Life and Death

Days have passed in this cell and nothing has changed. I am still trapped, still alone, and I grow further emaciated and maddened by the day. Granted, the food is less nauseating than it was the first day, but it still requires a great deal of effort to force myself to eat it every day. The pains of hunger are certainly much worse than the pains of eating this horrible food.

Infrequently, voices have started whispering to me. I remembered reading somewhere that all ponies slowly lose their mind in solitary confinement. I suppose minds lost in thought, like my own, are destined to descend faster into madness than most.

I looked up with my gaunt eyes and my face more solemn then it has ever been. My ears were perpetually drooped and depression rolled upon me, breaking me down like waves on a beach. I searched for that precious stone, the only thing that gave me hope in this darkness. I clutched it carefully between my hooves and held it to the light. It glowed dimly, but had since lost most of its luster. Everything is dying here. This place… is not an average jail. This place must be where the most hardened criminals go to die. What did I do to deserve this?

“What does anypony do to deserve this,” I whispered beneath my breath. I tossed the rock at the far wall, wanting to be free of the images it conjured. Whenever I held it, I saw the most magnificent images in my mind’s eye. I saw images of the most beautiful arrays of colors, reflecting and refracting, like the works of a famous painter. I desperately wanted to be there, to be out of this dingy, dark, hell that I lived in.

A voice rung out in the silence: purgatory. My muse fired up at that familiar word. If only I had known just how right I was. I let out a deep sigh, hoping to release my emotions in the process. I really am in purgatory. But what do ponies in purgatory do? Do we just sit here and wait to pass on, or is it possible to do something about it. Another voice rung out: true stallions don’t settle for chance, they define it.

I sat for a minute and pondered those words. They sounded so vaguely familiar, like a voice from the past, just recently brought to light. True stallions don’t settle for chance, they define it. I repeated it in my head slowly. In my mind I saw a ray of light and things began to make sense to me once more. My mind was immediately brought to probability: If something has any chance, even though most imperceptible of probabilities, if you do that thing enough times, you will have come closer to success than if you did nothing. There is no guarantee that you win, but at the same time there is no guarantee that you will lose. You have to play your cards so that fate is on your side.

Everything began to make sense and I began to feel a strong energy vibrate within me. For the first time in days I could see clearly again. I knew what I had to do. If I don’t leave here, I die. However, there is not one soul that would miss me if I died here. To everyone, I am already dead, so what difference is it where I die? I have no one to live for but myself now. I have the opportunity to choose my own fate now, so why not die trying? If I fail, nothing has changed and the inevitable has been achieved. If I succeed, then I am a free pony. Trying is clearly the only way.

“I choose to live,” I proclaimed as a newfound strength coursed through me. I had never felt this confident before. I will know nothing but success.

I trotted to the edge of the cell farthest from the portcullis. I stared it down for a second, pondering the situation. I have no other option. As hard as it will be, I must break this gate down. I reared my head and snorted, trying to get my blood pumping faster. I started dragging my main hoof against the ground, trying to prepare myself. It’s now or never. I let myself loose and charged and quickly as I could. There was not much distance to the gate, so I tried to pick up speed as quickly as I could, but before I knew it, my nose was close to slapping against the steel so I quickly twisted my body and attempted to slam myself against the bars.

A loud thud rung out and a sharp pain entered my side as I collapsed onto the floor. As I slowly struggled to get back on my hooves, I turned my head to assess the situation. The gate had stopped me cold, and I left only the slightest impression in one of the bars. Hardly any progress, but at least I know these bars are not invincible. Perhaps they can actually be broken. I let out a whine as I got up, struggling from the sharp pains in my side. As I got up, I walked a few paces to assess my own situation. Well, you can still walk, and it doesn’t feel like anything is broken. Perhaps I can still muster more round against this portcullis.

I pulled myself back to the far wall, slowly recovering my stride with each step. I can’t just stop after one try. Once simply is not enough. I tried to loosen my muscles and get myself ready for another round. You’ve got this. Freedom will be yours. I could see it in my head: Equestria with all of its color and beauty. I glanced at the stone I threw before and I saw the map glinting in the light. I felt a wave of inspiration as I forced my sore body to charge once more. As I rapidly approached the barrier, I quickly twisted my body, this time in the opposite direction, and sent myself barreling into the gate again.

Another dull thud reverberated through the complex. My entire body felt like it was on fire, and I could barely force myself back up. I looked expectantly at the bars, but my heart dropped. They are still there, and I can’t even see any additional damage. I limped back to my bed, luckily nothing was broken. Perhaps charging isn’t the best way to get out of here. I mused on this obvious conclusion for a few minutes until I saw a glinting padlock in the corner of my eye. That must be the lock that holds it shut. I paused for a second, processing the situation. Wait just a second, maybe I could find a way to pick it!

I frantically searched around for something to pick the lock with, and after a few minutes of searching, I found two thin rods that would suffice. But I don’t even know how to pick a lock. I only have the vaguest notion on how locks even work. In my head, I visualized a key and examined it carefully. I saw the notches, and after pondering the key for a minute, a pattern began to form. Wait, so locks have pins in them… and keys have notches… so what if each pin corresponds to a notch and the point is to get the pins to match the positions of the notches in the key. I stared at the two tiny rods I had laying on my bed. What if I bent the tip of one these rods so that it had a nice sharp angle to it… then I could more easily reach the pins… like a key!

I picked up one of the rods and began pressing one of the ends against the wall and after a few moments of pressing, it began to resemble the tip of a key with its angled point. However, I still had looming doubts. But how would I press all of the pins in at once? I vaguely remember reading somewhere that ponies can pick locks with only two rods… I was slightly disheartened, but continued to puzzle over the situation. There has to be an answer… wait… what I used the other rod to twist the lock, that way the friction would hold the pins in place. A chill went down my spine as I shuddered in anticipation. I might actually be able to do this! The knowledge flowed so quickly to me, like I was remembering an old manual. Perhaps, in a way, I had prepared for this day in the past. Perhaps everything we do prepares us for days like these.

I clutched the newly fashioned lockpicking set and limped my way over to the gate. My body still felt like it was on fire from my duel with steel. I dropped the picks carefully by the lock, sat down and positioned myself. I clutched the hooked pick in my mouth and the straight rod between my front hooves. Here we go… to freedom!

I jammed the straight rod into the lock and began twisting it until I couldn’t twist it any longer. I bent in and carefully inserted the pick into the lock and began feeling around. I heard the soft clicks of metal on a metal, and when I pushed, I could feel the pins move. Excitement bubbled inside me. This is actually working! I carefully moved down the line of pins, pushing them, while still twisting the rod to maintain friction. Every now and then I could feel one of the pins not come back down after being released. One step closer to victory. I twisted a little harder to maintain the pressure on the pins. Without notice, I heard a snap and my hooves flew forward. The pick flew out of my mouth in the tumult and when I looked in my hooves, I saw that my rod had broken.

I just sat there, with my mouth agape, as despair flooded my body. I… I was so close… freedom was only an inch away. As I sat there contemplating the situation, anger flooded over me.

“No!” I yelled out, “I chose life! I cannot fail now after coming this close to victory. It can’t end like this.” I kicked the door out of frustration. With every step, my anger grew. How could you do this to me? I pleaded to fate, hoping that somehow, fate would respond. I was so close, only to be let down. You can’t tease me like this! I will not lose.

I walked to the far wall one last time. “I will not lose,” I repeated aloud. I visualized Equestria basking in sunlight, and I knew what I had to do. I charged down the gate with all of my force and speed, this time not caring to shift my weight. I ran the gate head on with no fear or doubt. Within moments a loud thud echoed as my head collided against the steel bars. Raging pain filled my entire body as everything faded to black and I collapsed onto the cold concrete.