One Minute Admiring Failed Advertising
“One minute brother. Is that... is that our favorite Apple I see?”
“Why I do believe you are correct brother! I would recognize that lovely scowl anywhere, so trust me when I say that this is indeed our sweet AJ.”
Flim watched as Applejack’s eye twitched, and a sense of dread filled him. They had noticed throughout the night that the young mare’s stand had been having a decent bit of business, so they had thought a takeover may help them in their own plans. This was, of course, going to be easier said than done.
“Shove off you two. I’m not going to put up with any of your tricks tonight.”
Flim raised a hoof to his chest, touching the slight faux gold embroidered into the hem and trim of his regular outfit. “Tricks? Do I need to remind you that we are not school colts, but-”
“You are.”
Flam frowned and tried to step around the cart, only to find his path cut off by the stand swiftly being moved to the side. “Miss, your fine establishment seems to be having a balance issue. You don’t want it to topple over, do you?”
“If it’s on you, I wouldn’t mind.”
Flim took a sharp breath in, the butterflies in his stomach coming back from when the two had first spotted her almost two hours ago. “Oh come now. Don’t you wish to be kinder than the tacks in your namesake? It has been almost a year since that… enhancement fiasco.”
“You mean that stupid gel you put in my apples that started causing them to explode?”
Flam slammed a hoof onto the counter, scowling. “You can’t prove that.”
Applejack slowly moved her hoof onto Flam’s, pressing down on it while the elder brother groaned in pain. “I think the rest of Ponyville would still gladly back me up, just as they did when we ran you out for the fourth time.”
Flim sidled up beside his brother before gently wrapping his hoof around Applejack’s and trying to release her hold on his brother. “Good memories, each and everyone of them. However, I think Flam and I have spent far too much time reminiscing tonight, and really should get going. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Applejack turned between the two before sighing slightly. “Yes, you should.”
Flam scowled slightly as he pulled his swollen hoof back. Just as he was going to speak though, Flim wrapped a hoof around his neck and pulled him away. “What are you doing, brother?”
“Saving your rump.” The two separated as they mixed into the crowd; Flim ignoring Flam’s glare. “Part of being a good spokespony is knowing when a sale has failed, something you still haven’t learned.”
Flam huffed, but soon hung his head down low. “I’m just… tired. Getting forged tickets to this wasn’t easy, and the fact that we still haven’t managed to get a single backer-”
Flim wrapped a hoof around his brother’s shoulders, sighing as he thought about the events of the night. He looked around, scowling at the crowd of what was supposed to be sponsors, and feeling another flutter in his chest when he noted the apple sign that stood above the other ponies. “You know what? We’ve had a good past few years in all honesty, and, by now I think we deserve to enjoy ourselves. Besides, you are obviously in no mood to try to sell something new, and special.”
Flam looked at his brother for a few moments before scowling. “Are you serious? We don’t have anything new yet, unless...” His scowl switch to a look of shock, just before he started laughing. “Wait, do you mean those things you call inventions?’
Flim took in a deep breath, shaking off the insult as best as he could. “Yes. Those.”
Flam chuckled to himself. “You know what? Sure! It’ll be one of the best scams you’ve ever pulled off, if you get it to work. Heh, when it doesn’t though, I bet I’ll get a kick from the aftermath of your mistakes.
The younger brother narrowed his eyes and curled his lips down. “Go relax, brother. You’ve had a long night, and you may soon say more that you will regret.”
Flam ran a hoof through his moustache before turning and stomping away. Flim bit into his cheek, watching his brother trot into the crowd. He knew that they had both had a rough night, but he never liked leaving his brother when they were on bad terms. But he’ll never support my little machinations, will he?
The yellow stallion sighed to himself as he walked through the crowd, slowly making his way towards the nearby forest. While they had forged tickets that would keep them safe, they didn’t want to add any unnecessary risks by parking their signature car in public. Well, that, and neither of them wanted to pay for parking.
After almost an hour of shuffling about in the trunk of the cider maker and pulling out different parts of his small machines, Flim screamed into the air, throwing loose parts onto the ground. He panted for a few minutes before sitting down on the trunk and pulling out the only one he really liked: a small black screen with lights within. He flicked it on, putting on Program One. Immediately flashed to life, with the message, You’re awesome, Flim!, displayed in bright yellows, oranges and reds.
For a few minutes he stared into the lights, switching through the programs slowly, most of them being words of encouragement. He had used the board in the past to give him light while working on other things at night, which was about the only time he could without his older brother’s mocking. He flicked it over to number ten, a program he had forgotten about.
Buy our wonderful cider: Three Bits a Cup!
The marketing side of Flim’s brain finally snapped back to life, and he held down the buttons three, eight, and nine Shortly after, he heard small beep , and the screen was filled with different options for which program he wanted to play with and lots of effects he could add to them. One caught his eye; one simply named, loop.
After another half hour, he loaded a couple of his other machinations into a large bag and started walking back into the gala. The night was still fresh for the Gala as it didn’t end until the sunrise, which only made Flim all the giddier. As long as he could get past this first step he would have hours to prove his devices’ effectiveness. Of course, that first step had him almost sweating bullets from nervousness as he walked back into the garden party.
“Excuse me, Miss Applejack?”
Applejack started to turn around to the gentle voice, only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of Flim. “Leave.”
“Please, no-”
“Leave.”
Flim gripped his hat against his chest, wrinkling the straws. “Look ma’am, I am not trying to cause you problems, so please, please listen to me.”
He watched as Applejack seemed to consider his offer. The apprehension within himself was one of unfamiliarity. He hadn’t had to be this submissive in a long time, especially in a sales pitch. This made him all the more thankful as Applejack’s eyes began to shine, a good sign for his cause. The hoof that slammed down onto the table was not though. “I will not fall for one of your acts this time! Now, leave!”
Flim stood there for a few moments, taking a deep breath in as he sucked his lips in. He could tell her that she was making a scene, and that him leaving would only escalate it, or even go for the threat that if she didn’t listen to him, he would escalate the scene himself. He wasn’t here for such a thing though. The young inventor had merely wanted to show off his skills, and threatening her would do nothing to help him towards that goal. “Alright miss. I hope you the best of luck with the rest of your night.”
He hung his head low, trudging his hooves along the ground. While he knew shouldn’t have been surprised, it didn’t make the sting of rejection hurt any less. Looks like Flam is going to get that kick he was hoping for.
“Flim, come back over here.”
Flim’s head popped up, his eyes shining as renewed hope filled his chest. “Well Applejack, for you convenience, I won’t go into the deep technicals, but this board could very well change your-”
Smack!
“Talk to me like an actual pony, or they’ll be no sale.”
Flim put a hoof against his cheek before looking down at his board. A few more blinks and a swallow, and he was ready. He hoped. “This board is a Flim brand original. The purpose of it is to show messages that you can quickly cycle through, so as to allow you to not have to always talk through your prices.” He flicked the device onto loop, and immediately it started showing the names to different goodies on her cart.
“With it’s bright lights, and the fact that it turns the lights off in between programs, it is specifically designed to make sure ponies notice the names. It even,” Flim paused, using his magic to pop out a stand that was part of its back, “can be easily propped up if you don’t have a way to hang it. And for you, a trial use of it for the night is free; as a show of good faith.”
Applejack bit into the side of her cheek as it switched over. The hum of the electronics within could be heard if you listened close, but for a first of its kind, such a problem was to be expected. She then tested its weight, part of her tongue sticking out to the side. “And you’ve got no funny business planned, right?”
Flim shook his head. “The only thing I can hope for is that you allow yourself to be open to trying more of my products throughout the night if you find that satisfactory. Promise.”
Applejack looked out at the crowd while biting her cheek. “I don’t have a power source for this.”
Flam pulled out a small brick-like generator out of his saddlebag with six plug ins. “This is admittedly one of my brother’s contraptions, but,“ slipping a metal band around his horn that had a wire to feed his magic back to the machine, “this should be able to power all of the things I want to try tonight.”
Applejack propped the board up and watched as Flim slowly fiddled with the programming, adding the prices to each of the messages, and allowing her to check. The farm mare nodded with each one, until they got to the new program ten. Homegrown smiles: ZERO BITS!. She smirked at that and Flim grinned back. “Looks like even I can get one. I didn’t think that would be possible.”
Applejack laughed for a moment before shaking my head. “Well, I’ll admit, this side of you isn’t half bad. You should show it more.”
Flim stopped, happy he was taller then her as he furrowed his brow, as it made it harder to notice his confusion. This side? Luckily for Flim, Applejack was getting business that night, so he had time to think while helping her out. No matter what he went through though, he couldn’t figure out what in the world she could mean. “Maybe she isn’t into presenters?”
“Hey, Flim, what was that?”
He froze for a moment before scratching the back of his head. “Oh, nothing, promise”
Applejack rolled her eyes, and Flim let out a sigh of relief, happy that she hadn’t actually heard him. “You’ve been spacing out too much. I thought I would bring you back to reality so you could make your next offer.”
Flim was only just getting out of his daze, so he barely noticed the hoof that was pointed over to one side of the cart. Currently, three nobles were staring at the advertising board, watching the prices, with the newest member gasping at the next transition that came. Flim felt a rush within him that he hadn’t felt for a long time, and it stopped him as he put a hoof to his chest.”
“Are you going to start spacing out again? I already said I was curious about what you might have next. I could have sworn you would leap at the chance to do something more.”
Flim blinked rapidly as he shook his head. “I’m, yeah, just… give me a moment or two to set it up please.” He rushed to the side of her cart, hurriedly pulling out different components for what may be his next experiment. He had of course tested all of these himself, but he knew what their problems were, problems that he still hadn’t quite fixed. He had at least two more though that he knew should work.
“Okay. That should do it.” Flim stepped away from his invention and waited for her response.
Applejack looked over with a glimmer in her eye that raised Flim’s spirits almost immediately. Once she saw the contraption though, that shine vanished. “It’s a fan.”
“To a casual observer, it’s just a fan. However, when I do this, “ Flim quickly laid down a bit and threw an apple into a juicer that was connected to the fan, “it becomes so much more.” It only took a few moments before the fragrance of fresh apples filled the air.
Applejack’s eyes widened as she, and others, began to stare at the machine. “How is it making it so easy to smell it?”
Flim tapped against the fan. “How it works is that the juices are spread onto the blades by small holes that are almost impossible to see. It then blows the smell from that juice out into the air, while hopefully not splashing anypony.”
“Hopefully?”
Flim paled as he realized that he had relaxed too much, just before chuckling slightly, and reaching into his bag. “Sorry, it was only meant as a small joke. Promise. Besides, don’t you want to see what I can do with this?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow at the plate she was being shown, before trying to push Flim’s hoof down. “I would rather hear about this hopefu-”
A cold sweat broke over Flim’s body as he let out a powerful, forced laugh, cutting Applejack off as he quickly got to work, stretching his magic out as he moved some of the top shelf cupcakes and put them on the plate. Before he put the plate back down though, he set down a small base with a peg sticking up, which connected to a hole in the plate.
“Flim, talk to me.”
Flim beamed at her as the plate started to slowly spin. “Oh, yes of course, you need to know what this extravagant system does. And trust me, I would only break out this beauty for my favorite mare.” He quickly put a hoof in front of the fan, nodding to himself as he only felt the slightest mist come off of it. “Now, as plain as it looks, this plate is very integral in creating synergy with the rest of the machines, and-”
Applejack stepped closer. “Flim, talk to me like a normal pony, remember?”
Flim tried to stop, but his fears were rising with the closing proximity to Applejack, and he felt his old instincts taking over. This fear was only amplified as he noted the plate was off kilter, and accelerating at a much greater rate than it should. “Oh, I remember ma’am, but you must understand that to explain the glory of this machine, I need to fo-”
“Call me Applejack, and look me in the eye when you talk to me.”
The hurt tone to Applejack’s voice caused Flim’s magic to waver, which made reaching with his magic to stabilize the spinner all that harder. “My apologies, Miss Applejack-” He found his neck being wrapped around by an orange hoof, just before he was pulled down, now mere centimeters from Applejack’s face. She smelled like apples to him, and his magic faltered as the confusion in him built.
“Call me Applejack, please.”
“O-Okay... Applejack.” looking deep into her eyes, he had barely managed the words out, something unheard of for a presenter like him. For a young inventor though, the next moment was not.
A loud pop resounded from the spinner as a bad wire in it shorted out, and the plate went crazy, spinning faster and faster. Most of the cupcakes on the plate went flying at the ponies that were standing around the cart, splattering them with icing. One cupcake fell straight into the open juicer though, and it was not long before a dreadful smell filled the air.
“My word, what is that smell?”
“I do hope those aren’t your apples miss!”
Flim found himself falling to the ground as Applejack quickly got into a heated debate with the social elite about his claim on her apples. She was so angry at the moment and it was all his invention’s fault. He knew better than that though. An invention was only as good as their creator, and this was simply another example as to why he was a con artist. As anything else, he was doomed to fail.
He allowed the lessons he had learned as a con artist, and abandoned his items, deciding that a better reputation was better than a few worthless trinkets.
======+++++======
Flim sighed as he sat on the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, looking down at his journal and trying to figure out what to put down. Or, more accurately, trying to figure out what in Equestria had just happened. Normally, the salespony was so much calmer in panic situations. In fact, usually it was his job to come up with the solutions then.
But with her… it had been different. The image of her smiling at him while everypony else was looking at his automated advertiser came back to mind, and a smile forced itself onto his face. In that moment, he had been a success. No lies, no plans, just… working. Flim put one hoof on his chest as it tightened, and a tear came down his face. Looking at the droplet, he whispered, “W-why?”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
Flim looked over, spotting his brother as he climbed onto the car. The older stallion had red wine down the front of his shirt, and a scowl on his face. With a shake of his head, the younger stallion cleared his depressed demeanor, and even laughed at his brother. “I’m guessing romancing sponsors continued to fail for you?”
Flam sat down, already beginning to charge his horn. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? How about you? Did your night get any better?”
Flim bit into his cheek before shaking his head, remembering the fight that he had almost caused before he ran off. “Not really. Sorry bro.”
Flam frowned. “Well, at least help me get the engine going than.” Once the two had their magic pumping into the machine, Flam pulled out a brown package from one of his saddlebags. “By the way, some idiot messenger mistook me for you. Thought I would make sure it got to you in case it was something important.”
Flim raised an eyebrow at the square, before tearing open the paper. Staring back at him was his advertisement board, a small letter, and the familiar message of, Homegrown smiles: ZERO BITS!. A tear came to his eyes as he stared at it, knowing it had to be from Applejack. It was the letter though that was the final nail in the coffin that made him begin to cry.
Dear Flim,
Tonight was surprisingly nice. When you aren’t trying to cram a product down somepony’s throat, you can be a pretty good worker. If you can make more things like this, I think you might just have a shot at an honest living. I might even have a reason to want to see you again then if you decided to drop what I hope is a facade, instead of tonight being the needle in a hay stack with you.. Still, thanks for making tonight more interesting, and for at least trying to help.
Best of luck,
Applejack
“So, what is it?”
Flim smiled as he tucked the letter into his jacket, not letting a sign of his thumping heart show. “Just… just someone telling me what they thought of a pitch.”
“Think it could lead to anything?”
“Maybe… just maybe.” That was all Flim would give to his brother on the matter, deciding to simply stare at his board as he finally figured out what the fluttering in his chest was, even if it scared him like nothing else ever had.
Author's Note
This was written four months ago, and meant to be a collaberation between me and an artist, and the start to a larger project. The first chapter to a possible sequel had even been written. However, when the artist and my editors booth stalled on their parts, and sooner or later became entirely silent to me, it got lost at sea. I haven't been doing well though, and decided to dredge it up so I had another thingy to produce, especially with how proud I was when I wrote this. I hope you all enjoyed it, and have a nice day.
