Save The World, Not Hearth's Warming
Daring Do, also known as A. K. Yearling in certain circles, also known as “Wait, why are you smiling like that?” in other certain circles, was many things. A mare of action. A fearless daredevil. A renowned archeologist, a writer, a free-time intellectual, and undisputed champion of the Most Chandeliers Destroyed In One Single Afternoon Competition for five years in a row.
Yes. Daring Do was, as Sugar Song liked to say, “A mare of many talents.”
“You’re a total idiot,” Sugar Song said.
A mare of many talents indeed. But tragically, “blending in at a classy party” wasn’t one of those talents. Alas, Daring Do could only care about important stuff, such as saving the world or discovering ancient civilizations. It was, then, perfectly normal for a mare like her to be at a loss at social events.
“You’re making your narrating face,” Sugar Song continued, brushing some snow from Daring Do’s shoulder and making sure her tie was done correctly. They were still waiting in line, faint muttering all around them, a chilly breeze rustling their manes and stirring the snowflakes. “So before you even start: your suit is horrible, it’s the worst thing you could wear at a place like this, and no matter what excuse you’re making up, it’s a dirty lie and you know it.”
And so, having predicted that she was not going to fit into that crowd anyway, Daring Do had made a cunning plan. The most cunning of plans. The perfect way to both look like just one more mare in the crowd, and still have enough mobility to deal with what problems may arise. Truly, it was—
“You look like a mediocre standup comedian desperately longing for his ex-wife to come back,” Song said. “I thought it was impossible to look stupid in such a precise, detailed way, but once more you prove you can do everything, Yearling.”
“Okay.” Daring Do sighed and glared at Sugar Song. “Can you please let me narrate in peace?! I’m trying to praise myself here!”
Song arched an eyebrow. “Praise yourself?”
“Praise myself!”
Song arched another eyebrow. “…Maybe to get some self-esteem back?”
“Maybe to get some self-esteem back!”
There was a moment of silence.
“You’re incredibly aware of just how stupid you look, aren’t y—”
Yes, Daring Do thought. The perfect plan. Clearly, the beloved hero was second to none when it came to overcoming her own weaknesses! And as she fixed her perfectly functional, unisex suit, a marvelous piece of clothing thank-you-very-much, she looked up and dismissed Sugar Song entirely. She had more important things to worry about this evening.
Canterlot Castle lay in front of them, its silhouette a stark shadow against the full moon, gentle snowflakes painting their surroundings white. Daring Do squinted. She didn’t like the castle. She didn’t like Hearth’s Warming Eve. But she had a duty to fulfill.
Song made a face. “Ugh. Whatever. It’s not like we can do anything about it anymore. At least keep that pendant hidden; it’s hideous, and clashes with your tie.”
Daring didn’t say a word. She just looked up and prepared for the worst.
It was Hearth’s Warming Night and, in Canterlot, that meant it was time for the Hearth’s Warming Canterlot Ball. Not as grandiose as the Grand Galloping Gala, but definitely more solemn. The Hearth’s Warming Ball was – as pretty much any kind of formal gathering in this city – an affair with a huge reputation, and a really selective attendance list.
It was an opportunity for the crème de la crème of Equestria to gather. They would frolic in the castle, have inane chatter, be hypocrites, seal deals, shake hooves, and show off their riches. Because they obviously didn’t have enough chances to do that on a daily basis, no.
And of course, Daring Do had gotten an invite. Oh-so-honored-to-have-you, RSVP, plus one, eleven sharp, classy occasion, formal wear, haute cuisine, please-don’t-swing-on-the-chandelier-this-time. It was the most Canterlot thing Daring had read in ages, and Sugar Song had to physically restrain her from throwing the envelope into the fireplace and then burn the hotel down after reading it.
After all, there was a reason why Daring Do lived in the jungle. She hated fancy. She despised classy. She thought RSVP invitations were annoying, and she liked swinging on chandeliers because it was really fun. Going to the Hearth’s Warming Ball would be nothing less than torture for her.
“If you dislike this so much, then why did you agree to come?” Sugar Song huffed as they finally made it to the door. “You’re just going to ruin the evening for me if you keep being all grumpy like that.”
“You know that wasn’t an option,” Daring grumbled as they entered the castle and walked down the stairs. The hall was big, fancy, and full of nobleponies. A small orchestra was already playing some kind of waltz Daring had never heard before, and the dance floor was full of couples dancing in the most boring way possible.
Tables to the sides, five exits, huge windows – no bars, just glass – that overlooked the garden. Columns, tall velvet curtains, and stairs – at least a thousand hiding points, if needed. Guards at the doors and near the windows. They looked buff enough; Daring gave them an approving nod.
“Doctor Caballeron is plotting something,” she said, looking at Song again. “And I’m sure my informant can help me with that.”
Sugar Song blinked at that. “You have an informant in the castle?”
“Why do you think I got the invite?” Daring said, shrugging. The pendant around her neck – big, golden, and ugly – dangled around uncomfortably. “I wasn’t asked to come here, I was pretty much forced. And to be honest, this is the best place to meet up. Nopony will suspect anything if they see us talking here.”
“Oh. So this is just for Doctor Caballeron? Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“Didn’t have the time. I thought you’d kind of guess that on your own, too,” Daring Do said, tching her tongue and looking around. No sign of her informant. They moved to one of the tables on the sides, and nibbled on some of the pastries there. “I mean, we’re working our butts off trying to stop Caballeron from taking over the world again and suddenly I’m all for coming here for a night out? Come on, Song, you’re better than that.”
“I guess, when you put it like that…” Song took a flute of champagne with her magic and held it in front of her. “I thought you’d been imbedded with a little bit of, I don’t know. Hearth’s Warming spirit, for once. You’re too focused on your work. I’m sure even Caballeron is taking a break tonight.”
“Hey, I’m in a holiday mindset.” Daring pointed at her chest. “Check this tie out. It’s a really Hearth’s Warming tie.”
“It’s black.”
“Hearth’s Warming black.”
“It’s not even a pretty shade of black.”
“Really brings out the holiday mood.”
“It’s the ugliest black I’ve ever seen.” Sugar took a sip of champagne. “And don’t let me start on the golden chain, that’s just – Oh?” Her ears perked up and she looked at the glass. “Hey, this is actually pretty good. You should try it out!”
“Maybe later.” Daring looked around once more, checking out the crowd. She saw no familiar faces yet. The pendant was too warm and too heavy for her tastes. “Don’t get too cozy anyway – the moment we get what we want, we’re out.”
“Really?” Song frowned. Daring wasn’t looking at her, but she could tell by the way her voice changed. “Can’t we at least enjoy the party a little bit? It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve!”
“Yes. Thanks for pointing that out. I had forgotten already.”
“But look around you!” Song grabbed Daring’s shoulders and made a broad gesture, pointing at the whole hall around them. “We’re at Canterlot Castle for the best night of the year, Yearling! It’s snowing outside, there’s an orchestra playing, we have fancy food with us – let’s celebrate!”
This made Daring grunt and, for once, pay full attention to her secretary. “Why, yes,” she said. “We have fancy food I don’t like, I can’t see the snow from here, and that orchestra is pretty lame. This definitely calls for a party.” She wrinkled her muzzle as Song frowned at her. “This is just not my style, okay? All this… Formal wear, and silk curtains, and – woah, is that a new chandelier?”
Song looked up. “Oh my. Yes, it is.”
“It’s… actually pretty impressive.”
“Is it made of diamonds or just glass? I can’t tell from here.”
“I have no idea, but it’s giving me cravings.” Daring sighed and looked down. “Argh, this just made the evening worse.”
Song rolled her eyes. “You’re being a buzzkill on purpose. Don’t you feel at least a little bit of holiday spirit? Why can’t we just enjoy the party and have a good time? Hearth’s Warming is about being together in harmony!”
“Hearth’s Warming,” Daring said, “is about getting presents when you’re a kid, and then being corny when you’re an adult. We have better things to do, Song. Caballeron won’t take the day off, and neither will I. We get the info we need, and we’re out.”
“Argh. I can’t stand you when you get like this.” Song took another sip of champagne, and then tched her tongue. “And of course, they’re already looking at us. We stick out like a sore thumb, Yearling. Curse that stupid suit of yours.”
“Ponies don’t have thumbs.”
“Your suit is stupid enough to make up for that.”
“Bah.”
Daring Do didn’t bother to listen to Song’s silly words, but she had to admit that she had a point, kind of. Daring didn’t need to look around to know that, indeed, quite the number of nobleponies had their eyes fixed on them.
Ah, but was that just because of her suit? Daring smirked as she looked at Sugar Song, standing next to her, sipping her champagne without a care in the world.
“Oh, Celestia, don’t do that,” Song said.
Sugar Song was her secretary – a little over three months into the job, and she had already proved herself more capable than any other assistant Daring had ever had. She was a light blue unicorn, with small red glasses on top of her muzzle, and while Daring had never really noticed if her helpers were pretty or not…
“When you smirk with your narration face on, you look like you want to assault me.”
Well, one had to admit that Song really knew how to wear a dress after seeing her in formal attire. No wonder some of the young stallions in the crowd stared.
“Yearling!”
Daring Do grumbled. Her neck was itchy. “Yes, yes. I was just trying to–”
“Check me out, yes, whatever, duly noted!” Song put her glass down and pointed at something behind Daring, huge smile on her face, her frown all but gone. “Look at that!”
Daring turned. As on cue, the orchestra stopped, eight trumpeters came from behind the stairs – yeah she could have guessed that – and all together, they started a new song.
The melody was simple, and it lingered just long enough to build the right sense of expectation. Conversations ended. The musicians went for a crescendo, the song growing and growing but never really reaching the high point.
Everypony looked at the stairs. Some held their breath. Song’s eyes sparkled, the goofy smile still adorning her features, like a child on Hearth’s Warming Eve, her—
“Yeah, this is when Celestia walks in,” Daring said.
“Yearling!” The smile disappeared as Song turned and glared at her. “Don’t ruin the moment!”
“And you turned around just in time to miss her entrance,” Daring said, taking a glass of champagne and sipping.
Song rolled her eyes at the obvious lie. The music was still playing, the crowd was still staring, and—
Celestia walked in just as Song was about to say this.
Daring Do knew that this fanfare wasn’t usual. As much as she disliked social gatherings, this wasn’t her first time at the rodeo, and while Princess Celestia was always a sight to behold, everypony was pretty much used to her.
But then again, it was Hearth’s Warming Eve. The most magical night of the year, if you were to listen to the kind of ponies who lack any self-awareness and genuinely think carols are a neat thing. So it wasn’t really that great, the holiday, not in Daring Do’s opinion.
Princess Celestia, though? On that night, she was magical. It was something less corporeal, more spiritual. The way her eyes seemed to glow. The way her dress augmented her beauty. Celestia looked old and beautiful on Hearth’s Warming Eve.
“Yearling! You did that on purpose! You freaking jerk, I’m going to—!”
So for a night, everypony allowed themselves to be impressed again. Sometimes, when you see beauty every day, you forget how to appreciate it. That night, Celestia looked brilliant, and such fanfare was the least they could do.
“Oh. Is that Princess Luna?” Song tapped Daring’s shoulder and pointed. “That’s her, right?”
“Princess Luna? Hey, I’ve never met her before.” Daring squinted. “Where?”
“Behind Celestia!”
Indeed, there she was. Dressed in black, just as her sister was dressed in white.
Daring saw the Princess of the Night for the first time that evening, and—
“Oh, hey, wait. They’re walking down the stairs already?” Daring put her champagne down and rushed through the hall towards the princesses, holding the pendant with one hoof so it wouldn’t swing around. “Forget it, I’ll write that bit later. Song, take note on how Luna looks for me, okay?”
“Ah?” Song stood there for a second or two, dumbfounded, until she noticed Daring was gone and chased her. Not without difficulty, as the hall was pretty crowded, and most of the ponies in there were rushing towards the princesses on their own. “Ah! Yes, sure! Uhh…” She squinted. “I’d say… ‘Astounding’? Does ‘astounding’ work?”
“I specifically asked you to check for me so I wouldn’t have to answer that question, Song!”
“Uh, okay. Then, I’d say that she looks astounding, and that the… uh, darkness of her dress… makes her shine? The stars in her mane twinkle a little. She, uh. Has a gentle light, like a winter moon?”
“Wow, comparing Princess Luna to the moon. That one’s original.” Daring managed to push aside the last noblepony and rushed towards the Princesses. “Remind me to never let you write again.”
“You don’t pay me for that anyway!”
They made it to the top of the stairs. Daring turned around to wink at Song one last time before pushing past another pony and stepping before the princesses. “Your Majesty!” she said, elbowing a noblepony so he would give them room and then nodding at Celestia. “I need to talk to you. Probably to you too, Other Majesty. Nice to meet you, by the way.”
Around them, the nobleponies gasped and grumbled, shooting glances at Daring. One of them said something like “I say!” and readjusted his monocle, and a pink mare wearing a saddle whispered, in that special way that makes sure every pony in the room hears what one says perfectly, that some ponies just had no education whatsoever.
“Yearling!” Song managed to get to the princesses, too, and she celebrated the fact by slapping Daring upside the head.
“Ouch.”
“Are you actively trying to be this embarrassing, or does this just come naturally to you?!” Song yelled, in a voice so fierce it was less a yell and more like a snarl. She turned to the princesses. “I’m so, so sorry for my companion’s actions, Your Highnesses. She really means well, she’s just too stupid by… By…” Sugar Song’s words died in her mouth. “Uh. You’re laughing?”
Not exactly. Celestia was chuckling, hiding her mouth behind a hoof to muffle the sound a little. She waved a hoof, and in less than five seconds the crowd of nobleponies had dispersed, and they were relatively alone.
“I see that you weren’t exaggerating, my dear Daring Do,” she finally said. “It’s much nice to see you, indeed.” She gave them both a gentle smile, and then looked at Song. “Hello, my little pony. You’re the famous Sugar Song, I expect?”
Luna perked up her ears at this. “Oh?” She looked at Sugar Song and smiled ever-so-slightly. “I see.” She offered a hoof. “Charmed to meet you.”
“I, uh.” Sugar Song closed her mouth, then opened it, then closed it again, and shook Luna’s hoof. She had the look of a goldfish trying to understand string theory. “Uh. You… know me?”
“Daring Do has mentioned you a lot lately in her letters, yes,” Luna said. “And my sister holds her opinions in high regard. I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time.”
“Yes, yes, sure.” Daring didn’t even bother looking at Luna. “Celestia, we need to talk.”
“You hav–you know she’s Daring Do?” Song asked. “And you exchange letters?!”
Daring arched an eyebrow. “Again: why do you think I got the invite?”
Song tried to reply. She really tried.
Daring Do couldn’t help but smirk at her secretary’s bewilderment. Of course she knew Celestia. She was an archeologist, after all, and the princess was old enough to have been there when most of the junk she dug was created.
Celestia and Daring were old-time friends, a relationship that went back to Daring Do’s formative years, in fact. Daring had been the only pony reckless enough to harass a millennium-old alicorn over some newly-discovered ruins.
Celestia had liked that. It was a lonely life at the top, and meeting someone with Daring Do’s natural charm and complete disregard for the rules of society had been a burst of fresh air for her. They’d been exchanging letters since then, both having a life that was just too busy to meet under normal circumstances.
“Um.” Luna looked at Daring, then at Song – who was doing her goldfish impersonation again, although this time she kinda looked more like a tuna – then at Daring again. “I know her surprise is a little exaggerated, but I don’t think assaulting your secretary is the right way to go, Daring Do.”
“No, no, no.” Celestia tapped Luna’s shoulder and shook her head. “It’s not – she’s just narrating, Luna. She does that now and then, don’t let it bother you.”
“Oh. Really?”
“I don’t have the best visual memory out there, so I write on the go,” Daring explained. “I’ll type it later. Anyway! Celestia, we have to—”
“Holy sweet on a – Your informant is the Princess?!” Song shrieked.
“Took you long enough, huh.” Daring looked at Luna and pointed at Song. “Mind filling her in? I want to get over with this quick.”
“Of course.”
“But you never even interact with her in your books!” Song continued.
“It’d compromise my identity. I prefer it if nopony knows about my real-life friends.” Daring Do shrugged, and then offered a hoof at Celestia. “Care for a dance? We gotta talk business.”
“I’d be charmed.”
And so, Celestia took Daring Do’s hoof, and they walked to the dance floor, the crowd of nobleponies still keeping their distance.
As if on cue – well, probably on cue, actually, as it was Celestia herself who had just stepped on the dance floor – the orchestra ended their song. Celestia looked at Daring Do, Daring Do looked at Celestia, they both assembled their hooves and hips in a socially appropriate way, the orchestra started a new waltz, and off to dance they went.
One gesture and half a word had been all Celestia needed to get them some privacy, Daring Do thought. It was such a tiny thing, but all the nobleponies had reacted immediately, as if they were trained dogs.
And the worst thing was, Daring knew that, had Celestia asked Daring to leave her alone just like that, she would have obeyed, too.
“My dear Daring Do, I’m fairly sure narrating after asking a lady to dance with you is against the rules of courtesy.”
Right. Contemplation later. Business first.
“Yes, yes. Sorry, Princess.” Daring smiled and then tried her hardest to move to the music. She failed. Hard. Celestia was really good at this, but not enough to make up for both. “So,” she said, tripping and getting this close to falling down. “Doctor Caballeron.”
“Doctor Caballeron?”
“Doctor Caballeron,” Daring Do assessed. “He’s planning something. Something big. I need your insight. He beat me to the Windigo’s First Breath. It’s a pendant, made of ice that can’t melt. Pretty neat. Turns out it was hidden in a grave in the Crystal Empire.” She took the golden pendant from under her shirt and showed it to Celestia. “However, I beat him to this.”
Celestia’s eyes got wide. “The Ifrit’s Last Word.”
“Solid fire. Sounds cool as a concept, but I don’t think it’s fit for formal wear. You have anything to do with its creation?”
Celestia blinked once the pendant disappeared from her sight, back under Daring Do’s shirt, and then sighed. The waltz got a little faster, so they picked up the pace. The result wasn’t pretty; Daring didn’t know the difference between a waltz and a conga. “You cut straight to the chase, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“It’s Hearth’s Warming,” Celestia said. “I highly doubt Caballeron will—”
“Caballeron won’t stop just because some ponies are singing carols, Celestia.”
Another sigh. Celestia nodded. “He won’t pause his plans just for the holiday. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t rest for a while, Daring Do.”
Daring sighed. “You too? Song keeps talking about this. Look, it’s Hearth’s Warming. I get it. I’m celebrating it, okay?”
“You are?”
“Sure. Right now, my own way.”
Celestia let out a hearty laugh. The song made a halt, and she twirled Daring Do.
“So, did my eyes just fool me?” Sugar Song asked, making another meaningless champagne toast with Luna in what was slowly but surely becoming the most frustrating social event for every noblepony ever. “Or did Yearling just get twirled by the most feminine pony I’ve ever seen?”
“No, they didn’t, and yes, she was,” Luna said in the flat, self-aware, always-sassy tone sidekicks use whenever they get together. “My sister is, I’m afraid, quite used to leading.”
Song arched an eyebrow. “Was that a joke?”
“Was what a joke?”
Song smiled. Luna smiled back. In the background, a noblepony massaged her temples so hard she got a headache and had to excuse herself for the night.
The Hearth’s Warming Ball was a social event that called for new dresses, new gossip, and a lot of whispers and appeals to authority, and the nobleponies loved that. It was the perfect way to make new friends and forget old friendships, and this was only the second year with Princess Luna back in Canterlot.
The Princesses were celebrities in their own rights on a daily basis, but on the Hearth’s Warming Ball, they were more than that. Because they were friendly and open, and prettier than ever. And Luna was still a new addition to society, but one that was definitely going to get big – bigger, as she was already royalty – so having a bond with her was a surefire investment.
And that’s why more or less any pony with at least a little bit of ambition in the crowd started to hate Sugar Song with a passion that day, because Luna’s body language sent only one message, and it was clear: I Like This One, You All Go Away.
“May I ask you a question, Sugar Song?” Luna asked, moving closer to her, still looking at Celestia and Daring Do’s coordinated stumbling. “A personal one?”
“Of course, Princess.” Song smiled at Luna and tilted her glass of champagne ever-so-slightly. She liked Luna. She looked casual on purpose, like she was trying her hardest to not look intimidating. The reasons were pretty obvious – and a little sad – but it still made it surprisingly relaxing to talk with her. “Ask as much as you want.”
Luna nodded. “What do you think of Daring Do?”
This made Sugar Song blink. “Well, she’s my boss,” she said after a moment, putting the glass down on the table. There were no chairs nearby, so she couldn’t sit down. A shame. “She’s also my friend. I’d say we’re pretty close at this point.”
“But you call her ‘Yearling’. Surely, you must know that’s not her real name.”
“Yearling is the one paying the checks, and that’s the name she gave me when we met for the first time,” Song continued. “And legally talking, I’m A.K. Yearling’s secretary, not Daring Do’s. It would be weird if I went around calling my employer by her main creation’s name.”
“I suppose that is true.” Luna’s eye twinkled in a funny way. Or maybe Song had just imagined it. “But you seem to be too intimate to maintain that kind of… formality. I don’t know much about friendship, but I’d assumed that, if Celestia calls her Daring Do…”
“Yearling likes it better when it when I call her Daring Do, yes,” Song said, shrugging. Her dress made a froufrou noise, and in the background, Celestia gave up trying to dance properly and just lifted Daring Do and moved her along the music, like a kid playing with a toy. “That’s part of the reason why I call her Yearling.”
“Because she doesn’t like it?”
“Yes.”
“I… don’t seem to understand.”
Song took her glass again, eyed Celestia and Daring – they didn’t look like they were having a good time – and then looked up, deep in thought.
Having lived three months of adventuring with Daring, she was used to dealing with powerful-and-slightly-sociopathic monsters by this point. The last one had been the Lord of All Horses, Sleipnir the Eight-Legged, who had tried to destroy the world last week.
That guy had been a class-A megalomaniac, and also kind of an idiot when it came to social interactions. Daring Do and Sugar Song had struck him down with a mixture of empathy, honest talk, and hammer to the face. Talking to him – he had captured Song prisoner to lure Daring Do to a trap, because Sleipnir the Eight-Legged could walk in eight dimensions but only think in one, apparently – Sugar Song had felt like she was talking to a really big, really powerful baby.
There was this… cluelessness about villains like Sleipnir the Eight Legged that spoke miles about their mindset. They didn’t understand what friendship, love, idle chat, or courtesy was, because they’d been alone for most of their lives. Lonely life, that of the top, she supposed.
Luna was kind of like that. She didn’t get a lot of things, and had the thought process of a tyrant-wannabe. But she was actively trying to learn. Probably trying to cope with her past mistakes, Song guessed. Maybe that’s why she liked her so much.
“Well, there are many kinds of friendship,” Song eventually said. “I like Yearling. I really, really like Yearling – I think she’s the bravest, kindest, most selfless pony I’ve ever met, and I hold her in high regard.” She sighed. “I’d give a leg to see her relax and just have a good time for once, in fact. She gives too much and takes too little, you know?”
Luna cocked her head to the side. One of her eyes got covered by her mane. “Oh?”
“Yes. She never takes a break. I mean, look at this! We’re at the Hearth’s Warming Ball! This is an amazing occasion, at least for us, and does she care at all? Does she calm down and party for once?” Song snorted and paced the floor with a hoof. “Of course not. For her, it’s just work, work, and more work.”
Luna smirked at this. It wasn’t a smile – it was a genuine smirk, and it fit the princess’ otherwise perfectly innocent face like a cubist sculpture fits a bathroom. “Oh, I see,” she said, talking really slowly. “You want her to relax, then, because you care for her. You want the best for her.”
Oh. So it wasn’t as much a smirk as her ‘understanding normal ponies’ face. Well, that was sort of cute. “I want the best for her, yeah. I’m also a little bit annoyed at her lack of Hearth’s Warming spirit, to be honest.”
“Ah. Celebrations come in many shapes and sizes,” Luna said, shrugging as well. “Hearth’s Warming, too. But I still don’t understand why you call her Yearling, I’m afraid.”
“I was getting to that,” Song said. She took another glass of champagne – her third; it would be her last, or else she’d get tipsy – and then nodded towards the dance floor.
Luna looked confused, but followed her when she started walking. And as they moved, the nobleponies shifted to let them pass.
“You see,” Song continued, heading not exactly towards the dance floor proper, but slightly to the right, “when you are close enough to a pony, no matter what you do you’ll be forgiven. I mean, there’s obviously a line you can’t cross, but–”
“I know more than anypony else about forgiveness, Sugar Song,” Luna interrupted, her voice soft.
“Oh.” Song blinked. “Yes. Right. Sorry.”
“You’re forgiven.”
Luna’s voice had sounded more normal this time. Song gave a sigh of relief, and then a small roll of her eyes. “Hah-hah. Really funny. Anyway, if you know you’re going to be forgiven, a little teasing here and there can be really fun. Spices up a friendship, see?”
Luna arched an eyebrow. The dance floor was now to their left, and the orchestra was right next to them. The nobleponies, again, were conveniently away from them. “Does it?”
“Of course. Here, let me give you an example.” Song pointed at the dance floor, where Daring and Celestia were dancing in a way that could only be described as ‘epileptic’. “Those two are having a real good time dancing a slow waltz, right?”
“Not really.”
“Yes,” Song said. In the background, Celestia twirled Daring Do again, dropped her, Daring stumbled, fell down, and Celestia picked her up and twirled her again. Three seconds, it took them. “Exactly.” Song pointed at the orchestra. “And don’t you think we can make it better?”
At first, Luna didn’t seem to get it. Then, she saw the downright evil expression in Sugar Song’s face, and she met it with one on her own.
“So the—gaaah! The Windigo’s First Breath can actually be—argh! Be used to bring eternal winter to the—would you please stop twirling me already?!”
“Believe me, I’m trying my best to save face.”
“Yes, sorry, I can’t tell!”
Dancing had perhaps been a mistake. Daring Do had assumed that the nobleponies wouldn’t mind her taking Celestia for herself if it was for a dance, and so they would have some well-deserved privacy to discuss business.
But, apparently, it had been a completely needless move. Daring Do could clearly see Sugar Song and Princess Luna talking near one of the tables, drinking champagne, and the nobleponies weren’t bothering them. The daredevil was seriously considering—
“The Windigo’s First Breath can freeze the land,” Celestia said as Daring Do fumbled around her like a tumbleweed in a hurricane. “The Ifrit’s Last Word can scorch it.”
“Scorch it? Wow. Good thing I beat him to it then.”
“Yes. They were created before Luna and I came to Equestria, in the time of – is that Luna and Sugar Song talking to the orchestra?”
“What?” Daring looked. “Oh. They are. Say, would you say your sister cares about you, Princess?”
“Undoubtedly.”
“Okay then. We’re screwed.”
Celestia blinked. “Excuse me?”
Daring Do opened her mouth, but she never got to explain.
Thunder roared.
The floor trembled.
The main doors slammed shut.
Somepony laughed.
Somepony screamed.
And as all the windows in Canterlot Castle broke at once, giant chunks of broken glass rained on them like falling snow.
Everything went blurry for a second, and the glass seemed to fall slowly, as if they were underwater. Daring Do felt her stomach turn from the shock. For a second she thought Luna and Song were responsible for this.
Then Celestia gasped, let go, and Daring hit the floor face-first. Which was exactly what she needed, because it cleared her thoughts. No way Luna and Song could have done this.
There was just one pony who would attack Canterlot Castle during Hearth’s Warming Eve. Only one pony was evil and stupid enough to plan something like this.
“Caballeron,” Daring Do whispered, as the giant doors opened on their own and her nemesis entered the Hall, blue pendant around his neck, riding a cloud made of mist and ice.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve, everypony!” Caballeron yelled, with a smile that showed a lot of teeth and a lot of madness. Outside, thunder roared again. Caballeron took the pendant and lifted it above his head with a final guffaw. “And happy. New. Year!”
There was a spark, a flash of white, and chaos followed.
The nobleponies had been staring in shock until this moment, frozen by their own surprise, but one single mare was clear-minded just enough to let out a single, high-pitched scream. That was all that was needed to break the dam – all the nobleponies started screaming and running at the same time, not knowing where to go, knocking tables and chairs over, tripping, falling, crying.
The Royal Guards tried to calm them down, but to no avail. There were too many, and they were too far gone. That wasn’t a crowd anymore, it was a scared mob. Caballeron, wicked grin still on his face, laughed harder than ever before.
Daring Do got on her hooves, unbuttoned her jacket, and pulled the Ifrit’s Last Word out, giant glimmering smirk on her face, not so different from Caballeron’s if you looked at it under a certain light.
Sugar Song flinched when the windows exploded inwards, but by the time Caballeron entered, riding that magical cloud – he was an earth pony, so that was obviously a magical cloud – she had already got her senses back. Behind her, the orchestra was panicking, and Luna seemed to have gone mute.
There was no fear in Sugar Song’s mind as she saw Doctor Caballeron showing magical powers for no reason, or when she heard him congratulate the entire castle in what she was sure he thought was sarcastic wit.
Nah. She was way too used to this to be afraid. Sugar Song’s mind wasn’t frozen with shock, panic, or surprise.
There was only exasperation.
“Oh, cookie dough, he attacked on Hearth’s Warming Eve. She’s never gonna let me live this down,” Sugar Song muttered through grit teeth.
“Oh cookie dough, he attacked on Hearth’s Warming Eve. I’m never gonna let her live this down,” Daring Do snarled under her breath as she hid behind Celestia, blinking as fast as she could.
“Daring Do, are you okay?” Celestia whispered, not looking at her. Her eyes were fixed on Caballeron. “Did the flash blind you?”
“A little.” Daring Do rubbed her eyes and looked around. Her ears perked up when she noticed that she hadn’t been seeing things before – the broken glass, some chunks bigger than Daring herself, were indeed either suspended in midair or not falling at all. Huh. Weird. “Cover me, I’ll get him from behind. Song is with Luna.”
“Raise the Ifrit’s Last Word and concentrate on its warmth if he gets you,” Celestia muttered before taking a step forward. “Doctor Caballeron!” she yelled, horn sparking with a golden light as bright as the Windigo’s First Breath.
Her voice was clear and rose above the crowd’s screaming like a fish jumping out of the water. And suddenly, there was silence. The Royal Guards all looked at her, the nobleponies stopped – still hysterical, mind you, but they’d been taught from early foalhood that when the Princess talks you don’t – and Caballeron’s laugh was cut short.
Celestia drank in the silence, horn still shining warmly, giving the nobleponies a chance to breathe and Daring Do a chance to sneak out from behind her and lose herself in the crowd. Then, she spoke again.
“Doctor Caballeron!” she said, and the awe-inducing, beautiful aura she had that night became hot and sharp like a knife in a forge. “You come to my castle uninvited on Hearth’s Warming Eve, and you attack my guests! What is your purpose?”
“My purpose? What do you think is my purpose, Celestia?!” Caballeron raised the Windigo’s First Breath above his head. “I will bring you down and rule over your throne for everything that you have done to me, that’s my purpose!”
Celestia bared her teeth. “Is there any way we can solve this peacefully, doctor?”
“Never!”
“Then you leave me no choice. Guards!” Celestia pointed at Caballeron with her horn. The Royal Guards stood straight, then pointed their spears at him, too. “Subdue him!”
“Yes, Your High—”
“Oh, my dear Celestia,” Caballeron replied. “I’m afraid that’s snow what’s gonna happen!”
There was another flash of white, forcing everypony to cover their eyes. A couple nobleponies screamed.
And when they were able to see again…
…absolutely nothing had happened.
The crowd looked around and muttered. Celestia looked at her Guards, and her pupils shrank. The Royal Guards kept pointing their spears at Caballeron.
Caballeron looked down, frowned, and poked the Windigo’s Last Breath. “Uh. Is this working?” He lifted it again, there was a flash of white, he looked down. “What? Why isn’t this working? Your Royal Guard is supposed to be frozen!”
“They are frozen,” Celestia whispered, ears down. “You monster.”
“What? No they’re not?” Caballeron looked down again. Now that he looked better, sure, the Royal Guards weren’t moving at all, not even blinking. But… “I mean, where’s the ice?”
This made Celestia blink. “…Excuse me? Ice?”
“Yes, ice! I mean, hello? Windigo’s First Breath?” He waved the pendant around. “Supposed to freeze the entire world? I thought this was, like, all about ice magic!”
“Oh. It… It is ice magic, indeed. Technically.” Celestia worded her words carefully. “It’s… ice-based, at least. It just doesn’t summon actual ice.”
“What?! Why not?!”
“That would be a waste of energy,” Celestia said. “The pendant can freeze, immobilize, anypony. Creating a block of ice and snow on top of them after that would do nothing but slow the pendant down.”
“Slow it down? But I…!” Caballeron looked at the Windigo’s First Breath again. “That tomb was filled with prophecies about eternal winter! I prepared a whole speech about smothering the sun with my ice! I’ve spent weeks working on the imagery!”
“I’m afraid the tomb’s words were of a more metaphorical nature, Doctor Caballeron.”
Silence.
“You are kidding me right now, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“Oh, for the love of—”
“Oh, puh-lease.” A voice came from among the nobleponies – Blueblood’s. The prince was looking at Caballeron, upper lip tweaked in a mix of disgust and boredom. “Such an ineffective villain. You don’t even know what the scope of your own plan is, this is just—”
“Okay, you know what? To hell with it. This is still a good plan.” Caballeron raised the pendant, and there was a pling! and another flash of white. “There. I just froze your nephew. Blah blah blah, killing you all, blah blah, evil mastermind, blah blah blah, cower in fear, I’m keeping the ice puns. Hail, Caballeron!”
And he raised the pendant again. Chaos followed…
But there was no flash of white. The flash was golden, and Caballeron yelped and almost dropped the pendant, his right hoof red with pain.
“What in the name of…?!”
“Careful with that thing, Doctor!” a voice yelled from right behind Caballeron. “You’re playing with fire!”
“Daring Do!” Caballeron roared. “You?!”
“Daring Do!” Daring Do roared back, hovering right behind Doctor Caballeron, the Ifrit’s Last Word on her hoof. “Me!”
“What are you doing here?! And what on Equestria are you wearing?” Caballeron cocked his head to the side. “I had no idea you’d been married.”
“Hey, I’m a classy lady, I have – what?” Daring Do frowned. Then her ears perked up and she looked at her suit. “Oh. Har, har, har. Bite me, Doc.”
“You look like a washed-up comedian. And you have the Ifrit’s Last Word.” Caballeron squinted as his eyes laid on the golden pendant. “Good.” He raised the Windigo’s First Breath. “It will be a good addition to my collection once I take it from your cold, cold dead hooves!”
“Hah!” Daring Do dodged the ray of light effortlessly and twirled the Ifrit’s Last Word on her hoof. “You wish! I’m just warming up!”
Caballeron stomped on the magical cloud, and it started shimmering. “Last Laugh!” he yelled. “Change of plans, do it now!”
“Princess, take the nobleponies to a safe place!” Daring Do took off her jacket, tossed it aside, and rolled up her sleeves. “I’ll take care of this!”
They both raised their pendants, and the floating chunks of broken glass shone like diamonds under their lights.
Beautiful picture, that of the floating chunks of broken glass shining and all. Luna would have really enjoyed the slightly corny visuals if it wasn’t for the fact that, just as Caballeron yelled something about laughing, something metallic and pointy appeared out of nowhere and went straight for her neck.
Credit where credit is due: Luna wasn’t shaken by the attack. She had lived a long life, and after a while things like a sword trying to behead her out of nowhere lost their shine. She had better things to worry about at the moment.
She was, however, taken aback by what stopped the sword. Mainly, because it was another sword, and because the one holding it had reacted just as coldly as she did.
Maybe in more cold blood, even. Sugar Song hadn’t even let the glass of champagne fall – she was sipping from it and still looking at Daring Do and Caballeron throwing shiny rays at each other. Her horn was glimmering more than usual, and the rapier that had saved Luna’s life, floating in midair and blocking the other sword, had the same kind of glow around its handle.
“You didn’t think this through,” she said, readjusting her glasses. “The moment Caballeron came here it was kind of a given you’d follow, Last Laugh.”
From the crowd of panicky nobleponies, a single stallion emerged. A unicorn, coat light blue, horn glimmering brightly.
The sword that had tried to kill Luna – another rapier – retreated to the lone unicorn. “Sugar Song,” he hissed. “Where in Equestria did you come from?!”
“Same place as Daring Do, I’d say.” Song finished the last sip of champagne and finally turned to face Last Laugh. “So, probably your worst nightmares.”
“And you brought your stupid sword here?!”
Sugar Song looked at her rapier, then at Last Laugh. “Well. Yes.”
Luna frowned. “Where did you even carry that?”
“This dress has pockets.”
“That rapier is over a meter long.”
“Really amazing pockets, let me tell you.” Sugar Song shrugged. “Princess Luna,” she said, twirling her rapier in the air and pointing it at Last Laugh, “meet Doctor Caballeron’s lackey and second in command. We’ve butted heads a couple times before, but this is a new low for them.”
“I’m going to kill you,” Last Laugh said, eyes flaring.
“Taking over the world? That’s fine. But of all times, you had to attack tonight.” Song’s glasses reflected the next white flash from the Windigo’s First Breath, hiding her eyes for a second or two. “You didn’t just ruin my evening; you’ve guaranteed that Yearling will never take a break in winter, and pretty much destroyed any plans I had for these holidays. Princess Luna, I’m sure that between the two of us we can—”
“Daring Do is taking care of Caballeron,” Luna said, resting her hoof on Song’s shoulder. “I like you, Sugar Song, and you like her. This is my present to you both.”
Song’s ears perked up as she looked at Luna. “Present?”
Luna smiled. “Every pony is different, Sugar Song. Hearth’s Warming is about enjoying yourself. I’ll leave this to you; I’m going to help my sister and take the nobleponies somewhere safe. Happy holidays.”
And just like that, she flapped her wings twice and she was gone.
The two ponies watched her leave her with dumbfounded expressions as she flew around the hall, yelling commands at the nobleponies and leading them to the exits in a somewhat orderly fashion. Last Laugh even forgot to try to kill her first.
“…You’re an alicorn,” Song finally muttered, squinting, “you have unlimited power, and you choose to point out the doors instead of fighting?”
“See?” Last Laugh said, shaking his head. “This is why we don’t need royalty.”
“Couldn’t agree more.”
He pointed his rapier at the space between her eyes. “Now, dear, if you don’t mind dying?”
Song parried the sword away from her face. “Oh, by all means, after you.”
And the swords started to dance.
A flash of white. “I’ll take over the world, Daring Do! And your death will be the icing on the cake!”
A flash of gold. “Burn in hell, Caballeron!”
White. “Your flaky resistance is futile!”
Gold. “It’s called Hearth’s Warming, darling!”
White. “Your chances of winning are just like the temperature: below zero!”
Gold. “Below zero? We’re both doctors, Caballeron! We’ve got at least two degrees!”
Despite clearly dominating the battle of wits, Daring Do was having trouble.
It was the pendant’s fault. While Caballeron seemed to control the Windigo’s First Breath flawlessly, she really couldn’t say the same about the Ifrit’s Last Word. It had taken her ages to get it to work, and all she could do was shoot those golden rays if she really concentrated on it. Caballeron, on the other hoof, could shoot as much as he wanted, fly on that cloud, and keep the glass floating around.
Which, well, had no real purpose in the fight aside from looking cool, Daring Do supposed. But they did look really cool, and Caballeron still had an unfair advantage.
“Gagh!” Daring dodged another of Caballeron’s rays – barely, it grazed the tip of her wing – and darted downwards, holding the Ifrit’s Last Word high. Out of the doctor’s sight, she tried to shoot him twice, but the cloud absorbed it.
“Not so passionate now, eh, Daring Do?!”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of you not hitting me either,” she muttered. She’d loved to scream this at his face, but there was no point in showing Caballeron where she was. “Now take this!”
Another flash of golden light, and the cloud absorbed it again. Caballeron saw where she was this time, and shot back.
Left, right, left, right – Daring zigzagged across the hall, and each time she turned a white ray would hit the the spot she’d been less than a second ago.
“You think you’re hot stuff, Daring Do!” Caballeron laughed. “But you’re not even lukewarm!”
Daring was at the end of the hall, so she twirled, kicked the wall, and shot herself in the opposite direction. “C’mon, we both know you’re my biggest fan!” she yelled, shooting back.
The cloud absorbed it with little ceremony.
Caballeron laughed again, and Daring cursed under her breath. She was starting to feel the strain in her wings – she was a fast flier, but not that much of an ace when it came to endurance.
She looked around. The hall was almost empty – Celestia and Luna were still shouting orders and taking the nobleponies to a safe place, but few of them remained.
Daring Do knew she had to act fast. The longer it took her to defeat Caballeron, the more chances he would win. Her drawing first blood had been a fluke.
Another white ray. Daring Do flew around it, faking lack of effort. “This is a stalemate, Doc!” she said. “You can’t hit me, and I can’t hit you! The Princesses are on my side, and you can’t take us all at the same time! Surrender, and nopony will end up hurt!”
“Oh, but somepony is going to get hurt, Daring Do.” Caballeron was twirling his pendant around, an ugly spark in his eye. “I have quite the nasty frostbite.”
“No chance in melting that heart of yours, huh?” She dodged the next white ray, again with a nonchalance she wasn’t really feeling. “Well then, Doc, what are you waiting for? This is a ball, let’s dance!”
“You don’t really mean that,” Caballeron snarled. He kept twirling the pendant, faster and faster, and it started to shimmer and hum like a nasty fly on a summer morning. “We’ve known each other for a long time, Daring Do. Do you think I can’t see through your bluffs?”
Daring grit her teeth and raised her pendant once more. The cloud absorbed her ray.
“Of course I can,” Caballeron said. His grin got wider and wider with every word. “Your intentions are crystal clear.”
And with those words, the Windigo’s First Breath flashed white. Daring Do had one second to register this before the sharpest shards of floating glass darted towards her head at mind-shattering speed.
She dodged, and the shards changed directions and followed her again.
She dodged a second time, with the same result.
Daring Do’s wings were full of old wounds and fragile bones. She had lived a life full of adventures, and that was the price to pay. As she forced them more than ever, she felt some of those old scars burn like hot coals.
She grit her teeth and redoubled her efforts. She couldn’t give up now. She flew around Caballeron in circles, trying to come up with a way to get rid of the shards, but there was no way. They followed her exact path – there was no making a sudden turn and smashing them against a wall this time.
“That’s right! We’re twisting the season around this year, Daring Do!” Caballeron said. “This time, the cold catches you!”
The rapiers buzzed as they slashed the air, moving in an almost rhythmical fashion. The ponies danced alone, their horns glimmering like the morning sun.
“You’ve been training!” Last Laugh said, forcing Song to take a step back. He thrust his rapier, and then three beats, one-two-three, counterbeat and the two swords clashed and slid along the blade to the hilt. “But not enough!”
Song rolled her eyes, pressing with all her strength. “Yes. Sure. Not enough. Care to remind me how many times you’ve told me this?”
“Your empty words aren’t—”
“Seven times? That sounds right. And how many times you’ve won?” Song frowned and looked down, feigning concentration. “Hmmm… Zero? Is it zero? I think it’s zero!”
“Hah! Foolish girl! That was just a fluke!”
He pushed her back, Song tripped, sidestepped, regained her balance – raise the sword! – and parried.
A beat, one two, counterbeat, one-two-three, a flick, slash to the left – but it had been a ruse, it was to the right, and – parry and riposte and twirl it around, and back to the beat and one, two, three, and thrust, and Sugar Song had to duck.
Last Laugh roared with glee.
Sugar Song kicked him in the chest.
Last Laugh roared with pain.
“A fluke?” Song took a step forward, slash and – wait for the counter, he knows how to counter – and then back and beat and parry, blind, keep his sword downwards, keep it pressed against the ground. “Boy. I wonder what the other six were, then.”
Last Laugh hissed. Song threw a kick, but he sidestepped and one-two-three-two and thrust, stab, counter with glissando and slash. “Those don’t count!” he yelled.
Parry, riposte. “I knocked you out,” Song said.
Counter-riposte. “You threw a hammer at my head!”
Duck, thrust. “Yes. And I knocked you out.”
Duck, twirl – was that necessary? Song was fairly sure that wasn’t necessary – slash from the left. “But that’s not proper fencing!”
“Who talked about fencing?” The slash was too obvious, must be a feint, duck and – sidestep, right hoof, left hoof, turn around – and up, down, glissando and hilt pressed against hilt again. “I thought this was about winning. Admit it: you’re just bad.”
Last Laugh roared, pushed her back, and continued slashing wildly.
Song bit her lip, forced to take another step back, and almost tripped when she bumped against the stairs. They had moved away from the tables in their fight – Daring Do and Caballeron were hovering right above them; they were so close Song could hear their voices.
“You think you’re such a special snowflake, don’t you?!”
“Come on, don’t be a heater!”
Well, that wasn’t – switch sides, stab and counterparry and swipe inwards and one-two – that wasn’t the best of soundtracks to a fight, Song guessed, but it was still nice to know that Daring was doing well.
One-two-three, counterbeat, Song took another step backwards and suddenly she was on the stairs and had the high ground and two-three flick right thrust swipe left – no, a feint, swipe right – and then left!
She got Last Laugh by surprise.
Right!
He flinched, and his grip on the rapier faltered.
One!
Last Laugh yelped.
Two!
His forehead was full of sweat from the concentration.
Three!
His sword fell flat against the stairs, and Song stepped on it.
The look of horror in his face was priceless. “Well,” Song said, smirking. “I guess this means we’re eight to—”
“You’re Daring done! Say your prayers, it was ice meeting—!”
“I’m going to stop you right there and save us both the embarrassment, Doctor.”
“…Yes. Sorry. It wasn’t my best.” Caballeron cleared his throat with a cough. “Uh. I’m going to win!”
Silence.
“…Ter!”
“Okay, I’m sorry.” Song put her sword down for a second and then pointed at the two fighting above them – well, ‘fighting’. Caballeron was riding his cloud, and Daring was just flying around in circles for some reason – with a frown. “Do they really need to do that?”
Last Laugh blinked. “Do what? The witty banter?”
“That’s neither witty, nor banter.” Song made a face. “It’s just… I mean, I’d say those are puns? But they don’t really work, so they’re not. Like, it’s not like they’re throwing ice and fire around, right? What is your boyfriend’s problem?”
“Hey, the doctor has been writing down his plays on words all week,” Last Laugh said. “What is your girlfriend’s excuse?”
“Okay, first of all, I already did the ‘implying you’re a couple’ bit. Don’t steal my jokes.” Song stepped harder on Last Laugh’s rapier and felt it bending slightly under her hoof. “And second of all—”
Last Laugh punched her in the face.
The pain took Song entirely by surprise, and she stumbled backwards. Last Laugh didn’t give her any space, he just got closer again and uppercutted her chin.
Song’s teeth clattered and she fell down, hitting the back of her head against the edge of a step. Her sight blurred for a second, and she lost her grip on the rapier.
Last Laugh didn’t lose a second – he took Song’s sword and, with a powerful jab, smashed it against the balustrade at just the right angle. The blade broke in half.
Then he took his sword and pointed it at Song’s neck. “You stopped to talk instead of winning,” he said, awe and amusement in his voice. A small smirk crept to his face. “I can’t believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book.”
Song didn’t say a word. She was still feeling dizzy, but the cold steel was a stimulus simple enough for her to understand it.
“The mighty Sugar Song,” Last Laugh continued, pressing a little harder against Song’s neck. A drop of blood slid down her chest. “Finally killed, because she couldn’t keep her dumb mouth shut for a—”
Song slapped the sword away from her neck – a sharp line of pain ran across her leg as the edge cut her skin – and kicked Last Laugh in the chin.
She was still feeling weak, and her footing wasn’t good enough to do any real damage, but she made Last Laugh lose his balance, and he needed two or three seconds to get it back. It was almost enough for Song to get her hopes back.
Then she saw her sword was broken.
Not really thinking, she grabbed the half with the hilt and ran upstairs. There was nowhere else to go. Last Laugh followed, rapier floating behind him. Once they were all the way to the top, Song saw there was no exit – the main doors were still sealed, and a broken rapier would do nothing against somepony as skilled as Last Laugh.
“Game over, Sugar Song,” he said, his voice sweet with hate. “Game over.”
Sugar Song looked around. Nothing, there was no escape. The stairs were fifteen meters from the ground on their highest point, she would never survive the fall without at least one broken leg.
Last Laugh’s eyes were shining.
Sugar Song made a choice. She turned around, refused to look down, stepped on the balustrade—
—and jumped.
Recent studies show that a happy couple will develop near-perfect coordination after two years together. After the three-year mark, they will be able to finish each other’s sentences, and from four years onwards they’ll know what the other is thinking.
It’s been proved that those feats of timed interaction aren’t based on conscious knowledge, but on instinct and hunches. Neither couple will be actively trying to act in harmony with their lover; it will just happen.
As Sugar Song soared through the air, time seemed to stop.
The averages vary slightly when the bond between the two ponies is not based on romance, but mere friendship or mutual respect. However, when said friendship is strong enough, the level of coordination can be virtually the same of that between an old married couple.
Still, the amount of time needed to achieve this can never be less than thirteen months.
Sugar Song and Daring Do had known each other for a little over three months.
Sugar Song started falling. Behind her, Last Laugh’s expression hadn’t changed, as he hadn’t had time to register what had happened.
And to top it all, Sugar hadn’t really talked with Daring, and in fact hadn’t even checked if Daring knew she was there.
But those studies with their fancy averages mostly talk about usual relationships. When you became friends with Daring Do, you put your life on the line every twelve hours, and the constant need to rely on each other to remain alive does wonders for friendship.
Sugar Song hadn’t said a word because she knew she didn’t have to. Daring would be there. Because if she wasn’t, then Song would die – and then Daring wouldn’t have a chance to tease her about her assurances on Caballeron surely taking a break for Hearth’s Warming.
Sugar Song felt something pulling her tail up.
Daring Do forgot about the shards completely and darted towards Sugar Song. She managed to grab her tail with her mouth and swung her upwards.
Sugar Song swept upwards with her broken sword, smashing the glass shards to pieces with the hilt before they could pierce her and Daring.
Then, Daring twirled Sugar Song midair and threw her away so hard she went flying in the opposite direction and smashed herself against a wall.
Sugar Song went up, and up, and up. She had vertigo for a second or two, and then she saw where she was headed, and smiled.
She leaned forwards.
And then.
She.
Swung.
On the chandelier.
When she let go, she bounced on one of the giant chunks of floating glass and jumped towards one of the curtains. She took the broken sword in her mouth and stabbed the fabric, then slid down.
Her mouth gave up when she was about two meters away from the ground. She twirled in the air, like a cat, and awkwardly managed to land on all fours. Her glasses had fallen from her face at some point.
She stood there, panting, for a second or two.
Daring Do’s wings burned so much she had to lean on the wall not to fall down. In front of her, Doctor Caballeron was staring at Sugar Song, mouth agape. On the stairs, Last Laugh was pretty much doing the same.
She couldn’t help but smirk.
All around, stunned silence.
Sugar Song swallowed, and ran a hoof through her mane.
“That,” she finally said, “was amazing.”
A pause.
“But don’t smirk with your narration face on. You look creepy.”
Daring Do felt pride burning in her chest as Song threw another of her quips at her. She was a darn good secretary. Then, she looked at Doctor Caballeron, and thought on ending the whole thing in one shot.
“Hey, Caballeron!” she yelled. Then she kicked off the wall and threw herself at Caballeron, ignoring the pain not only in her wings, but in her entire back.
Caballeron turned to face her.
Daring Do raised the Ifrit’s Last Word and held it right in front of her face.
Caballeron smiled and raised the Windigo’s First Breath. His eyes shone with a clear message: you want this to end in one shot? Let’s end it with one shot.
The Ifrit’s Last Word started to shine as Daring approached Caballeron. The cloud glimmered with anticipation. Caballeron opened his mouth to laugh…
“Hey, Caballeron!” Daring yelled. “You’re a horrible nemesis! You’re fired!”
And then she lowered the pendant and just punched him in the face with all her strength.
Song wasn’t feeling well by the time Last Laugh came running, brandishing his sword and screaming like a maniac. Her head hurt like crazy, she was coming down from her adrenaline high and her legs were trembling. “You won’t escape just like that!” he yelled. “You think just some far-fetched stunt will be enough to—”
There was a blur, and he slashed his rapier to the left. Two halves of a champagne flute fell to the ground.
“Hah!” Last Laugh articulated. He didn’t really laugh, he just said that. “Not so good without a sword, I see! A glass is not going to be enough to—”
Another blur, another slash to the left. Two halves of a plate, this time.
“I tell you, it’s not enough!” Last Laugh yelled. “Stop this futile—”
Another blur, another slash to the left, and Last Laugh fell to the ground with a heavy thump, his sword broken in half.
Song finally got her breath back, approached the stallion, and kicked him in the ribs. Then she picked up the hammer that had just landed square on Last Laugh’s forehead.
“Fencing. Pfft.” She stuffed the hammer in her other pocket, then patted it. “I love this dress so much. I need to go to that boutique more often.”
The white cloud cushioned Caballeron’s fall, so he didn’t break anything when he hit the ground, but Daring Do’s punch would have knocked down a baby elephant. She let go after hitting him and fell too, way less neatly than Sugar Song.
Her back was burning, her hoof stung like crazy, and her teeth were clattering. She was still riding that adrenaline high like a horse rides a slightly bigger horse, however. “Ah-hah!” she said, sitting on the ground three meters away from Caballeron, panting. “You baddies always get so crazy with the magical stuff that you forget about punches. Weak! Weak, I tell you!”
She shook her head. Her ears were ringing a little, but she was sure it was just a minor concussion. She had hit that wall pretty hard, after all. A quick visit to the hospital, and she’d be fine and dandy again, ready for more—
Daring frowned. Wait a minute, Caballeron was out, right? Then how come those giant chunks of glass were still floating? She was pretty sure amulets like the Windigo’s First Breath turned off once their owner were disabled. This made no sense.
Then something cold and wet hit her on the back of her head, and it was hard as a brick. Her vision got blurry and she went down face-first. Before she could react, the same force kicked the Ifrit’s Last Word to the left, away from her hoof.
She managed to see what it was then. A small, blurry, white blob. A piece of cloud.
“You idiot,” Caballeron grunted. Daring Do grit her teeth and lifted her head up. Her whole body was screaming, from the wings to the teeth. The doctor wasn’t down, and was in fact walking towards her, ice pendant in his hoof. “The cloud absorbs any damage I take. You can’t even start to understand the amount of power I hold. You can’t win.”
Daring Do didn’t say a word. She needed to rest and regain her strength. She knew she could shrug off the hit to the head and do something, but she needed a few minutes. She needed to stall Caballeron.
But her mouth refused to move. She was still too weak.
Caballeron didn’t give her any chance, either. He just got right next to her and held the Windigo’s First Breath right next to her face. “This is it,” he said. “It’s ov—gagh!”
He ducked just in time to avoid the flying hammer, then was tackled by Song. They both fell to the left in a tangled mess of legs. “Leave her alone!” she yelled.
“Argh! Get away!” Caballeron kicked Song in the stomach once, and that was all he needed to take her down. Song paled, then fell down and curled up, gasping.
Daring got her voice back. “No! Don’t hurt her!”
Caballeron got up. The pieces of cloud around him were blurry, almost mist. “Nuisance,” he muttered, shooting Song a venomous look before going back to Daring Do. “Fortunately for us both, this will all be over in no time.”
“You won’t win,” Daring muttered through clenched teeth. “You will never win.”
“Funny. I think I’ve already have.” He grinned. “Any last words?”
Daring Do pondered. Then she flicked her hoof. “Yeah,” she said. “I have some for you right here.”
Caballeron looked.
The Ifrit’s Last Word that Song had kicked towards Daring Do, right after tackling Caballeron, glimmered.
Golden light flashed.
But it didn’t hit him. He jumped back with a yelp, but the ray was off – Daring hadn’t really been able to aim in her state. He took another step back in shock, then gave out a hearty laugh.
“You failed!” he yelled. “You had me there, and you still failed! I can’t believe you—wait, why are you smiling like that?”
And the chandelier fell on top of him.
The small pieces of cloud disintegrated instantly, and the giant chunks of glass fell and shattered – thankfully, away from Song and Daring, who were both laying on the ground, unable to get up.
There was a moment of silence before any of them could talk.
“So,” Song finally said. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“Yeah. Thank you for saving my life, too.”
“Shame about the chandelier.”
“Yeah.” Daring sighed. “Well, at least one of us got to swing on it before it went down.”
“Right. It was really fun. I can see why you’re hooked.”
“Right?”
Silence.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Sugar.”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Daring.”
When Caballero went down – he didn’t die, thanks to what little the cloud had managed to absorb before exploding, he just got a really ugly concussion – the magic from the pendant disappeared, so all the frozen ponies could move again.
This is how Celestia and Luna, who had taken all the nobleponies – frozen or not – to their private chambers for protection, knew that the fight was over. They hurried towards the hall with the castle medics, who knew more than enough about patching up a pony on the go.
“Just make sure you go to the hospital later,” Doctor Kind Heart told them once he was done. “You’ll need a week of rest at least, but I don’t see any permanent damage.”
“Sure, doc.” Daring lied with a wink. “I’ll take as much rest as necessary.”
That night Daring Do had almost died at least two times, and both she and Song had defied all laws of physics more than usual. And yet, the most strange thing she saw was, doubtlessly, the way the nobleponies had acted once the danger was over.
Mainly, they just continued the Hearth’s Warming Ball, as if nothing had happened.
“This is unbelievable,” Daring scoffed as the orchestra started another waltz and the dance floor filled again. Idle chat resumed, poisonous glares – Daring and Song were still monopolizing the princesses – reappeared, and overall, save for all the broken stuff around, it was as if Caballeron had never appeared. “Come on, Song. Let’s get out of here.”
“Hm. Actually,” Song said, looking at Luna, “I had something I need to say before we disappear, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh?” Celestia looked at her sister, then at Song. “That’s interesting. Luna, do you need…?”
“Worry not, Sister.” Luna raised a hoof and smiled at Song. “I know what she means. Why don’t you go dance with Daring Do again? We’d like some privacy.”
“Wait, what?” Daring frowned. “I don’t think I want to dance. I mean, are you kidding me? I can barely stand!”
“This is a really slow waltz,” Song said, shrugging. “And you can talk a little more with Celestia while you’re at it. I’m sure you have questions to ask about the pendants or something.”
“I just…”
“I mean, don’t feel forced, of course.” Song gave her boss the sweetest of smiles. “If it scares you, then there’s no reason to—”
Thirty seconds later, Daring Do was leading Celestia to the dance floor again. The Princess shot them a confused look, but eventually went with the flow.
Song and Luna, again next to the orchestra, watched them dance for a while. They still managed to mess it up.
“Daring Do is not the only one with pride,” Luna said after a while. “My sister will refuse to abandon the dance floor until they finish the song. She likes setting an example.”
“Hmm.” Song coughed. “You know, my whole body hurts.”
Luna nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“The pendants were powerful, but you two are alicorns. You could have taken Caballeron alone in the blink of an eye.”
“Our first duty, as royalty, is to care for the safety of our citizens,” Luna said. Her voice was soft, and she was still smiling. “But yes, we could have subdued Caballeron.”
“But you didn’t. You left all the work to Yearling and me. And, uh…” Song scratched the back of her neck. “Thank you. And I’m really sorry.”
Luna blinked. “Sorry?”
“Yes. When we talked earlier, I assumed that you were… a little, uh, naïve.” Song was blushing; she couldn’t look at Luna straight in the eye. “And turns out, you—”
“I am naïve,” Luna said simply. “I turned to evil once.”
“Well, yes, but you’re only naïve in some things. You really understand ponies at their core, when it comes to… the important stuff, I guess.” Song frowned. “At least now.”
Luna nodded. “So you understand…?”
“Why you didn’t help? Yes.” Song shrugged. “You trusted us, that’s for starters. You also knew that Daring Do would really enjoy taking down Caballeron. This was…
“Well, I got so focused on celebrating Hearth’s Warming my way that I didn’t think on what Yearling wanted, I guess? She doesn’t enjoy resting. She likes fighting the bad guys, saving the world, all that stuff. Resting is against her nature – although she has to take better care of herself, I still stand for that.
“So you let us fight Caballeron on our own because, well, that was the best way to spend Hearth’s Warming for Yearling. She’s in a great mood now, and she was doing nothing but quipping jokes and puns while fighting Caballeron. You should have seen her.”
“I’ll probably read the book when it comes out,” Luna said.
“Oh, yes, you can do that.” Sugar sighed. “I guess Hearth’s Warming is about doing what you like with the ponies that you love, not about being fancy or having parties. You chose quite the dangerous way to teach that lesson, though, Princess.”
“I’m afraid it’s the Canterlot way,” Luna said. She covered her hoof to suppress a giggle. “You should see what my sister does to her personal student.”
“I guess. Still, thank you and sorry. But never do that again. We could have died.”
“We knew you wouldn’t. We really care about you, Sugar Song.” Luna’s ears perked up. “Oh. I think the song is ending.”
“Oh hey, we can’t let that pass, then.” They both walked towards the orchestra. “Let’s show those two how much we love them.”
“Absolutely,” Luna said, and then they gave the word to the musicians.
The change was as sudden as it was jarring. The whole orchestra stopped the waltz at once, and started a new song: a jazz suite. Fast, irregular, full of improv. Hard to play, and almost impossible to dance unless you were a really well-coordinated centipede.
On the dance floor, the nobleponies were startled for a second or two, but they quickly picked up the pace. They had a surprisingly good sense of rhythm, Song noticed.
And Celestia and Daring Do, who were standing on the center of the dance floor, glared daggers at them. But as much as their anger was great, their pride was greater. Celestia’s horn glimmered, and they started to “dance”. In four seconds, Daring Do was already smashing her face against the floor.
Sugar Song and Luna said nothing. They just got a couple champagne flutes, made a toast, got comfortable, and enjoyed the show.
And what a show it was.
That jazz suite was over twelve minutes long.
Author's Note
This was originally posted on the Secret Jinglemas Compilation under the title "Of Windigos and Chandeliers".
Die Hard is a Christmas movie, right? So this counts as a Christmas story. I'm so smart.
