks, the very thing that defined and encapsulated them, taken away from them, and they were currently being held in a cell, courtesy of Starlight Glimmer, the dictator of this dreadful town.

What were they worth now? What was the point of life if you had nil to profess yourself with? What was Twilight without her magic? Would their minds slowly melt away to be replaced with the exact same mindless drone series of neurons everypony else in this village possessed?

”Is this Equestria? Or is it just make-believe?”

Twilight, looked at her flank, which adorned only an equals symbol.

“This town’s so oppressive, no escape from it now, it seems..."

Rarity gave her a comforting hug with one foreleg.

“Open your heart, you’ll play your part, you’ll see…”

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but roll her eyes at the display. Even when stripped of her own cutie mark and being held hostage, she refused to allow such sappiness to reach out to her. Not unless it was coupled with action. Whatever action was necessary to set them free.

”Such a cool pegasus doesn’t need sympathy…”

She approached Twilight and Rarity, determined that all was not lost.

”’Cause evil’s easy come, easy go, nothing that we cannot blow!”

Pinkie Pie chimed in too.

“Anything that happens, friendship conquers all, my friiieeends! My friiieeends!"

Twilight smiled, appreciative of her friends’ efforts to perk her up, but she still then looked down glumly. True, they had overcome evil and disharmony many times in the past, but the feeling of hopelessness was still lingering there.

“Starlight just took our marks… She’s put them in a vault, with those of other mares and colts…”

”Our quest had just begun… but now she’s gone and put it to an end.”

Pinkie put her hoof under Twilight’s chin and lifted her face up.

“Twilight, ooo-ooo-oooooh… Don’t let her make you cry, she’s just a big old ruthless stuck-up meanie! Carry on, carry on… as if nothing really matters.”

One of the best qualities everypony saw about Pinkie: she always tried to cheer ponies up even in the bleakest of situations.

One of the faults everypony saw with Pinkie: she always tried to cheer ponies up even in the bleakest of situations.

Twilight looked away from her friends and out the cell window.

“Too late, our time has come…” she lamented. “There’s no hope for you and me… Pinkie, can’t you see?”

“Sorry, everypony… my magic’s gone… there’s nothing I can use to save us now…”

Fluttershy started to put her part in.

”Starlight, ooo-ooo-oooooh… We don’t wanna fight… I really thought your town was kind of nice….”

When she felt Rainbow wrap a wing around her, Twilight beamed at her, deciding she should at least seek comfort any way she could. She gladly allowed the rest of her friends to join the group hug. They were all in this together, and that was all that mattered now.

One by one, the mares felt one member of the hug squirm out. They looked outwards to see Pinkie inspecting the wall for some reason.

Before they could ask whyever so, Pinkie bent down and smiled excitedly at a crack in the wall which allowed the tiniest amount of light to shine through, and began to carol:

”I see a faint, faint glimmer of hope…”

Rarity perked up, and questioned:

”Is that so? Do you know? Can you say what it is, dear?”

“A small amount of lighting, isn’t it enlightening?”

“YEAH!” agreed Applejack.

“Let us tell you…” chorused Rainbow.

“‘Bout a time where…” finished Fluttershy, and they continued alternating lines.

“Fluttershy was…”

“In a rough spot…”

“If you really wish it so…”

“So let us go-o-o-o-ooo…”

“I was just an outcast, nopony loved me…” She remembered her filly self.

“She was just an outcast, with poor wing ability!” added Pinkie dramatically.

“Pinkie, could you be a bit more sensitive, please?” requested Twilight pointedly.

Fluttershy and Rainbow recounted a time in their foalhoods where Fluttershy was being bullied…

“Hoops and Score, Dumb-Bell, no… will you let me go?” squeaked Fluttershy, stuck inside a circle the usual bullies had formed around her.

Dumb-Bell got right up close to Fluttershy. “Klutzershy, no! We will not let you go!” he jeered.

“Let her go!” demanded Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Crash, we will not let her go!” replied Dumb-Bell.

“Let her go!”

“Rainbow Crash, we will not let her go!”

“Let me go!” squealed Fluttershy.

“Will not let you go!” sneered Hoops.

“Let me go!” pleaded Fluttershy again.

“Will not let you go!” taunted Score.

Score and Hoops continued chanting “never” while Hoops said yet again, “Will not let you go!”

“Never, never let me go-o-o-ooooo?” asked Fluttershy, a weak, self-pitying filly tear falling from her eye.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” derided the colts in unison.

“But with our courage and our friendship…” sang Rainbow Dash to Fluttershy in the present day.

“We got through it in the end!” finished Fluttershy.

“Ce-leeest-i-a, has a plan put aside for us, for us, for uuuuuuuuus!” trilled Applejack, with her hoof in the air for emphasis.

“So she thinks she can steal our marks ‘til we die?” asked Rainbow rhetorically, obviously referring to Starlight. “So she thinks she can stop us from leading our lives?”

“Nooooooooo, Starlight! Can’t do this to us, Starlight!” replied AJ determinedly. “We’re gonna get out, gonna make our way outta here!”

Seeing how eager and perseverant her friends all were… it brought joy to Twilight’s face. She had been such a fool. Of course they could get out of this. Of course they could retrieve their cutie marks. Of course they could liberate the residents of the village.

“Friendship really matters, anyone can see…” She wrapped a foreleg around Pinkie and pulled her close. “Friendship really matters… friendship really matters... to me…”

“Anything that happens.”