Venenum Iocus

by kudzuhaiku

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Romance, Adventure, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 198343

Two intrepid adventurers go off to investigate the Scariest Cave in Equestria

After the events of The Weed, two brave, intrepid adventurers go off to investigate the Scariest Cave in Equestria. They will discover a secret from the past that will have an impact on the very future of Equestria.

An entry in the Weedverse.

Published 2016-01-12 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-01 16:17:09 UTC

Twilight Sparkle has an egg

It was strange when things changed while you were away. When Tarnish had first come to Rock Haven, there had been no train station. When he had left to return to Ponyville, still no train station. Coming home with Maud and the rest of the family, there had been a train station. Life had a funny way of making changes.

Near the train station, something was covered in a dull brown tarp. Something large. Tarnish eyed it as they approached, trying to guess what it was. It was a bit large to be a wagon, though he supposed it could be.

Twilight Sparkle breezed past him, her horn glowing, and Maud pulled up beside him. He came to a stop and stood there, waiting, watching, wondering what was beneath the brown tarp. He tilted his head a bit and saw that Maud was beside him, her head cocked to one side, also studying the mysterious shape under the tarp.

With a showpony’s flourish, Twilight circled the tarp once, twice, and then a third time, a broad smile upon her face. It was clear that she was enjoying this a great deal, and after everything both Maud and Tarnish had suffered, Twilight wanted to see them happy.

“Tada!” Twilight yanked the brown tarp away and revealed—

A silver egg. There was no other way to describe it. Tarnish stared in astonishment at the strange looking silver egg with four wheels. It was an egg and it was silver. He blinked a few times, not quite sure what it was that he was seeing, and then, at a total loss for words, he reached up and scratched his head.

“The ultimate in ultramodern luxury travel. One streamlined travel wagon. It’s a bedroom and a research hut on wheels. It’ll be great for both of you.” Twilight extended her wing and pointed at the trailer, showing it off.

“That’s going to be too heavy to pull,” Maud said in a voice that conveyed no emotion about the situation whatsoever. “I do not mean to offend, but I think I’ll be happier with a standard buckboard wagon.”

“Wait… wait, hear me out, okay?” Twilight smiled at Maud and then rapped on the travel wagon with her hoof, which produced a metallic thud. “This is aluminium and steel… I know it seems heavy, but compared to a standard four by eight buckboard, this is much, much lighter. A standard buckboard weighs about five hundred pounds with all of that wood. This weighs in at just under three hundred and fifty.”

Beside him, Tarnish heard Maud make a peculiar inhalation sound.

“This also has storage compartments. I haven’t seen those up close yet, so I don’t know much about them, but I know that you will no longer need to carry big, heavy, waterproofed trunks to hold your gear. Those trunks are heavy. This will hold everything you need.” Twilight looked at the wheels and made a gesture. “You’ll notice that the wheels aren’t made of wood, but of a light alloy and have solid rubber tires for traction. They won’t break and aren’t subject to stress like wood can be. They’re also lighter. The wagon also has better suspension making it easier to handle and better brakes for maneuvering up and down hills. It also has a locking differential that only allows it to roll in one direction, should it be needed.”

Maud moved away from Tarnish’s side and began to circle the wagon.

“Inside is a bed just big enough for two, storage compartments, it has a window as you can see, a locking door, water storage, it is a home on wheels.” Twilight fell silent and waited as Maud circled around her and the wagon, having a look.

“Just under three hundred and fifty pounds you say?” Maud came to a stop and peered at Twilight through half closed eyes. “And it’s sturdy? It’s not aluminium foil?”

“It’s sturdy enough. It’s airship grade aluminium. There’s not very many of these yet. The manufacturer is trying to make camping a luxury experience for the very wealthy. He’s having trouble selling these. They’re very, very expensive, as you might imagine.” Twilight pounded on the hull again. “It’s insulated too, so it isn’t just bare metal on the inside.”

“Huh.” Maud turned and looked at the wagon. “I think it’s starting to grow on me. It isn’t much to look at, I suspect that in the field it is going to get dinged and dented quite a bit, but there is a certain charm to it.”

“I want to see the chicken that laid this,” Tarnish said.

Twilight struggled to keep a straight face, snorted once, made a strange sound deep in her throat, and then unable to stop herself, succumbed to laughter, a wide smile upon her face as her eyes twinkled with merriment.

“It’s aerodynamic… that will help with the wind dragging on the trailer and making it harder to pull. It’ll also keep it from blowing over. It’s kinda tall.” Maud’s dreary deadpan stood out in sharp contrast with Twilight Sparkle’s bubbling laughter.

“The original design was meant to be hung under an airship gasbag,” Twilight said, offering an explanation. “It was meant to be a small, private cabin. That is what that window is for in the front. It was small and sleek and designed to cut through the air. It was a bit too small for an airship is what I understand, and there was a second pod for the engines, which could not be reached unless you were a pegasus. Not a good design… so it was turned into a travel wagon.”

Tarnish eyed the silver egg and yes, he could see it being part of an airship. A micro airship. Or maybe something hung under a great big hot air balloon. He was coming around to it. He walked up to the side, looked at the wheels, and then looked at the door. There was a key in the lock.

With his magic, he turned the key, opened the door, and noticed that a little fold down step came down when the door was opened. That was a nice touch. Nothing magical, just practical engineering. It looked sturdy enough, at least to Tarnish’s eye. He stepped up, testing the fold down step, and then went into the wagon.

The inside had cubbies and storage bins. The bed, which sat over the rear axle, had a storage compartment beneath it. Tarnish could see two swing out doors. There was a little counter space up at the front of the wagon, just below the window. Much to his surprise, there was a tiny sink on the counter, and one small, delicate faucet. The floor was flat and there was a door down in the floor in the middle of the room. Tarnish deduced that with the wagon being egg shaped, and having a flat floor, there had to be storage space under the floor.

Past the bed, out in the longest part of the ‘egg’ that extended out past the rear axle, there was another storage compartment, what appeared to be a closet. The bed had no sheets, but was just a rugged looking rubberised mattress that looked like it would be easy to clean.

The ceiling was also flat and had a door that mirrored the one down in the floor below, meaning there was storage space up there. The side walls followed the curve of the egg. The interior was spacious, far larger than Tarnish thought it would be, but it was still small and cramped. Two ponies inside of here would have to be on friendly terms. Very friendly terms.

Grinning, Tarnish wondered how the wagon suspension would hold up to any sort of vigorous bouncing up and down in the bed. The old wagon creaked a bit and the suspension was less than kind.

“Well, how is it in there?” Maud asked.

“Maud, I think we’ll actually have more usable storage space than in the old wagon. Plus, there is a sink.”

“A sink?”

“Yes, a sink.”

“What a peculiar thing to have in a wagon.”

“A sink and a bed.”

“Hmm.”

Twilight, who had been listening to the exchange up to this point, decided to say something. “So… do you want it?” Twilight took a step closer to Maud. “I think this will be perfect for the needs of any explorer.”

“We’ll take it,” Maud replied, “I wonder how it pulls. I can’t wait to be hitched up.”

Standing near the pumphouse, Tarnish watched as everypony else checked out the new wagon. Igneous pushed Limestone aside and went inside to have a good look around, Marble was looking at the wheels, and Cloudy stood nearby talking to Pinny.

Maud seemed to like it, but she remained tight lipped, and so Tarnish didn’t know how she felt about it. He missed the old wagon, but this one… this one was pretty nice. He thought about those panicked final moments before their long and dreadful escape. He had tried grabbing everything he could from the wagon, but so much was left behind.

“Remember to breathe, Tarnish,” Pinkie said as she appeared beside Tarnish.

He realised that he had been holding his breath and he let it out in a gasp. He felt Pinkie patting him. He sucked in a lungful of air and tried to shake what he was feeling. He didn’t even know what it was that he was feeling. Panic? Was he anxious? For a moment, he could smell the sulfur in the air, and his eyes stung from the memory. He started to think about the terrible condition Maud had been in after her long run and he felt a shudder creeping up his back, starting from his dock. He gasped, finding it difficult to breathe and—

“Tarnish… hey… it’s okay,” Pinkie Pie whispered as she wrapped her forelegs around his neck and squeezed. “There there, it’s all over… it’s just memories, okay? Try not to think about them too much. Shh… just be calm. It’s okay… you’re okay and she’s okay.”

With a plop, Tarnish sat down in the dirt, his backside sending up a cloud of dust. He felt Pinkie stroking him and he leaned against her, knowing that she was more than strong enough to hold him up. It was difficult to keep breathing, Tarnish had to think about the act, or so it seemed, because otherwise, he would stop. His barrel felt tight, like some great weight was crushing him. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, and focused upon the act of drawing in much needed air to his lungs.

With his eyes closed, he did not see his mother, Pinny, approaching, with Cloudy right behind her. The others, who had been staring at the wagon, were now all watching Tarnish. But all Tarnish was aware of was Pinkie Pie’s comforting embrace and the act of his own breathing.

“After bad things happen, you try to go about your life and act like everything's normal.” As Pinkie Pie spoke, Pinny and Cloudy arrived, and Pinny nosed her son. “But these bad things, they have a way of creeping up on ya afterwards… this is why you need friends.”

“I’m okay,” Tarnish said as he opened his eyes. “I’m fine… I just needed a moment. I don’t know what came over me.” He blinked, still feeling peculiar, sniffled a bit, and then cleared his throat.

“Baby,” Pinny said in a maternal whisper into Tarnish’s ear, “don’t think about what you lost, instead, think about what you kept. You did good keeping everything that is important. You and Maud saved each other. Now buck up, take a deep breath, and try to give me a smile. Can you do that?”

“Hey, I want a smile too,” Pinkie Pie added in a chirpy voice that was syrupy with affection.

Lifting his head, Tarnish looked at Maud and saw her staring at him. He had saved everything important to him. She meant the world to him. It became a little easier to breathe and he felt the tension in his body melting away. He felt better. He was starting to feel like he usually did, however it was that he felt when things were normal. Whatever normal was.

“Thank you, Pinkie, for looking after my colt.”

“Eh, don’t mention it, Pinny.” Pinkie Pie’s lower lip protruded and she looked thoughtful. “I like having a brother. It’s kinda nice.”

“Yeah, it is,” Applejack agreed.

Twilight’s ears perked. “Brothers are the best, aren’t they?”

Standing in Maud’s room, Limestone watched as Maud looked over the few rolls of film that Tarnish had managed to save. The canisters, small and black, had little grey lids on them. In the corner, Tarnish’s saddlebags sat in a heap, left where they had been placed. The silver sword was propped up in the corner, resting against the wall. Limestone burned with curiousity about the sword, but she did not touch.

“Are you really going to leave so soon?” Limestone asked in a vulnerable voice that few heard. “You just came back. I don’t understand what the hurry is.”

“I plan to stay for a while,” Maud replied to her sister, “but I want to get started again. I think Tarnish and I will go to Manehattan for a while. There is something we must do there. After that, I plan to come back home for a bit, but I can’t promise we’ll stay long. It’s the end of summer and fall will soon be here. After that is winter, and I can’t get much work done in the winter.”

“So we have to wait for winter before you and Tarnish decide to settle down.” Limestone’s eyes narrowed and she shook her head. Reaching out, she smoothed away a wrinkle in Maud’s smock and then tugged on her sister’s belt to straighten it out. “We should have most of the cottage done by winter so you and Tarnish can have a private place to make kissy faces at one another.”

“Come winter, we’ll settle down. Maybe we can invite Pinny to come and stay with us.” Maud turned to face Limestone. “Winter is a time for fellowship and togetherness, but—”

“Come spring, you’ll be heading out again?” Limestone asked, cutting Maud off. Much to her dismay, she saw her sister nodding. Limestone cleared her throat. “Take us with you, I mean, if you can… if it is safe. Surely not every place you want to go is life threatening. Isn’t there some place we can all go together?”

Blinking once, Maud considered her sister’s words for a few moments before answering, “I think I’d like that. A family adventure. All of us together. I don’t know where we would go though.”

“Hopefully, some place without dangerous magical vortexes or gropey grape plants.” Limestone grinned at her sister.

“That reminds me… Tarnish has seeds from the beetle melon in his saddlebags. We should plant them around here and see what happens. The soil here might be ideal.” Maud turned and looked at the saddlebags in the corner of her room. They were still a bit sooty and dusty looking but, being magical, they had survived the abuse rather well.

Outside, the bell began ringing, and both sisters’ ears perked. Limestone turned around and faced the door to her sister’s room, while Maud’s eyes glanced over at Flamingo. It used to be that getting visitors was pleasant, but now, it was something to worry about.

Author's Note

Soon departing.

Drills for thrills

“—and this is Sonneur, my beau.” Marble gave Tarnish a shy grin and then looked at Sonneur. She fell silent, not knowing what else to say, sighing just a little and feeling flustered because Sonneur was just so handsome. Her mouth went dry as she turned to look at the stout dark maroon earth pony beside her and her heart fluttered in her chest.

“Pleased to meet you,” Tarnish said to Sonneur, who seemed just as shy as Marble. Tarnish held back a laugh. Both of them were squirming and it appeared as though Sonneur wanted to say something.

A soft squeak came out from Sonneur’s mouth, followed by a gasp, then a clearing of his throat. Sonneur lifted his head so he could look at both Tarnish and Maud. “I collect everything I find about you in the newspapers. Might I have your autograph?” Sonneur’s breathing intensified and he shifted from his right hooves to his left hooves. “I’m a big fan… I think you’re doing great work.”

Tarnish’s eyebrow arched. He knew that he and Maud were in the papers, but celebrity status? He stood watching as Sonneur’s head dove down into a saddlebag and he came back out holding a small notebook in his teeth. There was a shiny black and silver ink pen tucked into a holder on the notebook. On the front of the hardbound notebook, the word “Autographs” was emblazoned. He took the notebook from Sonneur and held it in his telekinesis.

“Sonneur…”

“Yes Maud?”

“You know me. You know us. We’re your neighbors. We’ve met. We’re acquaintances. I don’t understand this.” Maud focused her heavy stare upon the nervous colt standing beside her sister, Marble.

“You’re famous now,” Sonneur replied in a nervous whisper. “Tarnished Teapot is being called the most dangerous unicorn alive.”

“Do you really believe that?” Maud asked.

Sonneur, now silent, looked thoughtful. He shifted on his hooves again, his eyes narrowing, and he let out a little sigh. He looked at Tarnish, then shrugged. He took a step backwards, shook his head, but said nothing in reply to Maud’s question. He glanced at Marble, then at Tarnish, his eyes darting from one to the other.

The sounds of a pen scratching over fine, thick paper filled the air as Tarnish wrote his name down in the book. Sonneur’s face lit up with a nervous smile as Pinny put down a tray of cookies upon the kitchen table.

“You know, one time, Twilight might have been the most dangerous unicorn alive… she might have had a teensy weensy mental breakdown and enchanted her doll with a ‘want it need it’ spell and caused a massive brawl in Ponyville…” Pinkie Pie fell silent as several ponies and one alicorn all turned to stare at her.

Pinkie Pie’s smile changed, becoming more of a sheepish smile. “Heh… heh… that was funny… remember how funny that was? It was all a misunderstanding and Twilight really isn’t dangerous at all…” Pinkie let out a nervous chuckle. “Hey, Twi, do you remember when you switched all of our cutie marks? That was a laugh riot!”

Sitting at the kitchen table, Twilight, who was a bit miffed that Sonneur didn’t ask for her autograph, turned a withering stare upon her best friend and confidant, Pinkie Pie, party pony extraordinaire.

“Oh, wow, tough crowd,” Pinkie muttered as she shook her head and tried to recover from her flub. She sidestepped, backed away, and bumped into Applejack, who looked annoyed. “You made some very pretty dresses, Applejack.”

“Pinkie…”

“Yeah?”

Applejack shook her head, heaved a sigh, and looked at her best friend. “I think you and I should go for a walk, Pinkie Pie. This kitchen is way too crowded.”

Pinkie looked around the room, noticed Twilight’s withering stare, and then nodded. “I think you’re right, Applejack. We should get going. Let’s go and have ourselves a looksee at the covered bridge, shall we?”

“That’s a good idea, Pinkie,” Applejack replied.

“So, the plan is, we go to Manehattan, meet this secret society, have a nice time, then return home, get packed, and depart?” Tarnished Teapot looked down at Maud’s planner and gave her fine, if somewhat loopy script a second reading. Maud had ways of expressing herself and her writing was one of them. There was almost a sense of whimsy to it. Tarnish found that he enjoyed looking at it.

Maud nodded as Limestone’s laughter could be heard coming from the kitchen.

“It’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Tarnish asked.

“How could it not?” Maud blinked and her ears angled forwards, her face coming dangerously close to making an expression, but just as it neared the threshold of doing so, it gave up and her usual, sleepy looking expression returned. “Saying you’re dangerous… as if.”

“Well, not just me… I was talking about us.” Tarnish lifted his head and tried to look important. “We’re famous. Good thing I’m so good looking.” Tarnish was very surprised when he heard Maud snort. He lowered his head, gave Maud a grin, and waggled his eyebrows. “What, don’t want other mares looking at your chocolate fantasy?”

Again, to his surprise, Tarnish saw Maud react. Her ears fell back a bit and her eyes widened for just a second. She was being super expressive today. Tarnish looked around Maud’s bedroom, eyeing the photographs on the wall, looking at the many rocks. He heaved a contented sigh and then looked at Maud. He extended his leg, hooked his hoof behind her fetlock, and lifted Maud’s right front leg.

Dropping his head, Tarnish began planting little kisses in a row, starting at her fetlock, and moving his way up until he reached the sleeve of her smock, much like a farmer planting a row of seeds. Tarnish’s sensitive ears picked up a definite increase in the rate of Maud’s breathing.

“You are such a weird mare,” he breathed as he moved his head down to her fetlock so he could begin again, planting another row of kisses.

“And you are a base flatterer.” Maud stood there, almost statuesque, and allowed Tarnish to keep doing what he was doing. She blinked, her eyelids and eyelashes moving with exquisite slowness.

“You are such a weird mare and there are so many places upon your body that I want to kiss right now, this very minute.” Tarnish heard a faint, sharp inhale and felt rewarded. “If you were a well, I would want to drink deep of your water.” Tarnish’s lips lingered over Maud’s foreleg and he resumed making more little kisses and pecks.

He began working his way up Maud’s neck now, nosing aside her mane, which was more than a little curly at the moment. He made a slow, teasing approach to her ear, leaving little kisses as he worked upwards, crisscrossing, and working his way back and forth.

After kissing her ear a few times, Tarnish spoke into Maud’s ear, his lips brushing up against the velvety edges, “I want to flood your canyon and leave behind sedimentary deposits deep within your cleft.” He felt Maud’s ear twitch against his lips and he continued, “I want to drill down into your crust until I hit your mantle.” He felt Maud trembling and Tarnish gave her ear a little nibble with his lips to tease her. After a moment, he stopped and then said, “That requires a lot of hard, heavy drilling into hot, geologically active areas and I—”

Tarnish was interrupted by the sound of a bell ringing. The rest of his sentence came out as an exhale of disappointment right into Maud’s ear. His ears drooped and he began to feel a real sense of dislike for the bell.

“This was just getting good,” Maud said in what had to be the most disappointed sounding monotone that ever came out of her mouth. “You can’t stop now, Tarnish. You have to drink from the well… it’s full of water.” Maud turned half closed eyes upon Tarnish and pressed her muzzle into his jaw.

“You’re right, Maud. We need to leave as soon as possible so we can have some time to ourselves,” Tarnish whispered as his whole body trembled.

Maud inhaled, held it, and then said, “I need a moment to pull myself together before going out to greet our company.” She blinked a few times, kicked out one hind leg, shook it, kicked out her other hind leg, shook it, and then gave Tarnish the most sultry stare she could muster.

She managed to look somewhat bored, a little sleepy, and totally turned off.

Squinting into the bright sunlight, Tarnish looked at their visitor. She was light green, her mane was a odd pinkish orange, almost like a ruby red grapefruit. She had dreadlocks, thick, heavy, ropy dreadlocks, and on her face there was a pleased smile.

“Tree Hugger, it’s so nice to see you again,” Twilight said.

“It’s like, great to see you too, Twilight,” Tree Hugger replied. “Keepin’ it real?”

“You know it.” Twilight exchanged a hoof bump with Tree Hugger, then pointed at Tarnish and Maud. “This is Tarnished Teapot and Maud Pie.”

The dreadlocked mare stepped away from Twilight Sparkle and looked up at Tarnish, who was quite a bit taller. Her smile vanished and she looked serious, her eyes narrowing a bit. She stepped from one side to the other, looking at Tarnish from different angles, and then, after a good long look, she began nodding.

“You have like, a very chaotic aura and your chakras are all out of alignment… but not to worry… I think you're supposed to be this way. It’s like wheels within wheels… like, wow.” Tree Hugger’s smile returned as she reached out and touched Tarnish’s foreleg with her hoof. She closed her eyes. “Chaos mixed with kindness… and like, a bit of fear.”

Tarnish stepped away and Tree Hugger’s hoof sank back down to the dirt. Something about Tree Hugger reminded him of his father, and he didn’t much care for that. Still, she seemed nice enough, and he was determined to give her a fair chance.

“I’ve upset you… I’m sorry.” Tree Hugger’s warm smile became a sincere frown. “I remind you of somepony, you don’t like, don’t I? Somepony you don’t like… like… wow, small universe.” Tree Hugger took a step backwards, blinked a few times, and focused upon Maud.

She studied Maud for a minute or two through narrowed eyes, then tilted her head and caused her dreadlocks to spill down over her face. Tree Hugger’s lips pressed together and she gave a nod. “Controlled chaos. Like, totally controlled chaos. You… you are very much like the earth… fantastic, totally terrific forces held in check by seemingly immoveable stone. You’re a force of nature ready to vent destruction if the pressure and the heat become too much.”

“Yep,” Maud replied, “that’s me, unbridled destruction encased in stone.”

Tarnish was forced to wonder if Maud was being sarcastic or not. He couldn’t tell. It was impossible to tell with Maud. He was having trouble determining if Tree Hugger was for real or not. Tree Hugger was every bit as weird as Maud was… the two could have weird contests and Tarnish wasn’t sure who would win.

As far as weird mares went, Maud was more of Tarnish’s cup of tea. Tree Hugger’s speech was a bit too much like his father’s. He wondered how she knew what she knew. How had she known that she reminded him of somepony? His tail flicked around his hind legs and he kicked at the dusty ground with his hoof.

“Both of you seem like the kinds of ponies that I look for.” Tree Hugger looked at both Maud and Tarnish, a sappy smile upon her face. “Like, I’ve heard so much about you. I read about you in the papers and then everything happened. Like, I totally want to help you, but, like, I require your help too… I need you to help me fight the good fight. There’s a lot of bad karma in the world and it’s messing everything up.”

“The world is certainly a messed up place,” Twilight said in a low voice from where she stood a short distance away.

“Come inside, we’ll talk.” Maud, being direct, pointed at the door with her hoof. “I think we can work together.”

“That’s like, totally groovy.” Tree Hugger’s head bobbed up and down. “I have a good feeling about this… like, there is a good vibe right now. But I think Tarnish is a little doubtful.”

“He’ll come around,” Maud replied as she looked at her husband. “He can always be counted on to do the right thing. It’s why I married him.”

“That’s, like, far out and stuff… he sounds like a groovy fellow.”

Choosing to stay silent, Tarnish did not reply, but chose to listen, determined to give Tree Hugger a fair chance, even if he was feeling a bit put off by her mannerisms and her speech. This seemed important to Maud, so he resigned himself to sticking it out for her. He watched as the two mares headed off towards the door together, glanced at Twilight, and saw her give him an encouraging smile.

Author's Note

That bell.

This will mean more paperwork

Even though she seemed a little out of it, Tarnish realised that Tree Hugger was smart. Not quite Maud level smart, but smart. Smarter than he was by a longshot. He began to wonder if her speech and her mannerisms were a way to throw ponies off—a means to distract them so she wouldn’t be the least bit threatening or noticeable. A pony not worth wasting your time on. She just couldn’t be the pony that headed the Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures—except that she was.

Most ponies had been shooed out of the kitchen where they all sat. Twilight Sparkle, Maud, himself, and Tree Hugger. Tarnish knew that this was a big deal because there was paperwork upon the table, the very shackles of bureaucracy.

“Here is the deal,” Twilight Sparkle said as she tapped the papers with the edge of her hoof, “Princess Celestia wishes to have you as official explorers for the Crown. You will be her agents. Tree Hugger here, she wishes to sponsor your position as an agent of the Crown.” Twilight paused, drew in a deep breath, and then continued, “You will be Regardatores, rangers in the common parlance, foresters, those who range through the countryside, protecting the Crown’s interests in the wilderness.”

Tree Hugger, who was sipping a cup of poison joke tea, glanced at both Tarnish and Maud, but said nothing, her eyes were wide and expressive. There was a hint of a pleased smile upon her dreadlock framed face.

“Now, as a ranger, your duties would be extensive… uh, um,” Twilight paused, flipped over a paper, glanced up at Maud and Tarnish, and then her eyes darted back down to the paper, “here we go. A ranger is responsible for the education for those who travel through the Crown’s wilderness areas, offering both practical information about the local hazards, but also information about local landmarks, and or points of interest.”

Twilight looked up from the paper after reading it and looked at both Maud and Tarnish, her eyes glittering with concentration. “There is also the matter of emergency response… aiding those who are in trouble in the wilderness. This means dealing with hostile wildlife, dangerous flora and fauna, etcetera. A ranger is responsible for learning about medicine and first aid. They are obligated to help any and all travelers they encounter.”

So far, this didn’t sound too bad. Tarnish had already done these things. He thought of the spider cave and the rescue of Grey Owl for Gorgonzola. He was already learning first aid because it was necessary out in the wilds. Maud seemed to have extensive knowledge of it as well and Tarnish thought of how Maud knew how to set bones and make plaster.

“And of course, rangers are scholars and scientists. Learned ponies.” Twilight lifted up a cup of steaming tea and took a sip. As she swallowed, her eyelids sagged a bit and she looked a bit more relaxed. “The Crown has exacting standards for those they employ… and the old terms of our previous agreement still apply. Tarnish, you will undergo testing to see if you are learning. I don’t think this will be a problem for you.”

Tree Hugger set down the teacup she had been holding between her front hooves and her smile broadened. “What I want from you is like, really simple. I just want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Be cool about the wilderness and like, do stuff that raises interest in the outdoors. Like your interview in the paper. Just, like, be yourselves and put off a groovy vibe.” The earth pony mare glanced at Twilight and then focused on Tarnished Teapot, her eyes locking onto his. “The poison joke… it like, speaks to you, doesn’t it? You can hear it… it’s not crazy.” Tree Hugger’s smile vanished.

“We earth ponies, we can hear like everything coming from the earth and it is hard for us to tell sometimes what is saying what. It’s like, totally like walking into a room full of ponies all talking at once and then trying to make out what is being said. Everything is lost in the confusion. So most of us earth ponies just tune everything out and we just exist. Even worse, a lot of us who dwell in the city have gone deaf… the ground screams at us because of what the city is doing to the land… and we’ve gone like totally deaf from all of the screaming.”

Tree Hugger looked sad and shook her head. “Some of those earth ponies, they do some very bad things to the environment. They can’t hear anymore.” She shook her head, but her eyes remained locked upon Tarnish’s. “You though, you have a special connection to just one voice. You’re not an earth pony, but you are just like us. You’re like, connected to the earth. You don’t just draw your magic from the aether, but also from the earth itself. You can feel things, hear things, you have this connection with poison joke. I want you to be its voice. I want you to talk about what it wants with others, no matter how crazy it sounds. Tarnished Teapot, I need for you to be brave. You’re not crazy… no more than I am… or Maud, who can hear the rocks, or Twilight, who can hear the voice of magic and the multi-part harmony of the song of friendship.”

One of Tarnish’s eyebrows arched and his ears pitched forwards. He sat, not knowing what to say or how to reply. He felt the muscles in his neck twitch and he tried to rub the distraction away with his hoof. His eyes lingered on Tree Hugger, who had picked up her teacup and was now sipping it once more. He looked at Maud and saw that she was looking down at the papers on the table.

“This is everything I want,” Maud said in a flat voice that conveyed no emotion whatsoever. “Everything I’ve dreamed of. A life of scholarly pursuit with no concerns about funding.” Maud drew in a shallow breath, her nostrils flared somewhat, and her barrel rose and fell in an almost unnoticeable way. “An entire life of study without constraints, free to do my own work without the interference of others or kowtowing to some committee in order to get much needed funding and approval.” She turned and looked at Tarnish sitting beside her. “But none of this means anything to me unless you want it as well. All of this is just meaningless garbage without you.”

The weight of Maud’s words hit Tarnish like a runaway wagon and he felt his mouth go dry. He leaned on the table, resting his weight upon his forelegs, which he folded in front of him.

“That’s like, some heavy stuff,” Tree Hugger whispered.

“This isn’t quite what I expected.” Tarnish looked at Twilight, then Tree Hugger, and then Maud. “I’ll admit, I only ever gave thought to becoming something of a botanist or a naturalist… self taught of course. That was the limits of my horizons. I never thought about anything beyond that. I just wanted to follow Maud around, keep her company, and dance with her.” Tarnish inhaled, licked his lips, and continued, “I never once gave thought to being a ranger… I never thought about having serious responsibilities placed upon my back. I didn’t know that this would be expected of me.”

Tarnish shook his head. “I didn’t know I was capable of this. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be asked to become a ranger in the wilds of Equestria when I first left Ponyville. I had no idea that this journey would lead me to this destination. I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“But, like, you’re not saying no,” Tree Hugger said in a low voice.

“You and Maud are ideally suited to this line of work. Equestria is a big place… it’s more than just cities and civilisation. The pair of you have shown exceptional canniness out in the wilds. Princess Celestia was very, very impressed with both of you. You’ve earned this… so please, say yes.” Twilight peered at Tarnish with pleading eyes.

“There is no way I could say no… it’s just a lot to take in. I mean, there is a lot of responsibility here. A lot is being asked of me. I just don’t want to let anypony down or fail my job. I don’t want to mess up. I’ve made so many mistakes already.” Tarnish thought about Dodge City Junction and the mess he had made of his life there. He cringed, gritted his teeth, and wished that he had done things differently.

“This is not a mistake… this is like, a reward for doing all of the right things,” Tree Hugger said in a reassuring and kind voice. “Doing all of the right things led you here. Now claim what you deserve. Take what is owed to you.”

Nodding his head, Tarnish blinked away what felt like tears. “I’m in. I’ll take this deal.”

Across the table, a broad, satisfied smile appeared on Tree Hugger’s face. She set down her teacup once more. “Now we just need to get you set up with the Stiff Upper Lip Society and you can be the pony you were always meant to be. I see nothing but great things for you… for both of you. This is like, a dream for me.”

Tarnish glanced at the papers on the table. “And a nightmare for me… look at all of this paperwork.”

Twilight grinned. “You should have seen what it was like before the paperwork reduction act was passed.” Twilight laughed. “You know, now that I think about it, the paperwork reduction act required a lot of paperwork to make happen and there is a lot of additional paperwork to document the amount of paper saved…”

Author's Note

Next up... departure.

Rockstock

“I wish we could stay together like this forever,” Pinkie Pie said as one of her many curls deflated with a flatulent, flappy noise that confused Twilight Sparkle a great deal and caused her to look around the room for the source of the sound, because who could believe that a pink pony’s mane could make floop-floop-floop sounds.

“We all have things we have to do and lives to return to,” Twilight said to her dear friend, trying to comfort her. “Applejack needs to get back to her farm, I need to return to Ponyville, Maud and Tarnish are having a meeting in Manehattan, and you Pinkie… I’m sure Whatsisface is missing you.”

“Yeah… Whatsisface… I miss him too.” Pinkie Pie grinned and heaved a sigh as she looked at Twilight through narrowed eyes. “I just like it when I have my family all together.”

“Wait, you know who my sister Pinkie is seeing?” Limestone asked.

“Yup.” Twilight smiled, revealing perfect, square teeth. “I sure do.”

“She’ll tell you but not us?” Limestone glared at her sister and her ears angled over her face. “Oh, that is just not fair, not at all. Why does this have to be a secret, anyhow?”

“Because, we’re dating, silly, and I don’t want to get anypony’s hopes up. If it turns into something serious, I’ll let everypony know.” Pinkie glanced at her mother. “Mama is at that age and frame of mind that she expects something in return for raising us and being such a good mother. She wants a few little Pies running around the farm.”

Hearing her daughter’s words, Cloudy rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. The older mare had a pleasant smile upon her face and after a lingering glance at Pinkie, she turned to her husband, Igneous. “I think if we finish the cottage, Maud and Tarnish might settle down a bit. We just need to give them a reason to stay home for a while.”

“Cloudy Quartz,” Igneous said as he lowered his newspaper and looked at his wife, “I hate to say it, but you are going to be disappointed. When those two do get around to making another little Pie, it’ll be going on the road with them, no doubt.” Igneous lifted up his paper and resumed looking at the opinion editorials, hoping to find his own strongly worded letter.

Cloudy meanwhile, let out a forlorn sigh as she got up out of her chair, left the room, and returned to the kitchen, where she had work to do, as she was behind on candy orders.

“My mother kept pestering my brother Shiny and my sister in law Cadance… I wonder what it’s like… it must be hard to have that much love to give and no little foal to share it with.” Twilight shook her head, her ears flapping, and she turned to look at Pinkie Pie. “I wonder what motherhood is like… that feeling of knowing that there is another life that is utterly dependent upon you—”

“Twilight, you have to meet somepony first,” Applejack said to her friend, “and then you have to make time for them.”

“If I rearranged my schedules, I could make time. I’m flexible… I could probably find an hour or two in a day if I was more careful with my time allotments,” Twilight mumbled to herself as she scratched her chin with her hoof.

Applejack and Pinkie Pie exchanged a knowing glance with one another and both mares shook their heads. The room fell silent, the conversation dying, the various participants now all thinking about other things. Applejack and Pinkie Pie were both thinking about Twilight and what she had said. Igneous was reading his paper and thinking about a return to the ‘good old days’ when times were simpler. Marble was thinking about her beau. Limestone was thinking about stealing some candy from the kitchen.

One thing was for certain—the happy time of togetherness was almost over.

“So you’ll be coming to Manehattan to meet with us, but you won’t be travelling with us?” Maud asked Tree Hugger. Maud looked at her fellow earth pony and wondered how her mane grew the way it did.

Tree Hugger, who had a pleasant, mellow grin, nodded. “I have to speak with somepony about something that is like, totally urgent, but I promise, I’ll meet you in Manehattan.” Tree Hugger’s eyes drooped until they were almost half closed. “I like this place. It has a groovy vibe. We should like, hold a concert here… get a whole bunch of musicians and like, raise awareness. We could call it… Woodstock—no, Rockstock.”

“I don’t think my father would like that very much.” Maud, lifting her head, surveyed the rock farm. It had once been a grey-brown colourless place, but now, there were brilliant patches of blue springing up.

Tree Hugger did not reply, but closed her eyes. She swayed back and forth, her ears twitching as if she was listening to some song that only she could hear. A little flash of white became visible as her lips parted in a smile.

“So, how are Tarnish and I going to get around Manehattan without causing a scene?” Maud asked Tree Hugger. “I don’t want to cause a scene again. While I like the direction my life is taking, I am less than pleased with the intrusions upon my privacy.”

“Not to worry,” Tree Hugger replied, “arrangements have been made and everything is being looked after. A quick train ride to Fillydelphia, in Fillydelphia, you’ll catch an airship, then it’s a quick flight to Manehattan. From there, you will be transported to the Stiff Upper Lip Society’s headquarters. It is a place that can’t be found unless you are invited. They’re all looking forwards to meeting you.”

Maud wondered what sort of magic the place must have if it could not be found unless one was invited. She wondered what she was getting into. She was excited, so very excited, she felt as though it was impossible to sit still or to concentrate. Yet, somehow, Maud remained statuesque and there were no visible signs of her excitement on the outside.

“It’s no wonder that Tarnished Teapot found himself here… this place sings… it is a strange song, but, like, beautiful.” Tree Hugger, who still swayed from side to side, opened her eyes. “It’s like, raw and primal. This is a powerful place, this rock farm. I can hear it calling to me… telling me to stay and put down roots so that I might give life to the land. This is a place that like, sings a siren song for earth ponies.”

“So how do you suppose that Tarnish can be influenced by what we hear?” Maud asked. “How is this place reaching him… we can hear it… feel it… we are in tune with this place. So how is Tarnish connected?”

“Like, I totally don’t know,” Tree Hugger replied. “He’s a mystery… he’s not quite a unicorn, at least not like other unicorns. His horn is more rooted in the ground, and less in the aether.”

“But, he is different.” Maud turned and looked at Tree Hugger.

“We’re all different. All special.” Tree Hugger took a deep breath and looked back at Maud. “Like, nature has quirks. Adaptations. Stuff evolves. Nature experiments with new things to see if they work. I think Tarnish is nature trying something new… like Walrus might say, ‘Nature is throwing something at the wall to see if it sticks.’ Walrus is cool like that.”

“So do you think there will come a day when we see a new tribe of pony?” Maud lifted her head and watched Limestone and Marble gambolling by the pumphouse, trying to get Pinny to play with them.

“Maybe.” Tree Hugger closed her eyes again and her ears twitched to the rhythm that flowed through her. “I think we’re already seeing the beginning of new tribes… like the earth ponies that live in the city that have lost their connection to the land. Can they still be called earth ponies if they no longer have a connection to the earth? Like, what constitutes an earth pony?”

“They’re just deaf… cut off… if they could be made to hear again, they would still be earth ponies.” Maud felt uncomfortable as she thought about this, but she didn’t know why. Something about all of this bothered her a great deal.

“Happens to pegasi too… they like, live in big cities with all of the coal dust and the pollution and the smog… and like, they stop hearing the song of the sky. They can’t feel anything. They’ve like, suffered a disconnect.” Tree Hugger went still, no longer swaying, and her mouth closed, the corners of her lips angling downwards. “We’re a species that is meant to live in harmony with the land. This harmony is a fragile thing, easily broken. We hang by a thread.”

Nope, Maud didn’t like this at all. She was The Rock and the idea that her foundation could be threatened was unnerving to her. She couldn’t imagine being cut off from the rocks. Something about this conversation made her want to squirm inside of her own skin. It was time to change the subject. “We have a train to catch soon. I should be getting ready. It’ll be time to say goodbye before we know it.”

There was quite a gathering of ponies in the yard just outside the farmhouse and goodbyes were being exchanged. The happy gathering was over all too soon. Tarnish, Maud and Tree Hugger would be catching a train and heading east, to Fillydelphia, while Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Pinny Lane would all be catching a train a little while later and heading west.

As Pinny hugged her son, Cloudy was stuffing treats into Tarnish’s saddlebags. Limestone and Marble were both squeezing Maud while wishing her luck. Igneous stood near by, looking stony, with no visible expression upon his face.

Pinkie Pie shoved her sisters aside, grabbed Maud, and began squeezing as hard as she could. The pink pony closed her eyes, sucked in a deep breath, and gasped out the words, “Good luck, Maudlin… thankfully there are no volcanos in Manehattan.”

“Take pictures for us!” Limestone took a step backwards and let Pinkie have a moment with Maud. After a bit of a sniffle, she found herself another target. Launching herself, she slammed into Tarnish and Pinny, almost bowling them both over.

“Yes, we want pictures of you and Tarnish all dressed up,” Cloudy said as she moved to stand near her husband. The older mare held her head high, feeling proud. Little Maud had grown up. She was married now and had established herself enough that she now had a career as a ranger working for the Crown. Cloudy sniffled a bit, feeling proud, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Now, there was only one thing missing, and Cloudy was certain that the one little piece that was missing would happen in time—hopefully sooner rather than later.

“Look after the cabbages we’ve planted. I hope they’ll grow,” Maud said to Marble.

“Okay,” Marble agreed.

“Bring back souvenirs,” Limestone said as she gave both Tarnish and his mother, Pinny, a squeeze. “I like snow globes. I have one from Las Pegasus and one from Fillydelphia… one from Manehattan would be nice.”

Tarnish nodded and felt his mother kissing him yet again. “Got it, I’ll try to get a snow globe.” He squirmed and tried to get free as he was almost dragged down by both Pinny and Limestone. “Goodbye Marble.” He looked over at Igneous and Cloudy while Limestone still clung to his neck. “Goodbye Igneous, goodbye Cloudy.”

“It’s like he’s part giraffe,” Limestone said as she let go of Tarnish’s neck and dropped down to all fours. She looked at Pinny with a raised eyebrow. “Since when did he get so tall?”

“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” Pinny replied to Limestone as she looked up at her son. “Have fun, Tarnish. I hope this is a pleasant trip for you. Spend some quality time with Maud, okay?”

Waggling his eyebrows, Tarnish replied, “I plan on it.”

“Come back to us soon.” Igneous’ stony face softened a bit and his eyes looked sad. “You had better get going. You’ve got a ways to walk and the train is coming soon.”

Maud looked at her father, whom she loved. “Goodbye, Daddy...”

Author's Note

Next chapter... airshipping.

Airshipping

The passenger airship rose from the Fillydelphia air harbour, drifting eastwards as the wind caught it broadside. Tarnish and Maud had their own private cabin aboard the ship, a small room with a cushioned bench and a window. Tree Hugger, who had been on the train with them to Fillydelphia, had caught a different airship, off to take care of business.

Maudlin Persephone Pie was reading a book called SWAG. Sulfur, Tungsten, and Silver, a gripping book that her eyes hungrily devoured. With each turn of the page, she leaned in a little closer, hanging on every word, her eyes moving back and forth as she read from left to right, over and over again.

Beside her, Tarnished Teapot was reading a book titled, Living a Charmed Life, which was a practical guide to everyday charms, hoodoo, and thaumaturgical focus creation. The book was a combination of pony and zebra magic, explaining in detail how one could make amulets, broach pins, hairpins, other such items, infuse them with magic, and their many applications. Like a charm made from needler cactus needles and other common things found out in the wild that made the wearer resistant against paralysis and sleep magic, common hazards in needler cacti infested parts of Equestria.

Aside from getting the ingredients, acquiring things like needler cactus needles was no easy feat, the most complex part of making a wearable charm was creating the thaumaturgically infused wax, but Tarnish was determined to figure it out. He wasn’t the most magical unicorn and there were times when he felt a little inadequate. Alchemy seemed like a natural progression for one with an interest in botany.

The tiny, somewhat cramped but comfortable cabin became an unrepentant den of absolute nerdery as the two ponies, who were madly in love with one another, studied together, both understanding that there was a time for self improvement and a time for making out. This was the ideal time for study, but there would be time for romance later.

“Manehattan,” Maud said as the airship began to descend towards the air harbour. She yawned, stretched a bit without moving too much, smacked her lips once, and then looked at her husband beside her. “I’m excited.”

Closing his book, Tarnish then stuffed it into his saddlebag and closed the flap. He placed a hoof under Maud’s chin, turned her head so that she was facing him, lifted her head somewhat, and gave her a swift peck on the lips. He was anxious to see what was in store.

“I don’t have a tuxedo.” Tarnish let out a sigh and then looked out the window as he pulled his hoof away from Maud’s chin.

“We’ll either buy one or rent one. Come Tartarus or high water, I’m going to dance with you in formalwear, make no mistake.” Maud’s eyebrow raised and her voice lowered a bit. “And after we dance, the real fun comes later, when we undress each other. Remember to go slow and take your time… there is no need to rush.”

Exhaling in a huff, it was suddenly far too warm in the little cabin. Tarnish’s ears swished back and forth as they filled with blood, turning pinker on the inside, his body’s way of trying to be rid of excess heat.

“Tarnish, before we’re hooves on the ground—”

“Yes, Maud?” Tarnish turned to look at the mare by his side.

“Don’t feel inadequate.” Maud blinked, then reached up, placing her hoof on Tarnish’s cheek. She turned his head somewhat, forcing him to look right into her eyes. “No matter what happens, don’t tear yourself down. We’re going to be with high society types and educated types. My double rocktorate doctorate is probably going to be mentioned a lot. A lot of ponies are probably going to call me ‘Doctor.’ Some ponies might ask about your credentials and they might look down their nose at you because you don’t have much.” Maud paused, taking a deep breath, rubbing Tarnish’s cheek as she did so, and then continued, “Don’t let them get you down. Don’t get discouraged. You’re just getting started and already, you’ve accomplished quite a bit. Ponies in academia have a way of being real snobs sometimes… I’m worried, I’ll admit, I don’t want to see you hurt or put down. I don’t want you to feel slighted. And I don’t want your accomplishments just dismissed.”

Maud blinked, then blinked again, and her hoof pressed tighter against Tarnish’s cheek as her ears pitched forwards. “You are only sixteen years old right now and you’ve secured a much sought after job with the Crown. That’s pretty impressive for just coming out of the gate. Run for the roses, Tarnish, there is nothing stopping you from doing anything and everything you want in your life. Ponies are going to be jealous, they’re going to be petty, they are going to be trite, and no doubt, some of them are going to do anything to tear you down, make you feel small, and try to diminish your accomplishments by whatever means they can.”

Overcome with emotion, Tarnish nodded, his cheek crinkling against Maud’s hoof.

“Those ponies can go fuck themselves.”

Tarnish’s mouth fell open in shock at Maud’s words, and he felt her hoof pull away from his cheek. A second later, it was beneath his chin and he felt his mouth being closed with a soft, gentle touch.

“You haven’t learned anything, that’s how the bugs get in,” Maud deadpanned. She leaned a little closer, her snoot almost touching Tarnish’s. “You’ll also meet some wonderful ponies… some of the greatest ponies you will ever meet in your entire life. Astounding ponies that make dealing with the snobs and elitists worth it. You can be in a room full of those kinds of ponies, the good kind, and just one prick pony can come in, say something cutting, and ruin your night. Those words can sting, I know from experience. I’ve been dealing with these sorts for a while now… and I know what they say about me. A few cruel words can be louder in your ears than a roomful of praise.”

Having said what needed to be said, Maud leaned in and pressed her lips against Tarnish’s, wrapped her forelegs around his neck, and pulled him in for a slobbery bit of encouragement in the form of a wet, sloppy, and noisy kiss.

Standing in a private lounge intended for celebrities, Tarnish felt out of place. He wasn’t sure he belonged here, but he was in no mood to be hounded by the press if he was spotted. The room was large, comfortable, well appointed, and had a cooler filled with bottled water. A coffee maker sat on the counter. A selection of teas were nestled in a large, decorative basket. There was a portrait of Sapphire Shores on the wall, signed by the singer herself.

It was starting to get into the late afternoon, but there were no windows to see outside, no means to see what time of the day it was, other than looking at the clock or a watch. Tarnish was feeling peckish, but wasn’t in the mood to eat, feeling far too excited.

“Maud, what have we become?” Tarnish asked.

Before Maud could answer Tarnish’s question, there was a faint knock upon the door. It opened and a bulky looking earth pony poked his trapezoidal shaped head into room. He had a few thick golden hoops in his ear and a pair of black sunglasses. There was a scar just below his right eye, visible beneath the glasses.

“Ullo?” The earth pony grinned. “I’m Stubbs. Barnabus Stubbs. I’m with our mutual friends. I understand that you need a ride.” Stubbs came the rest of the way into the room, revealing his heavyset, stocky body. His cutie mark was a wooden chair that had been smashed into several pieces. “I am at your service.”

“Hello,” Maud replied as she eyed Stubbs. “I think we’re ready to go. I’d like to be out of here as soon as possible.”

“Hi.” Tarnish, a tall, thin pony, could not help but feel that he was a bit too scrawny when he looked at Stubbs, who was a slab of angry looking, dangerous meat. Tarnish wondered how a pony got a cutie mark of a shattered chair. Tarnish did not feel intimidated though—Stubbs was far too polite to be scary, but Tarnish supposed that a reporter or an interloper might feel different if they encountered Stubbs.

“Allow me to get your luggage,” Stubbs offered as he stepped forwards. “The limousine carriage is parked just outside the door at the end of the hall. My sister, Bertie Stubbs, is waiting for us. She don’t say much. She’s shy.”

“A limousine?” Tarnish blinked and shook his head. “Is that really necessary?”

“It is the property of our mutual friends. It is absolutely necessary. There are a number of very important ponies who are members. Sometimes, there is a group outing and the limousine becomes a little crowded.” Stubbs smiled, revealing silver capped teeth, evidence of extensive mouth trauma.

Tarnish hefted up his own saddlebags, secured them, and gave Stubbs a smile. He watched as Maud did the same. He could carry his own luggage, but he was thankful for Stubbs. He doubted anypony would be stupid enough to make Stubbs angry. Stubbs’ general appearance would probably make a dragon think twice before causing trouble.

Smiling, Tarnish headed for the door, glad to be going, and filled with anticipation of what was to come. Maud followed, falling into place at his side, and Stubbs stepped away from the door so Tarnish could exit.

Without further ado, they were off to meet new friends.

The carriage had windows, but drawn curtains kept anypony from looking in. The inside was large, so large that Tarnish had to wonder if a bowling lane could fit in here. It wasn’t quite that large, but it was a good size. The seats were upholstered with purple velvet. There was a bar at the front of the carriage, which Tarnish ignored.

The ride was smooth, surprisingly so, and Tarnish marveled that the Stubbs siblings could pull such a large carriage with no effort whatsoever. The sounds of the city were muffled inside of the carriage, and Tarnish’s burning curiousity made him want to pull back the curtain so he could look outside. There was so much to see and do here. So much to experience. It seemed like a real shame to be hidden away from the world, but he and Maud both just wanted privacy, at least for now.

The garage was a bit dim. Tarnish stood, staring, standing between two limousine carriages, which appeared to be identical. The garage was large enough to hold four of the carriages. The garage smelled of pine oil soap and wood wax. The Stubbs, both Bertie and Barnabus, stood nearby, looking very much like two statues. Bertie was every bit as bulky and angular as her brother, a living, breathing brick wall of a pony.

As Tarnish got his bearings, a pegasus approached, a dark, dusky purple individual with an enormous handlebar mustache. A pair of gold spectacles was perched upon his nose, and he was wearing what appeared to be a dark red smoking jacket and an even darker blue cravat. As he approached, his mustache quivered.

“Right, then… thank you, Stubbs, the both of you,” the pegasus said as he drew near. He then lifted his head and cleared his throat. “Maud Pie and Tarnished Teapot, pleased to meet you. I am Doctor Livingstone and it is my privilege to greet you.” The pegasus lowered his head a bit, waggled his bushy, frizzy eyebrows, and grinned. “It isn’t often that we get new members. I’m afraid that we’re a bit persnickety when it comes to new admissions.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Maud replied.

“Yes, it is quite nice to meet you,” Tarnish said. He was about to say something else, but didn’t when he heard the sound of hooves on the stone floor of the garage. He turned and then gasped in astonishment.

The big white earth pony mare, the one who had rescued him, Maud, and Spike. The pony even taller than he was. The big, graceful mare approached and Tarnish only knew her name from the note she had left. She had an enormous sunflower as a cutie mark and her mane was a two tone pastel pink and green.

“Helianthus, I presume?” Tarnish said in a low voice as the tall mare drew near.

The big white mare giggled, a demure sound, and bowed her head, but only a little. “Mister Teakettle… we meet again.” She turned and looked at Maud. “And you… a vision of loveliness… Maud Pie. I am delighted to see that both of you are doing well.”

“Teapot.” Tarnish glanced upwards, feeling short.

“Oh, yes, Teapot.” Helianthus smiled, a broad sunny grin.

“Welcome to the Stiff Upper Lip Society,” Livingstone said as he chuckled. “Helianthus is one of our most prominent members and one of the cornerstones of our society. She’s a bit of a gabber—”

“Mister Livingstone… I am shocked.” Helianthus brought herself up to her full height and looked down at the pegasus, Livingstone. She looked serious, but there was a hint of a smile lurking at the corners of her lips.

“As I was saying, she’s a bit of a gabber, but you will never meet a nicer pony,” Livingstone continued as he tried to withhold his chortles.

“We are going to be having a ball the night after tomorrow.” Helianthus lowered her head a bit so that she could look Maud in the eye. “I hope you brought formalwear.”

“I did, but Tarnish needs a tuxedo.” Maud tilted her head and looked up at Helianthus. “You seem familiar. Have we met?”

“Oh, I hear that a lot.” Helianthus shook her head, smiled, and let out a cheerful laugh. “We need to get Tarnish dressed up. I know just the place. You two take some time to settle in and get refreshed, and then we will go out together.” Helianthus lifted her head. “Stubbs, dearie, are you going to be ready to go out again in a little while?”

“O’course,” Stubbs replied.

“Livingstone, do be a dear and show them to their new apartment—”

“Apartment?” Tarnish blinked in astonishment.

“Yes, membership has its privileges. Each member of the Stiff Upper Lip Society has an apartment here, a suitable living space to call your own. A home base, if you will.” Helianthus glanced at Maud, who was still staring up at her, her head tilted sideways, and then looked at Tarnish, whose mouth was hanging open, which presented a dangerous opportunity for ingesting insects.

“Your apartment is a nice two bedroom,” Livingstone said, his thick mustache quivering. “Nice young couple like yourselves is bound to have a little bundle of joy on the way sooner or later. The apartment was decorated by one of our other esteemed members, Mellonella Moth. Lots of blues and silvers, with a nice star theme. Not my cup of tea, but she seemed to think that you would like it.”

Maud blinked and stopped staring up at Helianthus. “I’d love to see it.”

“Good, if you will just follow me, I will show you around and help you get settled in,” Livingstone offered.

Author's Note

The social pages say that the Stiff Upper Lip Society had the biggest balls of all.

Lepidopterist?

The headquarters for the Stiff Upper Lip Society reeked of old wealth. The walls were some kind of dark red wood, dark, dark red, which was to say they looked brown, but with an almost mirror-like reddish glow. There was brass everywhere. The light switches, the fixtures, the lamps on the wall, all of it was polished to perfection.

Tarnish was in awe. As nice as this place was, it didn’t feel pretentious somehow. It was still somehow quiet, subdued, something about it already felt like home. He liked it here and he was excited about seeing the new apartment, but Tarnish was feeling a little disappointed that the apartment probably wouldn’t see very much use.

Livingstone walked with a slight limp that didn’t slow him down, his right rear hoof dragging a little behind him. Tarnish could see the semicircle of scars along the back of Livingstone’s leg—something had chomped the pegasus, and had chomped him good. His leg was somewhat crooked and deformed. It had been broken, set, and had healed crooked.

Ahead, there was a little sitting area by a window covered in thick, velvet curtains. An earth pony was sprawled on the couch and Tarnish could see right away that something was off. The earth pony only had three legs. The stump for the fourth, one of his hind legs, was covered with bandages. The earth pony was reading a newspaper laid out on the couch cushion in front of him. There was a small brass bell on the decorative wood table beside the couch.

“Ah yes,” Livingstone proclaimed, “Mister Briar, how are you today, Sir?” Livingstone came to a stop, cleared his throat, and then glanced at both Tarnish and Maud as Mister Briar lifted his head. “Dreadful business, poor chap lost his leg in a manticore attack. Killed the monster with his own leg… absolutely dreadful business, all that.”

“Hello, Livingstone,” Mister Briar replied.

“Mister Briar,” Livingstone said as he began to introduce everypony to one another, “this is Maud Pie and Tarnished Teapot, our new members.” The pegasus turned to face Maud and Tarnish. “We have our own in house nurses and doctors. Quite a few of our members receive extensive injuries in the field. They come here to recuperate.”

Manticore attacks—Tarnish knew about those all too well. He had subdued a manticore with something other than his own leg. Tarnish shuddered, but said nothing. The scent of manticore musk had kept him safe during his first forray into the wild.

“How do you do?” Mister Briar’s eyes were glazed over and it was obvious that he was in pain. The earth pony was still oh so very friendly however, and smiled at both Maud and Tarnish. “You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t get up, but the nurse said she would lop off another leg if I moved from this spot.” The somewhat chubby earth pony chuckled and then winced when his body shook too much.

Livingstone, who stood stiff and straight, peered at Tarnish. “Mycologist. Ruddy good one, too.” Livingstone cleared his throat and his mustache quivered on his lip. “Our members are really quite extraordinary. That is what makes them ours. We don’t just take any pony, they have to be exceptional. It isn’t enough to have just discovered a new kind of butterfly, oh no, the Stiff Upper Lip Society has ponies and other members of extraordinary quality. Ponies of almost mythical status. Ponies who survive manticore attacks, ponies that endure levels of hardship thought fatal. We survive maulings, mutilations, attacks by savages, and the occasional exploding volcano. Through it all, we keep a stiff upper lip—”

“Damn right, we most certainly do,” Mister Briar said as he cut in.

“We do what?” an earth pony mare said as she walked into the sitting area and began to have a look at Tarnished Teapot and Maud Pie. The mare was wearing a khaki jacket that was a snug fit on her body and a wide pith helmet. A pair of goggles hung around her neck. Two very battered looking saddlebags hung on her sides.

Tarnish almost choked… it was Octavia Melody. Tarnish restrained his sudden urge to act like a spaz. He stood stock still and tried to imagine that he was Maud, all while stomping around and having fits on the inside.

“Ah, yes, Miss Melody,” Livingstone said as he looked at the grey mare, “a vision of loveliness… how are you, Miss Melody?”

“Missing somepony,” Octavia replied in a weary voice that sounded exhausted. She had a thick, strong accent that wasn’t Equestrian in origin.

“Miss Melody, this is Tarnished Teapot and Maud Pie… our new members.” Livingstone turned and faced Tarnish and Maud. “Miss Melody is a lepidopterist and has discovered hundreds of new species.”

“A butterfly hunter?” Tarnished asked after racking his brain. He looked at Maud beside him and saw her give a faint nod. He felt thankful that he didn’t botch his one chance to get this right. “You’re a world famous musician though.” Tarnish blinked in astonishment.

“Music is my business,” Octavia replied, “hunting butterflies is my passion. When I am out in the field, much of my time is spent waiting and doing nothing, so I write music in my head. Without my field excursions, there would be no music. Also, something about the butterflies inspires me.” The grey mare glanced at Mister Briar and then at Livingstone. “You must excuse me, I am worn out. We shall have to talk later.”

“But of course,” Livingstone replied as he bowed his head.

“It was nice to meet you.” Octavia smiled at Maud and Tarnish.

“Likewise,” Maud replied.

Octavia made her exit, shuffling away, something inside of her saddlebags clunking as she walked. Tarnish watched her go, still holding back his urge to jump up and down while making a scene. Something told him that wouldn’t be very stiff upper lippy, not at all.

“There goes one of the greatest musicians that has ever lived,” Maud said in a flat, disinterested sounding monotone, “and she writes her music in her head out in the field, inspired by butterflies. That has to be one of the most amazing things I’ve ever heard.”

“Quite,” Livingstone agreed, sounding very polite and proper. “Well, I should show you two to your apartment… come on, you’re almost home.”

As the door opened, Tarnish wasn’t sure what to expect. Maud went in first and he followed. He froze just on the other side of the doorway, rooted to the spot, unable to move, and his mouth fell open.

“Ah, I shall take my leave,” Livingstone said as he backed away. “Spend some time getting settled in. All of this is yours.” The pegasus shut the door behind Tarnish and was gone.

The ceiling was blue, not sky blue, but a shade of midnight. Stars twinkled overhead. Actual twinkles. Tarnish stared upwards in astonishment, his eyes wide. The walls were papered in dark blue and dark, dusky purple stripes, with dark wood wainscotting. A line of brass separated the wainscotting and the wallpaper. The living room was large enough to be comfortable, but not too large. There was furniture, a few chairs, a sofa, some tables, a bookshelf, and a knick knack curio cabinet with glass doors. In the corner, there was a large wind up gramophone to play records and it had a huge brass amplifier.

The living room didn’t scream ‘wealth’ so much as it suggested old world charm. Everything was sturdy and solidly built. There was nothing delicate or fragile looking. Everything was practical. The wood on the furniture wasn’t too ornate or decorative. Nothing was too fancy.

Maud stood blinking, taking it all in, with Tarnish right beside her. She glanced at her husband, and then started ahead to explore the rest of the apartment. She went through a door and into a small kitchen. It was well appointed, but Maud knew that it wouldn’t see much use, unless Tarnish took up cooking at home as well as out on the road.

There was a small round table in the corner of the kitchen with four chairs. A tea set was laid out on the table. There was a hutch full of plates, cups, saucers, and bowls. There was a walk in pantry along the back wall.

Coming out of the kitchen, Maud almost bumped into Tarnish, who was coming down the hallway. Together, they stopped, looked at one another, and then Tarnish opened the door, revealing a bedroom.

The room was decorated in the same style as the living room, with a dark blue ceiling covered in twinkling stars. There was a large bed against the back wall, a narrow window that ran from ceiling to floor, and a closet door against the side wall.

Tarnish, after going into the room, dumped his saddlebags and his gear upon the floor near the closet door. He then began looking around. There were two brass lamps with stained glass covers on each side of the bed, each perched atop a small wooden table.

Maud, being a practical pony, checked out the bathroom. The walls and the floor were tiles, all of which were different shades of blue, some dark, some light, and all of them placed randomly. The bathroom wasn’t very big, but the shower was enormous. It was big enough for two ponies and had a bench inside of it. Maud, all by herself in the bathroom, narrowed her eyes as she examined the shower. That bench could and would be useful, but not just for sitting. As she peered into the shower, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards for just a brief second. The shower had nozzles in all of the right places, all of the helpful angles that would ensure that a standing pony got clean.

“I’m in the mood for a shower,” Tarnish said as he shoved Maud aside so he could fit into the bathroom.

Of course, to get clean, one had to get dirty first. Maud could feel her heart beginning to race inside of her barrel as she eyed the shower and the bench. The bench was just about at the right height for backrubs… massage… belly rubs... and other fun activities in the shower.

“We haven’t seen the second bedroom yet.” Maud gave Tarnish a sidelong glance and she felt her pulse quicken when she looked at the tall, handsome colt beside her. He was becoming a stallion, of that there could be no doubt, but Maud found those moments when his voice broke endearing. She would see him enter his prime.

“The second bedroom requires more ponies to fill it.” Tarnish reached out and touched the glass shower door and then looked at Maud. “We could practice making more ponies. Practice makes perfect, after all.”

“What are you proposing?” Maud asked.

Tarnish let out a coltish giggle and then made his reply, “Seeing that bench gives me ideas…”

“What sort of ideas?” Maud, a smart pony indeed, thought it was wise to play dumb.

“Well… if one us was to lay on the bench…”

“Yes?” Maud blinked three times, batting her eyelashes at Tarnish, knowing it would distract him.

“And by one of us, I mean you…”

“You could wash my belly?” Maud deadpanned.

“Um, yes, yes I could, and after that we could, well—”

“You could wash my back,” Maud suggested.

“Well, uh, yeah, I could do that,” Tarnish replied, nodding his head. “After that—”

“You could wash my mane and give me a scalp massage.” Maud’s ears perked forwards.

“Well, yes, yes I could do that.” Tarnish eyed the shower and let out a wistful sigh.

“And after all of that, when your work is done, we could try that new position where I lay on my side and I control your rate of entry by squeezing my hind legs together to generate friction.” Maud heard a faint squeak from beside her as Tarnish inhaled. “I’m gonna make you work for it.”

Maud felt herself grabbed by invisible forces, a second later, her smock was draped over the bathroom sink counter where it had been tossed, and her belt was laying on the floor. Before she even had time to blink, she found herself in the shower and Tarnish was crowded in there with her. She looked up at him, loving him, loving his eagerness, for feeling desirable was a powerful aphrodisiac.

“Before I lay down on the bench and you rub my belly… from the inside, you and I need to work that dud out of your system.” As Maud spoke, Tarnish turned on the water, which was cold for a moment, invigourating, and then turned hot. “Lay down on the bench, Tarnish…”

Author's Note

Next chapter... we'll see Maud do something special

The moon? The moon.

The moon? The moon.

Curious, Tarnished Teapot eyed the fourth door in the hallway. This was a two bedroom apartment. He had seen the master bedroom, the bathroom, and the second, smaller bedroom. At the end of the hall was a fourth door.

He pushed it open with his hoof and stood dumbfounded. Beyond the door was a small room, smaller than the second bedroom, and it had been furnished as a study. There was a table, two chairs, and shelves lined the wall. A collection of rocks sat inside of a glass doored case. There were books on the shelves, so many books. Tarnish stood with his mouth agape. The walls were covered in a dark, plush, navy coloured crushed velvet that ran from floor to ceiling. The floor was some kind of thick, dark, purple-blue carpet. There was a narrow window, no more than a foot wide, and it was covered in heavy blue velvet drapes. There was no brass in this room, everything was finished in silver. Silver trim on the bookcases, the shelves, on the table, the twin lamps that sat on each end of the table so both he and Maud would have adequate light for study.

Tarnished Teapot was absolutely astounded by the generousity that had gone into this room. He stood frozen in the doorway, his mouth hanging open, unable to even call out to Maud, who was finishing up in the bathroom, doing whatever it was that mares did in the bathroom that took so long.

He made his way into the room and began to examine the rocks. He saw a few that he knew, but stopped when he came across a strange name. Lunar Troctolite. His lips moved, but no sounds came forth as he said the name to himself a few times in silence.

“Maud?” Tarnish cried out.

“What?”

Much to Tarnish’s surprise, Maud was right behind him. He hadn’t heard her coming into the room. He turned to look at her and nodded at the rocks on display. “What’s lunar troctolite?”

Maud did not reply, but pushed him aside. He bumped into a chair as Maud slid up against him. She eyed the rock with the funny name and stood there, unmoving. After what felt like a few minutes, Maud spoke.

“That’s from the moon.”

Tarnish blinked. “But… how… how did it get here?”

Maud shrugged in reply, but said nothing. The stone was priceless, worth a veritable fortune to any geology program. Sometimes, celestial objects struck the moon, knocked loose a good sized piece, and those pieces made their way down to terrestrial soil. Maud had never been lucky or privileged enough to see one up close. That one rock was worth more than the entire rock farm… or maybe even the entire town of Rock Haven.

“I have a very special rock,” Maud said in a voice that held no trace of emotion. She turned to look at Tarnish. “My knees feel weak, Tarnish. Is this what fainting feels like? Because I feel like I’m going to fall over.”

Knowing that Maud wouldn’t say it unless she actually meant it, Tarnish reacted the only way that he could. Using his magic, he lifted Maud and stuffed her into a chair, and then stood beside her as she sat there, blinking in a most peculiar way.

He felt Maud’s forelegs wrap around his neck and squeeze. He stood there, Maud clinging to him, not knowing how to react or what to say. She was breathing heavy and he could feel the quickened rise and fall of her barrel against him.

He understood that he needed to say something, the silence was beginning to feel weird, but he had no clue as to what should be said in the situation—so he just blurted out something random.

“Maud, this is our reward for being good ponies.”

Maud pulled away and Tarnish found himself staring into Maud’s brilliant turquoise eyes. She was still blinking in an odd way and her forelegs were still draped around his neck. He could feel the pulse in her fetlocks as they rested against his mane.

“It’s all so much all at once,” Maud said in a voice that wasn’t a monotone. Her voice quavered, rose and fell, but did so in a way that only those who knew her best would be able to notice it. Anypony else would have heard the same droning voice she always had. “Is this what it feels like to want to cry?”

“Maybe, Maud… I dunno,” Tarnish replied.

“I love you so much… I love our life together. I love where our life is going. Meeting you was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.” Maud closed her eyes, leaned forwards in her chair, and her snoot bumped up against Tarnish’s.

“I think I’d be dead without you.” Tarnish’s voice was a pained whisper—he closed his eyes, basking in Maud’s warmth and closeness, cherishing this moment of intimate closeness. A little while ago, in the shower, they had touched each other in the way that lovers do, intimate touches, the embrace of lovers, but now, it felt as though he could feel Maud’s soul touching his. This was a different touch entirely—Tarnish shivered as his and Maud’s snoots remained pressed together.

He sat down on the floor but was still tall enough for Maud to hold. He really was getting taller, no doubt about that, he was still in the merciless throes of an adolescent growth spurt.

A pony’s snoot was the tenderest, most sensitive, most fragile, most vulnerable part on their body. Packed with thousands of nerve endings, it allowed equinekind to explore their world, feel things, touch things, and it was how blind ponies read books, by rubbing their snoots over pages covered in special bumps that made up the alphabet.

And snoot touching was a special moment between ponies. A parent and their foal celebrating a moment of perfect trust. Two dear friends, who might touch in such an intimate way to let each other know that they care. Special someponies, who might allow such an intimate touch to linger for as long as possible, wanting and desiring to touch one another, to feel one another, to experience those little electric tingles that came with prolonged contact.

Maud and Tarnish remained together, Maud pressing her snoot against Tarnish’s, sharing breath, each one treasuring the touch of the other, hoping it would never end. The slightest movement, the merest twitch, it would cause the two fleshy pads to rub together and would send spine tingling chills racing down their necks, down their backs, and would cause a shivery sensation in their docks, a sensation so strong and that felt so good that their hind legs would tremble.

Alas, it was never meant to last as the world conspired against them. As Maud and Tarnish explored this most intimate of touches, there was a knock upon the door, interrupting them. The touch continued, snoots lingering in close proximity, and when the knock was heard again, it was Maud who pulled away, but not before giving Tarnish a quick peck upon the lips.

Helianthus, a larger than life pony, appeared to like living larger than life. She reclined in the back of the limousine carriage, holding a wine goblet half full of wine pinched in her fetlock. Her eyes held a manic glaze and something about them frightened poor Tarnish. He recalled all too well seeing Helianthus out in the wild, out on her ‘nature walk.’ He wondered what sort of earth pony she had to be to be so very large and to survive such a hostile environment.

She was friendly, that much was for certain, and Tarnish could not help but feel that he was being studied as the carriage went to wherever it was going. Her sunflower cutie mark had something most peculiar about it, but Tarnish had trouble putting his hoof on what it was.

“I have a question.” Maud’s voice smashed the silence, causing it to crumble.

“I might have answers,” Helianthus replied.

“If Tarnish and I have a foal together, how does that work with a secret society?”

Helianthus took a sip of wine, swished it around inside of her mouth, swallowed, and looked Maud in the eye. “We’re not exactly a secret society… I mean, we are, but we’re pretty relaxed about it being a secret. Ponies know we exist. We’re a collection of heroes, adventurers, thrill seekers, and as some might say, madponies.” Helianthus smiled, revealing perfect, square white teeth.

The big white earth pony smacked her lips.

“Foals are allowed to grow up in the society, but at a certain age, in adulthood, they are no longer allowed to stay. They forget where the building is, because they’re not invited, or they would, if this ever became a problem.” Helianthus’ face became serious. “So far, every foal born within the society has grown up to become an ideal model of the citizenry. Every one of them has earned a place within the society. We have a scout program that starts them off young. They grow up learning our ideals, they grow up with a sense of selflessness and goodness. We have families in the society that go back generations.”

“I see.” Maud turned to look at Tarnish for a moment and then returned her gaze to Helianthus. The two earth ponies stared at one another and an intense silence developed, a silence so thick that it could be cut with a knife.

“The apartment seems a little excessive,” Tarnish said, daring to break the oppressive silence that existed between the two mares.

“The apartment is but a minor reward,” Helianthus said in a dismissive, but warm and friendly voice. “Our members tend to do extraordinary things. We are not common ponies. Our members contribute to society in ways that few can. Some of our members have even given their lives for the greater good. Go for a stroll through the Memorial Hall sometime.”

Helianthus took another sip of wine, swallowed, and continued, “The society was set up to reward those that give so selflessly. Somepony has to thank those that give so much. There has to be some reward, some kindness, some means of return for all of the sacrifices done for the greater good. We are scientists, scholars, soldiers, we are ponies who tirelessly work to right wrongs… ponies have an idea of who and what Daring Do is, but they have no idea what she really does. How much of herself she gives. Or that almost all of the fortune amassed by writing and selling those novels is given to charity. A.K Yearling, the mare behind Daring Do, lives almost entirely upon the kindness of the Stiff Upper Lip Society. We cover her bills, shelter her, and give her a space for her creativity after she returns from her many missions.”

“So you try to free ponies from financial constraints and the things that would otherwise hold them back or somehow cripple their potential to do great things,” Maud said as she continued to study Helianthus.

“Correct.” Helianthus took another sip of wine. “Some of the most brilliant minds aren’t financially inclined. They do their work out of love. Poverty holds them back. The potential for greatness is there, but squandered, wasted, lost due to circumstances. We try to collect brilliant minds and by helping them, we make the world a better place.”

“That… that… that actually makes a lot of sense.” Tarnish’s brow furrowed.

“Mister Briar is an excellent example of our philosophy in action… he started off broke, down on his luck, but he was the plucky sort. Smart. Not overly educated, but smart.” Helianthus looked down into her wine goblet, sighed, and then set it down in a cupholder.

Clearing her throat, Helianthus continued, “He got noticed. He was watched for quite a while, followed, if you will. He was kept under observation and we saw potential.” The big white earth pony’s face split open into a sunny smile. “Not too long after joining the society, one of his experiments yielded a new kind of mushroom with an exceptional protein content. In a generation, it is probably going to change how we eat, and no doubt, we will evolve a bit because of this discovery. Our minds will grow sharper. We will gain mental acuity. Given enough time and a steady high protein diet, we might become something else entirely. The potential is there.”

“Because intelligence is linked to high protein diets, or at least it is theorised.” Maud blinked and then looked at Tarnish. “Bugs are high in protein. You eat bugs. You’re ahead of the curve, Tarnish.”

Tarnish felt his cheeks grow warm as the carriage came to a halt.

“Ah, we’re here,” Helianthus said in a cheerful, sunny voice. “Mrs. Pie, let us see if we can clean up this diamond in the rough that you’ve found…”

Author's Note

Next chapter... burning desire.

On dizplay

Almost right away, Tarnished Teapot felt as though he had made a mistake. The store, if it could be called that, felt and smelled more like walking into a giant closet. There were no windows in the front and it existed behind a locked door that kept the public out. As he tried to get himself oriented, right away he was herded away from the door, pushed along a long aisle, through another door, then another, and then found himself in an odd circle-shaped room that had far too many mirrors and caused him to feel dizzy when he looked around.

At one end of the room was a large, overstuffed, comfortable couch with a stodgy flannel print. At one end of the couch there was a table with a bottle of wine and several wine glasses. Tarnish watched as Maud and Helianthus were shown to the couch, while he was left standing in front of a group of mirrors.

Right away, Tarnish began to feel self conscious—he was on display.

The round room was well lit, panelled in pale coloured wood that shone with a well waxed mirror finish. The overhead lights gave the room a warm, golden glow that was easy on the eyes. As Tarnish stood there, gawking at his surroundings, Helianthus was opening the bottle of wine. She poured a glass, passed it to Maud, who took it with a thankful nod, and then the big mare poured herself a glass. She raised it in a toast to Maud, then smiled, her lips already red from the wine she had been drinking in the carriage.

Gulping, Tarnish began to understand that he was in trouble.

“Habby Dasher! Oh, Habby Dasher! I need you to work your magic!” Helianthus called out in a booming voice.

“I eez coming, yez?” A somewhat older faded blue unicorn mare popped her head through the door, spied Tarnish, and then froze. After a moment, she turned a sour stare upon Helianthus. “You bring me thiz. Thiz iz inzult… he iz all legz and gangly partz… I can do nothingz!”

“Habby…” Helianthus eyed the eccentric mare sizing up Tarnish.

“Look at him… he eez monkey horze. Ooh ooh ook! Zee the monkey horze!”

“Habby… please?”

The older mare stomped over to Tarnish, got right up in his face, and began to examine him. She reached up, grabbed his face with her telekinesis, pulled on his cheek, and jerked his head down. She examined Tarnish’s long neck, his slender body, and eyed his legs.

“Monkey horze eez part giraffe… how do I work with thiz? You do thiz to hurtz me, yez?”

Helianthus began snickering and Maud sipped her wine, looking sleepy. Tarnish was almost certain that Maud was enjoying herself. He lifted his head back up, drawing himself up to his full height, and looked down upon the short, somewhat frumpy looking mare that was still eyeing him.

“Eez made of chocolatz. Dark brownz. Eez easy enough on eyez, yez?” Habby walked over to Tarnish’s side and prodded his ribs. “Eez too thin. Wife, zhe doez poor job of feeding… eez bad, yez?”

Still snickering, Helianthus glanced over at Maud, who was sitting with her eyebrow raised, holding her wine glass. Maud’s ears were leaning forwards. It was impossible to tell what Maud was feeling, but it was clear that Maud wasn’t angry. It was easy to tell when Maud was angry. Disasters happened.

“Or eez too thin cauze wife eez too attractive, cannot keep the hoofzies off of pretty wife… yez, eez more likely. You die young, conzumed by luzt!” Habby nodded, her head bobbing, all while Helianthus was laughing on the couch.

“You haz legz like alicornz… long body… long neck…” Habby’s eyes narrowed. “I eez going to azzume that all of you eez long and thin.” The mare gave Helianthus a sly, salacious wink. “Old Habby, zhe eez zhort and zquat. Zhe comez from old peazant ztock. Eez jealouz of tall monkey giraffe horze.”

Tarnish eyed himself in the mirror and found his voice. “I don’t look like a monkey…”

“Eez monkey… now I go fetch the monkey zuit.” Habby stormed off, her hooves clattering upon the wooden floor. “Zee, monkey zuit… too much monkey, not enough horze, eez no way I do thiz.”

“I am not a monkey,” Tarnish said in a low voice as Habby vanished through a door. His ears perked and he did his best to look dignified. He glanced at Maud, who was staring at him, and then eyed Helianthus, who seemed to be enjoying herself a great deal. Her wine was already almost gone.

Before Tarnish had a chance to recover and reclaim his dignity, Habby burst through the door with a black tuxedo jacket. Before he could protest, before he could react, before he could respond, she was dressing him. He went still and allowed it happen.

Looking in the mirror, he could see a white shirt and a black jacket. Wool, by the looks of it. It was warm and it did not appear to fit him very well. He supposed it would need adjustment. He somehow looked… gawkier.

“Black eez no good… it zhrinkz hiz body, makez it look too zmall. Tiny raizin body with alicorn legz. Ugh, thiz not good.” Habby scowled and looked disappointed as she studied Tarnish. “The black and the brown, it ztink!”

“He does look a little off,” Helianthus agreed.

Maud lowered her wine glass and nodded.

Snarling, Habby began undressing Tarnish, pulling the coat and the shirt away. “He eez all legz! How doez Habby work with that? I never do thiz again, career eez over!”

The short mare stormed away, carrying with her the white shirt and the black tuxedo jacket. She slipped through the door and it slammed shut behind her, startling Tarnish, who jumped at the sound.

“Am I really all legs?” Tarnish asked.

Maud nodded and her eyelids made a slow, lazy blink. She took a swallow of wine and one ear twitched. “I am madly in love with all five of them.” After her stunning deadpan delivery, Maud took another sip of wine from her glass.

Helianthus, who had been drinking from her glass, horked, coughed, and almost had wine come out of her nose. The big mare wheezed for a moment, trying to catch her breath, and then exploded with laughter, her wine almost sloshing out of the glass she had clutched in her fetlock.

Tarnish, unable to do anything else, stood there and turned a darker shade of purple brown, a full body blush, feeling pretty good about himself. He cocked an eyebrow and prepared himself for whatever it was that Habby was going to do to him next.

With a thump, the door flew open and Habby Dasher appeared. “Habby haz career revival… I will be reborn, yez!” The mare flew into the room, her short legs scissoring as she scurried about, and she held several items in her telekinesis.

“You eez pleazing zhade of chocolatz, we work with that.” Habby held up a stunning ivory tuxedo jacket. “Thiz match mane, yez.” She held up a white shirt and a white waistcoat with a turquoise paisley print that matched Maud’s eyes.

Tarnish held still as Habby dressed him. He closed his eyes and tried not think about the invasion of his personal space. He was doing this for Maud, to make her happy. He felt things being tugged around him. He heard the tinkling of glass and the splash of liquid.

Opening his eyes, he saw Maud. She was leaning forwards on the couch, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open, and her ears were splayed out sideways. She didn’t appear to be breathing, just staring at him with a vacant expression in her eyes. The wine glass had fallen to the floor, shattered, and there was a puddle of wine.

Helianthus, who had a broad sunny smile, reached over, and, using her hoof, gently closed Maud’s mouth, which made a clicking sound when her teeth connected with each other. The big white earth pony let heave a satisfied sigh and then said, “This is how ponies end up swallowing bugs.”

“Eez not bad… need fitting,” Habby said. “You… monkey giraffe horze, I think wife like, yez? You go home and maybe wife hurt you… you be very zore when wife iz done with you. Juzt lie back and think of Liverypool. Habby do good work, yez?” The mare paused, looked up at Tarnish, and then began to adjust his long, thin, turquoise coloured ribbon tie. “The ribbon, like your legz, eez long… eez zkiny… dangly. No no wear tie or bow tie. Look bad! Ugh, monkey giraffe horze cannot wear normal tiez, look ugly!”

While Helianthus attended to Maud, trying to revive the statuesque mare that had gone stone still, Tarnish looked at himself in the mirror. The ivory jacket needed to be fitted, so did everything else, but he looked good. Even he could see that. He looked tall, distinguished, handsome even, even if the style of his clothing appeared to be about two hundred years out of date. The ribbon tie was a veritable antique, as far as fashion went.

“Habby enchant tie zo it tiez zelf and you no worry or make fool of zelf. Habby make everything good… you be handzome, for a monkey giraffe horze. You make pretty wife happy, maybe zhe give you foal for looking handzome, yez?”

Tarnish choked and was unable to reply. He stood there, coughing, his sides heaving, and Habby stood grinning beside him, standing into the mirror with him, her eyebrows waggling up and down in a rapid manner.

“Maud, dearest, say something,” Helianthus said as she patted Maud upon the withers.

The earth pony mare, still staring at her husband, broke her paralysis with a blink. After a long stretch of seconds, an ear twitched. After even more time passed, the same ear twitched again. And then, unable to do anything else, Maud let out a wickering whinny, punctuated with a snort.

“I’ve seen this before,” Helianthus said in a knowing voice. “So tightly bound. So much control. She’s finally encountered something she can’t process, poor dear. Had she had a little more wine, she might of loosened up enough to let go a little.” The big white earth pony mare shook her head and her bright eyes flashed with mischief. “Mister Teakettle, you look very handsome and I think we’ve made your lovely bride very, very happy.”

“We eez not done,” Habby said as she stomped one hoof down on the floor. “Ees now time for handzome to zit on couch and we drezz the wife. Zhe ees grey and plain! Zhe iz my empty canvaz! I do great art! Today, I make gown!”

“Habby, darling, this wasn’t planned for today,” Helianthus said in a gentle voice.

“EEZ PLANNED NOW!” Habby Dasher began to pull Tarnish’s clothing off, doing so with what appeared to be reckless abandon, but nothing was damaged as the mare did what she did best. “I work the old magicz… I make gown… it be ready, you no worry.”

“Um…” Tarnish stood there, naked again, save for the amulet around his neck, which glowed a pleasant shade of light blue. “How will this work? I mean, you have to make a gown from scratch, right?”

“No… eez not how it workz… I uze foundation gown, find beauty, find inzpiration… then build on foundation… make caztle of beauty.” Habby set all of Tarnish’s clothing down upon a table shoved up against the wall. “We go with turquoize… I go!”

Legs pumping, Habby Dasher ran for the door and vanished, slamming the door behind her, which caused one of Maud’s ears to twitch. The stony earth pony mare was still recovering upon the couch and Helianthus was patting her back with one fetlock while holding her wine in the other.

“Maud?” Tarnish took a step closer to the pony that he loved more than life itself. He watched her mouth open, then close. She blinked and he could see her looking at him.

“All jokes and funniness aside, she is a little overwhelmed… a little overstimulated.” Helianthus gave Maud a patient, loving smile. “Some earth ponies are all strength and power. Most of their focus goes towards holding everything back so they don’t crush the world around them. Maud Pie here is a titan of strength in much the same way that Star Swirl the Bearded or Twilight Sparkle is a titan of magic. Alas, earth pony magic is still mysterious and has not been studied nearly enough.”

“Handsome,” Maud managed to say in a wavering voice.

“Yes, he was very handsome,” Helianthus replied, agreeing with Maud. “Did you like seeing him like that?”

Maud nodded, her eyes blinking. “Yes.”

Eyes narrowing, Tarnish began to clean up the broken glass and wine. He couldn’t do much about the wine, but he was able to use his telekinesis to pick up the pieces of glass and he dropped them into a small, ornate trash receptacle.

“The stronger they are, the more detached they become from life.” Helianthus scooted a little closer to Maud on the couch and her expression became one of almost maternal concern. “Many do not cry as foals. They do not express emotion, or have trouble expressing emotion. They rarely laugh. Many of them end up quite lonely. It makes me sad.”

“I love her so much…” Tarnish came over to the couch and stood near Maud, looking down at her. “She means so much to me. She has feelings… Pinkie Pie knows exactly what Maud is feeling… most of the time.”

“Sadly, a lot of ponies aren’t up for the challenge.” Helianthus eyed Tarnish for a moment, studying him, and had Tarnish been paying attention, he would have seen the wisdom of centuries flashing in her eyes. “Even if you had no other talents, no other skills, no other unusual gifts, you would still be an exceptional pony just for loving her. I do not think you understand just how—”

Before Helianthus could finish speaking, Maud Pie grabbed Tarnish, her hooves grasping both sides of his face, and she pulled him in for a kiss. Helianthus fell silent and watched as the kiss happened, her eyes misting over, and the big white mare smiled as the kiss intensified.

Lifting her wine glass, Helianthus took a sip and waited for Habby to return.

Author's Note

In my head, I have something like this pictured for Maud.

ZOURZE!

Jazz? Sounds like...

Jazz? Sounds like...

Laying in bed, Tarnish contemplated the serendipity that had brought him here to this place, to this society, to this wonderful apartment, to this wonderful bed… and the mare that he shared it with. Yesterday, he had seen a whole new side of Maud—seeing her in the formal gown had been a real eye opener. She was a stunner, no mistake.

He started to get up and out of the bed, but two forelegs closed around his neck and pulled him back in. He wiggled, struggled, and then said, “It’s time to get up, Maud.”

There was no reply, nothing verbal anyway. Maud’s forelegs wrapped around his neck even tighter and he realised that there would be no refusing her. It was almost nine o’clock in the morning. He squirmed a bit, trying to get comfortable, and Maud redoubled her grip, letting out a sleepy grunt as she did so.

“Maud?”

Still no reply. Not a word. Tarnish felt the pony sharing the bed with him snuggling up against his back. He could feel the faint, soft, distracting, and even a little arousing tickle of Maud breathing on his neck.

“Maud, what comes next? How long are we staying here?” Tarnish asked.

He heard a sigh behind him and then he was almost crushed. His eyes went wide as all of the air in his lungs shot out with a wheeze. He felt Maud’s moist, damp muzzle pressing against his neck. One of Maud’s hind legs slid over his hip and he felt her whole body pressing up against him. He felt another source of warm, moist heat against his spine.

“Long enough to make a memory, Tarnish.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Tarnish, something bad happened. Something really bad. I’m not leaving this place until we have a few good memories to balance out the really bad memory that I don’t want to remember.”

“I see.”

“We’ll have a nice dance together, make a nice memory, and then we’ll go home.”

“Okay.”

“After that, we’re on the road again. I feel the itch, Tarnish.”

“I do too.”

“Tarnish…”

The colt felt Maud shifting up against him. Her hind leg wrapped tight over his hip and he felt himself pulled closer. Maud wiggled against his back. He gulped as he felt her grinding up against him.

“Tarnish… I have another itch. I woke up with parts of me feeling rock hard, Tarnish.”

Shuddering, shivering, Tarnish felt Maud’s teeth clamp down upon the edge of his ear and give him a tug. His mind flashed him a picture of Maud in the gown. He thought of Maud’s reaction to him in his tuxedo.

In the days of old, unicorns raised the sun with their magic. Right now, Tarnish was raising something else and he didn’t need magic to do it. The bed was far too warm and he wanted to fling the blankets off. He wanted to feel cool air against his feverish skin.

Taking a deep breath, Tarnish prepared himself to give Maud a memorable moment…

Sticking his head out of the door, Tarnish looked left, then right, almost as if he was a colt crossing the street. He stepped out of his apartment, his hooves clattering against the tile floor, and Tarnish was certain that he was making too much noise. He hoped that he wasn’t disturbing any neighbors.

Maud pushed him out of the way, having no such worries, and she took off down the hall, eager to go and have a good long look at the Stiff Upper Lip Society’s geological archives. Tarnish watched her go—she wasn’t wearing her usual smock, but instead, she had on a dark forest green dress that had a long, flowing skirt around her hind legs that hung down to the bottom of her hocks. Her curly mane was tied up into a loose bun; well, most of it anyway, a portion of it was already spilling out, refusing to be contained. Something about her dark green dress made her neck appear to be slender and even more graceful.

Tarnish pulled the door shut behind him and took off down the hall, not knowing what he was going to do, where he was going to go, or even how he was going to spend his day, but he was determined to make the most of his time here.

The library was huge. Tarnish, wide eyed, couldn’t believe all of the books in this place. Maps too. There was a bit of everything to be found, even stone tablets and wooden plates. He didn’t even know where to begin looking, not that he knew what he was searching for. Maud was in the geological archives, the next series of rooms over.

Tarnished walked down between the aisles of books and found himself in a comfortable alcove filled with comfortable furniture, an ideal spot for reading. There was a portrait upon the wall. Stepping closer, he had himself a look.

There was a painting of a pink pegasus mare that seemed oddly familiar. Tarnish couldn’t put his hoof on why though. She was wearing thick glasses with dark blue frames and a pith helmet in the painting. She had light purple eyes behind her glasses and her mane was a dark, dusky shade of violet with pale pink streaks. Her neck was long, slender, and graceful.

He stepped a little closer and noticed a brass plaque beneath the painting. He stared at the ornate letters, the fancy, flowing script etched upon the brass. Squinting, he read the words inscribed below the painted portrait.

Dove, the letters said. He kept going. Cartographer of the Great Northern Expanse, explorer of the arctic reaches, and noted benefactress. This library was made possible through the generous donations of Dove, one of our most magnificent members.

Blinking, Tarnish couldn’t help but feel that something seemed familiar about her. He stood there, staring, and was suddenly in the mood for a Cadance~Cola. His mouth felt dry and he was thirsty. He dismissed the whole thing with a huff, thinking to himself that he associated pink with refreshment or something pleasurable. There were parts of Maud that were pink…

He gave himself a shake, his ears flopping.

“She’s an amazing pony.”

Turning, Tarnish found himself looking at a pegasus. A blue pegasus that had the most spectacular soft voice, perfect for speaking in a library. A little startled, Tarnished blinked.

“I’ve had the privilege of meeting her,” the pegasus said to Tarnish. “My name is Peafowl and that over there”—the pegasus pointed with his wing to an earth pony mare with a pinto brown and white pelt sitting at a study table a short distance away—“is Scramble Patch, my esteemed colleague and pack pony.” The pegasus lifted his head high and his eyebrow arched as he looked up at Tarnish.

“Hi, my name is Tarnished Teapot…” Tarnish’s words trailed off into nothingness as he didn’t know what else to say. The pegasus was educated, very much so, that much was obvious, and Tarnish could not help but feel a little out of place. “Pack pony?” Tarnish thought about the words and decided that he wasn’t quite comfortable with them.

“Oh yes, she is an amazing pack pony. Never will you find a more sure stepped companion anywhere. She prides herself on being able to go pronking about on the side of some mountain under a full load.” The pegasus paused and then shook his head. “Oh dear, I just realised how dreadful that might sound to somepony that doesn’t know us or our arrangements… dreadfully sorry.”

Blinking a few times, Tarnish relaxed. The blue pegasus looked mortified and took a step backwards. Tarnish looked over at Scramble Patch, who had her nose buried in a book. Something about the mare reminded him of Maud.

“Earth ponies… fine companions out in the field. I’m a weakling, a shameful admission, but it’s true. I have trouble carrying my own canteen. It fatigues me just thinking about it.” Peafowl’s feathers fluffed out and the pegasus let out a frustrated huff. “Scramble Patch makes it look so easy… just a hop, skip, and a jump indeed.”

Tarnish’s ears filled with soft, musical laughter and he realised that Scramble Patch was laughing at her companion. Hearing laughter, he was now completely at ease. He even allowed himself a little laugh.

Peafowl snorted.

Hearing Peafowl’s snort, Scramble Patch began giggle-snorting and she pressed her face down deeper into her book to muffle herself. Tarnish began grinning from ear to ear. He no longer felt out of place or out of sorts. These were his sorts of ponies. He could associate with them. He found himself liking them.

“If you will excuse me, I have much that needs doing. It was pleasant to meet you, Mister Teapot.” The perturbed pegasus with ruffled feathers glanced at his giggle-snorting companion, rolled his eyes, and shook his head.

“It was nice meeting you,” Tarnish replied, “maybe when you’re not busy, I could introduce you to my wife.”

“Oh, that’d be lovely.” Peafowl’s head bobbed. “I’ll be attending the ball… I shall see you then, Mister Teapot…”

After wandering through the building, Tarnish heard music, lovely music. He strode down the hall, his ears twitching, almost hypnotised by the sounds of strings, woodwinds, and brass. His heart quickened in his barrel and he wondered if he was hearing a live performance.

He pushed his way through two wide double doors and discovered much to his glee, it was a live performance. He stood silent, trying to be respectful, and looked around the room. Right away, he saw Octavia, but she wasn’t playing. She was sitting at a small round cast iron bistro table in the corner, sipping some steaming drink from a delicate, tiny cup.

Turning his head, he saw a white unicorn acting as a conductor. She had a brilliant snow white pelt and a cobalt blue mane. She was standing at a conductor’s podium, waving around the little wand that conductors used to make the magic happen. A wide, manic grin was plastered to the mare’s muzzle. She was wearing glasses that concealed her eyes.

Tarnish didn’t know who the white unicorn was, but he was entranced. She moved this way and that way and flicked her conducting wand around with reckless abandon. The orchestra, about two dozen ponies, almost seemed to be under the white unicorn’s spell. With a flick of her wand, the white unicorn coaxed some sassy, brassy sounds out of the horns. A stallion sawing away on the strings of his double bass let go of something almost jazz-like.

There was a snort from the bistro table. Octavia watched the goings on with a raised eyebrow and shook her head. The white unicorn, grinning, turned and waggled her backside at Octavia, hiking her tail high and stomped her hind legs as she continued to conduct the band.

Tarnish found himself struggling not to laugh as Octavia rolled her eyes and shook her head. She looked so dignified, so cultured, so refined… and so defeated. The orchestra picked up the tempo at the white unicorn’s urging and the music was becoming a cacophony of sound. The double bass player was no longer running his bow over the strings, but was plucking them with abandon. The brass horns were blowing hot, sassy notes. The oboe player sounded as though she was somehow heaving an orgasm through her instrument.

“Ugh, jazz is the sound of musicians masturbating!” Octavia cried. “Orchestras should not play jazz music! Vinyl! You are such a bad pony!” Octavia rose to her hooves and took a step towards the white unicorn. “This was supposed to be a practice session for the ball!”

When Octavia took another step, the white unicorn’s conducting wand fell to the floor, clattering as it bounced about, the white unicorn’s muzzle split into a wide grin, and her orange tongue dangled out. She took off at a run, glancing over her shoulder at the frustrated grey earth pony mare.

“VINYL!” Octavia bellowed. “You come back here and take what is coming to you!” Stomping through the room, Octavia took off in hot pursuit of the fleeing unicorn, the cause of much musical mischief.

The band collapsed into total mayhem as the two mares fled the room…

Author's Note

Soon... romance.

Celestia's dirt has been scientifically proven not to hurt

The building was enormous. One might even say palatial. Tarnish wondered how one hid something like this from the public, making it so that only people who knew where it was could find it. That sort of magic was beyond him. Tarnish had explored as much of it as he could, but there were still plenty of closed doors, and with those closed doors, more opportunities for exploration. The entire building was one big fantastic place of one fascinating thing after another.

There were garages down below, many rooms of different sorts, libraries, display rooms, a private museum, the geology wing, there was a bit of everything. Most intriguing though was the botanical gardens up on the roof. There was a five story tall greenhouse up on the roof, a warm, moist, fascinating place, and it was here that Tarnish found himself on the end of his adventure of exploring the building.

There was an orchid that smelled like rotting corpses, but it wasn’t blooming at the moment. There was another orchid that sang opera, but it was silent now. Tarnish gave it and its sign an incredulous stare, not certain that he believed an orchid could sing opera. He supposed that anything was possible, but he felt that he needed to see it before his brain would stop balking at the idea. Perhaps it was the claim that the orchid had an eight octave singing voice.

There was an apple tree that produced strange crystalline apples, along with a sign stating that the fruit was inedible for ponies, but fine for dragons. The crystalline apple tree was most peculiar, and sort of reminded Tarnish of how the trees had turned to crystal after the volcano exploded. The tree itself had been found by Dove, Explorer and Cartographer of the North, and then moved here, according to its little brass plaque.

In a back corner, inside of a glass display case, Tarnish Teapot saw something that made him stop and stare. Behind the glass that had the words ‘Specimen Sample #77’ was something that froze Tarnish in his tracks.

He saw a beetle melon. There they were, growing fat, and little stubby legs were wiggling. They were not free of the vine just yet, they were still growing, but Tarnish would recognise them anywhere. He stopped to look at the sign.

‘Beetle Melon. Coleoptera Citrullus. Discoverer: Tarnished Teapot, Junior Botanist, Field Explorer, and—’

Part of the brass plaque was left blank and it took several long moments to realise that it had been left free of words so it could be filled in later. Tarnish was touched, he felt quite emotional, but he also felt a little disappointed.

There was no tentacle grape to be found. He supposed that if there was to be a sample on display here, he would have to return with it himself somehow. He had an almost perverse sense of embarrassed pride for discovering that nightmarish bit of nature.

As far as beginnings went, he realised that he was off to a good start. He had done the hardest part of the work, and that was getting started. Getting motivated to do a difficult task was often the most difficult part of said task. The reason for his motivation was easy though, he would follow Maud anywhere.

Not caring about being dirty, Tarnish sat down on the soft earthen floor of the greenhouse and had himself a good stare at the beetle melon, watching as its stubby, underdeveloped legs kicked about.

“Hoy.” Hearing a voice, Tarnish turned to look at the speaker. He saw a somewhat dirty looking earth pony mare. She was ancient looking. She was wearing glasses, which hung crooked on her nose, and one eye was milky white. The other was a sharp and vibrant blue. She had dirt in her wrinkled knees and her pale yellow pelt had grass stains.

“Howdy,” Tarnish said, trying to be friendly as the old mare sat down beside him. “My name is Tarnished Teapot.”

The mare let out a gasp when her spine popped as she tried to get comfortable. Her blue eye opened wide and her lower lip quivered. The pain passed and she recovered, finding her smile. “My name is Mirrorshine. You don’t see too many unicorn botanists.”

“You don’t?” Tarnish asked.

The old mare began to laugh and then came to an abrupt stop when her spine popped again. She gritted her teeth for a moment, waited for it to pass, and then replied, “It’s the dirt, my boy, it’s the dirt. Most unicorns I’ve met are afraid to get dirty. They like everything all clean, neat, and tidy. Nature is anything but.”

“Oh.” Tarnish felt bad for the mare with the bad back.

“Celestia made the dirt and the dirt don’t hurt.” The old mare kicked out her hind legs and tried to get comfortable. As she did so, she began to chuckle, a soft, wheezing chuckle.

“What?” Confused, Tarnish tried to make sense of what was being said. “Celestia made this? Is that true?”

Mirrorshine smiled and lifted one front hoof, leaving the other down on the ground, bracing herself so she could sit up on her haunches. She waved at everything around her. “Ponies say that Celestia made all of this with her sister, Luna. The sky, the stars, the sun, the moon, this planet, this dirt, the water, the air, everything… and if enough ponies say it, it must be true.”

Blinking, Tarnish had a curious thought. “Has… uh, has anypony tried asking her if this is true?”

“She’d never admit to it, she’s far too humble.” Mirrorshine let out a grunt as one of her hind knees popped. “So… we’re left with a mystery. Go with the accepted idea shared by many, or reject that and find our own truth. I doubt we’ll ever know the answer. If you go off and find your own truth, a lot of ponies will challenge you… they’ll discredit you and try to shut you up. They’ll hate you for challenging their comfortable, beloved beliefs and all of their preconceived notions. But, if you go with the accepted idea shared by many, well, you miss out on the journey of discovery.”

Feeling very, very confused, Tarnished Teapot sat in the dirt and gave thought to Mirrorshine’s words.

“A long time ago, a very long time ago, I set forth a hypothesis that destroyed my career,” Mirrorshine began in a tired sounding voice. She nodded her head and her vision became a little unfocused as her mind retreated back in time. “I tried to tell ponies that their long held preconceived notions were wrong. I even started to get a little evidence going. Just enough to make my claims a little interesting, but not enough to go on.”

“What happened?” Tarnished asked.

“Well, ponies got real upset. Real upset. Words got said. Fights happened. I held fast to my idea, my belief, and I continued my work as a botanist and a scientist. As a scientist, I wasn’t happy with long held beliefs, I wanted truth, and I set out to find it. That truth made ponies angry. Eventually, enough of the right ponies got angry and I lost my tenure as a professor. I was stripped of my academic accolades. I was discredited and my work was labeled as being fraudulent. At the end of it all, I lost everything.” The old mare chuckled, but her face was sorrowful.

“I’m so sorry,” Tarnish said.

“I’m not.” The old mare turned to look at Tarnish, focusing her good eye on him. “I took the journey. Losing my tenure was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I was forced out of the classroom, I was tossed out of academia, and I found myself out in the wilds. I was without funding, without friends, I had nothing. I even lost my husband… he couldn’t deal with all of the stress of my life coming apart, and it was starting to affect his career as well… he was a professor of economics…” Mirrorshine’s words trailed off and she went silent. Once more, her focus seemed lost as she retreated into the past.

Tarnish felt terrible, even a little angry, but he focused upon the mare’s words and paid attention.

“Out in the wilds, I found myself. I found happiness… and more importantly, Helianthus found me. She helped me out of a scrape. Saved my life actually. Not long after that, I found myself here… with these madponies, crazies, weirdos, magicians, mathematicians, and rogue scientists. Good ponies, the lot of them. I was added to Helianthus’ collection.”

Hearing the mare’s words, Tarnish felt a little bit better. “So, uh, what was your hypothesis, if you don’t mind me asking… I, uh, I’m not the judgmental sort, I promise I’ll be civil.”

Mirrorshine laughed, a big belly laugh, and her expression became one of pain as she could not contain her wheezing laughter. A tear rolled down her cheek and after some time, her laughter became weak, raspy chuckles. She looked Tarnished Teapot in the eye and said, “I tried to tell them that poison joke was a beneficial part of the ecosystem and it wasn’t just some pesky weed. This hypothesis destroyed my life.”

Stunned, Tarnish’s mouth fell open and he didn’t know what to say.

“My boy, you are going to have enemies. This is one of those sorts of issues that’s a lot like trying to challenge the idea that Celestia made everything around us with her sister. You are going to be taking on a long held belief. It stopped being about facts a long time ago, and became more about accepted tradition. There are some things that are just inherently true and you don’t argue about or challenge. The alicorn sisters made everything around us, the world is flat, unicorn farts don’t stink, all dragons are vicious, pony eating brutes, and poison joke will be the death of us all.”

“But… but… but the world is round,” Tarnish stammered.

“Ah, but for the longest time, ponies believed it was flat. And all those who challenged that widely held belief met bad ends.” Mirrorshine chuckled, her back popped, and then the mare let out a pained groan as her laughter came to an abrupt halt. She tried arching her back, which caused another pop, and with a muffled cry, she flopped over on the ground and laid down.

Tarnish, feeling concerned, reached out and touched the old mare, trying to comfort her. He thought about her words, everything she had said, and then gave thought to how things had changed. He had only vague knowledge of the dark ages, back when ponies believed that the world was flat and dragons lived beneath the disc that was the ground.

The truth had changed, but it took a long time and there was much bloodshed.

As Mirrorshine got comfortable on her stomach, laying down in the dirt, Tarnish thought about changes. He thought about his own life, there had been many changes. He thought about Twilight Sparkle; she had believed him to be dangerous. She had banished him into the wilds. But with time, study, and investigation, the truth about his talent was discovered. Twilight had accepted the truth and had done much to right everything that went wrong.

It was at this moment that Tarnished Teapot realised that most ponies weren’t too keen on admitting they were wrong. Most would rather continue believing in the wrong thing than admit there had been a mistake, or they had made a mistake, or that their reasoning or logic was faulty. Twilight Sparkle was not like most ponies. She was exceptional.

Tarnish realised that Twilight could have been bitter about being duped by his talent, she could have been angry about having made a mistake, and she could have upheld his banishment to spare herself the embarrassment of admitting that she had made an error. Twilight Sparkle had swallowed her pride and she had taken the hit to her credibility with grace and aplomb.

It was a profound moment of realisation for Tarnish.

“You know, Mirrorshine, about unicorns and their farts not stinking,” Tarnish said in a low voice.

“Yes?” Mirrorshine replied.

“I’m a unicorn and I can say this...” Tarnish focused on the mare staring up at him. Something resembling a wry smile was on her muzzle. Tarnish found himself smiling. “As a unicorn, I can say with all honesty that the old assertion about us is true.”

Laying on the ground, the old mare began to laugh. Lost in laughter, she ignored her back when it popped once more, and she beat upon the ground with her front hooves.

A broad grin spread over Tarnish’s muzzle. Sometimes, one did not challenge long held beliefs…

Author's Note

This might be kinda raw and in need of an edit or three. Sorry. Typos happen. An edited version might appear later. Apologies in advance.

Vinyl Scratch's tits

“What a magnificent pair of tits,” Tarnish said to Maud as she moved to stand beside him. He gestured at what he was looking at and pointed to a photograph on the wall. “Vinyl Scratch likes to study tits in the wild. I had no idea that she was a photographer.”

“Hmm,” Maud replied as she cocked her head to one side. “Is this what you’ve been doing with your day? Looking at tits?”

Smiling, Tarnish looked at Maud. “Earlier, I was checking out Vinyl Scratch’s boobies. Before that, I made a new friend up in the greenhouse on the roof. She needed a nap though. We had an interesting conversation.”

“I see,” Maud said as she continued to stare at the pictures of tits on the wall. “You know, Tarnish, while I can appreciate the beauty of a fine pair of tits…”

“Yes, Maud?”

“I think it’s great that you’re checking out boobies and tits. It is important to have well rounded interests...” Maud leaned over, stretched out her neck, and kissed Tarnish on the cheek, straining to get her head up that high. “But as far as I’m concerned, I’m not that into birds.”

Licking his lips, Tarnish pushed away his salad bowl and looked at the mares he had shared a fine meal of arugula, dandelion greens, and marinated strawberry salad with. Tree Hugger had shown up, as promised, and the three had settled down to have a nice time together in Tree Hugger’s personal apartment.

Tree Hugger’s apartment could only be described as austere or minimalist. Plain furniture of simple design, a low kitchen table with no chairs, and just about the only thing that brought any colour or warmth to the place was a woven rug on the wall showing a depiction of the alicorn sisters raising and lowering the sun and the moon together. The rug was a masterpiece, something woven on a loom, with each thread added in with as much care and attention to detail as possible.

In one corner of the living room, there was a wooden spinning wheel and a wooden loom, along with a supply of yarn and cords. There wasn’t much else, just a battered looking sofa along with a chair, both of which were covered in quilts, probably to hide their state of disrepair.

“I’ve arranged to have an airship take you home,” Tree Hugger said as she lifted her head up from her salad bowl.

“I thought we were going to take an airship home to begin with,” Maud said in reply.

“No,” Tree Hugger gave her head a gentle shake, “allow me to explain, I was going to have an airship take you directly home. To the farm.”

“Oh.” Maud blinked. “I see.” Maud blinked again and then looked Tree Hugger in the eye. “The ponies of Rock Haven will think I’m being fancy.” Maud reached up and wiped her muzzle with her foreleg. “There, I just acted uncouth to balance everything out.”

Tree Hugger threw back her head and laughed. A second later, Tarnish did as well. Maud blinked, no doubt pleased that her dry humour had been well received. It was always nice to be around ponies who understood you.

Wiping her eyes, Tree Hugger continued to chuckle for a bit before she got herself under enough control to speak. She took a deep breath, leaned forwards, and in a low voice she said, “The Scariest Cave in Equestria is in danger. It is a unique ecosystem filled with many mysterious, magical creatures. Fluttershy and I have both studied the area around the cave. There are some oddities there that are worth learning more about.”

“Why is it in danger?” Tarnished asked, intrigued by Tree Hugger’s words.

Tree Hugger took a deep breath and then looked at Tarnish. “There is a powerful group of industrialists lobbying to use the cave itself as a dumping ground for toxic waste. They believe that since it is, in fact, the Scariest Cave in Equestria, and that since ponies are afraid of it, they should stay away from it and it should remain as an isolated location. As an isolated location, they say it is an ideal dumping ground for toxic sludge, since the high magic mutates the monsters in the cave, there will be no real consequences for the introduction of toxic goop into the environment.”

“Ew,” Tarnish said, not knowing how else to respond.

“Have any sort of scientific studies been done to determine the effects of magical toxic waste being dumped into a high magic environment?” Maud asked.

“No.” Tree Hugger folded her forelegs over her barrel and sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s hard to say. I’ve heard some rumours that there were some studies by the University of Manehattan, but the speculation and results were hushed up by powerful lobbyist groups and think tank influence.”

Tarnish, thoughtful, wondered if poison joke could be used to clean up toxic magical waste. It was quite a thought for him, and he sat in silence, lost within his own head, thinking about the ramifications of his internal question. He also began to wonder if he could go into places with hostile, dangerous levels of magical toxic waste. After giving it some thought, he reached the conclusion that he couldn’t. There were other factors than just dangerous magical radiation, there was also various toxins and poisons that could affect him. The volcano, which had spewed a lot more than dangerous magic, had almost ended him.

“What we need is a way to preserve the Scariest Cave in Equestria and have it be seen as more than just a scary cave. It needs to be important, a place of study, it is a unique magical place and I’ve toyed with the idea that it could be an ideal location to have a Crown sanctioned study of poison joke…”

“But?” Maud said when Tree Hugger’s words trailed off.

“Studying poison joke is not enough.” Tree Hugger glanced at Tarnish, who appeared to be lost in his own head, and then back at Maud. “We need to come up with a better, more important reason. I’ve been thinking about it for days now and I’ve come up with nothing. We need a bigger, more important reason, something that will draw and keep the public interest, and then the poison joke study could be done in the background, under the guise of something else.”

Tarnish, still in his thoughtful mood, turned his cogitation upon the subject of Tree Hugger, sensing something seemed off about her, but he couldn’t put his hoof on what it was. His brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed as he studied the strange mare with a ropey, dreadlocked mane.

“So…” Maud began in a flat voice that sounded as though she might expire from disinterest in this conversation at any moment, “what I’m getting from you is, you want Tarnish and I to find something at the Scariest Cave in Equestria that might gain the public attention or the public fascination, use our budding celebrity status, and then get ponies to pay attention to whatever we find, and while they are distracted by whatever that is, Tarnish begins a Crown sanctioned study of poison joke while I get to live the life of a rock star geologist and study all of the endlessly fascinating rocks in the area.”

Tree Hugger nodded, shrugged, and then threw out both forelegs to her sides. “Yeah, more or less.”

Tarnish, who had heard very little of what Maud had said, realised what was off about Tree Hugger. She wasn’t talking like the scatterbrained mare that she made herself out to be. His eyes narrowed even more as he came to understand just how clever and intelligent she was.

“Maud Pie, if you can somehow pull that off, I will have a museum built to house every single fascinating rock you find,” Tree Hugger said as she leaned forwards with a shrewd grin on her face.

“Oh my… are you sure about that? Because I can find a lot of interesting and fascinating rocks…”

Standing on a balcony, Tarnish looked down on the city of Manehattan. The sun was setting and the city appeared to be coming to life. In the gaslamp district, the gas lights were now flickering to life. The theatre district glowed with warm, inviting light, trying to entice ponies to come and see a show. The glow of neon signs as bright as the sun replaced the natural light of day.

The wind was warm and salty as it blew in off of the ocean. Out in the harbour, ships blew their horns. This was a city filled with sound and light. Tarnish wasn’t sure if he liked it. He doubted that he would be able to see the stars with all of the light pollution. Even if all of the lights were out for whatever reason, Tarnish doubted he would be able to see the stars even then—the city was smoggy from all the coal burned to provide power for all of the many lights.

Manehattan was a city of excess, a city of wealth, it was a place of technology run rampant. It stood out in sharp contrast to Dodge City Junction, which was almost the opposite. Having been in both places, Tarnish felt as though he had traveled forward into the future here in Manehattan, or had gone back into the past when visiting Dodge City Junction. He was amazed that both cities existed in the same Equestria.

Tarnish’s mind tried to understand the disparity, but it was beyond his comprehension. Ponyville somehow felt even more backwards than ever, with the thatched roof cottages, water wells that required a bucket, or hoof cranked pumps. Manehattan existed at the expense of other cities; this city clearly had so much and took so many of the available resources to continue to function, while places like Ponyville or Dodge City Junction remained downright backwards… and what could be said about Rock Haven?

Below him, thousands upon thousands of wagons, coaches, carriages, and cabs filled the streets, all made out of wood. How many forests, how many trees, how much of nature had been plundered to fill the streets with so many vehicles? For Tarnish, the thought was mind boggling.

Manehattan was filled with fountains; they were indeed, everywhere, decorating many public spaces. Tarnish suspected that the fountains here squirted out more water every day than there was available in Ponyville’s public water supply, the water that poured out of every faucet, every showerhead, that flushed every toilet, and watered every lawn or garden.

How much of that water simply evapourated into the air and became part of the city’s humidity problem? Tarnish didn’t know and he didn’t like thinking about it. All of this, it troubled him, and he wondered how long ponies could keep going, living with this kind of excess. He began to wonder what might happen when resources became scarce.

“You’re quiet,” Maud said as she scooted a little closer to Tarnish.

Tarnish nodded, remaining quiet.

“What’s on your mind?” Maud asked.

“This city,” Tarnish replied, gesturing out at the city below them with his hoof. “All of this… excess… it bothers me.”

“Las Pegasus is even worse.” Maud moved a little closer and pressed up against Tarnish. “All those neon signs along the strip take so much electricity. And Applewood… you don’t even want to know how the movie stars in Applewood live, Tarnished Teapot.”

Tarnish’s ears drooped down to the sides of his face and he snorted as a sour expression crept over his face. “I suppose you know about Las Pegasus because you went to school there.”

Reaching out her foreleg, Maud wrapped it around Tarnish’s foreleg, and held on to him. She rubbed her cheek against his neck and was thankful to have him beside her. A super observant pony like Pinkie Pie might have seen the bliss that was evident upon Maud’s face, but it was lost upon everypony else.

“We have a big job ahead of us,” Maud said to her husband in a dull monotone. “We’re gonna save some rocks. That’s just about the most important job that ponies can do.”

In spite of how he was feeling, Tarnish laughed and his ears stood up.

“Tonight, I’m going to take you to bed early, I’m going to work the dud out of your system, and then I’m just going to work you over. I need you to get a good night’s sleep because tomorrow… we dance. This means a lot to me, Tarnish. This is a big deal. I’m real excited about it.” Maud’s voice contained no trace of excitement. “I need you to be well rested, so let’s go to bed, Tarnish.”

Lowering his head, Tarnish kissed the mare beside him and nodded. “I’m sick of looking at the city. I’d rather look at you. Or be looking up at you while you’re looking down at me, with your mane spilling all around your face while you make those little whinnies that you make.”

There was a sharp inhale, a gasp from Maud.

“Let’s go to bed, Maud…”

Author's Note

A fine pair of tits...

And some magnificent boobies.

Belle of the ball

Half awake, Tarnished Teapot ate a bowl of granola, sliced bananas, and milk. Across from him, Maud ate the same thing, and the two sleepy ponies took turns exchanging yawns. A cup of tea sat steaming a few inches away from Tarnish’s bowl.

“Tarnish?”

Tarnish crunched the granola in his mouth a few times, swallowed, licked his teeth, and then replied, “Yeah?”

“I’m so excited about tonight that I don’t think I can stand myself right now,” Maud said in the most monotonous monotone ever monotoned. “It’s like when Pinkie Pie got me something for Hearth’s Warming and then not knowing what it was. This is awful.”

There was more crunching as Tarnish took a big bite of cereal. He stared at Maud and had some kind of understanding. There were moments when he heard something resembling a reaction in her voice, and he was getting better at spotting those, and then there were moments when, like now, she was utterly devoid of anything. It too, was a reaction of sorts and he filed away his observation for later thought, when he was a bit more awake.

“I feel as though I’ve accomplished something with my life.” Maud’s head hung over her bowl and her lips were flecked with droplets of milk. “I get to be a geologist and do what I love. I get to be with you. We get to have adventures together, and that is our job. Do you understand how lucky we are?”

Chewing a slab of banana, Tarnish nodded.

“I’m also making friends… I haven’t had a lot of friends, Tarnish… just my sisters.” Maud stared down into her cereal bowl. “I like Tree Hugger. She’s a good pony. She wants to help others.”

One of Tarnish’s ears twitched as he thought about how Tree Hugger’s entire demeanour had changed, how she talked, and how intelligent she was. She was something else, that was for certain. Something special. He ate another spoonful of granola.

Lowering her head, Maud dipped her muzzle into her cereal bowl and slurped in some granola. Breakfast became a quiet affair once more, a moment of silent togetherness, the sort of comfortable silence where two ponies who loved another didn’t need to fill the air with nervous chatter. As Maud chewed, she looked up at Tarnish with her eyes and gave him what she hoped was the most loving look she could muster.

Looking at Maud, Tarnish wondered if she was about to fall asleep in her bowl.

As Tarnish peered into the common room, he realised that he was looking at Daring Do. She was talking with Mister Briar, the earth pony with the missing leg. Daring Do… A.K. Yearling. He felt his mouth go dry and Tarnish stood staring, suffering a moment of celebrity worship.

It took a moment, but he realised that Daring Do was staring back. He watched as she made a gesture to come over. Unable to believe his own luck, he made his long legs move and he shuffled over to stand beside the world famous adventurer.

“I know you,” the famous pegasus said in a low voice as Tarnish approached.

“You do?” Tarnish froze in place, his head lifting, and he looked down on the much smaller pegasus.

“You went into a giant spider den. Rescued some foal. That takes guts. You carry around a magic mirror and a magic sword… pretty unusual for a big, rough, tough stallion to carry around a magic mirror.”

Tarnish felt his cheeks grow warm as he smiled.

“You’re uh, what’s her name”—Daring Do paused, pointed at Tarnish with her wing, and turning her head, she revealed a long line of stitches going up her neck—“Maud Pie’s husband. The papers called you her faithful bodyguard, her devoted unicorn servant, and there was something about you owing her a life debt because she saved you from some ruffians down near Dodge City Junction.”

“Uh, what?” Tarnished blinked a few times as he tried to take in everything that Miss Yearling had just said.

“Eh, the newspapers always embellish the details a little.” The pegasus let out a dismissive snort. “There is no shame in being a devoted unicorn servant though.” Daring Do paused and looked Tarnish right in the eye. “I heard that Maud got into a fight with a hydra and she delivered a total beat down.”

“Yeah,” Tarnish replied as he nodded his head and then he started to shake his head. “No... I’m not her devoted unicorn—” Tarnish cut himself off mid sentence to correct himself. “I am her devoted unicorn husband, but I am not her servant… what are the papers saying about us?”

Black Briar, propped up in his chair, began to snigger and covered his muzzle with his hoof as his glazed over eyes glimmered with mirth. With each laugh, each little snort, his ears twitched, jerking up and down.

“We fought the hydra together… she lept down the hydra’s throat, got herself swallowed, and then punched it to death from the inside.” Tarnish continued to shake his head. “We were on our honeymoon… well, technically, we are still honeymooning, or trying to, we were trying to have a nice time when the volcano exploded and almost killed us.”

“See, Mister Briar, look how casually he mentions these things. Poor fella has it bad.” Daring Do rolled her eyes and let out a low laugh.

“What?” Tarnish blinked. “What? I have what bad? I don’t understand what is going on here. Could somepony kindly explain what is going on?”

“Mister Teapot… we’re adventurers. The stories we tell are no stranger or larger than life than the stories the newspapers tell. Listen to yourself. You speak in such a casual manner about picking a fight with a hydra on your honeymoon and surviving a volcano. We’re not like other ponies. We’re extraordinary. Which is why we are here, in this place, with each other, with other like minded adventurous types. At some point, you stopped being the common, timid pony and you, you didn’t even notice. You speak of these things as if they were normal, commonplace. And for you, they are.” Black Briar gave a pain filled smile to Tarnish.

“Well said, Mister Briar, well said.” Daring Do clapped her hooves together. “I could not have said it better myself.” The pegasus reached up and scratched her neck near her stitches. “Welcome to the club, Mister Teapot. You are going to be dreadfully bored whenever things get too normal. You will never be satisfied with a calm, peaceful, boring day. You are going to spend the rest of your life placing yourself in danger, trying to capture that next thrill, and you and Maud are going to have a wonderful time. You will enjoy a happiness that most ponies will never know.” Miss Yearling bowed her head. “If you will excuse me, I must go and find Doctor Livingstone and let him know that I have arrived.”

Standing agape, Tarnish watched as Daring Do got up and walked away. He had no idea what he was feeling as he watched her go. She vanished through the decorative doors and they closed with a muted click.

Black Briar began chuckling, an almost drunken sound. “We’re heroes… we’re the good guys… and it’s always so funny when the new guy has no idea what he’s stumbled into. The Stiff Upper Lip Society… hahahahahahahah!”

Looking at the laughing three legged earth pony, Tarnish raised his eyebrow. He wondered what Maud was up to. All he knew was that she was getting herself fixed up for tonight and had joined Helianthus to get her mane done. He had the dreadful feeling that he had in fact stumbled into something beyond his understanding, something out of his league, and he didn’t like it.

“Hey,” Mister Briar said in a low voice. “Don’t take this wrong… you’re needed here. We’re all needed here. The world needs heroes. Some of them go out and fight the big evils, like Princess Twilight Sparkle. Others go out and fight garden variety evils and the bad things in the world, like Daring Do and her neverending struggle against Ahuizotl. Most of the time, we hardly ever get noticed. And then there are the day to day heroes… police officers, firefighters, paramedics… the nice pony that helps foals cross a busy street so they can get to school on time… there are not enough of us in the world. Not in the slightest.” The earth pony fell silent and his eyes glazed over even more. “It is in this place we gather.”

“Are you okay? Do you need some help?” Tarnish asked.

“My nurse will be back in a bit, she had to go and get something. I’ll be fine.”

Worried, Tarnish sat down in the chair beside the suffering earth pony and tried to think about everything that Mister Briar had said.

“The world is a crazy, dangerous place, but you know that. You’ve seen it. You went into a cave full of spiders to rescue some filly. You did it because it was the right thing to do. Never stop doing the right thing. Don’t get discouraged. Just keep being you and everything will be fine.” Black Briar grinned, which was more of a grimace of pain than anything. “Just remember to keep a stiff upper lip…”

The excitement of the evening was beginning to settle in and Tarnish was jittery. There had been an unsettling encounter earlier, he worried about performing well, and there were a million things upon his mind. Maud was still getting ready hours later.

Tarnish looked at the box on the bed that held his tuxedo and tried to ignore his sweaty frogs. He felt a little lonesome in this apartment all by himself. He glanced at the clock and thought about dinner. After a moment of consideration, he realised he was too jittery to eat. Too nervous. He didn’t feel all that hungry.

It was time to get ready, go downstairs, and wait for Maud. Tonight had to be perfect. Tarnish looked at himself in the mirror. Tall, chocolate brown, and without trying to be vain, he admitted to himself that he might be kinda handsome, in a scrawny sort of way. Tarnish made the decision to shower before getting dressed and with a smile at his own reflection, he headed for the shower.

Stepping through the doors, Tarnish saw her. He froze in the doorway, his legs no longer working. She was a vision of perfect loveliness. Maud stood with Helianthus, Octavia, and Vinyl Scratch. Tarnish had some trouble breathing as he looked at her. Her gown was amazing and dazzled his eyes. Her mane, which was curled, was swept up in a what Tarnish recalled was a beehive. Little curls had worked their way free already, clung to Maud’s ears, and spilled around her face. The visible parts of her pelt were immaculate, brushed to a fine sheen.

“Hello, Handsome,” Maud said in a flat voice.

“Hi!” Tarnish squeaked in reply, his voice picking the perfect time to break.

Beside Maud, Octavia let out a demure giggle and gave her partner Vinyl a nudge. Helianthus, who towered over them all, took a step forwards. The big white earth pony was wearing a bright orange dress with vibrant yellow accents. Octavia was wearing a simple black gown, nothing too fancy, and Vinyl was wearing an electric blue tuxedo jacket and a hot pink skinny tie over a neon green shirt.

Alone, Maud was breathtaking, but in the company of the other mares, it was all too much. Tarnish stood staring as Maud approached him, her dress swishing with each step. He leaned closer to her when she drew near, inhaled, and smelled something sweet, something heady.

“You clean up well,” Maud said in a soft, low voice. “Look at you… I feel like the belle of the ball… and you, you’re my handsome prince.”

“D’awwwwya,” Tarnish murmured in reply, unable to form a coherent response.

“This is the magical night I’ve been dreaming of.” Maud stepped a little closer to Tarnish and rubbed her muzzle against his neck. “I’m just a sweet little earth pony maid from the farm and all of this is very exciting for me. Thank you, Tarnish.”

“D’awwwyup.” Tarnish was struggling; never had Maud been so attractive. He wanted her in a bad way. It took all of his control to keep himself together. Maud was going to get her magical night, even if it killed him. His ears perked when he heard music.

“Oh, the music is starting,” Helianthus announced. “That first dance really sets the mood for the evening. Come on, you two… Mister Teakettle, are you still with us?”

Tarnish nodded, his ears flopping, and he stared down into Maud’s eyes.

“Tell her she’s pretty… just… say something,” Helianthus said to Tarnish.

“You’re beautiful.” Tarnish recovered his senses as his blood flow directed back to his brain, retreating from other, somewhat optimistic places that had just had their hopes and dreams crushed. “Dance with me, my love…”

Author's Note

Next chapter... dancing! I uh, don't know how well this will turn out... so, uh, don't get your hopes up? I guess? I don't know.

We can dance if you want to

With unicorns, it was called making the magic happen. With pegasi, it was called cloud seeding. With earth ponies, it was called giving them a good plowing. And at some point tonight, or perhaps in the wee hours of morning, Tarnish planned to give Maud’s back forty the plowing of a lifetime. With alicorns, it was the great unknown…

But that would have to come later; right now, he was having the time of his life dancing with her. The first dance of the evening was a simple affair, something that Maud called a foxtrot as they had swept each other around the floor.

The Stiff Upper Lip Society had a well populated dance floor, but the event wasn’t too crowded. Tarnish had learned that the big dances happened around the winter holidays and this was just a warm up affair for the big balls that came in the winter.

The band slowed down and the dancers shuffled off of the dance floor. Tarnish found himself led to a corner where Maud kissed his neck a few times, causing little chilly tingles to run up and down his spine. He sat down upon a bench, glad for a little break, and drank in Maud’s beauty. She was an amazing creature and Tarnish had trouble believing that she was his.

“She’s going to ask for a dance,” Maud said as she sat down beside Tarnish.

Breathless, Tarnish looked over and saw Octavia. His heart lept up into his throat as Octavia drew nearer, with Vinyl Scratch at her side. Octavia was also stunning in her own way, and Tarnish was quite entranced by her. She was famous. Tarnish quite liked her music. He began to feel a little sweaty and nervous as she approached and he worried about his dancing performance with her.

“Brace yourself,” Maud said in a low deadpan.

Tarnish gulped, his throat dry, and wondered what it would be like to slow dance with Octavia. What were the rules when dancing with another pony that wasn’t your wife? Was there some protocol he wasn’t aware of? His frogs felt sweaty and his dock twitched, which caused his tail to swish.

“Might I have this dance?” Octavia asked.

It took Tarnish several seconds to realise that Octavia had asked for a dance, but she had not asked him. No… she had asked Maud for a dance. Stunned, Tarnish sat there on the bench, not sure how he was feeling. He was a little angered, a bit jealous, a bit miffed, Octavia was stealing his wife away for a dance.

“Mister Teapot, I leave my beloved Vinyl in your care. Do see that she stays out of trouble and whatever you do, do not let her near the band. She was born mute, so she is not one for conversation.” Octavia bowed her head. “Thank you, Sir, for being gracious enough to allow me this privilege of dancing with your gorgeous wife.”

And with that, Octavia whisked Maud away, leaving Tarnish sitting there flabbergasted. Vinyl sat down beside him on the bench and gave him a leering grin, which Tarnish did not see, as his eyes were glued upon the two mares walking away.

As Tarnish began sulking, the back of his mind began to sort through everything that had just taken place. He had been eager to dance when he thought he had a chance to dance with Octavia—but when Maud was the one being asked to dance, things had gone wrong. After a long moment of thoughtful reflection, Tarnish realised he felt disappointed with himself. He knew he was a better pony than this. He felt shame, hot creeping shame that made the back of his neck burn like the sun was bearing down upon it without mercy. He had never once given a single thought to if Maud would be jealous or upset by him dancing with somepony else.

He had blundered and he knew it. He planned to make it up to Maud later. He was a better pony than this. Feeling guilty and a bit disappointed with himself, he turned to look at Vinyl. Much to his surprise, he noticed that under direct lighting, the unicorn was actually a pale shade of yellow, not white. Her eyelids were almost translucent and after looking at her for a while, he noticed that her mane colour was dyed in. He could see pale white roots.

Vinyl Scratch was an albino; he was certain of it. She was also rather pretty, in her own way. She was bobbing up and down in time to the music, her ears were twitching in time to the tempo. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

Tarnish watched as Maud and Octavia danced together, both mares had balance and poise. He wasn’t sure who was leading. Maud and Octavia had their forelegs around one another and Tarnish felt a sigh escaping his mouth.

He turned to look Vinyl in the eye and Tarnish gave the mute mare a smile. “They’re pretty, aren’t they?”

Vinyl nodded and her grin became something infectious.

Looking at Vinyl, Tarnish had an idea. He could show Vinyl a nice time and maybe get Maud back in the process. In the back of his mind, a plan was forming. He was going to strut his stuff and rule the dance floor.

Reaching out, he took Vinyl’s fetlock in his own and gave it a soft, gentle squeeze. “Would you dance with me? We can’t let them have all the fun… we need to get our wives back.”

Vinyl, wearing a tuxedo, smoothed out her collar with her magic, squinted at Tarnish, and then lept from the bench, pulling Tarnish along with her. In seconds, Tarnish found himself holding Vinyl in his forelegs, and the two of them balanced together on their hind legs.

The mare, who now had a crazed glare in her eye, was holding him close. Almost too close. This was almost too close and too intimate. He saw Vinyl give a sidelong glance to Octavia and then Tarnish understood what was going on here. He also understood what he had to do.

Brows furrowing into an aggressive crease, Tarnish almost lifted Vinyl off of the floor as he took off in the most smouldering rumba box step he could muster. Vinyl, who was quick on her hooves, fell into step with him right away. She was small, light, and delicate, the opposite of Maud. He found he could toss her around with effortless ease and it occurred to him how heavy Maud was.

As they danced, the music changed into something else entirely. The slow music, something like a waltz, vanished, and some kind of sexually charged tango music with long, sassy horn notes began playing.

Tarnish held his head high and kept his eyes narrowed in concentration as his hooves stomped upon the wooden floor. Vinyl, who was getting into this, clung to his middle and made exaggerated motions with her hips, which rang back and forth like a bell, and then, much to Tarnish’s surprise, Vinyl made a very suggestive hip wiggle against his leg just as a trumpet blew a sultry blat.

The dance floor went still, the dancers stopping and staring as Octavia walked towards Tarnish. She walked on two legs, bipedal, doing so with ease. She spent a lot of time standing up to play her cello and she had a fine sense of balance. Maud stood a short distance away on all fours, staring with wide eyes at the drama about to unfold.

When Octavia was close, Tarnish felt Vinyl pull away a bit; then, much to his shock and surprise, Octavia slapped him across the muzzle, getting him twice, coming and going. It was a soft slap, gentle even, something done more for theatre or drama, but the slap suggested there was a lot of muscle behind it.

Octavia let out a snort and tried to pull Vinyl away, but Tarnish wasn’t having it. Vinyl was a good dancer and he planned to finish their dance so he could show her a good time. Tossing his head back, Tarnish let out a cocky snort and with a yank, he pulled Vinyl closer, waggled his eyebrows at Octavia in the sauciest manner he could muster, and then took off with Vinyl, leaving behind a very flustered Octavia, who stood on two legs, staring.

“Ooooh!” Octavia breathed as her mouth hung open in a perfect ‘O’ of frustration.

Once again, in time to the music, Vinyl Scratch did a smouldering, sultry hip wiggle against Tarnish and then waggled her eyebrows at Octavia. Still “Ooooh-ing,” Octavia did the only thing she could do. She grabbed Maud, lifted her up on two legs, and made ready to strut her stuff.

Tarnish was unaware that the other dancers had retreated from the dance floor so that they could watch the show. He floated Vinyl around, moving in a near perfect rumba box step that had a lot of fancy flourishes and stutter steps. Vinyl clung to him like a second skin, her teeth visible in her wide, ear to ear grin.

When the music presented the opportunity, Tarnish, moving on the fly, switched into a tango. As Tarnish changed his dance to the music, so to did the music change to his dancing. As he strutted across the dance floor, his head bobbing, and Vinyl held in his embrace, he realised that Octavia was doing the same with Maud, but Octavia still looked a little miffed.

Perhaps it was the saucy eyebrow waggle.

Tarnish felt Vinyl taking the lead and he found himself dancing a mambo mixed with disco dancing. He did his best to keep up, he could do the mambo, but Vinyl’s own flourishes were unique and something he had not encountered. Vinyl broke away for a moment and did a little dance, a cross between the mash potato and the bat pony-tusi, which made ponies watching cheer, hoot, and holler. She then grabbed Tarnish once more and began trying to get him to follow her lead with her funky improvised disco moves. Back and forth they went, with Vinyl pushing and pulling on him, strutting together, and Tarnish took note of everything he was doing so he could try it with Maud later.

As he and Vinyl sashayed back and forth, Tarnish was struck with an idea. Using his magic, he whipped Vinyl out and gave her a good spin. Dizzy, the flamboyant mare wobbled as Tarnish snatched her, pulled her close once more, and then took off with her.

Octavia’s mouth dropped open into an ‘O’ once more and Maud, being the helpful sort, reached up with one hoof, placed it on Octavia’s chin, and pushed upwards to close Octavia’s mouth before she could swallow a bug.

It could happen.

Having practiced his move, Tarnish did it again, flinging Vinyl around like a top, only this time, he launched her at Octavia. She went shooting off over the dance floor, spinning on her hind hooves, round and round she went, and as she spun near Octavia, Tarnish grabbed Maud in his magic, pulled her free of Octavia’s clutches, and with a strong jerk of magic, pulled her to him as Octavia caught a very dizzy Vinyl Scratch.

Wasting no time, Tarnish gave Maud a dip, ground his hips against her, lifted her up, and then set off with an odd mix of tango, mambo, and a few of Vinyl’s disco moves. He saw Maud’s eyebrow lift and his heart fluttered. She was reacting! Lifting his head, he looked over at Octavia, gave her a smug look, and waggled his eyebrows up and down in time to the funky beat of the music, doing so in perfect time to the horn section tempo.

So filled with self confidence, Tarnish began showing off, using his magic to assist him. He launched Maud up into the air, set her spinning, and her gown flew out from her as she soared overhead. He caught her, using his magic and his forelegs, gave her a saucy squeeze, and set her down upon the dance floor, where he sashayed away with her in a fancy stuttering box step tango.

But Tarnish wasn’t the only unicorn on the dance floor. Vinyl let go with a dazzling display of magical pyrotechnics as she and Octavia cut loose with a devastating dance that defied description. The two mares moved as one, their bodies pressed so tight together that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. They danced with perfect trust and synchronisation.

A massive kettle drum had been wheeled into the ballroom and now, somepony was hammering away upon it in a musical frenzy, trying to keep up with the breathless tempo of the band.

Tarnish, having the time of his life, let out a steam whistle toot from his horn and gave Maud a spin followed by a dip. While he had her tilted over, he gave her a full body grind, rubbing himself against her, and he could hear the crinkle of her gown. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Tarnish was certain he saw something in their depths, but he didn’t have time to analyse it. He lifted her up, gave her a fling, and set her spinning like a top, causing the flared skirts of her gown to fly outwards, revealing Maud’s shapely legs and fishnet stockings.

Tarnish caught her mid spin and when he pulled her close, she had her back to him. He rubbed his hooves up and down her front and gave her a few friendly slow grinds from behind. There were gasps from those watching and Vinyl Scratch, who watched the shameless display, followed Tarnish’s lead.

Octavia was spun around like a top, caught, and then Vinyl too, gave Octavia a few slow grinds from behind as one of Vinyl’s hooves lingered near the base of Octavia’s crotch, which caused Octavia’s eyes to go wide as her cheeks took on a flustered pinkish hue.

The band was sweating while trying to keep up with the blistering pace.

There was a brilliant flash of light, which dazzled and confused Tarnish, and while blinded, he felt Maud being pulled from his embrace. Another pony took her place and when Tarnish could see again, he saw a very flustered Octavia looking up at him.

Tarnish spared no mercy. He was at the top of his game. Youthful confidence was on his side. He grinned down at Octavia, squeezed her close, and then, Tarnish gave her the business. She was heavier than Vinyl, more like Maud, but she was light on her hooves and reacted with speed and grace.

“Cheeky unicorns… why I never,” Octavia said in a heavily accented voice as Tarnish began to whisk her around the dance floor. “Be a good filly and marry a sensible earth pony, my mother said… harrumph!”

Tarnish paid her no attention but instead gave her a suggestive squeeze as they bounced around the floor. He tried some of Vinyl’s improvised disco moves and found that Octavia responded well. Of course she did, she had Vinyl as a dance partner. Glancing over, he saw that Maud also responded well to Vinyl’s improvised dance moves. He grinned as he gave Octavia a dip.

Without warning, the music shifted once again, and then with a clattering of hooves, Helianthus came clattering out on the dance floor as a funky variation of the Can Can played. She moved on two legs, a titan that towered over everypony else on the dance floor. She moved with amazing fluid grace and balance for one her size, her skirts swishing and flaring around her long, shapely legs, of which there were flashes as she whipped the flowing fabric of her gown around. Helianthus was a big, solid mare and her hooves thumped and thudded in time to the music, making their own funky beat.

Tarnish adapted, stomping in time to the music, and with a flourish, he flung Octavia to his side, his left foreleg locked with her right foreleg. They stood, side by side, forelegs locked together, hooves clattering, stomping and dancing in time to the music.

Not to be outdone, Vinyl came over and they formed an impromptu dance line when Vinyl looped her left foreleg around Tarnish’s right. The four now stood in a line, doing a funky Can Can dance, ears bouncing as they stomped their hooves together, kicked, and tried to mimic each each other's’ movements as much as possible.

Meanwhile, Helianthus was heating things up with a smouldering rendition of a Can Can dance, revealing tantalising flashes of muscular white legs. She moved with impossible grace for her size.

Just as things were heating up, a newcomer appeared. A pink pegasus burst into the ballroom wearing a dazzling sky blue gown covered in glittering rose coloured gems. Ponies gasped and the band played on.

“Helianthus! I’m sorry I’m late!”

“Dove! So glad to see you!”

The pink pegasus was much larger than the common pegasi, and she came sweeping across the dance floor on two legs, her sky blue gown flowing around her like water. She moved as if she was weightless.

Helianthus and Dove moved together on the floor, mirroring each other’s movements, causing all those in attendance to gasp with delight. The band was soaked with sweat and looked exhausted already.

“I just flew in from the frozen north, and hooo-weee, are my wings tired!” Dove cried as she danced.

“Dove, darling, you are terrible!” Helianthus whipped out her long, flowing skirts and slapped Dove with them.

Tarnish, who had Octavia on one side and Vinyl on the other, found that the positions were being changed. He found himself with Maud again. She was sweaty, damp even in places, and loose curls of her mane were plastered to her face and neck.

For a moment, she was the only pony in the room. He gazed into her eyes, transfixed, and then, overcome with amore, he kissed her. He didn’t care who might be watching, he never even thought about it, he went for the gusto and held nothing back.

A cacophony erupted as the music died. The musicians slumped down, breathless, unable to keep going, and the funky Can Can number ended. The kettle drummer fell down upon the floor, his barrel heaving. Tarnish and Maud kept smooching, oblivious to the fact that other ponies existed.

Helianthus, now on all fours, stood grinning and looking very pleased with herself.

Dove, late for the party, watched as Tarnish and Maud continued to engage in their noisy, sloppy, slurpy kiss, and her eyes glimmered with happy looking tears as her wings fluttered against her sides.

Vinyl Scratch, looking very pleased with herself, goosed Octavia and when Octavia opened her mouth to protest, Vinyl took the opportunity to follow Tarnish and Maud’s example. Octavia squealed in protest, but then melted and returned the passionate kiss to her mate, no longer caring about culture or sensibility.

“Well, I’d say the ball is off to a good start… once the band recovers, the fun can begin again… I think I need something to drink!” Having said what needed to be said, Helianthus sauntered over to the well stocked bar with her heart set on having a maretini.

For Tarnish and Maud, the night was just getting started…

Author's Note

This might need some editing and touching up. There will be an edited version later. Have fun, and leave a comment. I've never attempted anything quite like this before. Opinions and feedback appreciated. Funnily enough, it was a bit like writing equine erotica.

The fab four

Head splitting, mouth dry, Tarnished Teapot woke in a strange bed. It took him a moment to realise that it wasn’t his and Maud’s strange new bed in their apartment. No, this was somepony else’s strange bed. He tried to remember the night before. He had a vague, blurry memory of returning to Octavia and Vinyl Scratch’s apartment last night, sometime during the wee hours of the morning.

“What happened last night and why am I here?” Tarnish managed to croak out.

“Go back to sleep,” a sleepy voice replied.

Not Maud’s voice.

Tarnish’s whole body tensed with panic when he realised that was Octavia’s voice. “What happened last night?”

“Nothing, now go back to sleep,” Octavia replied in what was becoming a very grumpy voice. “Nothing happened. You were a perfect gentlepony. Which is why I offered to share my bed with you.”

“Why am I here?” Tarnish asked. He had a hazy recollection of drinking wine at the ball, and then, after coming home with Octavia and Vinyl, there had been something else. He tried to make his aching skull work but all he did was make his head hurt even worse. There was something about forty year old single malt whiskey lurking in his thoughts. He fought back his rising sense of panic, but was too hungover to fight very well. “I gotta go!”

“Tarnish, go back to sleep,” Maud said in a gritty voice that sounded full of gravel.

“Oh crap, what did I do, I’m so sorry—”

“Ugh,” Octavia grunted. “You didn’t do anything except indulge in a quaint Trottingham custom of sharing a bed. Now, go back to sleep.”

Half awake, hung over, Tarnish turned a bleary eye to his amulet. “I can’t go back to sleep… it’s turning purple… danger.”

Maud Pie, smacking her lips, lifted her head. “Both of you are in considerable danger. I need to go and get Tarnish’s special tea.” The earth pony blinked a few times as she tried to rouse herself from her somewhat hungover state.

“Vinyl gets grumpy if she doesn’t get her special tea in the mornings,” Octavia replied in a sleepy voice. “She’s very keen on Lady Grey tea and the Earl Grey doesn’t satisfy her.”

“No.” Maud wiggled next to Tarnish and struggled to get her eyes open. “No, you don’t understand. Tarnish can be dangerous without his tea. He is the living embodiment of poison joke.” Maud’s voice was a raspy, dried out monotone.

“Oh bother.” Octavia yawned, leaned over, and smooched Vinyl. “Vinyl, be a dear and conjure up whatever it is that they need, will you? This sounds serious. I’m going to go and have a wee and then we’ll start breakfast I suppose. I’ll get a kettle on.”

Sipping tea, Tarnish wished that he was just a bit more magical as a unicorn. He didn’t know how Vinyl had pulled the tea tin through the aether, but she had. All he had to do was concentrate on what he needed, touch horns with the sleepy looking mare, and with a poof, the tea tin had appeared upon the kitchen table.

Now, Vinyl was standing next to the stove, cooking breakfast. Tarnish looked at her, then at Maud, and tried to piece together last night. He ached all over and his head thudded in the most awful way.

“I woke up knackered and there was no nookie involved,” Octavia said as she stepped into the kitchen. She walked up and stood between Maud and Tarnish were they where sitting at the small table. She kissed Maud on the cheek and then, surprising Tarnish, she kissed him as well. Smiling, she sat down at the table.

“I wanted to say thank you for being on your best behaviour last night,” Octavia said as she got comfortable. She cleared her throat, her ears perked, and then she sniffed at the delicious aroma in the air. “Last night was lovely and Tarnish, you didn’t ruin it. I really do wish to thank you. Quite a few stallions”—Octavia paused, looked at Tarnish, and gave him a wry smile—“or colts as the case may be, would have said something stupid and boorish, like ‘Hey ladies, let’s make this a foursome’ or my personal favourite, ‘You’re only lesbians because you haven’t had a proper dicking yet.’ I tell you, it is getting harder and harder to trust males.”

Swallowing some tea, Tarnish felt his cheeks grow warm.

“Even just making friends is difficult. Everypony only wants to make friends so they can get something from me.” Octavia shook her head. “Or Vinyl. They want to get a hoof into the music industry. They want fame and fortune by association. And every stallion or colt I’ve ran into recently wants to give me a good rogering in me arse as a conquest. I tell you, the world has become dreadful.”

Maud, holding a teacup between her front hooves, lifted it up and took a sip as Octavia spoke. She said nothing, but did glance at Tarnish. Her ears perked for the merest moment and Maud did her best to convey to Tarnish just how proud she was of him.

“So, uh, what’s up with the bed thing?” Tarnish asked in a low voice.

Pouring a cup of tea, Octavia let out a husky laugh. “We’re all very poor in Trottingham. Well, I was. I grew up in a two bedroom rowhouse, the best thing my father could afford on a steel worker’s wages. We fillies all had a bedroom and one bed. We all slept together. My brothers, the two of them, they slept in the cellar when they got older. I guess it is because of how we grew up, but we Trottingham ponies tend to invite our guests to share our beds with us. Call it a quaint old world custom I suppose.” The grey mare’s brows furrowed. “I rather miss it, to be honest. That sense of togetherness.”

“And I suppose most stallions leap at the chance to take advantage of that,” Tarnish said, feeling just a little ashamed, without understanding why he felt ashamed. “I’m just really glad I didn’t make a fool of myself. The last time I got drunk, I was hung from a tree. It’s how I met Maud, actually.”

“Oh how dreadful, you poor dear.” Octavia’s eyes brimmed with genuine concern. “You poor darling, if somepony was to try and hang you from a tree, I might have to reveal my working class roots to the world at large and curbstomp them. There is a real shortage of gentleponies and that, well, that is quite a shame.”

“I was young and I was stupid.” Tarnish gulped down some hot tea and then stared down into his teacup, feeling a maelstrom of emotions. This was nice, this gathering around the breakfast table. This was pleasant. He suspected that Maud was happy to be making more friends. More than anything, he was relieved that he hadn’t done anything stupid, because something about this morning felt just as important as the ball the night before.

“This really is nice,” Octavia said, repeating her sentiment from earlier. “Vinyl and I just can’t seem to have friends without everything just going wrong. Vinyl especially… she’s… gifted. She’s the reason I’m famous. Vinyl, perhaps because she is mute, is gifted with the most perfect ears. She does more than disk jockey work. She’s a producer and a sound engineer. She takes my extraordinary music and she makes it magical. Everything Vinyl touches, she turns to gold. I don’t know how she does it, but being mute just adds to her mystique.”

“I just want to be a rock star,” Maud deadpanned.

Tittering, Octavia almost dropped her teacup. She let out a most unladylike snort and then set her teacup down upon the table. She looked at Maud, gave the mare a warm smile, and then looked at Tarnish. “She is amazing, isn’t she? That dry sense of humour. It’s like good gin on a cold, rainy day.”

“I love her more than life itself,” Tarnish replied.

“I can see why.” Octavia glanced over at the stove where Vinyl was cooking and her eye lingered on her mate. After a moment, she turned her gaze back to Maud and Tarnish. “I’ve missed this so much. This… what we’re doing right now. No expectations, no nothing, just a nice breakfast after waking up together. And the dancing last night… the dancing last night was spectacular.”

“The dancing was amazing. I’ve dreamed about having a night like that since I was a little filly. Didn’t think I’d ever find a partner though.” Maud’s ears drooped a little, a rare indicator of emotion. She glanced over at Tarnish and the corners of her mouth twitched ever so slightly.

Grinning, Vinyl scratch sauntered over to the table carrying four plates loaded down with food. She set the first plate down in front of Octavia, gave her a kiss, then set a plate down in front of Maud. After a moment of hesitation, there was a quick peck on the cheek. Stepping around Maud, she set the third plate down in front of Tarnish, grinned even wider, gave him a muzzle nuzzle, and then, after a moment of contemplation, she also gave Tarnish a chaste peck on the cheek after glancing at Octavia. Having served everypony, Vinyl sat down and set the fourth plate down in front of herself.

“Oh my,” Tarnish said as he looked down at his plate. Fried eggs, fried mushrooms, fried tomatoes, bits of what appeared to be fried squash, toast covered in beans, and hash browns. Everything looked so good that he didn’t know where to start.

As Tarnish sat there staring at his plate, Vinyl set down a platter full of scones upon the table and then there was a clunk as a jar of lime marmalade was set down near the scones. Vinyl was skilled with magic and Tarnish could not help but feel just a little bit jealous.

“So… how did you two meet?” Maud asked.

“We shared a bed,” Octavia replied with a hint of laughter in her voice. “I had just come here to Equestria. Was dirt poor and had nothing but a suitcase and a few coins. I had to sell my cello just to get passage across the ocean. I had to get away from Trottingham… I didn’t want to become a housewife or a steel worker. I met Vinyl in a train station in Fillydelphia. She was trying to get to Vanhoover, because she had a job waiting for her there, but she didn’t have enough bits for a train ticket. We put our bits together and got a sleeper compartment on the train.” Octavia’s eyes misted over and she stared down at her plate.

“So what happened when you got to Vanhoover?” Maud asked.

“Vinyl got stiffed.” Octavia scowled and her ears splayed out sideways. “The pony that was supposed to give her a job didn’t have one to give, but he suggested that we could work for him anyway… there are ways for a hard up mare to make money. It was all part of a ploy to lure down on their luck mares into prostitution and selling them in the lumber camps. I beat him to a bloody pulp and Vinyl stole his money.” Octavia paused and her ears perked up. “We got out of Vanhoover and away from that disgusting pimp. We took a train to Las Pegasus. Vinyl found work as a studio mixer and we met a very kind and very flamboyant stallion with the delightful stage name of Peacock. He helped me get a job with a house orchestra that did music for the nightly shows.” Octavia shook her head. “Those were hard times. Tough times. Vinyl and I had an efficiency flat with one little bed that we shared together. It was just us versus the world.”

“Somehow, you ended up here,” Maud said as she lifted up a spoon with her hoof.

“We stuck it out, together.” Octavia looked over at Vinyl and then back at Maud. “After a lot of effort and hard work, we got out of Las Pegasus. We came to Ponyville because it had cheap living. I got work in Canterlot making music and Vinyl also got work in Canterlot as a producer and sound engineer. Once we got settled, we had more time for our hobbies. Which is how we ended up here, with the two of you, eating breakfast after sharing a bed together.”

Tarnish, tucking into his plate of food, couldn’t help but feel that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He liked Octavia and Vinyl. More importantly, it seemed that Maud also liked Octavia and Vinyl. Nopony enjoyed being alone, Tarnish understood that all too well, and it was nice to have friends. The trick was, finding the right ponies.

Octavia and Vinyl, another earth pony and unicorn couple, were the right ponies.

Author's Note

This might need touching up. Maybe. I don't know.

Edit: Also, go and read This story! It belongs in this universe! It's the future!

202

Standing in front of the closet, Tarnished Teapot looked at the clothing hanging inside. His tuxedo and Maud’s gown. They had ended up on Octavia and Vinyl’s floor. Much to Tarnish’s surprise and relief, they resisted wrinkles, probably due to some sort of magic that he didn’t understand.

Helianthus was gone, off to deal with some emergency. Perhaps she had ponies to rescue, Tarnish didn’t know. Octavia and Vinyl were packing so they could leave. Soon, Tarnish and Maud would be packing. Probably today. Not much had even been unpacked. Tarnish realised that he and Maud could leave in just a few minutes if need be.

He didn’t mind leaving; if anything, he was eager to be on the road again. He glanced at his tuxedo, sighed, and thought about happy memories. He and Maud had made friends. Adult friends. The sort of friends you make as a couple. His mother had told him about this sort of thing, it was a sign of growing up.

The apartment was empty, save for himself. Maud had gone out to secure something from a shop, and Tarnish had not gone with her, having decided to stay here for a bit of quiet time so he could sort his head out.

Standing there, in front of the closet, he heard his name being called. He blinked, looked around, and his eyes fell upon his magic mirror, which was sitting on a table in a patch of sunlight. He crossed the room, went to the table, lifted the mirror in his telekinesis, and peered into it. He saw Twilight’s face and then heard her voice.

“Yay! It works! I made my own magic mirror by studying one that Princess Celestia had in storage! It was kinda challenging!” Twilight’s voice was jubilant and exuberant.

Amazed, Tarnish blinked.

“Looking good, Tarnish… now we can see each other. The mirrors work both ways. We now have a more reliable means to communicate and I can get in touch with you. This is great. The spell matrices were so complicated but I managed and now we can talk! This is amazing!”

“Hello Twilight,” Tarnish said as he overcame his stupefication. “How are… things?”

“Oh, things are wonderful. How are things for you?” In the mirror, Twilight smiled.

“Maud and I are having a lovely time,” Tarnish replied. “Say… Twilight, do you know anything about a pony named Helianthus?”

“Oh, Princess Celestia’s friend.” The Twilight in the mirror pursed her lips and shook her head. “Princess Celestia introduced me to her. To tell the truth, I find Helianthus to be a little annoying. She’s silly and kind of… well… I don’t know. She doesn’t take things seriously and she kind of gets on my nerves. But she and Princess Celestia are best friends.”

“Oh really…” Something in the back of Tarnish’s brain balked at this information. Something about the big white earth pony had left him curious and at some point, without realising it, he had picked up a peculiar notion that Helianthus might have been somepony else. “So you’ve seen them in the same room together?”

“What a strange question, are you okay, Tarnish?” Twilight’s mirror image blinked a few times in concern. “Helianthus acts like a silly filly and gets Princess Celestia to laugh. She blows bubbles in her tea. She drinks a bit too much.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Tarnished shrugged and gave Twilight a sheepish grin, knowing she could see him, “it’s nothing, I just had a very silly idea I suppose, one of those absurd thoughts that sit in the back of your mind.”

“I get those all the time!” Twilight’s image looked away from the mirror. “Oh bother, I have to go! There is smoke everywhere! SPIKE!”

Tarnish heard a distant voice say, “I didn’t do it.” Afterwards, the mirror went dead. He set the mirror down upon the table in the sunny patch, looked at his saddlebags in the corner, and couldn’t wait to be on the road again.

Blinking, Tarnished Teapot looked down at the package left in front of his apartment door. There was no sign of anypony in the hallway. The package was wrapped in newspaper and a bright pink ribbon. After another look around, Tarnish lifted it and took it inside the apartment.

He sat it down upon the kitchen table, sat down, and pulled the ribbon. A little paper envelope fell down to the table and Tarnish picked it up in his telekinesis. With gentle care, he pulled it open, not wanting to tear it. Inside, there was a note. He pulled the note free, unfolded it, and began to read.

Tarnished Teapot

Thank you for the lovely time together. I haven’t seen Octavia this happy in a long time. I think she misses having friends. It’s super hard for us, because everypony wants something from us. It’s also very difficult for Octavia to trust males because of some stuff that’s happened. I think you might have restored some of her faith and she keeps talking about you. It’s great hearing her happy.

Enjoy the book. It’s a magical primer, but it breaks everything down into simple and easy to understand terms. It should help you. You had better study hard, because I’ll be checking up on you.

Hope to see you again soon, Vinyl Scratch.

Smiling, Tarnish folded the note, set it down upon the table, and began peeling away the newspaper. Somepony had used the comics for wrapping paper. As the newspaper fell away, a battered looking hardbound book was revealed.

The cover was a dark blue with light blue and gold accents. It was beat up, the corners were scuffed and rounded. The pages had seen some real use. Tarnish lifted it up and read the cover.

Essential Applications of Practical Magical Theory.

Tarnish saw somewhat smaller golden print below the title and he read that too.

A guide by Sunburst.

He flipped the book open and looked inside. The book smelled a bit like perfume, beer, maple syrup, and something almost like cigar smoke. Vinyl Scratch had scribbled copious notes in the margins. On the first few pages there was something that Tarnish believed to be grape jelly, but he couldn’t quite be sure.

He closed the book, lifted it to his face, and rubbed his cheek against it, overcome with a happiness that could not be expressed in words. This book was obviously very dear to Vinyl, and by giving it to him, Tarnish could only deduce that he was very dear to her.

He sat in his kitchen, smiling, feeling very good about himself and he was glad that he had come to Manehattan. This had been a wonderful trip and he couldn’t wait to show Maud his gift.

Maud Pie came through the door with several boxes balanced upon her back. She moved with the sort of fluid grace that only earth ponies had, not disturbing or bouncing the boxes she carried, and made her way into the living room.

Right away, Tarnish began helping, lifting the boxes in his telekinesis and placing them down upon the floor, smiling as he did so. Maud smelled a bit like perfume and what could only be described by Tarnish as a department store smell. Overcome with curiousity, Tarnish began examining the boxes, wondering what Maud had picked up.

“I purchased a few practical items,” Maud said in a flat voice. “I found some really nice blankets in case it gets cold. Of course, we have each other to keep warm.” Maud’s head turned and she looked at Tarnish. “With the coming fall, the nights are going to be chilly. We might also spend some time at higher elevations, and if we do, it will be freezing at night and maybe even during the day.”

“Baby, I can be your hot chocolate,” Tarnish said as he waggled his eyebrows at Maud.

Maud’s eyes widened a bit as she stood there in silence. Her nostrils flared a tiny bit and her barrel expanded as she drew in a deep breath. “You’re hilarious. You always know just what to say.”

Tarnish laughed at his own joke and then asked, “So, what else did you get?”

“I picked up a pith helmet for myself. To keep the sun off of my head and neck. There are two oilcloth canvas coats with wool linings. Those will keep the rain off. The last thing we want is to be wet and cold. I also picked up wool hats, wool scarves, and woollen leg warmers because we can lose a lot of body heat through our legs should we encounter some severe cold.” Maud blinked at Tarnish. “It’s important to be prepared.”

“Neat.” Tarnish drew himself up to his full height and looked down upon Maud. “Vinyl Scratch left me a little present in front of our door. A book to help me with my magic. So I have something to read during our trip home. What about you? Find anything interesting?”

“I did,” Maud replied. “I found a very interesting book.”

“What is it? What is it called? What is it about?” Tarnish felt a growing sense of curiousity, but he suspected it was a book about rocks. One eyebrow lifted as Maud dove into a bag and began to rummage around. With her head down in the bag and her rump up in the air, Tarnish began feeling a bit flustered, his sixteen year old hormones reminding him that said rump was warm and receptive to his advances.

Maud pulled her head out of the bag and a book was held in her teeth. Tarnish lowered his head and looked at the book she was holding. The first thing he saw were numbers printed in bold, black text. 202. What a peculiar title. Tarnish focused on the cover art and it took him several long seconds to realise that there were two little ponies in a very peculiar position and they were doing—

NO! Tarnish jerked his head up in shock, his mouth falling open. Unable to help himself, he lowered his head once more and had another look. Yep, those ponies were boning, but they were doing it in such a weird way. Tarnish tilted his head from one side to another, trying to take it in. The mare was laying on her back on a flat surface, her head tilted back, and the stallion was mounting her face, his hooves braced on either side of her body. She appeared to be on an elevated surface, like a bed or a table.

202. Tarnish guessed that there were going to be two hundred and two positions of weird, freaky circus sex. He couldn’t believe that Maud had purchased the book. She was still holding it in her mouth, looking up at him with her perfect, beautiful eyes. He saw her blink and heard the faint rustle of her eyelashes, a sound as soft as falling snowflakes.

Grinning, Tarnish took the book out of Maud’s mouth, and then he heard her say, “I like one hundred and sixty.”

Tarnish’s eyes darted around his apartment as if he suspected that he was going to be caught reading the dirty book. Nervous, his frogs sweating, he pulled the book open, flipped through the pages, and in no time at all, he found position one hundred and sixty.

It was a two page spread, like all of the other positions, showing it from different angles and offering advice for best results. This position showed a mare sitting on a stallion’s face, riding him, with her front hooves braced on the stallion’s barrel. Tarnish felt his mouth go dry and he gulped. The mare in the book looked quite happy to be sitting on her lover’s face; her tongue was hanging out, her eyes were crossed, and her back was arched in pleasure.

There were several paragraphs on what to do, how to do it, ways to get better depth, how to use one’s chin to stimulate a mare’s clitoris, and even some helpful advice to eat some strong peppermints before the encounter to add a delightful cooling sensation to increase the mare’s pleasure.

Tarnish lowered the book when he heard a rustle of paper and he looked at Maud, who was pulling something out. He almost dropped the book when he saw the bag of peppermint candies that Maud had tugged out from her bags and parcels. She had the bag of candies held in her mouth and she was looking up at him, blinking. Something about those eyes… Tarnish suddenly found it very difficult to breathe.

There was only one thing to do in this situation. Tarnish pulled the bag of peppermint candies away from Maud, tore it open, took out several candies, pulled off the cellophane wrappers using his telekinesis, tossed the candies into his mouth, tossed away the bag of peppermints along with the now empty wrappers, lifted Maud in his telekinesis while still holding the book, and then took off towards the bedroom, tossing his head around while snorting.

The very best learning came from books and lots of practice.

Author's Note

Soon: the rock farm.

One of the family

Manehattan was now just a bright glow behind them as they drifted towards home in an airship kindly provided by Tree Hugger. They had left after a frantic call for help through the mirror by Twilight Sparkle. Pinkie Pie was in trouble, Twilight had not said what had happened, only that Pinkie Pie was returning to the rock farm and that Maud was needed right away.

Saying goodbye, Tree Hugger had returned to her air-headed mannerisms, which Tarnish now knew for certain was a public persona. The airship that Tree Hugger had provided for them was small, something like a yacht, and it had come with a crew.

This trip spent in Manehattan, short as it might have been, was a time that Tarnish knew he would treasure. He and Maud had made friends, had a wonderful time, and were now going to do their part to save the world.

Standing on deck, Tarnish wondered what was up with Pinkie Pie. Twilight had sounded quite upset and frantic. From what little that Tarnish knew, Pinkie Pie was a sobbing mess who really needed her sister. Twilight had called it a crisis. There was nothing that Tarnish could do at the moment but wait. He wondered how Maud was dealing with it. He supposed that the direct approach would be the only way he could find out how she was doing.

Standing next to Tarnish, Maud shivered in the chilly night air, the strong breeze rippling her smock. She scooted a little closer to Tarnish, thankful that he had asked how she was doing. He was getting good about that; just coming right out and asking, doing so unabashedly and without reservation.

“I wish I knew what had upset my sister Pinkie,” Maud said to Tarnish as the stars drifted on the horizon. “I can’t imagine what it might be. She was supposed to go back to Ponyville with Twilight and Applejack while we were in Manehattan. Maybe her pet died. I’d be devastated if something happened to Boulder.”

“I’m sure we’ll find out soon. We should be home by dawn if the wind holds right.” Tarnish, who felt cold, tried to keep his teeth from chattering. Being a much taller pony with much longer legs, he had far more surface area to lose body heat out of his extremities. His neck was also longer, which made the problem worse. Short, stocky ponies did better in the cold.

“You’re not doing very much reading,” Maud remarked in a soft voice that was barely audible over the wind.

“I’m worried about my sister.” Tarnish paused for a long moment, closed his eyes, and sighed. The truth had come out. There was no sense beating around the bush any longer. Opening his eyes, he turned his head and saw Maud looking up at him, her eyes reflecting the stars in the night sky. She was beautiful, perfect, so much so that for a moment, he lost track of his thoughts.

Maud was silent and Tarnish wondered what she was thinking. He watched her blink, her eyelids moved as slow as maple syrup in the dead of winter. He could see each breath she took, vapour steamed from her nostrils, and he could hear the faint, soft rippling rustle of her smock as the wind tugged upon it.

While he and Maud had enjoyed plenty of conversations, Tarnish understood that what defined their relationship were the quiet moments, those moments of silence when nothing needed to be said, like now. As difficult as it was to work up the courage to talk to a pony you liked, loved, or otherwise had an interest in, it was even harder being quiet with them. Silences could be awkward and uncomfortable. There was always a need to fill the air with sound to avoid those awkward silences.

Until of course you reached a point where you realised that the most important things about a relationship could only be communicated in the silence. An exchanged look. A loving glance. The sort of lingering eye contact that lasted for seconds, minutes, those precious moments stretching into what felt like hours and nopony minding that they did. A lot could be said with a raised eyebrow. A slow blink. An ear twitch. In the communications of silence, a kiss could serve as punctuation.

Tarnish took a moment to punctuate everything being said between him and Maud.

The Pie family rock farm was bathed in the rosy pink glow of dawn. Smoke curled up from the chimney. It wasn’t quite cold enough for frost, but it would be in perhaps another two months. Summer was definitely ending and fall would soon announce its arrival.

For Maud and Tarnish, it had been a sleepless night. Maud, worried for her sister, had been unable to sleep, and Tarnish, worried for both Maud and Pinkie, had found himself wide awake. The pair of them stood on the deck as the ship prepared to touch down.

When the landing gear had barely even touched the dry grey dirt of the rock farm, Maud lept over the deck rail, not waiting on the gang plank. She dropped and landed with ease, her hooves raising up a cloud of dust from the impact sight where she had thumped into the ground.

Wasting no time, she headed for the house as Tarnish, who was carrying their luggage, waited for the gang plank to be lowered. Tarnish, worried, watched as Maud disappeared through the door, and he was filled with an urgent need to follow, but was forced to keep waiting.

Loaded down with stuff, Tarnish pushed his way through the back door and into the kitchen, glad to be home, but worried about his family. He was hit by the smell of coffee and breakfast. There was no sign of Pinkie Pie. His ears perked as he heard Cloudy speaking.

“—she made it back on the train and Igneous was there to greet her. She’s in a frightful state. Won’t talk about what is wrong. Wasn’t even gone a day, she took the train back to Ponyville early in the morning, and came home on a late nighter. Came home crying her eyes out. She passed out last night sometime in the dark hours of morning, after midnight.”

Marble, whose hooves made no sound, crept into the kitchen, let out a sharp exhale, and threw herself at Maud. She hugged and squeezed as tight as she could, then kissed her sister several times, glad to see her. She only let go of Maud so she could go after Tarnish.

She almost bowled him over on impact, and Tarnish was still not quite used to the affection of solid, durable, enthusiastic earth ponies. To his credit, he recovered enough to get a foreleg around Marble’s neck and return her affection.

“I’m sorry, Maud,” Marble said while being held by Tarnish, “this isn’t the homecoming you deserve—”

“But one of us is in trouble,” Maud replied, cutting her sister off. “So this is the homecoming I get.”

Tarnish let go of Marble as she pulled away and he watched as Maud sat down at the kitchen table. She poured a pot of coffee from the percolator sitting on the table, pulled the mug close, hunched down over the mug, and began inhaling the fragrant, rich steam.

Sitting down at the table, Tarnished Teapot began to fix a pot of his special tea.

There was nothing quite as sorrowful as a blubbering Pinkie Pie. It was a sound so sad that it was impossible to feel good about anything and all one could do is also feel sad as they listened. Each of her sobs was like hearing the death of joy and carried with them the fear that one might never know happiness ever again.

Standing next to the wall, Tarnish watched as Maud held her sister. He felt awful, not knowing what to do. He loved Pinkie; she had never stopped being his friend, she had never given up on him, even when it was difficult to be his friend, back when his talent was still out of control. Of course, she was indirectly responsible for him being banished, but he didn’t blame her for that. She had inadvertently set him on the road for the greatest adventure in his life. A road that had lead him to Maud.

Blinking, Tarnish watched as Maud made one of the most expressive faces he had ever seen her make. Her eyes and her ears both darted towards Pinkie, as if she was gesturing at her sister. She did it again, and then again for a third time, and Tarnish made the connection that Maud wanted him to console Pinkie. He shuffled to the couch, his hooves dragging, and sat down on the other side of Pinkie Pie, sandwiching her in between him and Maud. He leaned in and—

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie had him in a death grip. His eyes bulged in their sockets as he struggled to breathe. He could hear the sound of blood roaring in his ears and the steady thudding of his own heart. Just as the embrace was starting to become unbearable, it eased up just enough to allow him to continue breathing and stay alive. Pinkie Pie had buried her soaked face against his neck and her whole body shook with sobs. He felt Maud wrap her forelegs around him and then Pinkie was crushed between them.

It seemed to help; either Pinkie took comfort from being smooshed between two ponies she trusted and loved, or she was squished to the point of being unable to draw in enough air to keep blubbering. Tarnished settled in for the long haul, wrapped one of his forelegs around Maud, and rested his chin on top of Pinkie’s head. He could feel her limp, lifeless mane plastered against his neck. She had lost her happiness, her joy, the limp, lifeless mane was a bad sign for sure. He knew how to fix Maud when she was down, but he didn’t know how to fix Pinkie. He felt an ear twitch against his cheek and Pinkie shuddered against him.

Limestone paced back and forth in the living room, there wasn’t a lot of room to pace, but somehow, Limestone managed. She snorted from time to time, looking a bit angry, a bit worried, and a bit sad all at once. Marble sat in a high backed chair, her father’s chair, she was teary eyed and kept sniffling.

Igneous would stand in the doorway, disappear into the kitchen for a time, and then reappear in the doorway, his face filled with the pain that only a father would know in this situation. One of his daughters was suffering and he couldn’t make it right. He didn’t even know what was wrong. Pinkie Pie hadn’t said anything.

In the kitchen, Cloudy worked to make comfort foods, dealing with the situation the only way she knew how, which was keeping busy and working hard. It was all she knew, all she understood, and working hard kept her from breaking down and crying. There was enough crying in this house at the moment, and Cloudy was determined not to start weeping.

But her precious, wonderful pink filly that she treasured was making it difficult.

Hitting the end of his endurance, Tarnished Teapot yawned. He didn’t mean to do it, it just sort of slipped out. It was now mid-morning. He was tired, sore from sitting in one place for so long, and he was emotionally exhausted.

Pinkie Pie was in an inbetween state, where she was crying, but not sobbing, tears spilled down her cheeks but she wasn’t bawling. She pulled her head away from Tarnish, looked up, blinked a few times, and in a voice bubbly with phlegm, she said, “You sound sleepy.”

It was the first words she had said all morning.

“We were both awake all night worrying about you,” Maud said to her sister.

“I’m sleepy too but I don’t want to sleep alone. I need my sister. Can I come to bed with you?” Pinkie Pie looked into Maud’s eyes and gave her sister a pleading stare.

Maud blinked. “Pinkie Pie, I—”

Giving Pinkie a squeeze, Tarnish cut in with a smooth interjection. “There is a quaint Trottingham tradition about sharing a bed.” Tarnish reached out and wiped away a few tears from Pinkie’s face with the soft touch of his fetlock. “I’ll sleep on one side, Maud will sleep in the middle, and you can sleep on the other side. You and Maud can cuddle together just like you did when you were both foals and then when we wake up, maybe you can tell us what happened.”

“That’d be nice,” Pinkie Pie said as she sniffled. “I’m so hurt right now. I don’t want to be alone.”

Maud Pie exhaled, look at her husband, and then looked at her sister. “Come on Pinkie, let’s take you to bed. Maybe when we all wake up, we’ll feel better.” Maud began to rub Pinkie’s neck as her sister began to pull away from Tarnish. She glanced at her husband once more. “As for you, thank you, Tarnish.”

“Eh, don’t mention it,” Tarnish replied, glad that he had learned something from his friendship with Octavia and Vinyl. Tarnish looked around the room, meeting each worried face with his eyes, trying to reassure them. “Good night, everypony, we are off to bed.”

It didn’t seem to matter that it was mid-morning.

Author's Note

Sad Pinkie. :pinkiesad2:

Pronk!

Pronk!

Standing in the doorway, Tarnish looked at Doctor Hedge. The good doctor was giving him an apologetic look as he stood just a few short feet away. Tarnish gave the doctor a nod and waited for an explanation as to why he was here.

“I’m very sorry to bother you,” Doctor Hedge began, “but there has been a bit of a problem. The townsponies are scared… there’s somepony… eh, well, there is somebody new in town. She claims to know you. Her name is Buttons.” The doctor finished speaking his words with a sigh.

“Buttons?” Tarnish stepped forwards, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“Like I said, I’m sorry. I understand that there is a bit of a family crisis, but I needed to find out more about her. She came here because she heard about you, with you being famous and all.”

“Buttons is a good dog,” Tarnish said to the doctor in a low voice. “She’s harmless… she wouldn’t hurt anypony. Can you take me to her? Do you plan to make her leave? You shouldn’t make her leave, she’s lonely and she needs friends… she could be a member of this community. She won’t hurt anypony—”

“I wasn’t going to do anything until I came and talked to you,” Doctor Hedge said to Tarnish. “Are you willing to vouch for her?”

“Well of course I am,” Tarnish replied. He stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind him. “What sort of question is that, anyway?”

“Son, most diamond dogs ain’t friendly.” Doctor Hedge’s bushy eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. “They’re dangerous. I have to think of everypony’s needs. Now, she seems nice enough, but I had to be cautious, you understand?”

Feeling somewhat irritated, Tarnish nodded, understanding all too well. The world was not always a kind place, most diamond dogs were probably awful, and Tarnish couldn’t fault Doctor Hedge for keeping everypony in town safe. Still, it felt unfair and it bothered him that Buttons was discriminated against.

“She was hoping to see you when you came back from wherever it is that you was.” Doctor Hedge’s furrowed eyebrows relaxed a bit and his wizened old face sagged. “I’ve been letting her stay out in the old stone quarry, the one that flooded. She’s got lots of water to drink and fish and frogs to eat. So far, she’s kept to herself.”

Turning his head, Tarnish looked at the door, feeling torn. Pinkie needed him, but so did Buttons. Pinkie had Maud and her whole family. Buttons had… well, Buttons had nopony. Tarnish leveled his gaze upon Doctor Hedge.

“I am ready to go,” Tarnish said, wishing that he had some old used toothbrushes to bring to Buttons, knowing that they would make her happy. He let heave a wistful sigh, shook his head, and watched as Doctor Hedge turned about to go.

Tarnish moved with the steady assurance of a seasoned cross country traveler. He moved at a brisk pace, leaving the good doctor behind a bit, and trotted over the treacherous ground, his hooves never slipping. He pronked from rock to rock, galloped over the gravel, and pranced along the precarious path with practiced ease, only pausing to look behind him and check upon the doctor.

Moving over the open ground, Tarnish was in his element, and he was unaware at how much he had changed from the colt he used to be when his journey started. His time with Maud had changed him, and his time spent around earth ponies had even changed his mannerisms. He moved like they did over the treacherous ground, never slipping, never missing, and even pronking with ease, never missing his intended landing spot.

The colt was coming into his prime as a young adult.

“Slow down a bit,” Doctor Hedge called out as he fell further behind.

Tarnish came to a halt. The path was getting steep, angling downhill, shelves of rock were strewn with gravel. He looked at the doctor, looked at the path, and then he worried that the old stallion would break a leg. Tarnish realised that the doctor was already committed to Button’s well being, he had to be, it was the only explanation as to why he would risk coming out this way.

Feeling impatient, not wishing to spend all day traversing this path, Tarnish made a decision. He sighed, knowing that he was committing himself to trouble, and then grinned at Doctor Hedge as the good doctor drew near.

He scooped up the old stallion in his magic, ignoring his protests to put him down, and then, Tarnish took off. There was a shout from the doctor, followed by a bellow of protest, but Tarnish ignored it and paid attention to where his hooves went. He lept from a ledge, dropped down, and landed upon a jutting rock. When Tarnish lept again, the doctor let out a cry of terror, then went silent when Tarnish came to a skidding halt after landing, his hooves kicking gravel over the edge of the rock shelf he had landed upon.

Wide eyed, the doctor watched in terror as Tarnish continued to pronk down the steepest part of the path that would take them down to the lower levels of the quarry. Tarnish was enjoying himself and he wished that Maud was here. Maud could move over the stone like nopony else.

Long legged and gangly, Tarnish moved like a mountain goat down the path, holding Doctor Hedge up above his head. Getting back up was going to be quite a workout and no doubt, Tarnish would have to carry Doctor Hedge back up, or else he and the good doctor would be out here for hours.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!” the doctor screamed as Tarnish made a terrifying ten foot leap from one spur of rock down to another, ignoring the path altogether. “HAVE YOU ABANDONED YOUR SENSES?”

Pronk!

“Oh my stars!”

Pronk!

“How are—”

Pronk!

“—you—”

Pronk!

“—doing—”

Pronk!

“—that!”

Pronk!

Halfway down, Tarnish paused to admire the view. He stood upon a bulbous protrusion of rock that was barely large enough for him to place all four of his hooves upon. Really, it was only big enough for three of his hooves, but three and and a half hooves was good enough for Tarnish. He felt confident in his abilities.

Pronk!

His hooves clopped against the rock when he landed and he found himself on a long, narrow ledge. He took off at a run, his side rubbing up against the stone. When he reached the end of the narrow stone ledge, he took off again—

Pronk!

He lept over a very surprised looking bird sitting on an inch wide ledge and landed upon the path once more, having avoided many switchbacks by taking the direct way down. He felt a faint twinge of pain in the leg that had been broken. Not serious pain, but a reminder of pain long since passed.

Pronk!

Tarnish made his final descent to the lowest part of the rock quarry. There was water down here, old busted blocks of stone lay everywhere, and the dirt that had washed down here from rain and flooding now had grass growing in it. It looked like a nice enough place, even if it was a bit difficult to reach.

He set down Doctor Hedge, who seemed grateful to have all four hooves upon solid ground once more. The old unicorn let out a wavering sigh and almost pitched over. Tarnish chuckled a bit and continued to have a good look around.

“Well, I had to go to the bathroom… past tense… had…” The doctor grumbled a bit more, shook his head, scooted away from Tarnish. “Honourary numbskull… fool colt!”

Grinning, Tarnish had a look around. In the distance, he saw the beginnings of what appeared to be a crude stone cottage being made out of old, broken blocks of stone. A corroded tin roof glinted in the sun. He looked for Buttons, hoping to see her, but saw no sign of the diamond dog. This place was huge. He took off at a steady trot, now moving over flat ground.

He didn’t have to go very far before he saw a familiar sight. He felt his heart leap up into his throat when he saw Buttons come dashing over to him. She loped along on all fours, her tongue hanging out, and her tail wagging from side to side behind her.

The diamond dog came to a skidding halt, yipped, and then snatched Tarnish up in a crushing hug. “Friend!”

“Hello, Buttons!” Tarnish said as the air was crushed out of his lungs. “Buttons, what are you doing here?”

“Buttons hear story about you in paper. Some nice pony read paper to Buttons when she saw your picture! Buttons sees that you find little horsy wife to make little horsies with! Buttons happy! Buttons came to this place to find you. Buttons was lonely where Buttons lived before.”

“Yes, Buttons, I got married,” Tarnish managed to grunt out as Buttons gave him another colossal squeeze and then she started to swing him around. After a few joyful tosses, Tarnish was set down upon the ground.

He turned and looked at Doctor Hedge, who was watching everything with a wary eye, and then returned his attention to Buttons. “It’s good to see you. I think you’ll like it here. Just be careful about running up and hugging the little horsies. Some of them spook easy.”

“Buttons no hurt little ponies. Buttons good dog.” Buttons sat down upon the stony ground, reached out, and patted Tarnish on the head with one oversized paw that ended in fierce, curving claws. “Buttons can help little horsies. Buttons can cut stone, can dig, can make stuff. Buttons don’t want to be lonely.”

“I would imagine so, Buttons.” Tarnish glanced at Doctor Hedge again, then continued when he was looking back at Buttons. “Just be patient and take your time. Let the ponies here get to know you. Maybe you could help Doctor Hedge here. He’s old and he probably has lots of errands that you could run for him. If you did that, the ponies here could get to know you.”

“Is good idea!” Buttons grinned, revealing sharp teeth. “With right stuff, Buttons can make shiny metal. Can pound it into stuff.”

“You can make steel?” Doctor Hedge asked, now taking an interest.

“Yes, shiny metal that no rust easy. Hold edge. Is hard.” Buttons nodded and began panting with excitement.

“We produce a lot of raw materials around these parts, but we ship them off. Nopony local smelts them or works with them. There’s a fair bit of mining here… hmm.” The old unicorn sat down on the ground and studied Buttons.

“Sure, now you seem interested, but only after you’ve learned that she has a valuable skill,” Tarnish said to Doctor Hedge.

“Tarnish, my boy, I’m sorry, but that is how the world is. I do not have a problem with her. I think she’s fine. I brought her here so she could be comfortable and safe.” The doctor cleared his throat and shook his head. “The other townsponies were scared to death of her. Some wanted to call in the guard and have her dealt with. I take it that you’ve never had a run in with bad diamond dogs. If you did, you’d understand why so many ponies are so skittish.”

“Maybe so,” Tarnish said, shrugging. “Other diamond dogs might be awful, but Buttons is nice and she deserves a chance.”

“And if I can convince the other townsponies that she is an asset to us, she is more likely to get a fair shake.” Doctor Hedge’s eyes narrowed. “She seems sweet enough.”

“Buttons good. Was clubbed on head for not being like others.” The diamond dog reached up and rubbed her head, just behind her ear. “Buttons not same after clubbing. Buttons go stupid and have hard time braining.”

“That… that just ain’t right.” Tarnish shook his head, moved closer to Buttons, and allowed himself to be hugged again. She smelled like wet dog and she was still damp in places. Tarnish guessed that she might have been swimming a while ago.

“Tarnish, I’ll see what I can do about convincing the others to give her a chance, but I can’t make any promises. I could use some help though, I’m getting old, and maybe if the others see her with me, it’ll calm their fears.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Tarnish replied as Buttons squeezed him and petted his neck. He looked up at the diamond dog holding him. “So, Buttons… tell me about your trip… what was it like crossing Equestria to come up here?”

Author's Note

Next chapter: Tarnish delivers the mail.

PIEPHOON!

PIEPHOON!

“I’m back,” Tarnish announced as he stepped through the back door leading into the kitchen. When he had left, Maud had been helping her sister Pinkie get cleaned up in the bathroom. The house seemed quiet and the kitchen was empty. “I brought a telegram back with me from town… it’s for you, Pinkie.”

“It had better not be from him,” Pinkie said, appearing in the living room doorway with a ferocious scowl furrowing her face.

“I don’t know,” Tarnish replied, shaking his head. “Because I don’t know who he is. This telegram is from a Mister Sandwich.”

Pinkie rushed forwards, a pink blur shooting through the kitchen, and she snatched the telegram out of Tarnish’s telekinesis just as Maud appeared in the doorway. She tore the telegram envelope open, doing so with such speed that it was impossible to tell how she was doing it and began reading, her eyes darting from the left to the right. Her mouth fell open and she shook her head.

“Cheesy is in trouble… oh no!” Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Some kind of terrible new parasprite mutation that makes ponies sad! He can’t battle them alone and music doesn’t seem to be working!”

Tarnish had no idea what Pinkie was talking about. He had a vague recollection of parasprites in Ponyville, but they had left him alone for whatever reason. He watched as Pinkie Pie read the telegram again. This time, as she read, her mane and tail exploded with riotous curls.

“I don’t have time to sit here and feel sorry for myself… a friend needs me… Equestria needs me… I GOTTA GO!”

Tarnished Teapot was struck by a Category Five Pink Hurricane, a Piephoon. He was set upon by a pink blur, his neck was almost crushed in a fierce hug, his face was kissed a dozen times in the span of a single eye blink, somehow almost bowling him over but also keeping him upright, then the pink blur left him to assault Maud, who weathered the storm with stony indifference. Before Tarnish could even recover enough to say anything, Pinkie exploded out the back door and was gone, leaving behind a cloud of confetti, some streamers, and the scent of frosting.

It happened so fast that Maud’s mane whipped out in the breeze of Pinkie’s rapid departure. The two ponies left behind stared at one another, blinking, and confetti fell like snowflakes upon both Tarnish and Maud.

“What just happened?” Tarnished asked.

“Pinkie Pie,” Maud replied, as if that somehow explained everything.

“She’s gone.”

“Yep.”

“Will she be okay?” Tarnish’s head tilted off to one side in concern.

“I think she’ll be fine.” Maud let out a sigh and blinked. “We need to get going. We have work to do. Want to help me start packing up the egg?”

“Are we really going to call it ‘The Egg?’” Tarnish crossed the kitchen to stand closer to his wife. Confetti fell from his sides and swirled around his hooves.

“What else should we call it?” Maud angled her head to look up at Tarnish. “Stop growing taller, Tarnish, I’m going to get a crick in my neck. What are you, some kind of giraffe?”

“Hey, don’t you start! I can’t help it.” Tarnish lowered his head until he was eye level with Maud. “Is it just me, or is my neck getting really long? Like, freakishly long?”

“All of the best parts of you are long,” Maud replied in her flattest monotone ever.

Unable to stop himself, Tarnish began to snigger. He nosed Maud on the cheek, showering her with affection, and took a step closer. “I really hope that Pinkie will be okay. She took off so suddenly.”

“Tarnish, that’s how she is. One day, a long time ago, when she was still a foal, she just up and left us. She took off to Ponyville. She’s always been a free spirit. I think she just needed some time with her sister. She’ll sort herself out.” Maud paused and looked at up at Tarnish. “By the way, you did good looking after her. Thank you. I’m going to make it up to you with some happy husband hugs.”

“Hey, being good is its own reward.” Tarnish grinned.

“But those will have to come later. For now, we have packing to do. Let’s see what we can get done while it is still daylight.” Maud planted a noisy kiss on Tarnish’s cheek. “Really, thank you.”

“Aw, it was nothing…”

The Egg was far roomier than it first appeared to be. The storage spaces below the floor and above the ceiling held a surprising amount of stuff. The storage below the bed held even more stuff. There was far more useful storage space in here than on a buckboard wagon. As a bonus, stuff didn’t have to be packed into water tight steamer trunks, which were a heavy load all unto themselves. The closet space beyond the bed wasn’t even half full yet.

“What about our scientific equipment?” Tarnish asked as he stepped out of The Egg.

“Hasn’t arrived yet. It is coming by train, should be here tomorrow,” Maud replied. “We’re getting the new model of thaumaton reader, which I can’t wait to try out. The rocks will reveal their secrets to me.”

“I packed up the old one—”

“Good,” Maud said, “we might need a backup. The old one has proven itself during our last adventure.”

Tarnish nodded and lifted up a crate of food that sat near the back door. With effortless ease, he levitated it over, floated it inside, and then stepped in himself. The crate, big, heavy, and wood, was unnecessary. He peeled it open, pulling off the wooden lid, and began placing all of the tinned food in the cabinets beneath the sink. There were straps and nets inside the cabinet to hold items in place.

After emptying the crate, he tossed it outside and fetched the second crate, which was full of dry goods; oatmeal, rice, and other foodstuffs that weren’t tinned. Tarnish pulled it into The Egg with him, pulled it open, and began to put everything away. Several hundred pounds of food were already tucked into storage and there was still plenty of room for more.

Sticking his head out the door, Tarnish grabbed something else that he desperately wanted with him on his trip. He lifted Maud, who was going over a checklist, and pulled her inside. Grinning, he tossed her on the bed. He advanced upon her, his grin ever widening, emboldened by how she just laid there looking at him with her sleepy, disinterested expression.

“Did you get everything stuffed in? Was it a snug fit? Did you—”

There was a cough. Tarnish froze, blinked, and felt his blood run cold. Maud blinked and her nostrils flared. With an almost painful slowness, the tendons in his long neck creaking, Tarnish turned his head and looked at Igneous, who had stuck his head into the door and asked some questions.

Did you get everything stuffed in? Was it a snug fit? Those words could not have been said at a worse time, as Tarnish had Maud on the bed and had planned a little impromptu makeout session. And poor Igneous, his words had to be haunting him. The stallion had turned a shade of red that did not exist in nature. He had just asked his son in law a question that no father ever wants to hear the answer to.

Tarnish, who had something of a mouth on him, who could be witty when the situation demanded, could not help himself. He felt his lips betraying him as the words began to leave him. “I’ve stuffed every available space I could find, and there’s still some room to spare…”

“Daddy… you did show up unannounced—”

“Maudlin, please, Daddy needs a moment… you left the door open and I had no idea what was going on in there. I thought it was safe.” Igneous wiped sweat from his face, drew in a deep, wheezing breath, and let it all out in a huff. The old stallion shook his head, grunted, and went stomping off to the water pump for a cooling drink.

“Tarnished Teapot, you scoundrel, I’m telling your mother,” Maud said to her husband.

“Oh come on, that was funny,” Tarnish said in his own defense as Igneous began pumping water and soaking his head. “I had to say something, I couldn’t help myself. It just slipped out.”

“Tarnish…” Maud shook her head at her husband. “In light of what you just said, specifically the line, ‘room to spare,’ you should not say ‘slipped out,’ okay?”

Snorting, Tarnish began to chortle as a stream of profanity poured from Igneous’ lips. The old stallion sputtered, coughed, and continued to soak his head. Tarnish eyed Maud, trying to find some telltale sign of her being amused; he hoped that she found this funny.

“When I tell my mother about this, she is going to howl.” Maud blinked once, looked at her father, and then up at Tarnish. “This is hilarious. This is something we’re all going to look back upon and laugh about later.”

“No it ain’t,” Igneous retorted as he gave himself a shake. “And this is why we are building you a nice stone cottage and there will be a strict ‘knock before entering’ rule. By the stones, I’m losing my little fillies.”

Harrumphing, Igneous set off, stomping away, and he vanished through the back door of the house. Maud watched him go through sleepy looking eyes, and when he was gone, Maud prodded Tarnish with her hoof.

“Shall we pick up where we left off?”

Shrugging, Tarnish replied, “Okay, sure.”

Stepping into the kitchen, Tarnish froze when he saw Cloudy staring at him. Maud bumped into his backside, then pushed her way through the door, shoving him aside. She halted and stared back at her mother.

“Hungry for dinner, or are you already stuffed?” As Cloudy spoke, the corner of her mouth twitched.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Tarnish replied, playing a dangerous game. “I just nibbled some Pie, but I’m still hungry.” He noticed Maud giving him a sidelong glance as he spoke. “Pie can be a satisfying meal unto itself, if you really dive into it.”

“Yes it can,” Cloudy said, her eyes narrowing as the corners of her mouth kept tugging upwards. “Get out of my kitchen, you scamp! Poor Igneous, he had to go lie down for a while. Both of you, get gone! Dinner will be served in just a bit. Tarnish, try not to spoil your appetite.”

“But Cloudy, I’m in love with your baked goods and can’t stop nibbling on the sweet treat you made just for me—”

“Get out of here!” Cloudy pointed at the door leading into the living room with her hoof and try as she might, she could not hold back her sniggering. For a moment, her eyes lingered upon her grown daughter, and fierce pride could be seen. “You give me some grandfoals and maybe I’ll forgive you. Now get out!”

Knowing better than to push his luck, Tarnish made good on his escape, with Maud following along right behind him. As he stepped through the door into the living room, Tarnish chuckled and said, “Thank you, Cloudy… she’s perfect.”

“And don’t I know it!” Cloudy snapped.

Standing next to the wall in the cramped room, Tarnish watched as Maud fished out a small bag for Limestone. He already knew what was in it, buried down deep in soft tissue paper. A Manehattan snow globe, as requested. He had said that he would try to get a snow globe, but it had been Maud who had gone out and done the shopping. But Limestone didn’t need to know that…

This snow globe was special—it lit up at night and the tiny city inside had lighted windows, little street lamps, and little illuminated wagons in the streets. Tarnish hoped that it would make Limestone happy. It was powered by shaking it.

As for Marble, Maud had brought back a book about the history of Manehattan and its importance as an earth pony city of trade. With Marble being the bookish sort, Tarnish figured it would be as good of a gift as any.

He watched as Limestone’s hoof reached down into the bag and she began to feel around. She pulled out something wadded up in paper and began to peel away the layers, her eyes wide with excitement. Marble on the other hoof, was far more reserved. She peered into her bag, somehow looking shy and apologetic as she did so, but she did not reach inside. She just sat, staring into the bag, smiling a soft, warm smile.

“It’s perfect,” Limestone said as she tossed some paper aside. She held up the snow globe, balancing it on her hoof, and peered into the tiny cityscape. She let out an ‘oooh’ sound followed by an ‘aaah,’ her eyes growing ever wider.

“Do you think Pinkie will be okay?” Marble asked.

“I’m sure Pinkie will be fine,” Limestone replied as she gave her snow globe a shake.

“I’m worried too,” Tarnish admitted.

Marble, lifting her head, looked at the ponies crowded into the room with her. She brushed her mane away from her face with her hoof, let out a low cough, and then said, “Pinkie is like a ray of sunshine that shines down on your life and then is gone. She’s special, because you never know when she’s going to happen next. One moment, like a ray of sunshine, she is there, and the next moment, she is gone.”

“Yeah, that about sums up Pinkie.” Limestone nodded her head and her eyes remained locked upon the tiny city under glass. A blizzard raged inside and the yellow glow of the lights could be seen in the water.

“But the sun always comes back, no matter how dark it gets.” Maud reached out her foreleg, grabbed Marble, and pulled in her in for a hug. “We rocks need our sun to warm us…”

Author's Note

Innuendo!

Stoned

“Well, they'll stone you when you're tryin' to be so good... they'll stone you just like they said they would... they'll stone you when you're tryin' to go home... they'll stone you when you're there all alone... but I would not feel so all alone... everypony must get stoned.”

Ears perking, eyebrow arching, Tarnish looked at his wife as she sang in deadpan. “Maud?”

“I’ve decided to leave the establishment. I married a central figure in the counterculture movement. What choice am I left with?” Maud, stony faced, paused in her task and looked at her husband. “It wasn’t an easy choice, becoming anti-establishment, but I figured it was time to rebel against my parents and the conservative culture in which I was raised. Viva la revolución.”

Dumbfounded, Tarnish stood there with his mouth open, not understanding the world around him at all at this moment. His brain, balking at the information being presented and lacking a response, derped. Tarnish didn’t have a sense of politics or even an idea of where he fell on the political spectrum. Derp!

“I even had sex before marriage… I am a liberated, modern mare and I will not be crushed by the system. My life will not become gravel and I will not become a paved path for others to tread upon. I shall remain a rock and I will roll over others that try to hold me down. I shall crush all who seek to oppose me, oppress me, and keep me from my unlimited potential.”

Still derping, Tarnish let out a confused whinny and took a step back.

“Does being with an empowered, modern mare scare you, Tarnish?” Maud asked. “Do these lips that speak hard, unyielding, stony truths taste any less sweet? Is the water that you drink from my well any less satisfying?”

“No!” Tarnish gasped, fearful of being rocked and rolled. He decided right then and there that he liked modern mares with empowered attitudes. He liked them a lot. He was fine with them. As Maud has said, viva la revolución.

“So begins the rock revolution,” Maud said in a flat voice, “there will be dancing.”

“Okay.” Tarnish nodded. Something had flown up under Maud’s tail. Perhaps she had hit her head while packing the wagon. Maybe something had happened at the train station when she had gone to pick up their equipment. Maybe she was just in a mood. Maybe, just maybe, Maud was being funny. She did that. She might be having a go at him.

“We’re leaving tomorrow, Tarnish.” Maud blinked and focused her blank stare upon her husband and now, fellow revolutionary. “We are leaving tomorrow and we’re going to change the world. We will become figures celebrated in folklore. We’ll fight the good fight. Nothing can stop us, Tarnish. A volcano already tried. Are you ready to change the world with me?”

“Um, yes?” Tarnish replied as he tried to underp himself.

“Good.” The corner of Maud’s mouth twitched for a second and something in her eye twinkled. Her tail swished from side to side and then she went back to work, making certain that everything was ready. “But I would not feel so all alone... everypony must get stoned.”

Tarnish watched her go, feeling a little confused, a little unsettled, and a little aroused. Geologists, he thought to himself. He watched the way she moved, the way her smock clung to her body, the way her mane bobbed and spilled down her neck.

What could Tarnish say? She got his rocks off…

Staring down into his saddlebags, Tarnish tried to understand what he was seeing. There was something about them that didn’t quite seem right. Of course, his saddlebags seemed peculiar to begin with, they were old, but untouched by decay or age. They were magic, he knew that. But something about their capacity… he stuck his head down inside.

He found himself in a vast, cavernous space and looked around. His head felt as though it had shrunk a great deal. He pulled his head out and gave himself a shake, causing his ears to flop around. There was far more room on the inside than the outside would suggest. He could stuff a lot of things inside of there, and he had. When fleeing from the volcano, he had crammed all manner of things inside. The storage space could be unlimited for all he knew, but there was a drawback.

His bags had weight. Whatever he crammed in there didn’t get any lighter. Curious and in the mood for a somewhat scientific test, he lifted up Flamingo and eyeballed her. She was several feet long—over a yard long. Perhaps about four feet or so in length. He dropped her down into his saddlebag tip first.

She vanished. Peering down at his bag, Tarnish wondered how a sword so long could vanish into a bag so shallow? Curious, he stuck his head down inside of his bag. He saw Flamingo and the darkness in the bag was lit with a pink glow. It was big in here. Quite big. Feeling adventurous, Tarnish took a real risk.

He climbed into his own saddlebag. He found himself inside and there was plenty of room. He felt odd; lightheaded, dizzy, and a bit disoriented. He had trouble sensing which way was up or down, everything felt wrong. His horn had a most peculiar tingle. He didn’t know how to get out. Looking up, he could see the opening high above him. He could see the sunlight and the world outside of the bag. He very much wanted to return to it.

Blinking, Tarnish found himself standing in the dirt, looking down at his saddlebags. He blinked again a few times, stunned. The weird tingle in his horn was gone. He no longer felt peculiar. He could see a pink glow from within his bag. His saddlebags had changed. He stared. His cutie mark, three poison joke flowers, were now on the sides of his saddlebags.

Tarnish began to have ideas; his bags could serve as emergency shelter if necessary. It would be uncomfortable, one would have to deal with the odd, peculiar sensation, but it wasn’t the most awful thing.

He looked around. Maud was inside The Egg and he didn’t know what she was doing. Perhaps plotting and thinking revolutionary thoughts. Turning his head, he peered down at his bags. Magical saddlebags were confusing. They could hold a huge amount of goods, but the weight would become crushing at a certain point.

Tarnish wasn’t one for possessions, but he treasured his magical items. His mirror was valuable, as it would be to any adventurer, his saddlebags were amazing, and then there was Flamingo. He paused, considering his thoughts. Was Flamingo an item? She was a sword. But she was also a pony. Or had been. He hadn’t pulled her out for a while. Time didn’t seem to pass for her when she was sheathed. A hundred years or a thousand years could pass and she would never know. She was now a pony outside time. Did he own her? Was she a traveling companion? He didn’t know. He was protective of her, but he wasn’t certain of his relationship with her. She was a magical sword that had at some point, been a pegasus, at least he assumed this to be the case, from what little Tarnish had been able to put together. She was a sapient sword that was afraid of the dark and squeamish of blood.

He lifted the sword out of his saddlebags and then set it down, leaning it against them. He glanced down, checking his amulet, and saw that it was glowing a pleasant, happy shade of blue. Tomorrow. They would be back on the road tomorrow. Off for the Scariest Cave in Equestria. Tarnish hoped that it would not disappoint. Life had become a little boring. He found himself craving some excitement. He wanted, no, needed to be on the road again.

Limestone was going to come with them for a while. Tarnish wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hoof, he loved Limestone. On the other hoof, it was going to be difficult to have private time alone with Maud. Limestone was bringing her own bedroll and her own gear. Limestone would travel with them for a while, then she would turn around and head back home on her own. The filly just wanted to see a little bit of the world with her sister and her brother in law. Tarnish could not begrudge her that.

As for Marble, she had no desire to leave home. She wanted to stay here so she could see Sonneur. Tarnish had a nagging suspicion that he and Maud were going to come home and find out that a quiet wedding had taken place. It seemed likely. Those two ponies were like two peas in a pod.

“Hey, Maud! Where are the snacks for on the road? Are they still inside? I need to pack my saddlebags! I ain’t leaving home without Mother’s rock hard fudge!”

The Egg held more gear, they had more stuff, but was still a lighter weight. The low resistance wheels made everything easier to pull. The test run around the rock farm had been easy. Too easy. Tarnish found that even he could pull the wagon, but it was difficult for him to get started. He had to struggle, scramble, and dig his hooves down into the dirt, then strain for a while before the wagon would start creeping forward. He doubted that he could pull it on any sort of an uphill incline. Maud would still be the primary wagon puller and he would be the water provider and snack giver as he walked beside her.

Igneous kept checking over the new wagon, marvelling at its construction, and making certain that everything was in perfect working order. Cloudy was tucking away more snacks and treats inside for Tarnish. Unicorns needed calorie dense treats and with Tarnish’s increased magical usage, he had a need for as much food as could be stored.

Come dawn, they would be going, heading south. Already, a sense of saying goodbye hung overhead like an unwanted cloud threatening rain. No visitors came out to the farm, the bell had not been rung, and this time spent together before departing was treasured by the whole family.

Time was growing short. Fall was coming, and with it, cooler weather. They would have to cover considerable ground each day and then put in long hours of study once they reached their destination. There was only so much time before it became unbearably cold and winter arrived. They would need to return home before the fall season ended.

Tarnish had a good feeling about this trip. He wasn’t sure why he felt so optimistic, but he was. Sure, he had some concerns, there was a cave that had a reputation for being scary, but after what they had already faced, Tarnish was confident that together, he and Maud could deal with anything that posed a threat. Of course, they could get lucky and face no real threat at all. But that would be boring.

He found that he missed his days as a courier. He missed the feeling of danger and accomplishment. He missed tangling with dangerous flora and fauna. He wanted to be on the road. He wanted his trip to be a little bit dangerous. Enough danger that it was dangerous and fun, but not so much that it was life threatening. He wanted to feel his blood pumping, he wanted to feel the blood rushing through his ears. He wanted to feel his heart pounding in his barrel.

With all of this on his mind, Tarnish wasn’t sure what this said about him as a pony. Ponies were supposed to be quiet, timid creatures—homebodies. Ponies were supposed to gather together in vast herds and avoid danger. Civilisation had been built to push danger back and make life safer… so why was Tarnish in such a hurry to leave the security of civilisation behind and go into the wilds of Equestria?

More so, why was Tarnish so happy that he had been made a ranger? Had his experiences left him mad? Unfit to be around civilised ponies? Was something wrong with his mind? His trip into the wilderness with Maud and the encounter with the volcano had changed him. For better or worse remained to be seen.

He only knew one thing for certain. He couldn’t wait for the dawn to arrive.

Author's Note

Next chapter... departure from the norm.

Southward, where it is warm, moist, and humid

Everything about Igneous was gruff, yet gentle, and Tarnish felt it when the old stallion hugged him. The foreleg that wrapped around his neck was as hard as the unyielding stone, well muscled, and covered in a fine latticework of scar tissue that was rough and sandpapery against Tarnish’s pelt. As they embraced, Tarnish thought about the foreleg around his neck; as strange as it might be while being hugged, it was what came to his mind and he reflected upon it. It was a limb that Igneous’ beloved fillies had clung to during times of trouble or fright. He comforted them, hugged them, that strong, burly foreleg was Igneous’ connection to his family, and also, to Tarnish as well.

When Igneous pulled away, their eyes met, just as Tarnish’s eyes had met with Cloudy’s when she had hugged him. Something was different now, so very different, but Tarnish couldn’t say what it was.

Tarnish stepped back, blinking, and then watched as Igneous was tackled by Limestone, who had no idea what gentle affection was. He watched as she kissed her father’s face and then attempted to squeeze the life out of him.

Off to his left, Tarnish heard a soft gasp, and then he was being hugged by Marble. He leaned into her affection, treasuring it, and then Maud embraced the both of them in a three way squeeze. It was hard, saying goodbye, but important and meaningful. Having been almost killed several times during the last trip, the need to say goodbye was now a priority. Anything could happen. These ponies were his family, and he loved them. He had come a long way since being banished from Ponyville. He had a place where he belonged, a unicorn among earth ponies.

“I’ll look after the cabbages and keep planting stuff among the poison joke,” Marble said as she rubbed her cheek against both Tarnish and Maud. “It’s nice growing stuff.”

“At least the poison joke can look after itself,” Maud said to her sister. “Mom and Dad are going to be mopey, Marble. Make sure you look after them. You’re the only one who will be left at home and Daddy is going to be upset.”

“I’ll be fine!” Igneous snapped.

“See, he’s already distraught,” Maud said in a flat, unremarkable monotone.

“I am not!” Igneous, who still had Limestone hanging off of him, stomped over to where Maud was, pulled her free from Marble and Tarnish, and then gave her a fierce hug as he squeezed his eyes shut. “You’re my little Maudlin… come back to me.”

“Aw, look, Daddy’s all emotional,” Limestone said as she let go of her father. She sat down in the dirt and glanced over at her mother, who now stood beside her. “Daddy and Maud are so much alike.”

Cloudy, sniffling, nodded her head, which made her glasses go askew, and draped a foreleg over Limestone’s withers. She squeezed her daughter, blinked a few times, and then kissed Limestone’s cheek. Overhead, feral clouds were pink and orange in the rosy light of dawn, and the reflections could be seen in her glasses.

“Look after Buttons if she drops by… please? She’s lonely and she needs friends,” Tarnish said.

“We’ll give her a fair chance,” Cloudy replied.

“Thank you,” Tarnish said to Cloudy, “it means a lot to me. She’s a good diamond dog. She’s really lonely. I’m sure she’d love to help out if ponies would just give her a chance, but they need to see that Buttons can be trusted. You all have a lot of influence in these parts.”

“I’m willing to respect anypony—” Igneous paused and his brows furrowed as he pulled away from Maud. “I’m willing to give anyone a fair shot if they work hard, diamond dogs included.”

“You had all better get going,” Cloudy said in a worried voice. “More clouds are rolling in and it feels humid. I bet there will be rain later. Get some distance before the storm comes.”

“Mom is right.” Limestone rose and stood up. “Maud, want to double hitch so we put on some speed?”

“Sure.” Maud gave her sister a nod. “Tarnish, are you ready to go?”

“Yeah I am,” Tarnish replied as Marble let go of him. He leaned over, stretched out his neck, and kissed Marble on the cheek as she scooted away, causing her to blush. He adjusted his trusty pith helmet and then began strapping on the rest of his gear. When he had his saddlebags secured, he hung Flamingo from his saddlebag strap.

He watched as the two Pie sisters went to the wagon. Maud opened the tack box, pulled out a second harness, and began to attach it to the wagon with some pins and clips. Maud was quick and the second harness was secured in no time. She and Limestone slipped into their harnesses with practiced ease, and a part of Tarnish wished that he was a little bit stronger. Or a whole lot stronger.

Maud’s pith helmet wasn’t quite as beat up and battered as his own, but he knew that with some time, it would gain character. The road was all about character. It was about being cold, or hot, or wet, and somehow liking it. It was about being miserable, or in danger, or being bored, and somehow making yourself believe that you were having a good time. Tarnish had learned what character was during his first outing, and he was eager to find out what he would learn from this new jaunt.

The brake lever was popped and the hoof brake was undone. The wagon made a creak as the two sisters gave it a test tug. Tarnish turned to look at Marble, Igneous, and Cloudy, who were all sitting together.

“Goodbye,” the three of them said together.

Tarnish nodded. No more delays, no more waiting, it was time to go. “Goodbye…”

The two Pie sisters moved with surprising speed, and the rock farm along with Rock Haven was soon far behind them. Tarnish kept up with relative ease, and his well secured saddlebags did not slap against his sides, beating him up with every step. He had learned much from his experiences.

They headed south, along the road, with their destination just north of the Hayseed Swamps, east of the Rambling Rock Ridge, along the river, which eventually dumped out into the Horseshoe bay.

“I want to see the world a little bit,” Limestone said to her sister. “Before I settle in and become a bat guano magnate, I want to see the world and have a little fun.” Limestone’s ears bounced with every step and she appeared to be expending no effort at all. “And after the mine is running well, I think I’ll use some of the money I make to visit the Grittish Isles and Trottingham.”

“We still have family there,” Maud said to her sister.

“I know… I’m thinking about trying to meet some of them. I’ve done a bit of looking, some of them still use the Pye and Coffyns and Coffins name.” Limestone smiled. “Funny names for pies, but it is what it is.”

Overhead, more clouds moved in, some of them a bit dark. A feral storm was brewing, that was for certain. It was unseasonably warm and humid, but the breeze was chilly, cold even, goose bump inducing.

Tarnish was glad that this was going to be a rather short trip to get to where they were going. They wouldn’t be crossing Equestria, just going south a bit until they reached The Scariest Cave in Equestria, although they had plans to stop and see some sights along the way. Maud knew of some fantastic geological formations.

Pulling out his camera, Tarnish snapped a photo of the two sisters as they pulled the wagon. This was a treasured, happy moment and he wanted to remember it. He snapped a second photo and then stuffed the camera back into his saddlebags.

“I’ve never been hitched to a wagon that pulls this easy,” Limestone said as she turned her head and looked back over her shoulder at the wagon behind her. “This low friction low resistance rolling stuff is more than just a gimmick.”

“This almost feels wrong,” Maud agreed in deadpan.

Looking around him, Tarnish checked out the scenery. There were wildflowers along the side of the road, bushes, trees, and there were a lot of bees about. Birds squawked and scolded as the trio traveled past. Off in the distance, beyond some trees that acted as a windbreak along the road, a well groomed field spread out before them. Earth ponies stood out among the green rows, labouring in the sun, harvesting their crops as the fall season crept ever closer. Foals darted about the fields, running around beneath the legs of the adults, and probably acting more like a nuisance than any sort of help.

Tarnish’s head turned and he stared at Maud, knowing what curves lurked beneath her smock. He loved those curves, each and every one of them, treasured them, and thinking about them made him smile. He thought about the foals in the field. Maybe a foal wouldn’t be so bad. Just one of course. Just one. A little colt might be nice. Yes, a little colt. A cute little chocolate brown colt, a miniature version of himself, a little version of Tarnish to make Maud happy. Tarnish thought about a little version of himself and the adventures they could have together as he stared at Maud.

It would be easy to convince Maud to try motherhood. She was already interested, but if his suggestion failed for whatever reason, he knew that if he rubbed her backside with his hooves, just above her cutie marks, then rubbed her back as he crept over her and made his way up to her neck, he could wear down her stony defenses and make her agree to anything.

Blinking, Tarnish yanked his head forwards and gave himself a mental slap. What was he thinking? He wasn’t ready for fatherhood just yet. Nope. Nope. Nope! He didn’t know what had just come over him, but it scared him. He glanced over the vast green fields and the happy herd of earth ponies. Again, he felt a strange sense of longing when he saw the frolicking foals. What strange and horrible magic was at work here? He turned away from the pastoral fields and focused upon the road up ahead.

A foal was further on up the road. It was a destination that would come later on the journey. For now, he needed to continue to establish himself. Make a name for himself, like Maud had made a name for herself. She had a volcano named after her. Tarnish’s gaze drifted back over to Maud, who was talking to her sister. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear a word they were saying.

“So, now that we are away from Mom and Dad, when are you going to make me an aunt? I’d like to have a little foal to spoil, but I ain’t ready for the responsibility of having one.”

Glancing upwards, Tarnish kept a wary eye on the weather situation. It felt good to be on the road again. His legs knew what to do and he walked with the pace of a seasoned traveler. The clouds overhead were getting thicker and thicker, while the day was growing dimmer and dimmer. What little of the sun that was visible showed that it was not yet noon. There would be rain by lunchtime or the afternoon by the very latest, and a real drencher by the looks of things.

“Oh, I don’t know, Limestone, I think that’s a long way off. I think Tarnish and I are happy with how things are. But, if things change, I’ll let you know.”

As Tarnish walked, he thought about the coming winter. The cottage would be done by then. He wasn’t sure what he and Maud would do during the winter. The snow would make travel all but impossible. How many months would winter endure and trap them on the rock farm? Tarnish began to feel a growing sense of fear—he wasn’t afraid of being snowed in, stuck in a cottage with Maud, that sounded lovely, but to be trapped for months with no means to go anywhere, just stuck, that sounded awful. That was a recipe for stir crazy.

Maybe he and Maud could travel south for the winter, like the birds, to a place where it wasn’t so cold. He sighed. That didn’t feel fair to Igneous, Cloudy, Marble, Limestone, Pinky, or his mother, Pinny. They were all probably looking forward to having a nice holiday together. They were all a family now and families spent the holidays together.

“You know, Maud, while Marble keeps planning for things like marriage and having foals, I just can’t seem to get into that. I mean, it would be nice and all, great even, but I keep thinking about business stuff. Going to university. Growing a nice mining business. Maybe having myself an empire, something so big that I would need my own airship just to get from one place to another. It’s not even money that I want, at least I don’t think it is, the money is just a means to an end. I just want to do something grand, something spectacular.”

The breeze picked up, now coming in from the north, and blowing against Tarnish’s tail. This breeze wasn’t chilly, but quite warm. Feeling it made Tarnish realise that there was serious trouble brewing, doubly so when the strong southern breeze blew into his face a moment later, bringing with it a wash of cold. Overhead, the clouds began to swirl.

Tarnish came to an abrupt halt and adjusted his pith helmet. “You know, ladies, I think it is time we made camp. I think we’re about to have a squall...”

Author's Note

And we're off on an adventure!

By the pricking of my frogs, something creepy this way slogs

The wind howled and The Egg rocked. Tarnish, sitting on the floor, was reading his book, Living a Charmed Life, studying the many chapters on zebra magic, and learning how to make charms. It was very difficult to read as the sound of the hail coming down on the roof was deafening. On a cloth topped wagon, the hail wouldn’t be such a big issue, but The Egg was made of metal. The falling hailstones caused a cacophony as they impacted upon the roof.

On the bed, Maud and Limestone lounged together, Maud was reading a book about rocks, while Limestone on the other hoof was reading about the million and one uses for bat guano. Maud had no discernable expression upon her face, but Limestone looked disgusted as she read about the use of bat guano as a food additive. Sodium nitrates gave things a salty, smokey flavour. Grossed out though she might be, Limestone nevertheless was willing to make a fortune in bits by cashing in on a pony’s willingness to eat processed bat guano.

Outside, the wind shrieked and Limestone closed her book after marking her page with a bookmark. She lifted her head, stretched her neck, and then announced, “It’s getting stuffy in here.”

Without even looking up from his book, Tarnish reached out with his mind, found the vent latches with his telekinesis, and flipped them to the open position. A chilly breeze blew through the camper wagon and Limestone sucked the cool air into her lungs in loud gulps.

“I feel out of place,” Limestone said to her sister, Maud. “I get the feeling that if I wasn’t here, you and Tarnish would be waiting out this storm doing something else.” As Limestone spoke, an awkward grin spread over her muzzle.

Looking up from her book, Maud looked her sister in the eye for a second, her gaze lingering, perhaps with sisterly affection, and then she nodded at Limestone. “We might study for a while, but I’ll be honest. If you leave us alone in a secluded place for long enough, we’re gonna do what married ponies do.”

“Not married ponies do it too,” Tarnish said in an absentminded voice as he flipped a page. “Hmm, earth pony sweat can be used an activator reagent… where can I find a sweaty earth pony…”

Maud blinked as she stared at her husband, then with a slow turn of her head, she faced her sister beside her. “We’re gonna be harvested, Limestone. Tarnish is going to go evil in a bad way. Being the most dangerous unicorn alive has gone right to his head and now he is going to use us earth ponies for his nefarious purposes.”

Rolling her eyes, Limestone shook her head. “Maud, stop being silly. He’s going to need henchponies. You and I will be harvesting other ponies.”

“Yes, the Pie sisters, loyal henchponies. You and I can be the enforcers, Marble can be the domestic, because she is far too shy to rough somepony up, and when somepony is uncooperative, we’ll lock them in a room with Pinkie. The plan is brilliant and foolproof.”

Hearing her sister’s steady, droning monotone, Limestone began snickering as she pressed up against Maud. Tarnish’s ears twitched, but he did not look up from his book. Even with the sounds of hailstones bouncing off of the roof, there was a happy, pleasant atmosphere in the wagon, and most of it centered around the two sisters.

“Look at him,” Limestone said as she pointed with her hoof at Tarnish. “He’s really serious about what he’s doing. He’s hardly even paying us any attention.”

“I think there are times when Tarnish feels inadequate as a unicorn,” Maud replied to her sister as she too, turned her head to look at her studying husband. “Honestly, I think he focuses too much on being a unicorn. As a pony, he is quite adequate. As a husband, he gets my rocks off.”

“Thank you, Maud,” Tarnish mumbled as he turned the page. His eyes darted over the words and diagrams, then he lifted his head. He lifted up a block of beeswax in his magic and began to examine it with a critical eye.

“So just what are you doing?” Limestone asked.

“I am going to teach myself alchemy, learn zebra hoodoo, and I plan to learn to make charms and focuses. Foci? What’s the plural of the word focus?” Tarnish’s brows furrowed and he set the block of beeswax down. “It is a sensible thing to do. As I learn to become a botanist, I’ll have access to lots of magical plants and the like, which means I’ll have a readily available supply of alchemical reagents, which in turn means I’ll be able to make high quality charms… if I can figure out what to do.”

“So… you’ll be a witch doctor?” Limestone asked.

Head turning, Tarnish focused his blue eyes upon his sister in law. “Well, uh,” he began, “well… I, uh, I hadn’t thought about that. I dunno if I would be or not. I don’t know how the zebras might feel if a pony went around calling himself a witch doctor.”

“Is it true that zebras can make little dolls of somepony or something and then stab them with a pin and hurt them?” Limestone asked. Her eyes were wide, curious, and her ears were perked forwards over her face.

“Yes, actually,” Tarnish replied, “my book talks about those, but using them to hurt somepony is bad, that practice is frowned upon. The effigies, as they are called, are to be used for healing, for removing hexes, and curing magical maladies. Zebras don’t have horns like we unicorns do, so they lack fine magical control. Their doctors, healing doctors, create little effigies and connect them to the patient. Surgery rituals are acted out, medicine is applied, diseases and hexes are treated on the effigy and what is done to the effigy is done to the patient as well. Overall, the practice is pretty miraculous and the zebras are far, far ahead of us when it comes to magical medicine and healing.”

“And you are going to teach yourself how to do this?” Limestone blinked in astonishment at Tarnish.

“Well, yes… I suppose I am. Like I said, I’ll have access to all manner of alchemical reagents. I’m not a very magical unicorn, but I can learn to harness magic in other ways. Useful ways. After what happened to Maud and I… after what happened to Maud…” Tarnish shook his head, blinked, and then continued, “Seeing Maud so sick scared me. I still don’t know how to deal with it. It’s still messing with my head, I suppose—”

“So you’re learning to be a healer to put your own mind at ease,” Limestone said.

There was a moment of silence from Tarnish and the hailstones smashing into the roof continued their staccato rhythm. When Tarnish responded, he spoke with some hesitation. “I suppose I am.”

“Surviving a near death experience changes ponies.” Limestone gave Maud a sidelong glance. “I read about that in one of Marble’s books. Trauma messes with the mind. Some ponies succumb to it, other ponies rise up to overcome it. They prepare for future near death experiences. Marble reads some weird books.”

“I wonder what made Marble read something like that,” Maud said to Limestone.

“She’s worried about Pinkie Pie,” Limestone replied, “our sister Pinkie has faced off against some pretty bad stuff with Twilight and the others. Pinkie is always in danger. She’s worried about Pinkie.” Limestone blinked, shook her head, and began to tap her two front hooves together. “I think if Pinkie ever slows down, the bad stuff catches up to her. I think that’s why she’s always moving, always in a hurry, always rushing about. We’ve all seen what she’s like when the bad stuff catches up to her.”

Maud nodded, but said nothing about how Pinkie had taken off running yet again.

The door to The Egg opened and with a great deal of caution, Tarnish stuck his head out. There was a fine, misty drizzle still. The ground was covered in hailstones, some of them quite large. He looked around, the rain dribbling from the brim of his pith helmet, and then stepped outside, his hooves crunching the hailstones on the ground.

He took a few steps, turned, shivered in the chilly drizzle, and began to check out The Egg for damage. What he saw made him whistle. The roof and much of the top half was now all dimpled. He stood there, staring, his eyes wide, just trying to take it all in. The shiny aluminium had taken quite a beating.

Limestone poured out the door, almost slipped on the hail, but regained her hoofing as Maud exited behind her. The two mares came out to where Tarnish was standing, turned, and had a look.

“Oh, that looks pretty bad,” Limestone said.

“It now has character.” Maud kicked at a few hailstones and eyed the damage done. “I bet when this was made, this kind of thing was never taken into consideration. This was just made to look pretty.”

“It’s pretty solid.” Tarnish gave Maud a nudge. “Some of these hailstones were the size of chicken eggs. I’m glad we weren’t caught in the open.”

Overhead, the sun began peeking out as the stormclouds were scattered in the high winds. Rays of sunlight streamed down through the clouds, forming shimmering lances of light. There was no sign of a rainbow just yet, but Tarnish was hopeful. He gave himself a shake, sending droplets of water flying from his pelt.

“Hey!” Limestone shouted as she got wet. She hurried away from Tarnish and as she retreated, gave herself a shake. The shake turned into a buck, and then bucking, as she kicked up her heels. She pronked and bucked around the open area on the side of the road, glad to be out of the tight confines of the travel wagon.

Standing as still as a statue, Maud watched her sister frolic. She of course, did not frolic, choosing instead to save her energy for other endeavours. Her smock darkened as the drizzle soaked into it.

“I think we can keep going,” Maud said as Limestone did her best bronco impression. “It’s a little muddy, but with Limestone and I, we shouldn’t have any problems. I have a campsite in mind and I think we can still reach it today.”

“Campsite?” Tarnish asked.

“A little place called Dragonbreath Springs,” Maud replied, “real nice place. Hotsprings. Which means a hot bath. Some ponies complain about the smell though.”

“Smell?” Tarnish blinked a few times. “What sort of smell and how bad could it be?”

“Rotten eggs.” Maud’s eyes locked upon Tarnish. “It’s the smell of geological activity. It will be romantic. We’ll soak in a natural hot tub and see what happens from there.”

“Hey!” Limestone shouted, reminding Maud that she was there.

“We’ll have to leave Limestone in the wagon.” Maud turned to face her sister and watched as Limestone came to a halt. She stood there, a blank expression upon her face, unmoving, staring at her sister.

Limestone smiled. “Eh, you wouldn’t do that to me!” Lifting her hoof, she pointed at the wagon. “Let’s see if we can get going. I sat still for too long. I gotta do something active!”

Sighing, Maud nodded. “I’m pent up too and itching to go. I can’t stand being so still.”

Hearing Maud’s words, Tarnish snorted, laughed, and then went to grab his gear.

The squall, while brief, did a lot of damage. Tree branches lay in the road and it fell upon Tarnish to lift them up and toss them away. The road was somewhat muddy and hooves squished with every step. The wagon pulled well in the mud, the skinny wheels cutting through, and the two mares had very little trouble with it. The only thing slowing them down was the debris in the road, which was considerable.

Overhead, the clouds drifted apart, having spent their fury, and warm sunshine melted the hailstones. The world dripped. Everywhere, rivulets of water trickled down. As they continued southwards, several tall hills popped up on the horizon.

The hills, known as the Sisters, were east of Rambling Rock Ridge and the land between the two landmarks was a beautiful, lush valley, a place they would soon be travelling through. Tarnish had traveled through there with Maud, coming up the westward side, along the Rambling Rock Ridge, but now, they were on the eastward side, and would be taking the road that wound along the Sisters.

Much to Tarnish’s surprise, a lone figure approached on the road, wearing a cloak. Cautious, but curious and courteous, he paused in the road. Behind him, the wagon came to a stop. He wondered what sort of pony could handle being out in a storm like that, and when he saw a horn peeking out from beneath the hood, he had his answer. A unicorn could most certainly keep themselves safe from a hailstorm. The figure had battered looking saddlebags and the cloak was a bit threadbare.

The unicorn had a pelt of a pale, subdued purple, and their cloak was heavy and blue. The figure was smaller and Tarnish deduced that it was female. She moved with confidence, with purpose, and for a moment, he saw her eyes beneath her hood.

The unicorn came to an abrupt stop several yards away. Tarnish lifted up a hoof, waved, and waited. A growing feeling of unease overcame him, and the hairs along his spine began to stand up. He heard Limestone clearing her throat, and then came the sounds of somepony unhitching themselves.

“Howdy,” Tarnish said, trying to be friendly, even though he was creeped out. He couldn’t say why he was creeped out, only that he was. Something about the strange unicorn unnerved him.

“Hello,” the stranger replied. A smile spread over her lips. “At long last, Tarnished Teapot. I was just heading north to pay you a visit. I knew I’d find you along this road.”

Tarnish felt Limestone brush up against his side, all of her muscles were taut and she was ready for action. Something just didn’t feel right. He nodded his head. “You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“My name is unimportant,” the unicorn replied as she pulled her hood back away from her face. “But if you must call me something, call me the Wanderer.”

“Look, lady, we don’t take kindly to strangers and weirdos harassing our family,” Limestone said.

“Oh, but you are mistaken,” the unicorn replied, “as I did not come here to harass. I came here to help. I’ve heard a lot about you, Mister Teapot, and I’ve learned quite a bit about your… unique problem.”

As Tarnish was about to reply, he felt Maud pressing against his other side. Something seemed off… wrong somehow. The unicorn on the road before them had an aura of wrongness. He took a deep breath, collected his wits, and said, “It isn’t a problem.”

“That’s not what I hear,” the unicorn said in a low, but powerful voice. “I hear that you are cursed with the very essence of poison joke. A lot of ponies are very concerned about your very existence, Mister Teapot. You’ve caused quite a commotion. And that is why I am here to help you.”

“Not so sure I need help,” Tarnish replied.

“What if I told you I could make it all go away?” the strange unicorn asked. “What if I told you I could lift your curse? What if I told you I could make everything better?”

“I’d say you’re a shyster.” Limestone took a step forwards and her ears pointed forwards like angry horns. “And I don’t like the creepy vibe you’re putting off… everything about you feels wrong.”

The unicorn threw back her head and laughed. After a moment, she recovered, and looked Limestone in the eye. “Mister Teapot and I aren’t so different. We have unique magic that sets us apart. I use my magic to help ponies. To the north, there is a settlement where the ponies I’ve helped are building a town. I solve cutie mark problems. I make them go away. Not every cutie mark is a good one, not every cutie mark is worth having, and for some, cutie marks have ruined their lives. Like you, Mister Teapot.”

“My life isn’t ruined, thanks.” Tarnish’s eyes narrowed and he heard Limestone snort.

“Your troubles are only beginning,” the unicorn said in a low, almost condescending voice. “You have no idea how much you scare others. Do you really think they will leave you to live in peace? What you represent? Ponies and poison joke don’t mix. You can’t control it, and if you think you can hold back a force of nature, you’re fooling yourself. You have surges, wild surges… I’ve spent a lot of time learning about you. I probably know more about your magic than you do.”

“I doubt that.” Maud stepped forwards and stood abreast with her sister, Limestone.

“I am like a doctor,” the unicorn said as she stood in one spot, unmoving, unconcerned about Maud and Limestone. “I study my patients. For some, a cutie mark is a disease, and I am the cure. I only want to help. That’s what I do. I can cure the disease. I can fix the sickness. I can remove cutie marks and the troublesome destiny that goes with them.”

“I don’t believe you,” Limestone said in a low growl.

“I can read destinies like a scroll… how do you think I knew that you would be walking along this road?” The unicorn frowned. “You are a chaotic element, Tarnished Teapot. Once your power truly begins to manifest as you grow older and mature, you will become more and more dangerous. Do you think the princesses will leave you alone? You were banished once, and once you come into your own, it will happen again. I’ve seen it. But I can spare you of all of that.”

“Hey, how about you get lost?” Maud said in a flat voice.

“I just want to help,” the strange unicorn replied.

“It’s not wanted.” Tarnish shook his head. “I’m not cursed. I can control my magic. I’m not dangerous unless I act irresponsibly.”

“But you don’t know what I know.” The strange unicorn took a step forwards and gave Tarnish a cunning smile. “I’ve learned to look into the future and the past. I’ve seen things. I’ve seen how this started, and I’ve seen how this ends.”

“Have you seen the part where I start punching your face if you don’t shut up and stop acting creepy?” Limestone asked as she broke away from the others and moved towards the stranger.

“You know nothing!” the stranger spat. “I’ve looked deep into the past… I’ve seen what your magic can do, Mister Teapot. An entire civilisation gone… gone and lost to time. And all because of poison joke. The whole of known civilisation plunged into darkness and light faded from the world.”

“Stop trying to scare my brother!” Limestone snarled as she charged forwards. Her hooves cut deep divots into the muddy road, her teeth were bared, and her ears were pinned back.

Just before Limestone collided with the stranger, there was a flash of light and the stranger was gone. The charging mare came to a skidding halt, looked around, snorted, and ground her teeth together.

“Where’d she go? I wanna pound her!” Limestone shouted.

“She’s gone,” Maud replied, looking around her. “We should be going too. I want to be away from this place. Let’s get out of here.” Maud blinked, then turned to look back at her husband. “Something about her was unsettling. I felt it. Something is wrong with her. I am The Rock and something about her made me feel uncertain and nervous. It was like she was counteracting my natural calm assurance.”

“Think she’s gone?” Limestone asked.

“I have no way of knowing,” Maud replied, “she could be watching us right now.”

“Well, screw her. Let’s get out of here.” Limestone squished through the mud and headed for the wagon. “I want to get as far away from here as possible. I don’t feel right. Something about her is unnatural and makes my earth pony senses feel all weird.”

“I feel it too.” Tarnish shifted on his hooves and there was a worried expression on his face. “I’m still feeling it. I hope she doesn’t came back and I really hope she doesn’t pay a visit to the rock farm.”

Tarnish’s words hung over the trio like an unwelcomed cloud…

Author's Note

The Wanderer is a little creepy.

The shadow of the Sisters

Far ahead, past the valley, the rolling hills known as the Sisters loomed large. Tarnish stood taking it all in, and snapped a photo of the amazing panoramic view set before him. A little further down on the valley floor, an abandoned ghost town could be seen, and many of the dilapidated buildings had fallen over.

The air was filled with the overpowering stench of rotten eggs. Tarnish didn’t mind it so much. It was bad, sure, but he himself had smelled worse. He thought of the flying skunks and smiled.

He still felt unsettled and a bit shook up from earlier, the unknown unicorn had left behind a lingering feeling of unease. Limestone insisted that they were being watched, saying that her earth pony senses said so. Tarnish had no reason to doubt her.

Maud brushed up against his side and then leaned against him. She was warm and a bit sweaty, but Tarnish didn’t mind. He leaned back into her and thought about a nice, warm, relaxing bath in a hot spring.

“Some say this is where Equestria was truly born,” Limestone said as she sat down beside Maud. “I learned about this place in school. I had a history exam about it. The Sisters. After the First Tribes came up from the south, the survivors who fled Discord’s reign, led by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, came up this way. The two princesses saw these hills and knew that there were resources to be had here.”

Maud nodded.

“Eventually, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna settled in the Everfree, but they had an outpost here, at this place. The Sisters were filled with gems, and coal, and precious metals, and the hills were very generous.” Limestone gazed off in the direction of the rolling hills.

“Of course, Discord came and battled Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and there was still a lot of fighting. Much of the First Tribes were lost. When it was all said and done though, Princess Celestia depended upon this place to rebuild the nation. Those hills are crisscrossed through with tunnels and mines. Diamond dogs can be found there now, along with other monsters. There’s nothing left in those mines, but ponies and others keep looking, hoping to find the motherlode, some vein of wealth left unmined.” Limestone shook her head.

“Many ponies have died trying to find their fortune there. For a time, there was even a town. You can see the remains of it.” Maud pointed down at the valley floor, to the ruined ghost town. “I’ve been there and had a look at the place. It’s dangerous. We’ll be passing it.”

“So it was mined until there was nothing left,” Tarnish said as he took in the landscape all around him, “and now, it is a home for dangerous, pony eating monsters. Fantastic. We should take a scenic tour.”

“Okay.” Maud glanced over at Limestone.

“I was kidding,” Tarnish said, clarifying his position.

“I wasn’t.” Maud looked over at Tarnish and then back at the hills before them.

“The only wealth left here is the historical kind.” Limestone drew in a deep breath, reached up with her hind leg, and began to scratch behind her ear with her hoof. “I got the itchies. Stupid bugs bit me.”

“You’re going to go home with fleas.” Maud reached over and poked her sister.

Sputtering, Limestone’s muzzle scrunched up and her brows became an angry V as she glared daggers at Maud. “I only got fleas once, okay! It wasn’t my fault! For whatever reason, bugs just find me delicious.”

“That’s because you are a pony with a twist of lime.” Maud had a perfect deadpan delivery. Of course, that was Maud’s only real means of delivery. She gave her sister another poke with her hoof. “You gave all of us fleas and Mama had to flea dip all of us.”

“So? You came home from Las Pegasus with lice!” Reaching out, Limestone returned Maud’s poke with her own. She double-poked to escalate things just a little bit and leaned closer to her sister.

There was another gentle poke from Maud. “My skin is crawling at the memory. Let’s go and get the camp set up, and then we can have a bath. Sound good?”

Limestone grinned and the angry V on her forehead vanished. “Sounds great.”

The camp seemed unremarkable on first glance, there was a sign with a crown upon it, meaning this was a Crown funded campsite. There were shelters here, little huts made from shaped concrete. The tiny huts were just big enough for one pony to crawl inside, or maybe two if they desired to be very, very close to one another.

But after the initial first glance, Tarnish began feeling a sense of unease. There was far too much trash and litter around the camp, and in the trash and litter, there were the bones of small animals. Even more disturbing, there were the remains of a wagon wheel in the fire pit, along with other wagon shaped bits.

After unhitching herself, Maud began to poke through the remains of the fire, and kept glancing up at Tarnish. Limestone began to prowl around the camp as Tarnish made sure that The Egg was secured. Limestone walked with an aggressive, stiff legged gait. Buried under branches and litter, she found whole, unburnt pieces of a wagon.

“Nopony burns their own wagon,” Maud said as she lifted up a partially burned brake lever. She held it in her fetlock, eyeing it, and then after a moment, she looked over at Tarnish. “This worries me.”

“Why burn it?” Tarnish asked.

“Because,” Maud replied, “to somepony, or some thing, it wasn’t home, it wasn’t a wagon, it wasn’t anything meaningful, it was just firewood waiting to happen.” She glanced over at Limestone, who was digging through the wrecked, smashed remains. “Looks like it was smashed apart with something heavy.”

“Our long day just got longer, didn’t it?” Limestone grimaced as she spoke and she hurried back over to be close to her sister Maud once more. “I recognise that wagon. I helped to fix it up. There’s heavy claw marks on the wood.”

“Uh oh.” Maud’s flat delivery showed no outward feeling, but Limestone was showing enough worry and concern for both sisters. “I wonder how long ago this happened?”

“Not very,” Limestone replied, “the gouges made in the wood are still white and mostly fresh. The wood hasn’t had a chance to grey over from the weather.”

The two sisters glanced at one another, and then, at the same time, both looked towards the hills known as the Sisters. Then, moving as one, both looked at Tarnish. Licking his lips, Tarnish had himself a look around and reminded himself that he had one very sharp sword, which he was quite thankful to have at the moment.

“I am almost positive that we’ll find who did this over there, camped near the Sisters. We’ll also find a pony in trouble.” Maud glanced at the wagon wreckage once more, then looked Tarnish in the eye. “She’s incredibly annoying and a real pain, but I think Trixie Lulamoon is in some real trouble. Ready to be rangers, Tarnish? Time to earn our salt.”

“What makes you think she’s over there?” Tarnish asked, pointing in the direction of the hills.

“Because, it is the place that diamond dogs are most likely to go. Just like anypony else, they too think there are great riches still to be had in those hills. I’m thinking they captured Trixie. They certainly wrecked her wagon. I am certain that diamond dogs did this.” Maud’s flat voice was one of absolute finality.

“Okay then, what’s the plan?” Tarnish drew himself up to his full height and wondered how intimidating he could be. He felt his mouth going dry as he thought about the possibility of violence.

“We go over under the cover of darkness and we have ourselves a look around. We look for a campfire. We stick together. And if we spot trouble, well, then we figure out a way to deal with it. Limestone and I can throw rocks.”

Inside of his own head, Tarnish imagined that Maud’s droning monotone projected some much needed confidence, which made him feel better. Of course Maud would be confident, and why wouldn’t she be? She could throw rocks. The words were terrifying to Tarnish. He suspected that Maud throwing a rock would be like Twilight using one of her big, flash-bang-boom spells.

“What about our own wagon?” Tarnish asked.

“We lock it up and leave it here,” Maud replied without a moment of hesitation.

Limestone lifted up her head and peered off towards the Sisters. Her eyes narrowed and her ears perked up. Her right front foreleg jerked a bit, and then she pawed the ground. She drew in a deep breath, held it, and stared at the distant hills.

“Limestone?” Maud’s eyes opened a little wider. “Limestone, what is your earth pony sense telling you? What are you sensing, Limestone?”

Still pawing the ground, Limestone turned her head and looked Maud in the eye. “There’s a pony in some real trouble out that way. Sick. Sick in a bad way. There’s trouble. I wish Pinkie was here, she’d know more.”

Saying nothing, Tarnish waited. He knew that earth ponies had their own special magic and they were capable of wondrous things. Pinkie Pie had her Pinkie Sense, Limestone had her own special feeling, and Maud had her Maud Sense. He suspected that Marble had her own special way as well.

There was still the matter of the creepy unicorn lurking about. The coming night was shaping up to be interesting. Tarnish gave it some thought and wondered if moving under the cover of darkness was the best plan. He thought of traps, of pitfalls, of snares, and all of those things concerned him.

“Ladies, I’m not so sure if we should wait until nightfall.” Tarnish made his feelings known, then went on to explain his reasoning. “If we wait, we could step into a trap, or fall down into a pit with spikes down at the bottom, and if I use my horn to light things up, that defeats the purpose of attacking in the dark. They’ll see the light coming and we’ll have no element of surprise.”

“We need Pinkie… she’s the element of surprise. She can jaunt.”

“What’s jaunting?” Tarnish asked.

Limestone’s lips pressed together and the filly’s face became troubled. “It’s hard to explain… I don’t know that I can. It’s an earth pony thing. You have to be attuned.” Limestone shook her head and gave Tarnish an apologetic look. “I’ve done it once or twice by accident. Pinkie can do it at will.”

“But that tells me nothing about what it is,” Tarnish said to Limestone.

“It’s how Pinkie Pie can hide behind one tree and then pop out from behind a completely different tree.” Maud’s eyebrow elevated just a fraction of an inch and for a moment, something twinkled in her eyes. “Granny Pie could step behind a tree or a bush or even step into a closet and then reappear miles away. Sometimes, she’d save herself the walk to Rock Haven and she’d just vanish. She and Pinkie have a lot in common. They both knew the secret to a shortcut.”

“And I’m guessing that the ley lines beneath the rock farm have something to do with this… this… this inherent earth pony magic that defies reason and logic.” As he spoke, he saw Maud give him a faint nod.

“That is my theory.” Maud blinked. “We need a plan. We need a way to creep up on them without being noticed or seen. We need to take them by surprise.”

“Give them a surprise party.” Limestone’s voice took on an aggressive quality, and it had a gritty, gravel filled edge. “All those times playing dodge-rock as a foal are about pay off.”

“Dodge-rock?” Tarnished asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

“We didn’t have a ball,” Maud replied, “and if you can dodge a rock, you can dodge anything. Trust me, you become very, very motivated to get out of the way. Especially if Marble is throwing. She somehow puts a spin on her rocks—”

“And they’ll peel off your hide when they hit!” Limestone cried out as she began to rub her backside, while wincing at the painful memory. “I wanna know how she does that… her rocks curve while they fly through the air.”

With slow movements, Maud reached back and began to rub her own hindquarters, blinking several times in a row, reaching in much the same way as Limestone, but far, far slower. “Owie…”

“So… we’re gonna do this… we’re gonna go look for trouble and maybe get into a fight with diamond dogs. We’re gonna rescue a pony… we can be heroes.” Tarnish shuffled on his hooves and tried to look as commanding as possible as he adjusted his pith helmet.

Maud pulled her hoof away from her hindquarters and planted it on the ground. “Grab the binoculars, we’ll want to see if we can spot them from a distance. Grab your sword. We’re going to go in and try to do this without killing, if we can. I don’t want Limestone involved in a bloodbath. Mother and father would never forgive me.”

Tarnish nodded. “I’ll make sure the wagon is locked up…”

Author's Note

Next chapter... something long awaited by many.

From a great height

“You took off your fancy, funny looking helmet,” Limestone said to Tarnish as they made their way into the abandoned ghost town. She darted from building to ruined building, slipping from shadow to long shadow, cast by a sun that drifted down in the west.

“I didn’t want to get blood on it,” Tarnish replied as he followed Limestone’s lead.

“But it makes you look so brainy and dapper.” Limestone gave Tarnish a grin.

Feeling worried, Tarnish was concerned that Limestone seemed to be enjoying herself a bit too much. He was afraid that she wasn’t taking this seriously enough. He glanced at Maud, who moved beside him. Maud of course, was unreadable, but he suspected that she was enjoying herself on some level.

As he passed by a wrecked building, he saw places were the wood had been broken off that still looked fresh. Something had been through here recently. Reaching out with his magic, he grabbed Limestone, and with a strong jerk, pulled her closer to him.

“Hey, what gives?” Limestone demanded.

“Stay closer,” Tarnish replied in a voice that made it clear he wasn’t in the mood to argue. He gestured at the broken wood with his hoof and watched as Limestone’s eyes widened when she saw the broken off bits. After a few seconds of processing what she saw, he watched as she gave him a nod.

“The old bell tower is still standing.” Maud pointed at the battered, weatherworn building with her hoof. “If we climb up there, we can get a better look at the lay of the land.”

“That’s a good idea.” Tarnish eyed the structure and wondered if it would crumble if they stepped inside of it. “Let’s go have a look in there and see if it’s safe inside.”

The trio, now moving all together in a tight group, made their way through town, with Limestone looking off to their left, Maud looking off to their right, and Tarnish keeping an eye in front of them and behind them. Maud and Limestone were also alert to any vibrations in the ground that might indicate a diamond dog burrowing up from beneath them.

The bell tower, which had a crumbling old well beside it, was in the center of town. On the other side, there was a ramshackle building that had fallen down and was now nothing more than a pile of firewood. There was no longer a door on the bell tower, nor was there a bell in the belfry.

Tarnish stuck his head inside and found a rusting wrought iron spiral staircase. He poked it with his hoof and the sound of metal rang out. He put a hoof down on one step, pressed, and felt relieved when he discovered that the stairs still felt pretty sturdy.

He began to make his way up the stairs with Maud right behind him, and Limestone behind her. Round and round the center column he went, climbing up. He would pause for a moment when there was a place where the wood had rotted away, which allowed him to see the outside. Dust motes filled the air and Tarnish pushed old cobwebs out of the way with his telekinesis as he passed.

The scent of old wood filled his nostrils, an old musty smell, and the smell of heat that had soaked into old wood. It made him feel sneezy and a bit light headed. The stairs creaked a bit, but the iron was still sturdy, even though it was rusted.

Halfway up, Tarnish realised that it was the stairs that held the bell tower up. The old wooden structure had sagged over a bit, and further up, it leaned over to one side, with the inside walls coming to rest against the iron stairs. He kept going.

After a long, arduous climb, he reached the top of the stairs and found a wrought iron landing. The wood wasn’t safe to stand on, and he was careful to keep his hooves on the metal. He scooted to one side as much as he could so the others could join him.

He pulled the binoculars from out of his saddlebags and held them up to his eyes. He began to scan the surrounding countryside, trying to take in everything with slow care. He studied the area at the base of the hills, which was now in darkness, making it very hard to see.

Squinting, straining his eyes, he struggling to make out details. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, nothing that resembled a camp, and no diamond dogs. Without warning, his binoculars were snatched away by Limestone, who gripped them in her fetlock.

Nothing was said by Tarnish when she began to peer through them. He waited, patient, curious about how sharp Limestone’s vision might be. Earth ponies tended to have sharp eyes and enhanced senses. They didn’t have wings to fly away or magic to protect themselves. All they had were the six known senses to keep them safe.

“I can sense something wrong,” Limestone muttered as she scanned the countryside, using her earth pony sense to point her in the right direction. “There’s a pony in trouble. It’s dark over there, the sun has gone down too far… wait!”

“What do you see?” Maud asked.

“A campfire,” Limestone replied. It’s behind some trees, so I can’t see it directly, but I can see the orange glow.”

“Anything else?” Tarnish asked. He waited, staring off in the direction where Limestone was looking.

“Wait… wait… I can see her,” Limestone said in a low voice. “She’s not moving. But I can see the blue of her pelt in the orange glow. Looks like she’s laying on the ground. I can see diamond dogs around her. I really hope they’re not about to cook her or something.”

“They usually take ponies as slaves.” Tarnish scowled. “I remember something about Rarity being captured by them. All of Ponyville talked about it.” He waited as Limestone continued to peep through his binoculars. “Can you give us a count? Can you see any sort of details?”

“There’s quite a few, I think.” A deep, muzzle wrinkling scowl appeared upon Limestone’s face as she concentrated upon her senses. Without saying anything, Limestone climbed up on top of Tarnish’s back, gripped his barrel with her hind legs, and then sat up as straight and tall as possible so she could have a better look.

Tarnish had other plans. He lifted Limestone in his telekinesis and was rather surprised when she didn’t respond with fear, even though he knew that most earth ponies didn’t like not having their hooves on the ground. He lifted her with slow caution, easing her up bit by bit.

“Stop!” Limestone said when she was about ten feet or so over Tarnish’s head. “I have a better viewing angle. Move me a little to the left and don’t drop me… we’re really high up.”

Concentrating, thinking about how much he loved Limestone, he moved her to the left, suspending her out in the open air with nothing beneath her but the ground far below. A fall from this height would kill her. He felt sweat rolling down his neck. Limestone didn’t look like it, but she was heavy for her size, just like Maud. But there was no way he could ever tell Maud that she was heavy—he liked living far too much and was fond of happy husband hugs when he could get them.

“Stop!” Limestone hung in the air, held in place by Tarnish’s magic. “I can’t see everything, but I can see enough… there’s about a dozen or so around the fire. I don’t know if there are more in other places. Now I need something beneath my hooves.”

When Limestone was set back down upon the landing on top of the stairs, she tossed the binoculars up into the air and Tarnish caught them in his magic as Limestone grabbed her sister. She took several deep, shuddering breaths, saying nothing as she clung to Maud for comfort and reassurance.

“There’s four of us with Flamingo.” Tarnish reached out and patted Limestone on the back. “If there are a dozen of them, I’m not sure I like those odds. I have magic, but not very much magic. They took out Trixie somehow.”

“She was probably asleep when they ambushed her,” Maud said as Limestone trembled. Maud reached up and stroked her sister’s neck. “It’s okay, Limestone. You were brave. You’ll have a story to tell when you go home. Daddy will be real proud.”

The wind gusted, which caused the old bell tower to sway. Limestone let out a gibbering cry and Maud’s eyes widened. Tarnish shifted on his hooves as he found his balance. The whole tower rocked beneath them.

“Let’s get down from here,” Maud said in a flat voice that showed no sign of fear or worry. “I want to be on the ground again. The sooner the better. I’d rather pick a fight with diamond dogs than spend another minute up here.”

“I wanna go home,” Limestone said, her voice almost a whimper.

“It’ll be okay, Limestone.” Maud gave her sister a tight hug as she sniffled. “You’ll be fine once you have the ground beneath you again.”

“I hate being scared,” Limestone confessed in a quavering voice, “it makes me feel weak and being weak is the worst.”

Keeping his thoughts to himself, Tarnish marveled how an earth pony could seem to be utterly fearless when it came to picking a fight with a pack of diamond dogs but be terrified of heights. He admired Limestone’s bravery. She had held herself together long enough to get a good look at the enemy, which showed remarkable courage.

The three ponies moved from the almost open ground into the treeline, then took cover, ducking behind trees, bushes, or anything large enough to hide them from view. They were close enough now to smell woodsmoke. The sun had crept closer to the horizon and the thin woods at the base of the foothills was now filled with long, distorted shadows.

This was a lot different than going into a spider cave. Tarnish wanted to avoid bloodshed and he didn’t want to have to kill anything. He was angry that the diamond dogs had taken Trixie, but not angry enough to hate the diamond dogs. He thought of Buttons—she was sweet, kind, and gentle. Tarnish believed that diamond dogs weren’t bad, but some of them chose to be less than good.

He didn’t know how this was going to play out. Limestone had recovered once her hooves had been planted on solid earth and she walked behind him with a terrible grimace that contorted her otherwise pleasant face into one of rage.

His muscles jerked and twitched beneath his chocolate brown pelt as every step brought him closer to danger. He was brought to a halt by Maud, who drew up beside him, lifted her front leg, and held him back. She stood with her lips pressed together and Tarnish remained silent.

“Ahead.” Maud’s voice was little more than a whispered breath. She made a gesture with her head and pointed with her muzzle.

Tarnish’s ears strained, but he heard nothing. He couldn’t detect anything. He thought about pulling out Flamingo, but then realised that she would be quite vocal about being drawn. He kept her in her sheath as his ears pivoted around upon his head, trying to hear whatever it was that had alerted Maud.

“Dance with me, Tarnish,” Maud said in a low voice and then she moved ahead.

He followed, and Limestone moved right behind him. Maud moved with very little sound, she avoided stepping on any twigs and her hooves made only a faint sound as she stepped on the pine needles and leaves strewn across the ground.

Nostrils crinkling, Tarnish caught a whiff of something awful. Piss. Something strong and terrible. He ducked behind a tree, following Maud’s lead, and then, he saw the source of the stench. Some ways ahead, a diamond dog was pissing against a tree and sighing with relief.

Using his magic, Tarnish pulled out a coil of rope from his saddlebags. He unfurled most of it, but kept a few coils at one end. He darted forwards, past Maud, moving with swift assurance, with the rope held up over his head with his magic.

He ducked behind a boulder and using his telekinesis, advanced his rope. He looped the end with several coils over the diamond dog’s head, and when the dog opened up his mouth to bark in alarm upon seeing the rope suddenly floating in front of him, Tarnish cinched the coils around its head, gagging him and filling up his mouth with rough, scratchy hemp. He jerked the diamond dog backwards, then, thinking better of it, and feeling just awful for doing it, he rammed the diamond dog’s head into the tree. There was a muffled yelp that slipped out around the makeshift gag.

The woozy creature staggered, his arms flailing, and then Tarnish bonked his head against the tree for the second time for good measure. It was a terrible thing to do, but Tarnish did it. Now, with the dangerous creature stunned, Tarnish tugged the gagged, dizzy creature back towards him, and made ready to tie him up.

Tarnish shoved him face down onto the soft earth, pulled the dog’s enormous arms behind him, and began to tie them with rope. Limestone darted forwards and grabbed the tall spear leaning against a nearby tree. She carried it in the crook of one of her forelegs and walked on her three other legs as she clutched her prize. Using his rope, Tarnish also tied up the creature’s legs, bending them, binding them to his arms, and cinched a very tight knot to hold everything together.

Not finished, he hefted the diamond dog in his telekinesis, flipped the remainder of the rope over a tree branch that was quite a ways up, and dangled the poor dog in the air. He made certain the knot was secured, then, seized with a terrible idea, he snatched the spear from Limestone, rammed the butt of it into the ground beneath the diamond dog, and then adjusted the barbed, leaf shaped spearhead until it was directly below the dangling dog.

Any attempt to untie himself would result in him falling and skewing himself on his own spear. Tarnish didn’t like it, he didn’t like that he was capable of this, but he knew that it had to be done. He glanced up at the dog and narrowed his eyes.

“You brought this on yourself,” Tarnish said in a low voice, “you don’t prey on my kind without consequences. The lot of you are raiders… slavers… and you’re lucky that I don’t use my terrible magic to kill you all… I can make you all die in horrible ways… I can turn you inside out, make you shrink, make you explode, or I could just set you all on fire.”

The gagged diamond dog whimpered through the rope in his maw, but stayed very still, not wanting to fall and be impaled upon his own spear. Looking up, Tarnish saw fear in the poor creature’s eyes and he felt a bit guilty for the threats he had made. His whole body shook and his muscles trembled as adrenaline coursed through his veins. His mouth was dry and he very much wanted a drink.

“I wouldn’t move if I was you.” Maud angled her head to look up. “We’re about to go and deal with your friends. You had better hope that Trixie is okay, otherwise, falling on your own spear will be the least of your problems. I’ll come back for you, and you won’t like it. Not at all. We earth ponies have an expression… justice is the weight of many rocks bearing down upon you.”

Maud’s deadpan threat was somehow terrifying, far more than Tarnish’s own warnings about his magic, which were mostly a bluff. He felt himself shiver from his wife’s words and then he glanced over at Limestone, who was staring upwards while contemplating outright murder, if the expression on her face was an honest indicator for her feelings.

“Let’s go, while we still have daylight.” Tarnish backed away from the suspended diamond dog. “Sorry, but you brought this on yourself. Best of luck getting down.”

With nothing else to say, Tarnish made good his retreat with Maud and Limestone following after him. He backed away, keeping an eye on the dog hanging from the tree. It felt wrong to leave him like this, Tarnish was certain that this was some turning point in his development, his growth, his journey into adulthood. He had done something that he was going to have trouble living with.

He would have to make up for it by being extra nice to Buttons…

Author's Note

This story is going to the dogs...

Shovel

As Tarnish drew Flamingo from her sheath, he heard a yawn. Before the sword had a chance to say anything, Tarnish held her close and whispered to her, “We’re in trouble… be very quiet. There is going to be a big fight and we need your help.”

Flamingo’s yawn turned into a gasp. The sword quivered in Tarnish’s telekinesis, vibrating, and after a moment of coming to her senses, asked, “Will there be blood?”

“I hope not,” Tarnish replied, then he drew a sigh, and continued, “Flamingo, don’t kill them… just hurt them somehow. Slap them with the flat of your blade or spank them or something. But if things go bad…” What Tarnish didn’t say hung heavy in the air.

He glanced over at Limestone and Maud. Limestone was twitchy and a mean looking scowl was visible upon her face. Maud looked like she always did. Half asleep, a little bored, and disinterested. Tarnish’s eyes focused back upon Flamingo as he heard her start to speak.

“I can slap the fire out of them,” Flamingo said in an excited, but low voice. “And spanking? I can do spanking… I don’t like blood. Blood is icky. What are we fighting?”

“Diamond dogs.” Tarnish let go of Flamingo and left her floating in the air. She hovered close and he took comfort in the fact that she was drawn and willing to fight. He heard the sword let out a soft sigh at the words ‘diamond dogs’ and wondered how a sword breathed. It was a mystery.

“They never learn, do they?” Flamingo asked. The sword quivered. “This will end in blood, I just know it.”

Tarnish took a deep breath and began to protest. “Flamingo—”

“No, you don’t know diamond dogs like I do… Commander Luna wanted to drive them into the sea but Princess Celestia wouldn’t let her. Said drowning them all was bad.” Flamingo’s voice sounded rather sad and the sword let out another sigh.

“This is a rescue. We just need a way to subdue the diamond dogs long enough to rescue a pony named Trixie. Maybe we scare them off or drive them away, I’ll figure out something.” Tarnish frowned, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. “I want to avoid killing them if I can.”

“You sound like Princess Celestia,” Flamingo said to Tarnish in a low voice. “That’s not a bad thing, you know, but she has been known to make a soldier’s life a little difficult. Commander Luna took a far more direct approach.”

“Do you want bloodshed?” Tarnish asked.

“No.” The sword was silent for several long seconds. “No I don’t. Blood is icky and I don’t like icky. One time, some inconsiderate boob stuck me into a fat, gross, hairy spider. Would you believe that?”

“Whoever did that was terrible.” Tarnish kept a straight face as he spoke and glanced over at Maud with a look that begged her not to say anything. “Okay, we need to get moving. The sun is setting soon and we need to hit them while we still have daylight.”

Creeping through the trees and scrub, Tarnish, Maud, and Limestone came across a yawning mine. Picks and shovels were littered around the entrance, along with a lantern and a container of lamp oil. Tarnish lifted both the lantern and the lamp oil, then secured it in his saddlebags, while Limestone grabbed herself a large, diamond dog sized shovel. She transitioned to a bipedal stance with relative ease, used to doing hard labour on the rock farm while standing upright.

There were no diamond dogs about. Tarnish appreciated that Limestone grabbed a shovel and not a pickaxe. A creature could live through being smacked about with a shovel, while a pickaxe tended to cause grievous bodily harm and impalement.

Hearing something, Tarnish froze, waiting, his ears straining. Limestone hefted her shovel, her eyes darting to and fro, while Maud just stood there, doing her best statue impression. Not too far away, the bushes rustled and heavy breathing could be heard.

Something approached.

When a large, well muscled leg popped out of the bushes, Tarnish grabbed it with his telekinesis and gave a yank. The diamond dog, surprised, let out a startled yelp as Tarnish hauled him in, dragging him along in a telekinetic field. As the diamond dog was dragged in, Limestone took a swing with her shovel. She reached around, using her full body, and threw her back into it. The flat of the shovel connected to the diamond dog’s face with a metallic gong sound, there was a pained yip, and the diamond dog went still. Tarnish let go with his magic and the dog fell to the earth. Limestone had struck with so much force that she had shattered the handle of the shovel. She tossed the broken pieces away and looked down to check on her fallen foe.

He was still breathing, but was out cold. Blood trickled from his nose and from the corner of his eye. His lip had torn against one of his fangs. Limestone poked him and there was no response. She looked at Tarnish and gave him a nod.

Grimacing, Limestone grabbed herself another shovel.

There was a well worn trail here leading away from the old, abandoned mine. The area around the trail had been picked over for firewood, useful bits of rock, like flint, anything that was a resource had been scavenged. Tarnish followed along the trail, moving from tree to tree, bush to bush, with Limestone, who walked on two legs, and Maud behind her. Flamingo floated near Tarnish’s side, no doubt somehow keeping an eye out for trouble, which was quite a feat when you were a sapient sword and didn’t have eyeballs.

Coming to a halt, Tarnish waited, his ears straining. Flamingo quivered beside him, unmoving, floating in the air. Limestone gripped her shovel in her fetlocks and a hostile scowl could be seen upon her face. Maud came to a halt beside Tarnish, tilted her head, and listened.

Something was coming. Maud glanced over at Tarnish and made a gesture with her head, a nod, pointing with her nose for him to move out of sight. He took the silent hint and ducked into the trees along the trail, vanishing behind them, and Limestone followed his lead.

Maud stood waiting on the trail, blinking, looking very nonplused about the whole situation. The diamond dog barreling down the trail saw her, he froze in his tracks for a moment, looking quite surprised.

“A pony,” the diamond dog said in a rough, growling voice.

“That’s exactly what I am,” Maud replied.

“We need another worker.” A wolfish grin appeared upon the diamond dog’s face as he hurried forwards. “You do nicely. You look like good worker. No horn. No trouble. No have to bash skull to make behave.”

“Speaking of bashed skulls…” Maud paused as Limestone’s shovel smashed into the back of the diamond dog’s head. The creature toppled over with a yelp, but started to try and get up almost right away. Limestone whacked him again, and then again in the back of the head, and then he went still. Maud blinked. “Well, I was about to warn you about your impending headache, but Limestone was a little too eager.”

“Nice work, Limestone,” Tarnish said as he prodded the diamond dog with his hoof. “He’s out. He’ll be out for a while. We need to hurry… I’m thinking they cracked that pony they have on the head.”

“Poor Trixie,” Maud said as she peered ahead. “I suspect that we’re about to be in a big fight. Limestone, stay close to me. Tarnish, remember to dance. They can’t hit you if they can’t catch you.”

“Right.” Tarnish nodded his head, which caused his ears to bob. “When we attack the camp, stay back… there is going to be a big fireball…”

As he slipped through the underbrush, Tarnish realised that he was at the point of no return. He didn’t want to kill anything, but he accepted that it might happen. He steeled his nerves and made ready to announce himself. He slipped the lantern and the lamp oil container out of his saddlebags.

Most of the diamond dogs were sitting around the large campfire, eating bowls of stew. Tarnish worried what the stew might be made out of. Gritting his teeth, he squinted his eyes to protect them, then hurled the lantern and the lamp oil container into the campfire.

The lantern exploded with a bright, blinding flash, and an incendiary cloud engulfed the area around the campfire. There were cries as several dogs ignited and went blind. As the dogs rolled over, trying to scramble away and put themselves out at the same time, the lamp oil container exploded.

There was a much larger fireball this time, and even more diamond dogs were set ablaze. Howls, yelps, and yips of pain filled the camp, along with shouts of alarm. Dogs rolled in the dirt, trying to extinguish the flames. Tarnish let go a fearsome steam whistle toot, which only added to the chaos and the confusion. Several dogs clutched their heads and let out howls of pain from the loud, ear piercing sound.

Tarnish realised he had a terrible weapon he could use. Taking a deep breath, he let go a shrill steaming screech that almost made himself go deaf. Dogs yelped and yipped while clutching their ears, and many were still on fire.

But not all the dogs were incapacitated. One dog rose up, a terrible, shaggy brute with a scarred face and an eyepatch. He towered over all the others and his arms were as large around as Tarnish’s barrel. He was smouldering, smoke rose from his fur, and hatred glittered in his remaining eye.

A rock bounced off of his skull and he went down as though he had been poleaxed. Maud lifted up another rock and made ready to throw, the flames reflecting in her eyes as she surveyed the campsite. Limestone stood beside her, her shovel ready.

“Rocks make the perfect gift,” Maud deadpanned, “and I am eager to give some away.”

One of the diamond dogs, still smouldering, got to his paws and then scrambled away, his tail tucked between his legs, and he howled as he made his retreat. Tarnish let him go. Others followed, but one diamond dog didn’t run away. He stood up, hefted a spear, and still on fire, he charged at Tarnish.

Maud bounced a rock off of his head, and while it slowed him down, it didn’t drop him. It struck with enough force that it almost tore the dog’s ear off. The dog let out a savage growl, smoke curled up from his fur, and flames crackled along his back and shoulders.

Tarnish took a step backwards as Flamingo chopped the spear in two, and then he used his telekinesis to shove the diamond dog away. Flamingo smacked the dog on the backside, causing him to yelp, and the dog retaliated by lunging at Tarnish again. He swiped with his huge paw, his claws gleaming in the firelight, and Tarnish sidestepped the clumsy attack.

With a clang, Limestone’s shovel connected to the side of the dog’s head, but the dog did not go down. He took a swipe at Limestone, who blocked it with her shovel, and the handle splintered as it was cloven in twain. The filly let out a cry of alarm as she tried to back away. Tarnish, using his telekinesis, gave the dog another shove, pushing him away from Limestone to keep her safe.

There was a grey blur that shot past Limestone and collided with the diamond dog. There was a shrill, ear piercing cry as Maud connected with a flying kick to the creature’s groin. Clutching himself, he toppled over, whimpering as he curled into a fetal position.

A spear hurtled through the air and would have struck Maud in the head if Tarnish hadn’t grabbed it in a telekinetic bubble. He passed it to Limestone and advanced into the camp, ready to punish the spear thrower. The dog charged him and Tarnish let go of a massive cloud of scalding steam.

In mere moments, the dog, who was smouldering from being on fire just a few minutes ago, was now covered in blisters from head to tail. He fell down in the dirt and writhed around, trying to find something, anything to cool his scalded skin.

Realising the power of magic, Tarnish lifted up several burning logs from the fire and began to wave them around. They were big, they were heavy, and they were on fire. He let out a shrill steam whistle and heard more yelps. More dogs were retreating now, grabbing up their fallen fellows and beating a hasty retreat.

“Yeah, you better run!” Flamingo shouted. “BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD! KILL ‘EM ALL!”

Demoralised, knowing they were beaten, the dogs fled the camp, leaving Tarnish, Maud, and Limestone as the victors. Tarnish stood waving an orbit of flaming logs around him, ready to use them as shields or as weapons. If something threw a spear, he believed that he could block it.

When the camp was secured, Tarnish, still watchful, went over to check on Trixie…

The blue unicorn mare lay in the dirt, unmoving. Her legs were shackled and she was chained to a stake driven down into the dirt. The side of her head was swollen to grotesque proportions and one eye was shut, unable to be opened. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth and lay in the dirt, covered in pine needles.

One leg was swollen, puffy, and flesh caused the shackle around her fetlock to be far too tight. Her knee had to be three or four times its usual size. Fearing reprisal or an organised counterattack, Tarnish knew he didn’t have time to stand here and stare.

Flamingo moved and made a few swift strokes, cutting the shackles away, and doing so without cutting or nicking Trixie a single time. Tarnish had to put down his flaming logs so he could lift Trixie, and he draped the unresponsive mare over his back. He turned to look at Limestone and Maud.

“We should be going,” Tarnish said.

“I agree,” Maud replied, glancing around. “I hear dogs all around us. We should go before they get reorganised.”

“I can’t believe we just walked into the camp and wrecked it,” Limestone said, sounding as though she was in shock. She shook her head and her whole body trembled. “Let’s get moving. Tarnish, up for a run?”

“Yep.” Tarnish looked around, held on to Trixie with his telekinesis, and thought about his long and hurried flight away from the volcano with Maud upon his back. The memory made him shiver. “Let’s get the fronk out of here!”

Author's Note

Took a slightly different approach to combat writing. Tell me what you think, I'd like to hear it.

Limestone's erosion

Limestone's erosion

The only light came from Tarnish’s horn and the rosy pink glow of Flamingo. The sun had set and it was dark in the valley, far darker than it should be for night so recently fallen. The moon had not yet risen. The two sisters stayed close to Tarnish and they moved with swift assurance, but not too swift as nopony wanted a leg broken. Limestone and Maud kept looking behind them, waiting, wondering if retaliation would be coming. A well chucked stone or a spear thrown from the shadows might very well mean the end of them.

“I think when this story gets told, it will reflect well upon us as rangers,” Maud said as she trotted.

“We just picked a fight with diamond dogs and we’re running away and you’re thinking about that?” Limestone asked as she ran beside her sister and Tarnish.

“I will be professional right to the very end, Limestone. I worked very, very hard to become a geologist and becoming a ranger was a pleasant bonus. I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to prove worthy of my ranger title.” Maud sucked in a deep breath and gave her sister a sidelong glance.

“No offense, but this job sucks!” Limestone spat out as her hooves cut divots into the ground. “I’m ready to go home where life is boring and things AREN’T trying to kill me! This is what you and Tarnish were in such a big hurry to do? Are both of you brain damaged?”

“Well, it did get a little exciting today, we might have a really boring day tomorrow,” Tarnish replied as he kept Trixie from sliding off of his back.

“Exciting?” Limestone’s sides heaved as she ran. “Exciting? Whoosh, bang, POW! You set those dogs on fire! And then there was the kicking, and the smacking, and the thumping, and everything else happened! That’s called a war, you dunderhead!” Her voice sounded strained, thirsty, it was clear that she needed some water.

Ahead, the ghost town loomed before them in the darkness.

It was starting to appear that they had not been followed, but Tarnish did not let down his guard as they moved through the ghost town. His horn and Flamingo made for a steady light source. He was feeling tired, fatigued, and he would need to rest soon. Not only had his physical efforts been considerable, but his magical efforts as well, and now he was drained.

He had a pretty bad stitch in his side from running, but he didn’t complain. Trixie had grown quite heavy on his back. She wasn’t responsive, at all, which worried him. As he moved through the ruined, abandoned town, he thought about how much his magic contributed to the fight. He was unskilled, but he had been creative. It was easier to understand how ponies, and unicorns in particular, had dominated the world around them, how they had survived in a hostile land filled with creatures that wanted to eat them or use them as slaves.

Limestone and Maud’s strength didn’t hurt either.

And thinking of this, Tarnish realised that he wasn’t an earth pony. He came to a skidding halt, his sides heaving, and his lungs screaming for more air. He wheezed and sputtered as he stood there, sucking in great deep breaths, and no matter how much he took in, he felt as though he couldn’t get enough. His lungs burned for more air.

He upended his canteen over his face and when water went up his nose, he coughed and sputtered. He licked his lips, relishing the cool wetness, and then poured a bit more water over his face to help cool himself off. He could taste salt when he licked his lips again, and then he tried pouring a little water directly into his mouth.

Beside him, both Maud and Limestone kept watch as Tarnish tried to recover. Maud eyed her husband with one eyebrow raised, and when he was done with his canteen, she took it from him and passed it to her sister.

Limestone guzzled down some water, coughed a bit, belched, and then was okay.

“Are we being followed or not?” Limestone asked as she passed the canteen back to her sister. “This paranoia is killing me… how are we going to sleep tonight when we get back to that weird wagon of yours? I’m going to spend the entire trip home looking over my shoulder worrying about diamond dog poachers hiding behind bushes and trees.”

As Maud took a drink, Limestone continued, “Daddy was right. As fun as adventure sounds, the reality of it isn’t very nice at all. I’m not cut out for this life. When I get home, I’m settling down and doing something sensible, like getting the guano mine going and starting a business with Marble. This is insane.”

Tarnish and Maud glanced at one another as Maud drank, and nothing was said between them as they gave each other a knowing look, then both looked at Limestone. Tarnish smiled and felt a little bit better, knowing that he had a hoof in helping Limestone choose to live a sensible, boring life. He figured that he would probably get a hearty thank you from Igneous and Cloudy.

When The Egg came into view, Tarnish heaved a sigh of relief. He stood, waiting as Limestone began to gather up firewood. Flamingo posted herself as a guard and she floated around the camp, listening with ears that she did not have and watching with eyes that did not exist. She cast a fierce pink glow everywhere she went, but whimpered about it being dark.

Maud went to work laying out a blanket on the ground for Trixie. It was time to go to work and start figuring out what was wrong. Once the blanket was laid out, Maud grabbed several first aid books from inside the wagon and the medical supplies as well. Limestone got the fire going and soon, there was plenty of light to work with.

Tarnish lay Trixie down upon the blanket. She was unresponsive, that much was apparent. Her body was feverish and sweaty. He guessed infection. Her right front leg was lumpy and misshapen. He began checking for broken bones, using his telekinesis to feel along her leg. As he did so, Trixie let out a delirious moan.

“We need to check her,” Maud said to Tarnish.

“I am,” Tarnish replied.

“No,” Maud said as she rolled Trixie over onto her back, “we need to check her for trauma. We don’t know what the diamond dogs did to her.” As she spoke, she pulled Trixie’s hind legs apart.

Blinking, Tarnish shook his head and felt his breath catch in his throat. “I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Maud asked.

He didn’t intend to do so, but Tarnish’s reply came out as a whine. “It feels wrong.”

There was a momentary pause as Maud looked into her husband’s eyes. She reached out her hoof, touched his cheek, and then in a soft but monotonous voice, she said, “This is why I married you. Help me, Tarnish. I need your magic to help pull her apart so we can get a better look. We have to check to for tearing, wounds, and gashes.”

“She’s filthy,” Limestone said to her sister, Maud.

Cringing, uncomfortable with what he was about to take part in, Tarnish lifted Trixie, carried her to the edge of the blanket so that her lower half was now over the dirt, and then began to pour water between her legs so some of the caked on dirt and filth could be scrubbed away.

“She’s got a lot of bruises,” Limestone said, looking over Trixie’s pelt in the firelight. “I’m guessing she tried to escape.”

“Probably,” Maud replied as she gave Tarnish a reassuring pat.

“I dunno if I can do this.” Tarnish shook his head. “It feels wrong to… you know, mess with her while she is passed out. She can’t give consent. For some reason, I can hear Octavia lecturing me about respecting mares in the back of my mind and I don’t know why.”

“Friendship is a funny thing.” Maud used her fetlock to try and clean away a bit more dirt. “Tarnish, get your head down here and bring your horn close. If you can use your magic, I’ll do the looking.”

“Maud… when I use my telekinesis to touch stuff, I can feel it… I just can’t be… touching her… I just—”

“Tarnish.” Maud stared into her husband’s eyes. “I get that you’re decent and moral and good. And that is why I love you. But she needs to be checked for injuries and we don’t know what the diamond dogs might have done. She’s bloody back here, but she’s also covered in a lot of scratches and cuts all over. We have to know what sort of trauma we’re dealing with so we will know if we need to use your mirror to call in Twilight for some help.”

Whimpering, still hearing Octavia’s fine, cultured voice for some odd reason in the back of his mind, Tarnish nodded. He lowered his head, his horn flared with bright blue light, and he used his telekinesis to manipulate Trixie’s tender flesh while Maud had a look.

“I don’t see any cuts, rips, or tears, but she’s dirty. There’s a lot of caked on filth and the urine that never got cleaned away looks as though it is messing with her skin.” Maud tilted her head one way, then the other. Pressing her lips together, she began to scrub and clean, pouring water over the filthy flesh, which caused Trixie to let out a groan.

Limestone went to fetch more water as Maud continued her work. The stoic earth pony mare went to work on the clot of clumped up filth that clung to Trixie’s dock. The skin was irritated and chafed from being so dirty. Tarnish, who kept his head close, looked elsewhere.

“Tarnish, feminine hygiene is so very important. She’s burning up back here. I need to get into all the little folds.” Maud’s voice was a steady, yet somehow reassuring monotone.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Tarnish felt his way around and poured water from his canteen. He could feel caked on clumps of filth falling away. He shuddered with revulsion, feeling guilty, he couldn’t help but feel that he was a bad pony and that he would be punished in Tartarus for this.

“That looks a lot better. We’ll dump her into some water for a good soak in the morning.” Maud began to feel each of Trixie’s legs, she flexed them, bent them, and looked them over as Limestone set a bucket of water down near the fire.

Blinking, Maud held Trixie’s swollen leg and shook her head. “This is a giant cyst or something. We need to drain it.” She looked over at Tarnish, who had sat up and appeared to be recovering from his traumatic experience. She pressed her hooves against the swollen lumps and they moved, shifting around Trixie’s fetlock.

“With those shackles on, there was no room for her leg to swell,” Limestone said.

“Yup.” Maud nodded as she laid Trixie’s right front leg down in the dirt. In an act of gentleness, Maud touched Trixie’s face, and brushed her filthy, encrusted mane away. “Limestone, try to get her face cleaned up a bit. Be careful around her eye, there’s a lot of blood crusted around her eyelid.”

“Can do,” Limestone replied.

“Tarnish, we need to drain this infection.” Maud glanced at her husband and saw him cringing already. “It needs to be lanced and everything drained out. You need to squeeze it from all sides and apply steady, even pressure to force all of the pus out of her leg.”

“Okay,” Tarnish replied in a reedy voice.

Gritting his teeth together, Tarnish tried to get a feel for what he needed to do. He could feel the squishy places, the places filled with sickness. The swelling started in her fetlock and came all the way up to her elbow. He squeezed, applied pressure, and concentrated upon his task.

Applying pressure on all sides, Tarnish used a small pinpoint amount of pressure created by his telekinesis to puncture the skin. Hot yellowish-green pus spurted forth and Tarnish wondered for a moment if he would be able to eat cottage cheese ever again. He gagged, and his nausea wasn’t helped at all by the stench now in the air.

The smell of rot and decay was heavy, cloying, and almost made him throw up. He couldn’t bear to look at what he was doing, and he turned away from the wound he was draining. He gagged, his gorge rising, and struggled to keep himself together. He heard Limestone coughing.

“It’s like toothpaste being squeezed out of a tube,” Maud said, describing what she saw as Tarnish kept squeezing. “It’s coming out in little curlicues, like frosting.”

For a second, Tarnish was almost certain that he was going to barf out his own liver and maybe his pancreas. The smell was getting worse and the sound… oh for the love of the alicorns, the sound… There was a flatulent, squirty-squishy sound as he kept squeezing and draining out the infection.

For whatever reason, Maud did not seem bothered.

Tarnish looked up at the sky as he worked, watching as the stars twinkled, which were difficult to see because his eyes were watering. This was, without a doubt, one of the worst moments of his life. He put it right up there with the volcano exploding and the manticore that stole his virginity. He could hear the sounds of little clots being squeezed out, little wet pops, little splort! sounds. The smell was coppery, bitter, and foul.

This was a night that would linger in his memories for the rest of his days. He glanced over at Limestone, who was trying clean gunk away from Trixie’s eye, which was swollen shut. The swelling on her head was so bad that her ear had become lumpy and misshapen. He felt pity for Trixie—nopony should ever have to endure this. His pity turned to shame.

As much as Trixie had endured, he had complained and whined about having to clean her up, he had cringed and not wanted to help just because it was uncomfortable, because it made him feel embarrassed and awkward. She had been beaten to within an inch of her life and he had whined just because he had been asked to help check her injuries. He felt his face burning from his shame and he resolved to do better in the future.

His stomach reached a breaking point. The post-battle jitters, his fear, his disgust, his shame, the terrible stench in the air, the sound, Tarnish’s guts revolted against the cruelty of life itself. He puked into the dirt and some of it splashed into the fire, which did nothing to help the stench in the air. He barfed again, and again, and he could feel chunky clots plugging up his nostrils. He felt like crying and he wanted his mama.

As he coughed and sputtered, Limestone began pouring water over his muzzle, which cleaned away the vomit on his lips and nostrils. He snorted, trying to clear his airway, and felt his guts churning as his horn went dark. As the violent queasiness subsided just a little, the tears came. They were hot, far too hot, and they burned his eyes, blinding him. The world blurred over. He felt Limestone’s forelegs wrap around his neck and she cradled his head.

It was all too much and Tarnish had to let it all drain out, very much like having to drain Trixie’s injured and infected leg. He trembled as Limestone held him, still feeling sick, and struggled to breathe as his sobs overcame him. The world, while it could be a beautiful, miraculous place, was also a very dangerous place, and bad things happened.

As Tarnish thought about all of the bad things that happened in the world, he had himself a realisation—he was one of the good ponies that did something about them. He took comfort in this, even as his stomach churned. Tonight, he had saved a life. All in all, it was worth his current discomfort. He blinked, his tears flowing, and felt Limestone stroking his neck.

“I’m going to get some aspirin for Trixie,” Maud said as she got to her hooves. “She’s going to need something for her fever. Limestone, when Tarnish gets to feeling better, you and I are going to give her the best bath that we can, and then I think we’ll take her to bed with us. She needs to be kept warm.”

“Okay,” Limestone replied in a raspy voice.

Hearing it, Tarnish realised that Limestone was crying as well. Somehow, it was comforting to know that he wasn’t alone. Sniffling, he tilted his head upwards, and gave Limestone a soggy, quivering smile as she continued to stroke his neck.

Author's Note

Clearly, Maud isn't squeamish.

A lesson unwanted

With a snort, Tarnish awoke to the sound of whimpering. The bed was crowded, he had his back pressed to the wall, and Maud was tight against his belly. Far off on the other side, Limestone was smooshed against the wall, and Trixie was sandwiched between the two mares, with the hopes of keeping her warm and secured. When she was put to bed, she was still delirious with fever, and shivering so hard that Limestone had worried that she would chip her teeth.

Ears perking, he listened to the sound of breathing, the sound of Trixie whimpering, and he could feel the bed shaking as Trixie trembled in her sleep. He felt far too warm, he was sweating. The inside of the travel wagon was well insulated and the warmth of four bodies had made the warmth unbearable.

Lifting his head, he saw that Trixie was clinging to Limestone. Her eyes were closed, and Limestone appeared to be sleeping. With great care, he slipped from the bed, not wanting to wake the others, and then slipped outside for some fresh air.

Outside, he found Flamingo hovering near the fire, she was humming to herself and seemed happy enough, content to guard the camp. He tossed a few more logs onto the fire, knowing full well that Flamingo did not like the dark. She kept them safe while they slept, so keeping the fire going was the least that he could do.

“You let them live.”

The voice made Tarnish stand up straight and right away, he was at full alertness. He looked around, and heard Flamingo go silent as she too, tried to find the source of the voice. He moved closer to the fire and looked down at his amulet. He had drank some tea before bed and much to his dismay, his amulet was a pale shade of blue. He rather hoped that his visitor could get a good dose of his magic.

“Tell me, why did you let them live?” the voice asked.

“Because I didn’t want to kill them,” Tarnish replied as his eyes darted all around him.

“They took a pony and did terrible things to her. They do this, over and over, they prey on us… sometimes they even eat us… and you let them live. Now, the next pony that gets preyed upon by this group will suffer, and it will be all because of you.”

After starting to say something, he fell silent. He had a hard time arguing with that logic. He felt a stab of guilt and wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake. These diamond dogs had already shown that they were willing to do it once, no doubt, they would do it again.

“Good thing for you I already took care of them,” the voice said and then chuckled.

“What do you mean, ‘you took care of them?’ What are you saying?”

“What do you think I mean?” the voice asked.

Thinking about her words made his blood run cold. Tarnish shivered, even though he stood next to the fire. Queasiness overtook him and he felt his legs wobble as his knees threatened to knock together.

“I did what you couldn’t. I put them out of their misery. I hunted them down and finished them off. I saved other ponies.”

“Why?” Tarnish asked as he felt a hard lump in his throat. “Why would you do this?”

“Because. I am building the perfect society. Even now, I lay the foundation. And diamond dogs have no place in the future I have planned.”

Seething, angry, but also hurt, Tarnish felt tears streaming from his eyes. “How could you do this?”

“It was easy!” The voice sounded haughty and laughter echoed through the trees. “I thought of the needs of my fellow ponies, unlike you, and so I went out to clean up your mess. I ran them down, I hunted them, I made them fear me, I made them fear ponies, I made them understand our superiourity. And when they learned, when they understood, when they were taught their place, I put them down as an act of mercy. I can assure you, I wasn’t cruel. I wasn’t nearly as barbaric and horrendous as you were. I didn’t burn them, I didn’t smash them in the face with shovels, I killed them, clean, quick, and easy. They died painless deaths, but only after they learned their lesson.”

“But why?” Tarnish asked. “What will this accomplish? Other diamond dogs will find out! They’ll know! And that will only make them hate us even more!”

“Who cares?” the voice replied. “So what? Who cares what they feel? They already hate us. Further predation will only give us the reasons we need to wipe them out. We only need an excuse.”

“But that’s wrong!” The lump in Tarnish’s throat was now painful and he had trouble breathing. “If I find you, I’m gonna—”

“What? Kill me? What moral high ground will you hold if you threaten to murder me? I want to help you… I want you to realise your potential… I want to help cure you. I want to give you a better, brighter future, free of your curse. And not just you, but everypony, I want to make us equals. I have a brave, bold new vision for Equestria. Unlike the princesses, I’ll do something about the animals that prey upon us. I’ll keep ponies safe. I’ll burn away the wilderness from sea to sea if I have to, but the others will learn to fear us or they will die.”

“Flamingo! I want you to find her! She’s around here somewhere! I want you to find her so I can wring her neck and bring her in so she can face justice!” Tarnish’s voice was a ragged, hoarse cry and spittle flew from his lips.

The sword darted off and began searching around the camp. In the darkness, the voice laughed, a terrible, manic sound that echoed through the trees. Tarnish ground his teeth together and as he did so, his amulet darkened, turning purple.

“Sooner or later, you will come around to my way of thinking,” the voice said as she continued to chuckle. “I am ever the patient teacher. I have left a lesson to help you understand your hubris.”

“There is nothing I want to learn from you!” Tarnish’s voice was a screechy, rage filled whine. He stomped his hooves. “You better hope I never find you!”

“In time, I am positive you will come around to my way of thinking. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but as your magic matures, when the princesses turn on you, you will come seeking me out. Meanwhile, I’ll keep in touch.”

“If it is the last thing I do, I will find you… I’ll come north to that settlement you are building and I’ll—”

“Kill innocents to hurt me? Put them in danger? You are too soft, too spineless, and you do not yet see. You do not understand.” There was a long pause. “As I have stated, I have left a lesson for you, to teach you of your hubris. Follow the bouncing light.”

“No.” Tarnish’s eyes darted all around, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. “I’ll not do anything you say. I’ll not be manipulated.”

“Listen,” the voice said, and as she spoke, the faint sounds of a whining howl could be heard in the distance. “If you do nothing, one more diamond dog dies this night. I left you a gift, as I said. A lesson. You didn’t do the right thing earlier, you did nothing that you should have done, and many might have suffered. Now, if you do nothing, one will suffer. She’s a cute little bitch. A puppy. With as chilly as it is, with no mother, I doubt she’ll last long!”

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” Tarnish screamed with so much force that his voice broke, cracked, and became a shrill screech. His eyes went bloodshot and his barrel heaved. His amulet darkened a little more.

Behind him, the travel wagon door opened and Maud stepped out. Eyes narrowed, Maud began looking around, trying to understand what was going on. She peered into the darkness around the camp, her ears perked, straining to listen.

Tarnish, who saw the floating purple-pink light, took off at a run, almost blind and seething with rage as he charged into the woods, his teeth bared, and his horn glowing a dangerous, violent shade of blue.

“You have to learn that you don’t have the luxury of doing nothing,” the voice said as Tarnish crashed through the underbrush, chasing after the blinking light that bounced ahead of him. “You, your magic, and all it represents, you are a threat to society… to the world, and I want to help you! I want to make you better! And I can make you better! If I make you better, if I can show the world how I am saving it by healing ponies like you, others will believe in my cause!”

“SHUT UP!” Tarnish let out a feral snarl and his lip curled away from his teeth. His eyes were bloodshot, red, and his pelt stood up all along his spine.

“This is for your own good… you need to understand the consequences of your actions. Earlier tonight, you failed to do the right thing. You failed to take the proper course of action and because of that, you would have caused others to suffer! You have to be made to see how you affect others! I am trying to help you!”

“SHUT UP!” Tarnish’s voice was a ragged scream. He could hear crying ahead. “When I find you, I swear on the stars above, I am going to kill you myself! I will show you what my magic can do! I can even mess with alicorns!”

“SO YOU ADMIT HOW DANGEROUS YOU ARE TO OTHER PONIES!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”

“An understanding was reached tonight. I shall take my leave of you for now. Good night, Tarnished Teapot. We will meet again. You will come around and see things my way.”

He came to a stumbling halt, his sides heaving, his horn glowing, and dangerous looking streams of bright blue mist poured from his eyes. His breathing was ragged and his body was soaked in sweat. He let out another wordless scream and nothing replied. The dark woods had gone silent, save for the sounds of crying and whimpering.

Angrier than he had ever been in his whole life, he began weeping, unable to hold it in or deal with his rage. He stomped on the ground and then bucked a tree as his body tried to express the fury that boiled within him. He thrashed about, kicking, stomping, and grinding his teeth.

Impotent with apoplectic rage, Tarnish wept as he threw his tantrum. The events of the day and the night were just too much to deal with. Snot dribbled from his nose as tears streamed down his cheeks. The sounds of crying lingered in his ears and he knew that he had to do something. He charged ahead, trying to listen for the sounds of wailing.

In the dim light of his horn, Tarnish found a blanket hanging from a tree branch, suspended like a sack. Something wiggled inside of it. Blinking, consumed by his own fury, he stood there, dumbstruck by the tiny bundle hanging from the tree.

No voice mocked him and he seemed to be alone. He stood there, his ears twitching, his muscles quivering, and he tried to calm himself so he could use his magic. Enough lives had ended this night and he didn’t want to do anything that might endanger whatever it was that was tucked away inside the ratty old blanket.

He sucked in air, trying to take deep, calming breaths, but it was difficult to breathe. He lowered his head and snorted, sending streamers of snot flying down to the ground and into the bushes. He choked on his own phlegm and began coughing so hard that stars swam in his vision.

After sucking wind for several minutes and almost throwing up, Tarnish raised his head. He took a few steps forwards, and, stretching out his long neck, he nosed the bundle suspended in the blanket. The tattered blanket looked dull and dingy in the stark blue light of his horn.

“I’m sorry that we’re enemies… your kind and my kind… it doesn’t need to be this way,” he said in a strangled voice. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t want this to happen… I didn’t… I tried to avoid killing because I thought it would make things worse.”

As he stood there, shaking, his mouth dry and his eyes feeling itchy, he wondered if that dreadful mare was lurking about, listening to him, hearing his words, and saving them up in her memory so she could mock him once again. The thought made his guts clench tight and a painful ache filled his groin.

Using his magic, which felt weak and flickery, he untied the corners of the blanket from the branch, lowered the pup down, and lifted her out of the blanket. She was small, helpless, and a dingy grey-brown colour. When he touched her with his snoot, he felt that her body was cold, and she shivered. He felt her paws grasping his face, and one of them grabbed his ear, which was taken in a death grip. She pulled herself closer, trying to get warm, and she whimpered against him, glad for the warmth of his face.

It broke his heart. Being as gentle as possible, he pulled her away, his ear slipping out from her grip one painful inch at a time, and then he wrapped her back up in the ratty blanket. He secured it around her, folding it over several times, and then he pressed the blanket wrapped bundle against his neck.

“We are not enemies,” Tarnish said to the tiny pup, “but friends. Let’s go and get you warm. Maybe I’ll see if I can get you something to eat. I’m so sorry, but I think I know how to fix this.”

Saying nothing else, Tarnish took off at a trot to return to the camp.

Author's Note

A hard lesson indeed...

Leaves a bad taste in your mouth

Tarnished Teapot found himself back at the beginning. As he returned to the camp, he thought back to the day he had been banished. He thought of his anger, his rage, he thought about his frustration; he thought about everything that had led him to that point. He thought about his later realisation on his journey that perhaps he had been a bit of a jerk and he hadn’t helped himself.

He wondered, was he helping himself now? He had allowed the stranger to get under his skin. It bothered him a great deal. He thought about Longhaul and sort of wished that the wise old wanderer and traveller of the roads of Equestria was here to give him advice, as he had once done. It felt like a lifetime ago that he had seen Longhaul, but it hadn’t been all that long ago.

Responding with rage wasn’t going to help him, wasn’t going to do him any good, and, if anything, would only make the problem worse. It was time to reign himself in, have himself a good think, and then try to do better. As he calmed down a bit, as he held the small diamond dog pup, he searched his heart, asking himself if he had done the right thing, letting the diamond dogs live. It felt like the right thing. Sure, they had done wrong, but it wasn’t his place to be judge, jury, and executioner. He wasn’t a killer. He was starting to become a healer, and in his mind, one could not be both, although he was certain that many would disagree with him.

He could see the firelight reflecting in Maud’s eyes when he returned to the camp. She looked at him, looked at his amulet, and for a moment, even though he was certain that it was only his imagination, he thought he saw disappointment in Maud’s eyes. He certainly felt disappointed with himself. Maud had made tea, which was both good and necessary.

When he reached the fire, he held up the blanketed bundle and said, “I have a puppy.”

Maud responded with a few blinks, her eyes focused on the blanket wrapped puppy that Tarnish was holding in his bright blue telekinesis, and then, turning her head, she looked Tarnish in the eye.

“You have a puppy.”

“Yes. We’ve established that.” Tarnish’s eyebrow rose as he spoke. “I think she needs food. She’s small. I am not sure what to do.”

“She killed them, didn’t she?” Maud asked.

“Now is not the time for anger,” Tarnish replied in a strained voice as he sat down beside the fire. “She’s cold and probably hungry. Trixie is in a bad way. The stranger is gone and there are more important things to focus upon.” Setting the pup down beside him, Tarnish began to fix himself a cup of tea and glanced over at Flamingo, who was circling the camp.

Moving slowly, even by her own glacial standards, Maud sat down beside Tarnish, settled on her haunches, and moving with careful caution, she picked up the pup off of the ground so she could hold it in her forelegs. There was a low snuffle from within the blankets, and then, with a yelp, the pup’s head poked out.

“She’s a little girl,” Tarnish said as he held up a tin of condensed milk and gave it a thoughtful stare. “Hmm.”

“What are you going to do with her? She’s a… a—”

“Diamond dog?” Tarnish finished without looking over at his wife. “She’s a small, helpless creature that will die if we don’t do the right thing. Sort of like Trixie. I plan to send her home with Limestone and have Limestone take her to Buttons.” Tarnish’s ears stood up as he heard snuffling.

He made an opening with the can opener, a small triangular opening in the top of the tin of condensed milk, then another to allow for airflow. He poured some into his tea, and then before he could say anything, Maud snatched the tin of condensed milk out of his telekinetic grasp.

She tilted it over and allowed a little to dribble over the pup’s nose. She began lapping it up, licking the top of the can, and some of it ran down her fuzzy chin. Maud looked over at her husband, holding the tin in her fetlock while cradling the pup in one foreleg.

“I feel very odd,” Maud said in a voice that wavered just enough that Tarnish noticed, and Maud noticed that he noticed. One of her eyebrows arched and then she turned away, choosing to look down at the pup instead. “There is something strangely pleasant about this. Not quite studying new rocks pleasant, and not midnight dancing pleasant, but pleasant nonetheless.” Maud blinked a few times, then stared down with a blank, vacant expression as the pup continued to lap up condensed milk from the tin.

“Maud, if we had a foal, what would you like to have?” Tarnished asked, wondering if Maud would choose an earth pony or a unicorn.

There was a long, drawn out silence, the only sounds were the crackle-pop of the fire and the lapping sounds of the pup. Maud had become statuesque, unmoving, and she stared down at the tiny blanket wrapped bundle that she held.

“I would like a little colt,” Maud replied, surprising Tarnish. “And I would like for him to be like you.”

Holding his teacup, Tarnish couldn’t help but notice that Maud hadn’t mentioned anything about earth ponies or unicorns, only a colt. He nodded. A colt would be nice. A little version of him that he could hang out with. A little version of himself that he could teach to do all kinds of things. A little buddy. A friend.

There was a click as the door opened and then Limestone came out. She looked worried, concerned, and for a moment, her attention was focused on Maud, who was feeding the pup. After a moment of surprise, Limestone recovered and came over to where Tarnish was sitting.

“Something is wrong with Trixie, her leg, the one that you drained, it’s been swelling. It’s burning hot and she’s sweating real bad. Something is up with her leg, I can sense it, but I can’t figure out what it is.”

“Hmm.” Holding his teacup, Tarnish got up, went to the door, stuck his head inside, lifted Trixie from the bed, and then carried her outside. He held her aloft as Limestone scrambled to unfold the blanket that Trixie had lain upon earlier. When Limestone spread the blanket out by the fire, Tarnish set the comatose mare down upon it.

He sipped his tea, sat down, lifted up Trixie’s injured foreleg, and began to examine it. It was swelling and some foul smelling liquid oozed from the opening he had made earlier. He took another sip of tea, held the leg up a little bit more, and used the firelight to see what he could see.

“Her frog is swollen,” Limestone said as she glanced over Tarnish’s withers.

“It is,” Tarnish replied as he straightened out her leg and looked at Trixie’s frog. The swelling protruded out past the hoof and folds of flesh made seeing what might be wrong difficult. Tarnish could feel the squishiness of infection that would need to be drained out. It was a lot worse than earlier and it scared him. He realised that he might need to give Twilight a call on the mirror.

As he thought about calling Twilight, he noticed the faint gleam of metal for a second, a glint in the firelight. He ignited his horn, summoning as much light as he could, and then lowered his head down to have a better look. He saw the glint again, and narrowing his eyes, squinting, he parted swollen folds of flesh to have a better look.

With his snoot inches away from Trixie’s frog, Tarnish grabbed ahold of the shiny bit of metal with his telekinesis. He gave it a tug and nothing happened. Grimacing, not one to be denied, Tarnish got a better grip on what he thought was a nail, gave it a good twist and a yank at the same time.

The nail, several inches long, came out with a surprising suddenness, and uncorked the festering rot trapped in Trixie’s leg. Fever simmered pus came spurting out like a geyser of greasy gooshiness and sprayed Tarnish in the face. The heat and the pressure gave it a great deal of force, and his own telekinesis, which was holding Trixie’s leg, also contributed. He let out a cry of disgust, but made a terrible mistake by opening his mouth.

Limestone’s mouth fell open in shock and disgust as she watched. Somehow, Tarnish kept his presence of mind and he did not drop Trixie’s leg, further injuring her. Instead he pointed it away from him and kept squeezing, trying to get the infection to drain out as he coughed, gagged, spat, and sputtered. She felt pity for her brother in law; there was a bad night and then there was whatever Tarnish was having, having been tormented by the stranger and now this.

A terrible, gag inducing stench filled the camp, the smell of rot. Limestone backed away, her nostrils flaring, and she heard a soft cry from the pup, who she felt bad for. Dogs had a better sense of smell than ponies, or so it was said.

“I feel soiled,” Tarnish muttered.

“Tarnish, you okay?” Limestone asked.

“No,” he replied, “I'm not okay. I'm about as far from okay as one can get.”

“That sucks. It really does. I feel for you, brother.”

“Thank you, Limestone.”

“No kisses for you,” Maud deadpanned, “not until you brush your teeth. That's just nasty.”

“I have learned a valuable lesson,” Tarnish said in a low, disgusted voice, “one I'll not soon forget. I love learning, I really do.”

Using his telekinesis, he applied steady, constant pressure to Trixie’s foreleg, which drained the infection out. He squeezed her frog as well, applying gentle pressure, as much as he dared, hoping that he was helping rather than harming.

This had been a night of lessons. The sunset raid on a diamond dog camp, first aid, the horrible encounter with the unknown stranger, and now this. He spat a few times, trying to get the bitter taste out of his mouth, and then took a sip of tea, which he had somehow held on to this entire time without dropping it. He could not help but notice that his telekinesis was getting better, stronger, more stable with more use.

He thought about what the stranger had said, how his magic would grow stronger as he matured, and he felt a chill that somehow overpowered the warmth of the fire beside him. He glanced over at Maud, who was still feeding the pup, and then at Limestone, who sat watching. Blinking, trying to dispel the chill that had fallen upon him, he returned his attention to Trixie.

He levitated the nail so he could examine it. It was long, sharp, bent, and covered in something crusty. No doubt, it was the source of the swelling, inflammation, and infection in Trixie’s leg. It had probably been in there for a while. He looked down at the mare and felt sorry for her. She had probably tried to escape, for which she had been recaptured and beaten. And then, with the nail lodged in her frog, when she had no doubt become too sick to work, had they beaten her even more, thinking her to be lazy? The thought made Tarnish both angry and disgusted.

The purple-green bruises were visible through Trixie’s pale blue pelt and her hair was coming out in clumps. She was still unresponsive, but now that her leg was draining and the source of the problem removed, he hoped that she would make a turn for the better. She had been given aspirin for her fever and other drugs they had in their first aid boxes.

Sweat glistened on her pelt and her lips moved as she continued with her delirious murmuring. He hoped that she was warm enough by the fire, but knew that it would be best to return her to the bed soon. He sipped his tea and was thankful that it helped to rid him of the horrible taste that still lingered in his mouth.

Already, her swollen frog was about half the size that it had been, but it still bulged out way past her hoof. Nothing more seemed to be coming out, so Tarnish eased her leg down. She whimpered, her body shook, and then she quieted a bit, slipping off into a deeper sleep.

He thought about zebra medicine. He didn’t have the extensive collection of herbs, poultices, and potions to treat Trixie and her many wounds, but he had small amounts. The zebras had something called economy of medicine. You could pour an entire healing potion down a patient’s throat, potentially wasting a great deal of the potion, or you could make a small effigy of the patient and apply the healing potion to the injured area, such as the leg or whatever was messed up. A few drops of potion went a long way this way, meaning that one healing potion could be made to last for a very long time.

Heaving a weary sigh, Tarnish realised that the night’s lessons were not over. He needed to make himself an effigy of Trixie… he’d need some of her hair, or better yet, one of her more vital bits, like a sliver of hoof, or an eyelash, or some of her saliva. If he could construct an effigy of her, he could use some of their precious healing supplies on the effigy, heal Trixie, and learn more about his chosen craft. He took a sip of tea and thought about what he needed to do. The learning curve was steep, but not impossible.

Once she was better, Tarnish would have to figure out how to sever the connection, one first had to get the effigy’s connection to project itself, something called an astral manifestation, which required a great deal of concentration, and then using something symbolic to cut the astral thread, like an actual pair of scissors. It was the act that somehow made it possible, not the actual pair of scissors. Tarnish did not understand it, and he wasn’t sure that he ever would. Of course, he still had to establish the connection, which would be tricky.

And then, Tarnish was seized with an idea. Tarnish had an idea and it was absolutely brilliant. It was also as terrible as it was brilliant. He sipped his tea and thought about how dreadful and wonderful his idea was. The stranger, for all of her supposed superiourity, had no doubt left behind bits and pieces of herself. With a detect magic spell, he was certain that he could find bits and pieces of the strange unicorn left behind in the bushes or on the road. Some hairs, perhaps from her tail or her mane. If he could find something left behind from her…

He could make himself an effigy.

Author's Note

Maud takes a licking

As the sun rose, Tarnish laboured, and as it peeped over the horizon in the east, he felt his spirits rising with it. In the faint light of both the dawning sun and the setting moon, Tarnish looked down at his work and was pleased with it. He had two little ponies, both made out of wax, wood, and some bits of string. Poppets, the book called them. They didn’t look like much, but he knew that they would serve his purposes, or so he hoped. He was still kind of sketchy on how all of this worked, which is why he had two poppets. One would be Maud, a test subject, the other would be Trixie. When he knew that the sympathetic connection between the poppet and Maud worked, he would then apply a tiny droplet of the restorative tincture to Trixie’s poppet and if all went well, her leg, which was a real mess, would begin healing.

There was also a matter of cutting the connection, the astral string, once he was done, but he had an idea of how he could do that. It shouldn’t be too much trouble. He was feeling rather confident, all things considered, which was a good thing, given the troublesome night he had endured. The encounter with the stranger had shaken him, it had disturbed him a great deal. He glanced over at the glass collection phial that sat near the fire. He had found some purple hairs, some lighter purple hairs, and some blue hairs, all long and from a mane or a tail. He had also found himself some pale, muted pinkish-purple hairs, short little pelt hairs, and the detect magic spell in the spellbook Vinyl had given him worked exactly as she had written that it would. She had left such simple, effective instructions that he had been able to both understand them and follow them without trouble. Never mind the fact that a simple detect magic spell was something that almost any unicorn foal should be able to cast.

If he felt like it, he could extract a terrible revenge. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that just yet. It had seemed like a good idea when he was angry, but now, he was having some second thoughts. The zebras had warnings about the darker path of hoodoo. Once upon the darker path you step, forever will it dominate your destiny. It seemed that the zebras had a small problem with language. Some of them spoke in rhymes, others, well, the words just came out all weird, which made the book hard to read.

Using his telekinesis, he lifted up the tincture he would be using for Trixie. It was for infections, fever reduction, and treating mild forms of poison. It was somewhat magical, it gave off a magical aura that Tarnish could detect, and when unstoppered, it gave off an incredible stench. It smelled like smoky, rancid bananas, sweet, cloying, it made his nostrils tickle something awful and the smell somehow made his dock tingle. There was only a small amount of tincture, a small, precious amount, but he had the means to make it last longer and do more with less, if he could get it to work. The tincture could both be swallowed and poured into a wound. When swallowed, it worked as a purgative, removing poison from the blood, reducing fever, and helping to fight infection. When poured into a wound, it did much the same, but worked in the area that it was poured at a somewhat stronger strength.

The docket, which listed all of their supplies, stated that this tincture, (noted by the strange banana scent, the docket mentioned) could treat gangrene. Tarnish couldn’t be certain, but he suspected that Trixie had it.

Flamingo was humming to herself and Tarnish watched as she continued her watch. Now that it was dawn, it was time to let her rest. He yawned, feeling more than a little sleepy himself, but he had work to do. There was still so much to do be done.

“Flamingo, if you want to get some sleep, feel free to do so,” Tarnish said.

“I’m gonna be in my bunk,” Flamingo replied as she darted over to where her jeweled sheath lay waiting. The sword paused for a moment, hovering in the air, and before she slipped into her own scabbard, she said to Tarnish, “Rusty Teakettle, don’t lash out in anger. It’s never worth it. I did that once. I… I can’t remember what I did… I just can’t for some reason, but I remember that I’m sorry… I think. Everything is just a pink haze sometimes.” And then, before Tarnish could say anything, the sword slipped herself away.

Now alone, Tarnish continued his work.

As Limestone took a turn to feed the pup a tin of condensed milk, Tarnish asked Maud, “How is Trixie doing?”

“She seems to be doing a little better. Her leg is still swollen, but not like it was. She’s still delirious though. I slipped her some aspirin and tried to get her to drink some water.” Maud turned her head to look at her sister and noticed that Limestone was doing an admirable job of being a surrogate mother.

“Well, I’m ready to try a little zebra medicine,” Tarnish said to Maud, “I just need to try a test first. I think I have connections, but I’m not sure. I made one of you, so I could test it in what I feel is relative safety.”

“This should be interesting,” Maud deadpanned.

“I’ve already made the connections and I think I know how to cut them,” Tarnish said.

Blinking, Maud studied her husband. “You know, I think I like this form of magic. This is something that even an earth pony can do.” She paused, blinked again, and tilted her head. “Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with unicorn magic, I’m just saying that I can appreciate a form of magic that even earth ponies can do.”

Nodding, Tarnish replied, “I think I understand. I’m not very good at unicorn magic, but I find I am grasping this stuff rather well. It’s complicated, but I’m managing.”

“You look tired.” Maud’s voice held no trace of her worry.

“Stuff needed to be done. It was a long night, I’ll admit, but I’ll sleep later.” Tarnish’s mouth opened and a yawn fell out accompanied by a long orange tongue. He shook his head, causing his ears to flop around, and he blinked his eyes a few times. “I think I need to fix myself some breakfast soon.”

Glancing over at Limestone, he watched as she cooed at the pup she was holding. He couldn’t help but notice that Limestone seemed to be rather into it. While he was certain that Maud had a strong maternal side, Limestone showed it. She fussed, she fretted, she made a big deal out of every little sound, every little whimper, and the affection she felt was obvious. Just yesterday, she was smacking her enemies in the face with a shovel and now, now a completely different Limestone could be seen. Tarnish found that he liked this Limestone a whole lot more, but the other Limestone was nice to have around during times of trouble.

It also reflected well upon Limestone’s character that she could be so maternal to a diamond dog pup, given the current situation and the somewhat violent conflict that had just taken place. Tarnish considered this, thought about himself, and thought about his own conflict with the mysterious stranger. It would be difficult, if not outright impossible, to show her any sort of kindness right now. Tarnish contemplated his anger and his seething dislike, which bordered on outright hatred. He felt guilty and a little bit ashamed.

Limestone was a better pony than he was, and he knew it. He still had some growing up to do and he needed to do some soul searching, but now was not the time. He had other things to deal with, important things that demanded his attention now. There would be time for navel gazing later.

Letting go a sigh of regret, Tarnish lifted Maud’s effigy in his magic. “Okay, Maud. Test time. Tell me what you feel.” Tarnish inhaled, sucking in wind, and then blew on the tiny figurine that represented Maud. He wasn’t sure what to expect, for a moment, he thought he might see her mane billowing around, but nothing happened.

“I felt a light breeze on my neck,” Maud said as her eyes narrowed a bit. She looked… focused. It was a look that was unique to Maud, a sort of sleepy, but intense stare that no other pony made.

“Good, good.” Tarnish nodded, summoned up a drop of water, and let it fall upon the effigy’s head. He glanced over at Maud and saw her ears twitch. “Did you feel that?”

“That was wet,” Maud replied, “and it sort of tickled.”

“Wet and ticklish?” Tarnish asked, intrigued. He lifted the effigy, glanced down his muzzle at it, turned it around, and with a flick of his tongue, he gave the backside of the figurine a quick lick.

Eyes going wide, Maud stiffened, her legs widened and her tail rose as she settled into an inviting stance. Her nostrils flared and she snorted a few times, her sides heaved like blacksmith’s bellows, and one front hoof pawed at the ground.

It was at that moment that Tarnish realised that he had power. It was intoxicating. He felt dizzy as the realisation hit him and he understood now why some unicorns went crazy trying to gain more power. He got it. And oh goodness, did he ever get it. Maud was now completely at his mercy.

Hearing more heavy breathing, his eyes glanced over at Limestone, and he noticed that she too, had a wide eyed stare, though hers was one of astonishment. His eyes met hers and for a moment, Tarnish felt bad, but he could not say why. His ears perked as he heard Limestone say, “Do that again, that was cool!”

Flummoxed, Tarnish sat there, not sure what to do, reeling from his newly discovered power, turned on by his ability to stimulate Maud from a distance, all while feeling shame and embarrassment for exposing poor Limestone to his sexual sorcery.

Blushing, he looked at Maud and saw that she was chewing on her lower lip. Her tail was still flagged, and her hind legs were still held wide and inviting. Something about the way she blinked stoked Tarnish’s internal fire into an infernal, soul scorching blaze. Driven by lust, but consumed by shame, he gave the effigy another flick with his tongue.

Maud whinnied as her eyes rolled back into her head.

Deciding that enough was enough, Tarnish put the effigy down, satisfied that he had made viable connections. The magic, even though he could not understand it, worked. Goodness, did it ever work. And no doubt, Limestone was going to go home and tell quite a story to anypony that would listen.

He couldn’t see the astral strings, but he suspected that somepony he knew could. Using his telekinesis, he pulled Flamingo from her sheath, and was greeted with a yawn. The sword snorted, vibrated a bit in his grasp, and then floated under her own power.

“I smell mare musk,” Flamingo said in a sleepy voice.

“Never mind that.” Tarnish banished the smile from his face, but struggled as Maud let out another soft, almost breathless whinny. “Flamingo, you don’t have eyes, but you can see. Tell me, do you see a silver thread that stretches from the doll in front of me over to Maud?”

The sword bobbed around and replied, “Yeppers!”

“Good.” Tarnish could hear Maud’s heavy breathing and he felt a little awkward. “Can you cut it?”

“I dunno, lemme check,” Flamingo replied as she sliced downwards at something unseen. A second later, she reported, “It’s cut. When I cut it, it vanished and I can’t see it anymore. Is that supposed to happen?”

Nodding, Tarnish felt relieved. “Yes, Flamingo, the connection has been severed and it no longer exists. Thank you. Feel free to go back to bed, but I’ll need you to cut something else in a bit.”

“Neat!” Flamingo yawned, then with a swift movement, stabbed herself back into her sheath and went still.

“I think I need a bath,” Maud said in a low voice. It sounded as though she was struggling to speak, or even to breathe. “Yes, a nice soak in the hot springs. That was why we came here.”

Sniffing, Tarnish noticed that he could barely even smell the rotten eggs now. He had grown used to it. He looked down at Maud’s effigy, and feeling terrible about what he had done, he disassembled it, pulling it apart and carefully removing the bits of Maud so the components could be recycled. It was a big part of the economy of medicine theory that the zebras had.

Now, a bit more serious, with a solemn expression upon his face, Tarnish lifted up Trixie’s effigy and held it before his muzzle. He glanced at the wagon. Trixie was still inside, tucked away in the bed. He drew in a deep breath, gathered up his confidence, and reminded himself what a little lick had done to Maud. The magic worked. He pulled out the tincture, uncorked it, stabbed in an eyedropper, and then, with great care and caution, he placed the tiniest drop of it upon the effigy’s leg. As he waited, he stuffed the cork into the tincture and he was not sure what to expect. When nothing happened, he could only make an assumption that it had worked.

He got up, stepped around the fire, opened the wagon door, and peered inside. Trixie lay sleeping, soaked with sweat, but she did seem… more peaceful somehow. She wasn’t mumbling or thrashing about in her sleep. So, perhaps it worked?

Stepping back, he drew Flamingo from her sheath, and before he could even say anything, she slipped from his grasp, sliced at something invisible in the air, and then slid herself away, all in the blink of an eye. Tarnish could only assume that she was tired after spending all night on watch.

“You said Trixie needed a good soak in a hot bath,” Tarnish said as he began breaking down Trixie’s effigy and removing all the bits that gave it a connection to the stricken mare. “I could use a good soak in a hot bath. Where are the hot springs at?”

“Over there,” Maud said in a somewhat breathless voice as she pointed with one front hoof.

After putting everything away and cleaning up his workspace, Tarnish nodded. It appeared as though the pup was finishing up her breakfast, and he could hear yawning as Limestone fawned over the little diamond dog. He was torn, he needed breakfast, but his muscles ached with fatigue.

“You two go have a nice soak with Trixie and I’ll fix some breakfast,” Limestone said in a low voice, it was almost as if she was reading Tarnish’s mind, or perhaps it was her special earth pony sense. “I can toss together some oatmeal without too much trouble. I’ll do it in a bit, for now, I want to keep cuddling her.”

Maud, who made a slow, cautious movement, let out a hiss from between clenched teeth and her tail swished around her hind legs. She blinked, gave her husband a strange look, and in a low, flat voice said, “You have to do that again sometime…”

Author's Note

Yep. He did it.

Soaked

Easing himself down into the hot water, Tarnished Teapot let out a weary sigh of relief. There were several basins carved into the granite here and the hot spring poured down into the basins, filling them. There were weather worn wooden benches here and a wooden lean-to in dire need of repair.

Between himself and Maud, Trixie sat in the water and her head rested on the edge of the stone basin. Maud had a comb and was trying to work the tangles out of Trixie’s tangled, blood clotted mane.

The stench of rotten eggs was stronger here, but Tarnish didn’t mind. He was too tired, too worn out, and far too weary to make a big deal about it. He squirmed a bit, kicked, wiggled, and tried to get more of his body under the steaming hot water. He was getting taller, of that there could be no doubt. He was going to be like his mother, who could only be described as freakishly tall. Long legged, she towered over other mares and even most other stallions.

Yawning, he closed his eyes for a moment and wondered when there would be some improvement in Trixie’s condition. After resting his eyes, he opened them, blinked a few times, and then watched as Maud worked.

“Tarnish…”

“Yeah?”

“I like to think that the world can be a good place, Tarnish...”

He waited, knowing that Maud would say more.

“But seeing Trixie like this… or when I first found you… it makes me doubt. And the doubt makes me hurt inside.” Maud blinked and shook her head. “Trixie isn’t the best pony. I know she’s done some wrong. She’s done some awful stuff. But she doesn’t deserve this. Nopony deserves this.”

“And what of the mysterious stranger that keeps tormenting me?” Tarnish asked.

There was a long pause before Maud finally replied, “I have nothing nice to say, so I’m not going to say anything at all. So there.”

There was a loud snort followed by a laugh from Tarnish. He kicked out his hind legs and wiggled his backside, sliding down deeper into the basin. The water made his chocolate brown pelt even darker and strands of his tail floated just below the surface.

The hot rock against his back felt good, it soothed his tight, tense muscles and made him relax. He imagined that it must be doing Trixie some good too, even if she wasn’t awake to realise it. He reached down and rubbed his stomach with his hoof, let out a sigh, and then reached a little lower, as there was plenty that needed scratching. A contented sigh escaped his lips as he rubbed his delicate places, allowing the hot water to soak in. A pony sometimes needed a good soak in a hot bath to get clean. Or a steambath. The rock farm could use a steambath. He bit his lip as the hot water worked its way down deep into his sheath—it stung a bit—and his hind legs bucked a bit as he waited for his body to adjust to the temperature.

Letting out a whistle, the stinging went away and Tarnish could relax. He glanced over at Maud, who was still working clumps and tangles out of Trixie’s mane. “Need some help?”

“You’ve done plenty. I have this. But you’re sweet for asking.”

“I know.” Tarnish smiled and rested the back of his skull against the edge of the basin. It was hot and felt good against his skin. The sun was coming up over the distant ridge and was starting to shine down upon the springs. Yellow sulfur deposits glistened as water droplets trickled down over them. Tarnish found there was a lot of interesting stuff to look at, to see, to study. It was obvious why Maud liked coming here, it was a geologically active hot spring with fascinating mineral growths. This was exactly the sort of place that Maud would want to frequent. And had circumstances been a little different, this would have been a perfect place for a romantic interlude.

As Tarnish sat thinking about romantic interludes, distracted by his own thoughts, Trixie’s eye sprang open, but only one eye, the other was far too swollen. She let out a wavering cry, flailed her limbs, and without warning, she rolled over and grabbed Tarnish, straddling him. Her sudden movement surprised Tarnish so much that his head was pushed beneath the water.

Moving fast, Maud hauled him up, and held both him and Trixie as he coughed a bit. Trixie clung to him and weak, pitiful sobs could be heard from her. Tarnish, who recovered a bit, wrapped his forelegs around Trixie and held her as she sobbed against him.

He glanced over at Maud, his eyes wide with both fear and confusion. Tarnish, uncertain of how to deal with this, asked, “What do I do, Maud?”

After thinking for a moment, Maud replied, “What you’re doing.”

Trixie was straddling him in a most awkward and rather intimate way. Tarnish, who had a genuine desire to do good, worried that his body might react in a most untoward manner. This was awkward and caused him no small amount of mental stress. He felt Trixie’s hind legs squeeze against his sides and her forelegs gripped his neck, almost as if she was afraid of falling off into the sky, never to be seen again.

“I think the hoodoo worked,” Maud deadpanned. “Trixie, do you remember me? It’s me, Maud… you worked with me at the rock farm. You hated it. This is my husband, Tarnished Teapot. We rescued you.”

There was no reply from Trixie, only weak, shuddering sobs as she clung to Tarnish, refusing to let go or ease up on her grip. Reaching out her hoof, Maud patted Tarnish on the neck, trying to comfort him.

“What do I do, Maud?” Tarnish asked. “This is awkward—”

“Sometimes, a mare just needs a stallion to hold her… somepony to make her feel safe… surely you can do that for her, Tarnish,” Maud replied as she looked Tarnish in the eye. “I know it’s hard, but think about what she’s been though.”

There was a mournful whimper from Trixie as Tarnish collected his wits. He gave her a squeeze, trying to cradle her as much as possible with his body, and he tried to be the good pony that Maud believed him to be. It made things a little easier.

“Hey, I bet you’re hungry,” Tarnish said in a soft voice to Trixie. “Want something to eat?”

After a long wait, there was a weak nod from Trixie, but no words. Tarnish gave her a reassuring squeeze and stroked her neck. He glanced over at Maud and then back up at Trixie, who had closed her eye. She was sobbing against him, deep body shaking sobs, and for a moment, Tarnish wondered what it was that Maud must have felt when she had rescued him.

“I’ll carry you over to our camp, and I’ll serve you some breakfast, and maybe some nice tea, and I’ll make sure you’re comfortable, and after you’ve eaten, I’ll tuck you into bed and you can get some sleep. Does that sound good? You’ll be safe, I promise. Maud and I are rangers… no harm will come to you.” As Tarnish spoke, he felt Trixie’s muzzle move against him as she nodded. He supposed that rangers came with a certain reputation and he hoped that it would put her mind at ease.

As Tarnish continued to comfort Trixie, he thought about the power of healing magic, what he had accomplished, and he wondered what he could do in the future. With enough hard work, he could do anything, accomplish anything, anything was possible. That tiny drop of tincture had brought Trixie back from the brink. That was power. It was the best sort of power too, it was alluring, required study for mastery, and was socially acceptable.

It was power worth pursuing.

The situation wasn’t as good as Tarnish had hoped it would be. Trixie had freaked out when she had seen the diamond dog puppy, which was understandable. She lay on a blanket with her one open eye focused on Limestone, who was pupsitting. Trixie was fed, she had drank several cups of tea and more aspirin had been given to her.

Tarnish came to the slow realisation that it was time for Limestone to go home and take the pup with her. He would send along a few cans of condensed milk so the pup would have something to eat. For Limestone, the adventure was over. She had learned a valuable lesson and had come to the conclusion that the adventuring life just wasn’t for her. Sight seeing was fine, exploring was good, but making daring raids on diamond dog camps and being in mortal peril wasn’t her cup of tea.

There was the issue of what to do with Trixie… should he and Maud continue south with her? Baltimare would be close, sort of, after a few more days of travel. Trixie seemed as though she would make a full recovery, but Tarnish had no way of knowing for certain. Behind them was home, a day’s journey, and there was Doctor Hedge. He agonised over the decision, not knowing what to do. He would have to discuss it with Maud, later, perhaps when Trixie was asleep.

He needed sleep. His whole body felt as though it was made of lead. Leaning over, Tarnish lowered his head down close to Trixie’s ear and asked, “Hey there, I know it’s sudden and all, but do you want to go to bed with me?”

He was met with silence, which wasn’t quite what he expected, to be honest, he wasn’t sure what he expected, but when there was a faint, weak, wheezy bit of laughter from Trixie, he wasn’t expecting that at all. It was a sound that made him happy, it made him feel good, and he was glad to hear it. It was a pleasant surprise.

Lifting his head, he saw Maud looking at him with one of her intense, burning stares. He blinked, uncertain, not knowing what Maud was feeling. When her lips moved, his ears perked, standing up, and he heard her say, “I love you.”

He sighed. Was it relief he was feeling? He didn’t know. He was too tired to puzzle it out. At least Maud was okay with his attempt at humour. He smiled at her, took a deep breath, and replied, “I love you too.” He dropped his head again, down near Trixie’s ear. “Just don’t snore and everything will be fine.”

With a groan, Trixie’s head shifted, she turned as much as her stiff, bruised neck would allow, and she looked up at Tarnish. In a raspy, croaking voice, she said her first words since waking up. “Thank you.”

It was obvious that it took a great deal of effort for her just to speak. Tarnish wondered if she had been strangled—her neck was covered with bruises—and unable to deal with being angry, he let out a weary sigh. He was too tired to get worked up over it. All he could feel was pity, not rage.

Rising to his hooves, he arched his back, stretched a bit, gave his tail a shake, and pranced over to where Limestone was sitting. He nosed her, almost knocking her over, and then pressed his muzzle against the pup, who grabbed him. Her sharp little claws prickled and stung a bit as they dug into his skin. She let out a happy sounding yip and clung to his cheeks. He saw Limestone looking up at him.

“Looking after this little one, I’ve realised where I belong,” Limestone said in a low voice.

“Oh?” Tarnish replied.

“Home and hearth.” Limestone blinked a few times, trying to prevent tears from showing. She gave the pup a squeeze and looked up at Tarnish, who stood towering over her. “I wonder if Buttons will let me help her look after this pup. This feels nice. I’m not ready for a family just yet, but this… this feels nice. This is something I want… but later.”

“Good for you, Limestone,” Tarnish said. He pressed his muzzle against Limestone’s cheek and gave her a kiss. He pulled away, lifted his head, and drew himself up to his full height. “I’m going to bed.”

Saying nothing else, he turned around, lifted Trixie up in his telekinesis, and headed for the wagon door, his tail swishing behind him. He pulled the door open, lifted Trixie inside, and then entered himself. The door was left open for a bit of fresh air.

Maud, who watched all of this happen, looked over at her sister, and the two of them shared a silent exchange, no words needed. After a few moments, Maud got up, stretched, and then began cleaning up the dishes from the meal, busying herself with the mundane task that needed to be done.

Author's Note

:trixieshiftright: - Of course I'll go to bed with you if you feed me first.

Why so blue?

Why so blue?

The sun dipped down past the horizon in the west, setting the sky on fire with brilliant bands of crimson, orange, yellows, blues, and purples. Maud’s campsite was in a lush valley filled with many acacia trees, along with some deciduous trees. The Sisters were now behind them, to the north.

Trixie lay by the campfire, on her side, with her head resting upon a folded blanket. She wasn’t moving much, but she was awake, staring at the fire, silent, and lost in her own thoughts. Her bad leg was propped up on the folded blanket, close to her head. Not far away, Maud was writing in her journal and Boulder sat on a flat topped stone beside a steaming cup of tea.

Sitting across from the two mares, on the other side of the fire, Tarnish was reading through Vinyl Scratch’s well worn magical primer, trying to see if he could learn anything by accident. Vinyl had an amazing understanding of magic, magical theory, and perhaps of most importance, she had a knack for making magic understandable. Tarnish had his muzzle buried in his book, his brows were crinkled in concentration, and his ears were angled over his eyes.

As he read, he kept a circle of stones in orbit around his head, a simple concentration exercise recommended by the book. If he could keep the stones circling around his head while reading and not drop them, he could improve his ability to multitask. These were basic magical skills that, ideally, he should have learned as a foal, but didn’t. Every now and then, he was supposed to pick up and add another stone to the orbit. So far, he had seven, and it was starting to become a struggle to both read while keeping things aloft as well as moving.

“Tarnish…” Maud’s deadpan voice interrupted his concentration and he looked up. “Tarnish, over there.” Turning his head to the direction that Maud pointed, all of the stones that Tarnish held in orbit plunked to the ground. He didn’t move, he was too scared to do so, but he knew that he needed to draw Flamingo.

Or did he? He stared at the timber wolf that was staring at him. It didn’t seem aggressive. It didn’t attack. It just stood there, watching him, unmoving. The animated monstrosity made of wood, leaves, and moss stared at him with glowing eyes that didn’t blink.

Doing a double take, Tarnish saw that the timber wolf’s eyes were glowing blue. He seemed to recall that there should be a sickly green glow. Curious, he watched and waited, no longer feeling afraid. The wolf turned, took a few steps, stopped, and then howled. Its howl was the sound of demon wind tearing through a forest, the sound of creaking limbs, rustling leaves, and faint whistles.

The wolf seemed to be waiting. Eyes glowing, it stared back at Tarnish over its shoulder, almost as if it was waiting for Tarnish to come along. Compelled by a strange force, Tarnish knew that he had to follow it. Something unseen tugged at him, something mysterious and unknown.

He stood up, set down his book, and as he started to follow, he heard movement behind him. He paused, turned his head to look back, and saw Maud helping Trixie to get up. Intense curiousity burned in Trixie’s one open eye, a desire to know more. She wobbled on her legs and Maud steadied her.

“I don’t know if you should follow,” Tarnish said to Trixie.

“Trixie needs to know why the timber wolf isn’t eating you,” Trixie replied, “and Trixie will know. Trixie finds you mysterious and weird, a unicorn that uses zebra magic and follows timber wolves off into what will surely be a trap of some kind.”

“I doubt it will be a trap.” Tarnish didn’t know how he knew this, so he didn’t bother trying to explain it. “Maud, can you help Trixie along or should I carry her?”

“Trixie will walk on her own!” the grating blue mare snapped.

“Fine then, do try to keep up.” Still feeling miffed about what Trixie had said earlier, Tarnish took off after the wolf, leaving Trixie to Maud’s tender mercy. The wolf moved at a swift loping pace, and Tarnish increased to a quick trot to keep up.

“Trixie demands to know what is going on!”

Determined to keep up with the timber wolf, Tarnish crashed through the underbrush after it. There was no trail here, just rough overland. The trees here were ancient and the ground was on a steady uphill incline.

Somehow, Trixie managed to stumble along after Tarnish, hobbling after him on three legs, and it was Maud that was keeping her upright when she stumbled. Her horn glowed with a brilliant blue light, pushing back the growing darkness. It was obvious that she was recovering, now that she had been given a chance to sleep, had some food, had some liquids, and had the infection purged from her body.

“This is all very peculiar,” Trixie said in a somewhat breathless voice, “Trixie would very much like an explanation and she is worried that this is all a fever dream.”

All around them, the forest was alive with creaking timber, and much to Tarnish’s shock and alarm, a whole pack of timber wolves closed around them, all of them with glowing blue eyes. One was walking right beside him, and Tarnish noticed flashes of blue in its wooden body. Closer inspection revealed blue petals.

These timber wolves all had poison joke entangled within them!

He felt a bit of worry for Trixie, but he knew that she could be fixed with a few sips of his tea if something happened. He looked at the wolf beside him and saw that it was looking up at him. The blue glow in its eyes now made some sense—perhaps the blue glow was because the timber wolves had been taken over by poison joke.

Ahead, the ridge of a ravine loomed before them, an impassible wall. Tarnish wondered how they were going to get up and over it. Perhaps there was a path. If necessary, he was ready to carry Trixie, even if she protested.

Then, he saw it. A narrow crack in the natural wall of stone ahead. It wasn’t a cave, no, it was a crevice. The wolves slipped through it and Tarnish followed them. He found himself in a narrow canyon. Above him, in the indigo night sky, the stars twinkled overhead. On each side of him, the stony earth rose for at least fifty feet. A sweet, pleasant scent was in the air… the scent of… poison joke. Lush, damp grass tickled his frogs.

The narrow gap continued ahead for at least a hundred feet or so, and then it appeared to widen. He pushed ahead and heard gasps from behind him. Not just Trixie, but Maud as well, his ears perked as he heard her sharp inhale. It was a notable sound, something she did when she found something that grabbed her interest—rocks, stones, geological formations, mineral deposits, and his erections poking her in the bed.

He felt the tingle of strong magic here and slowed his pace so Trixie could stay close to him. He could feel the hairs of his pelt coursing with static, and it crackled in both his mane and his tail. He pushed his way through the end of the narrow gap, and made his way into the wider part of what he now knew to be a box canyon.

The box canyon was almost egg shaped. At the far end, a narrow waterfall trickled down the jagged rocks. Tarnish wasn’t sure what a place like this was called. A glen? A grove? Whatever it was, it was a place of natural wonder, it was beautiful, it was breathtaking.

It was also full of poison joke. Turning to look over his shoulder, he saw that Trixie lingered near the narrow gap, away from the poison joke, and Maud stood beside her. He turned back around to look at the waterfall once more and his eye caught a flash of greyish white.

He strode through the poison joke as the wolves circled around him. In the middle of the box canyon there was a statue, a strange statue, it was something that somehow seemed familiar and strange at the same time. After getting closer, he stopped to have a look at it. He began pulling away the moss and vines that covered it so he could see it better.

It was the strangest thing he had ever seen, and he didn’t know what it was, even though it seemed familiar for some reason. He pulled more vegetation away and illuminated the area with his horn as the wolves frolicked around him.

“That’s a centaur!” Trixie shouted from where she stood. “It’s like Tirek, but a female!”

Nodding, Tarnish stared at the statue. She had a pony body and a strange torso with two, plump mammaries. She had an apelike face. Antlers grew from her head, but some of the tips had broken off. Her body was covered in cracks and it was impossible to tell how old she was.

Her arms were outstretched from her sides and Tarnish worked to remove more overgrowth. In her left hand, there was a shield, and much to Tarnish’s surprise, it wasn’t stone, but metal. There was no rust. He moved to the left to have a better look, and froze when he saw the emblem on the shield.

It was a poison joke flower. The emblem on the shield appeared to be made of stained glass. Silver glittered in his horn light and the glass sparkled like blue diamonds. He stared, not knowing what to make of this.

“Centaurs are the reason why so many things in pony culture have handles, grips, and things that could be grabbed, even though we have hooves… they came before us and built civilisation… Trixie learned about this in Princess Celestia’s school while she was there.”

Tarnish barely heard a word.

“They left behind so much… we’ve tried to be just like them.”

Looking up, Tarnish moved over to the right to see what was in the other hand. He saw a flash of blue—which didn’t surprise him—and then he saw it. The other hand was holding a blue orb, not much bigger than a foal’s ball. One of the fingers had broken off, and the others had cracks.

“This is old.”

Startled, Tarnish discovered that Maud was standing beside him. He looked at her, and saw that something about her face was different. He couldn’t quite make out what it was, but he swore that Maud was having some sort of a reaction.

“Tarnish, this is thousands of years old… and I don’t think it’s a statue,” Maud said in a strange sounding voice. “That shield… by now, it should have rusted and crumbled away. It has to be magic. This whole place has a strange vibration to it.”

Mere seconds after Maud spoke, the shield fell to the ground with a faint clang. Looking down, Tarnish realised they were standing on a stone platform that was covered in moss and dirt. He stared at the shield, curious, it was made for a hand, it had a handle on the back, it was shaped like a kite, thick, and at the moment, it had a soft blue glow.

“Tarnish, look out!”

Before Tarnish could react, something grabbed him by the horn. Looking up, unable to move, he realised that the centaur statue’s left hand gripped him by the horn. He could feel the pressure and panic overtook him. Before he could cry out or say anything, the world turned blue.

Around Tarnish, a city burned. Strange, distorted beasts fought with ponies and centaurs… and one another? He had no idea what was going on. He blinked, trying to get a better look and saw… Discord? The battle raging around him was pure chaos as the various draconequus—Tarnish realised that he had no idea what the plural form of the word ‘draconequus’ was—whatever they were, they battled all around him, destroying each other while they also attacked the centaurs and the ponies.

Some of the ponies were different too. Distorted somehow. Some had antlers. Others had strange animal legs. Strange magic crackled in the air and it was as though Tarnish was standing on the most intense ley line intersection he had ever encountered.

A female centaur battled with a draconequus a short distance away. She had a sword and a shield, a familiar looking shield with a poison joke emblem. Beside her, a male alicorn fought at her side, using his magic to shield her from the draconequus attacks.

She swung her sword in a vicious, chopping arc, and the draconequus countered her attack with the swipe of his enormous claws—it appeared as though he had a mole leg, or perhaps a badger leg—and his claws cut the sword blade into pieces.

Confused, terrified, Tarnish watched as a group of armor wearing centaurs and alicorns escorted a group of ponies and foals to safety, trying to get them away from the vicious battle. There were… alicorn… foals?

Gripping her broken sword, the female centaur smacked the draconequus with her shield and there was a blinding blue flash as the shield smashed into the draconequus’ face. It howled in pain and began to turn blue, the colour creeping along its body, originating from where it had been struck.

The sword, which still had a few inches of blade left, was rammed into the draconequus, who shrieked as the sword pierced its neck. Flailing about, his clawed hand raked outwards at the female centaur, but did not strike her.

The male alicorn threw himself between them with a cry, and the terrible claws struck the alicorn stallion in the throat. A second later, his head rolled and bounced along the ground. Tarnish turned away, horrified, and he felt nauseous. He heard a furious, tormented scream of anguish.

All around him was destruction and death. It was horrible. It was unbearable—

—And then it was gone. Blinking, he felt dust tickling his nostrils. He glanced up, panicked, his eyes burning as they too, had dust falling into them. He jerked his head back and realised that the statue’s hand was crumbling, falling to pieces.

He also saw that the statue was moving. The right hand swung towards him and the blue orb it held was glowing with a soft, soothing blue light. Tarnish’s legs trembled and he felt his plothole clenching tight.

As the statue moved, pieces of it broke off; the remains of an antler, more of her left arm, a leg, she was coming apart. She loomed over him, large, powerful looking, and held the orb out to him.

“You are not the one I expected, but you will have to do,” the statue said in a grating, rumbling voice of stone sliding over stone. “I can no longer hold myself together. Take this. I was expecting an alicorn to come and perform this task, but you shall have to do. Be brave, little pony, be steadfast, and do not falter. The orb will show you the way.” The blue orb flared with a brilliant flash of light as the statue spoke.

Not knowing what else to do, Tarnish grabbed the orb in his magic and the statue began to crumble in earnest. He stared, knowing that this centaur female was the same one that he had just seen. Had he been dreaming? He didn’t know what was going on.

“Perhaps the mistakes of the past can still be corrected,” the statue said, and then, much to Tarnish’s horror, her head fell off, tumbled to the ground, and shattered. A second later, her whole body collapsed, leaving behind a pile of greyish white stone chunks and dust.

It seemed that Tarnish had a job to do—what it was, he had no clue.

Author's Note

Questions?

Blue adieu

The fire, which was almost all embers, had a warm orange glow that pushed back the darkness. Sitting beside the fire, Tarnished Teapot contemplated his life, wondering if he was the victim of yet another cruel joke, his usual genial nature seemed absent.

Beside him, watching him with her one open eye, Trixie Lulamoon drank a steaming cup of poison joke tea. She showed no signs of exposure, but drank the delightful tea as a precaution. She looked as excited and curious as Tarnish did glum.

Almost unmoving and statuesque, Maud Pie also sat beside the fire, staring at the peculiar shield. The shield bothered her, and she had stated so upon their return to their camp. She could not identify the metal of which it was made. Maud, an expert in all manner of stone, crystals, and metals, was unable to determine what the shield was made of. Not knowing was driving her to distraction.

The blue orb pulsed and emitted a soft, rather soothing blue light when it was near Tarnish, but went dark when it was more than a few feet away. It sat beside him now, resting on the ground beside the fire, an eerie blue light swirling within.

“Trixie would know… why must you look so depressed… clearly, you were meant for greater things. You have power that Trixie envies.”

Turning his head, Tarnish stared at the blue mare for a while, blinking only when his eyes demanded moisture, unsure of how to respond. The firelight flickered in his eyes as shadows danced along his rich, dark chocolate brown pelt.

“He’s upset because he thinks yet another joke has been played upon him,” Maud said in a voice devoid of any feeling or emotion. “Right now, he is probably thinking that he should have been an alicorn and that the poison joke has played the cruelest joke of all—making him a unicorn.”

Astonishment made Tarnish blink his eyes in a rapid, confused manner. He turned to look at his wife, his mouth falling open, and he said, “How did you—I mean—sometimes I wonder about you, Maud.”

“It seemed obvious.” Maud rapped on the strange metal shield with her hoof. “I fell in love with a unicorn. You are not a mistake. And if you try to even suggest otherwise, expect the silent treatment for a good long time.”

“Marriage troubles.” Trixie let out a snort. “Trixie is never getting married, nor will she fall in love. Having bratty foals is not high on Trixie’s list of priorities either. Trixie has better things to do with her life than look after snotty brats.” A weak, caustic laugh made her shake and her eye had a somewhat mean, but merry looking twinkle to it.

Snorting, Tarnish tried to shake off his funk. He thought about what Maud had said, and then, much to his own surprise, he thought about what Trixie had said. He scowled and shook his head. Trixie needed to get her priorities straightened out, and so did he. There was a long, puzzling moment where he asked himself why he was suddenly so concerned about power. It was like a sickness that had crept up on him, like a cold, or the flu, and he found that he did not like this part of himself.

As for being an alicorn, perhaps it was just coincidence or a mistake. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be the one who found the strange statue. Perhaps an alicorn with the powers of poison joke was still forthcoming, a champion of nature, but it seemed unlikely.

The corners of his mouth tightened and turned downwards as he picked up the glowing blue orb. Touching it with his magic made his horn tingle and he could feel static coursing through his pelt. He held it up in front of his face and peered into it. He could see blue mist and light swirling within it. Eyes narrowing, he peered inwards, trying to see something, anything, not knowing how the orb worked.

“The orb is very powerful,” Trixie said to Tarnish.

“Can you tell me more about it?” he asked. His scowl vanished and Tarnish eyed Trixie. “Fair is fair. I saved you. If you could tell me anything, anything at all, it would be appreciated.”

“Trixie might be able to discern something,” she replied as she reached out her own magic and took the orb. The blue glow reflected in the purple iris of her eye, turning it indigo. “Let your magic intermingle with mine.”

Tarnish’s magic, a bright, vivid blue, combined with Trixie’s pale pink aura, and filled the area with a glittering purple light. The orb floated between them and the blue glow intensified. A low thrum filled the night and the embers in the fire blazed brighter.

An ear twitching crackle filled the air and Maud’s focused stare fell upon the orb. The thrum intensified—it rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern—and a strange blue glow formed around Tarnish. The glow was strongest and brightest around his cutie mark.

“—Grogar continues his advance—the source of magic has been poisoned by his foul sorcery—we have been fools—without the poison joke, the magic went bad—we have left ourselves vulnerable—”

The voice was a deep, powerful baritone.

“—I have worked out a means of time travel—yes, such a thing is possible—I, Maledico Iocus, have discovered the means to reincarnate—perhaps civilisation can be rebuilt after this coming catastrophe, or perhaps the coming devastation can still be stopped—”

The orb crackled and blue sparks flew from the smooth, flawless glass surface. A projected image appeared over the orb. A centaur could be seen, a powerful looking male with bright blue skin and a black pelt. He had broad moose antlers sprouting from his head.

“ —I will send my spirit forwards and perhaps this world can still be saved—”

Shaking her head, Trixie said, “The world didn’t end.”

The projected image vanished, there was a fizzle, the magic around the orb died. Tarnish held it in his magic, and a confused, worried expression was on his face. He trembled, his eyelids fluttered like panicked butterflies, and he drew in a deep breath.

“Grogar was defeated. Civilisation fell, but he was defeated. And the world went on.”

“The world tends to do that,” Maud said in response to Trixie. “And something tells me that long after we’re gone, the world will continue. Even if everything we know was destroyed right now, so long as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna survived, our civilisation could be rebuilt. Life will go on and new civilisations will arise.”

“Maybe.” Trixie took a sip of tea then eased her body down into a laying position.

“It’s proof.” Tarnish appeared shaken. “It’s part of the proof I need.”

Turning her head, Maud replied, “It is proof from a bygone era, a time now lost to history. Many would challenge that proof and question its validity.” She shook her head. “But it is a start. Perhaps this mystery will continue to unfold itself if we are patient.”

Her one open eye was now half closed and drooping. Trixie looked sleepy and after another sip of tea, she yawned, then smacked her lips. Her mouth was still swollen and her lips were still puffy, but it was clear that she was on the mend.

“How come there are no more centaurs?” Tarnish asked. “Other than Tirek I mean… where did they go? What happened? Where are all the alicorns? It seems there used to be a big wonderful world a long time ago and then everything was ruined. What happened to all of the civilisations that came before us? Where are the old cities? Are they all gone? Were they all so destroyed that nothing was left of them? I have so many questions.”

“There are so few answers,” Maud replied in a monotonous drone. “It’s like whatever this shield is made from… the answer is lost to time. The princesses might know, or they might not. I’m not even sure what the glass-like material on the front of it is.” She focused on her husband. “You should keep this. I have a feeling that you will be able to utilise it for… whatever it is meant to be for.”

Extending his will, Tarnish lifted the shield and felt the same tingle that he felt when he touched the orb. At the touch of his magic, the shield took on a faint blue glow. For being rather large, it felt light in his magic, impossibly so, and there was no trace of rust anywhere on the object. It was perfect, flawless, and he had no idea how old it was. How many battles had it seen? What history had it witnessed? What was it for and what was its purpose?

Why did it respond to him?

A shield might be useful and it would be a nice addition to his sword. If there was a scuffle or an all out fight, the shield would be great for protection. He had trouble making magic shields, but a physical object that he could hold up in front of him to block incoming blows would be perfect.

He thought about the skirmish with the diamond dogs to rescue Trixie. A shield might have been useful there. Not just as a defensive measure, but for bashing his enemies away. As he sat in quiet contemplation, a log in the fire crackled and popped.

There was a soft clink as Trixie’s teacup landed on the flat stone beside the fire. Her head was laying on the blanket, her eye was closed, and her barrel rose and fell as her horn went dim, the light fading as she drifted into a deeper sleep.

A soft sigh escaped Tarnish as he looked over at Trixie’s sleeping form. She was annoying, she was a bit mean, but he pitied her. Perhaps if life was kinder to her, she would be a nicer pony. He thought back to when life was being unkind to him and how he was.

“How do we help her?” Tarnish asked.

To which Maud replied, “I’m not sure that we can.”

“But she needs help. Just like I needed help.”

“She has to want the help first.” Maud shook her head. “Put Flamingo on watch and then come to bed with me. I’m tired and I think you need some happy husband hug time.”

The chirping of birds jolted Tarnish from his sleep. He had no memory of falling asleep—his last memory was of laying beside Maud and reading by horn light. He lifted his head, blinked his eyes, and looked around. His book on zebra hoodoo lay in the bed, near the wall. There was no sign of Maud. He yawned, stretched his legs straight, his whole body tensed, and he let out a half awake whine.

He slipped out of the bed, gave himself a shake, and then stepped through the door. Maud was sitting by the fire, making oatmeal. Maud tended to make oatmeal if left to her own devices, and it was almost always plain, though sometimes she put milk and butter into it. A little bit of dairy kept the pelt sleek and shiny, or so the health posters said.

Something seemed off, but Tarnish wasn’t awake enough to figure out what it was. He looked around, his vision a bit blurry but clearing, and then walked over to sit down beside the fire. He began to fix tea, knowing that he would need some.

“She’s gone,” Maud said in a low voice. “And she took a blanket with her.”

“Huh?” Tarnish looked around and realised what was missing. He felt sad, a bit worried, and just a teeny, tiny bit angry. Trixie needed help—she was still messed up—and for reasons unknown she had snuck off in the night. “Where did she go?”

Maud shrugged.

“Should we go look for her?” Tarnish asked.

Maud did not reply, not right away, but after gazing at her husband for what felt like several minutes, she said in a low, soft, flat voice, “There’s no point in going after her. She’s trying to run away from herself. She ran away from the rock farm too when we tried to help her.”

“But she’s unwell.” Tarnish filled up the kettle with water and set it on the fire so it could boil. “What was she thinking, running off like that?”

“I have no idea.” Maud stirred the oatmeal with a large wooden spoon held in her fetlock. “She took nothing else but the blanket. I have a nagging suspicion that she is off to visit the one friend she has.”

“Who?” Tarnish asked.

“Twilight,” Maud replied.

“Twilight isn’t her only friend.” Tarnish held his head high. “She has us. If we run across her again, we’ll have to do whatever we can to help her. One really good pony helped me out and helped me get my life in order. Surely with the two of us we can do something to help her out.”

“Tarnish, the difference is, you wanted to do good—”

“And maybe she does too… and just doesn’t know how. We have to try, Maud.”

Author's Note

So many distractions today. I'm sorry.

Feelin' blue

A strange sense of melancholy lingered in the fringes of Tarnish’s mind as he continued down the road with Maud. This trip, while it had promised to be short on paper, felt longer, so much longer. Maud had the wagon, that was her load, her burden, and now, Tarnish also felt weighed down. The orb and the shield, though light in an impossible way, also felt heavy. He kept the orb in his saddlebags and the shield fit on his back strapped to his gear as if it belonged there.

As he walked, he held his magic mirror, allowing it to recharge in the sun. In his head, he had gone over what he wanted to say, what he wished he could say, he had rehearsed this a thousand times already, but he knew that when the time came, he would stumble over the words and what would come out would be nothing like what he had thought in his head. Heaving a weary sigh, he opened his mouth, ready to call Twilight on the mirror, but what came out instead surprised him.

“Pinny Lane?” There was a pause. “Mom, are you out there?”

After a moment, a voice in the mirror replied, “Tharnith? I wath bruthing my theeth.”

“Sorry Mom… I… just wanted to hear your voice.” As he talked, he heard spitting.

“Facing a bit of a crisis? Having a rough moment?”

It bothered him, but he had to pause and give thought to his answer. He had to decide how honest to be to his mother. Each second felt long, and he was aware that the longer he took to answer, the more of a chance his mother had of knowing that something was wrong.

“Things have been a little rough. I had to pick a fight with some diamond dogs to rescue a pony in trouble. But other than that, things are mostly okay.” He thought about his words. Things were mostly okay. They were. The sun was shining, his canteen was full, his amulet was a pale, pleasant shade of blue, and he was feeling down in the dumps because something was going on that he didn’t understand.

“Oh dear, are you okay?” Pinny’s voice sounded a bit whiny with worry.

“I’m fine,” Tarnish replied, “I walked away without a scratch.” For whatever reason, hearing his own words made Tarnish feel better. He had walked away without a scratch. That was something to be thankful for. He could have ended up like Trixie. Things might have gone wrong in the worst possible way.

“Gave them what for?” Pinny asked.

“I sure did. They never saw it coming. Limestone smacked a few in the face with a shovel.”

“That’s my girl… I knew there was a reason why I adored Limestone.”

Hearing these words, his spirits lifted. A reluctant smile spread over Tarnish’s muzzle and a new spring appeared in his step. Some of the heaviness went away, like a bird taking wing to fly into the perfect blue sky on a wonderful sunny day. The clouds parted and he felt the sunshine.

“Thanks, Mom. I think I just needed to hear your voice.”

“You sound a little better. Tarnish, I got to go. I was brushing my teeth because I had to leave. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I think so, Mom. You go and do whatever you need to do.”

“Love you, buhbye!”

The mirror went silent and Tarnish became aware that Maud was looking at him. He gave her a sincere smile, flashing his teeth at her, and he fell into step beside her. His grin became a little sheepish as Maud continued to gaze at him.

“Are you going to tell Twilight?” Maud asked.

The answer that slipped out of Tarnish’s own mouth surprised him. “No.”

“No?”

“Nope.”

“No.”

“Yes. No.” He heard Maud sigh and decided to explain himself. “Once I get my head sorted out, I will. But right now? I just going to let my mind settle. Twilight needs to be told, I think, but later.”

“Seems reasonable,” Maud replied. “If we keep up this pace, we’ll be there soon.”

“Soon?” Tarnish blinked. “How soon?”

“I didn’t expect this wagon to be as light as it is and as easy to pull. Two more days, if the weather remains suitable for traveling and there is no more trouble. Once we get there, we’ll set up base camp and then begin working. We have a lot to do before the weather turns cold. Expect several weeks of hard work.”

“I don’t mind hard work.”

“I know.” Maud turned her head to look ahead. “You’ve proven that.”

“What do I tell Twilight?” Tarnish asked. “I mean… I don’t remember all of it. And you were right. Whatever evidence there is, it is sketchy at best. Plus, I have no way of knowing if the orb will even spill its secrets again, or if it will say the same thing twice. I know nothing about it.”

In response, Maud said nothing. Tarnish took it as a sign that she was thinking, contemplating, putting her mind to it. He adjusted his pith helmet and re-slung his canteen so the strap wasn’t cutting into his neck. He gave the shield on his back a shake, which made it settle into place, waggled his hips to get his saddlebags back into a comfortable spot, and then fell into a long legged gait that was almost effortless on his part.

He tucked the mirror away into his saddlebags, knowing that it would be safe in there. For whatever reason, fragile items in his saddlebags were never in any danger. He pulled out the blue orb and held it up in front of him. He was in a much better mood and his magic seemed to have a better flow. A better state of mind made magic easier.

Perhaps that was Trixie’s problem. She wanted to be great and powerful, but being down in the dumps, being depressed, being put out, all of those things made magic harder. Perhaps if she wasn’t so mean spirited, magic would be a little easier for her.

Holding the orb up, almost to where it was touching his nose, Tarnish peered into the glowing, swirling depths. At first, there was nothing, but as he peered inside, it was like a snow globe filled with murky water. He began to notice details. Tiny figures moved around within the depths. He saw… something… the silhouette of a city perhaps? A castle?

He blinked, trying to clear his vision. The world around him distorted, growing long and weird. The trees along the sides of the road stretched away from him, everything stretched, the road became ribbon thin. The more he tried to focus on what he saw within the orb, the more difficult it became, and the more distorted the world became around him.

This was, perhaps, the most unicorn-centric thing that Tarnish had ever done. He had never been one for study, he had never gone to a magic academy, he never spent long hours with his nose stuck in the tomes of Star Swisher the Goateed or whatever his name was, but now, he was wrestling for control with a powerful artifact that was beyond his comprehension.

It never once occurred to him that he might be in danger or that the orb might fight back.

In the blink of an eye, the road around him vanished and Tarnish found himself elsewhere. Maud was gone. The orb was gone. The sun was gone. Above him was night sky and the stars seemed… dim. He could not see the moon.

On both sides of him, he saw white walls made of some gleaming, almost glowing stone. Beneath his hooves were paving stones, large, square, and different colours which were difficult to see in the dark.

Alone, Tarnish had no idea what to do. He looked ahead, then behind, and saw that the street he stood upon was empty. Ahead, he saw a doorway in the white gleaming wall. There were no windows at street level, but he saw ornate glass windows above him. Something about them seemed familiar, but he couldn’t say what it was.

He headed for the door. It was strange, made of some metal he didn’t recognise. There was no knob, no lever, nothing. The door was smooth and featureless on the outside. When he touched it, it swung inwards. Tarnish was hit by the most delightful aromas and he found his mouth watering.

Unable to stop himself, he stepped inside.

He found himself in a small entry room, there was a hoof brush on the floor for cleaning mud and dirt off of one’s hooves. There were hooks for cloaks. He glanced around. The room was rather bare, all things considered. The walls were bare white stone.

Stepping into the next room, Tarnish found a kitchen. It had to be a kitchen. There were cooking pots, a hearth, dried herbs hung from the ceiling, and root vegetables were suspended in nets on the walls. Something delicious had been cooked in here.

At the other end of the room, there was a doorway shaped almost like an hourglass. He continued forwards, stepping through the door, and found himself in a warm, cozy room that had a low, round table in the middle that was surrounded by cushions. There was a light hanging from the ceiling that burned oil. Candles were lit. On the table, there were empty bowls. Somepony had just eaten. He kept going, heading for the next room, while taking note of the stairs in this room leading up to the next floor.

There were voices in the room beyond this one.

A large centaur with blue skin lay upon cushions with little ponies piled around him. He was holding a book in his hands. He made for quite a marvellous sight, and while he was quite interesting, the ponies around him were far more so.

No, not ponies, but foals. There were a few earth pony foals, a couple of pegasi, a pair of unicorns, and an alicorn. Tarnish sucked in a deep breath. The alicorn was small, tiny even, female, and her pelt was a beautiful shade of pearlescent pale green. Her mane, a vibrant, vivid pink, was curly and spilled around her ears. She was so adorable that it was almost painful.

Looking around, Tarnish made a few assumptions. The centaur loved these foals. That much was obvious. He had portraits of them on the wall. Smaller portraits were framed and sitting on a shelf. It seemed that cameras had not yet been invented. This room was a library and it was filled with books. And pictures of the foals in the centaur’s care.

He was reading them a story. Try as he might, he could not make out the words. They were garble. The harder he tried to listen, the more distorted the words became. He gave up and focused instead on taking in the visual details. The centaur turned the page and one of the little earth ponies yawned. She was well cared for, a little chubby, her pelt was sleek, shiny, somepony had spent a long time brushing her. It was obvious that she was loved.

Seeing something in the corner of his vision, Tarnish turned and saw the blue skinned centaur standing beside him, looking down at himself and the pile of foals. Confused, Tarnish blinked, he was in fact, seeing double. The centaur looked at him, made a gesture with his hand, and then took off, leaving the room.

Tarnish followed. The centaur went through the dining room, back into the kitchen, and exited out of the strange, featureless door. Burning with curiousity, Tarnish followed, and found himself back out onto the street.

He tried to speak, but no words left his mouth. He was unable to communicate here, unable to interact. He hurried after the centaur, who moved with terrific speed. He was large, powerful, and if what Tarnish had witnessed could be believed, a gentle and loving father figure.

The centaur turned around a corner and Tarnish followed, now almost at a canter to keep up. The streets were empty, deserted, there was no life here but the centaur and his foals, safe and secure back in the house that Tarnish had visited. He followed, determined to keep up.

The tower was much, much larger on the inside than the outside. On the outside, it appeared skinny and was covered in an onion dome. On the inside, it was almost palatial. Tarnish found himself in a room that had a tremendous orrery in the center, calculating various astronomical alignments. The room smelled like poison joke.

The centaur stood next to a table and he pointed with one enormous blue hand that had one giant finger pointing at something. Tarnish saw that it was the blue orb. On the table, all around it, there were dried poison joke petals, stamens, and stems. There was a vat near the table, a large glass vat, and without knowing how he knew, Tarnish knew that it was filled with the distilled essence of poison joke. He took a step closer, taking it all in, trying to understand what he was seeing.

“All of time was an ocean that I tried to cross,” the centaur said to Tarnish. His voice sounded far away, distant, faint, and Tarnish had trouble hearing it.

Try as he might, Tarnish found that he could not respond.

“Crossing the ocean is a hazardous venture… the sea is a strange, fickle mistress. I was dashed upon the very rocks of reality. All that is left of me is this orb. It is all that I am, all that I was, it is my memories, it is everything that I hoped I would be.”

While Tarnish could not speak, he could nod, and he did so to show that he was listening.

“Things did not go as planned. I do not know what went wrong. I do not remember.”

Again, Tarnish nodded.

“Magic is very much like water. It can be full of impurities. Taint. It can be poisoned. It can be made bitter, corrupted. It can be polluted. I had a theory. All of my life’s work centered around the study of cursed joke. I saw that it filtered magic, removed the impurities. I think you already know this. I had an idea.”

Coming closer, Tarnish began to examine the contents of the table, but also glanced up at the centaur to show that he was paying attention. He saw that a drip feed from the vat filled with distilled essence of poison joke dribbled a clear, fragrant smelling liquid over the orb, which seemed to soak into the strange glass as though it was a sponge.

“I sought to make the purest form of magic that I could. I tried to create a filter and then I attempted to distill magic. Others thought I was mad… insane. But I believed that I could achieve magical purity. We had vile enemies… magic itself was being polluted, poisoned, it had become impure. It had terrible consequences. Those most connected to magic suffered in the worst of ways.”

Lifting his head, Tarnish thought of unicorns and their connection to magic. Then, after a moment, he thought of alicorns. He had heard it said that unicorns channeled magic, while alicorns were magic. He didn’t know if this was true, however.

“I had such plans. Good plans. I would find a cure for the corrupted magic. I would find a way to remove the impurities. And then, I would cross the oceans of time, projecting myself forward, and I would return as an alicorn, connected and entangled with magic itself, and I thought that if I couldn’t stop the impending disaster, at least I could clean up the aftermath.”

Tarnish blinked.

“But nothing ever goes as planned. Not with this stuff.” The centaur pointed at the poison joke on the table. “I suppose you know all about that though. Your existence was inevitable. Nature tends to correct itself, if given enough time.”

So many questions. Tarnish had so many questions. It burned him that he couldn’t speak. He stared at the centaur, trying to project his thoughts somehow, trying to reach out with his mind.

“You lack skill and your magic is weak, but I suppose that you’ll have to do. There is a strange bit of magic about you that I can’t identify. Something that does not come from the source. Something… chaotic. But I suppose I can expect no less from the living embodiment of poison joke. Nature has a terrible sense of humour. She finished what I could not.”

Ears perked forwards, Tarnish waited, still trying to project his thoughts.

The centaur moved forwards and lifted one large hammy hand. Tarnish, fearful, tried to back away, but found himself held in place by an unseen force. There was a blue glow around the centaur’s moose-like antlers.

“I knew my memories would not survive crossing the ocean of time,” the centaur said, “so I dumped everything into this orb so it could be given to me when I needed it. That purpose was one of many. Such plans. Such well laid plans. And all for naught.”

Reaching forwards, the centaur laid his hand upon Tarnish’s neck with a gentle touch. Fear fled from Tarnish and he felt a soothing warmth go through his body. It was pleasant. He thought about the centaur reading to his foals and wondered how he could have ever thought the centaur would do anything to hurt him.

He was a foal once more, at least it felt that way. He felt safe, secure, warm, happy. He closed his eyes as he leaned into the hand pressed against his neck. Blue lights danced beneath his closed eyelids and there was a radiant warmth in the root of his horn.

“Come to me, little one, and let me tell you a story…”

Blinking, the bright sunlight dazzled Tarnish’s eyes. His canteen slapped against him while he walked. He found himself looking at the same tree that he had just seen before slipping off into the orb. It seemed as though mere seconds had passed.

It seemed like a dream. His memories of what he had seen and experienced in the orb were hazy, difficult to remember, and he tried very hard to recollect them. His most vivid memory was that of the centaur reading a story to his foals, all of them in a pile.

Everything else was blue.

Author's Note

I uploaded from my phone. There is no tab button to align the first paragraph.

The watering hole

The blue orb concerned Maud, but only just a little. Tarnish had been peeping into it all day and he had been acting a little peculiar. Distracted and a bit out of sorts. She tried not to make harsh assumptions—Tarnish was a unicorn after all—and she had a vague idea that the orb was like a very confusing book for him that he was trying to study.

He seemed fine now though. He was sprawled out beside her as they had a bit of a rest in the shade. It was breezy and delightful and she had taken her smock off so she could roll in the cool, damp grass. Laying on her side, she watched as Tarnish practiced making a doll. This one was being constructed out of twigs, grass, and some twine.

“My husband plays with dolls,” Maud deadpanned.

There was a snort from Tarnish, an indignant one, and it pleased Maud a great deal to hear it. She liked getting under his skin every once and awhile. He ignored her and continued to work on his doll. She liked seeing him take interest in new things and at least he wasn’t staring into the orb. He had stashed it away in his saddlebag.

“What would other ponies say if they saw my husband playing with dolls?”

This time, Tarnish reacted. He turned about, his lower lip protruding, reached out his hoof, and with a gentle shove, he rolled Maud over onto her back. She blinked once and stared up at Tarnish as the damp grass tickled her ears.

“The intrepid explorer has discovered a new land,” Tarnish said as he set the doll down upon Maud’s barrel. “It appears to be a fertile land, with lush valleys and inviting plains. Indeed, the fertile valleys look promising and ready for seed.”

“Tarnish, no… don’t be so silly.” Maud was tempted to roll her eyes. Horseplay? Now? She felt the doll made of twigs and grass travel down her barrel to her stomach, Tarnish was using his magic to make it move, bouncing it up and down, making it appear as though it was pronking.

“Oh my, that is an impressive valley,” Tarnish said as the doll edged closer to Maud’s teats. “And I am so thirsty… I wonder if I can find a watering hole? Perhaps if I go searching in a deep, moist cleft...”

This time, Maud did roll her eyes, and she did it as she pushed Tarnish away. He was just too silly. She rolled over onto her side and gazed up at her husband. She had far too many questions and was feeling far too serious to be so silly. Still, there was something endearing about Tarnish’s silly moments, she treasured them, she treasured him. She hoped that when he grew older, he wouldn’t change too much.

“So, what are you seeing in the orb?” Maud asked. “You’ve been peering into it all day as we traveled. I must confess, I am somewhat worried about it. I don’t want it possessing you or doing something weird to you. Not all magical items are good or trustworthy.” As she spoke, she saw Tarnish go still and his eyes locked with hers. Good. She had his attention. She gazed into his blue eyes, trying to stare down into their depths. They were the window to his soul.

“It’s filled with memories,” Tarnish replied in soft, muted whisper. “It’s filled with a lifetime of memories. There is also knowledge… spells… but it isn’t unicorn magic… it’s different. It’s the sort of magic the centaurs used. I don’t know. I’m still trying to make sense of it all.”

“What good is centaur magic to a unicorn?”

Before Tarnish could reply, the distant creak of wooden wagon wheels could be heard. Tarnish’s ears perked up and Maud rolled over so she could stand up. Once she was up, she slipped on her smock and made ready to leave her cool, shady spot.

Craning his neck, Tarnish now stood at his impressive full height and peered up the road, trying to see what was coming. He saw a wagon train, a collection of vardos. He had never seen anything quite like it. They were colourful, cheerful looking things, painted in every vibrant colour one could think of.

There were at least a dozen of them.

“Gypsies,” Maud said in a voice that lacked any sort of enthusiasm. She was, however, quite excited, even if she didn’t show it. It was always nice to meet a fellow traveller, and these were good ponies. She liked them quite a bit.

“Gypsies?” Tarnish’s head swiveled over so he could look at Maud.

“Long ago, before Equestria, gypsies stopped caring about tribes and they all got together and intermingled. Everypony hated them. They made no distinction between themselves and saw themselves as ponies. They were chased out of a lot of places. Here in Equestria, they’re just ponies and they are mostly free of persecution, but it still happens. I’ve met several groups in my travels.”

“Oh… neat.” Tarnish turned his head once more to watching the wagon train as it approached. Some of the axles needed a good greasing and each squeak made his ears quiver.

“We might be able to trade or buy some fresh produce,” Maud said to her husband, who seemed to be suffering from a growing excitement problem. He was almost bouncing in place. As she stood there, watching, waiting, a lone pony broke off from the wagon train and galloped up to meet them.

A dusty yellow pegasus with a pale blue mane approached. He looked a bit older and one wing hung crooked at his side. He had a half an ear and one nostril appeared crooked because of a pinched scar. He was smiling.

“‘Allo, my name is Wolke,” he said in a strange accent as he introduced himself.

“We’re friendly,” Maud replied as the pegasus came to a stop. “My name is Maud and this is my husband, Tarnished Teapot.”

“Hi.” Tarnish grinned at the stranger standing before him.

The pegasus had a look around, eyeing the place where Tarnish and Maud had stopped for the day, he looked at the trees, he made a strange face when he saw the silver egg, and after a minute or two, he turned to Tarnish and said, “Do you mind if we camp with you?”

“That would be fine,” Tarnish replied.

“Perhaps we can do some trading,” the pegasus added in a hopeful voice.

“Maybe.” Maud looked over at the approaching wagons that were slowing down so they could come to a stop. Some of them had garden boxes on the sides and barrels that had green things growing out of them. Chances of having a fresh salad for dinner seemed good.

A group of foals seemed to materialise out of thin air and then began to run around, playing tag with one another. Little earth ponies, little unicorns, and little pegasi. Without realising it, Maud became distracted as she watched the little ones playing, and she lost track of several minutes. It wasn’t until Tarnish bumped up against her side that she snapped out of it and she blinked several times as her mind processed the lapse.

Feeling a little self conscious, Tarnish eyed his fellow alchemist. He wasn’t exactly an alchemist, not yet, he was a dabbler, but he wanted to learn. The mare had a lot of goods, glassware, beakers, flasks, decanters, phials, and even had a few small, clever, and oh so very portable alchemical stills for sale. He had bits, but he wasn’t confident about his haggling skills.

“Tell me, do you have salts?” Tarnish asked. “Nothing with any drugs laced in them.” He thought about his own encounter with drug based salts. He cringed at the memory and a part of him wished that he hadn’t said anything. He felt a keen sense of shame and hated that part of his life.

“We have flavoured salt licks,” the mare replied in a thick, strange accent that seemed to be a mash of Grittish and something strange, something exotic and unknown. She flashed Tarnish a smile. “Perfect for a doting husband, yes?”

“She doesn’t like anything sweet.” His eyes narrowed as one eyebrow raised and the other eyebrow lowered. Tarnish turned to look at Maud, who was talking to the vegetable seller, and then he returned his attention the alchemist.

“I make salts for every taste.” The mare’s ears stood up. “I have three licks that might interest you at the moment. Black walnut with rose hips, one with fenugreek and cumin, and the last one was made at a customer request, but he never bothered picking it up—black truffle oil and a shocking amount of peppermint.”

“How much?” Tarnish wondered if his hopes were about to be dashed.

The mare gave him a shrewd smile. “I am going to guess that you have poison joke… there is something I need, but it is far too dangerous for me to get on my own. I need—”

“The stamens, so you can make antidotes and cures for exposure?” Tarnish felt pretty confident that he knew what the mare needed and he felt a growing sense of pride when he saw her eyes light up.

“Why yes,” she replied. The mare, an earth pony that seemed to have a faint striped pattern to her pelt, looked relieved.

“I can help you. I can spare some.” Tarnish could not help but wonder if the mare was part zebra, but he knew that it would be impolite to ask. She had an amazing smile. She was a somewhat older mare, but when she smiled, she somehow seemed young. She had a smile that defied aging.

“I will give you the salt licks… and do you one better,” the mare offered. “I will show you how to make them.”

That got Tarnish’s attention. He might have to summon up a bit more poison joke, if he could, just to make sure that this mare got a fair supply of what she needed. That seemed fair. “That’s very generous of you. You have a deal…”

It was going to be a pleasant evening. There was a strong breeze that carried with it the suggestion that summer was coming to an end and held the promise of autumn. Maud sat sipping a cup of tea and watched as Tarnish took lessons from an older alchemist with stained hooves. There were wonderful smells coming from the different campfires. Foals were playing. Everything seemed wonderful.

The Egg looked a little out of place among the vardos, but that was okay.

A short distance away, a pony was operating a small hoof powered lathe. He pushed the pedal up and down, causing the lathe to spin. He was making something, Maud wasn’t sure what, but she guessed that it might be a leg for a chair. The scent of wood and oil filled the air, mixing with the scent of food, and the overall effect was intoxicating.

A unicorn mare, her forelegs slick with grease, was doing a bit of wagon maintenance. She didn’t seem to be using magic, Maud never saw her horn light up even once. She worked using her fetlocks to grab stuff, doing it the hard way. Perhaps she was a magical dud or maybe she just prefered to get her hooves dirty. She reached up to wipe sweat from her brow and left behind a black smear.

This was a travelling city that moved about Equestria on wheels. They never stayed in one place for too long, staying only long enough to rest and see the local sights, but never overstaying and burning up all of the available resources in any given area. They lived with the land, the seasons dictated their travels, and they lived a good, worthwhile life that valued hard work and togetherness.

The idyllic setting was shattered by a cry of alarm. Maud was on her hooves in a hot second, her ears straining to listen, and her sharp eyes darted around, trying to find trouble. The foals were herded into an especially sturdy looking wagon and the door was slammed shut. The adults began to group together to form a united front. The weak and the injured retreated into another wagon, this one also sturdy looking, but not as sturdy looking as the one that now held the foals, the very future of the gypsy tribe.

“Timber wolves!” a pony shouted as he came running into the camp. “I was out picking mushrooms when I spotted them! They’ve followed us! They’re after our weak ones, the ones hurt after our fight with the diamond dogs!”

“Get fire!” a pony cried.

“No!” Tarnish’s voice cut through the chaos and a bright blue glow filled the camp. He held the blue orb in his magic. “Don’t burn down what trees there are. Stay together and leave this to me.”

Maud could not help but wonder what Tarnish was doing, but she decided to trust him. Of course, that trust came with a back up plan. She moved to his side, curious about what he was doing. She could hear them coming, the strange sound of creaking wood, like wind through a forest.

And then, she saw them. These didn’t have the glowing blue eyes of the timber wolves they had previously encountered. No, these wolves had eyes that blazed green. They were made of logs, sticks, twigs, branches, moss, and other debris from the forest.

“Stay back,” Tarnish bellowed as he held the blue orb aloft. He strode forward with a shocking level of confidence, armed only with the orb and his wits.

Every muscle tensed as Maud waited. If Tarnish was in danger, she would strike, but for now, she waited. Already, she was lining up strike points, weak places, places where she could smash a foe, beat it down, and then the helpless body could be burned.

But Tarnish seemed to have other plans. The orb flashed with a brilliant, blazing blue light. The air filled with the scent of ozone and something crackled. His horn glowed with an intensity that matched the blue orb. The timber wolves all froze, locked in place, unable to move.

“All of you were corrupted,” Tarnish said as the timber wolves writhed against their invisible bonds. “You were the guardians… the protectors… you were made as self replicating defenders, an unstoppable army, but your purpose was corrupted. You were turned against those you were made to protect!”

Then, Maud saw it. Poison joke sprouted from the ground and the tendrils began to grow through the timber wolves’ bodies. Fierce growls filled the air. The wolves were surrounded by a blue glow.

“Return to your service,” Tarnish said to the wolves. “Be cured of the polluted magic!”

As Tarnish spoke, a wolf howled, a strange sound, like a gale force wind blowing through old tree branches. Others joined in. Glowing green eyes began to take on a blue tinge, changing as the poison joke grew through their bodies so it could consume the bad magic.

Maud was almost holding her breath.

The wolves, now freed from their invisible bonds, approached Tarnish, their heads low, and stood before him, almost as if they were awaiting instruction. Some even sat down, their glowing blue eyes focused upon the chocolate brown unicorn holding a glowing blue orb over his head.

“Go forth and spread the cure to others,” Tarnish said to the pack. “Do no harm. Keep ponies safe and fulfill the purpose for which you were created. Go into pockets of bad magic and spread poison joke.”

With a howl, the wolves lept away from Tarnish and the whole of the pack took off at a swift run. As suddenly as they had come, they were gone again, they vanished from sight, leaving behind a sweet scent in the air.

Turning her head, Maud looked at her husband, trying to understand what had just taken place. Everything about him seemed different. He was commanding, confident, he was fearless. She eyed the orb, wondering what it was doing to him. As she stood staring, the orb went dim, the light now nothing more than a faint hint of blue illumination.

Hearing a commotion behind her, Maud saw that the gypsies were breaking camp as quick as possible. She knew that they would be gone in minutes and would brave the road at night. She knew why they were leaving too. Something had scared them, spooked them, there was something scarier than the wolves.

Her gaze fell upon her husband once more and she felt a pang of worry. Ponies were terrified of things they didn’t understand, and Tarnish was an enigmatic mystery, an unknowable riddle. She felt bad for the gypsies as they broke camp. Maud, a creature of logic and critical reasoning, refused to allow her life to be ruled by superstition and fear.

For better or worse, she loved him, even if he did play with dolls.

Author's Note

Who in their right mind runs a sewer main near an entertainment area?

Alone again, naturally

Alone again, naturally

The wagons were now too far away to be heard. They were gone, having taken away their gaiety, their vibrant colours, and the eccentric characters who lived within them. Maud felt a pang of regret over their leaving, but she understood. Yes, she understood, perhaps all too well. Ponies were skittish or outright afraid of things they didn’t understand, and Maud was one of those things that sometimes, ponies didn’t understand. Having Tarnish around helped—sometimes—except for moments like now, when it didn’t.

The orb was gone, put away once more, and Maud felt a growing sense of concern. During the encounter, Tarnish almost seemed like a different pony… or perhaps a different creature. She watched as he moved about the camp, picking up bits of litter and debris, grumbling to himself about the mess left behind. The gypsies had panicked and left in a hurry. Most of the time, when they departed from a camp, they left it clean, sometimes they even left stacked firewood for future travelers. But they had gone off in a rush.

“Well,” Tarnish said in a huff, “at least we are alone together.”

Yes, Maud replied in silent internal dialogue. Alone. Together. Just me, you, and that orb. With slow movement, her head turned off to one side and she looked over at Tarnish’s saddlebags, which sat next to a crackling fire. After a moment of internal debate, she decided to wait this one out. She could be patient and this was not a time for drastic action. The orb might be important. It might be vital to some greater purpose.

Or, it could be bad. It might be really bad. But Maud decided to play it safe. There was no need to be hasty and rush to judgment. Tarnish had just saved a group of ponies from timber wolves. But on the other hoof, Tarnish had used strange magic to do it. She was almost certain that what she had witnessed was not unicorn magic. But what did she know? She was no unicorn and no magic expert, so she kept her uninformed opinions and concerns to herself—for now.

She was pleased to see Tarnish cleaning up the litter. It was nice of him to care about the environment. Off in the distance, frogs croaked and the crickets began to play their nightly song. Fireflies flickered on and off in the night. Overhead, the sky was overcast with feral clouds, blocking out the stars, making the dark night darker. Maud suspected there might be rain before morning.

Tarnish went over and stood by the fire, looking a bit morose and put off. Maud understood why, and she worried if her husband might slip into one of his self pitying funks that sometimes overtook him.

“Maud, there are some salt licks over here for you,” Tarnish said in what could only be described as a resigned voice. “I’m going to study. I have a chapter about poison antidotes that I am having trouble understanding.”

“Salt licks?” Maud felt a faint quiver in her belly muscles, a visceral response that almost made her dock twitch. There were a few things that Maud loved; hugging her sisters, being buried under blankets with her husband, and salt licks. But not the sweet ones. But Tarnish would know that, yes he would, and he would get the right ones. She moved, not with her usual glacial pace, but with swift steps, and she found herself sniffing, wondering what sort of treats had been procured for her.

As she approached the fire, she heard the creak of wood, the sound made her pelt stand up along her spine. She turned about and watched as one lone timber wolf paced back and forth nearby, its eyes glowing blue, and it seemed to be watching Tarnish. She thought they had all left, but she was mistaken.

“Tarnish, you have an admirer,” Maud said in a voice that, to her ears at least, was filled with worry. She looked at her husband and saw that he was holding a book as he looked over to where the wolf was.

This wolf was smaller than the others, Maud hesitated to call it a puppy, it was a dangerous creature no matter what size it was, but it was about half sized. She wondered if timber wolves grew or if this one had just turned out small. Poison joke grew within it, it grew without soil, and Maud was curious how it managed such a feat. If she was to venture a guess, she figured that the poison joke was feeding off of the magic that animated the wolf.

Perhaps Tarnish might know more… or maybe the orb might reveal the answer.

It bothered Maud that the orb seemed needed. It had answers, no doubt. It was a powerful artifact, full of mystery, which made it all the more worrisome. Somepony had to peep into the orb to discern its secrets, and the pony most qualified seemed to be Tarnish.

Pursing his lips, Tarnish let out a whistle, and the timber wolf came loping over. It was a misshapen thing, made of sticks, sheets of bark, moss, leaves, pine needles, and a few skinny logs. It behaved very much like a dog as it came over, sat down near Tarnish, and then Maud saw that the strange creature began to wag its tail.

“They were guardians,” Tarnish said to Maud as he studied the small creature made of sticks. “They were created by powerful floramancy. Not just mere animations, but they were given life… a means to reproduce.”

Something about Tarnish’s voice seemed off and Maud’s ears perked as she listened.

“They were attracted to strong, chaotic magic… like ley line intersections. They kept ponies and others away so they would not come to harm. They also kept the dangerous predators that frequented ley line intersections in check.”

As Maud listened, she realised that Tarnish sounded sad. She wondered about the source of the emotion. What had he seen peering into the orb? What did he know? What great secrets had been revealed, and what future secrets awaited revelation?

“When the source of magic was poisoned, the timber wolves natural inclination to seek out strong, dangerous, chaotic magic worked against them. They became infected. Their wood became rotten. They became a menace and a danger to those they once protected.”

As Tarnish spoke, the lone wolf lept away, it bounded around Tarnish, acting very much like a playful puppy. It was disconcerting to see something so dangerous playing, and Maud could not help herself, she felt more than a little creeped out.

“I do not know if they will be able to restore others. The festering rot might reclaim them, or it might not. Only time will tell. Perhaps nature will be able to restore itself, or perhaps it will need a little assistance.”

“Tarnish… how do you know this?” Maud asked. It was a question that needed to happen. Perhaps if she could get her husband to recognise that something seemed off, he might acknowledge the danger of what he was doing.

“I have seen memories, Maud… it’s like reading a book… or watching a movie. That’s what the orb is, Maud. It’s a movie… and it spans the entire life of a centaur who lived for thousands and thousands of years. I can’t seem to control what plays… its all random.”

A movie? That almost seemed useful. A lot of useful information and learning could be gleaned from a movie. But even poisonous berries sometimes had inviting colours that were pleasing to the eye. She sat down, settling her backside into the cool, somewhat damp grass, and she felt the balmy, humid wind blow against her pelt. Yep, it felt like rain might happen.

“Their magic was different Maud… it’s different, but I find myself understanding it, just a little tiny bit. The magic I’ve seen in the orb… it isn’t casted or focused so much as it is directed. It’s like trying to direct a flowing river… it isn’t something you control, it’s too powerful and dangerous, but you can channel it. It’s not like unicorn magic at all. I tapped into something, Maud, and it felt good. I channeled something powerful and dangerous, like a river, when I did whatever it was that I did with the timber wolves. I don’t even understand it. It’s beyond my limited understanding of what magic is.”

That sounded intriguing. Maud did what she did best. She sat there and listened.

“I have trouble casting the simplest of unicorn spells. They just fizzle and it is so frustrating. I can work up a little magic, but it takes so much work and effort for me to perform the easiest of spells. But whatever it was I called up earlier… I’ve never felt power like that before. It sorta scared me just a little bit. Maud… for a moment, I was aware of everything around me. I was connected to it all. I was keenly aware of every blade of grass, every tree, every bug, I could sense the worms down in the dirt, I could feel the connection that everything had to everything else, and then the magic flowed, and it was unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life.”

“Maybe your magic flows from a different source,” Maud said as she took in everything being said and tried to make sense of it. “Maybe you still have some basic connection to unicorn magic, but it is stunted and weak because you were never meant to use it beyond basic applications. Perhaps you were intended for something else. The evidence we’ve witnessed so far makes it seem likely.”

“There is more than one type of magic, Maud. There is astral magic, harmony magic, dark magic, shadow magic, illusion magic, and there is… whatever this is. Tapping into it scared me… it can’t be controlled. It’s wild, primal, it is untamed. But it isn’t bad.”

“Thunderstorms are dangerous and unpredictable, but they are necessary.”

“Yeah.” Tarnish nodded.

The wolf, still frolicking, appeared to be trying to get Tarnish to play with it. It had a stick in its mouth and its tail was wagging from side to side. A strange, creaking growl could be heard. It would be adorable, if it wasn’t so scary. Maud found herself unnerved.

As she sat watching, Tarnish jerked the stick away and then hurled it with his magic, sending it flying. The timber wolf bolted and went to fetch the stick. Doing this seemed to cheer Tarnish up a bit and Maud saw something almost like a smile as the corners of his mouth turned upwards just a bit.

The wolf returned, holding the stick in its mouth. Tarnish had to engage in a tug of war to get the stick away this time, he had to yank, tug, and even drag the wolf around as it refused to let go. It growled, a savage sound, and Maud could feel little tingles of impending dread creeping up and down her spine.

Timber wolves killed ponies. They were part of a predatory ecosystem, just like stranglesnatch, needler cacti, and other plants that fertilised themselves with fresh blood. At least, that had been the understanding so far. Timber wolves didn’t put down roots so they could take an active role in chasing down their prey in the never ending hunt for nutrients and fertiliser. Timber wolves moved to where the food was, following herds of ponies, picking off the weak, behaving very much like flesh and blood predators.

Now, an entire understanding of arcane botany was in danger of outright collapse. Tarnish could prove them all wrong, if somehow the knowledge in the orb could be pulled out and displayed for others to study. It would turn the scientific community on its ear and would cause all manner of upset. There would be brawling in the lecture halls as some of the stodgier members of the academic community would no doubt fight to hold on to the old ways, even if they were wrong, because some ponies were stubborn and resisted change.

“Gimme that!” Tarnish shouted as he gave the stick a determined yank. He succeeded in pulling it away and held it over his head as the wolf made a disturbing whining sound that sounded like rotten timbers threatening to give way.

There was a flash of blue light and the wolf vanished. Maud actually heard a faint gasp slip out of her mouth, a sound so subtle that the crackle of the fire drowned it out and prevented Tarnish from hearing it.

“What’d I do?” Tarnish asked.

As a very startled Maud watched, Tarnish picked up a small, knotted ball made of roots and moss, then held it up in front of his face. She saw something blue flash in his eyes, some inner light, some disturbing, spine tingling arcane glow.

“You’re still in there,” Tarnish said in a voice filled with awe. “But I don’t know how to let you out again. It seems my teacher gave me some homework to study. I shall have to work to free you.”

Something about Tarnish’s words filled Maud with worry. No doubt, this meant more peeping into the orb.

Author's Note

Grrrr is adorable. And potentially deadly. Just what you want in a sapient chunk of dogwood.

Looking down

The Scariest Cave in Equestria was just a few hours away. Maud had stopped for a break and to consult the topographical map. She stood on the corners to prevent it from blowing away and glanced over at her husband, who was sipping tea out of his flask. When he was done drinking, his head dropped down to the map so he could pay attention.

“Here,” Maud said, pointing with her nose at a spot on the map. “Here is the tallest hill in the area, there is a broad, flat ridge along the south side overlooking the valley below and the cave. We’ll have a good view of everything and I think we’ll be safer with some elevation and some distance.”

Tarnish nodded agreement.

“There is the cave,” she added, pointing with her nose to a map marker. “The ley line intersection isn’t actually where the cave is, it’s over here.” She touched her nose to a different location. She lifted her head and looked Tarnish in the eye. “Beware of the badger-kin.”

“The what?”

“Badger-kin.” Maud blinked and leaned in closer to Tarnish. “Talking badgers. Sapient.”

“Talking badgers?” Tarnish shook his head. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Like the great cats and jackals of ancient Anugypt, the badger-kin are a race of animals that have gained sapience. They can be a little grumpy and they like to be left alone. They’re builders and farmers. Be respectful of them. You don’t want to make them angry.”

“You learn something new every day,” Tarnish said. “I’ll be careful.”

“I learned all about ancient Anugypt because of their stonework. They made pyramids. Magnificent structures. I will go and see them someday.”

“Correction.” Tarnish’s eyebrow arched. “We’ll go and see them someday. You and I.”

Maud blinked once, then twice, and then felt a growing warmth spreading from her dock. She liked the sound of that. A lot. A romantic trip to go and see ancient stone monuments. And she knew that Tarnish’s interest was genuine. He listened to her rock lectures without falling asleep.

“More rain is coming. With fall on the way, we’ll see more feral storms in this area. They blow in from off of the ocean and soak the Hayseed Swamps. The leftovers make it this far inland and the runoff all flows into a river that runs through The Scariest Cave in Equestria. Another good reason to be high up on a ridge rather than down in the valley.”

“We should get moving then.” Tarnish turned his head skywards and looked at the dull grey clouds off to the east. “I’m excited, Maud. I can’t wait to explore and start looking around. I’ve been looking forward to this for quite some time.”

“You and me both.” Maud stepped off the corners of the map, took a step back, and then watched as Tarnish folded the thick, weatherproof paper. “If we hurry, we should be able to set up camp and then have a few hours before nightfall. It’ll give us a chance to settle in. Hopefully the rain won’t be too bad.” Reaching up with her hoof, Maud adjusted her pith helmet. She now understood why Tarnish wore one. They were quite comfortable, kept the head cool, and perhaps more importantly for Maud, they kept the sun off. Hers had a broader brim that covered her face and much of her neck.

Stepping into her harness, Maud got herself strapped in and ready to go.

Much to Maud’s relief, Tarnish was talking to Twilight through the mirror. She didn’t catch everything being said, but a lot was being said. Tarnish told her about the centaur statue, the shield, the orb, and the timber wolves. He told her about the memories and the strange magic. He held nothing back and for this, Maud was grateful. It allowed her to relax just a little bit.

She was feeling sore, but it was manageable. They were going up a steep incline that would take them to the top of the ridge where they planned to set up base camp. There was something of a trail here, but it was overgrown and Tarnish had to clear debris out of the way as they traveled. She had a marvellous view of his backside as he forged ahead of her.

“No, Twilight, I’ve never heard of druids,” Tarnish said to the mirror that he held up near his face. “They’re gone? They don’t exist? What happened?”

With the sounds of underbrush being cleared, logs being moved, and rocks being rolled out of the way, Maud could hear very little of what Twilight was saying. She kept her ears perked, hoping to make out something of interest.

“So the centaurs were druids.” Tarnish shoved a rotten log full of grubs aside and it collapsed into moist chunks of wood that teemed with white, wiggling larvae. “And some ponies, you say… but the ways of the druids were lost? Gone?”

Perhaps telling Twilight was a bad idea. Perhaps a more responsible princess that could resist the siren call of ancient knowledge. Maud had something of a bad feeling and she wondered that, if perhaps, just maybe, Twilight’s judgment might be impaired. The orb was a powerful source of knowledge, so it seemed obvious that Twilight would take interest.

“Druid magic was dangerous and unpredictable? Almost as bad as Discord’s chaos magic? Is it bad? I mean, is it like dark magic, or evil magic?”

At least Tarnish was asking the right questions. Maud leaned into the harness as the incline got a little steeper. This wagon had very low rolling resistance and compared to her old buckboard, her effort was minimal. The narrow rubber tires cut through the soft ground with very little effort and even with the considerable gear packed into it, the wagon somehow felt rather light, which it was, but there was something with how it rolled. It was an engineering marvel.

“Tarnish, when druid magic caused earthquakes, everything was vulnerable. There’s no targeting a spell like that. No control at—”

Maud couldn’t make out the rest of what was being said by Twilight, but it didn’t sound good. Earthquakes, volcanoes, twisters, these were acts of nature that were both destruction and creation, and any attempts to control them seemed like folly.

“So there are unicorn magic spells that mimic druid magic, but they’re weak and more controlled,” Tarnish said.

There was a loud rustle as Tarnish used his telekinesis to push away a mass of thorny brambles blocking the path. He moved with great care and made certain to get all of them, as getting a thorn in the frog was a most unpleasant experience that nopony wanted to have happen to them.

“—yes, and Sunset Shimmer, Princess Celestia’s former student, she could grow plants, but she couldn’t control them. She tapped into nature magic, but she had trouble controlling it. But I don’t think it was druid magic for the simple reason that—”

“Twilight, it occurs to me, my magical talent is difficult to control and is just as dangerous to me as it is to everypony around me… and I seem to be able to tap into strange magic, Twilight. It’s a strange feeling… it flows through me like water… it’s like a flood… so much power, but I can’t control it.”

“This makes sense, in way, given your knack for hydromancy,” Twilight’s voice said through the mirror. “Keep experimenting, but be careful. Keep me informed. Let me know what you discover. Maybe it is time for old magic to return.”

“I promise, I’ll be careful, Twilight,” Tarnish replied.

Maud could not make out what Twilight said, try as she might. She watched as Tarnish put the mirror away. Her concerns were not assauged. Perhaps it was an earth pony bias, a natural mistrust of magic. Maybe she was just a bit too concerned because Tarnish was the love of her life and she didn’t want anything bad to happen to him.

Or perhaps, just maybe, she was jealous because of all the time that Tarnish spent peeping into the orb. Maud snorted and threw herself into her task with renewed vigour. Perhaps this was much ado about nothing. Maybe she was being fearful and superstitious about things she didn’t understand. Maybe, deep down inside, she was no better than the gypsies who had fled into the night, overcome by terror, fearful of something they didn’t understand.

Near the middle of the ridge was an almost perfect campsite, if not outright perfect. There was a broad, flat shelf of land jutting off of the side of the hill, it was sloped on each side to allow rainwater to run off in either direction, rather than a torrent of water trying to go downhill. The flat area was about twenty five feet or so wide and maybe twenty feet deep.The southern exposure on the hill was covered in trees, many, many trees, so there would be plenty of firewood for them to collect, much of it from the ground, if they were lucky.

Tarnish could provide water, so the river being down in the valley below was not an issue. A lightning rod would need to be set up, but Maud had brought one along, as she had planned out this trip with the utmost care.

As an unexpected bonus, there was a vast, thorny raspberry thicket growing at the top of the hill, just above the camp. As for The Scariest Cave in Equestria, it was a little less than a mile from the camp, visible from the edge of the ridge.

Maud could already feel the tingle of strange magic here. It was faint, but noticeable. Nowhere near as bad as the Crack of Doom. It was a faint tickle, like having ants crawl over your pelt. It was said to be strong enough to make unicorn magic just a little erratic.

Tarnish was already making himself useful as Maud took a breather. Using his magic, he set up camp, he laid out rocks in a circle for the fire, secured the wagon, and began clearing away the common debris of the outdoors, such as twigs, leaves, and other fire hazards. Maud felt a sense of pride as she watched him. He had started off as a greenhorn but was now seasoned in the ways of the wilds.

The storm blew closer and Maud could feel a chill in the damp wind. Her mane tumbled around her face and the strong breeze tugged on her pith helmet. She closed her eyes and leaned into the cool, damp breeze, which blew through her smock and teased her sweaty, warm skin, kissing and caressing with ticklish gusts.

Opening her eyes, she turned to tell Tarnish about the lightning rod, but he was already assembling it. With a grunt, he stabbed the base down into the ground, drew out the tension wires, and then began to drive the stakes home to secure the long, thin metal rod. Once he had the base secured, he began to add the extensions, an easy task for a unicorn, not an easy task for an earth pony.

This would be home for the next couple of months, until the winter threatened them into leaving. There was so much to do. There were readings to take, caves to explore, the idea of spelunking made Maud excited, and there was plenty to study. There was a wealth of plants around and Tarnish had warned her that the area had needler cacti down along the valley floor. One bad step and a pony could be paralysed and potentially done for.

There was danger here, real danger, she and Tarnish had already agreed that nopony goes off alone out of sight of the other. Danger was best faced together and she trusted Tarnish to watch her back. She had been with him during some very dangerous moments and she knew that he was capable and quick to adapt in a fight. With the exception of the cockatrice, Tarnish had a good record so far of winning and surviving.

Thinking about it, she realised that Tarnish was gifted when it came to improvisation. She thought about the attack on the spider cave and the raid on the diamond dog camp. He had gone into both with only the barest idea of a plan and had come out on top both times. She tilted her head to one side as she watched him work and then sat down on the soft grass that had something of a tickle-prickle against her hind legs. More than just fighting, he had kept them both alive after the volcano erupted. For that, she loved him, she loved him with all of her heart and without reservation.

As the breeze blew against her, Maud sighed. Tomorrow, work would begin.

Author's Note

And now, we begin the next arc.

Ghastly

Sitting on a warm, flat rock, Maud watched as Tarnish both took care of breakfast dishes and read a book at the same time. She envied him, just a little, even if she wouldn’t admit it. For her, doing dishes was a task that involved a lot of effort and sometimes it meant spitting soap bubbles for hours. While Pinkie could pour bubble mix into one end and shoot bubbles out of the other, Maud was not fond of soapy flavours. Not at all.

Looking up, Tarnish eyed his wife and treasured her peculiarities. She was a weird one, alright. Last night, she had kept sniffing the box with the flavoured salt licks hidden inside. She hadn’t eaten them yet, but he knew that she would. For now, she seemed content to sniff them and then bat her eyelashes. He closed his book, slipped it into his saddlebag, and finished up the dishes, which were minimal. Oatmeal was a pretty simple meal, all things considered.

“Well, I can’t wait a minute longer,” Tarnish said in a voice that sounded foalish with excitement, “I am going to go and have a look inside of The Scariest Cave in Equestria. I’m dying to see what the big deal is. It can’t be that bad.”

Maud’s head moved with an unexpected suddenness as she locked her penetrating stare upon Tarnish. A thousand warnings might have wanted to come out of her mouth, a thousand good pieces of advice, all of them suggesting that Tarnish not tempt fate, push his luck, or invite disaster.

Instead, all that came out was, “Tarnish, don’t be stupid.” An adequate expression if ever there was one. Maud gave her husband a cool, calm, collected stare, and after a moment, she shook her head. She watched as he adjusted his pith helmet, secured Flamingo, and it occurred to her that Tarnish was going now. She got up and made ready to follow him.

“Maud, my stoney honey, I hate to be that guy, but I don’t want you following me inside. Let me go in and have a look around and get a feel for how dangerous it is. I don’t want anything bad happening to you.”

As Tarnish stood watching, Maud had a rare show of reaction—she rolled her eyes. He felt a little bad, but he knew that he was doing the right thing. He was being a grown up. He was being a stallion. He was the one going to investigate the loud noise, the thing that went bump in the night, he was the one putting himself in danger so the mare folk could stay safe.

And from the looks of things, Maud was never going to let him live this down.

“Now I mean it, Maud. It’s… perilous in there, I’m sure. Do you have something in your eye?” Tarnish checked his sword and the shield strapped to his back. He felt like some knight in some fabled story about the days of yore. Except there was something wrong with his maiden, his damsel, his pretty, pretty pony princess.

“Tarnish, sometimes…”

“Maud, just humour me, okay, and let me go inside, have a look around, and let me feel like I’ve done something brave and noble, okay?” Tarnish gave his soulmate a hopeful look.

“Fine. I suppose you need to feel stalliony after cooking breakfast and doing dishes.”

The snark bit deep so Tarnish turned away so he could face the cave entrance and not face Maud. A river flowed into the cave and there was a narrow bit of land along one side that had a steep angle. It was covered in stones and moss, which meant it was treacherous to tread upon.

It was time to go in and have a quick look around…

Mere minutes after entering, Maud’s knight in chocolate armor came running back out again, with Flamingo drawn and his shield held in his telekinetic grasp. He fled from the opening and was covered from head to hoof in shimmering green goo that glistened with a rainbow shimmer.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARGH!” Flamingo cried as she retreated. “Run away! Run away!”

Taking Flamingo’s advice, Maud backed away and wondered what had just happened. She eyed Tarnish and listened to his breathing. His sides heaved like a blacksmith’s bellows. Under normal circumstances, she would be aroused by the sight of him huffing and puffing. “Tarnish, is that blood?”

“No,” Tarnish replied as he turned to stare at the entrance of the cave, “the blood was purple-blue… this is vomit—”

“Oh yuck!” Maud lept backwards away from Tarnish and her lip curled away from her teeth in a rare display of absolute disgust. “Ew, Tarnish… just ew.”

Keeping a wary eye upon the entrance to the cave, Tarnish began his own retreat, walking along the side of the river that flowed into The Scariest Cave in Equestria. He didn’t like it, no sir, he didn’t like it at all.

“You smell,” Maud said to her husband as she tried to increase her distance.

“I am covered in vomit… and… other… things…” Tarnish’s ears stood up as something dribbled from his pelt and plopped down upon the stones along the side of the river. “You don’t want to know what the yellowish lumps are.”

“Are we safe?” Maud asked, not wanting to think about what the yellow lumps might be.

“They stopped chasing me when the sunlight hit them and they began smoking,” Tarnish replied. “I just encountered a pack of ghastlies. I feel accomplished. I also feel sullied and quite greasy. Maud, I think I need a hug—”

“No. Not a chance.” Maud, who no longer felt safe, continued to back away. “I’ll keep watch as you bathe in the river. No hugs for you. How does it feel to be a stallion and to have faced the danger?”

“Feels good, Maud… feels real good. Now, now I’m gonna grab my mare and maybe make me some foals… I’m feeling virile after that display of stallionhood.” One of Tarnish’s ears twitched and a thick, viscous dribble of goop splattered down to the ground with a sloppy, moist plop. He stuck out a leg, gave it a kick, and sent more shimmering, sparkling slime flying. “The ghastlies avoided the water. I don’t think they like bathing.”

Snorting, Maud shook her head and watched as Flamingo flew around in circles. The poor sword seemed traumatised and she was covered in purple-blue ichor, which meant that she had to slice something and defend Tarnish. Maud felt bad for her, but she didn’t feel too bad for Tarnish, who had just been saved by a mare. Okay, she was now a sword, but the principle applied.

“Stay alert, Tarnish… I’m going to go and get you some soap and a scrubbing brush.”

No matter how much he scrubbed, he still felt soiled. Tarnish thought back to an earlier point in his life when he had encountered the flying skunks. He was a pony of constant sorrows, with pain and misery as his only companions. At least, sometimes it felt that way. Goop and soap bubbles floated down the stream and into The Scariest Cave in Equestria. He knew that he was going to have nightmares about his encounter in there. It wasn’t Tartarus, but it was damn close and could pass for Tartarus if some enterprising filmmaker wanted to make a movie about the afterlife.

“You missed a spot,” Maud said to her husband in deadpan as he continued to scrub. “Right there, that space between your hoof and your ear.”

“You’re so helpful!” Tarnish dipped his scrubbing brush down into the chilly, knee deep water. He squirted more soap onto his back and then scrubbed with vigour, trying to get the greasy, soiled feeling out of his pelt. “I saved you from having to endure this… you owe me. My stupidity saved you.”

“I suppose it did,” Maud replied as her ears splayed out sideways.

Had Pinkie Pie been here, she would have noticed that her sister Maud was smiling.

“The ghastlies are pretty ghastly.”

“They call them that for a reason, Tarnish.”

“When they saw me, the males began furiously masturbating… can you believe that? They’ve weaponised masturbation… I’m glad I got out of there before they had a chance to finish. I wonder what sort of aim they might have.”

“This is the reason why nopony studies ghastlies and there is almost nothing known about them. Right now, you might just be Equestria’s current expert on the behaviour of cave dwelling ghastlies. Had you stayed to observe their aim, you might have earned some fame on the lecture circuit.”

“Somehow, the sense of accomplishment just isn’t what I would have imagined it would be.” Tarnish gave himself a shake and sent suds flying, then continued to scrub-a-dub-dub. “I wonder where they sit in the cave’s ecosystem… are there things that eat ghastlies, and if so, how?”

Maud let out a visible shudder. Field science took a special breed of pony. She had no doubts now, she and Tarnish would produce little super-scientists capable of any sort of field work. Of course, that would mean letting Tarnish touch her again, which Maud doubted that she would ever do.

Now somewhat clean, although he felt a little dubious about ever truly being clean again, Tarnish watched Maud as she studied some rocks. These rocks had a pleasing dull grey colour, almost the same colour as Maud’s pelt. She was sitting in the grass, her pith helmet shading her eyes, and she had a loupe over one eye, secured with an oiled canvas strap wrapped around her head. There were sparkles that glittered in the rocks. After the events of the morning, Tarnish had a hard time becoming interested in rocks. What he wanted to do more than anything else was keep bathing.

For the lack of anything better to do, he pulled out the ball of roots from his saddlebags. It looked alive, but he could not say why he thought that. When he put his ear up to it, he could feel some warmth, which was peculiar. He held the root ball up in front of his face so he could study it. He didn’t even know what sort of roots these were, what sort of plant they belonged to. He supposed it didn’t matter.

There was life here, he could feel it, he was connected to it. He closed his eyes and tried to focus. There was life everywhere, all around him, in every blade of grass, in every tree, in the worms that burrowed through the soil beneath his hooves. There were microbes in the soil. This was a world of magic and everything had a connection. There was the radiant magic, the stuff that came up from the ley lines, but there were other types of magic as well, magic that seeped up from other sources.

He didn’t know the name for the magic that animated the trees and the plants and gave them purpose. Things like poison joke could filter magic because another magic, a stronger magic, a deeper magic, gave it purpose and function. Lost in contemplation, his eyes closed, Tarnish did not see that a small pink wildflower near to where he was sitting bloomed.

Almost in a stupour, Tarnish pulled the blue orb out from his saddlebags and held it up with the root ball. It made it easier to connect, it was like a magnifying glass held in just the right way in a beam of sunlight. It brought him focus and understanding. He could see dancing blue spots along the inside of his eyelids, which danced against the red sunlight that shone through his flesh.

The magic of the ley line was strong here, there was an intersection, a nexus, but there was another magic here, something stronger, something primal, something that had shaped the very foundation of the world, and Tarnish could feel it on the edges of his perception. His senses cried out as he tried to focus upon the other magic. It was like feeling a cool ribbon of air that somehow managed to worm its way through a hot, stifling room. In one spot, one would feel hot air, and in another spot, one would still feel the hot air, but if one kept moving around and paying attention, if one stood in the sweet spot, one could feel the narrow band of cool air.

Several poison joke flowers sprang into existence, bloomed, and then begin to spread tendrils, sending out runners so that they could continue to grow and advance. That subtle, hard to feel magic gained focus, Tarnish could feel that it had grown stronger, it was easier to detect, but still weak.

Opening his eyes, Tarnish saw that the root ball was writhing, moving, the roots were wriggling even as he watched, but there was no sign of the timber wolf that the root ball had once been. He did not get discouraged, but instead summoned his patience. There was no rush. A tree did not grow within a day, but over the course of a lifetime.

Author's Note

I hope I made at least one person laugh today...

Needled

After a rather eventful morning, Tarnish decided to push his luck and have an eventful afternoon. He stood, peering out from behind a tree, eyeballing a needler cactus that was quite some distance away. Maud was nearby, ready to help if something went wrong. Tarnish hoped that nothing went wrong. He needed needler cactus needles and the venom glands inside of the cactus. One needle might paralyse him, causing his legs to stop working. Two or three needles would certainly paralyse his whole body. A half a dozen or more needles would make his heart and lungs stop working, the ultimate in paralysis, and the cactus would get the nutrients it needed from Tarnish’s decomposing corpse.

Nature had fantastic ways and means.

Tarnish had a plan. He wasn’t the most magical of unicorns, but he had a knack for survival. He had with him a heavy tarpaulin, a thick, durable sheet of tarred canvas that he had plans for when he was done with the needler cactus. It was folded over a few times and Tarnish figured that with his telekinesis, it would make a serviceable wall for him to hide behind.

In the underbrush ahead of him, he saw a dead deer that had decomposed quite a bit. He felt bad for the deer, but the remains stood as a testament to the effectiveness of the needler cactus. He looked over at Maud, gave a nod, and charged forwards with the tarpaulin held before him.

He could hear the sound of the needles being shot, the bursts of compressed air being used to launch the needles. He could both feel and hear the needles hitting the canvas. He charged forwards, mindful to the danger all around him, and hoped that he did not screw up. It might be fatal if he did.

A needler cactus only had so much oomph stored up and this one was already giving out. The time between shots fired grew longer and longer as he approached and each shot sounded weaker, until there was a faint whispering ‘poomf’ sound. Tarnish did not drop his guard. He was close to it now, he could tell, and when the tarpaulin bumped into the cactus, he draped it over the dangerous plant, then heaved a sigh of relief.

The job was done and nopony had been hurt. Everything had gone as planned. He looked down at the needles littering the ground. Long, barbed, and nasty. Each of them glistened with a terrible toxin. He pulled out his sample jar and begin filling it up with every needle he could find. The cactus had fired everything it had at him and Tarnish had hit the motherlode.

“That went well.”

Perhaps it was his imagination, but Tarnish was certain that he could hear relief in Maud’s voice. He turned to look at her, smiled, and replied, “Well, it went a little better than my excursion into the cave earlier.”

“You subdued a cactus that is a known pony killer. Now what?”

“Now I cut it open and find the venom glands. There are several things I can do with them. I can make a charm that will protect the wearer from paralysis and sleep magic, and from what I read in another book, it makes for a powerful antivenin that’s good for snake bites and giant wasp stings.”

“Fascinating. Those are common hazards in our line of work. Field geology has all kinds of things that might kill you. Like volcanos.” Maud looked down at the tarpaulin for a moment, then, turning her head, she looked at Tarnish. “This was a pretty good idea, and safe too. I’m proud of you.”

“I do my best.” Tarnish’s cheeks darkened. He wasn’t used to ponies saying that they were proud of him and every time Maud said it, he became flustered. He stood there as the needler cactus expelled its final bit of offense and then went still.

“I’m going to need your help to take some readings. It won’t be dangerous, but I’ll need a hundred or so random rocks from the river so I can take readings. I need a broad sample size to keep me busy. If I start looking at all the rocks, it could take me days to gather them, I get distracted because every rock is fascinating.”

“I know.”

Now, Maud blushed and half closed eyes stared at Tarnish. “Did you mean what you said earlier? About wanting to have foals?”

“Maybe someday,” Tarnish replied.

“It scares me.” Maud blinked once. There was no trace of emotion in her voice or any signs of emotion upon her face. “I’ve been thinking about it all day since you said it. I keep wondering about what sort of mother I will be. Or what sort of parents we’ll be. It’s made it hard for me to focus on my work.”

“I think this is what passes as normal for most ponies. They worry about the future and wonder if they are worthy of whatever endeavour they set out on, be it marriage, parenthood, starting a career, or taking that first step out of the house on a long journey. I think we’ll be fine.”

“Your amulet is getting darker. You’d better finish carving that cactus so we can get back to camp so you can have some of your tea.” Maud paused for a moment, blinked again, and then her ears splayed out sideways from her head. “Normal scares me, Tarnish. I’ve never been normal. I don’t know how to adjust.”

Tarnish smiled. “We can be weird and still want what everypony else wants…”

It would soon be evening and dull grey clouds in the south drifted north like birds returning in the spring. Maud sat in her pile of rocks, sorting them out, cataloguing their type, and taking a reading with the new thaumaton reader. Tarnish meanwhile worked on improving the camp.

Pulling and tugging, he had suspended the tarpaulin over The Egg so that the rain wouldn’t hit the metal roof, deafening both him and Maud. It would also provide shade so the sun wouldn’t hit the roof and turn The Egg into The Oven. He had angled the tarpaulin just so, tied each corner to a tree with a section of rope, and then had one corner that angled down into a short small barrel to collect rain water. It would also give them a place to sit and work that was sheltered from the rain, but still allow them to be outside.

The breeze picked up, it was cool, chilly even, and stood out in sharp contrast to the heat of the day. It was muggy, humid, it was hot and sticky. The breeze felt good, but Tarnish, knowing what he knew about the weather, grew worried about the coming storm. Rain it seemed, was going to be a regular hazard for them.

Satisfied that the tarp was secure, he turned his efforts to something else.

The fire flickered and whipped about as the wind picked up. Tarnish felt his mane blown back and the icy breeze slipped between the fine hairs of his pelt. Maud had relocated herself to a comfortable spot beneath the makeshift awning as fat raindrops were already beginning to plop down and splatter-bomb the ground. It wasn’t raining, not yet, it was just a few fat drops that fell at random. At least for now.

As he stared into the fire, Tarnish thought about dinner, it had been a long day. He was tired and hungry. He had found some wild chili pepper plants and some wild tomatillos, both of which had edible yields waiting to be claimed. Perhaps some spicy beans and rice would make a fine meal.

“This doesn’t make sense.”

Turning his head, Tarnish looked over at Maud.

“These readings are consistently high, magic levels are certainly elevated here. The readings don’t make sense though, as they have too much variation. The data doesn’t make sense.” After a long pause, Maud added, “Yet.”

“Is the area dangerous? I mean, is the magical radiation dangerous?” Tarnish asked.

“No.” Maud’s response came right away. “But I would suspect that most unicorns would find their magic disrupted. The ambient magic here is elevated, but not quite at the dangerous level, not yet. But the readings here are consistently higher than the rock farm, for comparison.”

“So problematic but not dangerous in a life threatening way.” Tarnish’s brows furrowed and he returned to staring into the fire. “The rocks in the river should all be relatively the same, if I recall what I learned the last time we studied river rocks. I wonder what is causing the variation? That’s curious.”

Maud shrugged, said nothing in reply, and returned to her work.

“There should be more poison joke here… I’ve seen two recently burnt patches where fields of it used to be. Small fields, but still useful for the purpose they serve. So we have elevated magical radiation levels, an unstable ley line intersection, and rocks that have random levels of magic. I have no clue what is going on.”

Setting down a rock, Maud shook her head. “I’m going to need to go spelunking and take readings from other rocks. If the rocks down deeper in the ground show wide variations of magical radiation… well… I don’t even know where to begin. There should be consistency.”

“Magic should be consistent?” Tarnish asked.

“In general, at least when it comes to geology,” Maud replied. “Magic radiation should behave like cavity radiation—”

“What?”

Maud paused, took a deep breath, and her ears tilted forwards over her eyes. “When you heat up a cast iron skillet, the heat is distributed evenly, all over every available surface. That’s why cast iron cooks so well. The well distributed heat is constant and consistent. Now, imagine if you will, a cast iron skillet that is hot all over, but has a freezing cold spot in the middle. Because of the nature of the cast iron, that sort of thing should not be possible. The same thing with these rocks. Some variation is expected, but I’m finding cold rocks mixed in with hot rocks, and the cold rocks should not exist.”

“I… see…” Tarnish understood cast iron. His eyes darted over to the black cast iron skillet and then back to Maud. She was right. Finding a cold spot in the middle of his skillet seemed unlikely. She had somehow explained it in a way that he understood. He was thankful that he sort of understood and did not feel stupid.

A strong gust of wind caused the tarpaulin overhead to ripple and make snapping noises. The trees it was secured to creaked in protest, but there was little they could do but flex in the wind. With the wind, the floodgates opened and it began to rain in earnest, a drenching downpour that came down in sheets.

The wind was wet and Tarnish felt his pelt grow damp. He didn’t mind, it felt good after being out in the heat of the day. He watched as Maud began stuffing her notebooks into an oilcloth satchel. Once everything was secure, she picked up the strap in her teeth, stood up, and then hurried inside the wagon to stow her gear.

The wagon rocked a bit in the breeze, the suspension let out a faint creak of flexing metal, and Maud emerged from the door a moment later. She returned to where she was sitting, a broad, flat rock, and sat down. A strong gust hit Tarnish and caused his ears to flap around.

Using his magic, he picked up his pith helmet from where it lay, his saddlebags, and a few other things that needed to stay dry. He then levitated them into the wagon, felt them bump into the bed, and he set them down upon the floor, all without having to get up from his seat.

The day was as good as over. Everything would be too drenched to get much work done. It was time to relax, fix dinner, and then retreat inside. Perhaps there would be some happy husband hugs… or perhaps something else. He was certain that he and Maud would find some way to pass the time.

Perhaps they could dance in the rain.

Author's Note

No, I did not misspell 'tomato.'

Calm before the surge

The morning was a wet one. The day held promise of a slow, constant drizzle with patchy clouds in dull grey skies. Rain or shine, work still had to be done. Tarnish was making breakfast, oatmeal with dehydrated fruit, and was stirring the pot in an absentminded manner as he prepared some tea.

The makeshift awning had held through the night and the water barrel had been filled with rainwater. It was also filled with leaves, pine needles, and other bits of debris that had blown in with the wind. Water dripped and dribbled down into the barrel and from the edges of the tarpaulin rigged overhead. It had done an admirable job of keeping the rain from pounding upon the roof of The Egg.

“There is somepony coming,” Maud said to Tarnish to get his attention.

“What?” Tarnish looked around and sure enough, somepony was prancing through the rain, working their way up the hill to make their way up to the ridge where he and Maud had camped.

The mare was a dark, dusky red, the colour of almost dried blood. Her mane was two toned, dark, dusky pink with stripes of off white. She had a full pack on her back, quite a pack, with what appeared to be a bedroll, a tent, a small cask for water, she looked as though she had a well kitted out rig. She was smiling as she approached.

“Her pack is well balanced,” Maud observed in a flat, bored sounding voice. “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Hi,” the mare said in a chirpy voice as she drew near, “my name is Cranberry.”

Okay, so not so much almost dried blood red, Tarnish thought to himself, but cranberry red. He lifted his head a little higher, his ears perked, and he cleared his throat so he could introduce himself. He opened his mouth and—

“My name is Maud and this is my husband, Tarnished Teapot. Hi.”

Blinking, Tarnish was impressed with Maud’s loquacious greeting. What words he had ready died on his tongue. He sat there, stirring oatmeal, and watched as Cranberry drew nearer. She appeared to be the cheerful sort and even the slow, steady drizzle had not dampened her spirits.

“Come and sit with us,” Maud said, making a gesture with her hoof. “It’s sort of dry under the awning.”

“I don’t mind the rain,” the mare said in a chipper voice as she moved closer. Reaching a spot by the fire, her horn ignited, sending a shower of sparks arcing from the tip, and she took off her pack in a well practiced movement. She sat down and made herself comfortable.

“I saw your campfire last night.” Cranberry pointed off to another ridge in the distance. “I got caught in the open when the rain came. It was a bad night. That storm got pretty intense. I don’t mind being wet, but it got cold too, and there was hail, and lots of lightning.”

“Yeah, it got rough last night.” Maud nodded in agreement.

“You’re adventurers!” Cranberry pointed to the sword and shield leaning up against a stump. “It’s not often I meet one of my own kind on the road. Lots of travellers, but so few take up arms against the terrors of the wilds.”

“We’re rangers,” Maud replied in her usual monotone. “I’m a geologist and my husband is a budding botanist.”

“But we do a little adventuring,” Tarnish added, smiling as he spoke. “My sword’s name is Flamingo. She talks. She used to be a pegasus—”

“That’s amazing!” Cranberry became quite animated and she pulled a bow from out of her pack, sliding the wooden shaft out from her tidy bedroll. “My bow doesn’t talk, but it does fire magical arrows that are completely random!”

“Random arrows?” Tarnish poured a cup of tea, lifted up his teacup, and began to sniff the steam. Using his telekinesis, he prepared two other cups of tea, and passed them around.

Taking a cup of tea, Cranberry nodded. “Random arrows. I pull back on the bow string and a glowy magic arrow appears. I never know what it will do. Some explode, some burn, some freeze things, sometimes it fires lightning bolts… it’s pretty neat.” The mare paused and focused her bright, intense stare upon the fire. “I found it while battling against giant spiders and cave trolls. It was a real lifesaver. My hammer just wasn’t doing the job against the fat, flabby, gross trolls.”

“The hazards of adventuring. We know all about giant spiders.” Maud blinked and held her teacup between her hooves. “So, why did you start adventuring?”

Hearing Maud’s words, Cranberry’s smile vanished. “Not every romance story has a happy ending,” she replied as she sniffed her tea. Her eyes darted around and she looked at Tarnish for a moment, before looking over at Maud. “I was a common pony once. I lived in a nice little house and I did all of the things that a civilised unicorn should do. I hung out in libraries, I went to college for a while, found a pony that I thought was my soulmate…” Her words trailed off and the mare shook her head.

“All I got from him was my son. And that’s okay, really. I made peace with that.” After another pause, Cranberry continued, “When my son was three, he got sick. Some sort of magical wasting disease. He died. I made peace with that too. Took me a while, but I did. I left home to find some meaning in life. I took to the road. I had nothing. I didn’t even have the common sense to bring water or food with me. Almost died. Almost dying was the best thing for me, because it made me want to live, even with all of my sadness. I found that life on the road suited me.”

Tarnish nodded, he had experienced much the same.

“Now I rescue wayward travellers, hunt dangerous monsters, I take up bounties on bandits, I suppose you could call me a sellsword, but there are plenty of times there is no payment to be had. There’s a lot of poor farmers out there that don’t have much and it don’t feel right taking what little they have.” Cranberry took a cautious sip of tea, smiled, and nodded. “This is good.”

“It’s poison joke,” Tarnish replied.

Cranberry’s eyebrow raised. “Eh, it must be safe if you two are drinking it. I’ll risk it.”

A broad grin appeared upon Tarnish’s face and he continued to stir the oatmeal. He found that he liked Cranberry and he hoped that Maud did as well. Maud had gone quiet and was sipping her tea. He wondered if there was enough oatmeal for three ponies and even if there wasn’t, Tarnish could fix something else.

“I don’t have much to offer in return for breakfast, I’m running a little low on supplies myself, but I do have one thing.” Cranberry’s cheerful intensity returned and she gave both Maud and Tarnish a carefree grin. “Something I think a geologist would love to study.”

“Oh?” Maud’s eyebrows lifted in a rare show of reaction.

“Yesterday, when I was exploring, I found what appears to be a really old impact crater. At least, that is what it looks like to me. It’s a big dish shaped impression in the ground and there are ripples around the outer edges. I can show you.”

“That would be fantastic,” Maud replied.

“Consider it done.” Cranberry slurped more tea out of her teacup and her head bobbed up and down in satisfaction. It was almost as if her own inner bubbly effervescence refused to allow her to sit still. “Hey, can I talk to your sword?”

The drizzle dribbled off of Tarnish’s pith helmet and ran down his neck. Some unicorns could make fancy telekinetic bubbles that could keep the rain off. He wasn’t one of those unicorns. He tromped through the wet underbrush, following after Maud, who was following after Cranberry, who was chattering with Flamingo.

“So, there I was, and the cave jellies just exploded with snot—”

“Oh gross!” Flamingo cried.

“—and the whole area around me was covered in slippery, sticky mucus. I know that seems contradictory, but it was hard to walk because my hooves kept sticking in some places and sliding in others. They kept coming! They came out of cracks, out of fissures, they oozed out of holes in the ceiling and floor, they wanted to surround me and digest me. I almost didn’t make it. I got hit with their digestive juices and it burned my skin.”

“That’s horrible,” Flamingo replied. “One time, some jerk stabbed me into a big fat hairy giant spider. That was pretty yucky. It had a big hairy gross bulbous butt and I had an intimate introduction to the spider’s insides.”

“Eeew!” Cranberry looked disgusted. “Well, whomever that jerk is, I hope he got his comeuppance! There is just some things you don’t do, and sticking somepony else into a hairy spider butt is one of them. How rude!”

As more rain dribbled down both his neck and his sides, Tarnish rolled his eyes. This conversation… Cranberry and Flamingo got along with one another as if they had known each other their entire lives. He wondered what Maud was thinking and if she was excited.

“It’s just over this rise,” Cranberry said as she lead the way, “and we’re almost there!”

Standing on the rise, Tarnish looked down into the valley nestled between the hills. Even with the trees and grass that covered the area, Tarnish, who wasn’t a geologist, could see the old crater. There was a deep impression that was several yards wide, and ripples had expanded outwards from the site of the impact. Something had struck with terrific force, probably turning the stone into a liquid on impact, and the moment had been frozen in time.

And then, on the very edges of his perception, he felt it. A faint tingle that made the fine hairs along his spine stand up. There was a buzzy feeling behind his eyes. Tarnish focused his attention on his senses, paying attention and taking mental notes on how he felt.

“Something about this place makes my magic go all wonky,” Cranberry said. “It’s not so bad at your camp, I can use my telekinesis if I focus, but this place here, if I try to use my magic, It gives me a headache. Be careful.”

“I’ll be fine,” Tarnish replied as the feeling intensified. The magic here felt weird. He felt something building up inside of him, some pressure, and then, he knew what was about to happen. It was like a sneeze, something he couldn’t control, and he could feel the need to release building.

It was good that Cranberry had drank the tea a while ago…

“I’m going to surge,” Tarnish said in a calm voice. “Cranberry, you might want to stand back, you’re in for quite a show—”

“Surging is dangerous!”

Maud stepped forwards to reassure Cranberry. “He’ll be fine, trust me. Just step back and watch. Come with me.”

“But surging is so dangerous… bad things can happen when unicorns surge… why are the both of you so calm?” Cranberry looked a bit frightened and confused.

Bobbing in the air, Flamingo replied, “Because everything is going to be okay…”

The surge hit Tarnish like a train after it built up enough pressure. He hung in the air, suspended, his eyes glowed white and a strange blue mist drifted from them. He writhed, in ecstasy or agony it was impossible to tell. Beneath him, poison joke exploded out of the ground, tender green shoots and blue budding blossoms snaked over the ground and made their way down the rise towards the crater.

Cranberry stood trembling, not understanding what was going on, this was beyond her understanding, and Maud stood beside her, watching, waiting, ready to step in and help Tarnish recover when this was over.

She thought of the day of the volcano and how Tarnish had surged then. The memory was terrifying, but things seemed safer now, at least in a relative way. This would be a good spot to study and her only regret was that she had not been able to get readings before the poison joke spread. Still, she knew that she would be able to get some spectacular data out of it. The rocks here were no doubt hot with magical radiation.

Tarnish had gone into this with impeccable calm and Maud could not help but feel proud of him. He knew and understood his role, his lot in life. Before the surge had seized him, he had given her a smile.

“I don’t understand what is going on,” Cranberry said in a low voice as Tarnish continued to be consumed by the surge, “but I do know that he is going to need some help recovering. I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you,” Maud replied, “your kindness and your bravery is appreciated.”

Author's Note

Huzzah! Posted!

Talking shop

The hunger was a living thing that writhed through his insides like wriggling serpents. Tarnish almost couldn’t bear how hungry he was. Maud had carried him back to camp and now, Cranberry worked at a frantic pace to fix food. Having drank the tea earlier, her magic had stabilised a bit in this area. Her horn still sparked, but she could use her telekinesis for simple tasks without too much effort.

His whole body trembled and ached. This one had been pretty bad, all things considered. It was like having a case of violent body wracking sneezes while also having explosive diarrhea at the same time. Everything was cramped and his muscles sang a song of agony.

As he sat there, feeling as though he was dying, certain that at any moment, his insides would implode and all that would be left of him were a few chocolate brown hairs, he thought about the blue orb in his saddlebag. It was like wanting water or food. He needed it. Just thinking about it made his brain ache with need.

What little telekinesis he could muster was weak, feeble, but he managed. He opened the flap to his bag, reached inside, and wrapped his telekinesis around the blue orb. Right away, the pain lessened, it eased off, and Tarnish could feel a strange tugging on his horn. He was far too weak to resist and the tugging sensation became an irresistible pull.

As he had done just before the surge, Tarnish decided to just go with it…

Blinking, he found himself in a different place. Fluffy clouds were both beneath him and above him. There appeared to be stars in the clouds, glowing motes of light that twinkled. There was no pain, no ache, no feeling of overwhelming hunger. In the distance, there was a bright glowing orb that looked an awful lot like the sun. Beside it, there was a large glowing sunflower that he was certain he had seen before, but could not place, not in his current state of confusion.

And right away, he noticed the big blue centaur, who stood a short distance away, looking back at him. He was translucent and had a glowing blue aura. There was a patient, kind smile upon the centaur’s face. Tarnish looked up at him and it took a moment to find his voice.

“Maledico… where am I?”

“Call me Mal, little friend,” the centaur replied. “As for your location, this is the astral realm. Do not be afraid. Many come here when they leave their body. Like Celestia over there. She has anchored her very soul to this place for safekeeping.” The centaur pointed over at the glowing sun that Tarnish had seen. “She is currently out and about, no doubt running errands. I have learned and observed much since my awakening.”

“Why am I here?” Tarnish asked.

“I thought I would spare you some pain,” Mal replied. “Such is the way of the druids. Our magic cannot always be controlled and there are often consequences. Power comes at a price. And you, little pony, have power.”

“The consequences are a real pain in my ass.” Tarnish prodded the clouds he stood on, worried that he might fall through them. He didn’t know what was below him, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. They seemed solid enough, but he had no way of knowing for certain just how real they were. He decided it was best not to think about it.

“You speak of consequences but make no mention about having druidic powers.” The centaur centered his piercing gaze upon Tarnish. “I take it that you’ve come to accept them since our last conversation?”

“I don’t know what I accept.” Tarnish angled his head upwards. “It’s just there. They just happen. I don’t know what to make of them. To me, magic is just magic. I feel lucky if I can do anything at all. Most of the time, I just feel stunted and inadequate.”

Mal scowled and shook his head. He reached up and began to rub his chin. “You should not be so dismissive of your own powers. Stunted you are not. You were meant for other things, different things. Not necessarily greater things, just different.”

Tarnish did not respond. He stood there, staring up at the centaur, marvelling at the creature’s size. Tall, heavily muscled, black with blue skin, and moose antlers. He saw the centaur take a deep breath and he waited for Mal to continue speaking.

“There has been an awakening, and it isn’t my own. Nature it seems has decided that it is time to restore the druidic order, dedicated defenders of the world. You will be the first of a new order. I have been communing with spirits in this place. I will aid you when I can, but there is much you must figure out on your own. You have two tasks that you must perform before you prove yourself worthy.”

“And those are?” Tarnish asked.

“An act of epic destruction and an act of beautiful creation. These two forces balance each other out and you must strive to maintain the balance.” Mal blinked and his body glowed brighter for a moment. The soothing blue luminescence was pleasant and calming. “You must be courageous and steadfast, little pony.”

“I’ll do my best,” Tarnish replied in a noncommittal tone. “If I am going to be left to flounder through this on my own, don’t expect me to go out of my way to get everything figured out. I have my own crap to sort through, I am a very busy pony.”

The centaur chuckled and stood akimbo, his hands resting on his waist, where his torso connected to his horse half. The chuckle became laughter, and his eyes were bright and merry. His tail flicked around his haunches, as if he was swatting away invisible flies.

“Tarnish…”

“Yes?”

“Wake up…”

Blinking his eyes, Tarnish found a cup of broth being held up in front of his muzzle. He sniffed. Vegetable bouillon. He snatched it in his own telekinesis and took it all down in a few greedy gulps. It was hot, but not too hot. There was other food set out for him and he began to gobble that down. Somepony had opened a couple of cans of chili and had baked some cornbread in a cast iron skillet.

As he wolfed down his food, he saw Maud staring at him, an impossible to read stare. Considering what had just happened, he chalked it up to worry, which seemed reasonable enough. Cranberry was sitting beside the fire, looking worried.

The sky had cleared up. Tarnish could not remember the sky clearing. When had that happened? He didn’t know. He crammed a huge bite of cornbread into his mouth, smacked his lips, and began chewing. When it was half chewed, he swallowed, straining to get it down, but he needed something in his stomach right now.

“I’ve never seen anything like that,” Cranberry said in a small voice.

“Most ponies haven’t,” Maud replied.

“So he just randomly causes poison joke to begin sprouting?” As Cranberry spoke, she watched Tarnish gobble down a bowl of chili.

“Sometimes.” Maud blinked and focused her attention on Cranberry. “He reacts to pockets of bad magic. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but poison joke isn’t bad. It purifies the environment from unstable, dangerous magic. And so does Tarnish.”

“Oh.” Cranberry looked surprised.

“But, when there is no dangerous magic around, Tarnish creates a field of instability unless he drinks his tea to suppress his talent.” Maud turned and looked at her husband as he crammed more cornbread into his mouth.

Cranberry looked confused for a moment, then her eyes brightened with awareness. “That makes sense, in a weird way. It’s a magical cancellation effect. It’s like noise cancellation… you’ll hear an annoying hum or thrumming sound from a tuning fork that might make your ears hurt, but when another tuning fork with the right sound frequency is struck, you can’t hear anything at all and the annoying sound goes away.”

“Yeah.” Maud nodded. “Something like that.”

“Ooooh, I get it now, it really does make sense.” Cranberry’s muzzle split into a wide grin. “I like it when all that time spent learning stuff pays off. And I kept getting told that I’d never be able to use the stuff I learned in the real world.”

“Tarnish and I both are utterly immune to bad magic. We were there when Mount Maud erupted—”

“Oh my goodness… you are that Maud!” Cranberry’s mouth dropped open. “I am such a ditz sometimes… such a ditz… merciful stars!” The dark red mare sat there with her mouth agape, staring at Maud, and her left ear twitched up and down.

“—and we survived a level of magical radiation that should have been instantly fatal.” Maud blinked a few times and then shook her head. “Tarnish left behind a trail of poison joke in the blasted landscape that is no doubt trying to heal the land.”

“That area is a real mess right now. Lots of ash and quarantine signs. Stuff dies when it goes in there.” Cranberry’s left ear stood up and was joined by her right ear. “Lots of strange growths, crystalline stuff, and I’ve heard reports of new types of monsters showing up, like ash devils.”

“Ash devils?” Maud asked.

“Ever seen a dust devil? Well, these are the same thing, but made of ash and bad magic. If they catch a pony, they’ll suck the life out of it. You need powerful magic to put them down. Malevolent wind spirits. They leave behind dried out husks with no moisture. They’re awful.” Cranberry shuddered, her ears drooped, and she shuddered again. “I encountered a dust devil once… I was able to shoot it with my bow. The magical arrows disrupted it and then I was able to dispel its magic once it was weakened. It was a tough, tough fight, one of the toughest I’ve ever had, and from what I’ve heard, ash devils are even worse. They’re really gritty and can sandblast the skin right off of you.”

“I’ve encountered dust devils. I had to run away. I couldn’t do anything to hurt them.” Maud swiveled her head over and looked at Tarnish. “I wonder if Tarnish could find a way to take one out. He has a knack for overcoming and adapting.”

“That magic sword of his might be able cut one,” Cranberry said, offering helpful advice. “If they’re just pockets of bad magic, maybe his magic might counteract them. I don’t know, but it would be best to be careful.”

Lifting his head, Tarnish managed to say something around his mouthful of food. “We’re adventurers. We’ll find a way.” He sucked up a chili bean that was clinging to his lip with a slurp and continued eating, shoveling in more chili with his spoon.

“Yeah,” Cranberry replied in a chirpy voice, “never give up, never give in!”

“I just want to study rocks, but things keep trying to kill me.” Maud shook her head and blinked a few times. “Is it so much to ask that I get to study rocks in peace? Sometimes, I think Tarnish enjoys the adventuring aspect our lives a little too much.”

“Oh come on,” Tarnish said, splattering rich, red chili sauce all over the place as he spoke, “admit it, you had fun in the spider cave rescuing Grey Owl.”

There was a long moment of silence before Maud replied, “I did. It was disgusting, but I will confess that I enjoyed myself.” There was a long pause and then Maud added, “And rescuing Trixie from the diamond dogs was kind of fun as well. Poor Limestone didn’t have a good time though. I have mixed feelings about this issue.”

“There is no feeling greater than saving another pony. Or any other creature in distress.” Cranberry’s grin almost became manic. “I’ve saved little fillies, little colts, damsels in distress, fellas in distress, the only thing I haven’t checked off my list is saving a princess, but here’s to hoping.” Her grin vanished. “Now that I think about it, most folk are grateful for a rescue, but as I sit here thinking about it, some of the fellas I rescued took exception… they were a bit upset about being rescued by a mare. They were a bit rude.”

“Maud saved me, there’s no shame in it.” Tarnish wiped his mouth with his foreleg and then gave a forlorn glance down into the empty pot. The cornbread was gone too. He belched with enough force that it caused the fire to flicker, and Cranberry began giggling like a filly.

“And I think you saved me too… thanks for the food!”

Author's Note

I am really happy that folks like Cranberry, because she'll be showing up in other work. Keep an eye out for her.

We'll meet again...

We'll meet again...

This morning, instead of rain, there was a heavy fog that filled the valleys down below. Tarnish watched it as he ate breakfast, his curiousity caused him to chew in an absentminded manner. He was distracted, not just from the fog, but from a confusing, almost dreamlike memory from the orb yesterday, something about an act of destruction and an act of creation.

The memory was just real enough to be recalled, but just hazy enough that total recollection was near-impossible. He supposed that more study into the orb was required. He would have to dive into the deep blue nothingness and see what was hidden beyond the mists.

“I’ve seen fog like this in places like these before,” Cranberry said in a low voice. “It does something to a pony’s magic. My magic seems to be fine now, but I think it’s because of this tea… it seems to be making everything better… but I’ve had experience with fog like this in places like this one. It leaves me defenseless. I couldn’t swing my hammer or use my bow in this fog. The only thing I could do is run.”

“Curious.” Maud’s head swiveled with a slow, almost glacial movement, and she looked down at the fog below them. Little curls of it were creeping along the ridge, mere yards from their camp, but it couldn’t seem to climb any higher. One of Maud’s eyebrows arched.

Saying nothing, Maud vanished into the wagon for a moment, and then appeared a few minutes later with the fancy new thaumaton reader strapped to her foreleg. The eyepiece was secured to her head, and a little pale yellow light near the base of the eyepiece was blinking. Tarnish knew from reading the manual that the light was an indicator of danger, starting in yellow and ending in a bright, vivid red, with orange in the midrange.

As Tarnish sipped his hot, steaming tea, slurping it and not caring about his manners, Maud went tramping off down the incline, heading down into the valley. He watched with relaxed curiousity, wondering what was up with the fog. A stabbing cramp went through his stomach and he cringed, almost squeezing his eyes shut.

“And so this is what you do?” Cranberry asked.

“Well, when things aren’t trying to kill us, volcanos aren’t exploding, or I’m not being stalked by a maniacal psychopath that wants to use me for some twisted, nefarious purpose,” Tarnish replied.

“I understand.” Cranberry nodded. “Regular ponies just wouldn’t understand what it’s like for us. We adventuring types have our own special problems that we have to face.” She too, slurped from her teacup, and did so with great enthusiasm.

Tarnish felt a bit of worry. Maud had vanished into the fog and could not be seen. He didn’t like this, but he didn’t feel the need to panic, not yet. He decided to play it cool and wait. Maud was a big mare and she knew what she was doing. It was difficult to trust, but trust he must. Overhead, the awning rustled as a stiff breeze blew, which caused ripples in the fog.

Little droplets of morning dew glistened on the sides of The Egg, birds high along the ridge were chirping all around them, and the warmth from the fire kept away the faint chill in the air. It was almost a perfect morning.

A lone figure emerged from the fog below and trotted up the incline of the ridge. Tarnish heaved a sigh of relief, looked over at Cranberry, saw that she looked as relieved as he was, and watched as Maud returned to the camp. She looked damp after being in the thick, pea soup fog.

“Fascinating,” Maud said as she approached, “Forty four bars in total.”

“Bars?” Cranberry asked.

“At around fifty five bars, ponies tend to start dying,” Tarnish said, reciting it from memory. “At thirty four bars, the yellow range begins and that means that ponies begin having some real problems using their magic.”

“Oh… dang.” Cranberry looked concerned.

“This shouldn’t be happening.” Maud returned to her spot near the fire, sat down, and looked down at the device strapped to her leg. “It kept spiking… most of the time, it was in the mid thirties, but in spots where the fog was thickest, it jumped, considerably. The highest spike hit forty four bars.”

“And fog shouldn’t behave like this?” Tarnish asked.

“I’m no weather expert, but no,” Maud replied. “Water can act like a carrier when it is a liquid form, but it is almost always a low grade form of radiation. It shouldn’t be this severe. Something about this bothers me. My bones tell me this is wrong.”

“Earth pony sense!” Cranberry’s chirpy voice almost echoed through the camp.

“So, we have a big scary cave full of magically twisted creatures, unreliable readings in the rocks down in the river, a crater charged with bad magic, and creepy fog that could potentially kill a pony caught in it.” Tarnish felt his summary was succinct, one eyebrow raised, and then he killed off what was left in his teacup in one gulp. He set his teacup down, belched, and then looked at Cranberry when she started giggling.

“Wait…” Tarnish blinked a few times as something nagged at his memory. “Maud, you said the decay rate for water was high, which is why water doesn’t hold much of a charge. With fog being fog, the decay rate should be higher, which means that the fog should have less of a magical charge than liquid water.”

“Correct.” Maud gave a faint nod.

“The magic held in the air is the weakest and has the highest decay rate, while rocks act like batteries that release magic slowly and over time.” Tarnish, surprised by his own memory of that lesson, shook his head and looked down at the fog. “You’re right… this fog doesn’t make sense. It’s not playing by the rules.”

“Well…” Cranberry smacked her lips together and she also set down her teacup. “As much as it pains me to say so, it is about time I got a move on. There are other ponies in need of saving. As soon as this fog burns off, I plan to be going. I need to get to Baltimare and check up on a friend.”

“Must you leave so soon?” Tarnish asked.

“Yep.” Cranberry looked sad, but only for a moment.

“We live in Rock Haven on the Pie Family Rock Farm. If you ever need a bed or a bite to eat, you should stop by.” Maud focused her intense, steady stare upon Cranberry. “Something tells me that you don’t have an address.”

“Nope.” Cranberry gave Maud a winning grin. “I’m a vagabond. A hobo. A bum. I’m a good for nothing that doesn’t contribute anything to society.” The effervescent mare let out a carefree giggle at her own gentle sarcasm, looked at Tarnish, and then back at Maud. “It was great meeting both of you. I’m sure we’ll meet again. We still have a bit more time together before this fog burns away.”

There was a soft sigh from Maud. “I had plans to study this fog… I fear I won’t have much time to spend with you.”

“I understand,” Cranberry replied. “Things are the way they are. No sense being upset about them. I promise I’ll be here when the fog burns away and we can have our goodbyes then, okay?”

“Okay.” Maud blinked and then looked over at Tarnish. “I hate to even ask, Tarnish, but I need your help. The fog destroys my sense of direction, it muffles all sounds, and there might be dangerous stuff lurking about. This is a unique opportunity of study. I know you are sore and recovering, and you probably want to entertain our guest—”

“I understand,” Tarnish said, cutting Maud off. “It’s okay. I’ll do what needs to be done.”

“And I’ll bake cookies… I think I have the stuff to do so… cranberry cookies… I should be able to do it in your cast iron camp stove. If not cookies, then scones. Or something. I’m gonna bake come Tartarus or high tides.” Cranberry tossed her head back to get her mane out of her eyes.

“That would be wonderful, it would give us a chance to have a final get together before you left.” Tarnish eased himself into position so he could stand up. His muscles ached in protest, but he ignored them. There was work that had to be done while the opportunity presented itself.

“Hold up, Maud, let me grab Flamingo…”

The fog was creepy. Tarnish found that he didn’t like it. It made his skin feel weird and clammy, he felt moist in a most unpleasant way. Visibility was poor. He couldn’t see much more than a yard in front of his face. He wondered how Maud had even returned herself to camp, but realised that she must have not gone far into the fog, and must have followed the incline to get back up to camp. He peered ahead and no matter how he squinted, he found that he couldn’t see anything. Even the sun seemed lost. The world was a white grey nothingness.

Maud stood beside him, and the light on the eyepiece was either dark yellow or light orange, Tarnish couldn’t tell. She moved around with great caution, going from place to place, standing near trees and rocks to get a reading, which Tarnish wrote down.

Tree - 39

Rock - 51

The ambient air also had high readings. Everything caught in the fog was being steeped in dangerous magic, unpredictable magic, magic that had soured a bit. Tarnish could feel it, the magic here was wrong.

Rotten log - 37 - I wonder what this is doing to the larvae in the log?

When Tarnish felt something slither over his back, he let out a frightened whinny. Stiff legged, terrified, he looked around, trying to see what had touched him, but there was nothing. Maud was wide eyed and looking around as well. The two of them moved closer together, almost touching.

Maybe it was just his imagination. It probably was. He was getting all worked up over nothing. Still, he was certain that he had felt something. Imagination or no, it was creepy. He kept Flamingo in her sheath because the last thing he needed to do right now was start waving a fantastically sharp sword around in his current panicked state.

He and Maud were both saturated with water, which ran down from them in rivulets. It tickled down the legs and did nothing to help them in their current spooked state. Maud moved with slow steadiness until they found another boulder jutting up out of the ground.

Rock - 49

“Maud, I don’t like this,” Tarnish said in a cautious whisper.

And Maud replied, “I don’t either, this place is creeping me out.”

“There’s no going back to the camp, is there?”

“Not sure, I think we’ll have to wait for the fog to clear.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

It felt as though they had been in the fog for days. Time had lost all meaning as they stumbled around. They found the river, which was at the base of the ridge they had camped upon. The shroud of fog maintained a strange, eerie silence. Several times both Tarnish and Maud had felt something crawling over them, or slithering against them. Maud remained in a wide eyed state of alertness.

It might have been Tarnish’s imagination, but the fog was getting thicker, or seemed to be. His vision was fuzzy and he could feel that he had strained his eyes from trying to squint to see everything.

“Maud, if we keep walking along the river, we’ll find the cave…”

“Tarnish, that’s a terrible idea.”

“Well, I was just sayin’—”

“Terrible idea.” There was a strange emphasis in Maud’s voice.

He nodded and then thought about ghastlies in the mist. He decided that he wanted no part of that. The sunlight burned them, but this fog was thick enough that they might be able to come out of the cave. Without meaning to, Tarnish let out a whimper and part of him wanted his mama.

“Look.” Maud pointed with her hoof.

It took Tarnish moment to make out what it was she was pointing at, and his lip curled back in disgust when he saw that it was a dead bird. Something was wrong with it, so very wrong. It’s eyeballs had burst out of its tiny, feathered head, and its entrails had squirted out of its backside. It was awful, really awful.

Dead bird - 79!

As Tarnish finished writing down the number in the notebook he carried, a lone tendril of poison joke sprouted from the dead bird’s corpse. It coiled around the body, moving with explosive growth, and then a single poison joke flower bloomed. Already, nature was resetting itself.

“What happened?” Tarnished asked.

“I don’t know,” Maud replied. “Bad magic… but I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Could this happen to a pony?”

“Maybe.”

Tarnish shuddered and wished that he was someplace dry, sunny, and free of fog.

He had never been happier to see the sunlight. He stared up, squinting, glad to see Princess Celestia’s sun. Rays of golden light speared through what was left of the fog, burning it away. The strange fog retreated, going wherever it was that strange, creepy fog went when it wasn’t welcome anymore.

There were lots of dead animals scattered about along the bank of the river, near the mouth of the cave. Birds, squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, little dead bodies were everywhere and no doubt, all of them had high readings.

Poison joke had begun sprouting from many of them and Tarnish had a peculiar sensation that he was going to sneeze again. The feeling lingered, but nothing happened. He gave himself a shake and tried to get the water off of his pelt.

Turning about, Tarnish was treated to an odd sight. The fog seemed to be retreating into the cave. It was probably just some optical illusion, some trick of the eye brought about by fear, panic, and an overactive imagination. Or maybe there was some science to it, like cold air moving to where other cold air was when hot air filled an area. He didn’t know, but it creeped him out and made his skin crawl to watch it.

“Lots of dead fish too,” Maud said, making an observation as she stood on the edge of the river. “I’d hate to think of Cranberry being caught in this fog.”

Tarnish nodded. “All of the dead bodies are around the river and near the mouth of the cave. Over there”—he pointed with his hoof—“and over there”—again, he pointed with his hoof—“the ground is free of dead bodies. So it seems to me that whatever happened, the worst of it was right here. I’m betting that if we checked out readings to our relative location somehow, they would get higher as we approached the river and weaker as we moved away from it.”

“Perhaps.” Maud nodded. “We’ll worry about that later. We should return to Cranberry. No doubt, she is hankering to leave and she’ll need to make the most of whatever is left of the daylight if she wants to get out of this area.”

“You’re right.” Tarnish nodded. “We should go.”

True to her word, Cranberry had done some baking. Cranberry cookies sat cooling on a plate, well, more like craisin cookies, and there were craisin scones as well. She had packed up her stuff and her rig stood nearby, waiting.

“Have fun in the fog?” Cranberry asked.

“Not really,” Tarnish replied.

“Sorry to hear that.” Cranberry gave Tarnish a warm, sincere smile. “Take care of yourself, Mister Teapot, and look after your pretty wife. I really must be going. Daylight is burning.”

“Thank you, for everything.” Tarnish stood, feeling flustered, not quite sure what to do. He hated saying goodbye and Cranberry was no mere casual acquaintance. Something about her… something about how she was… they had only been friends for a short time, but it felt as though they had been friends since, well, forever.

Much to Tarnish’s surprise, Cranberry lunged forwards and grabbed Maud, embracing her, and squeezing her in a ferocious hug. It took Maud a moment, but she responded, returning the hug. She gave Cranberry a squeeze.

And then, Tarnish found himself being hugged, and he hugged her right back, ignoring the excessive amounts of moisture building up in his eyes. The day was getting was far too warm now and his eyeballs were sweating. He wrapped a foreleg around Cranberry’s neck and held on for dear life.

Then, much to his dismay, Cranberry pulled away. He stood, watching as she slipped on her pack, he watched through blurry eyes as she secured her many straps and buckles, and he felt Maud leaning up against him.

“Goodbye, Cranberry, and good luck saving other ponies,” Maud said.

“See ya later, both of you,” Cranberry replied as she bounced a few times to secure her pack and make certain it was comfortable.

It took effort just to say anything, and Tarnish could hear the squeak in his own voice. “Goodbye!”

Satisfied with her pack, Cranberry hummed a few bars and then began singing in a cheerful, chipper voice that held the sadness at bay as she began to trot away. “We’ll meet again… don’t know where… don’t know when… but I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day… keep smiling through… just like you always do… till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away...”

Author's Note

Thank you, Vera Lynn, for making the world a brighter, better place. :heart:

Adventuring means silly hats

While there was still daylight, work had to be done. Tarnish went through the general area where Maud was working and did a survey of plants, trying to see if there were any magical ones in the immediate vicinity. This was time consuming and took a lot of effort, as he wasn’t familiar with everything yet, and had to check in his books which plants were which. He catalogued the trees, the undergrowth, the shrubberies, and even the types of grasses growing along the sides of the river. Most of them were quite mundane.

Meanwhile, Maud had a camera rigged to a neck mount and she was taking photographs of the many dead bodies. She had markers showing the distance of different corpses from the mouth of the cave, the distance to the river, and she was trying to get an idea of the approximate reach of the bizarre and no doubt supernatural phenomenon. Mysterious as she thought it might be, there was science behind it. The dead bodies occurred no more than about twelve metres or so from the cave mouth, and about the same distance from the river, with the range growing narrower as one went up the river away from the cave, forming something of a triangle, with almost twelve metres near the mouth and just a metre or two at maximum distance away from the cave.

It wasn’t rocks, but it had something to do with the rocks, so Maud had a keen interest.

The only magical plants of note that Tarnish found were sneezeberries, which depended upon a heavy layer of mucus to help keep pesky bugs away, and vomiting violets, which Tarnish kept a healthy distance from.

As with almost any other budding botanist, Tarnish found the sneezeberries fascinating, as they triggered an excessive mucus response followed by sneezing. It was as if nature had hijacked the natural allergic response, a snotty, runny nose to protect one from whatever invading allergen was the culprit, and then used it to her advantage. Not much was willing to eat snotty sneezeberries, which allowed the berries to mature to the point where they had seeds, at which time the sneezing effect went away and many creatures found them delicious. Birds in particular loved them and carried the seeds with them as they flew, defecating them out in some random place as they flew to wherever it was they were going.

“Tarnish?”

“Yeah, Maud?”

“I have an idea.”

“What’s that, Maud?”

“I think I know how the rocks in the river all have such wild variations.”

“The fog?”

“Yeah.”

“That sort of makes sense. I guess. I wouldn’t know.”

After that, the conversation died off. Tarnish returned to his work and Maud continued with her slow, methodical approach to gathering data, testing any rocks she found in close proximity to the corpses of the small animals that had died in the fog. After a morning of spooky fog, it was the perfect way to unwind and relax for these two ponies.

It seemed that Cranberry had ransacked some of their supplies. Tarnish smiled, he didn’t mind the tins of milk and butter being used. The fresh treats were both welcome and wonderful. He sat under the awning, enjoying the shade, and was getting ready to have a late afternoon tea break.

He glanced over at Maud and saw that she was surrounded by data. Several notebooks were scattered around her and she had a simple map of the area in front of the cave spread out beside her and pinned down with rocks to keep it from blowing away in the wind. On the map, she had marked the approximate locations of points of interest with red dots for corpses and blue dots for hot rocks.

“You know, I am undecided what to do about that blue orb.”

Both Tarnish and Maud looked up at the sound of the voice. Tarnish looked angry and Maud had no identifiable expression on her face whatsoever. Both of them knew that voice a little too well.

“I am curious about its purpose, which is to be expected, but I am concerned about its very existence. I’ve tried touching it with my mind… it has astral connections and it projects time vortices. Just trying to connect with it has given me ideas… shown me new avenues of magic. New directions… it holds such power… and I’m not sure you are worthy of it, Mister Teapot. You don’t even begin to understand the power of the item you possess. You remain so very ignorant.”

Saying nothing, Tarnish began to rummage through his pack.

“Time manipulation… such a complicated subject. Tell me, Mister Teapot, are you even capable of understanding the words ‘temporal projection?’ You could, you know, it isn’t too late. I’m still willing to take you in… I’m willing to make you better… I can fix you. And once I fix you, I could make you my student… I could turn all of that rage, all of that anger, into meaningful motivation.”

An almost fanatical zeal could be heard in the stranger’s voice.

“I spoke to your guest… she wasn’t receptive to my ideas. Such a pity. I let her go, for now.”

Sitting very still, Tarnish had a small pony shaped doll held between his front hooves. He closed his eyes and fell into a state of concentration. He breathed upon the doll he held between his hooves, slow, steady, regular breathing, almost as if he was inflating a balloon.

“I’ve been peering into the future and the past again,” the voice said, coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once. “The orb… it gave me clarity of vision… it is the past, the present, and the future. You will be the cause of so much destruction, Mister Teapot. The orb is very frustrating though… there is something that lies beyond some blue curtain, but I know that you know what it is… something beyond the blue mists. Tell me, what secrets is it holding?”

Still breathing into the doll, Tarnish did not respond. Maud’s head kept turning around, trying to discover the source of the voice, but it was a task that was impossible. It didn’t stop Maud from trying however.

“I am willing to forgive you for your failures and for resisting me, but you have to work with me… otherwise, I might have to resort to more drastic measures… I’ll just let you think about what those might be. I know what is best for you.”

With a look of composed calm upon his face, Tarnish fetched a sample jar but kept it far away from him. He removed the stopper and pulled out a small, shiny green leaf with frilly, hairy looking edges that were covered in a light dusting of greenish yellow powder.

Holding the doll a safe distance from him, he touched the leaf to the doll, causing some of the powder to spill from the frilly edges. He then put the leaf back into the sample jar and replaced the stopper. A smile spread over his muzzle.

“Hey… what the… gah… my nose is running!”

Tarnish’s smile became a broad grin.

“AAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Looking satisfied, he began to prepare his tea to his liking as the sounds of sniffling could be heard all around him. He lifted up a scone filled with dried cranberries and took a bite while Maud shook her head.

“You’re a bad pony,” she deadpanned.

“So much snot,” the voice whimpered. More sneezing could be heard, rapid fire sneezing, followed by pained whimpers. “I have to go… ACHICHICHIT!” Another series of sneezes could be heard. “We shall speak again, Tarnished Teapot!”

There was glorious silence, save for the sounds of nature. Tarnish sat, munching a scone, savouring the sounds of birds chirping and the wind in the trees. It was glorious, so glorious. He put the doll down in a safe place and contemplated what else he might do with it while he still had a connection. He tried not to think about the concentrated tincture of poison joke essential oil in his pack. That would be going a little too far.

“Care for a scone? They’re not very sweet… they’re mostly sour.”

Maud turned her head. “Don’t mind if I do. I’ll take a cup of tea, too.”

Dull grey clouds loomed in the southeast, in the direction of the Hayseed Swamps. Tarnish kept a wary eye on them as he tidied up the camp. Sitting in the cool shade, Maud was working on a list of things to do tomorrow, with investigating the impact crater sitting on the number one spot. The air was growing humid and the birds had stopped chirping. The morning had been chilly and foggy, then the day had become hot and a little muggy, and now, it seemed as though it was threatening to rain. Having lived in Ponyville, which had scheduled weather, Tarnish was gaining an appreciation for feral storms. Life in the wilds was a very different sort of life and those in the city took controlled weather for granted.

Out here, nothing could be taken for granted, not without consequences. Drastic consequences. The sun would burn you if you gave it a chance, scramble your brains and leave you stupid, the fog might kill you, and the weather could change at a moment’s notice. Tarnish was thankful for The Egg, it was safe, secure, and snug against the weather.

Even a ridiculous hat was helpful. Tarnish had come to appreciate and value his pith helmet. It protected him from the sun and the rain, kept him cool in the heat, and from the looks of things, Maud had seen the light as well. Ridiculous hats were great for adventurers.

Adjusting his ridiculous hat, Tarnish looked over at the tiny doll that represented his nemesis. He had severed the connection, but he had not destroyed the doll. It could be reconnected at any time. If she was to come around again, he would give her a bit more gentle discouragement until she got the message. If the situation escalated, well, he felt as though he was ready to resort to more drastic measures. He resolved to do no real harm though, he was better than her.

Tarnish did not know how to feel about having a nemesis. He supposed that it was a unicorn thing. He had never really been immersed into unicorn culture. He was the outsider. He thought about Cranberry and her comments about being a proper unicorn. He had never had a master, he had never been an apprentice, he had never taken part in the cultural norms of his tribe. He had just sort of muddled though, having never been welcomed or accepted.

He thought about the orb and Maledico, the centaur. He was little more than a ghost, a spectre, a leftover projection of somepony long dead. Tarnish realised that he had a master if he wanted one. Maledico had been good to ponies, he had raised them, acted as their parent, he had been kind, he had been a teacher. Tarnish began to understand that there was an opportunity here. The stranger wanted to take whatever secrets the orb had to offer, but Tarnish began to understand that those secrets could be his if he decided to ask for them. He looked at his bags and thought about the ball of roots that was within.

Tarnished Teapot might never make for a decent wizard, but might make for a terrific druid.

Tarnish was as close to a meditative state as he had ever been. He was calm, he was focused, and he could feel the strange magic flowing through him. The blue orb sat nearby, untouched, but ready if he needed it, and he instead focused upon the ball of roots, holding it up in front of his face, inches away from his snoot.

The troubles of the day eased from his mind and he found peace. He thought of his family, he thought of Maud, he thought of his mother, he thought of his friends. He even thought of Trixie. Thinking of these ponies gave him focus, it gave him determination and drive. The connection to the strange magic grew stronger.

A green shoot grew from the root ball and began to writhe as it grew towards the sun. The ball quivered, began to glow, and then, just as Tarnished opened up his eyes, more tender green shoots began to grow from it. It was a living thing that grew without soil.

Other than the green shoots, nothing else happened, but Tarnish was not the least bit disappointed. On the contrary, he smiled, satisfied that he had done as much as he did. He was making progress and soon, he would find a way to release the timber wolf trapped in the root ball.

“Hang on, Grrrr, I’ll figure out how to let you out soon enough, I promise…”

Author's Note

Foal steps...

Unexpected guest

The small impact crater now had a frame of stakes around it, all of them connected with twine. Maud moved around, taking measurements, and Tarnished watched her. The crater wasn’t very big, as far as craters went, and it had to be very, very old because of all of the growth that had overcome it. Everywhere that Maud moved, grasshoppers bounded away out of the grass, disturbed by her passing. Birds swooped down and snatched the grasshoppers—and so continued the circle of life.

“Must have been a tiny meteor,” Tarnish said as Maud put down another marker.

The mare paused in her work, looked around, her tail swished from side to side in a most fetching way, and then she shook her head. “No, Tarnish… this is just the center of the crater. Look around you.” Maud made a sweeping, all encompassing gesture with her hoof.

Tarnish looked around him, taking note of the rolling hills that surrounded him on all sides. He turned his head this way, then that way, then over there, then over yonder, and after taking in his surroundings, he realised that the rolling hills and ridges all around him, they were the outer banks of the impact crater. The ground itself had rippled like water in a pond, forming hills and valleys. He felt very small and insignificant as he took it all in. The destructive force was difficult to comprehend.

“Oh…” The word slipped out of Tarnish’s mouth like wind billowing through dry leaves.

“These soil samples will no doubt reveal iridium and other precious, rare metals.” Maud stopped for a moment, looked around, eyeing the hills, and then after a moment of taking in the sights, she focused her gaze upon Tarnish. “I could spend much of my life studying this place. The same could be said for other places. That’s the problem, Tarnish. My life is finite and there are so many interesting places I could be studying.” She made another sweeping gesture with her hoof. “Studying it will ultimately lead to its ruin though. If I send in these soil samples to learn their composition and precious rare metals such as iridium are found, various mining conglomerates will be tripping over one another to turn this place into a strip mine. Everything that makes this place wonderful will be ravaged in the name of profits and industry. I hate my job sometimes.”

Hearing Maud’s words, Tarnish opened his mouth, but no words came out. He realised that he didn’t know what to say. Back when Maud needed funding, he supposed that mining companies and the like offered funds to field scholars with the hopes of hitting the motherlode. It seemed that ponies never did anything out of the good of their heart. Well, most of them. There was always some ulterior motive.

He looked around him, taking in the trees, the green that covered everything, the rolling hills, the grasshoppers that scattered as Maud made her way through the tall grass. He imagined that it was gone, all gone, stripped away. The thought made him angry, real anger, the sort of hot, biting anger that got caught in one’s throat and made it difficult to breathe.

Whatever happened to the pony that had cried, “Nature sucks?” What had happened to the pony that had taken every opportunity to announce that he hated nature? Or that nature could go get horned? He was currently contemplating how precious nature was and how far he would go to defend it. Something had changed. He thought about the blue orb. The soothing, comforting, wonderful blue orb. The orb had answers, it had memories. The orb held the past, the present, and maybe the future. Without understanding how he knew, he knew that any futures presented were possible futures… possible outcomes. Statistical likelihoods. If you started rolling a ball downhill, it was reasonable to assume that the ball would continue to roll downhill. Nature operated in patterns. A series of events that played themselves out and concluded by an outcome determined by the events that had taken place.

Nature was paradoxical by nature. What fell, yet stayed where it was? A waterfall. A waterfall had a defined purpose with a predictable outcome. Water fell, rocks eroded, and it was safe to conclude that the water would keep falling. It was a pattern with a self predicting future, albeit, a simple one. With time and study, more complicated futures could be predicted from other series of events. It was the algebra of existence.

Snapping out of his reverie, Tarnish shook his head, wondering when he had learned all of the complicated thoughts rattling around inside of his head. The realisation boggled him. He blinked a few times, his brain buzzed like a beehive, and he had the peculiar sensation that his thoughts were not entirely his own. Once more, his thoughts turned to the blue orb. He had a teacher. Somepony he could potentially get answers from, but he would have to work for them.

Ignoring the orb, he pulled out the ball of roots instead. He levitated it up in front of his nose and peered at the curious living mass. Here was a riddle worth puzzling out. Perhaps he had gone about this the wrong way. He got comfortable, settling on his haunches, took a deep breath, and then, continuing to hold the root ball up to his muzzle, he began to breathe on it. When working with effigies, one had to breathe life into them and perhaps, this was no different. It didn’t hurt to try. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, what one of his books had called life giving air, that feeling of lightheadedness that happened when it was done right.

The magic around him was strong, chaotic, and gave Tarnish a peculiar sensation. He felt stronger here, more capable, and once more, his brain began to buzz with ideas in an almost overwhelming manner. As he breathed on the root ball, he was certain that something was breathing back. He could feel it tickling his nose. He didn’t have time to think about it however, as something had gripped his brain. He felt a strange tugging sensation just beneath his horn. Something was pulling at him. He did not feel panic, but relief. It felt right to let go, so he did. Letting go was easy, it was holding on that was hard.

Opening his eyes, he found himself in another place. He had been here before. He knew this place. And he knew the glowing white alicorn that shone like the sun approaching him. He had never met her before, not face to face, but he knew her. She was smiling and her eyes blazed with inner fire.

“It is not often I get visitors here,” Princess Celestia said as she looked down upon Tarnished Teapot. “Do you know where you are?”

“The astral realm?” Tarnish replied.

The smile on Celestia’s face vanished. “Correct. Hmm… I have sensed you here before, with another… now that I am close to you, I am certain of it… who were you with? He hides himself from me… he will not reveal himself.”

Clearing his throat, Tarnish summoned up his courage. “Perhaps he has his reasons.”

“You will not tell me?” Celestia lowered her head and peered at the little pony in front of her through narrowed eyes.

“Well, he has a reasonable right to privacy, right? I am certain that when he wishes to, he will reveal himself to you. If he hasn’t done so yet, he must have a reason.” Tarnish swallowed and he felt very small and tiny, almost as if he was a foal again.

“And you will not tell me.” Celestia’s eyes widened. “Very well. It seems that I shall have to have you brought before me and perhaps we can discuss this face to face.” The princess’ ears angled forwards over her eyes. “I have ways of making you talk, young Mister Teapot.”

“Are… are you… are you going to have me tortured or thrown in the dungeon?” Tarnish stammered.

“Stars no!” Celestia shook her head. “But I will feed you hot, buttery scones and tea with heavy cream. I would imagine that it will make your arteries harden at some point in the future. So… you might as well tell me what I wish to know, before I am forced to compromise your health, Mister Teapot.”

That wasn’t the response that Tarnish expected. He stood there, blinking, looking up at the blazing white alicorn of the sun. She was a very silly creature. If he tried to tell somepony about this, he was certain that nopony would believe him.

“I have felt a very strong presence. Something new and strange. Something old. Something has awakened, has it not?” Reaching out with her hoof, Celestia prodded Tarnish. “Surely you can tell me just a little… or else it will be the cream cheese tarts! No doubt, those will shave years off of your life, years that you will miss!”

“Huwha?” Tarnish huwhaed, as he stood there, confused and staring.

Reaching out with her wing, Celestia closed Tarnish’s mouth and gave him a gentle pat. “Very few ponies have the magic to come here. Tell me, my curious and steadfast little pony, how did you come to this place?”

“I was looking for my timber wolf,” Tarnish replied, “right now, he is trapped inside of a root ball and I am working on freeing him.”

Now it was Celestia’s turn to stand there, looking slackjawed. She stared at Tarnish, looking very confused. She blinked a few times, her ears rotated, and then began to gnaw upon her lip. After a moment of contemplation, she said, “Well, that might explain a few things.”

“Er, say what?” Tarnish, feeling a little self conscious, looked up at Celestia.

“I was assaulted by a great, blithering hairball a while back. He showed up in my sunflower fields. He’s all slobbery and rambunctious! I was quite annoyed with him, but I found that I just couldn’t send him away. He’s kind of precious.”

“Huwha?” Tarnish’s ability to understand what was going on bottomed out completely.

“Now that I think about it, I have some questions, Mister Teapot. Timber wolves are terrible, horrid creatures and none of them should have an astral counterpart, much less some great slobbery ear licking oaf… he’s a puppy, but that doesn’t excuse him! No respect at all!”

“Uh… I’m sorry?”

Celestia’s eyes narrowed and it seemed as though she was peering into Tarnish’s soul. “You should be…”

“Can you, uh, can you take me to him?” Tarnish gave Celestia a hopeful look.

“Well… I don’t know. You weren’t very forthcoming with helpful information.” Celestia stood there, body unmoving, but her mane and tail whipped about on volatile unseen currents. “You are a very peculiar little pony, Mister Teapot. You stink of strange magic. You just show up in the astral realms, unannounced and uninvited. You don’t even know how you got here. Some ponies spend their whole lives trying to come here and fail. It is a very difficult jump. You have to leap towards reality and miss, you see. You have some great and terrible beastie that projects itself from this realm into the physical world with the body of a timber wolf… and worst of all, Mister Teapot, you dare to keep secrets! It’s been driving me nuts trying to figure out who my unseen visitor is!”

“Does he feel evil?” Tarnish asked.

“No!” Celestia snapped in exasperation. “That’s part of what makes it so galling. I feel a strong sense of goodness coming off of him, but he refuses to reveal himself to me! It’s maddening!”

The little brown unicorn let heave a sigh of relief, which caused Celestia to glare at him. She stood there, tapping her hoof on a very solid sounding cloud, looking very cross. Tarnish gave her an apologetic glance and fidgeted like a lectured school colt.

“Maybe he is testing you, to determine your worth… he’s doing that to me,” Tarnish said in a low voice. “Which is why I am trying to find my timber wolf—”

“Testing me?” Celestia gave Tarnish an incredulous stare. “Testing… ME?”

“We all have something we could be learning,” Tarnish said in a helpful, but worried tone of voice as he backed away from the flustered looking immortal alicorn of the sun. She was glowing with severe annoyance and he didn’t want to get sunburned. He wasn’t sure that his thick chocolate pelt could save him from such incandescent radiance.

“I test others.” Celestia let out an incredulous snort while rolling her eyes.

“How’s that working out for ya?” Tarnish asked. When Celestia turned her fiery glare upon him, he knew he had gone just a little too far. He backed away, bowed his head, and tried to keep from grinning. No doubt, she had some pastries or dangerous foodstuffs that she hadn’t threatened him with just yet.

“You know, I think I can punish you best by giving you what you want… perhaps feeding you to the great, hairy lout will set you straight—”

“Huwha?”

“You keep saying that, my little pony.” Celestia’s eyes glittered with terrible mischief. “Come with me, into my private realm within this place. It is time for you to get what you deserve, Mister Teapot!”

Before he could protest, Tarnish felt a tugging sensation just beneath his horn once more, down inside of his brain. He had the terrible feeling that he was about to go and meet Grrrr face to face. The prospect was terrifying…

Author's Note

Next chapter... Grrr!

Convergence

The world was full of sunflowers. Massive, perfect sunflowers. Tarnish couldn’t tell where he was. There were no fluffy clouds underhoof, the things he had seen before in the astral realms weren’t visible now. There was a hedgerow, what appeared to be a tower in the distance, and an enormous field of sunflowers.

“What is this place?” Tarnish asked.

“A realm within a realm, held together with force of will, given life and purpose through clarity of mind,” Celestia replied.

Tarnish did not understand. This place was beautiful, perfect, there was even a sun shining overhead. There was a sweet scent in the air, the smell of sunflowers of course, but also something else. He thought of what Maledico had said and he looked over at Princess Celestia.

“You anchored your soul here, didn’t you?”

There was no reply from Celestia, not a verbal one anyway, but she did give him a piercing, peculiar stare that made him squirm and feel mighty uncomfortable. He felt as though he was a tiny colt in school again. As he stood watching, staring, Celestia drifted up from the ground, floating without flying, her wings were flared but in a relaxed position. She was staring back at him with a strange, curious intensity blazing in her eyes.

In the distance, there was a baying sound, a howl, and when she heard it, Celestia turned her head and said, “Uh oh…”

Something moved through the sunflowers. They parted like waves on an ocean and Tarnish felt a rising sense of panic that made it difficult to breathe. He could feel it—his pony senses were screaming—something large and predatory moved towards him.

Something terrible and primordial lept out of the sunflowers and Tarnish screamed. It was bigger than him by far, enormous, it even made Celestia look tiny and helpless. It moved with all of the speed and purpose of a steam locomotive, huffing and chuffing. It was almost translucent and appeared to be full of stars. It was the largest wolf that Tarnish had ever seen, and it was charging right for him.

It was on him in a second and instinct took over. Tarnish went limp, falling to the ground, curling up into a protective ball while a tongue the size of a coffee table licked him. He was drenched in seconds and then, horror of horrors, he felt the creature’s mouth all around him. Teeth as long as swords grazed against his flesh and Tarnish was certain that he was going to lose control over his bowels at any second.

“BAD PUPPY!”

Celestia’s voice rang out like a thundercrack.

“Put him down! Bad puppy! What did I tell you about putting ponies in your mouth?”

Tarnish hit the ground with a wet, sloppy, plop, the big slobbery creature let out a yelp and then fell over as if it had been poleaxed. Tarnish opened one eye and peered out, trying to see what was going on. The enormous wolf was lying on its back, its throat and belly exposed to Celestia, and she loomed over him, looking very cross. He heard a low rumbling growl and when he realised that it was coming from Celestia, he very nearly pissed himself as a new wave of fear crashed over him like a tsunami.

His emotions suffered a violent shift and he felt pity for the large, slobbery menace that had just tried to eat him. He opened his other eye watching as Celestia reached out with her hoof and she booped the large silvery purple-blue wolf on the nose. It cried out, gibbering, and then went very, very still.

“You will behave around my ponies, or I shall become irritated!”

Something about Celestia’s threat to become irritated was the most terrifying thing Tarnish had ever heard, it was a new level of terror that was far, far worse than everything he had just experienced. He felt like throwing up. As scary as the big wolf was, Celestia was an ancient eldritch horror just waiting to be unleashed. He turned away from her, she was blazing like the sun—looking at her burned his eyes and threatened to blind him.

And Grrrr appeared to be terrified of her as well. Through the blazing, eye burning brilliance that was Princess Celestia on the verge of becoming irritated, Tarnish tried to get a better look at the strange beast.

“What is he?” Tarnish asked.

“He is a canis minor,” Celestia replied.

Curiousity overcame Tarnish’s bowel clenching terror. “We have those in the physical world.”

“Yes we do. They are planeswalkers. Sometimes, they cross from one plane to another and nopony knows why.” Celestia’s manifested radiance cooled off a bit and she booped the cowering wolf cub on the nose once more, causing it to whimper and kick its legs. “I’m trying to teach this one manners. He’s far too rambunctious.”

“I feel bad for Grrrr—” Tarnish stopped mid-sentence as Celestia turned her almost irritated stare upon him. He turned away with a fresh new understanding of how worlds ended, how galaxies imploded, he saw the end of all things, and knew who could end them.

“It is a most peculiar happenstance that Grrrr, as you call him, projects his body into that of a timber wolf in the physical realm. You say that you have a root ball that becomes his constructed body?” Celestia’s voice was commanding, her authority absolute, and she stood ready to scold Grrrr again if he stepped out of line.

“I took control of a group of timber wolves that were menacing some ponies… I infected them with poison joke and cast a spell… I don’t understand how… it just happened… I was being influenced by somepony else’s memories at the time.” Tarnish swallowed and felt self conscious about his stammering. “Timber wolves used to be protectors, guardians. They were corrupted. Something infected them, poisoned the magic that animated them.”

Grrr rolled over to his belly and began crawling through the dirt to get closer to Tarnish and away from Celestia. His tail wagged and he tried to hold back his youthful exuberance. With each inch he crawled, he let out a whimper and his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth.

“You speak of things that happened thousands of years ago,” Celestia said, “things that happened before my time. Before I was even born. How do you know of such things, my peculiar little flower pony?”

A hot blush passed over Tarnish’s cheeks. He decided to answer her question with his own question. “What do you know of the druids?” As he spoke, he saw her eyes narrowing. Her mane and tail began whipping around again, as if agitated by some unseen force.

“I know that the druids are long gone, a forgotten order of ascetics who focused upon balance and keeping order. The natural order. They wielded dangerous magics that couldn’t be controlled… well, not really. Some of the minor spells, the chaos that sometimes sprang up could be dealt with.” Celestia took a deep breath and raised herself up to her full height. “I get the feeling that the druids are no longer extinct. You keep secrets, flower pony.”

Tarnish didn’t know what to say.

“Tell me, how did you come to be here?” Celestia asked. “So many unicorns try and fail. It is very, very difficult to jump to these realms.”

“Breathing,” Tarnish replied. “I was breathing. I was trying to breathe life into Grrrr’s root ball, I was treating it like an effigy. I didn’t know what I was doing and this happened by accident.”

“I see.” There was a hard flinty edge in Celestia’s voice. “Zebra magic. You will find many zebras in the astral realms. They come here often. For not having a horn, it seems many zebras are more adept at magic than many unicorns. They are courageous explorers, the zebras. Powerful mystics…” She blinked her eyes. “As for you, I am honestly surprised that one of my little unicorns would learn zebra magic.”

“I am not a very magical unicorn.” Tarnish looked up at Celestia, and then over at Grrrr, who drew nearer, moving at a slow crawl. “I wanted to learn how to heal and maybe make a few charms. It’s a practical matter. I live a very dangerous life.”

“You say that you are not very magical… as you are standing in the astral realm.” Celestia clucked her tongue and her wings flapped against her sides. She let out a sniff as her mane and tail seemed to calm down, returning to a more serene state. “You say that you are not very magical, but you are soul-bonded to a constellation creature. You make the claim that you are not very magical, but you stink of strange magic and ask questions about druids. Were you a colt again, a little adorable colt of the soft, fuzzy-wuzzy chocolate brown variety, I would have you brought to my school so I could straighten you out.”

“But I am dangerous!” Tarnish shook his head. He opened his mouth to say more, to talk about how his magic manifested even as a colt and screwed his life over. But he never got the chance.

“So am I.” There was no boasting in Celestia’s voice, no bravado, just a cool, calm statement of fact. “I understand the danger you represent. I’ve had my eye on you for some time. I’ve been watching you, Mister Teapot. That mirror of yours has marvellous magic. Even without the mirror though, I’ve watched you, waiting, hoping that you would grow. I watched you as you were banished from Ponyville. My heart ached for both you and my student, Twilight Sparkle. I knew what was influencing her, but I could not get involved. There was a lesson to be learned… a very important lesson for both of you. I watched you as you took your first few stumbling steps. I know about the manticore…”

Tarnish cringed and squeezed his eyes shut.

“I watched you as you faced adversity, as you grew… I watched as the most miraculous thing happened… you blossomed. You adapted, you learned, you survived, you faced hardship, you have endured bleak despair and have been made stronger for it. The flowers that bloom in the wilds are oftentimes far hardier than those that grow in the greenhouse.”

As Celestia spoke, Tarnish felt a lick from an enormous tongue. He pulled away and opened his eyes. Grrrr was beside him, his tail wagging, his eyes glittering with strange happiness. Tarnish pulled himself up into a sitting position, reached out a foreleg, and began rubbing Grrrr around his muzzle.

“Whomever our strange visitor is, I can feel him even now, he has made a fine choice for a student.” Celestia’s head turned and she gazed out upon the sea of sunflowers. “We live in strange times, Mister Teapot. There have been many awakenings and many things have returned from the past. Ancient evils… and primordial forces it seems. I have sensed things that have frightened me. Old enemies stir in the south, beyond my influence. It seems as though we are heading for a convergence.”

“I don’t understand,” Tarnish said as he continued to give Grrrr some affection.

“Imagine, if you will, two lines upon the ground that bend towards one another.” Celestia turned her patient gaze upon Tarnish. “You cannot see where the lines converge, as it is some distant point over the horizon, but make no mistake, the lines will cross.” The alicorn blinked. “I can see the lines, I can see the horizon, but I can’t see over it. I know the lines will cross… I can sense that the convergence will happen. All of these lines gather and lead us towards some point in the future. Old enemies awaken, old magic is returning… and it is returning, make no mistake. It seems old friends are returning as well.”

“Am I a part of this?” Tarnish asked.

“We are all a part of this,” Celestia replied. “Some of us more so than others.”

A frown crinkled Tarnish’s muzzle.

“A collection of heroes gathers. Some of them have discovered their purpose, others are still living humdrum lives and have not yet become aware of the potential they possess. Long ago, we had the founders of Equestria, they were heroes in their own way, but there were so many more, so many forgotten by history. They all had a part.” Celestia stood blinking, looking sad, and she shook her head. “Old dear friends, forgotten by history but not by me. I miss them and it hurts me so…”

Grrrr whined, rose, and loped over to where Celestia stood. He sat down beside her, his ears drooping, and he looked sad in a way that only dogs and wolves could. He let out a forlorn whine as Celestia continued.

“The threads of destiny weave a fantastic tapestry. We all have a part, Mister Teapot.”

Reaching up, Tarnish scratched his neck. He had met other heroes. “Say… do you know Cranberry?” He saw surprise in Celestia’s eyes and felt a strange sense of accomplishment.

“Ah, the lost wanderer. Her heart was broken. She will never know home nor hearth ever again.” Celestia inhaled and then let out a sorrowful sigh. “She has found some measure of happiness, but still, my heart grieves for her, as she will never know of home ever again.”

“And what of my tormentor?” Tarnish’s eyes narrowed as he spoke.

“Yes, I know of her,” Celestia replied, “but I do not know her. She shields herself from me. She is adept at hiding. I suspect that she will become quite a source of irritation and I feel that she and Twilight will cross paths at some point. The meeting is inevitable.”

“I don’t want to say she’s evil…” Tarnish’s words trailed off as he became thoughtful for a second, and then he continued, “But… she’s… pretty evil. She strikes me as being dangerous. She keeps offering to cure me. She says that you will never allow me to continue to exist as I become more dangerous.”

“Your continued existence depends more upon you and your levels of personal responsibility, rather than my whims.” Celestia’s voice was deep with concern. “It is my belief that my garden is made better with a little poison joke. That shade of blue is pleasing to the eye.”

Hearing these words made Tarnish feel better. He drew in a deep breath and then let it out in a huff. Grrrr had fallen over and was now rolling around on his back, whining for Celestia’s attention as she stared off into the sea of sunflowers.

“Evil…” The word spilled out of Celestia’s mouth. “Some might be evil… as for your tormentor, maybe… or it could be sorrow. Heartache. Melancholy. She might be suffering in some terrible way and not be able to express a need for help.”

“Or, you know, she might actually be evil.” A hard grittiness could be heard in Tarnish’s voice. He saw Celestia’s head turn and he could feel her piercing eyes upon him. His ears drooped and he felt ashamed as he turned his eyes away from her.

“Reckless hatred does not become you, Tarnished Teapot. Be wary of your emotions and be mindful of your feelings. I will not have you going astray or taking those first dangerous steps down a dark path that will lead to your ruination. Keep in mind what I said about personal responsibility. Should I sense that you’ve actually become a real danger, a meaningful threat, you can expect to be brought before me for a little face to face chat so I can help you sort out your priorities. You are far too dangerous to be allowed to wander into darkness.”

“I never meant… I… I didn’t mean… I…” Tarnish, tired of tripping over his own words, fell silent. He nodded, feeling ashamed.

“It is a dangerous and unpredictable path I am forced to tread,” Celestia said, making an admission. “I have to let my little ponies go into dangerous places. Dark places. I have to let bad things happen to them. They have to be tested, tried… their mettle must be tested. It means I have to let some of them go… the ones I trust. It means losing some of them. Some fall to the dangers of the world.” Celestia’s eyes filled with great sorrow. “Others fall into the darkness to become a part of it. Former friends become enemies. The risks I am forced to endure are many.”

“But you have to allow it to happen… because of this convergence that is coming?” Tarnish saw surprise in Celestia’s eyes.

“Yes, my little pony.” The alicorn nodded and her ears pivoted forwards.

“I would go into darkness for you,” Tarnish offered, trying to rid himself of his shame. “Whatever is coming, I’ll help fight it.”

“We shall talk about this later, at another time.” Celestia let out a sigh, a sorrowful sound.

“You look sad.” Tarnish suffered a moment of terrible insight. “That’s why you watch from a distance, isn’t it? You don’t want to get involved… those friends you’ve lost… you don’t want to be hurt again. And getting to know me… I’m gonna grow old or something bad will happen to me and…” His words faded into nothingness and he watched as Celestia nodded.

“You and Cranberry should talk.” Tarnish stood there, feeling useless.

A sad smile spread over Celestia’s muzzle. “Perhaps we shall. As for you, Mister Teapot, you should return to your lovely wife. Several minutes have passed in the physical world. You haven’t moved nor spoken and you may have become a cause of concern.”

Tarnish nodded.

“When you call Grrrr, reach out to this place. He will answer. If you are troubled, come here. Just close your eyes and think of sunflowers.” Celestia paused. “And one last thing…”

“And that is?” Tarnish asked.

“Try to get your teacher to reveal himself,” Celestia replied. “Fare thee well, Mister Teapot!”

“Goodbye!” As he spoke, the world around him shifted and he felt a tugging just beneath his horn, down inside of his brain. He felt himself being pulled elsewhere. It was like falling, or being born. The sensation wasn’t unpleasant. He endured it, knowing that Maud waited for him on the other side.

Author's Note

I am having severe internet problems. I hope this makes it.

A need to go deeper...

As Tarnish returned to his body, he felt somepony breathing on him. He forced his eyes open, they felt a little dry and sticky. His vision was blurry and he blinked several times to restore his sight. He felt a soft touch and he could smell Maud, a distinct smell that he would never fail to recognise.

“Are you alright?”

For a strange moment, Tarnish was almost certain he could hear the concern in Maud’s voice. He dismissed it as his imagination—Maud’s blank slate allowed him to see and hear what he wanted to see and hear—and he focused upon her face as his senses returned to his body.

“I’m fine, I uh, just did a little magic, that’s all.” Tarnish gave Maud a reassuring smile and discovered that his face was still waking up.

“You were mumbling.” After a pause, “I put that root ball in your saddlebags.”

When Maud spoke, he could feel her breath upon his sensitive snoot. It gave him chills and filled him with a strong sense of desire to have her so close. Tarnish felt the sensation pouring back into his legs like water sloshing into a cup.

“I saw Princess Celestia,” Tarnish admitted. “I, uh, well, I accidentally jumped to the astral plane and we had a conversation.”

“Unicorns.” Maud let out a snort and her ears angled forwards over her eyes. “You went still as a statue and sat here mumbling. You’ve been doing this a lot lately. It worries me, Tarnish.”

“Sorry.”

“You become lifeless when you go off. I’ve been poking you for a good five minutes.”

“Sorry…” Tarnish realised that he had to make it up to her somehow. Sitting on his haunches, he lurched forwards, wrapped his forelegs around Maud’s neck, and pressed his still somewhat numb lips against hers. He felt her stand there, stiff and unresponsive, and then after a few seconds, she reacted.

She leaned in, warm and willing, and Tarnish gave her a soft, loving lip nibble as the sensitive pad of his snoot provided wonderful friction that gave him chills. He felt her foreleg wrap around his neck, her touch was both strong and gentle, forceful but kind, and he gave her the sort of reassurance that she was seeking.

He allowed himself to fall over backwards into the tall grass, which sent grasshoppers bounding away, and broke their embrace. He tugged on Maud, pulling her over him, and he lay beneath her in her shadow. He found her lips again, restoring their connection, and he could feel strands of her mane spilling down upon his face, tickling him.

When he was breathless and certain that his lungs would burst, Maud pulled away. She stood over him, looking down, her eyes half open and somewhat sleepy looking. As Tarnish lay in the grass, almost panting, Maud sat down on his barrel, straddling him. She balanced herself with ease, drew in a deep breath, and then let it all out as a contented sigh.

Her weight was reassuring, indeed, something about her bulk was necessary right now, life had weight, it was solid, and with form. After drifting, Tarnish found that he needed something sensate. Reaching up with his forelegs, he wrapped them around her middle and gave a needy tug against her hips. She wobbled, almost off balance, and he could feel the tautness of her muscles as she righted herself. He could feel the heat of her body, the inviting warmth that existed between her hind legs, he felt it against his barrel and it filled him with a sense of longing, a sense of desire. But it wasn’t too urgent of a need, and so he lay in the grass, enjoying the moment, allowing it to happen.

A lone bit of dandelion fluff, which had gone a wandering on the breeze, came to rest upon the fuzzy tip of Maud’s ear. It hung there for but a moment, somehow enhancing Maud’s statuesque beauty, and seeing it caused Tarnish’s heart to skip a beat. With but a twitch of her ear, Maud sent it on its way, returning it to its journey, a dandelion seeking one last cycle of growth before autumn became winter. Tarnish’s eyes wandered away from Maud and he watched as the bit of dandelion fluff departed.

Reaching down with her hoof, Maud began to trace slow, lazy circles against the base of Tarnish’s throat, her hoof sliding against the scruffy whorl where the different grains of Tarnish’s pelt all converged. She ran her hoof over his pronounced scruffle, parting it, shifting it from side to side, and there was a faint sound as the thick, coarse hairs rubbed together.

“I like where we’re at,” Maud said.

Ears perking, not understand, Tarnish replied, “I don’t follow.”

“This stage of our relationship.” Maud looked down and continued to caress Tarnish’s scruffle. “We’re still hot and bothered for one another, that much is obvious, but we can have moments like this one where we just enjoy one another’s company without the frantic urge to rut one another silly.” Maud paused, blinked, and her ears pivoted around as she listened to the world around her. “The urge is there, I know I’m feeling it, but this is so nice that I don’t feel the need to rush anything.” When Maud shifted her body, there was the faint rustle of fabric as it rubbed against Tarnish’s pelt.

The previously dry heat of Maud’s nethers as she sat on his barrel was now a moist, humid heat. Tarnish found himself sniffing, an involuntary action. He could smell salty sweat, hot pony smell, and something else… something that tickled his nose and filled him with a sense of longing for Maud, a needful desire.

“I’m all hot and sweaty,” Maud deadpanned. “How about a bath? Someplace shady though, the sun feels a bit too hot today. I’m feeling it right through my smock.”

“That sounds fantastic,” Tarnish replied. “I’ll wash your back—”

“With your belly?” Maud’s eyes narrowed just a tiny bit and her nostrils flared.

Beneath her, Tarnish could feel her legs squeezing his ribcage. It made it difficult to breathe, but breathe he did. He sucked in a deep breath, looked Maud in the eye, and nodded.

Some urges could not be ignored nor delayed.

The late afternoon sun pierced the trees in brilliant shafts of golden light. There was a breeze, a brisk breeze, and it carried the scent of distant rain. On the eastern horizon, grey clouds gathered, pregnant with rain. The labourious morning had given away to a somewhat lazy afternoon, with both Tarnish and Maud lounging about after a pleasant bath.

His pelt darkened and still damp, Tarnish sat on a sun warmed rock, allowing himself to dry. Maud was just a few yards away, also sitting on a broad, flat rock, but she sat in the shade of a leaning elm that had grown at an angle from the jagged banks of the river. Her smock, still sopping wet, was laid out on a stone not far from her, drying in the sun after having been laundered in the river.

“Tarnish…”

He turned his head when he heard Maud’s voice and paid attention.

“Tarnish, I am starting to think that I might be a superstitious earth pony after all.”

“Maud?” His brows furrowed and he waited for Maud to explain herself.

“The orb… your little excursions… you’ve been doing unicorn stuff… stuff that is very important to you… and I’ve been a little uncomfortable with that. I think I’ve made a mistake, Tarnish. It feels as though I have. I feel as though I’ve done something wrong. I’ve been irritated and a little paranoid about it. I’m not sure, but I think I might have a few earth pony prejudices lurking about.”

He didn’t know what to say, he could not think of how to respond, so he remained silent.

“I want you to develop as a unicorn… I want you to feel a connection to your tribe.” Maud blinked a few times. “At least, I told myself that. Now that you are doing it, I find myself being overly concerned and suspicious. As it turns out, I’m a lot like everypony else when it comes to being skittish about things I don’t understand.”

“That strikes me as being normal, Maud.”

When Maud did not respond, when the silence became somewhat unbearable, Tarnish turned his head and looked down into the river. He could see fish swimming beneath a partially submerged log. Little bugs skated over the surface of a somewhat smooth pool of water that had formed in a basin of rocks. He didn’t know what to say.

“I had always thought of myself as being rational and therefore above the superstitious and foolish attitudes of my kind,” Maud admitted in a flat voice. “I must confess, there was a bit of snobbery there. I saw myself as being a better pony for having put my superstitions and unreasonable fears behind me. Now that I am experiencing it, I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“A lot of things happen that we don’t expect.” Tarnish looked up at the sky for a moment, watching the clouds stream past overhead. They had picked up speed and some of them were grey, rather than fluffy white. He looked over at Maud. “You never expected to fall in love. I never expected to learn magic in any serious degree.” Now thoughtful, he chewed his lip for a time before saying, “And little foals still scare me, but I am warming up to the idea that I’m going to be a father someday. Things change, Maud. Even the rocks change, if you leave them in the river long enough, or expose them to life and the world at large.”

A strong gust blew, causing the river to ripple. Little eddies formed along the surface. The trees rustled and bowed as the strong wind asserted its dominance. Leaves tore free from branches and took off on wild journeys, borne by the wind. With the strong wind came a chill that pierced through Tarnish’s damp pelt and made him shiver even as the sun continued to bake him.

The idea of becoming a father still scared him, but he was content to practice foal creation for now. Practice, practice made perfect, and one day, he would have perfect foals. The hazy thoughts inside of his head made him smile, a lazy, languid smile. A post-coital lazy, languid smile. Looking at Maud, he wondered if a bit more practice was in order. He wondered what she was thinking, what was going through her head right now. She was having one of her moments when she struggled with being a pony like everypony else.

His thoughts took a physical turn; he thought of Maud’s body against his, her muscles rippling, the sound of her breathing, the sensation of their pelts rubbing together. All of the sensations associated with being inside of her, touching her in her most vulnerable place, the overpowering need to be further in, the puzzling feeling of mere penetration not being enough, but the desire to drive himself deeper inside, until they were of one body. There was a sense of frustration present, a strange frustration, the feeling of being denied. No matter how he tried, he could not merge with her, her could not become one, but the desire, the need, the consuming compulsion persisted.

Some said that the eyes were the window to the soul, and while there was some truth to this, the body had other organs with connections to the soul. Tarnish felt it the most when he was hilted as deep as he could go and the need to go deeper still manifested as a strong urge. Being male, it was as if he had a battering ram, something that could almost, but not quite, allow him to sunder the veil of flesh that kept him from what he desired. Physical relief was not enough, he desired something greater, but could not express what it was or put the concept into words. It was a vague, nebulous thing, like most other spiritual or religious concepts.

Tarnish was not a religious pony—some ponies were, there could be no doubting this, ponies had all manner of superstitions, beliefs, and practices—but he was at his most spiritual when he thought about his connection to Maud. Or when he was connected to Maud, huffing and puffing against her while wrestling with his need to go ever deeper, to perhaps become a part of her, to merge with her.

“Tarnish.”

Jolted from his thoughts, he blinked a few times, looked around, and then stared at Maud, feeling a bit confused and disoriented. Her ears were splayed out sideways and she looked flustered.

“For the past five minutes, you’ve been staring at me and breathing hard. Are you okay?” It was almost impossible to tell for sure, but it appeared as though her cheeks darkened. “Somepony is happy to see me.” She made a gesture with her hoof in Tarnish’s general direction.

Looking down, Tarnish saw something staring up at him. He let out a surprised “Hmm.” He must have been really zoned out to not have noticed how aroused he was. He looked up from his turgid length, tilted his head off to one side, and said, “I’m coming over there to put this inside of you, if you don’t mind.”

“By all means,” Maud replied, “be my guest. You wouldn’t want to get that sunburned.”

Author's Note

Innuendo!

Pucker factor

The morning sky was cold and grey. The rain came down in a constant never ending drizzle, the sort of steady downpour that was more annoying than anything else. A wet wind blew, causing the fire to flicker and the coals glowed cherry red when a strong gust manifested. With this sort of weather, most ponies would be miserable.

Tarnished Teapot and Maud Persephone Pie were not most ponies.

Both sat under the makeshift awning that Tarnish had constructed, having just finished breakfast, and both were still drinking tea. There was no need to hurry, not this morning. There was no need to hurry at all. With the drizzle, there was no rush to get anything done.

“You know, Maud… I think I’ve spotted a problem with pony society as a whole,” Tarnish said in conversational tones as he topped off his teacup. He set down the teapot, looked out to the rain-drenched landscape, and sighed.

“And that is?” Maud held her teacup between her hooves, inhaling the steam that curled up from it.

“Last night, before bed, I was reading one of my books about alchemy and charms. One of the ingredients was minotaur horn. I was kinda horrified. I don’t know how I feel about treating other creatures as ingredients.”

“Surely it is possible to get minotaur horn without hurting or harming a minotaur.” Maud blinked once, then blinked again, and then looked over at Tarnish, who was staring off into the distance. “I’ll admit though, looking at another creature and seeing useful ingredients is pretty bad.”

“It isn’t just minotaurs. Dragon scales, dragon eggs, dragon organs, dragonhide, all of these things are common ingredients and are considered useful. In fact, most unicorn spellbooks are made from dragonhide. Something to do with the magic… I don’t know. I don’t have a spellbook. I don’t know enough magic to have a spellbook of infinite power that must be bound in dragonhide.”

“This really bothers you.” Maud inhaled, drawing the fragrant steam into her lungs.

“It does… the price of power seems to be the exploitation of others, be it in magic or alchemy. I don’t like how my book just casually mentions, ‘hey, you’ll need a minotaur horn’ or ‘hey, for this application, you’ll need powdered dragon eggshell,’ or ‘to make a universal antidote that will save a pony from any sort of poison, you need the offal of a dragon, in specific the liver, the spleen, and the incendiary glands.’ The book bothered me. It’s horrific.”

Maud took a sip of tea, but said nothing as Tarnish fumed.

“It’s like the lives of ponies and our needs are worth harvesting others and exploiting them. I don’t mind harvesting plants… that’s different… at least, I think it is. I dunno. I don’t think the plants are thinking, feeling creatures. At least, I hope they’re not. But to so casually list ingredients harvested from other creatures that can talk… I don’t know how I feel about it.”

Shaking his head, Tarnish let out a sigh and then fell silent.

Using his telekinesis, he dumped a little more sugar into his tea, stirred it with a small silver spoon, and there was a clatter of metal when he set the spoon down upon the rock beside the fire that served as a table. His blue eyes flashed with anger for a moment, and then his hard, flinty stare softened a little.

“I think I’ve found a reason to help me understand why you like rocks so much,” Tarnish said as he stared into the depths of his teacup, his eyes intense and flashing, and he stared as though he was perhaps looking for some deeper meaning which could only be found in the opaque liquid.

“I think that The Scariest Cave in Equestria might be a lava tube.” Maud made an abrupt subject change the only way she knew how. “At some point, this whole place was a series of lakes. The rivers all drain here and the water collected down the valleys formed by the impact ripples from that meteor.” Maud pointed with her hoof in the general direction of the cave. “The running water ran down into the lava tube I think, and over time, it eroded the rock away, expanding the tube, widening it, making it larger, and forming a natural drain for the lakes. Now, the river runs through the lowest part of the valley floor, into the cave, and out the other side. With each passing century, the cave gets a little bigger and more erosion happens.”

Distracted from his thoughts, Tarnish looked up from his tea, thought about everything that Maud had said, and then nodded as he considered her words. What she had said made sense.

“Many years ago, perhaps thousands of years ago, the other side of The Scariest Cave in Equestria was probably a natural spring that trickled out of the rock. Over time, that trickle became a steady flow, and eventually a torrent. With the passing of time, that tiny little trickle that made its way through the rocks became the river that we see now.”

“And so, what you are saying is, change happens over time, and one little trickle can make a difference.” Tarnish smiled, his anger vanishing, and he gave the mare sitting close to him a loving, warm glance.

“Something like that.” Maud batted her eyelashes at her husband and something about her muzzle almost resembled a smile, if one was an imaginative sort. There was something in her eyes, some almost imperceptible glimmer, and as she looked at her husband, it intensified, becoming almost noticeable by the common mortal and ponies other than Pinkie Pie.

Change did happen over time, and Maud had changed.

The other end of The Scariest Cave in Equestria didn’t look very inviting either. With the sun obscured by heavy clouds, very little light shone into the yawning opening. The river was running fast today, the water whipped up into whitecaps as it spilled over rocks. A fetid breeze spilled out of the cave, the air current moving along with the flow of the river. It stunk of rotting vegetation… and worse.

The stench of rotting meat lingered in the breeze that blew over Maud and Tarnish’s faces. Water streamed down the brims of both Maud and Tarnish’s pith helmets. From deep within the cave, there was a roar, following by a yelping sound, both of which echoed from out of the entrance.

“Smells a bit like manticore breath,” Tarnish muttered as he sniffed. It was a smell that he was a bit too familiar with and it made him uncomfortable as the stench violated his nostrils.

The water going into the cave on the other end was clean, the water coming out was less so. Ribbons of slime oozed through the many currents, clumps of algae, and the shore of the river was littered with bones of all kinds.

Including, much to Tarnish’s concern, a pony skull. He stood, staring at it after he had noticed it, wondering what he should do with it. There were other skulls here as well, plus leg bones, ribs, and assorted pelvises.

“Look.” Maud pointed with her hoof.

Turning his head, Tarnish saw what Maud saw. A needler cactus. It was a good distance away, its needles glistening with venomous sap. Anything coming out of the cave might be confused and disoriented from the light, which meant that it might stumble right into the needler cactus’ deadly radius. It grew in the loose, pebble and bone strewn sand along the bank of the river. There were mesquite trees here too.

“Maud, watch out for those mesquite trees… those thorns are poisonous and if one gets into your frog, it’ll be a long trip to Baltimare.” Tarnish took in his surroundings, noticing some stranglesnatch and another needler cactus a bit further down the river. “Hey, Maud, have you noticed just how much it is like a desert here on the other side? Look around. Sand everywhere and even with the river, all of the vegetation is of a dry sort. I don’t think the water is very good.”

“I think you might be right. The water coming out of the cave might be alkaline or even toxic.” Maud stood in the rain, looking at all of the vegetation around her that was no doubt thankful for the water falling from the sky. “There is very little topsoil here. Almost everything is sand and gravel.”

“There’s soil up there,” Tarnish said, pointing over to a ridge.

“There is.” Maud looked over to where Tarnish had pointed. There was topsoil higher up, away from the river. “Tarnish, where we’re standing, I think the river floods its bed sometimes. Perhaps something in the water is dissolving the topsoil and leaving behind dead earth.”

“Yeah.” Tarnish nodded. “All I see is dead ground. It’s like a desert down here, but there is plenty of green stuff all around us and I can see black dirt around those exposed roots on that tree sticking out of the ridge over there.” When Tarnish moved, tiny bones, gravel, and sand crunched underhoof. He was mindful where he stepped and how he stepped, not wanting to get a sliver of bone or something just as nasty in his frog.

He moved closer to the cave entrance and thought of the ghastlies he had encountered, which made him shudder. Something in the shadows squished, there was a gurgle, and then a rude slurping sound. Tarnish froze in place, his ears straining. There was another gurgle, a slurp, and then a sizzling sound, like eggs frying in a pan with a bit of butter.

“Tarnish, move!”

Even as Maud spoke, Tarnish’s reflexes had already kicked in. He pronked, his long legs acting like springs, and he flew backwards. Right where he had been standing, a gelatinous blob of acid sizzled on the ground, dissolving the larger rocks and making them crumble, turning them into pebbles and sand.

He pulled his shield off of his back and held it up in front of him as Maud backed away, both of them mindful of the needler cacti in the area. Squinting into the darkness, he tried to see what was attacking them.

A long tentacle shot out of the cave entrance, it was a disturbing, oily looking purple green colour, covered in suckers, and it dribbled sizzling acid. It was as big around as Tarnish’s barrel. It whipped towards him, flinging droplets of acid. He raised his shield, which was struck by the droplets, and he could hear a horrible crackle. A bit of scrub grass was also hit by the acidic goo and it began dissolving.

As the first tentacle thrashed about, a second tentacle joined it. A deep, resonant flatulating sound could be heard within the cave. Something large and ominous lurked in the shadows of the entrance. Tarnish could see it, it resembled a large slug with two massive tentacles that sprouted from either side of it’s hideous, scolex-like maw. Acidic ooze dribbled from its wrinkled, raisin-like skin. Clots of goo that resembled large cheese curds plopped out of its flaccid, flabby folds as it writhed over the ground, emerging from the cave.

The cheese curd looking things wriggled and writhed on the ground, they were living things, parasites, and they flopped around, looking for another moist crack to settle in. The air was filled with a foul stench that reeked of vinegar and worse.

Tarnish and Maud, both seasoned adventurers, beat a hasty retreat and got out of there as quick as they could, mindful of the other dangers around them. Whatever the horrid, tentacled cave slug thing was, they wanted no part of it.

“Well, that was exciting,” Tarnish said as he glanced over at Maud. “I don’t think my asshole will be unclenching for the rest of the day.” He laughed at his own joke and gave his tail a shake to dislodge some water.

“The pucker factor was high.” Maud moved with swift-hoofed ease over the stony ground. “Your shield looks okay. It doesn’t seem to be damaged by the acid. Did you get any on you?”

“I think a few drops landed on my helmet.” Tarnish watched where he put his hooves as he scrambled over the stony ground. “I could hear the sound it made. I don’t think any got on my skin, I think I would have felt it if it did.”

“That thing was ugly,” Maud said in a very matter-of-fact sort of way.

“Maud…”

“Yes?”

“About that pucker factor…”

“What about it?”

“I bet there are some parts of you that are nice and tight right about now.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Tarnish. It would hurt you. All entry would be denied.”

As he trotted along, Tarnish let out a chuckle, he was in a great mood and quite happy to be alive at this point. He didn’t care that he was soaked to the bone, he didn’t care that it was raining, none of those things mattered. He was alive and able to fantasise about the snugness of Maud’s nethers, which was a wonderful, life affirming sort of thing to do after being attacked by a tentacled cave slug covered in mucus blob parasites that looked like pale yellow cheese curds.

Both ponies crested the ridge and saw their camp ahead of them, on the next ridge over. Both ponies came to a halt, their hooves stomping and squishing into the muddy earth. Even from here, it was easy to see that there were ponies, other ponies, resting under the awning. Tarnish squinted, trying to see, and he saw one grey pony and one white pony… a white pony with a shocking electric blue mane.

“Is that…?”

“I think it is,” Maud replied.

“I wonder how they found us…” Tarnish stopped squinting, turned his head, and looked at Maud, who stood beside him, drenched, and dripping.

Maud glanced at her husband. “We should go over there and find out.”

Author's Note

Wait for it...

Let's make this a foursome

Astonished, Tarnished Teapot stared at both Octavia and Vinyl, his eyes wide, and a wide grin on his muzzle. He stood at the edge of the makeshift awning that he had placed over the camp, not knowing what to say. Octavia was drinking tea and Vinyl was cooking lunch.

“What are you two doing here?” Tarnished asked. “How did you find us?”

Without looking up from her teacup, Octavia replied, “Helianthus made the suggestion that you two could use a little help. As for finding your location, Vinyl has some location spell on the book she gave to Tarnish.”

Looking up from the fire, Vinyl grinned.

“Don’t be mad at Vinyl”—There was a moment’s pause—“it was my idea,” Octavia confessed. She let out a sniff and her eyes lingered on both Tarnish and Maud. “If something were to happen to you, I wanted a way to find you. You have enemies, Mister Teapot.”

“I suppose I do.” Tarnish thought about his tormentor and knew that there were others.

“Helianthus says that what you are doing here is very, very important. She gave me a rundown and a list of mission specifics. I am here to offer my considerable intellect and Vinyl was tasked with your protection, should outside parties try to interfere—”

“Outside parties?” Maud took a step forwards. “What do you mean, outside parties?”

“Helianthus has some concerns that outside parties may show up and attempt to coerce or otherwise threaten Tarnish into falling into line with their agenda…” Octavia trailed off, a single wrinkle appearing upon her brow, and her eyes glittered in a most dangerous manner. “Vinyl was given free reign to do anything necessary, short of killing. We’re not butchers, but we are not above turning interlopers into mentally handicapped squirrels, are we Vinyl?”

The albino mare grinned and stirred the contents of the skillet.

Letting out a soft sigh, Maud sat down beside the fire, sighed again, and then, turning her head, she looked over at Octavia while Tarnish moved to also sit beside the fire. Maud took a deep breath while still looking at Octavia, and she held out her hoof as a gesture that she had something to say.

“I’m glad you’re here. We could use some help. There is a lot to do here.” Maud paused, drawing in another breath, then continued, “Truth be told, I am relieved to have you here.”

“This is important work.” Octavia pursed her lips as she glanced at Maud. “We are proud to be a part of it. We might have a few more society members dropping by to check up on us.”

Tarnish, who sat dripping by the fire, leaned over and sniffed at what Vinyl was cooking. He didn’t recognise it. It was bright orange and the scent burned his nose while making his eyes water. He dripped on Vinyl, who paused and looked annoyed. She reached out with her hoof, gave Tarnish a gentle shove to push him away, and then let out a huff. Not one to give up, Tarnish leaned back over, and tried to see what was cooking in his cast iron skillet.

Vinyl’s ears stood up when another drop of cold water dripped on her fine white pelt. Her head turned with a measured slowness and she focused her baleful stare on Tarnish. Her horn flared, sending out rays of dazzling brilliance, which caused Tarnish to flinch. He shied away, fearing reprisal, but then was surprised by the fact that he was now dry. There was a chuckle from Octavia and Maud patted herself, as she was now dry as well.

“Whatcha cookin’?” Tarnished asked.

“She’s fixing curry,” Octavia replied. “It shan’t be her best effort, she’s using dehydrated vegetables, but it should still be quite good. She might have gone a little crazy with the curry powder.”

“Smells spicy.” Tarnish, now drip free, leaned over a little more. He sniffed and felt his salivary glands squirting, flooding his mouth. He paused, aware that Vinyl was still staring at him. He leaned back, giving her the space she needed, and gave her a hopeful smile. “What would it take to get some cooking lessons?”

Vinyl paused, shrugged, and returned her attention to the curry.

“You know, I really am happy you two showed up. Spending time with my husband out here is nice, but having friends around…” Maud looked over at Vinyl, then back at Octavia. “I don’t know what to say. I am at a loss for words.”

“It’s difficult… when you feel like it is just you against the world. But then to find your soulmate and fall in love…” Octavia sighed. “And then it is just the two of you against the world and that’s pretty nice after being alone. Life is swimmingly good at that point and you feel content—”

Vinyl sprinkled some fine red dust into the curry.

“—and perhaps you tell yourself that it will never get better than this. And you are okay with that. It’s just you and your special somepony.” Octavia took a sip of tea, blinked a few times, and then looked Maud in the eye. “And then you meet the ponies that you just know are going to be your very best friends.”

As she stirred, Vinyl’s head bobbed.

“We have lots of acquaintances in the Stiff Upper Lip Society. We have like minded associates. And I suppose we are something like friends with Helianthus.” Octavia paused and shook her head. “But she can be distant sometimes, and hard to reach. She vanishes and isn’t seen or heard from for quite some time. She can also be quite demanding, she can.”

“My sister Pinkie…” Maud turned away from Octavia and looked down into the skillet. “She tried to share her friends with me. They’re nice enough, but things didn’t go as well as Pinkie had hoped.” Maud looked up from the food and let out a sigh. “Twilight and I have become close, I suppose. I trust her to do the right thing. She helped Tarnish and dealt with him fairly. She made amends.”

“When I was young, everything was so much simpler.” Octavia’s barrel expanded and contracted as she sighed, and her nostrils flared as her ears pivoted forwards. “You could just be friends and never have to worry about the complications.”

Maud shrugged. “When I was young, I didn’t have friends. Just my sisters. It’s always been complicated for me.”

“You poor dear.” Octavia’s words were warm, sincere, and genuine.

“I had trouble making friends when I was little, but I know why now. Doesn’t make it any easier to accept though.” Tarnish looked at each of the mares around him, his eyes going to each one in turn. “But as a foal, being friends does seem so much simpler for most. You just decide to play together.”

“As an adult, there are so many complications.” Octavia’s ears splayed out sideways. “Do they want to be my friend to take advantage of me? Is there something they want from me? Can I trust them? And then the issue of gender… oh my.” Octavia’s ears stood back up and then she slurped some tea from her cup. She swallowed it with a loud gulp and continued, “Oh, those halcyon days of foalhood… skipping rope and playground rhymes.”

“Worrying about cooties.” Tarnish grinned.

“I’ll hold you down and give you cooties.” Maud leveled her stony stare upon Tarnish.

“Maud, we have guests.” As Tarnish spoke, Octavia giggled.

“We’ll all give you cooties,” Maud deadpanned.

“Hey, this isn’t fair… three against one!” Tarnish drew back in mock-alarm.

As he did so, Vinyl pulled the lid off of a pan, revealing pale yellow rice that appeared to be cooked to perfection. She sniffed, nodded her head, and pulled the pan away from the hot flat rock it had been sitting on so the rice wouldn’t overcook. The scent of cilantro filled the air.

Octavia looked on in approval as Vinyl fluffed the rice with a fork. “Oh my, I do believe that lunch is about to be served.”

The first rays of sunshine pierced the dull grey clouds and produced a dazzling lightshow. Water dripped from the nearby trees and the soaked grass glittered as though it had been sprinkled with diamonds. With the sun came warmth, which drove away the lingering chill in the air.

Tarnish watched as Vinyl and Octavia sorted through the gear they had brought with them to the camp. They had brought everything in on their backs and hadn’t used a wagon. Vinyl brought photography equipment and seeing it made him think of Vinyl’s spectacular tits.

Her boobies weren’t bad either.

It seemed that Octavia was the packhorse between the two of them, which made sense, but it was one of those things that it was uncomfortable to talk about. Earth ponies, because of their strength, endurance, and stamina, could just carry more—in much the same way that Maud was the designated wagon puller—but if one spoke about it the wrong way, one might be accused of tribalism.

Without being able to say why, Tarnish felt uncomfortable and a bit out of sorts with the three mares in the camp. The awareness lingered in his mind, but he couldn’t put his hoof on why, he could only recognise that something was amiss. There was the feeling that he had to be on his best behaviour and it came with some strange tension.

Octavia and Maud were standing together, watching as Vinyl stowed some gear, stacking it near the wagon. Tarnish, who stood watching off by himself, became aware that it was gender that was causing the friction—but with awareness came reassurance—and he knew that it wasn’t all that different than being around the Pie sisters. Or maybe it was a little different, it was hard to say. There was a different level of familiarity here. He thought about the 202 book in the wagon and tried to remember if he had stowed it away for safekeeping. That could be a source for awkward conversations.

“You brought a phonograph?” Maud asked.

“You have to spend some time cranking it, but it is perfectly serviceable for music,” Octavia replied. “It doesn’t use records though, it is a peculiar design that uses cylinders. Far better suited for travel and the cylinders are quite durable.”

Vinyl nodded as she worked.

“Vinyl has an idea to replace both records and cylinders. She’s been experimenting with magnetic tape as a storage medium. If she is successful, and I do believe that she will be, she’ll make us a bloody fortune. We’ll never want for bits again.” Octavia’s brow creased. “She just needs to be a little more confident and believe in her own abilities.”

As Octavia spoke, Vinyl’s barrel expanded as she took a deep breath.

“My unicorn suffers moments of self doubt as well,” Maud remarked in a flat voice as she leaned in a little closer to Octavia. “I think it is a common fault in the basic unicorn design.”

“Hey!” Tarnish felt his ears grow warm and Octavia’s musical laughter filled his ears.

“I am seldom disappointed by my unicorn.” Octavia glanced over at Vinyl and a fond smile spread over her muzzle. “Look at her… she’s perfect.”

“She’s not bad.” Maud looked at Vinyl for a moment and then her head turned to look at Tarnish. “I’m fond of the chocolate brown model. They’re easy on the eyes.”

Overhead, more feral clouds broke up, becoming fluffy white wisps borne away on the stiff breeze. Nature made a valiant attempt to drive away the morning cold, and the temperature soared, along with the humidity. The air was becoming muggy, sticky, and thick.

There was still work to be done this afternoon, though Tarnish wanted nothing more than to while away the rest of the day with his friends. Having them both around would help to ease the long hours though, of that he was certain.

“So, Maud, what were we going to accomplish this afternoon?” Tarnish asked.

“We need to finish surveying the crater,” Maud replied.

“Crater?” Octavia arched one eyebrow.

Maud nodded. “You’re standing on one of the ripples caused by the impact.”

“Oh my,” Octavia gasped as she looked around her.

Looking up, Tarnish couldn’t help but feel just a little bit jealous. High above him, Vinyl held a camera and snapped pictures of the crater site from overhead. The distance was mind boggling. The further away an object was, the harder it was to manipulate. The camera was so high above him that it was a tiny, blurry dot against the blue sky. The further something was away, the weaker a unicorn’s telekinesis was. How did she know how to focus the camera? How could she see what she was taking pictures of? Was she guessing?

He was envious.

This was aerial surveying with no need for a pegasus pony.

The vast spiderweb of simple wooden stakes and twine were all being photographed. Tarnish stood watching, both impressed, mystified, and a bit put out. If he could somehow manage to figure out how Vinyl did what she was doing, he could be a lot more helpful in the future if he could do the same. As he sat there, watching, a fresh, tender, and delicate new tendril of poison joke sprouted out of the ground beside him.

Without warning, Vinyl took off, bringing her camera with her. She moved with surprising alacrity, trotting through the grass, and Octavia was on her hooves in an instant to follow after her. Tarnish got up as well, and Maud moved from where she had been standing.

There was a loud crackle and an enormous parasol appeared, held in Vinyl Scratch’s telekinesis. She opened it and it held it above her, blocking the sun’s burning rays from her fine, delicate pelt. As she moved, her mane bounced in a way most appealing.

Tarnish scrambled up the steep incline, following after Vinyl, wondering where she was going. She hurried through the trees and Tarnish kept an eye out for danger. The herd of ponies moved together, climbing up the side of the ridge. Vinyl’s camera bobbed along behind her and she had a look of single minded determination upon her face. It was clear that something had caught her attention.

“Vinyl, did you see something with your remote eye?” Octavia asked.

There was no reply, no response as the herd passed by an enormous beehive, which Tarnish kept a wary eye upon. He wasn’t in the mood to upset any bees. Tarnish was curious about the mention of a remote eye. Was that how Vinyl was able to see what she was photographing from so high up?

They crested the ridge and began to go down the other side. A gang of squirrels scolded them, chittering and flicking their tails as the herd passed. Tarnish was overwhelmed with curiousity and wondered what had captured Vinyl’s attention.

Reaching the top of a ridge that was a few ridges over, Tarnish paused to catch his breath. He watched as Vinyl came to a halt and pointed. He looked over to where she was pointing. He saw a large boulder, covered with moss, surrounded by trees.

No, not a boulder. Overcome with curiousity, he made his legs move again and he went over for a closer look. This wasn’t a boulder at all. The stone was curved, covered in cracks, and jagged along the top. Now standing beside it, Tarnish looked up, bewildered.

“It’s an old tower,” Maud said.

“It is indeed,” Octavia added as Vinyl snapped a picture.

“This wasn’t built, it was shaped.” Maud stood near, studying the tower with half closed eyes, looking bored and a little sleepy. She trotted over to a piece that had crumbled and fallen off, then poked it with her hoof.

Horn glowing, Vinyl pulled away a massive clump of moss and tangled plant growth, revealing more of the stone wall. Bits of stone crumbled away. She pulled away more growth, revealing an arched doorway. The door had long ago rotted away, but the rusting iron hinges could still be seen.

There was something else too. Above the door, a strange symbol had been carved into the stone. Half of it was a stylised sun, with jagged sunrays, the other half was a toothy gear. Vinyl took a picture of it. The carved symbol was filled with the dirt of ages.

“What is it?” Tarnish asked.

“Might be an old guard tower,” Octavia replied.

“Looks like something smashed it.” Tarnish looked up at the jagged stone. How tall had it been? He could see broken stones half buried in the earth all around him. “Vinyl, how did you notice this was here?”

There was a loud pop as a small wooden framed grey slate appeared, along with a stick of chalk in a small silver holder. The chalk moved over the grey slate, making faint screechy-squeaky sounds.

Vinyl held up the slate so Tarnish could see. I used a remote eye spell to look through the camera viewfinder. There was a flash of magic as she erased the words, and then the chalk flew over the slate once more. I saw this was over here, so I moved the eye over to have a look. Clairvoyance spells are useful. The words, written in fine print, vanished again, leaving the slate clean. It vanished with a poof, along with the chalk.

Impressed, Tarnish nodded.

Maud stepped towards the door. “I’m going to have a look at whatever is left inside…”

Author's Note

Vinyl OP, pleeze nerf!

Hey, Baby, you're hot!

Hey, Baby, you're hot!

The old, gleaming bones lay in a pile. Tarnish had stored them in his saddlebags for safe keeping, but now, they sat in the warmth of the sun. He intended to bury them, but wanted to find a nice spot. If he was a pony that longed for a little eternal rest, he figured he would want to be buried beneath a tree, in a nice sometimes shady, sometimes sunny, grassy spot.

He felt a soft touch so he turned to face the pony poking him, which he guessed to be Vinyl. He found her peering at him, she wasn’t wearing her glasses, and her eyes were filled with concern. He wasn’t sure what to make of her expression.

A long length of bright orange cord floated in front of him, and as he watched, it looped and twisted into a series of letters, forming a long line of cursive print. As it turned out, Vinyl had all sorts of methods of communicating.

We need to talk, you and I.

Tarnish looked around. There was no sign of Maud or Octavia. He wondered where they went. Turning his head, he focused on Vinyl, giving her his attention. He gave her a nod, and then watched as the string twisted and looped into a new sentence for him to read.

That spectre looked inside of your head to see what sort of pony you are. There were more loops and movement, and somehow, Vinyl did it without causing any knots in the string. I guess he had to see if you were who you say you are. Once more, Vinyl manipulated the bright orange twine. Thing is, I got to see inside of your head as well, Tarnish.

Reading these words, Tarnish’s eyes narrowed as the string moved yet again.

You struggle with your self esteem and feelings of inadequacy. Vinyl waited for a moment, watching Tarnish’s reaction, then continued, Tell me, do you equate being a powerful unicorn with your sense of self worth?

Shocked, Tarnished jerked his head back. His eyes narrowed, and he almost let slip an angry retort. She had no business poking around inside of his head. He swallowed and forced himself to calm down, reminding himself that Vinyl was his friend.

Your expression tells me an awful lot. Ears drooping, Vinyl reached out one foreleg, and with a gentle touch, she placed her hoof on Tarnish’s chest scruffle. She smoothed out the whorls of wild hairs that could be found there, and stared into Tarnish’s eyes. The string formed a new message. Let me help you.

Something inside of Tarnish broke. It was like a floodgate on a dam. He was overwhelmed with emotion, too many different feelings to try and experience all at once, and he had no hopes of making sense of all of them.

Hey, let me help you.

“Okay,” Tarnish replied, his ears drooping.

Stop moping.

Tarnish’s eyes went from the string to Vinyl’s eyes. It took some effort, but he made his ears stand up again. For a moment, he was mesmerised by Vinyl’s eyes. He saw something in them, something powerful, something wonderful—he saw compassion, a vast, endless ocean of it.

It made him feel better.

The string wound itself up into a small orange ball, then vanished with a poof. Vinyl’s head bobbed up and down as she studied Tarnish, as if she was listening to some beat that only she could hear. A determined grin appeared upon her muzzle and then she mouthed the word, “Tomorrow.”

It took him a moment, but Tarnish was able to make out what she had said.

Four ponies stood around a grave. The grave had been dug at the base of a large white oak, and much care had been taken to avoid damaging the gnarled roots. Maud and Octavia were still somewhat damp from their bath in the river.

One by one, Tarnish dropped the strange, gleaming bones into the grave. The bones were almost metallic, had a curious weight, and they glimmered in the sun. The ancient guardian had been a pegasus, a pony bound by loyalty, a soldier who had kept his oath. To remain true to his word, he had become what Vinyl had called a ‘revenant.’

The task was interrupted by Vinyl, who froze in place. Once more, a strange otherworldly glow overcame her body, an eerie eldritch light. Flickers of aetherfire danced along her spine. One of the tiny wingbones was lifted from the grave, and Vinyl removed the necklace from Tarnish’s neck, the one that held his warning amulet in place.

The bone burned with ghastly green flames that popped, spit, and sizzled, like butter in a too hot cast iron skillet. Tarnish, Maud, and Octavia all stood watching, waiting, wondering what might happen next. The bone was transmuted into something that was almost, but not quite, silvery. It looked like a bead—a curious bead that was shaped like a pegasus wing bone. Vinyl slipped the trinket onto the necklace, slipped the necklace back around Tarnish’s neck, and then the eldritch fires blazed bright.

“Thank you,” a raspy voice said through Vinyl’s lips. “I give you this final gift in parting… fare thee well.”

And then, as suddenly as they had come, the eldritch fires were gone. Vinyl stood blinking, covered in frost once more, She shivered, shook, and then once again, she shimmied, trying to rid herself of her frosty coating. This time, she had not cast the spell that would allow her to speak to spirits, it seemed that the revenant had somehow used his lingering connection to communicate for one last time, so that one final boon might be offered.

The bones in the grave rattled, it was as if the ancient remains had shuddered for one last time, and then they went still. Octavia, looking solemn, bowed her head, drew in a deep breath, and using a very soft, but well cultured voice, she spoke:

“Long ago, we sought to respect our dead. We did not wish to leave their corpses for beasts of the field to feast upon. Through trial and error, through time and effort, we learned how to give them peace. We made cairns and buried them under piles of rocks. We returned them to the earth, so that their death would give rise to new life. Over time, we built crypts and mausoleums, cities dedicated to the dead, so that we might honour their memory. We exist because of those who came before us, and we owe them our gratitude for providing us our history, which is made richer with their stories.”

Maud too, bowed her head.

“Onward then, to Elysium,” Octavia added, encouraging the bound spirit to depart.

A strange gust of wind blew and all four ponies’ ears perked as an unearthly sigh could be heard, followed by a weary sounding groan. The old bones grew dim, losing their shimmering gleam. They turned dull, became pitted looking, and then, as the herd of ponies watched, they began crumbling into a fine grey dust.

Saying nothing else, the four companions began to fill the grave with earth, mindful not to disturb the old bones, which were now dust. When the grave was filled, with chunks of dirt returned to the nooks and crannies of the old, gnarled roots, both Maud and Octavia performed a solemn looking and reserved dance on top of the grave, to pack down the soil and settle the earth.

It was an earth pony tradition, planting the dead, and then dancing upon the grave. It mirrored their springtime traditions, to plant seeds and then to go dancing up and down the furrowed rows, packing the earth, and nurturing the ground with their hooves. So important was this tradition that there were unions of grave dancers, earth ponies whose jobs it was to secure the dead in their final rest.

Tarnish watched, his eyes on Maud’s hooves, wondering if this was a special magic all its own…

The sun, falling towards the horizon, cast long shadows all around the camp. Octavia sat writing music, she had been inspired by the events of the day, and was now writing a funerary dirge. Notes flowed onto paper, Octavia scrawled them out in a near fevered frenzy, her eyes narrowed, and a look of fierce determination upon her face.

Maud was writing in her journal, putting the events of the day into words, writing everything down so it could and would be remembered. She moved with a glacial slowness, her strokes were absolutely beautiful perfection, each letter a work of art.

Sitting together, both Tarnish and Vinyl were examining the horn ring, a curious trinket that some pegasus had spent a small eternity watching over. The orange gemstone glittered in the light of the setting sun. The silver was immaculate and untouched by age.

When set upon the flesh, the object was warm, a comforting, pleasant warmth. There were tiny glyphs carved into the surface of the ring, the strange spidery language of magic. The orange gem sometimes pulsated and gave off a faint glow. It was a beautiful thing, a relic of a bygone age, and its exquisite levels of detail spoke well of the skills of the ponies who had come long before them.

“Do you know what it is?” Tarnish asked. “Can you read the little weird letters?”

There was no reply from Vinyl. The albino unicorn squinted one eye and continued her examination of the horn ring. She looked at the glyphs on the inside and the outside of the band, turning it, giving it a slow and cautious examination.

“It works by tapping into unicorn magic, right?” Tarnish paused. “I mean, you slide it on the horn and it draws upon a unicorn’s natural magics… I learned about this in my book about charms.”

Without looking away from the ring, Vinyl nodded.

“So this is some sort of fantastic weapon… some ancient artifact, some wondrous weapon of war… I wonder if we should tell Twilight about it…” Tarnish didn’t finish the rest of his words, which were, Or if we should keep this to ourselves…

Tarnish’s thoughts were interrupted by Vinyl, who now shook with silent laughter. She had her eyes squeezed shut, and her left foreleg was hooked around her belly as she wheezed. Her mane bobbed and her ears twitched.

“What’s so funny?” Tarnish asked.

Vinyl tried to answer, but her barrel hitched and she collapsed into mute giggles. Octavia looked up from her work with an almost annoyed looking expression. She clucked her tongue, scowled, and then hunched back over her sheet music.

Holding the horn ring aloft, Vinyl slid it over her horn. A faint orange glow surrounded her body. She shoved Tarnish aside, still shaking with silent laughter, and went over to where the fire was. She tossed a log down and the flames flared up. The coals glowed with fiery intensity.

Tarnish let out a worried mewl of terror when Vinyl stepped into the fire, which turned into a shocked gasp. She was unharmed. She stood in the flames, now on fire herself, her whole body consumed in flame, but the flames caused no injury. Her skin did not blister, crack, or peel away. It didn’t melt like wax. Vinyl was unscathed by the flames.

Octavia set down her pen and Maud looked up from her journal. Both mares stared.

“Well, that… that’s certainly interesting,” Tarnish said in a choked whisper.

Grinning, Vinyl stepped out of the fire and the flames surrounding her body vanished. She flicked her tail a few times, shedding a few glowing embers as she did so, then stepped away from the flames. There was a faint pop as her slate appeared next to her head, and then another pop as her chalk appeared.

This is a ring of elemental authority. After giving her companions a chance to read her words, she wiped them away and wrote more. A powerful ring of elemental authority. Never seen one quite like it. A mischievous twinkle flashed in Vinyl’s eyes as she pulled the ring from her horn and after clearing her slate, she wrote down even more words. Its power is proportional to the unicorn using it.

The words stung Tarnish and he felt a deep, bitter sense of resentment welling up inside of him. For a unicorn such as him, the ring wouldn’t be very powerful at all. He had very little knowledge of spellcraft, and knew almost nothing about fire spells. His talents were more water oriented. He shrugged off the funk threatening to consume him, and he knew what he had to do.

It would be difficult.

It would be hard.

Already, he could feel his insides clenching, even as he thought about it.

“Vinyl…”

The albino mare looked up at Tarnish, a crazed grin on her muzzle.

Tarnish realised that her happiness was more important to him than his own. It was this realisation that silenced all of the competing emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. His own gnawing sense of greed was crammed down deep inside, and ignored.

“Vinyl, keep it.” Tarnish paused, then continued, “Keep it safe. I am trusting you as its protector. Don’t let it fall into the wrong hooves.” As he spoke, the bone bead that hung from his neck glimmered with a faint light.

Something inside of Tarnish ached from saying the words. Already, he felt a sense of regret and something deep inside of him, some part of himself that he didn’t like, a little part of him was quite unhappy with what he had done.

Delighted, Vinyl bounced around, pronking, then lept over to where Tarnish was. She had her forelegs around his neck and before he even knew what had hit him, she kissed him on the cheek with a wet sounding smack. She then bounded away before he could respond and gamboled around the camp like an excited foal.

Stunned, Tarnish realised that the love and appreciation of his friends was more important than the nagging desire for power…

Author's Note

Morning warning

Vinyl Scratch sure did like her Lady Grey tea, Tarnish thought to himself as she made the most hysterical faces of bliss while drinking it. The dawn was warm and sunny today, but grey clouds were visible in the east. Breakfast was cornmeal mush and dehydrated fruit, along with all the tea one cared to drink. Octavia seemed quiet and reflective, or perhaps she was still sleepy and hiding it behind a well cultured mask.

He had a full stomach and he was happy. It was nice having Vinyl and Octavia here, even if the bed was now crowded. He set down his steaming teacup, filled with poison joke tea, and lifted up the index cards that Vinyl had created for him. He wasn’t sure when she had done it, but done it she had. Vinyl stayed on top of things and seemed remarkably well organised for being such a carefree spirit.

Today, our lesson will be all about telekinesis. Your telekinesis is better than you realise. Your problem is, when you focus on your telekinesis, it goes bad. When you try to concentrate upon a task, you mess it up. Your telekinesis works best when it is passive and you aren’t paying attention to what you are doing.

Tarnish looked up from the index card and glanced at Vinyl, who ignored him and continued to make orgasmic faces as she sipped her tea. One eyebrow arched and he returned his attention to the lesson at hoof.

Telekinesis is magic, but it isn’t like other magic. Magic magic, spells and such, are thaumakinetic. You draw upon the ambient magic all around you, channel it, focus it, and then direct it in a way that you desire. Telekinesis however, is psychokinetic. It comes from within. You only need to draw a tiny amount of magic from the world around you to power telekinesis. Being a psychokinetic power, telekinesis depends upon willpower, concentration, imagination, and inspired levels of creativity.

Looking up from the index cards he was holding in his telekinesis, Tarnish wondered where Vinyl had learned this stuff. His brow furrowed and he thought about what he had just read.

I like to think that there are no bad telekinetics, just ponies who haven’t yet explored their creative and imaginative potentials. Some ponies do get telekinesis as a talent and they can do amazing things, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t do amazing things either, with a little practice and hard work.

Tarnish flipped the front card to the back and began to read the second.

So, just what is telekinesis anyway? The answer is complex. In simplified terms, telekinesis is photon manipulation. A unicorn creates light with their horn and then through the wonders of magic, they add a bit of mass to the photons. These photons can be manipulated to hold things, push things, generate friction, create heat, start fires, add more weight to an object, all manner of things are possible. With training, these heavy photons can behave like water, moving like a liquid, or can become super solid, creating barriers of dense mass, such as a shielding spell.

Blinking, Tarnish realised that he was going to have to work to understand this. He tried to remember what a photon was from his school days. He didn’t have a working understanding of physics, having dropped out of school.

But there was a glimmer of understanding. There were times when his telekinesis behaved like water, it was soft, flowing, it wrapped around things and held them with surprising gentleness. There were also times when his telekinesis was as hard as a rock, like when he manifested his wall spell, which he knew was a simplified shield spell.

Mystified, Tarnish had to know the answer to a most pressing question. “Vinyl Scratch… how did you learn all of this stuff?”

There was no reply from Vinyl, who seemed too busy making orgasmic faces while she drank her tea. In the company of trusted friends, she held back nothing, and Tarnish had to struggle to not squirm when he looked at her.

“Vinyl Scratch graduated with top marks from Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and she did so with not one, but three degrees. Musical theory, magic theory, and photography. She was a real go getter, that one.” Octavia yawned, moaning as she did so, then shook her head. “I was up too late last night, thinking about musical flourishes.”

“What sort of degrees?” Maud asked.

Octavia shrugged. “She never talks about them.” After a moment’s pause, Octavia let out a demure giggle, then added, “Or writes about them, as the case may be.”

“So all of that, and somehow, Vinyl was still broke and struggling when you met?” Maud’s head turned to look at Vinyl, then back to Otavia.

“Music was her passion,” Octavia sighed in response as she rolled her eyes. “She could have been a wizard for hire, but she was determined to make a name for herself as a musician. It was her primary goal, you see, she believed that the struggle would make her a better musician. Musicians have to struggle, it helps them write soulful music.”

“Only now, you don’t struggle,” Maud said, making an observation.

“No.” Octavia blinked. “We don’t.” She blinked again, shook her head, and her ears stood up. “Which is part of the reason why we are here, with you, struggling in the wilderness. I’ve grown weary of success. Bored. So very bored. So very, very bored.” She let heave a sigh thick with ennui.

“So your creativity suffers,” Maud said.

“Yes.” Octavia nodded. “I’ve often thought about losing myself in drink. Taking a bit of a tumble in the public eye. Fall down a bit. Have a real tragic series of events take place. And then, once I hit bottom, I could struggle my way back up to the top and have a triumphant return. But then, after I think about it, I realise how stupid that is and then I slap myself.”

“So instead, you go off on wilderness expeditions and safaris, and put yourself into life and death situations.” Tarnish reached up and scratched his neck with his hoof. “This is better than drinking, I’ll give you that.”

“Tarnish, dearie, some of the best adventures can be had while you are drinking.” Octavia gave Tarnish a wink and then smiled a satisfied smile.

He didn’t know what to say or how to respond to that. He lifted up his teacup, not even thinking about it, and held his index cards filled with his lesson about telekinesis. He took a sip and thought about the meaning of life, and if perhaps, it was found in struggle. He settled in and continued reading, his thoughts heavy within his mind.

Four ponies moved about the camp, putting up the breakfast items so that everything stayed neat and orderly. Vinyl did the dishes, not so much washing them as making them clean with a spell. The cast iron gleamed with an almost mirror-like finish when she was done and everything looked as though it was brand new.

There was a lot to get done today, a long list of tasks. More surveying, more measuring, soil and stone samples, and if there was time, another attempted peek into the cave, this time, with help. Tarnish was certain that Vinyl would have a solution if they ran into ghastlies or tentacled giant slug monsters that dripped mucus covered parasites.

“We have a visitor,” Octavia said to everypony, alerting them.

Turning his head, Tarnish saw a small figure shambling through the grass towards them. He stared, trying to see what it was, and did his best to look friendly. When it was closer, he saw that it was a badger.

It stopped several yards away and sat up on its haunches, looking at them.

“Hi,” Tarnish said in the friendliest voice he could muster.

“Help me,” the badger replied.

The voice sounded feminine, but also gritty and Tarnish couldn’t be sure. The creature looked miserable and sick. Patches of her fur were falling out. Her eyes were sunken. Her ears were notched and tattered.

When she pitched forwards, losing her balance, Tarnish reached out and caught her with his telekinesis. He moved to her side, sat down, lifted her, and began to examine her. She was light, far too light, and nothing but bones. Holding her made his spine tingle and he felt queasy.

“I saw your fire,” the badger said to Tarnish, “and I came for help.”

“We’ll help you,” Tarnish replied as he levitated his canteen over. “I think she needs some food, somepony get her something.”

Hearing Tarnish’s command, Vinyl hurried to comply.

“Tell me what you need help with.” Tarnish wrapped a foreleg around the small, pitiful creature and tried to comfort her.

“The tall dogs keep us as slaves. They have our cubs and they keep them locked away. They make us dig.” The badger coughed and began to wring her front paws together. “They will probably kill my cubs because I escaped, but no one else was brave enough to go.”

As the badger lay in his embrace, Tarnish poured some water into a plastic cup and offered it to her. She drank, coughed, spluttered, and drank some more. Her eyes were cloudy and Tarnish knew by looking at her that she was very nearly starved to death.

“The tall dogs keep the bushwoolies too,” the badger added.

“What is your name?” Tarnish asked.

“My name is Burrows Under Truffles,” the badger replied.

As he sat there, holding the badger sow, Tarnish felt his jaw muscles clench. He thought of Buttons—she was a good diamond dog—and he thought about the diamond dogs he had met not long ago. He thought of his unknown tormentor and wondered what she might have to say about this. He thought of himself, and what he needed to do. What must be done. The list of tasks to do this day was due for a change. As he thought about doing what needed to be done, Tarnished Teapot grew solemn.

“Okay, Burrows Under Truffles, I’ll tell you what. Vinyl, my dear friend, she is fixing you some food. You’re going to eat and feel better and then, you’re going to tell me everything I need to know so that I can go and rescue your clan for you.”

The badger sow nodded and something that almost looked like a smile appeared upon her muzzle. She raised one front paw in a feeble gesture, reached out, and touched Tarnish’s snoot, resting her paw upon it.

“Dark Under Roots said that ponies would not help us,” she said in a weak, scratchy voice. “He was wrong. I am glad that he is wrong.”

“How is she?” Tarnish asked as Octavia exited the wagon. “Think the food will stay down? Think she’ll recover?”

“I think her chances are good, but I have no way of knowing for certain,” Octavia replied. “Eating and talking left her fatigued.” The earth pony drew closer to Tarnish and deep concern caused creases in her brow. “What are we getting into?”

Tarnish eyed Octavia and noted that her pelt colour was different than Maud’s. Maud had some blue notes in her pelt, while Octavia was a bit lighter. He didn’t know how to respond to her in a way that might ease her mind, so he was blunt and honest.

“She doesn’t know how to count very well. Many tens of tall dogs she said. So we’re facing unknown numbers.” Tarnish let out an almost despondent sigh. “I am going to attempt to reason with them, but if that fails…” His words trailed off and his expression grew grim.

“You are actually going to try and reason with them?” Octavia asked in a surprised voice.

“Yes.” Tarnish nodded. “Burrows Under Truffles said this group of tall dogs doesn’t keep pony slaves. They know that it will bring them trouble. So I am going to try and appeal to that. Perhaps they can be dealt with in a reasonable way.”

Octavia’s lower lip protruded. “I doubt that, but you are a good pony for trying, Tarnished Teapot.”

“Everything is locked away and secured,” Maud said as she approached. “Are we going to do this? Where are we going?”

“Eastward, towards a ridge that looks like sharp teeth,” Tarnish replied.

“That sounds like Bear Jaw Ridge. I’ve never been there, but I have a general idea of where it is.” Maud came to halt near Tarnish and Vinyl stood beside her. “There are four of us. Are we sure we want to do this?”

“It’s the spider cave all over again.” Tarnish closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Already, he was feeling jittery. His adrenaline was spiking. He could feel his muscles twitching and jerking. He opened his eyes and knew what needed to be done.

“Today, we are going to go off and give a good accounting of ourselves,” Octavia said before Tarnish had a chance to open his mouth. “Tarnish wants to see if he can resolve this peacefully. Let us hope that it is possible.”

“Otherwise, there’s going to be a fight.” Maud’s words echoed what everypony was thinking.

Tarnish stepped forwards. “Here’s to doing what is right.”

“And keeping a stiff upper lip,” Octavia added. As Octavia spoke, Vinyl adjusted her new horn ring. “Well then, let’s get cracking!”

Author's Note

Hang on...

Disarmed

Bear Jaw Ridge yawned ahead of them like a gaping maw. The four ponies moved as a tight knit group, sticking together, moving from cover to sheltered place, wary that their approach might be seen. Tarnish was nervous; he wanted a peaceful resolution, but fully expected things to go wrong. A part of him wished that Cranberry was here.

The diamond dogs, or the tall dogs as the badger-kin called them, knew that making ponies angry was a bad idea. Tarnish hoped that this would allow them to see some reason, and that perhaps, with some luck, a deal might be brokered. He rehearsed the words in his mind over and over, not knowing what to say, what approach to make—how did one perform diplomacy with diamond dogs anyhow?

Poor Buttons was brain damaged and not typical to her species. Diamond Dogs could have fierce intelligence and cunning. They could be smart. They were capable of being good. The capability to be good caused their willingness to be bad to be all the more galling.

He worried that Flamingo was going to be bloodied today. She didn’t like blood, and Tarnish was okay with that. He liked having a sword that he was hesitant to use. He wanted to talk his way out of bad situations or find some peaceful alternative. Tarnish hadn’t quite made the realisation, but Flamingo was his conscience, at least when it came to conflict and violence. Her squeamishness when it came to blood and violence kept him from making bad decisions, because he had another pony’s thoughts and feelings to consider.

A sword she might be, but deep down, Flamingo was a pony. A pony who had once asked the Tree of Harmony if she could become the Element of Pinkness. A pony who was loyal to her commander, Princess Luna, and then was struck down by Nightmare Moon. Tarnish wasn’t sure what had happened, not exactly, but she was now an immortal spirit in a sword that could slice through anything, even astral connections.

Some ponies became alicorns. Flamingo had become a sword. The world was a strange place. Powerful, ancient centaurs could become mystical orbs. A draconequus could become a statue and spend a thousand years in timeout. A princess could fall into darkness and struggle for redemption.

A brain damaged diamond dog might just be the best representative of her species…

Peering through the binoculars, Tarnish counted six diamond dogs out in the open. They were armed and armored. He saw two with pollaxes, one with a somewhat rusty broadsword that he waved around, one with a large wooden mallet, and two with axes. Battleaxes, not pickaxes. This concerned him quite a bit. They had helmets, crude breastplates, and appeared to be well protected against basic, common attacks. He passed the binoculars to Vinyl, who lifted them to her eyes and took a peek.

The anxiety and stress of the potential conflict made Tarnish start sweating. He was worried, he wanted this to end as peacefully as possible, but seeing the armed guards, he feared that this might go all kinds of wrong.

“Two more,” Maud said in a low monotonous voice as she pointed with her hoof.

Sure enough, two more. Tarnish squinted to see them. They were near a pool of water that had filled a basin of rock. The basin was crude looking, rough hewn, it was obvious that it had been carved from the stone with very little care for aesthetics. The water trickled down the side of the stone ridge. Nearby, a gaping crack could be seen, a gash in the rock, and beyond the opening, a heavy blackness prevented Tarnish from seeing inside.

“Time to do this,” Tarnish said to himself as he willed his legs to work.

The guards gathered as he approached. Tarnish kept his sword sheathed and his shield strapped to his back. Just behind him, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl walked in a triangle formation. Tarnish felt his stomach clenching as the guards brandished their weapons.

“What you want, horseling?” one of the guards asked.

“I would like to speak to your leader… the one in charge,” Tarnish replied.

“You speak to Dig Dag?” The guard began to chuckle and the others joined him.

“Yes. My name it Tarnished Teapot and I am a Ranger of the Crown. I demand to speak to Dig Dag at once.” As he spoke, he saw it. Fear. These diamond dogs didn’t want trouble from ponies. They had stopped chuckling. “We don’t want trouble and I wish to discuss the matter of him keeping slaves.”

“We no keep horseling slaves,” the guard said in a low growl. “You go away, leave us alone. We do no wrong, horseling. Get lost.”

“I’m not leaving.” Tarnish stood his ground. He could feel sweat running down the inside of his legs, distracting him. “You will deal with me as the duly appointed representative of the Crown, or there will be trouble.”

One of the pollaxe wielding guards snarled and his lip curled back from his jagged teeth as he gripped his weapon. He took a step forwards, sniffled, and then leered down at Tarnish as his tongue flicked over his jagged, broken, blackened teeth.

“Oy, keep your distance or else there will be trouble,” Octavia said in her husky Grittish accent as she moved to stand beside Tarnish. “All of you lot are wearing armor… metal is real easy for a unicorn to heat up, red hot. Care for a bit of a sizzle on your dainty bits, me boyos?”

The dogs squirmed and stared at Octavia.

“Now, summon your leader so we can have a proper sodding meeting, ya gits!” Octavia’s ears stood up in an aggressive manner and a caustic sneer contorted her face into something unpleasant. Octavia, a beautiful, cultured, well refined mare, now looked like a hooligan—or a punk. “What, you fuckin’ tosser, are you deaf? Wanna have a go, mate?”

The diamond dog holding the broadsword yelped, turned tail, and hurried off for the cave entrance. As he departed, Tarnish stood there, stunned, and trying not to show it. Octavia, beautiful Octavia, who was such a prim and proper mare, a refined, cultured, and well educated mare, had a filthy mouth when she was riled. His brain, the helpful organ that it was, reminded him that his dear friend was the daughter of a Trottingham steelworker. She had working class roots, and she knew how to curbstomp too. Beneath that cultured veneer, there lurked a mean little mare. A mean little mare that he was glad to have as his friend.

Tilting her head, Octavia looked up at a diamond dog that was staring at her. He turned away, finding something else interesting to look at. Tarnish stood, waiting, his muscles quivering, wondering if he was going to somehow pull this off. If he did, it would be due to Octavia helping him.

“Don’t stare at me, ya fuckin’ toerag!” Octavia snapped to another diamond dog that kept looking at her. Her voice was gritty, shrill, and grating. “I’ll stomp your fuckin’ skull and leave your worthless testicles to dry in the sun so I can make some maracas!”

The dog that Octavia spoke to jerked back in shock and surprise. “I thought horselings all nice and kinda stupid… you no nice!”

“So, you think I’m stupid?” Octavia asked in a low, dangerous tone.

“No,” the dog yelped. “No want testicles turned into maracas!” He covered his groin with one broad paw.

The largest diamond dog that Tarnish had ever seen came out of the crack in the ridge.

The hulking brute known as Dig Dag had to be at least eight feet tall and his broad shoulders had to be at least half as wide as he was tall. His arms were as big around as an earth pony’s barrel and his paws were bigger than dinner plates. A massive war bar was held in one paw, a weapon that was just a giant crowbar with a mace-like knob on one end.

“You there, horseling, you would speak to Dig Dag?”

The massive brute was well spoken and it took Tarnish by surprise. His deep baritone voice sounded cultured, educated even. Tarnish was taken off guard by Dig Dag’s erudite speech. He looked up at the massive, shaggy brute.

“Why yes, my good sir,” Octavia said, now sounding cultured and refined again. “We wish to speak to you about the slaves that you have in your possession.”

“We do not keep horseling slaves,” Dig Dag replied. His free paw flexed and his massive paw-fingers curled and uncurled. “I understand your concern, but you do not have authority here.”

“I beg to differ.” Tarnish drew himself up to his full height. “This is Equestria. There are laws against slavery. You keeping the badger-kin and the bushwoolies is a direct violation of that law.”

The massive diamond dog chieftain let out a low growl as he raised his paw and gestured at the world around him. “This is the wilds. These are free lands. I see no princesses here. There is no authority here. You do not even recognise the badger-kin or the bushwoolies as citizens of this so called nation of yours. Your princesses do nothing to protect them, or serve their needs. When you horselings want to make a new village or settle a new patch of land, you chase off the badger-kin and you drive away the bushwoolies as pests. You care nothing for the indigenous creatures that are in your way.”

Taken aback, Tarnish didn’t know what to say or how to respond.

“Well, I care about them,” Octavia said to Dig Dag, “which is why I am here, trying to free them.”

“They will not be freed.” Dig Dag’s voice was firm. “I will not bow my knee to satisfy your imperialism. We are free dogs, minding our own business in the wilds, away from those who would oppress us.”

“But you oppress others,” Maud said.

“It is not your concern.” Dig Dag’s eyes narrowed. “Now, you should go. Many of my clan grow hungry at the sight of your horse-flesh. I will keep the peace, but I expect you to leave. Now.”

“This will not stand.” Tarnish felt his knees quivering as he spoke. “Know this, if you try to make us leave, we will summon a princess and we shall return. There will be trouble. So, you can release the slaves now, or, we can return with Twilight Sparkle and an army. There will be much bloodshed and the slaves shall be freed. Either way, this ends with their freedom.”

Dig Dag gripped his war bar and the tendons in his brawny arms creaked. “This is why there will always be conflict between us, horseling. You will never allow us to live in peace. Always with the threats. Always with the do as we say. You chase us from our homes, you kill us, you hunt us, we have so few places left where we can live in peace.”

“You attack ponies, capture them, keep them as slaves, and sometimes even eat them!” Tarnish snapped in return. “You bring this on yourselves! How hard is it to live in peace and not do terrible things, like keeping other creatures as slaves?”

“We have a right to preserve our way of life.” Dig Dag’s voice was soft, almost a growl, and his eyes glittered with hatred. “You have no right to tell us what is right or wrong, horseling. We were once a proud and free species in this land… now look at us. Forced to live in holes, hiding from you and your kind, and forced to scrape an existence from a land that you’ve stripped bare.”

“Your words reek of hypocrisy,” Maud interjected in a calm deadpan. “You complain about the imperial will of ponies pressing down upon you and robbing you of what you feel is your rightful existence, all while defending your right to oppress and enslave others so you can laze about, not actually working, and living whatever decadent lifestyle you can muster through the exploitation of others. You rob them of their rightful existence by keeping them as possessions.”

“Leave now,” Dig Dag commanded.

“No.” Tarnish stood, stiff legged and defiant. “We’re not leaving while there are slaves.”

“Leave. Now.” Dig Dag’s words were angry and insistent. “Leave me and my dogs in peace. Do not provoke bloodshed this day.”

“Be reasonable,” Tarnish said in a pleading voice. “You have to know how this ends. If we leave now, we come back with an army and the same outcome will happen. So, release them now, or release them later. Save the lives of your fellow dogs and do what is right as a leader.”

“Do what is right as a leader, you say?” Dig Dag’s eyes looked sad and angry. “It seems that a fight is unavoidable.”

“Just let them go and there will be no fight.” Octavia’s words were soft and cajoling.

Many things happened all at once. Dig Dag moved with alarming speed, raising his war bar high up over his head, and he lunged towards Tarnish, bringing it down in a powerful overhead chop so that Tarnish would be crushed, crushed into goo.

Moving entirely on reflex, Tarnish drew Flamingo from her sheath and with a swift, smooth motion, he sidestepped Dig Dag and disarmed him. Which is to say, he lopped off both of Dig Dag’s arms in a single stroke. The war bar fell to the ground, clattering on the stones, and both arms, chopped off just below the elbow, fell to the ground with a wet splat.

Blood geysered from Dig Dag’s stumps.

The big dog staggered backwards, shock and surprise in his eyes. Blood spurted, spraying out with an arterial rhythm, and he fought to keep his balance. His eyes gleamed with rage and hatred as he looked at Tarnish.

Opening his mouth, Dig Dag shouted, “Kill them! Tonight we return to the old ways and we feast upon their flesh!”

Author's Note

I think we all know what happens next...

Delirium

Chief Dig Dag let out a furious howl as he hunkered down beside the glowing coals of the fire. Diamond Dogs spilled out of the blackened chasm as he extended his bloody stumps towards the searing hot embers. He thrust the stumps of his arms into the fire and they sizzled. A terrible smell of burning hair and meat filled the air. The enormous diamond dog let out another howl, this one an agonised wail of pain. He recovered, sucking in wind, hissing through his teeth, then he let out a commanding shout.

“KILL THEM! I WANT THEIR BONES!”

More diamond dogs joined the ranks as Tarnish, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl all moved closer to one another. The pressure built as violence seemed inevitable, like a swelling, growing cyst or a boil that needed popping.

“KILL DIG DAG! IT TIME FOR NO EARS RULE!” another diamond dog barked.

With a clang of metal on metal, violence broke like a wave hitting a rocky shore. Diamond dogs attacked diamond dogs, and diamond dogs attacked the four ponies herded together for safety. The scent of blood joined the scent of burning hair and flesh in the air. There were screams.

Tarnish realised that he was screaming as he raised his shield and brought Flamingo down in a slashing motion. Flamingo was shrieking, a wordless cry, which grew in intensity as Tarnish drove her into the meaty flesh of a diamond dog’s shoulder. Flesh and bone was nothing for her enchanted edge and she sheared right through it with no effort whatsoever.

Rising into a two legged stance, Maud moved like a dancer. She shot out both front legs, hooves held together to form one large, heavy blunt object, as she did this, she slid forwards with fluid movement. Both hooves connected to a diamond dog’s groin with crushing effect. There was a meaty splattering sound the diamond dog’s pelvis turned to powder from the force of her blow.

There was a flash from Vinyl’s horn and Tarnish felt faster somehow, lighter, as if he could move with the greatest ease, and he did. He raised his shield, blocked an impaling blow from a spear, and then let go with an enormous blast of steam on his attacker, covering him with blisters and causing his flesh to bubble. His hooves moved with a light airiness that made him feel invincible.

Beside him, Octavia and Maud worked as a pair, almost dancing together. Octavia blocked while Maud struck, then Maud would block while Octavia struck. Maud was the stronger of the two, that much was obvious, but Octavia was the faster. The movement of her forelegs was swift, and with Vinyl’s spell, whatever it was, Octavia’s front hooves moved faster than the eye could see.

But Tarnish didn’t have time to marvel at the sight. He brought Flamingo up, using her like a shield, and blocked an incoming sword blow as he used his shield to smash a diamond dog in the face, now that the sword was out of the way. Tarnish’s combat style could only be called improvisational and it was brutal in its own way.

Almost as suddenly as it had started, it almost ended. An arrow buried itself into Tarnish’s withers. He staggered, almost blinded from the pain, which shot down his spine and jolted up his neck, his whole body telegraphing that something was wrong. Something deep inside of him awakened, something he had felt before, something primal and ancient.

It was his need to keep going. He had plans, important plans, and he wasn’t about to let some arrow stop him. Another arrow whizzed by, almost hitting Tarnish in the neck. It flew past and when it came too close to Maud, she slapped it out of the air with a fluid swipe of her hoof.

There was another flash of Vinyl’s horn and every diamond dog around them was now covered in dancing, glittery flames of rainbow hue. Many howled and began beating on themselves, trying to put out the flames, which confused and terrified them. The flames did not burn, but they did cause chaos. The flames dazzled the eyes of those they consumed, almost blinding them. They also made the diamond dogs easier to hit.

Some blinded, others following the orders of No Ears, the diamond dogs attacked one another. Screams, howls, and yelps filled the air as axes, spears, maces, and swords found their way into flesh. Of Dig Dag, there was no sign, as he had fled the battle.

Tarnished pressed his advantage, lashing out with both sword and magic. He used Flamingo to cut away weapons and he used his shield to bludgeon his enemies. Maud and Octavia were making a fine accounting of themselves in the formidable earth pony way, kicking, punching, and crushing.

Their battle stance shifted, with Maud becoming more aggressive, and Octavia falling back to hurl rocks. Maud acted like a living shield, keeping Octavia safe, and Octavia moved with blinding speed, hurling rocks at their enemies with devastating effect, all while never hitting Maud.

Vinyl cast another spell, this one was a brilliant orb of light that flew through the air, streaking towards a distant archer, and it exploded in a flash of eye-searing light. The stream of arrows ceased and there was a baleful howl of pain and panic. As another group emerged from the cave entrance, she lobbed off another glowing orb at them, and like the first, it exploded with brilliant effect, blinding the whole group.

In Tarnish’s peripheral vision, something came streaking towards him. He raised his shield, blocking it. A small bag struck his shield and exploded into a billowing mass of powder. Almost right away, Tarnish became disoriented and confused. A terrible fear overtook him. The world became dark, shadowy, the light dimmed and Tarnish began to see terrifying things in the corners of his vision… foes far worse than diamond dogs now began to stalk him.

He lashed out at one with his sword, gripping it with his telekinesis. He heard a scream, unintelligible words that he could not make out, nor did he want to. All of his focus, all of his concentration was now on the shadowy forms stalking him, coming at him from all sides, trying to flank him. He whirled around and slashed at something else trying to creep up on him. He slashed and hacked, again, and again, trying to carve apart his phantom foes. He was surrounded on all sides, and struck out blindly, hoping to catch them by surprise.

In his chest, his heart was pounding. Fear made every nerve in his body sing. A puddle formed between his hind legs as he slashed at yet another phantom foe. He could hear Maud and Octavia’s voices in his ears, shouting at him, but it wasn’t Maud or Octavia's voices… no, this was a gross, sick parody of their sweet voices, voices that he loved, this was a sick trick. He could hear the distortion clawing at the inside of his ears like demon's claws.

The shadows all around him were living things, they writhed and danced. Skeletal forms and spectres moved among them, all of them mocking him, mocking his fear, and something inside of Tarnish blazed with hate. He would prove himself, he would show them… his ears perked at the sounds of Maud and Octavia’s mocking laughter. It rang in his ears like bells. Fear, anger, and shame consumed his mind and his resentment grew stronger.

He would show them all.

He would cut them down.

He had the sharpest sword in existence.

Screaming, he raised Flamingo, but found that his sword betrayed him as well. She too, was laughing at him, mocking him, ridiculing him. She flew from his grasp and he had nothing to defend himself with from the advancing shadows, the darkness all around him.

Jerking his body around, he stumbled over the torso of a diamond dog that had been cut in half, and then almost fell when he stepped on the severed head of another. He looked down and saw bodies… so many bodies. Bodies chopped in half, cleaved in twain, severed heads and limbs. What terrible demon had done this? What Tartarus spawned monstrosity lurked upon the battlefield? He no longer had a sword to defend himself, Flamingo had turned on him. He struck out with his shield, trying to smash a shadow that was creeping up on him. He saw another in the corner of his eye and he whirled to face them. His hoof squelched in the bloodied mud of some poor diamond dog that had been pulped, it looked as though something had crushed it with unimaginable force.

Tarnish was determined to find the invisible demon stalking him and causing so much carnage. It had to be just behind him. He whirled about, using his shield as a weapon, striking at any shadow or spectre that came too close, and his heart felt as though it would come smashing through his ribcage at any moment. It was difficult to breathe… perhaps his invisible stalkers had poisoned him.

Something touched him. He could feel it, and he tried to turn to face it but couldn’t. Something else grabbed him, then something else. Terrible claws sank into his flesh like razors, slicing deep, he could feel it. He could feel his own hot sticky blood oozing from what had to be dozens of wounds. More panic welled up inside him, terrible, dreadful panic. He needed to survive, he needed to fight back, but more clawed hands grabbed him. The claws bit deep.

“Tarnish!”

He heard the twisted parody of Octavia’s voice screaming at him. He tried to smash at his attacker with his shield, but it was torn free from his magical grasp. He was now defenseless, helpless, and being ripped apart by hundreds of little clawed hands, all of which were digging and slashing at his helpless flesh.

Two brilliant rose coloured eyes appeared in his vision and a majestic pale yellow-white face. She glowed like the sun, driving away the shadows and spectral forms haunting him. He felt the fear receding from him, retreating, and warmth filled his body. The pain subsided and he no longer felt slashing claws all over him. He felt two lips press up against his—the kiss seared him, burned him, and for a moment, he went blind.

For a second, Tarnished Teapot blacked out and lost control of his senses. When he came too, he heard shouting, the sound of battle, and Vinyl Scratch was spluttering and spitting in front of him, as if she was trying to get a bad taste out of her mouth. He spat himself, his mouth was filled with a fine, gritty dust that tasted foul.

Had Vinyl just kissed him?

He couldn’t tell.

Fast to recover, Tarnish blinked away the lingering shadows and tried to regain his senses. All around him were bodies that had been hacked and cleaved apart in the worst sort of way. Maud was fighting a large group of diamond dogs. Octavia had a dreadful slash along her side, but she was still fighting.

Gasping, Tarnish realised that he was the one who had slashed Octavia. The knowledge sickened him and he felt like throwing up. For a moment, he thought he was going to faint, he was still feeling the effects of the dust. Again, Vinyl came to his rescue.

This time, she slapped him with her hoof, hitting him hard enough to make his ears ring. It cleared his head of the lingering cobwebs and he staggered, but made a fast recovery. The slap was just what he needed to bring focus. More diamond dogs were coming out of the cave. They needed help.

Reaching into his saddlebag with his magic, Tarnish pulled out a rootball…

He thought about sunflowers as he breathed into it. Beautiful, perfect sunflowers. He thought about poison joke growing in the perfect garden of sunflowers. He thought about his own growing sense of desperation—he and his companions were overwhelmed and would soon fall without aid. He was wounded, probably still poisoned, and Octavia was sliced open.

As Grrrr sprouted into existence, Tarnish snorted a wad of glittery snot out of his nose.

A strange, creaking howl filled the air and Grrrr bounded away. Thorny vines shot from his body and grabbed the diamond dogs around him, pulling them in, closer, where Grrrr could chew on then or claw them. Grrrr’s teeth and claws were sharp, tearing and rending flesh all around him. He was a powerful, and durable, melee combatant.

As Grrrr kept the diamond dogs busy, Tarnish gave himself a shake and tried to focus. It was time for magic. Strange knowledge and memories swirled within his head. His lingering fear drove him to desperation. Calling upon the magical knowledge lurking in his mind, Tarnish summoned up a twister, hoping that the wind might help them.

Almost right away, his addled mind told him that this was a terrible mistake...

Author's Note

Yon ill wind...

The blow job

It started as a dust devil, a little swirling eddy of debris. The wind gusted however, and grew in strength almost right away. The dust devil became a dust demon, something with power, and it began knocking the diamond dogs around. Tarnish was still trying to recover all of his senses and though he wasn’t certain, it seemed to him that some of the diamond dogs were also affected by the dust bomb. Their eyes were wide with terror and they behaved in such a way that they didn’t even seem to notice the twister gaining strength among them.

He thought about fleeing, but as the wind gusted and gained strength, a part of his mind told him there would be no running from this. He had called down the storm. This wasn’t like unicorn magic that he knew about, where a unicorn had control over the wind, the strength, the direction, no, this was nothing like that. A controlled dust devil could be used for cleaning the floors and dumping all the dirt on the floor into the trash.

No, this storm was feral. This was a storm that pegasi would have trouble wrangling. This was not a tame gentle wind, but a primal force of nature, untouched by harmony. Little bolts of lightning flashed in the ever growing funnel and the air filled with static. Overhead, the sky turned a bright green. Little twisters sprang from the big twister.

As Tarnish watched the destruction he had unleashed, two diamond dogs were slammed into one another with terrific force. The impact was so terrible that one of them had a leg torn clean off. His mouth fell open and as he stood there, mouth agape, watching, the wind took him.

His hooves were lifted off of the ground and he felt the wind tearing at his pelt. The suction was amazing, but he didn’t have to marvel at it. Something grabbed him and he felt himself being pulled down. Forelegs grabbed him and he was piled upon. He was slammed into the ground and he felt his hooves being rooted to the ground with a strange, almost unpleasant force that made his frogs ache with pressure.

Vinyl was doing magic—he watched as a flurry of spells flew from her horn and he didn’t know what those spells were. A barrier sprang into existence around them, a sort of shield spell that formed a dome that glowed with rose coloured light, an illumination that matched Vinyl’s eyes. Terrified, he found himself clinging to both Maud and Octavia, and they clung to him.

Whole trees were ripped out of the ground. Rocks shattered and were lifted by the powerful vortex. Diamond dogs flew through the air, only to be crushed by the trees and rocks. Mouth still open, Tarnish watched what he had done with horror. A large jagged stone crashed into the glowing barrier and Vinyl’s body jerked. One eye went bloodshot, her left, and from her left nostril a little trickle of blood could be seen.

There was a gibbering cry from Tarnish when he realised that another impact like that one might kill one of his best friends. The blow had done something to Vinyl, straining her beyond what she was capable of. Somehow, the shield spell held, but she didn’t look well.

Grrrr, outside of the glowing dome, seemed to be just fine. He was rooted into the ground and appeared to be weathering the storm just fine. Tarnish wasn’t sure if Grrrr could be destroyed. More trees were ripped out of the ground and it seemed that the whole area was going to be destroyed.

In desperation, Tarnish opened up his saddlebags and pulled out the blue orb. He almost dropped it, his own magic felt wrong, off somehow, and he struggled to connect with the orb. Crying, he touched it to his horn. There was a brilliant flash of blue light and a magical tether shot from his horn to Vinyl’s. The shield around them went from a rose colour to a purple colour, with blue and pink magic mixing together to form a pleasant, pleasing shade. Vines sprouted from the earth and began growing over the shield, entwining around one another, looping, weaving, forming a powerful magical barrier.

In no time at all, the growing vines had formed a solid dome around the four ponies. It was now impossible to see outside. More rocks, trees, and diamond dogs slammed into the magical shelter, but Vinyl seemed to suffer no further consequences. The four ponies huddled together, with only Maud showing no signs of absolute terror.

Outside, the storm raged.

“Is it over?” Flamingo asked as the deafening sounds of silence prevailed. When nopony answered, the sword took a swipe at the vines that formed a dome around them. She made a few more slices and sunlight shone though.

Flamingo made short work of making a door and Tarnish followed her outside. He stopped right away, his knees shaking, and looked at the chaos and devastation all around him. Dead bodies everywhere, uprooted trees, and smashed rocks. The sun was now shining but no birds could be heard chirping. The world was silent—too silent. It was an unnatural silence.

Grrrr bounded over to stand beside him, and Tarnish was thankful to see that his supernatural protector seemed unharmed. He was shoved aside by Octavia, who came barreling out of the makeshift shelter to have a look around. Vinyl followed next, and then Maud came out. The four ponies stood blinking, all of them trying to take it all in.

Shaking his head, Tarnish put the blue orb away in his saddlebags. He stepped over a body, well, part of a body anyway, and in the back of his mind he knew that he would need to do something to make this right. When this was over, he would bury all of these bodies. He would recover their remains and he would bury them. He hoped that it would assuage the guilt he was now feeling.

But his work wasn’t finished. He eyed the crack in the rock ridge ahead. There was still the cave. He steeled his nerves and tried to get his knees to stop shaking. He had work to do and he hoped that he could finish this with no more killing. He had no idea what remained in the cave, but he suspected that he would meet with armed resistance.

“Commander?” Flamingo asked. “What are we doing?”

“I am no commander,” Tarnish replied.

“Funny, ‘cause you look like you are in charge, Commander.” Flamingo bobbed up and down near Tarnish’s head. “No more sticking me into diamond dogs. I can still taste the dog hair and blood. It’s super gross!”

“I’m sorry, Flamingo, I lost control of my senses for a time.” Tarnish looked at his sword and shook his head. “Please forgive me, you know that I try to be sensitive to your needs.”

“Well, when you lopped off the big one’s arms, you seemed to have your senses then,” Flamingo said, chiding Tarnish.

He cringed, knowing that Flamingo was right.

“It’s okay though, Commander. We’re at war. Stuff happens in a war. I know, because I’ve been in wars before. A few of them, I think. Like when Nightmare Moon showed up and killed Commander Luna.” Flamingo fell silent for a moment, then shuddered. “Don’t like wars. Add that to the list of things that Flamingo don’t like.”

“Well, Commander, what’s next?” Octavia asked.

“Don’t call me that,” Tarnish whined.

“Don’t whine!” Octavia kicked Tarnish in the leg while gritting her teeth together. “I wasn’t joking when I said it. You led us here to rescue some slaves. You were bold and daring in doing so. You are our commander, and we are your militia.”

Tarnish shied away from Octavia and shook his head. “I was just trying to do the right thing. Look, just don’t call me that. I don’t know what I’m doing and I almost got all of us killed. There is something wrong with Vinyl and I got my brain scrambled and I think I cut you open and I’m having a real hard time taking all of this in.” He paused for a moment, then asked, “How was it that the dust didn’t affect you three?”

“We resisted,” Maud replied, looking at Octavia and then at Vinyl. “It’s magical dust, obviously, with an alchemical base. For me, it was a matter of willpower.”

“So great, I lack willpower!” Tarnish snapped as he kicked at the ground.

“We all have our strengths.” Octavia turned her stern gaze upon Tarnish and stared at him. “We followed you because you were doing the right thing. We came out here to this alicorn forsaken wilderness because you were out here doing the right thing. And we will continue to follow you so long as you continue to do the right thing! Now stop being such a whiny foal!”

Ears drooping, Tarnish stood there, feeling quite petulant and foalish. More than anything, it felt as though his self esteem had taken a beating in the battle. Octavia’s words were sinking in though. He might make mistakes, but he was trying to do the right thing. He stood there, feeling uncertain, and not knowing what to say.

“I was trying to cheer you up,” Octavia confessed in a low voice. “Tarnish, you are my friend. If necessary, I would follow you anywhere. There are so few ponies that I feel such strong affection for. Now, head high and keep a stiff upper lip. No doubt, we still have much to do.”

Following Octavia’s advice, Tarnish lifted his head. He tried to ignore his self doubt and he focused on the task at hoof. He took a deep breath, turned, and looked over at the darkened crack in the rocks. He hefted his shield, took another deep breath, and gave a nod.

“Right then, stiff upper lip,” he mumbled as he took his first step towards the cave.

The crack made for an excellent defensive fortification, Tarnish realised. It had been excavated to be about two diamond dogs wide, or just one Dig Dag, which would have made invasion quite difficult. There was a long narrow passage ahead. Flamingo provided a great deal of pink light, allowing Tarnish to see. The long passage was empty. The sounds of water dripping could be heard in the distance.

The walls were rough hewn and uneven. They were made to be practical, not beautiful. He froze, seeing a slit in the wall. He understood its purpose right away. Murder holes, perfect for an archer to fire arrows though. He sent Grrrr ahead of him to see what would happen.

There were no arrows, no nothing. Not even the sounds of alarm.

He continued ahead, cautious, waiting for another attack. He was sweaty all over and he could feel it dripping down his sides, down his balls, and the hidden place beneath his dock felt itchy. At the end of the passage, which was now visible in the pink light provided by Flamingo, he saw an opened door. It was half open, as if somepony had gone through it, or, somedoggy in this instance.

He was so tense that he could feel his urethra clenching in fear, and it filled parts of him with an aching pain that he had trouble ignoring. He walked with his kite shield held in front of him, ready to let go with an enormous whoosh of steam, which he thought was a good idea, given the close quarters.

No guards appeared to attack him or his companions.

“‘Tis a bit unnerving,” Octavia whispered in a voice that made a faint echo in the passage.

Grrrr went through the door first, followed by Tarnish, who was ready to bludgeon something with his shield. Flamingo hovered above Grrrr and she trembled, causing her light to flicker and the shadows to dance, which did nothing to help the tension.

There was a rough wooden door in the wall so Tarnish jerked it open. Following Grrrr, he stepped inside, and froze. Inside, there were baskets filled with strange hair. There were spinning wheels in this room, and enormous skeins of yarn. Eyes darting around the room, it took Tarnish some time to put everything together.

This had to be bushwoolie hair. The diamond dogs kept bushwoolies and used them like sheep. There was no signs of slaughter in this room, no blood, just lots of hair. Bushwoolie wool? He spotted a pair of clippers and was relieved to see them, so relieved that he let out a gasp and his heaving sides eased up a little.

“Bushwoolie wool,” he said to Maud, who now stood beside him.

Maud said nothing, but trotted over to a loom. It was in poor repair, parts of it were crooked and a bit rusty, with the wood all cracked and grey. The whole thing looked as though it would fall apart if touched. No yarn was fed into it, leaving it empty and dusty. The loom itself appeared to be something from some ancient era, perhaps something pre-industrial.

“We should keep moving,” Maud said as she turned around and faced the door.

After a few more rooms, some hallways, a cavern, and what appeared to be mine shafts, Tarnish found himself in front of a fortified door made of heavy wood and iron. He didn’t have a key, nor did he need one. He grabbed Flamingo in his magic and stabbed her into the lock. There was a squeal of metal on metal as he carved the lock out of the door, and then Flamingo started giggling.

“Stop! That tickles! Stop! Stop or I shall say stop again!”

Of course, Tarnish did not stop, but finished carving the lock out of the door. Stepping forwards, he kicked the door open and stepped inside. Just inside the door, he halted, allowing his eyes some time to adjust to the flickering firelight.

The room was filled with diamond dogs, badgers, and little hairballs that Tarnish assumed were bushwoolies. He stood in the doorway, blinking, not moving, and not making any threatening gestures. The diamond dogs, he noticed, where all females or very young. Most of them were chained to posts sunk into the floor. Almost all of them bore signs of abuse. He saw legs swollen and straining against iron shackles. He could smell sickness, disease, and rot. The stench of urine and feces was in the air. Almost every face looking at him appeared to be terrified.

It took all of his willpower not to vomit.

“Is it over?” a diamond dog asked. She sat in the center of the room and a faded, ratty shawl was wrapped around her middle. She raised her head. “I am Minori. I would like to know what you plan to do with us.”

Shocked and surprised by how well spoken she was, Tarnish’s mouth moved but no words came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I have not come to harm you… I came to rescue some slaves.”

The wise old diamond dog bowed her head. “Then you are here to rescue us. Finally, it is over.”

“Who are you?” Tarnish asked, trying to overcome his astonishment. “I am Tarnish and I mean you no harm. I want to help you.”

“As I have said, I am Minori,” the diamond dog replied.

“No… no… I mean, the way you talk… what are you doing in this place? Who are you and why are you here? You seem out of place here.”

The old diamond dog smiled, revealing worn down and yellowed fangs. She clapped her front paws together, and her bright, curious eyes focused upon Tarnish. “I am Minori, from Inujima, a land far to the east.”

“But what are you doing here?” Tarnish asked.

“I came to this country to flee the troubles of my homeland,” she replied. “The diamond dogs here were brutal and savage… many were stupid from inbreeding.” The old dog let out a weary sigh. “I found a smart young pup named Dig Dag. I taught him letters and words, I tried to give him an appreciation for art, for culture, I tried to teach him the way of the bushido from the old world.”

“And this is how he repaid you?” Octavia shook her head and clucked her tongue.

“Oh, he did much worse.” Minori pulled away the shawl from around her middle and revealed two withered stumps. “I kept trying to escape, and he kept bringing me back. I became his property… as we all did.” As she spoke, she scooped up a young pup and cradled him in her arms. “I failed to teach him, but I still try to teach others.” She looked at Tarnish and nodded her head. “Perhaps you’ve come for a lesson. Would you care to learn?”

“Maybe I did,” Tarnish replied, “but that must come later. Where are the cubs of the badger kin and bushwoolies? I am told they were kept separate.”

Minori turned her head and looked at a solid looking fortified door in the back of the room. She then turned and faced Tarnish once more. “Sometimes I am allowed to go in there and look after them. Sometimes not. They are cared for well enough, for they are the next generation of workers. Dig Dag understood their value.”

Looking all around him, Tarnish saw bushwoolies, badger-kin, and diamond dogs all looking up at him with hopeful, but fearful eyes. He heard coughing, moaning, and laboured breathing. Some of them looked as though they were almost dead. Many of the diamond dog females were missing legs—perhaps from escaping, or perhaps from gangrene. Tarnish had no way of knowing. Minori was humming to the little pup she held, trying to comfort him and keep him from crying.

With a strangled cry, Octavia puked all over her front hooves, and Vinyl rushed to comfort her. Tarnish felt like doing the same. He was exhausted already, his whole body shook and trembled with fatigue, but it seemed that his work was just beginning.

“Excuse me ladies, but I have a door to go and chop open,” Tarnish said, trying to sound confident and failing. He could hear the misery and pain in his own voice. He saw Minori giving him a strange look and he had trouble meeting her eyes.

“Courage, benevolence, and armed with a sword,” Minori said in a low voice, “perhaps you already know the way…maybe later, Minori will read the scrolls of your heart to see what is written there…”

Author's Note

No, I haven't forgotten that there is an arrow lodged in Tarnish's withers.

Sporting a chubby

As Tarnish carved open the door, he tried to ignore the arrow still lodged in his withers. It hurt, but there were those who suffered far worse all around him. The arrow seemed to be acting like a cork and he wasn’t bleeding very much. Flamingo was giggling and begging for him to stop as he sawed through the rusty iron where the lock was.

Magic? Who needed it? He could chop the damn door down. He didn’t need no stinkin’ magic.

The locking mechanism fell to the floor with a thud, sending a cloud of rust and dust into the air. The door didn’t want to open, it didn’t fit the doorway very well, it wasn’t flush or built to any sort of worthwhile standard. More pissed off at this point than anything else, Tarnish turned his body around and bucked the door open. There was a creak of wood on stone and the door flew open with a bang, causing a startled cry from within.

He parked his long, gangly body in the doorway and had a look around. Lots of little eyes were looking back at him. Little itty bitty badger cubs and teeny tiny hairballs clung to one another in the dim room. He looked at them, but said nothing. After a few seconds, he removed himself from the doorway so that many tearful reunions could take place. As he backed away, many badgers and bushwoolies brushed past his legs and he was careful not to step on them.

Next, he moved around the room, cutting the chains that kept the diamond dog slaves in place. Some yelped, fearful, but Tarnish didn’t miss. The shackles would have to come off as well. There was a lot of work to do, so much work to do, and Tarnish didn’t even know where to begin. He had to look after the living, tend to their needs, and he had to look after the dead. He paused to collect his thoughts and saw a group of badger-kin gathering around Grrrr, examining him.

“Your rage and anger will only take you to dark places,” Minori said to Tarnish.

Raising an eyebrow, he replied, “My rage and my anger is the only thing keeping me on my hooves right now.”

“Then perhaps you should not be on your hooves.” Minori bowed her head and held out her paw. “Come to me, let me help you. I can remove that arrow.”

Blinking, Tarnish stood there, unmoving, and he did not respond.

“I know that you have no reason to trust me.” Minori lifted her head and looked Tarnish in the eye. “But what do I have to gain from harming you? I am an old dog, and I need your help.”

“If you do anything treacherous, if you harm him, know this,” Maud said to the old greying dog, “I’ll punch you so hard that your head will explode. I will turn you into a fine red mist.”

Bowing her head, Minori nodded. “I shall heed your words, Sōhei.” There was a pause, then she continued, “Now heed mine. My honour would not allow me to bring harm to my rescuer. I am bound to aid you.”

“Maybe so.” Maud’s ears pitched forwards. “Just keep in mind that I will watch everything you do.”

Grinning, Minori turned her head to look at Tarnish. “Sōhei favours you, curious one. You are blessed to have such an attentive earth spirit.”

“And don’t I know it,” Tarnish replied. His ears perked at the sounds of crying. All around him, little ones were being reunited with their parents. He returned to cutting chains with Flamingo and grateful, but fearful eyes stared up at him.

As he chopped, Tarnish knew that he needed to contact Twilight. He was going to need help. He knew what to do and how to fix all of this. Up north, there was a flooded quarry full of fish and frogs. There was Buttons. It would be a good place for a colony of crippled diamond dogs. He worried about sending them north, fearful that his unseen tormentor might intercept him. He would need to ask Twilight to send the guard, so that the guard could help move the dogs north.

He wished that Dig Dag was still alive so that he might have a chance to kill him in a somewhat more intimate way. For the thirty or forty or so diamond dogs that were above ground, all male, there were about two dozen females down here, far too few. He wondered how many had died to gangrene and poor treatment. How many had been beaten to death for trying to escape?

Even worse, he understood. In such a small colony, you couldn’t give a female rights as an individual, not with the colony’s survival on the line. No, females were for breeding, whether they wanted to or not. It was necessary. Parts of society that he took for granted, things like consent and individual liberties, they would be a detriment here, a potential death sentence for such a small colony. He understood the desperation, but he could not condone the action. He could not reconcile with what had been done. It troubled him, bothered him, it upset him that he understood. It made him feel ashamed, and with the shame, he felt sick to his stomach.

In such desperate, dire circumstances, there would be no courtship, no wooing, no place for affection. Females of breeding age couldn’t be allowed to escape, as each one gone would only weaken the colony. He was witnessing a terrible act of survival and the desperate lengths that one might go to to keep going. Perhaps with time and greater numbers, certain rights might be restored, but he doubted it. A society so mired in such behaviours wouldn’t change, they would want to maintain the current status quo, because it favoured the males. No, Tarnish decided, change would only come through violence and conflict.

Staggering away, Tarnish coughed and then barfed up the contents of his stomach, which appeared to be full of glitter. He spewed again and again, until he felt as though his eyeballs might pop out of his head, and he almost collapsed.

He felt a warm body press against him and he knew that it was Maud. He puked again, his mind reeling, and he was grateful for what he had with Maud. They were a partnership of equals. If he wanted to jam his dangly daddy dingus into her snug little foal hole, he had to earn it.

And earning it made it special.

Sides hitching, he wretched up even more bile and glittery dust from his stomach and spat it out on the floor. He coughed and whooped, trying to breathe, fearing that he was suffocating, and he saw spots dancing in his vision.

Knowing that Maud wanted to be with him made it meaningful.

As he puked, Tarnish knew he was having an epiphany, and he hoped that he would have the presence of mind to remember such a life changing mental awakening later. He had a relationship of fair exchange with Maud and he loved her in a crazy way that he could not explain.

The worst seemed to be over. He stood there, sweating, sides heaving, wondering if he had perhaps sharted at some point from all the pressure crushing his insides. He spat a few times, trying to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. He made the mistake of thinking about his own father, and how his father viewed females.

The thought made him puke again.

Octavia’s hiss made him feel so much guilt that it became a physical sensation of pain. Tarnish looked away, his eyes watering, unable to keep watching as Minori examined the long slash that ran down Octavia’s side. For a moment, he thought he was going to be sick again.

“It’s a flesh wound,” Minori said in a low voice. “It looks worse than it is. The cut goes down into the fat, but does not reach the ribs.”

“I’m not fat,” Octavia protested as her ears stood up in indignation.

“If you did not have this miraculous layer of fat,” Minori said in reply, “then the blade that made this gash would have grazed your ribs.”

“Hmph!” Octavia tossed her head back and then let out a snort.

Forcing himself to turn his head, Tarnish looked at Octavia. One side of her face was swollen, her cheek bulged a bit, and the swelling made one eye narrow. Something had struck her in the head. Even the base of her ear was enlarged and red looking. Looking at her, his ears drooped in an almost foalish display of guilt.

Maud had scratches, a few more serious looking scrapes, and a number of bruises. She was watching everything that Minori was doing, her head following every movement. Beside Maud, Vinyl sat rubbing her head with her eyes half closed.

“I told Dig Dag to train the pack as warriors,” Minori said as she rubbed a salve into the long gash on Octavia’s side. “Train them as fighters. Teach them martial discipline.” The old diamond dog shook her head. “I told him to offer his services to the alicorns as mercenaries. I told him that those who sit on high would pay good coin for his services, but he had to hold himself to a standard.”

Beside Minori, a fresh shorn bushwoolie held up a crude oil lamp so that Minori could see better. The oil lamp was a crude bowl made of pottery with a wick floating on a scrap of something that looked like spongy bark. The flame on the wick sputtered and stunk like rancid meat.

“That feels rather cold,” Octavia said and then hissed by sucking air through her teeth.

“Smells like some kind of mentholated compound.” Tarnish leaned in a little closer and sniffed.

“And now it feels hot… hot!” Octavia squirmed and her tail swished from side to side.

“Go now,” Minori said to Octavia as she pushed the pony away. “I have others to heal.”

Rising to her hooves, Octavia began to prance around, dancing in place, and tossing her head around. “Hot hot hot!” The grey mare squeezed her eyes shut as her hooves clattered against the stone. “Oooh, Vinyl, blow on it, it stings worse than iodine! Don’t just sit there, do something!”

“Stop squirming so much.” Minori’s lip curled back from her teeth in annoyance. “The salve has the skin glued shut. Hold still, stop moving, and don’t like act a puppy, fat one.”

Freezing in place, Octavia turned her head and glared at the old diamond dog. Her lower lip protruded and her eyes glittered. She blinked once, then twice, and she let out a ferocious snort. “I am not fat.”

“We’ve had this discussion, chubby one.” As she spoke, Minori reached out and grabbed Tarnish by his right hind leg. She dragged him closer and pulled him down to the ground so that she might have a better look at him, ignoring his startled bleat of protest.

Gnawing on her lip, Octavia now ignored the freezing-burning salve and the pain in her side as she glared daggers at the old diamond dog. Her ears alternated between pitching forward in an aggressive manner and splaying out to the sides.

Ignoring Octavia’s foalish theatrics, Minori shook her head. “I can’t pull this out.”

“That’s not good,” Tarnish said.

“I am going to have to push it through.” Minori patted Tarnish on the head with a calloused paw. “There will be much pain and screaming. Through suffering, you will know enlightenment. I would suggest that you bite down upon something and contemplate upon the sound of one paw clapping.”

“Huh?” Stymied, Tarnish couldn’t even begin to understand what that meant. “I don’t have paws.”

“But you do have an asshole.” Minori peered down at the protruding arrow. “And as a creature with an asshole, you must fart. The great wisdom tells us that we all share this in common. Tell me, what is the sound of one cheek flapping?”

“I…” Tarnish began, and then faltered.

“My master, Wan Dun Fli, she said that life was like a fart, sudden, full of fury, and then gone on the wind, leaving behind only memory. She was very wise.”

“Are you shitting me?” Tarnish asked, his voice becoming a whine as Minori touched the arrow.

“By the great many armed Collie Ma, I am not shitting you,” Minori replied.

“Maud, help, I think my brain is breaking.” Tarnish turned his pleading stare upon his wife.

“That’s the least of your concerns, Tarnish. She’s about to push an arrow through your withers.” Maud blinked and leveled her stare upon Minori. “Tarnish, bite down upon the flap of your saddlebag. This is gonna be awful…”

So serious

Sweat poured off of Tarnish in great, fat droplets. Maud was holding his head, she had her forelegs tight around his neck, and Vinyl was holding all of his legs. There had been a few attempts to push the arrow through so far and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to try again. He was fine with living out the rest of his life with the arrow just left there.

“We need to angle it up and then push through,” Minori said in a low voice that sounded exhausted. She reached out with one bloodied paw and stroked Tarnish’s lower back, trying to comfort him.

“Maybe a hospital might be better?” Octavia suggested.

“Let’s face it, the doctors would do the same,” Maud replied, “although it would be in better conditions.”

“Maybe we should get him to Baltimare.” Octavia’s face was pinched with worry. “I once read that ponies hardly ever died from the arrow, but they died from the infections or bleeding out when one tried to pull the arrow free.” As she spoke, she heard Tarnish whimper, and she cringed from saying such a dreadful thing while he was suffering.

Snatching up a stick with a burnt end, Vinyl began to scratch out words on the dirty stone floor. She poked Octavia as she wrote, and then waited for Octavia to read the message aloud to the others.

It said, “I could try conjuring the arrow out, but it’s going to pull flesh out with it. I don’t know how much. Conjuration forms a bubble of magic around the object.”

Maud considered the option for a moment, then nodded. “Do it.”

“I agree, ‘twould be best.” Minori bowed her head.

“Okay, Vinyl… I know you’ll do your best. You are the most amazing wizard I know.” Octavia turned and looked at her soulmate. “Save our little family, Vinyl. Try to think of holidays together and the pleasant times we could be having.”

The albino mare closed her eyes and began to concentrate. Her breathing slowed and her horn pulsed in time with her inhalations and exhalations, going from light to dark. Her barrel rose and fell with rhythmic regularity.

“What… what if she magics... away a big chunk... out of my withers?” Tarnish’s question came out in pants.

“We’re hoping for a little chunk,” Octavia said as she reached out and stroked Tarnish’s face. “Just think about how lovely it would be to spend Hearth's Warming together. We could drink egg nog… I could perform holiday music. We could be happy and put all of this behind us.”

“That… sounds… nice.” Tarnish closed his eyes and buried his face against Maud, anticipating that things were about to get worse. “I’m going… to spend… the rest of my life… doing this… it will never… be… behind me.”

“Oh how dreadful.” Octavia’s unharmed ear drooped against her face, while the swollen ear was unable to sag. She turned and looked at Vinyl, who was lost in concentration. She turned again, and met Maud’s eyes. The two mares stared at one another, and she saw Maud give a little nod as her body tensed. She heard Tarnish whimper as Maud tightened her grip. Octavia felt her throat go dry, but she managed to choke out a few words anyway. “Well then, I do believe our holidays shall involve a lot of drinking and the sort of dancing they frown upon in high society.”

Vinyl’s horn flared with brilliant light and an arrow poofed into existence near her head. The arrow was bloodied, both with old dried blood and fresh gleaming blood. There was very little flesh on the arrow, no flaps of skin, no chunks of muscle, for the most part, it was just a bloodied arrow. A thin trickle of blood dribbled out of Vinyl’s nostril, and her breathing became heavy.

Two things happened at once.

Tarnish, in a groggy voice asked, “Is it over?”

While he asked his question, Octavia gasped, “Vinyl!” as she rushed to hold her mate.

“That one has done too much magic this day,” Minori said as Octavia grabbed the pale mare. “As for you, very little harm was done. I can patch this up and you’ll be fine. You are lucky to have such skilled friends. Now hold still, this is going to sting a little…”

In his haze of pain, everything felt jumbled and confused. His withers ached and the muscles along his shoulders burned with inner fire, but he could deal with it. He was more worried about Vinyl, who was in severe need of rest. He thought about the stone striking Vinyl’s shield and what it had done to her. He did not understand the full intricacies of magic, but he knew that the strain had caused some physical harm to her.

A cup was set down in front of him and he sniffed. He recognised the cup and realised it must have been pulled from his saddlebags. He probably needed his tea, his medicine, the delightful brew that kept his magic in check.

It took him a few moments, but he noticed that Maud was nowhere to be seen. Confused, and just a little bit alarmed, he lifted his head and asked, “Where’s Maud?”

“She returned to our camp to fetch Burrows Under Truffles,” Octavia replied.

“How’s Vinyl?” Tarnish was surprised by how scratchy his voice sounded.

“She insists that she’ll be fine, that she just needs some rest. She’s overextended herself today. I think she’ll need some time being spoiled.” Octavia blinked, her eyes darted over to the left to look at Vinyl, and then she returned her gaze to Tarnish. “Drink your tea. The bushwoolies were quite taken by it. They love alchemy and I permitted them to study a small sample. Now that they are free to come and go, I suspect they will be bringing you the reagents you need to make more tea, even though you have plenty.”

“Where is Minori?” he asked as he lifted up his teacup.

“She’s restoring order and making things right. She’s declared herself chieftess. None have challenged her. Right now, she is draining the infection from one of her fellow dogs.” Octavia paused for a moment, chewed on her lip, and then shook her head. “The things that took place here, Tarnish… I fear they shall haunt my dreams. As awful as it sounds, it has inspired me… I can already hear the music forming. It will be sad and terrible, I fear.”

Closing his eyes, he took a sip of his tea. The hot liquid was soothing. He swished some around inside of his mouth, then swallowed. His injured withers burned and ached, but he did his best to ignore them. There were others who had suffered far worse.

Eyes now open, Tarnish saw a curious sight. A little diamond dog pup holding a wooden sword stood near. When Tarnish looked at him, he bowed his head, then bowed at the waist. The pup was small, lean, and long of limb for his size. His long ears were pulled back and tied behind his head with a tattered ribbon.

“My name is Long Ears,” the pup said as he rose from his bow. “Minori sent me to guard you and be your servant.” The little pup’s face fell into a wrinkled frown. “I suspect she did so to keep me from being under paw.”

Glancing over to Octavia, Tarnish noticed that there was a sweet smile upon her face.

“I am now the clan’s protector,” Long Ears said in a voice far too serious for his age. “Minori was raising me to challenge Dig Dag, but now he is dead. I shall find other foes more worthy of my wrath. I shall be a paragon of the eight great virtues.”

Taking another sip of tea, Tarnish looked at the clan’s protector. The pup might come all the way up to his knee, yet there was something about the little fella that told Tarnish that he was a scrapper. He didn’t dare smile, because the pup seemed to be taking all of this in such a serious way.

“One day, I shall be a great and powerful samurai, and Minori will be my beloved chieftess. I will have purpose and do good. I will be honourable and just. I will defend the weak and offer protection to all good souls who ask.”

“That sounds very noble of you, Long Ears,” Octavia said to the pup as she fought to hold back laughter.

Looking up, Long Ears pointed at Flamingo, who hovered overhead. “Might I hold your sword?” The pup turned his excruciatingly adorable eyes upon Tarnish and gave him a soul crushing, pleading stare.

Tarnish almost dropped his teacup. “Uh, Flamingo is really, really sharp, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I will be careful.” Long Ears’ eyes became terrible weapons, and he used his ruthless advantage against Tarnish.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what… you tell me what those eight virtues are, and I will let you hold—”

“Uh, boss, that’s a terrible idea,” Flamingo interjected.

“Flamingo, you’ll let him hold you and you won’t move.” Tarnish looked up at the sword hovering overhead.

“Boss, I’m bigger than he is by quite a bit.” Flamingo swooped down and hovered near Tarnish’s right ear. “I’ve eaten meals bigger than he is—”

“Not another word, Flamingo.”

“Right, no more words, shutting up now. I know when to shut up and be quiet, yes I do.”

Squinting at Flamingo, Tarnish grumbled something and then returned his attention to the pup. “So, tell me, what are those eight virtues?” He was curious, and wondered if perhaps they would be like the Elements of Harmony.

“The first is righteousness,” Long Ears replied as he bowed his head. “I strive to be righteous. Dig Dag was not righteous, he was craven.” The little pup raised his head. “The second is self control. I withhold my desires and I maintain self control. Through deprivation, I gain enlightenment.”

“He’s so serious.” Octavia mouthed the words at Tarnish but did not make a sound.

“Benevolence is my favourite virtue, and I try to be kind and fair in all of my dealings. Wars can be ended with steel and blood, but they can also be undone with kind words and gentle acts. I want to be known for my kindness.” Long Ears reached up and smoothed back his long, floppy ears.

“Respect, honour, and sincerity are the threefold virtues, you cannot have one of these without also having the other two. They are connected and difficult to maintain. If you lose one, you lose all three and become a disgrace.”

Nodding, Tarnish considered the pup’s words.

“Courage is the virtue that I have in abundance. I might be small, but I am fearless. I never shrank back from Dig Dag, even when he beat me or cuffed me for being insolent.” The pup gripped his sword. “I kept a memory of every indignity that he visited upon me and the others. I did this out of loyalty, the last virtue. I am loyal to Minori. She is my teacher, and now my chieftess.”

True to his word, Tarnish reached out with his telekinesis, grabbed Flamingo, and pulled her down. The pup slid his wooden sword into a crude, tattered belt around his middle, and reached out, eager. Tarnish placed Flamingo in his paws, and he got a good grip on her. He held her, but did not move. He didn’t wave or slash her around, he did nothing that might be dangerous.

“This is an amazing weapon, but I do believe a kind word can do more,” Long Ears said in a near silent whisper. “One day, I hope I am worthy of a blade like this one. The name Long Ears will cause terror to those who do evil.” The little pup closed his eyes and his lips began moving as he recited something under his breath.

Even though he struggled to make it out, Tarnish could not understand what the pup was saying. As he sat there listening, he saw the pup’s eyes open, and he saw a fiery intensity in the pup’s eyes.

“You have honoured me, and I shall not forget it.” Long Ears let go of Flamingo, who remained in place, and kneeled down by Tarnish. “I am indebted to you, and I shall strive to follow your example—oomph!”

The pup’s last words were cut off as Vinyl grabbed him and began snuggling him. Long Ears struggled, he kicked and wiggled, his eyes wide, but Vinyl was much larger than he was. Octavia began giggling, but also tried to hold it back, which made it come out in giggle-snorts. Flamingo floated up and away, mindful of her own sharp blade.

“Madam, if you require assistance or comfort, you only had to ask!” Long Ears shouted in a squeaky voice. “My sister, Kabuki, she is the snuggly one… leggo!”

Lifting his teacup, Tarnish continued drinking and ignored Long Ears’ pleas for help.

Author's Note

And I am done with this for a while. All the available material has been used up. Other stories will now be updated.

Have puppies?

Have puppies?

The sun would soon set, ending an eventful day, and Tarnish watched as the diamond dogs gathered their dead. The former captives gathered up their captors with respect and reverence, which surprised Tarnish, given the circumstances. They had insisted on dealing with the dead and were shocked by his desire to bury them.

These Diamond Dogs believed in the Everflame and as such, their remains were burned away in the blazing fires of the forge. The cleansing fires would burn away their many misdeeds and their souls would be given a chance to live again as good dogs. Diamond dogs who were good dogs went on to become part of the Everflame, the spirit of the forge, and their essence would give strength to the weapons made in the forge, ensuring the survival of the diamond dogs. Tarnish had listened as it was explained to him and had tried to understand as much of it as he could.

Minori seemed impressed that Tarnish held interest, and he understood why. Most ponies wouldn’t care about the afterlife of diamond dogs. His muscles ached, his back hurt, and his mind felt slow. Twilight would be coming, and with her, a whole host of guards to help the pack move north. Minori seemed excited by Tarnish’s plan and he was grateful that she had agreed to it. Twilight was a little reserved by it, but agreed that something had to be done.

The gash in his back had stitches in it, curious stitches, and he meant to ask Minori what they were. He had never seen their like before, and much to his own curiousity, it seemed that the tear in his flesh was already healing. He suspected that there was some sort of magic at work, and he planned to investigate it when the opportunity presented itself.

Beside him, Maud sat, holding Boulder, and she looked down at her pet rock as he got a little sun, what was left of it. Vinyl and Octavia sat together, trying to comfort one another, and Vinyl fretted over Octavia's wound, which Tarnish still felt guilty about. Long Ears sat near them, watching as the remains of the dead were gathered, a solemn, serious look upon his face.

“Boulder tells me that there are lots of borers here,” Maud said.

“What’s that, Maud?” Tarnish’s head swiveled around to look at Maud again.

“Borers.” Maud looked up from Boulder and gave Tarnish her attention. “Borers are magical fish that swim in the rocks by phasing through it. They move through stone like it was water, eating certain minerals. The waste that these borers pass are gemstones, little borers make little flakes and big borers make large gems. Boulder tells me that when a borer passes through the stone, it tickles.”

Blinking, Tarnish tried to understand magical fish that swam through rocks and left behind gems. The world was a weird, weird place and there was so much that he just didn’t understand. He looked at the stones around him, then over at the mine, and he had a peculiar thought; a mountain might be an ocean. His realisation left him feeling unsettled, so much of the world came down to perspective.

Seeing the devastation all around him, Tarnish had trouble understanding the carnage he had wrought. Smashed and broken trees, cracked, shattered stones, tree branches impaled through bodies, it was almost too much to take in all at once. There had been no control, no means to reign it in.

The destruction had been beneficial though, there could be no doubting that. The old had been cleared away and now the new could blossom. These diamond dogs could be free, they had a chance to make a new life, a fresh start. And this had presented Twilight with a chance to make new friends, not just for herself, but for Equestria as well.

“Tarnish, you look thoughtful,” Maud said.

“I am,” Tarnish replied.

“We did a good thing today.” Maud slipped Boulder back into her pocket and then patted him, an affectionate gesture that few would ever see. She scooted closer to Tarnish, and balanced on her haunches, she wrapped her forelegs around him so that she could pull him close.

The pair shared a lover’s embrace, bringing comfort to one another. For a moment, the world around them faded away and it felt as though they were the only beings in existence. Leaning his head down, Tarnish buried his snoot into Maud’s mane and then inhaled, drawing in her scent. He didn’t care that she was sweaty, dirty, sooty, and reeked of smoke.

“I need some time alone with you,” Tarnish whispered into Maud’s mane.

“We’ll find some time alone,” Maud replied.

Hearing Maud’s words, Tarnish found some reassurance in them. He needed to be with Maud, he needed to be inside of her, he needed to feel her against him, he needed to hear her heavy breathing in his ears, but more than that, he needed her. Just some time with her, and only her. Maybe some time staring up at the stars, or bathing in a cool stream in the moonlight.

“Aw, love.”

Lifting his head, Tarnish saw a pup staring at him. A little girl pup, by the sounds of her voice. She was small, slight of build, and she was the blackest shade of black that he had ever seen, except for her face and ears, which were a filthy white, but he had no doubts that if she had a bath, it would be as white as snow. She had long ears and there was something familiar about her face.

“Kabuki!” Long Ears lept up and rushed over, his long ears flapping behind him.

“Brother!”

The two pups collided with a meaty smack and embraced one another. After a moment of exuberant affection, Long Ears pulled away, looking embarrassed. He stood there, with one arm still draped over his sister’s shoulders, and looked over at Tarnish, Maud, Vinyl, and Octavia, who were all looking.

“This is my sister, Kabuki. She is being trained to be a healer.”

“I don’t want to be healer, I want to be a warrior.”

“Don’t be a silly head, females can’t be warriors.”

“Says who?” Kabuki demanded.

“It is our way,” Long Ears replied.

“Our way brought us to this.” Kabuki gestured at everything around her. “It is time for a new way. Minori said so.”

“Females are smaller and weaker.” Long Ears drew himself up to his full height, and he was a few scant inches taller than his sibling. “I’m bigger than you. Minori said I am to protect those smaller than me.”

Rolling her eyes, Kabuki snatched up her brother, lifted him up over her head, and then body slammed him down onto the ground. Long Ears yelped, but Kabuki already had him in her grip again. She lifted him with ease, hefted him into the air once more, and then pointed him head first towards the ground with the intent to piledrive him into the dirt.

“Mercy!” Long Ears shouted.

With what appeared to be no effort, Kabuki flipped her brother around once more and then set him down on his hind paws. She dusted him off, brushing away the dirt, then she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

“I am also a better archer than you,” Kabuki said into her brother’s ear.

Unable to help himself, Tarnish burst out laughing.

Rather than be embarrassed, Long Ears looked angry. He stood there, flexing his paw-fingers, his tail twitching, and what could only be described as a murderous rage filled his eyes. Tarnish stopped laughing.

“Dig Dag beat you for touching the bow, and he kept beating you every time he found you with a weapon… I wanted to make him pay! I was going to beat him down and make him submit to me!” Tears were visible in Long Ears eyes, and his terrible rage made him tremble. “I was going to challenge him, take over this clan, and then lead them to glory.”

“And you will,” Kabuki said in a reassuring voice to her brother as she pulled him close. She wiped his eyes and then gave him a squeeze. “Don’t cry… I can’t stand to see you cry. Everything will be okay.”

Still holding Maud, Tarnish realised that both siblings had endured a great deal of trauma together. He tried not to think about what might have happened to Kabuki had she grown up with Dig Dag still as chief. All around him was evidence of abuse, of harm, vessels filled with broken spirits. Some of them hadn’t seen the sun for a dog’s age. He saw Kabuki look up at him.

“I don’t have a daddy anymore. I don’t know who he was, but he’s gone now.” Kabuki reached up and wiped her own eyes, then looked up at Tarnish. “You seem nice. Will you stay and be my daddy?”

It felt as though some invisible force punched him in the guts. Tarnish’s mouth fell open, but no words came out. He felt Maud react, he felt her muscles tense, which only further disintegrated his ability to respond. His mouth went dry and he found it difficult to breathe.

“My mother didn’t know who my daddy was, and I kinda understand why, seeing as what goes on around here.”

“Kabuki, dear, where is your mother?” Octavia asked in hushed voice.

“With the Everflame,” Kabuki replied. “One day, her spirit will give my brother’s sword a keen edge.”

“Dear, while I am positive that Tarnish would love to take you in, he has work to do. Important work. And so do you, by the looks of things. You need to stay with your tribe and help them rebuild. They will need you, as both a warrior and a healer, and Tarnish has work that will take him to places far and wide.”

“Kabuki, that’s Octavia, and that’s Vinyl, and these two are Tarnish and Maud.” Long Ears sprang up to his hind paws, freeing himself from his sister’s grasp, and then said, “I must resume my duties as a guard.”

“My brother is all I have,” Kabuki said, looking disappointed. “I’d like to have a family. Minori has told me stories about how things were when she was a pup. Things sounded better in those days, but there was still trouble.”

“Be patient, little one, and you will have a family. You have Minori looking after you.” Octavia’s ears leaned out over her eyes and she looked over at Vinyl for a moment before returning her attention to Kabuki. “We can be your friends. As for Tarnish and Maud, they live in Rock Haven, the place you will be going, so you will see them again, when they are home. Everything will work out.”

“Really?” Kabuki's dirty white face looked hopeful.

“Yeah,” Tarnish replied in a husky voice as he fought back some sniffles. “We go home because family is there.” At the moment, Tarnish wanted to go home. He wanted his mother, and he wanted his other mother, and he needed to hear Igneous’ reassuring voice, and feel Marble’s soft touch. He wanted to hear Limestone’s boisterous laughter.

“I want to leave this place,” Kabuki said as her tail made a sad little wag behind her. “Minori said I will carry the forge fire when we go and it will be my responsibility to feed the flame and keep it alive until we get to where we’re going. I’ll be carrying the spirits of our ancestors.”

“That sounds like a very important responsibility.” Octavia’s voice was the very model of warm sincerity. Beside her, Vinyl nodded and Octavia smiled, but it was a sad smile.

“Say, Kabuki,” Tarnish said, eager to change the subject to something else less depressing, “would you know why these stitches on my withers look so weird? I’m asking because I thought you might know, with you being trained as a healer and all.”

“Oh, that’s minotaurian stitch magic,” Kabuki replied as her sadness melted away and vanished. “Minori is teaching me the magic of the stitches. They’re complicated.”

“What?” Tarnish’s brows crinkled as he wracked his brain, trying to understand what was just said.

“The minotaurs learned how to make magic stitches using special knots and making intricate, magic focusing patterns. Normally, this is used to enchant clothing and blankets and stuff made out of fabric, but skin can be sewn up too.”

Whipping his head around, Tarnish tried to look at the stitches on his withers.

“Minori uses the self repair stitch on skin to make it heal faster. A gash that might take weeks to close up can heal in a day or three.” Kabuki fidgeted as she sat in the dirt and looked over to where her brother was standing. “I had to sew my brother’s ear back on after he made Dig Dag angry. I’m glad I did, because his name probably would have been changed to One Ear.”

Long Ears said nothing, but clutched the handle of his wooden sword.

“Can she teach me?” Tarnish asked.

“Why would a hornicorn want to learn stitch magic? Can’t you just set things on fire by thinking about it?” Kabuki looked up at Tarnish with an expression of utter confusion, her eyes wide and her mouth open.

“Hey, this hornicorn isn’t so great at magic—”

“You did this!” Kabuki cried, interrupting, and she waved her paws at everything around her. “Your magic did this! Look what you did! By just thinking about it!”

“It was an accident.” Tarnish’s gaze fell down to the ground and he stared at a rock. “Look, it’s complicated, okay? I don’t know how to explain it.” When he lifted his head, he found both Kabuki and Long Ears staring at him. He had trouble meeting their combined gaze, and after a moment, he looked away again.

“Tarnish likes learning about the magic of others,” Octavia said, coming to Tarnish’s rescue. “He’s taught himself zebra hoodoo, he studies alchemy, and he is learning how to make charms. Tarnish is a magical scholar of the highest order.”

“Oh.” Kabuki’s eyes went wide. “Ooooh… he studies magic as art!”

“I what?” Tarnish asked, bewildered.

“I gotta go and talk to Minori,” Kabuki said as she lept to her paws. She took off sprinting, her long ears flapping against her head. “Minori will be pleased that an artist wishes to learn her craft!”

“I don’t understand what is going on.” Tarnish looked around him and his gaze fell upon Octavia. “What did you just do?”

A smug grin appeared on Octavia’s face, and she offered no reply, leaving poor Tarnish bewildered.

Author's Note

Next chapter, Twilight, and a special guest.

Late night leather

A million, billion stars twinkled overhead. For some, this was the first time they had seen the stars in quite a long time. For others, the stars were familiar friends that brought comfort after a trying day. Yet for some, the stars were terrifying things, as was the empty void of space. Such was the fate of the bushwoolies, who favoured living underground and were scared silly of open spaces.

There was a strange joyful melancholy about. Many were sad about the deaths, but there was an overwhelming feeling of hope and jubilation at being free. Tarnish had trouble taking it all in, it was difficult to understand how the feelings of grief and happiness could meld together and offer the atmosphere he was feeling.

He figured that was life in a nutshell. It didn’t have to make sense. It just had to happen.

A fire crackled in front of him and Maud sat beside him. On the other side of the fire sat Octavia and Vinyl. Much to Tarnish’s relief, Vinyl’s nose had stopped letting out little trickles of blood, but her eye was still red and spiderwebbed with engorged veins. Not too far away, Long Ears lay sprawled in the grass, sleeping, and his sister was using his back as a pillow, as she too, slept.

Hearing the crunch of gravel, he turned his head and saw Minori approaching. She looked exhausted, her face sagged with weariness. She walked with her front paws, holding her leg stubs up off of the ground as she barreled along using her front limbs. He watched as she eased herself down near the fire.

“Dig Dag would not let me treat many of the infected and the injured, not until they submitted and promised to behave. I have much catching up to do.” The older diamond dog settled in and made herself comfortable among the ponies. She pulled around her satchel, opened it up, and began to rummage around inside. “I will be glad to leave this place.”

“Kabuki and Long Ears are amazing pups,” Maud said in her usual deadpan.

An unmistakable look of pride appeared upon Minori’s face. Tarnish figured that with her being a wise old dog, she probably knew the dangers of pride more than any other member of her tribe, but it made him glad to see that she had it for the pups. There was something else upon her face, something Tarnish did not recognise, perhaps because he wasn’t familiar with diamond dog faces.

“They are my hope for the future. I had once placed so much hope in Dig Dag… but it was not to be. Long Ears will be a good leader. He has a better temperament and he has his sister to keep him level headed.” Sighing, Minori smiled and looked over where the two pups lay.

“She wants to be a warrior.” Tarnish’s voice was a soft whisper and the crackle of the fire almost made it difficult to hear. In the distance, he heard singing, which sounded a bit like howling. It was a mournful sound and he wondered if the clan was paying respects to their dead.

“She is gifted as a healer though. She’s already mastered everything I know about acupuncture. She has a knack for alchemy. And”—Minori pulled something out of her satchel and held it out to Tarnish—“she knows the stitch magic.”

Staring at what he was being offered, Tarnish realised that it was leather, rolled up like a scroll. It was another animal’s skin. He felt a passing moment of queasiness, his mouth went dry, then flooded with saliva as more nausea almost overcame him, and then his mouth went dry again. Minori was offering him a gift, a gift that he would feel wrong about refusing.

It took a colossal act of will to take the rolled up sheet of leather out of Minori’s paw. He felt his skin crawl as he held it in his magic, but holding it wasn’t enough. He saw that it was tied together with leather strips. He untied them and then unrolled it.

Written, or perhaps burned into the leather were diagrams showing how to tie various knots and create different types of stitches that would act as focal points for magic. Now entranced by what he saw, the leather was a lot less disgusting. There were words here too, words written in careful, flowing calligraphy. Or burnt into the leather. It was hard to tell in the firelight.

“I had Kabuki make that for you,” Minori said in a low voice. “She put a lot of effort into it. I told her it was a test. I’ve looked over it, she’s made no mistakes that I can see. Those knots will put useful enchantments into clothing, making it self mending or waterproof, while other knots will aid in healing.” Minori’s whole face puckered up. “Had Dig Dag lived, he probably would have made me sew his arms back on.”

“Thank you.” Tarnish’s voice was a breathy whisper and he looked up at Minori.

“I’m still not sure why a unicorn would be interested in such trivial magic.” Minori let out a sniff and her notched ears perked up. “Your kind once moved the sun and the moon. You made eclipses happen just to show off and keep the superstitious in awe of you. Some of your kind have acted as the gods of my kind. Entire nations have been burned down by your kind in the many wars throughout the ages.”

Rolling up the leather scroll, Tarnish tied it closed. “I’m a ranger… and the ability to stitch up a wound and have it heal is invaluable. With this”—Tarnish shook the scroll in front of his face—“I’ll be able to save lives.”

Minori’s eyes glittered in the firelight and something resembling cunning could be seen on her face as she studied Tarnish. “Eh, a wise one. Some lives are given, some lives are taken. Tell me, wise one, which do you think will benefit you more?”

Just as the words were ready to leave his mouth, Tarnish swallowed them, as he realised that this was a loaded question. He wanted to say, ‘giving lives,’ but he understood that there were going to be situations like what happened earlier in the day where conflict and killing were unavoidable.

“See how he thinks,” Minori whispered in a weary voice. “See how he thinks and how he contemplates his answer.” She looked over at Maud and her eyes narrowed. “Sōhei, how proud you must be of your mate.”

“That’s the second time you called me that.” Maud looked Minori in the eye. “What does that mean?”

“In Inujima, we have a sect of powerful warrior monks, the Sōhei. You would find yourself at home among their number. They are the calm storm, the quiet destruction, the gentle avalanche.” Minori smiled at Maud and then looked over at Tarnish, still waiting for an answer.

“There is no easy answer,” Tarnish said, not knowing what else to say. “I can try and do all of the good I can and still make mistakes. Bad things can still happen. The best that I can hope for is to play it by ear and then deal with the consequences, good or bad.” As he spoke, he saw Minori nod.

“You would be wise to remember that we all have one thing in common—”

“An asshole?” Tarnish asked, trying to finish her statement.

“Yes.” Minori grinned. “Even alicorns, for all of their might, have a built in turd slicer. They too, must have difficult moments with turds that refuse to be cut.” The old dog laughed, reached up, scratched her ear, and then shook her head. “I am tired, and I must be going. There is much to do on the morrow.”

Tarnish watched as the old dog closed up her satchel and made ready to leave. “Thanks again… I appreciate the scroll… I feel blessed for having met you.”

“And I, you.”

With a snort, Tarnish awoke. He was both chilly and warm. He was also wet, covered with the morning dew. He had vague memories of Octavia singing last night, and he must have fallen asleep. Maud was beside him, and there were two pups curled up against his side. He yawned and felt a powerful thirst that made his throat dry as well as scratchy.

He smelled fire and when he looked around, he saw several of them blazing. Cooking fires, by the smell of things. The scent made his stomach lurch in a most uncomfortable way, but he held himself together. He thought of the leather scroll and knew that this wasn’t too different. He was determined to be respectful, even if he was uncomfortable.

He heard Flamingo’s chirpy, chipper, cheerful voice. She was nearby, chatting with some diamond dogs. Yawning, Tarnish felt a pang of regret, knowing that he was going to wake up those sleeping against him when he stood up, but he had to go. On the ground nearby, there were some big wooden bowls and upon closer inspection, Tarnish saw they were filled with berries. Some kind soul had left them breakfast.

As he struggled to get to his hooves, several things happened. There was a soft yelp, a fearsome growl, and an annoyed grunt. The grunt came from Maud, but he wasn’t sure who yelped or who growled. The two pups fell into the warm spot on the grass where he had been lying and he did his best not to step on them. After a scramble, the three remaining sleepers piled together while Tarnish went off to take care of business.

Looking up, Tarnished Teapot was awestruck by what he saw. In the early hours of the dawn the golden armor of the guard glowed with a rosy hue, turned pink by the sun. There were several sky chariots and in the middle of the wing of guards, there was not one, but two princesses that could be seen, one lavender, one blue. All around him, the camp filled with the buzz of activity.

For Tarnish, it was one of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring sights he had ever seen, and one that would stay with him for the rest of his life. Like many, he held a special sort of reverence for the guard, and seeing them renewed his sense of patriotism. When the first of the guard landed, Tarnish let out a gasp of relief.

When Twilight touched down, Tarnish saw that she had Spike with her, and Princess Luna landed not but a moment later. He dropped his head into a bow and was about to bend his knee when Twilight said a single word.

“Stop.”

He froze in place, his head still low, watching as more guard landed all around them. Chariots landed with less than graceful thumps. There were boxes and supplies with the guard, and Tarnish hoped that much needed medical supplies had been brought. He grinned as Twilight approached and Spike waddled beside her.

Twilight stopped in place and began to look around, taking note of the signs of catastrophe all around her. Broken trees, shattered rocks, places where the grass and root layers had been stripped away, she took it all in with wide, curious eyes. After looking around her, she focused a calm, commanding stare upon Tarnish.

“Much seems to have happened here,” Twilight said as she looked Tarnish in the eye. “I am positive there is a story to tell, but that shall have to come later. For now, we must settle in and offer what aid we can.”

Tarnish’s ears stood up. Twilight seemed a little stiff, starchy, and formal. He glanced at Princess Luna, who stood nearby and said nothing. Upon looking at her, Tarnish understood. This was Twilight’s dog and pony show. She was here to prove herself, and Princess Luna was here to watch as Twilight spread her wings.

He found himself wanting to see Twilight succeed. She had to prove herself, just as he had to prove himself. Twilight was a good pony, one of the very best, and she had a lot to offer the world. She had dealt with him fairly and had done right by him. He thought about everything that Twilight had done for him and felt a warm, happy feeling.

“Have you gone off and gotten taller?” Twilight asked in a low voice as she looked up at Tarnish. “You gotta stop that. At this rate, you’ll be seeing eye to eye with Princess Celestia.” She flashed him a grin that lasted only for a second, and then she resumed looking reserved and serious.

“Maybe.” Tarnish shrugged. He didn’t know. Try as he might, he could not stop grinning.

Behind him, he heard sleepy yawns and a whole lot of hustle and bustle. He heard voices, some excited, and some fearful. This was a momentous moment, pregnant with possibility. There was a great opportunity here, and it appeared as though Twilight was going to embrace it, even if she had some reservations.

He became aware that Princess Luna’s eyes were upon him. Her heavy gaze made him feel self-conscious and nervous. He looked into her eyes for a moment, got the feeling that she was staring into his very soul, and looked away, averting his gaze. Something about her stony, featureless expression unnerved him and he felt his knees wobble just a bit, as if compelled by the sudden need to grovel and scrape upon the ground.

There was also the peculiar feeling that he had met her before, but that was impossible and he knew it was just his mind playing tricks upon him. She had come to him while dreaming, that had to be it, that had to be the explanation for the sense of familiarity he felt. It was the only logical, reasonable explanation that he could come up with.

Author's Note

Next chapter involves some swearing.

Fortune favours the bitch

Twilight Sparkle didn’t look so well, or so Tarnish thought. She had been given a tour, was shown the mine, and was brought around to meet various survivors. It was, no doubt, a harrowing experience. Twilight had started off strong, determined looking, but at some point during the tour, she began to break down. Now, with everything said and done, Twilight appeared as though she might start crying at any moment.

Meanwhile, Princess Luna seemed unmoved, stony faced, there was a certain grimness about her, as if she had seen this all before. Her reactions came out more in her actions, rather than her reactions. Her patience when mobbed by little pups. Her gentleness when meeting a sick patient. Tarnish noticed these things, but then again, he was paying attention. He was all too aware that Princess Luna had a reputation for being cold and distant, but perhaps, just perhaps, ponies just weren’t paying attention.

Shuddering, Twilight brought herself up to her full height and her ears stood up straight. “I don’t understand… I’m trying, but I just don’t understand how this happened. It was bad enough when my friend was taken by diamond dogs… but this… all of this... I…” Twilight’s stammering came to an abrupt end and she let out a wordless whine.

“You are surprised that we would do this to ourselves?” Minori asked.

Twilight, perhaps fearing that she might offend, offered no reply. She stood there, mute, staring at Minori, her eyes glassy with tears. Princess Luna stood beside her, unmoving, and there was no readable expression upon her face. Twilight had not yet developed a well practiced mask of diplomacy, and it was obvious to Tarnish as he stood watching the two princesses.

“You have encountered my kind before.” Minori’s words were not a question.

“Yes.” Twilight gave a faint nod.

“And a friend of yours was taken.”

Again, Twilight’s head made one single almost unnoticeable nod.

“I am sorry.” Minori bowed her head.

“Why are you sorry?” Twilight asked. She shook her head and her ears drooped. “We should be sorry. I want you to believe me when I say, had we known about this, we would have done something about it”—Twilight looked over at Luna—“wouldn’t we?” Before Luna could respond, Twilight continued, “We’re facing a lot of troubles of our own… I know that resources are stretched thin, but had I known, I would have done something about it. I would have come here and done something.”

And that was when he saw it. Tarnish saw a gleam in Princess Luna’s eyes, like a torch flaring in darkness. He didn’t know what it was, he only observed it for but a fraction of a second, but it was there. He could only guess that Twilight had said the right thing and that Princess Luna was impressed, or proud. But there had been a reaction, a strong one. He was so used to staring at ponies faces because of Maud, hoping to see some rare reaction, and because of this, he was quick to pick up on things that nopony else would ever notice.

There had been an ocean of emotion in that gleam found in Princess Luna’s eye.

Twilight, her feathers ruffled, shuffled from her left hooves to her right hooves as she squirmed in place. “We’re going to help you on the trip north. We will help carry the injured, the infirm, and those unable to help themselves. More than that, Princess Luna and I are going to walk with you the entire way, so that we might become better friends.”

Princess Luna’s eyebrow arched and she gave Twilight a peculiar look.

“I would like to be better friends,” Minori replied. Sitting on her stumps, she held out one rough looking and calloused paw to Twilight.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed as she looked down at the paw. Tarnish saw the lump as Twilight swallowed, and he saw her orange tongue for a moment as she licked her lips, no doubt, a nervous habit. He then watched as Twilight raised one foreleg, and extended her hoof.

Minori took the hoof into her paw, gave it a firm but gentle shake, and then let go.

“We have much to do,” Minori said. “It is good we have friends to help us.”

With everything going on around him, Tarnish could not help but feel excited. Something momentous had happened, he had no way of knowing just how important it was, but he knew that this was a turning point. This was important, a major event, just like the volcano, but better. And he had played his own little part in it.

Hearing a whimper, he looked around and saw Long Ears being pushed by Minori. She was shoving him in Princess Luna’s direction. She planted her paw on his backside with a gentle swat, and sent him forwards. The little pup had been cleaned up and Tarnish could see that his coat was a faded shade of greyish brown. He froze completely when Princess Luna affixed her stern gaze upon him, his paws gripping the handle of his wooden sword.

He let out a soft yelp and then found the courage to continue forwards. He made his way to Princess Luna, drew his sword, kneeled down, and placed it at her hooves while she stood there looking down at him. He tilted his head back to look up for but a single instant, then bowed his head and closed his eyes.

“I have not yet proven myself,” Long Ears said in low voice. “I was going to slay Dig Dag, then travel to the distant land where you live, climb up the mountain that touches the sky, find you, and offer you my sword.”

“And who might you be, tiny one?” Princess Luna asked.

“I am Long Ears and I will be chief one day.” Long Ears pushed his sword closer to the alicorn’s hooves.

“Wait!” Kabuki’s shrill voice caused Tarnish’s ears to perk.

She wiggled free from the diamond dog that had grabbed her and hurried towards her brother and Princess Luna, evading all attempts to capture her. She made it to where Tarnish stood, then looked up at him with pleading, puppy dog eyes.

“I do not have a sword,” she said in a low whine.

Not too far away, Minori had become a statue, as had many of the other diamond dogs. Tarnish became aware that there were many, many eyes upon him, including Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl. Even Twilight was staring at him.

“What say you, noble champion,” Princess Luna asked in a flat voice that held no emotion, “wouldst thou sponsor this brave one?”

The words struck Tarnish like a physical force. He realised what Kabuki was doing. She was violating pretty much every tradition of her tribe. This was, no doubt, a rehearsed and long hoped for moment, her brother’s moment to shine in the sun so to speak, and she was causing a scene.

Tarnished Teapot decided that the diamond dogs needed one with so much courage. He lifted Flamingo, who had been sheathed during the tour of the mine, and for good measure, he gave Kabuki his shield as well. He saw tears in her eyes as he lowered his head. He kissed her on the top of her head, just between her floppy ears, then turned her around, and gave her a gentle shove towards Princess Luna to get her moving.

“The Spider’s Bane hast made a wise choice,” Princess Luna announced in a commanding voice as Kabuki drew near.

Upon reaching Princess Luna, Kabuki kneeled down and laid Flamingo at the alicorn’s hooves. She set the shield down as well and then bowed her head. “I am Kabuki and I wish to be a warrior as well.” Kabuki closed her eyes and reached out with one paw to grab her brother’s arm. She clutched it, her whole body trembling.

“This is a most serious obligation.” Princess Luna looked down at the two pups kneeling before her. “Thou art offering me your lives. Thou art pledging thineselves to me and mine service.”

Neither pup replied and a strange silence hung in the air.

Head high, Princess Luna turned her stare upon Minori. “When the time comes, it is mine desire to have both of these brave souls lead your tribe. It is good for siblings to rule together. It is obvious to me that these two are at their best when they are together, not apart. You will need all of the strength thou canst muster in the times to come.”

After nodding, Minori bowed her head.

“I accept thine service.” Bowing her head, Princess Luna touched Long Ears with her horn, then Kabuki. Lifting her head, she looked over at Tarnish, then over at Minori once more. “It is time for the diamond dogs to improve their fortunes.”

When Princess Luna was done speaking, a cheer rose from the gathered crowd.

Preparations were being made to move north. The biggest problem that Tarnish saw was the lack of roads. It would be rough going until they got to a road. He understood the wisdom behind walking north, it would give everyone involved time to know one another. For friendships to be made. Just flying up there would be detrimental to this process.

In perhaps the largest surprise of the day, the bushwoolies and the badger-kin announced that they would be going north as well. When asked why by Princess Twilight, both had responded in much the same way, Minori was their friend, and they trusted her to look after them. Tarnish himself had a little trouble understanding, the diamond dogs had kept them as slaves, but for the bushwoolies and the badger-kin, there was a distinction between good diamond dogs and bad diamond dogs.

Minori was one of the good ones.

“Before we go our separate ways,” Twilight said to the group of ponies gathered, “I need to speak with you about something important.” She looked at Tarnish, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl with a worried expression. “I’ve been getting reports about a cutie mark thief. Somepony that has been going around and claiming to cure those who have troublesome cutie marks.”

Hearing these words, Tarnish squirmed.

“These reports have been very strange. The map in my castle keeps lighting up and directing me and my friends to some very strange cutie mark troubles… like stolen cutie marks, or vanished cutie marks.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed and she looked over at Tarnish. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Um, maybe?” Tarnish replied.

“Tell me everything,” Twilight demanded.

Sucking in a deep breath, Tarnish wondered where to begin. He glanced over at Maud, but she was no help. She sat there looking very Maud-ish and for a moment, he thought he saw something in her eyes, some expression. For some reason, he was unable to meet her gaze and he stared down at the ground.

“Look, Tarnish, when you talked to me through the mirror, you sounded scared about having the diamond dogs go north. I heard it in your voice.” Twilight’s voice dropped down to a whisper. “A guard patrol found a group of slaughtered diamond dogs near the Sisters. Do you know something about this? I’m smart enough to put two and two together.”

Twilight’s words were like a spear through his barrel. For a moment, he was worried that he would start crying. He felt a shudder along his spine and his eyes burned as tears threatened to come streaming out. He thought of his tormentor and the awful things she had done. He thought of the lesson he had learned and the little pup who had survived.

“Tarnish, what happened?” Twilight asked, now worried. “Talk to me… what happened?”

“It’s a long story.” Maud leaned forward, wrapped her forelegs around Tarnish, and pulled him close. “He’s been traumatised. She offered to cure him, to fix what was wrong. We met her on the road when we were travelling down here and she’s been stalking us ever since.”

“Oh.” Twilight’s mouth became a tight little round ‘o’ and she stared at both Maud and Tarnish with wide, astonished eyes.

“I wanted him to talk to you about it, but he wanted time to get his head together. After that, I didn’t nag him because that’s not how you help somepony.” Maud gave her husband a little squeeze. “Don’t be mad at him.”

Taking a deep breath, Tarnish made ready to spill his guts and tell Twilight everything…

Author's Note

That stupid cricket is responsible for the delay.

A lesson needed

With each word spoken, it grew more and more difficult to tell Twilight what had happened. A strange new pain grew in Tarnish’s barrel, it was quite unlike anything he had ever experienced before. With it came a new sensation of panic, a powerful panic unlike anything he had ever known. It seized him in a grip of terror and sank its icy claws into both his heart and spine.

This continued until his words died in his throat and all that came out of his mouth was a strained squeak. Breathing was almost impossible now. He fought back the wracking hitch that rose in his barrel, it was like a living thing that thrashed against his ribs and demanded to be let out. His eyes burned with tears that could no longer be held back.

“Tarnish?” Twilight leaned forwards as Tarnish began to sway back and forth as he fought to keep breathing. “Have you been ensorcelled?” Twilight’s muzzle scrunched with fear as well as worry.

Reaching out her forelegs, it was Octavia that caught Tarnish before he collapsed. She leveled her gaze upon Twilight, and her eyes were flinty and hard. “Don’t you understand?” she asked Twilight in a voice that held both anger and sadness. “She’s violated him… thoroughly and completely. She’s forced her way inside of him, stolen away his dignity, and caused the sort of damage that you can’t see on the outside. She’s robbed him of his self worth and she—”

“You’re making it sound like…” Twilight’s words trailed off as her eyes began to water.

“Well, what else is it?” Octavia demanded as she wrapped her foreleg around Tarnish’s neck so she could both pull him closer and support him. When Maud latched on, Octavia gripped her as well, having forelegs just long enough for the both of them. “She stripped away his defenses and forced her way inside. She toyed with him and left him powerless. She’s hurt him, and she’s awful.”

“Tarnish, why didn’t you tell me?” Twilight asked as the first tear slid down her own cheek.

“Because, you can’t always tell,” Octavia replied as she blinked away tears of her own. “You already feel weak and degraded. Talking about it? Admitting that its happened? Taking on all of the shame and the stigma that comes along with admission? It’s not that simple, Twilight.”

“I suppose it isn’t.” Twilight scooted forwards, leaned in, and pressed herself against Tarnish, Maud, and Octavia.

“You tell yourself that you need a little time,” Octavia began, “and you don’t say anything. The wounds begin to fester. You feel enraged, but also powerless, and the guilt and the shame tear you down.” She began to sniffle and her voice became husky. “And then, when you can’t talk about it, when you can’t get help, when you can’t even tell your own best friend about it, you fall into a downward spiral of more guilt and shame as you wonder what is wrong with you and why you’re so weak.”

Wiping her nose, Vinyl sniffled and snorted a few times, then wiped her eyes, and then joined the others in surrounding Tarnish. She leaned against both him and Octavia, her eyes dry, and a furious expression could be seen upon her face.

“I feel bad for not realising,” Maud said in an unusually soft sounding deadpan. “I thought he just needed some time.”

“I’m not even certain that he realised.” Octavia closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against the base of Tarnish’s jaw. “It’s different for males. There is all this pressure to be tough. To be rough and ready. To never admit weakness—”

At these words, Tarnish choked.

“ —and if you do fess up to it, you are somehow less of a male.” Octavia fell silent, and with her eyes closed, she stroked Tarnish’s neck, her foreleg moving up and down in a slow, gentle caress.

A short distance away, Princess Luna stood, her wings folded against her sides, and her face was a stoic, stony mask. She watched over the small group huddled together, her body unmoving as both her mane and tail were whipped about on unseen and unfelt gusts of wind, driven by unseen forces. Two small pups drew closer to her and sat down near her hooves, one of them gripping the hilt of a battered wooden sword.

“Tarnish,” Twilight whispered, “you have the best friends a pony could ask for. Trust me, I’m kind of an expert in this area.” She hoped that her words brought Tarnish some measure of much needed comfort.

For Tarnish, everything he had experienced crushed him all at once. Not just his encounter with his unknown and unseen tormentor, but the fight with the diamond dogs, the loss of control with his magic, injuring his own friends under the influence of the dust bomb, and then the gruesome discovery of how the diamond dogs treated their own. His mind screamed Octavia’s words over and over, he thought about violation, about forced, unwanted entry, and it was all too much to deal with all at once.

Something inside of him broke and he felt a moment of intense pain that was somehow even worse than his previous agonising moment. When he grimaced, his whole body jerking from the mental and physical sensation of the realisation of the trauma visited upon him, Princess Luna recoiled as if she had been struck. The night blue alicorn closed her eyes and bowed her head, as if she too, was experiencing the pain that Tarnish was feeling, as if she had somehow felt the mental tear when it happened.

Unlike Tarnish, Princess Luna recovered right away.

Like Princess Luna, no tears spilled from Vinyl’s cheeks. In her pink eyes there was only burning fury, rage, and raw aggression. The corners of her mouth twitched, her cheeks tugged on them as they drew taut. Her jaw clenched and her ears rose and fell. Where the others looked heartbroken and grief-stricken, Vinyl looked murderous.

Some ponies had different reactions to the trauma of others.

“We need to fix Tarnish some of his tea, his amulet is growing dark,” Maud said as she stared at the now moody looking purple gemstone. She stroked the side of Tarnish’s neck and her foreleg brushed up against Octavia’s. She looked into Octavia’s now open eyes and there was a moment of unspoken communication between the two mares, the silent language of love, friendship, and trust.

They both loved Tarnish, but for different reasons, and in different ways.

Hunched over his cup of tea, Tarnish’s eyes were bloodshot. Even though it was early morning, he looked weary, exhausted even, and there was a dull, detached expression upon his face. His ears drooped and hung limp against the sides of his face. His cheeks were slick and shiny with tears.

Beside him, Kabuki was weaving wildflowers into a chain. The little pup was silent, thoughtful looking, and her paws were yellowed with pollen. Long Ears sat near her, and his back and sides were yellowed where Kabuki had wiped her paws on him. Even though he said nothing, Long Ears was confused and disturbed by Tarnish’s condition, the pup wasn’t used to males breaking down and showing so much weakness. What confused Long Ears even more was the fact that Tarnish had seemed so strong—Tarnish was the slayer of Dig Dag, after all—and Long Ears had trouble reconciling the stark contrast.

“Feeling better?” Maud asked.

“I just feel numb,” Tarnish replied.

“I keep thinking, this has to be like the nail that was in Trixie’s frog.” Maud turned her head and looked into Tarnish’s eyes. “Now that we’ve pulled it out and dealt with all of the buildup, you can start getting better. I’m so sorry, Tarnish… I didn’t realise… I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay, Maud. I guess I didn’t realise it either.” Tarnish took sip of tea, shuddered, and then closed his eyes as his body swayed from one side to the other. His balance felt off and he had a headache just behind his eyes.

“I feel bad for Twilight.” Octavia looked over to where Twilight was now standing, surrounded by diamond dogs, bushwoolies, and badger-kin. “She just got an earful about how her friend was hurt… but it is politics as usual. She has to take care of princessly business. I wonder what it is like for her.”

“It can’t be easy,” Maud remarked.

“She made me so angry.” Tarnish’s strained whisper held little emotion. “I was just so enraged. She manipulated me and led me around by the nose. That night, she… she tormented me and tried to be break me… that night I found the pup. I was so angry that I had trouble seeing. I feel like I lost my moral high ground… I honestly wanted to kill one of my fellow ponies. What does that say about me?”

Maud’s eyes closed and her mouth opened. After a moment of hesitation, she managed to say, “I wanted to kill your father. I did. I wanted it real bad. He hurt you, and it hurt me, and I’ve never felt like that before. I didn’t think anything could hurt that much. It has nothing to do with moral high ground, and everything to do with having an emotional overreaction.”

“It’s done something to me,” Tarnish said, his whisper growing even quieter. “I can’t explain it. I don’t know if I can explain it. There’s a darkness there that wasn’t there before. Ever since that night… running through the trees… thinking about murder… I was half blind… I kept screaming at her to shut up, I just wanted her to stop… I needed her to stop…” Stammering, almost choking on his own words, Tarnish’s voice died and he gave his head a sad shake.

“Let it out and let us in,” Octavia said in a gentle voice.

Taking a deep breath, Tarnish did his best to continue. “She twisted my words around and forced her way inside of my head. I just wanted her to stop… it was hurting me so much. I didn’t think anypony could be that cruel. But she proved me wrong. She took away my faith in other ponies. It was a lesson unwanted.”

“I too, had my faith in other ponies shaken,” Octavia admitted. She looked over at Vinyl and her eyes misted over. “Over time, I became so jaded that I started feeling dead inside. I can deal with feeling disappointed in the ponies around me, I suppose that’s normal when you live in the big city and you see the worst that equinekind has to offer.” Octavia shook her head. “But then there are those that do things that go beyond the pale. It is incomprehensible to me how some ponies act, how cruel they are, how heartless, they lack even a shred of decency… it made me ache inside and I felt myself withdrawing from the world.”

“How did you deal with it?” Tarnish asked.

“I didn’t,” Octavia replied, being honest. “I just stepped back and kept retreating. Helianthus kept reassuring me that there were good ponies in the world, and there were, I even met a few in our little society, but at that point, I couldn’t seem to connect to them, no matter what I did.”

Finished with her chain of wild flowers, Kabuki stood up, stretched out her body to make herself as tall as possible, and slipped it over the top of Tarnish’s head. It slipped down over his face and came to rest against his neck. She then sat down near her brother and began work on another chain of wildflowers.

“Thank you,” Tarnish said to Kabuki.

“You’re welcome,” she replied, and then she fell almost silent, humming to herself in a soft, almost unnoticeable way.

Turning her head, Octavia looked over at Spike, who was going around with a checklist, collecting names and getting to know the diamond dogs, the badger-kin, and the bushwoolies. She watched the dragon for a time, her ears angled over her eyes, and deep furrows could be seen in her brows.

“The second best thing that ever happened to me,” Octavia said in a low voice, “was meeting the two of you. It was like hearing beautiful music for the first time. That night we met, I knew even then that my life was going to be changed forever. We danced… all of us, and it was beautiful. It was just what I needed.” Her gaze fell down upon the ground and she pressed her front hooves together, causing a faint click as they tapped against each other. “I know it sounds strange, but it made me fall in love with Vinyl all over again… it’s hard to explain, but all of a sudden, the world was a wonderful place again”—her voice dropped to a husky whisper—“the world was a wonderful place to be in love again. I had hope and the sun seemed to shine a little brighter. Everything seemed brighter. Everything felt better. Kisses seemed a little sweeter.”

Grinning, Vinyl waggled her eyebrows up and down as she jabbed Tarnish in the ribs with her elbow. Leaning over, the mute unicorn mouthed the words, “She finds me irresistible.”

“I need to find some paper and a pen right away… I’m feeling rather inspired… I can hear the music playing in my head. Such a bittersweet melody that I’m hearing, I must jot it down. Vinyl, be a dear and conjure me up some paper and a pen, would you please?”

As Tarnish took another sip of tea, Vinyl shrugged, shook her head, and pointed at her horn. She stuck out her tongue, made a stupid expression while crossing her eyes, and then pointed to her still bloodshot and bloody red eye.

“Oh, right… you need to rest. Well, I guess there is no helping it. I shall have to wait.”

Looking at Octavia, Maud said, “I bet you could ask Spike. I bet he came prepared with extra supplies. I’m sure he’d be glad to help an artist in distress. Go and ask him.”

A hopeful smile spread over Octavia’s muzzle. “I shall, oh, I shall.”

Author's Note

**Holds breath**

Plot twist

Somehow, the blue light of the orb made Princess Luna’s face look even bluer. She held it up, inches from her nose, and peered into it with narrowed, curious eyes. For a moment, Tarnish thought of Mellonella Moth, the big blue earth pony, an acquaintance, and the generous soul that had given Maud a chunk of moon rock. There was no denying it, there were similarities between the two.

Distracted by his own thoughts, he looked away from Princess Luna staring into his orb and looked over at Octavia, who was having an unspoken conversation with Vinyl. He wondered how she knew so much, how she became so knowledgeable, and wondered how he would ask her about it. This was a question that required tact, and he wondered if there was a way he could ask without being blunt or upsetting about it.

“This is most wondrous,” Princess Luna said in a soft voice, “it is like a phylactery, but without the stain of evil about it. There is something else about it as well… something…”

“It holds the very essence of poison joke.” Tarnish looked over at the curious blue alicorn and saw that her face was almost foalish. She had wide, curious eyes and she was looking at him. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine because you are near me. I figured that out after Trixie and I examined the orb together. I am probably the only pony that can safely handle the orb without resorting to preemptive cures or alchemical protection.”

“In my experience,” Twilight remarked as she too, peered into the orb, “artifacts choose their owners. I learned quite a bit studying the Elements of Harmony.”

“Trying to steal away an artifact from its chosen bearer can bring about dire consequences.” Princess Luna turned her head and looked over at Twilight, then returned to staring into the orb, her ears perking as she tried to discern the orb’s many secrets.

“With this being the vital essence of poison joke, this orb would be wonderful for magical stabilisation in hostile environments.” Twilight’s brows crinkled into deep furrows, and her muzzle developed a few creases. “Tarnish, with your talent and this orb, there could be situations where you would have quite an advantage.”

Tarnish nodded, having already thought of what Twilight was thinking. As he sat there watching, Twilight turned her attention away from the orb and began to examine his shield. He couldn’t help but notice that Twilight’s curiousity was almost cat-like, with similar facial expressions and body language. Well, if a cat had wings that is.

“I can’t tell what it is made of,” Twilight said in a low voice.

“Neither can I.” Maud leaned forwards. “It isn’t steel. It isn’t any metal I can recognise. And I can’t make out what the glass-like substance is either.” The earth pony looked Twilight in the eye, then looked over at Princess Luna, and then her eyes fell upon the strange shield. “It is feather light but when it hits something, it strikes as though a falling star has impacted. The shield does not obey the laws of physics.”

“Princess Luna, have you seen anything like this?” Twilight asked. When Princess Luna shrugged, Twilight let out a disappointed sounding sigh. She set the shield down, gave it a final glance, and looked at Tarnish. “Okay, Tarnish, I need you to tell me everything you know about the centaur spirit in the orb, the timber wolves with poison joke, and every detail you can remember about your visions into the past. Do you think you can do that?”

Heart heavy, Tarnish nodded, and made ready once again to tell Twilight everything.

Nopony said anything. Tarnish had told Twilight just about everything he could remember and then some. Princess Luna’s expression was unreadable and Twilight’s seemed to be one of distracted curiousity. Vinyl looked thoughtful, Octavia looked a little confused or perhaps befuddled, and Maud, well, Maud looked the same as she always did. There was something about this that Tarnish found reassuring. Maud was his rock.

Something needed to fill the silence that had descended upon the group. It grew awkward with a cringe inducing rapidity that Tarnish thought was a bit disturbing. He felt enormous relief when he saw Twilight take a deep breath and then opened up her mouth to say something.

“There’s a lot of weird things going on right now,” Twilight said to the group. “There’s reports of harpies to the south. There have been some vicious harpy attacks far, far to the south, beyond Equestria’s borders. There are also reports of raptorians—”

“What’s a raptorian?” Tarnish asked, cutting Twilight off.

“I’ve never seen one,” Twilight replied, “but I’ve read about them in an old book. They’re a bit like harpies, they have the bodies of birds and the heads of dogs.” She paused and her lips pressed into a straight line for but a moment before she continued, “Thing is, raptorians aren’t supposed to exist anymore. They were said to be wiped out almost two thousand years ago. The raptorians were the airborne shock troops for the war pigs, a group led by some kind of horrible pig witch named Princess Porcina. Not much is known about them and what little information I’ve been able to find is conflicting in nature.”

“The centaur that gave Tarnish the orb and the shield was turned to stone to survive the ages.” Maud’s eyes glittered with a keen intelligence. “The ages were not kind to her however. Discord’s statue survived for a thousand years. What if the raptorians were turned to stone, stored away for safekeeping, and then revived when the time was right?”

Twilight shuddered at Maud’s words. “Well…” Her words trailed off and she shuddered again. “That’s one way to time travel, I suppose.”

“Not all of the raptorians were bad,” Princess Luna said, her soft, sorrowful sounding voice cutting into the conversation like a sharp knife slicing through soft, fluffy cake. “Just like not all diamond dogs are bad. There were good ones and bad ones. They tore themselves apart in a vicious civil war. The survivors fled, with the good ones heading off to the far east and the bad ones becoming mercenaries and sellswords. The bloodshed and the killing was so terrible that it made their homeland uninhabitable. There is still a swamp far to the south where their homeland used to be. Everything there rots now and nothing grows healthy or true.”

“How do you know this?” Twilight asked.

“Once, a long time ago, in my youth, I traveled there while hunting a powerful warlock. We dueled there, and our skirmish woke up the horrors of the swamp. The dead rose, having heard the siren’s call of battle. I left him there, and the dead pulled him down into the murky depths to join them in their fetid, rotting misery. I do not regret mine actions.”

“Ugh.” Twilight’s whole body made a very noticeable shiver.

“We have known peace for a time, but that time is over.” Princess Luna’s eyebrows formed a concerned ‘V’ upon her forehead and the corners of her mouth were tugged downwards. “Princess Cadance says that the ice orcs stir at the top of the world, they are an ancient and terrible enemy of ponykind. Yakyakistan has had much success in holding them off, at least, so far.”

“In the dragon lands, the lava demons have been more than a little unfriendly.” Twilight glanced at Princess Luna, then met the eyes of each member of the group one at a time. “Thankfully, the dragons are well equipped to deal with lava demons.”

“It is quite a curious thing.” Octavia paused, her lower lip protruding, and she shook her head. “It is funny how things from the past can come back to haunt us. Why, just the other day, we found a guard tower and met a dutiful spectre guarding some gaudy bit of jewelry—OW! Vinyl, don’t poke me so hard!” She glared at the unicorn beside her and rubbed her ribs where Vinyl had poked her. Eyes narrowed, she continued, “He mentioned the war against Catrina. Would you happen to know who she is?”

Twilight looked puzzled, but Princess Luna did not. Her eyes narrowed, but the princess said nothing. Octavia gave the alicorn a hopeful look, but information did not seem forthcoming. The two princesses exchanged a glance, but nothing was said. Octavia realised that she was going to have to live with disappointment.

“He was guarding a ring of elemental authority that is attuned to fire.” As Tarnish spoke, he watched Twilight’s eyebrow rise and form a concerned arch. “I gave it to Vinyl for safekeeping. She’s more magical than I am and will get more use out of it.”

Twilight, looking alarmed, leaned forwards. “Now wait, I don’t know about—”

“Keep it safe,” Princess Luna commanded as she leveled a cool stare upon Vinyl Scratch and cut Twilight Sparkle off mid-sentence. “Artifacts must stay with the owners that they choose. Powerful weapons on the other hoof, must remain with trusted keepers.” The alicorn of the night’s eyes narrowed and her stare became flinty. “Do not disappoint me, or else I shall descend upon you in the night, and you will behold mine terrible majesty.”

There was an audible gulp from Vinyl Scratch and a large lump could be seen sliding down her graceful, slender throat. The unicorn squirmed under Princess Luna’s harsh glare, then bowed her head, and nodded.

“Vinyl Scratch is a recognised graduate of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” Princess Luna turned her head and focused upon Twilight, who sat there looking astonished. “She is a skilled wizard with exceptional magic. I would rather have such a weapon in her keeping than locked away in a vault somewhere gathering dust.”

“Yes, Princess Luna.” Twilight nodded her head and her ears drooped in a submissive gesture. “Thinking about it, I see the wisdom in it now.”

“Good,” was Princess Luna’s terse reply. “There is much to be done. We must be ready to head north soon.”

“Yes, we could both do with a nap I think.” Twilight let out a yawn, then shook her head, causing her ears to flap. “It will be nice travelling at night, when it is a bit cooler and the moon is out.”

“Everything is better at night,” Princess Luna replied as she turned to look at the four ponies sitting together. “Mine moon and stars will watch over thee. Best of luck upon thine endeavours. Thou art blessed with thine companionship.”

A soft breeze blew, causing the grass to ripple like waves on a pond. The heady scent of clover hung heavy in the air, almost hiding the inviting smell of a sleeping willow that was some distance away. A sleeping willow, not to be confused with a weeping willow, caused those who fell asleep beneath its drooping bows to never wake up again, giving the tree what it needed to survive. Fresh fertiliser.

Much to Tarnish’s relief, he finally had Maud alone and all to himself. Just a bit of time was all he wanted, all he needed, and then they would return and say their goodbyes to those heading north. Looking down, he saw Maud’s smock laying in the grass. Looking up, he saw Maud standing in the shade, her tail twitching from side to side.

He approached, his head low, and gave her a little lip nibble, which she returned. The lip nibble became a kiss, which became a smooch, and then it intensified into something else entirely as they stood facing one another. With a bit of fancy hoofwork, Tarnish repositioned himself, sidestepping and turning while he kissed Maud, until he was standing beside her and he could feel her swishing tail slapping his hind legs.

With time being so short, there wasn’t much time for the slow vagaries of romance and letting the situation develop. He pulled away from the kiss with a slurp and wasting no time whatsoever, he slipped a foreleg over Maud’s back, repositioned himself on top of her, and mounted her. He wrapped his forelegs around her middle, sliding them along her ribs, and he was tall enough now that she was able to stand beneath him quite comfortably. He heard a soft, almost unnoticeable moan and he rubbed his neck against hers. He felt her tail flagging and her dock made an inviting rub against his belly, causing his muscles in his hind legs to quiver.

Closing his eyes, he thought about how it would be. He would grip her, take a deep breath, and then, the same way he always did when they were in a hurry, he would ease himself inside of her. The first few thrusts would almost always be a little clingy, she would be stretched tight all around him and there would be the sort of friction that would make him go rock hard.

But with patience, she would loosen up a bit, become slick, and then the magic would happen. He would go deeper, and deeper, and deeper still, until he had hilted himself. Just beyond his medial ring, in that spot between his ring and his balls, there was a patch of rough, textured, somewhat knobby skin that nature had so helpfully provided, and he was learning how to use that, how to grind it against Maud in such a way that made her get her rocks off. All he had to do was pay attention to what he was doing, time his thrusts with her winking, and let the rough expanse of skin slide back and forth against her eager, winking flesh.

It was all about working with a rhythm.

Eyes still closed, his whole body tensed as he readied himself. His legs were tense, too tense, and if they kept this up, they would cramp. He drew in deep breath, braced his back, and just as he was about to make entry, his brain balked at the very idea. He let his breath out in a flatulent lip flapping raspberry, his entire bulk collapsed against Maud’s back, and then, pulling her with him, he fell over into the grass as though he had been speared.

He lay on his side, now spooning with Maud, and he pulled her closer, as he still had his forelegs around her middle. He didn’t care that she was laying on his left front leg and that it would soon go to sleep. He buried his face into the back of her mane, along her crest, and breathed deep. He snorted and felt a shiver in Maud’s neck muscles.

“Ummm…”

“I’m sorry, Maud.” Tarnish felt Maud’s ear twitch against his cheek, near his lips.

“Are you okay?” Maud asked.

“Yeah,” Tarnish replied as he heard a wet schlurp sound from Maud’s other end. “Yeah, I’m great. I, uh, well, I uh, you see—”

“You just wanted to spoon with me?”

“Yeah.” Tarnish’s muscles went limp and he settled a bit more into the grass. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but this was good. This was great. His body was happy with this, for some reason, and he couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. “I’m sorry… I hope you’re not disappointed.”

“I’m not disappointed, I’m worried. My husband was about to drill for oil in my bedrock. He was about to pump water out of my well. He was about to frack my fronk-hole. Exciting things were about to happen. Really exciting things. Messy biological things outside of my field of specialty.”

Not knowing what to say, he tightened his grip around Maud, needing to feel her against him, to feel her living body against his, to feel her breathing, he needed to smell her, and he had the vague inkling of an idea that he needed intimacy at this moment, and not necessarily sex. The faint flicker of an idea became a spark, and the spark ignited into something that was almost a burning, blazing epiphany.

A quiet, seldom heard voice in the back of his mind wondered if he was growing up.

“I love you so much,” Tarnish whispered, his voice husky and a little bit gritty. “I love everything about you. The way that you walk. The way that you talk.” He felt her tail swishing against his stomach and the inside of his thighs. He lay holding her in the sun dappled shade, never wanting to let go, he wanted this moment to somehow endure forever. “I even love all of the funny faces that you make.”

He felt Maud’s body tense in his embrace, her neck stretched out, and as he watched, Maud began to nibble upon the sweet clover that was just within reach. He heard another moist sounding schlurp from Maud’s southern expanses and his belly muscles quivered, connected to his ears in some strange way. The sound of Maud chewing on clover filled his ears, as there wasn’t much else to listen to. There were a few bees around, some other bugs, and the sound of wind rustling the grass.

“Maud…”

“Yes, you silly hornicorn?”

“Sometimes, I wonder, what defines a relationship.” Tarnish closed his eyes and enjoyed the cool breeze blowing over his ribs and other hot, sweaty places. “We’ve spent a lot of time exploring the sexual side of our relationship, but what about the rest of it?” After he spoke, he heard Maud sigh.

“We dance,” Maud replied. “We go off into the wilderness and have adventures. We sometimes end up in life and death situations. We bathe in frigid waters and look up at the stars like two feral mustangs that have never heard of modern plumbing or hot water heaters. There’s a lot that we do that we probably don’t think about, probably because we’re too busy doing it, or trying to survive some extraordinary situation or circumstance.”

“So we have a good relationship that is fleshed out, well developed, and healthy?” he asked.

“Yes, I think so,” she replied.

“I was worried.” Something about the admission made Tarnish feel better. “I mean, we finally got a moment alone, I gave you a little kiss, and then I just sort of mounted you and got down to business and then I’m not sure what happened, but now we’re doing this.”

“There was a sense of urgency because time alone to ourselves is currently in short supply.” Maud’s tail swished and her dock quivered against Tarnish’s belly.

“Good,” Tarnish said and then he took a deep breath. “Good… good… by the way, I’m about to stab you in the butt with my boner—”

“You say such romantic things…”

Author's Note

Can you count all of the G1 references? Can you? Brony, do you even pony?

Making sweet, sweet love to a bear trap

It looked as though everypony was preparing to go north. Some of the sky chariots had been converted into wagons. The unicorn guard present (there were a few) would have to carry the wagons as they traveled overland until they reached the road. It looked as though it would be a major undertaking.

“Somepony got their itch scratched,” Octavia said in a knowing voice as Maud and Tarnish drew nearer.

“Yeah, but we cuddled first,” Maud replied.

Ears perking, Octavia’s head tilted off to one side. “You cuddled? Before doing the deed?”

“Yeah.” Maud sat down in the grass and her now curly mane bobbed in the light breeze.

Octavia’s serene expression changed to one of mild irritation. “Would it kill you to give me a cuddle first?” she asked as she took a swipe at Vinyl. She snorted in annoyance as Vinyl pronked out of reach. “It’s always let’s get down to business with you, you never make good with the cuddling!”

Vinyl’s unspoken response was to stick out her tongue and the vibrant shade of orange contrasted against her pale albino pelt. She pronked again, going from side to side, staying close to Octavia, but just out of the frustrated earth pony’s reach. Octavia made a lunge, but Vinyl was prepared.

“So, I take it that Vinyl is the, uh, stallion in your relationship?” Tarnish asked.

“No,” was Octavia’s terse and somewhat crabby sounding response.

Realising that he had done something wrong, Tarnish made ready to apologise. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend, it was just a question and I didn’t know that I was going to—”

“I’m not upset with you, you’re delightfully innocent,” Octavia said as Vinyl stopped pronking and stood still, now looking serious. She looked at Tarnish, her expression softening, and her momentary anger melting away. “I’m bothered that society insists that one of us has to be the stallion in our relationship. There is this silly standard that must be upheld.”

Mind blown. Tarnish sat down in the grass and tried to process everything going on inside of his head at this moment. Upon thinking about it, he realised how upsetting what he had said could be to somepony. It was, so he thought, a harmless question, but to Octavia, it had rubbed her the wrong way.

“You know,” Tarnish said in a low whisper, “I think Maud is the stallion in our relationship.”

Octavia leveled a steely gaze upon Tarnish and one ear twitched as one eyebrow raised. The corner of her mouth twitched downwards as she fought to hold back a disapproving frown. Meanwhile, Vinyl had the opposite reaction, and she struggled to hold back a smile, her lower lip quivering as her cheek muscles twitched.

“No, really,” Tarnish insisted, risking Octavia’s displeasure. He looked over at Maud.

“I am pure, unbridled sexual aggression,” Maud deadpanned.

Perhaps it was the way she said it, but Maud’s words were too much for Octavia. She began to snigger, fighting to keep a serious, stern face, but it was a losing battle. She sniggered, she snorted, and then she began to chortle as Vinyl pressed up against her.

“Making love to an earth pony is sort of like making love to a bear trap.” Tarnish paused, cleared his throat, then continued, “You know it’s dangerous, but you think the risks are worth the rewards, so you do it anyway. And then you go around strutting about it, because hey, you just squirted some foal frosting into a bear trap and lived to tell the tale.”

Octavia made a ‘whoop!’ sound, grabbed Vinyl, and squeezed her eyes shut as she guffawed. It sounded as though she was having trouble breathing as she wheezed with laughter. Vinyl, hearing Octavia, came undone as well. Octavia, being more solid and the heavier of the pair, fell over and pulled Vinyl down with her as she tumbled into the grass.

“That’s the most flattering thing you’ve ever said about me, Tarnish.”

“Hey, what’s so funny?” a sleepy looking Twilight asked as she came over to investigate.

Tarnish, being a helpful sort, told her, repeating everything that had just been said…

There was now a lull in the day. Some were sleeping, some were resting, others were preparing for the journey ahead. Twilight appeared to be having a nervous breakdown and kept muttering about bear traps. Down in the depths of the mine, the dead had been burned, their bones and ashes now laid to rest. The forge flame would soon be extinguished, but Kabuki would carry the fire of her tribe as they headed north.

For Tarnish, this lull was the perfect chance to satisfy his curiousity. Shivering with disgust, he unrolled the leather scroll so that he might have a good long look at it. The first thing he noticed was, every image, every letter, it was all burned on to the leather. Somehow, Kabuki had done this without making a single mistake that he could see. She had taken time and care, it showed that she was knowledgeable.

The fine calligraphy was somehow all the more impressive knowing that it had been burned on to the leather. Tarnish didn’t know how the little pup had done it. It dawned upon him that Kabuki (and Long Ears, no doubt) was an exceptional individual. He didn’t know how old she was, but there was no way that he could have written this well as a foal. Her lettering was beautiful, flawless, and perfect.

After looking over the scroll, he found what he was looking for, the mending stitch. The complex knots were shown from several angles, with helpful arrows showing which way to guide the thread. It was difficult, but not too hard. He knew that with some practice, he could master this.

Staring at the knot, he wondered if he could sew these stitches onto an effigy so they could be used for healing when dealing with full body injuries, such as a myriad of scratches, scrapes, and gashes, like the aftermath of battle. Some magics could be merged, like effigies and alchemy, so he was hopeful that this might work as well. It might not though, and he was prepared to accept that. Magic was a complex thing that he had very little understanding of.

There were other stitches as well; waterproofing, self cleaning, stitches that made clothing warm, stitches that made clothing that would keep you cool, and then, in the corner, he found a most curious stitch. A fine series of knots that would make fabric as hard as iron. His eyes darted back and forth as he read the flowing script. The knots had to be laid out in a grid to form a mesh and the entirety of the garment had to be covered. Anything not covered by the knots would be regular, weak cloth.

Sure, unicorns had shield spells, but the minotaurs had figured out how to make regular fabric become as strong as iron. Tarnish quailed as his intelligence kicked in; he realised that it would take hundreds of hours of labour on one good sized garment to offer protection, it was like constructing a suit of chainmail and interlocking thousands of tiny rings. Meanwhile, a unicorn could enchant a piece of clothing to do much the same in far less time.

Also, one bad stitch, one spot that was less than perfect, a mistake made during a moment of boredom, fatigue, or distraction would leave behind a weak spot. It was a craft that would require artificer levels of dedication to make work.

He looked at other knots, other stitches. For the stitches that made clothing warm or cool, it only needed to be applied to the hem, but it had to form a completed circuit for it to work. Lifting his head, Tarnish thought about all of the trial and error that minotaurs must have endured to figure all of this out. He wondered how the journey to knowledge had even begun. Perhaps one minotaur made one particularly artistic stitch and then noticed a hint of magic. How had they noticed?

Lowering the leather scroll, Tarnish looked over at his wife. She was napping, sprawled in the grass, with Octavia and Vinyl beside her. His eyes focused upon her smock. Tens of thousands of tiny stitches… and perhaps, if he did everything just perfect, he might be able to protect her. Or he might keep her cool while she walked during the summer, or warm during the winter.

While a part of him craved power, he was aware of that now and acknowledged it, a much more vocal part of his mind demanded practicality. This scroll had power. Practical power. It would give him an edge over the hazards of life on the road. He could throw down upon the dangers of exposure. Something about this realisation appealed to his very nature as a unicorn, and a newfound sense of defiance awoke within him.

He rolled up the scroll, tied it shut, and slipped it into his saddlebags. He stared down inside and saw the faint blue glow of his orb. He grasped it in his magic, pulled it out, and peered into it. Almost right away, his mind calmed and his thoughts became clearer. He was doing what was right and good. He was learning how to live in balance and harmony in the world. The stitch magic was an extension of that. His eyes took on a strange, unearthly blue glow that matched that of the orb that he held.

Sighing, his troubled mind succumbed to the overwhelming sense of calm. Vague thoughts, notions, strings and streams of consciousness wove their way through his grey matter. The druids shunned their own magic, using it only when absolutely necessary, and they relied upon the magic of others. The centaurs had their own magic, but they had been the masters of magic, with some of them able to absorb the magic of others directly. Tarnish realised that he was following the old way, he was becoming a druid. He was tapping into the magic of others. He had a little unicorn magic, which was distinct and different from his poison joke magic. He was learning a little zebra magic. He was dabbling in alchemy. The scroll of stitch magic was tucked away in his saddlebags.

Tendrils of blue mist rose from the orb and snaked their way into Tarnish’s nostrils. He inhaled them, and in doing so, his body became heavy and drowsy. His heartbeat slowed and he became aware of the sensation of his own blood flowing through his veins. He could feel it in his ears, his ears were full of blood right now, which circulated through his body, gathering heat, and dumping it out through the thin flesh of his ears with the aid of a cooling breeze.

The horrors and trauma of battle faded from his mind, like excess heat dumped out into the wind through his ears. He thought of his mother, how he loved her, and then he thought of others. He thought of Cloudy, and missed her. Igneous’ face could be seen in his mind. Limestone and Marble, he missed them and wanted to see them.

His breathing slowed even more, and then his consciousness collapsed in upon itself.

Tarnish found himself in a field of sunflowers. The air, if it could even be called that in this place, was sweet and fragrant. He looked around and there were sunflowers as far as the eye could see. Soft, moist earth compressed beneath his hooves. After looking around, he didn’t see any sign of Grrrr or Princess Celestia, but he knew that this had to be part of her realm.

He slipped between the tall sunflowers, not knowing which direction he should go, and not caring. This was a peaceful place, a place of rest and respite. This was the place he needed. He had come here without effort, slipping off to this place with but a thought. He thought about his previous encounter with Princess Celestia here in this place.

Ears perking, he heard humming. He followed the sound, overwhelmed with curiousity, stopping and listening every few steps so that he might find his way. The humming grew louder, and louder, and then, the sunflowers parted. Tarnish found himself in a clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a massive sundial and sitting on a small wooden bench next to the sundial was a zebra. The zebra was older looking, hunched over, and had long, shaggy dreadlocks.

Tarnish was quite surprised to see him at first, but then remembered what Princess Celestia had said. Zebras were common visitors to the astral realms. He stood there at the edge of the clearing, staring at the dreadlocked zebra, who stared back at him. The zebra had stopped humming.

“The traveller comes—with a tale of woe has he—ask me your questions.”

“Your speech is strange,” Tarnish said. “Who are you?”

The zebra said nothing, but the corners of his mouth curled upwards into a sly smile. He brushed his dreadlocks out of his face, revealing weird dark eyes that made Tarnish shiver. Holding out his hoof, the zebra made a gesture for Tarnish to come closer.

“Um, do you have a name?”

“Pay attention, colt—heed my words, my way of speech—my name will be known.”

Confused, Tarnish shook his head. There was something odd about the zebra and the way he spoke, but Tarnish couldn’t put his hoof on what it was. He thought about Zecora, he had heard that she only spoke in rhymes.

“Hoodoo of zebras—a warning I have for you—before darkness comes.”

Tarnish’s hind legs gave way and his backside was planted in the cool, moist earth. He sat there, enraptured by the peculiar zebra mystic sitting near the sundial. A soft breeze rustled the sunflowers around him and Tarnish noticed that there were multiple shadows on the sundial, all pointing to different times.

“Harm your enemy—with your effigy magic—self harm will you do.”

Taken aback, Tarnish thought about what he had done to his tormentor. Right away, he was overcome with guilt. He had done wrong and now, he could feel it in his very bones. Unable to keep looking at the zebra, he focused on the sundial instead, trying to make sense of the mess of shadows, all which reported a different time.

“Too late it is not—be mindful in your thinking—and never do harm.”

Ears drooping, Tarnish felt like a scolded foal. “You don’t understand, she had that coming… and I really didn’t hurt her, it was a prank, okay, it was a mean spirited one, but I could have done much worse. I could have drove a paralysing thorn through her effigy’s heart—” Tarnish fell silent when he saw the look of pain and disgust upon the zebra’s face.

He understood. Effigies were all about thought and intent. He had a glimmer of understanding and he felt ashamed of what he had done. If he was capable of thinking about it, what might he be capable of in a moment of heated passion?

“Listen well, Seeker—hoodoo was made for healing—so now, go and heal.”

“But I was defending myself—”

“Not friend, but a foe—so you say, it matters not—heal your enemies.”

“But… how do I do that?” Tarnish demanded.

The zebra made no reply, but resumed humming, his head bobbing, and his thick, ropey dreadlocks fell back down over his eyes, hiding them from view. Tarnish stared at his mystic instructor, trying to understand what to do, and trying to make sense of the zebra’s peculiar method of speech. The zebra made a come hither gesture with his hoof and Tarnish was compelled to come closer, so he did.

He rose, crossed the distance, and sat back down. The zebra said nothing, but the quiet wasn’t so bad. Taking a deep breath, Tarnish contemplated the silence and lapsed into a quiet state of meditation as the sunflowers swayed in the breeze around him. The quiet and the calm was just what he needed, and he felt a tranquil state of peace overcome him. Overhead, the strange sun shone brightly and continued to cast perplexing shadows upon the sundial.

A more aware observer might realise that time had no meaning here in this place.

Author's Note

:facehoof: - I still can't believe he said that.

The cold'll turn your ball blue

It looked as though the convoy was ready to go. Tarnish looked down at the two pups looking up at him with wide, soulful eyes, and for a moment, he felt an awful pang in his heart. He was going to miss them. Behind them was Minori, who also looked more than a little morose. Around Minori was a sea of tiny faces, both badger-kin and bushwoolies.

Unable to stop himself, Tarnish thought of everything that had taken place leading up to this moment. The killing, the horror, the dust bomb, and the aftermath. His blue eyes watering, Tarnish began to sniffle, and as he did so, he heard Kabuki sniffling as well. Long Ears, who tried to be a stoic about the whole thing, somehow resisted, but the pups eyes glistened with tears that he would not allow to fall.

“This isn’t a goodbye,” Minori said in a somewhat scratchy voice. “You’ll be coming home soon, before the winter winds blow. We’ll meet then, and be happy.”

“Yeah,” Tarnish replied, and he felt a stab of embarrassment as his voice cracked.

“You, all of you”—Minori looked around at the ponies present—“have shown us a kindness that we will never forget. We are in your debt. I am glad that we are friends, it gives me hope for our future.”

Wings fidgeting, Twilight Sparkle began to sniffle herself. She wiped at her eyes with a foreleg, blinked a few times in rapid succession, and then let out a soft, feminine cough. Twilight smiled and then did her best to look regal as she glanced over at Tarnish, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl.

“Thank you for sponsoring me,” Kabuki said to Tarnish.

“Eh, don’t mention it,” Tarnish replied as he felt Princess Luna’s eyes upon him.

“Twilight, I just thought of something.” Maud’s head swiveled to look over where Twilight stood. “With everything going on, it slipped my mind. I think Trixie was heading north to come and see you after she departed from us.”

Eyes widening with alarm, Twilight began to think about what to do, seeing as how she was already engaged. She shuffled around on her hooves, looking about, almost appearing panicked. “A friend might need me… but I have a job to do here… oh no!”

Snorting, Princess Luna rolled her eyes. She extended one wing towards Twilight, pointing, and she said, “Go, Twilight. We shall look after this endeavour.”

“We?” Twilight looked a little confused.

“We.” A demure smile spread over Princess Luna’s muzzle. “We. Mineself. We art the Royal We.” The Princess of the Night let out a soft chuckle, amused by Twilight’s lapse into confusion.

“Oh. Oh… Ooooh.” Understanding flashed in Twilight’s eyes. “Oh, right. Under most circumstances, I would have caught that, but I’m kinda panicked. My bad!” Saying nothing else, Twilight spread her wings, cast some spell, then went streaking off, leaving behind a thundercrack as she broke the sound barrier.

“Well, duh,” Spike grumbled, shaking his head.

There was a whooshing sound, another thundercrack, and then Twilight appeared overhead. She hovered in place, smiling, flapping her wings. She held out one foreleg, waved, and then she said in parting, “I’ll be by to visit you as soon as I can! I love having new friends! This is great! Spike, look after them for me!”

And then, with a third sonic boom, she was gone again. The diamond dogs, bushwoolies, and badger-kin all watched the skies, wondering if she would perhaps come back again. When no return seemed forthcoming, there was a collective sigh of dismay from the whole group.

Standing by himself, Spike watched Twilight go as he clutched his tail with one hand, and waved goodbye with the other. The little dragon was grinning and he looked quite pleased with himself and his circumstances. Twilight had practically said that he was in charge.

Shaking her head, Princess Luna let out a snort and mumbled something about upstart princesses. She laughed a bit, a soft chuckle, and then walked over to where Long Ears and Kabuki stood. Her eyes twinkled with amusement as she looked down at them and she lowered her long neck so that she might see them eye to eye.

“Firekeeper, art thou ready to depart?” Princess Luna asked.

When she realised that every eye was now staring at her, Kabuki froze. The corner of one eye twitched and her ears fidgeted upon her head. She swallowed and a lump was seen going down her throat. Her tail tucked down between her legs and she let out a soft whimper.

“Be ye not afraid,” Princess Luna whispered. “A leader must be ready to lead. Give the word and we shall go.”

Letting out a yelp, Kabuki whirled around, lunged for Octavia, and then grabbed the grey mare’s leg. She rubbed her face against Octavia’s leg, but said nothing. She then went to Vinyl, hugged her, let go, and went to Maud. After Maud was hugged, she went to Tarnish. After a brief squeeze goodbye, Kabuki nodded.

“Brother, shall we go?” she asked.

Smoothing back his ears, Long Ears nodded. “Let’s go, Sister.”

And with that, the great migration north began.

It was almost a relief to see The Egg again. Tarnish and his companions made the walk back to their camp in near silence, with very few words being said. There was a lot to do. Firewood needed to be gathered. Dinner needed to be fixed. Somehow, they had to go back to whatever passed as normal.

Staring at The Egg, Tarnish thought of home. The little stone cottage was no doubt being worked on. Cloudy’s kitchen probably smelled of wholesome, delicious treats. Tarnish realised that he felt homesick. Offering no warning, he grabbed Maud in his magic, pulled her closer, and buried his face into the back of her neck.

“Tarnish, what’s gotten into you?” Maud asked as she stood there, her ears flicking as Tarnish huffed against her neck. “That’s not the sexy heavy breathing against my neck, that’s the sad heavy breathing against my neck. What gives?”

“For a minute there, I just wanted to go home,” Tarnish said, mumbling his words into Maud’s mane. “I’m okay now. So long as I have you, I’m okay.”

“Find a task and keep busy, Tarnish. It will make things easier. Slip back into a routine, do the job, and before you know it, it will be time to go home again.” Maud flicked her tail against Tarnish’s body and leaned against him.

“I guess you’d know, wouldn’t you?” Tarnish asked.

Maud said nothing, but nothing needed to be said. Octavia watched the pair for a moment, then looked over at Vinyl, who was busying herself around the campfire, which was now burning again. After a few precious moments, Tarnish pulled himself away, let out a snort, and then trotted off to look for firewood, sniffling as he fled from view.

When he was gone, Octavia leveled her gaze upon Maud and said, “I wish he wasn’t so ashamed of showing his feelings.”

“You know how it is for stallions,” Maud replied.

Turning her head, Octavia looked off to where Tarnish had departed into the shrubs, trees, and brush. She saw birds flying away out of the trees. She shook her head, her ears drooped, and then, for a moment, Octavia’s mouth sagged into a grumpy looking frown. One ear drooped a little, then she shook her head.

“I’m going to write the music echoing inside of my head,” Octavia announced.

Left by herself, Maud realised that it was time to fall back into routine, whatever that was.

Overhead, countless stars twinkled and Tarnished Teapot stared up at them, watching as his breath condensed into clouds of frozen mist. He had awoken in the night with a need to relieve himself, and stepping out of The Egg, he had discovered that winter had arrived to grace this autumn night. The contents of the water barrel had frozen and urinating in the bushes was a brisk experience, to say the very least. The cold air stung his nostrils, burned his nose, and left his balls feeling quite chilly.

Still, for whatever reason, he remained outside in the freezing air, his tail tucked down against his backside in a desperate effort to keep everything back there warm. Inside, it had been quite warm, but The Egg was well insulated and having four bodies piled in one bed produced a lot of heat.

Flamingo prowled the camp in a circle, saying nothing, a silent guardian in the night, casting a pink glow everywhere she passed. Tarnish was more thankful to have her than words could express. Because of her, they slept through the night unmolested. He thought of Trixie, all by herself, alone, with no one to watch over her. That was a tough row to hoe, as the old earth pony expression went.

Staring up at the stars, Tarnish reflected upon those who had helped him recently. Princess Celestia had given him some much needed advice. The mysterious zebra had also offered some useful advice, even if it was a little cryptic. Maledico, his instructor, tended to leave him to learn on his own, but even Maledico had been helpful. When in trouble, he could always turn to the orb.

Knowing he could not sleep, Tarnish did that now. He pulled the glowing blue orb out of his saddlebags, which sat near the door, and he levitated it up close to his face. He peered inside, trying to see shapes in the hazy blue mist, and his eyes took on a blue glow. It was easier to peer into the orb and lose himself than it was to remain in the waking world and think about how he had taken the lives of thinking, feeling, talking creatures.

With a gasp, Tarnish lost himself.

He found himself in a city, this one unfamiliar. The streets were teeming with the occupants of the city, but something was wrong. There were no sounds, no hooves striking the cobblestones. There were ponies here, and centaurs, the streets were crowded with them, but they weren’t living.

Tarnish was certain that he saw ghosts. Each of them were translucent when stared at directly, and all of them had a faint blue tint. This was not a place for the living. When Tarnish took off at a trot, his hooves rang out on the cobblestones, filling the city around him with sound.

What was this place? The buildings were all very peculiar. Everything was uniform, there was a strong sense of geometry, and from where he stood, each building was the same size, the same height, each building was identical to the one next to it. The stone appeared to be shaped, not constructed. The doors were all made of some strange metal, like copper, but more orange and not as reflective. Windows were small and circular, and each window had a sun emblem framing the glass.

When Tarnish found the first building that was not like the others, he stopped and stared. This building was taller, larger, and had double doors. The ghosts poured in and out of it. Above the door were strange letters that Tarnish could not read, but somehow he knew what they were anyway.

This was the Arcanarium. It was… a magical college of sorts. Tarnish saw all kinds going in and out, centaurs, ponies, zebras… alicorns. The alicorns didn’t seem like nobles, or royals, in fact, they didn’t seem special at all. They were just… well, ponies. They weren’t tall and graceful like Princess Celestia or Princess Luna, no, they were short like Princess Twilight. Some were gawky looking and wore glasses.

Compelled by some unknown force, Tarnish felt the urge to go inside.

Inside, Tarnish began to notice that something seemed… off somehow. He had trouble figuring out what it was until he noticed a pony, an alicorn in fact, with a single lion’s paw. Another, also an alicorn, had one very reptilian hind leg. In fact, quite a number of the ponies who roamed the halls had body parts that seemed out of place, like an earth pony who had horns like a goat.

Following a herd, Tarnish allowed himself to be swept along, until he found himself in a lecture hall. The teacher was a centaur mare, beautiful, with a marvellous chestnut pelt. She had strange, twisting, looping horns that grew from her head and mismatched eyes. She ran her hands up and down a tree growing out of a large, decorative pot and the wood flowed like clay beneath her long, slender fingers. She shaped the tree, guiding its growth, giving it new form and purpose. Tarnish could feel the peculiar sensation of magic tingling through his bones.

And then, the ghosts were gone. The tree withered up and died. Time passed in a flood and the pot crumbled with age. The wooden furniture decayed and rotted away. Tarnish found himself alone now, with nothing around him, in an abandoned school, in some forgotten city.

When Tarnish blinked, everything around him vanished and he found himself someplace else.

When he opened his eyes again, he was staring up at the stars and a blue orb floated in front of his face. A fierce feeling of frustration welled up inside of Tarnish when he realised that he had questions, questions that he knew would get no answers. At least, not tonight. Maybe not ever. Feeling a little angry and cheated, Tarnish stuffed the blue orb back into his saddlebag.

It was freezing. The cold gnawed at his ears, made his lungs burn, and Tarnish realised that he wanted to be back in the bed where it was warm, even if he couldn’t sleep. The dead offered no answers, brought no comfort, but at least the living would offer warmth. He snorted, sending out two great clouds of steam from his nostrils.

“Goodnight, Flamingo. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Author's Note

This story nears the finish. We're past the halfway point. Now, we go into the final stretch.

One character will not survive this story.

I can't feel my

I can't feel my

With the morning came a renewed sense of invigoration. Tarnish recalled that he had some dreams of some sort, but he couldn’t remember what they were. He felt better though, and for this, he was thankful. Was it Princess Luna? His own natural resilience? He didn’t know. He was feeling his groove though, and was plucky enough to get into a silent squabble with Vinyl Scratch over who was going to fix breakfast.

Now, sitting opposite of the campfire, Vinyl, wrapped in a saddle blanket, gave him a baleful stare, and each huffy-puffy sigh of hers could be seen in the frozen morning air. Vinyl was not a happy camper, as the old saying went, and it applied doubly here.

Nopony had wanted to leave the warm confines of The Egg this morning. There was no doubt that the day would warm up, but the morning was unseasonably cold. Not only was Maud wearing her smock, but she was also bundled up in a blah coloured sweater knitted from undyed wool and she had a saddle blanket pulled around her as she sat beside the fire. Octavia was wearing a coat and a toque, a floppy looking affair that swallowed up her ears, as well as being wrapped in a blanket.

As Tarnish put some ice on to boil, he pulled out the decorative tin of cocoa, extra dark. The tin promised that it was sinfully dark cocoa and had a wicked looking black and red alicorn embossed upon the front. The black and red alicorn was smirking and giving a sultry wink to the viewer of the tin.

To Tarnish, it looked as though she was either constipated or sneezing.

“What’s the plan for today?” Octavia asked as she struggled to keep her teeth from chattering.

“I was thinking that we need to make a dedicated push into The Scariest Cave in Equestria,” Maud replied. “Tarnish and I have had some bad luck going in, but I think the four of us should be fine. Tarnish has his sword and shield, Vinyl has her magic, and Octavia, you and I are earth ponies. Since when do we get chased out of a cave? That’s embarrassing.”

“Speak for yourself.” Octavia shivered and pulled the blanket tight around her. “I’m a city earth pony. I’ve never been big on caves.” Octavia blinked a few times, then shook her head. “Although, I must say, a big farm with soft dirt does sound appealing for some reason. I could never quite figure out why.”

Smiling, Tarnish kept his thoughts to himself. He knew that Octavia liked spelunking in at least one cave, and he glanced over at Vinyl, who had to be thinking the same dirty thoughts as he was, as she was shaking with silent laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Octavia asked.

Tarnish knew better than to answer. He busied himself with mixing up some pancake batter and focused upon his own survival, all while trying not to chortle. Vinyl was making it difficult however. He shot Vinyl a glance and she stuck out her bright orange tongue in return. He wasn’t going to say anything—he had not one, but two mothers to worry about—and he wanted to live to a ripe old age.

“With the four of us, I think we have a good chance of progress.” Maud paused, shook her head, and then her ears twitched. “However, if we encounter ghastlies, I suggest we retreat.”

“EW!” Octavia closed her eyes, shivered, and it wasn’t from the cold.

“Anything else, and we push forwards. I think if we use fire as a warning, most creatures should retreat from us. We shouldn’t burn them just because they are in our way, but I am not adverse to scaring them just a little. We’re dealing with things that might eat us, if given the chance, so scaring them away is being generous.”

“I like your version of generousity,” Octavia remarked when Maud paused to draw breath.

“With Vinyl and Tarnish holding the nasties at bay, I should be able to get some actual work done. I’ll be able to take readings, study the rocks, and maybe, if I’m lucky, get a better idea of what we are dealing with here. Or, on the other hoof, I’ll end up with data that will only cause more questions.”

Humming to himself, Tarnish dropped some dried fruit and berries into the pancake batter, then set it aside and allowed some moisture to soak in. He thought about Maud’s plan but said nothing. The plan was a solid one and he knew that with Vinyl, he could probably hold the line. He was feeling confident and he didn’t know why. He was just in a good mood today, for some reason or another. He had his friends and anything was possible.

“Vinyl, do remember your camera. I am positive that there are some great photo opportunities inside of The Scariest Cave in Equestria.” Octavia shivered, huffed, and then added, “Oh, I do wish that it would hurry up and get warm. This is miserable!”

“We’re at a higher elevation than the diamond dog camp. Last night it got chilly, but up here, it was probably freezing. We’d better get used to this.” Maud scooted a little closer to the fire. “I don’t have a thick pelt to protect me from the sun and the cold. This really is miserable.”

Both Maud and Octavia looked over at Tarnish, who had a thick, chocolate brown pelt. Octavia raised her eyebrow, while Maud just sat there expressionless. Looking down, Tarnish focused on breakfast. He was cold, but he wasn’t anywhere as miserable as those two.

With a poof, Vinyl’s slate appeared and she wrote something down with a piece of bright orange chalk. She held up the slate and out of the corner of his eye, Tarnish saw that she had written a single word that summed up her feelings about the situation and the cold.

“Vinyl, that’s vulgar!” Octavia whined. “Oh, put that away!”

Wiping the slate clean, Vinyl shook her head and then wrote down something else, her chalk squealing with the pressure she applied on the slate. Tarnish couldn’t see what it was, but she held up her slate so that Maud and Octavia could see it, leaving him curious and wanting to know what she had written.

Octavia’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“What a coincidence,” Maud said as she looked at Vinyl’s message. “I can’t feel my cooter either.”

Closing her eyes, Octavia shook her head and let out a sigh of both disappointment and disgust. Across the fire, Tarnish did everything he could to behave, but little snerks and snorts kept slipping out. It grew so bad that Tarnish let out a coltish squeal as he fought to keep everything in.

Vinyl’s slate vanished with a pop and Tarnish continued to fix breakfast.

The opening to the cave yawned before them. They approached the west entrance, the side closest to the camp, the side where Tarnish had encountered the ghastlies. Tarnish had his shield ready, Vinyl was armed with her camera, and Maud had the fancy new thaumaton reader. Octavia served as the pack pony, carrying supplies.

It had warmed up a bit, but not much. The mid morning sun was just now beginning to peek over the tall ridges and the trees, but much of the valley floor was dark, lost in shadow. Parts of the river that flowed into the cave had frozen over, and chunks of ice were lodged upon the banks.

The darkness in the cave almost seemed supernatural. Just a few feet in, it was black as pitch. Vinyl cast a light spell, but rather than her horn lighting up and drawing continuously from her magic reserves, a floating ball of neon pink light appeared over her head. She cast the spell again and this time, a floating neon blue ball appeared. Together, the two lights seemed adequate.

“Single file or two by two?” Tarnish asked.

Maud replied, “Two by two.”

As Maud spoke, Vinyl fell in beside Tarnish, and there was a reckless grin upon her face. Tarnish realised that Vinyl was enjoying herself. While Octavia appeared to be quite miserable, Vinyl was having a good time. Perhaps Octavia’s mood would improve when the day warmed up.

“Don’t slip on the ice,” Tarnish said, offering a warning. “The stones are slippery and we’ll be walking right on the water’s edge when we go in. If we get into a fight, it’s going to be treacherous.”

“Fantastic,” Octavia muttered.

Together, the four of them pushed forwards.

Piercing the peculiar veil of darkness, the four companions made their way into the cave proper, with Vinyl’s floating light orbs providing the light they needed. Tarnish and Vinyl were almost pressed together on the narrow path, with the river flowing on Tarnish’s left, and the slimy cave wall on Vinyl’s right.

About fifty paces or so in, glowing mushrooms could be seen on the walls, and they glowed with a faint blue bioluminescence. Strange creatures frolicked among the glowing mushrooms, the little monsters appeared to be the heads of birds with two legs sticking out where the body should be. The heads were bulbous and misshapen, the beaks even more so. They darted around, pecking up worms and slugs from the mud along the riverbank.

Something slithered in the river and Tarnish kept a wary eye upon it as Vinyl took pictures of the strange bird headed monsters that had no bodies, just heads and legs. Maud picked up samples, loose rocks on the ground. She dropped them into a sack hung around her neck.

When Tarnish stepped into the icy cold water of the river, he let out a hiss. The freezing cold stabbed into his tender frogs. His heart raced to get his blood pumping and warm his legs. A giant centipede scuttled up the wall near Vinyl and there was a flash from the camera. In the centipede’s mandibles was one of the bird creatures. It gave a few feeble kicks, but was no doubt succumbing to the centipede’s venom.

The cave widened a bit and there was now more room. An icy sweat had broken out on Tarnish’s back, and he shivered. He didn’t much care for this place. He didn’t much care for the growls he heard ahead of him. He didn’t like the fact that he could no longer see the exit. It had to be some trick of the light.

“We’re being watched,” Octavia announced in a cool, calm, and collected whisper. “There are cunning eyes upon us right now, at this very moment. I would advise caution.”

Eyes darting around, Tarnish tried to see what might be watching. The island of light ended abruptly ahead and behind. He wished that he had a larger light radius to push back the darkness. Glancing at the water, he watched as something large swam past in the shadowy, murky depths. He felt the cold prickle of fear in his balls and it made them ache. His stomach muscles knotted and convulsed. Licking his lips, Tarnish felt his mouth go dry.

At that moment, Tarnish remembered that he hated nature, and that nature could go get horned. He was so scared that his urethra was puckering up in a most painful way and he was certain that he was about to pull or sprain a sphincter muscle in his ass at any second. When he heard the sound of trickling water that wasn’t the river, he almost jumped out of his skin.

“I couldn’t help it,” Octavia whimpered as she turned her face away from her companions.

Looking down, Tarnish saw a puddle around Octavia’s hind hooves. He turned himself around to look at Octavia, lowered his head, and tried to comfort his friend. “Hey, nopony is laughing. We’re all scared right now. I know I am. Don’t feel bad, Octavia. Cheer up.”

Lifting her head, Octavia sniffled a bit, and then gave Tarnish a miserable looking half smile. She moved, trying to get out of her own mess, and brushed up against the slimy wall. Already, the puddle was soaking into the cave floor and trickling into the river.

Vinyl’s slate appeared in the air next to her head, along with a piece of bright orange chalk. She began scribbling on the slate, and her letters were not in their usual perfect state. This fear is magical. I can’t push it back, I’ve tried.

“Well,” said Maud in a flat voice, “that complicates things.”

“What now?” Tarnish asked as he fought to keep his knees from banging together.

“The only option we have. We back out. Octavia’s a mess and will need to get cleaned up, I’m about to have a serious bladder malfunction myself, and you can barely stand, Tarnish. I can see your legs shaking.” Maud looked around and a visible shudder made her whole body shake. “Something terrible draws nearer, we need to go. Now.”

It might have been Tarnish’s imagination, but he was certain that Maud had placed some emphasis on the word ‘now.’ It was time to go. The two mares began to back out, and he and Vinyl covered their retreat. Feeling a growing sense of urgency, Tarnish gave both Maud and Octavia a gentle shove to hurry them along.

Behind him, something roared, causing a terrible bladder crushing cacophony. Tarnish broke from the fear and he let out a gibbering cry. Offering no warning, he somehow scooped up all three mares in his magic, he had no idea how he did it but he did, and then, taking advantage of his long legs, Tarnish bolted like a derby racer. He ran like the Wonderbolts flew. He didn’t miss a step on the slippery stones, he didn’t stumble as he scrambled, and he made a run for the cave exit.

Author's Note

Horse shaming

Tarnished Teapot’s hooves cut divots in the ground as he charged along at breakneck speeds. He ran alongside the river for a ways, three mares held in his magic, and then made a turn for the switchback leading up the side of the ravine with no signs of slowing. His hooves made a thunderous rumble that echoed through the valley and his speed was something that had to be witnessed to be believed.

A confused and terrified owl, up past his bedtime, shat himself as Tarnish went streaking by, then shook his wing at the derby racer wannabe that had disrupted the morning. He let out a disgruntled hoot, fluffed out his feathers, and tried to settle down after being startled.

A lone deciduous tree, its leaves ablaze with all of the colours of autumn was stripped bare as Tarnish blew by, and its leaves were snatched up in a whirlwind. Left naked, and maybe just a little bit ashamed, the tree let out a faint arboreal sigh that could have only been heard by Fluttershy, had she been present.

He lept over a log, skidded on some gravel, refound his footing, and then ran flat out up the switchback, heading for the camp at the top of the ridge. His long legs afforded him a unique advantage, Tarnish was a natural born sprinter. He took a shortcut up the switchback, leaping from ledge to ledge, and Octavia let out a petite scream of terror as Tarnish did his best impression of being a mountain goat, his hooves finding purchase upon ledges that were a few scant inches wide.

Reaching the camp, Tarnish stumbled to a halt and dropped his mares…

“You silly sot, I almost soiled myself… again!” Barrel heaving, Octavia sat sprawled in the grass, trying to catch her breath and recover her dignity. Letting out a loud gasp, Octavia fell over onto her back in the grass and then lay there panting, with all four of her legs splayed around her.

Her whole body shaking, Vinyl Scratch clutched her sides as though she was giving herself a hug. It wasn’t obvious right away that she was laughing, but she was. She trembled with silent hysteria and she too, fell over into grass beside Octavia, her barrel hitching as she made wheezing sounds deep within her throat.

Maud sat where she had been dumped, blinking, her body unmoving.

Tarnish took a moment to recover, then he began rolling in the greenery, kicking his legs up into the air, scratching his sweaty, quivering back, rubbing his croup against the ground, and he tried to work out the adrenaline coursing through his veins by cooling himself down in the damp grass. He snorted, he kicked, and he chuffed. His blood still singing from his fear response, he let out a bellowing whinny that echoed down into the valley.

All of the kicking, flopping, and flailing about had an effect upon Tarnish—he farted—and in his still heightened state of panic, it was the final straw for his nerves. He spooked, his primitive inner equine manifested as he let out a shrill wicker, sprang up to his hooves, and then took off on another breakneck run while he whinnied in terror during his crepitatious departure.

Shaking her head, Maud watched him go as Octavia shrieked with laughter.

Octavia and Vinyl were unable to look Tarnish in the eye as they sat around the campfire, having a bit of a snack and some tea. Looking at Tarnish, even glancing in his general direction, was enough to reduce both mares into a tittering, giggling mess. Tarnish did his best to look dignified, but a smirk could be seen upon his face. The whole thing was hilarious, really, and it was even funnier trying to pretend that it hadn’t happened.

“Do you think it was the cave itself or something that dwells within?” Maud asked.

Vinyl shrugged and then stuffed a whole cookie into her mouth, causing crumbs to go spilling down her barrel. The cookie was a little dry, a little crumbly, and no longer ‘fresh.’ Beside her, Octavia sniffed her tea and her ears twitched as she recalled her terror.

“For all we know, it might’ve been a mutant underground squirrel with a jacked up fear aura.” Tarnish’s eyes narrowed and he looked at the mares around him. “I’m not giving up. I’m going into the eastern entrance as soon as I finish here. If I run into scary terror, it might be an indicator that it is the cave itself.”

“Well, you can’t go in there alone.” Octavia’s voice quavered with fear as she spoke, but her eyes were resolute. “Vinyl, are you up for another attempt? What about you, Maud? So long as we have Tarnish as our escape option, I think we’ll be fine.”

Chewing her cookie, Vinyl nodded.

“Yeah, but who wants to walk behind him?” Maud asked as she pointed her hoof at Tarnish. “It’d be like walking in a wind tunnel, spelunking behind him.”

“Hey!” Tarnish’s cheeks darkened as he heard Octavia let out a demure giggle. “I was having a horse moment, okay? We’ve all had those.” His face turned a darker shade of brown and his ears quivered as he withheld his laughter, doing his best to look dignified. “I will not be ashamed of my horsiness. I will not be horse-shamed.”

Choking, Vinyl scratch shot tea and cookie crumbs out of her nose, spraying them all over Octavia. The laughing, coughing unicorn almost dropped her teacup as she horked and sputtered, struggling to breathe as her mirth overcame her.

“Funny, I can’t recall laughing quite this much,” Octavia said as she wiped her face with her foreleg and ignored Vinyl’s coughing. “Or being this terrified, for that matter. Or being in battle. Overall, this excursion is having a profound effect upon my creativity.”

“Well then, let’s try this again,” Maud said in a flat voice, devoid of any enthusiasm.

“Bladders empty?” Maud asked, displaying her dry, flat humour. She looked at her companions and then peered into the eastern entrance of the cave. The last time they had tried to go in this way, there had been tentacles. Lots of tentacles. Maud liked rocks, not tentacles. Rocks were hard, firm, and familiar. Tentacles were squishy and did unpleasant things to available organic orifices, if the opportunity presented itself. Maud had looked into some of Pinkie Pie’s comic books and she had witnessed Tarnish’s tentacle grape out in the wilds.

Saying nothing, Octavia marched up to the cave entrance, her saddlebags bouncing only a little against her sides. Watching her, Tarnish knew that a better placement and a tighter cinch strap would fix the bouncing and would keep her sides from being slapped sore. He had learned this lesson himself after having his sides almost beaten chapped and bloody.

Eyes narrowed, the grey earth pony mare peered in, trying to pierce the darkness. The darkness just a few yards ahead had to be magical in nature, as all visibility just came to an abrupt and sudden stop. The hairs along Octavia’s spine stood up and her tail twitched around her hind legs.

“Fronk it, I’m going in,” Tarnish announced, “it’s like swimming in cold water. It’s better to toss yourself in and get it over with. We all know it is going to be scary, so screw this cave, screw the fear it generates, and screw whatever greeting party it has ready for us.” Holding up his shield, Tarnish marched forwards with a grim look of determination upon his face.

Vinyl, looking apprehensive, fell into position beside Tarnish, her hooves clopping against the rocks. She summoned up a few floating neon orbs of light and then set them to orbit above her head. She let out a sigh of relief when Octavia fell into step behind her.

Maud, the last to get moving, took her place beside Octavia and behind Tarnish.

They passed through the veil of darkness and the sunlight vanished behind them. All they had now was Vinyl’s lighted orbs, which created a sphere of light around them. Overhead, sleepy bats roosted, but these weren’t regular bats, oh no. These were mutant bats, distorted, and twisted by whatever malevolent magic lurked within this horrid place.

Looking up, Tarnish saw that some of the bats could no longer fly—their membranes had vanished, leaving them with long, twisted arms and elongated, creepy fingers that ended in terrible hooked claws. He shivered, thinking about nightmarish pegasi with the same condition, wings gone, leaving behind freaky mutant arms growing from their backs and long, knobby knuckled fingers. Now, like Octavia, the hair along his spine was standing up after he had successfully creeped himself out.

“Oh, getting rabies would be dreadful,” Octavia murmured in a low voice.

Already, Tarnish could feel the fear, but he couldn’t tell if it was his own fear, or some outside influence. His mouth alternated between dry and wet, it would go dry and then his salivary glands would squirt out some much need spit to moisten his tongue.

Some guano rained down and Octavia let out a muffled squeal through tight-pressed lips. Maud shrugged it off, Vinyl looked disgusted, and Tarnish just ignored it. He had suffered far worse, like getting a faceful of gunk from Trixie’s infected leg. What was a little guano?

Something scurried in front of Tarnish, it looked like a mouse or a rat, but it had dozens of legs and a very long, thin body. A mousipede? It had pale white eyes, no doubt sightless, and its whiskers were extra long. It scuttled along the river’s edge, trying to find food. Tarnish watched it explore as he moved forwards, and then the mousipede crawled into the eye socket of a skull.

A pony’s skull.

Coming to a halt, Tarnish lowered his head to examine the bleached and yellowed skull. The lower jaw was missing and part of the back of the skull had been broken off, perhaps so the brain could be slurped out. There was a long fractured crack that arced down like a lightning bolt from the eye socket the mousipede had crawled into.

There was a blinding flash as Vinyl took a picture. Overhead, the mutant bats stirred, some of them made strange noises, but they remained where they were. Lifting his head, Tarnish shivered. Some idiot wanted to use this place as a toxic waste dump. The animals in here were already mutated beyond belief, and Tarnish wanted to know why. What had caused this place to be the way that it was?

Dumping toxic waste in here would make it a breeding ground for terrifying, dangerous monsters. It was just asking for trouble. Sure, toxic waste had to go somewhere, alchemical runoff had to be disposed of somehow, but not here. He scowled. What did one do with alchemical waste and toxic materials? Tarnish didn’t see a good way of disposing of it at all. No matter what one did with it, it remained a problem for the land and the animals.

Abandoning alchemy and chemistry didn’t seem like a realistic outcome either.

Thoughtful, he pushed ahead with Vinyl beside him. It was cold in here, and he could feel it seeping into his bones. Magical cold? Perhaps. It might go along with the fear. The floor was slick with slime and muck. This end of the cave, where the river exited, it was a whole lot nastier. Tarnish supposed that the big monsters in the middle of the cave pooped a whole lot, and that poop had to go somewhere.

Something with three glowing eyes sitting on a stone in the middle of the river blinked, then dove off of the stone, into the murky water, and disappeared with a plop and splash. Tarnish peered ahead, trying to pierce the darkness, and he fought back against his rising panic. The cloying smell of rot and decay filled his nostrils. The terror was almost overwhelming.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Octavia said in a whimpering whisper. “It almost feels like I can’t breathe, I’m so scared.”

Tarnish came to a halt and squinted into the darkness ahead. He could keep going, but for how long? Turning his head, he looked at the mares around him. Octavia was indeed, having trouble breathing. Vinyl was shivering, so much so that Tarnish was shocked that he didn’t hear her teeth chattering. And Maud, well, Maud was just sort of standing there, pressing up against Octavia, either because she too, was afraid, or she was trying to comfort her friend.

With a squeak, Octavia began hyperventilating, and would have tumbled down, had Maud not caught her. Tarnish thought of the magic dust bomb. It had affected him in a most terrible sort of way, but Octavia, Vinyl, and Maud had all resisted it somehow. In the back of his mind, he gained some understanding of tolerance and weakness. Each of them could only tolerate so much of something, each of them had a weakness. Using his telekinesis, Tarnish scooped up Octavia, lifted her up into the air, and then placed her upon his back. He could be strong for her, as she had been strong for him. Right away, she wrapped her forelegs around his neck, her hind legs gripped his middle, and he could feel her quaking against his spine as she struggled to slow her breathing.

“Let’s go,” Tarnish said as he turned around. “If we’re going to understand this place, we’ll have to do it from the outside somehow.” He felt Octavia’s forelegs around his neck tighten and each one of her panicked breaths was a pained squeak.

“Let’s head back to camp so Octavia can recover.” Maud gave Vinyl a nudge, as Vinyl seemed to have some trouble moving. “This is an awful place… perhaps only Pinkie Pie can make it through here without feeling the fear.”

Heart heavy with disappointment, Tarnish headed for the exit, his ears drooping down.

Author's Note

Inner earth pony molestation

It was a new day, pregnant with all manner of possibilities. Tarnish looked down at a topographical map laid out on a small, light, folding aluminium camp table. The edges had been taped down. It was cold, very much so, and shivering, he hunched over his steaming teacup as he looked at the map.

“As I said, I think the cave is a lava tube,” Maud said as she gestured at the map markers that showed The Scariest Cave in Equestria. “There are other caves here, a geode cave that has been tapped out by miners”—she gestured at another map marker—“and another cave where a small offshoot of the river used to flow through. That offshoot is dried up now, but in heavy rains or snowmelt, it floods, and water flows again.”

“And what about this one?” Tarnish asked as he looked at the markers that Maud hadn’t yet discussed.

“There is a lake here, fed by snowmelt and rain. There is a cave on the edge of the lake. The lake drains into the cave and joins the network of underground rivers that exist in this place.” Maud paused, leaned forwards, and then continued, “The Scariest Cave in Equestria loses some water to the underground river network. This water flows in this direction”—she moved her hoof along a series of dotted lines on the map—“and it joins up with the cave here, on the side of the lake.”

“Why is this important?” Octavia asked as she pulled the blanket wrapped around her a little tighter.

“I’m glad you asked,” Maud replied, looking at Octavia. “It is reasonable to assume that The Scariest Cave in Equestria has a source of magical fear. If we go into this cave, and we feel afraid, we might get a better feel for just how strong this fear effect is, and how much power it has. If the fear is in this cave”—Maud tapped her hoof on the map—“we might be able to build up a thaumaturgical and ecological case that dumping toxic chemical and alchemical waste into the Scariest Cave in Equestria might damage this whole region. We might also be able to convince others that the magical effect in The Scariest Cave in Equestria is worth preserving and studying. But we need to visit some caves that are connected to the underground river network. Octavia, you are going to be our fear detector, as you seem exceptionally vulnerable to the fear effect. You will be our canary in the coal mine, so to speak.”

“Oh, goody…” Octavia did not sound very enthusiastic. Shaking her head, she turned and looked at Tarnish. “Well, I suppose I shall be spending much of this day riding upon your back.” Her cheeks darkened. “I swear, I’m not that sort of mare, really.” She let out a nervous giggle, and then took a sip of hot cocoa from the cup she held between her front hooves.

“Based upon observation, Tarnish is the strongest against the fear effect, perhaps because of how his talent tends to somewhat neutralise hostile magical effects.” Maud picked up her mug and inhaled some of the steam that rose from it.

“It didn’t protect me from the cockatrice.” Tarnish shuddered at the memory.

“To be completely objective, the cockatrice’s magic wasn’t hostile, it perfectly preserved you in stone and kept you safe.” Something almost resembling an emotional reaction crossed over Maud’s face, and her whole body let out a very noticeable shudder. “I still have bad dreams about that day. Stupid nature.”

“So that’s the plan for today.” Tarnish nodded his head, glad to change the subject. He didn’t like thinking about it. “We’ll wait for the clouds to clear a little and for the sun to come up over the ridge. We’ll take lunch with us so we don’t have to hike back.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Octavia said as Vinyl nodded.

“Yes it does,” Maud agreed. “Let’s hope we have better luck today.”

Looking at her husband, Maud felt a keen sense of worry, as she always did when he was lost in his blue orb. She didn’t understand it, she wasn’t sure that she trusted it, and just looking at him while he was zoned out left her feeling unsettled. He was lost, completely lost, and his body was surrounded by a faint blue aura. His cutie mark was also glowing in a weird, unnerving sort of way. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and regular.

Leaning over, she poked Vinyl and asked, “Is he really okay?”

A slate popped into existence near Vinyl, along with a piece of chalk, this one was blue. She scribbled out a message and held it up for Maud to see. He’s fine. Astral travel. I’m jealous.

“Jealous?” Maud was a little surprised by this.

The words on the slate were wiped away, and then new words were printed out. I’m powerful. No bragging. Can’t astral jump. Almost impossible.

“But the orb is doing this.” Maud shook her head.

Not orb, Tarnish is doing this. Vinyl turned and looked into Maud’s eyes. She wiped the slate clean and then added more words. He’s in control. Mostly. He makes the magic happen.

For some reason, the message on the slate comforted Maud. She waited as Vinyl wrote out more, this time in teeny, tiny letters to fit more words on the slate. Maud, a naturally curious pony, had a sincere desire to know what Vinyl felt and saw in Tarnish.

He’ll do better if he senses that you trust him. His biggest problem is confidence. It keeps him from his full potential. His self esteem is about as durable as a champagne flute. Vinyl gave Maud a soft nudge.

Maud didn’t like that description. Champagne flutes shattered if you even looked at them wrong. She sat there, blinking, unable to respond to Vinyl, Maud was at a complete loss for words. She thought about what she knew about Tarnish, the isolation he had suffered, the separation from the herd, and the complete lack of any sort of positive reinforcement from his mother or trusted authority figures during his chaotic phase.

Her thoughts made her want to cry. Maud’s eyes became a little more reflective than usual as excess moisture welled up on their surface, and then, when she blinked, the excess moisture was wiped away, gone, and unnoticed by any of her companions. The only pony that might have noticed was Pinkie Pie, who was off in locations unknown, fighting an army of mutant parasprites.

“It scares me just a little,” Maud confessed, and she found it good for the soul. “I’ve thought about this. He’s doing something I don’t understand, and it bothers me. I’ve been trying to deal with it.”

Gesturing with her hoof, Vinyl pointed over at Octavia, who was busy writing music in a notebook. New words appeared on Vinyl’s slate. There is so much I don’t understand about her. The mystery is why I love her.

Deep within her barrel, Maud felt her heartbeat quicken, and she felt a flood of warmth flow through her stomach and down into her nethers. She looked at Tarnish and could feel the blood pounding through her fetlocks and pulsing into her frogs. She could have married an earth pony. In doing so, she would have a mate that she understood, a mate that was a reflection of herself. But no, she had married a unicorn, and a weird one at that. And Tarnish, he had married an earth pony, also weird. Maud had married outside of tribe and was better for it.

Blinking, Maud had an intense mental revelation. Her brain exploded. The only visible indicator that showed on the outside was a brief flaring of her nostrils. The muscles in her groin clenched and Maud inhaled just a little bit deeper than her usual rate of breathing. “I want to have foals,” Maud announced.

Cocking her head off to one side, Vinyl’s raised eyebrow said what needed to be said. What?

“I want to have foals,” Maud repeated, “and I want to experience the mystery of not knowing what they will be or how they will turn out. Little earth ponies? Little unicorns? I just want to see what will happen. I want to watch the mystery of life unfold. Starting tomorrow, I’m no longer taking my birth control pills.”

Vinyl’s mouth fell open.

“Thank you, Vinyl, you are a good friend.” Maud felt better and let out sigh of relief.

As Tarnish crested the ridge, he couldn’t help but notice that something was a little off with Maud. She kept looking at him and when she did, he couldn’t help but feel funny. There was something almost… predatory about her stare. Something hungry. It was disquieting to say the very least.

She was acting weird. After he had snapped out of his trance, she had bombarded him with praise. Much more so than usual. She had also piled on the affection, wet, sloppy affection that left him breathless and his muzzle soggy. Sure, everything she had done had put him in a fantastic mood, but he felt a little worried and a tiny bit suspicious that something was up.

When he saw the view in front of him, Tarnish froze in his tracks. So did the others. Vinyl began snapping photographs of the majestic view. Mist shrouded the edges of the lake and the pristine blue water sparkled like diamonds in the morning sun. The lake in the valley below wasn’t very large, but it sure was pretty. It was also shaped like a kidney.

Always wary, Tarnish eyeballed the valley below, looking for telltale signs of danger. He couldn’t see a whole lot from up here, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He let out a long whistle of appreciation, and was thankful that he was here to see this. The ponies in the city had no idea of what they were missing.

“Something about the view,” Octavia remarked, “greatly satisfies my inner earth pony.”

There was a pop as Vinyl’s slate poofed into existence. She wrote down a few words in a hurry. I want to tickle your inner earth pony. Date pls?

The message made Tarnish chuckle as Octavia giggled and her face reddened. The slate vanished from view and Vinyl stood with an impish grin upon her face. She adjusted her parasol to keep the now bright sun off of her, scooted her glasses back upon her muzzle, and then continued to take more photos.

“The cave is on the far side of the lake.” Maud pointed with her hoof. “Well go down into the valley and then make our way along the left side, the way looks shorter, and the cave is over there along that cliff face on the far wall of the ravine.”

“That little rock island looks like a lovely place for lunch.” Octavia let heave a satisfied sounding sigh, then let out another love-drunk giggle.

“Too cold to swim. I bet that water is freezing.” Tarnish shivered just thinking about it.

“Not to worry,” Octavia replied, reassuring Tarnish. “Vinyl can get us there to the island. Really, it is the most ideal place to have lunch. Look at it! Look how inviting it is.”

“Okay.” Tarnish relented and decided to trust Octavia.The island appeared to be one large boulder sticking up out of the water, flat on top, and there were a few pine trees growing out of it. No doubt, some glacier had deposited the boulder here long ago.

The valley was a place of exquisite beauty and it filled Tarnish up with a flood of emotions. Unicorns, as a tribe, tended to be urban and urbane. They were sophisticated. A vast majority tended to live in cities. There was empirical data that gave evidence that unicorns prefered to live near libraries and other centres of culture, such as theatres and universities. And that was fine, for them. Tarnish didn’t feel that he was among their number. He took a deep breath and inhaled the pine scented air as deep into his lungs as he could.

“What are you thinking?” Maud asked as she gave Tarnish a nudge.

“What gave me away?” Tarnish angled his head to look down at Maud, who stood beside him. He gave her a smile and thought of his fondness for her.

“The smell of smoke,” Maud deadpanned.

“Oh… oh… oh, that’s how it is. That’s it. Your inner earth pony is gonna get it, Maudlin Persephone Pie.” As Tarnish spoke, he could hear Octavia laughing and he saw that Vinyl was shaking. “You just wait! I’ll find an opening so I can go spelunking and reach her.”

“Actually,” Maud replied, “I’m counting on it.”

Author's Note

And here we go...

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am

“Vinyl, hold still and don’t be a foal!” Octavia pressed down on the whimpering unicorn and glanced up at Tarnish, who she saw nod. “Now, Vinyl, there might be a little prick and it might sting a little when Tarnish pushes it in, but the pain won’t last long and then it will all be over.”

The grey mare swore when Vinyl tried to kick her hind legs away from Tarnish. “Vinyl! Stop being a baby and just take it like a mare! Let Tarnish poke you and pull it out, and then it will all be over! Now stop, or I shall become very cross!”

Making a throaty whimper that didn’t need vocal cords, Vinyl closed her eyes and tried to stop squirming. Octavia stroked her ears and looked up at Tarnish once more and saw that his expression was one of utter calm. Reaching out, Maud took Vinyl’s fetlock into her own.

“Now, Vinyl, when Tarnish sticks it in, don’t kick. You might cause him to stick it in too far and that will hurt more. It’s just a little poke, enough to get you open. What’s a little poke among friends?” Octavia smiled down at her soulmate and then gripped the unicorn even tighter. “Do it now, Tarnish!”

Holding up Vinyl’s rear hoof in his magic, Tarnish nodded and jammed a large needle into Vinyl’s frog, causing Vinyl to let out mute cry of pain. Octavia overpowered Vinyl’s struggles and Tarnish dug around with his needle in the tender flesh of Vinyl’s frog. After a moment, he found what he was looking for, and with a bit of effort, he extracted a V shaped goathead thorn that had lodged itself into Vinyl’s frog. He flicked it away and then squirted some disinfectant into the opening that he had pulled the thorn from.

Vinyl almost kicked him in the face as she made a pained wheezing sound and he ducked off to one side as her hoof almost clipped his muzzle. She had slipped right out of his magical grip with ease. Grabbing her once more, he blew on the place where he had squirted the iodine wound cleanser and watched as some blood beaded up in the opening.

“She can’t help it, Tarnish, she feels more pain than normal ponies, it’s part of her specific type of albinism. Please don’t be angry with her.” When she was done speaking, Octavia bit her lip and looked Tarnish in the eye, pleading with him for understanding.

“It’s fine. Even if she had kicked me, it would have been fine.” Without even thinking about what he was doing, he gave Vinyl a gentle pat on the stomach. “You okay, Vinyl?”

Eyes glistening with tears, Vinyl nodded.

“What do we do now?” Maud asked as she gave Vinyl’s fetlock another squeeze. “We can call it quits if necessary and take Vinyl back to the camp. Or Vinyl could go back to the camp with Octavia and Tarnish and I can keep going.”

“I am your canary, I’m needed.” Octavia bowed her head down and kissed Vinyl as the poor unicorn shuddered a bit, traumatised by her ordeal. “Vinyl, can you go on, or do we have to put you down because of a gimp leg?”

At Octavia’s words, Vinyl’s eyes widened and she made a very panicked theatrical reaction. Not able to speak, Vinyl was a master of pantomime and she made it quite clear how she felt about Octavia’s plan to put her down. Kicking and thrashing around, Vinyl got up on her hooves with a bit of help from Tarnish. Limping, she took a few steps, favouring her tender frog, and she showed the others that there was no need to put down the gimped pony.

After a few seconds of standing there, her sides heaving, Vinyl limped back to where Tarnish sat, kissed him on the cheek, and then scooted away before he could return the favour. Her eyes were red and puffy when she put her sunglasses back on and she lifted up her parasol to shield herself from the sun.

“I’ll carry Vinyl’s gear,” Octavia offered. Leaning forward, Octavia reached out and booped Tarnish on the snoot. “Thank you, Tarnish.”

Blushing, Tarnish turned away. “D'aww, don’t mention it.”

“Well, let’s go and see if we can scare Octavia to death today.” Maud turned to look at her friend. “You know, if two can survive in the wilderness, then four can thrive. Thanks for coming out and being with us. It means a lot to me.”

“Aw, what are friends for?” Reaching out, Octavia put her foreleg around Maud’s neck and the two mares embraced. Octavia became a little misty, smiled, and then blinked the moisture out of her eyes. “Let’s go adventure.”

Standing in the entrance of the cave, Tarnish heard the sounds of water flowing. Some of the lake drained into here. It smelled wet, musty, like mushrooms. The walls were slick and fuzzy with lichens and slime moulds. Cautious, he looked up, checking for bats or nasty creatures that might drop down and eat them, like spiders. Tarnish found nothing, nothing at all.

Taking a few cautious steps, he made his way in. No darkness swallowed him up right away. It was chilly, but it wasn’t a magical cold. The cave was well lit for quite some ways in and Tarnish didn’t need to light his horn. There were some bones, but they weren’t ominous. As pleasant as it seemed, he did not relax. He cast his eyes about, hunting for danger, and the muscles on his back quivered.

Behind him, Vinyl limped along, favouring her leg, but otherwise looking cheerful. She folded up the parasol with great care and then slipped it through a strap on the gear that Octavia now carried. She pulled out a camera and began taking pictures of anything that looked even somewhat interesting.

“There is something strange about this cave,” Maud deadpanned, “not creepy strange, but strange nonetheless. I can’t put my hoof on it yet, but my earth pony senses tell me that something is amiss.”

“All of the stalagmites and stalactites don’t hang straight up and down… they’re… at an angle.” Tarnish pointed with his hoof. “It’s as if this cave was turned recently or something.”

“I use my earth pony senses, Tarnish uses his fancy unicorn eyes.” Maud let out a sigh. “That’s very odd. Look, over there, the water is dripping down at an angle consistent with the stalagmites and stalactites.”

“It is.” Octavia pushed Vinyl and her camera to face it. “How very odd. The gravity is somewhat off here. And over there”—she pointed with her nose—“the water is dripping up from the floor. Vinyl, are you getting this?”

Saying nothing, Vinyl pulled out a different camera and began filming the phenomenon. She took a few steps back to get Octavia into the shot, to compare the angle of the dripping liquids with Octavia, who stood up straight. Making a gesture with her right front hoof, she urged the others forwards.

“I feel like I am leaning,” Maud said as she moved ahead. “My hooves want to stay flat on the ground, but my body wants to stand up straight. Gravity is off kilter. It feels like a fifty one degree slant.”

“Maud, how could you know that?” Tarnish turned to look at his mate.

“Well, you have fancy unicorn eyes and I have earth pony senses,” Maud replied.

Nodding, Tarnish’s hooves scrabbled over slippery stones. “I trust your earth pony senses, I just wanted to know how you knew, that’s all.” Almost slipping from having his center of gravity messed up, he focused on keeping himself upright in an area where gravity was out of whack.

With a pop, Vinyl’s slate was conjured, along with some yellow chalk. For a few seconds, she scribbled, while still filming, and then held up her words for all to see. “I have magical albino unicorn powers.”

“Vinyl…” Octavia shook her head and she continued forwards. “I don’t feel afraid at all.”

“Well, let’s keep going and test out our theory.” Maud paused to get a better look at an angled stalactite. “That’s fascinating. If nothing else, our trip was worth it just to see this. The skewed gravity here is a marvellous localised phenomenon and it gives this cave a unique quality worth seeing.”

It was difficult, but not impossible to keep going. The stones were slick and gravity was a little off. Tarnish found himself leaning off to one side, in the same direction as the stalactites and stalagmites. The water that flowed into the cave from the lake flowed along the ground, but some of it dripped up towards the ceiling. In one section, the water appeared to be flowing uphill over a rise.

Stepping onto a patch of slick slime, Tarnish slipped, and with gravity being off, he overcompensated when trying to keep upright. With a splash, he fell into the water, and right away, he was swept away by the swift current. Before he had a chance to catch his breath, he was sucked downwards by a powerful undertow.

Swept forward, Tarnish bounced along the bottom of the swift flowing water, and then the ground beneath him gave way. He was pulled down by powerful suction and his lungs screamed for much needed air. It was like being in the bathtub drain. The water slammed him into the stone and he saw stars. Again and again, he was slammed into the stone as the water swirled.

As everything began to grow dim, Tarnish felt a strong foreleg wrap around him, and then there was an explosive thud. There was a rumble, like stone shattering, and he felt himself being sucked down into even deeper water. Unable to stop himself, his mouth opened and with involuntary reflex, he inhaled, but there was no air, only water, which flooded his lungs.

Seeing millions of stars, Tarnish drifted off into space.

Maud Pie, panicking, tried to take stock of her surroundings. It was dark, so very dark, but they were on solid ground. Tarnish wasn’t breathing at all. Desperate for light, she felt around for Flamingo, and was relieved to find her. She yanked the sword free and the cavern filled with light. She had punched the stone until the drain hole was large enough for them to be sucked down, and her hunch had paid off. There was another cavern down below, which is where she now was, next to a flowing underground river that was inches deep.

“It’s dark!” Flamingo cried.

Ignoring Flamingo, Maud rolled Tarnish over and began cardiopulmonary resuscitation. She placed her ear to Tarnish barrel, but couldn’t hear anything due to the pounding of her own heart and the sound of rushing water. She put her hoof down and began pumping, trying to remember what to do, it had been a while since she had learned this and in her panic, her memory was less than perfect.

“Breathe, damn you, breathe.” Maud pressed her lips against Tarnish’s muzzle and tried to fill his lungs with air, but her mouth was filled with water. She coughed, sputtered, and was pushed aside. Startled, she saw Octavia and Vinyl.

Sitting there, frozen with terror, Maud let Octavia take over. Grunting, Octavia stood up on two legs, hefting Tarnish up with her, and she held Tarnish up by his forelegs with his head lolling off to one side. Maud then saw Vinyl rise up into a bipedal stance, and before Maud could react or respond, Vinyl landed a violent punch into Tarnish’s stomach, inches above his sheath and balls.

Locked in Octavia’s embrace, Tarnish barfed and coughed up water and the contents of his lunch all over Vinyl Scratch. The cavern filled with the ragged, wheezing sound of him trying to suck in wind. Gagging, Tarnish barfed again and this time, Vinyl stepped out of the way, then dropped down on all fours.

Grunting, Octavia lowered Tarnish down to the ground, clapping him on the back as she did so. She looked over at Maud, then gave Tarnish a squeeze. “Breathe, deep breaths, come on, you can do it.” She gave him a hard slap on the spine and was rewarded with more water and vomit. “Try not to cough, ignore the tickle, and focus on breathing! In the nose and out the mouth!”

“Rusty!” Flamingo flew around in a circle, panicking.

“Will he be okay?” Maud asked, her voice rising and falling in pitch.

“He’ll be fine,” Octavia replied. She gave Tarnish a few gentle slaps to the face to help bring him around. “His wedding tackle might be sore, Vinyl landed quite a blow. A stallion will puke his guts out if you punch him right there, and it seems like it will bring them back from the dead, too.”

Sucking in wind, Tarnish let out a pained, keening whine. “My balls hurt…”

“Sorry love,” Octavia said into Tarnish’s ear. “Vinyl had to punch you in the groin muscle. It was for your own good.”

“All I did was poke her with a needle.” Tarnish wheezed a few times and then coughed up more water. He doubled over and let out a pained cry, then started sobbing.

Pulling herself along the ground, Maud went over to where Octavia and her husband lay in a heap together. She grabbed Tarnish, but didn’t kiss him, as she knew that he needed air. Each breath he took was a whimper and a sob. She nuzzled her husband, then, lifting her head, she looked Octavia in the eye.

“Thanks for saving my unicorn. I’d be lost without him.”

Author's Note

Dat cold opener... :rainbowderp:

Below, the darkness festers

“There is so much magic here,” Maud said as her husband recovered. “I can feel it… I’ve been different since the volcano and absorbing all of the magical radiation. I can’t explain it, but my earth pony senses have been forever altered.” She looked down at the display on the thaumaton reader, then looked over at Vinyl and Octavia. “You aren’t in danger, but Vinyl, I would stay close to Tarnish or your magic might become a little unpredictable.”

The albino unicorn nodded in understanding.

“The magic is stronger that way.” Maud, turning her head, peered off into the darkness. “It’s like knowing which way is north or south just by feel. The Scariest Cave in Equestria is off in that direction as well. Feel any fear, Octavia?”

“Nope.” Octavia reached over and patted Tarnish on the neck as she replied.

“An underground river flowed along this passage and now it flows in the passage below us. It will flow until it finds a drain, go down, make the drain bigger with erosion, and given enough time, an underground river vanishes and moves to another cavern below, where the process repeats itself. Or, sometimes, it just wears away the ground until it forms a drain. The water here is only a few inches deep, but as you can see, the water from above pours down here.” Maud gestured to the waterfall and the new hole she had bashed open in the ceiling to save Tarnish from drowning. “I hastened thousands of years of erosion to save my husband. I don’t feel bad about it.”

“My fuzzy brown kiwis,” Tarnish moaned.

“We should try going in that direction for a while and see if our canary responds. I’m curious if this cavern connects to the scary one. We’re below that one by a fair bit. We’ll need to leave markers so we can return to this place and climb back up, so we can get out of here later.” Maud stared off into the darkness, trying to see what she could see.

“It’s dark!” Flamingo cried as she hovered near Maud’s head. “Scary dark. And somewhere in the darkness is a fuzzy kiwi smasher waiting to devour us all.”

Maud blinked, a response if ever there was one.

“Well, I should create a checklist.” Octavia cleared her throat and then continued, “I’ve had my dignity completely shredded and destroyed by being scared to death and widdling everywhere, Vinyl got the goathead thorn in her frog, Tarnish was almost drowned and now his kiwis hurt, and poor Maud is no doubt suffering a great deal from almost losing her soulmate. I do believe that we have all suffered our fair portions of abuse and trauma. Shall we continue?”

“We shall,” Maud replied.

Tarnish, walking bowlegged, tried to keep his balls from swinging and tugging on his tender, throbbing groin muscle. With each step, his eyelids twitched, as did his ears, and his lips moved in crazy ways as he tried to endure the pain. In a way, it was comforting. His two friends, ponies who were very dear to him, they were two mares capable of looking after themselves. There was a perverse sense of satisfaction in knowing that the pair of them were tough customers.

He was a lucky stallion to be in the company of three smart, tough, and capable mares. They were his friends, his companions, and one of them was so much more. He glanced over at Vinyl, who limped along beside him, her hooves splashing in the shallow water, and he smiled through his pain. Several glowing light orbs orbited above Vinyl’s head, illuminating the way for all of them. Flamingo, terrified of the dark, was secured back in her sheath.

“Stop.”

The group did as Maud commanded and she broke away. She went over to a crack in the wall, then gestured for Vinyl to bring the light closer. Tarnish followed, curious, with Octavia just behind him. Maud broke away several stones that would have crumbled away with a bit more time, then poked her head into the crack.

There was a gasp. Coming from Maud, that was a big deal.

Pulling her head out, Maud widened the crack, smashing some of the stone away, and then, saying nothing, she slipped through the widened gap and vanished. Vinyl followed, then Octavia, and with a grunt of pain, Tarnish followed as well, ducking his head and bending his legs, as he was a whole lot taller than the others.

There were lights ahead and the silhouette of… a city? Tarnish stared, not believing what he was seeing. There was a moat here, intentional or accidental, it was impossible to tell, and then a sharp incline going up. There were streetlights here, still burning. Square stone buildings, all perfectly preserved. Tarnish’s skin felt electrified and all of his hairs were standing up.

Standing on the edge of this place, Tarnish knew that he had seen cities like this one. The buildings were all familiar. He made his way up the ramp, his hooves clicking on stone, the pain in his fuzzy brown kiwis forgotten. Everything was in a perfect state of preservation. The glass was still in the windows. Doors were still in doorways. Everything was still and quiet.

“Holy alicorn shit,” Maud gasped.

“Maud…” Octavia raised an eyebrow at her friend.

“This city was buried by lava.” Maud pointed up above her where a dome could be seen. “Look how uniform everything is… a shield was raised over the city and then the lava flowed over, encasing the city in a tomb.”

“How… could you know that?” Octavia asked as she looked around. In the dim city lights, she too, saw the perfect dome shape, the smooth stone, the flowing archway that was too perfect for nature to create on her own.

“Magic feels funny here… stay very close to Tarnish. Everything is very raw.” Maud walked over to a streetlamp and touched it. “I don’t even know what sort of metal this is. I’ve never seen it before.” She rapped her hoof against the orange, coppery looking metal and shook her head. “And these stones in the street… what are these? These are unknown to me.”

“Why would a city need to be buried beneath lava?” Tarnish asked as he too, examined a lamp post. The streets held crystal conduits that lead from lamp post to lamp post, no doubt providing magical power to the lights. The streets were empty, barren, and bleak looking with no ponies or carts.

“Be careful.”

Hearing Maledico’s voice, Tarnish turned his head around. He saw a faint glowing projection of the centaur rising up from out of his saddlebags. Using his magic, Tarnish pulled out the orb and held it up near his face.

“I do not know this place, but it was buried for a reason,” Maledico said in a fearful sounding voice. “This place is thousands of years old. It is from my time. The druids did this… they sealed this place away and buried it beneath a sea of lava.”

“Why?” Tarnish asked.

“I don’t know, but I can still feel their magic. It calls to me…” The blue orb flashed and for a moment, it was like having a bright blue sun underground. “My student, you and I are needed here, but I cannot say why or how. The ground—”

“Is crying out from wrongness,” Maud finished.

“Yes.” The centaur’s projected image nodded its head.

“I don’t feel much of anything.” Octavia looked a little sad as she made her admission. She sidled over a few steps and leaned up against Vinyl. “I fear I’m not much of an earth pony.”

“Your talents lie elsewhere, bard,” Maledico said as his projection grew larger. “You repair the senses of others.”

“I don’t understand.” Octavia’s eyes narrowed and she gave the projected centaur a suspicious glare. “What are you saying? Tell me… I would very much like to know what you mean.”

“I cannot tell you more than I already have.” Maledico began to look around the city. “We must find a Hall of Memories. Centaur cities are all similar. This city will have records in the form of pictographs for others to puzzle out, in the event of written language changing over time.”

“Any idea where to start looking?” Maud asked.

“In the middle of the city, probably near catacombs. We centaurs keep our memories in one general location. Libraries, mausoleums, catacombs, ossuaries, and the Hall of Memories. Come my student… we were brought here with a purpose. Let us see if we can find out what happened.”

“What are these streetlamps made from?” Maud banged her hoof against them. “I must know, please tell me.”

“Centaur steel.” Maledico focused his gaze upon Maud. “I am not a metallurgist, I cannot tell you much more. Once created and given shape, it is nigh indestructible. It resists magical manipulation and cannot be melted down once it has been given shape and set.”

Wide eyed, Maud rubbed her cheek against the strange metal, and her ears quivered with some unknown emotional reaction. A strange muted moan escaped her open mouth, and only Tarnish recognised it for what it was—arousal. Maud continued to rub her cheek against the unknown metal, oblivious to those around her, letting out little lusty moans and groans.

Tarnish recognised them for what they were because he had heard them often enough.

When Vinyl looked at him, he said, “She likes rocks, okay? And metal too it seems.”

“She is a stone pony,” Maledico said in a very matter-of-fact voice. “Now, we should be going.”

Holding the orb near his head, Tarnish wondered how Maledico was able to manifest himself. He supposed it had something to do with the magic here in the centaur city. Tarnish’s own magical sense was very strong here, as if he had been supercharged, but it wasn’t his unicorn magic that felt stronger. All he could think about was that the druids had buried a city in lava, preserving it like a tomb. It was a dead city and it had been lain to rest.

Each of the square, cubical buildings appealed to a perfect sense of order. The streets were aligned in a perfect grid, with perfect right angles. The centaurs sought perfection and order, it seemed. Something had happened to them though, and Tarnish wanted to know what.

“This way,” Maledico commanded, and there was a sense of urgency in his voice.

Ahead was a large building, tall, and it reminded Tarnish of the Arcanarium he had seen while peeping into the orb a while back. He picked up the pace, hurrying along, and his companions followed. Centaur cities were arranged like libraries, with perfect rows of shelves, and everything following a logical, well thought out arrangement and placement.

“I am starting to sense the memories of this place,” Maledico said, puzzling the four ponies present. “Earth ponies have an earth pony sense, that comes from us centaurs. Pegasi have a danger sense, that comes from us as well, and unicorns have a magical sense, also a gift from us centaurs. I have all of these senses and more. I have a sense of past and present, something we centaurs passed along to the alicorns.”

“I don’t understand any of that,” Octavia replied in a prim voice.

“Stones have memories.” Maud trotted beside her husband, looking around and trying to take everything in.

“Only centaurs, alicorns, and stone ponies know that.” Maledico’s projection turned to look at Maud. “The stones remember much. Given the right magic, a stone pony could give them voice.”

“But Maud is an earth pony.” Octavia looked up at the glowing blue projection and narrowed her eyes. “She is like me, an earth pony mare.”

“My beautiful bard, you are like the soft, fertile soil that begs for seed and sweet rain.” Maledico grinned and made a gesture with his hand. “Maud is more like the stone, hard, unyielding, enduring. Both soil and stone are part of the earth.”

“Crystal too,” Maud added, thinking of crystal ponies.

Tarnish came to a halt when he saw a large stone skull mounted on top of a pillar. It looked like a centaur skull might look, but he couldn’t quite be certain. There were words here, but he couldn’t read them. Beside the skull and pillar was an arch that opened up a new section of the city.

“We’re here,” Maledico announced. “Memories. Headspace. Go through the arch, Tarnish. Do not be afraid. Lead us and know this. By walking through that arch, you take your first steps as a druid. Not an acolyte, not some neophyte, but a druid. I fear that only a druid can solve the issue we face. There is something bad here. If left to fester, it will sicken the whole of the world.”

“What?” Tarnish asked, the hairs along his spine beginning to rise.

“I sense that Grogar’s shadow is here,” Maledico replied in a soft whisper. “This city was buried to turn it into a prison, a place of confinement. An oubliette. ”

“But the wall was cracked.” Octavia’s voice sounded panicked.

Maledico nodded. “Yes, and some of the prisoner has escaped.”

Author's Note

Welp, time for a hiatus.

A gallery of horrors

“Go on, Tarnish… take your first steps towards something greater,” Octavia said in a warm, gentle voice to her friend. “All of us are with you and there is nothing that we can’t do together.”

“Tarnished Teapot, I’ve spent what precious time I’ve had with you watching you as you bloomed. You’ve grown a great deal. Now it is time to blossom just a little more, a time to flower. Go on, you can do it.” Maud gave her husband a nudge.

Vinyl, silent, was filming the occasion.

“Okay.” Tarnish’s cheeks puffed out and his ears waggled inside of his pith helmet. “But before I go, I want to know something… Maledico, how are you out and about on your own?”

The centaur’s projection pointed down to the crystal conduits in the street. “Those are artificial ley lines. They take ambient magic and amplify it a great deal. Synthetic sorcery. It turned against us time and time again. We could not perfect it. Much of our synthetic magic technology was either failure or disaster.” Maledico shook his head. “The entire city is powered by them. Earth ponies become stronger. Pegasi fly faster. Unicorns become like alicorns—”

“And alicorns become like centaurs?” Tarnish finished.

“Correct.” Maledico nodded.

“The alicorns were just ponies, like us.” Tarnish looked at the centaur that he called his mentor. “They were a little more magical than unicorns, but not by much. They had wings. Something tells me that they were nothing like the Royal Pony Sisters.”

The centaur sighed. “You have learned much while meditating within the orb. There were alicorns, and then there were alicorns. Just like there were centaurs, and then there were centaurs. As with so many things, there were greater and lesser varieties.”

“So… the greater alicorns…” Tarnish looked at the archway.

“Part of a breeding program that we centaurs thought up. We saw an end coming. A convergence. A place where two lines met beyond the horizon. We saw a day where the sun did not rise. Inside of each body is a teeny, tiny little scroll of information that determines who and what you will be—”

“Genetics,” Maud interjected. “DNA and CNA.”

“Is that what they call it now?” Maledico asked. He blinked and then made a dismissive wave with his hand. “No matter. We built a creature made to preserve and create life. We unraveled those tiny scrolls and we learned how to rewrite them. We made a better alicorn. Hardier. Tougher. More magical. Aging was greatly slowed. We took words from other scrolls, like phoenixes and dragons, and using our most powerful magic, we rewrote life.”

The four ponies gathered stood there in silence, staring.

“We made the alicorns factories of life. They had all of the characteristics of all three tribes already. In the event of major catastrophe, they would be able to churn out foals at a fantastic rate… workers… necessary workers to repopulate the world and restore harmony. We made them vessels designed to create, repopulate, and defend. Life had to continue.”

Maud’s ears pinned back against her skull and she looked a bit shaken. “Life as we know it was almost wiped out by Discord. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna repopulated much of early Equestria with the first tribes, and then the tribes from elsewhere came over and provided a much needed influx of new blood. So, it looks like your plan worked.”

“A druid’s primary goal is ensuring the continuation of life.” Maledico turned to look at Tarnish. “Step through the archway, Tarnish. Begin your journey that will lead you to your act of great destruction—”

“And beautiful creation?” Tarnish asked.

“Yes, Tarnish. This convergence has led you here, to this place. I don’t know what will happen next, but I know how this ends. I can almost see where the lines will meet.”

“And how does this end?” Tarnish’s eyes were wide and fearful.

“With the preservation of life as we know it, at the cost of just one.”

Nodding, Tarnish’s legs went stiff. “I understand. No pressure at all. Preserve all life. Got it. No pressure at all… none. I can do this.” He took a deep breath, flicked his tail, and tried not to faint from the sensation of his brain imploding.

“Something terrible has taken up residence in a nearby cave. It has grown strong. It feeds on fear. It is a creature made of fog and shadow, insubstantial, the stuff of nightmares. You have seen the fog when it comes out and feasts. It corrupts life within the cave, twisting it, and building an army of abominations. What we do here might weaken it. I don’t know. But our answers lie beyond the arch.”

Closing his eyes, Tarnish swallowed the painful lump in his throat.

“Go on,” Maud said, trying to be encouraging. “Just one step, Tarnish, and you can become the Arch Druid.”

Unable to stop himself, Tarnish started snickering. He felt better, braver, he felt his spirits soaring. He took a step, then another, and then, smiling, head high, Tarnish passed through the arch, ready to face whatever came next.

Beyond the arch were more buildings, but not residential ones. Holding the orb in his magic, his mind began to flood with memories from long ago as the orb poured out its contents to him, holding nothing back. He strolled through empty streets, his hooves clattering on the crystal conduits, bringing sound to a long dead city that no longer had a name.

He didn’t know how this would end, but in the back of his mind, he saw the image of a seed being planted within the earth. Perhaps it was his imagination, or it might be prophetic. He had no way of knowing.

“There!” Maledico pointed with his finger, and his projected image flickered.

Tarnish turned a bit and headed for a massive rectangular building with double doors made out of centaur steel. There were no windows and the building was very plain looking. It was a building designed to survive and endure for generations, and he knew why. It had to tell a story. As he drew near, the doors opened for him. Of course they would open for him. He knew. He was a druid, here on druid business, and the city responded to his needs.

It was now time to read.

The Hall of Memories opened before him like a living thing, like a flower blooming to receive the sun. Doors opened. Lights turned on. The centaurs and the druids of old had left behind information with the hopes that one might come along and fix it. One like Maledico, who had hoped to leap forwards into the future and land in the body of an alicorn so that he would have the means to fix whatever had gone wrong.

But something had happened. Something had gone wrong. Maledico was not an alicorn, but a blue orb. Nature’s chosen agent in this instance was Tarnished Teapot, a unicorn blessed, or perhaps cursed, with the very essence of poison joke, a plant that wanted nothing more than to preserve life and balance.

A cool breeze blew fresh air into Tarnish’s face as he stood within the central entryway.

A little automaton, made of centaur steel and puffing out jets of steam, scurried across the tiles, pushing a tiny tornado in front of it that sucked up the dirt and dust from the floor. The city was waking up and making itself presentable.

Somehow, Tarnish knew what he was looking for now. He could hear voices in his head, a thousand voices, all of them begging to be heard, all of them crying, in pain, each of them wanting comfort from the living. The orb hovering beside his head was a living thing now, and visible shapes moved within its swirling depths as Tarnish made his way through another set of doors.

The companions remained in silence. Vinyl, her camera rolling, filmed everything. Tarnish stood before a picture on a wall, staring at what might have been the most terrible creature to have ever lived, then died, and then continued in undeath. Grogar the Necromancer.

Necromancy, the bane of druids. Not a continuation of life, but a perversion of it.

Staring at the sorcerous goat, Tarnish did not move for a while as he drank in every detail. A jagged crown sat upon the goat lich’s head and he sat upon a throne made of bones. Grogar was rotten, putrid, and his cadaverous eyes blazed like two red coals. Much to Tarnish’s surprise, he didn’t feel the least bit afraid of him, but angered. A smoking resentment smouldered in Tarnish’s heart.

Moving on, he looked at another panel. This had a tiny Grogar and the night sky. A beam of magic shot from Grogar up into the stars and in the next panel over, a flaming star plummeted to earth. The next panel showed a dead land, with stripped, broken trees and barren earth. The black star sat in the middle of the devastation. And that was it for panels along this wall.

Turning, he went to the next set of panels. He saw happy ponies working in a field, bringing life back to a barren land. He recognised it from a previous panel, but the black star was gone. Centaurs and large, strange mechanical automatons watched over the ponies as they worked. Drinking in the image, Tarnish committed it to memory, then looked at the next panel.

The ponies seemed to be changing. Something had happened. In the upper right corner, there was a pegasus with a lion’s leg and dragon’s claws. In the lower left hand corner, there was an earth pony with a tortoise’s shell. There were other ponies as well, but their mutations weren’t so bad. The next panel showed even more mutated ponies, ponies with disturbingly long bodies and mismatched legs. Stepping over, Tarnish looked at one last panel, but it wasn’t finished. It was about halfway completed and left undone.

The pictures were never finished, leaving much of the story unknown, but Tarnish knew enough. The voices in his head screamed at him. The black star became Grogar’s Crown of Corruption. The poisoned land had mutated and twisted all those who had lived there later, trying to heal the ground. Some of the twisted ponies looked a bit like Discord, the similarities were eerie.

“Vinyl,” Octavia whispered, “are you getting this?”

The mute unicorn nodded and left her camera focused upon a panel.

“I know what this city holds,” Tarnish blurted out, almost spooking his companions. “I know what was buried here. We need to leave this place and I need to contact Princess Celestia. She needs to know about this place and what it is. Part of Grogar has escaped and he’s hiding in The Scariest Cave in Equestria. The crown, his crown, the Crown of Corruption is here, in this place. It holds a piece of his soul. He is reviving and has been for a while. When he has the strength, he will recreate himself a body and he will return to this place to reclaim his crown. We need to leave now and I must contact her.”

“Okay, Tarnish,” Maud replied. “We can leave the way we came, climb out, and return to camp. I think we need the rest. We can wait for instructions on what to do and then come back here with help.”

“Wait, my student.” Maledico waved his hands. “Hold on. You have only seen these panels with your eyes. They were made to be seen with eyes free of flesh.”

“What do you mean, Maledico?” Tarnish asked.

“Open your eyes, Tarnish. Listen to the spirits. A hidden message was left here for those capable of seeing it. These images were created with astral inks.”

Nodding, Tarnish replied, “I understand.”

Closing his eyes, Tarnish began breathing. It was easy now, as easy as breathing. He didn’t need to leap at reality and miss, no, he just needed to see both realms as they overlapped. With the influence of the orb, Tarnish was able to clear his vision and opened the astral eyelids that would allow him to see.

The world around him was a very different place. Everything was wispy and wreathed in light. Colours were brighter and oversaturated. His companions all looked as though they were on fire. Pulling both magic and knowledge from the glass orb he held, Tarnish peered at the picture panels.

What he saw disturbed him. Staring at Grogar, Tarnish understood things. It was like staring at a picture and then having the contents of an entire book crammed inside of one’s head. He had trouble even comprehending what was happening. The pictures held knowledge, the knowledge of an entire library. They told not a story, but history. Princess Celestia needed to see this, she too, was an astral traveller. This wasn’t an art museum, but a library. Looking at each panel caused his brain to flood. He saw, he knew, he understood.

The black star wasn’t just from space, but it was conjured from beyond the stars, from some terrible place beyond understanding. Grogar had called for aid, for assistance, and he had been answered by something beyond imagination or comprehension. The sorcerous goat had tapped into the very void where eldritch abominations dwelled, and had asked to become as one of them.

The black star perverted all it touched. It corrupted the land, it ruined the water, twisted the trees, and turned peaceful animals into horrible monsters. It brought violence, lust, and death. And finding magic on this world, it latched into that as well and began to corrupt it, laying its toxic roots into the very ley lines. The creatures who used magic, the creatures whose very lives depended on magic, they too were touched by this corruption. Evil came into the world, real evil, living evil that latched onto every good thing like a cancer and then began to devour it.

Blinking, Tarnish broke the connection. Princess Celestia had to know, and she had to know right now.

Author's Note

We approach the end.

Grey matters

With Princess Celestia unreachable by mirror, Tarnish had talked to Twilight via her own mirror instead, giving her a brief explanation of what was going on. Twilight, a princess who had now experienced a crisis or two, took the news rather well, and she had assured Tarnish that everything would be dealt with. Help was coming and everything would be fine.

Tarnish wasn’t so sure about everything being fine. He thought back to the day of the fog that had come out of the cave. He and Maud had gone into it for study. Cranberry had experienced similar fogs, but this fog, this fog was special. This fog was a part of Grogar’s magical influence, made stronger by removing the poison joke around The Scariest Cave in Equestria. In his mind’s eye, he remembered the dead fish, the dead birds, the way that the fog had retreated into the cave, and how he had thought it was some optical illusion.

Without knowing how he knew, Tarnish knew that the poison joke had come about because of the black star. It was nature's way of fighting the corruption of everything, including magic. Tarnish’s face looked troubled as he hiked back to camp, he moved with swift speed and purpose. Ultimately, this corruption was Twilight’s enemy. While Tarnish could help clean it up and deal with some of the aftereffects, this poison affected Twilight’s very being, her element. Tarnish didn’t understand what that meant, but he knew that there was trouble.

When Vinyl started to whimper, Tarnish never slowed. Using his magic, he scooped her up and sat her down upon his back. Octavia moved closer to his side and struggled to keep up, but she wanted to check on Vinyl to see if the unicorn was okay. Vinyl’s hoof had puffed up and swollen a bit, but not too bad.

Darkness would be falling soon.

Pacing, Tarnish peered down the ridge and at the cave, which was just below their camp. He didn’t like this, not all, he felt as though he was now too close to an enemy, and both he and his enemy were now aware of one another. Tarnish was unaware that his demeanour had changed. Where as before he had been the mostly quiet mild mannered type, he was now acting like a territorial stallion. The hair along his spine stood up, his ears remained at an aggressive posture, and he was stricken with the urge to piss along the perimeter of the campsite.

“How is Vinyl’s frog” he asked.

From where she sat by the campfire, Octavia looked up. “Oh, better, now that she is off of it. Swelling has gone back down. I think she’ll be fine after a good night’s rest.” The earth pony nudged her mate, who nodded, and then she continued, “Vinyl feels much better and she thanks you for the pony ride earlier.”

“Don’t mention it,” Tarnish replied.

“Tarnish, do you want to move the camp?” Maud asked, giving voice to what Tarnish was thinking. “Before you answer, I don’t think it will help. If the best he can muster is some fog, we’re too high up for it to reach. We’ve been fine so far. I think we’ll be fine now.”

Unable to relax, Tarnish turned to face Maud. “You’re probably right. But it bothers me.”

“Come here,” Maud said as she patted the ground beside her. “It’s time for happy husband hugs.”

Doing as he was told, Tarnish went over, and as he sat down, Maud grabbed him. It was time for happy husband hugs. She pushed him over onto the ground and then spooned up against his back, resting her head upon the broad shelf of Tarnish’s neck. In a rare display of mood, Maud let heave a sigh of contentment.

With a poof and a bit of glitter, Vinyl Scratch conjured up her slate and a piece of chalk. In a hurry, she scribbled, Happy husband hugs? and then held it up towards Octavia while looking as pathetic as possible. Her eyes shimmered and her lower lip quivered in a most adorasad sort of way. After wiping the words away, Vinyl added, I have a very pretty wife.

Holding nothing back, Octavia tackled Vinyl and knocked the slate right out of her magical grip. The pair of them, now embraced, held one another, stroked each other, and Octavia smiled a grin of pure joy while Vinyl’s pained expression eased. Eyebrows waggling, Vinyl groped Octavia’s cutie marks in an unabashed display of affection.

Maud, who watched this, lifted her head enough to talk. “Sometimes, when I put my hooves on Tarnish’s cutie marks, my earth pony senses allow me to feel the magic. I treasure those moments. Everything he is, everything he does, it all begins and ends with his cutie marks. When I touch him, and feel the magic, the tingle, I am feeling him.”

“Sometimes, I can feel Vinyl’s magic on the inside of my thighs when I squeeze her,” Octavia whispered, and her words caused the albino unicorn to turn a shade of vivid pink all over. “I’ve always likened it to be something like a needle on a record, and feeling the groove of the other pony.”

“I check out Maud’s groove all the time. Every chance I get.”

“That’s lewd, Tarnish.” Octavia clucked her tongue. “And so delightfully saucy.”

“When the needle goes into the groove, I make music.” Maud laid her head back down to rest upon Tarnish’s neck, and then turning her head sideways, she began to rub her cheek along his crest. She snuffled her nose into Tarnish’s mane and then pushed off his pith helmet.

“Maud, do you… do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” Octavia, still holding Vinyl, trembled a bit and looked shaken.

“Sure, why not?” Maud replied.

Octavia took a deep breath, waited for a few seconds, let it out in a huff, and then took another deep breath. For a moment, it seemed as though she might lose her nerve, but then she asked, “What’s it like having a stallion that you trust enough to allow inside of you?”

“Oh.” Maud blinked. “Give me a chance to think about that.” As she spoke, Tarnish turned a very dark shade of brown, as if he had been in the oven for too long.

“I’ve never been, well, you know, raped, but Vinyl and I both have had some very close calls. The music business is full of predators who take anything they can get… your earnings, your music, and your body.” Octavia let out a squeaky sigh. “Very entitled musicians and managers who will not take ‘no’ for an answer.” The mare closed her eyes, pulled Vinyl closer, and shook her head. “I know a lot of mares who have been raped. Hurt. Violated and abused. Three or four times a year, I do concerts where I raise bits to help them and to raise awareness of the problem. I fear it’s left me shaken.”

“If you need to talk, we’re listening,” Tarnish said in a strained voice. “It’s hard to listen to, but I’ve been violated, and not just by unknown assailant.” Tarnish felt Maud go still against him, and her muscles tensed.

“There’s been some close calls… some very close calls, but Vinyl and I have kept each other safe. We’re a pair… a team. We’re safer together than we are apart.” Octavia pulled Vinyl closer and crushed her in a hug. “There’s been some very tense situations, but we’ve made it through them together.”

“It’s nice,” Maud said in a voice that wavered somewhat. “I’ve opened myself up to him. I trust him. I trust him enough that I allow him to do as he pleases with me, knowing that he won’t hurt me. I like having him against me… inside of me. Trust is a two way street though. When he’s inside of me, he’s vulnerable. I guess we both are. There is a mutual agreement of do no harm, unless spanking is involved—”

“Spanking, Maud?” Tarnish’s eyebrow arched.

“I was making a joke to lighten the mood, Tarnish. Unless of course, you’re interested.” Maud’s eyebrow arched, moving with the exquisite slowness of the rising sun. “The truth is, Tarnish is a good, docile sort. He can be sexually aggressive, but never in a way that is scary. Truth be told, I think I would spook easy in a situation involving actual aggression.”

“I suppose that you have to be real careful with Vinyl, seeing as how she feels more pain than normal ponies do.” Tarnish watched Vinyl’s head bob up and down as he spoke and for a moment, he felt a twinge of pity for the mare. He felt Maud’s body shift against him, and she placed more of herself atop him, sprawling her barrel out over his own.

In that moment, four threads wove together, forming an ever tighter connection.

“What happened to you, Tarnish?” Octavia asked. After a moment of concern, she followed up with, “Maud, do you know?”

“I know a little.” Maud wrapped one foreleg around Tarnish’s barrel and rubbed her cheek against his neck. “I know I don’t hold it against him, because it wasn’t his fault, and he’s sensitive about it.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Tarnish…” Octavia’s eyes were soft, reflective, and shimmering with understanding. She gripped Vinyl and smoothed out the scruffy, spikey tufts of mane along Vinyl’s neck. “But if you do tell me, I’ll be very respectful about it.”

“There was a she-manticore,” Tarnish began, and then he fell quiet.

“Oh dear.” Octavia covered her mouth with one hoof and her eyes went wide.

“My magic wasn’t controlled back then. It affected her in some awful way. She decided not to eat me, but she used me for other purposes. She went ‘grawr’ a lot and she purred at me and at least she didn’t eat me. I lost my virginity to a manticore.” Tarnish closed his eyes and just laid there, unmoving.

Nopony laughed.

This made Tarnish feel better. Among his friends, he wasn’t ridiculed or shamed. And for this, he was grateful beyond words. “Is it wrong that I think about her sometimes? She saved my life, in a way. I smelled so bad that afterwards, wolves and other animals left me alone. Looking back on it, she was gentle with me, for a manticore. I mean, she was rough, but I don’t think she meant to hurt me. She was just a manticore and she could have mauled me or bit me or chewed on me, but she didn’t. I suppose she just wanted some companionship and my magic allowed it to happen. I survived, but at the cost of my own humiliation.”

“You know, this isn’t all that different from sex.” Maud looked over at Octavia and Vinyl, and then patted Tarnish’s side.

“I don’t follow.” Octavia’s muzzle crinkled as she looked at Maud.

“We’re inviting each other inside. We’ve laid ourselves bare and invited others to come inside of us. To feel us. To touch us in our innermost and intimate places. We’ve spread our metaphysical legs, laid back, and offered ourselves up to one another. To be honest, I think we’re better for it. Slipping between the folds of grey matter isn’t so different than slipping between pink folds—”

“Okay, point taken!” Octavia shivered and her mane spilled down over her face.

“Now, because we know each other’s secrets, we have to trust one another not to hurt each other.” Maud began drumming her front hooves against Tarnish’s ribs and a low, satisfied moan could be heard slipping out of Tarnish’s mouth as he melted. She continue the bongo act and made her unicorn sing a weird, wavering song, striking his ribs as if they were glockenspiel keys. “I’ve shared my unicorn with you. He’s a little strange, but he is mine, and I am rather fond of him.”

Octavia let out a chortle as Maud continued her bongo massage upon Tarnish.

In that peaceful, idyllic moment, nopony was prepared for what happened next. With a crackle, there was an almost blinding flash of light, a fizzle of magic, and then with an explosion of sparks, Helianthus appeared. She was loaded down with saddlebags and gear. She stood there, blinking, recovering from teleporting.

“Hi!” Helianthus said in a cheerful voice. “I hear that you need some help. Find of a lifetime and all that. Such good little ponies, getting busy out here in the wilderness.”

There was more chortling from Octavia.

“Oh dear… I phrased that wrong.” Helianthus began to turn pink from the neck up. “Might I join you for the night?”

“How are we going to fit her into the bed?” Maud asked.

“Ooh! Quaint Trottingham traditions!” Helianthus looked very pleased and she smiled a wide grin, revealing large, square, sunflower seed crushing teeth. The big earth pony mare began to shrug off her gear and dump it on the ground. “We’ll need to get an early start tomorrow, no dawdling. I need to have a peek in the Hall of Memories and then all of us are going to have a good look around. There is much work to do.”

“Will you be able to read the images in the Hall of Memories?” Tarnish asked.

“Yes.” Helianthus did nothing to elaborate upon her answer.

“Princess Celestia couldn’t come?” Maud asked.

“Right now, she is dealing with a crisis in her school. I do not know the details. I assure you, we can take care of what needs to be done.” Helianthus let heave a sigh and added, “I’m starving! We need to eat, and then it is off early to bed, so we can all snuggle. It’s going to get cold!”

Author's Note

Hang on...

Split peas, cysteine, and hydrogen sulfide emissions

Gasping, Tarnished Teapot pushed open the door and stuck his head outside so he could breathe in fresh, clean air. His eyes watered and his nose burned as he stood in the doorway trying to recover his senses. “That’s the last time I fix split pea soup for dinner!” As he stood there, sucking in sweet, fresh air, a large hoof was placed upon his rump and then he was ejected from The Egg.

“Outtathaway, chocolate stud muffin!” Helianthus commanded with a husky shout.

Legs wobbling, he tried to recover his balance as other ponies emerged. Helianthus, no doubt the cause of all of this, came out gasping, and she was shoved out of the way by Maud, who appeared to be in a hurry to get outside. Tarnish tried to piece together what had just happened. He had opened his eyes and had awoken in a sulphurous miasma. His gagging had awoken the others, and then there had been a mad scramble for the door along with many cries.

“Oh, it’s in my mouth! It’s in my mouth!” Octavia ran around in circles throwing her head about and trying to spit out her own tongue. “Toothbrush! I need my toothbrush!” With a whinny, Octavia bolted for her supplies and began to search for her hygiene kit.

“Never again will I feel sanitary,” Maud deadpanned as she stood there, staring a dead-eyed stare. “Somepony had the bright idea to keep all of the windows closed because it was cold out. That pony… that pony…” Her words trailed off and she glared daggers at Helianthus.

Thank Celestia that nopony’s horn sparked! Vinyl had written the words on her slate and was now holding it above her head. She wiped away her words and then drew a flaming explosion with little stick figure ponies being blasted about.

“I had strange dreams about oboes… woodwinds, brass sections, and tubas, heavy on the oompah.” As Octavia spoke, she shuddered and squirted toothpaste onto her toothbrush. “There was a dreadful symphony!” Shivering in the cold morning air, she stabbed the toothbrush into her mouth and began brushing.

Bucking out his hind legs, Tarnish let out a shrill whinny and then took off running. He ran about the camp, bucking, his breath steaming in the cold, then he fell over in the grass so he could roll around in the frost and frozen dew. He rubbed his withers, his back, and his croup against the ground while kicking his four legs up into the air, letting out great snorts.

“Mmm!” Helianthus inhaled. “Invigorating! The sting of the frosty morning air against my nethers!”

Vinyl dropped both her slate and her chalk. It came down and bonked her on the head.

Bonk!

With a snort, Helianthus dropped down into the grass and joined Tarnish for a roll. She too, kicked and thrashed about, reveling in the cold, wet grass. Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl all watched in total silence. Vinyl, having recovered from the bonk on her head, summoned up a camera and then snapped a picture.

“I was crammed into a corner all night,” Tarnish grumbled as he tried to unkink his spine.

“We all were.” Maud looked at her husband and then at Helianthus. “She used me as a pillow.”

“Yeah, well you should try sleeping at the south end!” Octavia spat out suds and then continued brushing, all while glaring at the big mare rolling in the grass.

Flamingo, who had been on guard all night, hovered through the camp, paused, and then just hung there in the air. “Something smells real bad. Real bad. Is it time for the Summer Sun Festival and boiled eggs? Are we going to hunt for eggs? I tried to lay an egg once. Other ponies made fun of me, but I kept trying, but it never happened. Sure smelled like I laid an egg though.”

And with that, Flamingo sheathed herself to hide from the smell.

For Tarnish, it was an odd sensation to feel as though his legs were too short to keep up with another pony. Under normal circumstances, ponies hurried along to keep up with him, and his mother was the same way—a mare that towered over most stallions. The worst part was, Helianthus did not appear to be in a hurry, she took time to stop and smell the roses, in a metaphorical sense.

As for the others, Tarnish felt bad for them. They were almost running and poor Vinyl, Vinyl was still limping a little. She lagged behind a bit, but did not complain. Of course, she was mute and nopony had time to read a message even if she wrote one. There was a sense of urgency that could not be denied. Something was about to happen, something that was larger than all of them. They were all bit players in a much larger play and each would do their part.

“Helianthus, not that I doubt you, but how do you know how to see into the astral realms?” Tarnish asked as he pulled up alongside her. “Those images are drawn with astral inks. I’m curious—”

“I am not the common earth pony,” Helianthus replied, butting in and cutting Tarnish off. “Go ahead, Tarnish, try seeing me through open eyes, you are bound to notice sooner or later. Go on. See me for what I am. You have eyes that see through secrets.”

Could he do this while he was moving? Tarnish, overcome by curiousity, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was easy now, as easy as breathing. When he opened his eyes again, he was almost blinded. His pace slowed and he was forced to allow Helianthus to pull ahead, as he was dazzled by her brilliance.

She shone like the sun, bathing the world around her in glorious light. Every plant reached out for her as she passed, and she left behind blazing, burning hoofprints upon the ground. Her body blazed with all of the colours of the sunrise, or a sunset. It was painful to look at her for too long, it was like staring at the sun.

“Are you Celestia?” Tarnish asked as he blinked away his astral vision.

“No, I am Helianthus. I am my own entity.”

“You’re not like other ponies.” Tarnish pulled up alongside her once more and tried to look into her face. “The others, the others are not like you when I look at them. What are you? And don’t just say ‘I am Helianthus’ once more.”

“I am a pony of the earth.”

“I see.” Tarnish puzzled over this answer and gave it some thought, both in his mind and aloud. “So you are an earth pony, but also a pony of the earth. I am sure there is some great distinction there somewhere.”

“We are connected, you and I,” Helianthus said to Tarnish in a low voice as she turned to look down at him. “Your unique magic comes from the same source that I do. We are of the earth. Terra-thauma. Not from ley lines, not from the aether, but the heart of the earth. It is why you feel such a strong connection to Maud, as she too, is from the earth. Terra-thauma.”

“She is more than just an earth pony, otherwise, you’d be telling me that Octavia is from the earth as well.” As Tarnish spoke, he tried to read Helianthus’ face, but it was like trying to read a book written in a language he could not hope to understand. “Terra-thauma… that’s the source of earth pony magic, isn’t it?”

“Yes…” Helianthus’ voice was a low, almost unheard whisper.

“It’s how I know things, like what poison joke wants.” Tarnish felt as though he was on the verge of some great understanding. “Or how Maud knows when something is wrong with the land. Or other earth ponies, who I guess are still connected, but are separate somehow in some way that I don’t understand.”

Beside him, Helianthus nodded.

“This… terra-thauma… earth magic… it’s been polluted, hasn’t it?” Even as he spoke the words, he knew the answer. He understood. There was a powerful moment of realisation, of understanding, an epiphany as his mind awakened to new possibilities. He thought about Twilight and her connection to magic. As an alicorn, she was part earth pony now. As the alicorn of magic, this affected her in some powerful, purposeful way. But he didn’t understand his own role in all of this.

“Hey, Mister Teakettle…”

Annoyed, Tarnish squinted at Helianthus, knowing that she was teasing him.

“What looks like a unicorn, has a horn like a unicorn, sometimes even acts like a unicorn, but isn’t a unicorn?”

Eyes narrowing, Tarnish’s mouth tightened into a fine thin line. He kept pace with Helianthus and looked up into her eye, hoping for some glimmer of understanding. She was grinning and looking far too self satisfied. His annoyance grew and a feeling of mild irritation settled into his thoughts as well.

“It’s you, of course!”

“But I’m not an earth pony, either.” The muscles in Tarnish’s jaw clenched.

“To be honest, I don’t know what you are. You are a pony, you have a horn, and your tribal connection is only skin deep. You are a mystery to me, Mister Teakettle, and as such, pose as an object of great fascination for me. To Princess Celestia as well, as you have no doubt figured out that she and I are connected.”

“There is more that you are not telling me.”

“Well, perhaps.” Helianthus grinned and she turned her head to look at Tarnish. “I see you as a seed pod. A tough, durable, eminently survivable, almost impossible to destroy husk… a shell… a means to carry a precious seed until it meets a patch of fertile earth, so that it may be planted.”

“Did you just… did you just call me a pinecone?”

“Well, you are rather brown, like a chestnut.”

“A seed pod, eh?” Tarnish, unable to resist the bait, walked into Helianthus’ obvious trap.

“You even come with the means to ensure that the seed that you carry remains uncorrupted. You have the means to neutralise the threat that is most difficult to overcome. When that seed is planted, it shall be free of taint, corruption, and it shall grow into something incorruptible, perhaps. Something free of weakness, something pure, wholesome, and good.”

Tarnish realised that Helianthus was being serious and he had nothing snarky to say.

“Of course, I am only guessing. Princess Celestia and I have been pondering this matter for quite some time. Only time will tell. She has her ideas and I have mine. Sometimes, a pony isn’t remembered for what they do, but rather, for what they leave behind.”

“Thank you, Helianthus. You’ve given me something to think about.”

“Don’t mention it, Mister Teapot.”

“Where do we begin?” Tarnish asked as the herd of ponies he was with once more looked upon the ancient, buried city. “This place is big. There is so much here and I don’t even know where to begin looking.” As Tarnish spoke, Helianthus began to examine a centaur steel lamp post.

“Right now, I feel as though there are ten thousand songs in my head waiting to be let out.” Octavia stood on top of a crystal conduit and her hoof traced along its top edge in little slow circles. “I can hear a thousand melodies, all of them beautiful.”

“With so many,” Maud began, “where does one begin to let them all out?” Maud moved and also stood over the same crystal conduit as Octavia. She closed her eyes and appeared to be concentrating. “I feel calm. When I stand on one of these, the rage trapped inside of me feels quieted. And while that’s nice, that volcanic fury is my motivation, my inspiration, it is a part of what makes me who and what I am. Nope, I don’t like this.” Opening her eyes, Maud stepped away from the conduit.

Octavia too, stepped away, and then stared down at the conduit where she had stood. “I think I understand a part of what went wrong.”

“There is wisdom in learning from the mistakes from the past,” Maledico said as he manifested.

“Okay, what do we do and what are we looking for?” Tarnish looked at the projected image of the blue centaur. “This city is huge. I have no idea where to even get started.”

“Tens of thousands lived here.” Maledico’s face became sad and he looked around the empty city. “Civilisation was at its peak. I would imagine that we fell down a long way and entered an age of darkness. How much was lost…”

“Even more will be lost now if we fail.” Helianthus looked serious, grim, and the merry twinkle in her eye was gone. “Take me to the Hall of Memories, so that I might see what knowledge has been left behind.”

“A good place to start.” Tarnish turned his head and tried to remember the right direction. Spying a landmark he recognised, he took off at a trot, his hooves clopping on the strange, unknown stones that made up the streets. “Come, we must be going, there is much to do…”

Author's Note

Heavy on the oompah...

Them bones

Helianthus viewed the Hall of Memory like a museum patron held in the thrall of a vast gallery of horrors. The big mare seemed disturbed, out of sorts, frightened even, and it scared Tarnish to see that the big mare was shaken. Big, over the top mares like Helianthus did not become shaken by mere trifles and it began to settle into Tarnish’s mind that some very real next level stuff was going down.

Rubbing his nonexistent chin, Maledico’s projection said very little as Helianthus viewed the same panels as Tarnish had and he allowed her to experience them and all of the horror they represented. As for the others, those who could not see, they huddled together, seeking comfort from one another.

As Helianthus studied the panels, committing them to memory, or whatever it was that she was doing, Tarnish began to look around in other places within the Hall of Memory. This place had once been like a museum, and Tarnish found places where exhibits should have been, but were now empty. Barren alcoves and display stands lined the walls. Spotlights shone on empty cases that held no priceless artifacts of the ages.

Whatever had once been stored in this place was now gone, moved elsewhere, or perhaps taken from the city. Tarnish walked down empty hallways past empty displays, wondering what might have been kept here when the city was still a living thing. Some of the floors held crystal conduits, the artificial ley lines, and when Tarnish stepped on one he felt buzzed, like he did when he had tried the chemical-laced salts in Dodge City Junction.

Turning a corner, Tarnish discovered that not all of the display cases were empty. As he approached, the lights turned on, revealing a display behind glass. He stared at it, trying to make sense of what he was seeing, and he drew closer to have a better look. For whatever reason, this display was still out for public view.

“Is that a… penguin?” Tarnish asked.

“Yes,” Maledico replied after his projection eyeballed the exhibit. “That is the genocidal King Charlatan, the Emperor of Ice. Well, a depiction of him, anyway.” The projection fell silent and studied the display as Tarnish came to a halt.

The penguin had to be at least a yard tall and wore a crown made of ice. Not real ice, of course, as this was a mock-up, but it was still impressive. The Emperor of Ice also wore an intimidating suit of armor. There was a sign near the display, but Tarnish couldn’t read the words. Towering over the Emperor of Ice, Tarnish sneered down upon the display. Who could possibly be scared of a penguin of all things?

“King Charlatan is long gone,” Maledico said in a soft voice to avoid an echo in the hallway, “but others of his kind still exist to the far south where the world is frozen and they beat the drums of war. I have learned a fair bit in the astral realms. There has been an awakening in the darkness…”

“The goat.” Tarnish nodded his head, understanding.

“Yes.” Maledico let out a weary sounding sigh. “Grogar will embolden many ancient enemies. His dark shadow will rally them… armies will be formed. Do not laugh, the penguins pose a great threat, they will freeze the world as they advance.”

Tarnish did not laugh. No, he thought of windigos and the time that the world was buried in ice. As ridiculous as it might seem, Tarnish realised that the penguins posed a real threat. Their advance would freeze the land, destroying food and sustenance. He heard hooves behind him and realised that the others were seeking him out. Turning his head, he saw them approaching, then, turning in the other direction, he saw that there was more to see ahead.

With a few effortless strides of his long legs, Tarnish took himself to the next exhibit and found pigs. Not barnyard pigs, but large bipedal pigs wearing armor. They were taller than he was and even though they were just a display, Tarnish found them quite intimidating. The soldiers were armed with axes, swords, maces, and spears.

“War pigs,” Maledico said in a soft voice. “Princess Porcina’s shock troops. Armed with pig iron, they make for dangerous foes. Pig iron is very magic resistant and their swords can chop right through a unicorn’s shields with ease. Should you ever fight one, know this—your magic will do little to protect you and you will do very little harm with your magic. Learn swordplay, learn archery, and learn how to use that magical shield of yours. I fear that ponies have grown arrogant with their magic once again and will be in for quite a surprise should they battle these old foes.”

“They look dangerous,” Maud said as she pulled up alongside Tarnish.

“Oh, they are, and their favourite meal is pony flesh.” Maledico paused and allowed his words to sink in for a moment. His projection turned to face Maud and he scowled. “Together with the various orcs, such as the ice orcs, the war pigs made for terrible foes. Even now, they stir, having heard his call and awoken.”

“We shall thoroughly crush them.” Helianthus’ voice rang out like a bell in the hallway. She looked haunted, disturbed, and there was no merry twinkle in her eye. “Back in the time of Discord, he held them under his sway. Princess Luna drove them before her like swine to the slaughter, and she pushed them into the sea with a storm so terrible that it forever altered the western shores of Equestria. Princess Luna despises them—if they have returned, as you claim, she will be put into a very bad mood. A very, very bad mood indeed.”

“Helianthus, did you learn everything you need to know?” Tarnish asked, not knowing how to respond to what the big earth pony mare had just said. Something about Helianthus’ anger worried him, frightened him, and he desperately wanted her mood to improve.

“Most of it.” The big mare scowled and stared at the display full of war pigs.

As Tarnish stood there watching, Helianthus strode forwards, deeper into the display hall, her hooves making heavy sounding thuds upon the floor. Curious as to what had caught her attention, he followed after her, and the others followed after him. Passing other displays filled with terrible foes and dangerous enemies, Tarnish didn’t have time to look at them while he hurried to keep up with Helianthus.

The big mare came to a stop before a statue of a strange creature that Tarnish had never seen before. Helianthus walked right up to it, let out a faint, soft whicker, and then rubbed her cheek against the smooth stone. It was strange behaviour, but then again, Helianthus was a strange mare. Tarnish watched as she took a step back, and then he looked up at her, trying to read her face.

“The Gunslinger... Danny Williams. He first came here as a boy, with his older sister, Megan Williams. I know of them through stories. Megan became a knight and Danny… he brought justice at gunpoint.”

“Helianthus, what is he?” Tarnish asked.

“A human,” Helianthus replied. “Occasionally, some stumble through thin places between our worlds and for whatever reason, they do not become ponies. It is a great mystery. Usually, passing from one side or the other causes a transformation of the body.”

Shaking his head, Tarnish muttered, “I don’t understand.”

“Megan Williams was the oldest, Danny was the second oldest, and little Molly was the youngest. The stories say that Megan took up sword and shield, Danny took up a pair of guns, and that somehow, Molly learned how to use magic. Together, they became a powerful force for good.”

“The centaurs found a way to gift magic to those who normally did not have it.” Maledico’s voice was deep and troubled. “We tampered with much, changed much, altered much, and it does not surprise me that a human somehow learned the magical arts. We learned how to steal magic away as well as giving it to those who had none.”

“Like Tirek.” Helianthus turned and looked at Maledico.

Maledico said nothing, but turned away from Helianthus’ heavy gaze. Instead, he focused upon the stone statue of Danny Williams and began to study it. Tarnish, holding the orb, felt a peculiar tingle of magic and he wondered what was up. He glanced at Helianthus, who was still staring at Maledico.

“We should be going. I wish to check the ossuary. No doubt, there is a story waiting to be told there and my earth pony senses say that we should go there.” Helianthus let out a faint whinny and stepped away from the statue. “Old bones can share many secrets with those who know how to listen.”

There was still so much to see in this wing, other displays, other exhibits, old enemies and maybe even old friends tucked away in forgotten nooks. Tarnish sighed and hoped that he could come back here, so that more could be learned. Both Helianthus and Maledico knew a lot about history. No doubt, both were keeping secrets and the tension between the two disturbed Tarnish a bit.

“Come now, we must hurry…”

Bones. So many bones. Tarnish began to feel a little uncomfortable around the bones. He didn’t like them, not at all, he felt his muscles begin to tense and quiver as he thought about being surrounded by bones. His pace slowed a great deal and he no longer walked behind Helianthus.

“There is a presence here,” Helianthus whispered, “I sense something that I have not felt for a long time.”

“These bones should have turned to dust a long time ago.” Maud’s head turned from side to side, taking everything in. “These are bones that should not exist. I feel peculiar. I’m not sure that I like this.”

“I too, feel a little off.” Octavia pressed up against Vinyl, who was filming everything. “My earth pony senses feel weird. I feel out of sorts.”

None of this made Tarnish feel better. Without meaning to do so, he whimpered and backed into Maud. When everypony turned to look at him, he felt ashamed and embarrassed for being a big scaredy cat. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop trembling and it was difficult to keep a magical grip on Maledico’s orb.

“Don’t be scared Tarnish, it’s just bones. They can’t hurt you.” Maud pressed herself up against Tarnish and then shushed him, making soft comforting sounds as she rubbed his neck with her cheek. “Just stay close to me and you’ll be fine.”

“These bones,” Maledico began.

“What about them?” Helianthus asked.

“They are tainted,” Maledico replied in a low, reverent but worried whisper. “These bones were the living when they buried this city. They watched the end as the city was sealed away and became a tomb. One by one, they passed, dying of old age… or corruption.”

Teeth chattering, Tarnish pushed up against Maud so hard that if it was anypony else but her, they would have been bowled over. Patient, gentle, Maud showed no signs emotion, but just stood there, supporting her husband and best friend. With slow and careful steps, she herded Tarnish along as the group went deeper into the ossuary.

Coming to a stop, Vinyl turned her camera upon some odd bones. There was a skull—it was distorted, elongated, and two mismatched horns were visible. Some of the other bones in the rack didn’t look like pony bones at all, but other animals. Vinyl filmed them in mute silence, preserving some very curious evidence on film.

“These look like draconequus bones.” With these words, Maud spoke aloud what everypony else present was thinking. “If everypony died here, who put these bones in the ossuary?”

“The automatons that serve the city,” Maledico replied.

“So… this city… the ponies here… they became… like Discord?” Octavia’s voice was slow and halting. Looking more than a little unnerved, she pressed herself up against Maud and Tarnish, not wanting to disturb Vinyl as she was filming something so important.

“It appears that way.” Helianthus had herself a look around, and then continued ahead. “Something lives up ahead. Prepare yourselves. Something has survived the long eons down here.”

Pushing into the small chamber at the end of the ossuary, Maudlin Persephone Pie let out an ear piercing shriek that caused her companions to almost jump out of their skins. With swift movement, Maud lept from the floor and landed upon Tarnish’s back, startling him and almost knocking him over as she buried her face into his mane along the back of his neck.

“Oh buggery,” Octavia gasped as she tried to recover from the sudden fright while clutching at her barrel with one foreleg.

The only pony unaffected by Maud’s outburst was Helianthus, who now examined what had unhinged poor Maud so completely. A stone statue stood in the small circular room, a pony statue. An alicorn statue, or what had once been an alicorn. The horn was snapped off, the wings had both been broken off, and the left front leg was gone.

Without warning, Maud let out another scream that threatened to implode the eardrums of all those nearby. Tarnish shuffled, but didn’t know how to comfort Maud, who was almost strangling him with her forelegs, which were tight around his neck. He could feel her violent trembles and he knew why she was freaking out.

She had never fully recovered from him being turned to stone.

“What happened to you?” Helianthus whispered to the stone statue that wasn’t a stone statue.

The alicorn was huge, larger than Princess Celestia by far. A look of anguished horror was upon his face and his mouth was open in a terrible rictus. Helianthus, in shock, reached out one hoof and touched the statue, then backed away, shaking her head. Her eyes began to water, causing one tear to roll down her cheek, splashing down to the dustless floor and leaving behind a dark spot.

“He’s gone mad from the pain. He’s still there and he’s been screaming for thousands of years now. Oh dear stars… how awful… I can’t even imagine…”

“Immortality isn’t everything it is cracked up to be,” Maledico murmured.

“Why was he turned to stone and broken?” Octavia, who was worried about Maud, stood next to Tarnish and stared at the statue in wide-eyed horror.

“I think I see why.” Helianthus pointed at the alicorn stallion’s hind legs. One of them, the right rear leg, was covered in tumorous growths all around the hock and below the lumpy, diseased growths, the leg was no longer equine in nature. It ended in a paw of unknown origin with bladed, curved claws. Helianthus took a step back and shuddered in revulsion.

“Over there are two stone wings”—Maledico pointed with his finger—“which do not match. Also, I see his horn.”

“We’ll be needing that.” Helianthus, trembling, turned her head to look at the mismatched wings that had been snapped off of the alicorn. “We’ll be needing the horn. I suspect that parts of the city are locked away and the horn will serve as a key.”

“Correct.” Maledico’s projection let out a sad sigh and shook his head. “We can do nothing for him. Returning him to flesh would be monstrous and we don’t know how sick he might be, never mind the fact that he is dangerously insane. With his bits broken off, he will never fully heal. I doubt that he could be restored. If anything, he would continue to mutate instead of heal and become something truly terrible to behold.”

“Can’t we end his suffering somehow?” Octavia asked.

“No,” both Helianthus and Maledico said together.

“Grogar’s magic did this.” Helianthus gestured for Tarnish to take the horn sitting on a low shelf in the back of the circular room. “This is the threat he represents. The corruption of all life. It seems even alicorns aren’t immune to his evil.”

“There is one who is immune to his touch.” Maledico turned his gaze upon Tarnish, who had Maud clinging to his back.

“Me?” Tarnish stood there, blinking, and using his magic, he retrieved the horn.

Maledico’s projection nodded. “Before this is over, I suspect that you will find this out for yourself…”

Author's Note

Next chapter: what has been locked away...

Mechanical mania

“Maud, darling, are you going to be okay?” Octavia’s face held wrinkles of concern as she spoke. “Maud, please, speak to us, we’re all worried. Just say something, anything, please.” Head turning, she looked at Vinyl, her eyes pleading, and neither mare seemed to know what to do for their distraught friend.

“As long as I live, I’m probably never going to be okay,” Maud said, breaking her silence. “Not with that. Not after almost losing Tarnish that way. I don’t want to talk about it, either. I just can’t. Not now. Maybe not ever. We’ve got a job to do, so let’s just do it and get it over with.”

“I understand, Maud. If something were to take Vinyl from me, I would react poorly.” Octavia pulled away from Vinyl’s side and drew closer to Maud. “Not just Vinyl… but you and Tarnish as well. We’ve become a tight knit little group. Vinyl and I are very fond of the two of you.”

The group lapsed into silence, with Tarnish and Helianthus leading the way through the lifeless empty streets. Vinyl kept the camera rolling, getting as much as she could on film. Helianthus ignored the many distractions, there was so much to see in the old city, and Tarnish kept going to wherever Maledico pointed.

Ahead, something that almost looked like a palace of some sort loomed.

The doors opened with no effort. This seemed like the sort of place to look for a vault, something that the horn would unlock. Not only were greater alicorns fantastic anti-doomsday devices, but they made for excellent keys as well. Tarnish looked around, his head turning left and right, and he ignored the tiny automatons that scurried around, trying to get the palace-like building ready for visitors.

Lights came on, flickering, powering up after thousands and thousands of years. The walls thrummed as if the very building was coming to life, waking up after a long slumber. Somewhere, the sound of water flowing could be heard, it sounded like a fountain gushing. Vents began to blow air that was just the right temperature, not too warm, not too cold, but perfect for an equine with a thick pelt.

“So much technology,” Maledico’s projection said mostly to himself. “We were so advanced. We pushed the limits of everything and anything that was possible. We built gateways to other worlds, other whens, other wheres. We figured out how to make our own thin places so that we might travel to neighboring realities. We built vessels that flew like birds… some of them even flew above the sky and we had hopes of exploring the stars… the endless seas.”

Tarnish came to a halt and listened.

“The world was so advanced. Not only did we begin to explore above the sky, where there was no air, but a vacuum. That technology allowed us to explore the depths of the ocean as well. We made wagons that required no beast to pull them, based on the technology we found in other places. We pushed the limits of everything that was possible… and then we fell so far down. I don’t know what happened.” Maledico gazed at a mural on the wall showing what appeared to be a mechanical centaur. “It must have been such a long way down.”

The dry air now held a pleasant humidness that made breathing easier. Tarnish looked around the room he was in. The walls were a testament to centaur technology. Fantastic flying machines, machines shaped like fish, things that were very clearly trains, but not like the trains that Tarnish knew.

“I can remember some of these machines from when I was young,” Helianthus murmured. “Most of them didn’t work and they were all broken.”

“Wait.” Tarnish turned to face Helianthus. “How can you remember these machines?”

“Never you mind!” Helianthus snapped with uncharacteristic anger. “It would be best if you just pretended that I didn’t say anything, Tarnished Teapot.” Eyes narrowing, Helianthus focused upon Maledico. “And don’t you dare say anything, spirit… we have an agreement.”

“Agreement?” Tarnish began to suspect that something was going on.

“It is not of your concern.” Maledico’s projection turned to face Tarnish.

“Okay, fine. Keep your secrets.” Tarnish let out a snort, shook his head, and flicked his tail in annoyance. “It’s not like we need to trust one another.” Eyes narrowing, he glared at both Helianthus and Maledico.

“When this is over, I will give you a suitable explanation,” Helianthus offered.

Acknowledging Helianthus’ words, Tarnish nodded. He doubted that he would get a suitable explanation, but he let the issue drop. Helianthus was the sort of pony that ran a secret society—as such, she kept secrets and secrets only remained as such if you said nothing about them. In silence, he prepared himself for disappointment.

With Vinyl right beside her, Octavia was looking at the walls while Vinyl filmed what the pair of them were seeing. Maud was looking up at what appeared to be a large mechanical bird of some sort. It had a long tubular body with swept back wings and fins. Some of the machines on the wall defied description.

Looking around him, Tarnish realised that this place really was a tomb. It was a place where concepts and ideas had come to die. Equestria didn’t have this sort of technology now, most of what was on the walls were all inventions lost to the ages. Sure, Equestria had airships, but there was nothing like the mechanical looking bird or the big mechanical fish that no doubt swam the oceans. This was a crypt for knowledge. Now, with its discovery, Tarnish felt the future might be a little uncertain. Technology it seemed, might have contributed to the downfall of the centaurs.

It would no doubt be for the best if this place was never seen by other equine eyes, and Tarnish knew it. Vinyl’s films would need to be kept secret. Tarnish began to understand that the less that was known about this place, the better. Helianthus, just a few yards away, was looking at some strange machine that Tarnish couldn’t even comprehend. He had no idea what it was that she was looking at.

“If there is a vault of some kind here, it will be down below,” Maledico said to the others.

A little spooked, Tarnish lept off of the mechanical stairs. They were rickety, made a grinding sound, and didn’t work very well anymore. He wasn’t sure why anypony needed mechanical stairs that moved along a repeating loop. The very idea seemed nonsensical. Mere seconds after he landed, the mechanical stairs came to a grinding, grating halt and made a screech.

Even with the automatons trying to keep the place maintained, decay had set in and some things here were dying. It made Tarnish a little sad. He wondered if the automatons would begin to fail and break down. Who repaired them? Did they repair each other? As the others made their way off of the stairs that were now unmoving, regular stairs, more or less, Tarnish could hear a swarm of automatons coming to fix what was broken.

Down here, in the depths, most of the lights worked but a few flickered. Water leaked down the walls, no doubt a pipe had busted somewhere. Down here, things were less than perfect. Age was showing and time had its way with things. There was also something musty, something foul in the air. Down here in the depths, something felt dark and oppressive.

A bipedal automaton came wobbling up to Tarnish, this one wasn’t made of centaur steel. It appeared to be in bad repair, it trembled and shook, its movements were jerky and unbalanced. One of its gemstone eyes was still glowing with a faint light, the other had gone dim. It let out a stream of garble at Tarnish, some language that he did not understand.

“I don’t speak your language,” Tarnish said.

The automaton buzzed and its arms trembled. After a few seconds, it made a fizzling sound, the scent of hot metal filled the hallway, and something went clunk inside of the old golem’s chest. With a rattle and a clang, it spoke.

“Standard labourer language—BEEEZORP!—engaged.” The automaton leaned forwards. “Labourer, you should not be down here. It is dangerous! Dangerous! The city has been sealed. There is life threatening radiation down here—BEEEZORP!—life threatening radiation down here—BEEEZORP!—life threatening radiation down here—BEEEZORP!—life threatening radiation down here—BEEEZORP!—life threatening radiation down here—BEEEZORP!—down in the darkness we hear his song and we listen for the day when he awakens.”

With a loud screech, the automaton began spewing smoke and an acrid smell filled the hallway as it shut down, finally succumbing to time and decay. The bipedal automaton fell over, and with a clatter, hit the floor. One arm popped free of its socket and bounced over the floor, making metallic clanging sounds.

“Everypony needs to stay close to Tarnish,” Helianthus said in a voice that had a faint quaver of fear. “Come all, all of you, get closer. We’ve all shared a bed so nopony should mind.”

Tarnish checked his amulet and saw that it was flashing, going from pale blue to black. Seeing it made his mouth go dry. Thirsty, he pulled out his tea flask, took a swallow, and then passed it around to the others so that they too, could have a drink. When it was returned to him, he stuck the stopper back in and slipped it back into his saddlebags.

“More stones I don’t recognise.” Maud reached out and touched the wall with her hoof. “How strange they are and how curious is their song. Boulder says they are unknown to him.”

Moving as a group, they began forwards, down the narrow hallway together. Tarnish remained in the middle with Helianthus leading the way and Vinyl, limping somewhat, bringing up the rear. Octavia walked on Tarnish’s right and Maud walked along at his left.

The hallway remained level for a time, then began a downward slant. The walls glistened with moisture and strands of crystalline conduit threaded through the ceiling above sent down showers of sparks. The musty smell of decay was present, the cloying stench lingered in the nostrils and made the companion’s noses crinkle.

Another automaton was found. This one stood in the corner, banging his head against the stone over and over. There could be no doubt that it had been doing it for a very long time indeed, as there was a worn indentation in the stone, the spot where the automation’s head had impacted a countless number of times. A muffled metallic ding could be heard with each impact. The automaton’s gemstone eyes were both dim and an incomprehensible string of garbled gibberish came from its mouth.

It was Vinyl that put the old automaton out of its misery. Using her magic, she pulled him apart, dismembering him, separating limbs from body. With a hissing fizzle, the various pieces went still and ceased to function. She placed the automaton’s limbs, torso, and head down in a pile in the corner where it had banged its head for eons.

Ahead was the muffled sounds of more movement and Tarnish knew that there was an army of automatons ahead, all of them no doubt suffering some sort of failure-state. His ears perked at the sounds of voices, of mechanical clangs, of screeches, the cacophony of mechanical insanity.

Ears perked, Tarnish could hear the faint sounds of singing. “Down in the darkness we hear his song and we listen for the day when he awakens.” The sound made him start sweating. He didn’t like the sound of it at all. Over and over again the chanting came, with all of the regularity of the automaton that had been banging his head against the wall.

Taking a deep breath, Tarnish prepared himself for mechanical madness.

The signs of automaton upon automaton violence was all over the ground. Severed heads, arms, and legs were scattered about. Some of the automatons were mismatched, wrong looking, wearing the stolen arms and legs of other automatons, evidence that they had cannibalised one another to continue their tortured existence.

It was Vinyl that dealt with them, seizing them one by one and pulling them apart. She snuffed out whatever life they had before they had a chance to become dangerous. Nopony wanted an automaton running around with a nice, fresh pony leg or a pony head. One by one, the mechanical insanity was dealt with and the awful chanting silenced.

Past the automatons, a bright centaur steel door awaited and sure enough, there was a hole in the center. Tarnish knew that there was no force great enough to budge this door. The walls too, the area around the door, all of it centaur steel. He pulled the horn out of his saddlebags, held it up, and saying nothing, he inserted it into the hole in the center of the door.

The smooth sounds of mechanical perfection greeted him and with a hiss, the door began to open…

Author's Note

Soon, this story will have a complete tag.

That's the way the sunflower crumbles

In the dim light, a mechanical hand clamped around Tarnish’s muzzle and began to squeeze. The attack had happened so fast that there was little time for reaction. Howling in panic and terror, the pain was almost blinding. Starbursts exploded in Tarnish’s vision and the pressure continued to increase, causing Tarnish to believe that his face was about to be crushed. His throat filled with blood and he could hear the creaking of his bones as they neared the breaking point.

There was a metallic clang as Maud smashed the attacking automaton and Tarnish felt the chilly metallic hand let go of his muzzle. He fell to the floor, choking on his own blood, which flooded down his throat and gushed from his nostrils. A large white hoof almost stepped on him as the others tried to defend his prone body.

“Vinyl!” Octavia shrieked.

What lights there were strobed as Tarnish’s vision faded in and out. His whole face was on fire with pain and the pressure in his snoot felt as though it would explode at any moment. Again, he was almost stepped on as he curled up into a fetal ball and tried not to drown in his own blood. More automatons kept coming.

“How are they taking down Vinyl’s shields?” Maud’s calm question belied her frantic struggle to keep the two unicorns safe from grabbing, crushing mechanical hands.

The chamber was filled with a roaring, rushing whisper as a choir of voices all sang out at once, “Down in the darkness we hear his song and we listen for the day when he awakens.” Then, moving as one, the automatons in various stages of functionality all continued their assault.

Bipedal, Helianthus’ front hooves worked like pistons, smashing and crushing everything trying to grab her and bring her down as she stood over Tarnish. Beside her, Maud and Octavia struck out at anything that got too close. Vinyl kept trying to shove the automatons away, but her magic kept fizzling out on contact with them.

One of the automatons got its fingers around Octavia’s throat and wouldn’t let go. She began to strangle as her throat was being crushed with slow cruelty from the automaton’s unyielding fingers. With a straight-legged punch, Maud beheaded Octavia’s attacker and then tried to get the fingers around Octavia’s throat to let go by smashing the arms.

Bellowing with pain and rage, spewing and spurting blood with every laboured breath, Tarnish fought to get to his hooves. With his magic, he brought his shield to bear and pulled out Flamingo. Within seconds, the tide was being turned as Flamingo entered the fray. She was sharp, she was deadly, and down at the very core of her being, she was still a pegasus—a pegasus whose friends were in trouble.

“Like butter!” Flamingo shouted as she slashed an automaton in half. “You ain’t so tough!” With a downward slice, she went through the head and torso of an automaton trying to grab Vinyl. “It’s like cutting cheese! Soft, squishy cheese! I’ve never met a cheese I couldn’t cut!” When Tarnish smacked an automaton with his shield, Flamingo took advantage of it while it was off balance and chopped it down.

“Down in the darkness we hear his song and we listen for the day when he awakens.”

“NO CREEPY SINGING!” Flamingo screamed as she completed a swipe that cut three automatons in half at the waist. “YOU CUT THAT OUT! YOU CUT THAT OUT!”

In seconds, Flamingo had turned the tide of the battle and now the automatons were trying to flee, but there was nowhere to go in the chamber. She ran them down and hacked them to bits, stabbing them, slicing them, cutting them, chopping them, and even spanking them with the flat part of her blade.

“What terrible dreams the sleeper has and what joy have we as he awakens,” the surviving automatons all sang in unison as Flamingo continued to reduce them to scrap metal.

“CREEPY SINGING GOLEMS GET CHUNKED!” Flamingo shrieked as she beheaded a member of the creepy choir. The follow through stroke lopped off both arms. “WHO WANTS SOME? HANDS UP GOLEMS, WHO WANTS TO DIE?”

“He awakens!”

“HE BETTER GO BACK TO SLEEP BEFORE I CUT HIM TOO!”

“He awakens!”

Screaming with incoherent rage, Flamingo finished off the last of the automatons.

“Tarnish, you okay?” Maud, sitting on her haunches, held up Tarnish’s head in her hooves. “Do you think anything is broken? Do we need to turn back and get you out of here?”

Finding it very difficult to breathe, Tarnish didn’t know what to say. Now that his anger had worn off, he was in so much pain that he felt like crying. His nostrils were caked and scabbed over with blood. Already, the swelling of his muzzle was considerable. Everything had happened so fast—it was all so sudden—and he was still in shock over what had taken place.

“Maud, you’re bleeding… it’s bad.”

As Octavia spoke, Vinyl tore away the sleeve of Maud’s smock to expose the torn flesh. With the sleeve gone, the laceration could be seen. The cruel mechanical fingers of an automaton had grabbed Maud’s leg and squeezed. The gash looked worse than it was though, and the damage had been done in a bony area near the elbow. Vinyl doused it with iodine and then began to wrap it in gauze. After a few wraps, she tied it off with a knot and tugged it tight.

“Helianthus, you are bleeding too—”

“Octavia, it’s just scratches. I’ll be fine.” Helianthus lowered her head and began to study Tarnish’s muzzle, where he had been grabbed. “It looks pretty bad. The only way to know if anything is broken is to give it a squeeze and feel for breaks… and I don’t think any of us want to do that to Tarnish right now.”

“Octavia, how is your throat?” Maud asked.

“A little sore,” Octavia replied, “I’ll be fine. Stiff upper lip and all that. It’s nothing compared to poor Tarnish. He almost had his face torn off.”

“Looks like Vinyl got raked.” Helianthus extended her long neck and began to examine Vinyl’s withers, which were bloody. “Yeah, Vinyl got grabbed. Somepony get the iodine.”

There was a whimper from Vinyl, she was a total foal when it came to pain. Octavia grabbed her mate to steady her, pulled her close, and then nodded at Helianthus. The big mare took the iodine bottle from Vinyl, lifted it in her meaty, muscular fetlock, and shot a little squirt into Vinyl’s withers, which had almost become mechanically separated equine meat chunks. The burn of the iodine caused Vinyl to start sobbing, and she clung to Octavia for comfort, letting out muted gasps of pain.

Looking around, Tarnish studied the heaps of dismantled automatons and the chamber which he and his companions now occupied. The walls were made of centaur steel, along with the ceiling and the floor. The floor beneath his hooves thrummed, the cause of the vibration was unknown.

“Octavia, you’re lucky that your throat wasn’t ripped open.” Helianthus’ words caused a noticeable chill in the air, causing Vinyl and Octavia both to shiver. “I’m glad that you are okay. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to keep all of you safe.”

“We’re not done here.” Tarnish’s words sounded as though he had a terrible head cold and was congested. “You all heard what they said… he’s awoken. We need to put him back to sleep if we can. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know I am the one that needs to end this.”

“I feel funny,” Flamingo said in a low voice. “I feel like I did when I saw the tree of harmony. I feel so full of purpose. I’m with you, Tarnish, to the end. I am the Element of Pinkness and I will be with you until the end, whatever end may come.”

Nodding, Tarnish replied, “Well then, Flamingo, let’s keep going…”

There was an annoying hum that resonated between the ears and made his teeth vibrate. The sensation made Tarnish’s nasal passages burn with agonising pain which he had trouble ignoring. He walked with his shield held up before him and Flamingo led the way through the centaur steel vault. Blood continued to dribble from his nostrils, down his lip, and off of his chin.

The narrow hallway opened up into another chamber, with the centaur steel forming a solid, seamless barrier all around them. In this chamber, there were cubbies in the walls and there were items stored here. Maledico’s projection raised one hand in a gesture for Tarnish to stop.

“These aren’t dangerous, these are treasures stored away to keep them safe.”

Pausing, Tarnish had a look around as more blood trickled from his nose. On a stone bust of a pony, there were a pair of glasses. He glanced over at Helianthus, as if asking for permission, and when she didn’t respond, he pulled the glasses from the stone pony head and then slipped them into his saddlebags.

There was a collection of various types of horn rings, a few shoes, a small silver pegasus statue, a wand with a ruby tip, a dagger with a leaf shaped blade, a few magical gemstones that glowed with their own light, a mirror, and a number of other trinkets that Tarnish looted and stuffed into his saddlebags. He left nothing behind and each display cubby was left empty.

After spitting out a wad of phlegm and blood, Tarnish continued through the next doorway.

The next chamber also had display cubbies, but they were empty. The darkness seemed to be getting thicker and the light spells seemed to be getting weaker. The globes of light mounted to the walls did very little to push back the darkness. There was an unmoving automaton on the floor of this chamber that Tarnish eyeballed, not trusting it at all.

Helianthus kicked it over and then let out a gasp at what she saw. Growing from the automaton’s gemstone eyes were black crystals that protruded from the pale yellow gemstones. The metal face was no longer smooth, but corroded, lumpy, misshapen, and pitted. The entirety of the automaton’s torso was covered in thousands of tiny words that Tarnish could not read, but looking at them caused his vision to blur and made his stomach queasy.

The light seemed dimmest around the strange words inscribed on the automaton’s torso. Little squiggles of darkness could be seen, like many tiny phantom maggots writhing, and Tarnish couldn’t tell if they were real or if they were a hallucination.

The automaton’s crystal infected eyes flared with light, causing Helianthus to leap backwards. Mechanical fingers made feeble twitches and the mechanical golem rattled. “Master, forgive me, I am an imperfect vessel! I’m sorry that I could not contain you! Please sing to me once more! It is so lonely without your voice! Sing to me, Master! Sing! FORGIVE ME!”

And then, the lights in its gemstone eyes went out and the automaton went still. Smoke rose from its face and there was an acrid smell of ozone. Helianthus looked over at Tarnish and then at Flamingo. Darting forwards, Flamingo chopped the golem to bits with a few swift strokes, then returned to Tarnish’s side.

“Stay close together,” Helianthus said to the others. “Stay close to Tarnish. Something here is foul. When we are done here, I shall speak to Celestia about cleansing us in sunlight and phoenix elixir. I fear that we are becoming polluted.”

Octavia shuddered from Helianthus’ dire warning, but said nothing.

The next chamber was small and there was an awful stench. Tarnish paused and looked at the other side of the room. There was a metal door laying upon the ground and the door frame was a curious structure made of wood of all things. It looked like petrified wood. The chamber was filled with a strange, throbbing energy and the lights were now very dim.

“We’re here,” Maledico announced. “The Crown of Corruption is close.”

“I feel it too.” Helianthus pushed her way past Tarnish, and stepped into the middle of the chamber. “There is a sickness here. Not even Discord in the depths of his madness was this vile. My skin crawls from whatever has been concealed here.” Holding her head high, she looked at Tarnish and said, “Tarnished Teapot… now is your time. Do not fail us.”

Turning about, Helianthus strode towards the open doorway, stepped over the fallen door, and the moment that her head passed through the wooden doorframe, the big mare disintegrated. Her body became a pile of stones, dirt, and curled up roots on the floor in the doorway. In the middle of her remains was a dried up and shriveled sunflower.

“HELIANTHUS!” Tarnish cried.

But it was too late, the big mare was no more, and she had left behind a curious corpse.

Author's Note

Soon.

Life finds a way

“Helianthus…” Octavia shook her head. “I don’t understand, how could this happen? What happened to her?” Clinging to Vinyl, she sat on the floor staring at the curious remains left in the doorway. “Everything down here is so horrible, I don’t think I can bear it. I need to be in the sunlight again.”

Maud took a few cautious steps towards Helianthus’ remains, then stopped, recoiling with a pained cry. With a great deal of effort, she dragged herself away from the door, her spine and head sagging. “It feels like death… my strength is gone… I feel so weak… stay away from the door.”

“The chamber is lined with nullwood. Petrified nullwood.” The words came from a flickering apparition that manifested in the chamber. “Do not be sad, Helianthus will be just fine. Death is only a temporary inconvenience for her.”

“Princess Celestia?” Tarnish focused upon the ghostly figure standing beside him, and he heard the sounds of Octavia weeping as she pulled Maud closer to her and Vinyl. “Princess Celestia, what are you doing here?”

“You owe them an explanation,” Maledico’s projection said to Celestia’s projection.

“Perhaps you are right,” Princess Celestia replied. “Helianthus is my creation… my way of studying animancy. I tore off a piece of my own soul and animated her body from common earth. Over time, I gave her life… and she developed personality. She became her own distinct entity. I use her as my eyes and ears out in the world and I send her to do dangerous tasks that I could not. Over time, the tiny fragment of soul I gave her grew and became a whole soul. Right now, she is in the astral realms, no doubt impatiently stomping around in my sunflowers.”

Tarnish, who had been in those sunflowers, nodded and then had an understanding. “Mellonella Moth? Dove?”

“Both are the results of me teaching the art of animancy to Luna and Cadance. I have taught them to shape and nurture souls. Mellonella is coming along nicely and with time, she will gain more permanence like Helianthus, but Dove is very fragile and requires Cadance to be in close proximity. She was there in pony that night at the Stiff Upper Lip Society, animating Dove.” Princess Celestia looked down at Helianthus’ remains, and then over at Tarnish.

“And what about Twilight?” Tarnish asked.

“Twilight can’t make the leap to the astral plane. She’s made it too complicated for herself. She’s written five books on theoretical astral mechanics as she’s tried to figure out the how and the why. She’s overcomplicated everything so much that she will never be able to make the leap. That is Twilight’s greatest failing, she cannot abide simplicity.” Celestia’s projected image now had a sad expression.

“It’s as easy as breathing.” Tarnish began to wonder if his uncomplicated mind was an asset. He didn’t think he was stupid, at least, not at this moment, but he understood that he lacked a certain mental complexity and this was a positive. Snorting, Tarnish realised that he was in vault with eldritch darkness and now was no time for hoof gazing.

Without even thinking about what he was doing, he made his way to the petrified nullwood doorway and then stopped before he got too close. He paused, listening to his companions gasp, then turned around to look at them. After a few seconds, he realised that he wasn’t affected by the anti-magic nature of the petrified nullwood.

“I feel fine,” he announced as his companions gave him wide-eyed and fearful stares. Even Maud had a reaction—Tarnish could see that she was blinking much faster than usual.

He backed away and then began pulling off his many magical items. His amulet, his saddlebags, his shield, it all came off and he set it down upon the floor in a pile as he made himself ready to pass through the door and face whatever was beyond.

“Tarnish, you are far more powerful than you realise.” Maledico, whose orb had flickered a bit as Tarnish had drawn near the doorway, pointed at Tarnish with his finger. “Of course… your magic and magic of the nullwood both come from the same place. Terra-thauma. The primal magics seem to know that you are working in their best interests. The nullwood will not null you. Nature will not work against itself, not in this instance.”

Naked, divested of his many items, Tarnish once more went towards the door…

“Hey, there is a nullwood pedestal back here,” Tarnish said to the others. “It’s all black and rotten looking. There is a crown on it. When I look at it, I feel like throwing up and my vision gets all blurry.”

“That would be it, Tarnish,” Maledico replied, “the bane of all creation. It must be destroyed.” The blue orb was now held by Vinyl and Maledico ignored her attempts to poke and prod his projection.”

“I know of a nice new volcano we could go and drop it into,” Tarnish suggested.

Waving his hands around, Maledico responded, “What sort of ignorant moron drops an all powerful reality warping artifact into a volcano? Where do you think all that magic goes? The volcano would erupt and the world would be doomed! Nothing and no one should ever be that stupid!”

“Okay, okay, I get it, I had a dumb idea!” Tarnish backed out the room and faced his companions once more. “So no dropping dangerous artifacts into active volcanos. Bad idea. Got it. Noted. Understood.”

“Could Flamingo cut it?” Maud asked. “I suspect that she can cut through anything. She left nicks in the centaur steel walls when the fight happened.”

Rubbing his chin, Maledico replied, “Maybe, but then we’re faced with the energy release. Most of life as we know it would cease to exist. It would be a worldwide cataclysm, I think. And that is a cautiously optimistic guess from me.” The spectral centaur continued to rub his chin.

“I cannot help you, Tarnish. If I touch it with my magic or try to manipulate it, it will mean my end.” Celestia’s projection gave Tarnish a sad and frustrated stare. “If I go, most of life as we know it will go with me.”

“Forgive me for bringing this up, but I am still intrigued by Helianthus.” Maud lifted her head and looked at Celestia. “Alicorn magic is wondrous. I know this is the wrong time, but I really want to know how stone and earth come to life.”

“Maud, my little pony, that is not alicorn magic, but earth pony magic that gives Helianthus a body,” Princess Celestia replied. “As for the astral connection required for the animancy part, any living being could conceivably make the leap, if they so desired. That would be the tricky part. In the astral realms, shaping a soul is really no different than shaping clay.”

Hanging his head, Maledico’s projection let out a sigh. “I know what needs to be done.”

“You do?” Tarnish asked.

“I do.” Maledico sighed again. “I must fulfill my purpose. I came forwards through time to deal with this problem, and I realise, I’ve created the means to do so. My orb and your magic can nullify the crown. It will be chaotic and destructive, but the Crown of Corruption and the essence of poison joke magic will cancel each other out, leaving behind only raw chaotic forces of creation.”

“Explain.” Tarnish tilted his head to one side and then sniffled through blood caked nostrils.

“I think the crown can be cut through, severed, and doing so will release its magic. That will be bad.” Maledico’s voice dropped down a bit into a muted whisper. “But if you also cut through my orb, the resulting explosion of concentrated poison joke essence will counteract Grogar’s foul magic. It will forever change the area around the explosion. It would make for a suitable druid’s grove, at least, I think.”

“I suppose having an area of intense wild magic is far preferable to having most of all life on our continent vanish or become corrupted.” Princess Celestia’s projection held her head high. “Tarnish, as our current Heliophant and the sole druid of Equestria, I will give this place of wild magic to you so that you might rebuild the ancient order.”

Stunned, Tarnish did not know how to respond. And then it dawned upon him that destroying Maledico’s orb would also mean destroying Maledico. A terrible heaviness settled over Tarnish’s heart when he realised that the way forward meant killing his teacher and his source of knowledge. Eyes watering, the pain in his muzzle throbbing and made worse by the pressure of his own tears, he understood that this was the way of life. Some had to die so that others might live.

“You have named him Heliophant,” Maledico said to Celestia, “the Keeper of the Dawn. I am surprised that you know of the old orders. But if there is a Heliophant, then we must also have a Herald of Selene. The ancient order must be kept in balance. The Heliophant cannot exist without a counterbalance.”

“We need a powerful wizard,” Princess Celestia’s projection said in a low voice.

“Yes, we do,” Maledico agreed as his projection turned to face Vinyl. “Someone who loves the night and is willing to sing its praises. Someone who will act as a counterbalance to the Heliophant. For every Heliophant, there has always been a wizard that is their equal.”

“Vinyl…” Octavia pulled her mate closer and gave her a squeeze.

“An order of wizards not loyal to king or country, but servants of the earth and nature.” Maledico looked at Celestia and waited to see her reaction. “An order of wizards only loyal to the druidic order. Can you tolerate such a thing, Sun Goddess?”

“Don’t call me that.” Celestia’ leveled a stern glare upon Maledico. “I will tolerate much if it means allowing life to continue and weakening Grogar’s influence. I am not so proud that I would turn away help and powerful allies.”

“Vinyl, you should do this.” Octavia rubbed Vinyl’s ribs with her hoof. “Just think of all the mischief that you and Tarnish could get into.”

After blinking a few times, Vinyl nodded in agreement and accepted her role.

“What now?” Tarnish asked.

Maledico’s projection rubbed his chin once more. “Now comes the hard part. You have to carry the crown up to the surface. We can’t cut it up down here, the explosion in a confined space, it will kill us all and we don’t want to be buried alive. Tarnish, you are the only one that can touch the crown and nopony else will be able to touch you while you hold it in your magic.”

“Okay.” Tarnish nodded.

“Once we are on the surface, we’ll need to send the others away to safety. We’ll also need a suitable spot to perform the deed. You’ll take Flamingo and with a single stroke, you will deal a painful blow to Grogar—”

“And put an end to you,” Tarnish finished.

“Sadly, yes.” Maledico nodded. “Which brings us to the next phase of the plan.”

“Next phase?” Tarnish asked.

“This is an act of immense destruction.” Maledico’s voice wavered a bit as he responded. “You will be creating a new druidic grove, a place of life… a place for living things.”

“Yeah?” Tarnish waited and hoped for a better explanation.

“You will need to pull in as much of the raw, chaotic magic into your self as you can, using your magical talent, and when you are full to bursting…” Maledico’s words trailed off and he stared at Tarnish.

“What?” Tarnish, impatient, demanded, “Just spit it out.”

“We shall need one more sacrifice.” Maledico’s eyes fell down to the floor.

“Somepony else needs to die?” Tarnish asked.

“No.” Maledico lifted up his gaze and sucked in a deep breath. “Actually, it is vital that somepony lives. No, we need a willing vessel for you to impart your seed and all of the chaos that you absorbed. It must be given life.”

“Wait, what are you saying?” Tarnish had trouble understanding what was being said and he felt his throat go dry. “What are you trying to tell me exactly?”

“Tarnish, what he is saying,” Maud began, “is that once you’ve drawn as much of the magic as you can inside of you, you are going to need to redirect it into a willing womb.” One eyebrow arched and Maud had a peculiar expression upon her face. “We all have to make sacrifices. I’m willing to do my part.”

“What?” Tarnish stood there, blinking. “What?”

“Tarnish, it is really very simple. The more of the chaotic magic you absorb and purify, the fewer monsters and mutants there will be once this is done and over with. The druid grove will be a wild, chaotic place that will act like a forge for new life, but the dangerous elements can be reduced by redirecting the energy into another form.” The corners of Celestia’s mouth were tugged downwards and with a very stern face she added, “Much of the druid’s magic was sexual in nature, or so I read.”

“Um, just wondering, but what sort of foal will Maud have? Will it be… unnatural?” Octavia asked.

“Oh, I suspect that it will be very much like Maud,” Maledico replied. “A rampaging, destructive force of nature held back by a thin shell of calm and compassion. Only… much more magical in nature. It is almost certain that the foal will be a unicorn, probably one like Tarnish, with a connection to terra-thauma. An oddity. An anomaly. Anything with that much magic will need some sort of spout to let it out… otherwise, well, otherwise, that would just be an adorable little natural disaster waiting to happen. One shudders to think...”

“Oh… goody…” Maud’s dry sarcasm could not be contained. “Fine, we need to end this. Tarnish, we’ll go to that island in the middle of the lake. You’ll take Flamingo and cut the crown and the orb in half, releasing their energies so they can cancel each other out. You and I will weather the chaos vortex that forms, and you will draw in as much of it as possible. And then…”

“Then what?” Tarnish, his throat dry and filled with the taste of blood, swallowed.

“Well,” Maud replied in deadpan, “that much should be obvious. You fronk me silly and then we wait and see what happens.”

Whimpering, Tarnish shook his head. “I don’t know if this is a good plan…”

Author's Note

Next chapter: the long march begins.

2D supremacy

2D supremacy

Bloodied, battered, the companions were thankful to have a brief time of rest as they planned out what to do. Octavia sat rubbing her sore throat while Maud ignored her own injuries and stared at her husband, who looked nothing at all like his usual self at the moment. Princess Celestia’s projection, though not real, stood with a defensive posture over her little ponies who huddled together in the dark.

Looking weary and worn down, Vinyl pulled her slate from her saddlebags, using her telekinesis rather than an act of conjuring in an attempt to save some of her available magical energy. With a short, stubby bit of chalk, she went to work writing something down, then held it up for her companions to see.

Getting Tarnish up and out the hole is going to be difficult if we can’t touch him.

It was Vinyl that had thought ahead and foreseen a major problem with their plan. While Tarnish was carrying the crown, nopony would be able to touch him in any way, including magic. Princess Celestia now had a worried expression upon her face. Octavia and Maud both exchanged a glance with one another. Tarnish let out a worried, weary sigh.

I know a wall walking spell though. Before we go, I’ll cast wall walking and water walking on his hooves. Just let me know. She wiped the words away and then wrote more. Those spells are going to push me into exhaustion. I’ll be helpless.

“I’ll carry you,” Maud offered, and then before Octavia could protest, Maud shushed her. “You are having trouble breathing. I’m fine, more or less. Just let me do this.”

With a nod, Octavia relented, but said nothing.

“I wish we had more time,” Tarnish said to Maledico. “I am just starting to learn what I need to know. How will I learn without the orb?” Tarnish’s swollen, distorted face contorted with both physical and emotional pain. A bloody tear welled up in the corner of his eye, which stung a great deal and caused the corner of his eye to twitch.

“You will find a way.” Maledico’s projection flickered a bit and the glowing blue centaur’s head hung down. “Grrrr will help you. Experiment upon him. Learning to control his body will teach you how to control and manipulate the flora. The fauna is a little trickier, animal minds are stronger and will resist more, but you will learn. A druid is never without help. With but a thought the woods will come to life and aid you.”

“And what of Vinyl? What is her role in all of this? There is so much I don’t know.” Tarnish looked over at the resting unicorn and then back at his teacher. “You and I were just getting started. This feels too sudden. There has to be some other way.”

“You must have confidence in yourself,” Maledico replied. “Vinyl will act as a counterbalance of sorts. Druids and wizards have long woven magic together for the benefit of all. Like the sun and the moon, you two will figure out what is expected from one another and you will find your balance. The two of you will shepherd the new order. Turn no one and nobody away… we all have a role to play.” Maledico’s brow furrowed and his expression became quite stern. “A long time ago, we made a mistake. The order began to believe that only the equine races could properly serve the earth… centaurs and ponies of all kinds. Learn from the past, Tarnish, you have been shown quite a bit of it.”

“I don’t want to destroy my orb.” Another bloody tear fell from the corner of Tarnish’s eye, revealing that the damage done to his face was considerable. “But I understand that it must be done. I am ready… I will carry the crown to its place of destruction.”

“What becomes of this place?” Maud asked as she looked over at the spectral image of Princess Celestia.

“This place is dangerous,” Princess Celestia’s projection replied. “I will do my best to seal it away and make certain that it is protected. It will be a long time before the residual evil of this place fades away. All of you will have passed away from old age and so will any offspring that you have had.”

And what of Grogar, hiding in the cave? Vinyl held up her slate for Princess Celestia’s projection to see.

“I suspect that, even now, Grogar is enacting his escape.” A sour expression crept over Princess Celestia’s face and there was a visible shudder that shook her whole body. “If I were to go and confront his shadow in yonder cave, I do believe that I would find it empty. No doubt, he will travel along underground passages, down in the hidden crevices of the world, until he finds some other place of shelter.”

“How do we beat him?” Tarnish asked.

“I suspect that you won’t,” Princess Celestia replied without hesitation. The spectral image of the wise and wily alicorn let out a frustrated sigh. “Ultimately, I think Twilight has another villain in her rogue’s gallery. But she’ll need help. She’s going to need her friends. And probably all of you.” After a pause, she added, “No doubt, she will need as many friends as she can muster. Every other enemy that has come before will seem like a warm up compared to what is coming. We’re all going to suffer a great deal before this is over.”

“Without his crown, Grogar will be weakened.” Maledico’s words offered little comfort in the chilly dark. “We might be dealing him a mortal blow by destroying the crown.”

“I don’t understand. How so?” Tarnish, intrigued, focused all of his attention upon Maledico.

“Grogar gained immortality through the black star when it fell.” Princess Celestia’s voice was little more than a whisper, it was as if the alicorn was telling ghost stories in the dark. “Destroying the crown will sever that connection.”

“Tarnish, your princesses, both Celestia and Luna, if something wanted to kill them, they would have to destroy the sun and the moon first. Thoroughly and completely. The sun would have to be extinguished and it’s heart destroyed... and as for the moon, if even a speck of dust survived, so would Luna. She would be weakened, but so long as she could recreate the moon, she would survive.”

Tarnish stared at Maledico, trying to understand what the centaur had just said.

“Princess, please, forgive me, but I feel they are owed the truth,” Maledico said. The centaur bowed his head and then continued, “The two of you came long after my time, but I knew of the plan. We centaurs had long discussed creating the ultimate weapons of war against war. We centaurs sought long term stability. We knew that any would be world conquerors would have to be stopped… be put down. We centaurs reasoned that any would be world conquerors would give pause when faced with the daunting prospect of having to destroy the sun and the moon to forward their plans, as there would be no world for them to conquer. Our plan, the centaur plan was very simple… create two world defenders that couldn’t be stopped. A way to insure that life went on and continued. A way to hedge our bets.”

“That’s an ambitious plan.” Octavia blinked a few times as she tried to process the words she had just heard.

“I was planned?” Celestia asked in a voice thick with discomfort.

“This is like unravelling a sweater.” Tarnish coughed, then spat out a wad of blood and phlegm upon the floor. “No more talk. We need to get this done. I am ready to go. Vinyl, cast your spells.”

“I was planned…” Princess Celestia’s projection now had droopy ears. “There are so many questions, it is a shame that the orb must be destroyed.”

“There may still be answers. There are other cities just like this one, places hidden away from the world, sealed off and forgotten. Go and look for them. You have many intrepid explorers.” Maledico stared at Princess Celestia and the expression on his face was a mix of sad and hopeful. “Be careful though. Many of our secrets should remain buried and you may not like what you find, should you find it.”

As Tarnish began to prepare himself, Princess Celestia replied, “I’ll keep that in mind…”

It all came down to this moment. Tarnish closed his swollen eyes and drew in a deep breath to fill his lungs. Unencumbered, naked as the day he was born, he opened his eyes and faced the doorway made of petrified nullwood. The plan was simple. Go in, grab the crown, come out, pick up the blue orb to help nullify the crown’s influence, and then march out to the island.

It all seemed simple enough.

The others had already retreated out of the vault, leaving him alone. He needed room to move on his own, unimpeded. Stomping a hoof against the floor, Tarnish summoned his courage and screwed it to the sticking place. Taking a deep breath, he made his way through the doorway, letting everything out in a slow exhale as he did so.

His magic did not fail him. No, the nullwood, petrified as it was, obeyed him. With his telekinesis, he seized the crown and lifted it from the rotten black nullwood pedestal. The world around him became darker, dimmer, and it was now difficult to breathe. Tarnish ignored all of this and backed out of the tiny room where the crown was stored. He picked up the orb from off of the floor, turned around, and began to make his way out.

Now free from the nullwood lined vault, the Crown of Corruption awoke…

Blue mist streamed from Tarnish’s eyes, which had turned white from an overabundance of magical energy. His skin bubbled like hot wax as tumours grew beneath his skin and then were purged by his magic, which reacted to the thaumaturgical impurity. Magical cancer grew and died, the corruption unable to take root.

All in all, the process was excruciating, agonising, and there was nothing that Tarnish could do about it but grit his teeth and endure the pain. Around him, the shadows grew long and twisted in the pale blue light offered by the orb and his magic. Tarnish’s own shadow took on a life of its own, it writhed, danced on the floor and the walls beside and beneath him, and became the silhouette of a goat.

“Stop what you are doing…”

The voice, Grogar’s voice, was no louder than the faint sound of breathing. The chamber around Tarnish filled with hoarfrost, which crept up the walls, and his own breath became visible. The cold made his battered muzzle ache in the worst way and his joints grew stiff.

“I will destroy you… I will destroy everything you hold dear… I will destroy everything you love…”

Tarnish ignored the voice and kept going.

“Long after I have destroyed you… I will savage the wombs of your daughters and make them bear my generals. I will corrupt the seed of your sons. Your offspring will do my bidding and praise my name… I will sing them lullabies that will corrupt them in their cribs. They will suckle from my darkness and I shall become their father.”

Overcome with revulsion and fear, Tarnish stumbled, but he did not fall. He kept going somehow, alone, feeling as though he would suffocate in the darkness. Maledico had gone silent and his projection had vanished. The orb swirled with some great inner storm. He began to doubt that he could make it to where the others waited. A patch of cancerous growths sprouted from his neck, which spread with frightful speed, and then they went away, shrinking and shriveling as his magic nullified them.

Tarnish’s steps slowed as nightmarish images began to play for his mind’s eye. Grogar showed him his plans for the princesses, both Celestia and Luna, for Cadance, and for Twilight. It took conscious effort to keep going and Tarnish focused upon placing one hoof in front of the other as Grogar continued his barrage of grotesquerie. The hideous, horrible demon spawn that crawled and slithered from the wombs of the ruined alicorns danced around inside of his head, tormenting him, mocking him, and singing perverse songs as more of their kind were born.

It was all illusion, but Tarnish was powerless against it. Bloody tears dribbled down his cheeks and splashed upon the shadows dancing along the floor around his hooves. Gibbering with fear, Tarnish wasn’t sure he could keep going.

“BAD DARKNESS! BAD! GO AWAY!” Flamingo’s chirpy voice echoed through the chambers up ahead and a faint pink light illuminated the way. “I AM THE ELEMENT OF PINKNESS! I AM SENT BY THE TREE AND I WILL PURGE YOU! YOUR DARKNESS IS NO MATCH FOR MY PINKNESS, YOU BIG MEANIE!”

Poor Tarnish thought he was losing his mind. Blinking, he saw a pink pegasus appear in the darkness. She looked a bit like Pinkie Pie, but more pegasusy, and there were bright red streaks in her mane. The feathers on her wings had scarlet-red tips and her eyes blazed crimson in the faint light. The pegasus mare glowed with an inner light and she was beautiful. Her beauty drove away the darkness.

Above her head floated a sword that blazed with pink light.

For a second, Tarnish was certain that he had gone mad. Flamingo went flat, she became very two dimensional, and her flat body became one with the wall—she had become a pink shadow of her former self. Her pink shadow lept and attacked the black shadow that clung to Tarnish, whose own shadow was no longer that of a pony, but was now a goat.

“Run you fool!” Princess Celestia’s voice was all around him. “He will not be able to cast his shadow in my light! Hurry! Hurry to the surface before all is lost! I have extended the day to keep the sun in the sky so that you might have a chance!”

While Flamingo was beating the stuffing out of Grogar’s shadow in a way that only an over-protective pegasus could, Tarnish made a run for it as the sounds of Grogar’s agonised howls filled his ears. As he had done so many times before in times of trouble, Tarnish ran.

Author's Note

There is a lot in this chapter...

And we are so close now.

Epilogue

Almost hyperventilating, Octavia fanned herself with her hoof. She couldn’t sit down because she didn’t wish to rumple her simple black gown. The understated garment was made in such a way that nothing would get in the way or impede her performance. Reaching out with her foreleg, she grabbed a glass of water off of the table and then gulped it down. Drinking too much water was bad, as too much water caused a full bladder, which was a disaster during a performance.

Emerging from the bedroom, Vinyl stepped out wearing a charcoal grey tuxedo trimmed in dark navy blue. Her mane, fresh dyed, looked as though it had been styled in an electrical storm. Vinyl crossed the room with a confident strut, and she went over to where Maud was sitting. Rearing up onto her hind legs, Vinyl threw her forelegs around Maud’s neck and gave the earth pony a squeeze. As she pulled away, she paused, then gave Maud’s stomach an affectionate pat.

“This is the biggest night of my career,” Octavia breathed out in a strained voice. “The most important music I have ever written. This might very well be my magnum opus. The theatre is oversold and there will be at least six thousand ponies in attendance tonight. I don’t know if I can take the pressure.” She put down the water glass and then closed her eyes.

“Octavia…” Tarnish lifted his head and looked over at the panicky mare. “Everything will be fine. Everything will be perfect. We’re all here with you and Vinyl has promised that she will behave and do her job as a conductor.”

“This is everything I have ever hoped and dreamed for. The trip—our trip—it gave me the inspiration I so desperately needed to make music that I feel is truly great.” Octavia, fanning herself once more, shook her head. “But what if the public doesn’t like it?”

Unable to stop himself, Tarnish thought of everything that had happened, everything that had transpired, all of the events that had ‘inspired’ Octavia. The laughter. The grief. The happy times. The pain. Meeting a half dead god down in the deep dark and then destroying something precious to him. Just thinking about it caused Tarnish to feel a twinge of pain around his muzzle, which was still healing. Octavia’s music was their story and the public didn’t need to like it, but Tarnish didn’t say it aloud, fearing that might cause Octavia to go into a tizzy.

Looking just a little bored, Vinyl pulled Maud off of the couch, lifted her up, and then began to whirl her around the living room in a delightful shimmying tango. This distracted Octavia, who watched with great interest. Maud was wearing a simple gown that matched the colour of her mane and it swirled around her hind legs as she danced with Vinyl.

“I think that Tree Hugger will be very pleased with the money raised tonight,” Maud said as Vinyl gave her waist a squeeze, “and I think everything is going to be fine.” She allowed herself to be twirled about and then she rested in Vinyl’s embrace once more. “Be careful when you squeeze me, I’m full of volatile gasses.”

“Save your volatile gasses for the theatre,” Tarnish said to Maud, “because it is almost time for us to get in a carriage and go.”

Holding Maud’s fetlock in his own, Tarnish gave a nod to Tree Hugger, who plopped herself into a seat between Helianthus and Black Briar. Beside Tree Hugger, Doctor Livingstone leaned over and whispered a few words to the dreadlocked mare. Turning his head in the other direction, Tarnish looked over at Long Ears and Kabuki, both of whom were crammed into a single seat together right next to Maud. Beside them, Minori was urging them to be quiet. Beside Minori, Mirrorshine, the ancient earth pony botanist, looked radiant in a flowing gown made in a style from some bygone era. Most of the front row were society members, all of them wearing their very best finery.

The theatre was packed and all four princesses were in attendance tonight.

A spotlight clicked on and then focused upon the stage. Octavia came out from behind the curtain and the theatre was filled with the rush of many voices speaking all at once. Almost looking timid, the courageous little mare approached the microphone so that she might speak. Tarnish watched her every move with unabashed adoration and affection.

“Ahem.” Octavia cleared her throat and waited for the crowd to quiet. After taking a step closer to the microphone, Octavia addressed the crowd. “To start with, I would like to say that none of this would be possible without my amazing friends. We endured some very troubling times, but our friendship sustained us. I understand that the tickets tonight were very expensive and I would very much like to thank you for being so generous, as all of this is going towards a good cause. Good ponies like you make miracles possible. Thank you.”

The prim and proper little mare bowed her head while basking in the audience’s applause. She stood there for a moment and Tarnish felt his heart rise up into his throat. Maud squeezed his fetlock with her own and he knew that she was feeling it too. None of them quite knew what to make of one another any more. They were more than friends, but what that meant exactly, no one knew quite yet. They were still in the process of sorting everything out. For now, they were a pair of friends that lived together and shared an apartment.

Octavia retreated back to the curtain and with a final wave, she vanished.

A minute later, the lights dimmed and Tarnish was overwhelmed with anticipation. He glanced over at Maud, leaned over, and kissed her as the curtain began to lift. The musicians were illuminated in pale, dim light and the parting curtain revealed them a few at a time. Vinyl stood before the conductor’s podium with her wand ready.

Vinyl tapped her wand against the wooden podium, then made a gesture. The first swell of music was all strings and it hit Tarnish like a runaway wagon. There might have been other musicians up on stage, but Tarnish was blind to them. All he could see was Octavia drawing her bow over her strings. She stood with her cello, her eyes closed, and she brought the music to life.

All of this music had been written on their trip, with the final parts written during their long recovery. Tarnish himself had suffered crushed and collapsed sinus cavities, some torn cartilage, and a few hairline fractures in his muzzle. He closed his eyes as the woodwinds joined the strings. An ominous sounding kettle drum kept time now and Tarnish’s head began to bob along with the tempo.

It stunned him to think that Octavia had heard all of this music in her head and had written it down. What everypony was listening to now was utterly unchanged from its original form. Not one note had been altered. It was unbelievable to witness and Tarnish felt that he was privileged to have watched it happen, to grow from its strange conception.

Swaying in his seat, the music made Tarnish think of the pitched battle with the diamond dogs and his delirium. The instruments themselves seemed as though they were fighting each other for dominance somehow, with woodwinds battling with the brass. The string section was a cacophony of discordant music, it was screechy, almost painful as the woodwind and brass battle rose to a fever pitch.

The percussion section played the rhythm of battle and there was a glockenspiel that added a haunting atmosphere to the music. The music shifted and instead of battle, Tarnish now felt bleak despair. His mind was transported away and once more, he was entering the diamond dog mine to uncover the horror within.

The memories were still far too fresh and Tarnish, unable to hold it in any longer, wept.

The music now was very dark and very bleak. They were in the dark now, down in the depths, working their way down into the bowels of the ancient, forgotten city, looking for the crown. The brass was heavy, deep, and overpowering. Hearing it made Tarnish feel an overwhelming sense of despair, and he wasn’t alone. All around him, ponies huddled down into their seats and shivered as many remembered that the darkness was something to be feared.

Deep resonating bells rang out and kettle drums created bone rattling thunder as tubas and other horns created an oppressive fog that seemed to crush the will. The effect was a little too good and Tarnish found that he had trouble breathing. He felt panicked as he remembered when his own shadow had become possessed by Grogar’s will and had attacked him. A cold sweat caused beads of moisture to appear in his pelt and his mane. He shivered and wasn’t sure if he could bear these memories as the sweat began to trickle down his neck.

The sound of Grogar’s voice could still be heard in his ears, usually when he was waking or was alone. It was a sound that haunted him. Turning his head, he looked at Maud, and thought about the foal growing in her belly. He didn’t know how he was going to keep that foal safe from Grogar and it was something that worried him a great deal. The old goat had made many terrible promises and Tarnish had no idea how to respond to any of them.

His only real comfort was Vinyl, who had promised to do everything she could.

When Octavia entered the room, there was a cheer that almost made Tarnish jump out of his skin. His heart lept up into his throat and decided to stay there for a while. Tarnish was a little worried for her, she looked exhausted and sweaty. He began to worry that the party was a bad idea and he wondered if getting some rest might be better for her.

“Like, you need to relax,” Tree Hugger said in a soft voice that Tarnish had a hard time hearing. “Hey, like, drink my tea, it will make you feel better.” With an almost smirky smile, the very relaxed earth pony mare passed her mug to Tarnish.

After a moment of consideration, he decided that it couldn’t hurt anything. Accepting the earthenware mug, he tried a sip, then another, and then watched as Tree Hugger looked up at him. Almost right away, he began to feel a little light headed, but in good way.

“Like, far out… I can see that it is working.”

Arching an eyebrow, Tarnish knew that Tree Hugger’s exaggerated speech was an act. He drank more tea and felt the tension leaving his muscles. He didn’t know what it was, but he liked it. When Tree Hugger began shoving him, he went along with it and allowed her to herd him to wherever it was that she wanted him to go.

“Like, lay down on the couch, ‘cause I’m gonna like rub your muscles and stuff. You’re a mess.”

Before he could protest, Tarnish was shoved down onto a couch as the ponies sitting on it scattered. Tree Hugger, laid back mellow little Tree Hugger, was strong and she overpowered him without any effort whatsoever. Pinned on the couch, there was nothing that Tarnish could do as she climbed up onto his back. When she punched him in the spine, he whimpered from the pain, but then it felt better in an odd way. She continued punching for a bit and then started kneading as other ponies gathered around to watch her technique.

“Like, dude… you need to talk to your better half about some deep prostate massage to help you relax… I think it would do you a world of good… I could totally give you a demonstration… like, what’s the deal? There you go again, tensing up… why do you do that to yourself?”

Standing on a balcony, four ponies looked down upon the streets below. It was cold and snow was falling, but it wasn’t sticking, not yet. Even as it approached midnight, the city was very much alive and was illuminated in artificial daylight from the street lamps. Though none of them said anything, all four of the companions were reminded of the buried city.

“I want to go home to the rock farm,” Maud said to her companions. “The cottage is done. I think we’ll have enough space to all be comfortable there.”

“I am feeling inspired and I just want to write more music. I don’t care where I do it.” Octavia, wearing a heavy winter coat, leaned up against Vinyl. “The concert was everything I had hoped for and more.”

“I don’t like Manehattan. Honestly, I don’t care where we go, I just don’t want to be here.” Sticking out his tongue, Tarnish tried to catch a few snowflakes, but then gave up after he tasted one and gagged.

“At some point soon, we need to visit Canterlot. Vinyl has to visit some cadre of wizards, graduates from Celestia’s school. She plans to purchase spellbooks and we’re going to need plenty of coin to do it. I see it as an investment in our protection.” Octavia, who had watched as Tarnish had tasted a snowflake, began to chortle in her own peculiar Trottingham way.

“That seems wise,” Maud said, agreeing with Octavia. “We can talk about it in the morning. For now, I am going to go inside, eat until I can’t eat any more, and then I am going to bed. That leftover nine layer bean dip that Tree Hugger made is calling my name.”

“Eww.” Octavia’s muzzle crinkled as she thought about the aftermath of a pregnant mare eating a nine layer bean dip. Nothing good would come of this.

“I don’t know how I feel about this life of ours,” Tarnish confessed. “We keep secrets now. Powerful secrets. We don’t even have a choice in the matter, all of us are now working for the Crown. I don’t mind, I want to keep the princesses safe after what Grogar showed me… but I don’t know how I feel about it.” His sides expanded like bellows and then he let out everything in a noisy half whinny, half huff. “I picked a fight that I don’t know if I can win.”

“So long as we stick together, we’ll be fine.” Octavia turned a serious stare upon Tarnish. “If Vinyl and I can keep each other safe, then the four of us should be just fine. Now, let’s go inside. There are leftovers to be eaten, I am cold, and I am in need of sapphic spousal snuggles.”

Author's Note

And so it ends.

Discuss if you like.

http://www.fimfiction.net/group/210355/weed-world

Flower power

When things grow, they are said to flower. A thought flowers into an idea. A moment of bravery flowers into a courageous act. A moment of heated, steamy passion flowers into new life. A seed is planted, something grows, and then it flowers. Such is life, and such was the life of Tarnished Teapot, a unicorn with a cutie mark that was a poison joke flower. Tarnished Teapot had grown. He had flowered.

Venenum Iocus. Poison joke. A flower feared for what it can do, and what it did was cause unbridled chaos. It also brought stability in the face of chaos by absorbing dangerous magic. It was, in its most basic form, an agent of harmony, a force of nature that helped to bring balance. But ponies did not understand it, and fearing what they did not understand, they have long waged war upon it.

Tarnished Teapot, blessed with strange magic that mimicked poison joke, or, as some might say, cursed, found himself in the same predicament as Venenum Iocus. Ponies feared what they did not understand, and ponies feared Tarnished Teapot, whose strange magic caused poison joke to begin sprouting in areas with high concentrations of unstable, chaotic magic, for Tarnished Teapot was an unwitting agent of nature, a champion of balance.

In places blessed with normalcy, Tarnished Teapot’s magic caused trouble; everything ranging from minor mischief to an outright hullabaloo. Fortunately, Tarnished Teapot had discovered the means to hold his unpredictable talent back, and no longer plagued ponies who rather liked normalcy along with everything that came with it. This control came from the regular drinking of a tea brewed from poison joke, which was a useful coincidence, seeing as how Tarnished Teapot could cause spontaneous growth of poison joke.

Fortunately, Tarnished Teapot was graced with the most incredible luck, having found himself a pony that was utterly immune to poison joke. This pony would become his best friend, his steadfast adventuring companion, and his wife…

Eyes narrowed, Tarnished Teapot stared down at the blue petals of the poison joke flower growing up out of the dusty, parched earth of the rock farm. His talent was growing; expanding, getting stronger. He had caused this plant to appear through focus, concentration, and an act of willpower. He lifted his head and looked at Maud Pie, watching, waiting, wondering… and hoping. He watched as Maud came forward, lowered her head, spat out a seed soaked with her own saliva, and it fell down into the ground, into a small hole that had been scratched out near the poison joke flower.

Tarnish had an idea, a very simple idea, and had planned a very simple science experiment. Get things to grow on the rock farm. The land was almost dead here, caused by unstable magic due to a ley line intersection. He had planted several poison joke plants and now Maud, the dutiful earth pony that she was, was trying her hoof at gardening.

Nearby, Marble and Limestone were also planting seeds around poison joke plants, and having preemptively taken the antidote, walked among the brilliant blue plants without fear. The plant selected for the experiment was cabbage, a wholesome, nutritious, and hearty plant.

Having spat out a seed, Maud scooped the dirt back into the hole with her hoof, then pressed down, packing the dirt into place as Tarnish stood watching. Hearing a loud bell, Tarnished Teapot lifted his head, as did Maud, Limestone, and Marble.

“Visitors… and potential trouble,” Limestone said, her words little more than a grumble.

“Why can’t they just leave us alone?” Marble asked.

Just as Tarnish was about to say something curt, Maud Pie placed her dirty hoof over his lips, applied gentle pressure, and silenced him. Chortling, Limestone trotted off to get a better look at their visitors as Maud pulled her hoof away and Tarnish tried spitting out dirt.

“Twilight Sparkle,” Tarnished Teapot said, feeling more than a little self conscious about the dirt on his muzzle. “How are you? You look well.”

Gesturing with her hoof, Twilight pointed over at an orange earth pony unhitching herself from a small two wheeled cart. “Applejack and I brought you your film. It has been developed professionally and a group of specialists went over it to smooth it out a bit. There was a lot of shaking. I wanted to thank you for consenting to allow this to be shown… ponies need to know about what happened and how the environment affects them.”

“There’s also a projector in the cart,” Applejack said as she sauntered over to stand beside Twilight. “It’s heavy. Hauling it from the train station was a chore.”

“Thank you, Applejack.” Maud, now standing beside Tarnish, gave a sleepy looking stare to her visitors, her half opened eyes focused upon them. “Pinkie Pie is around here somewhere, but I don’t know where, so look out.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Twilight Sparkle’s eyes narrowed and she looked around, hoping to spot something pink before it was too late. After a cursory glance around her, she returned her attention to Tarnish and Maud. “Tree Hugger will be contacting you shortly. Tomorrow, we need to go to the train station. The surprise should be here if everything goes according to plan.” Twilight took a deep breath to fill her lungs before she continued, “Both of you are very brave to pick up right where you left off after everything that has happened. With fall approaching, I know the two of you are in a hurry to go and visit the Scariest Cave in Equestria. There is much we need to discuss before you go.”

“I know I’m curious as to what you have planned,” Tarnish said.

“Oh, while I am here, there is one other issue which we need to discuss. The Royal Academy of Science would like for the two of you to name the new volcano, seeing as how the both of you were there when it erupted.” Twilight gave both Maud and Tarnish a sheepish smile. “This is quite an honour, getting to name a volcano. I know it doesn’t make up for what you’ve lost, but…” Twilight’s words trailed off and she let out a nervous laugh.

“Name a volcano?” Maud blinked. “It’s a volcano. Why does it need a name?”

Twilight shifted from her right hooves to her left hooves, all while smiling. “Well, ponies tend to name things. Mountains get names. Lakes get names. Rivers get names—”

“I get that, but it just seems silly.” Maud turned and looked at Tarnish. “I’ll just give it a very practical scientific name… you name it.”

A wicked, terrible, no good grin spread over Tarnished Teapot’s face. “I have just the thing… a perfect name. I’ll call it Mount Maud—”

Maud inhaled, blinked, and her ears pivoted forwards. “The things you say.”

The Pie family kitchen was crowded, several ponies were gathered around the table, talking, a couple of pies had been set out, some rock hard fudge, and a pitcher of iced tea. Tarnish and Maud sat beside one another, Maud quiet and looking disinterested, but then again, she always looked disinterested. Tarnish’s mother, Pinny Lane, also sat beside Tarnish, her face wrinkled with motherly concern and worry.

Pinkie Pie sat at the head of the table, noshing on her mother’s rock hard fudge, oblivious to the fact that it was, indeed, rock hard. She bounced in her chair, struggling to keep her promise to behave herself as important issues were discussed. She had not Pinkie Promised, however.

Twilight sat opposite of Tarnished Teapot, eating a slice of pie, and sipping from a tall glass of iced tea. She leaned against the table, savouring every bite, glad to have a chance to eat, rest, and have a nice time.

Beside Twilight, Applejack chowed down upon her third slice of pie, her muzzle sticky, her hat sitting on the corner of the table beside her. She chewed with great enthusiasm, smacking her lips, and licking bits of pie out from between her lips, cheeks, and gums.

“You realise this isn’t a very good experiment, right?” Tarnish asked in a soft voice.

“Of course I do,” Twilight replied. She rubbed her muzzle with her foreleg and then continued. “We’ve already seen what burning away the poison joke around the Crack of Doom did. We want you to go to the Scariest Cave in Equestria and make poison joke grow. I know the science is shaky at best, but we’re trying to prevent a disaster from happening. Think of this more as a first step. We can do controlled experiments later.”

“So we go to the Scariest Cave in Equestria, Maud gets to study the rocks and I get to plant poison joke. I also get to study the local plants.” Tarnish turned his head and looked at Maud.

“We don’t even have a wagon.” Maud’s dull sounding monotone almost sounded like a conversation killer. “All of this is a moot point.”

“Don’t worry about the wagon right now, this is just the planning stage.” Twilight leaned forwards and looked at both Maud and Tarnish. “Look, the poison joke has already been cleared away from around the Scariest Cave in Equestria. I am of the opinion that it is a potential ticking time bomb. Others disagree… but after all I’ve seen and all of my study about cutie marks, I am inclined to believe that Tarnish is correct in his assumptions. We may not have much time. I have no idea how the land around the Scariest Cave in Equestria might react. We might get another volcano… or a massive horde of monsters might come spilling out of that cave. I’d rather not find out, which is why I am sending you, which is a very controversial move on my part.”

“Twilight, all of this makes the assumption that I can stop what might happen. What if the damage is done and there is another disaster?” Tarnish’s blue eyes glittered. He looked Twilight in the eye, his face solemn and a little bit afraid. “And if there is another disaster, and it happens while I am in the general vicinity, what if I get blamed for this as well?”

“You are not to blame for the volcano, no matter what anypony else says.” Twilight’s words were confident and full of self assurance. She tapped upon the edge of the table with her hoof, causing her nearby plate to clink and her spoon to clatter. “Your magic can cause a lot of problems, but I refuse to believe that you caused the volcano to erupt. The ponies insisting that you caused it are just fearmongering.”

“And what about those loonies in the paper demanding that poor Tarnish be brought in for study?” Pinkie Pie shook her head, her blue eyes now sad and worried. “I don’t like how that sounds, Twilight, not at all. That sounds mean.”

“We don’t just drag ponies off in the night to study them.” Twilight turned to look at Pinkie and tried to reassure her friend. “That’s just talk, bluster, it is to make it appear that these ponies are doing something to fix the problem without actually fixing the problem. Nopony is going to come and take Tarnish away for study.”

“Twilight, I trust you, but I don’t trust others. My Pinkie sense keeps going off. There are ponies snooping around the rock farm and we keep having to shoo them away. I don’t like what’s going on… it’s getting scary.”

“I’m sorry, Pinkie,” Twilight said, apologising her to friend.

“You have that magic sword, turn it loose on those creeps. Don’t hurt ‘em, just give ‘em a good scare.” Applejack licked her lips, cleaning away the crumbs, and looked around the table, meeting each eye in turn. “Or, just plant a perimeter patch of poison joke around the farm. That’ll keep ponies away.”

“It would also keep away our friends and Marble would be heartbroken if Sonneur could no longer come over to visit.” Maud shook her head, a rare display of reaction. “No, no, that won’t work at all.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to do anything to further antagonise ponies and what they might think about me. If I start using poison joke as biological warfare, I’d just be hurting myself in the long run. I need to keep my head on this. I can’t be seen as being dangerous or unpredictable. That means not scaring ponies with Flamingo.”

“Well… shucks. There has to be something you can do,” Applejack said in an exasperated voice. “This whole situation, why, it just ain’t fair.”

Sitting in near silence, Tarnished Teapot watched the moving images flashing upon the wall. The projector made a soft clatter as it played the film. As Tarnish watched, he could almost smell what he was seeing. His body twitched and convulsed as he remembered.

The image on the wall showed a rising column of fire, a mushroom shaped cloud, and burning fireballs shooting out in all directions. Thunder flashed and crackled in the cloud over the volcano. A pyroclastic cloud spilled forth, along with lava from the newborn volcano.

Tarnish had filmed it all from Maud’s back as she ran as fast as she could, trying to save both of them. Maud, sitting beside Tarnish, watched the display, her face stony, impassive, unreadable. Igneous and Cloudy both had tears streaming down their cheeks as they clung to one another, their mouths open in little round ‘o’s of horror, their ears twitching with fear and emotion. Pinkie Pie had a big wooden bowl of popcorn in front of her, but she wasn’t eating it. She sat with her ears splayed out sideways, her mane drooping more and more as she watched the unfolding horror show taking place on the screen.

Pinny Lane, unable to help herself, grabbed ahold of Tarnished Teapot and clung to him, her whole body trembling. When the volcano belched forth a particularly large explosion, she squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her face into Tarnish’s neck, unable to keep looking.

Marble and Limestone sat with one another and Limestone had one foreleg draped over her sister’s withers. Both were wide eyed, almost unblinking, watching as the volcano spewed fire, ash, and death.

Twilight Sparkle and Applejack sat together, Twilight watching with a mix of scientific curiousity and dread, while Applejack watched with slack jawed awe.

Needing a breath of fresh air, Tarnished Teapot shook himself free of his mother’s terrified embrace, apologised with a mumbled whisper, and then hurried from the room, unable to keep watching the film.

Author's Note

We begin again...

Consequences

Awaking, Maud Pie found the bed empty. She ran her foreleg over where Tarnish should have been and found that it was cold. This was a breach of etiquette that Maud hoped that her mother would not find out about. Married ponies were supposed to keep each other company in the bed together.

She rose, got out of the bed, smoothed out her fuzzy huggy bunny nightgown, and set off to find Tarnish. She made it to the hall, walked past rooms of sleeping ponies, and could see a light coming from the living room.

She stood in the hallway at the entrance to the living room and stared. Tarnish was sitting and watching the films all alone, looking quite horrified, sitting in the dark, with only the light of the projector, which cast dreadful, flickering shadows upon his face.

“Hi,” Tarnish whispered.

Maud turned and looked at the wall where the movie was playing out. There were crystal trees, poison joke, grey ash. The only light came from Tarnish’s horn. She could see Tarnish’s face on the film, or what little of it was visible under his pith helmet, his goggles, and his improvised face mask. She could see herself draped over his back.

The camera turned and showed the devastation around Tarnish in a long panning shot. Crystal trees, poison joke, and an ash covered landscape. It made Maud ache to even look at it. Stepping forward, she reached the projector, reached down, and turned it off, which caused the room to plunge into darkness.

“My bed was empty,” Maud said as her eyes began to adjust to the darkness.

“Sorry.”

“Not yet, but you will be.” Maud, feeling a bit miffed, stepped closer to Tarnish and sat down upon the floor with him, her nightgown bunching up around her hind legs. “Are you okay?”

“I dunno.” Tarnish shrugged, the gesture was barely visible in the darkness. The only light was moonlight streaming in through the front window. “Just… trying to make sense of things. Trying to make the pieces fit.”

“Sometimes, things fall apart or break. And no matter how hard you try to put things back together, it just doesn’t happen. All those broken off bits become new things, their own separate things. It happens all the time in geology.” Maud reached over and bumped Tarnish with her elbow.

“I’ve changed, Maud. My eyes have been opened to the bigger picture… I think about everything that has happened. I think about the river that runs the length of the Ghastly Gorge. I think about all of the bad magic that is being pumped up from below because of the volcano. I am aware now how everything is connected.” Tarnish shook his head, his voice almost sounding panicked. “All of that water, all of that bad magic, it’s going to get dumped into the Froggy Bottom Bogg and then it is going to go down into the aquifer below the bog and things are going to change. Ponies drink from that water. This is going to have long term, far reaching consequences.”

“Yep.” Maud nodded her head. “But the average pony isn’t smart enough or just doesn’t care enough to think about how nature will affect them.” Maud paused for a moment, gave Tarnish another bump, and then continued, “In time, the Froggy Bottom Bogg may even become a more dangerous place than the Everfree. The Ghastly Gorge might become totally inhospitable to most life. Even before the volcano went off, the local flora and fauna were undergoing changes.”

“What will this do to places like Ponyville and Las Pegasus? Las Pegasus is just west of the volcano and Ponyville is just north of the Froggy Bottom Bogg. I keep thinking about it, Maud. A group of ponies went and burned down a patch of poison joke… and then all of this happens. I can’t even imagine the long term consequences.” Weary, Tarnish leaned over against Maud, glad to have her close to him.

“Consequences,” Maud deadpanned. “You go and save one pony that had been hung from a tree and life goes topsy turvy.”

“Consequences…” Tarnish sighed and shook his head. “You go and banish one pony because you fell victim to his magical talent and he ends up hung.”

“At some point, Tarnish, we’re going to have consequences. We’re going to have a lot of fun with each other’s bodies and then there is going to be another little Pie running around. Life goes on. Consequences, both good and bad, continue to happen with us and without us. We might as well have fun and just enjoy what we can.”

Tarnish took a moment to consider Maud’s words. He glanced at the window, then at Maud, then back at the window. “The stars are out. We could be dancing. Will you dance with me, Maud?”

“This is going to lead to a little Pie someday,” Maud replied in a voice filled with the very essence of ennui. “Come on, let’s go work on your dipping.”

The dawn was both chilly and warm. The sun warmed the land as it rose higher into the sky, but the breeze from the north was chilly enough to make a pony shiver. The ground was covered in dew, which glistened like gemstones in the early morning sun.

Twilight Sparkle had greeted the dawn, something she was doing more and more. Some strange compulsion overcame her on a regular basis now. Since becoming an alicorn, her connection to nature… was different. Now, she had earth pony parts, pegasus parts, and she was more than the sum of her parts. There was something else, something that Twilight was unable to put her hoof on. But now, she had new levels of awareness.

She stood on top of a large boulder, her wings spread, her face towards the sun, and beside her, on the boulder, sat Marble and Pinny Lane. A steaming cup of poison joke tea sat upon the stone near her front hoof, a little something to keep her magic stable and regulated in this area of unstable magic.

Marble was sitting on her haunches, her eyes closed, enjoying a morning where there was no labour, no need to work, the sort of morning that was just right for navel gazing and quiet meditation. Beside her, Pinny Lane sat, also drinking a cup of poison joke tea.

Twilight, lost in her contemplations, could almost feel the sun in her mind. It was almost as if she could touch it, if she just tried a little harder. As it rose, her connection to it lingered, and her mind was filled with thoughts of strange, unknown magic. She was growing, becoming something else. Everything around her was growing, becoming something else.

Wrapped up in a blanket with Maud just a few yards away, Tarnished Teapot was growing, becoming something else. Such was the natural progression of life. While sleeping, several new poison joke plants had sprouted around Tarnished Teapot, and now, those tender new blossoms reached towards the sun, hoping for growth, very much like Twilight Sparkle was doing.

The road was dusty. Tarnish moved along at a good pace, his hooves clopping on the hard packed dirt road, following after Twilight Sparkle, heading for Rock Haven and the new train station that had been built at some point while Tarnish and Maud had been away.

Rock Haven was growing, for some odd reason. Ponies were moving here to live. The town had become somewhat famous, due to a family that had a few adventurers, heroes, and one Element of Harmony among their number. The Pie family was gaining a bit of fame.

“Remember, this is yours to keep no matter what you decide,” Twilight Sparkle said as she walked. “Tree Hugger wanted me to make that clear. This is a no strings attached sort of gift. She pitched in with the Crown to replace the wagon you lost.”

“Kinda spoils the surprise,” Tarnish said.

“No it doesn’t, trust me.” Twilight grinned from ear to ear.

“Why is Tree Hugger interested in us?” Maud asked.

“Tree Hugger is the daughter of a wealthy railroad magnate and industrialist. He made a lot of mistakes in his life. In his silver years, he realised that he had destroyed much beauty. He had done things he regretted. He had poisoned the land, the water, and the air. Before he died, he wanted to set things right. He became a conservationist and an environmentalist. After his death, Tree Hugger, his daughter, continued his work. She’s the reason he had a change of heart, you know. He realised that he was leaving behind a less than perfect world that she was stuck living in.” Twilight’s wings fluttered at her sides as she walked and talked.

“So Tree Hugger has a vested interest in making things better,” Maud said as she gave thought to everything that Twilight had just said. “She was left in possession of her father’s legacy and continues his work after his death.”

“Correct.” Twilight nodded. “Now, Tree Hugger is a little out there, but she’s smart, she has her father’s business savvy, and she has more bits than you can imagine. She funds the conservation societies at many universities, has funded studies into ecology, both natural and magical, and she champions the causes of naturalists, conservationists, geologists, botanists, and all sorts of other field scholars. Now that you two have proven yourselves, she has an interest in you. She wants to add you to her collection… her stable.”

“And this means what, exactly?” Tarnish asked.

“Well padded expense accounts, credit accounts at almost every major supply shop in Equestria, access to advanced equipment, a network of like minded adventurers, scientists, and field workers, plus a plethora of plenty of other pleasant perks,” Twilight replied. “Also, a yearly salary.”

“This sounds almost too good to be true.” Maud turned and looked at Tarnish, who was trotting beside her. “Which concerns me, if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.”

“Usually,” Twilight agreed. “But I’ve spent a bit of time getting to know Tree Hugger and her network. She is one of Fluttershy’s friends. They’re very close. Tree Hugger is everything she says she is, and her network is everything she claims it to be.”

“Is the salary shared between Tarnish and I or do we both get separate salaries?” Maud asked.

Twilight shrugged with her wings. “That I don’t know. I know that you have credentials, Maud, and Tarnish, well”—Twilight turned and looked at Tarnish—“he has natural aptitude, unusual magic that makes him well suited to the job at hoof, and a few discoveries of his own that have the academic community talking, such as the beetle melon and the, uh, ahem, the tentacle grapes.”

“Tarnished Teapot, discoverer of the infamous tentacle grape.” Maud focused her sleepy stare upon her husband as she walked. “You should be proud.”

“At the very worst, I would suspect that Tarnish would get a researcher’s stipend as your assistant.” Twilight, uncomfortable with the very notion of a plant that sought out fresh fertiliser for it itself, straight from the source, shuddered. When Fluttershy had heard of it, she had fainted.

“Tarnish, this could work out very well for us,” Maud said.

“Maybe.”

“Which reminds me, in my bag back at the Pie farm, there is an invitation to the Stiff Upper Lip Society. You’ve attracted the attention of some very powerful and influential ponies that also wish to help you. I know nothing about them, but Tree Hugger tells me that you want to meet with these ponies. You’re going to have to take a trip to Manehattan. It’s some kind of secret club of adventurers. They heard about your rescue in the spider cave.”

“Can we go, Maud?” Tarnish asked, bouncing up and down.

“What has gotten into you, all of a sudden? You’re acting like a colt.” Maud watched as Tarnished bounced up and down, her eyes moving up and down with each of his bounces.

“I am a colt,” Tarnish replied. “Secret adventurer society, Maud… this sounds great!” Overcome, Tarnished Teapot pronked away, bouncing down the road, and leaving both Maud and Twilight behind him.

“Just when I think I have him figured out…” Maud shook her head and then looked at Twilight Sparkle.

“If you do go to meet with the Stiff Upper Lip Society, Tarnish is going to need a tuxedo and you’re going to need a formal gown suitable for dancing.” As Twilight spoke, she watched as Maud’s eyebrow rose and her face made a most peculiar expression. Was Maud reacting? Twilight wasn’t sure, but something was going on.

“Oh, this sounds exciting. Tarnish and I have to go and check this out right away.”

Author's Note

This might need an edit. If you see a typo, report it immediately, before they breed. I do so hope that everybody is enjoying this so far. Let me know what you think. The old reader participation rules from the first story still apply!

Pink is the saddest colour

The bed was crowded, but warm. Octavia and Vinyl had both had a larger bed, while this one was a bit smaller so it could fit into Maud’s small bedroom. Upon opening his eyes, Tarnish was greeted with the sight of subdued violet and a bright pink mane entwined together. Bleary eyed, he could see that Maud was holding Pinkie. For a moment, Tarnish marveled at how close two sisters could be; even during a sound sleep, something about how Maud was holding Pinkie struck him as being protective and big sisterly.

Reaching out a foreleg, he caressed Maud’s neck, then, almost as an afterthought, he reached out and touched Pinkie Pie as well, a soft, reassuring, affectionate touch. He thought about how dear Pinkie was to him, how much she meant, what she meant to him. Much like Maud, Tarnish wanted Pinkie’s happiness more than his own. Why? He knew it would make Maud happy, that Maud would be pleased with him and he wanted Maud pleased with him, but it was more than that. Pinkie Pie was very, very pink, she was precious, and some part of him wanted to keep her safe, secure, and happy. He felt the same way about Limestone and Marble. They had been there during the worst of times.

“Stop thinking so loud.”

Startled, Tarnish jerked backwards, blinked, and bonked his head against the wall that was against his back. After spending a second to recover, Tarnish let out a low laugh, reached out, and poked Maud with his hoof.

“Nothing like laying in bed with somepony to make one reflect upon your relationship with them. I did it in Octavia’s bed as well. Now, I am laying here thinking about your relationship with my sisters and I just feel relieved.”

“Relieved?” Tarnish asked in a low voice. He felt Maud’s tail swish up against his legs beneath the blankets. When the blanket rustled, the scent of the occupants in the bed filled Tarnish’s nose. Maud smelled like Maud and Pinkie… somehow, Pinkie Pie smelled like frosting. Or perhaps cake of some kind.

“Yeah,” Maud replied, saying nothing else. She pulled Pinkie closer and the pink pony sighed in her sleep. Maud brushed Pinkie’s limp, straight mane out of her eyes and then kissed her sister’s cheek.

“I’m going to go and take a shower,” Tarnish said in a low voice as he tried to wiggle out of the bed without disturbing the other occupants. He wiggled downwards, towards the foot of the bed, because the wall was against his back and he didn’t want to climb over Pinkie Pie and Maud. That would be awkward and uncomfortable in his current state. Maud might not mind, but Pinkie Pie… Tarnish somehow managed to both shudder and let out a low laugh about his predicament.

Maud, who did not seem to mind Tarnish brushing up against her while he made his escape, let out a sigh and then said, “I think I’ll just stay here with my sister…”

Standing in the shower, Tarnish let the hot water beat upon his back and trickle down his sides. The showerhead was old, almost an antique, made of copper, and was in the shape of a sunflower. He closed his eyes, breathed in the steam, and felt the water soaking into his pelt. As he stood there, the water spraying against him, his summer coat worked free so that his winter pelt could grow in. Hundreds of little hairs washed down the drain.

Friends. Friendship. At one point during his life, Tarnish had been very alone. He had missed out on a lot of development that one went through with friends. Now, he was having to make up for lost time. A scowl of concentration crept over Tarnish’s face and his brows knitted as he placed his left ear beneath the showerhead.

Being married to Maud and being a good husband took work. Effort. Being in love and being a good husband took effort on his part. There was maintenance that had to be done. It was tricky too, because Maud was, well, Maud was Maud and that was that. Being friends, or in this case, being a brother was no different; there was maintenance involved. It wasn’t something that just happened.

Standing there beneath the steaming water, Tarnish tilted his head and it was now his right ear that was getting the full force of the streaming hot water. Octavia and Vinyl Scratch would take a great deal of maintenance as well. His friendship with Octavia and Vinyl was more of a long distance relationship, at least at the moment, and Tarnish wasn’t quite sure of what to do.

There was also his mother, Pinny Lane, but not just her, there was his other mother, Cloudy Quartz, and then there was Igneous. There was family; yes, he definitely had family now, and these complex relationships wouldn’t sustain themselves. They required work, effort, there was much that had to be done to nurture these many connections and keep them growing.

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed, Tarnish slumped in the shower, his head low, getting an inkling as to just how complicated and complex his life had become since taking responsibility for himself, growing up, and getting everything together.

There was a lot of hard work ahead. It was almost like… well, it was almost like a garden of friendship. He had done the planting, he had made the garden, now it was all about growth and watching things mature. Pinkie Pie, in her current state, was like a precious, fragile flower that needed tending. Weeds had shown up in the garden and now, it was time to go to work.

Lifting the bottle of liquid soap in his telekinesis, Tarnish squirted it down the length of his back, lifted up a stiff bristled scrub brush, and began to scrub himself as even more of his chocolate brown pelt washed down the drain. With each stroke of the brush, even more of his summer pelt was worked free and Tarnish could feel a faint, impossible to ignore itch.

Growing up, he had largely been left alone. He hadn’t had any friends. His talent had driven other ponies away from him. Now, as a young adult, Tarnished Teapot was left trying to sort all of this out, but it wasn’t the simple, easy relationships of foalhood. No, Tarnish was stuck with the complex, difficult, potentially volatile relationships of adulthood; there were boundaries, unspoken rules, complex social mores, there were an endless number of nuances and behavioural cues that Tarnish had never learned or experimented with growing up. Now, he had to figure out everything and make up for lost time. Tarnish had been tossed into the deep end to learn how to swim.

Deep in contemplation, Tarnish realised that Maud existed in a similar state; she too, hadn’t had many friends growing up, but she had at least had her family. She too, was stumbling through the learning process. He wondered what she thought of their friendship with Octavia and Vinyl Scratch; it was a somewhat more complex friendship as Octavia and Vinyl were part of the very grown up married couple being friends with another married couple type. It was a tricky four way relationship that probably had its own rules and Tarnish didn’t know what they were. It was made even more complex by the fact that Octavia and Vinyl were both mares. Tarnish had to be friendly but also respect boundaries. He had to be friendly without being flirty. There was an invisible line that he was aware of but he did not know its location; crossing that line would make Maud jealous perhaps, but might also make Octavia or Vinyl angry. Should that happen, the consequences would be dire; Tarnish would have three mares upset with him—three. That was a lot to fix all at once, and was no doubt a difficult situation to smooth over, assuming of course that the three mares would allow him to work for forgiveness.

Friendships like these came with the assumption of trust, which was quite a burden. Tarnish gave himself a shake in the shower as he continued to scrub. A fine lather had been worked up over his pelt. The stiff bristles of the scrubbing brush worked loose many fine pelt hairs, teeny, tiny, short little pelt hairs, and he could scratch his itch so long as he kept scrubbing. He squirted more soap over himself. Tarnish was now a tall pony and there was a lot of him to wash. He had grown over the summer, and was still growing like a weed.

As Tarnish entered Maud’s room, he heard her and Pinkie talking to each other in low voices. After a few steps, Tarnish found himself beside the bed. Lowering his head, he planted an affectionate kiss at the base of Pinkie’s ear, hoping to cheer the pink pony up.

There was a peculiar sound and when Tarnish pulled away, he saw that a few precious curls had returned to Pinkie’s mane. Pinkie had turned her head around a bit, and now both she and Maud were looking at him. Pinkie lifted her forelegs and he felt them close around his neck. There was a warm, firm but gentle hug, and Tarnish felt himself pulled closer. He leaned against the bed, allowing Pinkie to hold him, and he could feel her breathing against his neck.

“Maud, you’re so lucky,” Pinkie Pie said in an affectionate voice touched by sadness. “You have Tarnish and he’s just right for you. I wasn’t so lucky.”

“What happened, Pinkie?” Maud asked in a subdued monotone.

“I don’t know if I can talk about it,” Pinkie replied, shaking her head as she clung to Tarnish’s neck. “But I know I need to talk about it… it just hurts so much.”

Tarnish slid his front half onto the bed and braced his back half with his hind legs. Pinkie was still squeezing him. He settled in as best as he could for a good long listen. Just as he was starting to get somewhat comfortable, Pinkie pulled him into the bed completely while Maud pulled both Pinkie and Tarnish over, making more room in the bed. Tarnish lay on his stomach and pulled in his legs until he was comfortable in the pony-loaf position.

“I had a special somepony,” Pinkie Pie began in a sad, squeaky voice. “When I went home, I found him with somepony else. I kinda sorta mighta lost my mind a little bit and I told him to explain himself.”

Pinkie Pie went silent, heaved a forlorn sigh, and pressed her face into Tarnish’s neck as her sister squeezed her. She shuddered as she took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and let out a squeak of emotional pain.

“He was sick of waiting for me… I was a conquest… a trophy… he only wanted me for bragging rights because I was the Element of Laughter… he didn’t love me at all…” Pinkie Pie’s words trailed off and she let out a shuddering sniffle that made her barrel hitch. “He just wanted to bed me so he could brag about it and I’m so glad that I waited… I almost made a mess of things… I was so tempted a few times… and it hurts so much!” A flood of tears cascaded down Pinkie’s cheeks as she began sobbing.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie… I don’t know what else to say.” Tarnish felt his neck growing wet and snotty.

“I understand now why my Mama was so worried about you and Maud… she was so scared… we talked, she and I… she was so scared that it was just a fling and she was so relieved when you and Maud settled down and I kept putting the pressure on my special somepony to settle down with me and he kept telling me he wasn’t ready to settle down yet and I kept resisting his advances and he even tried to make me feel guilty for not looking after his needs and then when I went back to Ponyville I saw him with another mare and he was so cruel to me when he told me what was really going on and it hurt so much to realise that he never loved me at all this whole time.” Pinkie went silent, sucked in a deep breath, and then let out a wail of anguish that made objects in the room rattle.

Tarnish looked into Maud’s eyes and for a moment, he saw something, some reaction, some emotion, but he did not know what. But he had seen it. He worried for Maud, knowing that she would be upset by this. She would be hurt. Maud, for all of her stoniness, had soft spots—she had vulnerable places. She could be hurt and Tarnish had witnessed that. He was seeing it now.

“My heart hurts,” Pinkie whispered in a strained voice that was bubbly with phlegm.

“Here’s what we’ll do,” Tarnish said to Pinkie, “Maud will get you into the bathroom, she’ll help you get cleaned up, and when you’re both done, I’ll serve you tea in the kitchen. How does that sound?”

“That sounds super nice,” Pinkie replied. “I’m hungry. I want some food.”

“I’ll see what Cloudy has ready.” Tarnish felt Pinkie sniffling against his neck. “I think you need a little tea and sympathy.”

“I do.” Pinkie pulled her face away from Tarnish’s neck and a quivering smile could be seen upon her face. “Thank you, Tarnish… thank you for being so good to my sister and being there for me when I needed you.”

“Hey, you were there for me first,” Tarnish replied, “I was just too stupid to see it at the time.” He lowered his head and planted another kiss on Pinkie, this time right between her ears. As he pulled away, several strands of her mane curled up and Pinkie’s smile became a little more steady.

Maud gave Pinkie an epic earth pony squeeze, followed by a kiss. “Come on, Pinkie, I’ll get you cleaned up. Let’s go…”

Author's Note

Recovery, then goodbye.

A great and powerful awakening

Tarnished Teapot awoke to the sensation of the wagon rocking back and forth. It took him several long confused seconds to come to the conclusion that the wagon was moving. He blinked a few times, trying to clear away the sleepy in his eyes, and then wiped his face with his fetlock to remove any eye boogers that might have accumulated while he slept. A warm body was pressed against his back.

He rolled over a bit, wiggling and squirming, but trying not to disturb the mare beside him. He touched her with his frog, trying to get a feel for her temperature. She wasn’t burning up, far from it. Her skin was cool to the touch, except for the places that had been pressed up against him. Her breathing was slow and regular. She didn’t appear to be sweaty.

The spell, even if he did not yet fully understand its many complexities, had worked. Feeling pleased, he yawned, then slid his body out of the bed. It took him a moment to find his balance. He wondered why Maud had chosen to take off.

Opening the door, he stepped outside, mindful of the moving wagon. He fell into a trot and made his way to Maud’s side. It was afternoon, getting late, and Maud was moving at a brisk trot, making good time. She looked a bit sweaty.

“You decided to go?” Tarnish asked as he trotted beside her.

“I sent Limestone home,” Maud replied, “and the pup too. There was no point in staying. It felt like there were eyes watching me, Tarnish, and I didn’t like it. I decided to go.”

Reaching out with his mind, Tarnish found his canteen inside the wagon, piled up with the rest of his gear. He levitated it out, pulled out the stopper, and offered it to Maud, so she could have a much needed drink.

When she was finished, and he went to get a drink to quench his own thirst, he noticed that it was now a little less than half full. He would need to fill it at some point. He could do it while walking if he had to. There was humidity in the air and moisture nearby, he could sense it, even though he couldn’t understand how he was doing so.

The shadows were long on the ground, the air was warm, and there was a pleasant breeze. There were flies about, Tarnish hated them, and there was a part of him that felt jealousy that it was socially acceptable for mares to have long tails and not stallions. Long tails made for better flyswatters.

“How is Trixie?” Maud asked after she licked her lips.

“She seems to be okay,” Tarnish replied. He lifted his head and let out a mighty yawn. As he walked, he levitated out his saddlebags, his sword, and his pith helmet. He began to strap everything on and geared up. Maud was right—he too, could feel eyes upon him. Something… predatory. He wondered if there were diamond dogs about, angry diamond dogs, diamond dogs that were perhaps a bit sore about having some of their fellow dogs killed. It was a reasonable fear. As he trotted beside Maud, he realised that something else might be watching them, somepony that had taken a bizarre and disturbing interest in him.

“How far you planning on going, Maud?” Tarnish checked out a copse of trees on the side of the road, giving it a wary eye, and then he checked out other places where something or somepony might take cover.

“I have a campsite in mind.” Maud turned to look at her husband. “It’s past the Sisters. Going to be a long trip though. It’s going to be tiring, but I think I can do it. I want to be away from this whole area.”

“Me too.” Tarnish nodded his head, lifted his canteen, and began to concentrate upon imaginary fluffy clouds, cool, moist, delightful fluffy clouds. He had no idea what clouds felt like, he wasn’t a pegasus, so he had to use his imagination to the fullest extent.

He suffered a momentary distraction when he wondered if he could do a permanency spell upon his canteen. It would be nice if it could conjure up its own water and save him the effort. Scowling, he banished the distraction from his mind and focused upon his task. Water was essential, and if Maud was going to be making a long trip, she was going to need to stay hydrated. That was his job. To keep Maud hydrated and fed while she did the hard, heavy work of pulling the wagon.

Without even realising it, his hooves fell into a steady rhythm as he walked beside Maud, while concentrating and trying to refill the canteen. There was water above him and below him. And something else… something… magic too. He craned his head around, trying to orient himself, and saw the peaks of the Sisters. He felt the magic tugging at him. His mind made a quiet suggestion, trying to fill in the blanks. There’s a reason that the gems and the metal pulled out of the ground from there was so valuable. Feeling the magic, being so in touch with it, so in tune, he thought back to the time when he had surged, when he had channeled the chaotic magic creeping up from the ground, the time just before the volcano blew.

His magic had changed, it was as if he had become uncorked, unstoppered. His magic wasn’t like other ponies, though, and he knew it. In his current heightened state, he became aware, he understood. He realised the reason why he was so in tune with the mysterious stranger’s own magic—it was chaos—it was unpredictable, dangerous, unreliable chaos. And with this understanding, he had a suspicion of what would happen if she turned her magic against his.

Disaster. The end result could only be called disaster. He shivered and heard the sound of water running. He looked down, snapping himself out of his stupour. Water gushed from his canteen and spilled down upon the dirt road as he walked.

If chaos was the unstoppable force, Tarnish understood that he was the immoveable object. The realisation scared him. He stopped conjuring water, took a sip from his canteen, and then jammed the stopper in. He pulled out his tea flask, took a sip for good measure, and then stowed that away.

“You okay?” Maud asked. “You’re giving me a peculiar sensation. Something about you is making my croup feel all weird and tingly.”

“Sorry…” Tarnish shook his head. “I don’t know what came over me. My magic has been different since that day. I’ve been different—”

“We both have,”Maud said, making a rare interruption.

Squinting down his muzzle at the road ahead, Tarnish wasn’t sure how to reply, or how to explain his thoughts. He didn’t know how to convey a feeling. He lacked both the knowledge and the vocabulary to express himself. It worried him.

A meeting that ended with violence between him and the stranger would not be good.

As Tarnish dumped the dehydrated and shredded potatoes into some water so they could soak, Trixie emerged from the wagon. It alarmed him, he stood up right away, and reached out to her with his magic. A glance from Maud stopped him, but he remained vigilant. Trixie took an unsteady step down, testing the fold out stairs, and then wobbling, she made her way down.

“You look better,” Maud said to Trixie.

“Trixie feels better.” Trixie’s words came out as a dry croak, and Tarnish, hearing her need, responded. He had made a pitcher of orange juice from the dehydrated concentrate powder. It wasn’t the best stuff in the world, but it was oddly satisfying and thirst quenching. He poured some into a plastic tumbler and set it down upon a flat rock that was serving as a makeshift table. As he did so, a knot in the fire popped, sending up sparks.

Trixie was limping, trying to keep weight off of her bad leg. As she drew nearer to the fire, Tarnish could see that it wasn’t swollen, not like it was. Her frog appeared to be an almost normal size and the terrible cyst did not seem to be refilling with pus. Trixie’s eye was still swollen shut, he wasn’t sure what he could do about that. He supposed that time was going to have to fix it.

“What’s for dinner?” Trixie asked.

“Hash browns, Tarnish is going to make a creamy pepper gravy from concentrated milk, toast with butter and jam, and we each get a tin of pudding.” Maud’s head turned as her body shifted. She looked at Trixie, the fire reflected in her eyes, and she watched as Trixie sat down beside the fire, easing herself down. There was a faint, weak looking glow around the glass of orange flavoured drink, and Trixie was able to lift the glass.

The entire glass was gone in a few gulps and without needing to be asked, Tarnish refilled it. Both he and Maud kept an eye on Trixie, who appeared to have some trouble sitting up. She was struggling to remain upright. What kept her going? Pride? Willpower? A little bit of both? Her mane was tangled, uncombed, and Tarnish felt bad for her. She had slept for the entire day while Maud had pulled the wagon. As she drank, he could see that a little bit of the drink dribbled down the side of her face—the swelling around her eye was awful and tugged at her lips.

When this glass was empty, Tarnish refilled it again, but Trixie did not take a drink right away. Instead, she set it down upon the makeshift stone table and stared down at her front hooves with her one open eye.

“Trixie thanks you,” she said in a low, wavering voice. “Trixie is incredibly lucky. A not nice pony might have done things to Trixie or taken revenge. A lot of ponies don’t like me. Trixie thinks she was still delirious when she agreed to go to bed with you. She is glad that you were honourable.”

Unsure of how to respond, Tarnish nodded, and then set to work slicing up the bread so that it could be toasted over the fire. He saw Trixie lift her head and look up at him. She looked as though she was about to cry at any moment—her eye was already brimming with tears—and he averted his eyes because it felt strange to watch her cry.

Maud was very much like a stone. She had Boulder out and sat with him balanced upon her hoof. She wasn’t saying anything to Trixie, but she was watching. Tarnish knew there was some history between the two mares, Trixie had worked at the rock farm and wasn’t the best worker. Then, much to Tarnish’s surprise, Maud spoke.

“What happened?” Maud asked.

A low whimper made itself heard in the base of Trixie’s throat and she trembled. She looked at Maud, her eye glistening with tears, which reflected the faint orange glow of the coals in the fire. One foreleg lifted, her bad one, and she folded it over her barrel, as if she was trying to ward off the painful memory plaguing her.

“Trixie thought it was her end,” Trixie replied. “She was sleeping when they took her.”

Tarnish felt cold chills along his spine and he glanced over at Flamingo, who was still in her sheath. She could be pulled out in the same time it took to blink. Tarnish wondered if that would be enough, if a nasty surprise happened.

Shaking her head, Trixie let out a few whimpering words. “Trixie cannot talk about it.” She looked over at Tarnish, blinking away tears as she did so, and she focused her curious, tear filled eye upon him. “How did you heal Trixie?”

“Zebra hoodoo,” Tarnish replied, “it’s a little something I’m trying out as a hobby.”

“A hobby?” Trixie sounded astonished. She held up her foreleg and waved it around. “You healed this using a hobby?”

“Well, I also pulled out a nail and drained a lot of the infection.” Tarnish offered no detail of those misadventures and he wasn’t sure if he could ever be comfortable around toothpaste ever again. He felt queasy just thinking about it. “I made an effigy of you and then I applied an antibiotic tincture with antiseptic properties to the effigy’s leg. It fixed you right up. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

Trixie’s one good eye blinked a few times and a single tear rolled down her cheek. No other tears followed. Her eye glimmered, but the flow of tears seemed staunched for now. “Why would a unicorn stoop to using zebra magic?”

Now feeling annoyed, Tarnish reminded himself that Trixie wasn’t feeling well. He bit back a heated reply, took a moment to pick his words with some care, and made certain that his tone was neutral. “I’m not a very magical unicorn… well, I can be, but overall in general, I’m not. Just like any other unicorn though, I too, would like to master magic.” He saw Trixie’s eye narrow as he spoke.

“Trixie understands the need for power.” There was a long pause. “It was almost her undoing.”

“Oh, look, the potatoes have rehydrated,” Tarnish said, feeling the need to busy himself. He too, had heard the alluring siren song of power calling out to him and hearing Trixie’s words put everything into perspective for some reason. “I’d best get busy fixing dinner. ‘Scuse me.”

Author's Note

This trip is quite a bit shorter than the last. Soon, we shall arrive at The Scariest Cave in Equestria.

Delving deep, where the sun don't shine

Without warning, Vinyl snapped a picture of the symbol over the door. The flash blinded Tarnish, who ducked his head, then stood blinking his eyes, trying to recover his vision. She snapped another picture of Tarnish as he stood, trying to recover, a grin upon her face. As all of this took place, Octavia began giggling while Maud stood watching, silent, taking everything in through her half closed and sleepy looking eyes.

Fascinated by the remains of the stone tower, Maud pulled away from the group and began to examine what was left. Her eyes glanced over the walls, the fallen rubble, they took in every crack, every fissure, and after she had spent several long moments looking, she let out a contented sigh.

The stone had been shaped like clay and molded into a tower. At one point, it had been beautiful, no doubt a symbol of imperial might, a reassuring sight that inspired confidence in all who viewed it. Now, it was just so much worthless rubble, a fallen monument to a forgotten age.

“That symbol… I think that comes from the First Tribes,” Octavia said as she peered at the symbol over the door. “Don’t hold me to that. I’ve only learned a little. Celestia’s sun is quite different. This sun is jagged, more violent, the sunrays are like blades.”

Still blinking, Tarnish nodded, merely as an acknowledgement, and not because he knew.

It was Maud who stepped through the ruined doorway first, and the others followed. The stone floor was filthy, covered in moss and lichens. In the middle, there was an opening. At some point in the distant past, there was likely some wooden trapdoor, but it was long gone. The stairs down were also gone. Vinyl vanished with a flash and a poof, and reappeared on the floor below. Tarnish found himself lifted up and carried down. When he was set down, he lifted up Maud, while Vinyl lifted Octavia, and the two mares were levitated down in short order.

There was another opening in the middle. This floor was covered in dirt, debris, mushrooms, and old bones, no doubt, many creatures had fallen down here and had not been able to get back out. The mushrooms had a faint glow and were of a type that Tarnish had never seen before. It was cold down here, far colder than Tarnish had expected.

They repeated the process, moving down to the next floor, which was similar to the first. The cold was far more pronounced here. This floor held more mushrooms, more bones, including some very large ones. It looked as though a bear had died down here. It was cold enough to see one’s breath.

Again, they descended down to another floor, then another, and then…

A glowing form rose up to meet them. The air held a bone numbing chill, which made it difficult to do anything. The four ponies huddled together as the glowing spectre coalesced before them. Vinyl’s horn glowed with a brilliant illumination for a moment, and a sound like rushing wind could be heard.

“Who are you that you disturb this place?” The words came out of Vinyl’s mouth, cold as a sepulcher. She was now covered in a pale blue spectral glow. The voice had a strange accent, but it was recognisable.

“Please, don’t hurt her,” Octavia said in a pleading voice. “We came here, exploring. We found this abandoned tower. We meant no harm.”

“I do not harm ponies unless it is required of me,” the spectre said through Vinyl’s mouth.

“Who are you? What are you?” Octavia took a step forwards towards Vinyl, a look of intense worry upon her face. “Why do you linger, spirit?”

“I swore an oath…” the spectral form around Vinyl flickered. “I gave my word that I would defend this place.”

“From who?” Tarnish asked.

“From the foul witch Catrina.” There was a long pause. “It has been so long. I have grown tired. Tell me, how goes the war?”

“I’ve never even heard of the this witch, Catrina. Whoever she is, she is long gone.” Tarnish watched as the spectral form around Vinyl flickered and grew dim. “This tower is now a ruin. It looks as though eons have passed. The tower has crumbled, there are no doors, the stairs are long gone, there is nothing left here to defend.”

“There is still the vault,” the spectre replied. “The magical wards have held, but as I grow weak, so do they.” The spectre let out a weary sigh. “Tell me, how does Ponyland fair?”

“Ponyland is no more,” Maud replied. “The land is now called Equestria. It is ruled over by two alicorn sisters, who are wise and just.”

“How many years have passed?” There was a low moan from the spectre.

“Many.” Tarnish bowed his head. “I am Tarnished Teapot, a ranger, and a dutiful servant to the Crown. I will look after whatever is in the vault and keep it safe. I will relieve you of your duty.”

“There is conviction in your words.” Vinyl’s head turned and she looked up at Tarnish. “It is a precious thing I guard… a precious, precious thing. A powerful weapon of war. Swear to me that you will keep it safe… that you will keep it from evil.”

“I, Tarnished Teapot, being a good and reasonable creature, do give my word and swear that I will keep this artifact from evil.” Tarnish wasn’t sure what else to say, and he felt a shiver. Whoever this was, their oath had bound them to this place for an eon. This knowledge left him fearful of his own fate.

“I accept your oath,” the spectre replied. “Release me!”

“Go to sleep, spirit… I will take up your duty. Go and find rest.” Tarnish bowed his head.

The flickering glow around Vinyl grew dim, there was a crackle, and then the light faded away, now gone. Vinyl gave herself a shake and did not seem harmed. A dreadful wail of anguish filled the darkened cellar, and there was a whooshing wind that rustled through the debris on the floor.

“Oy, I think I widdled,” Octavia whispered.

“It’s okay, we won’t tell,” Maud replied.

“Vinyl, you okay?” Tarnish reached out and nudged the mare beside him with his nose.

She nodded, adjusted her glasses, took a deep breath, and then gave herself another shake. Frost fell from her pelt like snowflakes, her muscles twitching and jerking as she shivered. She let out a huff, then turned about, and pointed to a metal door in the wall.

The door had no rust, no sign of decay. It was iron, but infused with magic. In front of the door, there was a pile of well preserved bones that gleamed in the light from Vinyl and Tarnish’s horns. Tarnish moved close to the bones, lowered his head, and let out a soft sigh.

“We should take his bones and bury them,” Tarnish said.

“Look how well preserved they are.” Octavia took a step forward and stood beside Tarnish. She lifted her head and looked over at her companion. “Vinyl, love, are you okay?”

Again, Vinyl nodded.

“There is a tiny hole in the middle of the vault door,” Maud said as she pointed with her hoof.

Tail flicking, Vinyl walked to the door, craned her head, tilted it to one side, and examined the hole. Above it, there was a symbol of a crown, stylised. Below it, there was the symbol they had seen above the door of the tower.

“I wonder who Catrina was?” Octavia asked.

“Maybe Twilight will know,” Maud replied.

Vinyl angled her head and inserted her horn into the hole in the vault door. It glowed with a rosy light, the pale pink of dawn. Something inside the door clicked, there was a grating sound, a grinding sound, and then a soft thrum.

After Vinyl pulled her horn free, the door swung open, the hinges squeaking and creaking. The four ponies all jostled together, trying to see what was inside, but were mindful not to step on the bones of the guardian. Vinyl’s horn shone with greater intensity, offering more light to see into the vault.

Inside was a small, ornate silver ring with a flake of some pale orange gemstone embedded into it. It flickered in the light. The silver had not tarnished, indeed, it gleamed as though it had just been polished. Vinyl lowered her head to peer at it, then pulled her head away, so that Tarnish could have a better look.

“What is it?” Maud asked.

Reaching up with her foreleg, Vinyl tapped her horn with her hoof.

“A horn ring?” Maud looked at the ring, then back at Vinyl, who stood nodding.

“What’s it do?” Octavia stepped aside as Vinyl gathered up the guardian’s bones.

Vinyl shrugged.

“We’ll figure it out later,” Tarnish said as he lifted the ring. “Let’s get out of here. This place gives me the creeps. I want to be in the sunlight again.” He looked over the mares around him, worried, concern visible upon his face. Vinyl was still covered in frost, and it worried him. He wasn’t so sure that he believed her, that she was okay. He would feel better once he had her out in the daylight, away from this place.

If nothing else, the spell was no doubt draining, and had probably taken a lot out of her.

In the sunlight once more, Vinyl conjured up a broad parasol to cover herself. She stood in the shade of her parasol, smiling, trying to reassure the others that she was fine. She even went through the trouble of writing it down upon her slate and holding it above her head.

Maud picked up a small broken off bit of the stone tower to hold on to as a keepsake. She stood, examining it, squinting at it, studying the tiny details that only she could see as she held it up to her nose.

Meanwhile, Octavia was giving her mate a onceover, prodding her with her nose, rubbing up against her, and ignoring Vinyl’s annoyed snorts. Octavia’s movements were almost feline, and her deep concern was visible upon her face.

Standing off by himself, Tarnish also wanted to nose and prod Vinyl to check and see if she was okay, but he respected her space. He didn’t want to get too touchy-touchy, that would be bad. He was also in awe of Vinyl’s magic—she had done a dazzling display of power and if the truth were to be told, Tarnish was almost gushing with the need to talk to her about it. She had done something that he could barely even comprehend, a speaking with spirits spell.

Without such a spell, things might have gone badly in the darkness beneath the ruins of the tower. Tarnish had something of an understanding, there were many things that he could fight in combat, but extreme magical threats, such as angry spirits, he had no idea how to fight such things. It only drove home the fact that his magic was, at best, inadequate. Against dangerous threats, truly dangerous threats, magical enemies, he was useless.

The thought left him feeling hollow inside, and also made him envious of Vinyl’s magic.

“We should head back to camp,” Tarnish suggested. “Vinyl probably needs something to eat.” As Tarnish spoke, Vinyl’s head bobbed up and down with an eager nod. He looked over at Maud, then back to Octavia and Vinyl. He thought about the magical trinket in his saddlebags, he wanted to know what it was. Some great weapon of some sort, some great artifact of war, some relic of a bygone era.

If he could not have powerful magic, Tarnish would have to keep himself content with powerful artifacts. He treasured the ones that he had, and truth be told, a part of him longed for more. It was his hope that with exploration, old forgotten relics of the past might be found. They were out there, everywhere, hidden in old ruins, forgotten in old tombs, or secured away in ancient vaults. They lay waiting for those strong enough to claim them.

And he, Tarnished Teapot, was determined to have them…

Author's Note

:duck: - Dat title...

Lewd math and a burning sensation

Octavia seemed to have her confidence shaken and Tarnish understood how that felt. On the walk back towards camp, she had mentioned how she had let them down, not once, but twice. Tarnish had tried to reassure her that they would have all succumbed to the fear sooner or later, but Octavia didn’t seem to acknowledge what he had to say.

She was still riding on his back, clinging to him, sniffling against his neck, her body was limp and droopy. Tarnish didn’t like seeing Octavia with her confidence shaken, not at all. It unnerved him. He was supposed to be the one with the fragile confidence, not her, and she was one of the pick-me-up ponies. She knew what to say, what to do, how to fix things when they all fell down.

As he walked, he figured that for confident ponies, ponies like Octavia, moments like these were probably even harder to recover from. She was used to riding the crest of success, she was used to having the adoration of her fans, she was used to always doing the right thing. So, those occasional tumbles might hurt her more. When Tarnish couldn’t figure out what to do, his lower lip protruded.

Now, he was feeling his own confidence sag, as he couldn’t seem to help his friend.

Sometimes, he hated being how he was. He wondered if Maud, beneath her stony exteriour, ever had her confidence shaken. She was the rock. She always managed to just sit out a situation and come out okay. Glancing at Maud, he felt inspired. He had an idea. Was it a good idea? A bad one? Octavia was sad, down in the dumps, and sniffling into the back of his neck. It was time for drastic measures. It was time… to be… Tarnished Teapot.

“Hey Maud…”

“What?”

“When we get back to camp, I need your help with something.”

“What?”

Maud could always be counted on to be his straight-pony. Tarnish grinned. “I want to broaden my horizons a bit. Think you could tutor me in a bit of math?”

“What?” Maud stopped in place, turned her head, and looked up at Tarnish.

“Well, I want to be well rounded. I thought you could give me a little help understanding math—”

“Why?”

At least Maud didn’t say ‘what’ again. Her monosyllabic responses were so very her.

“Well, Maud, I wanted to find out how many times sixteen can go into twenty…” Tarnish had primed the joke grenade, allowed it to cook for a moment, and then he had tossed it. Now, he had to wait.

Much to his shock, he saw Maud react. One eyebrow raised, a slow, steady movement, like bread dough rising or a glacier creeping down the side of a mountain. She was staring at him, her eyebrow rising like the morning sun, and Tarnish saw something glittering in her eyes.

On his back, Octavia started squirming and he could feel her shaking as she giggled. Vinyl stopped in place, bit down on her lip, and made a face like she was eating lemons. Tarnish didn’t see it though, as he was staring into Maud’s eyes.

“Hah,” Maud gasped in a voice as slow and as thick as molasses. “Ah… hah… hah…”

As Octavia clutched his neck, he felt something wet against his skin. The pony on his back whimpered, let out a strange sound, and sniggered with her face pressed into his skin. He realised that Octavia was crying with laughter. Something broke within Octavia and her chortling became guffaws that almost tipped poor Tarnish over.

“My sides ache,” Maud deadpanned as the corners of her mouth twitched in a most peculiar way. She extended a foreleg, reached up, and touched Tarnish on the chin. “One and a quarter.”

When Maud spoke, Vinyl lost it and fell over into the grass as if she had been struck. Octavia slid off of Tarnish back, fell down into the grass with a noisy plop, and crawled over to where Vinyl lay. Both mares clung to one another as they laughed like madponies.

The laughter drove away the lingering fear. Pinkie Pie would have approved.

Feeling pleased with himself, Tarnish felt his own confidence soaring. “Hey, I’ll give you the best one and a quarter you’ve ever had in your whole life.” As he spoke, he saw Maud’s nostrils flaring, and it excited him.

“You… you’ve earned yourself some happy husband hugs.” Maud’s eyebrow was still rising. She flicked her tail, shifted her weight from her left hooves to her right hooves, and took a step closer to Tarnish. “I’m so glad that I found you…”

Much to his surprise, Tarnish found himself in a rather emotional state as he looked down into Maud’s eyes. He loved her more than words could say. She was the most perfect, beautiful thing in his life. And all he had to do to earn her affection was to be himself.

“D'aww, you two are so adorable sometimes!” Octavia’s voice was full of its usual confidence and poise again. She crushed Vinyl in her embrace, and the unicorn’s eyes bulged in their sockets. “Oh, that’s so cute, I just have to squeeze something!”

Hunched over, Octavia scribbled down the music in her head. Maud was studying a topographical map of the area, and her face held an expression of bored concentration, a look that was unique to Maud. Tarnish was now at the mercy of Vinyl Scratch, who had decided that a lesson in magic was in order.

Today, your telekinesis worked just fine. After Tarnish read the words, Vinyl wiped them from her slate and then wrote a few more down. You didn’t think about it, you just did it. Well, that much was true, he didn’t think about it, he just grabbed and got out. A wrinkle appeared on his muzzle as he concentrated upon his lesson.

The words were wiped away from the slate and Vinyl busied herself with writing more. She wrote smaller letters this time, trying to fit more in the limited space. You reacted with reflex, trying to protect what you love. Don’t deny it, Mister Fancy Mathematics.

A blazing blush toasted Tarnish’s face and he let out a nervous coltish giggle as Vinyl continued communicating.

Unicorns have done incredible feats of magic protecting those they love. Vinyl wiped away the words after giving Tarnish a chance to read them. Earth ponies have super strength and pegasi have displayed super speed.

Tarnish found that he could keep up just fine.

Reflexive magic is good. Magic should be something you just do, when the situation demands. If you have to think about it too much—having ran out of space, Vinyl gave Tarnish a chance to read and then wiped her slate clean—those precious seconds can lead to the demise of yourself and your loved ones.

He raised an eyebrow, wondering where Vinyl was going with this.

So, when you do magic, I want you to think about how much you love Maud. After a moment’s pause, Vinyl cleaned the words away and added, Or you can think about Octavia and I. What do we mean to you as friends?

Deep furrows appeared on Tarnish’s forehead, below his horn.

This is conditioning. When you do magic, you will automatically think of Maud. Vinyl’s face pinched in concentration as she went on. You will think of your friends. What we mean to you. And your magic will be backed with emotion. That’s my secret.

He nodded.

Associating your magic with emotion can be dangerous though. A look of concern appeared on Vinyl’s face. Like anything else reckless or dangerous, temper it with wisdom. It’s not bad, but it can be dangerous. Vinyl leaned forwards and peered into Tarnish’s eyes. Some ponies will tell you that this is wrong and magic should be done without emotion.

“Is it wrong?” Tarnish asked.

Vinyl did not reply right away. She sat there, rubbing her chin, looking thoughtful, and then she scribbled down a few words. I say to use what you need to to survive. Use rage. Use anger. Use emotion. Use passion. When she saw that Tarnish had read her words, she wiped them away and wrote more. Survival and protecting those you love is never wrong.

“What would Princess Celestia have to say on the subject?” Tarnish felt a nagging sense of worry and curiousity.

Princess Celestia isn’t in some scary cave trying to protect those she loves! Something flashed in Vinyl’s eyes and the corner of her mouth pulled down. There is classroom magic and there is real world magic. Magic has risks. It’s dangerous. Deal with it.

“Vinyl, I’m saying this as your friend, but… you have some anger issues, don’t you?”

Eyes narrowing into slits, Vinyl’s chalk squealed against the slate. You have no idea.

“I wasn’t judging, just trying to understand,” Tarnish said, trying to smooth over Vinyl’s ruffled exteriour.

Extending her hoof, Vinyl pointed at Octavia, who seemed oblivious to everything around as she was writing down her music. She is my everything. She is all I have. She is my reason for living. The corner of Vinyl’s eye twitched as she wrote down more words. I would burn down everything to keep her safe. Passion, not calm, is the source of my magic.

Hearing Vinyl’s words, a shiver ran down Tarnish’s spine. He turned his head around to look over at Maud. He thought about how much she meant to him. After a few seconds of staring at her, he turned to look at Vinyl. “Okay, I’m in. Teach me how to tap into my passion. How do we keep our wives safe? The world is not the place that I thought it was. It’s a lot worse. I’m just some hick unicorn from a small town and the world is not the place I thought it was. After Dodge City, after… after seeing those diamond dogs and what they did to Trixie… after learning what they did to their own, I’ve learned some harsh lessons.”

Vinyl gave Tarnish a solemn nod. She held up her slate. Passion tempered with wisdom. There is strength in rage, but also in gentleness.

Moving his head up and down, Tarnish agreed.

We must remember that we have to live with our wives. We don’t want them angry with us for torching everything. One of Vinyl’s ears twitched and the little unicorn mare’s face relaxed into a smile. Thanks for looking after Octavia, by the way.

“Oh, don’t mention it,” Tarnish replied as he read Vinyl’s words.

And me. Vinyl waggled her eyebrows. Okay, time to burn stuff. Fire spells 101.

The dead wood blazed. For Tarnish, it wasn’t so different than thinking about making boiling water. The burning, flickering flames reflected in his eyes, making him look dangerous and menacing. The waves of heat caused his mane to billow and blow black from his face. After about a half an hour or so of practice, he was able to cast a much improved version of the Ignitus Infernus spell. Instead of a tiny poof of flame to light candles and campfires, he could now summon an enormous gout of flames to ignite, well, almost anything. He also had an understanding of the Combustus Tyrannica spell, a spell that would allow him to seize control over fires already burning. He needed a lot of practice though to match Vinyl, who could create constructs of flame that could run around for a minute or more, not needing fuel.

The flames before him flickered, suffocated, and died. There was no sense in burning down the forest. Vinyl had a cool, calm, and collected expression upon her face as she smothered the flames. Tarnish realised that she wasn’t even wearing her fancy horn ring that gave her exceptional fire mastery.

He was envious of Vinyl’s ease with magic, but also grateful that she was teaching him. She was a good teacher, and she put things in terms that he understood. She broke everything down to simple thought exercises, rather than confusing jargon and arcano-babble that was found in books. With her, he was learning. He understood thought exercises and magic by association. Arcano-babble, not so much. He had read over the chapter on Ignitus Infernus a hundred times or more and never understood much of it. It was all complicated words, Twilight Sparkle words, words that he just couldn’t grasp or comprehend.

But he got it now. Vinyl was good. So very good. She had sorted him out in just a half an hour and now, he was confident in his ability to set things on fire, if he needed to. Not that he wanted to. He prefered steam.

Now we get food. Vinyl held up her slate and waved it at Tarnish.

Nodding, he agreed. He was starving.

Author's Note

:trollestia: - Only Sombra deals in absolutes!

:facehoof: - That's an absolute!

:trollestia: - ...

:twilightoops: - Why do I feel that I've just joined the space program?

Busting a nut while three mares watch

Standing upon the edge of the lake, Tarnished Teapot looked down into the weedy water. He could see old trees growing in there. This was not a lake he wanted to swim in. It was… icky. No, scratch that, it might’ve reached the actual ‘yuck’ threshold. The last thing he wanted was to end up in slimy, mucky water with weeds that would tug at his legs. It was too gross to think about.

So caught up in his disgust was Tarnish, that he did not see the sneaky earth pony mare behind him. Octavia crept up, reared up on her hind legs, placed both front hooves upon his rump, and then, using her earth pony strength, she gave him a powerful shove forwards. Tarnish let out a wordless cry of alarm, followed up by a whinny of displeasure about Octavia’s betrayal.

Stumbling, he staggered forward, and when his hooves hit the water, something unbelievable happened—Tarnish did not fall in. His hooves clattered over the liquid water as though it was a solid. Still terrified, he let out a wicker as he pranced over the surface of the lake. This was super freaky. This felt unnatural. This was… magic.

Prancing, moving with exaggerated high steps, Vinyl Scratch, who had cast the spell on all of them, moved out over the water with her nose held high in the air, and her parasol out to block the sun. Her prance was a laugh unto itself. Tarnish watched her move as he took his own foalish steps, and he suffered the thought that his friend was pretty.

This troubled him, but he could not reason why.

He found Vinyl beautiful at this moment. Perhaps it was the way she tossed her head about, the way she held her parasol between her and the fury of the shining sun, But there was something about her. Unsettled, Tarnish’s brain laid into the problem, trying to make sense of it as he walked over the water.

Maud and Octavia moved together, Maud did not appear to have any sort of feelings about water-walking, but looks could be deceptive. Octavia laughed, a carefree sound, and she tried to get Maud to prance along with her. Maud, however, was Maud in this situation, and she stuck to what she knew. One hoof in front of the other.

You could say that your mom was pretty, a father could say that his daughter was pretty, a brother might say that his sister was pretty, so then why did thinking that your close friend was pretty cause so much turmoil in his mind? Tarnish, thoughtful, chewed over the ideas in his head, trying to understand his own thoughts.

He supposed that it boiled down to temptation. A brother thinking that his sister was pretty was being kind. A son telling his mother that she was pretty was just being a good son. A father saying that his daughter was pretty was just being a good dad. But finding your female friend attractive, that could lead to temptation. Vinyl was attractive. So was Octavia. There, he had thought it, he had admitted to it, the thought was now free to roam in his own mind as much as it wanted.

All thoughts of the slimy, murky depths below were forgotten as Tarnish walked out to the island. So, Tarnish had mare friends that were pretty, they were attractive, and he had acknowledged it. Now what? Well, he didn’t know what came next. Twilight Sparkle had never written this down as a friendship lesson. This was… advanced friendship. He was on his own. Friendship might be magic, but it was also sticky.

“Tarnish, be a dear and just say what you are thinking,” Octavia said as she pulled up next to him.

Before he had a chance to think about inherent trouble to be found in Octavia’s request, his brain betrayed him. “Well, I was thinking that Vinyl was kind of attractive, she’s real pretty, and that got me to thinking about how you can say that your mother is pretty, or if you have a sister, you can say that she is pretty, but if a stallion has a close friend who happens to be a mare, can he say that she is pretty and not have it cause problems? I keep thinking, both you and Vinyl are pretty, and I don’t know how to feel about it.” Stunned, Tarnish didn’t know what to do about all of the words that he had just blurted out. He half expected the water-walking spell to end and for him to sink into the lake.

Octavia came to a sudden halt and Maud almost bumped into her. A very serious expression appeared upon Octavia’s face. “Oh… that is a conundrum… and I must confess, the same thoughts have crossed my mind.”

“You think I’m pretty?” Tarnish, his face turning a shade of coffee brown, corrected himself. “Handsome. Do you think I’m handsome?”

“Well, the whole reason why I danced with Maud that night was because she was such a stunning beauty. Vinyl and I have talked about it and we’ve been very open and honest, but…” Octavia’s words trailed off.

Ahead, Vinyl twirled her parasol as she shook with silent, wheezing laughter.

“I see.” Tarnish couldn’t help it, he felt a little out of sorts at the moment. He had done this to himself and to his friends. This whole strange exchange was his fault. He found his wife pretty too, and now, he and Octavia had that in common. He floundered, unsure of what to do or say next, and his ego felt just a tiny bit bruised.

Somehow, he had to salvage this mess. He lowered his head a bit so he could look at Octavia face to face and not look down at her. His ears pricked up and pivoted forwards, a sure sign of interest in what somepony else had to say, but this gesture was lost as an effort as his ears were hidden beneath his pith helmet. Then, even though he didn’t want to do so, he made himself speak. “For me, Maud’s eyes are real pretty. They are the windows of her soul.”

“Oh,” Octavia replied in a squeaky voice, “I am not that noble. Maud has… well, there are no two ways around it, she has very shapely legs. And those hocks of hers.” Her teeth clenched together and she let out a faint hiss, like steam escaping.

“Oh, if we are talking about that”—Tarnish realised that Vinyl had stopped and was now looking at him, as was Maud—“if we are gonna bring up the physical stuff, Maud’s abs… her stomach in general. It’s how we do laundry out in the wild. Maud literally has washboard abs.”

A strange sound came out of Maud’s mouth, a sound impossible to describe. Her face reddened, her blush showing through her thin pelt, and a large bead of sweat rolled down from the hairline of her mane. She stood there with a furious blush, just staring at Tarnish.

Feeling a little better, Tarnish kept going. “Vinyl has a certain walk. It was how she was prancing and carrying on. She has a certain poise that I thought was attractive.”

“She sure does,” Octavia replied. “It’s how her cute little plot wiggles when she’s happy.”

Taking a moment to think about Octavia’s words, Tarnish’s eyebrow lifted beneath the brim of his pith helmet and he nodded in agreement.

Vinyl suffered a magical transformation, going from a pale yellow to a pale pink. She let out a curious gasping sound, and then covered her face from view with her parasol, creating a moment of stunning, beautiful shyness. She stood there, her face hidden, and her tail swishing from side to side.

Relaxing from this moment of sexual catharsis, Tarnish decided to spare Octavia from any awkward confessions. “You… you get a free pass because you are gay. You don’t have to find me attractive. You’re not obligated to find me attractive, and that’s okay.” He smiled. “As for you, you are as beautiful as your music—classical and timeless.”

“Ooh…” Now it was Octavia’s turn to blush. “Oh dear, Tarnish… I… you… why, I do believe that is just about the kindest thing anypony has ever said about me. And you were being sincere.” The little blushing mare let out a squeak and then stared down at her front hooves.

Peering out from behind her parasol, Vinyl Scratch conjured up her slate and a piece of pink chalk. Blushing a shade of neon pink herself, Vinyl scratched out a few simple words. “Oranges aren’t the only fruit. Sometimes I look at fuzzy brown kiwis.”

“Vinyl! This was such a beautiful moment between friends… why are you such a pervert? Sometimes I wonder what I see in you!” Octavia stomped her hoof down upon the surface of the water, but her temper served no good use. Vinyl was already gone, prancing off to the island on her own, and Octavia could see Vinyl’s orange tongue dangling out as she ran away.

Tarnish, who felt stupendous without knowing why, lifted his head high and let out a snort. “Hey, I have handsome fuzzy brown kiwis!” With nothing else needed to be said, he too, headed off to the island, following after Vinyl and trying to mimic her high stepping prance, his tail hiked high, leaving Octavia and Maud all alone.

Turning to look at Octavia, Maud said in deadpan, “While you are a very pretty mare, I am far too into kiwis. But we can still be friends and talk about fruit.”

“Yes, friends.” Octavia smiled, and then joined Maud in following after the others.

The island was a mostly flat boulder of massive size that sat in the middle of the lake. There was a split that ran the length of it, which had filled with debris that had decayed over time, becoming soil. A few trees grew up out of this fissure, offering a bit of shade from the sun. Wildflowers grew wherever there was enough soil to support their roots.

It was a beautiful place, a secret place, a place only to be found by those exploring the wilderness. It was not a place that would last forever though. With time and the passing of the seasons, the split would continue to grow wider and deeper. Water would go in, seep into the cracks, freeze, split the rock apart, and with each passing year, the enormous boulder drew nearer to its own demise.

But for now, it served as a lovely place to have a picnic.

“Tarnish, before we eat, I want to talk to you.” Maud looked over at Tarnish, who was pulling food out of his saddlebags. “It’s important.”

“Oh?” Tarnish pulled out a walnut from his saddlebag, held it up, and stared at it. “I wonder how long that’s been in there?” Humming to himself, Tarnish cracked it open with his telekinesis and then began to eat it, picking out the walnut bits from the shell.

Distracted by her husband busting a nut, Maud waited for a moment, and then continued, “Tarnished Teapot… I want to stop taking my birth control pills.”

“What?” Tarnish’s blue eyes flashed with a keen intensity.

“I want to pursue the mystery of life,” Maud said, offering up an explanation. “I want to see what will come of our union. But I can’t do this alone, I need a willing partner—”

“With big fuzzy kiwis,” Octavia whispered as she gave Vinyl a nudge and a wink.

Pausing for a second, Maud looked at the two other mares present, and for a brief instant, it seemed as though her face was about to make some expression. But the moment passed and Maud kept going. “If this makes you unhappy, I’ll keep taking my pills and nothing will change. I’ll just ask you about this later. But if you are interested, just tell me, and we’ll spend all of the winter keeping each other warm. Well, we’ll do that no matter what you choose. I’m not about to punish myself by withholding my body from you to coerce you into a decision.”

“Um…” Tarnish licked his lips and settled back upon his haunches.

“We’ll help,” Octavia offered, and then she turned beet red. “We’ll help with the foal rearing, not with the foal making!” With a squeak, she fell silent and sat there with a wide, embarrassed grin.

Tarnish looked at Maud and tried to think of what to say. If it was just him and Maud, he might have said no, but it wasn’t just him and Maud. There was Octavia and Vinyl. Igneous and Cloudy. Limestone and Marble. His own mother. He wasn’t facing this alone, without help, just him and Maud against the world. Friends and family abounded.

This was a choice about growing up. Tarnish could continue to linger in whatever remained of his youth, or he could take the next step in becoming a responsible grownup, whatever that was. He thought about his own father and for a second, he was overcome with a keen sensation of hatred. Shoving that thought from his mind, he refused to allow such an important choice to be clouded over by hate. His mother came to mind and he found himself staring into Maud’s eyes.

Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but for a second, he was certain that he saw blue flames dancing in the depths of her black pupils. She was a perfect, magnificent creature, and Tarnish found himself curious—what would a foal be like? Who would this foal take after? There were so many questions.

Not to mention the issue of tribe. With two earth ponies, most of the time, they made more earth ponies. The same went for unicorns. But with Maud being an earth pony and he being a unicorn, why, there might be no end of surprises. A little earth pony that took after him, with a slight, slender build and long legs. A natural sprinter that could outrun trouble with endless earth pony endurance. Perhaps a stocky little unicorn, well muscled, and she could take care of herself with or without magic.

Tarnish became enamoured with the idea of finding out what life had to offer.

Maud had the power to knit life together, a sacred gift bestowed upon the female form. She was an eager, willing recipient of the contribution he had to offer, and as for himself, he was her curious and willing partner. Together, they could survive anything, endure anything, the volcano had proven that. Surely, having a foal couldn’t be worse than surviving a volcano together, could it?

“Every day with you is a gift,” Tarnish said in a low voice that did not break or crack. He lifted a hoof and held it out towards Maud. “Stop taking your pills and let’s see what happens when life is left to chance.”

Sniffling just a little, Octavia wiped her eyes.

“I’m going to turn you into a geode, Maud—”

“A plain bit of stone on the outside with something beautiful hidden on the inside?” Maud’s face darkened quite a bit and her tail began swishing around behind her. One ear began to quiver and twitch, and then, Maud did a most peculiar thing; she giggled. It only lasted for a fraction of a second, but it was a very precious fraction of a second to all who witnessed it.

“Yeah.” Tarnish gave his head a little nod as he treasured this moment.

“You let me find out what it feels like to be a geode and at the end of it all, I’ll give you something very special in return,” Maud offered.

“I’ll take that deal,” Tarnish replied. “Now, can we eat? I’m starving…”

Author's Note

:trollestia: - Dat ass has critical mass.

From Tartarus' heart I stab at thee

Sanity was such a thin, fragile thing, something as easily broken as silence. Tarnish’s talent protected his body from Grogar’s corruptive influence, but he could feel his mind slipping as he made his way up the broken mechanical stairs that no longer moved. More cancerous growths bubbled along his back, but then were purged by his magic.

Flamingo the sword floated overhead while Flamingo’s shadow continued to wrestle with Grogar’s shadow. Held in his magic, the crown glistened and seemed to drip with liquid hate. It was the end of all things and Tarnish had seen it. A dead sun. No more moon. After all, what need did the dead have with the sun and the moon? Grogar wanted to rule over a lifeless ball of rock that drifted through space. Over and over again, the crown had shown Tarnish the end, the infection that would end all life.

The crown was getting heavy, so heavy. It seemed like such a little thing, but keeping it aloft was like holding up the world—or perhaps moving the sun and the moon through the sky. He couldn’t allow it to happen. Life had to continue. He had to find a way. Once up the stairs, he fell back into a gallop and took off at a run.

“Tarnish! However bad it might be, you can do it!”

The sound of Octavia’s voice lifted his spirits and Tarnish found himself inspired. As he rounded the bend, he saw her, Maud, and Vinyl. They were quite some distance away, but seeing them lifted his flagging, failing spirits. He was doing this for them. He loved them, all of them, they were his friends and he loved them.

“You kept going when my strength failed and you’ll keep going now,” Maud deadpanned. “Now hurry, Tarnish… and remember I’ll be waiting for you at the end, when this is over.”

Each breath drawn through his swollen, mashed muzzle burned like live coals shoved into his sinuses. Bloody, salty tears stung his eyes and formed scabs on his cheeks. A steady trickle of blood seeped from his nostrils. Hooves clattering against the stone, Tarnish picked up speed. Soon, he would be out in the streets.

Running through the empty streets, Tarnish made for quite a sight. Flamingo flew with him, bathing the area around him in bright pink light. On the ground, at Tarnish’s hooves, a battle raged, a struggle between a black shadow and a pink shadow, both of whom were locked in mortal combat. Flamingo’s two dimensional projection punched, kicked, bucked, and even bit Grogar’s shadow. She was relentless in her assault, trying to defend Tarnish from its dark influence.

The well lit streets offered no protection. As Tarnish charged down an empty avenue, the shadows around him, the flickering vague shapes cast by flickering street lamps, they all came to life and rushed to Grogar’s aid. Terrifying indescribable shapes came at Tarnish from all sides and when his hooves struck the road, they grabbed at him.

He was being attacked by shapes—by outlines—by a foal’s shadow puppet show turned nightmarish. These shadows were not harmless however. The outline of four jagged claws raked against Tarnish’s rear right leg and four gushing wounds were opened. The blow almost caused Tarnish to stumble. Falling down among them would be fatal, Tarnish realised.

He didn’t think Flamingo could save him.

More claws raked at his legs, the suggestion of claws, the outline of claws. Ribbons of crimson appeared upon his flesh. The assault upon his body and mind continued as Grogar showed him the future, the horrible, horrible future. As Tarnish ran, Flamingo the sword swooped down and sliced at a shadow, cutting it in half. It fell away and went still.

The Tree of Harmony had made Flamingo supernaturally sharp…

In his mind's eye, he saw Princess Celestia chained to a rock and being devoured, an endless feast as her immortality allowed her to regenerate the flesh being devoured by Grogar’s minions. Her suffering would be never ending. More claws raked at his legs and he saw Princess Luna chained up on the bottom of the ocean, suffocating, drowning, but unable to die as the leviathans of the crushing deep consumed her.

Gibbering with fear, Tarnish kept going as Flamingo the sword and Flamingo the pegasus tried to defend him from the shadows. There was still so far to go and Tarnish was starting to wonder if he could make it. His strength was failing and he feared that he might go mad if the nightmarish images in his brain did not cease.

There was a squawk and a screech, both of which alarmed Tarnish a great deal. He was no longer alone down here. Something had joined him and it was coming right at him—a fireball approached, bringing with it light and heat. Tarnish’s heart lept up into his throat as he recognised who and what had come to save him, and there was no doubt that the bird was here to save him.

With an avian shriek, the phoenix descended upon the shadows trying to bring down Tarnish. Coming in from the side, it swooped between Tarnish’s front and hind legs, flying with the skill of centuries. Tarnish didn’t have time to marvel at the sight though, he had to keep running.

“KILL THEM PHILOMENA!” a booming voice commanded and it echoed through the abandoned, empty streets. “DESTROY THEM! PROTECT MY LOYAL SERVANT!”

The phoenix’s fire set the shadows ablaze and they recoiled in two dimensional agony, their outlines and shapes contorting as they burned. With claws and beak, the phoenix brought the hurt, but the shadows were not defenseless. The writhing, seething mass grabbed the phoenix and overwhelmed her. Tumours bubbled along her wings, her body, and her neck. Her head became misshapen and grotesque. Pulled down to the ground, the shadows overwhelmed her, then began to devour her, somehow consuming her flaming body.

Philomena let out a grievous wail as her fires began to extinguish. The shadows it seemed, were winning this fight. More bloody tears ran down Tarnish’s cheeks as Philomena let out an agonised death cry that made morbid, macabre echoes through the empty, abandoned city.

Rent limb from limb, torn apart and devoured, Philomena succumbed to the shadows.

It was not in the nature of phoenixes to be gracious losers when faced with death. Philomena, like most of her kind, cheated when faced with mortal injury. Her remains, still being devoured, still growing tumours, began to glow. The instant of spontaneous combustion blazed as bright as the sun and dozens of shadows met their end when Philomena evaded death and self resurrected.

Now blazing like a miniature sun, her body renewed and reinvigorated by the temporary inconvenience of death, Philomena let her light shine. With a squawk, she turned her flames on Tarnish, burning him, searing his flesh, and causing him to screech while he smouldered. As painful as the flames were, they were beneficial—the wounds on his legs began to close up and bleed a little less. For a second, Tarnish was completely engulfed in a fiery conflagration that went from hoof to ear.

It severed most of the shadows clinging to him and Tarnish, smouldering, still ablaze, took the opportunity to run. It seemed that being killed made Philomena hostile and a bit testy—there could be no doubt that the phoenix was cranky. The edge of the city was now in sight and Tarnish knew that he would have to crawl through the narrow crevice that lead to the outside world.

Blinking, squinting, Tarnish came to a halt when he stepped out into the bright sunlight. He emerged from the cave and it took him several minutes for his eyes to adjust to the light. Now in the sun, Tarnish had the curious condition of casting no shadow at all. Even his own shadow was gone. It just wasn’t there.

As his vision cleared, he saw two figures nearby. He blinked, trying to get them into focus, then whimpered as his many wounds threatened to overwhelm him. The crown was even heavier now, it was the weight of the world in his telekinesis, and greasy smoke curled up from its jagged, sawtooth-like edges. For a moment, Tarnish went blind in one eye as the left side of his face was swallowed by bulbous, sagging tumours, but then his magic purged the corrupting influence.

“Just a little further,” Princess Celestia said, “and all of this will be over.” The alicorn, now present in body, kept a safe distance from Tarnish and the dangerous artifact that he bore.

“Don’t give up.” Helianthus’ voice was smooth, steady, and reassuring. “We’re all counting on you. I know you won’t fail us, Mister Teapot.”

“It’s so heavy,” Tarnish whined as his legs wobbled. All around him there was an explosion of poison joke as the earth tried to resist the corruptive influence of the crown. His eyes, white with thaumaturgical energy, poured out blue mist as a riotous explosion of blue radiated outwards from him. Even more poison joke flowers bloomed and Tarnish became an ugly bearer of disease in the midst of a beautiful blue carpet of flowers.

“Just keep going,” Princess Celestia said, trying to coax Tarnish along.

“Everything hurts so much. He kept showing me what he would do to you and Luna… and the others.” As Tarnish spoke, Philomena emerged from the cave and then took off soaring into the sky overhead. “My mind doesn’t feel right any more… I know my body can’t be corrupted, but I think I’m going mad.”

“You must keep moving.” Helianthus’ voice was both gentle and commanding.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same.” Sides hitching, Tarnish began sobbing and the pain in his muzzle almost caused him to pass out right there on the spot. He swooned, almost falling over, almost dropping the crown. Weeping bloody tears, he fought to remain upright and keep the crown from touching the earth. It would be disastrous and he knew it.

Almost choking on his own phlegm and blood, Tarnish put one hoof in front of the other and began to walk towards the shore of the lake. Flamingo hovered in the air beside him, now a solemn honour guard as he continued his march towards the end. No shadows tormented Tarnish now, it was just him and the crown.

And the crown was very, very heavy.

As he approached the shore, entirely new species of poison joke manifested. It began growing upon the surface of the lake like water lilies. On the edge of the water, a tree grew with supernatural speed and among its leaves poison joke flowers blossomed. The tree had hundreds of years of growth in mere moments, becoming a majestic guardian against the corruptive influence of the crown.

“So heavy,” Tarnish whimpered as his hoof hit the edge of the water.

Princess Celestia and Helianthus moved out onto the water as well, determined to follow Tarnish every step of the way, but they kept a safe distance. Philomena came down and with a raucous squawk, she landed upon Celestia’s noble horn. She let out a plaintive wail and her blazing eyes focused upon Tarnish.

“It feels like it is crushing me… every step, it gets heavier!”

“Grogar’s most prized possession is about to be destroyed and he knows it!” Celestia’s voice was majestic and commanding. “Just a little farther, Tarnish! It’s almost over!”

“Stiff upper lip!” Helianthus demonstrated her best stiff upper lip as she moved forwards over the surface of the lake with Tarnish. “It’s just a little farther… you are so close now!”

“It all comes down to this moment…” Princess Celestia stood on the island a safe distance away from Tarnish and Maud stood beside her. “The others are a safe distance away. I teleported them to your wagon.” The ground beneath her hooves was carpeted in poison joke and several brand new poison joke trees now grew on the island.

Around them, a growing shield of poison joke covered the lake.

“Do it, Tarnish… end it.” Some expression could be seen upon Maud’s face, but it was impossible to say what it might be. Like Tarnish, she was bloody, battered, and weary. “I’m ready to do my part and I’m just waiting for you to do yours.”

“I wish I could say goodbye to Maledico,” Tarnish murmured as he gazed into his blue orb. “But there is no time to go into the orb. No time for final goodbyes. One life must end so that millions might live.”

“I’m tired, Tarnish… I need to go back into my sheath soon. I’m so very tired. I can barely hold myself up.” Flamingo let out a yawn and she wobbled in the air beside Tarnish.

With blood still dripping from his nostrils, Tarnish placed the orb in the center of the crown. It fit quite well, almost as if was meant to fit. He held them up in front of him right at eye level, and then he grabbed Flamingo with his magic. She did nothing to resist him and holding her was somehow reassuring.

“Reality is going to tear and things are going to get weird.”

Pausing, Tarnish took a moment to consider the new voice that he had just heard.

“Discord, now is not the time for your jokes,” Princess Celestia said in a commanding, even threatening voice.

“Discord, don’t make me null you.” Tarnish, still holding Flamingo, eyeballed the Herald of Chaos and wondered what his sword might do to draconequus limbs.

“Oh, I have no intentions of being a hinderance.” Discord held up his paw and his talons and his voice now had a curious tone of appeasement. “I sensed what was going on and I thought I would come and help. I too, can absorb chaos.”

“Why are you here, Discord?” Princess Celestia asked.

“Why, Dearest Fluttershy, of course,” Discord replied, as if that explained everything. His brows furrowed and he turned away from Celestia to face Tarnish. “Clean stroke. Down the middle. It will be loud and reality will begin imploding. I will shield you from the consequences of your actions as best I can.”

“Thank you, Discord.” Eyes narrowed, Maud stared up at the tall draconequus.

“Oh, I am doing this for my own selfish reasons,” Discord said as he made a dismissive gesture with his paw. “I need life to continue. Specifically, I need Fluttershy’s life to continue. And for her to be happy, I need the lives of her friends to continue, and by extension, that means all of you. Don’t think I’m doing this to be nice!”

“Of course,” Maud deadpanned.

Holding Flamingo aloft, Tarnish took a deep breath and began to line up his cut. He couldn’t help but notice that Discord looked nervous, and a nervous draconequus was a bit unnerving. Whatever made a draconequus nervous couldn’t be a good thing. With a downward chop, Flamingo would hit the orb first and then the crown.

Blinking away bloody, stinging tears, Tarnish held Flamingo up high and then brought her down in a smooth, fluid chop. Her keen edge hit the orb and didn’t even slow down. There was a flash of blue light that blinded Tarnish, but his downward stroke continued. When Flamingo’s blade hit the crown, there was an odd indescribable sound, the sound of insanity.

With a whoosh, the world went topsy turvy all around Tarnish. Blinded, he did not see the orb and the crown collapse in on themselves, imploding into nothingness. There was a howl from Discord and Tarnish felt his body being lifted as gravity decided that it was time for a vacation.

Just as Discord had promised, reality ripped open all around them. Tarnish’s vision came back just in time to give him a view through a swirling rip in reality. On the other side, he saw what was most certainly a pony, but its legs were made of socks and its body was knitted from yarn. She stared back at him, looking quite befuddled, and her button eyes blinked with fine knitted eyelids.

With a schlorp sound, the rip closed.

Looking about, Tarnish saw other rips, other tears as reality broke down around him. Through one, he saw what he believed to be a human girl, and she was surrounded by other human girls. For some reason, the girls looked familiar in a most peculiar way.

“Princess?” the crimson and gold haired girl asked.

“Sunset?” Princess Celestia’s voice sounded as though she was choking. “I miss you, my former student! Write to me soon!”

“Okay, I will—” The words were cut off when the tear collapsed in upon itself and closed.

Through another tear, Tarnish saw a draconequus, but this one was female. She looked crazed, but kind, and she appeared to be hugging and annoying a bright buttery yellow pegasus stallion with a pale pink mane. Tarnish couldn’t be certain, but he couldn’t help but feel that he was seeing some sort of mirrored form of Discord and Fluttershy in some alternate reality.

Before Tarnish could react, the rift closed and was lost to the swirling chaos vortex that was starting to form. A rift opened up a little too close to him and it was Discord that kept Tarnish from falling through. A tentacle reached out through the rift and Flamingo chopped it off before it could grab somepony or violate them, going where a tentacle should not go.

The roar of a passing train could be heard through one of the rips, and the gush of water could be heard in another. Princess Celestia almost fell into an open tear but with a flap of her wings, she pulled herself away from danger. Philomena let out an annoyed squawk and somehow remained upon Celestia’s horn.

“There is an enormous lizard destroying a city and knocking over skyscrapers,” Maud deadpanned as she backed away from a gaping rift. “What’s a Gojira, anyhow?”

Something horrendous that defied description tried to shove its way through a tear, but Discord booped it on what might have been the monster’s nose and then he shoved it back. Snarling, spitting, Discord closed the tear by causing a zipper to manifest, which he then pulled closed.

Reaching out with his paw and his talons, Discord began grabbing motes of raw chaos and then he shoved them into himself. He began shoving them into Tarnish too, his mismatched appendages somehow passing through Tarnish’s flesh. The draconequus worked with frantic energy as he tried to hold reality together and a dark scowl contorted his long face.

“There will be a thin place here!” Discord shouted as he crammed more chaos into himself and into Tarnish. “A very thin place! Things from other whens and wheres might pass through here from time to time!”

“We’ll deal with it somehow!” Princess Celestia replied.

“Hang on! The worst of it is over! Just wait it out!” Discord grabbed a throbbing mass of chaos and jammed it into Tarnish’s throat. “Just a little longer!”

The air crackled all around Tarnish and he watched as Discord and Celestia exchanged a few words. He couldn’t hear what was being said and he was too tired to be curious. Without saying goodbye, Discord vanished with a snap of his talons. Tarnish’s eyes, which were scabbed around the edges from his bloody tears, had trouble blinking.

“There is only one thing left to do,” Celestia said in a weary voice. “Tarnish, you must somehow find it in you to finish this. You know what needs to be done. I will leave to give you and Maud a bit of privacy.”

“Don’t leave me,” Tarnish whimpered. “The darkness… what I saw… what he did to you… I need to feel your light…”

“Very well, I shall stay with you.” Without flapping her wings, Celestia rose up into the air and she shone like the sun. Her body was consumed in flame and she became a burning, blazing figure. She hovered above like a second sun, and Philomena flew circles around her.

“Maud, I don’t know what to say…”

“At this point, there isn’t much to say.”

“I love you, Maud… but I am very weary and I don’t know if there is enough left in me for foreplay.”

“I think foreplay is the least of our concerns right now. Just lay back on the ground and let me take care of things.”

“Okay.” Exhausted, Tarnish flopped down to the ground, then rolled over onto his back.

As Celestia blazed overhead, Maud began tearing away what little remained of her bloodied, shredded smock. Flamingo jammed herself into her sheath as Philomena let out a defiant cry. The crown was destroyed and they had weathered the storm of destructive chaos. The world around them had been forever changed and the new druid’s grove was already taking shape.

With a gentleness that seemed to contradict her immense strength, Maud straddled Tarnish and then began to rub his barrel with her front hooves. Leaning her head down, she planted a tender kiss on Tarnish’s chin, avoiding his swollen, misshapen snoot.

Having braved the darkness, it was time for a beautiful act of creation.

Author's Note

There is still an epilogue.