The Bon Identity

Chapters

Secret Agent Mare
Lyra Versus the Exposition
The Spy Who Befriended Me
Blunderball
Yellow Submarine Part 1: #SquadGoals
Yellow Submarine Part 2: Aquatic Boogaloo
Debriefings, Diners, and Disharmony
Old Friends, New Friends, Gray Friends, Blue Friends
Archive #1: From the Desk of Dr. Treble Clef
Homecoming
Vampire Weekend Part 1: Change of Scenery
Vampire Weekend Part 2: An Old Filly Tale
Yellow Submarine Part 3: Burial at Sea

Secret Agent Mare

325 Stirrup St.
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
0230

Few things are more still than an empty building in the dead of night. Outside, nature is dynamic, always in motion. Wind blows through the trees, clouds drift across the sky, and the creatures of Luna's domain roam under the stars. The natural world rests for nopony, a chaotic bubbling mess of life and energy. The pony herds of old were very much attuned to this constant natural activity, huddling together en masse at night to provide protection and comfort from the strange, alien world around them.

Eventually somepony figured out that it would be much easier to get some shut-eye if they didnt have to listen to all that damn racket the whole time. Who could sleep when everypony was constantly worried about owls, or bears, or owlbears? I mean, have you seen a manticore up close? No thanks. And would somebody shut those stupid crickets up already? It is three in the morning and we have to find a new field to graze in tomorrow and ugh... So ponies learned to control the weather, harness magic, and build structures to shelter themselves when they were at their most vunerable. Nature was great and all, but sometimes you just needed a break. Reshaping the environment was a small price to pay for a good night's sleep. Coincidentally, around this time coffee sales plummeted and did not recover until the invention of college.

This course of events left ponies in control of their environment and masters of their destiny, but it had some quirks. Years of magical evolution honed pony senses to expect some level of background clutter at all times. Herding instincts kick in when a pony spends too much time alone. Their senses become hyper-aware, old fears bred into them for generations sink in. A small voice in the back of a pony's head starts urging them to seek friends and compions to better guard against predators. Empty homes often unnerved ponies with their stillness and silence, except for decrepit or haunted ones. Those were scary more for the restless spirits or poor resale value.

The pony edging along the wall of a darkend hallway at two-thirty in the morning did not exactly appreciate this sentiment. To be fair, she was keyed up on a metric ton of adrenaline and a few Iron Bulls. As it was, she had other things on her mind. Like making sure she really was alone.

You can do this, she thought. Two more rooms, grab the objective, and you're in the clear. She raised a hoof, shakily levelling her crossbow in front of her. Pause. Listen. Give your senses time to adapt. Don't rush, slow is smooth and smooth is fast. A minute went by. As her eyes and ears strained against the gloom, she could detect nothing out of the ordinary. No sound, no movement, nothing to suggest that this was anything except an average unlit living room. Okay, move.

She pivoted through the doorframe, scanning the corners of the room and slowly, quietly advancing. She methodically checked every spot that could hide a hostile pony; you took no chances against an adversary as deadly as hers. Her crossbow's sights swept over the couch, unlit lamps, and coffee table, ready at a moments notice if any innocent furnishings revealed something sinister. She found nothing and resumed her careful advance, hugging the wall near the next doorframe as she positioned herself to sweep and clear the final room.

The mare peeked around the corner and saw her objective illuminated by a beam of moonlight. The tall, angular box sat alone on a table, seemingly unguarded. She narrowed her eyes and waited, alert for the tiniest indication that she was not alone. Her infiltration had gone undetected so far, but she could not lose focus so close to her goal. No movements or noises jumped out at her. She hoofed a travel bottle of hairspray from her ninja-suit's saddlebag. A few aerosol spritzes later, a transluscent mist wafted through the doorway. It took on an almost etheral apperarance as it drifted through the shaft of pale light shining in through the window. The lone infiltrator screwed up her muzzle at the pungent chemical smell as she held back a sneeze. None came, and she noted the lack of laser tripwires between her and her prize. She carefully moved into the room and advanced to the target.

She slung her crossbow and looked the innocuous box over, not daring to touch it yet. Hooves caressed the edge of the table, searching for any telltale wires or seams. Her ninja garb and inventive use of a Chill-Out spell would hide her from the thermal camera surely watching overhead, but this item's owner was far too shrewd to leave anything to chance. One wrong move now could spell disaster. One more hurdle and you're free and clear. Time to disable the alarm. Probably a pressure plate underneath or a motion sensor on the lid. Remember your training. She thought back to all those years ago, hoping her lessons would provide enough guidance to make it out of here alive.

"Excellent performance, dear, but that last note was a C-flat. It should have been a G-sharp. Otherwise, much improved over last week."

"Okay everypony, Miss Twinkleshine will start and the string and woodwind section will join her as they pick up the beat."

"Your group project will be an original piece written in 4/4 time, based on the works of any musician from the Griffon Renissiance Era."

"Ughh, chemistry is soooo boring. We shouldn't even have to take these Gen-Ed courses, we already have our Cutie Marks!! Pssst, Lemon Hearts! Ill buy your danish at Joe's this afternoon if you can fit your whole head inside this beaker!"

...so your training maybe isn't going to be useful here, she admitted to herself. Curse you, CGSU Department of the Arts!!! Why did you have to make your brochure so cool-looking?!?

"You know, for a pony trying to sneak around, you sure are whispering to yourself a lot. It doesn't work with that whole stealth thing you've got going on."

Right. Internal monolouges should be internal.

Every muscle in her body tensed up in terror. She whirled around, looking for the source of the voice. She stared into the darkness, and the darkness stared back. Specifically, it stared back from about ten feet behind her, a shadow with three glowing orange eyes.

THWAK!

Her shot went wide, the shadow melting away. Hooves shaking, she racked another bolt into place.

"Show yourself!"

"Now why would I do that?"

"Umm... to make it a fair fight?"

"All's fair in love and espionage, bee-eff-eff," the perky voice floated somewhere off to her right.

Her adversary moved like a ghost, quicker, quieter, and deadlier than she was. No hope for victory. Unless she could keep the shadow distracted... she put on her whiniest pout.

"No it's not! You have nightvision goggles! That's, like, totally cheating. Why don't I get any nightvision?"

"Good point, why didn't you get any?"

"Because they're expensive!! You know I can't afford a pair on a musician's pay! You've got an unfair advantage!"

"That's it? Like what you came here for isn't exp-" THWOK!

Miss. The spectre melted back into the darkness. Time was running out, the being haunting her would soon tire of its game. A teal glow surrounded her horn as she began charging a Flashbulb spell. Her magic's aura and telltale warblewarblewarble sound made any further attempts at stealth useless, but the time for cowering in the dark was over. All she needed was one tiny chance, one lucky break to turn this whole game around. She chambered another shot and carefully sidestepped, flank to the wall as she scanned the room for a sinister shadow.

Nothing. Frustrated, she whispered to herself, "c'mon, show me those bright shiny goggles one last time... where are yo-"

Hot breath tickled her neck. She froze.

"Look up."

THWOK!

Lyra Heartstrings stared crosseyed up at her new second "horn", affixed firmly to her head via suction cup.

"I wonder if this is what goats feel like..."

"Hon, I think goats have their horns on the sides of their heads," Bon-Bon remarked as she pulled another suction-cup dart off the wall. She dangled from the cieling, hind legs and tail wrapped around a chandelier. A pair of laquered wood and bronze goggles rested atop her head, holding her curly two-tone mane back. "Though, one more of those and you'd be the spitting image of a tricerapony," she giggled. "Speaking of goats, can you please lay off the Iron Bull? I know how you musicians like to party, but for Celestia's sake get some sleep."

"Sure, mom." Lyra stuck her tongue out.

Bon-Bon rolled her eyes. "Can we at least settle this silly bet? You tried, you failed, you have to make dinner this week," she glanced at the kitchen table at a plain box labeled 'EIO', absolutely devoid of any alarm systems. "And you have to get your own Expensive Imported Oats this time."

Lyra let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fiiiiiiiiine," she glanced at Bon-Bon's goggles, the three orange lenses glinting in the light of the chandelier her friend hung from. "Sooo... sure you can't tell me about what you used to do with all these ninja moves and spy stuff?"

"Lyra..."

"I know, I know, classified, Princess's eyes only... I get it, Bonnie, I really do." Lyra paused, letting out a small sigh. "It's just... my best friend in the world has this whole other super cool side to her that I know nothing about. I can't help it sometimes."

Bon-Bon frowned. She pulled the last of the darts from the wall. She leaned up and grabbed the chandelier with a forehoof, flipping herself rightside up as her tail let go. A moment later, she landed on the floor with the all the grace of an Anugyptian cat-princess. "I'm sorry Lyra. It's always a risk to tell anypony about my old life. I was burned because somepony got ahold of Ministry files and made them public. My identity and details of my latest missions were exposed to the world. Our whole department was compromised and shut down."

Golden eyes took on a sympathetic look. "I-I'm sorry. It must've been hard, leaving everything you've known."

"I do miss it, but..." Bon-Bon looked around the kitchen of her home/business then back at her best friend, struggling to remove a dart from her head at three AM. She smiled. "Retirement's kinda nice."

Too preoccupied to notice the sentiment, Lyra gave up on removing the dart, instead levitating over several others and sticking them next to the first in a makeshift tiara. "All hail the Princess of Darts!"

Bon-Bon couldn't help but laugh at that one. A thought occured to her as she paid respects to Equestria's newest ruler, giggling all the while. "Ly, a lot of my assignments were basically made public record by that stunt that got me burned. It's all under my birth name, and since nopony in this town knows who Sweetie Drops is, They have no idea that I'm the one in all those files. But since you're in on the secret..." She grinned. "It couldn't hurt to tell you what's already out there."

Lyra's eyes were as big as dinner plates. Since the revelation at the wedding, this was the best. Thing. Ever. "Really?"

Bon-Bon smiled at her friend, taking a seat at the table. She motioned for Lyra to sit next to her, which the unicorn promptly did in her usual odd fashion.

"My name is Sweetie Drops and I used to be a spy. Until..."

Author's Note

So yeah. This happened.

Feel free to leave any comments or advice, because I have no idea what I'm doing.

EDIT: Inspired by this comic.

Lyra Versus the Exposition

Sunflower Café
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
1100

"And how are you ladies this fine morning? Ready to order yet?"

"RrrrrrrggghhaaghCOFFEEEssssssskhhh..."

Order Up opened his mouth to inquire further, but paused as he considered the "words" of the near-comatose mare before him. "I shall return with a refill."

"Thank you, that would be lovely," Bon-Bon replied with a warm smile. The waiter nodded and hastily retreated towards the kitchen area. Lyra, deducing that the conversation had ended and her input was no longer required, slumped back in her chair and remained still.

The Sunflower Café was oddly quiet for a Saturday morning. At 11AM, the lunch rush had yet to begin and most townsponies already grabbed their morning carb-and-caffiene fix several hours earlier. Despite the sunny weather and light breeze, only a few patrons populated the patio. Aside from a small group of national heroes quietly sipping tea at a sunny corner table and one or two miserable-looking ponies recovering from the previous night, the place was deserted. Order Up returned with the coffee pot, remaining silent. Nopony survived as long as he had in the service industry without learning how to read a crowd; there was a time and a place for listing the daily specials and this was not it. He nodded at Bon-Bon and trotted over to the next occupied table, where a sluggish unicorn hid from the offending sun behind electric purple shades.

The smell of fresh coffee finally managed to rouse Lyra. "Never... again," she grimaced. "Sorry I passed out last night, practice didn't finish 'til after midnight. Octavia's working us overtime so much you'd think opening night was tonight. I can hear the score in my dreams."

"She always was a perfectionist, even as a filly," Bon-Bon smirked. "So no wild party with the rest of your musician and actor friends? If I walk over to town hall, it won't be covered in empty red cups and cider kegs? Vinyl looks like she had more than a few last night." She gestured towards Vinyl Scratch at the other table, who was motionlessly staring at the cup of coffee in front of her.

"Uuugh no, this is the first time Octavia has ever directed anything and she's flipping out, and since half the cast have day jobs we can't start practice till mid-afternoon. Lullaby for a Princess is getting incredible reviews in Manehattan and Canterlot, and she's worried that her production here won't live up to the hype," Lyra managed a halfhearted wave to her co-worker a few tables over. The DJ showed no signs of recognition, awareness of her surroundings, or life. "I mean, not that I'm not happy about landing a nice full-time gig, but past midnight! We don't open for three weeks! You're right, she's being crazy picky over every little detail." Inside Lyra's head, a small hamster woke from its nap and hopped on an exercise wheel. "Wait, 'even as a filly?' You two know each other?"

"She introduced us, Ly."

"No, like as a filly? I thought she just knew you from around town. I mean, she grew up in Canterlot and you're from Hoofington," Lyra paused, uncertianty clouding her face as she remembered she didn't know nearly as much about her bestest-friend-forever as she once thought. "Wait, are you from Hoofington?"

Bon-Bon winced. "I am. Everything I've told you really did happen, it just happened to a filly named Sweetie Drops instead of Bon-Bon," she paused to take a breath, "Living a lie isn't fun. I-I wanted to share my life with you, Lyra. My real life. I just had to change a few names and details to protect myself and the ponies I worked with. And leave some stuff out." Her brow furrowed, "leave a LOT of stuff out."

"I wondered why you never talked about college."

"Hah, it was less 'college' and more 'getting dumped in the Crystal Mountains for three weeks with nothing but a blanket and a shovel'. Ooh, or 'interrogation resistance' training with an angry minotaur! Can't forget about that!"

"Wow..." Lyra stared wide-eyed. "That sounds... really painful." A teasing smile spread across her cheeks. "Almost as bad as finals at CSGU!"

"Seriously?"

"Hey, go take private tutoring from the Princess of Anxiety Attacks over there and then tell me how easy I had it," Lyra pointed at the corner table currently occupied by Ponyville's most famous residents, then crossed her forelegs in a huff. "Sooo... if you really did grow up in Hoofington then, how did you meet Octavia?"

"Well, If you think you can stay awake for more than five minutes I'll tell you," Bon-Bon chuckled as Lyra rolled her eyes. "Remember that big yeti scare up north about twelve years ago? It was all over the news, you were probably close to finishing grade school? That all started in my hometown..."

Hoofington, Equestria
989 Celestial Era

On any given day of the week, Hoofington resembled any one of a hundred other picturesque hamlets across the nation. Small stone-and-thatch cottages hugged the edges of the surrounding mountains. Craftsponies carted wares into downtown and set up stalls along Market St. Tourists loaded down with travel gear would stream in from the train station to the ski lodge. Any other day, it was a quiet, peaceful beacon of Harmony nestled in the foot of the Crystal Range.

Today, it more closely resembled a battle zone. Or the Manehattan shopping district on Hearth's Warming Eve.

Angry columns of black smoke billowed from severeal stores along the mountain steppe. A technicolor torrent of townsponies rushed south in a mostly-orderly fashion, guided by teams of Royal Guard. A squadron of golden-armored pegasi circled the town, some towing rainclouds toward several fires while others set up aerial billboards along the evacuation route:

'YETI ATTACK IN PROGRESS, REMAIN CALM'. 'FOLLOW EUP INSTRUCTIONS TO DESIGNATED SHELTER IMMEDIATELY'.

Such were the risks of Equestrian border-town life. At least nopony had to deal with city traffic.

Commander Stalwart Sentry adjusted his helmet as he stepped outside the post-office-turned-command-center. Stupid thing was causing his mane to itch like crazy, but he wasnt about to remove it in the middle of a monster attack. His guards took their cues from their leader, after all, and an innocent personal indulgence could trickle down the ranks in no time. He set his jaw as the itching continued and watched a pitch-black chariot currently swooping past the setting sun. It skimmed low over rooftops before pulling up as two pegasi pilots prepared for landing. He looked them over as they ambled to a stop in front of him. Both wore nondescript blue jumpsuits and flight helmets, and he couldn't see any markings on either the chariot or its pullers. Really, a black chariot?, he thought. They could paint "Spook-Mobile" on the side in glow-in-the-dark neon and they would still be less obvious.

The chariot's door swung open and two stallions trotted out, doing their best to look inconspicuous in their their black business suits, sunglasses, and earpieces. An older slate-gray earthpony followed, his shaggy mane that looked out of place among the soldiers and totally-not-secret-agents. He hoofed a set of saddlebags from inside the chariot, strapping them into place over his white lab coat. Stalwart nodded at him as he offered the military pony a tired, halfhearted smile.

"Good to see you again, Commander Sentry. I'm sorry it had to be under these conditions."

"Likewise, Doctor. My soldiers have the majority of the town secured. We believe the, uh, creature is currently holed up in a shop over in the town square. I've ordered the area cordoned off. It's mind-controlled several townsponies to do its bidding, and they've been attacking my guards whenever we get too close." He paused, his expression softening, "Our mage teams are trying to dispel whatever spell they're under, but nothing's working. If I order an advance now, ponies are going to die."

The doctor frowned and scratched his chin with a hoof. "It's building a hive," he muttered to himself. Stalwart raised an eybrow, but the doctor continued to speak, "It's not a spell, Commander. This creature is a chimera, a mix of ursine and insectoid traits all blended together into a monster. It has the ability to create pheremones that can influence others to its will, like a bee or wasp hive queen. Crude compared to magical mind-control, but as it uses no magic it is not so easily dispelled. Not to worry," he continued as he noticed the commander's worried expression, "I have a team of specialists enroute, they should be able to subdue these poor ponies and inoculate them without any great risk of injury. Shall we?"

"Follow me," Stalwart replied as he started trotting, relief flooding through him. He had seen a lot in his Guard career, but he never dreamed the day would come where he would be forced to turn swords and guns on Equestrian citizens. "Oh, my radio is back in the post office if you need to coordinate with your team."

"Thank you," the doctor replied before adressing the two black-suited goonsponies. "Double Cross, could you contact the containment team and tell them they're cleared to proceed? Cover Story and I will head up to the action with the commander."

Double Cross nodded and turned back to the office, while the other three ponies trotted towards the commotion at the center of town.

"So, why all the yeti nonsense? Nopony in town is buying it for a second. It's pretty clear that something mean got loose from your little funhouse in the Canterlot Caverns."

Cover Story spoke up for the first time, startling Stalwart. "It's more for the rest of Equestria. We didn't want the press starting a panic if they knew what's really going on, so we spread the word about the local wildlife acting up." The G-pony lowered his sunglasses down his muzzle, staring at Stalwart from over the rims. "This thing isn't from any of our facilities, sir. It broke out from further down."

Ice ran through Stalwart's veins. "Tartarus?"

"You understand why we want to keep this quiet."

He paused, then nodded. "Well then, let's go stop a demon."

* * * * *

In the center of town, a ring of bronze and steel surrounded what appeared to be an ice cream shop covered in yellow slime. The Royal Guards stood still, glaring down dozens of crazed townsponies protecting the building. A group of stallions wearing sloppy yellow-and-black war paint rushed foward to attack. The guardsponies tensed but did not draw their weapons, bracing for a hoof-to-hoof brawl as the madponies barrelled in.

Their opponents suddenly faltered, glowing eyes turning skyward. A flock of black chariots swooped overhead, descending to a hover just above the rooftops. Ropes dropped from their sides, and ponies in dull armor and gas masks slid to the ground. They fanned out, raising tranquilizer dart shooters and shock-spears as a squad of similarly-garbed pegasi landed to join them. The unruly crowd roared in anger, an odd buzzing noise permeating the air around them as they prepared to charge down their new opponents. The new arrivals formed a staggered line with weapons raised, and the Guards hit the deck as they realized any missed shots would hit them instead.

The fwipfwipfwip of darts whistling through the air was oddly muted compared to clashing steel or a cannon's boom. The rioters were acting in a haze of anger and mind-controlling spores, none of them had enough rational thought to carry a weapon. A few managed to get close to their foes, but a small blast of lightning would knock them to the ground before they could attack. A minute later, everything went still. A few guardsponies picked tranquilizer darts out of their helmets with annoyed expressions on their faces as the new arrivals split into teams and began unfolding stretchers near the unconcious townsponies.

As the unfortunate enthralled citizens were carted off to safety, Guards and newcomers alike took formation outside the door of the ice-cream shop. Dartguns were holstered; the foe waiting inside would not go down so easily.

Sweetie Drops shivered and shrunk further into her hiding spot as she heard a thundering crash. Dust drifted from the floorboards above her as a thundering buzz-roar shook the building, followed by muffled thumps. She renewed her resolve not to leave the basement crawl-space that had been her home for the last eighteen hours. She had come home from school the previous afternoon to find the door to her parents' shop smashed and a massive bee monster gorging itself on several fifty-pound bags of sugar. As if that wasn't strange enough, her parents and their friends were helping the thing, bringing it more sweets. She hadn't stuck around to find out why, screaming and running. It chased her for a bit but lost her in the basement, distracted by more stored sugar. Sometimes ponies came down here but after seeing the creepy glowing eyes and coat-paint on the first one she decided not to take a chance revealing herself.

Her breath caught in her throat as the cellar door crashed open. A six-limbed, white-and-black monstrosity tumbled down the stairs and crashed to the floor. It picked itself up, red eyes glinting as it let loose a terrifying roar and started back up towards its attackers.

A blast of lightning danced over its thorax, followed by a flurry of crossbow bolts. It stood still for a moment, then toppled backwards and slumped to the floor. Gossamer wings fluttered, then went still. Several cyberponies tromped down the stairs, their robo-unicorn leader looking over the fallen monster with its hornlight.

"Bugbear's out cold, secure it and prep it for transport," a cold, mechanically filtered voice rang out. Its light swept around the cellar, stopping on Sweetie's aclove. "Hey, there's a civilian down here!"

Sweetie whimpered, trying to curl up into an even tighter ball as the armored ghoul stomped up to her. "Its okay, little filly! That monster won't hurt you now! You can come out!"

"Oh, for Celestia's sake, you are terrifying her! Take your stupid mask off!" a guardsmare yelled from the stairwell.

"Right, sorry." The robot hoofed off its helmet and mask, revealing an ordinary unicorn stallion underneath. "Are you okay, filly? What's your name?"

Sweetie Drops didn't hear whatever he said next. The exhaustion, adrenaline, and sheer terror of the last eighteen hours finally caught up with her. She fainted on the spot.

"Subtle as always, Doctor. Everything I expected from a covert organization such as yours. What's with all the black paint anyway?"

"Come now, Commander, we can be discreet when we need to. I do admit that our monster-containment teams go a bit... overboard when it comes to that. It's sort of a tradition, protecting ponies from what lurks in the dark and all that. Dates back to just after the Nightmare Moon fiasco, if I'm not mistaken."

"Wait, you mean the Mare in the Moon? That old filly's tale?"

"Sure, let's go with that. And please, it's Treble Clef. Or just Treble. Why stand on ceremony at this point?"

"Um, sure. So, how are the ponies it was controlling? And that filly they found in the basement?"

"They're all well. We're keeping them in our medical wing, monitoring them for any relapse or complications. Provided we don't find anything, they'll be free to go in a week. The filly is perfectly fine, minus the scare of a lifetime. A head cold kept the bugbear's pheromones from affecting her, if you'll believe it. Couldn't smell them."

"Still must be scared out of her wits, poor girl. This base is more of a dungeon than a children's ward."

"Yes, I've made sure the nurses and attendants know to keep her company. Erm, speaking of which, has anypony seen my daughter?"

Sweetie Drops stirred, blinking groggily as everything came back to her. The other day seemed like a nightmare, the memories faded just enough to where she could tell herself the monster wasn't real. As the room came into focus, she was reminded that it very much was real. This wasn't her home. This was a hospital room with super-bright lights and no windows and a clown mural on the wall which, while she supposed was intended to brighten up the place a bit, honestly just came off as creepy. She snuggled back into her pillow, but then frowned as she noticed a pressure on her barrel. She looked up, and suddenly saw nothing but two enourmous violet eyes staring back at her.

"Hi!"

"EEEEEEEEEP!"

The eyes giggled. As she desperately scooted back to into her headboard, she noticed they were attached to a filly. A small, gray filly with a bow-tie staring at her and laughing. Probably a year or two younger than she was, judging by the lack of cutie mark. She relaxed a bit, her heart slowing from 'three cases of Iron Bull' to 'just ran a marathon'. "H-h-hi?"

"I'm Octie! What's your name?"

Author's Note

Whelp that got serious for a little while, so here's musichorse to cheer up filly Bon-Bon. I didn't want to let it get too dark, because kid's show, but spies don't use dartguns. (Despite that I've wrote them doing exactly that for two chapters now.) Free point to whoever guesses which (very creepy) amateur-writing website Octavia's dad and the monster hunters are a reference to!

Also, my writing style is apparently "two ponies talk about stuff while things happen behind them". I blame Kevin Smith movies.

The Spy Who Befriended Me

Canter Mount Research and Storage Facility
Canterlot Caverns, Equestria
Two Floors Down From Starswirl's Lab
If You See the Gates of Tartarus, You've Gone Too Far
989 C.E.

"Marco!"

*ksssht* A popping static squeal hissed in Sweetie's ear. "Polo!" The clip-clop of her hooves echoed as she trotted down the corridor. She squinted against the bright flourescent lighting as she looked around. Octavia couldn't be far, she didn't have too much of a head start. The hallway was mostly empty, white paint and bright lights continuing some ways down with sets of large, locked steel doors at regular intervals. The doors looked thick, like they were built to withstand an earthquake. They were solid metal plates, protruding several inches away from the walls with complex etchings engraved into them and a numbered keypad set into each one. The hinges were bigger around than her foreleg. A sunken porthole window sat in the center of each door, reminding Sweetie of sailing ships. She sauntered over to the nearest one, glancing at the sign hanging on the wall next to it.

Item A-205
Umbrum Crystal
Threat Level - Pink
Telepathic - Do not approach without magic-cancelling earmuffs

She frowned, puzzled. Half the signs in this place were written in some sort of secret language that only the serious-looking government ponies could understand. She reared up, placing a forehoof on either side of the circular window and pressed her muzzle against the glass.

The padded white room inside was empty, save for a jagged dark crystal the size of a yak. Flourescent bulbs reflected of the sharp angular center spike and nubs surrounding the base. A faint glow flickered from the smoky translucent obelisk, as if somepony had lit a candle inside. Sweetie felt a shiver run down her spine and haunches. It almost felt like the thing was glaring at her. Not one to be intimidated easily, Sweetie glared right back, squinting through the glass at the offending lattice. If it was so tough, then why was it locked up in a vault? She stuck her tounge out and blew a raspberry at it. The crystal, for its part, did not move and continued to glow ominously.

Sweetie quickly pushed herself off the wall and fell back to all fours as she heard hoofsteps approaching. The ponies working here were nice enough, but even if they weren't grumpy jerks they still didn't seem to like a lone filly wandering around their hideout-monster-jail-mad-science-lab... place. They had politely shooed her and Octavia away from several rooms already, and she wasn't entirely sure whether or not this place was on the No-Sweetie List. Besides, they talked to her like she was a foal. She was almost full grown! She got her Cutie Mark two years ago for Celestia's sake! It wasn't like she didn't know how to read or anything, she just figured all those big red signs were for somepony else. As the echoing steps neared the corner, she put on her winning smile and tried her best to look nonchalant.

Double Cross rounded the corner, holding a hoof to his earpiece as he continued a conversation with somepony on the other end. "I don't give a roadapple what Rendez Vous says, we ain't sending a strike unit into downtown Reins! He should be able to handle a few gargoyles by his lonesome, they don't even move when the sun's out... doesn't he think that anypony'd notice a battalion of stormtroopers marching inta the Prench capital city? ...Yes... I understand... Nopony's getting left out in the cold here. There's a couple'a Shadowbolts over in Trottingham, shouldn't be more'n a few hours away. Eyes on the rooftops is what he needs now anyway. Tell him--" he paused as he finally noticed the filly in front of him. His eyes traveled from her Cheshire grin, to the radio headset in her ear, over to the vault window where a fogged muzzle impression was still visible. His eyes narrowed. "I'll call you back inna minute," he spoke into his lapel-mic. "Now what exactly is going on here, miss Drops?"

"Umm, nothing?"

That expression of his somehow became even squintier. "I got three foals at home. Yer not fooling anypony."

"I'm looking for the filly's room?"

That look remained. Before he could reply, Sweetie's radio crackled. *kssssht* "I said Polo! Are we still playing?"

So much for that. Sweetie dropped the guilty grin and put on her most cavity-inducing pout. "Fineee. Octavia and I are playing Ponyhunt. But we haven't gone into any of these big locked doors, or the rooms that say RESTRICTED AREA, or anywhere else we aren't allowed. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to fly."

Double Cross rolled his eyes. "Okay, just keep it that way. Where're yer parents?"

"They're with Octavia's dad. He said they'd be a while, so we should go have some fun."

"Of course he did. Figures Doc Treble's idea of a playdate is lettin you two chase each other from one end of the base to th'other." His speech was muddled, with a hint of an Appleoosan accent. He sounded more like a cowpony than a secret agent. That, coupled with with his dull tan coat, dark close-cropped mane, and railroad-crossing Cutie Mark, hardly evoked images of Con Mane.

Sweetie shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "Sooo... have you seen Octavia around?"

Double Cross's expression snapped right back to 'incredulous'. A lone eyebrow raised. "Isn't that cheating?"

"Nope! She knows where everything is here and I don't, so it all evens out. Besides, the quicker I catch her, the quicker we finish running all around the super-secret monster jail!"

Double Cross worked his jaw. The nerve of this one. Still, she raised a good point. "Haven't seen her. Definitely not over in D Corridor. Now missy, if you'll excuse me, I gotta make a call."

"Thanks! Kseeyabye!"

He watched the filly scamper off, shaking his head as she went. He continued to walk, pressing a hoof back to his earpiece. "Hey, its me. Call the girls over in Trottingham, tell them street clothes only. Nopony wants an international incident over a couple'a garden gnomes... Yeah, I know a war with the Prench would be completely one-sided, that's not the point..."

Sweetie trotted quickly down the hallway, keeping her eyes peeled for anything amiss. Corridor D wasn't much different from the one she just came from, bright white lights, blank walls, big steel bank-vault doors with keypads and official looking signs. A guard stood at the hallway, crossbow slung across his haunches as he buried his muzzle in the latest Canterlot gossip mag. His intense focus completely tuned out the world around him in favor of the Blueblood colt's latest antics. No Octavia, Sweetie thought as she scanned her surroundings. Maybe Double Cross was wrong after all? She pondered her next move for a moment before raising the radio set to her mouth. "Marco!"

"Polo!" *ksssht* "Polo!"

She spun around. The echo had come from off to her side. Octavia must've hidden in one of the vaults! She raced up to the nearest door, rearing up to peek into the window. All she saw inside was a clollection of black and red jewelry in a glass display case. She hopped back down, running to the next one as she glanced at the sign.

Item D-001
Sculpture of a Draconequus
Threat Level - N/A

A muffled laugh drifted through the glass porthole. This is it, she thought, eyeing the keypad. She had seen a guard open one of these earlier, but what were the chances that all the doors had the same code? Worth a shot. What do I have to lose by giving it a try? She hoofed the one button on the keypad three times. The gem embedded into the lock lit up with an emerald glow and whistled a two-tone chime. Startled, Sweetie leaned back and raised a hoof as the lock disengaged with a series of rapid clicks. The door slowly hissed open, the cool air from inside turning to billowing mist as it mixed with the warmer atmosphere of the corridor. Sweetie peered into the swirling fog at a towering figure, obscured by the bright lights behind it. She stepped into the room and rubbed a hoof across her eyes at the harsh glare.

A statue of a singing dragon loomed over her. She took the thing in as she trotted closer. It was tall and skinny, maybe four or five times the height of a pony. One claw stretched towards the low ceiling in a frozen wave. Its torso resembled that of a serpent's, while the head possessed more equine features. Certainly no serpents would be caught belting out a joyful laugh or musical number, as the thing's facial expression suggested. Aside from the sculptor's rather odd interpretation of what a dragon should look like, nothing about it looked out of the ordinary. Still, something about it unnerved Sweetie Drops. It's just a dumb sculpture. She couldn't quite place a hoof on what it was about the statue that set her nerves on fire. It's not symmetrical, she thought, noticing limbs, wings, and horns of different shapes and sizes. Is that what dragons really look like? It seems so... wrong.

The fur on Sweetie's back stood on end as the thing let out another echoing girlish giggle. She started backing away as her eyes were drawn down the concrete figure's tail to the pedestal it stood upon. A second tail, a small tuft of dark gray, poked out from behind the sculpture. She stopped, a grin slowly spreading across her muzzle.

"Sweeeeetie... I am the ghooost of the Dragon King! I will have my reveeenge!"

"I can see your tail, Octie! You won't make it past the door, ready to give up?"

"Never! You try to tag me and my dragon will turn you into ponyback ribs!"

"First, eeeeewww. Second, where are you gonna go? Only way out is through the door!"

"Whatever, you're still wayy too slow!"

"Who won the last three rounds?"

"Come get me then!"

Sweetie cautiously advanced towards the giggling filly behind the statue. As she slowly stepped around the left side of the statue, she saw a dusky gray blur pop out from the right. Acting on instinct, she jumped towards Octavia as the filly juked and took off galloping around the other side. Sweetie scrambled to match her pump-fake, moving to stay between the younger mare and the door. She managed to stay ahead of Octavia but felt her stomach lurch as a hoof caught the tip of the statue's tail. She crashed into Octavia, both fillies going down in an impromptu flying tackle. They rolled into the corner of the room, neither making an immediate move to get up.

"Ooof... Your hoof is digging into my flank."

"That worked a lot better in my head," Sweetie winced as Octavia tried to climb out from under her.

"Can you let me up now?"

"Can you admit that I won?"

"Okay, okay, just let me up!"

Sweetie picked herself up off Octavia and held out a hoof. The younger filly wrapped her foreleg around it and rose quickly to her feet. "Ponyhunt's getting kinda boring. What do you want to do now? We could check out the old crystal mines!"

"Um, I kind of want to go outside, if we can? I haven't seen the sun in almost a week."

Octavia beamed. "Sure, follow me! There's a lift to the top of the mountain, you'll love the view!" She took off galloping, Sweetie scrambled to keep up with the younger filly.

"Hey, wait up!" Two small blurs rocketed out of the room, the second one pausing for a moment to close the heavy steel door behind her. The hallway's guard felt a sudden breeze as the two blew by him, but by the time he looked up they were gone. He let out a snort of disinterest and returned to his magazine.

Inside the vault, the strange statue remained still. To the naked eye, it looked exactly the same as before its home was disturbed. Somepony would have to examine its surface with a magnifying glass to notice any difference. If any sharp-eyed ponies bothered to do so, they might have noticed a few hairline cracks.

"This. Is. Amazing!" Sweetie's breath caught in her chest. "You can see all of Equestria from here!"

Octavia giggled, looking very pleased with herself. "Told ya!"

The two fillies sat at the mouth of a small cave near the peak of Canter Mount. The rocky footing before them gave way to a sheer cliff face, dropping off into the vast expanse in front of them. The sun peeked lazily over the western horizon, a massive burning ball clinging onto the sky for just a few more minutes. The horizon itself glowed a firey crimson, casting long shadows over the Whitetail Woods far below. Off in the distance, the forest gave way to a vast expanse of orange desert, its craggy painted rock formations beacons in the sunset. Sweetie glanced to the north at her hometown, where the sky cooled to a soothing pink, bathing the Crystal Range in gentle light. She spotted Cloudsdale, the mobile pegasus city a glittering sherbet hue. Tiny specks flitted between clouds and rainbows, residents closing up shop for the night. She craned her neck further, looking to the northeast. Pink slowly changed to bright blue as the first nighttime stars began to twinkle, awakening from their daily naps.

All Equestria, laid out before her. All the anxiety she had been trying to ignore all week dissipated. Every quiet, nagging fear of bugbears, of nameless horrors waiting in the dark washed away, all in one moment as she took in the beautiful vision before her.

Like any good moment, this one had a pony just waiting to interrupt it.

"The Princess sure is taking her time with this one, isn't she?"

Sweetie snapped out of her reprieve, looking over to her new friend. Octavia was holding a pair of binoculars to her eyes, staring down the cliff face at Canterlot. The city was awash with golden lights, streetlamps flickering on as the sun slowly dropped below the horizon. A few trains snaked along mountain passes towards the city. Airships blinked with bright strobes, hovering near the vermilion-and-white lighthouse beacon of Canterlot Aerodrome. She spied the castle, but couldn't make out any one pony.

"Can you see her from here?"

"Sure." Octavia hooved over the binoculars. "She's on the balcony of the west tower, the one that hangs furthest out over the edge of the city."

Sweetie lifted the lenses to her eyes and fiddled with the focus knob, bringing the fuzzy blur of the castle into sharp relief. Her gaze traveled up the furthest tower to the balcony, where she spotted a tall white pony with a shimmering mane staring out at the sunset. She could just barely make out the twinkle of a tiara on the pony's head. She saw what looked like a colt trot up next to the Princess, wearing bright golden armor.

"Is that a Royal Guard next to her? She's huge!"

Octavia laughed. "Wait 'till you see her up close! We live in the city and Father meets with her sometimes for work. She's taller than a buffalo! Really nice though."

Sweetie lowered the binoculars, a frown on her face. "It'd be nice to see the castle up close. I don't think we're sticking around tomorrow though, my parents want to catch the early train back to Hoofington so we can start cleaning up the shop."

"You've got to come back to visit then! Maybe this summer, I don't start at Canterlot Academy 'till fall! I'm gonna be boooored, only thing I'm doing over break is taking cello lessons. Mother signs me up every summer, says having me around the house too much makes her mane go gray."

That earned a quiet laugh from Sweetie. "I'll ask my parents! Maybe you can come to Hoofington sometime too, there's great skiing over the winter. So is your mom a doctor like your dad?"

"Nah, she works at Canterlot Academy, it's where they met. Father isn't, like, a doctor-doctor. He used to be a professor of music at CA. He didn't start as a secret agent 'till after they were married. Quit the school and studied all about magical artifacts and crypto-zoology."

"He wasn't always a spy? Don't you need, like, a Cutie Mark in Special Ops to work here or something?"

Octavia giggled. "No, a lot of ponies here used to be in the Royal Guard or whatever but there's plenty who's special talents don't have anything to do with spying or fighting. Mister Cross used to work on the Friendship Express and Mister Story was a writer. Father said it was less about following your special talent and more making sure that other ponies get to find theirs." She shrugged, watching the sun finally sink under the horizon. "Want to head back in? It'll be cold soon, and Father and your parents should be finished up now."

"Sure." Sweetie moved to follow her new friend, glancing down at her Cutie Mark as she stood. The three candies beamed back up at her, showing her skill at sweetening up other ponies' days. Giving other ponies the chance to find theirs... She took one last look at the sweeping vista before her, then turned and trotted back down into the cave.

Sunflower Café
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
One Hour After Lunch Rush

"So yeah, that's how we met. We spent holiday breaks together and we'd hang out anytime I visited Canterlot with my parents. I saw less of her once I graduated, she had her own life going on at CA and I started training for the service. I guess we-- Lyra? Are you okay?"

Lyra's eyes were as big as wagon wheels, two supermassive black holes with tiny rings of gold arond the event horizons. She was vibrating, giving off a gentle hum like somepony had plucked her namesake. "THAT. WAS. SOO. CUTE! YoutwoweresocuteasfilliesIwanttogiveyoubothhugsforeverandwaitifyoutwoweresuchgoodfriendsdoesthatmeanwe'renotBFFs?" She gasped for air.

Bon-Bon blinked. A dozen empty coffee mugs lay in front of her hyperventilating friend. At some point, the waiter must have abandoned efforts to clear the table in a rush to bring Lyra more caffiene. The unicorn found her second wind, again unleashing verbal scattershot upon her best friend.

"Whathappeneddidsomethingpushyoutwoapart?DidshegetallmeanandsnootyatCanterlotAcademyIalwayshatedthosejerksbackatCSGUtheyalwaysbeatusinhoofballandpoloandtheFriendshipGamesandweretotaljerksaboutit!ButitsucksthatyoutwodonttalkanymoreIhatetoseegoodfriendsdriftawaylikethatDoyouknowwhatweshoulddo?ThisisafriendshipproblemweshouldgoseePrincessTwilightandaskherbutwaitnoshesjustthePrincessofNotInvitingLyratoSchoolReunions!MaybeoneoftheotherElementscanhelpbringyoutwobacktogetherMinuetteandIknowPinkiePieprettywellokayImgonnarunovertoSugarcubeCornerandfindherseeyouovertherekbye!"

Lyra was gone in a split second, leaving behind a mint-tinged dust cloud in the approximate shape of a unicorn. Bon-Bon's brain kicked into overdrive in an attempt to process what she just witnessed. It failed, the hamster wheel grinding to a halt as its occupant passed out from heat exhaustion. "What. Just. Happened?"

Sensing an opprotunity, Order Up trotted out onto the patio. All the other breakfast patrons had long since left, with a few scattered lunchgoers still lingering. Best to clear out this table before afternoon tea began. He sauntered over to Bon-Bon, carrying a sheaf of parchment in his magical aura.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Bon. That's one bowl of cinnamon oats and two cups of tea for you, one Appleoosan omlette with daisies, hash hay, alfalfa biscuits, toast with zapapple jam, two bowls Sugar-Coated Flower Bombs, and five pots of coffee for Ms. Heartstrings. Total is eighty-seven bits, not counting gratuity."

Few things in Equestria and beyond could leave Special Agent Sweetie Drops speechless before she had moved to Ponyville. Her mouth moved soundlessly for a minute. She finally found her voice as Order Up waited patiently.

"Is it okay if I throw this on Lyra's tab?"

Author's Note

Dammit, Octavia, you know you're not supposed to play in the containment cell of the all-powerful tyrant. You had ONE job, Octavia!

So, so sorry about Lyra's word salad. Bon-Bon is so secretive about her past, Ly got a little overexcited at the prospect of learning about her friend's childhood. Also, my brain may have melted from shoveling snow.

Blunderball

Sugarcube Corner
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
Hunt for Lyra Heartstrings, T+00h15m

"Sorry dearie, haven't seen her at all today," Mrs. Cake said with an apologetic smile. "The last time Lyra was in here was, oh, three days ago? Buying pastries for her friends at the Town Square Theatre."

"I know I heard her mention your shop," Bon-Bon's muzzle crinkled, confusion written across her face as she ran a hoof through her two-tone curls. She thought back to Lyra's abrupt departure from the café, sifting though the yammering flood of Lyra-speak for any coherent phrases that might provide a clue to her overstimulated friend's destination. "Is Pinkie Pie working today? I saw her over at Sunflower earlier, but she left a few hours ago. I think Lyra's looking for her."

"No, she has the weekend off. It's just me today, Carrot took the foals to spend the day down by the lake," the older mare replied, sympathy written all over her face. If anypony in town could appreciate the exhausting hard work it took to care for a hyperactive, excitable child, it was Cup Cake. She'd been doing it for years. She also had her own kids, but they weren't nearly as much as a handful as Pinkie.

Bon-Bon cast a furtive glance around Sugarcube Corner. The place wasn't overly crowded, but there were still quite a few ponies milling around the storefront, either waiting on orders or munching on pastries around the various display tables. She raised a hoof to her mouth and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"She isn't in the, you know, lower level, is she?"

Mrs. Cake's eyebrows raised at that. She let out a brief chuckle before leaning in and matching Bon-Bon's whisper, "nopony's gone down into the party bunker since I opened shop."

"Are you sure?"

Mrs. Cake laughed. Pinkie Pie was many things, but subtle was not one of them. "That slide leads straight down through the kitchen, anypony using it will make an awful racket. Carrot tried to explain to Pinkie that a trapdoor on the third floor wasn't exactly practical, but you know her. Once that filly gets an idea into her head she won't budge no matter what, bless her heart. Say, how'd you know about her little party chamber?"

Oops! Bon-Bon gave Mrs. Cake a sheepish smile and subconciously reached up and rubbed her neck with a forehoof. Some secret agent you are. It seemed like she was letting her cover slip more and more these days. Back when she first moved to Ponyville, she would never dream of saying anything that would hint at her double life. Granted, when she first moved to Ponyville she didn't say much to anypony, period. Okay, I can fix this. A nice, innocent explanation that doesn't actually explain why I'm familiar with secret underground bases.

"Oh you know, I just picked up on it, heh heh. Pinkie's always popping up out of nowhere all the time, I figured she was using the old Diamond Dog tunnels to surprise ponies. I mean, it's not like she can fly, right?"Perfect. Still got it! "...right?"

While Mrs. Cake seemed to buy her reason, Bon-Bon did not like how long she took to consider the supposed-to-be-rhetorical question. "Well, I suppose it depends on how much helium she's had before she tries. Always keeps us on our hooves, that one! Anyway, I'd check Princess Twilight's castle next. They usually hold court on Saturday afternoons."

"Ok, thank you so much! See you around!" Bon-Bon waved bye as she rushed out the door. She didn't like cutting off Mrs. Cake like that, even with her little faux pas. The Cakes had always been so good to her, encouraging her to open her own business when she realized she wasn't leaving Ponyville anytime soon. They were always friendly and supportive even though her confectionary was Sugarcube Corner's only real competition, though Ponyville's residents had enough of a collective sweet tooth to keep business booming at both stores. The anxiety rising in the pit of her stomach kept her from making small talk with Mrs. Cake though, she was starting to worry about Lyra.

Her friend was always a little... eccentric... but the last month of working on Octavia's theater production had left Lyra overstressed and strung out. Bon-Bon could understand why. Lyra was amazingly gifted at what she did but hadn't ever been responsible for anything more than herself. It must've been overwhelming to find herself suddenly in charge of music for a nationwide production. Ponyville did not lack for an artistic community for such a small town, but it hardly had enough musicians for a full-blown orchestra. With Octavia busy directing the effort as a whole, Lyra had been working small miracles with the few ponies in town skilled and available enough to master the play's score, filling in the gaps with Vinyl Scratch's Swiss-army-mixtable. It was a long trot from her easygoing routine as a freelance harpist, and the wear was starting to show.

Worrisome thoughts flashed through Bon-Bon's head as she trotted through town at a brisk pace, waving idly to friends and aquaintances but never stopping to chat. Lyra's silliness and impulsive nature was one of Bon-Bon's favorite things about her friend, but it hadn't been clashing well with her new job. Happy-go-lucky conversations had turned into jittery, sleep deprived ramblings, and her formerly social party-drinking had increased by a worrysome amount. Her pace quickened down Mane St. towards the giant glittering beacon of friendship and poor aesthetic taste on the edge of town. Bon-Bon then thought of a sleep-deprived, overcaffinated Lyra in the same room as Pinkie Pie. She could see the headlines now: PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP DEAF! LOCAL IDIOTS TO BLAME. She broke out into a dead gallop, sprinting down the path towards Twilight Sparkle's home. Hurrying up the steps, she took a quick breath, smoothed out her mane, and raised a hoof to the golden door.

After a series of rapid, increasingly desperate knocks, the doors creaked open, revealing nothing but a massive entrance chamber.

"Hey Bon-Bon, you lose something?" She glanced down, spotting the small purple dragon grinning and holding the door open.

"Hi Spike, thanks. I did, yes. You haven't happened to see a jittery unicorn around here? About my height, green, manic look in her eyes?"

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. Might need some help refreshing my memory." His grin widened. "Still got any of those crystal candy necklaces?"

Bon-Bon giggled, forgetting her worries for a second. "Not on me, come by the shop when we open tomorrow and I'll have a box for you!"

A regal, slightly irritated voice echoed off the cavernous faceted walls, "SPIKE! NO BLACKMAILING PONIES HERE TO SEE US!"

"I'M NOT!" He turned back to Bon-Bon, "we'll talk." He gestured for her to follow him in, swinging the door open wide. "Lyra's in the throne room with everypony else."

Relief flooded through Bon-Bon, the tension in her muscles fading away. If Spike was joking around with her, then Lyra must be fine. She trotted behind Spike thorugh the long, empty central corridor, taking in the interior Castle of Friendship for the first time. Despite the high ceilings, the place wasn't overly large for a castle. Sure, it dwarfed the old library and every other building in Ponyville by a wide margin, but compare it to the one in Canterlot or the Crystal Palace and it was nothing special. Bon-Bon just couldn't understand how these cavernous rooms and sweeping hallways in what was essentially a crystal tree trunk. Maybe up in the castle proper, but at ground level? Shouldn't there be a spiral staircase or something? And what was with all the crystal anyway? One little city-state appears out of nowhere and all of a sudden crystal is the go-to magical construction material. So many things about this place don't make sense, the magical talking pony thought to herself.

"Uh, Bon-Bon?" Bon-Bon blinked as a claw poked her barrel. They were standing in the doorway of the throne room. Sunlight streamed in though the floor-to-cieling stained glass windows, all displaying a tree design. Six crystal thrones sat around a circular (also crystal) table, a glowing map of Equestria projected into the space above it. Four mares sat in the various seats, staring at her.

"Hi Bonnie!" Lyra waved sheepishly from a throne marked with three apples. A mug of tea sat in front of her, and she seemed noticeably calmer than when she had ran out of the Café.

"H-Hi everypony. Sorry to interrupt, I've been looking for my friend here."

"Please, come in," Princess Twilight Sparkle, seated at her throne, smiled and motioned for Bon-Bon to join them. "I've seen you around town, but I don't think we've been properly introduced. You must be Bon-Bon?"

"I am. Thank you for looking after my friend, Your Highness." Bon-Bon sunk her forelegs to the floor in a proper bow.

"Please, that's not necessary, Lyra and I were just talking about our old school days. I believe you already know Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie?" She guestured at her two friends, both in their respective thrones.

"Yo." Rainbow Dash sat slouched across both armrests, her head propped up by a hoof and hindlegs dangling over the side. It was so lazy it didn't even look comfortable.

"Hi Bon-Bon!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and down in her seat, squirming like a foal in kindergarten. "So Lyra came in for a friendship problem because this super-awesome play her and Octavia and Vinyl and Rarity and I are all working on is keeping her up all night and she's not getting to spend time with her friends like she used to and she and Twilight both used to be friends in Canterlot but then they grew apart and Lyra's worried that could happen again and she hasn't seen anypony from Canterlot for a while even when Twilight and I went up there to throw Moondancer a reunion-slash-sorry-I-was-a-bad-friend party she wasn't there and she says she might be dumping all of her problems on you lately and--"

"PINKIE! I told you that in confidance!" Lyra shouted, an embarrased blush spreading across her mint-green cheeks.

"But I thought that we mmphlmumphmmmfm--" Pinkie's stream of conciousness was cut short by a claw clamping down on her muzzle. "I think Lyra and Twi have it from here, Pinkie," Spike said. She nodded in affirmitave, and the little dragon let her go and took his seat in a smaller throne next to his sister's.

"Thank you, Spike." Lyra nodded at her old friend, then looked back at Bon-Bon. "Soo I don't know if you caught all that, but the Element of Too Much Information there is more or less spot on. Between what's going on with us and everything at work, I feel like everypony's drifting away, you know? I've seen friends grow apart before. Everything's changing, and I don't like it." Her ears drooped as she gazed down at the table, picking at the conduit of Harmony magic with a hoof.

"Lyra, you are the closest friend I've ever had." Bon-Bon brought a hoof to her friend's muzzle, raising her head up to meet her gaze. "I know things have been weird lately, but I promise I will be there for you, no matter what." And thank you so much for leaving out the part that's causing all the weirdness. "I know how hard you're working, and I can't wait to see it finished. You're going to be amazing."

Twilight hesitated, not sure if she should interrupt the moment. "If it helps, I'm so, so sorry I forgot you when I met up with Minuette and the girls. I was so concerned about hurting Moondancer's feelings that I didn't think about yours! If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, don't hesitate to ask."

Tears pooled at the corners of Lyra's bloodshot eyes before she blinked them away. "Thank you," her voice cracked, "I really needed to hear that. Thank you all. Especially you, Rainbow Dash."

"No prob," Dash nonchalantly waved a hoof, earning an annoyed look from Twilight. Lyra reached out, squeezing Bon-Bon tightly before catching Twilight with a foreleg and dragging her into the hug.

"Awwwwwwwwww! This is it! HUGGING TIME!"

"Whoa, Pinkie, what the hay! Don't pull me into this!" *crack* "Owww, watch the wings!"

"Don't fight it, Dashie! This! Is! HAPPENING!"

They split apart, Dash ruffling her wings back into place. Lyra wiped at her eyes. "Thanks everypony. Twilight, I know you didn't mean anything by it, I just haven't been in the best place lately." She gave her old school friend a cautious grin, "maybe we could do the thing? you know..."

Twilight's eyes widened. "Lyra, I wasn't really into that, I mostly just went along with it since it meant so much to you and the girls..."

"Pleeeease? Once, for old time's sake?"

"Okay, okay..."

Bon-Bon frowned. Wait, what?

Both mares took a breath.
"Cee! Ess! Gee! Youu!
Fighting for the gold and blue!
Gooooooo Starswirls!
Two! Four! Six! Eight!
Who we gonna beat tonight?
Canterlooot Academy!"

They shook their forehooves in the air as the cheer ended, then Twilight muttered, "it doesn't even rhyme at the end there. I just don't get it."

"Boo, no school spirit at all. It always put a smile on my face!" While still bedraggled, Twilight had to admit Lyra's smile already seemed a little brighter.

"Lyra, everything put a smile on your face. You and Minuette were, like, the giggliest fillies in Canterlot!"

"Suprised you remembered that, Miss-No-Time-For-Your-Friends! I swear to Celestia, you and Moondancer had books magically bonded to your muzzles!"

"Hey, I remember some stuff!" Twilight briefly paused, thinking back to her school days. "I did read a lot..."

Bon-Bon stared until her brain finished its hard reset. "CSGU's mascot was Starswirl the Bearded?"

"Duh, who else would it be?" Lyra smiled. This, along with her little adventure the previous night, had left her feeling the happiest she'd felt in weeks. She sauntered over to the nearest stained-glass window, tracing the tree outline with a hoof as she chatted with Pinkie.

Bon-Bon watched her friend smile and giggle at something Pinkie said. Lyra seemed relaxed, her goofy grin came easier. She knew that Lyra was having some difficulty adjusting to her new schedule the last month, but she had no idea how scared her friend had truly been. Just a lot of little things that built up and could've been avoided. Oh well, in for a bit, in for a pound. "Your Highness, could I have a word? In private?"

Twilight's expression showed her confusion, but she turned to her friends and brother. "Girls? Spike? Do you think you could show Lyra around the castle? Maybe put on some more tea?"

"Sure thing, Twi!"

"Okie dokie!"

"Eh, alright."

As the four departed the room, Twilight turned back to Bon-Bon. "What's on your mind?"

"I think I should re-introduce myself properly." Bon-Bon snapped to attention, saluting the princess. "Special Agent Sweetie Drops, Office of Clandestine Support of Her Majesty's Royal Service. Currently on indefinite leave."

"Y-You're with the OCS??" Twilight sputtered, "I thought they were shut down! Princess Celestia said their headquarters was demolished right before Princess Luna returned!"

"It wasn't our finest hour. Between the raid on our HQ and our lack of any warning on the Nightmare Moon incident, the Princess thought we were compromised and put a freeze on all our operations. The breakout from Tartarus last year put the final nail in the Service's coffin, Hence, 'indefinite leave'."

"I don't understand," Twilight said, still struggling to take everything in. "If the office was disbanded, what are you doing in Ponyville?"

"Living life, running a small business," Bon-Bon shrugged. "Same as everypony else. I was here on Service business when I got the stand-down order; from what I understand, a lot of creatures and dangerous artifacts disappeared during the disaster at headquarters. One of them was a bugbear with a personal grudge against me. I think you two have met."

"Don't remind me," Twilight grimaced. "I still can't believe we missed Cranky's wedding ceremony."

"Anyway, I needed to stay hidden from that thing and I already had a solid cover here, so I stayed put. The OCS was shut down shortly after, and I've been here ever since. It's not a bad place to start over, once you get used to it. Monster-attack rate is eight times the national average, though."

"Okay, so that all makes sense," Twilight frowned, "but why tell me? Not that i mind, but we don't know each other all that well and your best friend is clearly hurting over some sort of distance between you two. Shouldn't you be telling this to her?"

Bon-Bon stood, hopping out of Applejack's throne and trotting over to examine the further reaches of the Cutie Map. "Lyra knows. I told her what I could, but my missions are still classified material. The Sedition Act of 157 defines the passing of any sensitive knowledge to a pony not in-the-know as an act of treason against the Crown. I want to share my life with her, but..."

Twilight nodded, understanding what the intelligence mare was getting at. "You don't want to put her at risk."

"I told her about my foalhood and how I joined the Service, but any more and we could both wind up in the dungeons. I've already let my job come between me and a good friend once, I don't want it to happen again. Which actually brings me back to the reason I'm telling you this, Your Highness. You said you wanted to set things right with Lyra after the thing in Canterlot? I have an idea..."

Bon-Bon's Confectionary
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
Hunt For Lyra Heartstrings - Complete
Commendations: Equestrian Service Star [Rainbow Dash], Pink Heart [Pinkie Pie], Number One Assistant [Spike]

"Thanks again, Bonnie," Lyra said for what must have been the millionth time as she leaned over the Confectionary's glass display counter. A steady diet of tea since leaving the castle had done wonders for her mood, but she was still running on stimulants and a lack of sleep. "I didn't mean to cause you to open the store late."

"It's nothing, Ly." Bon-Bon waved a hoof from her seat at the register. "A true friend helps a friend in need, right? Feeling better?"

"A little. Not so jittery anymore. No more existential dread or the urge to fix strained relationships either, sooo that's good," Lyra sighed, visibly relaxing. She looked ready to melt off the countertop. "I should've known better. You've been very cool so far about this double-life thing, no way you'd let it change anything between us."

"Yes, you should've," Bon-Bon gave her a mock huff, then her muzzle crinkled with a grin. "But I forgive you. Besides, you and the Princess are on good terms now, that's two out of two! Not bad for a crazy mare."

"Hey!" Lyra blew a raspberry at Bon-Bon, who replied with a knowing smirk. She lit up her horn, levitating her teacup up to her lips and taking a long, satisfying pull. As she placed it gently back on the glass display top, her head began to feel heavy. Gravity was acting exceptionally pushy this paticular afternoon. Always such a drag, that one. Still, she was far too tired to resist the siren song of the most comfortable-looking countertop in Equestria. She let her hed fall gracefully to the table, showing no reaction as her horn hit the surface with a dull thud, the teacup rattling slightly. She pulled her forehooves under her head in a makeshift pillow and let her eyes flutter closed.

"Lyra?"

"I'm good. If I fall off the stool, just leave me on the floor."

"Not what I meant, Ly. I have customers."

"You have a push broom in your closet, right? Just sweep me behind the counter, nopony'll notice."

"What about rehersal later?"

"Octavia left a note for me in your mailbox. Practice is cancelled for tonight, somepony else booked the ampitheater in advance."

"She did?" Lyra detected a faint quaver in Bon-Bon's voice. "Wait, how did she know you'd be with me? And why are you going through my mail??"

"First, when am I not with you? I'm over here, like, all the time. And I didn't open any of your stuff, just the things addressed to me."

"That's not the point! You don't live here."

"I don't see how that's relevant." Despite her head being buried under a pile of forelegs and mane, Lyra could almost see Bon-Bon, muzzle hanging open, wordlessly trying to come up with a reply. She slowly lifted her head just in time for a glimpse of Bon-Bon's 'I give up' facehoof. "Sooo... do you want to talk about it?"

"The mail? I do, but I think a talk about personal boundaries can wait 'till another day."

"No, the other thing," Lyra paused as Bon-Bon raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Octavia."

"Oh! Thank you Ly, but it's a boring, depressing story. It'd put you to sleep even faster."

"Still, if you want to... a true friend, right?"

"We could. Ooor..." Bon-Bon pulled a out a scroll from beneath the counter and slid it over to Lyra, a devious grin spreading across her face. "We could talk about the cool parts of my life."

Lyra floated the scroll in front of her and unrolled it. Two lines of perfect, neat calligraphy, followed by a purple royal seal:

I hereby decree that the unicorn Lyra Heartsrings is authorized to access all information regarding any operations involving Special Agent Sweetie Drops of the Office of Clandestine Service, from January 1, 993, to present date.

Amicorum concordant,
HRH Twilight Sparkle
Princess of Friendship

The scroll drifted down to the countertop as Lyra's magic sputtered and winked out. She stared, unblinking, at the empty space the scroll used to occupy. Bon-Bon hoof-pumped internally in celebration. It wasn't often she got to be the one to leave Lyra speechless.

"So wait... now you can like... and its okay that I..."

Bon-Bon nodded happily. "You're in! If there still was a Service, you'd be Trainee Agent Heartstrings! But for now, you'll just have to settle for being a confidante," she leaned back in her chair, forehooves behind her head, imitating Lyra's usual odd posture. "So, before your nap, want to hear about the time I saved the Seaponies? It has submarines!!!"

Lyra couldn't nod yes fast enough. Her eyes were wide, full of stars. Best. Day. EVER!

Author's Note

So that took longer than expected. Work, travelling, etc. Also, it turns out this writing thing is REALLY HARD. Who knew?

Anyway, a bit of background:

We finally have a name for Bon-Bon's agency, the Office of Clandestine Support of Her Majesty's Royal Service, the Office of Clandestine Service for short or OCS for shorter. Not too flashy, but most spy agencies don't have names like SHIELD or SPECTRE, just the [Blankity] [Blank] Agency of [Blank]. Plus, I liked the way it sounded, similar to the original OSS that predated the CIA. Grandstanding is better left for villans.

The OCS filled the role of 'stopping threats lurking in the dark' in the absence of Princess Luna. This mostly consisted of hunting monsters, fighting the B-squad supervillans Celestia couldn't bother to vaporize, and some standard wetwork against rival nations or organizations dumb enough to oppose a country run by a demigoddess. Times changed, the political landscape shifted under them, and now with Princess Luna back and the Elements protecting the nation/spreading friendship via megawatt-class laser, they're suddenly not needed anymore.

Lyra is goofy, but not THAT goofy. She's just burned out guys, c'mon. One Pinkie Pie is enough.

The 'Commendations' are supposed to be the awards players would get after a split screen of GoldenEye 007. Rainbow Dash gets one for valor despite not doing jack, Pinkie's is a heart-shaped Valentine's Day cookie, and Spike's has a picture of himself giving a thumbs-up a la Discord in "Three's a Crowd".

Any advice, let me know. I'm okay at catching spelling and grammatical errors, but I have no idea how to string a story together plot-wise and I'm a metaphorical one-trick pony when it comes to descriptive language.

Yellow Submarine Part 1: #SquadGoals

Briefing Room 3
Canter Mount Research and Storage Facility
994 C. E.
Threat Condition: Lavender
Cerberus Status: Good Boy

"Good evening, everypony. Thank you for coming," Sweetie Drops addressed the room, handing a manilla folder to each audience member as she paced by. "I understand many of you have other assignments, but the leads I've found here are time-sensitive."

Ponies flipped through the file folders placed in front of them. The cavernous lecture hall had seating for almost a hundred ponies, but only two dozen sat scattered around the first few rows. Cover Story flipped through his file with interest, magically loosening the tie on his charcoal business suit and toying at his watch with a hoof. A senior agent now, his well-groomed mane had a few visible strands of gray. Double Cross looked the same as always, wearing an expression of equal parts boredom and irritation. Sweetie privately wondered if the disgruntled cowpony ever aged. A few seats up and over from the two field agents, Dr. Treble Clef sat with his lab assistant, marking a sheaf of research papers with the pen in his mouth. Ponies from the strike teams sat scattered across the rows, refusing to part with their dark fatigues and pullovers even in this academic environment. At least they aren't wearing armor, Sweetie told herself. She had butterflies in her stomach already, and fifteen blank-eyed gas masks staring at her wouldn't help at all.

At the far side of the hall, two ponies in sea-blue flight suits finished their hushed conversation to give her their attention. Evening Mist, the senior Shadowbolt, folded her hooves across the table and gave Sweetie an appraising look. Slit-pupil rose eyes sized up the newbie agent standing at the front of the room. Sweetie felt a chill run through her haunches, those thestral eyes were always a little off-putting before you got used to them.

"Missy, if this is so urgent, ya mind telling us what we're doin' here?" Double Cross's amused voice pierced her bubble.

"R-right, sorry everypony," She shook her head and turned the lights down, hooving the remote for the room's projector. The device clicked, and an image of a sky-blue unicorn mare with a seafoam mane appeared on the pulldown screen. The pony in the picture wore a safari vest and a tired expression. "This is Professor Bathysphere, formerly chairpony of the Department of Maritime Research at Manehattan University. Doctorates in marine cryptobiology and oceanography, and holds several R&D contracts with the Navy. One year ago, her daughter Conch drowned while the two were conducting a field study in the Aquastralian city of Berth. Bathysphere blamed the seaponies for her daughter's death. She did the whole 'swearing eternal revenge' bit, then left her position at the university and vanished from the public eye. Doctor Treble believed her expertise of magical sea creatures made her a credible threat, and the Director flagged her file at his recommendation."

She clicked the remote, swapping slides to an photograph of a port outside Trottingham with several docked vessels flying the colors of the Imperial Griffon Navy. Several warehouses and one sailing ship were burning, obscuring the sky with an ugly dark haze. "Six months ago, mercenaries raided the Griffish Isles port of Marechester, starting several fires and hijacking the IGS Red Sorena amid the confusion." She waved a pointer towards the corner in the picture, where a submarine was barely visible steaming away from the port, leaving a dovetail wake. "Investigations from the joint pony-griffon athorities on the Isles and our own contacts within the Empire's various kingdoms all suggested that Bathysphere is the pony that commisioned these soldiers-for-hire. Neither our own navy nor the griffons were able to locate the Red Sorena."

The ponies seated across from her looked on with mild impatience. Everything they heard up to this point was old news, they were all familiar with the griffons' latest embarrasment. Bon-Bon cleared her throat, reaching for a glass of water before continuing. "I think I've found the submarine."

That got everypony's attention. She clicked to the next slide, showing two scrolls side-by-side. One bore the crest of the Griffish Isles, the other a distinctive EUP seal.

"Six days ago, the guard captain of Yoke Mountain Armory reported an armed break-in at his base. I've received a copy of the report from a source in the Royal Guard and compared it with the one from six months ago, and I believe they were committed by the same group. All the descriptions of the hostiles' numbers and equipment match up. They were last spotted flying west-southwest over Las Pegasus, and if we extend their current track..." She clicked to the next slide, displaying a map of Equestria for her audience. A solid red line stretched from the San Palomino desert over the western coast, turning dashed as it continued out over the Luna Sea. "You'll see that there is only one port along this track where a ship the size of the Red Sorena could dock without being reported. All others are either too small or too busy. If they are meeting with the sub, it will be here," she pointed towards a tiny island circled in red, "the isle of Trot."

The tension in the room thickened. A few of the commando ponies broke out in hushed whispers to each other. Double Cross chose this moment to speak up.

"Pardon the interruption Sweetie, but that's a helluva conclusion to make and not much to make it on."

"I understand, and I wouldn't have brought you all here if I didn't have anything solid. As soon as I found this last week, I requested an overflight of the island. Flight Officer Mist and, umm, her wingmare... I'm sorry, I never got your name?"

"Night Glider, ma'am." Azure feathers ruffled against the pegasus's flight suit, but she otherwise waited for Sweetie to continue.

"Right, sorry. Um, they just got back last night. I've included copies of their photos in your packets, but in this picture here," she clicked the remote, and the two documents on the projector were replaced with a top-down photograph of a tropical harbor, "you'll see a submarine the size and beam of the Red Sorena moored at this dock." She pointed out the vessel in question on the overhead. "It's been repainted and modified to look pony-manufactured, but this is definitely our missing sub."

Everypony scrutinized the submarine in the picture. It bore the telltale white-and-gold trim and heart-shaped portholes of pony design, but it was unmistakeably the same ship that disappeared from Marechester six months ago.

"Thank you, Agent Drops," Treble Clef spoke as he stood up. "Excellent work as always. Now everypony, I've been in touch with the Director, and he wants this kept quiet until we learn more. We don't know Bathysphere's endgame here, but our current theory is that she's going to use the disguised submarine to unleash sea monsters inside Aquastralia in a 'Trotjan Pony'-style attack. Before I continue," he added as hooves shot up into the air, "launching a 'Trotjan Pony' operation from the city where the original Trotjan Pony was built is not 'ironic', it is merely coincidental. It would only be ironic if she were using it against the Changelings who invented it. Anypony planning on pointing that out will be scheduled for extra sparring sessions with Agent Cross." Double Cross smirked as the would-be smartflanks lowered their hooves.

Sweetie's heart swelled with pride. While she planned and gone out on other missions, this was a whole new level. Routine surveillance and bag-and-tags didn't even compare to tracking down a genuine supervillan! She tried not to jump for joy too much as the doctor ran down his list of suspects.

"...and that concludes the possible creatures in the 'Kaiju' class," he motioned to a new row of pictures; a massive biped with tentacles sprouting from its face, a dragon-like creature with spiky plates along its spinal ridge towering over a city, and a raging funnel cloud with sharks whirling about inside. "Now, while Crab People aren't indigenous to the Luna Sea, it's possible that..."

Maybe there'd be a showdown! Her and the villan, circling each other around the edge of a bottomless pit as they shouted at each other about loss and the duality of ponykind. She would stall for time, keeping the Professor talking while she waited for a chance to strike! She couldn't wait to tell Octavia about this! Okay, maybe I should leave a few things out when I write her, even if her dad's the boss. National security and all.

"...have not confirmed that Bathysphere herself is at the port, we will not engage until she is found. Somepony is financing her, this whole mad-scientist act isn't cheap. Agent Cross will search this warehouse here for any information whie Agent Drops infiltrates the sub itself and places the tracking crystal, Now-"

The butterflies in Sweetie's stomach suddently multiplied. "Wait, I'm the lead? Isn't Cover hitting the sub?"

The room erupted in laughter, leaving Sweetie and the other newbie befuddled. "What's so funny?" Night Glider asked, looking to her flight leader.

"Sorry girls, inside joke from back in the day. Cover worked these island chains quite a lot when we were greenies and it's left him just a biiiit recognizable."

"That's puttin' it lightly, Eve." Double Cross added, "there ain't a tropical paradise out there that don't have Cover's face plastered all over wanted posters and bar tabs."

"Hey!"

"Ooh, don't forget the deflowered governor's daughter! What was she Cov, a countess??" Evening Mist gave Cover a fang-filled leer.

"Hey!"

Treble tapped a hoof against the podium. "Settle down everypony. While we all enjoy pointing out Agent Story's indescretions--"

"Those were all for official Service business!! And she was a duchess."

"--the point is that assigning him the submarine would place the operation at undue risk. Cover, you will enter this security station here and ensure nopony can send any messages off-island. FO Mist, your flight will provide eyes in the sky and cover any, erm, hasty exit should the need arise. Door Kicker, your troopers will remain on ready alert. If the good professor makes an appearance, you will secure her and the ship. Any questions?"

Amidst the chorus of "no"s, Sweetie felt a wave of vertigo wash over her. She numbly colleted her slides from the overhead and packed them into her saddlebags. She had researched this case for months, developed contacts throughout three militaries and criminal networks around the world, all for a chance than do more than track down forbidden magic textbooks or clean out Lich Weasel infestations. But lead? She suddenly wasn't so sure of herself anymore. The exceitement she felt before mixed with an increasing sense of dread.

Somepony must've noticed her one-pony pity party, because she felt a hoof on her whithers.

"Somethin' wrong, kid?" Double Cross asked. "Thought you'd be happy, this thing's yer baby."

"No, I am happy to see this after all the work I put in, but- I, ah--" She searched for the right words. "Why didn't the doc assign you the sub? Or somepony else? I mean, I've never worked a mission this big before..."

"Drops, its been two years in the field and you've more than proven yerself. That thing with the werecows was damn fine tradecraft. Look, the doc would'nt a put you in the lead spot if he didn't think you couldn't handle it. Keep that head screwed on straight and remember we've got yer flank."

"Thanks, I um, I won't let you down."

"Not even possible, kid. You heard about the last time somepony was in the western islands? Jus don't down a bottle of Beakardi or challenge any griffons to hoof-to-hoof and ya'll do better than Cover did."

Cover Story rolled his eyes in a huff as he trotted towards the door. "For the last time, it was part of the mission! I was undercover! As a dockworker! You try to get those ponies talking without buying a few rounds first!"

"Most dockworkers can hold their liquor, Cov!" Evening Mist chimed in before ducking out a nearby window. Night Glider followed close behind, waving sheepishly as she took to the air.

Cover watched the batpony depart with a look of annoyance before turning back. "Always has to have the last word in," he shook his head, "anyway, Cross is right. A mission like this, the demon's in the details, and nopony knows the details better than you, Sweetie." He nodded at the two, then turned for the exit. "Come on, let's head to the armory. The doctor wants us in the air by sundown."

"Ya'll be fine, kid. See ya there." Double Cross trotted along with Cover, the two spies wasting no time to reignite some inane, long-dead argument as they walked off. Sweetie slung her saddlebags over her flanks and hurried after them, already feeling the pit of dread in her gut soften to dull apprehension. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

50nm East of Trot Harbor
15,000ft
Red Sorena Mission: 00d16h35m

Okay, I was wrong! It's bad! It's SO bad!

Sweetie's 'dull apprehension' was back with a vengance. She gripped her seat's harness so tightly her fetlocks turned white. This is it. I'm going to die in this stupid oat-can of a flying machine, and nopony will ever find me. She looked at the porthole window, where she could see nothing except the torrential rain pounding the glass. Lightning lit up the window like a flashbulb, followed by an earsplitting crack-boom over the roar of the contraption's whirling propellers. Wonder who the sharks will eat first when this stupid thing falls to bits? Definitely not the mare with delicious candies stamped on her flanks, right? Sharks hate candy, everypony knows that. Oh roadapples, I'm going to die alone in the ocean.

At that moment, the cabin speakers blared to life, barely audible over the storm. *kssh* "Good morning from the flight deck, folks. We are currently ten minutes out from Trot, which we will be overflying at fifteen thousand feet. Local time is four forty-five AM. Sorry about the turbulence, we can't climb over this storm as the air at altitude would be too thin to breathe for anypony without weather magic. However, I've just spoken to our two cloud-busters ahead, and they say that we should be out of these bumps in the next few minutes. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of the flight, and please remember to take all your personal belongings with you when you exit the aircraft as this flight is continuing on to Trotyo. We know you have a choice when it comes to air travel. and honestly we can't figure out why you chose to sit in the back of an express-mail freighter. *kssh*

Sweetie held the straps tighter as her stomach did a few cartwheels. She woud give anything to be back in a chariot or airship, or even better, on the ground. Unfortunately for her, a ten thousand mile flight over the ocean would cause even the strongest pegasi to faint from exhaustion and zeppelins were far too slow. After another few minutes of tooth-rattling thunderclaps, the sky opened up and everything smoothed out. Sweetie sent a silent prayer to Celestia, then vowed to find the inventor of this torture chamber masquerading as a flying machine and hold their head underwater until the bubbles stopped. She leaned over to the next seat and nudged Cover Story awake.

"WE SHOULD BE LANDING SOON!" Her voice was barely audible over the engines' roar.

Cover raised an eyebrow. "WE'RE NOT LANDING! EVERYPONY ON THE ISLAND WOULD SEE US!"

"THEN HOW ARE WE GETTING TO TROT?" Dots connected in her head, reaching a conclusion she really, really didn't like. As if on cue, a buzzer sounded and the door at the back of the flyer opened. Gale-force winds whipped through the cabin as Eve and Night Glider, finished with tunneling a hole through the storm, flitted through the doorframe and waved the passengers over. As everypony stood and lined up by the open door, Cover Story levitated Sweetie a piece of equipment she hadn't touched since training, something no earth pony in their right mind should ever have to touch again.

"YOU REMEMBER HOW TO USE A PARACHUTE, RIGHT?"

Five Minutes and One Freefall Later...

"Never... again..." Sweetie choked out through clenched teeth as she pulled her harness off. She spotted the others gathering their belongings further up the beach, barely visible in the weak predawn light. She folded her chute with shaking hooves, buried it in the sand, and weakly trotted over to meet them. Double Cross spotted her approach as he dug through his rucksack. "Look who showed up! Ya alright? Looks like yer about ta puke."

"Nope. I'm good. I'm not gonna." She waved his concern off with a trembling hoof. "Puke, I mean."

"Ya sure?"

"Yep. I uh, already did. A lot. Nothing left now."

Cover Story looked up from his map. "The harbor town is on the other side of the old Trot ruins. Once we reach it, we'll each head for our assignments. It'll be your show from there, Sweetie." He put a hoof to his ear. "Sky One, comm check"

"Five by five, Ground One. Tell the new girl not to worry, I'll have eyes on her flank all the way to the sub."

"Ground One, five by five. No molesting the greenhorns, Sky One"

"I remember when this job used to be fun. Sky One wilco."

Both senior agents elected to ignore the embarrased look on Sweetie's face, leaving her with some dignity intact. "Alrighty then. Let's get movin'."

The three ponies trotted carefully through the remains of the ancient city of Trot. The former city-state had prospered under Emperor Incitatus, the shining jewel of the Western settlements. The ponies of Trot were poised to make their mark on history when a Changeling raid reduced them to a footnote, their city trashed and leader left weak and sickly. Lacking Incitatus's bullheaded leadership during the troubled times that followed, Trotjan society collapsed and the surrounding pony colonies slowly disappeared without Trot's hub of commerce to support them. The once-glorious city now lay abandoned save for the occasional tourists or amorous teenagers. Despite their eyes in the sky, the infiltrators did not want to risk drawing attention to themselves. They hugged the walls of the crumbling buildings, always ready to duck behind the rubble of a collapsed pillar or a tarnished bronze statue of the good Emperor.

"Ground team, this is Sky One, no movement. You are clear to the treeline."

"Ground Two, thanks. Sky Two, anythin' on yer end?"

"Umm, Sky Two affirm. Two stallions walking down the main boulevard, they're headed for that intersection one block in front of you." Sweetie heard Night Glider's voice quaver. The newbie flyer seemed more jumpy since they had landed, now that she didn't have any cloudbusting to distract her.

"They mercs?"

"No, I see Guard armor and spears. Maybe local constables?"

"Thank ya much, Sky Two." Double Cross looked back at Cover and Sweetie. "Feel like doin' a little shopping?"

Cover Story considered the offer. "I could use a nice, face-concealing helmet for the stroll to the watch station."

"Alright then. Drops, think ya can take this one? Nopony seems to buy my damsel-in-destress act fer some reason."

Sweetie nodded, feeling her confidence return. Even with her short time on the job, she had plenty of practice pulling one over various local authorities. She dropped her saddlebags and quickly pulled off her ninja suit. "Sure thing, I'll be back in a second." She galloped off as the two took up hiding spots in the crumbling entryway of a bath house. She stopped just short of the intersection, peeking around the still-standing corner of a collapsed building. Two earth ponies were strolling down the boulevard half a block away chatting amicably with each other. Their dented bronze helmets had seen better days, the feathers in their bottlebrush crests were bent at odd angles. Both wore worn-out sets of armor bearing the traditional Trotjan coat of arms. Sweetie mussed up her hair, took a few quick, shallow, breaths, and let out an earsplitting shriek.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!!"

Both policeponies took off into a gallop, bolting down the block towards the scream. They turned the corner to find a hysterical mare, face buried in her hooves, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Miss? Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

"P-P-Please, you have to h-h-help me! I can't-- *sob*"

"We're here to help, Miss. Are you injured?"

"NO! I-I-It's not meeee!" She wailed.

"Everything's going to be okay, Miss. This is Deputy Phalanx and I'm Deputy Shield, we'll do everything we can, but we need to know what's wrong. What's your name?"

"G-G-Gumdrop Smiles. You have to help my s-sister! She's hurt!! She ran into a building and the roof caved in!"

"Can you lead us to her, Miss Smiles!!"

"Y-Yes, follow me!" She took off down the thoroughfare towards the bath house. "W-we were touring the ruins and she was playing around and I told her to be careful but she was too quick for me! I-I can't get to her and I think her leg's broken and it's ALL MY FAULT!!"

"Don't worry, Miss Smiles. It'll be okay." Deputy Shield reassured her as they ran up the stairs and through the bath house's entryway. "If you can show us what room she's in we'll--" *WHAM* He collapsed like a sack of apples. Phalanx tried to cry out in alarm, but found himself in a vice-like headlock with a hoof holding his jaw shut. A sky blue aura floated a rag up to his muzzle, and after a few seconds of struggling, his eyes rolled up to the back of his head and he went limp.

"Thanks for yer assistance, officers," Double Cross stood over the fallen constables, holding his crossbow stock-first. He quickly slung it over his haunches and started pulling off their armor, inspecting one helmet with a massive dent. Cover Story packed away whatever potion he'd used to subdue the other policepony as Double pounded out the dent with a hoof.

"I don't know why ya bother with that stuff, Cov. Whangin' 'em on the head's quicker."

"I'd prefer not to leave every poor police officer we stumble across with a concussion, Cross." Cover attempted to pull the guard's helmet over his head, frowning as he realized his horn was blocking the earthpony-model headgear.

"Eh, there's a spell for that. By the way, good job with the bait, Drops."

Sweetie beamed. "Thanks! I had to work at it in training, I was never a good actor as a filly." She pulled out her ninja suit from her saddlebags. She couldn't fit into stallion-size armor, and Baythysphere's hired goons would never let a policepony near their precious submarine anyway. Cover Story gave his new helmet an annoyed once-over, then punched a hole through the forehead plate with a teal magical beam. "Shall we head into town, good sirs?"

"Sounds like a plan. You're calling the shots from here, Sweetie. You know this town better than either of us." Cover finished tieing up the two snoozing officers, leaving them in an out-of-the-way corner.

"O-okay," she gulped as they continued their journey through the ruins towards Trot Harbor. Her stomach fluttered again, but less aggresively than before. Everything was going fine so far. I can do this.

Author's Note

And then everything went exactly according to plan. Nopony's cover was blown, nothing exploded, and Sweetie didn't have a swordfight with her long-lost identical twin sister who inexplicably sports a facial scar and British accent. Lyra will be so disappointed.

I used the name Red Sorena from a character in the webcomic Dash Academy. The Red October reference was too easy.

And now for Worldbuilding, sponsored by Weyland-Yutani Corporation!

Griffon kingdoms and city-states are independent entites loosely united under the banner of the Griffon Empire. The Griffish Isles of Wingland and Eyrieland is one such kingdom, but hosts a sizable pony population. Hence the city names like Trottingham and Manechester instead of more claw and beak-based puns. The Imperial military is funded and staffed by the individual kingdoms, sworn to protect the greater good for all griffonkind. Still, getting the kingdoms to cooperate on anything is a freakin' nightmare.
Ponies HATE airplanes. They're, like, the worst. Think a 1930's era propliner, but less comfortable and with heart-shaped windows. Throw in a big helping of claustrophobia from a species that evolved to graze in open fields and you can see why everypony perfers airships or their own wings.

Weyland-Yutani: Building Better Worlds (TM)

As usual, hit me up if you caught any minor grammatical errors or massive glaring plot holes.

Yellow Submarine Part 2: Aquatic Boogaloo

Trot Harbor, 994 C. E.
One Fate-Tempting Later...

"Ground Team, this is Sky One." The three spies' ears twitched simutaneously as their radio earpieces crackled. They hunkered down along the crest of the low hill, three sets of eyes peering down at Trot Harbor through compact binoculars.

Sweetie pressed a hoof to her ear. "Sky One, Ground Three, go ahead."

"Ground Three, looks like two police patrols in the residential district and two more at the watch station. Estimate baker's dozen worth of armed bad guys crawling around the docks, and maybe a few more jokers hiding up in the loading cranes."

Sweetie spun the focusing dial, bringing the dock into sharp relief. Two mercenary guards, an earthpony and a griffon, stood watch at the submarine's gangplank. A dozen others scurried between the sub and adjoining warehouses, hauling crates and equipment aboard the vessel. They all looked very unfreindly. Also, very heavily armed.

"Crossbows, rifles, shock spears... I think that griffon up in the crane has a fireworks tube with her." She observed.

"They came ready to party, that's fer sure." Double Cross not-so-helpfully added. "Think ya can bluff yer way past them, Drops?"

"Great idea, Ground Two. Let's turn the new girl into a pincushion."

"Private conversation, Sky One."

"Not my fault you sunlovers are all deaf."

"Well since yer eavesdroppin' anyway, got any bright ideas?"

"Sure, howabout not walking straight through the front door of Goons 'R' Us?"

Double scoffed, "Eve, do ya have to broadcast every thought that floats through that batty brain a' yers?"

"Hmph, fine! So that's how it's going to be? Maybe I'll be too busy minding my own business next time you need an airborne rescue!"

"Oh, fer Celestia's shining flank, you can't play the tribe card! You love scaring day ponies! You threatened to eat Night Glider last week!"

"Context! That's out of context, I was motivating her during training! Sky Two, back me up here!"

"Bossmare, this is Sky Two. I, uh, really don't feel comfortable getting in the middle of this."

"Hah! Ground Team, you should see the look on her face right now! Anyway, where were we? Ground Two being racist?"

Sweetie lowered her binoculars and looked to Cover Story as the other two continued their argument. "Why do we even have radios if she can hear everything we say anyway? We wouldn't have to listen to her otherwise."

Cover sighed, his posture that of a defeated stallion. "I ask myself that same question every day." He put his own spyglasses back in the saddlebags of his stolen police armor and turned to face Sweetie. "So, what's our play?"

"Seriously? You three have been doing this for like, ten years longer than I have."

That earned a sympathetic chuckle from Cover. "That's why we're called training officers, Sweetie. You can't work with a safety net forever."

Sweetie took in the layout of the pier, the position and alertness of the guards, and ran through a mental checklist of her resources on hoof. There were far too many guards to sneak aboard, and they did not seem keen on letting random ponies anywhere near the sub. Donning a flimsy disguise and trying to lie her way aboard could only end with her being roughly dragged into the warehouse for some 'friendly questioning'. Or worse. "I, um, I don't see an easy way in, Cover. That's a lot of bad guys, and there's probably fifty more around the port if we call Agent Kicker for backup."

Cover leaned further foward, poking his snout further above the hillcrest as he strained for another look. "As much as Door Kicker would love for his commandoes to, as he puts it, 'just get straight nuts on some mooks', I agree. Discretion is the better part of valor here."

Sweetie sighed. Anxious as she was, she really didn't want her biggest operation ever to be over before it even began. She ran a hoof through her mane, scratching at a few twigs that had taken up residence during their cross-island stroll through the brush. The Red Sorena seemed to be mocking her, rocking gently back and forth in its mooring at the end of the pier.

End of the pier... The thought rung inside her head. She pulled her binoculars back out and scanned the harbor again, a grin slowly spreading across her muzzle. She sprung to her hooves, galloping as quickly as discretion allowed back down the hill towards their equipment packs. She started agressively digging through it with one hoof while pressing the other to her ear. "Everypony? It's Ground Three, I have an idea."

"...infiltrator, my plot! You can't even hide that redneck accent! 'Boy howdy, General Doomclaw, Ah am a wealthy Manehattan arms dealer and Ah'd sure as sugar love to pardner up on yer evil plan if ya'd just tell me the details!' Because that's what you sound like!"

"Everypony?"

"Least I can blend in! Everytime you try to play spy, ya end up getting chased with pitchforks and torches like yer the Wicked Witch of the Everfree! And I don't sound like that! That's a Ponyville accent, Appleoosan's completely different!"

"EVERYPONY!" Sweetie shouted over the radio. Everypony stared. Realizing she had just yelled at her bosses, (And maybe a cannibal? She still wasn't sure if Eve actually drank other ponies' blood), She shrank back, ears flat against her head. "Sorry..."

"...No, its alright Drops, we were outta line. What'cha got?" Double gave her an apologetic look as everypony gathered around. Two fluffy clouds drifted down from the sky to join the huddle, one steered by midnight-blue feathers and the other by leathery gray-and-rose bat wings. Eve poked her muzzle out of the cloud she wore, looking immensely pleased with her choice of camoflauge. Night Glider followed suit less enthusiastically, wearing an expression that could only be described as 'how is this my life right now?'

Sweetie looked from her two training officers to the ridiculously-attired flyers. All eyes were on her now. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out, pushing her remaining anxiety to the dark recesses of her mind. "I've got a way to get on board, but I'm going to need a distraction..."

"STOP! TROT CITY GUARD! SOMEPONY STOP THAT THIEF!!!"

The mercenary guards shook off the monotonous stupor of watch duty, leveling their weapons and looking for the source of the shouting. The griffon at the gangplank put a talon to her beak and let out a long, shrill whistle, rousing her comrades perched above. Her earthpony partner motioned to a corner two blocks away. In a matter of seconds, six crossbows, nine shock spears, a scoped rifle, and a launcher tube loaded with some very illegal firework rockets were all trained on the street corner.

An azure pegasus with a close-cropped silver mane barrelled around the corner, flying as fast and low as she possiby could. A set of saddlebags whipped in the wind alongside her, straps clenched in her teeth. Two stallions in guard armor were hot on her hooves. As she flew closer, the griffon raised a claw in the air. A split second before she could give the signal to fire, the unicorn cop shot off a bolt of magic, sending the thief bouncing into the dirt. She waved her goon squad foward, approaching the unlucky purse-snatcher as the police tackled her.

The griffoness stood over the pony pile, lowering her bow as she glared at the moaning thief in disgust.

"What are you cloudbrained morons doing?" She growled at the officers, "I thought we had a deal!"

"Sorry ma'am, this one got away from us," the unicorn replied, slapping hoofcuffs on the perpetrator.

"The professor isn't paying you morons to sit around and eat pastries. Keep the townsponies away from this dock. Is that so hard to get through your shiny skulls? GET HER OUT OF HERE!"

"Won't happen again, Miss. Promise." The earthpony said, hauling the dazed pegasus to her hooves. "C'mon, let's get ya into a nice dank cell where ya can think about yer crimes."

The thief shook her head as the guards dragged her along, clearing cobwebs from the hit. "Buckin' cops," she growled, "why don't you just get down and kiss her talons already. Everypony knows they paid you off!!"

The griffoness froze in the middle of giving her associates the all-clear wave. She turned back to the pegasus, giving the defiant mare a sadistic smirk. "Really?" The pegasus shrank back, tough-girl bravado evaporating in the face of a vicious predator. "You know, I think I've changed my mind, boys. I'd like to have a few words with this one about exactly what 'everypony' knows. Privately."

"Look ma'am, I know we're all on the same side here, but we've got paperwork to do and a patrol to keep to, so yew tell yer boss that--"

The mercenary brought a talon under the thief's chin, lifting her muzzle up to meet her gaze. "Two hundred bits apiece on top of your normal 'benefits package'. Just to look the other way."

"Well, what kind of peace officers would we be if we didn't serve the public interest? Deputy Cross, why don't you escort this fine young mare somewhere where they can have a friendly chat. I'll head to the watch station and get started on the paperwork," the unicorn policepony said. "Too bad about all those injuries she sustained resisting arrest," he added. The thief blanched, now openly quaking in fear. The griffoness signaled the other guards back into position, then motioned for the remaining officer to follow her into the warehouse, away from any prying eyes. As she led the way, the pegasus discreetly whispered to her jailer.

"Why do I get stuck with Bimbo Slice?? I'm not even an agent!"

"Cause Eve's the only freakin' threstal in this hemisphere. They see her and the jig's up. C'mon, I ain't gonna let the big bad birdie hurt ya. Now let's sell it." He roughly shoved her towards the warehouse doorway.

As the three disappeared into the warehouse and the other deputy resumed his patrol, the rest of the mercenaries trudged back to their posts in dissapointment. They had been hoping, nay, praying to thier respective dieties/monarchs that something to break up the tedium of sitting on top of an overpriced hunk of steel. A griffon sharpshooter perched in the topsail shrugged to his mate below, resuming his watch of the incredibly boring horizon. As he did, he caught a tuft of pink and blue out the corner of his eye. He turned in a double-take, but saw nothing but the empty deck of the sub below him.

Wait, was that hatch open before? ...Eh, who gives a tailfeather. He hefted his rifle and continued scanning the empty sea.

The two policeponies at the watch station desk barely looked up as Cover Story strolled through the front door. One waved a hoof in his direction, muzzle still buried in a newspaper. "Hey Shield, that you? Sucks you and Phalanx got stuck with the swing shift." Cover gave a noncomittal grunt, avoiding eye contact as he trotted past Trot's finest and down the hallway. "Fresh coffee in the breakroom if you want any." The policepony licked a hoof, turning over the page. He grimaced and turned to his desk partner. "Ugh. Manehattan lost to Buffalo again. Halfway around the world and they still manage to disappoint."

Cover trotted straight down the hallway into the telegraph room. He locked the door and pressed a hoof to his ear, speaking quietly into his mic, "Ground One, in position."

"Suppose I should make myself scarce right 'bout now." Double Cross remarked. The dark, windowless room was lit only by a single harsh lamp, aimed right at Night Glider's face. The pegasus sat at a bare metal desk, hooves cuffed to the tabletop. The big griffoness paced across from her, eyeing up her newest prey. "Just don't leave any marks I can't explain at the station, okay?"

"Sure, sure. One of the lackeys will show you the way out," the griffon waved her claw dismissively. "So, little filly, what's your name?"

Night Glider said nothing, straining against her cuffs and glaring at the griffon with a mixture of determination and fear.

The griffon rolled her eyes. "Listen, kid. I'm not a cop, I don't give a damn about your crook friends. But I am very bored, and if you're not going to contribute to the conversation, I'll find some other way to entertain myself. Now let's try again, I'm Glasgow. What's your name?"

"N-Night Glider."

Glasgow grinned. She set her front claws on the desk, looming over Night Glider. She heard a muffled thump from outside the room but ignored it, not wanting to lose her momentum now that this filly was properly intimidated. "Well Night Glider, you said that my bosses paid off the police on this cruddy little island. Tell me, what else have you heard?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Wow, you want to get to the fun part quick, don't you?" She pulled out a hunting knife and slid the tip along the table next to Night Glider's hooves. The blade screeched horribly. "Maybe I'll just have to show you how I earned the name Glasgow." She heard hoofsteps approach the door and push it open. "What do you think, Dead-Eye? Should we show the little filly how the Blackbeaks do things?"

"I think ya need new lackeys." She whirled around, startled. Double Cross stood in the doorway, holding Dead-Eye's limp form in a chokehold for a second before letting him slide to the floor. "None of yer minions knew where the exit was." He shrugged.

"What in Tartarus are you DOING!?" Glasgow shrieked, jumping to her paws. She advanced on Double with the knife, ready to tear into the smaller pony with blade and claw.

*THWAK**THWAK**THWAK*

Glasgow looked down at the three crossbow bolts buried in her side, shock written all over her face. Night Glider stood with a hoof extended towards her, a small crossbow pistol strapped to the fetlock. "Bad kitty," she quipped. "Forgot to check the cuffs."

Glasgow opened her beak to say something, but the words never came. She collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Double gave Night Glider a look. "Sooo... first kill?"

"Um, yep."

"So that means..."

"First one-liner. I know, you don't have to say it. It sucked."

"Well, it wasn't not bad."

"Uuugh, I can't believe it! I was so nervous about this too, and now it's just over and gone! Ms. Mist kept telling me how a good one-liner needs to be in the heat of the moment, how you can't plan one, but I tried just going with the flow and it was horrible!"

"Look, yer being too hard on yerself. Everypony's first time is a letdown, no way around it."

"I guess you're right. Still, after all that..."

"Tell ya what, why don't we search this warehouse for any big red files that say 'TOP SECRET EVIL PLOT' and then ya can head back up to the sky with Eve? Trust me, if ya stick with her ya'll get plenty more chances fer one-liners."

"Thanks, Mr. Cross. Heh, you said 'plot.'"

"I can see why Eve likes ya."

As soon as Sweetie made it down the sub's hatch ladder, she ducked into a darkened side corridor. Even though the Red Sorena was designed for griffons' larger frames, it wasn't what you'd call 'spacious' or 'not opressively claustrophobic'. Out of sight of anypony wandering the boat's main traverse, she began to slowly peel off her soaking-wet ninja suit. The furious underwater swim to the far side of the sub and climb up to the deck during the tiny window her teammates' dog-and-pony show had alloted her wasn't fun. Still, it got her aboard without a firefight, and now all she had to do was make it to the comm room without alerting anyp--

"Hey, are you one of the new divers? The dive airlock is aft of the conn tower, there's a changing room there too."

Sweetie jumped. A unicorn engineer sat behind her, occupying the rest of her little alcove as he worked on one of a thousand ubliqitous pipes. "Oh! Thank you!"

"No problem."

Okay. Now she just had to make it to the comm room without alerting anypony else, plant the tracking crystal, snoop around for any evidence of what the doctor was up to, maybe find the doctor herself, take her down personally, sabotage the submarine, and sneak back out. Well, maybe not all of that but she liked to dream big. She started off towards the comm room, then paused.

"Um, do you know where the comm room is too? Sorry, it's my first day aboard and I'm just so lost."

"Second deck, amidships."

"Thanks again!" She smiled and trotted off.

Double Cross and Night Glider tore folders of various size out of the filing cabinets in the warehouse's management office. Neither knew exactly what they were looking for, they both skimmed files with the idea that they'd know it when they saw it. Discarded papers were uncerimoniously tossed to the floor, forming a small pile next to the larger heap that was the office's unfortunate previous occupant.

"Hey, look at this." Double Cross glanced up from the reactor-maintenance schedule in his hoof. Night Glider's brow was furrowed in concentration. "It's a telegram transcript between Professor Bathysphere and somepony who goes by 'Management. They keep talking about docking the sub at Berth and 'releasing the Kraken'. But I thought Krakens were huge, right? Like, bigger than dragons?"

"Hmm," Cross scratched his mane. "Yer right, they're bigger'n this whole island. Far as I know, there's only one Kraken left anyways, off the coast of Minos. This doesn't make any sense, why would they paint the Sorena in pony colors if they're gonna sail it into minotaur waters first?"

"Maybe it's code for something else?"

"Maybe. I better call this in. Why don't ya sneak out a skylight and meet up with Eve? I got this covered, and if things get rowdy we're gonna need all the air support we can get."

Night Glider nodded and took off, soaring out the office towards the warehouse's high cieling. Double cued up his radio as he looked over the transcripts. "Ground One, this is Ground Two, got a message fer Base."

Sweetie eased open the hatch to the comm room with the tip of her crossbow, slowly scanning the room in front of her. Making her way through the boat hadn't been easy. She had gotten lucky with the first crewmember, engineers were generally asocial and tended to ignore the greater world around them when focused on her work. She didn't want to roll the dice again, ducking out of sight whenever a guard or wandering crewmember happened by. The first sailor that matched Sweetie's height and build had graciously 'donated' her uniform to the cause, letting Sweetie roam more freely. The unlucky henchmare was currently sleeping off a concussion and compound leg fracture somewhere near the bilge.

Seeing nopony in the cramped comm room, Sweetie slung her bow and trotted over to the longwave radio set. She pulled out her tools, working quickly to remove the front panel. She then started sorting through wires, looking for a good place to install the tracking crystal. She needed to connect it to both a power circuit and the boat's long-range antenna. As she tested a few wires for proper voltage, her radio crackled. "Ground Three, this is Ground One."

"Ground One go ahead."

"Warehouse was a bust, all Ground Two found were some communications between the professor and somepony advising her. Still don't know who or why. Waiting to hear back from our fearless leaders, let me know if you find anything on your end?"

Sweetie tensed as she heard something shuffling behind her. "Ground Three wilco." She took her hoof off her ear and pretended to dive back into her work, ears attuned for anything out of place.

She propped the voltmeter up in front of her. Service infiltrator equipment was often designed to look like something innocuous should an agent be stopped and searched. In this case, the little device resembled a makeup compact. While the makeup part was fake, hiding two wires ending in alligator clips, the mirror was perfectly functional. She pretended to fiddle with the guts of the radio, keeping one eye on the room behind her. She heard a soft thump, and quickly angled the mirror to spot a pegasus clumsily extracting himself from an air vent near the floor.

The cautious stallion slowly crept up behind her as she continued to play dumb. Her eyes narrowed as he extended a trembling hoof towards her withers.

The second she felt the hoof touch her, she sprung into action. She grabbed the hoof in both forelegs, whirling around. The stallion, caught up in her momentum, sailed over her head and crashed into a console. She twisted his hoof around, pinning him.

"AAAAAAAAUGH!"

Faust, this guy was loud. She freed a forehoof and braced it against the back of his head, pulling him back and bouncing his skull off a bulkhead a few times.

"OW! OW! OW! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEE!"

Why is it that the whiny ones never know when to go down? She stopped slamming his head against the wall, instead throwing his lighter frame to the floor so she could work him over with both forehooves.

"OOF! OOF! WAITSAMETEAMSAMETEAM! PLEASE STOP-OOF!-THIS REALLY HURTS!"

She froze, one hoof drawn back ready to strike again. She narrowerd her eyes and grabbed her crossbow, aiming it between the pegasus's eyes. "Talk. Now."

"We're on the same side! I'm Royal Guard, Yoke Mountain Garrison! I was captured in the attack last week and they locked me up in the brig here and ohCelestiapleasedon'tshootmeeee!"

Sweetie stood, backing off the blubbering stallion. She gave him a once-over, keeping her crossbow trained in his direction. Cropped blue mane just a little longer than regulation. Shield-and-lightning-bolt Cutie Mark. Panicked, bewilderd expression. Everything about this pony screamed Guard. Still, she didn't lower her bow just yet. "Name and rank, trooper."

The pegasus still managed to pull off a passable salute from his crumpled heap on the floor. "Lance Corporal Flash Sentry, ma'am. I-ow-I'm sorry I startled you there. I saw you messing with that tracking crystal and figured you were a good guy. Er-girl. Good girl. You know what I mean?"

"I think you learned your lesson," Sweetie rolled her eyes. She lowered her bow and offered Flash a hoof, pulling him up. He wobbled unsteadily as he got his legs under him again. "Agent Sweetie Drops... with the Ministry of Defense."

"Oh, are you a spook? My dad's mentioned them before. I thought you were like, a Navy commando or something." He motioned to her dripping wet mane.

Serously?? Is there some sort of 'friends and family' exception to TOP-FREAKING-SECRET that I don't know about? "Yes, I'm a spook. Not that you should even know that, but I'm kind of in the middle of my biggest mission ever here and this is VERY important to me, so could you be a sweetheart and cover the hatch? We're lucky it was closed, by the way. Doubt anypony heard you."

"S-ow-sure. Got an extra crossbow?"

"I only have the one, Corporal. I dont carry around a stash of weapons with me. You didn't steal one when you escaped from the brig?"

"No, I jimmied the lock when the guard was in the head and came right here to send out a distress call. I heard you coming, so I hid in the vent. Then you beat the feathers off my wings, and now we're here. Why?"

Sweetie's eyes widened in fear. "Wait, you sent out a distress broadcast? Like, on the emergency frequency?"

Flash stared, confused. "Well, sure, why wouldn't I? Needed a ride home, I didn't know some badass secret agents were already here. The Guard's looking for these jerks anyway."

Panic set in. Sweetie grabbed him, snarling. "It's called the emergency frequency for a reason, you moron! Everypony can hear it!!!"

As if on cue, an earsplitting whistle sounded from the sub's speakers. "General quarters, general quarters. All crew to action stations. Prepare to cast off." A klaxon alarm blared.

Flash grinned sheepishly. "Oops?"

She released the rattled soldier, wheeling around. She spotted a socket wrench near the hatch and hooved it over to him. "Take this, we're gonna have company."

Author's Note

Man, poor Flash. Nobody likes him. Just your run-of-the-mill, well-meaning guy who occasionally hits on Princesses or screws up delicate clandestine operations. Guy just can't catch a break.

I mentioned Night Glider having pre-mission jitters the same as Sweetie in the previous chapter, thought that would be a fun way to differentiate the two and give NG some screen time. With her name and design, there's no way she wasn't a Rainbow Dash-level badass before her 'cult' phase.

Any advice, constructive criticisim, mutually assured destructive criticism, don't hesitate to let me know.

Debriefings, Diners, and Disharmony

Dr. Treble Clef,

Congratulations are in order, I suppose. Your team is assigned a simple reconnaissance operation and ends up saving a city from destruction. Nopony in the Service had any idea those warheads were still active, much less that one was missing. I will be meeting with EUP Command shortly to... discuss... the timely sharing of critical data.

The communiqué your agents recovered was troubling to say the least. This villian was clearly not acting alone, and we have no inkling of her partners' identities or motivations. We happened to be in the right place at the right time to stop this plot, and we cannot rely on such luck in the future. Somepony spent a significant amount of resources to aquire that weapon, and I want to know why.

In the meantime, I wish your agents a safe return to the homeland. Please offer my congratulations to Agent Drops, I understand she has graduated to full operational status? Assign her a team and place her into rotation, we need all the good ponies we can get out there. The clock is running out on far more thousand-year prophecies than I am comfortable with.

And Doctor, I understand your ponies made the best of a poor situation, but do remind them that we are a clandestine outfit? This is the third midday shootout in as many months. Prince Blueblood is not a miracle worker, if this keeps up the press will eventually notice.

Regards,

-Director Fancypants

Sunflower Café
Ponyville
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
The Morning After Bon-Bon Started That Story (Feels like it's been longer, right?)

"Oh Em Cee, you really blew up a submarine? That's crazy! Like, Discord-level nuts!"

Bon-Bon smiled as she sipped her teacup. "I really did. It was an interesting weekend."

"Bonnie, an 'interesting weekend' is a when the girls visit from Canterlot," Lyra pointed out through a mouthful of daisy-and-mushroom omelette. "That's wayyyyyy past 'interesting weekend'! You were like, 'yeah what's up evil jerks, I'm totally one of yous guys', and they were like, 'nuh uh!' And then you were all 'I don't think so!' And they got, like, super peeved and..." She gesticulated wildly with her hovering fork, tossing bits of egg and vegetable around the patio table as her train of thought slowly derailed into exaggerated sound-effects. "Smash! Fwoosh! BOOM! I mean, on a scale of One to End-of-World-Party, that's at least a Magical-Guitar-Solo-Duel!"

"Magical guitar duel?" Bon-Bon asked as she leaned her head down to nibble at a piece of toast.

"It's a thing! We used to have them at the School for Gifted Unicorns. Some upperclassmare won, like, every single time until she dropped out of school a few years ago. Sunny... Something. Sunset Sparkle? No wait, I'm thinking of Twilight... anyways, not the point. They're a-mazing, but your spy job blows them out of the water!"

"It's not always like that," Bon-Bon replied. "Actually, it's usually pretty boring. Lots of paperwork and analysis. The field can be dull too, most of my earlier missions were spent meeting informants or tagging monsters for the commando ponies. My first assignment in Manehattan was just to assist on a routine ghostbusting, for example."

"Really? Booo-ring."

"I know, right?" Bon-Bon snorted, almost spraying her friend with tea as she tried not to laugh. "We trotted around an old mansion yelling 'Maybe we should split up to cover more ground' for a few hours! Then boo, trap, done, time to go home. Most underwhelming undead ever. So, guitar duels? I thought I was the one with the double life, now I find out you're secretly a rock star?"

"Hah! Not my kind of strings, filly. Sorry to disappoint. They made the school dances awesome, even if the same mare always won. 'Rock Showdown' was one of the few events where we could beat Canterlot Academy. It kinda sucked having the Princess for a dean, she always made us play fair even when those douchey slop-troughs were stacking the deck."

"Oh, and I was so hoping you'd whip out a guitar and start playing power chords on top of the table. Also, my oldest friend-slash-your current boss went to CA, so play nice..."

Lyra rolled her eyes and waved a hoof, accidentally flinging a floating forkful of hash hay clear across several tables. "Oh come on, it's not like that, its just a school rivalry thing!" She continued, oblivious to her projectile and the cries of "the HORROR!" that followed its landing. As a trio of ponies collapsed to the floor in shock a few feet over, she leaned in conspiratorially. "Buuuut, if you want to talk secret rock stars, you'll never guess who plays in her off-time..."

Treble,

I can't thank you enough for your agency's assistance. Your ponies brought one of my Guardstallions home safe and sound, and stopped a disaster caused by our own carelessness. You have no idea how sorry I am that we kept you in the dark. The clearance on those damn bombs was so high only a few ponies on the base itself were need-to-know, and they're still picking up the pieces from the raid. As far as everypony else here was concerned, Yoke Mountain was just another ammunition depot. Listen, the EUP owes your outfit big time, as do I personally. Whatever you need, troops, artillery, an airship and a squadron of Wonderbolts, just say the word.

My officers are selecting candidates to work with your ponies so this mistake won't happen again. LCpl Flash Sentry will be included in this detachment, if that's acceptable. He managed to get caught up in your Agents' operations and lived to tell the tale, that gives him more experience in your world than most of my infantrystallions. Hardly standard procedure, but we both need trustworthy ponies on this. If a stallion can't trust his own son, than who can he?

Once again, as a friend and father, thank you. You have my eternal gratitude.

Fratres in Aeternum,
General Stalwart Sentry
Royal Guard of Equestria
Chief of Staff, Earth-Unicorn-Pegasus Joint Operations Command

P. S. Your Director paid HQ a visit yesterday afternoon, and now three of my staff officers have been diagnosed with PTSD. That stallion is terrifying. Some heads up would be appreciated next time.

"No. Bucking. Way." Bon-Bon stood, forelegs on the patio table, eyes wide with suprise.

"Crazy, right? You'd never think she was the type! Maybe Minuette," Lyra giggled, "or me! We've both got that showmare personality."

"So what, she just threw on mane and tail wigs and nopony in the school recognized her??"

"Well, a lot of us figured it out, but we kept quiet 'cause we liked her shows. That filly can rock out! Her poor coltfriend, though... guy was in love with her stage persona, and he never realized they were the same pony!" Lyra wiped her muzzle with a napkin, then tried tidying up her side of the table for a minute before declaring it a lost cause. "Should we pay the bill and get going? I think I owe Order Up a nice tip for this."

"Ly, if you paid him what he deserves, we'd both be broke and living in a wagon down by the river."

"You are a mare of wisdom," Lyra said as she dropped a stack of bits amid her mess. "Back to the shop, then?"

"Hm," Bon-Bon remarked as she glanced at the Café's wall clock. "I don't have to open for another two hours, want to take a walk around downtown?"

"Sure!" Lyra exclaimed. "I should head by the theater anyway and grab some of my sheets for tomorrow. We might actually make some progress now that everpony's had a day to relax!"

Bon-Bon nodded, dropping her own tribute to Order Up on the table as they turned for the exit. The waiter watched them go with a suspicious look, his narrowed eyes darting back and forth between the two mares, the mess they had left, and their golden peace offering. As they passed the hostess stand on the way out, he gave Bon-Bon a tiny nod, signalling his acceptance of their gift. She acknowledged with a nod of her own before quickening her pace to catch up with her chatty friend.

"...and I've had my eye on a new tuning key, might stop in the music shop. Maybe we can hit the stalls, do some grocery shopping! Carrot Top has her booth up today, we can say hi to her." Lyra mused as they trotted under the midmorning Ponyville sun.

"That sounds lovely. I need to pick something up from Time Turner's first, let's meet up at the stalls in thirty minutes?"

Lyra gave her friend a quizzical look. "You sure you don't want to come with me to the theater? The setup's pretty impressive. For as much of a workhorse as she's been, Octavia really--oh... sure, it's no problem, see you then!"

"Thanks. I'd love to see your work, but I really do need to get to Turner's place before he leaves for the day. Don't worry, we'll do some shopping after! See you soon," Bon-Bon waved a hoof at her friend as she trotted off towards the town's performing arts center. It was odd that Lyra let the issue drop so easily; her friend was pushier than two goats at the edge of a cliff and she tended to miss subtle--or obvious--social cues. Just when you think you have somepony completely figured out...

Octie!

It's so good to hear from you! I've been stressing out for WEEKS over this big [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] and now that it's finally all over I can't wait to see you again! I'll be in Canterlot the morning after tomorrow but your dad has us doing this whole After Action review thing, plus I have to meet with the promotion board. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule back to Canterlot time instead of [REDACTED] so with any luck we can meet up as soon as that's all done! Homecoming weekend at CA sounds like a lot of fun, I'm so excited!

Lots of love from {DATA EXPUNGED},

Sweetie

Octavia Melody trudged through the double doors of the Ponyville Theatre with a heavy sigh, wondering, not for the first time in the past few months, if perhaps this whole play was a mistake. Nopony warned her that directing would be so exhausting. Corraling part-time actors, musicians, and stage crew would be bad enough for a local production, but Lullaby for a Princess was selling out in Manehattan and Canterlot. She had only managed to aquire the Ponyville production rights through Rarity's Bridleway connections. Think of the embarassment, the shame, if her version bombed! She could never look her Orchestra mates in the eye again! She would be a pariah, the name 'Octavia' added to every blacklist from here to Applewood! The stakes were high, but she wouldn't have minded so much if she could just catch a bloody break.

For the last month, her life had slowly devolved into a nightmare of delays, compromise, schedule coordination, and unpredictable actresses and crew. She couldn't rightly ask her cast to put their lives on hold for her, not without a major increase in the payroll budget. Coordinating her adaptation with the main production in Manehattan was difficult and time-consuming. She had seen the set go through three Cutie Mark Crusader-related structural failures. Her special-effects pony was a pompous twit, her band's first chair a scatterbrained Valley mare, and while the actresses playing Princess Celestia and Luna both posessed amazing singing voices, they were an insecure wreck and a prima donna, respectively. She was quite pleased with her choice for the role of Discord, but the runner-up for the part seemed to take his rejection personally.

All that, she could handle. What she couldn't handle was said runner-up booking the theater out from under her muzzle and using it to put on his own show. A show which she could easily hear from her backstage office and was currently grinding her down to her Very. Last. Nerve.

"Good mor-ning, Miss Melody!" A jovial voice cried out. The Master of Chaos leered at her from the stage, floating and twisting his mismatched serpentine body in the spotlight. "So wonderful for you to join us! I daresay I could use a more receptive audience," he gestured to four cardboard cutouts adorned with poorly-drawn caricatures of ponies. The cutouts appeared alive, shaking their hooves at Discord and heckling him with high-pitched gibberish. He crossed his forelimbs and blew a raspberry at the unruly audience, twisting in midair to avoid a few rotten apples hucked his way. "The nerve of some ponies..." he growled, then shook his head. Reassuming his plastic smile, he turned back to Octavia. "Soo... how's the little play going?"

"It's going horribly and now I've lost another day to prepare because you stole my stage out from under me, you brute!"

"Miss Melody, I'm shocked that you would accuse me of such a henious crime! You wound me," he placed his forelimbs over his chest and sagged in midair, eyes squeezed shut and tounge rolling out as if he were dying. He popped open one eye to guage the crowd's reaction, seeing that absolutely nopony was buying it. "Haven't you heard? I'm a new draconequus now! A model citizen! No more rule-breaking for me!"

"I know. Everypony knows. You've reminded the town of that on a regular basis ever since you stabbed us all in the back and left us at Tirek's mercy." She stared daggers at him. While the mischief maker had shaped up his act since then, Octavia's patience was rapidly nearing its end.

Discord deflated, his liveliness visibly drained away as Octavia watched. "Touché, Octavia. Touché." He perked back up a little. "But since then I've dedicated myself to earning back everypony's trust! Why just last week the Ponyville Pet Adoption Center applauded my volunteer efforts!"

"Ah yes, speaking of that, where is your parole officer?"

"Visiting her mother in Cloudsdale," Discord waved away the question, "but the point remains, I've changed! I can assure you, when I submitted my rental request for today I abode by every bylaw of the Equestrian Performing Arts Association. No chaos involved."

"You travelled back in time to submit your request before me!"

"Ah, but that is a law of physics, not theater," he corrected. "Completely different. Besides, I'm hardly the only one in town who breaks those rules."

Octavia massaged her forehead with a hoof. "Look, I understand you're upset you didn't get the part, but Mr. Magnet is a gifted actor and you didn't even bother reading the script! It was nothing personal."

"I think I can be trusted to remember my own life, Miss Melody."

"You did not grow five hundred feet tall and hooffight a giant robot piloted by the Princesses!"

"Ugh, revisionist history." He grimaced. "Anyhow, that's all water under the bridge. I understand your choice completely."

"THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS!?" A vein in Octavia's forehead throbbed in anger.

Discord put on yet another mock-offended face, gasping in idignation. "Why, love of the arts, of course! Surely you must understand, as a fellow artisté yourself?" He snapped his eagle talon, materializing a stool below him. He floated down to it, and with a second snap and flash of light, he materialized a microphone and a thick tome in his asymmetrical forelimbs. "Take a seat! You're just in time for the encore." He grinned evilly and crossed his dragon leg over his goat hoof. The title on the worn cover read The Complete Reference Guide to Words, Phrases, and Actions That Drive Octavia Melody Insane, Volume One. "Ahem," he cleared his throat. "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Ain't. Like, totally! Irregardless. Moist. Moist moist moist moist moist moist moist moist..."

Octavia's eye twitched. Everything went red. "RAAAAAAAAAAGHH!" She screamed at the heavens and stomped past the stage towards her office.

"Moist moist moist moist moist moist..." Discord's voice followed her backstage. She ground her teeth together. Reaching her office, she stormed inside the darkened room and slammed the door shut.

"Well well well, I've been expecting you..."

Confusion momentarily overshadowed rage in Octavia's mind. She turned to her desk, where her high-backed swivel chair faced away from her. In the darkness, she could just make out a mint-green horn poking out above the chair. Hooves clicked together, illuminating the room's lamp. The chair slowly rotated around, revealing a smirking Lyra Heartstrings sitting in her usual strange posture. Her hindlegs were crossed, her foreooves pressed together as she leaned foward. "I think we--whoa." She recoiled as she noticed anger boiling off Octavia. Her 'villian smirk' vanished instantly. "You know what, I actually haven't been expecting you at all? I think I got the wrong office, I'll just let myself out..." She moved for the door.

"Sit. Down."

Lyra felt her flank plop to the floor.

"What are you doing here, Heartstrings?"

"I, umm, actually, I well... I needed to pick up some of my sheets!" Score one for Lyra! "Yes, to go over them for tomorrow! That and nothing else!"

"And that involved breaking into my office and ambushing me why?"

"I... thought they were in here?" She tried to hold her wavering smile under the assault of Octavia's withering glare. It didn't last long. "Okay, okay! I wanted to talk to you! About Bon-Bon! Well, I guess she was Sweetie Drops back then. Please just stop looking at me like that!"

Octavia wasn't sure what she was expecting from Lyra, but it wasn't that. Her mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments, her anger forgotten. "So, she finally told you, then?"

"Um, guess so."

The two stared at each other as the clock ticked by. Neither knew quite what to say.

Octavia broke the silence first. "I'm happy for the both of you, but I really shouldn't talk about Sweetie behind her back."

"Bonnie won't talk about you. You both've lived in town for two years and I've barely seen you speak to each other." Lyra sighed. "What happened that was so awful? From what she says, you two were best friends as fillies."

"It wasn't like that, I bear her no ill will," Octavia reassured her. "Sweetie-- ahem, Bon-Bon and I simply grew apart. We led very different lives." Lyra relaxed a bit. "Well, maybe not completely different anymore. Ponyville has quite the record of invading villians."

Lyra giggled. The room fell silent again as both ponies considered their next words.

"moist moist moist moist moist..."

Octavia felt a wave of frustration return. "Let's make a deal, Lyra. If you would be so kind as to cast a Soundproofing spell over my office, I will gladly explain my history with Sweetie."

Author's Note

Discord really doesn't need chaos magic to cause chaos. His personality alone is enough to land some ponies in the Ponyville General psych ward. It's more a style choice.

If he shows up again, it will only be for a cheap laugh or something else only tangentially related to the plot. (What little plot this thing has, anyway) The tier-one cast could've mopped the floor with some mercenary punks, so they get sideline roles.

You know the drill, Questions, advice, etc, leave a message. Orders for the Soundproofing spell, now only 19.95 for a limited time offer, call the eight-hundred number.

Old Friends, New Friends, Gray Friends, Blue Friends

Canterlot Aerodrome, City Outskirts
994 C. E.
Docking Bay 24

"Never... again..." Sweetie choked out as she stumbled down the gangplank to the Canterlot Aerodrome arrival docks. Her rucksack and saddlebags felt as if they were stuffed full of rocks, and every step she took sent her head spinning. She stumbled on shaky legs, the weight on her back threatening to send her tumbling head-over-hooves down the narrow walkway. The airship Eagle Eye bobbed gently in the mountain winds, rocking Sweetie to and fro as she tried to disembark. She felt her stomach do a few backflips and siezed the guardrail with a fetlock for support. She leaned her weight against the railing, breathing rapidly through her nostrils, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Directly below the dock, crowds of ponies bustled to and fro along the suspended walkways of Canterlot's lower tier. Below them, the city's structural supports quickly gave way to a sheer rock face and a terrifyingly long drop into the Everfree Forest. A breathtaking panorama, but not one to take in while suffering from airsickness, vertigo, and a Eyrish whiskey hangover.

"Jeez, are you okay?" Flash asked from behind her, unsure of what to do. He hadn't been on the flight out to Trot to see Sweetie's impressive display of motion sickness.

"I'll be fine, just give me a sec..." Sweetie managed to choke out.

"Can you at least make it down to the dock, ma'am?" Night Glider asked as she fluttered over to help. "You'll feel a lot better with solid ground under your hooves. Just, uhh, don't look down." The dock was only a few feet further, if Sweetie could just make it a few more seconds...

*Uurkk*

*splash*

"Sweet CELESTIA! THIS WAS A FIVE-HUNDRED-BIT HAT!"

Too late. Night Glider hooved Sweetie's mane back as the she shakily wiped vomit from her muzzle. "Nice aim, ma'am. You should've become a Shadowbolt instead of a field agent. We could use a bombadier with your skills."

"Right, because flying and I get along soooo well," Sweetie replied weakly. She waved sheepishly to the unlucky pony below as she regained her equilibrium. The airship hadn't been that bad, but on the last night of the voyage the ship's first mate had convinced the ponies to celebrate their good fortune in Trot. One toast turned into many, and now the same first mate was clucking with laughter at the airship's passenger hatch, mocking Sweetie's misfortune with his crewmates. "I am going to kill Gaoth." She put on an exaggerated Eyrish brogue, mocking the griffon's accent. "'Come now, lass, a bit o' drink won't hurt ye! Helps steady the nerves and put feathers on ya chest!' I don't care if we're allies, that turkey is dead."

"Isn't he half turkey vulture?" Flash mused as Night Glider guided Sweetie down onto the docks.

"Sentry, you still have a broken wing and it's a very--"*urp* "--very long fall off the side of the city. Just ask Hat Guy down there." Sweetie shook a hoof at where she assumed Flash was standing, being too busy dry heaving to actually check.

"Okay, okay, not the point," Flash groused. He didn't take the threat too seriously. Even if Sweetie meant it, (which she absolutely did) she wasn't in any condition to be throwing Flash anywhere. "Does your secret ninja headquarters have a clinic or something? I'd like to get this wing checked out."

"We do, but wouldn't it be easier to go to the Guard hospital at the garrison?" Night Glider raised an eyebrow at the guardspony as she eased Sweetie off the guardrail and back on all fours, guiding her down the gangplank.

"Sweetie said your boss wanted to meet with me." The miserable earthpony nodded in agreement. "Besides, Canterlot isn't my favorite city in Equestria. Once we're done at Spook Central, I'm stopping by the Headquarters building to let my dad know I'm okay, then I'm on the next flight back west."

Night Glider blinked in suprise as she let go of Sweetie. With stone beneath her hooves again, Sweetie breathed a sigh of relief. Now she had nothing to worry about except multiple bruises, broken ribs, and exhaustion setting in from her little round-the-world vacation. Oh, and the hangover. Can't forget that.

Intrigued, Night Glider gave Sweetie one last pat on the back and continued her questioning. "What do you have against Canterlot? It's the best posting in the Guard, most ponies would kill to be stationed there. You'd rather live in a hole in the middle of the San Palomino Desert?"

"I like hiking," Flash answered, his evasive tone suggesting that he was more interested in ending the conversation than the great outdoors. "Why does he want to talk to me anyway?"

"He wants to hear your side of things," Night Glider told him as the three ponies came to a stop a short distance from the airship's ramp. Their respective superiors were still aboard, gathering belongings and saying goodbyes to various friends and aquaintances among the griffon crew.

"Nothing to worry about," Sweetie added. A few deep breaths and a swig of water did wonders for her disposition. While moments earlier she was planning violent, bloody revenge on everypony surrounding her in her distressed state, the urges faded as quickly as her motion sickness. Now it was simply a fond memory. Maybe a nice project for a rainy day... "It's not like we can just make you forget everything you saw, right?"

Flash shifted uneasily.

"...Maybe one of the stormtroopers knows a Neuralyzer spell..." Sweetie continued, lost in thought. "Or I guess Dr. Clef could just lock you up in a containment cell. Same result, really."

Flash was mostly sure she was joking. "You ponies are all crazy, you know that?"

"Yeah yeah, we've all heard that one before," Double Cross remarked as he and Cover Story trotted over from the rear of the airship. Both ponies were laden down with overstuffed saddlebags, rucksacks, and miscellaneous pieces of spy equipment and survival gear. "Flash Sentry, yer about to enter a world few ponies know exist. Th' Office of Clandestine Support are the thin line between these here ponies' happy lives and the monsters lurkin' in the shadows, blah blah blah sworn to serve at th' behest of Her Majesty Princess Celestia and so on. The full spiel takes forever and we all spent three days cooped up inna stinky flyin' soupcan."

"What my partner is saying," Cover Story interjected, "is that we need to swear you in on our operations before we can bring you into the Canter Mount facility."

"What he said," Double held up a a copy of the Equi Carta towards Flash. "Ya know the drill, guardpony."

Flash rolled his eyes, placed his right forehoof on the document, and intoned from memory. "I, LCpl. Flash Sentry, swear to never speak of any confidential information I am entrused with, in the interest of the safety and security of the Kingdom of Equestria and her citizens. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Now can we go see Doctor Von Doomsday?" He gave a lopsided grin in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Clef. His name's Dr. Treble Clef," Cover corrected with an exasperated sigh. He began trotting towards the Equestrian Revenue Service building in downtown which served as the surface entrance to OCS headquarters. The others followed, Flash slowing his pace to match Sweetie's. He lowered his voice to a whisper for a private conversation with his... friend? Was 'friend' a good word for a pony that beat him up and stuffed him into a torpedo tube? Only one way to find out.

*psst* "Sweetie! Hey, Sweetie!"

Sweetie perked an ear. "What!?" She hissed back at him from the corner of her mouth.

"Your boss isn't like, actually a mad scientist is he?"

Sweetie snorted at the ridiculous idea. "Of course not, featherbrain! He's just the pony who runs the base! Not everpony with an advanced degree in the espionage community is automatically a supervillian!"

"Thanks. That makes me feel a lot better."

An evil grin spread slowly across Sweetie's muzzle. "Unless you count all the ethically dubious experiments he conducts. Or the paramilitary force he commands with virtually zero oversight. But besides those, nope. Not a supervillian at all..."

"Oh, horsefeathers..."

* * * * *

"Don't forget, Agent Drops; bed rest is mandatory. Twenty-four hours, and light duty for the next week! If you re-fracture those bones in the sparring ring, you have nopony to blame but yourself!" The nurse called out at Sweetie's retreating backside. She waved a hoof at the concerned medical pony to show that she had, at least, heard the advisement. Too many OCS agents wound up at the Canter Mount medical clinic due to the physical nature and inherent danger of the job. Too many of those wound up back at the clinic after being released due to their tendency to ignore the equine body's need for a proper healing period. The doctors' spells could heal burns and breaks, but no magic could erase the stress and fatigue field ponies put themselves through on a regular basis.

Sweetie trotted down the brightly-lit hallway towards the bachelor agents' dorms. For the first time since she escaped the Sorena, she felt good. Her barrel no longer hurt and she wasn't being shot at. The clinic staff had even been nice enough to set her up with an IV that kicked her hangover. I need to get their recipe. She even had week off, doctor's orders, in which she could catch up with Octavia! Sweetie upped her trot to a gallop, quickening her pace through the winding caverns. The sooner she dropped her belongings off at her room, the sooner she could head topside to the city and meet her oldest friend. As she rounded a corner after the Anomalous Artifacts/Pre-Celestial Era vault, she suddenly tripped over a hoof. Her vision swam as she stumbled, barely staying on her hooves. She shook her head and blinked, trying to straighen out the hallway in front of her.

Okay, maybe bed rest wasn't such a bad idea.

"Hey, ma'am!"

Sweetie whirled around, startled. She braced a hoof against the wall to steady herself as the base wobbled around her again. Yep, nap first, then Octie. She pressed her eyes shut for a second, then opened them to spot a midnight-blue pegasus trotting out of one of the briefing halls. "Hey, Night Glider. How was the debrief?"

"It went fine. Dr. Treble congratulated all of us. Asked everypony to keep it quieter next time, though." She ran a hoof through her permanently-windswept mane. "I got the impression this happens a lot? This is my first year in the Shadowbolts."

"You could say that," Sweetie smiled. "I've only done smaller missions before now, but from what I can tell, nothing goes as smoothly as it does on a chalkboard. Or in a lab. As long as we stay out of the papers, he's happy. C'mon, let's walk. I'm heading to my dorm." She motioned for Night Glider to follow her.

"Sure, mine's that way too." Night Glider trotted alongside Sweetie. "The doc also gave us our next assignments. Once your promotion goes through, I'm assigned to your team. Looks like we'll be working together again."

"Really? What about Evening Mist?"

"She's training a new squadron, Mr. Cross and Mr. Story are heading to the Amarezon Basin next week. Looks like it's you and me. And Flash," she added as they trotted past the entrance to the Tartarans and Sapient Threats cellblock.

"Sentry??" Sweetie stopped and stared at Night Glider.

"Y-yeah, they're making him a liason or something. Doc seemed pretty impressed with him."

"Great," Sweetie muttered. "They're promoting me to babysitter."

"He didn't seem any happier about it than you are, ma'am. He wasn't bad for a guardspony, you said yourself he held his own on the Sorena. Didn't he save your life?"

"Yeah, once." Sweetie admitted. "Maybe twice. That's not the issue, he's just so clueless and annoying. It was like a Colt Scout following me around."

"He'll get better with time, ma'am." Night Glider rolled her eyes as they reached the base's dormitories. "We all do."

"I suppose I should lay off the dummy a bit. And please, Night Glider, I think we can skip formalities after the week we've had." Sweetie found she rather liked the flyer. She spoke her mind and wasn't aloof around the field agents the way most Shadowbolts were. Or... whatever Eve was. "Call me Sweetie. Or Drops, if you'd prefer."

"I think I'll go with Drops. Calling you 'Sweetie' sounds like we're special someponies." Night Glider grinned.

"Fair enough," Sweetie said as they turned the corner to her dorm's hallway. "Were you in the Guard, if you don't mind me asking? You seemed to know a lot about them before."

Night Glider shook her head. "Wonderbolts. I served in a rescue flyer squadron for a few years; rode around on carrier airships, found lost campers, that sort of thing. Didn't quite have the speed for the airshow team, though, they turned me down after my second time through the Academy. I met Bossmare a little while after that, and the rest is history."

"Oh," Sweetie replied, unsure of what to say. "Well... their loss. Wind Rider doesn't know what he missed out on."

"Thanks," Night Glider gave her a small smile. "Is this you?" She asked as they came to a stop near a plain numbered door in the dormitory hall. Sweetie nodded. "Guess I'll let you get some shut-eye then. Soooooo... friends?" She held up a hoof to Sweetie.

"Friends." Sweetie bumped it.

"Cool! Anyway, I'm looking foward to-- oh, for moon's sake..." She stared across the hall. Sweetie turned to see what captured her attention.

It was Eve, pink eyes pink...er and puffy as she sobbed and wailed. She made her way over to the two ponies, blowing her nose on a wing as she went. "I-I-I thought we'd have more time!" She wailed, throwing the same wing around Night Glider and pulling her close for a hug. "I'm gonna miss you, wingmare!" She buried her face into the crook of Night Glider's neck, nuzzling her and depositing more mucus across the younger mare's coat.

"Aah! Bossmare, it'll be okay, I promise! We'll still do missions together and I'll see you around the base and everything!" Night Glider tried futilely to squirm out of Eve's crushing grip. Eve eventually let go on her own, ruffling Night Glider's mane with a wing.

She then turned to Sweetie, holding a small slip of paper in her fangs. "Here, thish ish for you." Sweetie took the paper from her and she retreated, heading for the hall's exit. "Take care of her!"

"What does it say?" Night Glider asked. Sweetie unfolded the paper. She skipped the OCS memo letterhead and started reading the mouthwriting below.

YOUR NEW SHADOWBOLT AND YOU

Feeding and Care Instructions

1. Three meals a day. I try and mix kibble with wet food

2. Take them for regular walks. They get anxious without enough exercise.

3. Preening is not strictly necessary, they can do it themselves. But if you do, TAKE PICTURES.

-Eve

"You... really don't want to know..." Sweetie replied.

"That doesn't suprise me as much as it should," Night Glider nodded in understanding. Her relatively short career with the Service had already imprinted quite a few lessons, Lesson One being that there were some questions better left unanswered. "Want to grab drinks tomorrow? I'd say today, but you look like you're about to fall asleep on your hooves."

"Thanks, but I have to take a rain check. There's somepony I've been meaning to visit..."

* * * * *

Celestia's sun shone brightly on the Canterlot Academy quad. Ponies milled about, enjoying their lunch hour and the beautiful cloudless sky. A small circle of unicorns played a game of Magic Hackeysack, bouncing a glowing ball of energy to and fro. A few ponies from the Student Activities Committee tacked up flyers on posterboards detailing the upcoming Friendship Games events. The CA Arts and Drama Clubs sat in their usual spot near the front steps, eating lunch and chatting about the latest school gossip.

Suddenly, a pair of high-pitched shrieks shattered the peace and quiet, along with several windows facing the courtyard.

"OCTIE!!!"

"SWEETHEART!!"

A gray streak galloped out from the gaggle of ponies, leaving her friends to rub their pained ears. It hurtled towards the other side of the courtyard, whipping ponies manes and scattering picnic spreads in its wake. The pony projectile then collided with a cream-coated mare on the far side of the quad with the force of a meteor impact. Students dove for cover as the resulting ball of momentum rolled through and eventually came to rest outside the dining hall. The dust slowly settled to reveal Sweetie sprawled across the grass, trapped in a viselike hug courtesy of one Octavia Clef.

"Octie... need air..."

"Ooh! Sorry!" Octavia instantly released Sweetie, who promptly went limp. This is soft grass. I'm going to stay here for a while. "Sweetie, I've missed you so much! It's been almost two years! Two! Years! We have so much to catch up on!"

"I--ow--I missed you too, Octie! I never meant for it to be so long! Things just got so crazy after I finished agent training, and then you got so busy here..."

"Sweetheart, don't worry about a thing. You're here now, that's all that matters," Octavia reassured Sweetie as she offered her a hoof. Sweetie took it, and Octavia pulled her oldest friend back up on all fours. "So, the homecoming celebration isn't until tonight, what shall we do in the meantime? I can show you around campus? Or we can explore the city like old times? Perhaps see a play?"

Sweetie said nothing, smiling expectantly at her old friend.

"...Top of the mountain?"

"You know me so well, Octie."

* * * * *

"This... is... much steeper than I remember..." Octavia wheezed as she pulled herself up the slope towards the mountain's craggy peak.

"C'mooooooooooon slowpoke!" Sweetie called out from somewhere above her.

"I am going as fast as I can!" Octavia cried back indignantly. She looked up at Sweetie. Her friend was already at the top of the slope, standing high on the ridge leading to Canter Mount's summit. She stared off into the horizon, one hoof raised, the mountian winds whipping her mane and tail around her. Octavia was sure she'd seen that exact pose on quite a few adventure novel covers. "A little help, if you wouldn't mind?"

"Oh! Sorry, just enjoying the view, it's been a while." Sweetie extended a foreleg down towards Octavia. Octavia hooked it with a fetlock and found herself suddenly pulled up the last few paces. Sweetie had always outpaced her on their little hikes, but now she was practically channelling Daring Do. Privately, Octavia preferred to take the elevator from her father's lab.

"You've gotten quite adept at this, I must say," she said as she found her footing atop the ridge, pausing for a second to catch her breath. "Didn't you break a rib a few days ago?"

"Three, actually. The clinic patched me up. Nothing a little magic, bed rest, and drugs couldn't fix!"

"How in Equestria did you manage that?!" Octavia asked as they trotted up the ridgeline to the summit. They didn't have too long before the Princess set the sun and Canterlot Academy's Homecoming Weekend officially began.

"Fought a crazy mare in a super suit."

"My word, it's quite the exciting life you've made for yourself. Let me guess, she had found Anubis's Scepter and was about raise an army of mummies?"

"You're not too far off," Sweetie replied as they reached the peak of Canter Mount. Both ponies paused to lay down for a moment on the cool rock. It wasn't quite as Sweetie remembered it; the late-fall sun was setting further south, casting the Crystal Mountains into shadow instead of painting the range in sherbert light. "All my other assignments were... easier? Less intense, maybe? The stakes were much lower, that's for sure. I was really worried about this one."

"And yet you pulled through with flying colors, Sweetheart. Look at you! Mission accomplished and no... mostly no worse for wear!"

"It was more dumb luck than anything else. I still have no idea who was behind it, or if they'll try again." Sweetie's ears flattened, feeling worry for the first time since she arrived yesterday. The more she thought about the mission, the more questions started popping up.

"And if they do, I'm sure you'll be there to properly show them what for, hmm?" Octavia reassured her. "I think the ponies of the Trotjan Islands are eternally grateful for your help."

"True," Sweetie agreed. Octie did have a point there.

...

"Wait, how did you know where I went? Did Double Cross tell you?"

"Tell my father he needs to update his tricks, dear. He uses Prince Blueblood as a distraction for the press far too often for his own good. The prince may be spoiled, but he's far too shrewd a politican to commit such diplomatic bungles," Octavia smirked. She didn't get to boast of her own deviousness too often. "Once I saw that on the front page of Equestria Daily, I hunted around in the international section until I found a little blurb about a skirmish between some pirates and a griffon zeppelin. That same zeppelin just happened to be the only private flight into Canterlot the day you arrived."

"...You sure you don't want to join the Service too? Sounds like you're better at this than I am."

"Hardly. Look at me, I was dead on my hooves from this climb and you're hardly breaking a sweat! When did you become such an athlete?"

"Heh, yeah they put me through the guantlet in training. But don't you get plenty of cardio shaking your pom-poms around cheering 'Go Dragons!'?"

Octavia made a face at Sweetie's mockery. "Ugh, like I'd cheer for those louts on the polo team. I'm in the university program now! Surrounded by ponies of culture, who share my passion for the arts!"

"Sounds a little frou-frou to me. Actually, you're sounding a little frou-frou too!" Sweetie giggled as she ducked Octavia's swing.

"Sweetie, you take that back this instant! Don't you think for a second I won't take you down!"

Sweetie dodged and twisted as her friend attempted to tackle her, careful to avoid the mountain's edge. "What, no 'callenge to hooficuffs, my dear lady'? Need a minute to put your monocle away?"

"Ugh, you are awful, you know that?"

"I try my best."

"You certianly do. The music and theater schools are thankfully bereft of most of those spoiled children. Only ponies with a real interest in the subject matter bother continuing their education to this level. I still don't know why they don't let us drop the gen-ed courses once we get our Cutie Marks."

"That sounds nice," Sweetie only had a vauge idea of what Octavia meant, having left school for the Service as soon as she was legally allowed to. her Cutie Mark didn't require much in the way of higher learning. "So no more Upper Crust or Fleur De Lis then?"

"Dis Lee, her name's Fleur Dis Lee. She's still there, believe it or not. She's a very talented actress, and quite pleasant to be around once she's removed from those toxic groupies."

"Well it's good you're making new friends, I suppose." Octavia had never grown particularly close to anypony during her earlier years at the Academy. Her beauty, manners, and musical talent earned her respect from the school's ruling cliques, but as the daughter of educators and civil servants, she secretly detested their sense of entitlement.

"It is wonderful being around ponies that share my interests." Octavia smiled as she sun slowly sink towards the distant horizon. "Want to meet them? We were planning to go to the celebration as a group!"

"Octie, I'm a spy. I can't exactly chat up everypony like I'm running for Princess of the Fall Formal."

"Oh dear, I'd hope not!" Octavia giggled. "Fleur would not like that at all. It's the first year where she isn't running against an actual Princess. Can't you can use your alias if you're not comfortable using your real name? What's she called again, Gumdrop Smiles?"

"Octieeee," Sweetie sighed. "Gumdrop Smiles is an international criminal. I use that name for all my dirty work! She has five warrants in Equestria alone, I can't be her around your school friends!"

"So use another one! If you create a new identity, she can be my dearest childhood friend! That way, nopony will now who you really are and you can keep everypony here distanced from the more... uncouth aspects of your work life."

"Well... I suppose it couldn't hurt to socialize a bit," Sweetie said. "Hmm, a new identity..." She racked her brain for ideas. "How about 'Taffy'?"

"Doesn't go with your cutie mark, dear."

Sweetie glanced back at the three hard candies on her flank, as if it was their fault. "Gumball?"

"That's more of a stallion's name, isn't it?"

"Sour Sweet?"

"I'm afraid there's already a mare at the Academy with that name. You do not want to be mistaken for her, trust me."

Sweetie rolled her eyes. "Bon-Bon?"

"Hm... well, I suppose it will have to do. You only need to use it for a few hours. Come now, 'Bon-Bon'! Let's head to the homecoming celebration and introduce you to everypony! I'm sure you and Vinyl will get along, she's a little rough around the edges but she's accomplished some amazing work with digital audio production..." Octavia continued to speak of her schoolmate's many accomplishments as they both began the downhill trot back to the city.

Sweetie cringed. Octavia nonwithstanding, she wasn't used to socializing with ponies outside of work. She didn't exactly have much in common with these ponies. What do they even talk about? Classes? Who's shacking up with whom? Probably not the latest innovations in urban combat or how to properly track and tag a tatzlwurm. "Maybe we could just hit a bar instead? There's a saloon over by the castle district, the Crazy Horse, where all the government workers go. They've got pretty good specials!"

"Sweetie Malory Drops, a proper mare does not get inebriated before the sun has even set!"

Sweetie stared, dumbstruck. Canterlot Academy's prim and proper atmosphere must've changed Octavia more than she realized. What had happened to her friend?

Her fears were unfounded, as a second later Octavia leaned over to her, raising a hoof to her mouth and putting on a stage whisper. "She waits until the stars come out! Unless it's... I believe the term is 'Sunday Funday'?"

Sweetie laughed and threw a foreleg around Octavia as the two made their way down the ridge towards the gravel path below. "There's the Octie I know!"

"Well I'd hope I hadn't changed that much. Speaking of, still haven't gotten over your airsickness?"

"I--wait, what?"

"I may have heard about an 'incident' at the aerodrome yesterday morning," Octavia expained, quickly slipping out from under Sweetie's forehoof. She held up a hoof to cover her laughter as Sweetie's mind clicked.

"Double Cross did tell you, you JERKS!" She lunged at Octavia, but her friend was ready. She ducked Sweetie's tackle and took off along the mountain trail at a dead sprint. She reached the bottom of the ridge ahead of Sweetie, and quickly pulled the cover off the fake boulder concealing the elevator down to her father's facility. The gate doors clanged shut a split second before Sweetie reached them, leaving her to glare down her friend as the elevator slowly decended into the mountain. "I am going to make you regret this, Octavia Clef! The both of you!"

"Yes, yes, you're very scary," Octavia assured her in what was likely a disengenuous manner, playfully blowing a raspberry at her angry friend. "LetsmeetupinhalfanhourI'minPlatinumHallRoom413SeeyousoonSweetheart!" She spoke quickly as her head dipped below ground level, leaving Sweetie to fume as the sun gently dipped below the horizon.

* * * * *

Elsewhere...

Trot Harbor was a beehive of nautical activity. In the few days since the Sorena sunk, ships and airships swarmed the ordinarily sleepy little port, most bearing the colors of the Griffon Empire or the Earth-Unicorn-Pegasus Royal Navy. A select few in the center of the commotion flew no flag at all, their matte-black paint jobs allowing to blend in perfectly to any environment without raising suspicion. While no residents of Trot were allowed to take their own boats too close, anypony standing on the shoreline easily see the cranes pulling up pieces of wrecked submarine from the bottom of the harbor. Most paid it only a passing interest, then continued on with their lives, happy to be out from under the jackboots of a group of lowlife killers.

A few local fisherponies were annoyed at the dredging operation, as it forced them to cast their lines further out, in choppier waters away from the harbor and its easy fishing. Too much heavy machinery spooked the wildlife and made their lives that much more inconvenienced. One such pony, about to reel in and give up after an afternoon of zero luck, suddenly felt a tug on his line. It caught him by surprise for a second; he hadn't gone into the day with high expectations. He grabbed his pole and began to reel in the slack.

After a second, the line wouldn't reel in anymore. Frowning, he pulled back, trying to play whatever he had hooked. It wouldn't budge. Must be stuck on something. Suddenly, he felt a second tug, much harsher than before. He let out a yelp and began pulling back with all his strength as he tried to out-muscle whatever behemoth he had snagged.

He cried out in shock as whatever was on the other end yanked back, sending him tumbling out of his boat and into the water. He splashed and struggled as he attempted to swim back to his boat, but it was already puttering away.

Onboard, a multi-ton monstrosity pulled herself up onto the deck. She slowly examined the rig she wore for damage. The customized diving rig was hardened, plate armor woven into the many layers of fabric. Hydraulic actuators gave her fifty times the strength of the toughest earth pony. It bristled with various oceanographic and geologic attachments, most of which also could be used as melee weapons. Oxygen tanks and life support gems allowed her to survive on the ocean floor indefinitely.

They were also the only things keeping her alive. The Sorena's violent demise had damaged both the suit and her body to near the breaking point. The enchantments in the gems were now the only things that kept her going. Well, that and blinding rage at a certian snarky earth pony who caused this whole mess.

Professor Marié Bathysphere sighed as she removed her hemet, now the only piece of the rig she could. She would wear this suit for the rest of her life.

"Not looking so good there, eh?" A voice from behind her remarked. A yellow unicorn with a burgundy mane clambered down off her back, another survivor of the Sorena. She pulled off the scuba tank and regulator she wore. Their escape had been twofold, Bathysphere had the mass and raw strength to pull them out of the wreck and plod across the seafloor away from the salvage ships, while this crewmember's magic had pulled them both up to the water's surface.

"No. It's damaged, fused shut," Bathysphere replied, hoofing her diving helmet over to the crewmate. "I could say the same to you. How did you manage to survive, Miss..."

"Fire Lily," the unicorn said. She shivered suddenly. "Brr! It's a bit nippy out for the tropics, don't you think?" She lit a spell, a warm glow surrounding her body. "There was an air pocket on my deck, it lasted me long enough."

"That's not what I meant." Bathysphere pointed an armored foreleg at Fire Lily's flank, where three crossbow bolts were sunk into her hindquarters.

"Oh! Those! Right. Magic helped too." Lily shrugged. "Air pocket and magic. Anyway, you didn't happen to see if Captian Gideon made it out, did you?"

"I did not."

"Damn."

"I imagine you are seeking payment for your time on Gideon's crew. I'm sorry Mate Lily, but I can't help you at the moment. I already transferred the funds to Gideon for your company's services. We will need to make our way back to shore, then find transportation off this island." Bathysphere plodded over to the small boat's wheel. "The Equestrian mainland would be best, but Minos will also suffice. Once we arrive, I can contact my financiers, arrange for resources to start again, and this time, i guarantee that, should Sweetie Drops try to interfere, she will meet a swift and painful mmpf!--" She couldn't finish her thought. It suddenly felt as if hot iron tongs clamped around her muzzle. She tried to rear up, but something rooted her firmly to the deck. Out of the corners of her eyes, she could see translucent streaks of orange shimmering over her divesuit, steam wafting off where they touched.

"Yeah, I don't think so."

Fire Lily walked back into her field of view, horn glowing. Her spell's intensity flared for a moment, and the crossbow bolts in her flank suddenly flared up and crumbled into ash. As the light and heat subsided, Bathysphere could see no wounds where they had been.

"First, I'm not leaving here with you," she told the stunned professor. "We can't exactly buy a ticket, and how am I going to stow away when you're with me? You look like that robot from The Day Equus Stood Still. Second, and trust me, nopony's more embarrased about this than me, I may have led you on juuuust a little." She gave Bathysphere a sheepish smile, her eyes shining with a predatory gleam.

"I'm not really on Gideon's crew. Management sent me to keep an eye on their investment. And wow-ee, the boys downstairs are not happy with the returns they're seeing."

Bathysphere gulped audibly.

"I mean, they bankrolled you to the tune of millions. Millions! Payroll. Equipment. Planning. Bribes. The whole shebang! And all they asked for was one measelly little hole in the ocean bedrock! Hell, they even let you pick where! Personally, I don't understand your whole beef against the seaponies or that 'poetic justice' thing you got going. Just let the hippocampi... hippocamp, y'know?" Her grin slowly turned from 'sheepish' to 'evil'.

"Anyway, point is you wasted those bits. You don't get another shot. In case you didn't get the memo while you were turning this project into a complete clusterfuck, you've been let go."

She levitated Bathysphere up a few feet, hardly breaking a sweat. The professor let out a few hepless mmphs. "Ooh, right! Here, take my card if you need a referral." A small white business card floated over to Bathysphere.

TM&D LLC

LILITH
Senior VP, Mergers and Expansions

"...but in the meantime, enjoy the ocean floor." Her magic winked out. Bathysphere didn't even get a sound out before she plunged back into the water, her heavy suit dragging her down like a stone. "Y'know, for as long as you can. Probably hard to breathe down there without this sucker." She tossed the suit's helmet overboard, where it bobbed with the ocean swells.

Fire Lily turned to the boat's wheel, taking it and steering the craft back towards Trot's shoreline. She hummed as she sailed, fairly happy with how the day had gone.

Author's Note

Whelp that took wayyyyyyy longer than it should've. Real life intervened, between work, work training, and paying weekly tribute to Brosefar the Inebriated, Lord of 20-30 Year Olds' Social Lives.

Octavia isn't really ditching Sweetie there, the elevator will be back up in a few minutes. Also, her name switch from Melody to Clef is not an error.

Maybe one more (shorter) chapter of dialouge and exposition before things start exploding again. If I can't think of anything significant to happen at the CA homecoming party, I'll skip it. Character development is nice, but we already know Octavia hangs out with classy music horses (and Vinyl Scratch.)

Archive #1: From the Desk of Dr. Treble Clef

OFFICE OF CLANDESTINE SERVICE
INCIDENT REPORT

21 December 994 CE

OCS Division West
Las Pegasus Armed Containment Facility

Senior Researcher in Command
Dr. Scroll Piles

Intelligence & Reconnaissance Team Lambda-99 "Scoobies"
Involved Personnel
Special Agent Summer Beauty
Agent Weeping Willow
Agent Belt Sander
Trainee Agent Summer Dawn

Incident Description
MAGINT analysts stationed at Las Pegasus ACF alerted to possible dark magic presence while monitoring Guard communications between Canterlot and the watch station in Sunnysaddle. Several criminal incidents described as 'gang members drugged on salt' and an uptick in reported neck injuries at the local hospital suggested hemovore activity; Senior Researcher Piles deployed L-99 to investigate. L-99 discovered several townsponies enthralled by known hemovore leader Harvest Moon, the majority-threstal population brainwashed to obey him. SpA. Beauty and TrA. Dawn infiltrated hemovore nest under Sunnysaddle High School disguised as members of their threstal 'cult of personality.' (See "Children of the Night," Non-Anomalous Ponies of Interest.)

Intelligence gathered by the team indicated that the hemovore coven intended to perform a ritual sacrifice using several local townsponies. The intended purpose of the ritual remains uncertain, but the date and hemovores' known history suggests it relates to Nightmare Moon. (See 'Princess of the Night,' Known Threats, Priority Crimson.) Agents Beauty and Dawn located captive ponies, but their cover was blown before they were able to exfiltrate. L-99 engaged the cult, eliminating several hemovores and incapacitating threstal cultists. SpA. Beauty located Harvest Moon and the two fought hoof-to-hoof in a highly-visible and dramatic fashion. SpA. Beauty defeated Harvest Moon, but he withdrew with several followers moments before the Tactical Response Team arrived on-scene as backup. TRT eliminated remaining hemovores and took living cultists into custody for deprogramming. On-scene personnel gave medical attention to captives before turning them over to local guardsponies.

Cleanup and Media Relations crews worked with Sunnysaddle guard detachment and local news agency to report incident as turf war between salt dealers, playing down any supernatural aspects. OCS presence explained as guard reinforcements sent from Canterlot. Dr. Piles fowarded distraction request to Prince Blueblood. The Prince arranged for a social gaffe at Canterlot Castle's Longest Night celebration, bumping the story from national news outlets.

Team L-99 commended for reacting to blown cover and rapidly neutralizing threat with minimal casualties/exposure; SpA. Beauty's quick thinking and decisive action turned the compromised operation into a partial success. SpA. Beauty reprimanded once again for engaging demonic threats unarmed; due to hemovores' supernatural abilities and martial skills official Service guidelines recommend engagement from a distance using ballistic, magic, or flame projector armaments. Contributing factors to sucessful result are SpA. Beauty's exceptional strength and unarmed combat experience, well-timed distractions by A. Willow and A. Sander, and the arrival of TRT.

Casualties
13 hemovores eliminated, approx 5 escaped. 35 baseline ponies incapacitated with light-to-moderate injuries and severe mental conditioning. 1 civilian DOA, 10 rescued and treated for mild shock.

Note: SpA. Beauty contests assessment, claiming TRT's assistance was not necessary and that she "had it handled until the Legion of Doom showed up like a bunch of... well... guys in gas masks that spread... doominess."

OFFICE OF CLANDESTINE SERVICE
CANTER MOUNT RESEARCH AND STORAGE FACILITY
CONTAINMENT REPORT

Artifact V-945
Type: Artifact (Inanimate)
Era: Pre-Unification
Assigned Staff: Dr. T. Clef, Senior Researcher in Command, Canter Mount RSF

Timbucktu Munitions Mark III Thaumic Resonance Warhead

Safety and Containment
Instances V-945-1 through V-945-4 are to be stored in a secure locker in the Inert Artifacts wing of Canter Mount RSF. They are permitted to be removed and scanned for testing purposes only at the discretion of an OCS Senior Researcher. Any personnel conducting tests on V-945 instances 1-4 must follow handling instructions listed in Appendix B precisely, any deviation could lead to accidental arming or activation.

V-945-5 is to be placed in a watertight sarcophagus and stored at the bottom of Mining Shaft 3. Shaft 3 and all associated chambers are considered off-limits to all ponies without express permission of Dr. Treble Clef or acting director of research.

Description
V-945 is an explosive device utilizing a standing-wave phenomenon from two magic focal points to produce an uncontrolled thaumic chain reaction. The casing is conical in shape, 1.5m lengthwise with a .5m radius at its base, constructed of granite. Inscriptions are etched into the case in several locations, and are identical across all recovered instances of V-945. These inscriptions, when translated, identify V-945 as an explosive warhead, constructed in the former city of Timbucktu approximately 600 years before the founding of the Triarchy of Equestria. (Due to the futility of accurate timekeeping during the Discordian Era, exact age is impossible to determine.) The writing also describes proper handling, storage, safety procedures for each instance of V-945. (See Appendix B for translation.)

V-945's explosive mechanism consists of two balefire stones seperated by a thaumically-inert plate and connected to a power gem. The gem is activated through runes inscribed on the casing and will energize the stones once an arming ritual is performed. Each instance is equipped with three detonation triggers, a timer, a pressure-sensitive gem, and an impact plate. When the selected trigger or sequence of triggers is tripped, the shield plate retracts and the active stones radiate dragon-fire magic on identical frequencies. The resulting resonance effect cracks both stones, causing them to explosively release all stored thaumic energy. Initial hypotheses place the yield as equivalent to between one and fifteen thousand tons of TNT.

V-945-5 was located on board the IGS Red Sorena by OCS field agents conducting an unrelated operation and subsequently recovered from the wreckage. V-945-5 is armed and appears to be set to detonate on a 30 minute countdown after reaching an as-of-yet unknown depth below sea level. V-945-1 through 4 were discovered in a nearby warehouse in Trot Harbor, West Luna Sea. All five devices recovered are equipped with tamper magic preventing safe disassembly or invasive magical probes. At present time, OCS Research Department possesses insufficent understanding of V-945 operating rituals to safely disarm instance V-945-5.

Note: This document is strictly for Service eyes only; under no circumstances should it be released to EUP officials no matter what their clearance. General Ripper is already inquiring if the technology behind these warheads is reproducible. May need to have a word with Stalwart about him, damn fool is obsessed with closing the 'doomsday gap' with Yakyakistan. On the other hoof, I suppose we could simply inform him that balefire stones must be harvested from a live dragon and simply wait for one to eat him after he attempts to do so.
-Dr. Treble Clef, Senior Researcher in Command, Canter Mount RSF

Note: If we make any breakthroughs on the trigger system, instance five could be a viable keystone for the Deadhoof project. Until then, bury it as deep as you can. Last thing we need is [DATA EXPUNGED] straight to Tartarus.
- Fancypants, Director of Clandestine Operations

Author's Note

Hit a bit of a wall with the next chapter, I'm about six thousand words in but it's dragging along and I'm considering canning a lot of it and picking up the pace. I didn't realize how frigging long it would take to have Sweetie meet Octavia's school friends and establish her 'Bon-Bon' identity. I think it's safe to say that most people will probably figure out that Octavia and Vinyl are very close and I can probably just infer to that and move on to demon-killing and helicopter crashes.

So, while you wait, here are some highly classified files from Dr. Treble Clef's unsecured private email server (how irresponsible of him); SCP Foundation style.

Any thoughts or suggestions, hit me up. I'm open to ideas.

EDIT: Okay, seriously guys, how the actual F did this make it into the Featured box?

Homecoming

Ponyville Theatre
Ponyville, Equestria
1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters
Rendezvous With Bon-Bon at the Farmers' Market: T-00d00h15m45s

"You?! Really? Hee heh hee..." *snrkt*

Octavia rolled her eyes at Lyra as her colleauge tried to hide her amusement. "May I ask what is so funny?"

"He heh, nothing, really!" Lyra replied, utterly failing to stifle a giggle.

"I can wait..." Octavia narrowed her eyes. The glare she directed at Lyra was so venomous that, were the unicorn a disguised Changeling, she would keel over and die from the flood of Octavia's negative emotions. (Octavia claimed this actually happened at Princess Cadance's wedding, but was so far unable to replicate her Changeling-killing death glare for Princess 'Scientific Method' Sparkle.) Her silent attempts to strangle Lyra with her mind went either unnoticed or ignored by the other mare, further increasing her annoyance. She folded her forelegs atop the desk as Lyra laughed silently from her seat in the high-backed office chair. MY chair, Octavia fumed to herself.

Finally managing to get her giggling under control, Lyra took a few deep breaths. "Whoo... I'm sorry Tavi, it's just..." she trailed off for a moment as she considered how to phrase her thoughts, "that's the exact opposite of how I pictured you when you were at CA..."

"Oh? Please do tell. I'm positively dying to hear the Lyra Heartstrings Adaptation of my own life." Octavia's voice dripped with annoyance, finally getting through to Lyra 'Tactless' Heartstrings that perhaps she should ease up on the mocking lest she end up a cautionary tale for misbehaving foals.

"I dunno," Lyra shrugged, offering her fellow musician her best 'please don't be insulted' look. "I just kinda pictured you as being more like, well, you know..."

"Uptight? Work-obsessed? What was that lovely nickname you coined to Vinyl, 'Lady Buzz Killerina, Duchess of Rod-upon-Flankingshire'?"

Lyra felt a bucket of ice water empty into her veins. That traitorous little --! The Sacred Oath between mares was quite clear, any complaining about the workplace or boss were to be kept in strictest confidence. "Scratch told you about that?!? When? How?"

"We're dating, Heartstrings. You think she'd keep it from me?"

"No, I mean how, Scratch can't even..." Lyra deflated, embarrassed. "Look, I shouldn't have said that. It was two in the morning, you had just made us run through the duet like twenty times, and Rarity was being a drama queen. I was tired and I wanted to go home." She paused. "And you're not 'uptight', you're 'driven'. Everypony knows how high the bar's been set for Lullaby."

"That's a step in the right direction, I suppose," Octavia sighed, mildly surprised that Lyra had the self-awareness to admit as much. "Thank you." Truth to be told, her relentless pushing of the cast and crew was taking a toll on her just as much as them. Bossing around ponies that were also her friends and neighbors always left an unpleasant taste in her mouth, and it was nice to know that they understood why she had to. She knew the hype her production needed to live up to and the amount of effort needed to make that happen. She also knew the ponies she was working with and could see that they had the potential to create something truly great, despite most of them being part-timers. They just needed the extra push.

"Believe it or not," she continued, trotting over to the wall of the office, where her degree hung in its mahogany frame. "I was indeed 'fun' at one point. I never found Canterlot Academy particularly challenging, even during my advanced studies. A mare in such a position often finds herself with a significant amount of downtime on her hooves, and whenever I wasn't practicing cello I was spending time with my friends."

"I guess I can understand that," Lyra squirmed in the fancy office chair to keep her hindquarters from falling asleep. "I kinda had the same thing going on at SGU. I wasn't a straight-A student, but the music courses were dead easy for me and I've always been a natural caster. I kiiiinda mostly blew off the Gen Ed stuff too."

"Yes, I remember seeing you and your cohorts around Donut Joe's fairly often."

"You know, I think I remember you too! You ran with the bowtie crowd, right?"

"I'd hardly refer to my band and friends as the 'bowtie crowd, but yes. I was... more carefree in those days. We probably would have gotten along much better than we do now. While we never went out of my way to make trouble, we did run afoul of school disciplinarians a few times."

"Heh, yeah, I know what you mean..."

Meadowbrook Hall, Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns
Canterlot, Equestria
994 C. E.

Knock, knock, knock. Giddilee impatiently rapped her forehoof against the locked classroom door. Several thumps and the sound of furniture dragging across a linoleum floor could be heard inside what was supposed to be an empty science lab. Frowning, she knocked again. "Hello? Who's in there?"

"Ohno. Nonononono!"

"Twilight, cast the counterspell!"

"I don't have it memorized! Quick, pass me Clover's Compendium of Curse Cancellations!"

"G-girls? Is it supposed to be moving like that?"

Giddilee knocked again, with a renewed sense of urgency. "I know there are students in here! You need to open this door right this second!"

"Don't answer her!"

"We have to, we're not supposed to be in here unsupervised! We'll get in trouble!"

"We'll get in worse trouble if you and Moondancer don't find that counterspell!"

"Um, girls? I thi-AAAH! AAAAAAA HELP ME ITS GOT MY HEAD! ITS GUMMING ME! THIS IS SOOOO GROSS!" Several more thumps, followed by glass shattering and a deep bass rumble. With no small sense of alarm, Giddilee pounded on the door a third time.

"Fillies, I promise you nopony will be getting detention, but you need to let me in right now!"

"Lemon Hearts! Hang on!"

"AAAA IT WANTS TO EAT MY HEAD WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?"

"What about this one? Floras Tondendas?"

"That's for landscaping!"

"FOOLISH CREATURES OF FLESH AND BONE! FERNICUS HAS AWAKENED!"

Eyes widening, Giddilee lit her horn, focusing on the doorknob. She was halfway through her Lockpicking Cantrip when somepony pulled it open from the other side. The two fillies in the doorway looked nearly identical, bar their different coat and mane colors. Both wore painfully forced smiles as they stood side-by-side in a hopeless attempt to block Giddilee's view of the carnage behind them. Overturned desks lay scattered about the lab, while others were smashed to kindling. Potion stains adorned the walls where beakers had been thrown into them at high speeds. Dark green... vines? lay writhing intertwined throughout the wreckage.

The blue one spoke first. "Heeyyyyyyyy, Miss Giddilee!" She drew her words out. "Need something?"

"Minuette, what on Equestria is going on in here?"

"Oh, nothing!" The mint one piped up. A vine whipped across the room behind her. "We were just working on a group project for Professor Gingersnap, and we might've made a typo in the rune circle. We're cleaning it up now, promise!"

"THE REIGN OF MAMMAL HAS COME TO AN END. ALL SHALL BOW TO FERNICUS THE UNCLIPPERED!"

Behind Minuette and Lyra, more vines writhed throughout the room, grasping at another two students who were deftly sidestepping the vines' grasp while levitating books in front of their muzzles. The two continued to argue over which spell to use as they flipped through their respective tomes. Giddilee stepped back in shock as a thick tendril of plant matter slithered into view. At the end of the stalk a round red bud covered in white dots held a yellow filly in the air, its flowery maw clamped securely around her head. She kicked and yelled as it waved her around the room. Her white coated friend dashed after her, firing magic bolts at the monstrosity. "TWINKLESHINE SAVE MEEEEEE!"

Lyra's innocent smile cracked, as did Minuette's. "It might've been two typos... Please don't tell Princess Celestia!"

"Oh hay, that's a big one..." Giddilee swore as she pushed her way into the room, lighting her horn. "Oh! Um, pretend you didn't hear that. Minuette, Heartstrings, go fetch Professor Inkwell," she said as she telekenetically pulled Lemon Hearts free of the botanical behemoth. "She's conducting a private lesson with the Princess's protege. Tell them you were fetching some papers for me when you just happened to notice an out-of-control Growth spell," she winked at The two fillies as they rushed off to find help. Giddilee levitated Lemon through the door and quickly motioned for the three remaining students to follo their dazed friend into the hallway. "Girls! Now, please!"

"But-but..." The red-maned one protested, "our project..."

"THE GARDEN OF THE NEW WORLD SHALL BE FERTILIZED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE HEATHENS! BOW! BOW, OR BE GROUND TO NITRATE-RICH DUST!"

"Moondancer," Giddilee began, recongnizing the filly as the one who threw off the grading curve in her Transfiguration 341 class. "I'm sure you can work something out with Ms. Gingersnap. I'll even talk to her if you'd like. But we need to leave, now!"

Moondancer, Sparkle, and Twinkleshine finally jolted into action at her shout, sprinting for the door while levitating piles of precious books behind them. Giddilee slammed the door shut as soon as the fillies were clear, barely ahead of the writhing, monolouging mass of vines.

I should write my sister, ask if there are any openings at her school, Giddilee thought. I'll bet this kind of insanity never happens in Ponyville.

"That is... not surprising in the least. I've never met Moondancer, but between you and the rest of your school friends the only part I can't believe is that your alma mater hasn't already burned to the ground."

"That's harder than it looks, trust me. The main building was mostly stone, like the castle."

"I was speaking in metaphor, but that is a... useful... piece of information? Anyhow, funny you should mention a magical plant monster, As it happens, I may know the other side to that story..."

Canter Mount Research and Storage Facility (Again)
Canterlot, Equestria
994 C. E.

The elevator clanged to a stop at the entrance chamber of the subterranean Canter Mount laboratories. Bright fluorescent lights shone down from the high rock roof, banishing shadows to the furthest reaches of the cavern. Ponies hurried to and fro, some trotting down the tunnels to the labs while others headed up winding pathways along the edge of the chamber, ascending slowly towards the facility's various secret entrances around Canterlot. (There was even an entrance that connected directly to the castle, via Starswirl the Bearded's old hideaway. That one was strictly off-limits to anypony except the Princess after a few 'incidents' throughout the years.) Sweetie pulled open the elevator's metal grate, storming out in a huff. She waved a pass card at the thoroughly disinterested receptionist as she headed towards the pathway back up to the ERS building.

Sweetie began the trot up the path, her annoyance at her best friend slowly melting away. Octavia got the better of her, sure, but it had all been in good fun. Sweetie pulled similar pranks herself back when they were both fillies. She was more embarrassed at how easily Octavia outmaneuvered her. She just took down a terrorist ring, for Faustsakes! Still, it hardly mattered now that they finally had a chance to spend some time together. Not even her discomfort at the idea of socializing with university students could pop the little bubble of joy she felt at the thought. I'll just have to remember to get her back somehow before I'm reassigned. Quid pro quo, Clef. Quid pro quo.

Sweetie faltered as she approached an unusal sight at one of the base's 'loading dock' entrances, often used for bringing in captured creatures away from the public eye. Flash Sentry and Night Glider huddled near a tunnel junction, peering down the subterranean hallway towards a cave opening somewhere below Canterlot's city limits. Flash looked positively terrified, the guardspony held one of Night Glider's wings in front of him in a poor attempt to hide from whatever had caught the pair's interest. Puzzled, Sweetie ambled up behind them.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"EEP!" Two pegasi leaped into the air, whirling around at the unexpected surprise.

"Some spies you two are," Sweetie rolled her eyes. Be nice to the doofus, a voice in her head chided. "By the way, welcome to the team, Sentry." She gave the startled pegasus a friendly hoofbump as he fluttered back to solid ground. "What's down there that's so interesting? I don't remember seeing any deliveries on the board today."

"Shh!" Flash urgently shushed her, motioning her away from the corner of the tunnel. "She'll hear you!"

Sweetie arced an eyebrow at that, but lowered her voice and joined the pegasi group huddle. "I know you're new here, but you kiinda need to rethink first impressions, Sentry. I'm sort of your boss now."

"Sorry! Sorry!" Flash whispered urgently. "It's just--" His mouth worked soundlessly.

"His ex showed up with something for the containment cells," Night Glider finished for him, hiding her amusement. She pulled Sweetie to the corner. "C'mere ma'a--Drops, take a look."

Sweetie peeked around the corner at the commotion that had captured her fellow spy's attention. Near the cave's exit, she spotted two unicorns speaking with a very annoyed Double Cross. The elder mare was gray with her mane wrapped in a tight bun and a scarred left eye. Sweetie recognized her as one of the senior professors at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, an institution well known to the OCS for its various incidents over the years. The younger had a yellow-orange coat, a mane and tail of liquid fire that cascaded down in bouncy curls, and wore an expression of haughty disdain. Sweetie watched as the younger unicorn spoke, waving a hoof dismissively at Double Cross. Double said something back to her in a calm, quiet tone that Sweetie could not quite make out. As Sweetie watched Double speak, she could see quite a few veins popping out along his forehead and neck. Double put a hoof to his head as the younger unicorn spoke again, as if to ease a migrane.

"Da-amn Sentry, you dated her?" Sweetie asked Flash.

Flash sighed. "Yep, my first year in the Guard I was stationed in Canterlot. I transferred out to Yoke Mountain to get away from her. Biggest mistake of my life."

"Ouch. I'm sorry." Sweetie peeked back at the group in the tunnel. Double had turned toward the entrance, signalling to a group of security poines who were dragging some sort of large cage into the mountain. "I mean, I get the whole 'hot for teacher' thing, I really do, but isn't she a little old for you?"

Night Glider doubled over, holding her hooves over her mouth to muffle her laughter. Flash rolled his eyes at Sweetie, who was wearing her best 'aren't-I-funny' smirk. "Ha ha, good one ma'am. The other one, the Little Miss I'm-So-Perfect next to her."

"Had to be done, Corporal. C'mon, you pretty much set me up for it." Sweetie nudged Flash, giggling quietly. At least he can take a joke. Hearing hoofsteps, she looked back down towards the cavern exit. "Whoops, they're heading this way. Look casual, ponies." The two operatives retreated from the tunnel entrance, Sweetie whistling and feigning preoccupation with the markings on the chamber walls. Night Glider pulled out the day's issue of Equestria Daily, which she pretended to read upside-down. Flash cowered behind Night Glider, hiding as best he could from a pony he had hoped never to see again.

As Double Cross and the newcomers approached, Sweetie began to pick up snippets of the conversation. "--understand yer not equipped ta hold onta somethin' of this nature, but ya can't just come knockin' on our front door like that. It's a security risk, and let's face facts, this ain't the first pony-eatin' horror to come out of yer school..."

"Oh, excuse me for assuming I should bring the tentacled horror from beyond time and space to the ponies who specifically deal with tentacled horrors from beyond time and space!" The younger mare snapped. "That is what you do here, isn't it? Or do you just throw millions of taxpayer bits into a big smelting chamber?"

"You could'a been followed by any number of ponies, our operation here is supposed ta be secret. Next time, call us and we'll come ta you." Double looked back at the cage and the unconscious, slowly shifting mass of sapient plant matter inside. "Or, ya know, a can of weed killer might work too."

The younger mare opened her mouth to speak, but was shushed by the elder. "Stop picking fights, Sunset. We have to get back to the school," she admonished.

"Yes, Professor Inkwell," 'Sunset' chimed with a noticeable growl in her voice. As the group exited the tunnel, they instantly spotted the nonchalant ponies absolutely not eavesdropping. Double raised an eyebrow at Sweetie while Sunset rolled her eyes and sighed in disgust.

Sweetie tried to look surprised, like they had just happened to bump into each other. "Oh, hi Mr. Cross! I didn't know we had visitors. Welcome to Canter Mount, you two. Have a lovely visit, and please don't tell your friends!"

"Thank you, missy," Inkwell replied cordially, before turning to Sunset. "Told you about those spies down in the gopher holes, didn't I? Nopony ever wants to believe poor old crazy Inkwell, kids these days rackum frackum grumble..." Inkwell trailed off, continuing to mutter under her breath.

"Ugh." Sunset kept walking for the exit. She suddenly paused, frowning in recognition and turning back to the group. "...Flash? What are you doing here?"

Flash lowered Night Glider's wing, which he had been attempting to hide behind. "Heeeyyyyy Sunset. You're, um... looking nice?"

"Ugh." Sunset turned and walked off, her muzzle held high in disgust. Flash hung his head. Night Glider patted the dejected guard with her wing.

Double Cross grunted his annoyance at the two visitors as they trotted up the path towards the city exit. When they had receded out of sight, he looked back at the junior spies. "Ladies," he acknowledged. "New guy. Evenin'."

"What was that about?" Sweetie asked.

"Oh, just Her Highness's perfect pet protege sullyin' her hooves down here w' us common folk. It's not like anypony here was about ta clock out and go see his daughters for the first time all month or anythin'." He grimaced. The mass of leaves and branches in the cage shifted, letting out a woozy roar. The ponies handling the cage jumped back and reached for their weapons before it settled, lapsing back into blissful catatonia. Now that she had a better look, Sweetie could see blackened wood and charred vines. Thick ropes of tentacle-like plant matter cracked and flaked to ashy stumps. Whatever this thing was, somepony had done a number on it.

"Did our ponies do that?" Sweetie asked, pointing towards the scorch marks. "Seems risky, using flamethrowers in a schoolhouse..."

"We didn't bag this one," Double grumbled. "Professor Inkwell and the Princess's attack dog brought it in."

"Two unicorns did that?" Sweetie blanched. The scars the creature bore seemed more appropriate for a strike team, not a pair of civilians.

"Yep, an' dragged it straight ta our front door in broad daylight. Now guess who gets ta do a mountain a' paperwork explainin' why the Veil Protocol went'n got breached again."

"Sir!" a strike pony next to the cage called out. "We found these in the school's science lab. What do you want us to do with them?"

"Lemme take a look," Double hoofed the containment case from the trooper, inspecting the manifest. "Magic geodes, thaumically unstable... Here ya go, Doc has 'em marked fer Starswirl Protocol. Once yer done wit' our new houseplant, take these topside an' hand 'em off to the Princess. Nopony else gets near 'em, understand? If the guards give ya trouble, call the officer on duty, he'll let ya through." Double sighed as the stallion ran off. "Friggin' plotholes can't telt the difference between a school and a buckin' weapons lab. Never been happier my girls ain't unicorns."

Sweetie's ears drooped. Cross's mentioning of his family had made her feel guilty about her own plans for the evening. A quick glance to Night Glider and Flash told her they both felt the same way. "We could take care of the report for you, if you want to punch out early?"

Double's disgruntled expression eased a little. "Thanks Drops, but ya know the rules. Senior agent on duty does th' report. Ya go and enjoy yer night off. Night Glider, new guy, y'all do... whatever it is yer supposed to be doin'. I might go throw this overgrown weed into th' Red-and-Black Alicorn Cellblock. Maybe th' screams'll cheer me up." He bid farewell to the three, trotting back down to the main level while trying to distract himself from the this last hurdle before freedom.

"Oh, horseapples," Sweetie cursed. She wanted to help her training officer, but if he too stubborn to accept it, what could she do?

"Yeah," Flash agreed. "He's married, I take it?"

"Divorced. He and his wife separated a few years ago," Sweetie told Flash. "They still get along. Mostly."

"Oh. Umm... that sucks? Just met the guy."

"Yeah. He's doing fine, visits them on almost all of his off-days. That's just how it is down here."

"What do you mean?"

"This job is rough on relationships. Long hours, gone for months at a time, can't talk about your work. It's why they tend to turn a blind eye to letting close family 'behind the curtain,' so to speak. Like Octavia, Doc Treble's daughter. She used to practically live down here."

"The gray earth pony that ran through here earlier," Night Glider whispered to Flash under her breath, bringing the befuddled guard up to speed.

"It's not often ponies tell their children about what goes on down here. Foals tend to talk a lot." Sweetie continued. "If we bring spouses or fiancés in on the secret, the Director usually looks the other way. Helps keep morale up. Even if we can share what we do, though, it's still rough. Some ponies make it and some... don't."

Flash couldn't find anything to say at first. It wasn't hearing that these ponies found it difficult to have a healthy home life. After all, military families faced similar problems. It was the way Sweetie said it. It was just so... final, as if that were the way things were and nopony could hope to change them. "Wow, I, uh, that's... pretty bleak."

"It's not as bad as it sounds," Sweetie reassured him with a smile. "We're a tight-knit group here, and we make sure that we all have ponies we can share with. Plus, if you do know somepony on the outside you can trust, whether they're a spouse, coltfriend, or best friend, it just helps you appreciate them even more. Now, if you'll both excuse me, I have to go strangle my best friend for abandoning me at the top of a mountain." She nodded at them and trotted off up towards the base's Equestrian Revenue Service exit.

Flash looked at Night Glider. "She's kind of weird, isn't she?"

"Yeah, agents are like that," Night Glider agreed. "I only knew her by reputation until this last mission, but they all get a little doom-and-gloom sometimes. Don't worry about it, us Shadowbolts are way more chill." She started trotting back downstairs, with Flash following. "Unless you count the vamponies."

"V-Vamponies?"

"Sorta. Bossmare likes to act like one, but I'm pretty sure she's just a regular threstal."

"This place is too friggin' weird. I could've sworn Mr. Cross mentioned red and black alicorns before."

"Oh, he did," Night Glider grinned like a filly standing at the front of the class for her first show-and-tell. "We have a ton of those freakazoids down in containment. They're all completely loony, each one thinks he's the savior of Equestria. It'd be sad if they weren't so crazy destructive."

"Seriously!?"

"Yep! We really need to give you the full tour, huh?" She draped a wing around Flash, leading him down to the main level and the army of nightmares locked below it. "They all came from a super soldier cloning project gone wrong about, oh, I'd say two hundred years ago or so. Beautifully tragic backstory, let me tell you..."

"So what did you think, that you could just waltz in here like you own the place? That I'd let you?" The unicorn glared down Sweetie, her cerise eyes hardening dangerously. "I don't know who you who you think you are, 'Bon-Bon,' but nopony crosses me without consequences." Her horn lit with a magenta glow, waiting for Sweetie to make her move.

Sweetie gave her opponent a bemused look that masked the worry she felt. She was no stranger to high stakes, but the things she'd heard about this particular opponent... "Are you going to talk about yourself all day, or what?"

"Oh, it is on!" The unicorn shouted, flaring her horn. "On three! One! Two! Three!"

Sweetie sprang into action, hoofing the cup in front of her and raising it to her muzzle. She drained the cup of its bitter apple liquid as fast as she could before slamming it back to the table. Shouts and cheers erupted around her as she raised her hoof above the cup, focusing for a second before slamming it back down to the table. The edge of her hoof barely clipped the brim of the cup, flipping it over neatly upside down where it wobbled once, twice, before... tipping over on its side.

Sweetie's side of the table groaned in disappointment. "So close! ...C'mon filly, keep trying!" Beauty Brass encouraged from her seat next to Sweetie.

"Come on, Bon-Bon!" Frederick "Shoe" Horseshoepin agreed from further down the line of ponies at the table.

Sweetie nabbed the cup again, flipping it over and slamming her hoof down again. This time, the cup landed neatly upside down and stayed there, sliding a bit from the spilled cider on the table. Seeing her cup properly flipped, Beauty immediately picked up her own cup and started drinking. Her team cheered her efforts, but Vinyl Scratch had won her side an early lead. Bon-Bon's team put up a valiant effort, but their efforts were for naught as Parish "Par" Nadermane landed a perfect flip, winning the game for Vinyl's side.

"Woo! Go team! Sorry new girl, better luck next time!" Vinyl celebrated her friends' hard-won victory as Octavia, Beauty, and the other ponies on Sweetie's side of the table grumbled at their loss. She reared up and threw her forehooves around Par and Coloratura. "Weeeee are the champions, my frieeeeeends..."

Coloratura rolled her eyes. "Not this again," she muttered as Vinyl's raspy, off-key singing carried across the crowd. All across the Canterlot Academy hoofball pitch, ponies mingled, danced and celebrated. A band launched into a cover of the newest Sapphire Shores single, and loud alarms chimed from the refreshments area as younger students trying to sneak cider accidentally tripped You're-Not-Eighteen spells. Banners of the Dragons' logo hung everywhere, as did posters for the upcoming Friendship Games. Somehow, among the noise of fifteen hundred students unwinding after midterms, Vinyl's awful singing still managed to carry.

Sweetie's sound defeat at the hooves of the rambunctious unicorn hadn't been too surprising with all the tales Octavia had her of Vinyl, but still, was it too much to ask for a win or anything to help her be part of the group? All around her, Octavia's classmates split off without the game to hold their interest. She heard discussions of midterms and class schedules, some pop culture chatter that sailed over her head, and gossip about who fancied who, and who'd gotten caught making out behind the stadium. Yep, this is about right, Sweetie thought. I have over twenty paranatural captures under my belt, I just saved Aquastralia from being blown to radioactive rubble, and all anypony wants to talk about is the eye candy they spotted in orchestra class or whatever. She trotted over to Octavia, who was chatting with a tall white-and-pink unicorn who Sweetie swore looked familiar. "Hey Octie, I might bail a little early tonight. This place really isn't my scene and bwuuuuuh..." She trailed off as the two looked at her, the unicorn's smile lighting up the entire stadium. Dear Faust, she was gorgeous. Tall, slender, sparkling pink eyes and a warm smile. Sweetie tried in vain to think of a reply, but her train of thought was thoroughly derailed by the vision of beauty before her.

"What do you mean, Sweetheart? Erm, sweetheart?" Octavia asked her friend, frowning with concern. Her friend looked on as Sweetie tried to find her words.

"Well, umm, it's you know, like, everypony's been nice and everything, but ahh, I just don't have a lot of err, like," she felt sweat beads forming under her mane. Was it suddenly getting hotter in here? "This just feels... off," she finished halfheartedly.

"Oh, sw--Bonnie, I promise you, everypony loves you! I know Vinyl's, well, personality is a bit much to take at first, but she grows on you. If you'd like, I can stay with you for the night?"

"No, I don't keep to want, uh, want to keep you from everypony else..." Sweetie rubbed her forehead with a hoof. "I'm sorry," she said, turning to Octavia's friend. "Have we met before?"

The unicorn looked mortified for a second. "I apologize, I completely forgot my manners! Fleur, Fleur Dis Lee." She held out a hoof to Sweetie.

Sweetie was dumbfounded, fumbling as she shook Fleur's hoof. "Sw-ahem, Bon-Bon. Are you, like, the Fleur Dis Lee?"

Octavia rolled her eyes as Fleur smiled warmly. "Yes, I'm that Fleur."

"Holy flaming Celestia, are you serious? Guardians of the Sun was like my favorite movie ever! That fight scene on top of the burning zeppelin, and your monologue right before the final battle with the Snowviets, and even the romance subplot felt natural and not tacked on at all and I can't believe it's really you! You're one of the reasons I do what I do!"

"Why, thank you! It's always wonderful to meet a fan!" Fleur replied, flattered at the praise. Most of the hubbub around her enrollment at CA had died down the previous years. Society ponies and celebrities were uncommon, but not an unheard of sight at the capital's most prestigious institution of higher learning. "What do you do, then?"

"Oh, erm, I'm a travelling confectionery salesmare." Fleur raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. "What are you doing here? I thought the sequel's coming out over Hearthswarming?"

"We finished shooting over summer break. I'm not joining the press tour until semester's over," Fleur answered. "I made sure the schedule wouldn't interfere with my education before I signed on. I won't be an actress forever, after all."

"So, Bonnie, what were you saying before? You were thinking of leaving?" Octavia needled her best friend.

"Whuh, whuh well I could probably stay for a little while longer..."

"Oh, no, if you feel uncomfortable please don't let me keep you here! We can head back to my dormitory if you'd like!" Octavia leaned over to Fleur, fake-whispering to her. "Bonnie is a little nervous that she won't fit in with us schoolfillies."

"HEY!"

Fleur giggled. "Bon-Bon, was it? "I'll fetch us some drinks, leave you two some time to catch up?" She trotted off towards the bar, where a group of obviously-underage colts were being shooed away.

"Thank you, dear. I have a feeling we'll be needing some!" Octavia replied.

"Wait, I want to know about the sequel! Did Vladimir Poutine survive!? Is he coming back for revenge!?!?" Sweetie tried to run after her, only for Octavia to grab her.

"Whoa, filly! Behave," she wrapped a foreleg around Sweetie, holding her put. "You have stars in your eyes."

"Right! Right, my bad," Sweetie ran a hoof over her face. "Okay, what. The. Hay? You could've told me she was that Fleur Dis Lee!?"

"I'm surprised you didn't put it together," Octavia replied. "Then again, you kept getting her name wrong when I mentioned her in my letters. I figured I'd let it be a surprise for you."

"Well, it was." Sweetie told her. "Faust-damn, she is... wow."

"Somepony's got a cru-ush!" Octavia sang, squeezing her friend in a one-legged hug.

"What? No! I'm not into mares like that!"

"Oh, I know. I vividly remember how you broke my heart when we were sixteen," Octavia sighed and looked away, feigning anguish at the memory of that fateful night she bore her feelings to Sweetie, only to find her friend did not share them. She'd since grown up and wrote the whole thing off as a confused filly coming to terms with her orientation, and never missed an opportunity to thank Sweetie for refusing to bend to awkwardness and standing by her friend throughout the whole ordeal. She also never missed a chance to annoy Sweetie with hammy melodramatic angst. Fleur wasn't the only talented actress at the Academy. "Perhaps I was never truly the pony meant to capture the elusive heart of the legendary Agent Sweetie Drops!"

Sweetie immediately looked around in panic, fearing that somepony had overheard. She needn't have worried. Vinyl's cat-strangling easily drowned out Octavia's slip-up. "Octie!" She chided. "Don't use my real name! Besides, it's 'Special Agent' now."

"Yes, yes of course, how could I forget? You're very special indeed, 'Bon-Bon.'" Sarcasm dripped from Octavia's voice as she smiled sweetly. "As for Fleur, she has that effect on everypony who meets her. Gay, straight, mare, stallion, it doesn't matter. That filly is walking proof that there's no such thing as a zero on the Whinnsey scale. I do hate to speak of my friends in such a fashion, but it's an undeniable fact."

"Hey, I just really like her mane-er-movies. Her movies. She just... makes it look so cool. Galloping off into the sunset with a hunky stallion at her side."

"It's charisma, Sweetheart. Some mares just have 'it', so to speak. Fleur may leave some ponies starstruck, but if you can manage to look past your adorable celebrity-crush--"

"Not what's happening here. Shut up."

"--then I'm positive she'd be delighted to your undoubtedly many questions about her cinema career."

"You think so? Cool, I just might do that." Sweetie replied. "What about you?"

"What about me what, dear?"

"You actually do like girls," Sweetie pointed out.

"...yes, I'm aware. So?"

"So don't tell me you're spending all this time with your ridonculous bombshell friend and you never even gave it a thought."

"I never did," Octavia replied flatly. "She and I were not very fond of each other until recently. I was hardly a social pony back then and she spent most of her time on campus with a group of somewhat unpleasant mares."

"The groupies, I remember you mentioned them."

"Yes, in my letters. They constantly attempted to outdo a certain Princess of Love who shall not be named around Fleur. After Her Majesty Miss Cadenza left CA, she realized the toxic nature of her social circle and we buried the hatchet, so to speak. She's a wonderful friend who I'd do anything for, but even if my affections weren't alr--ahem, even if I was attracted to her, I believe our history would have soured such feelings."

"Okay, okay, I get it. You and Fleur, bee eff effs and nothing else." Sweetie put her hooves up in mock surrender. "Soo... who it?"

"Pardon?"

"Hey." Sweetie wasn't buying it. "Don't lie to me, Octie. Secret-freakin-agent. I'm kinda good at this. You've got that same look on your face you had when we convinced your dad we had no idea how that Minotian Death Worm escaped from containment."

"I'm not sure I'll appreciate where you're going with this."

"Then consider it payback for ditching me." Sweetie grinned evilly. "A nice game of 'who does Octie want to take a roll in the hay with?' Hmm... Beauty Brass? She's your roommate, maybe that tiny little dorm you share has you thinking how nice it'd be to get a little closer?"

Octavia made a face. "I'm afraid you've let these fevered fantasies of yours run a bit too wild."

"That's a 'no', then. Hmm... who could it be..." Sweetie smirked as she stared intently at her friend. Octavia fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. Sweetie waggled her eyebrows at her friend. Octavia broke eye contact, laughing and blushing with embarrassment.

"Stop it! You know I hate that look!" Octavia protested. I've forgotten how much fun this is!

Sweetie was about to guess again when she was interrupted by Fleur's return. "I'm back, everypony! And look who I found!" She greeted the two as she trotted over with Vinyl Scratch in tow. "Who wants cider!?" The two unicorns levitated red cups of cider towards Octavia and Sweetie.

"Please," Octavia hoofed a cider from Fleur, downing it in one long draw.

"Whoa, Tavi! Never seen you chug like that before!" Vinyl's cerise eyes widened. "Don't go too crazy without me, Rara's up after this set. I gotta run the mixer for her new song."

Fleur pursed her lips in concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, everything's just wonderful," Octavia assured them. She threw a foreleg around Sweetie, a wooden smile plastered over her muzzle. "What can I say? My friends just bring out the best in me! Isn't that right, 'Bon-Bon'?" She leaned in further, whispering in Sweetie's ear. "You've had you fun, I'm sorry about the elevator. Now kindly drop it, please?"

"Oh, Octie," Sweetie whispered back. "Don't think for a second that this is over."

"Sweet! See, everypony's happy!" Vinyl exclaimed, Octavia's sarcasm flying over her head. "Hey new girl, no hard feelings about the game, right? I meant it all in good fun." She floated a cider to Sweetie. "Sorry about the showboating, I kinda forgot you weren't part of the usual group."

"It's Bon-Bon," Sweetie replied, hoofing the drink and taking a sip. She still wasn't sure about the obnoxious unicorn, but felt some of her annoyance fade with the almost-apology. "But, uh, thanks. Who's Rara?"

"Oh right, that's Coloratura's nickname. She's backstage getting ready for her performance."

"Your performance," Octavia corrected Vinyl with a smile. "The way I understand it, you put quite a lot of work into it as well."

"Hey, I know I'm a superstar and all," Vinyl said with a smug grin, "but I just mixed the background track. The lyrics are all Rara."

Octavia rolled her eyes at Vinyl's usual cockiness. "Don't sell yourself short, dear. It's an excellent piece of original work. Frankly, I'm amazed that contraption of yours could produce something so pleasing to the ears instead of your usual industrial saw noise."

"Thanks for the encouragement, Tavi. Right before I'm about to go up onstage too."

"Vinyl, the piece is amazing. Don't worry about a thing. I've heard you two practice, and it sounds quite lovely. I'm talking about your, well, experimental tracks. The ponies in the suite below ours complained to the residency director that somepony was firing a party cannon at all hours of the night!"

"Hey, at least I'm creating my own stuff instead of playing Neightoven over and over again!"

"I have to practice sometime! My cello isn't like your soundtable, I can't just--" Blah blah blah music music who cares. From the looks of it, this little spat wasn't ending in the next few minutes. Sweetie glanced around the crowd as she sipped her cider, looking for someway to extricate herself from the argument.

"Not a music mare, I take it?" Sweetie jumped as Fleur trotted next to her, levitating her own cider.

"N-not so much, no." Sweetie replied, taking the chance and backing out of Octavia and Vinyl's arguement. "Are they always like this?"

"For the most part," the actress replied. "They're extremely close, but tend to show it in... strange ways."

"They're just baiting each other like they enjoy the arguing. I hate when two ponies do that, it's so annoying." The universe's breath caught in its throat as a ten-ton brick of irony sailed completely over Sweetie's head. "I imagine it gets old fast too."

Fleur laughed. "It does, trust me. So, how'd you meet Octavia? She said you two have known each other for years, but she's so private about her home life."

"Not much to tell, really. I grew up in a resort town in the mountains, met her while she was on vacation. We hit it off, and since neither of us had any real friends before that our parents arranged for us to visit one another whenever we could."

"That's... actually very heartwarming. Two lonely ponies meet by chance and travel halfway across the country in the name of friendship? It could be a film in it's own right." Fleur mused as she mulled it over.

"I guess? It's my life, you know? Never really thought of it that way. Always seemed normal to me." Sweetie took a pull of cider. Octavia's right, she thought. She's not bad to talk to at all, once you get past the mane and the eyes and the smile and DAT FLANK -- Quiet, you -- You ruin all our fun, superego! -- Behave and I won't have to, id. She forced herself to swallow the mouthful of cider. "How about you? I mean, I knew CA had a lot of high-society ponies attending, but you're like famous-famous, not castle-district garden party famous! Oh! And seriously, what happens with Vladimir Poutine? Cause he was such a badass villain and it would suck if they just replaced him with some generic mustache-twirler in the new one..."

Fleur laughed, snorting into her drink. "I don't want to spoil anything for the sequel, but there's an old saying in Applewood: if you don't see somepony die, they're not really dead. Even if they do fall of a burning airship into an also-burning missile silo. Besides, Dapper Crag signed on for three films total."

"Oh nice! The sequel is going to be so. Amazing!" Sweetie finished the last of her cider. "Time for another round?"

"I'll join you," Octavia huffed as she stomped over. "Miss Thinks-She's-Better-Than-Everypony-Else needs to prepare for Coloratura's performance."

Fleur and Sweetie laughed. "You did start it, Octie." Sweetie pointed out, "and I thought that was my nickname?"

"Bon-Bon, I will happily discuss the miasma of annoyances that is Vinyl Scratch later, when I'm properly inebriated. For now, let's just get some more drinks and move up front so we can properly support our friend for her song." Sweetie and Fleur followed Octavia as she trotted toward the refreshment stand, still in a huff. Fleur gave Sweetie a knowing smile as their mutual friend grumbled under her breath. Okay, so maybe pop culture and who likes who isn't as bad as I thought it'd be, Sweetie thought. Still, can't help but feel like I'm missing something...

"Do you ever feel
Like it's your destiny
To move the sun and moon
All across the sky?"

Octavia drunkenly sang as she stared up at the stars. The stars were wobbly and bumpy, as if Princess Celestia had placed them inside a martini shaker. This thought made her want another drink. She started to stand to go get one when everything went topsy-turvy.

"Whoa, there! Take it easy, girl!" Coloratura grabbed Octavia before she could slide off Sweetie's back and fall to the dirt. She sighed as her inebriated friend slumped back into her resting spot. "This is not how I pictured this night ending. 'Why, thank you for having me on the show Pony O'Brien! You look handsome as usual. Oh, the night I knew I would become a star? Yes, I helped drag a lush halfway across campus and snuck her into her dorm so she could sleep it off!'"

"Do you ever feel
Like you'd look better with
A sparkling golden crown
And an ethereal mane?"

"Sorry we had to pull you away from the crowd," Sweetie apologized as Octavia slurred her way through Coloratura's song. "She gets... feisty when she's like this." She winced as her friend's squirming put a little too much pressure on her sore ribs.

"It's alright," Coloratura replied. "Frankly, I'm elated that it went over as well as it did. I can't thank you enough, Vinyl! Couldn't have done it without you!"

"Eh, you're welcome," Vinyl groused as she shot Octavia an annoyed look. "Good to know some ponies appreciate my sound."

"Soundsss like Tavi liked it too!" Fleur giggled, covering her muzzle as she let out a small hiccup. Both she and Beauty were showing signs of the long night, their gaits slightly wobbly. "Errypony does! You'll be the nexsht superstar, Rara! Ooh, I should put you in touch with my old agent, he'sh kinda dif... diffi... hard to work with but he'sh really good!"

"Thanks, Fleur!" Coloratura replied. "I just may take you up on that."

"Did you know that there's
A chance for all of us?
Spark of friendship in us,
You just gotta..."

"Sho, how're we doin' this?" Beauty asked the group as they came to a stop in front of Platinum Hall's facade. "Magic handoff?"

"Yep. Only way to sneak her past the front desk," Vinyl answered. "Fleur, Beauty, head upstairs to the room. I'll float her up from down here."

"Got it!" Fleur happily replied as they unsteadily trotted towards the lobby door.

"You sure you're okay, Fleur?" Vinyl called after the two. "Maybe you shouldn't be drinking and casting?"

"I'm fiiiiiine!" Fleur called back to the concerned DJ. "I've got this," she assured Vinyl moments before she smacked her muzzle into the closed lobby door. Beauty bowled over laughing as Fleur let loose with a string of very unladylike curses. She wrapped the door handle with her pink aura, struggling to push the door open. Beauty tried to help with her forehooves, to no avail.

"...Maybe I should go with them," Coloratura strode over to the struggling pair and pointed to the PULL sign next to the handle. She wrapped a fetlock around it and easily pulled it open, then ushered the two drunks inside. As they disappeared into the dorm, Octavia upped the volume of her rendition of Coloratura's ear-worm.

"Igniiiite your light as you feeeel the spark,
Just raise that sun and shine away the dark!"

"Pony you're an AAAAALICORN!
Feel the magic flowin' throooough your horn!
Don't you wanna fly, fly, fly
Soar across the sky, sky, sky!"

"Got a set of pipes on her," Vinyl remarked as Octavia wailed through the chorus, her foreleg wrapped around Sweetie's head for stability. "Too bad she had to be a stuck up bit-"

"Boom boom boom!
Send that nightmare to the moon moon moon!"

"Yeah, I don't know what was up with that?" Sweetie shifted her stance to balance Octavia. "Don't get me wrong, she loves a good verbal sparring match, but she's usually less... mean. Are you two having some sort of fight I don't know about?"

Vinyl shrugged, frowning. "If we are, it's news to me. Maybe she was already drunk. Speaking of, how in Tartarus can somepony be as pickled as she is and still keep their bowtie on straight? She doesn't have a mane hair out of place and she can't even walk, for crying out loud."

"It's truly a mystery for the ages," Sweetie intoned flatly. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. She was a little on edge before about... something. She was probably just flustered."

"She was? What about?"

"Not my place to say."

"Come on! We're both Tavi's friends, no secrets between a friend's... mutual friends... right?"

"Hah, that's not how that goes."

"You know what I meant."

"Sorry, no can do. Secrets are serious business in my profession."

Vinyl frowned at that. "And what profession is that?"

Horseapples. "...Travelling candy salesmare?"

"Ookay..."

"...It's a competitive field. I know ponies that would kill for my proprietary chocolate-covered pretzel recipe."

"Do you take pretzels and dip them in chocolate?"

"...Yes."

"Huh. I see." Vinyl looked at her oddly. "You're kinda weird, new girl, but you're alright in my book. It's always good to know somepony else has Tavi's back. Literally, in this case," She prodded Octavia, who had thankfully abandoned her singing and was content with resting draped across Sweetie like a set of saddlebags.

"OKAY VINYL WE'RE READY!" Vinyl and Sweetie jumped as Beauty Brass hollered down at them from Room 413's open window. She and Fleur waved down at the trio. "SHEND HER UP!"

"Shh! Use some discretion, filly!" Vinyl hissed back in as loud a whisper she dared risk.

"SORRY!" Beauty yelled.

Vinyl facehoofed. Coloratura pulled Beauty back from the window and tossed out a length of rope, which Vinyl caught in her aura and quickly tied around Octavia's barrel. "In case the glamour girl drops her," she explained before wrapping Octavia in her magic and lifting her off Sweetie's back.

Well, this seems safe.

"Hey there, party mare." Vinyl spoke to a sleepy Octavia floating in front of her. "Feeling up for a little flying?"

"Vinyl!" Octavia exclaimed. "Your song was sooooo good! Wait, yours and Rarash. You know whaddImean right?"

"Heh, thanks. I do." Vinyl laughed. Sweetie grinned to herself.

"I'm shorry about fightin' before. Here, lemme make it up to you," Octavia waggled her forelegs back and forth, trying to swim through empty air and Vinyl's magic. "Closer!" Called it! Sweetie thought. Still can't shake that 'missing something' feeling, though. What was I trying to get out of Octie before she picked the fight with Vinyl again?

Vinyl levitated Octavia closer, floating her friend in front of her. "Sure, what are you--" Vinyl's thought fizzled as Octavia snaked her forelegs around Vinyl's withers. Octavia pulled herself to Vinyl and kissed her softly on the lips.

...Right, now I remember.

Vinyl stood still, frozen in shock. A million thoughts flew through her head, but she could act on none of them.

The tender moment lasted only a second before her aura winked out, dropping Octavia to the sidewalk. Octavia let out a snorting laugh as she rolled into the dew-soaked grass.

"...What..." Vinyl managed to utter, her cheeks flushing bright red.

"HEY ARE WE SHTILL DOIN' THIS? WHAT'S GOIN' ON DOWN THERE?" Fleur bellowed from above.

"I... I... the fu..."

"You, uh, you okay there?" Sweetie asked.

"...What just happened..."

"You got to first base with your suitemate?"

"Oh... why?"

"That, I think, is a question you should ask Octavia." Octavia chose that moment to start snoring loudly. "A question you should ask Octavia tomorrow."

"...Okay, yeah that sounds good. I like that idea." Vinyl relit her horn, levitating Octavia up to the open window. "She's comin up, roomie!" She called to Fleur's silhouette in the darkened window. Sweetie made out a wobbly nod from the shadow. As Octavia floated up towards the dorm, a pale pink hue joined Vinyl's bright magenta, guiding their passenger towards the window. "Okay, got her?"

"I got her!"

*Clunk* Vinyl and Sweetie winced as Octavia's head bumped against the windowframe.

"Oops... I still got her!"

They saw Octavia disappear inside the dormitory. Snippets of Coloratura's chiding and Fleur's laughter floated down on the cool autumn breeze. "C'mon, let's head upstairs. There's a common room between Fleur and my room and Beauty and Tavi's. We've got a futon in there you can crash on." Vinyl turned to Sweetie as the two trotted towards the lobby door. "So, tomorrow, do you want to tell her about that, or should I?"

"I'll tell her. You want her in a good mood. You know, for that other thing."

"It was just a kiss, Bon-Bon. She's drunk, it probably didn't mean anything."

"Keep telling yourself that." Sweetie silently thanked Celestia for the darkness, because she was doing a terrible job at hiding her amused grin. "She really respects your music, by the way. She'd mention you a lot when she wrote to me. Called you brilliant, if a little eccentric."

"Really? I, uh... huh. Good to know."

"I also may want to hold the window thing over her head until the end of time."

"Dammit! I wanted to do that!"

Sweetie laughed. "You're kinda weird Vinyl, but you're alright in my book."

"Needless to say, the details of that night are hazy at best. Most of what I've told you is secondhand as I--Oh, for Celestia's sake, go ahead. Get it out of your system already!"

Lyra held both forehooves over her bright-red face. "Hehe--ahem--get what out? I've got noo--" *snort* "--idea what you're talking about!"

Octavia sighed. "Fine, I admit it. I can see how it would be fairly amusing for somepony who didn't know me back then. I promise I won't get angry if you laugh." She leaned forward on her desk, waiting for Lyra to crack.

"I'm--hehehe--serious, I won't--BAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S GREAT THEY HAD TO CARRY YOU HOME AND SNEAK YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW!!! Never in a thousand years would I have thought you'd be so awesome!" Lyra fell off Octavia's plush executive office chair, rolling around on the floor with laughter.

"Yes, yes, highly amusing. I was a different pony back then, and I had a few very eye-opening experiences that..." Octavia trailed off. Lyra had poked her head back above the desk, her mirth instantly draining away as she focused on something behind Octavia's seat with a mixture of embarrassment and horror. "Heartstrings? Is everything okay?"

Lyra soundlessly pointed behind Octavia. Octavia turned to look, and her heart froze.

A figure stood in the office's open doorway, staring at the two. She stepped into the room and the shadows of the hallway receded, her pink and blue locks and the betrayal written across her face quite visible. Lyra gulped.

"H-Hello Sweetheart," Octavia offered.

"Octie. Lyra."

"What are you doing here? It's been quite a while." Octavia's voice wavered as she tried to keep calm.

"Lyra was late for our meeting at the farmer's market, I came here to find her. Discord let me in."

"It was I, Discord! Master of Chaos!" Discord's mocking boast echoed down throughout the theater's backstage.

"Sweetheart, I don't know what you heard but we were just reminiscing abou--"

"Save it, Octie. And for the last time, don't call me that! That name is dead, and it needs to stay dead! You of all ponies should know how dangerous it is to dredge up the past." Octavia fell silent as Bon-Bon's glare turned from her to Lyra. "And you. I trusted you, Lyra! You're my best friend, and I told you things I've never told anypony outside the Service." Bon-Bon advanced on Lyra, stabbing a hoof at her as she shrank back to the office wall. "I know patience and common sense aren't your strong points, but I thought you'd have the brains to not start chatting about my double life the second I turn my back!" Lyra opened her mouth to protest, but Bon-Bon cut her off. "No, I don't care if Octavia already knows, lives are at stake here! That kind of irresponsibility can get ponies killed! You don't know what kind of danger the most innocent-sounding information can pose if it gets out, or who might overhear! Like, oh I don't know, the SPIRIT OF CHAOS AND DISHARMONY IN THE NEXT ROOM!? There are too many things out there that want me dead, and if you're just going to bring this up with anypony who happens to know my old name, then maybe I can't trust you after all." Sweetie pulled out a box wrapped in brown paper from a saddlebag and shoved it at Lyra. "Here. Have fun with your little play." She turned and stomped out of the room, Leaving Lyra and Octavia to stew in their shock.

"Soo good to see you again, Warden Sweetie! Listen, I hate to bring it up after such a loong time, but before Celestia re-purposed me as her personal lawn ornament, I believe some of your coworkers stiffed me on a carton of cigarettes. Any chance you could look into it? It cost me a gallon of pruno and I'm a little worried Grogar might try to shiv me the next time I see him."

"Buzz off, Discord." Lyra and Octavia heard the sound of the theater's front door slamming shut.

Lyra pulled the brown wrapping off the package with her aura, revealing a pair of shiny bronze night-vision goggles. Wordlessly, she took the goggles in her magic and pulled off the card, blinking back tears as she read Sweetie's tidy mouthwriting.

Hey, Ly! Just a little thank-you for being so patient with me. I know I've kinda led you in circles with the you-know-what, it's just not always easy for me to talk about it y'know? Anyway, I had Time Turner fix these up for you. Enjoy!

-Friends always,
Bonnie

Cargo Dock, Las Pegasus Intertational Aerodrome
Las Pegasus, Equestria
December 26, 994 C. E.

Dockworkers buzzed around the gantries, eager to unload the MV North Star so they could turn right around and stuff it full of Equestrian-made products before sending it on its way. They slid containers down roller-ramps, arranging them for pickup as other workers refueled the giant minotaur airship and refilled its gas envelopes. In the commotion and noise of the docks, the longshoremares failed to notice the thumping and rattling issuing from one particular crate.

The metal box finally peeled open with a screech and a flash of orange magical energy. A plain yellow unicorn with a burgundy mane and a red-orange flower cutie mark clambered out, wrinkling her nose as she looked back at the crate's contents in disgust.

"Ugh! If I smell olives or hummus for the next thousand years, it'll be too soon!"

A half-hour of sneaking and dodging LPX's Royal Guard detachment, and she was free and clear on the bright, cheery Applewood beachside. She trotted up to a newsstand and swiped the day's Equestria Daily while the vendor was distracted by her flirty smile.

"Minions, minions... let's see here..." She muttered to herself as she flipped through local crime reports. "Ooh! ...Nahh. Hmm... nope. Ugh! Classifieds aren't worth a damn anymore. What's a girl got to do to find a good scapegoat these days?" She finally stopped more than halfway through the paper, mulling over a short article about some gang violence in nearby Sunnysaddle.

A gem on her saddlebag buzzed, and she quickly hoofed an earpiece to her ear. "Heyyyy, big poppa T! How's my favorite client!? Good, good, listen, I just made it back to the ol' EQ and... uh huh... hey there! I explained that, it was an issue with the subcontractors! Don't forget, you came to us! You're always welcome to take your business elsewhere. If you can find someone who can deliver..."

She waited a second, nodding as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Right, I understand your frustration and I assure you this is our top priority. You need to understand that setup like this takes time, and I intend on doing it right. After that little cluster in the tropics, it's pretty obvious that we've had some heat on us from day one. I've talked it over with the board, and they agree that the best move we can make right now is to step back and do a little research on our competition. What's past is past, but we don't want to be blindsided again... Right, no, it definitely pushes back our timetable, but it'll take much less infrastructure and expense and the risk-reward will be wayy better. That's a Fire Lily guarantee! Unless, of course, you want to throw down a half a billion bits for another submarine."

The voice on the other end of the line spoke into her ear again, and she nodded a few times. "So far, not much. The board knows about these players, but as far as details go, they're not exactly the sharing type." As the voice replied, she rolled her eyes at a passing stallion, making the international hoof gesture for 'never shuts up, ever,' and mouthing prick silently. "Whoa, whoa! Settle down there! C'mon, T-Bone, bubby, you really think we'd leave our friends hangin' like that? Your best pal Lily's on top of this! Next time we talk, I'll have everything down to their horseshoe size!" She floated out a few photographs from her saddlebag. They were snapped from a distance, showing a group of ponies in black armor clustered around the docks of a bayside town on a tropical island. Most wore face-concealing gas masks, but she had circled a few promising leads. Two stallions wearing police armor, and an orange pegasus with a bright blue mane and tail. She stopped over the last one, a cream earthpony with a two-tone mane. "Besides, I've got a good idea where to get started..."

Author's Note

The Minotian Death Worm is named after its discoverer, famed minotaur researcher Lord Minotian Death. Lord Death's estate requested they be named for him after an he was eaten by a worm during a field study.

As for this chapter's length: I'm so, so sorry. It really got away from me and I edit it myself and I can't for the life of me figure out a good spot to split it in half. Tune in next time for a much better chapter! One with actual action and spy stuff! For now though, courage.

Now some worldbuilding, brought to you by Blue Suns Corporation:

Octavia, Beauty Brass, Fleur Dis Lee, and Vinyl Scratch all live in a two-room dormitory suite with a shared bathroom and common room. It's the same setup I had my first two years at college. Octavia and Beauty live in one room, Fleur and Vinyl in the other. Coloratura lives elsewhere, as do Parish and Frederick.

Most of Canterlot Academy's student body come from a fairly privileged or wealthy background. Octavia has a free ride due to her parents' status as former/current faculty, and despite appearances Vinyl is on academic scholarship. Everypony else either comes from money or has some of their own. Some of them will reappear (coughVinylcough) as plot demands and depending on exactly how much more I've bitten off than I can chew with this monster of a story.

Fleur, for lack of a better description, is an Applewood It-Girl. She was discovered while she was in primary school and skyrocketed to fame. She's on the backside of her fifteen minutes, and is smart enough to know it. She's at CA to get a formal education in the arts and transfer to a career behind the camera before her stardom fades. She's probably five to seven years older than the rest of the group, who I pictured at around 18-20. (Ponies seem to be more independent at a younger age, and Sweetie joined the OCS as soon as she legally could.)

Coloratura hasn't hit it big just yet. That song is an original work by her and Vinyl and definitely not a Katy Perrody. (Sorry) They're both sober at the end of the night because, since they were performing, neither was drinking outside of the flip-cup game. Sweetie was sober because, after drinking with the griffons, it'll take more than a few ciders to knock her on her plot. Everypony else, not so much.

Fernicus was written before Legend of Everfree came out. I added the thing with the geodes after I saw it because of the similarity to the movie. You can probably guess based on context what 'Starswirl Protocol' is and what happened to the rocks. Starswirl was an amazing wizard, but he had a tendency to be... lax with dangerous magic or evil creatures. That mentality in no way persists to the current-day OCS. Nope, not at all.

Fernicus himself is essentially a sapient, very angry version of 'Gia Everfree's' vines with... some sort of nerve center or something. Radial symmetry, y'all. He's busy cooling his thorns in lockup, trying to not get shanked by the Original Characters, the red-black alicorn prison gang that runs his cellblock. I doubt we've seen the last of him.

Fire Lily is... a bit of a mystery. And an asshole. I kind of wanted her to mug a stallion and steal his bowler hat and cane, but I don't want to pigeonhole her as a Alex DeLarge/Roman Torchwick expy just yet. She talks more like an 80s Wall Street goon anyway.

Minos is southwest of the Griffon territories. They're a power in the Luna Sea due to geography, but don't have the global reach that Equestria and the griffon territories do.

That's it for Worldbuilding, brought to you by Blue Suns Corporation! Blue Suns: You're in Good (Blue) Hands!

As always, if you spot any spelling or grammar errors or any messed up structure, please let me know. I chopped this thing up a lot and may have missed something, and at this point if I go through it again I'll never get it posted. It's too big... just too big. I'm done.

Vampire Weekend Part 1: Change of Scenery

Midtown, 5th and Saddle
Manehattan, Equestria
996 C. E.
Operation Daybreak

"Team One, this is Candymare. Comm check."

"This is Washout, have you five by five Candymare."

"Copy, five by five."

"Candymare, this is Ground Two, five by five."

"Say again callsign?"

"Dammit guys, can't I just be Ground Two?"

"Negative. Say again callsign."

"Ugh. Waifu Stealer five by five."

"Copy. All units stay alert."

...

"Good evening, Doctor. Please take a seat."

"Yes, Director."

"Everypony here has met, yes? Good, we have little time to waste. Let's begin."

"Yes, Director."

"Yes, Director."

"Let the record show we have Doctor Treble Clef of Canterlot and Doctor Spangled Banner of Manehattan in attendance. Absent are Doctor Scroll Piles and Doctor Rainbow Blaze, currently assisting in cleanup and damage control of the Sunnysaddle Field Safehouse and the Applewood Offsite Staging Facility. Doctor Clef, the report please?"

*Ahem* "28 April 996, 2330 local time. Sunnysaddle Field Safehouse was assaulted by paranatural organization known as Children of the Night. Hostile force consisted of approximately thirty baseline threstals and fifteen to twenty hemovores. Onsite security engaged, but was overwhelmed and fell back inside the facility itself. Site commander broadcast a systemwide alarm at 2335. At 2340, senior surviving officer on site, Special Agent Summer Beauty, ordered evacuation of facility and destruction of classified materiel onsite. Tactical Response Team arrived at 2355. No survivors found at site, thirty-four dead, including threstal cultists. Command and research staff of twelve, nine security ponies, two teams of four field agents each. Eleven security and twelve agents MIA. Five hostiles dead, possibly more. Hemovores don't leave a corpse."

"Go on, Doctor."

"Well, erm, our findings are still preliminary at this point, sir."

"I understand Doctor, please continue."

"It's possible the site was not sterile when it was overrun. Explosives failed to detonate, and while the file skiffs were found incinerated it's possible that the Children did so themselves to cover their tracks."

"That is... unfortunate. Any word from our missing agents?"

"No sir, Special Agent Beauty, her team, and several other OCS personnel are still unaccounted for."

"I see. And the Applewood property?"

"Similar. Distress call recieved 01 May 996, 0100 local. force of seventy-five threstals and ten hemovores assaulted and overran within twenty minutes. Sixty-two dead, thirty-five of ours and twenty-seven hostiles. Remaining twenty of our ponies also missing, likely have gone underground. Site ordered sterilized and abandoned at 0115 by civilian contractor Angel Eyes, who assumed a leadership role during the chaos."

"I see. Why the disparity between casualties?"

"Our best guess is element of surprise. Ponies at the Applewood facility were on high alert following news of Sunnysaddle."

"It's a possibility. Site was clean when it fell?"

"Yes sir."

"A weak ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark week, I'm afraid. Where did these ponies come from? From what I understood, the Children of the Night were a minor annoyance at best. Their M. O. used to be simple foalnappings?"

"We... don't know. Nothing we have on them indicates this kind of horsepower or organization. Dr. Piles has every available agent from the central Las Pegasus facility hunting them, and Dr. Blaze has ordered the Cloudsdale TRTs to assist."

"Not enough. One attack is an abberation. A careless agent, or perhaps a crime of opprotunity. Two is a message. These ponies have bucked down our doors and tried to burn our house to the ground. They have spilled the blood of our brothers in arms. I want to know who the are, how they know of our existence, and what they aim to achieve. Doctor Clef, Doctor Banner, this is now our top priority. Every pony you have on this."

"Yes sir."

"Yes sir."

"And Doctors?"

"Yes?"

"Capture or kill orders, to extend to as far as you deem necessary. These monsters must be reminded why they once feared us. Chase them to the ends of Equestria, find where they hide their coffins, and introduce them to the sun."

"Yes sir."

...

"Targets sighted! Three hoof-mobiles, corner of Fifth and Saddle moving north."

"Copy. Stay on them, Washout. Waifu Stealer and I will intercept." Sweetie took off down Mare-de-Sun Avenue at a fast trot, her traveller's cloak whipping about as the wind roared through the steel-glass canyons of midtown Manehattan. She ducked and weaved through the pedestrian traffic. Flash was doing the same two blocks over, travelling north on Sixth. Night Glider orbited their quarry from above, circling the city in lazy circles and relaying directions to her teammates. No matter which way the prey turned, there was no escape.

"Turning west at the Celestia Building. Waifu Stealer, they're headed right for you."

"I'm on them!" Flash replied.

"Negative, continue west and stay out of visual contact," Sweetie directed him. "Target may still rabbit, we don't want to spook them." She hooked a left onto 34th, picking up the pace as she spotted the towering Celestia Building a block ahead.

"Targets continuing west. Looks like they're headed for the train station." Sweetie swore at Night Glider's report. Their targets were masters of disguise. As soon as they entered the train terminal underneath Mare-de-Sun Square Garden, Night Glider would lose sight of them and they'd disappear. She pulled her cloak's hood over her head and quickened her pace. "Waifu Stealer, get to the station and be ready to intercept."

"Comms won't reach streetside down there, Candymare."

"I know," Sweetie replied tersely. One more block to go. She could see Mare-de-Sun Square above the throngs of pedestrians. She frantically searched for any sign of Flash or their targets, but they were lost among the crowd. "I'll be there to back you up, don't worry. I'm not losing these plotholes."

"...Wilco. Shadowing contacts, entering the station now."

Sweetie finally reached the station after what felt like an eternity. She rushed down the sweeping staircase, moving as fast as she could through the throngs of commuters without drawing attention to herself. A quick flash of a fake police badge and some nonsense about 'official business' impressed the ticket booth pony into waving her through. She frantically looked around, seeing no signs of Flash or their quarry.

"Candymare to Waifu Stealer, say position," she held her hoof to her ear, praying to Celestia that Flash would pick up the call.

*ksssssss* "--heading to the platform--" *ksht*

"Uh, say again? Which platform, the maneway?"

*fsssss*

Buck. Sweetie had hoped she'd be quick enough to spot Flash as he tailed their targets, but her luck had run out. The bright orange guard was nowhere to be seen. Okay, think. Flash isn't very good at blending in, maybe somepony remembered seeing him?

...

"Hello again!" The ticket pony looked up from his ledger at the smiling face of the mare who'd pressed a police badge against his booth not a minute earlier.

"H-hello?"

"Did a pegasus stallion with a bright blue mane come through here not too long ago? I was supposed to meet him but the fool forgot to tell me which train he was getting on! You'd remember him, he kind of looks like a goofy traffic cone?"

"I don't... wait, yes, I remember him!" He exclaimed, quickly flipping back a page to look up his recent sales. "He said he was meeting with friends too, asked me to look up their tickets. Wow, you really got your wires crossed, huh officer?"

"Oh, yeah sure," Sweetie waved off the concern. "Crazy day at the precinct! Anyway, where are they going?"

"They bought tickets on the Neigh Jersey Transit line. Departs for Baltimare in five minutes, you can catch them if you hurry!"

Sweetie rushed through the winding underground station, bowling several ponies out of the way as she bolted for the platform. She reached the platform just as the conductor called his final all-aboard. Sweetie hopped onto the train just as the doors slid shut. "Waifu Stealer? It's Candymare. I'm onboard, barely. Where are you?"

*ksssht* "--ar the back, second car from the end. Moving on the targets."

"No!" Sweetie hissed as loudly as she could, startling the commuters around her. "Do not engage, not without backup!"

*fss* --cornered, I've got the drop on them and--oh, buck--" *THWAK* *THWAK* *kssssst* Sweetie stumbled as the train started moving, then took off, fear twisting her stomach into knots.

She bolted to the end of the train, reaching the second car from the rear and peeking through the window the last one. It was thankfully empty except for Flash and the three ponies they'd been pursuing. As Sweetie opened the carriage door and pushed her way onto the platform between cars, she heard a high-pitched shriek not unlike a little filly startled by a spider. She crouched low below the last car's window, pulling a compact crossbow from her bag and slapping the strap around her hoof.

Two stallions advanced on Flash Sentry, who slowly backed toward's the carriage's rear door. A third blocked off his escape. They grinned as he lowered his own empty crossbow, he had no chance of reloading before they could stop him. "Listen guys, can't we talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about?" The stallions' leader raised an eyebrow. "You tried to follow us, we got the drop on you. You don't exactly have anything to bargain with."

"Hehe, yeah. Game over, pony!" another chuckled.

"Ponies will come looking for you if anything happens to me," Flash warned them. "You don't want that. Your disguises aren't going to hold up against any scrutiny."

The three laughed. "So?" The leader motioned to his Cutie Mark, which read 'PLACEHOLDER.' "Do you think that matters to us? We'll be out of the country before sunset. I don't care if somepony finds your shriveled carcass a week from now."

"Oh? Okay... well then... look behind you!!!" Flash shouted suddenly, pointing past the group with a hoof.

The leader snorted in amusement. "Really? The 'look, a distraction' gambit? Has that ever worked for-" *click* "Damn."

"Hello, Kevin." The leader froze at the new voice. He slowly turned his head, spotting a figure in a hooded cloak holding his compatriot in a headlock. She held a foreleg extended past her equine shield, her foldout weapon leveled at the leader's head. Sunlight glinted off the metal bolt tip as the train emerged from underground and climbed up the incline to the rail bridge over the Hoofston River.

"Smiles. Always lovely to see you. Still using that stick shooter instead of a proper clawgun?"

Sweetie shook the cloak's hood loose from her head. "What are you doing in Equestria, Kevin? We talked about this."

"Had to come back for a visit." He gave her a toothy grin. "What can I say? I love the food."

"Bastard." Sweetie pushed the crossbow against Kevin's head. Her grip tightened on he pony she held hostage, who gasped for air. Flash took the opportunity to reload his own crossbow and point it at Kevin.

"Relax. We're not harvesting. Just keeping tabs on our neighbors to the north is all." Kevin chuckled. "Mandible, could you please--"

The pony he addressed was no longer cornering Flash. Mandible had quietly retreated to the carriage's rear door, seeing that Kevin had lost the advantage. He bucked open the door, exposing the car to the warm summer wind. Green flames flared up, the magic disguising him as a bland-looking stallion dropping away and revealing the chitinous insectoid creature beneath. "Sorry boss, but everypony in this stupid country is crazy! I didn't sign up for this!" He snapped a quick salute to Kevin and jumped out the back of the train, buzzing through the steel skeleton of the bridge's trusses.

"Coward," Kevin sighed, looking at the two ponies who held him at bowpoint. "Would you mind terribly? And please ease up on Thorax, I don't think he's turning blue as part of his cloak."

Sweetie nodded, releasing the pony she was strangling. He fell to the carriage floor, gasping for air. Sweetie muttered a few words into her radio, then lowered her crossbow. "Your bug, was it Mandible? He won't get far, my mare's on him." She turned to Flash. "Stealer, you can holster your weapon."

"He's a changeling!" Flash protested.

"He's a professional. We don't kill our own, that's Lesson One." Sweetie admonished him. "If we kill every bug we know, Chrysalis just sends some we don't. Besides, if we ever get captured in the Badlands I'd want the same courtesy."

"Lady has a point," Kevin remarked. "To be honest, we probably would hold you at the hive for a few months first. Drain some love, have a few drones impersonate you and raid your little shadow organization's headquarters. Some secret facility under Canterlot, I'm guessing?"

"I told you, I'm just an arms dealer," Sweetie deadpanned. The CIA agent wasn't bad, as far as changelings went, but he was a little too sharp. Sweetie knew anything she mentioned, even in passing, could end up in a Changeling Intelligence Agency file vault somewhere. She considered herself lucky he hadn't figured out her real name.

"Sure you are, Gumdrop." The changeling grinned. "The queen sends her regards. Says that when she rules Canterlot with an iron hoof, you'll be the last pony sent into the goo."

"I'm sure she does," Sweetie scoffed. "Back to the point, Kevin. Why are you running? Nopony was onto you until you sent a distress call to the Badlands. In fact, why are you even in Manehattan? Shopping on Camel St? Do you bugs need fake handbags to go with your fake pony disguises?"

"Just taking in the sights, Miss Smiles," Kevin lied. "Can't a few innocent tourists take in the sights of the Big Apple without being accosted by the ponies in black? I apologize, by arms dealers? Poor Thorax may never be the same." Thorax wheezed and held up a black, holey hoof for help, his disguise long since forgotten. Kevin brushed him away casually. "If you were visiting a foreign country and found yourself pursued by mysterious stalkers, wouldn't you do the same?"

"This guy's full of roadapples, Candymare!" Flash growled. "Are you sure we can't cap him?"

"No, Waifu!"

"He already tried." Kevin dropped his pony disguise in a flash of fire. He raised his foreleg, showing the ponies the crossbow bolt stuck through one of his leg holes. "Waifu Stealer, was it? Some range time would do you some good. Perhaps a new codename too."

"...Again, Waifu? Really?"

"Give me a break, Candymare!" Flash protested. "They ambushed me!"

"I get it, I do... but right through the hole? Really?"

"It seems you two have plenty to discuss. If you don't mind, Thorax and I will take our leave..." Kevin edged toward the train car's open door, dragging a still-dazed Thorax with him. He was only a few feet away when he was bowled over by a dark blur that crashed violently through the doorframe. It tumbled to a stop in front of Sweetie and Flash. They blinked, seeing it was actually two figures struggling with each other, Night Glider and the changeling that ran earlier. The bug snapped at Night Glider and fired a green burst from his horn as she pinned him against the metal floor of the carriage. The blast went wide, and Night Glider drove her hoof into the side of his face. Mandible whimpered as she connected with his jaw. Night Glider picked herself up from the limp changeling and dusted herself off. "Lose something?" She asked Sweetie.

"Thanks, Washout." Sweetie turned to Kevin, who had already collected himself and was taking stock of the new situation. "Ready to talk?"

Night Glider's dynamic entry had put him at a three-to-one disadvantage. Worse, Night Glider was armed to the teeth for aerial combat. Kevin did not like his odds. "I don't appear to have a choice, do I? Anything specific you want to discuss, Smiles? You can't possibly think I'll spill all the hive's secrets simply because you have the upper hoof."

Sweetie pulled a picture from underneath her cloak and passed it to Kevin. "This pony. Heads an Applewood-based vamp gang and a cult of Nightmare Moon worshippers. Know him?"

Kevin examined the photograph. An albino unicorn with piercing red eyes and an expression of haughty disdain glared coldly back at him. "Can't say I do. Never was fond of the west coast."

"Funny, because rumor has it he left for Manehattan right about the same time you dropped everything and started packing for home."

"Fine," Kevin spat. "That's Harvest Moon, as he likes to call himself. Good luck finding out his given name, he's older than the city of Canterlot. He's a demagogue, he sees himself as a savior to those who call darkness their home. He inspires them with the old legends of your Princess's fallen partner, raises her up as a beacon of hope for those who the Sun has forsaken. Aspires to lead them to rule Equestria under the banner of Nightmare Moon. He's also a violent, shortsighted thug with delusions of grandeur and a vision that far outstrips his reach."

"Touching," Sweetie replied sarcastically. "Seen him lately?"

The changeling's expression tightened. "Only know him by reputation."

"Oh? Well, let me fill in some blanks for you. You're right, he was small time. Was. Three months ago, his vamps attacked my colleauges' safehouse in Sunnysaddle and burned it to the ground. A few days later, they hit another one in Applewood. Ponies are dead, Kevin. Others are missing, either off the grid or... worse."

"I'm sorry for your loss Smiles, but these things happen. This isn't a changeling problem."

"Then why are you running?"

"Harvest's one of those 'with us or against us' types. From what I've heard, you don't want him to declare you an enemy of the cause. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the local vampony syndicate are on the same train we are." He sighed as Sweetie glared at him. "Very well, I do owe you one for that death worm. Word in the hive is that the Children of the Night have a new sponsor. Somepony with money, connections, and a mind for mayhem. Take a charismatic maniac like Harvest Moon, give him organization, funding, and goals, and you've gone from small-time cult leader to terrorist mastermind with an axe to grind. But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, right Smiles?" He grinned wickedly. "After all, you're only an arms dealer."

"Right..." Sweetie muttered. "Who's this sponsor? What pony with that kind of money would want to bring about everlasting night?"

"That's the real question, isn't it?" The four of them turned at the sound of shouting from the next carriage. They hurried over to the front of the car to investigate as Mandible and Thorax unsteadily pulled themselves back up on their hooves.

Flash peeked through the door's porthole. "Uh, guys? I think our time's up."

Sweetie took a look. Policeponies were ushering ponies towards the front of the train while others stood guard, preparing to rush through the door. She quickly ducked out of sight. "Good point. Ookay, time to leave. Anypony have any ideas?"

"I may have a solution," Kevin said as he trotted back over to his two flunkies. "Gentlecolts?"

The changelings burst into green fire. Their magic subsided, revealing three pegasi in the uniforms of transit police officers. "We've got them! They're in here!" They shouted loudly to the police in the next car over.

"Oh, fuck you Kevin!" Sweetie cursed her occasional foe as she rushed to the open rear door with Flash and Night Glider. Manehattan was slowly fading into the distance as the train journeyed into the Neigh Jersey countryside. "What do you think?" She turned to Flash. "Can you talk to them?"

"They're cops, not Guard," Flash shook his head. "Maybe we fly out?"

"Maybe. We'll have to lose them first though," Night Glider pointed out two police pegasi shadowing the car from above. "They weren't there before. Why are cops even after us?"

"MANEHATTAN TRANSIT POLICE!" One pegasus shouted through a megaphone. "WE HAVE A WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST! VIOLATION OF THE TURNSTYLE JUMPING ACT OF 745!"

"...what?"

"Waifu Stealer and I didn't pay for our tickets. Public transportation is serious business in Manehattan."

Night Glider shook her head. "Let's just go." She flapped over to Sweetie and wrapped her in a bear hug. "Up you go, groundwalker. If I can't outrun a few cops while hauling one--moonsakes Candymare, what are you made of? Anvils?"

"Har har," Sweetie rolled her eyes as Night Glider hefted her into the air. "Kevin! Give me somewhere to start with the Children! If you don't I swear to Faust I will hunt you down and drag you to them myself!"

"Sure you will," Kevin waved off the threat. "Keep an eye on Manehattan's native vamps. LIke I said, he's a very 'join or die' type of pony. Good luck to you, Gumdrop Smiles." He tipped his policepony's cap to her, then turned and shouted to the real police in the next car over. "HURRY! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!"

Policeponies rushed into the carriage, shouting and brandishing their weapons. Flash leapt out of the train as they advanced on the spies. Night Glider and Sweetie took a running leap behind him, Night Glider's wings barely catching the air before they pancaked onto the tracks. They darted across the treetops, police pursuing them. "Ughh," Sweetie moaned as her stomach did flip-flops. "As soon as we lose them, we need to get back to the city!"

"Hang on for a second! WAIFU!" Night Glider shouted to Flash ahead. He looked back and nodded, and Night Glider started to climb. "So how'd you come up with Waifu Stealer anyway?"

"Eueaagh uh he hit on Princess Cadance once, right after he broke up with his ex." Sweetie could barely think. "Didn't realize she was his commander's girlfriend. What are we doing!?" The ground was getting very far away.

"The Princess?? Hah! I can't wait to give him grief about that!" Night Glider laughed to herself as they climbed. "Oh, and I need both forelegs to lose these jokers!"

"What? Nonononowaitdon'tAAAAAAAUUUUGH!!!" Sweetie screamed as Night Glider dropped her, plummeting towards the forest below. As the trees reached up to impale her, everything suddenly jerked sideways.

"Gotcha!" Flash cried.

Above them, Night Glider twisted in midair, letting loose a rocket from the rail strapped to her foreleg. The two cops pursuing them scattered in the wake of a brilliant blue firework blast, spiraling away dazed by the explosion.

"While I've got you up here, I've been meaning to talk about the 'Waifu Stealer' thing!" Flash shouted over the wind to Sweetie. "I had no idea who she was at the time, I thought she was just a tall unicorn! So maybe we could--oh okay, maybe later! You just go ahead and keep throwing up!"

The two of them flew back towards the city, Night Glider joining them. "Ugh," Sweetie groaned, weak from the freefall and not looking foward to hunting a vicious vampony. "Seriously guys, fuck Kevin."

Author's Note

Flash is not a good shot with a crossbow. In his defense, he never trained as an archer while he was in the Guard.

Cadance resembles a tall unicorn when she's ditched her tiara and wears something over her wings. She found Flash's attempt at flirting adorable, and let him down easy after sensing he'd had his heart broken recently. Still, between that and his breakup, he transferred the frak outta Canterlot the first chance he got. Lesson One of the Guard is never try to steal Shining Armor's mare.

Kevin is just, like, the worst. Sneaky changeling bastard.

Vampire Weekend Part 2: An Old Filly Tale

Vampire
vamˌpī(ə)r
noun
In Equestrian mythology, a creature (most commonly a pony) afflicted with Nightmare's Curse shortly before death that rises from the grave to feast on the blood of the living. Held in reverence by the threstal tribes of the Frozen North for their connection to their deity.

See also: Fable of the Night Princess, Mare in the Moon (Lunar topological pattern), Nightmare Moon (Equestrian mythology), Children of the Night (Equestrian mythology), Children of the Night (Modern-day terrorist organization)

Club Le Fangé
Haypacking District
Manehattan, Equestria
996 C. E.
Operation Daybreak

"Eve," Double Cross addressed his partner calmly despite the mounting tension in his chest. "Could ya please have yer friends light a few torches or somethin? Can't see worth a damn in this place. I've already banged a fetlock on what I hope was a piece a furniture."

"Are you still on that?" Evening Mist replied with a twinge of annoyance. So it was a little dark! They were inside a threstal roost. It wasn't like she went around complaining every time one of her diurnal compatriots clicked on a lamp. "Faustsakes, you're being even whinier than usual. Echolocate your way around if it's such an issue. Nopony here'll care, they're all up at this hour."

"Eve."

"Yes, D?"

"How long have ya known me?"

"Hmm... I want to say twelve years this summer?"

"Close 'nough. And fer all that time, have I or any other earth pony ever given ya the slightest hint that we can find our way around by bouncin' sound offa things?"

"Well no, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't..."

"Eve."

"Fine. I'll get a stupid torch." Eve trotted off in a huff. "Deep down, I think I knew you couldn't. I just didn't want to believe that the Creator could've made tribes that unbearably boring." Double heard the clip-clop of her hooves as she trotted to some nearby point in the darkness, then the scraping of metal on stone as she pulled a torch from its wall scone. A second later gentle orange light flared. Double squinted as he took in his surroundings. A private nightclub, though one could hardly tell from first glance. Stone walls, low arched ceilings, and wrought-iron framework brought to mind the dungeons of Canterlot Castle, even though he knew they were on the ground floor of a commercial warehouse. Double supposed the owner had a taste for the classics.

"Happy now?"

"Better, thanks." Double replied. "Ya sure this was a good idea? Yer friends are all starin' at me like I'm their next meal." Sure enough, half a dozen sets of bright slitted eyes were staring at them from the shadows, the light from the torch giving them an eerie glow.

"Oh, them?" Eve waved away his concern with the flap of a wing. "They're eyeballing me, not you. It's been a couple years, and ponies around here love to gossip. Don't worry about anypony eating you either; despite the name, Uncle Sanguini and his capos are the only actual vamps in the vampire mob. Everypony else here is a threstal, they eat all the same stuff I do."

Double cocked an eyebrow at her.

"...Really? Are all earth ponies this racist?"

"Ya make jokes about eatin' ponies at least ten times a day."

"Yeah. Jokes."

"Well, it ain't like yer very chatty with personal details. Which is weird, cause the rest of the time gettin ya ta shut up is damn near impossible."

"Ugh." Eve groused. As she looked away in frustration, Double allowed himself a small, satisfied smile. He knew the difference between the pegasi's nocturnal cousins and the undead ponies sentenced by Nightmare Moon to eternally walk the earth, but playing dumb had allowed him to get a rare rise out of Eve. "Okay, okay! Fruit and bugs, mostly. I can drink blood, but anything bigger than a rat is stuffing myself. There! Mystery solved! Are you happy now!?"

"Very. Thank ya kindly."

"Just don't go spreading that around. I have a reputation to uphold amongst the Shadowbolts, after all."

"The Shadowbolts have a picture of yer face taped to a dartboard back at Canter Mount. Yer rep's a lost cause."

"...I hope Uncle Sanguey does eat you. You of all ponies deserve it."

"Ya might just get yer wish." Double grimaced. "All my past dealings with vamps are from behind the business end of a flamethrower. Can't imagine that'll make me too popular with th' boss."

"You'll be fiiine," Eve assured him. I hope, she thought before the words were even out of her mouth. Sanguini's brood, and the threstal colony they led, weren't openly hostile to most representatives of the crown, but then most government ponies don't have a history of foalnapping his kind to study like undead lab rats. Though Don Sanguini had agreed to this, hadn't he? He knew what Eve had been up to since she left. Crotchety old nag was nearly as well-connected as the Director. "They may be vamps, but they're also businesscolts."

"Mobsters."

"You say firefly, I say lightning bug."

Double held his tongue as the two trotted through the darkened building. They made their way into the club's back hallway, where they found the manager's office door blocked by two large threstals in pinstriped suits. "Hey check it," one nudged the other as Double and Eve approached. "Evie's back. Whadd're ya doin here, girl? Didn't you run off to kiss Celestia's horseshoes?"

"Yeah," the other sniggered. "Thought you were too high and mighty to slum it with us lowlifes. What gives?" They took a menacing step towards the two visitors. Double shifted his weight back reflexively, eyeballing the threats and subconsciously scanning the hallway for anything that could be used to his advantage, or, if necessary, an escape route. He had just settled on a spin-trip to topple the larger followed by a submission hold on the other when he noticed Eve wasn't rising to the goons' bait.

"Oh, I was showing my friend here around the city and I thought I'd pop by and say hello," she chirped happily. "It's been so long! Joey Fetlock, I haven't seen you in ages! I heard you finally made it through law school, congratulations! Your nana must be so proud of you!!"

The larger of the hired muscle shrank back, his facade of bravado shattered. "Eeeeeve, not in front of the daywalker!" He whined. "And I've told you a million times, when I'm on the job my name's not Joey, it's Duskshadow!"

"Suuure it is," Eve reassured Joey as his partner laughed silently. "The don's expecting us. Can we go in now?"

"Fine..."

"Thanks! It was great seeing you too, Lambent! How's the foal?"

The other bouncer quickly cleared his throat to hide his laughter at his partner. "Bright Star's teething, Miss Mist. Keeping Lucent and me up damn near all day."

"Ooh, rough!" Eve grimaced as she trotted through the doorway between the two. "Good luck, give Lucie my love!"

Double Cross quickly followed, blinking as he found himself examining the crime boss's inner sanctum. Don Sanguini's office looked so... mundane. A few more torches gently lit the soft wood paneling and expensive carpet. The don himself, a weathered old stallion who could be so somepony's kindly old grandpa if not for his albino coat and eerie crimson gaze, waved the two toward seats. "Evening Mist! Come in!" He smiled, leaning back in his high-backed chair and sipping a crystal tumbler of... something. "It's wonderful to see you again, child. Too long, too long! The boys didn't give you any trouble?"

"I can handle myself, Uncle S."

"Ha!" Sanguini erupted into a fit of laughter interspersed with hacking coughs. "Never doubted you for a second. I don't suppose you're here looking for work, eh? I need somepony to keep Joey in line. That lummox is always giving me a headache."

Eve smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm happy where I am."

"Ah, the good ones always leave too fast. It's killing me, let me tell you. Always shorthoofed on the labor side. Doesn't matter what I pay either, everypony's all about going legit these days. Wasn't like this back in the day. Nowhere else for us night owls to go, had to watch out for each other."

"Well... that's a good thing, right? We shouldn't have to hide forever, should we?"

"Nopony's happier than me, child, but even after all these centuries it's difficult to accept when my bats don't need me anymore. Had to happen eventually, I suppose." The don sipped from his tumbler slowly. "Heard from the family?"

"Nothing new," Eve replied. Her bubbly grin faded a little at the don's question. "Race traitor this, exile that. You know how parents are."

Sanguini sighed. "It's never easy. Leaving the northern flocks is difficult enough, but taking orders from Celestia herself... I apologize for the stubbornness of my brethren. You remember how difficult that life is from foalhood, yes? Those burdened with the Gift to lead the colonies in such harsh conditions tend to become, well, fixed in their ways." As he leaned forward in his chair, Double noted with mild surprise that the undead stallion was a pegasus, not a batpony. His wings were ragged and moulty, but distinctly feathered. I wonder who he was before. Somepony close to Nightmare Moon?

"It's not all bad." Eve stared down at the desktop. Her wings fluttered uncomfortably. "They, well, they let me leave. No pitchforks or torches. So there's that, right?"

Sanguini raised a bushy albino eyebrow. His 'niece' had a morbid sense of humor about her. "Know that you're always welcome here, pup. Just please keep business and family separate. I wouldn't put it past your superiors to try to stronghoof you into leading the ponies in black to my stoop if they felt so inclined. But," He turned to Double Cross, his familial expression cooling off considerably. "But that's not why we're here today, is it?"

Double Cross bit his tongue. This stallion's file dated back almost a thousand years, one of the oldest records in the OCS. A bitter retort could earn him a world of trouble here. "No, Mr. Sanguini, I ain't lookin' to start any trouble. Agent Brown, Ministry of Defense."

"A wise move, Agent... Brown."

"We're lookin fer some help locating a pony. One that's raised all sortsa hell fer the solar court and yer brood alike."

"Don't patronize me, pony." Sanguini eyed Double's tan coat with insult hewn into his weathered muzzle. "You are no member of Celestia's court. And 'Brown'... what kind of simpleton do you strike me for?"

Double sighed. "Sorry, standard procedure. I ain't got a clue why they bothered givin me a cover in the first place. And yes, as ya gathered already, we're settin' up a black op. The target a' which yer none too fond of." He dipped his head into a saddlebag and withdrew with a photograph clutched in his mouth. Sanguini took it without a word, examining it for a second before tossing it to the table. A familiar albino unicorn's cold gaze stared up at the trio.

"Ah yes, Harvest Moon. Unpleasant little whelp, that one. What has he done to anger Canterlot in such a way? To come knocking on my door is not an action your superiors take lightly."

"Terrorism, if ya want ta slap a label on it. He and that cult a' his killed a lot of our ponies out west."

"Those attacks near Las Pegasus. I remember," Sanguini nodded. Nopony at the table believed for a second he needed any sort of reminder. "Tell me, what do you know of him?"

"Always had a taste fer megalomania, but he was small time 'till last April. Preaches overthrowin Princess Celestia, bringin Nightmare Moon back, reign of neverending darkness, all sortsa wonderful fairytale endings. Finds followers among th' leather-winged and disenfranchised, glamours or brainwashes th' rest ta fill out his rosters. Puttin them ta work, too. He's killed a lot of our ponies, not countin the foalnappings, raids, dark magic rituals, et cetera. He's goin' straight down the villian checklist inna hurry." Double left out the suspicions that Harvest Moon wasn't acting alone. While Sanguini likely had some inkling of another hoof pulling the strings, why remove all doubt?

Sanguini nodded. "And now he's come to Manehattan."

"Where he's a problem fer everypony in th' city, includin any bats that don't dance ta his tune. It's how he works. He'll try ta sway yer more, ah, impressionable ponies inta joinin his flock, then he'll take out th' competition."

"Pony, If I could not protect my colony from the threats that crawl up from the underworld on what seems to be a weekly basis, I would have crumbled to dust long ago. No, I'm more concerned with his long term goals. Tell me, why is he doing this? All this mayhem, what purpose does it serve?"

Double shrugged. "Pony's crazy. Nutso. Coupla fruit loops short of a complete breakfast. All these supervillian types go power-mad, it's just a matter of time."

Sanguini gave Double a pointed look. "If only it were that simple. Harvest Moon is seven hundred years old. If he wanted to mindlessly destroy, there are easier ways to go about it. Instead, he waltzes up to the vamponies' sworn enemies and strikes them across the muzzle. He may be unhinged, but he's certainly not suicidal. So why do it?"

Double puzzled on that one. Psychology wasn't his forte, he was more comfortable in a hoof fight. His experience with Equestria's fourth tribe also came to a grand total of one pony who spent all her time either taunting him or making lewd comments.

Eve scrunched her muzzle, deep in thought about Sanguini's proposed questions. "It... it almost sounds like he's trying to spark a revolution. That's what he's always been about. But that's insane, I mean nopony in the colonies likes Princess Celestia, but they're not about to start a war just because some third-generation vampony tells them too... the flock elders would never... Unless..." Her eyes widened, her pupils narrowing to pencil-thin lines as the realization hit her like a brick. "Oh, Faust. He can't possibly think..."

"He does." Sanguini nodded gravely. "Everything I've seen and heard from my sources indicates he has found a way to free Nightmare Moon from her prison."

"What!?!?" Double jumped forward, slamming his hooves onto the don's desk. "Are ya completely off yer rocker!?"

"Agent Brown, I assure you I am not. Please settle down." Sanguini spoke calmly. Double reseated himself in his chair and took a breath.

"Sir, ya can't possibly think that what that maniac's preachin is anythin more than delusions of grandeur!"

"Oh, he most certainly is a delusional fool, but he may indeed be able to free her. I'm assuming the Director keeps you at least somewhat knowledgeable of the events of the Longest Night? That it's not simply a filly's tale made up to explain some unusual craters?"

"Yeah, I know the story! Th' unloved princess turned to a wicked mare of darkness, and Princess Celestia sealed her up in the moon fer all eternity blah blah blah. Doesn't explain how some two-bit necksucker's plannin on undoing the strongest magic in Equestria!?"

Sanguini growled at Double's slur, but the cowpony was too bewildered to notice.

"It is possible, Agent. Trust me, I was there when it happened, in Everfree Castle." That shut Double up quickly. He focused all his attention on the old hemovore. "Do you want to know the last thing she said to us? Before she fell to the dark magic that corrupted her? She asked why. Why her subjects hated her. Why they turned their backs on her when she laid bare her heart and soul for them every night. Neither I nor any other of her advisors had an answer for her. What were we supposed to say? 'No Princess, it's not that they hate you, they just don't care about you?' That her night was nothing to them except a signal to go to bed? She loved her subjects, Agent Brown. She sacrificed for us just as Celestia had, and they ignored her, they treated her with derision."

Neither Double nor Eve said a word. The old stallion was breathing heavily, hurt and angry at the old memory.

"Ponies don't turn evil in a vacuum, Agent. We're not Tartarans. She gave into despair because she felt she had nowhere else to turn. Even the name Nightmare Moon was a grief-stricken reaction to her loneliness. None of us ever thought it would catch on like it did," he chuckled weakly. "Celestia acted much the same. She banished her to the moon out of desperation, and while my kind love to think of Celestia as an unfeeling tyrant, the fact is she awaits the Princess of the Night's return much as we do."

What... It took Double a few seconds to process what he'd just heard. "How in th' hell could ya know that!?"

Sanguini let out another hacking laugh. "Privileges of age, child. I may not be on Celestia's Hearth's Warming card list, but our paths have crossed a few times in the last milennium."

"So why not release her? Or, buck it, just let Harvest do it? Can always stake him right after."

"To answer your first question, Celestia can't. She has no control over the seals that lock Nightmare Moon away, not anymore. She can only wait as they decay naturally. At the moment they are weak enough to be broken by powerful dark magic, but that is, for obvious reasons, not an option for the Princess of the Sun. As for your second... Eve? Any thoughts, pup?"

Eve frowned. "If Harvest is the one to bring her back... he'll have her ear. She's been locked away for centuries, she's probably still angry at, well, everypony. And if he does pull it off, every bat from here to the Yaket Range will see him as a hero... Nightmare Moon will have a ready-made army waiting for her."

"With Harvest at the forefront, which is exactly what he wants." Sanguini finished. "Any chance of reconciliation between Princesses gone. Which is where you come in," He pointed a moulted wing at Double. "Harvest Moon doesn't have the power to accomplish this on his own, and artifacts containing powerful dark magic are your agency's specialty. Joey... Duskshadow and Lambent will provide you with everything we know about Harvest and his followers."

"Thank ya, sir," Double replied. He and Eve rose from their chairs. Eve and Sanguini shared a brief hug as they prepared to leave.

"Uncle," Eve said hesitantly, "Once D and I find them... it won't be pretty. I'll do what I can to get our ponies to go easy on his flock of threstals, but no promises."

"I did not dodge the reaper for a thousand years just to see some thug born ten generations after my Princess's banishment warp her legacy for his own gain. Do what you must, child, and know that, should you need it, you will always have shelter here."

* * * * *

"That was... enlightening." Double mused to himself as the two trotted back through the darkness towards the club's exit.

"Yeah..." Eve trailed off absentmindedly. Double glanced at his colleague. Eve's face was partially hidden by the shadows cast from the flickering lantern, but the apprehension in her voice gave her away.

"Y'alright there, Eve? Ya haven't made fun of me once since we met w'yer uncle."

Eve didn't respond right away, leaving the two to walk in silence. "Uncle Sanguey was willing to sell out another colony to us... that's bad, D. Really bad. Threstals get along with each other about as well as we get along with day ponies, but we never turn in our own to outsiders. He's really scared of Harvest Moon."

Double shrugged. "So this jagoff's got a plan to end the world. So? We'll stop his plan in the nick a time, then put a stake through his heart. We always do. After all, ain't we the heroes?"

"Yeah..."

More silence.

"So, that stuff about yer family--"

"Another time, D."

"Oh, sure. Ain't a thing."

...

"Y'know., after we report back, I'm asking the doc fer a few days off to head back to Canterlot an see my kids. Higher ups're gonna need a week to process all this shit anyhow. Ya want ta come with?"

"Your ex won't mind??"

"Ya kidding? Ya'd be doin her a favor. She's been feelin all guilty bout dating again. Told her I don't mind, but still. Figure if I show up with a mare, it'll take a load off her haunches."

"So I'd be bait for your baby momma drama? How could I ever pass up such an exciting time?"

"Ha ha. Offer's open if ya want it."

...

"Thanks."

"No proble--" WHACK. "OH MOTHERBU---FER FAUSTSAKES, WILL SOMEPONY TURN THE DAMN LIGHTS ON??"

Author's Note

So once again I told myself there would be action in this chapter. Not surprisingly, once again y'all are left with obvious exposition and Double Cross's maddening accent. My bad brah.

Lucky for you, I've run out of room to delay the fun stuff so next chapter will be nothing but shootouts, hoof fights, and punk ass vampires getting stabbed with pointy sticks.

Any thoughts, let me know.

Yellow Submarine Part 3: Burial at Sea

Trot Harbor, 994 C. E.
[REDACTED] Status: About to Go Down

"Hey, open up in there! OPEN UP IN THERE!" *BANG BANG BANG*

Flash blanched. "Think they know it's us?"

The Look Sweetie gave him spoke for itself.

"No, I meant, they know somepony's in here, but it could be, like, one of the crew who forgot to unlock the door or something, right?"

Sweetie's Look continued.

"Okay, okay, dumb question. So, how do we get out of here then?"

"I was thinking the same way you came in. How are the vents?"

"Cramped. Really cramped. And, uh," He hoofed at the steel deck, trying to find a polite way to word his next thought. "I don't know if they can hold your, uh, you know... you."

*WHAM* *WHAM* "OPEN THIS HATCH!"

Sweetie's jaw dropped as she realized what the guardspony was implying. "Are you... calling me fat?!?!?!"

"No! I swear to Celestia, I'm not! I'm a pegasus! We're, like, super light for our size! Hollow bones! Flight magic and stuff! Please don't beat me up again..."

Sweetie couldn't help but laugh a little. This poor stallion had a serious case of hoof-in-mouth. "Relax Corporal, I won't. This time. We don't need the vents to hold my dense earthpony flank for very long," she motioned to the ventilation grate. "Lead the way."

At a loss for words, Flash squeezed his lanky frame back into the ventilation shaft. Sweetie followed quickly as sparks began to fly from the hatch.

The group of Blackbeak thugs stood back from the hatch as a unicorn mare slowly worked a Blowtorch spell over the hinges. As they turned from cherry red to bright orange, she backed off, shaking her head frantically to cool her glowing horn. The rest of the group moved to replace her, taking flanking positions on either side of the hatch. One earthpony stood opposite the door, drew back his hindlegs, and gave the hatch a tooth-rattling buck. The door flew off its weakened hinges and the assorted ponies and griffons stormed into the room.

The lead griffon reared up, brandishing his cutlass. "NOPONY MOVE! GET DOWN ON THE DECK AND-- wait, where are they?"

*Clang*

*WHAM*

"Wow, you weren't kidding about these vents, Corporal."

Everypony jumped back. The griffon leading the charge was now pinned to the floor by a mangled piece of ducting, blood trickling slowly from his beak. The pile of twisted metal and insulation shifted. A blue-and-pink mane popped up out of the mass, followed by a pony's head as Sweetie fought to extact herself from her scrap-metal prison. The other griffon in the group stepped reacted first, leveling her crossbow at the intruder. "It's her! Shoot her!"

*WHACK*

She went down too, brained by a pipe wrench. Flash hung from the remains of the air-conditioning duct, his head and forelegs poking out of the hole left by a Sweetie-induced structural failure. He gracefully dropped down to scoop up the fallen bird's weapon, bringing the crossbow to bear at the three remaining ponies before they could turn to the new threat.

*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*

The two earthponies flinched as the shots splintered in front of them, harmlessly bouncing off a shimmering orange barrier between them and Flash. Flash gawked as the unicorn smirked at him. She flicked her dusky mane out of her eyes, drawing his attention to her lit horn. "Nice try, soldier-boy, but no penetration 'till the third date."

Flash gulped as his bow clicked on empty. The two stallions grinned as they charged their shock-spears, static bolts flickering off the tips. He shied away as they advanced.

The unicorn lowered her shield, pointing a hoof towards Flash. "Fry him."

A cream blur tackled Flash just as two lightning bolts swept through the space where he had been standing. Sweetie and Flash tumbled across the deck, coming to rest next to the broken steel hatch. She propped it up with her forehooves and flicked her head, sending a small cylinder sailing from her mouth up over the makeshift barricade.

"Cover your ears!"

Flash buried his face under his wings.

*BOOM*

The whole world went white. Flash stumbled to his hooves, shaking his head as a sharp ringing drilled into his brain. The three Blackbeak ponies lay on the deck, dazed and moaning. As the darker-coated stallion struggled to regain his footing, he felt his spear pulled loose from the crook of his foreleg. Sweetie, having already regained her equilibrium, whirled the weapon around and brought the grip crashing down onto his helmet. His eyes rolled up as he collapsed back to the deck. She spun the spear back level under her foreleg and swung it towards his partner. The point glowed blue-white as her fetlock tightened around the grip, arcing bolts of lightning over the disoriented stallion. He fell, still twitching as he went. The unicorn, ears bleeding from the flashbomb, relit her horn as Sweetie tried to readjust her aim in time.

A jet of white-hot fire carved through the air where Sweetie's head had occupied a split-second earlier. She scrambled away from the wave of heat as the unicorn's Blowtorch spell sliced through radio equipment like butter. Backed into a corner, Sweetie brought the spear back up. She aimed and squeezed, the spear giving out a single pitiful spark.

The pointy end was nothing more than molten slag, sheared off by magical flame. I thought this thing felt lighter.

The Blackbeak unicorn's mocking smirk was gone, replaced by murderous anger. Sweetie could see the heat emanating off her yellow coat. She shouted something at Sweetie.

"WHAT??"

The tips of her burgundy mane glowed cherry as she yelled louder. Sweetie couldn't make out anything over the ringing in her ears.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! STILL DEAF FROM THE FLASH GRENADE! GIVE IT A MINUTE!"

She glared, again shouting something unintelligible as she chargerd her horn.

"IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GLOAT, IT'S GOTTA WAIT! I'M NOT GETTING ANY LESS DEAF HERE!"

Her horn glowed white-hot as she dug a hoof at the deck. Just as she was about to swing her head down and fire, she let out a silent yelp and her magic fizzled. She only had a moment to look back at the crossbow bolts sticking into her barrel and flank before she keeled over. Flash lowered his crossbow, limping over the fallen mercenary to offer Sweetie a hoof up. He asked Sweetie something, but the words were washed away by an incessant ringing the second they left his lips.

Sweetie facehoofed. "HANG ON!"

She dug a hoof into her saddlebag, pulling out a bottle labeled Tonic of Tinnitus. She slugged back half then offered the rest to Flash.

"Much better. Thank you for the rescue Corporal, I suppose you're not such a buckup after all."

"It took me a while to find some bolts for this. Why was she shouting at you?"

"Who knows? Trying to show off how much better she is than me, maybe." Sweetie pulled her own bow from the wreckage of the air duct. "Here's Spycraft Lesson One, anything you may want to tell your opponent right before you kill them will sound just as cool right after you kill them. My trainers burned that lesson into me on my first day."

"Makes sense. Wait..." he held up the empty bottle. "Why do you have this stuff? How many times have you blown out your ears before where you'd plan for it?"

"You'd be suprised. C'mon, we need to move, like, yesterday. Grab that stallion's vest and helmet and let's get out of here before we make any new friends."

Over at the watch station, a pair of heavily-armed thugs stormed through the front double doors and marched up to the desk sergeant.

"Where's the sheriff?"

A hoof pointed meekly down the hall. The Trot town guardsponies knew when they were in over their heads.

The pair barged into the sheriff's office. The shorter of the two, a vermillion pegasus, slammed his hooves down on the desktop and scattered piles of paperwork across the room. Sheriff Rusty Coal Train flinched, drawing away from the angry henchponies.

"What the fuck is going on here, Sheriff? I thought we had a deal!!"

"Blitzkreig, I don't know any more than you do, honest!"

"We're paying you a literal ton of money to keep the townsponies away from our operation! Not wander right up to the dock and attack my workers!"

The sheriff straightened his stance, refusing to show the intimidation he felt. The town depended on him keeping these jackals more or less on the up-and-up. With less than twenty officers on the force, he didn't like his chances against a mercenary army. "Blitz," he began, "those enforcers of yours won't let anypony near the docks, including my Guards! Whatever happened wasn't on my end, so why don't you go ask your salted-up fratcolts about it?"

Oops. Far from cowing the goons, his false bravado only seemed to provoke them. "Funny you should mention that," Tire Iron remarked, "cause all our boys down at the docks swore they saw a policepony make an arrest right in front of the Sorena. Miss Glasgow brought them into our office to have a word about respecting private property. Next thing they know, the Captain's sounding the alarm. So they go and check on the warehouse, and whaddaya know, everypony's dead."

Rusty broke out into a cold sweat. If the Blackbeaks decided that they couldn't trust the Trot Guard, they'd have them replaced. With extreme prejudice. "Whoa there, I didn't know any of that 'till you just told me! Who was it??"

"Nopony recognizd him or the purse-snatcher he was after." Blitz said. "Seems to me like we've got one of two possibilities here. One, you let one of your colts go all psycho-vigilante and off a griffon and three ponies. Now, if those chumps let some backwater hick deputy get the jump on them, they weren't worth their paychecks. Buuut, I'm not fond of some crusader skulking around and killing my colleauges when their backs are turned, so we've got a problem. And two..." he leaned on Rusty's desk, causing the now-terrified sheriff to scoot his chair back into the wall. "Two, maybe it isn't one of your deputies. Maybe we've got a Changeling in sheep's clothing on our hands. That distress call that went out, pony that we think sent it is Equestrian Royal Guard, maybe he has some friends trying to bust him out. Friends that like to dress up as cops, to gain the public trust and all that. Either way, Sheriff, you've got a big mess on your hooves. So, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna call aaaaallll your guards back here so you can deal with this little rat problem of yours, and if you don't, we'll have to rework our deal." He pulled a knife from a sheath on his haunches in case the veiled threats weren't enough to motivate Rusty.

Rusty hung his head. "There's a hook-up to the townwide PA in the telegraph room. Follow me..."

"Ground One to all stations, check in."

"This is Ground Two. Somepony poked the parasprite's nest pretty hard over here. Boat went on alert and cast off, looks like its gettin' underway. Rest of the mercs're worked up in a fit."

"Ground Three here, picked up a Royal Guard groupie. We're not engaged at the moment but that won't last. I planted the tracker, are we good to exfil?"

"That's a negative, Three. Just heard back from Base. There is some Threat-Level-Lavender cargo aboard that they want investigated."

"Umm, you sure about that, One? I didn't see any Loveclawian horrors chained up when I took the tour. What exactly am I looking for?"

"Unknown, Three. Telegram says that intel came direct from EUP high command. Your call, if things get too hot then you can exfil, but whatever this is has them scared."

"Wilco, I'll see what I can do. Three out."

"Ground One, Two. What are we gonna do 'bout all these goons on the docks? They're gettin a little too close to my vantage point."

"Sky One checking in, your 'vantage point' looks a lot like a dumpster from here, Ground Two."

"It's called 'cover', not that I'd expect ya to know that, Miss Spotlight Hog."

"Sooooomepoooony's jeallllous"

"Of what?? Starin at clouds all day?"

"Howabout not being covered in moldy old hayfries?"

"Touché. I don't like the looks these seagulls'r givin me."

"All units, this is Ground One, standby, *knock*knock* *thunk* Ah, shi-- *ksht*"

"Say again, Ground One?"

"Ground One?"

"Huh. That ain't good."

"He probably just had to go thow up because your dumpster-musk is strong enough to leak through the radio."

"Eve, I will lock ya in a maze fulla sound-absorbin mirrors."

"Are you sure this'll work?"

"Of course I am! It always works, that's Spycraft Lesson One!"

"I thought Lesson One was--"

"Look, it doesn't matter what Lesson One is. I've seen Mr. Cross and Mr. Story pull this off least ten times, and it always works."

"...wait, you've never done this before??"

The two stowaways trotted down the sub's main corridor with a purpose. Flash wore 'borrowed' mercenary armor, Sweetie had the sailor's uniform she'd stolen earlier. Neither would be enough on its own, with the boat on high alert everypony being treated as a possible infiltrator. The trick was to take it one hoofstep further, to really sell to any crew they ran into that, no, they're the ones hunting the spies.

That was the theory, at least. Two mechanics trotting the opposite direction down the corridor would soon put that to the test. Sweetie put on the most officious face she could manage. "Halt!"

The pair stopped. The unicorn stallion gave his griffon partner a worried look. "Yes, ma'am?"

Body language and tone of voice were crucial, but to really sell the con, you needed a good prop. Sweetie held up her Clipboard of Authority. "Security check. We're searching for the stowaways. Names and billets, please"

"But we were already cleared by--"

"Do I tell you two how to do your jobs? Names, now!"

"T-Topsail."

"Gyro"

"Hmm..." Sweetie perused the Clipboard of Authority, holding it at an angle so the two hapless crewmembers couldn't see the doodles that covered the paper. "I don't see them on the list. Corporal?"

"Uhh, yes, I've got a Topsail right here. A Mr. Gyroscope too. Machinist's mates, right?" Flash pointed a primary feather at his own Clipboard of Authority. These things really gave you a confidence boost.

"Yes, miss... sorry, ma'am, I don't know your name."

Sweetie put on her best arrogant-junior-officer impression. "Smiles. Lieutenant Gumdrop Smiles. Well, don't just stand there! Dont you two have jobs to get to? Carry on, then!" With that, she marched past the confused mechanics and continued down the hallway.

Once they were out of earshot, she put her Clipboard away and filled Flash in on her radio chat. "So EUP Command told my bosses that there's something dangerous aboard. We'll give it a look, but I want to leave before our friends here figure out these brilliant disguises. If we can't find whatever sea monsters Bathysphere fished up, we'll just have to give the Aquastralians a heads up before it reaches Berth."

"Wait, sea monsters?" Flash gave her a befuddled look as they walked.

"The professor is the go-to expert on marine cryptids and predatory magical fauna. We think she's trying to use this boat to unleash some on the seaponies of Berth."

"I don't get it. What about Yoke Mountain? You're not here for that?"

Now it was Sweetie's turn to look confused. "Why would I be? The Blackbeaks knocked over a Guard armory to steal a few cannons, so what? Not the issue here."

Flash wouldn't meet her eye. Sweetie stopped and turned to him. "Do you know something about this?"

"I thought you knew..." he trailed off.

"Knew what? Corporal, if you know something that could affect this mission, you need to tell me. Right. Now."

Sweetie could see sweat forming under his helmet. "This is, like, really classified. I'm not even supposed to know, but you work in a place as isolated as Yoke, there isn't much to do besides talk. You end up hearing things..."

Sweetie wanted to strangle him, but she forced herself to take a few deep breaths. She rested a hoof on his shoulder to help calm him down. "Flash, I know I'm not Guard, but we're all on the same side here. I need to know, what did they take? What did the Guard keep at Yoke Mountain?"

"Yer kiddin me. A sun-damned BALEFIRE BOMB?"

"That was my reacton too. I didn't know those things still existed!"

"Far as I know, they don't, Three. The old pegasi legionnaires made 'em as a 'just-in-case' type deal if the dragons ever decided to stop playing nice. Think we lit off a few at Discord, fat lotta good that did. The Guard must've inherited 'em after the Longest Night and buried 'em in the darkest basement they could find."

"I don't... I mean, we cant... what do we do here, Double?"

"We keep doin' our jobs, Drops. That boat can't dive 'till it reaches deep water, and we ain't gonna let that happen. Do whatever you can think of to sabotage 'em. Sky Team, ya locked and loaded?"

"Sky One standing by."

"Sky Two up."

"Think it's high time we stirred up some trouble. Two, you shadow the boat and be ready to back up Ground Three."

"Sir, I don't know if I have enough on me to sink it."

"Ya don't need to sink it, just make some noise, maybe poke a few holes in the deck to keep 'em from going under. Keep their eyes on the sky while Three does her thing."

"Wilco."

"Sky One, I think Ground One went and got himself pinched, I'm gonna see if I can't pull his plot out of the frying pan. Again. Yew go and do what'cha do best."

"Cowpony, if you're going to give a girl a proposal, you need to stallion up and say the actual words."

"Fine, fine. Weapons free, keep it over the docks though. Civilians in the town. Ya happy?"

"I love you too."

The lid of the "vantage point" in the alley across from the watch station creaked open. Double Cross propped it up with a hoof, peeking out from his new lookout spot. Ever since Cover Story had stopped broadcasting, more and more Blackbeaks made their way to the local police headquarters. Double watched the mercenaries guarding the building, his mane itching with anticipation. Well, maybe not just anticipation, he thought as he pulled a slimy banana peel that had somehow found its way in there. Eve and Door Kicker better hurry it up, I'm getting really sick of these dumpsters.

A minute passed. Then another. Nothing happened, aside from a few birds singing and one Blackbeak guard nibbling on a wheat stalk to pass the time. Double's muzzle twitched as an overly friendly cockroach began exploring his left nostril. He willed himself not to sneeze.

Just as he was about to hoof his radio, he heard a faint whistle. His ears perked up, straining to locate the source.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,"

The two mercs noticed as well.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,"

They looked around for the source of the noise, expecting to see a gnat buzzing around. As it grew louder, both heads turned to the sky.

""EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHE!!"

A gray-pink blur shot overhead, cackling madly. It blew past the watch station in the blink of an eye, the wind roiling in its wake. As it reached the pier, a brightly-colored plume of smoke streaked towards a loading crane. The blur cranked up to the sky as the crane blossomed into a yellow-red fireball. As it traded speed for altitude, Double could make out a bat-winged shadow silhouetted against the morning sun.

Eve let her momentum run out, then flipped herself around and let gravity carry her back towards her quarry. As she gained speed, she pointed a forehoof at a group of fleeing Blackbeaks and cocked her fetlock. A firework-rocket leapt off her flight harness on a pillar of arcid smoke. It closed the distance in a split second and scattered the defenders with an impressive blast.

"FLEE! FLEE, PEASANTS! BEHOLD, THE POWER OF THE NIGHT!"

Double saw his chance as the Blackbeak guards took off, intent on aiding their comrades under siege from a hellfire-raining demon. He rolled out of the vantage point, brushed off the trash sticking to his coat, and rushed inside. Amid the chaos, nopony in the watch station gave him a second look. He quickly reached the telegraph room and bucked the door open, crossbow at the ready.

Two mercenaries lay slumped across the floor, unmoving. Cover sat on his rump, head between his forehooves as he toyed with the damping cone over his horn. A dazed sheriff stood in the corner, attempting to prossess what just happened.

"Shoulda freakin' known." Double lowered his weapon.

"Next time I'm caught, I'll just sit and wait so you can get your big hero moment. I promise." Explosions rattled the windows. "Eve must be having the time of her life."

"We ran inta a few complications. Door Kicker should be along any minute to start the cleanup, but the boat's underway. Drops is on her own."

Cover sighed. "Of course her operational evaluation would turn into a giant clusterf-*ahem*," he cleared his throat. "Sheriff Coal Train, my partner and I require your assistiance. Can you direct your officers to move civilians away from the loading docks? Preferably into the south side of town or even the old city ruins." Another explosion. "Time is of the essence."

The Sheriff seemed to snap out of his fugue state. "Wait, you two aren't on my force!"

Double and Cover both paused, momemtarily forgetting they were both wearing Trot guard uniforms. Double spoke up first. "We're, ah... suprise inspectors."

"With the Equestrian Bureau of Tourism," Cover added helpfully. "Can't have one of the Luna Sea's premier vacation spots overrun by a private army now, can we?"

"N-No?"

"Sheriff, our associates are arriving shortly to help you regain control of your island. In exchange for your assistance on this matter, we will gladly overlook any arrangements the Trot Guard has with any criminal elements. I'm sure you were just acting in the best interests of your citizens."

"Sure mister, whatever you need... wait, I know you! Had you in here a few times on drunk and disorderlies, oh, eight or nine years ago, wasn't it?"

"You must have me mistaken for somepony else," Cover glared at Double as the cowpony covered his muzzle to hide a snicker. Rolling his eyes, Cover gestured to the metal cone affixed to his horn. "Mind giving me a hoof here?"

The Sheriff nodded as Double got to work on Cover's horn clamp, still eyeing the pale blue unicorn suspiciously. Not counting the slightly graying mane, he could've sworn it was the same pony. Rusty never forgot a face. Still, he wasn't one to look a gift pony in the mouth. He stepped over Blitzkrieg's motionless form and switched on the town public-address system. He was just happy to be out from under the Blackbeaks' claws, questions about these two ponies and why they were dressed as police would come later.

As he broadcast orders to his guards over the town loudspeakers, Double and Cover started for the exit. Cover, free of horn restraint, pulled off his guard disguise and floated his weapon in front of him. They stepped through the station's front door into absolute pandemonium. Plumes of smoke rose from several warehouses near the docks. Blackbeaks scrambled everywhere, firing weapons wildly into the sky. Eve pinwheeled around blasts of magic and surface-to-air firework rockets, spinning and juking like a madmare. Three griffons flew after her, futilely trying to engage the Shadowbolt in the air.

They watched as the birds' bigger wings and momentum closed the gap between them and Eve. As they reached her, she effortlessly dodged rockets, swords, and claws, bouncing between the three with lightning-fast strikes. Griffons were fast, powerful flyers, but they couldn't hope to outmaneuver somepony who spent her childhood flitting through pitch-black caves. They watched as one lunged for her, only for her to dance out of his reach and send him tumbling to the ground with a blast from a small rocket. She flitted off as the other two rounded on her, cackling madly.

"EHEHEHEHEHEHE! FLY, MY PRETTIES!!! FLY!!!!"

"Where did she get a broom?" Double squinted. She was hitting a pegasus who unwisely joined the dogfight with what did appear to be custodial equipment. "Ya know what, never mind. But if I see her wearin a witch's hat, I'm resigning."

|-|-|-|-|

"Is this it?"

"Hang on, let me check my reference book on thousand-year-old city-buster warheads. You worked with these things! You tell me!!"

"I don't know!! I'm not even an officer! If anypony on base knew about this, they weren't telling me!"

"Fair enough."

"So how do we disarm it then?"

"We don't. We disable the sub so the Service can board and recover it."

"So how do we do that?"

"I. Don't. Know. The engine room's all the way aft, and there's a lot of angry ponies between here and there."

"So--"

Sweetie buried her face in a hoof. "Corporal Sentry, For the love of Celestia, please shut up. I am trying to think."

Flash remained silent. A minute passed as they both stared at the large conical object laying mounted on a pallet in front of them. A sickly green glow shined though the seams in its stone casing. Writing was etched along the side, probably warnings and handling instructions that would make their task much easier if only either could read ancient Pegasi.

A muffled boom shook the dive room. The water in the room's central pool sloshed around. At the bottom of the pool lay a massive clamshell door, clamped tightly shut. The pool was an airlock, designed so that griffons in divesuits could enter, have a second door close above them, flood the chamber, and swim out. Sweetie assumed the bomb's presence here meant that Bathysphere planned to plant it on the outside of the city's dome. Not that she needs to. She could light this off a mile away and kill thousands. Hmmm...

She scratched her chin with a hoof. "Can you swim?"

Flash shook his head. "No, I grew up in Cloudsdale. Took a dip in a rainbow vat once on a dare."

"How did that go?"

"Not well."

"Okay, I was thinking we could grab scuba suits and just steal it, but I can't drag that thing underwater on my own. Maybe we could blast that airlock open, I have a few small bombs in my bags..."

"Would that sink it?"

"No, they can seal this room off. It'd buy us some time though, keep them from taking it underwater. Let's--"

She never finished her thought. A blue-green blast of magic struck her square in the flank, sending her tumbling across the room. Flash yelped and flew after her.

"Looks like we've found our stowaways, Captain. You two, if you'd be so kind as to keep your hooves off my property..."

They looked up. Two figures stood in the room's hatchway. A gigantic griffon stepped foward, muscles bulging out from under his Blackbeak mercenary gear. He doffed his captain's hat to his partner, a sky-blue unicorn mare wearing a diving hardsuit with some... sinister-looking attachments. "Thank you, milady. So! Saboteurs aboard my ship!" His bombastic voice rang across the room. "I admire your tenacity in resisting my crew's attempts at capture! But I've grown rather attached to this vessel, so I'm afraid it ends here."

Professor Bathysphere peered over the rims of her glasses at him. "Gideon--"

"Captain Gideon."

She rolled her eyes. "Captain Gideon, we have a schedule to keep. If you and your employees want your paychecks, we need to reach our destination by tomorrow morning."

"Yes, yes, no worries, love. Our voyage shall not be delayed, we have more than enough time to show these dastardly pirates a proper Blackbeak reception!"

Sweetie struggled to her feet, her saddlebags and bow scorched black. "What!? You stole this boat from the Griffon military! If anypony here is a pirate, it's you!"

"Privateers, my dear intruder! We're privateers! The demon's in the details in a situation such as ours! Besides, 'pirate' just sounds so... uncouth." He drew his cutlass.

"Okay, so this is actually happening," Sweetie shook herself off. "Which one do you want to--"

*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*THWAK*

Crossbow bolts slammed into Bathysphere's armored divesuit, splintering and scattering over the metal deck. None left a mark on the rig. She looked down at her chest and barrel for a moment, then levitated an armored round helmet onto her head.

Sweetie's mouth hung open in disbelief. "Really!? Again?"

Flash flailed his empty weapon around. "I'm sorry! I panicked! I figured we should shoot the boss first!"

"NOT WHEN SHE'S WEARING A GIANT SUIT OF ARMOR! YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST AIMED FOR HER HEAD!"

"I DID! THE SIGHTS ON THIS BOW MUST BE OFF!"

Gideon let out a hearty guffaw. "A spirited attempt, my friend! But it shall not alter your fate!" He advanced on Flash. Bathysphere stomped foward, the viewports in her helmet glowing green with magic.

Sweetie tensed, sizing up her opponent. The suit looked big and heavy, which would protect the professor but hinder her reaction time. Bathysphere lifted her left foreleg, an attachment on the lower leg clicked and slid down to the hoof. It neatly unfolded into a high-guage drill.

"Oh, for the love of... "

"Ya think she's doin okay?" Double Cross looked out across the harbor at the Red Sorena. The submarine was slowly making its way to the open ocean. He could see Night Glider flitting over the boat's topsail, trading fire with several crew on the deck. The occasional rocket blast rocked the boat, but did no more than cosmetic damage.

"She'll be fine." Eve replied. She danced on her hooves, impatient to get back in the air as a strike team pony dressed several shrapnel cuts on her wing. Several bandages already covered her left flank where she had been a split-second too slow dodging a griffon's claws. "She'd be even better if somepony would hurry up and get me back out there!" The medic ignored her, continuing his work. All around them, commando ponies in ninja suits roughly shoved surrendering Blackbeaks into small groups, slapping hoofcuffs on them and gathering their weapons into piles.

Cover trotted up to the two. "Door Kicker's pegasi are on their way to support her. As for us, none of these ships can get underway quickly enough to catch them." He paused. "I still can't belive they got their hooves on a balefire bomb. I thought those nightmares were gone forever."

"Shoulda went in loud as soon as we landed. All this sneakin around an 'gatherin intel' put Drops in danger, and we didn't learn shit."

"True. Nothing to do about it now, though. It's out of our hooves." He pulled out a scroll from his pack. "We did find something, though. One of the troopers said this was sent to Bathysphere's office shortly after the raid."

"Telegram?"

"Magic spell." Cover replied. Double raised an eyebrow at that. Outiside the dragon lands, those who could perform that spell were on a very short list. He took the letter, crinkling his muzzle at the smell of sulphur wafting off the parchment.

Dr. Marié Bathysphere, Ph. D,

Due to recent global events, your services are no longer required. As of 1200 hours today, Canterlot Standard Time, all contracts are hereby terminated. We wish you luck in future endeavors.

Regards,

-Management

"Well, that explains nothin."

"It's something to go on," Cover replied.

Eve twitched her wings as her medic applied another bandage. "Stop worrying guys, Sweetie'll be fiiiiiine. Despite the fact you you're the two biggest morons ever to stumble plotfirst into the Service, the both of you together make one passable training officer. Gotta let the foals out of the roost at some point. Now, I'm gonna go back up my wingmare," She spread her leathery wings, earning an annoyed look from the medic, "and you get everything cleaned up here."

The medic spoke up. "Miss, I ca--"

"I will eat you. See you two later, I'll be back with your protegé!" She took off, flapping erratically as she headed for the Red Sorena. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow."

The ground-bound ponies watched her go. Double Cross sighed. "She's right, Drops's probably doin fine."

Sweetie saw stars as a powerful hoof slammed her up against the bulkhead. Her eyes glazed over, then focused on the giant shiny drill bit an inch from her muzzle. It let out a high pitched screech as Bathysphere revved it up to speed. She struggled, but the clanking monstrosity the professor wore made her impossibly strong. Bracing a hindleg against the professor's barrel, Sweetie forced herself free moments before the Prof. shoved the drill forward, grinding it into the metal behind her. She fell to the deck, rolled, and sprang back to her hooves, panting. She dodged away as the drill struck again, throwing up a shower of sparks.

Bathysphere was faster in that suit than anypony wearing such a monstronsity had any right to be, but all that weight meant a lot of momentum. Sweetie slipped behind her, then put all her strength into her hindlegs for a knockout double-buck. As her hooves clanged into the professor's suit, Sweetie felt the reverberation in her bones. Ow, okay don't try that again.

She sidestepped Bathysphere's next strike and skirted the edge of the dive pool. The professor started after her, stowing her drill to catche the more agile pony. Sweetie spotted the griffon captain and Flash out of the corner of her eye. Gideon had sheathed his sword, opting to simply throttle the pegasus with his superior reach. Flash lashed out frantically with all four hooves but failed to faze the massive warrior.

We need to end this, fast. Sweetie thought. They were both holding their own... she was holding her own for now, but anypony could see it was only a matter of time. She would tire, eventually. One wrong move, one lucky shot would put her down, hard. She needed-

"Comin' through!"

She hit the deck as an orange fastball hurtled over her head. Flash slammed into the far wall, groaning as he slowly slid down the bulkhead.

"Ho, most impressive! You fight with heart for such a small pony!" Gideon chortled.

"I'm four-eleven..." Flash spluttered weakly. "Above... above average..."

Sweetie scrambled to her hooves. Bathysphere used the distraction to advance on her, Stomping at the spot she lay with hydraulically-strengthened boots. "Just give it up," her voice rang out, cold and filtered.

Sweetie danced away from her strikes. "Is your friend always like this?"

"...Yes. Is yours?"

"I just met him today." She patted down her gear as she kept her distance. Broken crossbow, half a shock spear, almost all her equipment fried from the magic blast. "Why are you doing this? I read your file. This won't bring your daughter back!"

Bathysphere's viewports glowed as she charged a spell. "You think I don't know that? That I'd go through all this, for petty revenge?"

Sweetie leapt to the side as a teal beam raked the deck where she had stood. Jagged dark crystals sprouted up, one clipping an inch off her tail. "Then why!? You'll kill thousands!!! Why would you do this!?"

"Yes, let me take a break from this fight to the death to explain all the details of my convoluted plan to the poor confused G-pony," the professor shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll stand here and monolouge while you use the time to ambush me. Sorry, filly, but I have no interest in letting my guard down so you can kill me, destroy everything I've worked for, and fly off into the sunset with your lover-of-the-week."

"WHAT!?" Sweetie exclaimed, shocked. "It is NOT like that!!! I have been nothing but professional and furthermore--"

*WHAM*

Should've seen that coming.

Sweetie sailed across the room and skidded along the deck. She opened her eyes, seeing nothing but a swirling fog.

"I apologize, I just assumed," Bathysphere continued. "You spies have a bit of a reputation. Thank you for standing still, though."

Sweetie groaned. Her vision started to focus. She barely made out Flash and Gideon circling each other, trading strikes. A rust-and-gold figure stomped towards her. Gideon looked over and laughed. "Excellent, milady! Now I must only vanquish her betrothed and we--squaaak!" He flailed, grasping behind his head. A battered Flash had somehow wormed his way loose from the griffon's crushing grip and slipped his crossbow string around Gideon's neck. He dangled between Gideon's wings, hanging on to his weapon for dear life as the captain thrashed in panic. Gideon stumbled near the lip of the dive pool, trying his hardest to buck Flash off.

An idea struck Sweetie. Wincing in pain, she brought a hoof to her earpiece. "Night Glider, do you copy?"

"Five by five, Three. We've been trying to reach you--"

"Been a little busy. Listen, there's no time. I assume that's you hitting the boat?"

"Affirm, what do you need?"

"On my mark, launch all your ordnance at the bow, just aft of the torpedo tubes!"

"I don't have the firepower to put a hole in th--"

"It doesn't matter! Trust me, everything you have on my signal!"

"Wilco."

Bathysphere stomped over to assist her colleauge. "Hold still, you dimwit!" A claw attachment popped into place over her forehoof, which she snagged on the crossbow string. As she pulled Flash up, Gideon grabbed his wing. Flash whimpered as he felt bones crunch. Gideon whirled around and launched the pegasus across the room yet again, grinning triumphantly to himself.

"NOW!"

*BOOM*

A concussion shook the Red Sorena. Gideon and Bathysphere tumbled head-over-hooves into the dive pool. Sweetie, struggling aginst what felt like numerous broken ribs, pulled the broken shock spear from her saddle strap. She squeezed the hilt and, straining from her injuries, gave the weapon a gentle lob in their direction.

The spear couldn't fire without the tip, but the gem in its hilt still held an impressive charge. It splashed down next to the two villians.

*BRZZZZZZZZZZZZT*

An earsplitting hawk's screech and a mechanically distorted whinny rang out. The lights in the room flickered, then died. Sweetie struggled to her hooves, blinking at the pitch blackness. If I survive this, I am bringing night vision with me every time I leave base. Even if it's just to Canterlot to visit Octie. She limped in the direction she saw Flash land, feeling around for him with her hooves.

A whirring noise rang from the pool, where a soft teal glow shined up from under the water. Sweetie's heart almost stopped as she saw a helmet slowly rise from the surface, Its viewports lit up blue-green. She needed to find Flash and leave, now. An idea suddenly struck her, triggered by her memories of her friend back in Canterlot.

"Marco!"

"P-Polo?" Flash's confused voice called out. There he is! She reached the downed soldier, pulling his hoof around her shoulder. As she pulled him up, Bathysphere clambered out of the pool. Spotlights shone from her suit, sweeping the room.

"C'mon, we need to leave, now!" She limped for the nearest hatch, Flash stumbling alongside her. Ten feet from the exit, Light washed over them. She heard an angry roar, followed by stomping hoofboots.

"Move move MOVE!" The two of them tumbled through the hatch. She kicked it shut just in time, it shuddered with an impact from the other side.

Flash slowly rose to his hooves. He blinked, looking around the small room. Torpedoes sat on racks along the walls, and two tubes protruded from the far wall. "What are we doing?"

"Escaping." Sweetie ran over to a torpedo sitting on a dolly, wheeling it over to the door. It shuddered from another impact.

Flash nodded, still slightly rattled. He was bruised all over and one wing hung limply from his side. Sweetie continued her work, pulling out the torpedo's safety pin.

Flash simply stared at her, confused and beaten, as she positioned the torpedo so the detonator in its nose sat an inch from the locked hatch. She flicked a few switches on the weapon's service panel, then trotted over to the wall mounted tubes.

Wheels clicked into place in Flash's head. He gulped as she opened the hatch of the nearest tube. "No..."

"Yes."

"I can't swim!"

"Better learn quick, it's our only way."

"There's not another door??"

"This is the torpedo room. It's all the way at the front of the boat. Only other way to go is back that way." The hatch shook again, as if to punctuate her point.

Flash groaned. "Maybe I'll just go down with the ship..."

The hatch's hinges began to glow red. "We're out of time! Into the torpedo tube, flyboy!"

Flash groaned and pulled himself into the tube. Sweetie quickly set the controls for a delayed launch as heat wafted off the hatch behind her, then followed him in. She pulled the tube's cover shut, sealing them inside what felt forebodingly like a coffin.

"I just want to say on the record that I am doing this under duress--"

A blast of air launched them both into the cold, wet abyss.

Sweetie thrashed around in the water, trying to orient herself. She fought the panicky urge to breathe in. Bubbles swirled around her, and though she could see light - the submarine was still cruising on the surface - she couldn't tell which direction it was coming from. She closed her eyes, going still for a few moments and letting the bubbles clear. As the pressure to breathe rose, she again looked around, spotting the surface just a few feet away. Two kicks and her head broke above water, gasping for air. Once the spots in her vision faded, she spotted Flash, thrashing like a madpony. She quickly swam over to him, pulling his head above the surface.

"AAAAH! AAAAH! Aah! A-" he broke into a coughing fit.

"Quit being such a foal. This isn't even the worst part!"

"W-what??" He spluttered. Then, in a flash of pink, he was gone.

"That's the worst part," Sweetie stated to nopony, bracing for her own violent pickup.

Night Glider hit her like an azure cannonball, grabbing Sweetie with a flying tackle then rocketing back into the sky. She swept back into formation alongside Eve, who was clutching a stunned, soaked Flash Sentry.

"Nice to see you among the living, ma'am!" Night Glider exclaimed as the wind roared around them. "Sorry, but Bossmare thinks you brought her a new pet!"

"She can have him, but he's not housetrained!"

"Will do. What do we do about the Red Sorena?"

"Don't worry, I've got it covered!"

Back inside the torpedo room, the hatch's hinges glowed white-hot. Bits of metal began sloughing off. The door shuddered with a reverberating thud. Then another.

On the third strike, the hinges gave way, launching the door inwards. A millisecond later, it struck the nose of the torpedo, pushing in the detonator's impact plate.

Then everything went white.

The two flyers wobbled at the blast as they drifted down for a landing on the pier. The stricken submarine, bow engulfed in flame, gound to a halt. Moments later, it began listing foward, slowly sliding under the waves.

Sweetie wobbled a bit as Night Glider set her down. She smiled sheepishly to Double and Cover as both ponies trotted over to her.

"Good ta see ya, Drops. Had us worried there for a minute."

"Thanks, Mr. Cross." She winced as she shifted her stance. "I, uh, think I need a medic. And Flash, the pegasus Eve brought in, his wing is broken."

Double waved one of the medics from the crowd of police and Service stormtroopers. As a pony made her way over, he turned back to Sweetie. "That was a major clusterfuck you just sorted out, Drops. Damn fine job."

"Congratulations are in order," Cover added. "...Special Agent."

Sweetie looked up in suprise. "But-"

Cover held up a hoof. "There's still the after-action report, the promotion board, and a lot of paperwork." He gave her a sly grin. "But after all this, I'd say you earned it a little early."

"If they don't clear ya to lead a team after this, then I'm quittin." Double remarked.

Sweetie blinked tears from her eyes. The medic wrapped a blanket over her and motioned for her to sit down. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, she couldn't stop shaking. "Thank you. Thanks so much." She sighed.

"Get some rest, we're leaving for Equestria at sunset," Cover told her. Noting her panicked look, he put a hoof on her shoulder. "Relax, we're not taking a plane. There's a griffon airship about an hour away, they picked up Mr. Sentry's distress call. They're heading to Canterlot and have graciously offered to give us a lift."

Sweetie nodded, saying nothing. Her head wobbled a little.

"Relax kid, ya did good. Get a few hours shut-eye. The action's over, but the real job starts when we leave."

"Huh?" Sweetie cocked an eyebrow.

"Somepony's gotta explain to the griffons why their multimillion-bit bath toy is sitting in pecies at the bottom a' Trot Harbor," he said.

"You're joking. You're joking, right??"

Author's Note

RED SORENA Mission: Complete

AWARDS

Sweetie Drops
Nothing to See Here
Danger Dialogue
Field Promotion: Special Agent

Sweetie Drops can now command Agents in the field

Night Glider
Most Professional
Spear Carrier
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Achievement Award

Flash Sentry
Mostly Harmless
Most Frantic
Where's the Ammo?

Evening Mist
All the Awards She Wants Because She is Awesome and Definitely Didn't Threaten Us or Anything, Seriously Guys, Does She Actually Eat Ponies?

That one may have gotten away from me. Not sure if this will continue or it'll be a sequel. I've got plenty of ideas but this feels like a pretty decent ending of sorts (with an epilouge so Lyra can pop back in, of course) and holy shit that took a lot of writing.