Starlight sighed as she trotted towards the castle’s balcony. Pinkie Pie asked her if she was really, really, really sure she wouldn’t come to the little party they were having for Rarity’s birthday. Starlight gave a simple ‘yes’ and trotted away. Pinkie frowned at her for a moment, exchanging looks with Twilight, but she returned to dancing with Rainbow to the blasting music that Starlight still could hear from the balcony.
She liked them. Things had been different since she’d been accepted into their little group. Well, group is what she called them in her mind for the first couple of weeks anyway. But they were more than that, and Starlight found that peculiar — it wasn’t like her village; it was what she’d always wanted to have there actually. Starlight eventually understood they were a family — even if friends, they were a family. They stayed together, no matter what.
Ponyville itself was so different from her village. It was the total opposite. Everypony was different from one another, but still they respected each other so much and lived with harmony! Starlight was surprised to see that — nopony abandoned another and, even after all the awful things she had done, Twilight’s friends and the princesses accepted her there. The ponies in the city waved ‘hello’ to her everyday. It could be considered perfect by anypony.
Not that she wasn’t grateful for it… but even with all this… “love” Starlight was receiving, she still didn’t feel right. Starlight had seen herself totally destroy Equestria. She could’ve ended every life on the planet changing the past. Nopony aside from Twilight knew about that final future they’d seen… the one which had opened her eyes. And still gave her nightmares. Twilight had kindly decided not tell anypony that future.
Starlight gave another sigh. She was now standing there in the balcony, leaning on the railing and looking up. It was snowing. She felt cold, but didn’t care. She looked up to the stars, wishing that everything she’d done had never happened. She felt alone, but she didn’t want to change that.
Starlight looked down on the little city and blinked. “I don’t deserve it,” she whispered to nopony other than herself before she heard a voice.
“Starlight…?” a mare’s voice called her. She turned to see Twilight trotting towards her with a worried look on her face. “I saw you leaving and I thought I… I’d come here to check that you’re okay.”
Starlight blinked for a moment, seeing the princess trot to her side and sit there. She frowned, “Well… I… it’s nothing, really. I mean, you’re being kind. Isn’t Fluttershy supposed to be the kind one?”
Twilight giggled, shaking her head. “Don’t be silly. I might be the Element of Magic, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about my… friends.” She smiled at her.
“Well, thanks for the worrying. But nothing is happening. I’m… just too tired for parties. No offense to Pinkie.” Starlight bit her lip. The pink pony was way too friendly and Starlight liked baking with her. She actually made better things than the awful muffins Sugar Belle made. But the constant partying… too much for her.
Twilight gave her a frown with a pout. “You always say that.” She paused to see Starlight avoiding her worried look. “You said it at the Hearth’s Warming party Pinkie threw too. You said that when I invited you to go to the spa with Rarity, me and Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed. Starlight turned to her with monotonous look. “You can tell me anything, you know? I won’t laugh, and I will listen. Okay? I am your friend… you know that, right?” she asked with a little smile.
Starlight hesitated for a moment. “Y–yes.” She smiled and lowered her head for a few seconds and then looked up to Twilight. “I’m… just… feeling… weird.”
“Weird? How?” Twilight asked raising a eyebrow.
Starling did not know if she should say it. Would the princess understand her point of view? She sighed and decided she’d been keeping it in her chest for too long. “I am just feeling… alone. Even with all my new friends, it feels like I don’t deserve to be here, you know? Not after what I did to all of you. To E–Equestria. It was wrong…” Starlight bit her lip.
Twilight widened her eyes. “You do deserve it, Starlight. What makes you think you don’t? I… I forgave you for everything you did. You don’t need to feel alone.”
“It’s just…” Starlight tried to hold a sob, but she let it out, along with one single tear. “I… don’t feel at home. I’ve never felt at home. You… you have amazing friends” — she smiled at Twilight — “you understand them. You like… no, love them! Y–you are the Princess of Friendship… you’re important and everypony here loves you.” Starlight looked back at the starry, snowy night sky. “While I… I am just a pony, I’ve made many mistakes and… I don’t understand why they like me. I don’t feel like they actually do. I’m glad they are trying, but…” — she sighed — “I just keep feeling alone. As if nopony cared about me. Like all this was fake. I just wanted to feel at home for one time in my life.” Starlight finished, lowering her head.
Twilight bit her lip and became quiet for a few minutes while Starlight let it all out. “I–I…” Twilight hesitated once Starlight turned to her, a little trail of tears was on her face. “I am sorry,” she said simply. “I… I understand you and I’m sorry that I never asked this sooner.”
Both mares stood in silence, until the alicorn spoke up again.
“When I was in Canterlot I never had friends you know… I didn’t care about friendship, really. Celestia and Spike were my only friends… well, Moondancer, Colgate, Twinkleshine and Lemon were… but I never cared about them. Until Celestia sent me here.” Twilight shook her head with a giggle remembering old memories, Starlight listening to her story. “I didn’t feel like I was home. I was away from everything I ever knew and at first… I found this idea very stupid. In the first weeks, after we defeated Nightmare Moon, and Princess Luna was okay, I got to know the girls better.” She sighed dreamily. “Then I realized… they were nice. And… weirdly, I felt better here. Better than Canterlot. Everypony was so nice and helped each other. I was home.”
Starlight smiled sadly. “I never thought the great Princess of Friendship could have had a hard time making friends!” Both giggled.
Twilight then looked to her and finally spoke. “Well… I know it might be hard and things may look grim for you… but don’t give up. Alright? You have made friends. And I can say the girls love you! Pinkie loves your cupcakes! Fluttershy likes how you care about animals! Rainbow loves to challenge you and Applejack always like some extra help in the farm! Rarity also adores to have a new model to test out her dresses on.” She smiled brightly at the other mare. “And I… like to… read books with you and just spend time with you. This castle needed one more. It was starting to feel a little empty, you know?”
Starlight nodded. “Yeah…”
Twilight sighed, relieved that now her friend had stopped crying. “Don’t think you don’t deserve it, okay? Because you do. If you ever feel alone… I’m here for you, okay?” Twilight said warmly and Starlight widened her eyes, blushing a little. “I mean… hehe, me and the girls are here. Heh.” Twilight giggled nervously.
Starlight giggled a little. They both stood in silence for a while, looking out at the starry sky and the calm snow falling. Twilight extended a wing and embraced her with it, not looking at Starlight, just enjoying her company.
For some strange reason, Starlight felt alright under her wing. She almost felt… home. Starlight smiled.
After a long time, Starlight spoke up. “Thank you, Twilight.”
Yes, she was home.
