New Ponies in New Places

by Paradox Theory

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character, Sex, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2536

Jeffery Cobalt has to help the main six return to equestria before it's too late.

During one of their meetings in the Lloyd Center of Portland Oregon, Jeffery Cobalt and Freddie Hellingson find the main characters of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Can they help these displaced girls find their way home before all chaos happens?

Fat chance, but, it's still gon be fun.

Rated teen for innuendos.

Kombatant Champion is the one who gave me the title. Thx much.

April 8th 2016: Put on hiatus.

Published 2016-01-26 22:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-26 22:50:07 UTC

Prologue: Yet another meeting of friends.

Hello everyone! I'm Jeffery Cobalt. Call me Jeff.

Right now, I'm using an ice pick on a public skating rink in Portland, Oregon.

Now, you are probably wondering why. Well, because I have six girls behind me that need to get home. Which happens to be through a portal under the ice skating rink.

Now, I wouldn't mind any of this, if I didn't have people firing at each other and mall patrons running back and forth.

So, I suppose I should start at the beginning, a few weeks ago when me and my childhood friend had one of our annual meetings.

Paradox Theory presents. . . . .

New Ponies in New Places.

I found myself standing in one of my childhood hovels. The Lloyd Center, a three story mall in Portland, Oregon.

As per the usual, I took the escalators to the top floor, where the arcade, food court, and theater were located.

It didn't take me long to find my friend, Freddie Hellingson, sitting in his usual spot.

Every few months, we'd meet to talk about what's occurred in our lives. Things we've watched (we both love Doctor Who), possible love interests, and even some minor things.

You wonder why we would travel to a crowded mall to talk about this stuff, it's because this very mall is where I met Freddie, and it's where we later made an oath to always be friends no matter what.

As I approached his table, I noticed his eyes weren't searching for me, but instead glued to a group of girls that I admit were pretty gorgeous. (Just don't tell Fred.)

"So, scouting out a new victim?" I joked as I sat at his table.

"Jeff!" Freddie cheered, "Nice to see you, my man!"

"Great to see you too." I replied, "So, those girls, which one are you pining for?" I asked, now studying the girls myself.

There were six of them, each had a unique hair color and style. One had curly pink hair, another was rainbow colored, one wore a cowboy hat over their natural blonde. I noticed that most of them, aside from the one with the curly pink hair, looked worried.

"Man, those cosplayers are so hot." My friend breathed.

I slowly turned to him and grabbed his collar, "Cosplayers?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah, they look a lot like characters from a show I watched." Freddie replied, struggling to remove himself from my grip.

I narrowed my eyes. "Tell me the show, now."

"Dude, chill, it's no biggie." Freddie replied.

I looked over to the girls, then back to my friend. "Okay, you win, don't tell me. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go tell those girls you wanna pork them." With that, I started walking towards them.

So, that's what I did.

"Hey girls." I said, "How are all of you?"

"Fine." One with dark purple, pink striped hair replied.

"Just wanted to let you know that my friend wants pork you." I told them.

"Excuse me?!" the one with dark indigo hair asked, baffled. "What?!"

"Well, pork means 'Horizontal Tango, Monster Mash, Hiding the Cucumber, the Down and Dirty, and finally, to be blunt Sex." I explained.

Then the one with long pink hair fainted.

"Uh, oops?" I chuckled.

"You sir are uncouth." The indigo haired one berated me.

"Uh, no." I stated, wagging my finger, "I am BLUNT! DIFFERENCE!"

Suddenly, my friend Freddie was there covering my mouth. "I'm so sorry for my friend's bluntness. We'll be going now."

I removed my friend's hand from my face. "But, here's your chance bro! Some pegasisters, right? C'mon, bang em!"

I was then abruptly smacked be the indigo girl.

"I deserved that, but it was worth it." I gave the girl a solemn nod.

"My word." She breathed.

Freddie face palmed. "Well, now you know my idiot of a friend, and I'm Freddie, who are all of you?"

"I'm Twilight, and these are my friends," Said the purple haired girl, "Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and the one who slapped your friend is Rarity."

"Thanks for that." I chuckled.

Rarity just glared at me.

Freddie chuckled a little before saying, "In all seriousness though, who are you really?"

"We just told you!" Rainbow huffed.

Freddie glanced at me, and I at them. "One sec, I'm gonna call the loony bin down the street, I'm sure there's room."

Rarity slapped me again.

"Okay, once was okay, but the second one? Uncalled for!" I huffed.

"Uncalled for? UNCALLED FOR? YOU LITERALY CALLED US CRAZY!" Rarity yelled.

"Implying you aren't." I said in monotone. I grew to regret it instantly as Rainbow punched me in the face.

I held my nose as I felt a little blood come out of it. "Okay fine, I'll shut up!" I surrendered.

Freddie shook his head before looking at the girls, "He has a point though, what you're saying is unbelievable."

I chuckled, "Unless a talking dog says you're legit, I won't believe a thing."

"Hey Twilight, we find a place to crash yet?" A talking dog suddenly asks.

I gave the dog one look before passing the fuck out.

Author's Note

So, this is a thing now, and hopefully by the time you see this thing it'll have a name.

So, what'll happen next? Well, I'm sure Jeff will get slapped a few more times.

Also, Tillamook is good.

Chapter One: Vestio Manor.

It took me awhile to come to my senses, but when I did, I saw the six girls I was talking to earlier. But I was more focused on the ceiling behind them. The roof of the mall is a giant sunroof, and right now, I saw black. Meaning it was late, very late.

"Well." I groaned while Freddie helped me to my feet, "That happened."

"I'm sorry about that!" Twilight exclaimed, "I told Spike to give us a few hours. I should have known that you wouldn't be used to a talking dog. . ."

I rubbed the sore spot on the back of my head, "Nah, it's fine. I probably deserved that 'jump scare'."

Freddie then spoke up, "Jeff, they don't have anywhere to go and the mall is closing shortly. We can't leave them here."

I regarded him and then the girls before suddenly snapping my fingers. "I got it!" I quickly shoved my hand into my pocket and it returned with my phone. I quickly flipped it open. (Yes, it's a flip phone. So what? I'm cheap. Go screw yourself if you hate me for it.)

Wasting no time I dialed a number and waited. A few minutes later, a gruff voice answered. "Who's this?!"

"Uncle Vestio!" I chimed, "You remember me, don't ya?"

"Jeff?" Vestio asked.

"Yep!" I said with a big dumb grin on my face. (Say what you will, I love my uncle V.)

"So kid, what do you want?" Vestio asked, his voice a little less gruff. Only a little.

"Well, it turns out I'm stuck in Portland for awhile and I can't go home just yet, so I'm wondering if I can cash in that favor." I explained to my Uncle, making sure to leave out the part that I was currently standing next to six girls who needed his 'yes'.

"Hmm, well. . . " Vestio hummed for a bit. "I don't see any reason why not. You have the key to my place. But! Two rules: No parties, and NO GIRLS!"

"I promise Uncle V, I'll keep your house the way I found it." I assured him, feeling a little hurt about telling that small lie. Well, at least I'm not a party person.

"Alright kid, the place is yours, I'll be back in town next month, so, let's do something then" Vestio finally answered.

I gave another big grin. "Thanks Uncle V, you are the best guy in the world."

"And don't you forget it!" Vestio chuckled.

I chuckled too, said farewell and closed the phone. I then turned and faced the girls.

"Well, we got good news and bad news!" I announced, "The good is, I just got you a place you can stay."

"What's the bad news?!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Bad news is, no parties." I explained.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I mean, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinkie yelled to the whole mall.

I slapped my ear a few times to make sure it didn't brake or bleed, then looked over to Pinkie, who was near crying.

"What am I supposed to do for fun?!" She sniffled, her eyes somehow doing the puppy dog effect.

I groaned as I couldn't resist the effects. "How do you feel about a road trip first thing in the morning?"

She immediately cheered up, "Where are we going?"

I placed a hand on her shoulder, "That'll be a surprise."

"Ooh! I love surprises!" Pinkie cheered, now bouncing up and down again.

I shook my head, unaware that the rest of the girls were giving me baffled looks.

"Why. . . why would you be so kind after being a jerk?" Twilight asked.

I shrugged, "I don't ever mean to be serious."

Freddie gave me a smile. "He's just like that Twi, he's really kind when he needs to be. Besides, I couldn't think of a better plan then his."

"Okay, then I guess first impressions aren't everything." Twilight sighed.

"Speak for yourself." Rainbow huffed.

"Excuse me." Said a new voice. I turned to face a mall security guard, "It's closing time."

I gave him a nod, "Thank you for letting us know, we'll just be on our way."

So we left the food court, and took the escalators on the left side down to the first floor, where we turned left yet again to go inside of Macy's. Why Macy's, you ask? Because the parking lot is on the other side, of course!

As we traveled through the clothes store, Freddie was doing his best to keep the girls attention away from the shirts and stuff with their pony versions faces on it.

Good idea Fred.

After a few minutes, we were outside in the parking complex, as soon as I stepped outside I smelled my favorite smell. Fresh rain. I could still hear a drip here and there when the rain would hit the ground.

That's one thing about Portland, it's rainy. Not as much as Seattle, but there you go.

Luckily, when I got my first car, I invested in a, get this, white van. Yep.

Anywho, the luck part is because it meant I had the room to transport everyone.

"So, Is there any particular reason why you girls weren't scattered about looking at stuff?" I asked the girls as I stepped inside the Van.

"We are still new here, as you probably surmised." Rarity huffed, "We decided it would be best to sit somewhere less crowded and hope that one of the passersby would help."

"Well, no offense to you guys, but that was a stupid move." I told them, "Not many people here are that generous nor that kind."

"What kind of awful place is this?" Fluttershy asked.

I smiled as I pulled some sunglasses out, "Welcome to Earth, baby." I said as I put them on my face. I then immediately turned on my car, and the radio shouted "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" And then I took off, out to my Uncle's place.

The great thing about Uncle Vestio is he's very rich. His house sits on a hill overlooking the city. The place was spacious and had a personal pool. But it was too rich for my tastes. That's why I'm only ever here to use it as a hotel. I could never stand having this much money.

The girls were awed be the sheer size of the miniture mansion, and were surprised they each got their own rooms.

"You mean, I don't have to listen to anyone's snores?" Rainbow asked skeptically.

"No, each room is soundproofed so no sounds can travel through the walls." I told her. I then had to hold back a laugh as I noticed all theother girls silently cheering behind Rainbow.

They then separated ways and each went into their own rooms. Except for Twilight.

"Does this place have a study of any kind?" She asked quietly.

I gave her a small smile while adapting a funny accent, "Right zis way madam, the study awaits us." I held out my hand for her.

Twilight chuckled before she took it and I led her down the hall.

I kept glancing back at her to make sure she wasn't lost yet, but I noticed her eyes were taking in every detail. She was determined to find her way back after this.

Eventually, we stopped at a pair of large doors, I held one open as Twilight stepped inside.

"This personal library is bigger then even mine!" She exclaimed with glee.

"Yep, my Uncle V was a book nut, well, is a book nut." I chuckled, "Heck, he taught me how to read right here."

"You mean, you got to grow up in this place?" Twilight asked me while pulling book after book off the shelves to read.

I went quiet. "I don't like to talk about it, but this was my parent's home."

"Was?" Twilight echoed.

I quietly strode over to a dusty green lounge chair, "They died a long time ago, I hardly remember what happened."

"So, you hate it here because this place is. . . yours?" Twilight assumed.

"No. It's because their bodies weren't recovered." I explained. "That's the one fact I remember."

"You think they just abandoned you. . . " Twilight realized.

"Bingo." I sighed, "After their disappearance, Uncle V took everything under his name until I was of age to receive it."

"And you declined." Twilight summarized.

"Exactly. If they didn't want me or their house, then I don't want anything to do with this place either." I began to vent, my vision going blurry with tears.

"But what if they meant to disappear and give you the means to find them?" Twilight asked, "What if they need you to find them?"

"Vestio would have found them by know." I said, "He thought the same thing."

Twilight went quiet again as she began to read. "Well, seeing as you're entertaining guests in your manor, I'd suggest looking around. Who knows what you could find."

I gave her one last look before heading to the door. "You'd better get some sleep tonight, we have a trip to get going on in the morning."

"Mmhmm." I heard Twilight hum as I left the study. Directly in front of me was a portrait of four people. Two wore glasses, they were a man and woman. Both had darker hair and were tall. My parents. Uncle Vestio is there, shorter then them with dark red-brown hair. He had a wild look in his blue eyes.

In my mother's arms was a baby. Me. I placed a hand on the picture.

Why did you go?

Author's Note

So, I wanted to go to a cheese factory then this happened.

So, it'll be awhile before the cheese.