[Random] [Adventure] [Dark] [Crossover]
(Mane 6) (Discord) (Princess Luna) (Princess Celestia) (OC)
Legend of Discord
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"You're a god slayer? But you've got nothing to back that up. Maybe the god of pranks lied to me after all…"
"..."
"On second thought, of course he did, I mean, come on. Pranks duh."
"Let me interrupt you there. Look, this is kind of awkward and all, so I'll be frank. Not the name Frank, I mean have you even heard—"
"Shup. Please continue without the rambling."
"Eh hehueh. Awkward that is, that right there. I've never actually killed a god before. But I am a god slayer."
"—"
"I don't get it either. I mean why would any god want me to kill them? I mean they come looking for me by word of mouth, and then they come here seeing probably the worst of all gods. Other than being immortal, I can't say in good conscience that I am in fact a god at all."
"—"
"Stop trying to talk! You won’t get me to stop rambling, so in your own words, shup! I think we are all not gods, no that implies ultimate power, I think what we are all is demigods."
"DAM—"
"Not now! I think you're the last demigod here in this existence, so let me be Frank. Hello god of pride, you are about to kill me. Which ironically, will cause you to die. Now then I know what you're thinking: "But Frank! I can't die I'm a god!" Well, you are only a demigod."
And Frank, died. Of course, his immortality caused resurrection, and the resurrection slayed the other god on the spot.
Resurrecting hurt even more than dying. Of course, dying isn't the same as ceasing from existence like the god of pride just did. He killed himself just then by having Frank's resurrection steal all of his energy of existing into the new existence of Frank. It wasn't any god's fault really. Frank was just too weak to be a true god or even demigod; he couldn't resurrect with his own existence—it just wasn’t enough.
"Ooooh. That's interesting." Frank cracked his back. "I haven't had a back before. Actually, I still don't have a body. I wonder how I just cracked my back." He looked around. "Wow, this is a pretty small place too. It's really small. Come to think of it, wasn't there a thing such as size or really anything except for existing?"
A force caused the small existence to waver, and in stepped a blue creature with a body of four legs and flowing attachments that glistened in an invisible breeze.
"Greetings!" It yelled with feigned casualness that spoke volumes toward its curiosity. "What manner of being are you?"
"I don't know." The being's non body flickered.
"You don't know? Surely you jest. In any case, I have been improper." It slightly bowed over to acknowledge one in a show of dominance and greeting. "I am Princess Luna, and a co ruler of Equestria. And you are?"
"I don't know. Why haven't you tried to kill me yet, demigod?"
"W-what? Why would I attempt murder on one who could be a citizen of my country?! I came to visit your lucid dream because of its rareness, and yet you accuse me of unprovoked murder?!"
"Mweh. Still doesn't answer my question." The sass was palpable.
"YOU TARTATUS DAMNED THING! MABE I WILL KILL YOU AFTER ALL! IT WILL BE SO PAINFUL—"
A shaking hoof nudged Luna in the face. "You're Highness! Please snap out of your trance! You'll wake all of Canterlot!" Her voice was filled with self-imposed suicide.
"WHAT!" Luna exclaimed ferociously into the night guard's face, splatting spittle all over her muzzle, face, and neck. Luna's neck seethed with rage from her nightly patrol and from being disrupted in one of her most sacred rituals.
Her bones locked up and her face was frozen in stone. The night guard said nothing, hoping to live to the next night.
Luna's voice turned tone into what she hoped would save face for her and to calm her guard. “For what reason have you stopped my duty as Princess of the Night?"
A soft cough came from the doorway. As Luna turned her head, she found her sister staring at the scene. "Ah. Hello Lulu. It just so happens, that a lot of nobles are going to be bothering you for court later tonight because most of them are awake by now." Celestia gazed toward the guard. "Erm, to you mind dismissing your guard? I want to talk to you privately for a moment."
Luna nodded and the night guard took off before she could say anything. It was almost as if the underside of the armor was wet for some reason.
"Yes, sister? What brinks you to my room at nine?"
"Well, you were screaming bloody murder a moment ago. Literally screaming it, might I add."
"Well—" she blushed "—I met a creature that certainly not of anything we have encountered before. He assumed I was meant to murder him. At least I think it was a him, couldn't really tell without a body of any sort. He was..."
"Good at pushing your buttons?"
"Yes, thank you sister for the metaphor. Then, my guard came in for some reason when I explicitly tell her each night to never awaken me no matter what transpires."
Celestia sneezed, and thought about her life's consequences, "Free rent for a year would be enough to convince a pony. Still, I feel bad about causing her to wet herself in fear."
"Bless you sister. Would you like to join me back to the dream since you are already awake?"
"Hmm. Yes I suppose, just in case it is a threat."
Both laid down next to each other. Focused magic rippled down into Celestia's horn, and moments later, she stood by her sister in the dream realm.
"Look up dear sister."
Her eyes found numerous bubbles of dreams. Thousands, probably millions by now with the amorous population of Equestria. Looking upward rapidly caused a wave of nausea to rise in Celestia's throat. Thankfully, there was a dream nearby, so she ducked her head into it and vomit splashed into it.
Blueblood cried out in agony, as he awoke with what he thought was vomit on him. Thankfully, it was all just a dream.
Making sure not to repeat her mistake, Celestia closed her eyes and once her head was upward, opened her eyes. The largest dream encompassed what appeared to be the entire horizontal size of the dreamscape.
"Sweet Celes— No wait, that's me." She giggled. "I take it that dreams that size aren't usual, Lulu?"
"Definitely not, and you see how it’s pulsating? That's a livid dream. Imagine, what could be happening in there, with the entire size of the dreamscape."
They glanced at each other, and silently agreed they were ready. Luna teleported them inside with a wink, and they were both amazed and terrified at what they saw. Nothing. The absence of everything. Even the being was gone.
"Like it?" The voice came from inside their heads. "I remodeled it in here. It's surprisingly easy to warp existence when it's this small."
They looked at the abyss. And the abyss looked back.
"Come on guys! It took me awhile to figure out that I could even warp this existence! Nothing?!"
And the abyss pouted.
"GAH!" And the two popped out of Frank's abyss.
"But I didn't even get to tell them I decided to keep my joke name..." Frank, the abyss, cried.
Celestia trotted around in Luna's room. Luna was gorging on tens of emergency moon pies. Together, they were making quite a stir in the castle's staff, especially the cooking staff. With two Alicorns stress eating, the world could be in more danger of a famine than the abyss in the dream realm.
"Okay Cel—Celes—Celestia! Water!" Luna rushed to the bathroom and chugged water strait from the faucet to wash down the un-faustly mess of moon pies stuck in her esophagus. "Okay," she belched, "The abyss has the potential to spread all across the dreamscape, and destroy all of our ponies' souls. This of course will cause instant death. OH MY FAUST!"
Celestia looked aghast from Luna's outburst. "Sorry mommy for Lulu yelling out your name like that..." And smacked Luna across the muzzle for yelling. "For Fau— Equestria's sake Luna! Don't use out mother's name like that!"
"Buh, but, don't we have to worry about the abyss now?" She teared up with those big eyes.
Celestia looked away in shame for hurting her sister. "I suppose, but how..."
And famine caused all the food to be imported into Canterlot for the next six years.
Everything stopped. Time itself ceased to exist as Celestia raised her hoof and pointed it at Luna. In her majestic voice, the voice of death itself spoke, "Boop! You're it!"
"What."
"Well, I couldn't come up with anything after eating all the food and food storages in Canterlot, it's your turn."
"But I thought that was just a meta joke! ...I knew I shouldn't have played through the first act on Sonic..."
She thought, and she thought, "Games are always the answer. The meme saying I play games is never wrong!" And then it hit her. It literally broke the window and stabbed her in the side.
"Hueheuheheu..." Discord floated in through the recently added window. "Seriously, instead of destroying your crops with those chompers, just use what you used on me."
"Of course! This is all just a bad dream! Come on Luna wake up!"
Discord facepalmed at the ooc alicorns, "I hate you two alicorns so much! You two are helpless without Fluttershy... and the other five! FU—"
"—CK! I Stepped on a rock!" Twilight's voice yelled out from the darkness. "DICKCORD! Give us back our elements of harmony! Also... sorry about the mispronunciation!"
"What? No it's a typo Twilight." Pinkie said. "But He really is a —"
"Damn it Rainbow. I want to keep a PG rating. Any more cursing or lewd jokes would probably bump this up to PG-13!"
Silence floated around the six friends.
"Twilight. I know I'm pretty stupid, but even I know a teen rating implies at least thirteen."
The looked at her.
Purple Booksmart looked back. "...Shit."
"Alright D-i-s-c-o-r-d, I'm going to call you Chaos, because no one can make a lewd joke about that. Now give us out elements back!"
He stepped out of the shadows with magic arcing around his body. "No can do Twilight, first we got to save the day, because out Princesses over there can't seem to do a thing but make mares wet themselves in fear and cause localized famines."
Fluttershy looked at discord and hid behind Pinkie. Discord put his fingers together and snapped his tongue.
"Ewe, Discord. How uncouth."
"Y-you got spit.. in my mane.. I'm sorry."
"Discord! Stop playing games, I want my tiara, crown, jewel, head ornament thingy back!"
"Yeah! What Twilight said!"
"Buck you Dic—" Twilight shoved her hoof into Applejack's mouth and finished the sentence, "Chaos."
"I'm going to throw a welcome to the dreamscape party!"
[REDACTED DUE TO OOC]Let's just say that things didn't go as planned when he gave the element bearers back their elements. First off, they all got stoned on some narcotics. Luna came in and murdered three foals while on LSD. And Celestia... let’s just say, a tree got bucked.[/REDACTED DUE TO OOC]
Luna accidentally teleported everyone into the abyss.
"Ah my friends, at least I think I can call you that. 'Cuz you know, you didn't try to kill me. I've been trying to say I had a change of heart after the first time you left because—"
Six mares with backup from three demigods blasted the abyss with the elements of harmony, causing red stuff to explode all over the dreamscape. Organs went everywhere and gore rained down upon the mares.
"Did. Did we just commit murder?" Twilight's brain broke.
Twilight broke down crying. Fluttershy couldn't take it with it being all over her coat, she too collapsed and cried onto Twilight. Rainbow fell to the ground, silent, with an expression of horror. Rarity was Rarity with that couch. And Pinkie pie was the saddest of all, about how this crackfic was ruined with sadness.
"Seriously. You all are so soft. Seriously, I want to squish you all. Haven't you ever murdered before? Psh, like it's your first time." Her horn lit up and every pony and draquoneous was teleported out of the dreamscape, because Discord literally put their mortal forms into the dreamscape, what an idiot.
There was however, and addition to the party of nine. An addition that looked like a seapony out of water. He looked around, awestruck at every simple thing. It was almost as if he was new to being alive. The wet spot under him expanded as they stared.
"EEEK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY CARPET?!" Luna screeched at the offender, the new pony that wasn't there a moment ago.
"I don't know. The last thing I remember, is being elsewhere, then I was murdered by six demigods being controlled by five not gods and another demigod, and then, one resurrection later, I'm here. Before you killed me, I was going to say that I decided to be called Frank. Also, I stole the energy of those six demigods to resurrect. I hope that doesn’t ruin your plans in any way."
"No." Luna's voice became calm, and her eye twitched dangerously. "What have you done to my carpet?"
"Well, I've never had a body before. So, I was sitting here, and I felt something bad, so I decided to try to not try, and yeah. Here I am."
Silence reigned.
"You are going to die again."
His eyes lit up. His tail wagged rapidly, spreading a new type of gift on the floor. “Really! You mean I'll finally get to end your existence?! Oh boy! I love my job!"
She face-hoofed. "You do realize, that you're a mortal now."
"Yeah, so?"
"You can't kill me."
"Oh. Well I've always wanted to fall off of a cliff."
"Okay. You go do that."
He ran out, jumped off the castle's balcony and to his death.
Celestia started to notice something, "Luna..."
Luna held up a hoof. "Do not say it, sister. I know he left dirty presents. Tis not his fault however. No matter how mad I get at him, I know that he has been alive for scant few moments."
"So you're not mad at him for soiling all over the floor and balcony and wetting the carpet?"
"Of Course I’m angry! I'll rub his corpse in his sh*t."
A long night later, Discord drops the mares off in their houses with a snap of his claws. He went home to spend the night with 'Shy.
"Fluttershy. Why is this a crossover fic?"
"What do you mean Discord?"
"Well, there’s a Random tag and a Crossover tag."
"Yes?"
"Well, I don't get what this was a crossover of. The story is entirely original. So why is it a cross over story?"
Fluttershy climbs into bed and thinks. Fluttershy yawns. She looks at Angel Bunny, and he looks at her making a gesture of murder by slicing his paw across his neck.
"O-oh, Oh my!"
"D-Discord!" She cries. "The being died! It crossed over to the next life!"
Silence.
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Actual Short Story Idea
====================================================
A demigod is the weakest of all demigods in all the existences he's been to. His humor is droll.
After wiping out all the demigods in an existence he gets moved to a new one. This one however is Equestria.
Luna starts to converse with this being that exists only in the dream realm.
He is determined by the alicorns to be a threat after Luna and Celestia converse the following morning when the sun and moon are switched.
The elements are gathered, the abyss is destroyed, and when they come back to reality, a stallion fades into existence.
The stallion is the demigod in a mortal body.
After making some friends, he decides to go down to the bottom of the cliff, by jumping. Of course there is the corpse, but he comes back saying that there was enough magic to cause his resurrection. He is once again, a wisp/spirit. The spirit shrugs and blushes—somehow. He asks for them to hit him again with the elements to give him a mortal form.
Eventually, the epilogue would imply that he dies often and has to be blasted with the elements often because he is too dumb to keep his mortal body alive.
(Eventually, That stallion would turn into Discord, and become a paradox which creates Discord. How else would Discord come into existance in a universe of perfect harmony?)
[Random] [Dark] [Tragedy?]
(Princess Luna) (OC)
Luna Dies In War
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"P-Princess! Why.." The thestral was on the verge of tears as he looked at Luna's body. It was in a pool of red, staining it forever the shade of blood. The color desecrated the midnight blue that was its original coat color, but at least the mane and tail were safely out of the pool of red.
"Why Princess? Why would you do this to us?! We.. we—"
"Frank," another thestral guard placed his hoof over his comrade’s shoulder, "You don't have to go through with this alone. We have the entire regimen of guards who will have to face the facts as well." He also thought that it was weird that Frank changed his name from Night Light to Frank, but he wasn't going to say that.
"Yeah, b-but..."
"Frank what's my name?"
"What?"
"Just say it. It'll help us both."
"Alright," Frank sniffled, "Night Cleaver."
"Damn no wonder why Frank had his name changed. Thestrals are so uncreative in name choices," Cleaver thought and shook his head. "In any case, we are friends, and we will get through this alive, together."
The platoon of thestrals behind the two friends decided to make their entrance. One of them started to shout, "Yeah, with benefits!" Another complemented this with an extended, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
"Buck you all! We're just friends," Cleaver, a battle scarred guard who had faced off against chimeras when Discord was freed, scoffed his hoof on the ground in embarrassment, causing him to sit back and cross his arms with a frown. "Besides, don't you know what's happened?!" He pointed behind him. "Go see for yourselves!"
The twenty or so guards marched out of formation toward the pit. The red pool was still warm with Princess Luna sitting, unmoving and peaceful. The collective gasp echoed in the private chamber, causing something to happen to the Princess.
Her body started to make noticeable movements. With her eyes shut, she shrank down, further steeping herself in the warm, red puddle. She ignored the cries from her guard.
"How could you do this to us?!"
"Why did this have to happen?"
"Princess... Don't leave us!"
"I... I can't even..." A guard began to sob, holding onto his comrade’s shoulder, and with a massive cry, he snotted all over that very same shoulder. The cry of agony from the snot finally broke the reverie, causing Princess Luna's face to open its eyes.
"Really? My dear, loyal guards, whatever is the matter?" Luna deadpanned. She already knew, but really, they were worse than mares picking out a color of paint for a nursery. "Go on; tell your princess what hath caused such upheavals."
Frank was the first up to bat. "Your Highness, I can't get over the fact that you're dying! Red of all colors, why? It doesn't suit the theme of night at all!"
Night Cleaver joined in. "Blues, blacks, purples, any of those, but red?! What caused this madness?!"
Silence filled the room; the other guards did not want to speak, lest they be punished for being figureheads of the insurrection.
Luna spoke, "Celestia. Celestia is to blame." (LE HORROR!) "It has come to my attention at what dire straits our country is in. She refuses to realize our errors, so we have been at war." She paused. "It is rather luxurious in this bath. Would anypony like to join?" She scanned the crowd. "No, nopony? Ah well, 'tis simply divine. This warm cranberry juice may be rather sour to taste without any added sugar, but the results are so very relaxing."
"P-Princess," Night Cleaver stuttered, due to questioning his Princess, "What war? There has been nothing passed around that would even suggest—"
Luna stood up and walked out of the pool of juice. "Since I had my maids prepare this bath. However, my scribe over there," she paused to wave, "How you doing over there, Scribey?"
Scribey looked offended. "Princess, I am honored that you address me by name, but it sounds too much like a pet name. I implore you to call me Scribe."
The platoon did a double check between Luna and Scribey.
"Yes, well Scribe," she looked as if the false name left a bad taste in her mouth, "is going to be documenting everything for... legal purposes. You all, form rank." They lined up in a triangular pattern with frank at the head.
"I have started war on my sister because she decided to let the most powerful weapon of all go uncheck inside of her country, Equestria." Luna paced around the guards, checking their (plots) equipment, making sure it was in the best of condition. "Cuteness."
The word was spoken so vile that no guard questioned the validity of how it was a weapon.
"Fillies are permitted free use of the 'puppy dog eyes' to throw the outcome of any punishment or decision. If the fillies were to plan and usurp the throne, we would be powerless to stop them. So, I alerted Celestia, but she said that no pony can restrict the abilities of fillies. The end result is this; I have dyed my coat for the trial ahead and to be REDy for anything."
Luna paused at her words. The guards did not move. Scribey stopped writing. A dead fish bubbled to the top of the cranberry pool.
Silence.
"Seriously?! I spent all this time preparing this line, and no pony even so much as smiles?!" Luna stomped at the wasted joke. "I feel dumb." Her anger ceased, and she walked to the doorway with her head hung. "Oh, but the war is actually real as well as how the cranberry juice is luxurious when warmed up, is in fact relaxing—" three more dead fish floated up to the surface of the pool "—SO I expect every pony to be on alert for when the battling starts. It may involve..." her hoof spun around looking for the right word "...Quananananananons."
Celestia sat in the throne room with her niece's baby. For some reason, Cadence had dropped the little foal off here for some reason. Celestia didn't know why, but the baby seemed to enjoy the new attention.
Undenounced to Celestia, the baby smiled evilly as it thought of how it had successfully defended their powers of puppy dog eyes by use of said weapon on Celestia to prevent Luna's request to legally ban such acts of non-violent, overpowered, explosive adorableness.
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Actual Story Idea
====================================================
Luna is dead in a puddle of her own blood due to a war that she herself causes.
Her soldiers discuss her death and their loss.
Literal Princess Luna and Her Throne
[Random] [Comedy] [Dark]
(Princess Luna) (Mane 6) (Celestia) (Nightmare Moon)
Princess Luna and Her Throne
====================================================
Princess Luna was battling a monster in her throne.
"Go Down you ungrateful whelp! I brought you into this word and I intend to force you into a deep dark hole where nopony shall ever find thee!"
The monster fought back, spitting wetness onto Luna's face.
"Gah! Vile beast! You have fouled my face!" A plunger was raised into the air by a violently pulsating, dark blue aura. It began to spin rapidly, spattering fouled liqid all over the bathroom. When the rotation speed was perfect, Luna could feel it, "BEAST! THOU SHALT PAY FOR THINE TREASON!"
All was calm, all was quiet, but then... at speeds faster than light, it created a double helix of swirling airs around itself, causing a vortex of suction to force the 'beast' downward, into the throne.
And then, space-time warped, causing a blue, police box to be sucked into this universe.
The physics denying plunger shattered Luna's throne, causing all the water and porcelain to be flung outwards, punching holes though the bathroom walls and door.
"Huzzah!" Luna yelled as the guards in the hallway were murdered by the shrapnel. "The offender hath been removed faster than the explosion could destroy it!"
Celestia burst into the room with the mane six. She had summoned them en masse due to the dire sounding nature of Luna's room.
"Nightmare Moon! We have come to stop you!" Twilight's back was arched, similarly to a cat's, and the mane six were backed up by the Sun Mover, herself.
A dark, seductive voice chuckled from inside the bathroom.
Celestia yelled, "Twilight! I mean, Magic Book Horse! Use your magic and end her tyranny!"
The six ponies burst open the door to the room that that that led to the bathroom.
The lights were off, casting shadows onto a rather large, fat pony. She had possessed a mare who looked like she had spent too much time playing video games and eating Doritos.
...There was cheese all over her fetlocks.
In response to their stares, possessed Princess Luna cackled, "I have returned!"
"Night Mare Moon!"
"No it is not Nightmare Moon. I have come to Luna in her time of weakness, being unable to flush her breakfast of deep fried bowl of cereal and milk! I tricked her into giving me her body by flushing her wastes! I first possessed the plunger, and then I possessed her! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
No one said anything. After all, how would you react to a possessed goddess, ten sizes too large?
"Oh by the way, since I did not take over Luna with the whole night thing, I guess..." She twiddled her hooves, "I guess I'm actually, NIGHTMARE PLUNGER!" She followed this with another deep, hearty laugh. "I SHALL PLUNGE EQUESTRIA INTO ITS DESTRUCTION!"
All of Equestira's clogged toilets shuddered in fear.
**
Two Months Later
**
"When are you going to release meeeee?" Nightmare Plunger whined. "I don't wannna keep workinnnng!!" She started to cry.
"Well you should've thought of that before possessing my sister. Again."
"Don't eat that apple in front of me!" Her hoof flung outward, flinging the dirty gold all over Celestia.
"Grr. You ruined my snack. Oh, by the way," Celestia's eyes held a mischievous glint, "My other throne's backed up again."
"FUUUUUUU—"
**
Two years Later
**
The first alicorn ran plumber service, Ali-clog Co, had made headway into some of even the worse toilets in the business.
The Crystal Empire Strikes Back with its permafrosted outhouses, however after a laser fought battle with Storm Poopers and other doomsday devices, the Crystal Empire never had outhouses again.
Manehattan was the main place for clogs. Since all the waste from Canterlot joined with the Manehattan poo pipe leading towards the ocean for disposal, all those ponies caused major buildups in the main drain. This in turn led to clogged toilets and constant flooding from overflowing toilets. Clearly, an Ali-clog was needed. On that day, tsunamis were created.
**
A week after the Manehattan Incident
**
She had entered into the private dining hall, looking for a quick bite to eat and a shower. Murdering three toilets possessed by some sort of spirit yelling something about crystals was hard work.
Celestia began to wave. "Nightmare Plunger! Over here!"
"Not now, not sister."
"PleeeeEEEEASE?"
Plunger face-hoofed. "Buck, you sound like a filly." She decided to walk over anyway. On her meandering saunter, flakes of the unspoken fell to the floor and puddles of not lemonade pooled from her hooves. "And what do you desire me for?"
Tinkling sounds were heard from Celestia, almost as if tapping her hooves together, "Oh ehm, you see..." A blush spread across her well-sculpted face.
"A THIRD TIME TODAY?! AHHHHH! DANG IT HOW ANY TIMES DO YOU POO SO HARD THAT IT WON'T FLUSH?!"
She had dealt with it all. The uncloggable clogged by a mess so clogging that it could've only have been clogged by a clogging god. The impossibly dirty, so much so that light could not escape the perfect black(brown) body. The stinkiest, able to melt though even diamonds. But it was her. HER! The one who could take a poo three times a day and clog each time, for two years!
"I SO BUCKING QUIT! AFTER THIS FIASCO, I"M OUT OF HERE, LUNA, YOU TAKE MY LITERAL PIECE OF CRAP JOB!"
A black mist blanketed the room. When it touched sunlight, it burned and screamed an unearthly howl. Diving toward a drain pipe, the mist that was the Nightmare was never seen again, but could be heard from time to time combatting clogs in the sewage system.
~The End
