Real Mares of Genius.

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia
Length: 4971

Let's all just wind down, take a mug of cider, and pat the backs of all the great mares we know.

Honestly, have any of you just taken a moment to really congratulate every pony, creature, or whatever on this show? My guess, no. So why not raise up a mug and give a nice hooray for everypony out there as we give them all a nice, swift, pat on the back.

Based on "The Real Genius" comical advertisement.

Brought to you by Appleloosa Fund for Free Apples for Everyone; as well as the Sugar-Cube Corner fund.

Published 2012-06-09 06:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-31 02:32:38 UTC

Ms. Behind the Scenes Yes Mare

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... Mmmm~~.

On this fine night, we bow graciousness to you, Ms. Behind the Scenes Yes Mare.

Ms. Behind the Scenes Yes Mare~~! OW!

No one sees you, no one knows you. And that's just the way you want it you lone wolf you.

No one gets you, including the audience~~~~!

You could very well be the coolest and most amazing mare in known Equestria. But we'll never know.

The award for most unknown goes to~~~!

But at least you have your sister. What a sister too. Banishes you, ignores you, and doesn't say anything about you ever, yet you still respect and love her. That's devotion.

Somepony needs a little self-esteem~~~!

It doesn't matter if you went mad because ponies ignored your night in the first place, second time's the charm right. Your sister assures you that nothing bad will happen this time; so you agree.

But she's still one foxy mare~~~~!

So take a load off and take it all in stride, oh fox of the night. We may never see you again, but maybe it's for the best we don't.

Ms. Behind the Scenes Yes Mare~~~~! So hot!

Now it's time for a word from one of our sponsors...

"Well--"

That was a word from one of our sponsors...

Ms. Anxious Animal Lover

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... cool~~.

Today, we put up a nice cold one up for you, Ms. Anxious Animal Lover.

Ms. Anxious Animal Lover~~~! Dang!

Look at you: nice hair, winning smile, warm presence, you're the whole package. It's too bad that package includes the personality of dry leaves in a bowl of rice.

EPS didn't sign off on this~~~!

It's not your fault that you're only characteristics are either cranked down to unnoticeable or blown out to eleven; you're far too cute to be blamed for anything.

It's elite to look so sweet~~~!

Don't like what I'm saying? That's alright, you have an army of friends to cuddle up to and tell your woes to. After that, you can go talk to Twilight and your pony friends to act like everything's alright.

Animals are the next best things to pillows~~~!

If that doesn't work out, you can always turn to the horde of boys with pitchforks that have the primal instinct to come to your aide as if you were a spineless cat.

They're kicking down the door as we speak~~~!

So take a load off and indulge yourself with a nice drink, you adorable thing. Celestia knows that's the only way those boys will seem sane to you.

Ms. Anxious Animal Lover~~~! Ya-Wha?

It's time for a word from Twilight Sparkle.

"Self-Examination: The act of looking within at one's own behavior and beliefs. Example: if you are overly jubilant for something or somepony that probably doesn't deserve it, you may want to 'self-examine'."

This has been a word from Twilight Sparkle.

Mr. Hopeless Romantic Flop

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... pshhh~~.

We should really change the title of this show, on account of you, Mr. Hopeless Romantic Flop.

Mr. Hopeless Romantic Flop~~~... he's a boy~~~!

You're one cool dragon; you've got none of the style but all of the quarks. But you still rock it like you've got it.

Sax man's got nothing on you~~~!

It's a wonder how you're still single. We know it's not by choice; at least not your choice.

Shot down like a duck to a dog~~~~!

Again and again you're shot down and shut down. But just like the 80's, you refuse to stay down.

Can you dig it my brotha'~~~~!?

You could always go for someone your own size, speed, or species. But no, you've got your eyes set on that sweet, sweet marshmallow.

Just wanna sink my teeth into that~~~!

So take a load off and kick back with a frothy one, my lizard friend. Because it's a long way to puberty.

Mr. Hopeless romatic Flop~~~! You'll get 'er!

Now it's time for a brief lesson of Dos and Don'ts with Rainbow Dash.

"DO move at super sonic speeds in the sky! DON'T move at super sonic speeds in the house."

This has been a brief lesson of Dos and Don'ts with Rainbow Dash.

Mr. Sister Complex Hero Guy

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... another dude~~.

All at attention only for you, Mr. Sister Complex Hero Guy...

Mr. Sister Complex Hero Guy~~... Lordy!

We all salute to you, and why shouldn't we? You've got the winning girl, who if you were without your world would fall to pieces.

We ain't talkin' bout your honey~~~~!

You fawned over her and taught her from square one. Who cares if you never had a social life? At least she never did either.

Getting with the foal-sitter when the light's out~~~~!

But what does it matter? You won the best bride Equestria has ever seen.

Sister used as a bargaining chip~~~!

And in the end, it was you and your bride that saved the day from an army of shape-shifters.

What kind of power is heart~~~?!

So take a load off and drink one down with the boys, chief. You've earned it. You've walked down the path of matrimony, you'll be needing those drinks.

Mr. Sister Complex Hero Guy~~~! Rude...

Now for an informative science lesson with Applejack...

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

That was an informative science lesson with Applejack....

Ms. Adrenaline Junkie Fan-Girl

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... bow~~.

We act fast with our salutes to you, Ms. Adrenaline Junkie Fan-Girl.

Ms. Adrenaline Junkie Fan-Mare~~~~! Wo~~~!

On the ground you're as fast as an ace farm worker. But in the sky, not even air can keep up with your tail.

Breaking all the rules and barriers~~~!

You put pegasi to shame on whole new levels, and are right proud of it. And why shouldn't you be? You're the best flier Equestria has ever seen.

Equestria equaling Ponyville~~~!

If only your heroes could see your talents. Sure they've seen a great deal of it for a near count of three times, but they just couldn't soak in the awesome.

Fourth to fifteenth try's the charm~~~!

But until that day, you settle for best of your town and title of best in Equestria.

Self apointed titles are the best~~~!

So take a load off and keep stretching those wings, champ. You're the best around, nothing's going to keep you down.

Ms. Adrenaline Junkie Fan-Mare~~~! Woosh~~!

Time for a royal public service announcement from Princess Luna...

"A grave matter has become known by myself. Our Equestria is plagued. Do not be alarmed, I assure thee that your Princess is taking acts against it. But, should thee become aware of how to cure this plight, I beg of thee to bring it before mine own presence. Together... I am certain we will be able to vanquish this growing threat of multitude of trolls. True, I have vanquished trolls in my past, but I had no idea that trolls have multiplied to such levels. These creatures of destruction must be put an end to before they grow too much. I am also sad to say that my beloved sister has been infected by one of these beasts. But, rest assured; I will find the cure to the Troll illness and stop the evolution of my sister into -as it has been dubbed- Trollestia. I thank thee for thy time."

This has been a royal public service announcement from Princess Luna...

Ms. Under-explaining Jester Queen

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... fwoop~~.

Our mornings and mugs belong to you, Ms. Under-explaining Jester Queen.

Ms. Under-explaining Jester Queen~~~! Yow~~!

You can't be blamed if no one asks you about the specifics of a job or even the underlining facts before doing something; that's their mistake.

All there in the nonexistent print~~!

Your student's town was nearly destroyed because you only gave her two tickets? Well she should've asked for more. You would've gladly given more.

Just wanted to see you sweat a little~~~!

You're more then a thousand years old, and have been running Equestria all that time. You deserve a little TLC whenever you want.

Tricks, laughs, and cunning~~~!

No pony in Equestria understands your level of comedy; it takes a thousand years to really enjoy it.

Knock knock jokes are for squares~~~!

So take a load off and sip away at a nice cool one, oh monarch of the mundane. You deserve it, just ask Luna.

Ms. Under-explaing Jester Queen~~~! Hot!

Now it's time for money management advice with Rarity.

"Saving money and spending money are really the same thing you see. If you save money, you still have it to spend later. But if you spend money, you can barter what you bought off for even more money, to which you can spend or save. But whether you save or spend, do so thinking you will spend it all at Rarity's--"

That was money management advice with Rarity.

Mrs. Humanoid Wannabe

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... wikka-wa~~.

With our hands, we raise some mugs to you, Mrs. Humanoid Wannabe.

Mrs. Humanoid Wannabe~~~! Weird.

Two thumbs up always go to you, or at least they would if you know anypony with a single thumb.

No thumb-wars for you~~~!

Who needs to be rich, an accomplished string player, and able to converse with royalty? Only ponies who shoot for the stars have the real smarts, like you.

High-five beats brohoof any day~~~!

Let all those other ponies sit with their bellies to the ground, your flank is the only cushion you need.

Ass is for grass~~~~!

One of these days, you'll get your wish and you'll finally be able to give your wife a big ol' hug.

Does the thumb count as a finger~~~!?

So take a load off like a hipster, oh hoof of the fingers. We'll all be waiting for that fateful day when you final prove humans are real... and are thrown into an insane asylum.

Mrs. Humanoid Wannabe~~~! Kablam!

Now for some wise words with Spike.

"Big or small, it doesn't matter. It all matters on how you use it. And that applies to EVERYTHING..."

That was some wise words with Spike.

Ms. Super-Model Nopony

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... baby~~.

Late at the party and getting down on the dance floor, we chase down a smooth one for you, Ms. Super-Model Nopony.

Ms. Super-Model Nopony~~! Hacha.

Somebody call a cop, because it must be a crime to look that good. You've got all the right curves in all the right places.

Somebody call 911~~~!

Not a curve on you goes unnoticed by your fans and admirers. That's why your restraining order stretches from Canterlot to Ponyville.

Not just boys on that list~~~!

But none of that bothers you, you've got your career to worry about and stay focused on. Only you can take care of your pivotal job, your highly important work... only you.

So important we don't even know what~~~!

You hang off of Fancypants like your his scarf, so everypony in Canterlot knows you. But your name is another matter.

Hey look it's that girl~~~!

So take a load off and take down that drink, oh babe of the unbeknownst. Because you'll always have a place with us... from 9 PM to 12 AM on the week nights.

Ms. Super-Model Nopony~~~! Mmm!

Now for stress relief with Twilight Sparkle.

"Stress. We all have it, some more than others. But we all have ways of dealing with it. Now I'm sure your way of dealing with it is very effective for you, but I've devised a highly effective way. Let me explain so you may be more prepared to deal with stress:
First, you must collect your thoughts and keep a cool head. This is by far the most troubling part, but I'm sure you can do it.
Next, loosen up your limbs and neck muscles. Just let yourself go free without a care in the world.
After that, take a moment to open your mind and take in all the things around you. The chirping birds and soft gusts will be your soothing tone.
Finally, part yourself away from everything around you and just lay down. Take a moment to just let yourself go.
See? It's simple. And to make it more simple, I've made an acronym. Collect, loosen, open, part. CLOP. So remember everypony, if you're ever stressed, just CLOP."

That was stress relief with Twilight Sparkle.

Little Mr. Swashbuckling Crumpet Eater

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... yo-ho~~.

On the seven seas or on the yard, we raise or mugs to you, Little Mr. Swashbuckling Crumpet Eater.

Little Mr. Swashbuckling Crumpet Eater~~! Blimey!

But why should we stop at just raising our mugs? Let's have everyone raise up their meed in honor of you.

Next round is on him~~~!

No parents, teachers, or anything can tell you what to do; rules are for the spineless and gutless.

Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free~~~!

When you want to though, you can make any filly sway with your sweet, sweet accent. You even get a few mares with that silver tongue and dialect.

Go show ol' chap~~~!

Morning or noon, the ladies all belong to you; but not at night. At night, you belong to a special mare indeed.

Mommy's little sea dog~~~!

So take a load off and drink carefully, oh milk drinker. Because the day will come when you don't need to be tucked in and you can rule the nights... as long as it's before eight o'clock.

Little Mr Swashbuckling Crumpet Eater~~~! Yar!

Now it's time for a brief lesson of Dos and Don'ts with Rainbow Dash.

"DO pour milk in your sugar cereal. DON'T pour Red Pegasus into your sugar cereal."

This has been a brief lesson of Dos and Don'ts with Rainbow Dash.

Ms. Silver Tongued Houdini Hat

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... Zvarri~~.

No matter the time of day, we lift a cold one to you, Ms. Silver Tongued Houdini Hat.

Ms. Silver Tongued Houdini Hat~~... WOUWA!

Trottingham, Las Pegasus; It doesn't matter where you go. The stage doors are always open for you.

"Dude I'm totally with those guys~~~!"

When you hit the street, no pony can keep from looking at you and all your flash.

Where's that baloney smell coming from~~?

And when you talk? Please. The audience goes just nuts.

Seriously? Does anyone else smell that baloney~~?

You could convince the wind to stop, the sun to set, and anything to move. You're just that good at lying.

Good thing too since your magic blows~~!

So take a load off and pick up a book on magic; Celestia knows that it'll do your act some good. Both on stage, and off.

Ms. Silver Tongued Houdini Hat~~~~! Jamon~!

And now, a brief word from our sponsor.

"You sure I--?"

This has been a brief word from our sponsor.

Mr. Shadow-weaver Letdown Guy

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... shwa~~.

We've got a few spare minutes, so we give them to you, Mr. Shadow-weaver Letdown Guy...

Mr. Shadow-weaver Letdown Guy~~! Dis!

You can take over a kingdom, rule over ponies with an iron hoof, and do it all in relative easy.

Did that kingdom even have a militia ~~?

Those that first bested you only made you more powerful. They gave you omnipotent shadow control and an intangible body.

What could you do before that~~?

Nothing could stop you in a million years as long as you tuck that crystal heart away from the people.

Seriously~? Is heart categorized as a power~~?

And how smart you are. Placing the heart in an unsealed room on the top of the tower anybody could reach? Genius.

Thank Celestia there were no pegasi~~!

Until we meet again, stretch out and grab a frothy one, duke of the disappointment, we'll see you next time... And there'd better be a next time...

Mr. Shadow-weaver Letdown Guy~~~! Utinni!

It's now time for a special word with Princess Celestia.

"...Praecipuus..."

That has been a special word with Princess Celestia.

Little Ms. Primed Pressed Priss

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... bwaaa~~.

At this hour of juice break, we raise our juice boxes to you, Little Ms. Primed Pressed Priss...

Little Ms. Primed Pressed Priss~~!

Little fillies and colts spend their days counting jacks and marbles. But you? You spend it counting bits. That's rich.

Money buys us happiness~~!

What does it matter you only have one friend your own age? You have your cutie mark; that makes you an adult.

But still too young for the want ads~~!

But, if anyone ever gives you trouble, you can go cry to daddy. He'll make all the mean ponies go far, far away; right?

Daddy's a bit of a dandy~~!

It's going to take the other students in your class years to find their cutie mark. Having to work in mud, shops, and all around the world? Who needs life experience? Not you. You were born into it.

I've seen hotter flanks on a piggy~~!

So kick your hooves back and relax, kid. You've got nothing in your way, and nothing behind you. Frankly, you're pretty well nowhere.

Little Ms. Primed Pressed Priss~~!

Now, dealing with change by Twilight Sparkle.

"Hi, Twilight Sparkle here. Recently, I've gone through a lot of emotional things that have changed my life in a big way. My brother, for one, had just gotten merried. This effected me in a lot of ways. But I'm here to tell you that I handled it well. I am here to tell you that I didn't show up drunk to the bachelor party. I did not beg my brother to have an affair with me. I did not plant drugs on his wife to have her get arrested. I did not pay a changeling to take her place after I tried to murder her. I did not sneak into their bedroom and record them so I could edit it so it would be me sleeping with my brother. All of these things, I did not do. And I am better for it."

This has been dealing with change by Twilight Sparkle.

Ms. No-Nonsense Fruit Kicker

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... mamma mia~~.

As a sponsor of us, this is one mighty respectful raise we bring to you, Ms. No-Nonsense Fruit Kicker.

Ms. No-Nonsense Fruit Kicker~~~!

Skills pay the bills, and no one has more skills than a Third-Generation Apple Farmer.

Banjo music playin' in the background~~!

They said having a market on just one item alone was a stupid idea. Who's laughing now with the endless acres of orchard land?

Let's play monopoly~~~!

Sure, you could use even a little bit of the money you make to pay for help on the farm, but that would just take work away from the family. And family, is everything.

Pony Freud would have a field day on you~~.

When ponies come to try and sell you an idea to make your business more 'efficient', you send them packing. Only an Apple knows how an Apple works.

Still hearin' that banjo~~!

Now, relax under the tree, o' land lady of the plantation. We honor and respect you completely... so don't hoard the apples.

Real Mares of Genius... Django~~.

It's time for Life Lessons with Luna.

"Greetings, loyal subjects. I am princess Luna. Today, I would like to lay upon you a great truth on my magical control. For those of you who are gifted with the magi arts, please draw a piece of parchment and a quill for yourself to take upon my words in note. Hence, some would say I have a deep rooted hatred that brought me to use dark arts and nearly drove me from my sister. This is true. However, look upon me now. I am now a poised, diligent, and respectable force of good. Would you care to hear my secret?"

" I'M ALWAYS ANGRY!"

This has been a Life Lesson with Luna.

Ms. Party-Happy Killer

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... Pa-chow~~!

Today, high in sugar content, we lift a shaky one of sweet lemonade to you, Ms. Party-Happy Killer.

Ms. Party-Happy Killer~~... SPLA!

You are known for two very important things: partying hard, and getting ready to party even harder.

This Friday night do it all again~~~!

Your parties are the stuff of legends. If the ancient gods were around today, you would be their party planner easy.

Hawkules is hittin' on Aphrodite~~~!

But everybody better watch out about keeping promises with you. You're true to your word, and the word is 'break it and you die'.

That's more than one word~~!

You've hunted down ponies through dangerous situations to make them pay for a Pinkie-promise. But it's the only sane thing to do, really.

Sane as a mental patient~~!

Please though, take a load off and kick-start your system with a few hearty shots. You don't care about your blood sugar, so why should we?

Ms. Party-Happy Killer~~! YEAH!

Now, time for "Team Safety" with Shining Armor.

"Hey there everyone. Today, I'm going to teach you some very important rules on team safety. But, since the lesson could take hours, let me sum up the most important rule. In the field of battle, there are two very important parties. Team A and Team B. Each one is VERY important to the mission's success. Team A's main priority is to start the mission, finish the mission, and capture the objective. Team B's priority is to carry out the reinforcements of the enemy, support the flank of the safety, and fend off major obstacles.

"Now ask yourself: do you want to be on Team A? NO! Team A gets all the attention and nine times out of ten end up having friends and family kidnapped or worse to get to them! They also have the highest listed number of mental traumas from listening to emotional stories or having to listen to that ONE member of the group with the troubled past. You know who you are! Stop whining! Team A is not a death sentence, it's a sentence to having no life ever again!

"So, you must want to be Team B, right? WRONG! You join Team B, you may as well paint a target on your back! You're the ones who're going to die! You're the ones that the enemy will be using all their kill moves on! You're the ones that're expendable! No one cares if you die; you're the meat shields for Team A. Sure, they never say it; but you feel it... You feel it. Your life is pointless and you know it! The very best thing you'll offer to the field is making sure Team A will have a body to walk over to get to the final boss.

"Do you want to know what the lesson here is? Join Team C. Everyone likes them, they're never in danger, and they get to make funny cracks whenever they feel like it."

This has been "Team Safety" with Shining Armor.

Ms. Cliche Arachne Boss

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... pada-pa~~.

Hopefully we raise our glasses to you correctly, Ms. Cliche Arachne Boss.

Ms. Cliche Arachne Boss~~... shooow!

We mean no disrespect to you, oh royal one. But a woman of so many faces is hard to keep track of at times.

Too many face lifts to keep track of~~!

We fail to see a reason to why you would transform anyway. Beauty is only skin deep, and you're beautiful on the inside.

Strut your insides through your holes~~~!

Bug? Fairy? Spider? Who knows or cares. You're one of a kind.

Any RPG would say different~~!

Your plan for conquest of a single city was nearly flawless until your power source was turned on you.

Still don't know how heart is a power~~!

Now draw out some new attack plans and ready yourself for another round, queen of the creepy; your army is mighty... but only when they take on anything else's form.

Ms. Cliche Arachne Boss~~! Shamone!

Now, time for a brief history lesson with Trixie...

"--And do not let anyone else say differently. The truth of the matter is that Trixie did indeed create the Elements of Harmony when she was bored."

This has been a brief history lesson with Trixie...

Ms. Superficial Pseudo Riche

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... yeah~~.

On this day, we take our hats off to you, Ms Superficial Pseudo Riche.

Ms Superficial Pseudo Riche~~... WOO!

You go girl, drop whatever you're doing so you can go hang around high class ponies that can't even remember your name. It's what you want that really matters.

Unity starts with "U"~~~~!

It doesn't matter if one of your friends is well off, it should always be you first.

Talent always goes before team~~~!

Only you have the stitching talent to slap a single piece dress together for your best friend after you made dozens of dresses for yourself before hand.

Her own passions are never out of fashion~~~!

It's funny to laugh at others' dirty laundry, but when it's yours -flapping out in the morning wind for all to see- that's going way too far.

That standard has two different spots~~~~!

So take a load off, and drink a nice tall mug, hoarder. You'll always be a vigil for us to remember what's important: Ourselves.

Ms. Superficial Pseudo Riche~~~~! Oh YEAH~~!

Now a quick word from our benefactor...

"...I didn't pay for this..."

That was a quick word from our benefactor...

"I thought I was paying for Riceicles."

Little Ms. Failed Love Song

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... Uh-huh~~.

On this walk in the playground, we give a nice wave to you, Little Ms. Failed Love Song.

Little Ms. Failed Love Song~~~ Boy that's long!

Your sis is the toast of the town from Ponyville to Canterlot -heck- all of Equestria. But what about you? Why, you can sing like none other.

Her pipes reach from beach to beach~~~!

Too bad you don't feel like sharing it with the world or even a small audience of ponies from your small town.

Boo and hiss and boo some more~~~~!

But don't worry, singing isn't your only talent. You have a flare for those intimate moments of the suave and l'amore.

He's speaking fancy now~~~~!

Just look at your smashing success of Cheerilee and Macintosh's union. And by smashing, I mean crashing into a wall and damaging too much to be measured.

Here comes the bride all dressed in lies~~~~!

So take a load off, and keep sipping at your juice box little filly. Because this is an adult drink, and you're too little for it and fielding love advice.

Little Ms. Failed Love Song~~~~! Aye-aye!

Now for a brief history lesson with Trixie...

"--Trixie then turned the Changeling army into ashes and was crowned greatest Magic User in all of Equestria!"

That was a brief history lesson with Trixie...

Ms. Neurotic Overacheiver

Ms. Neurotic Overacheiver

Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...

Real Mares of Genius... chicka-cha~~.

Today, we raise am nonalcoholic one to you, Ms. Neurotic Overachiever.

Ms. Neurotic Overachiever~~~! Shhh~~.

Chill pills are for ponies with a problem, and you're not one of those ponies. At least that's what all your medical books and self-prognosis and examinations say.

She's as stable as a fault line~~~!

Exercise? Fitness? For you? Hah, what a crazy thought. The only muscle you need is your brain.

Can't even open the door without Spike's help~~~!

Besides, you're a student of a Princess. A. Princess. That's a big achievement. And only a mare like you knows about the importance of achievements.

Gamer score in everything is top percent~~~!

Let all those other ponies get sun and socialize. It's you reading books on "Radiation" and "Sociopaths" that will have the last laugh.

The irony is staggering~~~!

So take a load off and keep skimming away at those books, prude. Because when the world is coming to an end, you'll know you left nothing to regret.

Ms. Neurotic Overachiever~~~~! PWN~~~.

Now it's time for a life lesson with Fluttershy.

"The world is a very unsafe place. With sicknesses, injuries, murder, paper-cuts, combustion, shrapnel, fear, poison, drowning, lightning, ice, slapstick, fan-fictions, lawyers, sharks, dub-step, pitfalls, drive-by-shootings, roaring rapids, falling rocks, meteors, just to name a few... So good luck."

That was a life lesson with Fluttershy.

"And don't even get me started on flora."