Distorted Resonance

by Tangent

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Random
Length: 27299

Crystal Synergy used to be a middle-aged brony before she appeared in Ponyville in a bolt from the clear blue sky. She only wants to help...

"Crystal Synergy used to be a middle-aged brony before she abruptly appeared as a young filly at the spot where lightning had struck the ground out of the clear blue sky, roughly two years before the Sonic Rainboom. She only wants to help. What could possibly go wrong?" :pinkiehappy:

"I can't believe you just said that, Pinkie..." :facehoof:

Crystal has lived ten years with fading memories about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic canon and fanon, the first two of which were spent unable to make any but the most illegible notes as she tried to keep them separated in her head. Not helping matters is the fact that while things mostly seem to be lining up with what she thinks is canon, there is a difference between events as presented in the thirty-minute blocks of a show aimed at a younger demographic (and intended to help sell toys) and living in that setting as a real world with a dynamic history. And she's not quite sure which version of Equestria she's actually in, but things seem to be just enough like what Crystal Synergy believes to be canon that she thinks she has a fair idea of what may happen, and how to help navigate or circumvent some of the more worrying problems looming on the horizon.

A little foreknowledge couldn't hurt, right?

A little foreknowledge can prove to be a very dangerous thing indeed. Especially when you aren't sure which bits of foreknowledge are actually true. And just ignoring the foreknowledge doesn't help either, because some of it is true...

A bit of a grab bag of categories: AU and Human should be self explanatory, but Random was selected because the story fluctuates between serious and silly, adventure and slice-of-life, and black-and-white values vs. blue-and-orange values.

[img]https://i.postimg.cc/sDLsnphg/Princess-Columbia-s-List-Badge.png[/img] Featured on Princess Columbia's List on 9/25/2019

Published 2016-01-09 10:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-03 02:40:34 UTC

Distorted Beginnings: Prologue in Three Parts

DISTORTED RESONANCE
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Self Insert
By Tangent

I don’t actually remember much about how I arrived in Equestria. I have vague memories of being in a car wreck, but after more than my fair share of those, I get enough dreams about being in even more of them to cast doubt on whether I’m remembering a memory or a nightmare. It may have been some other horrifically painful event.

On the other hoof, for all I know, I simply transitioned over while sleeping peacefully in my bed. Or in the middle of a crowd in the mall. Perhaps I had a bad case of the hiccups, or belched so hard I booted myself out of reality? Still, pain on arrival at least implies a traumatic event on departure, and my arrival in Ponyville was certainly dramatic enough for narrative causality to almost require that my exit from my previous existence be appropriately traumatic.

Unfortunately, I may never know for sure.

Oh, I do know some things about my arrival in Ponyville. It was accompanied by a flash of lightning right out of the clear blue sky, and I apparently popped up right where it struck the ground. There was even a scorched outline of my body where I appeared, but that had been cleaned up long before I ever woke up in the foals’ ward of Ponyville General Hospital. Fortunately, I did manage to wake up before they transferred me over to long-term care.

I’m not sure who named me Crystal Synergy, or why. I certainly wasn’t in any condition to tell them otherwise at the time, and I wasn’t exactly very communicative for a while afterwards. By the time I did start talking to other ponies, I had been Crystal long enough that I just didn’t see the point of correcting anypony about it, or (more likely) using Tangent instead.

It also took about that long for me to recover some semblance of mental clarity and emotional stability, during which time I had withdrawn into a shy, introverted fugue. Which was just as well, because it kept my random babbling from being audible as I struggled to come to terms with my new situation.

Tartarus, it took me half a year to fully comprehend that I was not only a pony, but specifically a unicorn, which was when they finally removed the inhibitor ring that had been placed around the base of my immature horn to prevent uncontrolled magic flares from burning it out.

Suffering from a combination of a bad concussion and being electrocuted was apparently bad for my young neurological system. Who knew?

*O o O o O*

Once I could safely access my magic, I immediately started in on figuring out just what I could do with it. Which, as a filly, wasn’t a whole lot.

Seriously, that episode where Pinkie first babysat for the Cake twins? The one where Pumpkin comes across as some sort of unicorn wunderkind? That’s actually fairly normal - for a unicorn foal between one and six months old. After that, the developmental process overbalances in the other direction while the body transitions past the foal stage.

Once a unicorn filly or colt regains access to their magic, it starts out as a weak trickle of power. Maybe enough to lift a pebble or turn a page. Left alone, this will gradually improve on its own to a limited extent. Doing more than just lifting and simple manipulation requires a certain level of focus, and most young minds lack the patience to learn how to properly multitask with their magic until they are older.

That, and apparently most young fillies and colts find the levitation exercises to be tediously frustrating and boring, because until they get the hang of splitting their focus they generally end up stuck in one spot while they try to do anything at all with their magic. This can be very aggravating for an energetic youngster who mainly wants to run around and play, not sit still trying to do a task that can be managed quicker and more easily with a hoof or mouth. It's also why most older unicorns tend to move less or not at all when attempting unfamiliar, more complex, or more powerful spells - they've more or less conditioned themselves to prefer to remain still while doing so in order to better concentrate on the task at hoof.

Well, good for them. I had the opposite problem, not having spent my early formative years learning how to use my hooves and mouth to accomplish anything. I had to learn how to do all those things after that critical developmental period, which left me a bit clumsy whenever I tried to do any but the most basic of tasks without using magic.

Seriously, the doctors still think that I suffered some sort of brain damage from whatever magical event brought me to Ponyville. They also don’t seem to realize that I can understand them when they start talking to each other about my case like I’m not there. I certainly never bothered even attempting to convince them that I hadn’t been born a pony.

I’m getting better, though.

Really!

For a given value of better, anyway…

*O o O o O*

*O o O o O*

Two years.

Two.

Years.

That was how long it took Crystal to learn how to manipulate objects with her mouth and hooves as well as the average filly of her apparent age.

Two years of being called ‘Clumsy Crystal,’ ‘Crystal Klutz,’ or 'Silly Synergy' by Lollypop and Vanilla Swirl, two fillies whom Crystal assumed to be the equivalents of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Two years of scheduled physical therapy sessions as she ‘relearned’ how to intermingle the minor level of magic and specialized frogs that most sapient ungulates had in their forehooves, and how to properly handle objects with her lips, teeth, and (if absolutely necessary) tongue.

On the other hoof, two years of essentially having to rely primarily on magic to do even the most mundane tasks put Crystal in the top tier of unicorn fillies her apparent age group. That left her more or less on par with her foster sister, Rarity, and Lyra Heartstrings, with Rarity having a slight lead on fine control while Crystal had the edge when it came to capacity, and Lyra being better than either of them in the part they were weaker in.

Two years of school plays and talent shows to drive Crystal nuts. Mostly because Rarity, beloved foster sister though she might be, reacted with the same overblown sense of drama to her role as costume designer for the plays.

Every. Single. Time.

Honestly, Crystal had given up on trying to be there for Rarity during the Sonic Rainboom three plays ago.

Instead, she had once again wandered off to the outskirts of Ponyville to experiment with her magic. Today’s idea was to see if she could form a ring or loop from her aura and spin it as a way of building up and storing thaumic energy that could be used for another spell later. She already knew that magic could be coiled as a way to amplify a spell before it was fully cast, but the possibility of actually forming a sort of 'mystic flywheel’ that could be separate from any single other spell and put to multiple purposes was intriguing.

Tartarus, Lyra would have loved this problem. Granted, Crystal could have asked to apply to Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns as well, but her experience with living in a crowded barracks in her first life (that she knew of) pretty much soured her on the idea of spending even part of the year in a boarding school. And Rarity wasn’t interested enough in expanding her magical versatility to really want to go herself, although Crystal knew her foster sister most likely would have if she herself had insisted on going.

Crystal didn’t know whether to feel relieved or guilty about that, really.

Besides, it was bad enough she was already living with one of the Mane Six. Hondo Flanks had been one of the ponies present at her abrupt arrival in Ponyville, and had been the one to rush her to the hospital. He and his wife, Cookie Crumbles, had ended up being the first family asked to foster Crystal as a result, and they had readily agreed. That had left Crystal worried that she'd disrupted the events leading to Sweetie Belle's birth, until it happened anyway the following spring.

Crystal could imagine all too well what might easily have happened if she had insisted on applying and ended up causing Twilight Sparkle’s turn in front of the entry exam board to be delayed. Quite frankly, most of the alternate futures depicted in the season five finale were horrifying enough to make her want to avoid any chance whatsoever of screwing up Twilight Sparkle’s affinity with and for magic in general.

No. Better to leave off the possibility of encountering Twilight Sparkle for another eight years, until she arrived in Ponyville for the pivotal Summer Sun Celebration. Crystal could help Purple Smart make friends then. Well, at least be a friend, anyway.

Or, at the very least, have preparations ready for a party of seven mares intent on entering the Everfree Forest under extended nightfall. Because, dammit, the only one of the Mane Six who actually knew anything about even basic woodland survival was Applejack, and Crystal wasn’t about to let her foster sister go off into a dangerous situation without her!

Thus, the Thaumic Flywheel spell that Crystal was trying to form: a way to store up mystic energy prior to and between encounters so that she could respond swiftly without having to gather her mana on the spot.

So far, the experiment was yielding some promising results. Crystal had at least managed to get her aura to form into a loop. A bit wobbly at first, but applying a spin to it had smoothed that out in short order. Carefully, she nudged more mana into the aura hoop, causing it to spin faster as it accumulated more thaumic energy.

A little more…

A little more…

Hold it…

Okay, time to see if she could draw mana back out of the hoop…

Nothing complicated for the first attempt - just a simple spark should do…

Careful…

Careful…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

“SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA! WHAT WAS THAT!?” The unexpected thunder from the clear blue sky caused her to lose control of the thaumic flywheel, which in turn fed all of its collected energy into the tiny spark she had been oh so carefully trying to form.

The resultant shockwave and beam of raw magical energy was not quite as impressive as the fiery rainbow in the sky.

“Oh Tartarus! I hope I didn’t hit anything important!”

It wasn’t until she encountered her foster sister, who had also been on her way home after her own unexpected misadventure, that she discovered that she had acquired a Cutie Mark: what appeared to be a double hoop or shockwave the color of her own magic. Rarity, naturally, acquired her own Cutie Mark later that night at the school play.

The double Cuteceañera was fun.

Being grounded for a month for attempting an unproven and possibly dangerous spell without supervision was not.

*O o O o O*

*O o O o O*

Two years before the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration:

“Pardon me, Princess. It’s another package from that anonymous young artist in Ponyville.”

Princess Celestia smiled and bid the guard approach with a beckoning hoof, wondering what the mysterious young artist had sent her this time. The chosen medium was always the same, and the accompanying writing had thus far proven to be completely illegible, but she thought it was sweet, and had set up a small gallery to display the submissions whenever they came. And then Twilight Sparkle had found out about it, leading to her making her own submissions, soon followed by submissions from her study lab partners. And thus the display had become the Gallery of the Young.

Then the submissions from Ponyville had become less frequent for a while, but each time the quality of both the art and the writing had shown improvement. This time the gap had been nearly three years, and though they were still rendered in crayon, the improvement in skill was striking.

The first depicted Cerberus running free aboveground while a frail-looking centaur was shown in a cave beneath, leaving shackles and cage behind. The legend under it stated only ‘Beware.’

The next drawing, a beautiful rendering of the Crystal Empire, drew a gasp from the princess. While hardly perfect, it was far, far more accurate than any of the attempts to depict it made by various artists over the past few centuries. It was almost as if it had been produced from a memory rather than what little written description accompanied the remaining historical records. The legend for this one said ‘We Shall Return.’

Celestia noted with interest that the next picture was of none other than King Sombra, with a partially smoky form, again with the simple legend of ‘Beware.’

“A seer,” Celestia commented. “Our mysterious young artist is a seer.”

The one after that was a startlingly accurate rendition of a changeling queen and several changelings, with the caption stating ‘We Hunger.’

The next page only had writing on it. ‘The last two pictures come first.’

Almost hesitantly, Celestia lifted it to reveal none other than Nightmare Moon in full regalia flying beneath a pristine moon – a moon without the familiar mare’s head crater pattern it had borne for almost a millennium. The legend for this one was the ominous ‘It Shall be Darkest Before the Dawn of Hope’.

And the last one brought tears to her eyes.

“What is it, my Princess?”

The image, lovingly rendered in colored wax, depicted herself and Luna sitting side by side, with the legend ‘Sisters Once More’ inscribed beneath it.

“It is a message of hope, Sergeant. It is hope…”

Author's Note

Here's a form study of Crystal...

And, hopefully, this will fix the double posted Author's note... :facehoof:

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter One

A brief flash of green flame resolved itself into a scroll in front of Moon Dancer. Picking it up with her magic, she examined it, and noted that the outer edge had something written on it.

If this works, then this letter has appeared before Moon Dancer, who may read it immed promp right now. If this letter has reached Princess Celestia or anypony else, please forward it to Moon Dancer as soon as possible.

“It’s a letter from Twilight,” Moon Dancer stated glumly. “This means she’s probably not coming to my party.”

“Well, read it!” Minuette urged. “She did say that something had come up, after all. Maybe the letter explains it!”

“Point,” Moon Dancer conceded. Clearing her throat briefly, she unfurled the scroll and began reading it out loud, so Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts could hear as well.

“Dear Moon Dancer,
First, let me apolo say I’m sorry for being unable to attend your party. I would have come in pony to let you know, but I am even now writing this from the sky chariot that is taking me directly to Ponyville on an assignment from Princess Celestia to oversee the preparations there for the Summer Sun Celebration. An abrupt, and very much unwelcome assignment, as it not only means that I will be missing your party, but it also negates my previous and much more perti important reason for doing so: the imi immin that Nightmare Moon may be returning sometime tomorrow! Seriously, Spike, did you even read the thesa thesh wordy book of words I got you? Argh! Why are you writing that? It’s not part-"

“I see Spike is still working on his dictations skills,” Lemon Hearts commented.

“Or possibly his trolling skills,” Minuette observed.

“If you don’t mind, there’s more to the letter,” Moon Dancer interjected.

“Sorry,” Minuette apologized.

“Please continue,” Lemon Hearts added.

“Okay… Skipping the rest of the rant… ah, hear we go: Anyway, while Spike and I will try to conduct some research in Ponyville once we’ve seen to our assigned duties there. Fortunately, Princess Celestia has at least granted me access to the living quarters in Ponyville’s Golden Oaks Library for the duration of the event. I hesitate to ask you to do this on your birthday, but if you see fit to do so, could you please gather the others and continue the research on your end in Canterlot? The books you need to start with should still be laying open to the correct pages in my quarters.

“Once again, I am really sorry that I couldn’t come to your party.

“Your friend,
“Twilight Spackle.”

“Pfft!” Minuette tried (and failed) to hold in her laughter. “That little so-and-so! He is messing with Twilight!

“I hope he doesn’t do that when he’s taking letters for the Princess,”

“The post script says that the presents they got me are on the table next to the door, and that I’m welcome to pick them up at any time.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Minuette exclaimed. “Let’s go get your presents, and see what set off Spackle this time!”

“Sparkle,” Moon Dancer corrected.

“Whatever,” Minuette shrugged it off. “Let’s grab the party stuff and head on over! May as well have your party and do the research.”

“Yeah,” Twinkleshine agreed. “Whatever it is can’t be that bad if the Princess dismissed it and sent her off on an unrelated assignment.”

“Should we really be holding a party at Twilight’s place without her there?” Lemon Hearts asked. “Or without even asking first?”

“So we just clean up afterwards,” Minuette replied dismissively. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

*O o O o O*

Twilight tried to restrain a groan as the surprise party that the locals were throwing for her in the Golden Oaks Library continued unabated. The ponies in Ponyville were really nice, if somewhat strange, and she really couldn’t bring herself to try to dampen their spirits during what might be the last time any of them would feel like partying for a long time to come. Especially over something that might not even come to pass.

Princess Celestia had blown her off and sent her to Ponyville after all.

Absently, she poured herself a drink from a bottle on the snack table, only to find the cup held firmly to the table by the cyan aura of another unicorn’s magic.

“Might not want to drink that straight up,” the owner of the aura stated, humor evident in her voice. “Even Pinkie Pie avoids drinking hot sauce directly. She probably put it there to put on the cupcakes or other snacks.”

“Yupperoonie!” the curly maned pink earth pony that Twilight had first encountered just after arriving in Ponyville agreed cheerfully. “It’s really good!”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Twilight replied, grateful for having avoided the experience. A little hot sauce was okay as a condiment from time to time, but she wasn’t feeling adventurous enough to consider actually drinking it.

Which the white unicorn with the short blue mane just did.

“Dare I even ask what you are drinking, Crystal?” Rarity asked as she approached. “The only bottles on this table should be condiments. The beverages are on the table with the punch bowl. Which is where I found the bottle of chilli sauce you brought.”

“So that’s where it got off to!” Crystal exclaimed cheerfully, even as she brought over the indicated bottle with her aura and poured some of it into the cup that still had some of the other hot sauce in it.

Twilight cocked a brow as she noted Crystal’s short mane take on the likeness of blue flames. And was that an actual red glow coming from what had been cyan irises?

“Gonna have to remember that combination,” Crystal commented, as a puff of steam escaped her lips. “That’s going into my next batch of chilli! Sweetie Belle will love it!”

“Just warn me ahead of time so I can stock up on fresh bread and milk,” Rarity requested in a tone of resignation.

“You’re just jealous because Sweetie Belle and Dad inherited my love of spicy food,” Crystal teased as her glowing red eyes faded back to their normal cyan hue and her mane lost it’s flame-like appearance.

“Crystal, dear…” Rarity chided. “I keep telling you. That’s not how fostering works.”

“Sure it is,” Crystal shot back, grinning cheerfully.

Twilight shook her head in bemusement as the two… she guessed that they counted as sisters, even though one was apparently fostered into the family of the other… as the two sisters playfully snarked at each other. She absently snagged a few greenish vegetable chips from one of the snack bowls and idly munched on them.

Moments later, a white hot unicorn with glowing red eyes and a mane and tail that appeared to be real flames let out a small breath of fire and rushed for the punch bowl.

“Oh yeah, I meant to tell you. I brought jalapeño chips! Did you like them?” Crystal asked Twilight, who was too busy trying to cool her mouth down to actually respond.

“Crystal, I thought I told you to clearly label the bowls if you were going to bring those,” Rarity admonished.

“I did!” Crystal insisted.

“I don’t see any labels,” Rarity pointed out.

“That’s odd,” Pinkie commented. “They were in the bowls when I poured the chips into them!”

Crystal and Rarity both put a hoof to their own faces, as Twilight retreated up to the Library’s residential apartment after drinking half the punch in an effort to sooth her burning tongue and lip…

*O o O o O*

This was it.

This was the first moment Crystal had been looking forward to with both dread and excitement. The moment where whatever chaos butterflies caused by her mere arrival in Equestria met the crushing momentum of history.

Crystal’s indecision on whether or not to interfere with the general course of events as she remembered them, and then how to do so once she realized that she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t try to do something about some of the biggest disasters she remembered from the show had weighed heavily on her. It didn’t help matters that her memories of canon and fanon events had blurred together over the years, freely mixing with her own studies of Equestrian history from her education as a filly.

That same indecision about just what to do is what lead to her intermittent attempts to send warnings with varying levels of clarity and vagueness to the one pony in Equestria she was reasonably sure was both in a position to actually do anything about them and experienced enough to decide whether or not to do anything about them.

Crystal’s decision on using crayon drawings as the medium for these warnings had initially been due to her early inability to write legibly as a filly. That, and wax crayons tasted better than quills, ink-tainted or otherwise. Then, by the time she could read her own writing, she had already sent enough crayon drawings to the Princess that she just stuck with using colored wax as her medium of choice. It somehow felt like the right decision, however illogical it might seem.

Besides, crayons were inexpensive, and gave her an activity to share with both Sweetie Belle and Rarity. Granted, Rarity tended to use crayon time as just another format in the creative process of designing, but it still counted as participation as far as Sweetie Belle was concerned, so Crystal was happy to contribute as many crayons as needed to be sacrificed to the cause of sisterly bonding.

Frustration over the crude quality of the drawings and her barely improved writing ability, as well as her inherent inability to know if any of them even reached Celestia had led Crystal to stop sending them for a while.

The first time she had broken her personal rule about limiting her alcoholic intake had been the day she discovered that Barley’s Diner and Delicatessen, an establishment she herself had hypothesized about in her previous life, was real in whatever version of Equestria she had ended up in.* Her foster parents had not been pleased to discover that she had gotten into their liquor cabinet and had drank half of what was left of the bottle of Sweet Apple Acres Zapapple Whiskey she had found tucked away behind the various wines and brandies.

An incident that had led to Rarity taking both Sweetie Belle and Crystal in at the Canterlot Botique while Cookie Crumples supervised as Hondo Flanks poured every last drop of alcohol down the drain. Sweetie Belle had moved back in with her parents after a few days, but Crystal had ended up staying with Rarity and living under the rules that her foster sister had set, even though they were both about the same age as far as anypony could figure out. Hondo, Cookie, and Crystal did reconcile after a few months, although by then Crystal had chosen to continue living as her foster sister's housemate.

So Crystal had gone back to strictly limiting herself to just one drink before switching to a nonalcoholic beverage. Now with Rarity's added rules of "never drink alone, never drink around fillies, colts, and foals, and, for Celestia’s sake, talk about your problems with somepony! Anypony!" Even if she couldn’t talk to her foster family about them.

Crystal had openly cried for the first time in years that night**. It had been cathartic, even if her ramblings had been incoherent amidst the sobs.

And so Crystal resumed sending her anonymous packages of crayon drawings, now of a much better quality and with legible writing, to Princess Celestia. She had even shown Rarity some of them. Mostly the ones depicting the crystal ponies and the Crystal Empire because she thought Rarity would appreciate them. As far as Crystal could tell, Rarity simply thought that they were wonderful flights of artistic expression.

A notion that Crystal chose not to disabuse her foster sister of.

And now, as everypony had gathered in the town hall to wait for Princess Celestia’s grand entrance, Crystal once again found herself desiring to be anything but sober…

*O o O o O*

“Fillies and gentlecolts, as mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!” This statement was met with cheers from most of the attending ponies, with the exceptions being the ever stoic Royal Guard as well as Twilight Sparkle and Crystal, who were both worried for similar reasons.

“In just a few moments,” the mayor continued, “Our town will witness the magic of the sunrise, and celebrate this, the longest day of the year! And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the Good, the Wise, the Bringer of Harmony to all of Equestria… Princess Celestia!”

And, with that, Rarity pulled the curtain cord, revealing an empty balcony. This, naturally, resulted in confused murmurings from the attending crowd.

“This can’t be good,” Twilight observed worriedly.

“Stay calm, everypony,” the mayor urged. “There must be a reasonable explanation.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie Pie started hopping in place excitedly. “Is she hiding?”

“She’s gone!” stated Rarity, who had come back out onto the balcony after checking the room and hall behind it. This elicited a gasp from most of the crowd.

“Ooh, she’s good!” Pinkie Pie concluded, apparently impressed rather than concerned.

And then nearly everypony gasped again as sparkling dark blue mist rolled onto the balcony and then quickly dispersed, reveling a black alicorn with blue on blue cat-like eyes, a mane and tail like waving star fields, and wearing a silver helm and peytral. The emblem on the peytral matched the crescent moon cutie mark on her flanks.

“Oh, my beloved subjects,” the black alicorn began. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun-loving faces.”

“What did you do with our princess?” Rainbow Dash demanded, just before attempting to perform a flying charge. An effort stopped by Applejack clamping her teeth on the pegasus’s tail.

“Whoa there, Nelly,” Applejack admonished.

“Nelly? I thought her name was Rainbow Dash,” Crystal snarked, not terribly worried despite the dire situation, as she doubted that Nightmare Moon seriously wanted to hurt anypony at this point.

“You do know her name is Rainbow Dash, right?” Pinkie Pie asked Applejack in a moderately concerned tone.

“Not the time, you two!” Applejack grumbled.

Nightmare Moon cocked a brow at the byplay, noting that the frizzy maned pink earth pony and the short maned white unicorn were perhaps the only two ponies present who did not seem to be either alarmed or angry.

“Oh yeah, before I forget,” Crystal commented, using her aura to present Darth Goth with a large envelope.

Curious, Nightmare Moon opened it and pulled out a crayon drawing of herself as Luna, standing majestically under a full moon set in a beautifully rendered night sky, while surrounded by many happy ponies that resembled some of the currently gathered audience. At the bottom of the picture was the legend: Celebrate the Night.

“I… I see,” Nightmare Moon stammered briefly, before gathering herself. “You have given me much to think about. Thank you.” And with that, she turned into sparkling dark blue mist, leaving just as abruptly as she had arrived.

“What was that?” Applejack demanded, finally letting go of Rainbow Dash’s tail.

“She looked like she needed something to cheer her up,” Crystal replied. “So I gave her one of my drawings.” Noting that Twilight Sparkle was leaving the auditorium, she trotted after the purple pony.

“And just where do you think you’re going, Missy?” Applejack asked, chasing after Crystal.

“It’s Crystal,” Crystal chided. “And I’m following Purple Smart, since it looks like she knows something.”

“I thought her name was Twilight Sparkle?” Pinkie asked as she hopped along beside them.

“Seriously not the time, you two,” Applejack stated.

“Synergy,” Crystal snarked back, picking up speed once she spotted Rarity and Fluttershy joining their small group. She idly wondered why the timid pegasus had joined them at this point, both now and in the original canon, but didn’t think it was prudent to bring it up at this time. “Crystal Synergy.”

“Must we do this again?” Rarity asked, huffing slightly as she and Fluttershy caught up.

“Yes!” Pinkie and Crystal replied together cheerfully.

“Something tells me it’s going to be a long night,” Applejack sighed as they approached the Golden Oaks Library.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Crystal agreed, watching Rainbow Dash charge into the tree-turned-building.

*Later finding out that one of her friends was actually named Bubbles rather than either the canon 'Muffin' or the fanon 'Derpy' or 'Ditzy,' was just the icing on the cake of awkward revelations. Especially as Crystal had been calling Bubbles 'Muffin' for years by that point, after resolving not to use any nickname for her unless she knew her friend liked it. Fortunately, Bubbles had just thought it was one of the more pleasant nicknames, and actually didn't mind having it used as such.

**This isn't accurate as Crystal had, in fact, cried earlier. She had also ended up inadvertently serenading half of Ponyville with a drunken heartsong (her first ever) after drinking that half-bottle of zapapple whiskey. A sad rendition of Gypsy Bard from her memories of the MLP: Friendship is Witchcraft parody. Which, given the total lack of context, gave many Ponyville residents, including her foster family, several mistaken ideas about the past she never talks about. Not that Crystal is aware of the misconception as she doesn't actually remember that bit with any clarity. Which is just as well, since she wouldn't know what to do about it anyway.

What Crystal does remember (although really really she wishes that she didn't), is spending the next morning in the boutique's levorotary literally pissing lightning and farting rainbows. Foul smelling rainbows, but still rainbows. Exactly as she had described the potential side effects caused by overindulging in zapapple whiskey in her previous life. Both the experience and the realization were painfully unpleasant.

Author's Note

And here's the link to the afore mentioned Barly's Diner: Barly's Diner & Delicatessen

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Two

The group trotted into the library and found that Rainbow Dash had Twilight Sparkle pinned to the wall.

With a sigh, Crystal wrapped her aura around the angry pegasus and lifted her bodily off of the scared unicorn.

“Hey! What gives!? You said she looked like she knew what was going on! Doesn’t that make her a spy? Wait… You gave that letter to the badguy! You’re in cahoots with her, aren’t you!?”

“Oh, wow, Rainbow,” Crystal snarked back with half-lidded eyes. “That’s two for two. Two completely wrong assumptions that is. Let’s try this again.” Pointing a hoof at Twilight she continued. “Unicorn from Canterlot. Arrived on an official sky chariot pulled by Royal Guards.” Then Crystal pointed at herself. “Unicorn who has lived in Ponyville for the past ten years, the first two of which spent in therapy so I could learn how to use my hooves and mouth properly. So of course we must be master spies.”

“Ooh… You’re good!” Pinkie stated in awe.

Crystal put her hoof to her face. “That was sarcasm, Pinkie.”

“Oh. Well, that was good sarcasm then!” Pinkie smiled.

“Alright, alright! You’re not spies! Can you let me go no-wagh!” Rainbow Dash fell to the floor with a thump. “Ow…”

“You all right?” Applejack asked Twilight as she helped the unicorn to her hooves.

“I’m fine, thanks,” Twilight responded as she steadied herself. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to find a book…”

“Myths and Legends should be in the reference section, third stack, second shelf up,” Crystal told the lavender unicorn, earning a stare from everypony put Pinkie Pie, who went to fetch it. “What? What else could she be looking for after an ancient mythological figure popped up in the Town hall?” Not that Crystal wasn't aware that Twilight was probably looking for a different book relevant to the situation, but Myths and Legends would direct them back to the proper book anyway. Hopefully, anyway. Somepony had misfiled it recently, and she had yet to find out where it had been placed on the shelves.

“Actually,” Twilight corrected, “I’m looking for ‘The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide’, which isn’t where the filing system says it should be.”

“Found it!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed cheerfully, as she fetched that book as well, then presented both of them to the group. “It was under ‘E’!”

“I miss Codex Libram,” Crystal groaned. “Ever since she moved away, everypony has been putting the books they borrow wherever they think they should go instead of looking up the right location in the catalogue…” Not that two years worth of illegible notes and another eight of mix-and-match memories had anything to do with her irritation.

Not at all.

Really.

Yeah, Crystal didn't believe herself either.

*O o O o O*

Nightmare Moon spied on the small group of ponies from the window of the Mage Tree, still in mist form. While she couldn’t hear everything they said through the wards, they were loud enough that she caught the gist of what was happening. Those were books, most likely referring to either her or the Elements of Harmony. The ponies were a diverse group of types and personalities, almost the very definition of ‘rag-tag’ as she last recalled it. Any second now and… yes, one of the white ones was bringing saddlebags of gear up from the cellar.

This was a questing party.

Bemused by the situation she found herself in, Nightmare Moon drifted off towards the forest that had grown around the castle she and her sister used to live in. On the one hoof, the one unicorn had gifted her with a picture of herself as Princess Luna, surrounded by happy ponies. On the other, the same unicorn was also obviously joining the band of would be ‘heroes’ that had chosen to try to win back the day. Seven ponies were even an auspicious number for such an endeavor.

If they had any hope at all in actually succeeding, she’d actually be worried.

But no, she’d been back to her old home already. The Elements were useless stone now, and one of them was even missing. Their quest was doomed to failure before they could even begin.

Thinking of the happy ponies in the picture, Nightmare Moon was almost disappointed.

Well, she supposed, even if their quest is hopeless, there was no reason not to make it memorable. Let them feel that they’ve tried their hardest. To rise to the challenge and possibly even win, if not their original goal, then some other suitable reward instead.

Maybe then, they would find it in their hearts to one day be those same smiling ponies in the picture…

*O o O o O*

“Okay, we’re in your workshop, which is inside a boutique for some reason,” Twilight Sparkle stated impatiently. “Now would somepony please tell me why we stopped here when we should be heading into the Everfree Forest?”

“Because we’re going to be heading into the Everfree Forest,” Crystal explained calmly as she started rifling through various drawers. “Which, on top of all the other problems associated with it, is a forest. Which we will be entering at night. And my sister owns the boutique and I happen to live with her. Having my workshop in part of her basement is convenient.”

“There is a road that leads straight to the castle,” Twilight pointed out. “And we have three unicorns in the party. We don’t need a flashlight.”

“And I’m not getting one,” Crystal replied agreeably. “Besides, each of the wilderness survival kits I got from the library’s basement should have one of those anyway. What I’m getting are… ah, here they are!” Seven crystals of various sizes floated from the most recently opened drawer, each crudely fastened to a clip.

“What are they?” Twilight asked, curiosity pushing aside her sense of urgency.

“Automap Crystals!” Crystal stated proudly. “These are all just basic prototypes, but each of these passed the stress test and their memory caches have already been cleared, so they should be up for the job. Automap Command Prompt: Form and Synchronize Group Set: exe.” Crystal then took one between her front hooves as she set the rest on the work bench and removed her aura from them. “Automap command prompt: set user: Crystal Synergy: exe.”

“Auto…” Twilight parsed, and then her eyes widened. “You made a real time personal cartography spell? And made it capable of synchronizing with shared data!?”

“Actually, the second part was much easier than I thought it would be,” Crystal commented as she passed the remaining six crystals out. “The hard part was getting the cartography bit stable enough to map Pinkie’s movements over the course of a week.”

“It was fun!” Pinkie Pie put in perkily.

“Earth ponies should not be capable of non-Euclidean movement, Pinkie,” Crystal commented dryly.

“What do éclairs have to do with anything?” Pinkie asked.

“I suppose-” Crystal started, only to get interrupted by Applejack.

“Focus, Crystal. I can see how these here doohickeys would be mighty useful in the Everfree Forest, so just tell us how to work them so we can get on our way. Daylight’s not comin’ any sooner the longer we lollygag about.”

“Fair enough,” Crystal replied agreeably.

In short order, everypony had their new devices set, activated, and clipped somewhere on their bodies. Leaving the Carousel Boutique, the group continued on their way.

*O o O o O*

“Um…” Twilight began hesitantly as the group approached the night-shrouded forest. “If nopony who enters the Everfree Forest ever comes out again, who maintains this road?”

“It’s the same road that leads from Ponyville to Canterlot, predating Ponyville and even the Everfree Forest itself,” Crystal replied. “The road markers have wards set in them running in a series all the way from Canterlot. I wouldn’t trust that all of the ones between here and the old castle are still in place though, or even in good condition. Which is another reason for the automap crystals.”

“Good thing too,” Applejack noted. “We’ve only just entered the forest and I can already tell that the quality of the road under our hooves has dropped from fair to passable. Most likely we’re gonna run into some sections were the road just ain’t there no more.”

The seven then fell into silence as they entered the forest proper, immediately feeling a pall of gloom as the dark canopy overhead blocked out the light of the moon.

Twilight Sparkle wondered how her friends back in Canterlot were faring…

*O o O o O*

“‘Have a research party at Twilight’s place’, you said,” Moondancer stated accusingly. “‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Well, apparently the worst that could happen was getting arrested for breaking and entering and accused of burglary for stealing my own birthday gifts! No, wait, the worst that could happen was getting arrested after barely getting any of the research Twilight was depending on us to do for her done! Oh, wait, it gets even worse than that! After waiting all night in a holding cell, the sun fails to come up and we get accused of being Nightmare Moon cultists! And I’m apparently the ringleader of our hypothetical little band of loonies because my name happens to have the word ‘Moon’ in it! This is the worst birthday ever!”

Minuette was cowering in a corner of the cell, as far away from Moondancer as she could get, her eyes pinpricks of terror as Moondancer vented her rage and frustration. Truth to tell, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts weren’t feeling much better about the situation they had found themselves in either. All four had just spent the remainder of what might just have been the last day ever and the possible beginning of everlasting night in a holding cell wearing prison quality magic suppressors, feeling that they had let their friend, Twilight Sparkle, who had been depending on them, down.

In short, they were frightened, miserable, and emotionally frayed.

They all jumped, startled when the door leading to the holding cells opened abruptly, and each of them couldn’t help but wonder what new accusation was going to be added to ther list of charges.

“Alright, you lot! We just got word that the Captain of the Royal Guard wants to see you four personally, so you’re no longer my problem. Now stand up and get in line so you can be fitted with collars, shackles, and chains. I’m going to deliver you straight to Captain Shining Armor myself, along with the report, the evidence, and the list of charges. I may even get a promotion out of this.”

*O o O o O*

Crystal tried to remember what order the obstacles had happened in the original canon. She was pretty sure she remembered what they were (a collapsing ledge, a manticore, scary trees, Steven Magnet, and the Shadowbolts), but ten years of faded memories had left her unsure of which ones were encountered in which order. Or when, for that matter, as they’d been trotting for over an hour now.

Ah, the curse of trying to apply the faded memories of a kids’ show that had to fit within half-hour increments to a real world setting. Crystal was fairly sure that the order the episodes were aired didn’t match up with the way Equestria really worked either, considering that the order of the seasons always remained the same, and autumn had never followed right after winter during any time in the past ten years she had been living in Ponyville. Not to mention that the Running of the Leaves was named for the time of year the event took place in rather than for any actual effect it had on the rate dead leaves fell from trees (which amounted to none at all)

Distracted by her thoughts, Crystal failed to notice that they had veered south, away from the road, a faint sound of woodwind pipes caressing her ears with a seductive melody even as a heady, musky scent caressed her nose…

*O o O o O*

“Sergeant Sparks Roughly of the Canterlot City Watch reporting with prisoners, Sir!”

“Prisoners,” Captain Shining Armor stated evenly, his expression unreadable. “I was not aware that any charges had actually been filed against these mares. The report I had received earlier only indicated that they were being held for questioning."

“I have a more detailed report and corroborating evidence right here, Sir,” Sergeant Roughly passed the report and a mid-sized parcel over with his aura.

Shining Armor dutifully accepted the report and carefully read it on the spot, comparing it to the ‘evidence’ that had been in the parcel. Sergeant Roughly stood confidently as he waited by the four prisoners. The mares for their part, miserably waited for whatever terrible fate was about to befall them next with resigned despair.

“Tell me, Sergeant Roughly,” Shining Armor began speaking, careful to maintain the same controlled, even tone as before. “By any chance were you present when these mares were found in the suite assigned to Princess Cellestia’s personal student?”

“Um… No, Sir. I wasn’t present at the arrest. I came on shift once they were already in custody.”

“And were they already in a holding cell when you assumed your duties?”

“No, Sir,” Sergeant Roughly admitted nervously, wondering what was going wrong here. “They were being held in an unsecured interview room.”

“Interesting,” Shining Armor commented. “That is precisely where the first report I received about them said they were being held. As ponies of interest. Would you like to know why I was contacted about them?”

“Er… Because they were found in that particular suite, Sir?”

“Well, yes, that is part of it,” Shining Armor admitted. “However, the main reason I was contacted as quickly as I was, and believe me, I really wish I had been contacted even earlier than I had been, was that nopony had been able to contact the resident of that particular suite in a timely manner. And there is a very good reason why the later takes precedent over the former in this case.”

Shining Armor barely shifted his stance at all, but suddenly he seemed to loom, his very presence bearing down on Sergeant Sparks Roughly, making the Watchpony feel tiny and insignificant.

“You see, I know these mares, even though they have yet to be introduced to me. I’ve known about them for years because of who they associate with. I have detailed files on their activities and personal habits. I know their hopes and dreams, in as much as they’ve ever told anypony else what they were. I know these things because I am Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard; brother of Twilight Sparkle, who is Princess Celestia’s current personal student. I know these things because I care for my little sister very much, so I pulled myself away from dealing with a national emergency as soon as I could spare the time to check on a more personal situation and get it out of the way so I could return to my duties with a clear head.”

If anything, Shining Armor’s presence became almost overwhelming, leaving Sparks Roughly paralyzed by the shear weight of disapproval alone. All the more impressive as he still had barely moved at all.

“So, please explain to me, Sergeant Sparks Roughly of the Canterlot City Watch, why is it that my little sister’s friends, who had merely been taken into custody as suspects and possible ponies of interest, were brought to me as prisoners wearing heavy chains and suppressors normally reserved for dangerous criminals?”

Sergeant Sparks Roughly couldn’t speak, he was so terrified. He didn’t even register the golden puddle forming at his hooves…

*O o O o O*

Seven mares smiled serenely as they wandered into a clearing lit by torches, fireflies, and drifting wisps of pale light. A picnic spread lay off to one side, with plates of fruit and vegetables, sandwiches, and pastries. Various drinks were there too, in bottles, flagons, steins, mugs, and glasses of all sorts shapes and sizes, not one of them making any pretence of being anything other than alcoholic in nature.

And dancing there in the middle, playing reed pipes, was a hooved biped with goat-like legs, a torso and arms reminiscent of a centaur or minotaur, and a head resembling some strange primate. He was as handsome as he was hideous, and very undeniably masculine.

Noticing them, he stopped and smiled invitingly. “Ah, ladies! I bid you welcome! Please, come join me! Have some food! Have some drink! Indulge yourselves in a game or two to pass the time as I get to know you! Surely you can take a break from your troubles to relax for a while as I entertain you? I assure you that I can be very charming when the mood strikes me”

The mares met these claims with empty smiles and vacant eyes as they approached the strange male.

“Yes, I can be very charming indeed…”

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Three

Nightmare Moon rested and tried to recoup at least some of the power she had expended. It wasn’t easy. Keeping Celestia restrained in the ethereal plane was tying up a fair portion of her power as it was, and she would have to find a more permanent solution sooner or later. Sealing her in the moon for a thousand years as she herself had been was very tempting, but she didn’t have enough reserves to accomplish such a task as of yet.

Oh, there was no doubt that she’d get there. There were ways of gathering and accumulating mana for such a task, especially when one’s biothaumic system had the versatility, capacity, and (most importantly) the endurance inherent with being a fully mature alicorn. It would take a while though, and she couldn’t accomplish it when she might be interrupted by the proverbial rag-tag group of would-be heroes.

So the heroes would have to be dealt with one way or another.

The easiest and simplest way to do so would have been to just kill them. However, as much as the neglect their ancestors had for her beautiful night had irritated her, she shared her sister’s deep love for their little ponies. Hers was a more tough love, perhaps, but she loved them nonetheless.

She even wanted them to succeed and prosper. To a point, anyway. While their quest was doomed to fail long before she had returned from the moon due to the Elements being inert and the sixth one missing completely, it was better to let them have their epic quest so that they could honestly say that they had tried their best. And then move on with their lives and have stories that they could tell their grand foals.

There were a few ways that such a quest could be handled.

One was to discreetly spy on the party of adventurers and set up suitably tailored challenges and tests of character before letting them have their big boss encounter at the end. This method would conserve the most energy, but was time consuming and would leave her little time to recover whatever power she ended up having to spend in order to set up the encounters on the fly.

Another, costing significantly more mana at the beginning, gave her more time to recover as she waited for the adventurers to reach the castle. It was a more scatter-shot method, as there were a number of ways that the party could approach the castle and even she couldn’t watch them all.

Still, they had seemed like a capable group of mares. Surely such an experienced party could traverse a few hazards safely enough without having to have their hooves held. It wasn’t like they had just walked blindly into the forest without making any preparations whatsoever after all…

*O o O o O*

“That’s right, ladies Eat up! Have your fill! You’re going to need that energy in just a bit if you want to keep up your stamina! Don’t worry, there’s plenty to go around. Help yourself to a drink or two while you’re at it! Couldn’t hurt, after all, if ya know what I mean,” the satyr poured on the charm offensive like there was no tomorrow.

Which might just be the case, considering that the sun had yet to come up.

He wasn’t sure why he had decided to start playing his pipes a while ago. Something about… either overcoming or providing a challenge of some sort to a group of mares if he happened to encounter them. The impulse had sort of come out of nowhere, and he hadn’t actually expected it to pay off like it had, but hey, who was he to complain if fortune suddenly dropped a group of lovely mares in his lap, right?

There wasn’t any need to rush. Being hasty had been the death of more than one satyr after all. Ponies weren’t weak, despite their size, and even one unhappy client could leave him crippled or dead if he wasn’t careful.

So he’d ease them into it. Get them in the mood, and then make sure that they enjoyed the experience. Whether they wanted to or not. He’d be happy, and they’d be… well… sort of happy. For a while anyway.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel a thrill of anticipation as he primed his guests to be more receptive. All those animals had been strangely determined to keep him far away from even the outer reaches of that pony community to the west of the forest, and it had been very frustrating. Especially once that thrice-be-damned zebra shaman had moved in and started actively hunting him whenever he got too close to her hut.

Unnatural abomination his fuzzy ass. What could possibly be more natural than what a satyr did? Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you might actually meet Mary! And what could be better than that?

*O o O o O*

Something was wrong, although Crystal had trouble thinking of what it might be. The food was good, and while the cup she had selected may have been a bit larger than what her sister would have preferred her to pick, she was still limiting herself to just the one drink, so that was fine. The music was fine too, when the guy bothered to play his pipes instead of blathering on about getting to know them.

Honestly, something just seemed… off… with everything that came out of that guy’s mouth. Not nearly as off as the quirky rise of her libido, which she had thus far just plain ignored ever since she had started her second puberty, but for some reason she just couldn’t bring herself to feel alarmed about it for once. This despite the fact that he was entirely the wrong gender to interest her at all, normally.

“Such a lovely set you all are. I can hardly wait to give you all an experience you will remember for a long time to come. Don’t be afraid now, it’ll be fun! Nothing more natural even, so the best kind of fun there is!”

Stopping to consider the available selection, the figure looked them all over appreciatively. “So… Who wants to go first?”

Crystal recognized what he was now, and the threat he represented. A satyr. A mythical embodiment of sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll. And he had them all under his spell. Had this happened after the others had bonded with the Elements, this wouldn’t have been a problem. The link would have protected them, and they would have protected her.

As it stood though, there was no guarantee that any of the others would be able to summon the will to resist in time to do much of anything. And even with this knowledge, she couldn’t bring herself to actually fight the satyr.

Crystal really didn’t want to do this, but to buy time for the others to find the will to preserve their own innocence, she would have to sacrifice her own…

*O o O o O*

“Well now, looks like we have a volunteer!” the satyr commented as one of the white ones got up from her repast and approached him nervously. “Oh, hey, you’re trembling… None of that now. Calm down and enjoy the ride. Trust me, you’ll enjoy it*urk!!!”

He impacted a tree on the other side of the clearing hard enough to rattle its branches.

“You lay another hand on one of us again, you low down dirty snake, and I’m gonna buck you so hard they’ll feel it all the way in Baltimare!” the orange mare challenged, standing protectively over the still trembling body of the short maned white one.

The pink one suddenly appeared before him, rearing up on her hind legs. Her once frizzy mane mysteriously hung limp and straight off to one side, no humor in her eyes at all. “You scared my friends. And not in the good way. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to hurt you now.” And then she grinned. A horrible, terrifying, slasher grin. “Oh, wait… I’m not sorry at all! Buh-bye now!”

The blow that followed could have shattered stone…

*O o O o O*

“Huh!? Wha?” Nightmare Moon’s head popped up from her impromptu nap. That had sounded like some sort of high pitched scream? Or perhaps the call of some sort of wounded monkey?

Whatever it had been, it had not sounded like a pony.

No matter.

It would be hours before the mares could possibly get anywhere near the castle. They’d be fine. She still had time to rest.

*O o O o O*

Crystal cried, great shuddering sobs wracking her body as Pinkie Pie and Rarity hugged her from either side. The others joined in shortly afterwards. Even Twilight Sparkle, who barely knew any of them.

Nothing had happened in the end, but a little of their innocence was gone all the same.

Still, there was at least one satyr that would never threaten another mare ever again.

The blood-splattered, shattered trunk of a nearby tree stood as a testament to that…

*O o O o O*

Moondancer, Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts waited in a small drawing room in the palace. The chains, collars, shackles, and suppressor rings had all been carefully removed, and their coats, manes, and tails had been brushed out by some mares on the palace staff, who were really nice and understanding. It had allowed them to decompress and release a lot of the tension they had been feeling since the Canterlot City Watch had taken them into custody.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Moondancer apologized to Minuette.

“And I’m sorry I suggested throwing a research party at Twilight’s place,” Minuette apologized in turn. “It was a really dumb idea.”

“I’m sorry too!” Lemon Hearts added.

“What are you sorry for?” Twinkleshine asked, tilting her head curiously.

“I don’t know!” Lemon Hearts admitted tearfully. “I’m just glad we’re all still friends!”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Captain Shining Armor commented as he entered the room, causing the four to jump skittishly. “Heh… sorry for startling you. Anyway, while Sergeant Roughly is waiting under guard for the Commander of the Watch to come deal with him, how about we get some warm food into you four,” he said with a gentle smile. "Contrary to rumor, the food in a military commissary isn’t all that bad. It may not be five-star quality, but it’s fast, healthy, and there’s plenty of it. We even get cake from time to time on special occasions.”

“I heard that ponies in the military had to eat meat…” Lemon Hearts said hesitantly as the four moved to follow the Captain.

“That’s an old pegasi tradition,” Shining Armor admitted with a nod. “And it does have an actual basis behind it: meats tend to be the most efficient way to get certain complex proteins, and those proteins are essential for remaining healthy in rarified air environments such as clouds or high in the mountains. It’s an available option, but we can get the same protein combinations by making sure we eat enough of the right variety of grains, fruits, and vegetables. Also, somepony recently introduced the concept of pre-mixed protein bars as a viable high efficiency substitute. I can’t tell you how much the ponies in Logistics and Supply want to thank whoever came up with that idea.”

“As interesting as this topic is, I don’t think Lemon Hearts should be this shade of green.”

“Aheh heh…” the queasy mare laughed half heartedly. “The bars sound okay, I guess. They’re made from plants, right?”

“One hundred percent meat free,” Captain Armor assured her.

“I think I’d like to try one then,” Lemon Hearts stated. “Maybe I can get an idea of what can be done with them.”

“That’s all well and good,” Moondancer interjected, “but after we eat, we really should get back to the research Twilight asked us to do.”

“I already set the archivists on that task, based on the note Twily sent you,” Shining Armor informed them. “If you four are still interested in helping her though, perhaps you’d like to join her in Ponyville? I can set you up with a priority train car and an operational budget for food, lodging, and expenses up to a certain level.”

The four looked at each other, then nodded before looking back at the captain. “Yes, please!”

“Excellent. Twily was granted access to the living quarters in the Golden Oaks Library. You can’t miss it - it’s the only mage tree in the town. If she’s not there, she’s most likely with another of your mutual friends, Lyra Heartstrings. I can have her residential address provided while I arrange for the train tickets.”

“Have you really read our files?” Moondancer asked.

“Pfft… no,” Shining Armor grinned. “I may have requested a background check once Twily told me about her friends, but all I got to see was a pass/fail report. If anything important had turned up, I’d have been told about it of course, but all the information I have on you four comes from Twily herself.”

“Twilight never told us about you,” Moondancer stated.

“Twilight has an aversion to bragging,” Shining Armor informed them. “Having a high ranking brother in the Royal Guard is the type of thing she would keep quiet about. I bet she didn‘t even tell you that Princess Cadence used to be her babysitter.”

“What, really!?” Minuette exclaimed in astonishment.

“Ask her about it sometime. She’ll be happy to tell you now that you know.”

*O o O o O*

“Th-thanks, everypony…” Crystal Synergy murmured as she finally cried out. “Sorry about that. I just felt so… So… I don’t know… Like I couldn’t bring myself to even be angry about what he was doing! Like my mind was so muddled that I couldn’t even keep my own feelings straight!”

“That was his Allure,” Twilight Sparkle stated.

“I had always thought that a satyr’s allure was more of a figurative statement of how charming they could be,” Rarity commented. “But thinking back on it, he was anything but charming.”

“Got that right,” Applejack agreed with a huff, “but I reckon Twilight was about to explain what the dirty snake was doin’ to muddy up our thoughts and feelings like that.”

“Yes,” Twilight nodded at the orange mare. “A satyr’s Allure is their special ability to dull the minds and raise the libido of almost any sapient female. According to what I’ve read about them, it’s a combination of their musky scent and their specialized biothaumic aura. They can’t really shut it off, but they can enhance the effect if they want. Even more so if they sing or play a musical instrument. Even so, they are most dangerous to the unwary, who might get caught up in the effect before getting a chance to resist it. Which is what happened to us.”

“Well, that explains the pipes then,” Rainbow Dash concluded. “I can’t imagine that guy being able to sing.”

“When we get back home, Crystal, be a dear and remind me to burn my Dusk novels. I may enjoy a good romantic thriller, but they really misrepresent satyrs as being merely dashing rogues with good social skills.”

“Sparkly Vampire Syndrome,” Crystal quipped, feeling more like herself.

“Um…” Fluttershy interjected hesitantly. “We should really wash this blood off before the scent attracts hungry animals…”

“A bit late for that, I think,” a new voice said. It was deep but feminine, and somehow feline. Which was oddly appropriate, considering that the owner of the voice had a mostly leonine body, if one discounted the wings and certain attributes more commonly associated with female minotaurs and centaurs. She was massive, easily the size of a covered wagon. She was smirking. And she was far, far too close for comfort.

“Those are some really big hooters…” Crystal commented, unable to help herself.

“That’s funny,” Pinkie replied as she looked around. “I don’t see any owls anywhere.”

The sphinx put a paw to her own face.

Author's Note

Lust and Loss

Satyrs as they appear and function in the setting of this story:

Satyrs are nearly mythological beings (as in mythological even within the context of a setting that has mythological residents), embodying lust and hedonism. They are few and far between. No one has ever seen a female satyr, there are no records of satyrs being born or even having anything resembling a childhood, and they appear infrequently enough that myths and rumors about them have become altered by time and popular culture.

For example, the Dusk trilogy Rarity is familiar with would be comparable to a cross between Twilight and The memoirs of Jacques Casanova, and does not accurately portray how actual satyr powers function. For one thing, if all anypony knows of satyrs comes from what they read about them in Dusk, then they will tend to think that satyrs are great lovers skilled in the arts of romance, when the truth is that they are randy jerks who have abilities that let them take shortcuts to what they really want: food, drink, and a sapient female to 'play' with that isn't actively attacking them.

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Four

Crystal Synergy was objectively aware that she should probably not be staring at the cat-lady’s boobs, but ten years of total cultural immersion as a member of a different species and gender did not quite trump roughly four and a half decades of previous experience and preferences. Granted, considering that clothing was by and large optional anywhere on Gaia, regardless of species or culture, one might assume that ten years would have been more than enough time to get used to such things as bare breasts. The problem with that assumption is that nopony (or any other creature for that matter) in or around Ponyville actually had anything resembling the breasts of a human female.

Even the (very few) books in the Golden Oaks Library that had any information at all about sphinxes didn’t bother mentioning that the females had breasts. Oh, sure, ancient mythology from back in Crystal’s previous life noted that particular fact, but such features on Gaia apparently didn’t rate mentioning in general information articles unless the race was noted for regularly selling or bartering with their milk, like cows and goats did. The illustrations in those books hadn’t been particularly enlightening either, as whoever had published them had gone with cheap, simplified caricatures rather than more accurate drawings, paintings, or photographs.

The fact that each of the massive mammae were easily bigger than Crystal herself was, wasn’t helping matters. Not that they were overly large in proportion to their owner, who could be favorably compared to a large covered wagon in size (just a bit shorter, not quite as wide, but somewhat longer and definitely built for strength and agility).

“My eyes are up here, kitten,” the sphinx stated dryly.

“I’m not looking at your eyes,” Crystal stated bluntly, causing the sphinx to raise a brow.

“They’re like two humongous warm pillows!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed as her head and forelegs popped out from the sphinx’s cleavage, startling everypony (and the sphinx).

Silence reigned in the clearing for a moment or two…

And then the sphinx began to laugh!

*O o O o O*

Four mares were, very politely, escorted to the Friendship Express, outbound for Ponyville, where they were apparently sharing a car with a squad of EUP soldiers. Unlike the Royal Guard, who were almost always wearing the same well cared for and very impressive shiny golden armor that they had worn for generations, the EUP soldiers were wearing the new armor design that had been introduced recently. It was composed of sectioned strips of some dark material arranged in plates and greaves, worn over a sturdy cloth undersuit that covered everything but the head, hooves, and in the case of pegasi, wings. While neither as pretty as the armor worn by the Royal Guard, nor as sleek as the jumpsuits worn by the Wonderbolts, it nevertheless looked very impressive in its own right.

Every soldier present was nothing but professional and courteous whenever interacting with the four mares, who were quickly and efficiently settled in before the soldiers returned to checking and securing their own weapons and equipment. Among which several large survival type saddlebags were in evidence.

Moondancer hesitantly approached one of the guards that appeared to have finished inspecting and squaring away his gear. He was a (very) large, cream colored earth pony with a fiery red mane and tail. “Excuse me, sir…”

“Corporal, ma’am,” the large earth pony corrected. “Sir is reserved for officers when addressing members of the military. Corporal Carrot Ironfoundry, at your service.”

“Corporal, then,” Moondancer nodded. “Um… if you don’t mind me asking, why is there an EUP unit heading for Ponyville?”

“You would have to ask Lieutenant Vines, ma’am. He’s in charge of the mission. We haven’t been instructed about what we can talk about yet.”

“Which one is Lieutenant Vines?” Minuette asked, curiously.

“He’d be the one up front by the coffee cart, reading the orders, ma’am,” another earth pony stallion informed them. This one was a comparatively stout fellow, just a bit wider than the other soldiers but not excessively so. He was dark brown with an even darker mane and tail. “Sergeant Semicolon at your service. Best not to bother the lieutenant until he’s done with his reading.”

“And I’m Private Bedknobs, ladies! Pleased at meet ya!” the rather scruffy looking… um… other than being vaguely equine, none of the four mares were sure if Private Bedknobs was really a pony or just a set of features that sort of resembled a pony in dim light. “You are female, right?”

“I’m going to go sit over there,” Lemon Hearts stated nervously. “Way over there. In the next car.”

“I think I’ll join you,” Twinkleshine agreed.

The four mares rapidly made themselves scarce.

“Oi! Carrot!” Bedknobs complained. “You’re huge size done run off the fillies again!”

“Yes, I’m sure that was why they ran off, Bedknobs,” Sergeant Semicolon commented with dry sarcasm.

“I’m sorry?” Corporal Carrot replied uncertainly. He missed his home town of Dot-on-the-Map in the Shetland Hills, but the whole community had agreed that a pony with his talents would best serve everypony if he joined the military. Which was all well and good, but city pony customs were so damn confusing…

*O o O o O*

“Hoo! I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long time!” the sphinx admitted to the flummoxed mares. Well, six of them were flummoxed anyway, while Pinkie pie was laughing right along with the giant feline. “Most ponies are too nervous to relax around Big Mama. Nice to see a pride willing to be more sociable around li’l ol’ me.”

“Well, shoot, ma’am,” Applejack spoke up. “I’ll admit to feelin’ a might intimidated by your size, but seein’ as you’re willing to be friendly, I reckon it’s only fair if we extend th’ same courtesy.”

“And I find your honesty refreshing, kitten,” Big Mama said with a smile.

“Crystal! Manners! You’re staring!” Rarity scolded her foster sister.

“Of course I’m staring,” Crystal replied in a distracted tone. “They’re huge!”

“Oh, I don’t mind, kitten! Big Mama knows she’s big. It comes from being Big Mama.”

“This is all good and all,” Rainbow Dash stated impatiently, “but we’re kind of in a hurry.”

“Oh, kitten, you’re going nowhere for a while yet,” Big Mama chided as a lightning fast paw scooped up Crystal and held the pony against her bosom like a baby as she sat up on her haunches. “You still have to pass my test. Pop Quiz! Two trains are traveling in opposite directions between Manehattan and Baltimare…”

Crystal's muzzle flushed in embarrassment as she was held like a baby against Big Mama's bosom.

*O o O o O*

“I got here as soon as I could, Shiny,” Princess Mi Amore Cadenza stated worriedly as she entered the Grand Hall and approached her fiancé. “Has something happened to Princess Celestia? The sun should have been raised hours ago.”

“Your Highness,” Captain Shining Armor bowed in greeting as Cadence drew close to him.

“Please don’t bow to me, Shiny,” Cadence pleaded, fear evident in her voice.

“Had to at least once, Cady,” Shining Armor informed her. “With Princess Celestia missing, I have to show that I am loyal to the acting Princess Regent during a national emergency.”

“But…”

“He’s right, you know,” a cultured voice interrupted Cadence, causing both her and Shining Armor to turn and look at the speaker as he stepped out of one of the Grand Hall's many alcoves. “The Captain of the Royal Guard has to be able to demonstrate his loyalty to the Crown during this or any other crisis, or he would lose whatever legitimacy his emergency powers otherwise give him over the generals and the admiralty.”

“Prince Blueblood,” Shining Armor acknowledges the other stallion’s presence with a barely acceptable nod, earning a chuckle from the immaculately groomed pony.

“Captain-General Armor," Prince Blueblood returned an ever so slightly lower nod before returning his attention to the Princess of Love. "I really do suggest that you try to put up with these silly little shows, cousin.” Blueblood stated with a smirk. “At least in public. Otherwise, there is a very good chance that some idiot noble will remember that I’m the current heir-apparent of House Platinum and try to stick me with the job. While I would like to believe that Equestria wouldn’t fall into civil war immediately upon a unicorn once again assuming the throne, there are ample reasons why the original council stepped down in favor of granting an alicorn the authority to rule over us all as a united people.”

“Do you really have to be so blunt, Bluey?” Cadence asked in an annoyed tone.

“If I want at least two thirds of the emergency council desperately wanting to avoid placing my flank in that chair, then the answer to that must be a resounding yes,” Blueblood replied with a superior drawl. “You, at least, would have popular support, both as an alicorn and as who you are, while you learned on the job. I have neither of those luxuries. Every bad decision I might make in my inexperience would be promptly ripped apart by my detractors. And believe me, I would make mistakes!”

“And you think I wouldn’t” Cadence asked, arching a brow.

“Oh, you’ll definitely make mistakes, Cad..." The old nickname drawing a rueful chuckle from his distressed 'Cousin'. “Even Aunty has made mistakes from time to time over the past millennia. There’s no avoiding them, really. But like Aunty, you have buffers available. Once of them happens to be the loyalty of the Royal Guard, who need to see that their Captain remains a loyal servant of the Crown.”

With a sigh, Prince Blueblood turned, and then paused, looking back. “Let your fiancé bow to you when he needs to, my dear cousin. Let him be your shield. You will need him.” And with that, Prince Blueblood of House Platinum walked back out the door.

*O o O o O*

For all her massive size, Big Mama moved through the forest with silent, graceful elegance, never once taking a step out of place or making a sound she did not intend to be heard. Not that she wasn’t heard or seen, as she continued to ply the pursuing ponies with problems to ponder as they sought to secure the freedom of their companion. Or companions as the case may be at any particular moment, as at seemingly random intervals Big Mama would abruptly swap whichever mare was cuddled carefully against her bosom with apparently casual ease.

It didn’t seem to matter how fast or agile any of them were, or how strong, or if they could fly or use magic, or even whether it was one or two of them being held at a time. It was clear that Big Mama was directing this dance, picking and choosing her partner or partners of the moment as whim or opportunity provided.

And the problems Big Mama quizzed them with were various in both type and complexity. There were word problems, logic problems, questions concerning history, conundrums of philosophy, probes of their personalities and moral fiber, riddles, jokes, and even puns. Some questions had only one right answer, while others had many or none, or would have different correct answers depending on who was asked and when.

“What get’s wetter the more it dries?” Big Mama asked, hugging a squirming Rainbow Dash against one of her breasts. This was not the first time Dash had ended up being held firmly against one boob or the other, or occasionally between them, as she had made several attempts to directly rescue whichever of her friends the large sphinx happened to be holding at the time. Honestly, she wasn’t sure which she found more embarrassing: being babied or the frustrating ease that Big Mama had caught her with each time.

“I know! I know! A sponge!” Pinkie called out cheerfully. Over the course of the chase her mane and tail had become less and less limp, until they were once again frizzy masses of curls. Big Mama wasn’t hurting any of them, and the game was both challenging and fun! Even if some of the questions were kind of hard while others were ridiculously easy.

“Correct!” Big Mama replied, letting Rainbow Dash go as Pinkie Pie willingly leapt into her waiting arms, once again, in order to accept a victory belly rub and congratulatory tickle. “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”

“An explosion!” Rainbow Dash stated with conviction.

“Two explosions!” Pinkie Pie Proposed gleefully from her current position being carried.

"I really doubt that anything could explode twice, Pinkie," Rarity pointed out, only to be deftly scooped up into a hug against Big Mama's other breast. "Well, there goes my dignity. Again." Rarity didn't bother trying to get away. It wouldn't help, and the sphinx would most likely be exchanging the two of them out soon enough. The fact that being hugged by Big Mama was kind of comforting after their near brush with the satyr had nothing to do with it.

Really.

"Yay!" Pinky cheered. "We're bosom buddies!"

Rarity's eye twitched as her sister laughed out loud at Pinkie's proclamation.

“The unstoppable force changes vector without changing velocity?” Crystal Synergy suggested, wondering if this was one of the questions that didn’t have an answer.

“They pass through each other without effect, as they are both forces that acceleration can not be applied to,” Twilight Sparkle stated after a moment’s thought.

“I’ll accept that last answer in this world,” Big Mama said as she adroitly swapped Rarity and Pinkie Pie for Applejack. “What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

“About twenty-two knots!” Rainbow Dash announced confidently.

“Correct!” Big Mama agreed with a disarming smile.

“Ha! I finally got one right! Ack!?” Rainbow Dash found herself being cuddled in one of Big mama’s arms as Applejack looked over at her from her place against the large sphinx’s other breast with a bemused expression.

“Y’know, maybe you should congratulate yourself from a mite further away?” the apple farmer proposed.

“Not again…” was Rainbow Dash’s only reply as she began to struggle and squirm in an effort to free herself from the embarrassing situation.

“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” Big Mama rattled off, blithely ignoring the byplay between the ponies she was carrying.

“About seven hundred pounds on a good day, with a tailwind,” Fluttershy replied, earning her stares from each of her friends and Big Mama. “What? It came up in a conversation with one during a tea party a week or so ago. I would like my hug now. If you don’t mind that is?"

“Aw, of course, kitten!” Big Mama agreed, smiling warmly as she let Applejack and Rainbow Dash go and gently accepted Fluttershy into her waiting arms.

“Well, that just happened,” Crystal commented unnecessarily.

“Demons and rogues know nothing else, save starlight,” was Big Mama’s next announcement.

“The night,” Crystal proposed.

“Darkness,” Twilight offered.

“Parties!” Pinkie insisted cheerfully.

“My two back hooves meeting their faces,” was Applejack’s suggestion.

“Well, I suppose those are all technically acceptable answers," Big mama admitted as she casually swapped Fluttershy for Twilight Sparkle.

“Seriously, how does somepony that big move so fast?” Rainbow Dash complained.

“I have my ways,” Big Mama replied easily. “It's a part of Heaven, though it touches the Earth. Some say it's valuable, others say no worth.”

“Oh, like I haven’t heard that one before,” Rainbow Dash snarked. “The answer to that one is a rainbow.”

“Correct! And sorry about the slight dig, kitten. It wasn’t intended with any cruelty in mind. What falls but never get’s hurt?”

“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie offered with a grin.

“A rubber ball?” Crystal guessed.

“Rain,” Applejack stated with confidence.

“Rain is the correct answer,” Big Mama stated, earning a smile from the orange mare.

“I look down on you, but I do not notice if you look back. Though no embarrassment or shame befalls ones I gaze upon, still all become flushed eventually when I do so,” was Big Mama’s next riddle.

“The sun,” Applejack and Twilight Sparkle announced at the same time, causing them to look at each other and giggle.

“Correct! Who put the bomp in the bomp shebop shebop?” Big Mama sang out.

“Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?” Crystal Synergy sang back automatically, then froze. “How!? Ack!!” the short maned unicorn found herself being cuddled against one of Big Mama’s boobs yet again.

“What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?” Big Mama asked as Crystal wriggled ineffectually in her comforting embrace.

“Not another one of these,” Rainbow Dash complained. “They’re too hard! Ask an easier one!”

“A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause,” Twilight answered, shaking her head at Rainbow Dash’s complaint. If anything, she thought that this one was too easy.

“Correct. What is the ultimate answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything?”

“Forty-two,” Crystal stated flatly from where she was being held, pretty sure that she was being trolled at this point.

“Correct, although you should probably not mention that to any mice you happen to come across, kitten,” Big Mama stated as she set Crystal down. “One final question for you all: What is the task I set for myself upon meeting you?”

“To waste our time,” Rainbow Dash stated.

“To set us back on the path when you knew we wouldn’t have trusted anypony right after what we had just gone through?” Applejack offered, noticing that they were once again back on the road. Or at least a road, although if there was more than one road through the Everfree, she had never heard tale of it.

“To get us away from the miasma in that clearing, clean us, heal us, and set us on our path again,” Fluttershy smiled at the large sphinx. Seeing the inquisitive expressions as her friends looked at her curiously, she continued. “Even if Applejack and Pinkie Pie took care of the satyr, we were still under the lingering effects of its magic, as well as intoxicated from the alcohol and drugged food. If Big Mama had let us go right then, we would have been too distracted and out of it to be able to defend ourselves properly. Big Mama is really very kind.”

“Aw, thank you for the kind words, kitten!” Big Mama hugged Fluttershy again briefly. “I’ll have to visit sometime the next time I pass through Equestria. For now though, I must be on my way.”

The seven mares watched as Big Mama disappeared into the forrest.

“Does everyone still have their automaps?” Crystal asked, realizing that all their gear had been left back in the satyr’s clearing, where they had mindlessly discarded it while under his spell. Even Applejack’s Stetson had been left behind, much to the orange mare’s aggravation, although she was still wearing her ribbons. Fortunately, they were all still wearing the clips Crystal had given them.

“Okay, according to the map, Ponyville is back that way,” Twilight announced, having called her own projected map up before even Crystal had thought to do so. “So we should head in the other direction.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to DragoLord19D, for assistance in my interpretation of Prince Blueblood.

The new EUP uniforms worn by Lieutenant Vine's squad were inspired by the Crystal War portion of The Cutie ReMark, and the following pictures:

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Five

Crystal Synergy sighed as she dismissed her automap’s projected display. It had been hours since the party had entered the Everfree Forest, but despite the total distance traveled, the net gain once they were led back to the road hadn’t been very far at all. They were, perhaps, a mere fifth of the way to the Castle of the Two Sisters.

On the other hoof, the seven league detour Big Mama had taken them on, which bore a disturbing resemblance to a Celtic knot as interpreted through the artistic lens of M. C. Escher, meant that they now had a basic working map of a rather sizable portion of the Everfree Forest south of the road. Crystal wondered if that was deliberate on Big Mama’s part. The larger than life sphinx certainly hinted at knowing far more than a native resident of Gaia should.

Was Big Mama another displaced and transformed human? Or was she something else altogether? And why was she so big? According to what little the Golden Oak’s Library had on sphinxes, adults normally ranged from about the size of an average pony to just a little bit larger than the average griffon. Big Mama had been quite a bit larger than that, and would most likely have dwarfed the manticore they were supposed to have encountered by now.

Wait…

Where the buck was the manticore? Crystal could understand missing the first trial as the gap between where they had left the road and where the had rejoined it included a drop in elevation, but wasn’t the next test a variation of the Lion and the Mouse scenario? Did Big Mama scare it off or something?

*O o O o O*

The manticore licked its chops, having recently fed on the abandoned body of a satyr after following the scent of it’s blood to this clearing. The scent of several aroused female ponies had also permeated the clearing when it had first arrived, and it probably would have tried to kill at least one of them to add more meat to its meal had they still been there, but it knew better than to leave a free meal unguarded just to hunt down fresher prey.

They had obviously run off due to his presence, which satisfied the urge to challenge them that he’d been experiencing. Content in this proof of his superiority, as well as his now full belly, the manticore settled down for an after meal nap.

*O o O o O*

Crystal blinked as they came to a gap in the road where it crossed a small river. Or a large creek. Or… Buck it. It wasn’t like anypony agreed on which waterway was which anyway, other than the fact that they were all technically streams.

Anyway, while the road led right up to the river, and continued as if uninterrupted on the other side, there was no sign that there had ever been a bridge.

For that matter, there was no sign of Steven Magnet either, bawling or otherwise..

“I dunno,” Applejack looked at the river uncertainly. “This ain’t no proper ford.”

“Well, it is kind of obvious that there should be a bridge here,” Rarity agreed, “but I’d hardly call a ford a proper river crossing anyway.”

“Hard to tell how deep the water runs with it dark like this,” Crystal observed. “If it’s too deep, we won’t be able to climb out on either side at this point.”

“Eh, so me and Fluttershy’ll just fly everypony across,” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof dismissively.

“Um…” Fluttershy temporized. “I’m not a very strong flyer. I usually only lift bunnies and other small animals…”

“Eh, you’ll do fine, Shy,” Dash stated reassuringly. “I’ll have hold on the other side, and it’s not that far to the other side.”

“Well, if you two take one between you, Rarity and I can lift the others across, then float over ourselves,” Crystal pointed out.

“You both know a flight spell?” Twilight asked, intrigued.

“What spell?” Crystal asked, tilting her head. “All you need to do is wrap yourself in your own aura and lift.”

“Crystal,” Rarity interjected, “Just because you find something ridiculously easy to do, doesn’t mean anypony else can do it.”

“What do you mean? I’ve seen you lift half the stock in the shop at a time and shuffle it about like a choreographed dance!” Crystal countered. “You’ll do fine!”

“By any chance was this during a heart song, perhaps?” Rarity asked, already knowing the answer.

“Well, yes, but…” Crystal admitted.

“No buts, dear,” Rarity chided. “You know as well as anypony else that heartsongs can have unusual effects when they occur.”

“But it really isn’t that hard,” Crystal insisted. “Look, I’ll just float myself over…”

And with that, Crystal Synergy wrapped herself in her own aura and began to float across the river.

Only to hear an enormous splash as a pair of titanic clawed azure hands snatched her out of the air as their owner sailed overhead and back into the water upstream. Crystal struggled for air for a moment before gasping it in greedily as her captor arced out of the water again in a series of excited jumps.

“I caught a pretty pony! I caught a pretty pony! I can’t wait to show Unca Steve!”

*O o O o O*

“Crystal!” Rarity cried out, immediately galloping along the bank, dodging through the underbrush and around any trees in the way.

“You come back with our friend!” Pinky Pie called out, passing Rarity with ease, with Applejack following suit shortly afterwards.

Rainbow Dash zoomed off ahead of them all, leaving Twilight and Fluttershy to bring up the rear as well as they could…

*O o O o O*

One would think that there would be a fair bit of panic involved in finding oneself snatched out of midair by a giant who-knew-what and subjected to a series of repeated dunkings. It was definitely disorienting, and Crystal could barely see anything but blurry water and rapidly shifting shadows under the moonlight. So, yes, there was definitely a sense of panic.

There was also a pattern, and the part of Crystal’s mind that tended to become detached in these sorts of situations latched onto this pattern as soon as it was able.

Down. Splash. Water. Up. Air. Wind. Incomprehensible voice speaking nonsense. Down. Splash. Water. Up. Air. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. INHALE NOW! EXHALE NOW! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATH IS LIFE! BREATH IS GOD! BREATH IS SELF! BREATH IS… Clarity.

Crystal’s panic subsided as she began to focus on timing her breathing to the rhythm of the sequence. She was still disoriented, but the mind numbing fear was gone. Whatever had her sounded more like some sort of excited giant kid than something actually intending to harm her.

Now that she could sort of concentrate, it occurred to Crystal that she could use her magic… To do what exactly? She didn’t know how to teleport. Whatever had her was too big for her to do much of anything to, and too strong for her aura to force it to release its grip on her (she did try a few times, to no noticeable effect).

Okay, she could start up her Thaumic Flywheel, so she could accumulate and amplify mana, but she was still too disoriented to concentrate on splitting her focus past timing her breaths and maintaining the spell, so whatever she did with the growing reserve pool had to be something simple.

Maybe feed it into the automap crystal?

Worth a shot, anyway…

*O o O o O*

“Bucking Celestia damned vines! “Rainbow Dash cursed, regretting her impulsive rush to chase after the sea serpent that had captured Crystal. Yes, she was fast. Definitely the fastest flyer in Ponyville and a strong contender for being among the fastest flyers in Equestria if not all of Gaia. Which did her absolutely no good at all when trying to fly at any decent speed through a dense forest at night.

The mess of vines she had become entangled in after knocking herself about several overhanging branches and nearby tree trunks while following a blind turn of the river was proof enough of the futility of said attempt.

Still, she had not suffered any serious injuries from her self-inflicted series of crashes. Just some light bruising and maybe a few scrapes and ruffled feathers. Once she got loose, she’d be good to go. Preferably before any of the others saw…

“I’m flattered, Rainbow, I really am,” Pinkie Pie stated carefully as she stopped to stare at the trapped pegasus, “but you’re not the one I want to play Spank the Piñata with. Besides, this isn’t really the time. Maybe after we rescue Crystal and save the day. Wow, we literally would be saving the day, wouldn’t we? We should totally have a We Literally Saved the Day party after this! There'd be cake, and ice cream, and music, and singing, and dancing, and games! Games like Spank the Piñata! Do you think Crystal would be interested in playing Spank the Piñata?”

“Pinkamina Diane Pie!” Rarity exclaimed in outrage, as she and Applejack finally caught up during the tail end of Pinkie’s babbling.

“Whups! GottagosaveCrystalbuhbye!” The pink party mare rattled off before galloping off.

“Miss Pie! You get back here and explain yourself right now!” Rarity shouted, persistently pursuing Pinkie Pie.

“Haaaah… Haaaaah…” Twilight gasped as she and Fluttershy reached the spot where Rainbow Dash had entangled herself. “Come… Haaaah… back!” she wheezed. “Don… Haaaaah… don’t… separate… the party! That’s always a bad idea! At least use the buddy system!”

"You okay there, Twilight?" Applejack asked the exhausted unicorn.

"I'll be fine in a moment," Twilight said as her breathing became more steady.

“Um… Rainbow?” Fluttershy blushed at the unfortunate position her foalhood friend had managed to trap herself in. “Would you like one of us to get you down?”

“No, I want to play Spank the Piñata, whatever that is!”

“Um… Okay… Since you want to…”

SLAP!!!

“I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!!!”

*O o O o O*

“Okay, according to this, the Golden Oaks Library is located on the corner of North Folk and Wey,” Moondancer informed her companions as she examined the town map posted at the Ponyville train station. “Looks like the easiest way to get there from here is to go to the town square first and then just head north.”

“What about Lyra’s house?” Minuette asked.

“Her address would put her over here,” Moondancer poked different spot on the map. “It should be easy enough to get there from either the library or the town square.”

“Where is everypony?” Twinkleshine asked. “I know the sun hasn’t risen yet, but it’s still technically daytime, isn’t it?”

“Well, given that everypony usually stays up all night just prior to the Summer Sun Celebration, they’re all probably asleep at home,” Minuette guessed.

“Or hiding,” Lemon Hearts added.

*O o O o O*

Crystal coughed a bit as her captor set her down on a mossy bank where the river forked and looked about. A quick check of her map showed that Pinkie Pie and Rarity were heading more or less in her direction, or were at least following the river, and the others were following along even if they had fallen behind a ways for whatever reason. It made sense to Crystal that her sister and her best friend were pushing extra hard to rescue her, and while Applejack and Rainbow Dash could probably have kept pace with them, they had probably hung back to help out Twilight and Fluttershy.

“Are you all right?” the sea serpent asked. “You don’t look as pretty anymore…”

Crystal reigned her temper in, reminding herself that for all it’s size, the sea serpend sounded like (and probably was) a child. “I’m not a sea pony, siren, or kelpie, so I don’t have their innate magic to stay pretty when leaving the water. I also don’t have their innate ability to breathe water.”

“Oh! Did I hurt you?” the sea serpent asked in a worried tone as she began to shrink rapidly. “Unca Steve isn’t going to like that…”

“I’ll be fine,” Crystal assured her, right before coughing again. “More or less, anyway. Just don’t dunk me again. Anyway, my name is Crystal Synergy. What’s your name?”

“I’m Zoey Loadstone,” the sea serpent replied as she finally stopped shrinking, ending up roughly the size of a python. “I was visiting my Unca Steve for a bit while Momma and Poppa are away. They said they wanted a quiet Annie Versary. Do you know who Annie Versary is? She must be very noisy if Momma and Poppa had to go away to make sure that she is quiet. Unca Steve won‘t tell me who Annie Versary is. He just laughs when I ask. Then he tells me stories of how Momma and Poppa met each other and got married, which is interesting but doesn’t tell me who Annie Versary is at all! But that’s okay because Unca Steve is fun, and I have a good time whenever I come to visit him. What’s that noise?”

Looking about, Crystal saw that a pair of cragodiles had emerged from the water on either side of them and were rapidly flanking them.

“Okay, that’s it!” Crystal yelled angrily as she lifted one of the rocky reptilians with her aura and promptly used it to start beating on the other one. “I” WHAM!!! “have” WHAM!!! “had” WHAM!!! “Just” WHAM!!! “about” WHAM!!! “enough” WHAM!!! “of” WHAM!!! “this” WHAM!!! “stupid” WHAM!!! “forest!” WHAM!!! WHAM!!! WHAM!!!

The pack of timber wolves that had been sneaking up on the pair’s third flank wisely decided to turn away and hunt easier prey.

*O o O o O*

Pinkie Pie and Rarity emerged from the trees on the far side of the western fork to discover that Crystal was trying (and failing) to calm down a terrified and somehow much smaller sea serpent.

“Crystal, dear,” Rarity addressed her sister from where she was, “might I enquire as to what is going on?”

“I hit a cragodile with another cragodile.”

“And this was enough to reduce a sea serpent to tears?” Rarity prompted.

“There may have been some yelling involved,” Crystal admitted guiltily.

“And where, pray tell, are the cragoldiles in question?”

Crystal just pointed a hoof at a pile of rubble.

“Yes,” Rarity observed dryly, “I suppose that would be sufficiently traumatic to witness something like that.”

“Aw, don’t be scared,” Pinkie tried to assure the trembling sea serpent, popping out from behind a nearby tree despite having been just across the river a moment ago. “Crystal wasn’t mad at you! Here, have a cupcake!”

Zoey Loadstone cautiously took the cupcake from the pretty pink pony that shouldn’t have been able to get that close without her noticing her. She decided right then and there that all ponies were scary, no matter how pretty they were.

The cupcake was good though…

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Six

“Let me get this straight,” Princess Mi Amore Cadenza said as she rubbed her temple with a hoof. “Your grandfather left you in charge of a semi-official organization that, and I quote, ‘doesn’t exist.’ The purpose of which is ostensibly to serve and defend crown and country. Except that you aren't sure if said organization ever really existed anywhere other than in your grandfather’s head because, other than the letter saying so and a discretionary operating budget, you have found neither any paperwork nor any personnel belonging to said organization?”

“Essentially... Yes,” Prince Blueblood nodded. “Granted, I was eight when I received the letter, and as far as I can tell the operating budget is actually part of my inheritance set up as a trust fund that my father could not access. A trust fund that I should note would revert to the Royal Treasury if something untoward should ever happen to me.”

“As opposed to reverting to your father or another member of your family,” Cadence observed, cocking a brow.

“Yes. As opposed to that,” Blueblood agreed with a slight smile.

“And, up until now, you’ve been using it to live a sort of double life, presenting yourself as an egotistical playboy while assigning yourself missions as some sort of secret agent.”

“To be fair, I think Aunty rather enjoyed my after action reports.”

“But, for all we know, Aunty may have just been indulging you in a game set up by your grandfather...”

Prince Blueblood sighed “Yes...”

“Do you actually have any personnel, other than yourself? That work directly for you rather than for your father?”

“Aunty assigned Cutting Wit and Rapier Wit to me after I gave her my first after action report. They have since helped me screen any potential new hires, whether it be for agents or my personal staff. If they report to anyone but me, it would be the Crown, not my father.”

Princess Cadence shook her head in frustration “And now there’s a national emergency and I’m now the acting Princess Regent, so you felt it necessary to bring me into the loop about your agency which may or may not actually exist.”

“Yes.” Blueblood grimaced, "I truly wish I could give you more proof then my word but Aunty does have a horrible habit of holding her cards too close to her chest sometimes..."

Princess Cadence groaned. “Well, it exists now,” she stated firmly. “I need someone to track down what Aunty may or may not have known about the current crisis and any other emergencies that we may be facing in the near future, and unlike Aunty, I don’t have the luxury of keeping things too close to my chest. Your organization needs a name so I can fit it into the command structure so that you know who else to report to if I’m not available.”

“I was thinking of calling it the Windrose Agency,” Blueblood replied. “After my grandfather’s Cutie Mark.”

*O o O o O*

With Zoey Loadstone safely returned to the point of the river where she had first abducted Crystal, and the seven ponies now on the correct side, the group had continued on their way, eager to get the adventure over with and get on with their lives. Still, other than Twilight, none of them had actually had much of any sleep since the previous night, not to mention the effects of being drugged, enchanted, nearly drowned, and running hither and yon through the forest while chasing either a giant sphinx or an even larger sea serpent.

Which is to say the party was beginning to drag due to exhaustion, and they knew it.

“We need to take a break,” Crystal pointed out.

“But we’re almost there,” Twilight countered, indicating their progress on the glowing display in front of her. “It can’t be too much farther now.”

“Yeah, let’s get this over with already!” Rainbow Dash groused crankily.

“Now hold on,” Applejack interjected. “Ah want to get this done and over with too, but Crystal’s right. We may be getting close to the castle, but it’s not going to do us any good if we’re too tired to do anything once we’re there.”

“As much as I’d rather have this whole affair behind us, I have to agree,” Rarity yawned. “I do wish we hadn’t lost our supplies though. I am not looking foreward to sleeping directly on the ground. Ugh…”

“I got this,” Crystal chimed in as her horn lit up. “One temporary camp coming up!”

Twilight watched curiously as Crystal first set up some sort of spinning circle of raw magic in middle of the road, followed by a forcefield dome around them, and then seven raised platforms of the same force. All of which connected back to the original spinning circle of magic. “Fascinating. What’s the purpose of the spinning circle?”

“Thaumic Flywheel,” Crystal answered with a yawn. “It’ll maintain the spells while I’m resting. If you and Rarity could feed some more magic into it, that’d be appreciated.” Shortly after the other two unicorns did so, Crystal made some adjustments, adding hexagonal segmentation to the dome and the platforms.

“I see,” Twilight observed after poking the forcefield and one of the floating platforms. “With the main field made up of many smaller fields, the whole thing won’t go down right away if just one of them is broken, allowing all of us to rest at once. And segmenting the beds made them flexible enough to be comfortable! Where did you learn these spells?”

“I just figured them out while playing with the basic forcefield spells in the library,” Crystal answered with another yawn as she climbed onto one of the temporary beds. “The Thaumic Flywheel is all mine though.”

“Um… Couldn’t we have used these to cross the river?” Fluttershy asked.

Crystal’s eyes shot wide open as she realized all the trouble they could have bypassed if she had remembered about her forcefields earlier. “D’OH!”

*O o O o O*

“The solar crystals should be in my workshop,” Time Turner said as he opened the door and stepped in, with Big Mac, Bubbles, and Roseluck following close behind. “Hello, what’s this? I could have sworn I shut that off…”

“What’s wrong, Doc?” Bubbles asked as she looked around the workshop.

“That’s… What is that?” Bubbles asked as she approached a display image floating over one of the work benches.

“It looks like some sort of diorama,” Roseluck observed.

“Eyup,” Big Mac agreed.

“It’s a map display, actually,” Time Turner corrected. “Looks like… If that end is Crystal’s workshop, then this must be the Everfree Forest. Or a good bit of it anyway. Looks like six… no, seven active sources. I wonder what they’re doing?”

“What who are doing?” Roseluck asked.

“Presumably whoever Crystal Synergy gave those map crystals to,” Time Turner answered as he deactivated the hub crystal. “Anyway, the solar crystals are stored over here. Ingenious little devices, really. Crystal designed them so that they would convert moonlight into sunlight that plants can use. Never really saw a point to them until now, but they were an interesting project nonetheless. Let’s grab a bunch and then get back to the others so that they can be distributed among the farmers.”

“Do you think Crystal can make more solar crystals?” Roseluck asked in a worried tone. “Once word gets out that we can still grow food, there’s going to be a big demand for them.”

“Eyup,” Big Mac agreed empathetically.

“Not to worry,” Time Turner assured them. “I helped Crystal work out the kinks and documentation so she could file the patent. I could even make them myself if it came down to it.”

“But you’re not a unicorn, Doc,” Bubbles pointed out.

“That’s the beauty of it! Anypony can make these, if they have the right tools and know-how! Just inscribe a suitable crystal with the runes and sigils in the right pattern and then set it up where it can absorb some moonlight! Easy peasy!”

“You are a tinkerer with a doctorate, Time Turner,” Roseluck pointed out dryly. “How easy would it be for anypony else?”

“Hmm, well, I suppose it would be somewhat tricky after all,” Time turner admitted. “Still, we should get the food producing farms set up with what we have first, then see about making more so that they can be distributed as needed.”

“About how many of these here solar crystals would a farm like Sweet Apple Acres need, Doc?” Big Mac asked, worried that there might not be enough to go around.

“One per acre should do,” Time Turner commented as he opened a door in the back of his workshop. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much though. For some reason, Crystal made enough to cover every farm in Ponyville.”

Big Mac, Bubbles, and Roseluck just stared at the open door, the room beyond filled with shelves stacked with case after case of crystals.

“Which ones are the crystals we need?” Bubbles asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Time Turner stated. “They’re all more or less the same. Just grab some cases off the nearest shelves for now.”

“That… that’s a lot of crystals…” Roseluck observed.

“Eyup,” Big Mac couldn’t help but to agree.

“Yay!” Bubbles cheered as she flew in and grabbed two cases right away.

*O o O o O*

Crystal woke up from having somepony poking her side urgently. “Huh? Wazzat? Pinkie?” She shook her head to clear the grogginess out. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to use the little fillies room really badly!” Pinkie stated in a strained whisper.

Crystal blinked. “Okay, give me a moment.” Crystal separated some of the hexagons on the southern side of the forcefield, sending them outward and then expanding them so that they could be used to cut into the ground off of the side of the road. Lifting the resulting block of dirt out of the ground, she used it to make a short privacy wall between the new latrine pit and the camp. Then she set up a second geodesic forcefield connected to the original one, only with a vent space left above the pit. Finally, she topped it off with a couple of force constructs (a bench for the pit and a spinning fan for the vent) before connecting it all to the Thaumic Flywheel and feeding it more magic.

“Thank you!” Pinkie exclaimed just before running into the new latrine.

“Did you just modify all those spells on the fly?” Twilight asked, woken up by the activity (and her own bladder).

“That’s right useful,” Applejack commented.

“I need to go next… if you don’t mind that is…” Fluttershy requested timidly.

“A bit utilitarian, but I suppose it will do,” Rarity noted.

“It’s a bathroom,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “It’s supposed to be utilitarian!”

“Will you all be quiet so I can get back to sleep!?” Crystal huffed grumpily. “Nevermind. I need to go too.”

“I think I can set up another latrine if you open the northern side too,” Twilight offered. “That way there will be less waiting and we can all get back to sleep sooner.”

“Sounds good,” Crystal agreed. ‘Let’s do this.”

*O o O o O*

“I’m up! I’m up! Stop poking me!” Spike complained, shaking his remaining grogginess away. “Wait… Minuette? What are you doing here?”

“We were sent from Canterlot to help Twilight with her research,” Minuette explained. “Where is she? I would have thought she’d still be here, researching what to do about Nightmare Moon.”

“Maybe she went to get Lyra?” Lemon Hearts proposed.

“Well, she obviously managed to continue her research,” Moondancer stated, examining the book that had been left open on the table. “It says that the Elements of Hamony, which were last used to banish Nightmare Moon to the moon…”

“Wait,” Minuette interrupted Moondancer, “does that make her Moon Moon?” the other mares and the small dragon in the room just stared at her for a moment. “What? It’s a joke! I was trying to lighten the tension!”

With a somewhat exasperated sigh, Moondancer continued. “Anyway, the Elements of Harmony were last known to be in the Castle of the Two Sisters, in the Everfree Forest.”

“Knowing Twilight, she probably rushed off after them,” Twinkleshine guessed.

“I hope she didn’t go alone,” Lemon Hearts stated in a worried tone. “It’s dangerous to go alone.”

“I’m pretty sure she went with the ponies she was supposed to meet with yesterday,” Spike said. “Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and two others. Pinkie Pie and rarity’s sister, Crystal. I wish I could have gone with them, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open after staying up all night.”

“Well, you are just a baby dragon,” Twinkleshine pointed out.

“I’m eight,” Spike pointed out irritably.

“That’s still pretty young,” Twinkleshine countered. “You still need a lot of sleep at your age.”

“There’s a note,” Moondancer interjected before the argument could escalate any further. “We’re are stopping at my workshop under the Carousel Boutique, signed Crystal Synergy. And there are two post scripts: Speak Friend and Enter, and Friendship Leads the Way.”

“That’s probably important,” Minuette commented. “We should remember those, just in case.”

“I’ll just copy them real quick and leave the original note here just in case it wasn’t meant for us,” Moondancer stated as she did so. “Now let’s go find Lyra and head for the Carousel Boutique…”

*O o O o O*

“Captain-General! Sirs!” A guard called out as he rushed into the conference room where Shining Armor had been coordinating with the other military and police service leaders that were in Canterlot at this time. “Come quick! Something is happening in Ponyville!”

“What is it?” Shining Armor asked, trying to keep his tone concerned and not alarmed. Not only was his little sister currently in Ponyville, he had just sent a group of her friends there as well. He really hoped that he hadn’t sent them into danger.

“The land around Ponyville is lighting up! Really brightly, too! It looks like they are setting up some sort of lighting system, but whatever they are using is bright enough that we can see the ground from here as if they were under the sun!”

“Shall we?” Captain-General Shining Armor asked rhetorically as he stood up to follow the guard to a suitable balcony. In short order, everypony was looking down on Ponyville, watching the lit area slowly expand as light after light was set up, like little stars fallen from the sky.

“This…” General Iron Maul spoke with almost hesitant awe. “This is big! If Ponyville can still grow food…”

“More importantly,” General Valiant Heart interjected as General Maul’s voice trailed off, “if they can replicate whatever those lights are (which it looks like they can), then our projected situation is no longer nearly as dire as it we thought it was!”

“I agree,” Princess Cadence stated as she landed on the balcony, along with the two pegasi guards assigned to protect her. “Ponyville is centrally located, and close enough to Canterlot’s rail hub to be able to easily supply all of Equestria. While it would be unfair to ask them to produce food for everypony, we can make sure that they have whatever they need to make as many of those lights as they can. Captain-General, see to it that they are adequately defended, and I’ll make sure that they have whatever they need. Ponyville just became a strategic asset.”

As Captain-General Shining Armor looked down on Ponyville one last time before heading back inside to issue the appropriate orders, he wondered how his L.S.B.F.F., Twilight Sparkle, was doing.

*O o O o O*

Near the Castle of the Two sisters, deep in the Everfree Forest, Twilight Sparkle lay asleep under the protection of a geodesic forcefield, along with six other mares. Soon, their quest would be over.

One way, or the other…

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Seven

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Lyra called out as she trotted up to the door of the cottage she and Bon Bon shared, wondering who was pounding on the door so insistently. She opened the door as soon as she reached it, about to have a sharp word, when her voice caught in her throat.

"Special orders from on high, Candy-butt," a nondescript collection of generally pony-like features handed an official looking scroll to Lyra. "Yer being reactivated for the emergency, luv. Oh, wait... that's a lute on your ass. Looks like I got the wrong pony again. Um... Are you sure you're a lady? Last gal I asked turned out to be a big red stallion with a mean right hook. Too bad too, she was a real looker, that one."

"It's a lyre..." Lyra Heartstrings corrected, her right eye twitching as her mind tried to wrap itself around what this… pony thing… was saying.

"Oh thank Sun-butt! I thought I had gone all fancy like that Jet Set chap! I'll have to ask Big Red again - I'm sure she was just playing hard to get with that love-tap..."

'Bon Bon' hooved her face and wondered how she was going to explain this one to her “best friend”…

*O o O o O*

Big Mac shuddered, then wondered briefly why he was feeling a sense of foreboding doom. Well, more so than what he was already feeling from the excessively prolonged midsummer night.

He really hoped that… whatever it was in the EUP uniform happened to be… didn’t come back to make another attempt to flirt with him.

Maybe it was just more worry for his sister, who had (as far as anypony could tell) ran off with a group of mares following that Summer Sun Celebration overseer from Canterlot as she chased after that dark alicorn that had done something with Princess Celestia?

Eyup, that was probably it. He’d have to have words with Applejack about that when she got back.

Satisfied with his conclusion, the large red stallion went back to setting up poles for the pegasi to set sun crystals on.

*O o O o O*

Nightmare Moon woke up, feeling a bit disappointed that her reserves were recovering more slowly than she had hoped. The strain of keeping her sister trapped in the etherial plane was really hampering the rate of her power recovery. That was it. She was going to banish Celestia to the moon as soon as she felt that she had enough of her reserves built up to ensure that the Sun Princess wouldn’t be able to escape in the process.

Nightmare Moon idly wondered what adventures the little party of heroes were having during their trek through the forest that had grown up around the ruins of her castle. Celestia had obviously moved the seat of the government somewhere else ii the past thousand years.

Probably to that city that had sprung up around that old mining town on Mount Canterhorn.

Wandering over to where she could look out a westward facing window, Nightmare Moon…

Was… Was that pre-dawn light!?

No, Nightmare Moon concluded after getting over her brief shock. The light of pre-dawn would have covered much more of the horizon than just that little bit. The ponies back in that little village were up to something. She’d have to have words with them after she gave the heroes their epic encounter. There simply was no way that the villagers would be able to see her beautiful night sky through all that light pollution.

Speaking of which, where were the heroes? They should have been in the castle by now, but the alarm wards she had set up around the petrified Elements hadn’t awakened her.

Ah, that glowing shield across the ravine was probably them!

Assuming her dark mist form once again, Nightmare Moon flowed out the window and approached the shield cautiously.

Yes, that was them. Their gear had gone missing, and one of the white ones looked like she had been rather thoroughly soaked at some point, but all seven of them were resting inside the odd looking shield spell. Why was one of the smaller side domes purple? And why were the domes apparently made up of hexagons and pentagons? And what under the stars was the purpose of that glowing ring in the center of the camp?

No matter. The Party was almost to the castle.

Nightmare Moon flowed back towards the castle and into one of the windows before assuming her more solid alicorn form. At which time she clapped her hooves gleefully before prancing further into the castle to seek out a suitable room to have the main confrontation in.

Oh, this was going to be so epic!

*O o O o O*

Once again hearing insistent knocking at the cottage door, Lyra broke off her argument with Bon Bon, stomped over, and opened it. “Look, you little troll, I… Minuette? Moondancer? Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts? What are you all doing in Ponyville? Oh, hey Spike! Didn’t see you there! Is Twilight here too?”

“Twilight went off with another group of ponies to find something called the Elements of Harmony,” Spike replied, somewhat aggrieved that he had to be left behind because he had fallen asleep just as Twilight had been getting ready to leave the library. Couldn’t one of them have carried him or something?

*O o O o O*

Well rested, if slightly hungry, the party finally approached the gates of the Castle of the Two Sisters. The rope bridge, while a bit shaky, had still been in remarkably good condition for its age and lack of maintenance, but Twilight had reinforced it with some small force platforms anyway, stating that it was good practice for the variant force spell she had copied off of Crystal.

Crystal, for her part, was wondering if she had been misremembering the cannon challenges, because as far as she could tell, none of the ones she thought she remembered had actually occurred. Instead, several incidents that bore little, if any, relation to the themes of Harmony had happened.

Hopefully, Twilight had managed to gain enough insight into the characters of the other five ponies destined to bear the Elements.

Just as the seven mares had reached the gate, with Applejack just about to place a hoof on it to push it open, Pinkie Pie shouted, "WAIT!"

Crystal quickly raised a shield around the party as Twilight lit her horn in preparation to cast whatever spell might be called for, while Applejack and Rainbow Dash took aggressive postures, ready to attack whatever pinkie had spotted.

"What is it?" Crystal asked as she looked about.

"We still have to clear ten rats out of the cellar of an inn,” Pinkie Pie pointed out, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Not to mention completing seven item-chain collection missions so we can unlock each of our first special attacks, and wander around aimlessly so we can grind out at least five more levels!"

Every other pony in the party just stared at Pinkie for a moment before placing a hoof to their faces.

And then Crystal snickered as she dropped her shield. “I think we’ve already done enough aimless wandering, Pinkie, and the whole point of collecting the Elements is to get those special attacks you’re talking about.”

“And, um, Hearthstone asked me to have Mr. and Mrs. Rat and their family move out of his inn last month,” Fluttershy mentioned hesitantly.

“Where’d you move them to?” Crystal asked as Applejack opened the gate.

“Oh, I put them up for a while before asking Swift and Kite if it was okay to move them into the vacant field near where they lived,” Fluttershy explained. “They were more than happy to have the Rat family relocated there, and even helped me relocate them!”

“Doesn’t Kite run a falcon rookery?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“And I’m pretty sure that Swift raises ferrets,” Applejack added.

“Oh, yes, I’m sure that Mr. and Mrs. Rat will have plenty of good neighbors!” Fluttershy concluded happily. “All they have to do is learn how to be more polite, less selfish, and not pee on ponies that are trying to help them.”

“Riiiiiight,” Crystal eyed Fluttershy warily. Perhaps there was a limit to the gentle yellow pegasus’ patience with animals after all. She was pretty sure that Fluttershy couldn’t possibly be that clueless about was would have been the most likely end result of a family of rats moving into that particular field.

“If they really wanted to stay at my place, then they should have let themselves be house trained like my other animal friends. They used my sugar bowl as a litter box twice after I caught them peeing in the flour. I had to go out for fresh groceries nearly every day that week because they refused to behave! That’s just rude!”

“That might explain why the rats around the farm have become a might more tidy an’ helpful than usual lately,” Applejack commented.

“Um… You do know what ferrets and falcons eat, right?” Rainbow Dash wondered.

“Yes,” Fluttershy nodded. “And they’ve been eating very well for the past month. So polite and helpful too!”

“Uh-huh,” Rainbow Dash stared at her foal hood friend through half-lidded eyes.

“New topic!” Crystal announced suddenly.

“Agreed,” Rarity added enthusiastically.

“How did you come up with those shield variants?” Twilight asked Crystal.

“New topic!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash said together.

*O o O o O*

The interior of the Castle of the Two Sisters was, oddly enough, actually much cleaner than a thousand year old ruin had any right to be. Not that it was completely clean by any means, but other than some dust, a few fallen stones here and there, a scattering invasive plant life, and the occasional spider web, the interior was in remarkably good shape. Most of the wall hangings were intact, barely showing any signs of wear or fading. Even the wall sconces and candelabras still had functional torches and candles, all emitting an admittedly eerie pale light from flickering blue flames that were probably magical in nature.

“Interesting ambiance,” Crystal observed.

“Keep an eye out for any ten horn by ten horn rooms with a chests in them,” Pinkie advised. “They may or may not have anything good in them, but they are almost always guarded.”

“This isn’t Ogres & Oubliettes, Pinkie,” Crystal replied dryly. “And we aren’t LARPing.”

“Um, Crystal?” Rainbow Dash called down from where she was hovering near one of the balconies that dotted the upper levels of the rather large hall they were currently moving through.

“Yes?”

“There’s a chest sitting in the middle of the room that’s connected to this balcony. And before you ask, I’d say that the room looks to be about ten by ten, just like Pinkie said.”

“Is it guarded by any thing?” Crystal asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Rainbow responded. “There’s a sign that says ‘not a trap’ propped up against the chest though.”

“Why would Nightmare Moon set up such an obvious trap?” Twilight wondered.

“Eh, I’m pretty sure that one was set up by Celestia,” Crystal commented. “It’s probably harmless.”

“Well, in that case, I’m going to go for it!” Rainbow Dash called out as she put deed to action.

“No! Wait!” the others called out in near unison, just before they heard a snap, a sproing, a thud, a rattle, several thumps, a clank, and another sproing.

“What just happened?” Rainbow Dash asked in a dazed tone from right behind the others, startling everypony as they spun to look at her. For some reason, she was now dressed in red and green motley, complete with little brass bells on the three horned hat.

And then everypony suddenly looked back up at the balcony as the same exact sequence of sounds repeated once more.

“That was fun!” Pinkie announced from behind Rainbow Dash, surprising everypony again. “Aww… I wanted a jester’s costume too! This ones for a rogue!”

Crystal’s left eye twitched counterpoint to a nearly identical twitch in Twilight’s right eye.

Everypony jumped as the trap in the room above sounded off once again. Cautiously, they all looked back, and sure enough, there was Fluttershy. Now wearing chain mail and a horned helmet, bearing a spear tucked under her right wing.

“But… but… I didn’t go anywhere!” the pale yellow pegasus insisted quietly.

*O o O o O*

After ditching the costumes, because costumes were exactly what they were (as opposed to actually functional outfits or armor), it didn’t take too much longer to find their goal: the chamber that the Elements of Harmony were stored in.

Five of the Elements, in the form of bowling ball sized spheres of stone, were sitting on five arms branching out of a central stone pedestal at odd angles to each other.

“Okay,” Twilight explained as the others brought the Elements over to her, “according to my research, I should be able to use these to find the missing sixth Element. All I need is some sort of spark.”

“Alright, y’all,” Applejack addressed everypony else from the door of the room, “let’s give Twilight some space so she can figure this out.”

“Really,” Crystal countered in a dry tone as the others turned to head for the door as well. “After all we’ve been through, we’re going to split the party again? As opposed to setting up a defensive parameter?”

“Fair point,” Applejack conceded, coming back into the room. She still stood apart from Twilight, but this time she took a position by the door to guard it rather than head through it.

Rainbow Dash took it upon herself to patrol the perimeter of the room, mostly watching the windows for any signs of activity, while Fluttershy did much the same thing while otherwise sitting quietly near the center of the room.

Rarity and Crystal looked at each other.

“Shield Generator?” Rarity asked.

“Shield Generator,” Crystal confirmed as she formed a Thaumic Flywheel.

“I’ll feed the ring,” Rarity stated as she took over her foster-sister’s spell. “You just worry about setting everything up.”

“Got it,” Crystal replied with a nod, first forming a geodesic force dome over Rarity and the Thaumic Flywheel before sending out little force hexagons to form a similarly segmented barrier across all four walls, the floor, and the ceiling. “You doing alright, Sis?”

“I’m fine, Darling. Keep going.”

With that encouragement, Crystal continued to set up honeycombed structures of magical force in the form of short walls and barricades of various shapes and sizes so that the group could have bits of cover to duck behind in case Nightmare Moon broke through the outer barrier. With that done, Crystal nodded with a huff, then turned to start heading for her sister to help feed the Thaumic Flywheel that was sustaining all of the tiny shields that made everything.

“Most impressive.” a familiar voice remarked from behind and slightly above Crystal. “Tell me, how would it keep out somepony who was already in the room you shielded so diligently?”

Startled, Crystal immediately blasted Nightmare Moon in the muzzle.

“YOU DARE!?”

The dark alicorn’s retaliatory kick sent Crystal clear across the room, where she collided with the wall and fell to the floor in pain.

“CRYSTAL!” she heard the others call out as she struggled to get up, coughing blood. Her ribs hurt. Tartarus, her everything hurt! But her sister and her friends were in danger, so she stood all the same.

Only to collapse once again as the room blurred and darkened.

And then Crystal Synergy knew no more…

Distorted Beginnings: Chapter Eight

“No…” Nightmare Moon stared in shock at the short maned unicorn sprawled out next to the wall she had hit. “What have I done?”

The unicorn, who had gifted her with that wonderful picture upon her return from the moon, just lay there, motionless.

So still.

The Yellow and Pink ones appeared at the edge of her tunneling vision. "Pinkie, don't let her move and don't touch her barrel! Her breathing is wrong!"

So very very still.

"Oh no oh no oh no. Pinkie, I think she has a pierced lung!"

“I will end you!” the other white unicorn cried out her rage as she attacked the Alicorn of the Night. Nightmare Moon barely registered the hits as she started moving slowly towards the fallen one.

She had meant to give them a challenging defeat. A mighty struggle against impossible odds that might leave them battered and bruised but otherwise hale and hearty. Something to give them a grand tale to tell their future foals, grandfoals, and greatgrandfoals for generations to come.

A harsh buck from the Orange one’s rear hooves slid Nightmare Moon across the floor, stance unchanged. Her new position giving better vantage of her victims condition around the two desperately trying to save their friend.

The darkness seemed to drain right out of Nightmare Moon as she took another step. The other white unicorn was still striking her viciously. The alicorn let it happen, every blow that landed a mere fraction of the penance she deserved for striking down one of her subjects. Not that it mattered much whether she let it happen or not, as the differences in power and ability between her and these mares were just too great. They were not, could not be, a viable threat to an alicorn of her level at their current capabilities.

"I... I don't know what to do!" the Yellow one whimpered. "She definitely has a pierced lung! I... We can't treat her here, but it's not safe to move her either!"

"I got..." the Pink one pulled a couple of boxes out of her hair. One of which had a picture of some sort of strip with a smiling face of a clown on it. "Use these!"

"I'll do what I can, Pinkie, but she needs more than just bandages and plasters."

The efforts of the Yellow and Pink ones would do no good. If the lung was truly pierced then the mare was at her end - an end shared by many valiant ponies who fought by her side in defense of Equestria over the years, all those centuries ago.

How had it happened?

Sure, the spell she had been blasted with had hurt, but nowhere near as much as it could have. And certainly not enough to have seriously harmed a fully matured alicorn. But in her rage at being affronted so, Nightmare Moon had lashed out, misjudging how much force she put into the kick.

Or, really, not measuring the force at all.

The Blue one dived at Nightmare Moon, and with a vicious hit and twist to her wing, broke her stance throwing her to the ground. "If you want my friends, you'll have to deal with me first!"

How dare!? No! Not again!

Nightmare Moon struggled to reign in her temper, lest she lash out and strike down another of her little ponies in her anger. They had a right to be angry, not she. All she had suffered was a moment's pain and a loss of dignity. They were losing a friend.

They didn't deserve her. They deserved warm sunny days to spend frolicking in the fields. They deserved a Princess that let them play in the light of day. Not a Princess that was just as dangerous to them as everything else in the dark of the night.

What was the point anymore? She may as well just let her sister go and be done with it all.

Her magic's resurgence at no longer holding her sister prisoner in the Astral Sea took even the small measure of justice her attackers afflicted away, as it naturally soothed her hurts and ills. And unfairly just in time, as the Purple one unleashed a spell that would have briefly trapped her as she had trapped her sister. Instead it was like suds carried away by a river.

She stood, her eyes still seeing only her crime. Even the minor hurts of their fury washing off till her attackers had begun to tire.

She took a hesitant step forward, but saw the four blocking her path almost immediately. Again, she had to restrain her irritation at their interference, and for a moment both she and they were at an impasse. At least till the white mare drew power from the ring of energy and allowed the shields to collapse, unleashing a flurry of banners drawn into the room to smother her with, wrapping and twisting around her barrel and neck with a force that would have suffocated a more mortal mare.

She'd take it as her due. She had only wanted to give her new subjects an experience to remember for a lifetime.

And now one of those subjects lay there, broken under the light of the rising sun.

And it was nopony’s fault but hers. She barely even cared as her sister glided through one of the larger windows as if borne upon the sunlight itself.

“Luna…” Celestia called out gently as she landed.

“I broke her, Sister,” Luna stated bleakly as she continued to stare past her elder sister at the fallen mare, ignoring the banners wrapped so tightly around her (much to Rarity's frustration). “I never meant to hit her that hard.”

“I believe you,” Celestia stated sadly, her own grief evident.

“She… she gave me a gift when I showed up in your place.” Luna showed the crayon picture she had received to her sister. “You take it - I don’t deserve it.” Luna completely missed the shock that warred with the grief and sadness on her sister's face at seeing the picture.

*o O o O o*

The attacks by Rarity and the others against the dark alicorn had faltered and then stopped altogether with the arrival of the Princess. Instead, they turned and took the few remaining steps towards their fallen friend, and watched as Rarity gathered Crystal's head into her forelegs and started bawling. Pinkie backed off to give them a little space, feeling conflicted as she turned part of her attention toward the conversation happening between the Princess and the newly named Luna.

Rarity was barely aware of Fluttershy raising a hoof timidly and placing it on her shoulder as they watched Crystal take shuddering breaths. Applejack, more familiar with loss than the others, stood vigil, breaking it briefly a moment later to get Rainbow's and Pinkie's attention, eyeing them solemnly till they joined her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to help her. We've tried..." Fluttershy trailed off. There wasn't a lot she could do even with the few 'adventuring' supplies Pinkie had stashed in her mane.

The others shared similar thoughts, though they didn't voice them. A couple because they felt it wouldn't help, a couple because they couldn't find the right words, and one because she was running through every scrap of medical knowledge and magic in her head trying to find something that would spare her new friends their grief and one her life.

Applejack stepped back and quietly asked, "Is there anything you can do, Princess? That mare's taken a lot of hurt for us tonight. It don't seem fair that it ends like this."

"I am truly sorry, my little ponies, but unfortunately I cannot. Had this happened nearly anywhere else, I could have attempted to teleport to a hospital, or even the Royal Medical Suite in Canterlot, in order to return with a medical team, but not from here. Teleporting with passengers is tricky even under the best conditions, and unfortunately the Everfree Forest is too disruptive to pony magic. I could power through safely enough on my own, and perhaps teleport back with some doctors anyway, but the strain on them would leave them in no condition to provide the medical attention needed. And that same strain would kill her if I teleported with her instead, even if we were not within the Everfree Forest."

"There's nothing you can do?"

Celestia draped a comforting wing over Applejack's back, pulling the apple farmer to her in the process. "If I could, I would. She has touched lives far further than you than you could know. Her last gift to Luna is proof enough of that." With that, she showed her little ponies the picture the now revealed Crayon Seer had drawn of Luna surrounded by dancing ponies. Ponies that each of them recognized, as they were the ponies shown. Even Twilight was there among the others, cheerfully rendered in colored wax.

“She knew,” Rarity’s grief strained voice took on an undertone of wonder as she looked at the drawing. “Somehow, she knew. But the picture is wrong,” her voice cracked bleakly. “It shows Crystal dancing as well. I don’t think I shall ever ‘Celebrate the Night’ ever again…”

Luna bowed her head even lower in shame.

Lifting her other wing, Celestia beckoned her sister with a gesture and a sad expression, and Luna allowed herself to be gathered as well.

"Crystal may have been a might strange," Applejack stopped as Rarity glared at her. "What? It's true! She's always been an odd one. But she was a good mare all the same."

"She always stood up for me in the market," Fluttershy added, shuffling a hoof against the floor. "Whenever we were both there that is."

"I didn't really know her all that well," Rainbow Dash admitted. "Different circles and all that, what with her being a unicorn and me wanting to fly all the time, y'know? But... I think she was really cool. I wish I had noticed sooner. Aw, buck it! I'm screwing this up!"

"You are doing fine, Rainbow," Rarity consoled the blue Pegasus as she stroked her foster sister's head. "Crystal... hasn't has an easy life. She lost her family when she was really young, and the magical incident that stranded her in Ponyville had left her impaired for two years, unable to hold things in her hooves and too clumsy with her mouth to perform fine manipulation. She would practice all the time with those crayons of hers, and kept right on using crayons even after she could use a quill properly. Said quills tasted too bad."

"She..." Pinkie sniffed. "I wasn't just a party pony to Crystal. She cared when I was sad, and could always tell when my smiles were fake, and did her best to bring my real smile out. She was my best friend. She's right there, and I already miss her so much!"

"I barely knew her at all," Twilight stated. "We had all just met yesterday. She made me feel welcome. You all did. It feels so wrong for her life to be cut short like this, just as we all became friends. We should treasure our friendships, always."

By some unknowable signal, Pinkie Pie began singing. It was a wordless tune, full of sorrow, pain, and hope. A Heartsong that was quickly joined first by Rarity, then Fluttershy, followed by Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and finally Twilight Sparkle.

After a moment, Celestia and Luna began to sing as well, adding their voices to the wordless melody.

And behind them all, forgotten and ignored, the Elements of Harmony began to glow. Also unnoticed by all, the automap crystals Crystal had given them began to resonate with the music.

“La-la la la-la-la la-la, la-la la la-la-la~”

*o O o O o*

"Doc, the map-thingy started up again," Bubbles pointed out as she set down the now unneeded load of Sun Crystals and approached the table where the music was coming from. "Pretty."

"Really?" Time Turner replied as he set down his own load. "How odd." Setting down his own load of Sun Crystals, he approached the map display. "Interesting..."

Suddenly, the map flickered off, and was replaced with text accompanied by a deep bass six note sequence.

HARMONY ONLINE

"Well now! This was certainly unexpected!"

*o O o O o*

One by one, beams of light shot upwards from the five discarded Elements, converging where a sixth one appeared in the air. From there, a rainbow arced high, nearly touching the ceiling before descending to engulf the grieving ponies. Everypony but Rarity had just enough time to turn their heads in surprise as the Harmonic Rainbow washed over them all. Of them all, Rarity had eyes only for her sister, while Luna merely closed hers in resigned acceptance of what would surely be Harmony’s Judgement against her.

The swirling rainbow around them faded as fast as it appeared, leaving everypony feeling refreshed, with all of their hurts gone and their fatigue washed away.

Silence reigned for a moment, only to be broken by Crystal herself. “Ugh… Can’t breathe! Could everypony please back off? And Rarity, don't you remember what happened last time you held my head like this.”

“Crystal!” Rarity cried out in shock. “You’re alive!”

“Yeeeeah,” Crystal responded hesitantly as her sister inspected her. “I was the last time I checked.”

“'Tis most wondrous!” Luna proclaimed loudly, only to flinch and back off quickly as Rarity glared at her, horn unconsciously flaring as pieces of shredded banner were grabbed. “I… er… I didn’t mean to hurt you so…”

“It’s alright,” Crystal waved it off. “Don’t worry about it. I forgive you.”

“Crystal! How can you forgive her!?”

“Well, she obviously regrets whatever she did.”

“She all but killed you! You. Were. Dying!”

“I got better!”

“You don’t get better from being dead!”

“I did!”

“You’re impossible!”

“Obviously not, considering that I’m right here.”

“Oh, I don’t know why I put up with you!”

“Because I’m your sister and you love me?”

“Well, there is that.”

“Oh, look! The hairpins Crystal gave us changed!” Pinkie Pie interjected in an attempt to lighten the mood. She really didn’t want the situation to devolve into an argument and possible violence again. There had been more than enough of that already.

It was quickly apparent that nearly everypony’s automap crystals had changed, save the one belonging to Crystal herself, and now resembled their respective Cutie Marks.

“Why did they change?” Twilight wondered as she took hers off to inspect it.

“Because they have been fused with the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia explained, though her intrigued tone suggested that this was something new to her as well.

Only Rarity noticed the twitch that Crystal’s right eye developed upon hearing this bit of news.

Distorted Beginnings: Epilogue

“So, how long have you been able to see the future?” Applejack asked, leveling her gaze on Crystal as the group left the Castle of the Two Sisters.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash interjected, “we could have avoided so much of what went wrong last night if you had just told us ahead of time.”

“You’re both making some assumptions here,” Crystal pointed out calmly. “The chief one being that there is actually some grand design that I happen to be privy to. I don’t believe in things like destiny or fate.”

“Wait,” Dash tilted her head in confusion. “Let me get this straight. You can see the future, but you don't believe in either destiny or fate? How does that work?"

“Not the future,” Crystal explained. “Futures. Plural. And pasts too. And way too many presents.”

“But you can never have too many presents!” Pinkie gasped.

“Not that kind of present, Pinkie,” Twilight tried to assure the party pony.

“Silly Twilight,” Pinkie grinned. “Yesterday is history, and tomorrow’s a mystery, but today is a gift! That’s why it’s called the present!”

“Kinda got you there, Twilight,” Applejack commented dryly.

“I still don’t get it,” Rainbow complained. “Do you see the future or not?”

“Technically, no,” Crystal replied. “I am just as incapable of actually seeing the future as anypony else.”

“Oh,” the multi-chromatic mare felt vaguely disappointed, then confused. “Then why..?”

“It’s really more like remembering things,” Crystal continued, causing Rainbow Dash to stumble.

“Rilly, now?” Applejack raised a brow skeptically.

“Yes!” Crystal stopped and struck a declarative pose. “I remember things beyond time! Beyond space! Beyond the impossible!”

“Crystal, dear, you have trouble remembering what day it is,” Rarity pointed out.

“I never said I was any good at it…” Crystal whined.

*O o O o O*

Once they were back across the river (after some clever applications of force field spells by Crystal and Twilight), Crystal checked her automap. “Okay, if we turn south just past that big tree over there, we should be able to make it back to the clearing so we can recover our stuff.”

“Oh yeah,” Applejack perked up. “I can git my hat back!”

Crystal noticed that Pinkie’s mane had drooped slightly and that her smile looked a little forced. “You okay, Pinkie?”

“I’m…” Pinkie hesitated briefly. “I’m just wondering if Mister Satyr is okay. I kinda hurt him really bad after Applejack already had him down. I… I’m not sorry! Not really! Not after with what he tried to do to you. To us all. But…”

“A satyr, you say?” Princess Luna asked in a strained voice, both she and her sister looking alarmed. “Take us there immediately! ‘Tis not a danger to leave so lightly!”

“I doubt he’s going anywhere,” Rarity stated as the group took off at a somewhat cautious yet hurried trot. “He was pretty badly injured when we left his clearing. He’s not going to be recovering from that anytime soon.”

“He’ll be up and about much sooner than you think,” Luna corrected. “Tis a spirit of lust given physical form, not a true creature.”

“But the body…” Fluttershy started, only to trail off.

“A satyr’s body is just a prop,” Celestia explained. “It’s something it uses so that it can interact with the physical world. And it is something that it can repair if it is left alone long enough to do so.”

“We must make haste,” Luna insisted, feeling even guiltier than she had before. She had only wanted to challenge these mares, not subject them to something like this! “If we do not make sure that the body is truly ruined beyond repair, it will recover and once again set out to lure mares to their doom.”

“Satyr’s kill mares?” Twilight asked, confused. “I thought they just… You know… Not that that isn’t bad, but still…”

“Death is not the ‘doom’ my sister is talking about,” Celestia corrected. “Although some satyrs do end up killing their victims, mostly unintentionally, most just leave their victims mentally and emotionally crippled. A shadow of their former selves with greatly reduced capacity for reasoning and self-control.”

“And not a few end up selling their victims into slavery once they are done with them so that they may fund their other lusts,” Luna added darkly.

“Somehow I don’t think we have to worry about this particular fella coming back,” Applejack observed as they entered the clearing.

There, by the tree with the cracked trunk, lay a manticore, resting after having obviously eaten his fill.

The only thing that remained of the satyr, as far as any of them could tell, were a few scattered and gnawed on bones.

“Who’s a good boy?” Fluttershy praised the beast as she flew up and began scratching him behinds his ears. “You are! Yes, you are!”

“Sometimes that mare worries me,” Crystal stated dryly.

“You ain’t the only one,” Applejack agreed with equal dryness.

*O o O o O*

"Looks like quite the welcomin' committee waitin' ta greet us," Applejack noted as the group finally exited the Everfree Forest and spotted what appeared to be a squad of EUP soldiers escorting a group of six civilian unicorns and a baby dragon in their direction. There was also a LOT of observable activity going on in Ponyville behind them, with ponies, civilian and military alike, all over the place.

Crystal Synergy blinked, tilted her head for a moment, and then promptly did the first thing that entered her head by sideling up to Princess Celestia. "If they ask any questions, just remember: I'm deaf and you don't speak Ponish!" she stage whispered.

Rarity put a hoof to her face even as Celestia and Pinkie Pie giggled and everypony else just looked at Crystal in confusion.

Lieutenant Vines approached them and bowed. "Your Highness."

"مرحبا يا مهر الصغير" Celestia greeted, soliciting a grin from Crystal and Pinkie (and twitchy eyes from everypony else).

"Sister, cease this nonsense at once!" Princess Luna admonished. "It is clear that none present are familiar with... with... whatever language you have chosen to use just now!"

"لماذا "لونا" ، أعتقد أنك سمحت لسجلك العربي بالصدء." Celestia chided her sister whimsically.

"Um... Princess Celestia?" Twilight prompted hesitantly.

"نعم ، الشفق؟"

"Could you please switch back to using Ponish? I don't speak... um... Saddle-Arabic? And, judging from everypony's reactions, nopony else present does either."

"Is that what that was?" Luna asked. "It... has been a while since I last heard it spoken."

"Peut-être que je devrais. Est-ce que c'est mieux comme ça, Twilight?"

"Not really," Twilight replied, although she could at least parse out what her mentor was saying this time.

"Princesse Celestia, aussi amusante pensez-vous être, arrêter de taquiner ma sœur, s'il vous plait?" Rarity requested with a slight smile.

"I have no idea what you just said," Crystal announced with a grin.

"It's Chevalish, Crystal," Rarity reminded her sister drily. "We both took classes in it, remember?"

"Nope!" Crystal stated proudly. "Je n'ai aucune idée de ce que je viens de dire à l'instant."

"¡Esto es divertido!" Pinkie announced. "¡Quiero participar también!"

"Was that Caballos?" Crystal asked, raising a brow.

"¡Sí!" Pinky replied.

"Could y'all please switch back ta speakin' plain Ponish?" Applejack asked plaintively.

"Very well, my little pony," Celestia acquiesced gently.

"И как раз когда я выбрала язык, чтобы внести вклад в это веселье" Luna grumbled in лошадином grumpily before smiling ruefully.

Author's Note

This bit (actually these two bits) has been sitting on SpaceBattles for quite a while. While I like them and don't want to get rid of them, they were causing a bit of a block as the start of the next arc of the story.

And then, just a few minutes ago, it occurred to me that they'd make a pretty good epilogue for the first arc instead, allowing me to keep the scenes without tying them as strongly to the beginning of the next arc. So I am finally posting them here.

BTW: If anyone wants to see the translations for what everyone was saying in the final scene of the epilogue, they can be found here, at the bottom of the post, behind a spoiler. :twilightsmile:

Flashback Theater Presents: Out of Context

Two years before the one thousandth Summer Sun Celebration...

Crystal Synergy looked around her as she drank the pint of lager she had ordered. Everything looked exactly the way she had imagined it would. Tartarus, even the proprietor’s name was the same, as well as the names of his three grandchildren. Barley’s Diner was real.

Barley’s Diner & Delicatessen, a hypothetical establishment she had thought up as a world building exercise, that had no basis at all with show canon other than the fact that it was possible within the context of the setting, was real.

It had been eight years since her arrival on Gaia (and what an interesting revelation just the name of the world was), and she was having difficulty trying to keep what she remembered of My Little Pony’s canon and fanon from blurring together. The two years it had taken her to learn how to write legibly, whether with her mouth, the unfamiliar way her hooves worked, or with her magic, had not helped matters. As the indecipherable scribbles of crayon and intermittent ink smudges in her early journals could attest to.

Journals that were now probably worse than worthless, given that the attempt to keep canon and fanon separated in her memories might just have been six years worth of wasted effort.

Buck it. Forget the one drink limit for once. Crystal needed something stronger, because she certainly did not want to be sober at the moment. Paying Barley for the meal and the drink and tossing a bit into the tip jar, she left the diner and headed home.

Time to see what was in that liquor cabinet. The unicorn foal-proof lock shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. Her foster parents didn’t need to use a key after all…

*O o O o O*

“Tell ya what. For two bits you can have the lot,” Applejack stated.

“Why, thank you, I think I’ll take that offer,” Rarity replied as she purchased the last six apples and put them in her saddle bags.

“Not like I would want to keep the stand open with just two apples left.”

“Even so, I-”

“Rarity!” a blonde maned grey pegasus with yellow eyes flew over. “Come quick! Pinkie found Crystal wandering around aimlessly and babbling all sorts of nonsense, so she sent me to find you. We think she might have been drinking. Her breath smells like whiskey…”

“Oh dear…” Rarity ran off after… Muffin? Crystal called her Muffin anyway, even though most other ponies tended to call her either Derpy or Ditzy instead. Rarity was sure that her name was actually something else instead, but it had been so long since she heard anyone use it that she wasn’t sure what it really was. Babbles perhaps? She’d have to ask.

Later.

Right now her sister needed her!

“I’m comin’ too!” Applejack called out as she flipped the stall’s sign over and galloped after them. “Some mares get down right ornery when they’ve had a few. I’ll come along in case you need a hoof reining her in.”

They found Crystal in short order, sitting near Sugarcube Corner alternating between crying and laughing hysterically as she leaned against Pinkie Pie. The pink mare sat there next to her with a foreleg around her shoulders comfortingly, her own expression a mix of panic and concern.

“She won’t stop,” Pinkie told them as they approached. “She keeps babbling about King Sombra, Nightmare Moon, the Crytal Empire, and some really randy mare named Molestia. And a bunch of other stuff too, but most of it was really hard to understand. And she keeps laughing and crying at the same time, but not in the good way! She’s really really sad and I don’t know what to do-hoo-hoo!”

Crystal stiffened, and seemed to sober up in an instant (only seemed, mind you - she was still three sheets into the wind).

“Don’ be sad, Pingy,” Crystal slurred. “Yer the happy one. You make ponies ha *hic* happy, and makin’ ponies happy makes you hoppy. Happy. Wha’ever. Iz wrong to make you sad. Who made you sad, Pingy? Ima beat ‘em up…”

“Crystal, dear, please stop. You’re upsetting Pinkie Pie.”

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Sis!” Crystal called out cheerfully, then scowled. “Waitaminit… I upset Pingy? She’s my bes’ frien… I can’ upset my bes’ frien’! Ima beat me up!” And with that declaration, she hoofed herself in the face.

Hard.

“Wuz tha’ it?” Crystal growled, bleeding from her lips and one of her nostrils. “I di’n feel a thin’ ya wuss! Ima gonna have to hit me harder!”

“Hold on there, Sally,” Applejack stated as she restrained Crystal’s forelegs. “You’re upsettin’ your sister and friends, beating yourself up like that!”

“I am?”

“Please don’t hit yourself, Crystal,” Pinkie requested desperately.

“Allrigh’” Crystal nodded agreeably and relaxed. “Yer a gud pony, Pingy. Don’ be sad…”

A sad guitar tune seemed to start playing without any discernible source.

“Is that a Heartsong starting?” Rarity asked, looking around for whoever might be playing the instruments.

“Not just a Heartsong,” Applejack stated, abruptly letting Crystal go and taking several cautious steps back. “A drunk Heartsong! Watch yourselves, everypony - no telling’ what’ll happen!”

And then Crystal Synergy started singing a song from her memory to Pinkie Pie…

“When your rife with devastation,
There’s a simple explanation;
You’re a toymaker’s creation,
Trapped inside a crystal ball!

“And whichever way he tilts it,
Know that we must be resilient!
We won’t let them break our spirit,
As we sing our silly song!

“When I was a little filly,
A galloping blaze overtook my city.
They shipped me off to the orphanage.
Said ditch those roots if you wanna fit in!

“So I dug one thousand holes,
And cut a rug with orphan foals.
Now memories are blurred,
Their faces are obscured,
But I still know the words to this song!

“When you’ve bungled all your bangles,
And your loved ones have been mangled,
Listen to the jingle jangle,
Of my gypsy tambourine!

“‘Cause these chords are hypnotizing,
And the whole world’s harmonizing.
So please children stop your crying,
And just sing along with me!”

And with her very first Heartsong finished, Crystal Synergy kissed Pinkie Pie full on the lips then fell over sideways and started snoring.

“Well, that just happened,” Applejack observed dryly as Pinkie blushed.

“That’s so sad,” Pinkie cried, her frizzy mane drooping as tears welled in her eyes.

“We never knew,” Rarity said. “Crystal never talks about her past.”

“Wait,” Applejack looked between the two white unicorns. “I thought she was your sister?”

“Foster sister, actually,” Rarity corrected. “We kept waiting for someone to eventually show up looking for her, but I guess that day will never come. We're the only family she has left now.”

“Well, come on,” Applejack began as she shifted Crystal off of the ground and onto her back. “I’ll help you get her home and into a bed. Wouldn’t be the first time I hauled a drunk pony to their house…”

Author's Note

Gypsy bard is from the fanmade parody series My Little Pony: Friendship is Witchcraft.
This rendition of it was inspired by Dreamchan's version of it: