...Why?!

by Celestial Nyx Nova

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Spike, Comedy, Random, Lightning Dust, Slice of Life
Length: 5118

Equestria. A good place to be. Actually, a great place to be. ...Unless you are crazier than Discord. You ask why? Ugh. Oh, great; we got another clueless weeaboo! Roll it from the-What do you mean we don't have the tape, how are we supposed to-Damn!

In the land of Equestria, there exists one major concept that took place during the period when Discord's reign came to an end by Celestia and Luna...or would have been if not before him enacting a law that not even the two Sisters can change. The rule; while simple has been the constant downfall of many important things; Starswirl never invented his signature spells, The Wonderbolts never existed. And the worst of the worst; nobody cared.

The rule is this; if you want screw up someone's day, then just go for it. What could be the worst thing to happen?

Well, just ask Spike.

Published 2016-01-14 04:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-09 15:32:09 UTC

Cue The Fanfare!

Author's Note

Just an idea I had suddenly after watching tv. Don't know if it'll be good, but feedback would be appreciated.

Cue The Fanfare!

Time.

The very word brings up different types of realities from different alterations. There can be an infinite amount with very small changes making the biggest difference.

There is a Equestria where Tirek has ruled, the Flim Flam brothers corrupt the land with their horrible sale pitches, Sombra starting a war, Queen Chrysalis fighting against the resistance, and even one where Discord. . .just chased Celestia and Luna around on a unicycle in a clown costume.

Yes, laugh. Or Facepalm. Whatever suits whoever would listen.

Anyways, the main focus here is not the endless possible universes that have Equestria. . .it's more the opposite. But, once again; who really cares?

A Fun Day!

Here, we have a dragon; an ordinary dragon. His name is Spike. Seems easy enough to remember, but-

''Hey! Hey, i-is this thing on?'' Peewee asked. He is a Phoenix, and Spike's best friend. Though, his name comes from his size. A Phoenix he may be, though he is a kid, about the size of a bucket of paint.

''I don't know.'' came the reply from Spike, shrugging as he picked a claw at the camera lens.

"Well, I don't know what to do," Peewee chirped, preening one of his wings.

Spike instantly grew annoyed. They had been trying to get the camera to work for 25 minutes. All he wanted was to do was do a video recording. So he did what he thought would be appropriate. He yelled.''Well figure it out then!''

''Don't yell at me, unless you want me to throw a rock at you!" Peewee frowned, waddling over to the wall of

''Peewee!~ Do it! ...Just do it already!''

''Who are you calling Peewee?!''

''You, you stupid bird! That's your name!''

''...Ooooooooh. Sorry. Wait...I think it's working. Yea, it's working. You're good.''

''Thank you.''

Here we have his take on the world around him in the format of a video file.

''So, why are we doing this again?''

''So maybe we can bury this in our-

Thawck!

''Yeooooowch! Why'd you slap me with a skillet?!''

''I did?''

''Yes, you're holding it right now!''

''Suppose I am. Well, out the window it goes. Fore!''

Clang!

''Hey, what where you're throwing that! You almost messed up my wing!''

''Sorry, Rainbow Dash!''

...

''Think we should dial it back it bit for the future people watching this?''

''Yep.''

''Fine. Rebooting in 3...2...1...Now.

Reset clip;

Label Name; Why?

Creators; Spike and Peewee.

Take: #3.

Initializing...

...Complete.

Here we have in a normal day in Ponyville. Ponies traded and sold goods,fillies and colts went to school to learn, and the magic of friendship was spread throughout. Focusing in on a more specific point was the castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. Deep in the halls was a longing quiet. Normally some ponies would come through here looking for a book for advice for the monarch of friends herself. But that was on lax days. This is Friday, so it's an exception. Her most trusted assistant ever sat in his room contemplating what had just occurred.

''Oh great, we hit yet another civilian. This is starting to become dangerous.'' Spike paced back and forth, paying no mind the rocks flying into his open bedroom window, contacting the wall above him.

''I don't know; we may be on a streak with this.''

''Peewee, focus; I called you here for a reason. A valid one at that!''

''Ok, ok; don't jump the proverbial gun on this. I just wanted to admire our indirect handiwork.''

Then there was Peewee the Phoenix. Ideally, the way these two came into contact was rather strange. Spike was walking to Sugarcube corner when an egg dropped out of the sky from a portal. At the time, they chose not to question it. Like, at all. The majestic bird had a bright red and orange coat of feathers, cascading in the pattern of waves. Currently, he was busy punching some numbers into a calculator with a dealer's hat on.

''What are you doing?''

''I've got to sell my bird food stock when the price is at its highest before I go broke!''

''Wait, wait.'' Spike snatched the calculator away from the immortal bird. ''You have stocks...in bird food?''

''Don't you?''

''...Ugh. No.'' Spike simply turned around and rubbed off a growing headache. ''Where did you even get the money and knowhow to do this?''

''Well,'' Peewee clicked his tongue. ''I was flying to Canterlot when this portal opened, right?''

''Right.'' Spike nodded. ''Continue.''

''There was this human from Earth #2 who almost went splat if not for me. He helped me start my stocks.''

That caused Spike to nearly fall over and groan. Humans coming to Equestria, more specifically this one is like tourism; it's bound to happen, so best put on that poker face.

''What was his-''

''YEEEAAAAAHHH WOOOOOOO!'' a high pitched voice called before slamming into Spike's room, decimating everything on the far side, an almost gargantuan sized-hole left in its wake.

''What now?! Can't I get my point across?'' Peewee cawed in depression.

''Never fear, your savior and black and red is here!'' a male's voice called in extreme joy.

''Nnggh! Wilson, get off of me!''

''Sorry, kitty got your tongue?''

''Now! Before I gut you.''

''Oh, really? Do it now, do it now!''

''Uhh....'' Spike and Peewee wondered, clutching onto each other just in case. Who could this be now?

''Come on, please?''

''Ask one time and I swear...just come on, let's leave!''

Okay, now that was a tad unexpected. At least, when somebody comes and does something like that, they announce themselves first rather than just screaming. And they use the door! Anyways, moving on.

''Okaaaay.'' Spike said warily. ''Back to what we were saying; who was it that helped with your...stocks?''

''Oh.'' Peewee waved a wing in a dismissive manner. ''His name was Warren Buffet or something like that. But, anyways...Give back my calcuator, I need to still crunch numbers!'' he tackled his owner to the ground.

''I thought we were doing our time capsule video!'' Spike retorted, struggling to keep the device from the grabby phoenix.

''Give it!''

''No!''

''Don't make me yell at you!''

''You're already doing that, you compulsive bird!''

''Love-deprived dragon!''

''Half-bit nutcracker!''

''Greedy punting bag!''

''You-Wait, what?'' now that stopped Spike's advances to think for a moment.

''Punting bag.'' Peewee panted. ''Ya know, when you got punted by Twilight for cracking that joke about poison joke?''

''Oh. Stop doing that!''

''Don't make me-

Their conversation was cut short by a ear-shattering scream that made the very ground itself reverberate and thump. Turning their heads towards the gaping hole in the castle's wall. Peering into the sky, a small blur was rapidly travelling towards the pair, the sheer speed causing the air around it causing it to condense and catch fire.

''Uh, Spike; you think we should, oh I don't know: run?!''

''...No, besides we are fireproof, so we'll be fine.'' Spike confidently smirked. Then it hit him. ''I am not so sure about the castle,''

''Well, isn't Twilight here? Maybe she can-

''Ooooohhhh.~'' a shrill voice sang. ''Destruction, description, chaos and crumble, it's going to be a big one; who's ready to rumble?''

Wait. Spike knew that voice. Or more so everypony else did. It was hard not to know that annoying voice belonged to. Shoot, he caused this messed up Equestria.

''Discord!'' Spike lept into action, breathing fire onto his left claw as the other faced to the ceiling, a six-stared octagonal rune appeared. ''Egis Kempt!'' he shouted, a brilliant white light engulfing the room. When is died down to an ebb, a magnificent sword was clutched in his hand. This sword was forged by the greatest Unicorn smith; Flaming Anvil. The blade was capable of splitting mountains, blocking a barrage of arrows, cutting the wind itself in half and being nationally known as a beacon of light and hope in the more darkest hours of Equestria's existence.

And a power like that was in Spike's claws. What could go wrong?

''Oh, hello Spike. Peewee.'' Discord greeted. ''I couldn't help but notice-''

''Die, you freakshow!'' an enraged Pinkie Pie popped into reality in the middle of the room, wildly swinging her forehoof to strike to Spirit of Disharmony.

The resulting contact placed a immense pressure, causing a shift in gravity which the still standing walls were decimated into dust, all of Spike's belonging's being eradicated.

'My stuff!'

''Heh, you're pretty good.'' Pinkie complimented, her hoof in a stalemate with Discord's bear paw as each fought for dominance.

''Same to you, Element of Laughter; you almost caught me off guard, but you do g-get props for breaking my paw. I-I'm only holding this up by sheer willpower a-alone.~''

''Um, guys; that thing's getting closer.'' Peewee looked the sky to observe the speeding projectile hurdling at them.

''In a second!/Hold it!''

''But what about-''

''Oh my Celestia; everypony, run for the hills!" a voice shouted that sounded like...Apple Bloom?

''Wait, what about my time-capsule video?!'' Spike asked.

''C-Can it wait, Spikey?'' Pinkie tried her best to smile, but was currently struggling under the strength of Discord, every one of her veins pulsing. ''Trying to kill Discord!''

''Why?'' Peewee wondered, typing away on a old fashioned typewriter. ''Hold that thought; what do think me making a statement about my stocks increasing to the Canterlot High Council?''

''Oh forget it; I don't have time for this!'' Spike couldn't take being interrupted anymore. ''Xin Pulse!'' a wave of golden light began to gather around the sword, the wind blowing with a fierce intensity. The temperature in the room dropped considerably, almost being related to the winter of the Crystal Empire. A song of angels silently sang in the background in tandem with his anger propelling the blade's power even more.

''Um, S-Spike?!'' Peewee yelled over the blowing wind; having to clutch onto a pillar to not be blown away.

''No, I've had it! I just wanted to record a video diary! Now everyone will pay!''

''U-Uh, Spikey; you okay there?''

''Spike, my dear lad; are you-''

''Shut it! I am sick of this crap!'' his anger had tipped the breaking point. Clutching his sword with so much raw emotion, just looking at somepony could turn them to stone. Opening his free claw, the raw power of the flames pushed back the battling duo, out of what little of his room he possessed and out of Ponyville with a simple gesture in their direction.

''Whoa!'' Peewee looked astounded. ''I didn't know you could do-''

''...Fly! '' Spike angled his sword like a spear, hurling it towards the speeding figure with precision.

The effect was instant.

''Curse yoooooou!'' a cockish voice complained.

During the entirety of everypony's rant, the one thing nobody seemed to realize was that the camera filming this was still on, easily identified by the red glowing light.

''Okay...let's just...no. Screw it, the ponies of the future should deserve to know about how crazy Equestria is.'' Spike turned over to, literally a small smidget of his room where the outline of the seemingly indestructible camera sat. Plant his sword in the ground and landing on his rear, a deep sigh came out.

''I will just assume you all saw and heard that. Well, the point of all this was to tell how bad it is in Equestria alone! I've been almost everywhere on Equss, but this place takes the cake. If you ever expect to come here, think again. You will chased out of here with live fish and pastries. Now that sounds good, but try it when they explode...and have the capacity to wipe your memory. Soooo, yeah; that was about it,'' Spike observed his room. ''Well, shit; Peewee?''

''Y-Yea?'' the phenoix replied, somehow dangling on a house next to his room by bubblegum.

''Come on; we gotta check and make sure I didn't blow anybody's eardrums out.'' his voice trailed off as he got behind the camera.

''Kay, but wasn't that Garble you just killed?''

''That was. And I did. So, what: sue me.''

Shutting down...

...Goodbye. ;)

200 Miles Upside The Side Of Spike's Head

Author's Note

The plot thickens as my cup runneth over. In other words, the story shall continue. Either until I run of ideas or the characters end up killing one another. So hopefully neither happens. I present; Part 2 of . . .Why?!

200 Miles Upside The Side Of Spike's Head

Recovery.

"Data corruption. . .initiate recovery protocol.

. . .

"Recovery sucessful. Resuming play; Part 2. . .

When Spike woke up the next morning, he opened his eyes and viewed the bright Ponyville sky. He heard birds chirping and foals playing and laughing. He heard it perfectly on the account of him destroying the castle.

Which he had to get fixed before anypony else important could realize. Namely Twilight and Rarity.

"Hey, Spike," Peewee called from behind him, getting up and looking to see the pheonix perched over his small bed with a smile on his face. And live worms in his beak. "Want some? They're the best kind! They pretty double in size this time of year, and they go great for your dying garden."

The drake nearly had the urge to yell no, but he remembered that Peewee loved to eat worms, and while Spike wouldn't admit it, worms certainly helped in a crunch when they was nothing to eat. So being the decent friend that he is, he politely decliend.

"Eh, no thanks, bud. I'd rather munch on a few gems for breaky. But, thanks. Now," He sat up, yawning and giving his neck a stratch. "How are we gonna fix the castle before Twilight and the rest of girls make it back from Yak-Yakistan for this meeting on trade or whatever it is was Twi was rambling on about?"

Peewee fluttlered his wings a bit, landing on Spike's waiting arm. "We don't. I have no idea about how to fix a house, much less one made of crystal. And you have no money or waiting skills for the job to be done."

"Then, what do we do? Get Big Mac to help?"

Peewee laughed, though it was in a light manner.

"Eh, no." Peewee frowned. "Rememeber the fact that he does not like you anymore? Or do I need to remind you of the House Guzman incident?"

Spike paled for a moment, his soul leaving his body and going to the great for beyond for a few seconds.

''No.'' Spike said, snapping back to reality. ''I. . .guess that option is out for who we know can help us build stuff. So, maybe we can talk to Celestia and Luna."

Peewee frowned. "Wouldn't that do the opposite of what it is we want?"

"Psssssh! No way!" Spike said with no amount of worry. He then crossed his claws together and walked over to his blanket, dragging it with him as he explained. "Me and the princesses are like 'that', we're that tight. We just need to explain what happened and we should be ok."

"How?" Peewee asked, uncertain of his friend's ability to make a sound choice. "The train takes a good hour to get us there. And money, something you do not have and eat is very scarce, so unless you have a magic carpet, Baby Dragon and wise-cracking Phoenix go nowhere." Peewee said.

Spike began to breathe his trademark fire that would send letters to Celestia and created a portal that, in his opinion would solve the problem in itself.

"Trust me, we can get the castle fixed," Spike walked through the portal, a smile on his face.

"We cannot fix the castle, young Spike." Luna bluntly said.

"What?!"

"Called it!" Peewee took flight around the inner chambers of Canterlot Castle, pieces of his feathers cascading down down to the floor. "You's a dummy!"

"Now, now; that is no way to speak to your master," Celestia scolded, but said less of a commanding tone as she indulged in herself in some flan. "His foolishness is beyond that of 'dummy', Peewee," Spike's claws clenched as he racked his head on why.

"Fine, why not? Why can't the castle be fixed? Is it because the material is hard to come by? Not enough time? Or is it-"

"You's a damn, dumb, dragon douche!~" Peewee snickered, weaving in and out of the air, avoiding Spike throwing rocks until Luna possessed him with her magic before slamming him to the ground with resounding thud.

Exhaling, she spoke. "If you let us finish speaking, you'd see that-"

"You broke my talon.~"

". . .It will heal. We are well within the realm of fixing Princess Twilight Sparkle's castle, though we the way you explained its demise makes it seem less likely that a experiment caused it. Rather, your ego, specifically along with a hint of discord. Literally. Or are we wrong?"

Spike couldn't believe this. They. . .knew?

"How did you-"

"Know? Me and Luna are very skilled in the art of being able to predict the future." Celestia smiled.

"You just watched it happen, but did nothing, didn't you two?" Spike clicked his tongue when the pair refused to look at them, Luna settling on snuggling back into her oversized blue bath robe as Celesta scratched her stomach. "Well, can you help us or not? Twilight is bound for this side of Equestria in a few hours. And it's not like you're really doing a lot."

Luna rolled her eyes and pointed a hoof at the pair, waving it back and forth as Spike fumed with aggravation and Peewee with hurt over his talon. "No evidence. No valid reason. And no way are we doing that. It's unbecoming of us. So we wish you luck."

"Luck?" the asked.

"Luck, yes. Do you live in a cave?" Luna asked. "Unless you want us to tell Young Twilight?''

Spike immediately began sweating, murmuring about he would be to sure to not be able to face Twilight if she found out what happened. He had enough issues to deal with, such as Discord and Pinkie Pie going all-out which in a way did contribute to the castle being destroyed, though he was sure that Twilight would be sure to take things out of proportions. Princess Luna sure put him in a bind, so he had to find a way to make things right, lest he have to deal with the wrath of the aforementioned Sparkle-Butt.

''Okay, okay. Maybe we can work something out,'' Spike walked over to Luna, giving her a small nudge as she huffed a bit. ''What would it take for the two of you to help out your favorite Dragon?''

''Well, what do you have to offer us?'' Luna asked.

''He could give you two. . .some. . . uh; gems?'' Peewee looked to see the pair shoot him a deadpan look. ''Ok, not a fan of money cause you probably got more than enough. Then what about giving you his Power Ponies comic collection?''

Luna blew a raspberry while her sister took to twirling her mane in boredom. ''Try again.~'' they both spoke.

''Little help, Spike? What could we give them so that we can get the castle fixed? Anything at all?''

The pair sat down on the cold floor, trying to put their collective minds together to attempt to worm something the princesses would want. Luna and Celestia were truly polar opposites, and anything that could line up in a slight of interest was very rare. Well, they were both equally lazy, one such example as Celestia and Luna were so lazy that either refused to fully use their magic to influence their respective duties that it was half day and half night for, well, however long it was until Twilight and Cadence worked together to fix the issue. So, what could he come up with that fell in line with being lazy?

''Spike, I think I may have an idea,'' Peewee perked up, cawing happily and ruffling his feathers once again. ''And I know that it will work.''

''How do you figure?'' Spike asked, thinking only the worst possible ideas that could spawn from his child-like mind. ''And know that if this goes wrong, I will blame you for the rest of time to come. So, go on. . .tell me.''

''Well, you could give them stomach rubs. It sounds cliche, but it may be our only chance before we both get in trouble.''

Spike figured that he had nothing to lose, and that it was in fact better than to do nothing at all. But there was sure to be more than just that if he wanted something like the castle to be fixed. Walking forward with a ounce of confidence in his step, he knew that he did this right, he could avoid a headache all together.

''Princesses. If you can help us restore the castle, we would be very grateful to you. But also, in exchange for doing this, I will personally see to it that the both of you get belly rubs from your truly. And if you think about it, this really is a deal that the both of you actually cannot afford to overlook or you may just think about what could have been if you don't take this offer before you,'' Spike smirked along with his friend, seeing the two of them get out of their seats and look with a rather serious eye. ''But seeing as this did come out of nowhere, the least that we can do is give the two of you some time to think this over before we have to go back to-''

''Wait!'' Celestia teleported in front of the pair as they were about to step into Spike's portal. ''Perhaps we can work something out, Spike.''

''Knew it,'' Spike gave Peewee a high-five. ''That was too easy.''

''Well, it was my idea, but glad to see you didn't doubt me until after it worked, what great qualities in someone who wants to be a leader.''

''This celebration is short-lived, you two,'' Luna said, walking over with a small pouch in her magic. ''We can only do so much on our end, but there is something else that you must do if you want to fix your mistake.''

''And what's that?'' Peewee asked, frowning. ''We have to do something else?''

''To be more specific; we have more or less all of the tools that you will need to fix the castle, except for one. . .minor issue.''

Spike grew annoyed at the pair trying to dodge the question. ''Which is?''

Celestia and Luna looked at one another before hanging their heads low and muttering. Then Luna spoke; ''You will have to set out for Dragon territory.''

''. . .Why?''

''Because Celestia lost a bet with Amber and she actually has what you need. But, if you can convince her to give it back, then we can fix the castle for you.''

Spike and Peewee said nothing as the drake opened another portal, but with the image of active volcanoes and dragons flying free and spewing fire in the sky.

''You know what time it is, Peewee?''

''Time to go?''

''Yea, time to go,'' Spike walked through, holding his head as he didn't get enough sleep. ''Time to go.''

''What about my talon?'' Peewee cawed, Spike looking to see his friend hurt. ''I don't know if I can go.''

''Well, can you fly?''

''Yea, but-''

''Then do that.'' Spike said. ''You don't even feel pain really, so give it a few hours, and you'll be fine.''

''. . .You're just saying that because you know that I'll just explode later.''

''Yes, you will, Peewee. Yes, you will.''

A Dragon And Bird Show

Loading. . .

Part 3 Authorized. . .

Resume Play. . .

"Ok, we can do this," Peewee hobbled through the portal, smiling when a small wave of heat flowed over his beak. "Dealing with your kind should be easy given that you're friends with Ember, right?"

Spike frowned, tripping his friend. "Yea, I don't think it's gonna be that easy to convince my good friend Ember to help us out without some kind of angle attached. At least, I would be the same way if I had to be in charge of a kingdom more or less by myself and had to attend to matters mostly by myself,'' Spike sympathized with her long-time friend. It had never occurred that when she and him first met, that some things would spiral out of control in a few situations where his friends, and by extension, Twilight came and offered help to the young, inexperienced leader.

So the pair was in a constant state of owing one another.

''Well, say you can't work stuff out like friends, what do you think would a reasonable favor for her to ask you? I mean, you've studied your kind enough to know how they operate.'' Peewee said, his limp beginning to fix itself as he started to walk straight. ''Either that or we owe her one giant IOU.''

Spike and his pet walked what seemed like miles until they came upon the giant, spiked gates of the Dragon Outlands. Even though he has barely been here enough to constitute a sense of direction, he also found the look of a colosseum to be a homage to the old times and a bit inefficient in some parts. He always found the sight the one giant, aged dragon known as the Opposer to be a small intimidation factor, seeing as he's protected this inner circle of the Outlands for over 2 millennia. The clay red ground was scorched, tiny plants barely surviving for a drop of water as the pair came into contact with two guards, dress in very light blue armour covering the neck, lower torso, back of the knees and and wrists with simple fur tarps for hoods.

''State your business!'' one guard stated, the contortion of his square snout and triangular shapes head showing as a bit of spit flew from his mouth, hitting Peewee on the beak. ''Why have you come here?''

''That's strike one,'' Peewee said to himself, cleaning it off. ''Don't cause a scene. . .'' Peewee just stared into his cold, green eyes, scheming.

''We are here because we are here to request an audience with Queen Ember,'' Spike said, stretching his legs. ''It is pretty important.''

''The going toll rate to go in is 100 bits,'' the second guard said, her slim frame and dull red scales reflecting a bit of the sunlight as she shifted her spear towards the pair.

''Wha?'' the pair asked. ''Why?''

''Cause I don't like you, Crystal Champion,'' the female gestured to Spike with her spear. ''I know you have no honor, so you might as well pay then to use what you think you can call influence for a free ride into our home.''

"I'm a Dragon, too," Spike said, sour at the her comment.

"Barely." Spike frowned at her uncaring tone.

"I can breathe fire."

"So does an oven, your point?" this guard refused to give Spike any ground.

"I'm Crystal Champion, that's something." Spike said.

"Oh wow, they gave you a trophy for having a head bigger then a watermelon and harder then this ass-whupping you're about to get if you don't try and convince me sooner," the other guard looked over in suprise almost as if he wanted to record this.

He should.

"I have a pet Phoenix, they're rare, how about that?" Pewee and Spike stuck their tongues out.

"I would say they're about as common as you, but I'm glad we don't have walking bags of mood swings and a basketball," the guard readied her spear. "Last chance."

Spike had to think of something. He can't take this standing up, well, he's more so barely standing cause how short he is.

Think. . .think. . .

Because Pewee can't think to save his life, even though he's. . . you get the joke.

"Hmm. . ." Spike thought out loud. Then it hit him. This would be bold, on so many levels, but if there's one thing that almost all Dragons are known for, it's roasting others.

He had to get this right.

Walking up to the guard, pushing the spear past, he spoke. "You mind telling me your name? I'm just curious."

"I guess there's no harm in that," the guard spoke. Maybe he wanted to apologise for being a failure. Seems legit.

'That's what you think. I'm about to end your entire career.'

Pewee and the other guard watched intently.

"Jaszhin," the dragon guard spoke, waiting for her apology. "Why?"

"Well, I'm just shooting shots in the dark but, are you an orphan by chance?" Spike asked.

"Yea, like most hatchlings are, especially if you're born in the Rava district." Jaszhin said.

"Well, your mother should have spit you out," Spike plainly said, everyone, even The Opposer, who wasn't that far but was very much interested.

"Hmm, wow." he nodded his humongous head. "That'll do it."

"Dang, Spike, I didn't know you could be that cold." Peewee said. But Spike was not done.

"How are you the literal fusion of a combat boot? I bet Everytime you walk, all you hear is Hut 1, 2, 3, 4!" Spike slapped a knee in laughter.

"Well, you look like+"

"Hold on, don't try to deflect. I'm talking to you now, I ain't done done with you yet," Spike quieted her down. "Suprised you can't sit still and be quiet long enough to let me speak. Why is it I feel like when you laugh, it's not even laughter, it's like a cheese grater against some rocks."

. . .Well damn.

"Uh, I think she's good, now; she's turning red, now I don't know if that's from shame or embarrassment or what, but I still have to deal with her when you guys leave. . .so. . ." the other guard said, in somewhat of a pleading tone.

Fine.

"Fine, fine, we'll go, I'm sure I've earned my way in after that little show," Spike and Peewee went forward, looking to see the gate come up as they proceeded in, but not without one last comment. "Don't quit your day job, we need soliders like you who can turn anything to stone."

"Curse you, Cyrstal Champion!~"

Author's Note

Welcome back to the foolery.

Alright, 'nuff said. Proceed.