John's Smokefilled life

I woke up in some weird colorful ass town, Wait.. I'm back here again. GOD DAMN IT.
A bunch of ponies were gathered infront of some old ass pony, There seemed to be an announcement.
"Citizens of Ponyville, A strange two-legged creature, Belonging to a race named 'Humans' Has appeared recently, According to reports from Twilight Sparkle, He is very dangerious. And collected her tears in a cup. He proceeded to call himself a 'Badass' It may be a signal to signal outside species to attack us. It is advised that you avoid him at all costs."
Just then, I threw a fucking tree branch at her.
"Bitch nigga - you don't fuck with me and ask these pony niggers to avoid me bitch" I took a quick piss.
"And leme tell you somthin' bitch-ass, You fuck wit' me, And you won't wake up from yo' next nap." I said, with a serious face.
JUST THEN!
A huge ass cheriot appeared outa fuckin' nowhere, Seriously! What the fuck is with this shit? Fucking teleporting ponies?
The cheriot touched down nearby, It was carrying some white-as-fuck giant pony.
With long ass rainbow coloured fucking hair.
'Must be the queen of Faggot-ville.' I lit another blunt. Weed is needed erry' day.
"Yo white bitch, Get some fuckin' sun ya faggot." I yelled to the ugly ass pony, While smokin' mah blunt.
The pony seemed pissed the fuck off, Like her face turned red... Is that even possible?
"YOU DARE SPEAK TO ROYALTY IN SUCH MANNER?" The huge pony screamed at me, But i had zero fucks to give. Because 420 nigga.
"BITCH NIGGA, ILL BEAT YO' ASS TO A FUCKIN' PULP IF YOU DON'T SUCH YO' BIG ASS MOUTH-" The pony used her horn to cast a spell, When suddenly, Snoop dogg came outa nowhere and punched her in the face.
"Drop it like its hot." Snoop Dogg then flew away.
"Was that Snoop? Must be smokin' too much weed." I lit another blunt, Two is always better than one.
Meanwhile, The white pony as on the floor groaning. In pain i guess. How should i know?
"That's what yo' bitch ass gets for fuckin' with John."
Just then - the same purple pony with that whore dragon on her whore back approached.
"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" The pony shrieked.
The purple whore turned to face me, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
I put on a 'pshh' Look, "I didn't do nothin', It was Snoop Dogg. Tha nigga came outa nowhere, Like most of you faggots do, And kicked her ass."
I took out a blunt and handed it to the purple pony, "Want some weed, Ya whore?"
The pony took it and fumbled with it, 'They don't know what money is, And they don't know what weed is? This is one fucked up place.'
I had to facepalm, "Put it in yo' mouth dumbass."
The pony inserted the blunt into her mouth.
"Now, I light it and you smoke it." I lit the blunt with my trusty lighter.
The pony choked and coughed, "Ew! what is that?"
"Weed, Ya idiot. It makes ya see cool shit and makes you feel good."
The pony whined, "But it tastes horrible!"
I shook my head in annoyance, "BITCH YOU DO NOT CURSE MY GOD." I tried to upercut her, But she cowered in fear.
I laughed, "That's what i thought."
I looked over to the 'thing' i had kicked with my shoe, "You wan't somma this?"
'It' shook 'it's' head.
I punched 'it' in the face.
"Then get yo' ass outa here. This is my town now faggot."
The other ponies ran in fear, "Bitch, you're with me." I grabbed the purple pony.
The pony whined again, I fixed it with another punch to the face, "Betta shut yo' mouth if ya wanna keep that pretty face intact."
She stopped, Thank god.
I dragged the pony over to where the old ass pony had given that shit speech, "Oh, A microphone."
"Testing testng, 1.2.3 Testing, Works? Good." I paused for a moment.
"Listen up, You colorful faggots, I run this shitty town now. So i'm laying down a few rules."
"Rule number one, Everyone is required to smoke weed everyday."
"Rule number two, Nobody fucks with John."
"Rule number three, You are not allowed to leave. If you try, You will feel the wrath of Snoop Dogg, A.K.A The god of weed."
I looked over to the white pony, "Dispose of the angry bitch at once."
The ponies did not obey, "NIGGAS, I SAID DISPOSE OF THE BITCH! UNLESS YOU WAN'T SNOOP DOGG TO KICK YOUR ASSES TOO!"
The ponies flinched, They carried the white pony to a cliff and threw her off of it.
I smoked weed the entire fucking day. And the purple pony is my fucking pet now.