John's Smokefilled life

John Peterson, United States, New York. 9:30PM.

"Alex, Where the fuck are those snacks?" I yelled to my roommate.
"Calm yo tits' faggot, They'll be ready in a minute." Alex shouted back.
I rolled my eyes, "Quit bein' a queer-bate ya damn asshat."
"YOU QUIT BEIN' A QUEER-BATE YOU FUCKING SMELLY COCK LICKER!"
20 Minutes later
"Damn faggot, Took you long enough." I said to Alex as he walked into the room, The damn kid was so short. Like a fuckin' midget.
"I'm gonna kick you in the damn balls you smelly faggot." Alex seemed pissed, Probably because he's always pissed. Goddamn baby man.
Alex proceeded to throw the shit-smelling snacks he had made onto the table, Microwave pizza. Which was burnt. And some expired soda he got out of the trash.... What a fucking hobo.
I decided to piss him off more, "Yo Alex, You still into that faggoty pony-shit? You goddamn child."
Alex was furious, He turned to face me, "Don't call it child shit you damn nigger black dog! Choke on this faggot!"
Alex shoved the soda can down my throat, I gurgled and tried to scream... But i couldn't.
I managed to hack the thing up. I grabbed my baseball bat, And Alex threw his pony toys at me. I grabbed his Twilight Sparkle doll and smashed the thing to shit.
Alex fell to his knees and commited suicide.
Then i walked out of the house.
And wen't for a job interview.
I also smoked weed with snoop dogg on the way.
At the job interview
I was getting a job as a pizza delivery man. When it was my turn, I stepped into the room. It turned out to be a pony delivery service.
The room was full of pony toys, There was also a sign that read "Friendship is Magic" with a faggot ass rainbow on it.
I was confused, "Dafuq is this shit?" I kicked around a few toys.
The boss turned to look at me, "How dare you kick our gods!" He exclaimed.
He crawled to his toys and kissed them. "DON'T WORRY, THIS MEAN PERSON WILL NOT HARM YOU!"
I facepalmed, "Nigga, You got issues."
"Shut yo' face."
"SHUT YO' FACE CRACKA!"
I grabbed his pony toys and threw them out the window. I flipped the faggot off and lite his office on fire.
They all died.
Back at the apartment
I returned to my apartment.
As i entered my apartment, I noticed that Alex's body was gone.
Just then, My clost busted open.
AND IT WAS ALEX, HE WAS A ZOMBIE!
"hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrurrrrhhhhhh" Alex groaned, I kicked the faggot in the nutsack.
"Oh fuck." Zombies don't feel pain. I'm fucked.
Alex bit my penis off and i died of blood loss.
"You would go for the penis, Faggot." I died shortly after that sentence.