Author's Note
This story is my tribute to NC Mares' story arc titled "Night One" as found on their tumblr ask blog "Never Be Royals." The questions, quotes and most everything was copied directly from the tumblr posts, hence the intentional bad grammer/spelling.
Night One
Upon royal decree, Princess Twilight Sparkle is to spend at least one night each week at the Canterlot Castle. This decision has been decided upon by the Royal Diarchy to assist her in the duties of a princess during her off time. It is during her first night when a simple question arose from the darkness. A question that would shake Canterlot to its very foundations.
“How is the title of ‘best princess’ going to be determined?”
The silence is palpable as the Royal sisters stopped suddenly. Celestia’s magic releases an empty container of ice cream, letting it clatter to the floor.
Luna glances over at Celestia. “Good luck, dear sister. Thou will need it.”
Nodding in agreement, Celestia manages a weak reply of “As the peasantry might exclaim under such circumstances, ‘It. Is. On.’”
Another cry arose from the darkness, one aimed at the royals.
“What, exactly, is ‘on’?”
Nosing about a small freezer for another carton of delectable frozen dairy treats, Celestia responds to this voice that seems to control the destinies of the royals, “Luna’s just taking things too seriously… again. She’s probably in her chambers right now, getting all pumped.” Delectable dairy dessert treat acquired, she leans against the wall. “Fear not, my little ponies—I’ll defend my title. We ended up with quite the mess last time, so Twilight’s escorting the staff to their quarters. It will be quite interesting to see how she fares… Princess Cadance ought to be arriving within the hour, but if this “contest” plays out like the last, then she’ll miss the whole thing.” Celestia’s final words ring out through the Castle, calling out a challenge to her beloved sister. “After all, Luna’s bark is worse than her bite…”
”What does the guards and castle staff do during these times? Is there a special evacuation protocol in case of alicorn powered pillow fights?”
Nodding to the faceless voice, “As soon as Luna went to her quarters, I knew that it was time to defend my title. I had Twilight escort everypony to the emergency shelter before any pillows flew. Poor things—they’re probably terrified at the sounds of it all…”
Unbeknownst to the parties involved in the fight to determine best princess, the palace staff is well prepared for such an event and bets are quickly placed, with Twilight being the favored victor. As bits continue to change hooves and ponies cry out to place their bets, the battle rages on above them.
~~~
Nervously, Twilight finds herself seated across from her mentor, pillow affixed to her horn. With her mane pulled back, she is ready for the battle that looms on the horizon.
“I’ve told you all that I can. Good luck,” Princess Celestia’s voice calmly whispers its way across the floor.
“But, Princess, this is ridicu—”
“Good luck, Twilight.”
Looking to the weapon upon her head, she wraps it in her magical aura, a slight grin splayed across her face. Confidence soaring, she prepares to launch the projectile at the alicorn seated across from her. A responding fwap echoes across the small space between mentor and student as Twilight is blasted back by a surprise attack launched by Celestia. Eyes flying open with her victory assured, Celestia shows no mercy to the one whom has spent countless years under her wing.
Fleeing before the onslaught of pillows can find their way to her, Twilight finds a brief refuge in the Castle’s library. Galloping down an aisle, she skids to a halt before the reference section. Magic racing along her horn, she removes a small and unassuming book. Frantically, she flips through the pages of Pillow Fighting for Dummies: a Reference in an attempt to try and gain the upper hoof on the immortals that she will have to battle. With a plan formulating in her mind, Twilight takes off down one of the numerous halls within the Castle, collecting as many pillows as she can. A blueprint of the Castle is pulled from her memories and she quickly makes her way to a strategic post, using her magic to fling the pillows into a defensive blockade.
With her hastily constructed pillow fort, Twilight waits. For what, we may never know. But one thing is known: another question was asked. One that the masses cried out to be answered.
”Why do Twilight wear socks? Is it cold?”
Having grown used to the ethereal voices crying out with questions, Twilight doesn’t bat an eye as she calmly responds. “Cold? Not at all…” Her answer is cut short by an incoming down filled projectile. Taking cover behind her fort, the pillow clips the tip of her exposed horn, ripping the bottom asunder and leaving a few feathers gently floating down in the quiet. Without hesitation, she uses her tail to flip a pillow up before rocketing it toward her unknown adversary with a rather strong pomf, as she finishes her response, “I just wear them because they’re super CUTE!
As the hastily fired pillow falls short of reaching its target, Princess Celestia dons a wicked grin, ready to return the pillow to its rightful owner. Before the return volley can be fired, a thunderous explosion rocks Celestia as a hidden Party Cannon™ detonates its charge, showering the area with streamers and confetti. Both princesses look on in awe as Twilight whispers incredulously, “Pinkie hid one of those in my PILLOW?”
Unbeknownst to the two warring factions, the Princess of the Night is making her way to her chambers in preparation for the pending battle. Using her vast, potent magic, she sips coffee while responding to more questions from the mysterious souls dwelling within the aether. These ones are about socks. Voices rising in a great cacophony, Luna continues her easy pace, dark hoodie and comfy socks ready to be replaced for the battle hardened armor that awaits.
With the battle raging on, Celestia glares at the hovering form of Twilight, pillow firmly grasped by her magic, ready to be launched at her adversary. “It sounds as though Twilight Sparkle continues to hold her own. Impressive… Most impressive,” Celestia says grudgingly, gazing out of the hole in the side of the castle at Twilight’s figure. A resounding crash echos throughout the castle as a dark, armored form appears. With a dark laugh, a voice rings out, “Behold the terror! Behold the Night!”
Rolling her eyes, Celestia shouts back, “Luna? Take that ridiculous thing off before someone sees…”
“Silence! Now, behold…”
FWAP!
FWAP!
Not even three words into her magnificent speech, Luna finds herself on the receiving end of a barrage of pillows flying fast and furiously. Magically propelled and enhanced, they pile up on the Terror of the Night with numerous Fwoomps.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have given her that replica helmet for her birthday…”
“The enchantment’s working, right?”
“She’s not going anywhere. You did well to survive this long, Twilight, but now…” Celestia begins before the faint sounds of a rumble increase to a deafening dissonance.
“... Princess?”
“I do believe Cadance is here.”
And the battle was joined.
~~~
“The pillow fight to determine who is ‘best princess’ has now raged for 247 days. Fillydelphia lies in ruin while the Equestrian population has been fiercely divided, everypony siding with one of their beloved princesses. Pegasi are all but grounded as their precious feathers are harvested in an effort to fuel the conflict. The contest has affected everypony, but it is not over. I will be the best.”
Looking up at the pink alicorn before her, Twilight remains resolute in her convictions.
“Really? We’ll harvest pegasus feathers?” Cadance asks, a hint of sarcasm laced in her tone.
“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t!” Twilight shoots back
~~~
As the train screeches to a halt, a devious laugh booms from within the crashed carriage before the door is blown off and sent flying back through the roof.
“Sunshine, sunshine…” the voice begins, a shadow looms over the cowering Twilight. With her horn aglow with the potent alicorn magic, Cadance steps into the fray.
“Now, AJ!” Twilight screams, the element of surprise on her side.
With a flick of her tail, Applejack launches the pillow she’d been carrying about into the air. “Howdy princess-princess-princess!” she says with her smooth, twangy voice. Cadance can’t help but look on in horror as the impending assault has caught her completely unawares. Forelegs braced, Applejack unleashes her enhanced earth pony strength, connecting with the pillow. As the pillow breaks the sound barrier, carrying Cadance with it, the subsequent sonic boom is felt throughout the entirety of Canterlot. In the stillness that followed, a faint voice with a southern drawl can be heard to say “Yee-haw! Get some, yer majesty!” With Cadance removed from the picture temporarily, Twilight turns to the faceless voices crying out from the aether, clamoring for attention and response.
“Wait, if you’re allowed the use of minions doesn’t this open up the entire Royal Guard?”
“Isn’t that cheating just a little bit bringing in outside help for this pillow war?”
Of course not all of the voices feel the need to ask questions. Rather they are more fashion focused and looked to what the ponies were wearing.
“AJ IS WEARING SOCKS. THIS IS THE GREATEST POST FOR THIS BLOG EVER.”
“AJ looks better in socks than the princesses. But that’s just my opinion, I reckon.”
“Howdy. Thank ya kindly” Applejack says with a smile on her face.
Twilight however, feels that the seriousness of the situation needed to be addressed. “I don’t think you realize how dangerous Cadance is. And no one said that I couldn’t bring Applejack. Plus, I personally enchanted those socks, so she’ll be perfectly safe as well.”
Looking at the wreckage of Cadance’s arrival, Applejack asks, “Did that train bust through the ceiling? Y’all don’t mess around, Twi.”
Shaking her head, Twilight uses her magic to place her pillow on the crown of her head with Applejack simply flipping it up to carry it. With the cacophony growing in volume, Twilight is quick to point out her reasoning behind bringing Applejack. “I would have brought everypony else, but I figure Applejack is the only pony that would survive this. Rainbow’s fast, but she’s not Celestia-fast. And Pinkie’s an earth pony, so she could take a hit, but when she sees Celestia and Cadance I don’t think she’ll be having much fun anymore.”
~~~
With a resounding boom, a prismatic pegasus crashes through the roof on a separate part of the castle, intent on discovering the truth. “How could you bring Applejack instead of me? What kind of princess are you?” she screams at the billowing dust cloud, which completely covers the pony she tackled upon her landing. Rainbow Dash’s eyes grow ever larger as the mare in question stands up to her full height. She realizes her mistake as a massive pair of wings spring open, clearing the swirling dust and revealing a massive horn upon which a golden crown is situated. Ears laid back, Rainbow sits down, stunned. “Uh… I’m sorry,” she says with a sheepish grin.
Ears picking up the distant boom, Twilight turns to Applejack. “What was that? Applejack, you didn’t tell anypony, did you?”
After the dust had cleared, Rainbow turns around, wings extended. “I’ll deal with the farmer. You send your student to detention.” With those words, the battle is joined with an ally to fight for the Sun.
~~~
With Cadance joined—and socks donned—she takes a moment to respond to the voices crying out from the aether. Ones in particular that concerned Shining Armor joining in the fray.
“Alright. Now every princess will get a companion? Let me guess. Cadance will get Shining Armor as a living shield? And Luna gets Flufflepuff for some reason? XD”
“So who are Luna and Cadance going to bring in as their ringers?”
“CADANCE HAS SHINING ARMOUR AND THE CRYSTAL PONIES”
“Just keep the brother/husband out of the situation, it would be really unfair for him to pick sides.”
Rolling her eyes, Cadance decides to settle this issue once and for all. “As if he could choose between me and Twilight. Besides, he took an oath. He won’t harm a princess.” As she walks past a magically enchanted pile of pillows with a midnight blue horn poking out, she offers, “Hey, Luna,” by way of greeting.
“Cadance,” is the only reply she receives from the trapped Princess of the Night.
“Besides, I don’t need any help,” Cadance says, voice full of confidence.
The voices continue to clamor and vie for attention, with the ones chanting for Luna’s release quickly overpowering the rest. Emboldened by the cheers and cries resounding from the aether, Luna pleads her case to Cadance, “You see? The commoners demand our release! And the children love me! Think of the CHILDREN!”
Grimacing as she pins a note* to the pillows, Cadance replies, “Sorry, Luna. I just don’t consider a ‘delay in my swift, inevitable and utter annihilation’ all that appealing… Got any spare hoodies?”
Luna’s voice booms out, seething in rage, “You DARE request a lunar hoodie?”
“Mm-hm.”
“What of a loan?”
“Mm-mm”
“... Very well.”
“I just can’t believe you got caught monologue-ing again. I figured you would have learned after I nailed you last time…”
“Silence, Cadance!”
“Throw in some socks and you won’t hear another word…”
~~~
Clang!
Celestia drops the spoon that she was using to eat her ice cream. Trotting down the halls, past the wreckage of the train, Rainbow Dash is by her side. Responding to taunts from the aether questioning her loyalty, she angrily replies, “Hey! I’m always there for my friends even if some tree ate my awesome element. Celestia just recognizes my radicalness when certain other princesses don’t!” Looking up at the massive alicorn, who is now slurping the remnants of her ice cream from the tub, Rainbow continues, “And have you guys seen this pony? She’s totally huge! She also promised not to banish me for tackling her. And cake. She promised cake.” Looking back to Celestia, she asks, “Also, what’s with the train?”
“Cadance wished to make an entrance.”
“Oh…”
~~~
The final showdown begins. A champion will rise. Among themselves, the mighty alicorns battle for supremacy—ripping apart their own castle in the process.
And They Fought…
Four Alicorns. A Pegasus. An Earth Pony.
Until It Was That None Could Stand…
BOOM!
Nopony Saw Who Was the Last to Fall.
All were Awaited None Were Witnessed.
“This isn’t over, you know. It will happen again. One of us will wrest the now-technical title of ‘Best Princess’ from Celestia. It is only a matter of time…”
Pillows lay strewn about the castle in various states of wholeness. Sitting upon her throne with her wings extended in a display of dominance, Princess Celestia gazes at the wreckage before her. Confidant in her abilities she waiting for another challenger to appear. “One word… one word about my appearance…”
~~~
With the castle more or less in shambles the princesses eye Twilight’s home for night number two…
Fin.
* The note reads: Rest in R.I.P. sweet princess. Lovebutt is 100x better
~~~
A single voice call out in the darkness....
”Is Applejack alright? She’s not hurt, is she?”
Far away from the wreckage of the Canterlot Castle, another story unfolds. One that tells the tale of wearing enchanted socks for too long. But that, dear readers, is a tale for another time.
