Chapters Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
We're Gonna Need More Duct-Tape
CROSSOVER:
We’re gonna need more Duct-tape
(Part II of a crossover with k12314’s ‘How Did I get Here? ’)
As we started the long walk to Ponyville, I got bored, and decided to strike up a conversation with Kyle.
“So…How DID you get here?” I asked, looking at him.
He sighed, and said, “It’s a long story.”
“It’s an even longer walk,” I replied, gesturing at the long path ahead of us. “And there’s nothing like a good story to pass the time, eh?”
Kyle considered it for a moment, and then said, “I guess you’ve got a point…Alright…Wind.”
“Wind?”
“All I felt was wind…”
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
“…And then I woke up in that cell, met you, and…Well, you know the rest,” Kyle finished, clearing his throat. He had been talking for the better part of ten minutes, and Ponyville was finally in sight.
“Wow,” I said. “So you fell from the sky, got Zephyr hitched to Spitfire, and you’re one of Ponyville’s most prominent DJ’s. Not to mention that you and Dash are hitched, and have adopted Scoots. That’s Bitchin’.”
We both laughed at this, and continued walking. Kyle then looked up, and groaned slightly.
“I need to talk to Dashie about getting me into Winter Wrap Up,” He said, remembering that it was in a few days.
I looked at him, with my eyebrow slightly raised, and said, “Well, from what I know, you can just participate.”
He looked relieved, until I added, “They do a musical number EVERY YEAR though...”
Kyle gulped audibly, and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Uh-oh... I'm not the best singer in the world...” He confessed, looking nervous.
I probably should have said something to reassure him, but...you never know how long it’ll be ‘till you get to troll someone! I pulled my harmonica out of my pocket, and waved it at him, smiling widely. “That’s why I’ve got this baby,” I said, troll-facing him.
He looked at me with a hilarious mixture of envy and anger on his face. “I hate you. SO. MUCH,” he said, looking longingly at my harmonica.
I couldn’t help it. I busted up laughing, and had to fight the urge to say, “Lol, U jelly?”
Kyle then glared at me, and said in a remarkably good impression of Nick, from Left 4 Dead 2, “Omnius... If you keep that up, I'm going to bury you alive.”
I gulped, and felt the memories of my last adventure kick in. I looked around nervously, fully expecting a hunter to pounce on me, while a Tank showed up. I don’t know why, but Tanks always showed up just when I got pounced on.
As soon as I remembered that this was Equestria, and not a zombie infested city, I tried to think of something witty to say. “Erm…” Oh yeah. Best comeback ever…not.
“Yeah, that shut you up,” Kyle said, nodding in satisfaction. “Now... Musical number... Meh, I'll make it up as I go along,” He shrugged nonchalantly, trying to hide his nervousness.
I felt a little bad for teasing him with my harmonica, so I offered, “I could help you. I'm good with lyrics.” Not a lie, but not exactly the truth either. See, I’m good at writing lyrics, but…mostly in the form of parodies. It’s how I made the majority of my money on Equestria!
Kyle apparently didn’t know that however, as he let out a huge sigh of relief, and half-shouted in happiness, “OMNIUS, YOU’RE A LIFESAVER!”
“Among other things,” I laughed.
XHXHXHXHX
Just as we prepared to enter town, Kyle stopped, and said, “OK, so... Before I confront Dashie about not being on the TARDIS, as I know she'll be upset, I say we try to get The Doctor to let me stay. Maybe we can think of a way to fix the rift too...” He added, almost as an afterthought.
I nodded agreeing with him. It’s kind of bad for business when a world gets destroyed. “Yeah. I may not know much about all of that wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff, but I do know how to mess with it until it works!” I said, a slightly mad gleam in my eye.
“Omnius, buddy, you scare me.” Kyle then grinned, and said, “I like that about you.”
We walked into town, hoping that we would be unnoticed, but the universes take great delight in screwing with me. What happened this time you ask? Oh, just an angry looking rainbow colored fiancée that was glaring daggers at Kyle. Oh, and their kid was there too.
“So much for entering unnoticed,” I muttered quietly. We walked up to the two Pegasi, Kyle fidgeting nervously.
“Kyle... Why weren't you on the TARDIS?!” Rainbow Dash half-screamed. “I was worried sick about you! NOT. COOL.”
Kyle winced, and started stammering, trying to say an explanation that would both calm down R.D, and prevent him from getting his face caved in. “I... Well you see we... I mean I... And then he... The government...” He finally let out an exasperated sigh, and asked pleadingly, “It's a LONG STORY. Can I just tell you later?”
“No, I wanna know NOW.” Rainbow Dash leaned forward a bit, and said angrily, “I think your own WIFE has a right to know these things.” She then gave Kyle a pale imitation of Fluttershy’s stare, which while not as potent as the original, was still enough to finally make Kyle buckle under the pressure.
“Alright,” Kyle sighed. “Well-”
Okay, patience gone!
I interrupted Kyle, saying, “Look Dasher, I'd love to catch up with you too, but right now, we've got stuff to do. NOW.” I placed extra emphasis on “NOW”, so that Dash would know we were in a huge hurry.
“And who says I won't keep you here until you guys tell me what's going on?” Dash retorted.
I narrowed my eyes, and asked her quietly, so that Scoots wouldn’t hear, “What if I said Equestria would disappear in a snap if we don't hurry?”
Dash knew me well enough to know that I would never play that card unless it was extremely important. Her eyes widened, and Kyle and I quickly walked past her, while Scoots looked at us, confusion apparent on her face. Kyle turned his head, and mouthed something to Dash as we walked off, probably telling Dash he’d explain later.
As soon as we were out of earshot of the Pegasi, Kyle let out a huge sigh of relief. He turned to me and said, “Omnius, you just saved my LIFE. I know what wives are like about their husbands getting in trouble. I watched those movies…”
I waved a hoof at him, and said, “Don’t mention it. Now…where’s The Doctor?” I looked around the neighborhood, and spotted a familiar looking house. “AH! I remember! This house, right here!”
I opened the door, and we walked inside. The Doctor was already in his living room, but he seemed…different somehow. I couldn’t put my hoof on it, until he approached us with his Sonic Screwdriver aimed at Kyle.
“Well, if it isn't you... Wait, a human...” He said, eyeing us cautiously.
“Wait, Doc, it’s me!” Kyle said, confused and a little shocked.
“I don't know you, but I do know why you're here.” The screwdriver glowed ominously, and he said, “You're trying to destroy this world.”
“No, actually, he's trying to help me save it,” I said, stepping between Kyle and The Doctor. The Doc looked at me, surprised, and I realized my mistake: This was the wrong Doctor! See, there’s the normal Doctor, the one that me and Kyle know, and the Equestrian Doctor, who’s this world’s version of him. Confusing? Oh hell yes it is.
“OK, we need to go see you- Well, your other you,” I said, turning around. The Doctor continued to look confused, and I added, “But that doesn't- OH FORGET IT. Come on Kyle, let’s go. I forgot, this was the wrong Doctor.”
“I can tell,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes.
XHXHXHXHXHX
After a few more minutes of walking, we were suddenly confronted by The Doctor. That is, we met up with the OTHER Doctor, not the one we were just…Oh, forget it, you know what I mean!
“Alright...” The Doctor started angrily. “I know you brought him back here, Omnius, and you need to send him home.”
“Why?” I asked, a subtle hint of anger underlying my tone. “He didn’t do anything!”
“Well, his coming here again caused the rift to get even bigger!” The Doctor spat. “Now Equestria has even less time. Congratulations, you've killed a world,” He said, giving us a mocking round of applause.
I could hear the gears turning in my head, as I tried to come up with an explanation for the Rift’s instability. It didn’t make any sense! See, I don’t use Rifts to Travel, I use…well, it’s too hard to explain, but the point is, if I didn’t take Kyle with me through a Rift, then that meant that something else had to have done so…But what?
Wait a second! FLASHBACK SEQUENCE, INITIATE!
“Well...Until now...The TARDIS got all messed up, so everypony is still just that: A pony.”
Ring-a-ding-ding, we have an answer!
“Wait, didn't you say that the TARDIS had sustained some damage, Kyle?” I said quickly, going into science mode.
“Uh, yeah. Why?” Kyle asked, confused.
“What if that's what caused the rift to grow?” I turned to The Doctor, who was looking at me with interest now. “The TARDIS could have just jumped through the rift to get back here, due to its damage. So what if that 'slingshot' method strained the rift, and just made it worse?” Science, don’t fail me now…
The Doctor thought for a moment, considering what I said. He nodded his head, and asked, “So, what do you propose?”
I grinned, and said, “Duct-tape. And lots of it!”
Kyle punched me on the shoulder, and said, “This is serious!”
I rubbed the spot where he had hit me, and replied, “Ow...” I looked at The Doctor, and said, “OK, how about you give us twenty four hours to fix the rift, and if we do, Kyle gets to stay. If we can't fix it, he and I both leave quietly.”
The Doctor’s eyes widened, as he realized what I had just gambled. “That sounds fair…” He said quietly, trailing off after a moment.
Silence fell, until Kyle looked around, and asked, “Where's Derpy and Rose?”
The Doctor cleared his throat, and replied, “I dropped them back at home. Rose wanted to see her Mum, and Derpy wanted to see her daughter.”
“Oh. Makes sense.” Kyle then turned to me, a determined look in his eye, and said, “Alright, Omnius, let's get going. We have a rift to fix. ALLONS-Y!”
With that, we both took off at a run towards the library, hurrying because now we had a deadline.
XHXHXHXHXHX
I knocked on the door of the library, and waited outside with Kyle.
“Coming!” I heard Twilight say, right before she opened the door. “Omnius!”
She threw her forelegs around me in a hug, which I returned gently. “Good to see you again Twilight! Listen, I know I just got back and everything, but me and Kyle need to borrow the library,” I said, gesturing towards him with my head.
Twilight looked at me, and said, “Alright. But why?”
I cleared my throat, and said, “Oh, you know, the usual reasons. Apocalypse is coming, and we need to stop it.”
Instead of panicking, Twilight’s eyes just widened slightly, and she giggled nervously. “Oh, of course. Go right ahead. Just another day on the job for you then, huh?”
We laughed at her bad joke, and I said, “Yeah. You’d better go for a walk or something. This is something that Kyle and I have to do ourselves.”
She protested at that, but I waved my hoof in front of her, and said, “Ap-up-up! No buts! Now if you’d excuse us…” I motioned to Kyle, and we walked in, grabbing armfuls of books off of the shelves, and tossing them onto the table.
“Wait, Twilight!” I called out, just before she left. “You wouldn’t happen to have some of that bath stuff used to cure Poison Joke, would you?”
She shook her head, and said, “Sorry, but no. Why?”
I sighed, and said, “Ah, it’s not important. Thanks anyway Twi. We’ll catch up later though. Right now, we’ve got some researchin’ to do!”
Twilight nodded her head, and left the library. I lit up some candles, and said to Kyle, “Alright…you start with that mountain, and I’ll start with this one. Holler if you find anything useful.”
XHXHXHXHXHX
As we made our way through the immense treasure trove of knowledge, Kyle and I made small talk.
“So…” I started, skimming through a book on wormholes. “Why do you keep stealing The Doctor’s catchphrase?”
Kyle looked up, and blinked a few times. “Wait, what? You mean allons-y?”
“Yeah, he uses it all the time!” I said, tossing the book over my shoulder. Nope, nothing in there. That’s part of the reason I had asked Twilight to leave…If she saw the mess we were making, she would probably kill us…or worse, make me shave!
“Why that dirty son of a-” Kyle let out an exasperated groan. “I used that around him once, and he said he was going to use it every once in a while.” He shook his head, and muttered, “That Time lord punk is ripping me off...”
“Wow. Didn’t see that coming.” I shrugged. Then again, I’ve seen weirder things.
“Alright, let’s keep thinking...” Kyle said, opening another book.
XHXHXHXHXHX
Two hours later (and thirty books for me) Kyle snapped. He threw the book he was reading across the room, and shouted dejectedly, “I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING!” He slammed his head onto the table, and his body started trembling. Sorrowfully, he said with desolation in his voice, “All of the things I've done... All the relationships I have... My family... I'm going to lose it all...”
He sobbed, and I felt a flash of anger rise. I trotted over to him, and said, “"You're just going to give up?”
“What's the point?” He replied. “If you or The Doctor don't know how to fix this, how the hay am I going to?”
I glared at him, and growled in a low voice, “Well, you seemed to be able to adjust to any and all situations before, why not now?” Kyle looked up, tears streaming down his face, and I continued, saying loudly, “I mean, Ye Gods, man! You can do anything if you set your mind to it! In the short time you’ve been here, you’ve become a DJ, you gave a kid a family, and you helped to make so many lives better! To almost everypony here, you’re a hero! And you know what?” Kyle looked at me, and I put my face right in front of his, and snarled, “Heroes. Don’t. Give. Up. Now get your head up and keep reading. Come on, we've got worlds to save!”
He wiped the tears away, and nodded. He grabbed another book, and started scanning it rapidly, trying to find something, anything, that could help us out.
I managed to stay awake for a few more hours, but eventually, the strain of using my Strength Aura, and the monotonous flow of information, combined with the lack of soda in my life, finally caught up with me, and I passed out.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
“LIGHTBULB!” Kyle cried out excitedly, jolting me from my sleep.
I shot up, and hit my head on a few books, saying, “What? Lightbulb? This room is lit by candles...” I rubbed my head, and dug myself out of the pile of books that had fallen on me.
“No, Omnius,” Kyle grinned excitedly. “ I have an idea!”
“And what might that be?” I yawned, his excitement slowly waking me up.
“Come on, Hope. We have a posse to gather!”
My eyes widened slightly…
Ye Gods and Goddesses, he knew.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
CROSSOVER:
Kyle’s Last Hurrah
(Part III of a crossover with k12314’s ‘How Did I Get Here? ’)
Kyle and I dashed through Ponyville as fast as we could, gathering Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity for one final, desperate, attempt at fixing the rift. Both Kyle and I knew that his idea was risky, and it had every possibility of failing catastrophically, and it had the potential to make everything worse than it already was.
But it was Kyle’s only hope for a life in Equestria. It was Rainbow Dash’s only shot at keeping her love. There were so many lives depending on us, that I knew we had to give it our all. Even if I had to bear the weight of the Sun and Moon on my shoulders, even if I had to walk through Hell and back, even if I had to give up everything to just give them a chance…
I would do it. That’s all there is to say about it.
Once everyone had been gathered (and after the joy filled greetings at my reappearance…I feel so loved), Kyle led us through the streets, and told us his plan.
“All right. Now, here's what I think,” Kyle started, taking a deep breath. “I think that if you all harness the powers of The Elements, you might be able to muster enough strength to bend the space-time barriers, and shut the rift.” He put his hands in his pocket, and quickly added, “Now, if this doesn't work, everypony dies, and the world implodes. No pressure.”
“But you said crossing the streams was a bad idea!” I said in my best Bill Murray voice.
Everyone let out a nervous chuckle at that, before we became serious again.
“So…Where do we need to go?” Twilight asked, going into mission mode.
Kyle pulled his hands out of his pockets, and unfurled a large map that he had drawn on. He traced his finger over the map, and then looked up, pointing his finger at something that was off in the distance. “There. It's in there.”
We looked where he pointed, and saw a very familiar looking cave. The girls gasped, and I just nodded my head, unsurprised. It made sense that whatever was causing the rift to grow would be in THAT particular cave. It was almost unnoticeable, but if you looked at the cave out of the corner of your eye, you could just barely make out shimmering waves that warped the air around them.
Fluttershy gulped, and stammered out fearfully, “There was a d-d-dragon in there once... We got it out though…” She squeaked in fear, and cowered on the ground, looking at the cave from underneath her hair (Even though she’s terrified, I can’t deny that she looks adorable).
"Maybe it's a jewel or something?" Kyle said, looking at me expectantly.
I scratched my beard, and shrugged. “Possibly. I’ve heard of that kind of thing before.” I didn’t really believe it though. In fact, I actually thought that if anything WAS happening in there, it would be the work of some sorcerer, or dark wizard perhaps. Kyle and I couldn’t be the only humans here (although technically, I’m still in pony form).
“So... Who wants to climb a mountain?” Kyle said, grinning like it was no big deal. “We've got a rift to close.”
He marched off down the path, the rest of us following closely behind. Applejack chuckled nervously, and said in a slightly trembling voice, “Well... Ah' reckon we gotta save the world.”
Kyle raised his eyebrow (hey, that’s my thing, dammit!) and said, “Didn't you all do that already? TWICE?”
Everypony stared at him, before smiling, the tension and fear in the air disappearing as they did so. “Yeah, I guess we did,” Twilight admitted, smiling softly.
“Hey, you all KNOW I’ve saved worlds before,” I added, grinning.
Kyle rolled his eyes, but grinned. “Yes, Omnius, we know. Now, get your plots in gear, we've got a mountain to scale!” He pointed overdramatically at the mountain (and I had to resist the urge to yell, “OBJECTION!”) and we set off down the trail that would lead us to the cave…
XHXHXHXHXHX
Two hours, five stumbles, and two near-death experiences later, we had made it halfway up the mountain. I’ll admit it: If Fluttershy hadn’t kept getting scared by random noises and hiding, we probably would have been a lot further up by now. As it was, Fluttershy’s already strung-out nerves were pushed to their very limits, since not only were we climbing up a mountain that was known for having scary monsters on it, but we were also about to go all-or-nothing on a slim hope of closing an apocalyptic rift.
It wasn’t until after Fluttershy was startled by a rustling bush that Kyle finally grabbed her by the shoulders, and gave her the most piercing stare he could manage. Their eyes met, and Kyle said in a low, serious tone, “Listen... I know you're scared, we all are. But we NEED to do this, or this world is gone.” He gestured at everypony, and then at Ponyville, off in the distance, and said, “We're doing this to save everypony, so you need to be strong! You can be scared Shy, I'm not saying you can't, but don't let it overwhelm you.”
Fluttershy swallowed, but then slowly nodded her head. In a quiet, yet determined, voice, she said, “Alright. I’ll try to be brave.”
Kyle let go of her, and then started down the path again. I gave Fluttershy a comforting wink, and then went to catch up with the Dimensionally-Displaced guy. “Dude,” I said, getting his attention. “That was…intense.”
He sighed, and said, “I know. I can't stand it when people let fear get the better of them.” He held his hands up in front of his face, and quietly said, “I've let that happen to me many times, and I regret all of them. When I see Shy get like that, I feel a twang of...” He sighed, and shook his head. “I don't know. It's like some sort of 'big brother' instinct, like I need to help her be strong.”
I looked at him knowingly, understanding what he was talking about. That was something that I had to deal with all the time in my Travels. People would be afraid to face their fears, and end up letting their fear consume them, transforming them into pale shadows of what they used to be. I once had let myself succumb to my fear, and unleashed a monster that nearly destroyed all that was close to my heart. After that horrendous day, I vowed to never let my fear control me again. I would never unleash the Berserker Beast Aura again.
Kyle stared ahead, a determined look on his face, and I silently watched the path too. It wasn’t just coincidence that had let me reenter the story at this point. I had come just in time to save Kyle and friends from the government, and now I was helping him to save not only his life, but his world.
I looked at Rainbow Dash and the others, and thought to myself, “We’re not just saving Equestria, or Earth for that matter. We’re saving Kyle’s world. His heart. Rainbow Dash, and Scootaloo…Fluttershy and Rarity…Twilight and Applejack…Pinkie Pie and Spike…Derpy and The Doctor…Adventure, love, sorrow, time, and care, bind them all together, making Kyle a part of their world too, just like I have become. By the Gods and Goddesses of Good, I will NOT let them be torn apart!”
I felt a familiar fire burn in my chest, and it chased away whatever fatigue I felt before. I gently touched the green crystal orb that hung on my chest, and focused my thoughts on one goal:
Make things right.
I gazed at my friends all around me, and smiled. This is what I’m meant to do. Travel throughout Time, Space, and Matter, and across all of the Realities, as the Eternal Traveler of Good, and make sure that the Worlds remained in balance, and that even if they were destroyed, their ideas and dreams would still live on.
“It’s good to be The Traveler,” I quietly said.
XHXHXHXHXHX
One hour of almost silent (Kyle had to get Rarity to shut up about the dirt) walking later, we stood in front of the entrance to the cave. Up close, the shimmering was pretty obvious, and I could sense…I can’t explain it. It felt wrong, like whatever was keeping the Rift in place was an abomination that shouldn’t exist in the first place. I don’t know whether it was the air, or just my imagination, but the entrance of the cave eerily resembled the jaws of an insatiable monster.
“Creepy... Well, let’s go in then,” Kyle said, taking a few steps forward.
I held a hoof out in front of him, and said, “Hold on a sec there, do you even know what the heck we're looking for?”
“Erm…” Kyle thought for a moment, and rubbed at his chin (Hey, that’s my thing too! And he got mad at The Doc for stealing Allons-y!). “Look for anything that looks... Strange. Like, a really big jewel.” At Rarity’s excited gasp, he quickly added, “Don’t get any ideas.” Rarity looked crestfallen, and Kyle added, “Or maybe a glowing spot on the wall, a weird talisman... Stuff like that.”
I face-hoofed, and said, “So…almost anything that could be in there?”
“Omnius, shut up.” He turned to face the cave, and shouted, “Now then, ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!”
Everypony then yelled, “ALLONS-Y!”
Just to be different, I yelled, “ESPERANTO!”
We all marched into the cave, Kyle leading, when we saw something that made my blood run cold: An abnormally tall, concrete gray Pegasus. His hair was black, and oiled back on his head, and you could see, and almost count the ribs on his sides. His wings were unfurled, showing red flecks that looked uncannily like blood. He wore a mocking smile on his face, and his eyes gleamed with amusement.
“Who the hay are you?” Kyle asked, bewildered.
“Ah, Kyle! The little hero of Equestria! Such an HONOR to meet you,” Torrentican said, bowing in mock respect. His voice flowed out of his mouth like honey, and it had a subtle underlining of…darkness, for lack of a better word.
“Alright, so you know me,” Kyle said, a flash of irritation in his voice. “Now who are you?”
“People call me Torrentican,” He replied, smiling. “The pleasure is all mine.”
Kyle’s eyes widened, as he remembered something that I had mentioned to him in passing. Eying the Pegasus warily, he stated, “You're the reason Omnius is stuck in pony form.”
“Ah! So you know my friend!” He said happily, and I snorted. Oh yeah, we were friends…and Mario didn’t like pasta. “Quite the goody-goody two-shoes he is, eh?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Kyle waved off Torrentican’s insult, and then asked, “Have you seen anything here that looks... Powerful?”
Torrentican’s smile grew wider, and he gazed into Kyle’s eyes, drawing him into their dark abysmal-like depths. “Why yes, I did. I'm the one who put it here. This world is just too... Happy. And cute. I loathe happy and cute,” He growled, rolling his eyes and breaking the gaze right before Kyle would have been lost in them. “So, I must ask you to leave, before you get hurt...Or better yet, by all means! Stay, and you can watch me pluck the feathers off of your little Rainbow colored whore, as she screams in pain, calling out to you.”
Kyle clenched his fists, and his face flushed with anger. Torrentican continued, saying, “She’ll beg for you to come and save her, but you won’t be able to do a thing but watch. You’ll fail her, and when I’m finished having fun, I’ll move on to the little chicken that is your adopted daughter. Oh, what fun we’ll have together!”
That did it. Kyle balled up his fists, and charged at Torrentican. “Kyle, wait!” I called out, seeing the trap for what it was.
Too late. Kyle threw a haphazard punch at the Pegasus, who lazily sidestepped it, and kicked at Kyle. The buck hit Kyle on his back, and sent him sprawling to the ground.
Kyle rolled over, and looked at the gray pony’s cutie-mark. His eyes narrowed in confusion, and he asked, “Why is your cutie-mark…that?”
Torrentican smiled, and he whispered in a voice that carried clearly in the echoing cave, “It's what you think the embodiment of evil and fear is: Death. You know what's going to happen…”
He reared back, ready to crush Kyle’s head. He lifted his arms in a feeble attempt to protect himself, and I finally yelled, “OH NO YOU DON’T!”
I charged at him full speed, and crashed my head into his side, pushing him away. We fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs, each of us trying to gain an advantage over the other. He kicked at me, and I bit at his ear (Mike Tyson FTW!), tearing off a small chunk of it. I finally kicked his crotch, and rolled away from him, grinning triumphantly, while the Embodiment of Evil clutched at his crotch, and groaned.
“Hey…” I turned, and saw that Kyle had pushed himself up, and was looking at me. “Why didn’t you do that before?”
I laughed, and said, “I always let the villain finish his monologue before I kick some butt. It lures them into a false sense of security, you know?”
Kyle nodded, and said, “Ah…Makes sense.”
Torrentican then lunged at me, and I shouted at Kyle, “Go! I’ve got the clichéd one handled!”
“WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?” Torrentican snarled, slamming my face into a wall.
He pulled me back by my mane, and pushed me forward again, only this time I turned at the last possible moment, and reversed the momentum back onto Torrentican, pushing him away from me.
“So Torrie.” I ducked another one of his bucks, and said, “Did you really have to say that about Rainbow Dash? I mean, I know you’re afraid to admit it, but come on. You don't have to take out your anger on her. Everyone already knows.”
He glared at me, and said, “What in blazes are you talking about?”
I grinned, and said in an amazing French accent, “Oh! I’m Torrentican, and rainbows make me cry!”
Torrentican charged at me, and I sidestepped him, yelling, “Ole’!” He crashed into the wall, and I did a mock bow to an invisible audience. “Thank you, thank you! I’ll be around for all eternity and beyond!”
I then felt a hoof connect with my ribs, and I felt the wind get knocked out of me. Torrentican didn’t stop there however, and he hit both sides of my face with his wings, dazing me, and then to finish it off, he bucked me in the chin.
I crashed into the wall, and shook the stars out of my eyes. While Torrentican started trying to hit me again, I laughed at him.
“What do you think is so funny!?” He shouted angrily.
I grinned, and then said, “Cause I’ve been carrying this in my pocket all day, and I can’t believe that I haven’t used it yet!”
His eyes narrowed in confusion, but then widened once he saw me pull out what looked like a blue flower with eyes.
“Is that…?”
“An Ice Flower? Oh yes.” With that, I pushed the flower in his face, and said, “FREEZE, BITCH!”
An icy wind erupted from the flower, and encased Torrentican in a solid block of ice, freezing him on the spot. As soon as he was completely covered in ice that was a foot thick at its thinnest, the flower disappeared, and I grinned.
“Hey…Take a chill pill, eh?” Cracks started to form on the ice, and I ran in the direction Kyle and the others had went, calling out over my shoulder, “Good to see you finally got some Ice-Breaker breath mints! Gods know that you needed them!”
XHXHXHXHXHX
I caught up with the others, and saw that my necklace was glowing. I floated into the air, and said, “Whoa what’s going on? Did we trigger a quick time event? QUICK, SPIN THE JOYSTICK!”
There was a blinding flash of light, and I fell to the ground soon afterwards. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the sudden change from dim, to blinding, to dim again, I made my way over to Kyle and the others, who were all staring at pale, blue, slightly pulsating crystal.
“What happened?!?” I half-shouted, knowing that Torrentican couldn’t be stalled for very long.
“We did it,” Kyle said simply.
I smiled in relief, but the smile quickly vanished once the cave started rumbling. A few stalactites fell from the ceiling, and shattered into pieces on the floor, the shards scratching a few of us.
“EVERYPONY OUT!” Kyle shouted. “NOW!”
Everypony hastily complied, fleeing out of the cave in terror, while Dash and I remained.
“Wait, what’re you going to do?” Dash asked, looking at Kyle with concern in her eyes.
“I'm going to make sure this thing STAYS broken,” He answered, pointing at the crystal with his thumb.
“I'm going to stay in case anything goes wrong and this thing doesn't even break in the first place,” I said, glancing at the crystal. Knowing Torrentican, he’d have one final Ace up his sleeve, ready to be played at the right time…
Rainbow Dash looked at Kyle again, and the love and concern that silently passed between the two would have been easily noticed by anyone, even the densest of idiots.
“Don’t worry Dash,” I said, grinning. “I’ll make sure he makes it out of here.” She finally nodded, and flew out, dodging stalactites along the way.
Kyle watched Rainbow fly away, and then he walked over to the crystal. It had a few cracks running through it now, and its glow was steadily dimming. Kyle pulled back his fist, and then punched the crystal, shattering it.
A huge wave of concussive force lashed out, and sent us both crashing to the floor. I looked over at Kyle, and saw that a stalactite was headed straight for him, moving too fast for him to dodge. I tried to get up, but slipped on some shards of the crystal. I could only watch in horror, as time seemed to slow down.
The stalactite fell, its descent almost beautiful, in a haunting way, inching itself closer and closer to Kyle. I tried to get up again, but it felt like my limbs had been filled with lead, as…
As…
The stalactite impaled my friend through his chest. Trickles of blood steadily flowed out of the grisly wound, and Kyle’s breath became strained. He stared in amazement at the spike, as if he couldn’t believe that this had just happened to him.
“KYLE!” I screamed, fear, anger, and sorrow in my voice. Time returned to normal, as I picked myself up and ran over to my wounded friend.
“Kyle, come on man, don’t do this!” I shouted, even though my heart already knew what had happened. “Come on, you still have to get married to Dashie- An-and I still have to tell you about my Travels! Don’t do this to everypony man!” I placed my head on his heart, and listened intently, hoping and praying for something, anything, to tell me that my friend was still alive.
Silence…
…I failed.
I felt tears roll down my cheeks, as I made sobbing noises. “No…no…Kyle…”
“Oh, what’s the matter little Traveler?” I heard Torrentican say in false sympathy. “Did I accidentally kill your friend? Tsk, tsk, what a shame.”
“FUCK YOU!” I shouted in anger, getting up. I glared at Torrentican, and felt the crystal on my chest glow with a righteous light. The light washed over me, and I felt myself transform back into a human, wearing my normal clothes, with a sky-blue bandana on my head.
Torrentican stepped backwards, shocked, and he asked, “But how? The Poison joke should have nullified your ability to transform!”
Ignoring him, I pulled the spike out of Kyle’s now still chest, and tossed it to the side. I took off my jacket, and wrapped it around his stomach, preventing his guts from falling out. I walked outside of the cave, and set him gently on the ground, ignoring the shocked outbursts of the ponies, and the anguished cries of Rainbow Dash.
I turned on my heels, and stormed back into the cave, strength pouring through me as I did so. Standing just twenty feet away from the entrance, Torrentican, in human form once again, smiled, and held out his arms in a gesture of showmanship. “Behold! The anguish of life!” He cried out mockingly.
I looked him in the eyes, and said in a low voice, “Torrentican, this time you have gone too far.”
He raised his eyebrow, and said, “Oh? I was under the impression that I hadn’t gone far enough.”
I held out my hand, and summoned my Traveler’s Blade, and pointed the tip of the blade at Torrentican’s heart. “By the True Gods and Goddesses of Good, I swear: You’ll pay with the black tar that you call your blood.”
Before Torrentican could say anything else, I lunged at him, and drove the sword towards him, and he only barely managed to dodge. The grin falling from his face, he summoned a small rapier, and said, “Is this how we’re going to do this?”
I shook my head. “No.” I dismissed my Traveler’s Blade, and said, “We’re gonna settle this one way, and one way only.” I clenched my fists, and stood in a fighting stance.
Torrentican dismissed his blade, and nodded. “Very well then. Let us finally determine, who is truly the stronger warrior.”
{Okay, I’m being dead serious when I say you should go and listen to THIS SONG while the fight scene is going. You can stop listening to the music when the fight scene is over. Now then, let’s continue.}
We both walked towards each other until we were only about a yard apart. Both of us eyed the other warily, waiting for the first blow to be dealt. I feinted a small jab towards Torrentican’s side, and then switched off, jabbing him on his side. He grunted in pain, but then sent a right hook towards my face.
I rolled with the blow, and faster than he could blink, sent a series of rapid jabs at him. He blocked almost all of them, and then countered with a knee to my gut. I doubled over, and he grabbed at my hair, and slammed my face into his knee, breaking my nose, and causing two rivers of blood to pour out. I clenched at his leg when he brought it up a second time, and managed to throw him onto his back, forcing him to let go of me so he could catch himself.
I kicked at his side, and there was a satisfying CRACK sound, as my boots connected with his ribs. He grunted again, and he quickly jumped up, and he punched at my broken nose.
I grabbed his fist, and used his momentum to pull him closer, where I then crashed my forehead into his, putting small stars into his eyes. He shook off the stars, but it was too late for him to reach to block the roundhouse kick I sent his way. He spun from the impact, and I felt my rage burn in my chest, yearning to be freed.
I balled up my right hand in a fist, and it started to glow with a blue, fiery energy. Torrentican scowled, and his fist also started to glow, only with a crimson color.
He charged at me, a wordless battle cry on his lips, as he brought his fist down onto the ground, sending a shockwave of chi at me. I stepped backwards, and managed to dodge the worst of it, but it still managed to hit me, pushing me back a few steps.
At the stunned look on Torrentican’s face, I spat out a glob of blood onto the floor, and snarled, “My turn.”
I clenched my glowing fist, and poured even more energy into it. My anger…My pain…My sorrow…My hope…Everything I felt, I poured into both of my fists, causing them to glow with the intensity of Celestia’s brightest sun.
I ran at Torrentican, and flung my fist at his gut, unleashing all of my pent up energy with a single cry, “Shin….SHOR-” I brought up my other fist, where it connected with his throat, “YU-” With a final shout, I pulled my fist back, and brought it up, with all of my strength, to Torrentican’s chin in an Earth-shattering uppercut, “KEN!”
Torrentican flew into the air, blue smoke wisps flowing from the spots where I had hit him, his eyes glazed over. He crashed into the ground, where he lay for a moment, barely stirring.
I walked over to him, and placed my foot onto the side of his head, and applied pressure. “You feel that?” I asked in a deathly quiet voice. “That’s not even close to the pain you’ve caused everyone here multiple times.”
He feebly swatted at my leg, but I stomped on his arm, breaking the bone. He howled in agony, and I said, “Go. Now.”
He looked at me from the corner of his eye, and said, “I’ll be back Sean Nathaniel Brandenburg. And when I return, I’ll be more powerful than ever before.”
I simply shook my head, and said, “497. That’s how many times I’m gonna guess I’ve heard you say that.”
He growled something unintelligible at me, but then disappeared, leaving my boot to stomp on the ground.
{Fight scene over. Go ahead and stop the music if you’d like.}
I sighed, and walked back outside, exhausted. My gaze met Rainbow Dash’s, and I felt tears fall out of my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I finally managed. “I promised you I would bring him back and…” I fell to my knees, and started sobbing. “I failed! I saved a world, but I failed to protect the one I promised to protect!”
I sobbed, the full weight of the situation hitting me. I failed to protect him. Torrentican won…he did destroy a world…
He destroyed Dash’s world.
It was a good five minutes before I could finally stand up. Rainbow watched me, with tears in her eyes, and she said half-heartedly, “It’s okay…you tried…H-he would have w-wanted to go out like this.” She hiccupped a little, and hung her head. “He would have wanted t-to..d-duh…” She looked over to where Kyle was still laying, almost as if he were sleeping, and she couldn’t hold it anymore. She put her face to Kyle’s, and her tears fell onto his face, as she sobbed.
I finally made my over to her, and placed my hand gently on her shoulder, while everypony else watched, tears falling down their faces as well. Rainbow looked at me, and I whispered gently, “Let’s go to Fluttershy’s cottage.”
“Fluttershy’s?” Rainbow asked, looking at me in confusion.
I hated having to do this, but it was the only way. “We need to get him ready to be…” I gulped, and said, “Buried.”
I expected Rainbow Dash to violently oppose the idea, to say that Kyle would get up any second now, a smile on his face, and a French phrase on his lips. Instead, she slowly nodded her head, and I picked up Kyle’s body in my arms.
“Omnius, shouldn’t you be in your Pony form?” Fluttershy asked me so quietly, that if the wind hadn’t carried her voice to me, I would have missed it.
“I don’t care,” I answered, walking down the path. “Let everypony see me for who I am. Omnius the Traveling Guardian, failed protector of Kyle…” I trailed off, as I realized I didn’t even get a chance to find out what his last name was. Gods and Goddesses, but why hadn’t I asked him sooner?
I stood there, trembling, until I felt a tender hoof touch my hand. I looked over, and saw Fluttershy, with tears still in her eyes.
“Let’s go home,” She whispered, leading the way.
I adjusted Kyle in my arms, and followed.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I don’t know if anypony saw us. It all felt like a dream, where nothing seemed to really catch your focus except for that one thing that calls out for you to watch. For me, it was Kyle, who looked almost peaceful in death.
When we finally reached Fluttershy’s cottage, she opened the door, and even the animals that surrounded the house looked somber. They cleared a path for me, as I placed Kyle gently on the couch, and removed the now bloodstained jacket from him.
“How did it happen?” Applejack asked in a hushed voice, almost as if she were afraid of waking him up.
In a low, monotone voice, I told them everything about what had happened, how Torrentican had rigged the Crystal with a self-destruct spell, how Kyle had been impaled, and of the fight Torrentican and I had.
“I wasn’t fast enough…” I said sorrowfully. “I could have saved him, if I just hadn’t been so stupid!”
I looked at the gaping wound that took up the majority of Kyle’s chest, and growled. I waved my hand over it, and muttered, “Waise Heill!”
Magic poured out of my hand, and the ghastly wound closed, and if it weren’t for the bloodstains around his shirt, it would have looked like he was just wearing an extremely torn shirt and jacket. I sighed, and grabbed a shovel that I had picked up from outside.
“Say your goodbyes now,” I said, hefting the shovel onto my shoulders. “I’m gonna bury him out in the forest, underneath Cloudsdale…I figure’d he’d like that. He said something about it being one of his favorite towns, I think…”
They all nodded their head, and Fluttershy was the first to walk up to him.
“Goodbye Kyle…We’ll all miss you…Thank you for everything…” She bent her head down, and kissed his forehead, sending a pang of sadness through my heart. I sighed, and then…
“…Wait, I hear a pulse!”
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
CROSSOVER:
It’s ALIIIIIIIIIVE…
(Part IV of a crossover with K12314’s ‘How Did I Get Here? ’)
The room was silent.
“Hooollly Shit,” I thought to myself. “No freaking way…”
Kyle’s eyes shot open, and he immediately went into a coughing fit, his body trying to make up for the lack of oxygen. He started patting himself, searching for the wound that had killed him in the first place. His eyes widened in amazement, as he slowly realized that he was alive.
We all stared at him, and I felt a bewildered smile appear on my face. “He’s alive,” I said mentally. “In the name of all that is good, he’s alive!” I sagged against a wall, letting the shadows hide me from Kyle’s sight, and started chuckling slightly. All of the worry and tension I felt slowly disappeared, replaced by relief and joy.
Rainbow Dash and Kyle met each other’s eyes, and Kyle let out a small grin. “Can’t get rid of me that easily,” he said in a rough voice.
We all stood there, paralyzed by amazement at Kyle’s return to the realm of the living. Finally, Rainbow Dash hurled herself at Kyle, and sobbed in both relief and happiness (they tend to go hand in hand, don’t they?).
“I-I-I t-thought y-y-you w-were d-dead...” Rainbow managed to say, nuzzling Kyle, and clenching him tightly, as if afraid he would leave her again. “I-I couldn't b-bear t-t-to t-tell Scoots...”
“Calm down,” Kyle said softly, gently stroking Dash’s mane. “I know...” He whispered, clutching Dash like a lifeline. “I... I w-would never l-leave you, Dashie.”
The pressures of the last few hours finally caught up with him, and he cried. Tears steadily streamed out of his eyes, as he Dash rocked back and forth, finding comfort in the other’s embrace. I sighed, and looked off to the side, remembering someone who was close to me like that…
I shook my head, and smiled. No use worrying about the past when the present is ready to fling a pie in your face. I crossed my arms behind my head, and watched the two, glad that once again, Torrentican had been thwarted.
I frowned, reached into my pocket, and pulled out a small fragment of the crystal. I held it up to my eye, and looked at it. The shard glistened in the light, and it had a sinister air to it, as if mocking me. “Where did Torrentican find you?” I mumbled under my breath. I let go of the crystal, and it floated in my hand, twirling slowly. It had lost enough of its magic that it wouldn’t ever pose a threat to this, or any other universe again, but…
I shook my head, and pocketed the shard. I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. I looked back at the couple, lost in love’s tender embrace, as they slowly stopped crying. After a minute or so, Kyle wiped his eyes, and his face lit up in sudden realization.
“Torrentican...” He growled. Rainbow Dash let go of him, and looked at him concernedly. “Where is he!?!?” He bellowed, searching the room, with murder in his eyes. “I'm gonna kill him in the most painful ways I know how!”
I didn’t bother telling him that technically, Torrentican couldn’t die either, but instead got up, and walked over to him, saying, “There's no time to worry about that now, you need to rest.” He looked at me, and his jaw dropped. “You did just survive being IMPALED,” I added, chuckling.
His eyes took in my appearance, and I silently laughed. That reaction never got old. “Erm…” He began, the surprise temporarily overriding his anger. “When did this happen?” He asked, gesturing at my body.
I shrugged nonchalantly. “While you were ‘dead,’” I replied, doing air quotes on ‘dead’.
“Ah…” He looked at me, observing my new appearance, and I scratched at my beard absentmindedly. I extended my senses towards him, and had to stifle a gasp. He had been touched by a certain Goddess of the Night…That would explain why he’s now alive and kickin’.
I thought about this, while Kyle glanced at my jacket, which I had tossed over a nearby chair. He shuddered, guessing what it had been used for, and he made a visible effort to push those thoughts away from himself. “We need to find Torrentican NOW. Who knows what he could be up to? He might have another one of those crystal things somewhere!” Kyle said, trying to push himself up.
He let out a gasp of pain, and then fell back down onto the couch, clutching his chest. His face was contorted in a grimace of pain, and I realized that I must have forgotten to heal his internal organs. Hopefully Luna’s magic would have fixed the worst of it. Hopefully.
“See what I mean?” I said, shaking my head. I told him he needed to rest, didn’t I?
The stubborn guy stood up again, gritting his teeth against the pain. “Alright,” He managed to say. “Let’s get searching.” He stumbled to the door, each step an obvious effort for him. I briefly debated with myself as to whether I should just clonk him one on the head, or just try and talk him into resting. The decision was made by Fluttershy.
“Umm... I really think you should wait,” She said, her voice barely heard in the room.
“No, really, I’m fine,” Kyle said, beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead.
Fluttershy then took a deep steadying breath, and flew out in front of him. She stared at him, and insisted in a voice that was louder than normal, “No you’re not! You’re going to wait here, and rest!”
I watched Fluttershy, and grinned again. Apparently she must have taken Kyle’s words to heart, and was doing her best to be brave, and stand up for what she believed. “Good on ya,” I thought to myself.
Kyle let out a small chuckle, and said, “All right, I'll rest...” He then looked at her, and asked, “But can I at least go home and see my own daughter?”
The gentle Pegasus blinked, surprised that Kyle had actually gone down without a fight, and smiled. She flew out of the way, and there was the sound of a door slamming from below.
“WHERE IS HE?!?” An angry voice bellowed. I tilted my head, and scratched my beard. Hmm…why does that voice sound so familiar?
Hey, it’s Zephyr! The formerly drugged Pegasus was standing in the doorway, and glaring daggers.
“Where is that pony with the glasses?” He shouted, looking around. Wow, I pity the fool who he’s looking for.
“Nice to see you too, dude,” Kyle grumbled. “He's in here. Why do you want to see him so bad?” Kyle’s eyes then widened, and he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, “Omnius…you may want to run.”
“Why?” I asked. I looked at Zephyr, and my brain clicked.
Uh-oh. I’M the pony with the glasses! Shit!
“Um... Hey there buddy...” I said nervously, backing up towards the window. Zephyr growled, and came closer, fires burning in his eyes. Just to buy myself some time, I pointed behind Kyle, and yelled, “LOOK, A THREE HEADED MONKEY!”
[Cue THEME MUSIC !]
Everypony turned to look, and I jumped out the window, rolling on the ground as I landed so I wouldn’t break anything. “Thank you Guybrush Threepwood!” I laughed, running as fast as my legs could carry me.
I glanced back behind me, and yelped. Zephyr was right behind me, murder in his eyes as he chased me.
“What did I ever do to you!?” I yelled, jumping over a pie cart, and grabbing a cherry pie.
“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD KYLE TO HIT ME ON THE HEAD!”
“Because you were stoned out of your mind!” I retorted, throwing the pie behind me. It connected with his face, and he had to stop to wipe away the bits of pastry. He glared at me, and I lost no time in running inside of a house, slamming the door shut behind me.
I started pushing some heavy furniture in front of the door, barricading it, and grinning in triumph.
“There’s no way he can get in here!” I said. A flower vase was pressed into my hands, and I said, “Oh thanks Zephyr.” I tensed, and turned around. Zephyr was standing there with a baseball bat clenched in his teeth.
“How did you get in here?” I asked.
“The window was open.”
“It’s always the window, isn’t it?”
He nodded, and swung the bat at me. I ducked, and did the first thing I could think of: Screamed, and ran through the wall, leaving a Traveler-shaped hole in the wall (although strangely enough, it was in a ballet style position. WTF?).
Zephyr leaped through the hole, chasing me, a ferocious snarl on his face. “HOLD STILL! I JUST WANT TO MAIM YOU!”
I ignored him, and continued fleeing for my eternal life. I spun around a corner, and pulled a newspaper out from a nearby trashcan. I held it in front of my face, and stood next to two other newspaper readers, who were currently absorbed in finding out about the news, and I tried to look like I was just a part of the background art. Zephyr ran past me, and didn’t even glance twice in my direction. I lowered the newspaper, and snickered.
The pony on my left lowered his newspaper, and grinned evilly at me. It was Zephyr.
“Okay, come on! I thought only Pinkie could do that!” I complained.
“Yeah, silly, that’s what I do!” Pinkie giggled, lowering the newspaper she was holding.
“AHHH!” I screamed. I ran out of the alley, even more confused than before. I snagged a banana from a nearby fruit vendor, and ate it on the run. Zephyr was slowly closing the distance between us, fully intending to murdalize me.
I finished the banana, and tossed the peel behind me. Zephyr glanced at it, and called out, “Dude, I’m FLYING.”
I winced, and said, “Crap! I really need to start thinking these out!” I dashed into a restaurant, and quickly put on a chef’s apron that was conveniently hanging over the side of a chair. I pulled and retied my bandana over my chin, hiding my beard, and stood by the side of a table, waiting.
Zephyr ran in, his nostrils fuming, as he glanced around. I walked over to him, and said, “Ah! BONJOUR MON AMIE! Je’mappele Chef Ponyardee! Que-cest que tu aime le mange?”
“Wha?” He said, confused, as I put him into a seat at the table, and tied a napkin around his neck. I handed him a folded menu, and poured him a glass of water.
“What would you like to eat today, monsieur? Today’s special is the Pie-a la’ Visage!” I said in a phony French accent.
“Erm, okay, I’ll have that?” He said hesitantly, saying it as if it were a question.
“Very good choice.” I walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a silver platter with a pie on it. I carried it over to his table, and said, “Your pie, sir.”
Zephyr licked his lips, and said, “Oh boy. Hey, what does the ‘Visage’ thing mean?”
I grinned, and shoved the pie into his face. “Pie in the face!” I yelled, cackling madly.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXH
Meanwhile, in an alternate Equestria
XHXHXHXHXHXHXH
A purple Pegasus looked up from the guitar he was tuning. He looked around, his eyes shifting nervously.
A unicorn smoking what looked suspiciously like marijuana looked at him, and asked in a lazy voice, “Dude, what’s got your tail in a twist?”
The Pegasus shook his head, and said, “I felt a disturbance in the Joke Force…as if someone had just stolen one of my pranking tactics…”
The unicorn laughed, and said, “I think my MJ’s getting to ya dude.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
I was running down the streets again, throwing off the chef outfit as I ran. “I can’t believe you fell for that!” I yelled at Zephyr, panting slightly.
“I’M GONNA KILL YOU!”
“Can’t die!” I retorted.
“I’M GONNA MAIM YOU!”
“I think you already yelled that!” I ran through the park, and jumped over a bench with two very surprised ponies sitting on it. “Evening Lyra, Bon-Bon.” I said, tipping my bandana.
I finally ran around a tree, Zephyr in close pursuit. After a few rotations, I jumped away from the tree, and leaned against a wall to catch my breath. The enraged Pegasus kept circling the tree, convinced that I was just on the other side. It was around this time that Kyle and the others finally showed up, and he gave me a confused look when he saw Zephyr fiercely pursuing a whole lotta nothing. He walked up to me, while the girls walked over to Zephyr, and tried to calm him down.
“Omnius, how the-”
I interrupted him, and half-panted, half-laughed, “Benny Hill tactic. Works every time.”
He laughed at that, clutching his ribs in slight pain. “Omnius, you are a GENIUS.”
I grinned, and tipped my head at him in silent thanks. The girls walked over then, a sheepish looking Zephyr following them.
“Ah' reckon this'n here has somethin' t' say,” Applejack said, nudging Zeph forward.
“Yes, that was most rude of you, Darling,” Rarity said, looking at him.
Zephyr looked at them both, and then turned his considerably less angry gaze at me. He cleared his throat, and apologized, saying, “Erm... I'm sorry I chased you around like that.”
I waved off the apology, and said, “Oh, it's no problem. I've been chased by MUCH worse.” I shuddered, remembering the many beasts that had chased me…Oh Gods and Goddesses, if I had to hide from one more Grunt or Brute in a dark castle with nothing but a lantern…Ugh.
“Well... I'm going back to the library. That's enough hero work for now,” Twilight said, nodding her goodbyes at us.
“I need to get home and tend to the animals...” Fluttershy added quietly. The others gave reasons for leaving, and then slowly left, leaving me and Kyle by ourselves.
He looked at me, and held out his hand. “So... Omnius... It was nice meeting you.”
I smiled, and clasped his hand in a brotherly fashion. “Nice meeting you too. Good luck with Rainbow Dash.” We shook hands, and I added, “And hey, you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask.”
I saluted at him with the two fingers of my right hand, and walked off, ready to relax…
Twilight’s words echoed throughout my head…
“That’s enough hero work for now.”
I chuckled at that. I’m not ever gonna be able to stop doing ‘Hero’ work. I’m going to keep doing it for the rest of my Eternal life. Fighting, losing, winning, and suffering. I'll have to walk through Hell, and back again. I'll have to die endless times, and see things that no one should have to see.
But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When things like Torrentican go bump in the night, I’ll always be the one who bumps back.
“It’s good to be The Traveler.”
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
CROSSOVER:
The Ties that Bind us.
(Part V of a crossover with k12314’s ‘How Did I Get Here? ’ and its sequel, ‘Le Retour ’)
My Collar was getting on my nerves.
Fidgeting slightly, I pulled at it with my hoof, and complained to Rarity, “Why is the collar so freaking tight?”
She rolled her eyes, and said, “It’s not the collar that’s tight, it’s just your nerves!”
I sighed, and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s just that I’ve never done something as important as this!”
Twilight looked at me, and asked, “I thought you said you’d saved worlds before?”
“That’s important too…” I took in a deep breath, and said, “But…No one’s ever asked me to do a wedding vows thing before. Hell, this is the first wedding I’ve been to since my own!”
I fell silent as I remembered that day, that day that felt as if it had happened years before…Jenna looked so beautiful in her gown and robe…
Shaking my head, I looked at Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy, who were the bridesmaids for Rainbow Dash, and smiled. “Can you believe it?” I asked. “He could have asked Princess Luna or Celestia to do this for him, but instead he chose me!”
Rarity smiled warmly, and said, “Well, you do seem to be the one who is most fitted for doing something like this.”
“How so?” I tilted my head in confusion.
“Darling, wedding vows are meant to be eternal,” Rarity said, a familiar twinkle in her eye that usually meant she was speaking passionately about something. “They encompass the love between two ponies, or in this case, two beings, and the feelings they feel for one another!” She sighed, and said, “And as you’re The ETERNAL Traveler of Good, wouldn’t that seem only fitting?”
“She’s got a point you know,” Twilight said, looking at me with knowing eyes.
I gulped, and said, “Guess you’re right. Oh, geeze, look at the time! The wedding is about to start!” I trotted over to Kyle’s dressing room, and poked my head in. He looked like he had just been sweating bullets, but it also appeared that he had just calmed himself down. Nerves. They happen to everyone on their wedding days. “You ready?” I asked.
Kyle looked at himself one more time in the mirror, and once he was satisfied, he took in a deep breath, and said, “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Nodding, I quickly made my way back to the pedestal thing that I was going to be speaking from, and Kyle stood off to the side, waiting for Rainbow Dash. He started tapping his foot, impatient for this to be started. There was a collective gasp from the audience, and I had to keep my eyebrows from shooting up.
Rainbow Dash had turned the corner, and in all senses of the word, she was beautiful. Rarity had spared no amount of effort in putting together Dash’s dress, carefully designing it to look like a pure white, summer cloud. Her hair was carefully styled in a sophisticated manner, instead of the usual scruffy-type deal she wore it in. White slippers adorned her hooves, and her engagement earrings shined, catching the light perfectly.
As soon as Rainbow was standing next to Kyle, I grinned. Clearing my throat, I started, saying, “Dearly beloved…”
I had to stop then. Holy…shit. My lines! I can’t remember my lines! Trying to appear casual, I looked at the pedestal, and saw that my note cards had been stolen.
SONUVABITCH!
Unfortunately, I fell back to the usual tactic: Say what’s on my mind.
“We are gathered here today to...Oh, screw this.” Everypony gasped, and Kyle had to stifle a laugh. “Kyle, you like Dash? Dash, you like Kyle? Good, you're married, Kiss her! Peace out Bitches!”
Everypony and Kyle just stared at me, and I gulped audibly. “Not good enough?” I said feebly. “Okay then, how about this?”
I thought for a long moment, and then looked at Rainbow Dash…she looked so much like Jenna did…I nodded, and decided to do what I should always do: Speak what’s on my heart.
[I’d highly suggest listening to Dearly Beloved while reading this.]
I cleared my throat, and said, “Dearly beloved…From the moment we are born, we are taught a certain rule…That nothing lasts forever. We learn that this is almost always true, and that all good things must come to an end.”
A few ponies frowned, and I continued. “But there is something else we are taught. Something that is always true, no matter how we look at it: There is an exception to every rule. And true to form, there is something that does last forever. Something that withstands the onslaught of time and that carries over when you have to make that long walk down the dark tunnel.
“Love.”
“Love is Eternal. Whether it’s the love between two best friends, or the love between Husband and Wife, love is always there. Love is what drives us to do greater things, and to better ourselves for the one we love. For love, we would do the impossible, and it has been done time and time again.
“Love is what binds us all together, and for Love, we are gathered here today to join Kyle and Rainbow Dash, in bonds that will last for all of Eternity, and beyond.”
I turned to Kyle, and in a serious voice that seemed to hold everypony’s attention, asked, “Kyle, when you look at Rainbow Dash, do you feel as if you deserve somepony as special as her?”
If anyone else had asked Kyle that, I’m sure he would have gotten pissed at them. Heck, a few ponies thought he would have gotten pissed at me for asking something like that. Thankfully, he seemed to know what I was asking, and he answered in a low, quiet voice, “No…but I hope that someday, I’ll have done enough to be able to claim something as special as that.”
I turned to Rainbow Dash, who now had tears streaming slowly down her face, and asked, “Rainbow Dash, do you feel as if you’re worthy of the love Kyle has promised to show you?”
She shook her head, and said, “No. I’ll do my best to change that…”
Nodding, I looked up and said in a powerful voice, “With these promises, you are both now closer to each other than a simple piece of paper could bring you…Therefore, by the power vested in me, by The Gods and Goddesses of Good, I hereby pronounce you…man and wife.”
Looking at them both, and seeing the love they felt for each other, a few tears brimmed in my eyes. Swallowing a few times, I said quietly, “You may kiss the bride…”
They barely waited for me to finish my line, before throwing themselves at each other, locking lips, and warming my heart. Muttering quietly under my breath so that no one would hear, I said, “Jenna, if you’re watching this…I hope you can help them, in some way…”
[You can stop listening to that music now.]
Just as I finished wiping my eyes with my handkerchief, Kyle suddenly grimaced. Frowning slightly, I listened, as Kyle told Dash that he was going to go to the restroom real quick, and he shot off, barely under a fast jog, as he went into the bathroom.
Now fully suspicious, knowing that Kyle wouldn’t do something like that, I crept next to the door, and put an ear on the wall, listening…
I didn’t like what I heard. Kyle was talking to himself, and I caught very specific words, like “Torrentican” and “Eternal Traveler of Evil” Note to self, tell Kyle that he’s the ENDLESS Traveler of Evil, and that I’m the ETERNAL Traveler of Good. Jeez, that gets annoying…
Wait a second…It sounds like he’s coming to the door. SHIT! I quickly tried to dash behind a corner, but I got the feeling that I was at least partially spotted. Leaning against the wall, I attempted to just look like I was bored, and waiting for my turn in the bathroom, while Kyle just walked by, completely ignoring me.
Conscience…Damn it…
“Kyle, wait!” I called out, trotting after him. He kept walking, ignoring me, and I said, “Who were you talking to?”
He frowned, but didn’t look at me, as he continued down the hall.
Frustrated and concerned, I half-shouted, “Answer me, dude!”
Without even a warning, he spun around on his heels, and glared daggers at me. Shocked, I stumbled back a little, as he snarled, “Nopony. Nopony at all. I don't need any more stress today. So just LAY. OFF.”
Stunned, I just stood there, as he stormed off again. I shook my head, and guessed what had happened. I knew that he would be back, so I waited patiently, taking on a concerned expression. Soon enough, he turned around, and walked back to me, looking slightly guilty.
“Alright, I'll tell you.” He looked around to make sure that no one was listening, and then he whispered, “Torrentican is in my head.”
Fuck. I ignored what my head was telling me I already knew, and instead asked, “Whadd'ya mean?”
"I mean, he's in my head! Sometimes an image of him just appears in my head, and I hear him talking to me... I usually manage to outsmart him, but...” He trailed off, and looked out the window in time to glimpse a dark blur. “He's still watching me.”
“How? Shadow-stalkers?” I asked, wondering what interest Torrentican would have in Kyle.
“You mean those little black foals with the yellow eyes? Then yes,” Kyle answered, still searching outside.
“Well,” I said simply. “I don’t know what to say…”
“Then don't say anything, Omnius. I don't need help,” He said, an angry glare in his eye. “I'll fix this problem myself. I'm going to hunt him down, and give him the thrashing of a lifetime. I don't care if he can't die, I'll make him suffer,” Kyle promised, clenching his fist in anger.
I placed a calming hoof on his shoulder, and tried to dissuade him, saying, “Listen, I know he's making you angry, but do you really think a manhunt is the best course of action? Don't you think that's what he wants? What if it's all just a big trap?”
He brushed my hoof away, and said in a louder tone, “I don't care. With the things he's said and the things he's done, I can't just give up like that. I'll find him if it's the last thing I do.”
With that, he stood up, and walked away.
I still regret not talking any sense into him…
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
A few days later
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
Kyle and I were both walking down a worn dirt road, heading to the same church dealio that was used for Kyle’s wedding, only this time, we were going for Zephyr’s marriage. I wouldn’t be reading any vows, but hey! Going to a wedding means free cake! Am I really gonna pass up an opportunity to get free cake?
Anyways, free cake aside, I was honestly happy to get to go. I was actually on pretty good speaking terms with Spitfire, at least since I saved her from a nasty “prank” by Discord. So yeah, all in all, it seems like this is gonna be a good day!
As we walked, I had gotten bored, and started telling Kyle about the adventure I had right before I came here
“...And then,” I laughed, “then this tank came out of nowhere and...” I trailed off, and looked closely at Kyle’s face. He wore a vacant expression, as if he were only half-way there at the moment, iffin you catch my drift. “Hey, are you listening? I was in a world where Left 4 Dead was real, and you're spaced out,” I said, trying to get him to snap out of it.
He shook his head, and quickly said, “No, no... I'm fine...”
I looked at him, concerned, and said, “Torrentican bothering you?”
Kyle instantly shook his head, and said unconvincingly, “No! No, it's alright. Really, I'm fine... Don't worry about it.”
Sighing, I reluctantly said, “Alright... I'll trust you on this.” Then, as if I were in my human form, I stood on my hind legs, and put my front hooves on his shoulders, and stared into his eyes. Speaking without any trace of humor in my voice, I slowly and deliberately said, “But listen, you need to believe me when I say that if you go up against him, you need to be strong, and try to call for me, and hold out until I get there. I don't want you making any rash decisions, Kyle. It could be really bad, and I don't want to see anything happen to you. You're my friend, and friends help each other. If you fight him, you need my help, got that?”
I wasn’t exaggerating at all. Seriously, the only ones who can fight Torrentican and come out on top, without benefitting his plans, are Neutra (what I’ve taken to calling the Traveler of Neutrality) and myself. Sure, others have beaten him before, but it almost always ended up pushing one of his plans forward.
And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let another friend be taken away by Torrentican.
Kyle just stared at him, a strange mixture of emotions on his face, but he finally said, “Alright, I will...”
I knew that the answer wasn’t a good one, but it was probably the only one I could get from him.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
Just a few moments later, the church thingy was in sight (thesaurus, why u no help?) and I was getting pumped. I would actually be providing the music this time around, as a certain Rainbow colored Pegasus accidentally let slip that I’m the one who’s been writing the new orchestrated music…
Oh, wait, I didn’t explain that. It’ll be explained in another chapter I think, but to ease your confusion now: In order for me to earn money on this world, I’ve been doing a combination of anonymously submitting orchestrated music, and by also writing parodies of famous tunage here. I wasn’t rolling in bits, but I was getting by pretty well.
RIGHT! Back on track. Just as we started climbing the hill, Kyle got a strange expression on his face. “Hey, Omnius? I'll catch up, I gotta... Do my business,” He said, pointing his thumb at a clump of bushes.
Is he really using this excuse again? “Alright, see you at the wedding,” I said, trotting down the path. As soon as I heard him dash behind a tree, I quickly slunk into the woods, and listened, straining my ears to hear what he was saying.
Ye Gods, but this isn’t good. From what I could gather, Torrentican was finally coming out (of the closet…damn my smart-assery!) and challenging Kyle to a showdown. Kyle accepted the challenge, and started walking deeper into the woods.
“Damn it, Kyle,” I said, following. Kyle trekked through the forest for a few minutes, almost noticing me once when I made the mistake of stepping on a twig, but he quickly dismissed it as a figment of his imagination, and kept going. Soon enough, he came into a clearing that held Torrentican, in his human form, much to the surprise of Kyle.
I nodded, and said a silent prayer to the Gods and Goddesses of Good. They said a few things to each other, but I was too busy running back to the church, intent on letting everypony know what was going on, this way if anything happened…
Get it together Traveler! Just let them know that Kyle might not make it, since he’ll be hospitalized…at best.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I burst through the door, panting, and shouted, “GIRLS, PROBLEM, KYLE, TALK, NOW!”
I panted, and looked around, slightly embarrassed because I had just burst in on the ending of the wedding vows. The priest frowned at me, and I quickly giggled nervously. “Um…Congratulations?” I said.
“Sir,” The priest said in a disapproving tone, “May I ask you why you have decided to gate-crash this wedding?”
“Hey, Padre’, I’m on the list!” I snapped back. Spotting the girls, I quickly trotted over to them, and said in a quiet voice, “Kyle’s not gonna be able to make it, so don’t try looking for him.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened, and she shouted, “What?! But where is he?”
I hissed, and said, “Dasher, not so loud! Look, something’s come up with Torrentican, and I wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t accidentally walk into one of his traps. I’m gonna go take care of it, but I need you all to stay here!”
“No chance we’re gonna stay here!” I heard Zephyr say loudly. Wincing, I glanced behind me to see both Zephyr and Spitfire, who were looking at me slightly angrily.
“Um…hi?” Wow, today just isn’t my day for witty retorts.
“Who’s Torrentican?” Spitfire asked, looking at me in confusion. “And where’s Kyle?”
Twilight gave me a look, and I sighed. “Damn it, but there’s no arguing with you ponies. Alright, come on, we’ve got an ass to kick!”
I charged out of the church, and everypony followed, leaving the crowd to wonder what the hell just happened.
“Hang in there, Kyle,” I thought. “We’re coming!”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
“Ye Gods…” I muttered, watching the scene that unfolded before us. We were at the clearing I had left Kyle at before, but now…Kyle just went super saiyan.
A huge crater surrounded him, and his clothes rustled, his own sheer power moving them. He glowed with a powerful white aura, and his eyes were bright, fiercely blazing orbs that cast a white shimmering glow.
“KYLE!” I shouted, getting his attention. He turned to look at us, as we took in his new appearance.
Rainbow Dash hesitantly approached him, and said in an awe filled voice, “Kyle... What happened to you?”
“WELL,” Kyle started, his voice extremely loud and echo-ie. Oh great, he’s got caps lock on! Dammit. “TURNS OUT I’M AN ELEMENT...THE ELEMENT OF LOVE, DASHIE.”
Wait, now there’s an eighth element in this world? Ugh, this is gonna come back to bite me in the ass later, I just know it!
...Not to sound rude, but am I the only one who thought that sounded cheesy as all get out?
Torrentican looked pissed off, and I decided, “Screw it, Kyle’s gone badass, and if anything goes wrong, I’ll be able to jump in!” So I stood off to the side, and let Kyle and Torrie duke it out.
For a while, it looked like Kyle was winning. Sure, he got hit a few times, but whatever magic (cough cough, Element, cough) was fueling him must have dulled the pain, and allowed him to keep going. I still didn’t understand why Torrentican was only using his hand-to-hand combat though. By now, he should have used whatever magic he had…
Wait. Torrentican isn’t really fighting him…He’s measuring him up, trying to tell if he’s a threat or not! If that’s true, then that means he still hasn’t unleashed his true plan! Now to make things worse, the magic that’s fueling Kyle is fading now!
I shifted into human form, much to the surprise of Spitfire, and summoned my Traveler’s Blade, in whip form this time.
“KYLE!” I shouted, about to leap in. “GET OUT OF THERE!”
Too late. Torrentican looked at me, and snapped his fingers, summoning several imps to deal with me. I brushed them aside with a few flicks of my whip, but by the time I had gotten rid of them, Torrentican had grabbed Kyle, and pulled him into another world.
“NO!” I lunged towards them, and tried to pick up where The Traveler of Evil had taken him. Unfortunately, Torrentican had thought ahead, and used some sort of masking spell/device on it, blocking my senses.
“NO!” I screamed again, desperately feeling the ground where they both had just been. “KYLE!”
Rainbow Dash flew over, and shouted, “Where’s Kyle!? Where did Torrentican take him!?!” She frantically looked around, and tears started to form in her eyes.
I got up, and ran back to the others, who were staring in shock at what had just happened. “Torrentican took Kyle into another world. I can’t tell which world though, only that it’s somehow connected to this one, in some mysterious way,” I explained, opening a P.D and pulling out a backpack.
Twilight gasped, and said, “What?! But that means-”
“I gotta go find him. Spitfire, Zephyr, you’ve seen too much now, but that can’t be helped. Applejack, I want you to explain it to them,” I said, pointing at each pony in turn.
“I’m going to research a method of bringing him back,” Twilight said, going into her planning mode. “Maybe if we asked the Princesses-”
“No,” I said, grabbing Twilight’s shoulders. I forced her to look me in the eyes, and said, “Twilight, inter-dimensional spells are almost always a bad thing. I want you to promise me that you won’t ever research one unless I’m involved somehow, so I can keep you safe, capeesh?”
Twilight looked away for a moment, but then nodded.
“Good. Same goes for all of you!” I then lowered my voice, and walked over to Rainbow Dash. I knelt next to her, and said, “I promise, I’ll find Kyle. He’ll be back here before you know it!”
A pair of pink hooves were thrown around my neck, and Pinkie whispered, “Be careful Seanie…”
I smiled, and hugged her back, saying, “No worries. I’ll be fine.”
Standing up, I quickly ran to the middle of the clearing, and jumped into the air, warping into another world.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Three days of my time later
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I dusted off my jeans, and jogged into the building, calling out as I ran, “Gibbs! I need your help with something, pronto!”
Leroy Jethro Gibbs, former marine and current NCIS Special Agent, looked up from the computer he was currently glaring at, and glanced at me.
“Nate,” He said simply. “What’s wrong?”
“Long story short, I need someone to run a facial recognition for me,” I said, pulling out a photo of Kyle that I had taken a few days prior to his disappearance. I handed the picture to Gibbs, and said, “This is Kyle Bucy, one of my friends from out of town. Torrie might have brought him here, and I need to make sure he’s either not here, or…ugh, you get it.”
Gibbs nodded, understanding what I meant, and asked, “Why would he be in Government records though?”
“Mental Institution for things he saw that the Government would be very curious about.”
“Makes sense,” He said. Gibbs looked at one of the agents sitting at a nearby desk, who was currently trying to look disinterested in our conversation. “McGee, I want you to run this through the system, see if you can come up with any matches.”
“Yeah Boss.”
As soon as he walked out of the room, I let out a huge sigh. “Thanks Gibbs.”
He grunted, and handed me a can of coke. I accepted it, and quickly chugged it down, suppressing a burp. “Torrentican took a friend of yours?”
“Yeah.”
We stood in silence for a while, before Gibbs suddenly said, “Nate, you seem…older, somehow.”
“Nothing gets past you, huh?” I replied crushing the can in my fists. “Yeah. I’ve decided I’m going to let myself look like I’m aging, at least until I find Kyle. Once I find him, I’ll return to my normal 17 year old appearance, and then we’ll have a party. Pinkie is already planning one I bet,” I chuckled.
“Pinkie? As in Pinkie Pie?” Gibbs said, raising an eyebrow.
“Gibbs…don’t tell me that you’re a…”
I didn’t get a chance to finish my question, as McGee suddenly returned with the results of the search. Unfortunately, there were no matches at all. I thanked both of them, and quickly jumped into another reality.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
Three years later
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
“Shitshitshitshitshit!” I screamed, pulling out my Boomstick and shooting down a few zombies. “Why won’t you all just leave me alone!?”
“Pipe bomb!” A voice suddenly called out, accompanied by an ominous beeping sound. I threw myself behind the desk, pulling the laptop with me, and the zombies ran out of the room, following a familiar red light. A few seconds later, there was a resounding explosion, followed by a wave of blood.
I wiped off the blood that had hit my glasses, and a bald man with ebony skin and a tattered office outfit walked over, and pulled me to my feet. “Omnius?”
“Good to see you too, Louis,” I said, focusing on the laptop. I scanned through the search results, and found absolutely nothing. “Thanks for the save. How’re things?”
“We’re alright. Zoey is still trying to deal with Bill’s death, but…” He sighed, and I nodded. I still missed the grouchy old coot too. If only Torrentican hadn’t sabotaged that generator…
“Sorry about that. Still clearing out the island then?”
“Yeah, but those were the last of the zombies, so it’s clean now,” He shrugged, and then looked at the laptop. “This place has internet access?”
“Eyup. Sorry to bug you, but I gotta skedaddle,” I sighed, and added, “He’s not here either…”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXH
Ten years later…
XHXHXHXHXHXHXH
“Omnius?” Michael Carpenter said, surprised. “What are you doing here at this hour?”
It was late at night, and I felt bad about bugging the former Knight of The Cross, but I needed his connection to the Almighty.
“I’m sorry Michael, but this is an emergency,” I then glanced at the T.V in his living room, and asked, “What episode?”
“Swarm of the Century,” He replied, before letting me in.
“Charity doesn’t know that you and the kids are staying up late to watch it, does she?”
“She knows.” He handed me a cup of hot chocolate, and asked, “What’s going on? And are those gray hairs in your beard?”
I said nothing, but instead drank the warm drink. “Friend of mine is missing, and Torrentican might have brought him here. Need to ask God if he’s here.”
Michael understood my connection to the Gods of Good, and he didn’t say anything as he closed his eyes in prayer. I fidgeted slightly, and started humming to myself.
After a few moments, he shook his head, and said, “Amen.”
“Well?” I asked, clenching my cup in my trembling hand.
He shook his head again, and reluctantly said, “I am sorry, Omnius, but your friend is not on this world…What world is he from anyways?”
“…Dude, I’m not saying anything. Thanks for trying though.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Four years later
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
The Raider clenched at my throat, strangling me as I attempted to reach for the knife that lay just out of reach. I glared at the drugged up raider, and snarled, “You stinking piece of Brahmin shit!”
Just as stars started to explode in my vision, the faint sound of a guitar chord reached my ears. Suddenly, a loud gunshot went off, and the raider fell off of me, dead. I struggled to refill my deprived lungs with fresh oxygen, and a hand entered my field of vision. I took it, and felt myself get pulled to my feet.
“Thanks,” I wheezed, still coughing.
“Omnius? Is that you?” My rescuer asked, surprised.
“That depends: Are you a mysterious stranger? Or THE Mysterious Stranger?” I replied, smiling wryly.
“Yeah, you’re you alright. Come on, my camp isn’t too far from here,” The Mysterious Stranger said, pointing at a small campfire.
I sat down next to it, and took out a bottle of whiskey. I uncorked the bottle, and started drinking it, grimacing as the alcohol burned my throat. As soon as I had finished the bottle, I tossed it behind me, and saw that the Stranger was looking at me…strangely.
“What?” I asked, somewhat defensively.
“You’re drinking.”
“So?”
“You never drink,” He pointed out, handing me a plate with a hunk of steaming meat on it. I grunted my thanks, and tore into it. “Never, in all the time that you’ve been here, have you had a single drop of alcohol. Why the sudden change?”
“How old do I look to you right now?” I asked, after considering the question.
“I’d wager a guess at 35, maybe?”
“Close. 34. I’ve been searching for a friend of mine, for almost seventeen years now,” I said bitterly, shaking my head. “I’ve got a photo of him and his family, and I’ve had to look at it every night for the last thirteen years in order to convince myself that he’s still out there.”
The Stranger said nothing, but instead poked at the fire, stirring the embers.
“I can’t bring myself to even go back to his home, because I might see his family there…What would they say if they saw me now?”
“That you’re a mess, and need to put away the bottle,” He stated. I glared at him, and he added, “It’s true. Look at yourself.”
I glanced at a nearby puddle, and sighed. My hair and beard were both now flecked with streaks of gray, brought about by stress, and worry wrinkles had formed on my face. My skin was a darker tan color than before, and my clothes were covered in a combination of dust and blood, but that was a more recent addition. Dark bags were under my eyes, and there was another uneven layer of stubble on my cheeks.
“Okay, you’ve got a point there…Hey, you get around a lot, have you seen this kid?” I asked, handing him the photo.
He raised his eyebrows at the sight of the ponies, but didn’t say anything about them. “No, he’s not here.”
“…Fuck.”
He shook his head, and said, “Don’t give up hope though. You’ll find him.”
“How do you know?” I spat, my temper being pushed again.
“Because. You’re the Eternal Traveler of Good, or the Eternal Traveler to the Wastelanders, and you always manage to find a way,” He said, patting me on the shoulder. “Good luck my friend.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
Three years later…
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
Finally. After all of this time, I found him. In retrospect, it was clever of Torrentican to do this: Take him to a world that he’s been too, but fool me into thinking that he wasn’t here.
Back on the world Kyle was born on. So obvious that no one would have thought of it.
I transformed back into my 17 year old self, and glanced at the mental-institution in front of me. Then, for the first time in a while, I got a huge grin on my face.
“They think Kyle is a crazy ass son of a bitch who believe in magic talking ponies…” I shifted into my unicorn form, and grinned crazily. “Karma.”
Walking into the building, I cast a simple camouflage spell, and searched the rooms, looking for…yes! There, in the heavily guarded area with the big-ass guards in front of it…Hey, it’s Smiley!
I dropped the cloak, and in my best voice, yelled, “UL-VAKIIN IS BACK BITCHES!”
Both of the guards took one look at me, screamed, and ran away, while I cackled madly. “Oh, it’s good to be The Traveler!”
I silently went in, and saw Kyle sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, and an air of…I dunno…around him.
I tapped his shoulder with my hoof, and said in a voice that barely managed to hide my relief, “Hey buddy! Long time no see!”
He turned to look at me, and I grinned...
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
CROSSOVER Sequel: Part Two
Where is the Love?
(Part Two of a crossover with k12314's 'Le Retour ')
Kyle stumbled backwards, falling off of his seat, and he crashed onto the ground. He quickly scrambled back up, and he lifted a trembling finger at me. Aw, he’s so happy to see me he’s trembling!
“Y-Y-You're not real... Get out of my head!” He shouted, still looking at me disbelievingly I just want my life back!”
Saw it coming. What, surprised that I knew it was coming? Well, don’t be. I figured that if he was still in a government facility, then that meant that he would be brainwashed. Honestly, it always happens like that.
“Kyle, that’s what I’m trying to give you!” I said, lifting a hoof to give him a bro-hoof. He swatted it away, and I felt stunned.
“NO! You're just a figment of my imagination, brought about by insanity! GO AWAY!” He kept shouting, huddling in a corner.
I stood there, staring at him in shock. How long had he been here, to have forgotten all about his best friends? His life, his love, his family?
“Really?” I asked carefully, not wanting to push him too far. “Everything you remember about those ponies was a dream?”
“YES!” His eyes were wide, and filled with a mixture of sorrow, anger, fear, and…yes, there’s that spark I’m looking for! Hope. Glancing at his hands, I saw that he still wore his wedding ring, and that gave me an idea as to how I could snap him out of it.
Choosing my words carefully, and guesstimating how long it had been since Kyle had been brought back here, I said in a low reassuring voice, “Then why do you still have that ring?”
Kyle glanced at his ring, and confusion shot across his face. Taking the opportunity, I kept going, saying, “That ring was given to you by somepony who loves you with every fiber of her being. She still misses you, and for the past year of her life, she has cried herself to sleep, hoping against all odds that I would find you.” He frowned, as if something was trying to force its way back into his head, and I said, “Kyle, I've been searching for twenty YEARS. Just to make sure that she and her daughter can finally be happy again. Just so I can save my friend, and bring hope back to my friends, and all those who miss you.”
He glared at me, his mind still attempting to piece things together, and he said, “S-So what does this have to do with anything?”
I pointed at his ring, and grimly said, “Because if that ring didn't mean anything to you, you would have gotten rid of it. You know the truth.” He looked at me, and tears started to form in his eyes, as his memories started returning. “Now tell me: Do you want to finally go home? Your real home?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
Kyle looked like I just punched him in the face. His eyes widened with recognition, and I knew that his memories were coming back, fighting off whatever treatment the Government had given him. “I... I... Yes. Omnius... I'm sorry I cost you so much time. I should have listened when you told me not to take on Torrentican, but my pride got the best of me...” He said, hanging his head in shame.
I rolled my eyes, and elbowed his side a few times. Kyle looked at me, and I grinned. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it!” I held out my hoof, and added, “Now come on, let’s get you home!”
He reached out to take it, but then hesitated. “Wait... The people in this base are the reason I forgot, right?” He asked, wanting me to confirm the obvious.
“Yeah…” I said, wondering if he was thinking what I think he’s thinking.
“And they're waiting on the other side of that door, right?” He said, getting up, and cracking his knuckles.
“Hm…” I thought to myself. “I could get Kyle home safely…” I looked at the door, and then back at Kyle. “Or we could take a few minutes to beat the everlovin’ crap outta each and every single one of those government agents, who are still on my bad list…”
Do I really have to ask?
As a smile sneaked onto my face, my horn started to glow, and the door shot out, its hinges tearing out of the wall, and it slammed against the wall, alerting all of the guards to our presence.
“Let’s get some revenge,” Kyle said, his familiar trademark psycho-grin on his face. He stepped outside, and punched a male nurse who had been dumb enough to try and jam a needle in his throat. The nurse fell over, the shape of Kyle’s ring embedded into his cheek, and he snarled, “Not so fast bub!”
“You still got it!” I said, chuckling.
He smiled, and said, “Alright... I have an idea, but it involves some SERIOUS property damage.”
“Oh, yes!” I cackled, rubbing my hooves together excitedly. Oh, it’s good to have Kyle back! And yet, I still haven’t gotten to see one of his famous DJ’ing things! Note to self: Ask Kyle when his next session is.
As we walked down the hall, more nurses/guards came out of nowhere, surrounding us completely, and cutting us off from the exits. Kyle and I instinctively went back-to-erm…back? It’s hard to tell when I’m considerably shorter than Kyle in pony form.
As I eyed my side of the hall, I asked conversationally, “Hey Kyle, how many of them d’ya think there are?” I was counting at least six on my side, and hey! Look, it’s my favorite guard, Smiley! This time, he was sporting a Kevlar vest, and an entire S.W.A.T team armor suit thing. He had pistols strapped to his legs, and a pump action shotgun clenched in his hands.
“A lot,” Kyle answered. He then tensed, and said, “Alright, let’s do this….”
No freaking way. Is he about to shout what I think he’s gonna shout?
“LLLEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOYYYYY….” He charged at his side of the room, and I had to suppress a huge bout of laughter.
Grinning wildly, I ran at Smiley, yelling, “JEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNKIIIIINNSSSSSS!”
From the sound of things, Kyle had his own battle handled, and as for mine…
All I had to do was stand up, and say, “I’M GONNA LOVE AND TOLERATE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SOULS!” I then stuck my tongue out, and made my best funny faces. Pinkie would be proud.
Four of the guards lost it, and turned tail and fled, screaming something about how they weren’t getting paid enough for this. Smiley snarled at me, and aimed the shotgun at my head.
“Hey, Smiley,” I said, my horn glowing. The gun was pulled away from his hands, and I tossed it into a trashcan. “Don’t you know it’s rude to point things at ponies?”
He roared, and ran at me. I stepped to the side, and said, “Ole’!” He crashed into a medical cart, and I didn’t let this opportunity to mess with him pass by me.
My horn glowed again, and his glove clenched into a fist. Smiling, I used my magic to levitate his fist into his face, and I asked, “Why are you hitting yourself?” BAM! “Why are you hitting yourself?” BAM “Why are you hitting yourself?” Both of his fists clenched together this time, and I brought them down on his…you-know-whats. He screamed, and I said, “Why are you hitting yourself?”
He fell over, and I trotted up to him, grinning. He glared at me with tears in the corners of his eyes, and he said in a high-pitched voice, “Why me?”
I smacked him in the head, and said, “Say goodnight Gracie!”
His head slumped to the ground, unconscious.
Turning away from him, I found out that Kyle had finished his own side of the fight, and was currently looting a prize from one of the fallen nurses. He came back up with a syringe in his hand, and I asked, “Kyle... What are you planning on doing?”
He had an insane smile on his face, as he answered, “I'm going to give these losers a taste of their own medicine. Quite literally.” He held the needle up to the light, and I felt like he was about to Ubercharge something.
“Man, am I glad I met you,” I chuckled. As we continued our exploration of the hallways, we were surprisingly not being bothered by any guards or doctors. I guess that’s one of the benefits of being a magic talking pony: People don’t wanna go bonkers once they see you. Go figure, huh?
A few minutes of walking later, Kyle stopped in front of a door that had a shiny gold name plaque on it. His fists clenched, and he said, “Doctor M. Frost...” At my questioning look, he added, “That's my doctor... He's the guy who gave me all the therapy and meds that made me forget everything...”
A hot flash of anger shot through me, and I put on my best angry scowl. Kyle kicked the door open (like a bawss!), and stormed into the room, with me close behind. The bad doctor (no, he’s not the GOOD doctor) was currently sitting at his desk, and he jumped when he saw us enter.
“W-Wha... How did you get out?” He asked, fearfully looking at Kyle. Kyle stepped to the side, and I strode forth, glaring daggers at the Shrink. “What on Earth!?!? But you're just a figment of his imagination!” He shouted, his eyes widening in shock.
“Oh really? Then how the heck am I here in front of you?” I pointed out, pointing a hoof at him.
“But... But that would mean…” He trailed off, and he put a hand on his forehead, and kept staring at me.
By this time, Kyle had somehow managed to sneak behind the doctor, and was currently aiming the needle. He grinned, and said, “Yep. I'm not nuts. Now, it's STABBIN' TIME!” He jammed the needle into the doctor’s neck, and injected the sedatives into him, giving him a taste of his own medicine (Badum-tish!). “Night night, Goldilocks,” Kyle muttered as the doctor’s head fell onto the desk.
Resisting the urge to say, “Oops, zat was not medicine!” I chose to say, “Er... Are you sure you aren't nuts, Kyle?”
We walked out of the room, and Kyle replied, “Oh I definitely am. I can just control myself...” We both glanced at the remains of the doorframe, and he added, “Most of the time.”
Both of us chuckled at that, and we kept walking, searching for…Okay, I have no idea, but as long as there’s massive amounts of property damage and/or bar-fight style brawls, I’m good with it.
Kyle apparently had something in mind, because as soon as he saw a janitor’s closet, he stopped in front of it, and had me unlock it with my magic (which was basically me torching it without him knowing). He walked inside, and took a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from a janitor’s uniform, and also a small thing of mosquito repellent.
“Er... Why do you need cigarettes? You smoke or something?” I asked, confused as all get out.
He shook his head, and said, “Oh God no. Let's just say...” He smiled madly. “I know a thing or two about how to make a timed firebomb. I just hope they have an old water heater here...”
I looked at him questioningly, but then shrugged. Hey, as long as no one gets killed, and something goes boom, it’s a good day in my book!
Another few minutes of searching later, Kyle led us into an old boiler room, where he spent some time rigging up some sort of contraption to an old water heater. As soon as he was done, he turned to look at me, and said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Alright Omnius, we have about an hour before this entire place goes BOOM!”
“Wait, What?!” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah, I learned a few things about arson,” He replied, saying it like he was talking about the weather. “It turns out, if you do what I just did, you can make an old water heater go up in flames, and with that old boiler still in use... Let’s just say this place is gonna have a nice hole in it. So...Let’s get out of here,” He said, grabbing onto my jacket.
I grinned, and together, we went back…back, to EQUESTRIA!
XHXHXHXHXHX
As we went, something felt wrong…As we stepped onto a grassy green hill, I suddenly felt us get…pushed somehow. I don’t know how to describe it, but I guess that’s what happened. I flew through the air for a moment, and then felt myself land on the ground again.
What the crap just happened?
As I looked around, nothing seemed wrong at first. This was definitely Equestria, and from the look on Kyle’s face, the hill was someplace of obvious sentimental value to him. The expression on Kyle’s face was akin to that of a man who’s finally found the answer to the question he never knew he asked. A tear silently rolled down his cheek, and I smiled.
Pushing aside the feeling that something was off, I asked slightly smugly, “So, do you believe me now?”
Kyle nodded his head, as he took in the way the world looked. “Yeah...” A sudden look of realization flashed across his face. “But didn't you say it's been twenty years?” He asked, almost in a panicked sort of way.
“No, no, no,” I quickly reassured. “You see, it's been twenty years of MY life. I'm The Traveler, remember?” I elbowed him jokingly, and kept explaining. “I can go through Space AND Time. So I've been searching for the equivalent of twenty years, but it's only been a year for you...But...” I trailed off, as I finally realized what was off with the area. “Oh no.”
I started hitting my forehead, and muttered, “Stupid, stupid, stupid! You idiot!” to myself. Oh Gods and Goddesses, but I think that…It’s the only possible explanation. Somehow, Torrentican had managed to “tamper” I guess you could put it, with my Traveling! It’s impossible, yet I know I didn’t forget any miscalculations this time! I KNOW I brought us both to the right place, and the right time! Now we’re somehow FIVE YEARS in the future of Kyle’s Equestria! How could Torrentican have...
THE CRYSTAL! I felt the hard lump of crystal in my pocket, and realized that Torrentican had been the one to make that crystal. What if he had planned this all along? What if that fiasco with the crystal was all just a small part of an even bigger plan to ruin Equestria? That would explain why he hadn’t killed Kyle instantly, and also why I would have messed up! I need to find him, and-
“What?” Kyle said, a worried look on his face.
Shit. I can’t tell Kyle about what I suspected, or else he might try and hunt Torrentican again. So, lying slightly, I said, “I think I made a miscalculation...” Looking at him in the eyes, I slowly said, “It's been five years here in Equestria.”
“No way...” Kyle mumbled, swaying on his feet. “Well, can't you just take me back a few years?”
I shook my head, my heart sinking. “No, because if I take you back, the opinions or feelings of anypony from now would change, and we would have to go back to fix that, and then we would end up being in a constant loop of backtracking,” I explained.
“A paradox...” Kyle sighed, the enormity of the situation sinking into him.
One of the MAJOR rules of The Travelers: Try not to mess with the time-stream! That’s what alternate universes/realities/dimensions are for! If I tried to bring Kyle back, then there would be an entirely new Equestria that all three of us would have to deal with. Even though I’ll eventually explore that path, right now, I’m under oath to try NOT to do stuff like that.
Kyle chuckled grimly, and said, almost to himself, “So... Everypony's going to be five years older... That means Scoots'll be in her teen years... Oh joy.”
I chuckled with him, and added, “Yeah. Well, we'd better get moving. We don't wanna keep anypony waiting!” He wasn’t the only one who was missing the colorful ponies. Hey, it’s been twenty years since I saw them last! I want to see them too!
He nodded his head, and both of us started the short hike back to Ponyville.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I have to admit, Kyle looked pretty damn happy to be back in good ole’ Ponyville. Everypony who knew him before he disappeared immediately seemed to recognize him (he IS the only human here so far…IRONY!), and they immediately started welcoming him back. One mare in particular, Lyra, was being especially clingy, hanging onto his leg like a small kid would.
Eventually, I had to step forward, and call out, “Alright, come on now! He’s had a rough day, and just wants to say howdy to a few ponies. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon, so just give him some space!”
The crowd grumbled, but they saw that I was telling the truth, and they all left, giving Kyle some last minute compliments. While both of us shared a laugh at the strange antics of Lyra (and me silently reminding myself to tell Kyle about Lyra’s supposed fascination with humans), we walked to the library.
The tree still looked the same as ever, if only a little bit bigger than when I had last seen it, and a lot more…wait, something’s not right. As Kyle knocked on the door, I felt a shiver run down my spine. My eyes caught certain signs, like how the doormat was covered in dust, and the sign with a picture of a quill and book on it had certainly seen better days.
“Hey, Twilight!” Kyle shouted through the door. “It’s me!”
The door flew open, and revealed a very PISSED off looking Twilight, who was currently attempting to kill Kyle with nothing but a look. Her hair was frazzled, and she had splotches of ink all over her, as if she had been pulling an all-night study session…for almost a year.
“Woah... Twilight, are you OK?” Kyle asked, stepping back nervously.
In a scathing, sarcastic voice, Twilight answered, “Oh yes, I'm fine. I've just spent five years of my life barely speaking to anypony and studying, hoping I would find a way to bring you back. I'M PERFECTLY FINE!” Her voice had slowly risen during her tirade, and she practically shouted that last part.
I was shocked. Not only did Twilight just yell at Kyle, but she also admitted to having broken a promise…I couldn’t come up with anything to say, as I just stood there, being steadily ignored by Twilight. Either that or she couldn’t see me. I hoped it was the last part.
Kyle paled, and stuttered out, “You spent all of that time... Searching for me? But Omnius was-”
“I know he was searching for you, but I wanted to help,” She interrupted angrily. “There was no way I was just going to sit back and wait, doing nothing. And now, you just show up...” She trailed off, shaking her head in a mixture of fury and sorrow. “I don't know how to feel other than angry.” Twilight glared at Kyle again, and the door slammed in his face.
“Maybe we should just give her some space,” Kyle wisely said, still staring wide-eyed at the door.
I nodded, and said optimistically, “Yeah... Let's just go see Rarity. She'll probably be happy to see her number one customer back!” I grinned, and eventually, Kyle grinned too.
“That's a good idea. And the Carousel Boutique is just around the corner. ALLONS-Y!” His grin grew even bigger, and he said, “Man I have wanted to say that for a while!”
I laughed, already walking to the Boutique. Truthfully though, I didn’t think today was gonna get any better. What Twilight said she spent five years of her life barely speaking to anypony…No, she didn’t really mean that! Come on, she’s the Element of Magic! And isn’t Magic, “Friendship”? She just meant that she was caught up in her studies, but was still on good terms with the others!
I hope.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
The benefits of having a friend who practically lived in her shop: You could walk in anytime the sign didn’t say, “Closed”. Case in point, Kyle and I both walked into the Carousel Boutique, as if we were just a couple of customers. The little bell on top of the doorframe alerted the owner to our presence, and in a few seconds, Rarity had zipped in front of us, a smile on her face…
…and then she saw Kyle.
She pursed her lips, and said, “Oh, well how long has it been now? Five years? Where have you BEEN?” It sounded like she was taking the same sarcasm lessons as Twilight…
“Alright, listen,” Kyle said, holding out his hands in a peaceful gesture. “I've been stuck back on Earth-“
“So you just abandoned us for your old home, after you dragged us along and built up friendships like that?” She glared at Kyle, and spat out, “What's wrong with you? Did you just strike up a deal with that, oh what was his name...?” She pretended to think for a moment, “Torrentican?”
“What? No! Rarity, listen-”
“I have work to do,” Rarity said stiffly. “Goodbye.” She then turned around, refusing to look at either of us, and trotted away, her head held in high disdain.
Damn, this is just what I feared. Now this means that everypony else might be angry…oh Gods, if Twilight and Rarity are this mad, what about Rainbow Dash? I’m not looking forward to that.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Kyle... Maybe we shouldn't visit anypony else for a bit. Let's just let the info spread a bit.” At least now, they could get over their anger, and we’d have a better chance of a warmer reception.
“No...” At my obvious surprise, he said, “Omnius, I need to see if there isn't at least ONE of my friends who isn't angry with me... Let’s go.”
I sighed, and thought that this was only gonna get worse from here…At least I know that Pinkie will be happy! I wouldn’t be surprised if she already had a party or some cake ready for us when we got around to seeing her!
XHXHXHXHXHX
When we made it to Fluttershy’s home, she didn’t answer (although thankfully it was because she wasn’t home! Thank the Gods for that little sign of hope) and when we got to Sweet Apple Acres (Sweet Glory Hallelujah, but I think the orchard and fields got BIGGER!), Applejack was out bucking some trees.
As neither Kyle or I felt like getting lost in a grove of nearly endless apple trees, we decided to go and see Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner. I knew that the bundle of hyper pink pony would be really happy to see us!
Or, at least I thought she would be…
As we walked into the shop (and after I bought a slice of pie without Kyle noticing…sneak increased!), I fully expected Pinkie to come dashing down, talking in that little machine gun way of hers. Instead, the bell rang, and echoed forebodingly in the surprisingly dark store…
“Um…I’m gonna wait outside,” I whispered, slinking away and standing outside where I could hear everything that was said.
“Oh, this can't be good... PINKIE?” Kyle shouted, trying to get her attention.
I heard the sound of somepony slowly coming down the stairs, and I prayed that it wasn’t Pinkie. Slow steps + Dark Room…not good.
“Pinkie,” Kyle started, worry in his voice. I felt my heart drop, as he said pleadingly, “Please don't tell me you're angry with me too..."
I heard a voice whisper something, and Kyle had to say, “What?”
“I SAID MEANIE!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “You just went and left us all here. I never get to see any of my bestest friends anymore, because they all shut themselves away, trying to think of ways to find you. I was the only one to leave it up to Omnius!” I felt my heart shatter when I heard that, and what she said next only served to remind me of my foolish, stupid mistake… “And now everypony stopped being friends!”
I started swaying, and had to lean against the wall for support. No…Because of me, everypony stopped being friends…all because I failed to notice that obvious trap Torrentican had set up…Maybe if I had just thought to look for Kyle on his birth-world first, instead of the other places…No…
I heard her crying, and my guilt only got worse. Kyle walked out of the store, and, choosing to hide my feelings, asked Kyle, “Dude, why did you just leave her like that?”
He shook his head dejectedly. “Well, I can't bear to see her like that, and I really don't know what to do,” He said, letting out a deep sigh. “I guess it would be best to just see Dashie... Wait...”
Kyle glanced at his shoes, and cursed to himself. I guessed what he was thinking, and as he asked, “Well...What do I do now?” I used my magic to pull out a pair of shoes I had snagged from the mental institution. “How did you-”
I decided now was a good time for a joke, just to lift his spirits. Smiling, I said, “I’ve learned from Pinkie.”
“Ah.” He slipped on the shoes, and I shifted into Pegasus form so I could follow him. I figured he would need a friend to help him out, just in case things would go horribly wrong (gotta keep hoping for something good after all, right?), so I planned on waiting outside. If he didn’t come out after a few minutes…well, that meant that he and Dasher had made up then!
Kyle took off, with me flying behind him in close pursuit.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I landed on the cloud, and Kyle asked me to wait outside. I nodded, and waited, brooding silently.
Okay, focus Omni! Here’s what I know for certain:
1) Due to a mistake on my part (not being able to prevent Torrie from screwing things up) we were now five years out of place.
2) Because of this, Kyle’s closest friends (baring Applejack, Zephyr, Fluttershy, and Big Mac) now hated him, and might be flat out ignoring me completely.
3) I’m now the only one with the entire story of why Kyle couldn’t come back, and why he hadn’t been back sooner, meaning...
4) I’m the only one who has any hope of getting the girls back together, and getting them to like Kyle again.
As I thought about this, trying to form a plan (that’s a sign that shit is definitely getting real), Kyle came outside, his face a neutral mask.
“So how’d it go?” I asked quietly.
“Omnius,” He said in a monotone voice. “Go home.”
“Aw, come on!” I said, getting up. “Tell me!”
“GO HOME!” He screamed, flying off before I could react.
I watched, in unsurprised silence, as he flew away, small pinpricks of light revealing tears that were falling from his face.
Fuck. I really just…I just fucked everything up. No more though! I got up, and went over my thoughts again. If they’re ignoring me, then I’m gonna have to do something I hadn’t done in ages:
I’m going to have to work from the shadows.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Thirteen nights later
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Under cover of night, I jumped from roof to roof, in human form this time, my only disguise being a black hoodie with the hood flipped over my head, casting my face into shadows. I jumped into the branches of the library, and quietly peered inside, a single lit candle revealing Twilight, who was hell bent on researching something that I couldn’t make out.
I flicked my wrist, and a small blade shot out, which I then used as a makeshift lock pick, undoing the latch that held the window shut, and went inside. I successfully crept past Twilight without alerting her (dundundun: Sneak increased!), and walked into a small bedroom, where I saw a purple and green mass of scales sleeping.
I placed my hand over his mouth, and his eyes shot open, as he took in what must have looked like a monster about to kill him. I quickly took off the hood, and whispered, “Spike, it’s me!”
He calmed down, and whispered, “Omnius?”
I nodded.
“Why are you here so late? And why are we whispering? And why are you in Human form!?”
In hushed tones, I told him that since I wasn’t the only human here now I didn’t have to stay a pony as much as I did before, and about the whole situation with Kyle, only this time, he heard my side of the story, explaining how Torrentican had pulled a fast one over all of us. Spike’s eyes widened as I explained, and he cried out, “Well we have to tell everypony this!”
I shushed him, and heard the sound of hooves clopping on the floor. Reacting instinctively, I jumped over the doorframe, and hid in the shadows, closing my eyes so that nothing could see the light reflected from them.
The door opened, and Twilight asked, “Spike, who were you talking to?”
The dragon gulped, and hurriedly said, “Uh, nopony! I just had a weird dream, that’s all!”
Twilight seemed to nod, as she didn’t say anything for a moment, and she left. As soon as I heard the door close, I silently dropped to the floor. “Nice save,” I said.
“Thanks. Why are you telling me this though?” He asked. “Shouldn’t you tell Twilight and the others? They haven’t been friends for almost a year now…”
My heart throbbed painfully at the sorrow in his voice, and I patted him on the shoulder. He looked at me, and I said, “Spike, don’t worry: I have a plan. I need you to start giving Twilight hints that she and the girls should meet up soon. I’m gonna do the same thing with the others, but you’re the first one I had to get in on this.”
He nodded, and I asked him one more question that was critical to the success of this plan…
“How are Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake?”
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
As I made my way through the town, jumping from roof to roof, I thought of the irony of the situation. “Where is the love…for Love?” I asked myself, remembering how Kyle was now the Element of Love. “Dark tidings…” I shook my head, and focused on my plan. I landed on the roof of Sugarcube Corner, and crawled into the window that lead into the room of the two sleeping pony children.
“I hope they still remember there Unka Om,” I muttered, as I closed the door and window. I snuck up to their beds, and felt my heart melt at the sight of them. They had obviously grown, but they still had that same feeling of innocence on them. I sighed, and quietly woke them up.
“Unka Om?” Pumpkin whispered, her eyes lighting up with recognition. Pound looked at me the same way, and I grinned sheepishly.
“Hey kiddos,” I said, holding my arms out to my side. They knew about my human form, as I didn’t think that as babies they would remember me, but…guess I just had that proved wrong.
“Unka Om!” Both of them said at the same time, tackling me with a hug. This…is one of the most d’awable things…that has happened to me…EVER!
I hugged both of them, and laughed quietly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here lately. I was looking for a friend of mine.”
“We’re happy you’re back, Unka Om,” Pumpkin said, burying her face into my coat like she used to do when she was younger. “Pinkie hasn’t been acting very happy lately…”
I frowned, and said, “I know. But howzabout we give her something to smile about, hm? Do you two think that if you, Spike, and Sweetie worked together, you could all get the girls to meet up at the library?”
They nodded, looking at me strangely. “Unka Om?”
“Yeah Pumpkin?”
“What are you gonna do if we’re getting them together?”
I tucked them back into their beds, and perched on the window sill. “I’m gonna go take care of business.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
The sun was rising, and I knew that I didn’t have much time. Since I knew that Applejack was gonna be up by now, I just knocked on the door, and was surprised when an older and slightly taller Apple Bloom opened the door.
“Bloom?” I asked quietly, kneeling down.
“Omnius!” She wrapped her forelegs around my neck, and hugged me tightly. “Ah missed ya so much! Everypony’s-”
“I know,” I whispered, as she cried silently on my jacket. “Don’t worry. Remember what I told you that day when you first met the Crusaders?” I asked, pulling away from her, and smiling softly.
She sniffed a little, and wiped away a couple of tears. “That no matter what, you’ll always come when we need you…”
I nodded, and said, “I’m here. Where’s Applejack?”
She led me to Applejack’s room, and I knocked on the door. “Who’s there?” Applejack’s voice called out.
“Boo.”
“Boo who?”
“Now don’t cry! That joke was supposed to be funny!”
There was the frantic sound of hooves, and the door swung open, revealing a wide-eyed A.J. She looked at me, and I smiled. “Well now I’m back…From outer space!” I started singing.
A.J laughed, and pulled me into a hug. After I explained the entire story to her, her anger at Kyle completely vanished, and was replaced with worry.
“Well how are ya gonna get the others to listen?” She asked when I was done. “And where IS Kyle?”
“First, I’m getting some friends to get them together, and you’re gonna have to try and explain things to them, along with Fluttershy, since they apparently still hate me,” I answered somewhat bitterly. “Second, I don’t know, but if my detective skills are right, he’s probably drowning his sorrows at some bar.”
“Why do ya think that?”
“It’s the only thing I can think of,” I replied. I gave her another quick hug, and added, “Do me proud A.J!”
“I’ll try.”
I grinned, and ran outside, the sun starting to peek over the horizon. I closed my eyes, and asked Princess Celestia silently, “Princess, I’m sorry to ask you this, but I need at least one more hour before the morning! It’s imperative to getting the girls and Kyle back together!”
“Kyle is back?!” A surprised voice answered in my head.
“That he is. Now please, I need you to do this for me!”
“Alright…If it were anypony else, I would refuse, but if there is any hope of getting Twilight her friends back…” Her voice faltered, as she started worrying about her student/adoptive daughter.
“Don’t worry! I’m the Traveler of Good, it’s what I’m made to do!” I said, making my way to Fluttershy’s cottage. “Is Luna’s memory loss thingie showing up yet?”
As Kyle had told me what had happened, I was constantly worried that something might have happened to Luna. See, for those of you who have forgotten, when Kyle had been impaled by a stalactite, he had died. So Luna, choosing to trade 100 year’s worth of memory for the gift of life, had brought Kyle back to the land of the living.
“No, not yet. I wish you luck Traveler…Please, help them.” Celestia answered, before severing the connection.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
I finally stopped in front of Fluttershy’s cottage, just as the sun started to move again. I took off the hood, and ran my fingers through my windswept hair, trying to make myself look as non-threatening as possible.
Once satisfied with my appearance, I knocked on the door of the cottage. The door cracked open, revealing a patch of pink hair, and a crystal blue eye.
“Omnius!” The door opened, and I was tackle-hugged for the third time that day/night. “You’re back! Where’s Kyle, is he alright? Did you find him?”
I hugged her tightly. For some reason, she was always able to chase away whatever bad feelings I had. It must have had something to do with her inherent kindness, but I always felt better around her. She could make anypony feel better, and that was what I was hoping she would do.
“Fluttershy, I don’t have much time, but listen.” I explained EVERYTHING to her, and ended by saying, “Now look, if you still want to be Kyle’s friend, then I need you and A.J to meet with the girls either tonight, or more likely tomorrow, and convince them to give Kyle another shot. They won’t listen to me, and…” I faltered, realizing the enormity of what I just said for the first time in almost two weeks.
They didn’t listen to me.
Fluttershy sensed my distress, and she hugged me again. “Don’t feel bad, they’ve just had a lot on their minds. They haven’t seen either of you in almost five years.”
I chuckled, and answered, “Fluttershy, I haven’t seen ANY of you in twenty years.”
She gasped, and took in my appearance. “But-“
“For Kyle, it’s been a year, but that’s not important. We just need to get everypony together again!” I answered, fondly rubbing her mane. “Now if you excuse me, I need to make sure that everything is ready.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I sat quietly in a corner of the bar, hiding in the shadows, completely hidden from everypony…and everyone. Thanks to my ability to get information (and pay bribes), I had tracked Kyle down to this local bar, and was now waiting for everypony to show up.
Sipping at my drink, a cooled bottle of Nuka-Cola, I waited. After a few hours, the door opened, and the girls finally showed up. Grinning, I started listening to Kyle…
And realized my fatal mistake.
“I... I didn't mean to leave you guys...” He was mumbling to himself, in a drunken pit of self loathing. “I didn't know Torrentican would take me back... I would never leave here willingly... I'm so sorry I forgot... I just wish I could have come back sooner... I never wanted it to be like this... I love you all so much...” He buried his head into his arms, and began sobbing, and I felt my heart sink even lower. “Y-You w-were the b-b-best friends I-I ever h-h-had, and I j-just ruined i-it by g-going against him, thinking I w-w-would win... L-Look what m-my p-p-pride got me... I'm a w-worthless loser... I'm n-n-nothing... I'll never a-amount to a-a-anything... I r-ruined your l-lives... I d-don't deserve y-your friendship... I-I just d-deserve the a-anger... The h-hate... P-Please, d-don't s-stop hating me... I-I-I deserve e-every ounce of th-the anger... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so, so sorry... I ruin everything... I can't do anything right...”
He kept sobbing, and I finally noticed the large amount of empty bottles and glasses around him. He had drunk himself into a stupor, and the girls…did nothing. They just watched him silently, and walked out of the bar, barely giving him a second glance.
It was that, more than anything, which let me know that I had failed.
I stood up, and walked out of the bar, eliciting a few gasps of surprise as nopony knew that I had been there all day. I didn’t care though. I was…angry, sad, disappointed, and guilty.
A mocking laugh was heard, and Torrentican whispered, “Feeling down, Sean?” I knew he wasn’t there, and I kept walking, finally reaching my house. I kicked open the door, and opened an incredibly old looking and barnacle encrusted cabinet, revealing an old diving suit with a humongous drill attached to the arm, with heavy pieces of armor strapped to it in different places.
Quickly putting on the armor, I saved the helmet for last, carrying it underneath my arm as I walked outside. I took one last look at Ponyville, and thought for a few moments about what I was about to do.
“My friends are all still mad at each other, Kyle is alone and friendless. I can’t call myself his friend because of the shit I made him go through, and Torrentican is still here. He has five years’ worth of Shadow-Stalkers ready in the forest, and I’m obviously not welcome here.”
I put the helmet on, and clenched my left hand into a fist, where small tendrils of lightning arced across the knuckles. The voice modifier went to work, making my voice become nothing more than a system of guttural roars. I stomped off into the Everfree forest, turning my flashlight on.
Going deeper and deeper into the forest, I found a small alcove that was covered in moss, and which only let in a small amount of filtered light, and had a small pond in the center of it. There was a cave off to the side, and obvious signs that Shadow-Stalkers and Manticores were in the area.
I nodded, satisfied with what I was going to call my new home, and let out a loud challenging roar.
From now on, it looks like Hope rides alone…
XHXHXHXHXHX
Unknown amount of time later
XHXHXHXHXHX
I wandered through the forest, still hunting Shadow-Stalkers, even though I must have taken out two hundred today alone. Granted, most of them were imps, but still, the numbers had me worried. As I walked, I let my mind become clear, and just let the Big Daddy instincts kick in, telling me what I needed to do…
Right as I heard a filly scream in fear.
I didn’t have to see my helmet to know that the visor on it was suddenly glowing an angry red color, and I charged in the direction of the scream. A terrified Pegasus filly was huddled against a stone wall, while an angry manticore crouched, ready to pounce on her.
Immediately, I was reminded of a Splicer attacking a Little Sister, and went into battle mode. I tackled the manticore, my drill arm tearing a hole in its wings, and used my free hand to grab at its jaw, tearing it away from the scared filly. Without even skipping a beat, I pulled back the drill, and smacked its head with the side of it, dazing the beast, and effectively readying it for the kill.
The filly let out a terrified whimper, and I glanced at my drill. It was covered in blood already, and I knew that I shouldn’t expose the filly to more violence than it had already seen. So I smacked the manticore again, knocking it out instead of killing it.
Turning away from it, I knelt next to the filly, who stared at me with wide eyes. I extended a massive, glove covered hand, and the filly slowly put her hoof into it, and smiled hopefully.
“What’s your name?” She asked, giving me a confused look. I didn’t answer, and just put her on my back, where she managed to hang on, as I carried her through the forest. As soon as we reached Ponyville, I set her on the ground, and she looked at me again.
“Thanks Mister! But what’s your name!?” She asked again.
In answer, I showed her the back of my glove, revealing a Greek Delta.
“Is that a triangle?”
I shook my head.
She thought about it for a second, and then said, “Ooh! I think I know! I saw something like this in school! It’s, uh, it’s…a Delta?”
I nodded.
“Delta? That’s your name?”
I nodded again.
“Okay…Thanks Mister Delta!” She then scurried off, using her wings to get a bit more speed. Smiling on the inside, I turned back, and walked into the forest.
As soon as I reached my alcove, and stood in the pond to regenerate any lost wounds (thanks to the Fountain of Youth tonic), it started to rain…
Hope, it seems, rides alone.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
CROSSOVER:
Hope for the Best.
(Part Three of a Crossover with k12314’s ‘Le Retour ’)
[During this scene, I suggest you listen to Metallica’s “One” .]
I don’t know how long I stayed in the forest. Paying attention to the time passing didn’t really seem important to me, only the thought of preventing Torrentican from harming my friends did.
After what must have been a few days after I saved that filly, I tried to let go of my emotions. Fear, anger, happiness, and sorrow, all were replaced by my basic instincts: Protect, fight, and defend. If a monster had the guts to challenge me, I would fight them, stopping short of killing them every time, unless they were a Shadow-Stalker. Whenever I found one of those, there would be no words, no questions…just a battle between me, and the Stalker, as we determined if our strength was really superior to the other.
I wasn’t foolish enough to want to commit suicide though. I decided that my efforts would be better spent attempting to make this world a safer place, and so I threw myself with almost reckless ferocity at my foes, unleashing my fury upon them.
Days and Nights melted together, as the passing of time didn’t hold much meaning to me. I didn’t leave though, not while Torrentican and other monsters were still here. I owed that much to the ponies here. I owed that much to my friends…
My friends.
Can I still call them that? Can you really call someone that, when they hate you with every fiber of their being, yet you still have that urge to do what you can to make them happy? When they wish to have nothing to do with you, and you wish to have everything to do with them? When you will most certainly outlive them, and have to live eternally with your loss?
Is that even fair to them?
As I thought of this, I shook my head, realizing that I was allowing myself to feel again. That shouldn’t happen. I need to focus on getting rid of the Stalkers, and then…Torrentican. I swear, that if it takes me a millennia, he will pay for the crimes he has committed on this world.
A rustling in the bushes ahead of me snapped me out of my thoughts, and the instincts took over. With the Scout Plasmid, I sent a sort of Astral Projection in front of me, and used it to search the area.
Three imps shuffled aimlessly on the forest floor, and two Vultures (grey cloaked figures that had two black metallic wings for arms, and deadly, razor sharp, silver talons for legs) perched on the branches above them, watching out for any enemies that might provide a threat to their master’s plan. A Brute Golem (Gorilla-like masses of ebony colored granite) stood in the center of the clearing, absently scratching a ragged knuckle on the dirt underneath him, its face screwed up in concentration, as if it were trying to think of something.
I called back the Scout, and my visor glowed an angry red color. My hand lit up in a blazing inferno, and my drill started to pick up speed as I activated it. A guttural roar escaped from me, as I charged through the bushes in front of me, taking the Stalkers by surprise.
A flick of my wrist sent flames coursing over the imps, lighting them ablaze, as I drove the drill into the stomach of the Brute Golem, creating a fist-sized dent in the stone armor, revealing a pale, sickening mass of flesh underneath. The Brute roared in pain, and swung at me with one massive fist, forcing me to jump back, right before I could force my drill into its now revealed weak-spot.
There was a piercing cry, and my hand shot out more flames, lighting a Vulture, and forcing the other one to swerve off course to avoid the dangerous fire. The imps had by now disappeared, and the Brute had recovered, and was already swinging its fists at me.
I took the brunt of one blow on my armored forearm, and grunted as the other fist connected with my side, the armor making a POOMPH sound as it absorbed the blow. My drill spun wildly again, and I impaled the Brute, causing a brown, oil-like substance to issue forth, as the light in the Brute’s eyes dimmed. The Brute disappeared in a swirl of mist, and I turned to deal with the Vulture.
Only to find that it was now flying towards me, claws extended as it went for the kill. I rolled onto the ground, my helmet getting scratched on top, and extended my hand towards the monster. An arc of violently cackling electricity shot out, and hit the bird, scrambling its nervous system for a moment.
That moment was all I needed.
I stomped on the Vulture’s neck, and it disappeared instantly, leaving me panting inside of the suit, adrenaline still pumping through me.
[Stop the music now if you want.]
“Four hundred, and thirty-six,” I thought to myself. “I have killed four hundred and thirty-six Shadow Stalkers since I came into the forest.”
Nodding my head, not wanting to speak, I stomped off, and lurked at the edge of the forest, deep enough where only the most scrutinizing of gazes could find me, yet close enough that I could watch the town of Ponyville.
Spotting nothing out of the ordinary (in other words, no Shadow-Stalkers), I slowly plodded my way towards my alcove, stopping on the way to check on Fluttershy’s cottage. Nothing wrong there.
A few times in the beginning, Princess Celestia had attempted to talk to me, concerned for my well-being. I told her I was fine, and then severed the mental connection instantly, not wanting to hear anything. Right now, I just wanted to be alone.
I stood in the pond, and slowly regenerated the wounds, feeling like a lone sentinel, as I silently watched the forest all around me. My stomach grumbled, but I had learned to ignore it by now. The Fountain of Youth tonic provided all of my necessary nutrients, as long as I stood, or at least drank, some form of liquid, preferably water.
Darkness fell, and I closed my eyes, settling in for the night.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
When I opened my eyes, coming out of my meditative stance, a small part of my mind thought, “Welp, that was a good sleep! Wonder what the girls are…oh. Right.”
Letting out a low grumble, I went off on my rounds. With the time that I had spent in the forest, now most of the predatory creatures avoided the edge of the forest, their fellow forest-dwellers warning them of a behemoth that lurked in the woods, mercilessly hunting those that would seek to harm the innocent. Occasionally, some of the older and more mature creatures would seek me out, hoping to kill me in order to gain the respect of their pack/species.
All of them would fail, and I would send them packing time, and time again.
Forcing myself through the forest, something started to feel wrong. There were absolutely no Shadow-Stalkers in the forest. Did I finally kill all of them? Or had Torrentican moved them to a different area, in the hopes of preparing an army?
Thinking about it, I came to a decision: If I didn’t find anything in the forest today, then I would finally move on to another world, and hope that I would eventually come to grips with my mistake.
Slowly, I pushed on through the woods on my now regular rounds, searching for any sign of monster, or stalker, a quiet part of me silently hoping that I would find something, and be able to spend more time here. I snorted at that thought, wondering what I still had here. Is there really any reason for me to stay here at al-
“HOLD IT!”
That voice…was that…? I made my way through the undergrowth, and stopped at the edge of a small opening in the forest, and felt my body stiffen with shock. Standing just about ten feet in front of me…
…was Kyle.
He seemed to be talking to the air, as he said, “You see, that's where you make me laugh, Torrie. You think you can fool me with your empty threats. You already destroyed the controller crystal, so there aren't any more rifts to close, so you aren't dimming my hope of return. And I know Omnius'll find me eventually, as do the girls. Poor little Torrie, running out of ideas, are we?”
Was he talking to Torrentican? Was Torrentican inside of Kyle’s head again? Did those last two lines rhyme?
I shook my head, and continued listening. In a strange sort of trance, I could almost hear Torrentican say to Kyle, “B-But I could just take you to another world, one that Omnius doesn't know about!”
“Even if he doesn't know about it now, he'll keep searching until he finds me. I'm not worried about him giving up, he's the Element of Hope, and one of my closest friends. I'd trust him with my life.” He…still trusts me? Even after all the shit I messed up? (At this point, the small part of me that wasn’t drowning in guilt thought, “Now say I’m pretty!”) “Face it, you're cornered in this argument, Torrie. You can't win. Just get out of my head, and give up!” He shouted triumphantly, a huge smile on his face.
“No! You don't have me beaten! I'll get you yet!” I realized that I actually could hear Torrentican in my head as well, and wondered if he knew that.
“Come at me, bro!” Kyle replied, holding his arms out. “I've got the Elements of Harmony, AND the Princesses on my side! Not to mention practically all of Equestria! You're outnumbered, bub! No matter what you say, and no matter what trick you pull out of your sleeve, I'll always come back, and fight you until the bitter end. I'm not one to give up when my friends and loved ones are in danger. As long as I still stand, you're in trouble.”
I felt guilty again, as I realized that I had forgotten one of the most important lessons I had ever learned: If you’ve still got a breath of life in you, if there are still others that need you, and if there’s danger still around, then you can’t give up.
“And what if I kill you?”
“Luna'll just bring me back, like she did last time. As much as it pains me to say it, she will, and she won't listen to reason.” He leaned forward, as if Torrentican were right in front of him, and slowly said, “You. Can't. Win. I can't be stopped!” A gigantic grin spread across his face, as he pointed dramatically, and shouted, “TAKE THAT!”
“I'll be back, just you wait.”
“And I'll be waiting with a smile on my face and a weapon in my hand,” Kyle replied, crossing his arms.
There was a long moment of silence, and I hesitated for a moment. For what seemed like an hour, I stood on the edge of the clearing, scared to walk out there. Finally, I steeled my resolve, and stepped forward, not even attempting to be stealthy.
At the sound of my footsteps, Kyle’s head whipped over, and he looked at me, almost completely unsurprised. “Hey dude,” He casually said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
I could only gulp, as with trembling hands, I took off the helmet, tucking it under my arm. “I’m assuming you’re out here because you’ve lost Hope,” Kyle said, as he took in my appearance.
After being out in the forest for so long, I could only nod, as I struggled to bring back the words for a long moment. Finally, in a hoarse voice, I croaked out, “Was that Torrentican?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “You heard that?”
I hesitated, trying to think of an answer, and then asked, “Did you mean it when you said you'd trust me with your life?”
He smiled, and said, “Of course. As I said, you're one of my closest friends. You've always stuck by me, and helped me more than you can imagine.” He stopped to clear his throat for a second, and then he added, “I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me.”
A few tears fell down his face, and I couldn’t think of anything to say. Silently, I took off the rest of my armor, and put it into a pocket dimension, revealing the same clothes that I had been wearing when I had finally found Kyle. They were tattered in various places, and stained with a mixture of blood and grime, but it didn’t seem that bad to me.
I took a steadying breath, and said in a low voice, “I'm sorry I just hid out here. I should have come talk to you, not just...Y'know...” I hung my head, guilt coursing through me once again.
Kyle clasped my shoulder, and said, “Don't worry about it, dude. Let's go home.”
I nodded, and together, we started walking out of the forest. I glanced at my reflection in a puddle that was left over from a recent rainstorm, and noticed that my skin was tinged with grey. Not just that, but it appeared that underneath the blood and grime, my clothes were grey too. Huh. Weird. As soon as we walked back into the shadows, out of the light of the clearing, the grayness became less apparent, and I shrugged it off.
As we walked, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise, and my left fist clenched, calling forth the Winter Blast plasmid. Frost covered my fist, and ice spikes that had flecks of blood frozen in them erupted forth.
Kyle noticed this, and he stumbled for a moment. “You can actually use Plasmids?!”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Hey, does it feel like we’re being watched?”
He scowled, and looked around. “Now that you mention it-”
As if that was its cue, A Shadow-Stalker, Greater Imp variety (normal imp, but twice as large) leaped out of the woods, and launched itself at Kyle.
Reacting instinctively, as I had been for the past who-knows how long, I shoved Kyle out of the way, and coated my right arm in a long ice-spike, forming an improvised drill. I drill tackled the stalker, and impaled my ice-spike through its chest, pinning it to a tree, and causing it to disappear.
“…Good save,” Kyle said, surprised at the ferocity of my attack.
“Thanks,” I grunted. Clearing my throat somewhat awkwardly, I said, “Um…Kyle?”
“What?”
“I think I’m stuck.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH
After I was pulled out of the tree, and the ice was carefully removed from my hand, the two of us returned to our path. Soon enough, we reached the edge of the forest, and while Kyle eagerly walked out of the forest, I stopped at the edge, my fears creeping into my head.
Noticing my sudden stop, Kyle turned to look at me, and he asked, “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, retreating a few steps into the woods. “I can’t go back. Not yet…”
He frowned, and said, “Well why not? I’ve obviously forgiven you!”
“Yeah, you have,” I said somewhat bitterly. “But what about the girls? I wouldn’t be surprised if they haven’t even thought about me while I was gone. Heck, you and Celestia were the only ones who apparently cared enough to try and get me to come back.”
“That’s a lie,” He half-shouted, grabbing my arm, and pulling me into the light. His eyes widened, as he noticed for the first time my grey color scheme. “Omnius…what’s wrong with you?”
“I dunno. I still just feel like…” I sighed. “I dunno. If you need me, I’m gonna be at my house…”
“Are you sure? Come on, the girls will want to see you!”
“Kyle-”
“NO! You’re coming with me!” He said, stubbornly pulling my arm.
My anger rose, and I snatched my arm back. “If you need me, I’m gonna be at my house,” I repeated. My voice softened suddenly, and I added, “Hey…my friends call me Nate, or Sean. Or Omnius. Whichever floats your boat.”
I turned on my heels, and stuffed my hands in my pockets, walking down the path.
I turned on my heels, and stuffed my hands in my pockets, walking down the path. Questions bounced around in my head, but there was one in particular that seemed to just keep coming up:
Why hadn’t the girls tried looking for me?
I knew that it was a childish question and concern, and that I shouldn’t have cared about it either way, but it still kept coming back to me. Part of me still thought that I should go back, and at the very least talk to them, and apologize for what I had done. Another side said that it wasn’t very surprising. After all, all I managed to do was give them a false hope when I promised to bring Kyle back.
Sure, he eventually was brought back, but a little later than I had said. Sighing, I finally reached my house, and stopped to take a good long look at it. The white paint was chipping, revealing the weathered looking stone underneath it, and the small flower bushes I had planted before were now little more than crumbling husks, withered away to almost nothing.
I opened my door, and peered inside. After I placed the Delta Armor back in its rightful place, I absently wiped a finger on the top of the fireplace, unsurprised to see that it was covered in almost an inch of dust.
A sudden pressure against my forehead alerted me to the presence of someone who was trying to force their way into my mind. Scowling, I threw up more shields, and did my best to ignore it, thinking that Torrentican was attempting to force his way in and mock me for my guilt. “Get out,” I snarled, walking up the stairs to the second floor.
Looking up, I saw the sky through the dome, with soft clouds lazily hanging about, with no Pegasi to guide them. Celestia’s sun, its blinding radiance slightly dimmed thanks to the dome, crept across the sky, giving light and warmth to all it touched.
As I stared at the sun, the pressure increased, causing my head to throb in pain. Gritting my teeth, I placed my hands on my head, and started to growl out a spell designed to alleviate mental pain.
After what felt like hours of nonstop muttering while I sat on the floor, the pain finally abated, and I let out a huge sigh of relief. There was an impatient knock at my door, and a voice called out, “Omnius? I know you’re in there!”
Damn it…social interaction.
Getting up, I grumbled incomprehensibly to myself, and slowly made my way down the steps. “Don’t answer the door,” A cold voice whispered in my head. “Whoever is there is more than likely to just scorn you for your failure…”
“Shut up,” I groaned. I threw open the door and spotted an irritated looking Kyle.
“Hey Ky-“
I didn’t get a chance to finish, as a bag was thrown over me, taking me by surprise. I lashed out with my fists, but only came into contact with more burlap. Apparently, I was in one of those extra-large potato bags that are custom built for kidnapping others.
“Just shut up, you’re coming with me,” Kyle said cheerfully, dragging the bad along the road as he headed in what I guessed to be the direction to Ponyville.
“LET ME OUTTA HERE!” I screamed, anger in my voice.
“Nope,” He said, and then the faint beat of a drum beat reached my ears. It sounded distorted somehow, almost as if…
“ARE YOU LISTENING TO AN MP3 OR SOMETHING?!”
“Sorry, can’t hear you!”
Grrr…Urge, to maim, rising! My hair bristled, as I flexed my fingers experimentally. It was gonna feel good to tear my way out of this bag, and then sink my claws into-
No! I shook my head, and pulled at my hair, trying to distract myself from the anger. I can’t lose my temper, I can’t! Not unless I want to hurt others…
All I could do, it seemed, was to just let Kyle take me where he planned on taking me, and keep my temper in check.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
I didn’t believe it, but my snark had finally started to return, bit by bit.
“Are we there yet?”
“No,” Kyle repeated for the fourteenth time.
“Can you open the bag yet? For that matter, how the hell are you dragging me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m kind of heavy I think. And aren’t you a little scrawny?” He kicked the bag, and I grunted, thankful he hadn’t hit a little lower. “Point taken.”
There was the sound of a door opening, and I felt myself unceremoniously dumped on the floor…right at the hooves of some familiar looking mares.
“Um…hi?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look them in the eyes, and I heard somepony stomp their hoof angrily on the floor. “Where have you BEEN?” Twilight’s voice angrily said.
“Well...” I started, struggling once again to find the right words. “You see, I-”
“I was so worried about you!” Twilight interrupted, traces of relief starting to leak into her voice. “Everypony was! Kyle, where'd you find him?”
“Divine Melody, Zeph's daughter, said she was rescued by a metal creature in the Everfree. I sorta deduced it was him,” Kyle said matter-of-factly.
Well, that’s one mystery solved. I was wondering how Kyle knew I had been in the forest, as he couldn’t have just decided, “Oh, I’m gonna go take a stroll through monster-infested woods today!” But who was Divine Melody? Wait, that filly I saved…was that her? I knew I shouldn’t have told her my name. If I hadn’t, Kyle would surely have never made the connection, and I would still be in the forest…or on another world.
“I can see why you would come to that conclusion,” Twilight said, agreeing with him. I felt her gaze bore into me, and she asked suddenly, “Wait, why is he all grey like that?”
There was a short pause, before Kyle answered, “I dunno. But he's sure acting differently.” Another pause, then, “What is it, Twi?”
“Grey…has he been acting like he’s lost all hope?” She asked hesitantly, acting afraid of the answer. Oh sure, talk about me like I’m not even here! I mean, it’s not like I care or anything!
“Um…” I glanced up to find that Kyle was staring intently at my face. He stared straight into my eyes, and I could only stare back, and remain silent. “Yeah,” He finally answered after a moment.
Everypony gasped, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I resumed staring at the floor, and I heard another pony step forward. Rarity, in her sophisticated voice, said, “Darling... Something like this has happened to all of us before. We were changed by the evil creature known as ‘Discord.’ I believe you remember the story we told you about him?”
Pfft, I remember that. I was somehow the only Element who hadn’t been corrupted by Discord. That’s why while Twilight was returning everypony back to normal, I was the one who had to fight off Discord, relying on the power of The Mask to keep him at bay long enough. We had won, the Elements jumpstarting my Super-Aura, and Discord had been forced back into his stone prison (which I then proceeded to doodle on with a sharpie…worth it!).
Rarity continued her explanation, and said to Kyle, “Well, we turned grey and acted the opposite of our Elements. Omnius has lost all hope.” I felt another pair of eyes stare at me. “I doubt it's Discord, but I believe the same facts apply.”
“Oh... My...This isn't good at all...” Fluttershy said, stepping away from me. That same voice in my head then whispered, “See? Even kindhearted Fluttershy can hardly stand to be around you…”
“Well, what 'n tarnation could've happened t' make 'im like this?” Applejack asked.
There was an even longer silence, as all of them considered the question, each of them trying to come up with an answer. Oh, and nopony had the bright idea of, “Hey, why don’t we ask him? I mean, he’s just sitting right there!”
Finally, Rainbow Dash spoke up, and confirmed what I had by now deduced quite some time ago. “Do you think it had anything to do with Kyle's…” She choked, and quickly said, “Suicide attempt?”
I snorted loudly, and said cynically, “How do you think Zephyr knew where to find Kyle?” Everypony seemed shocked at my sudden outburst, but I didn’t rightly care then. I just wanted to say my piece. “While I was getting the girls together, I also told Spitfire to get Zephyr to patrol the skies just outside of Ponyville, where the best hangin' trees are, just in case something went wrong.” I paused for effect, and then said, “Oh, and Lo and behold, but something did! What a surprise!”
A stunned silence filled the room, and Twilight was the first to recover. “You did WHAT?! But it was Spike who told me I should see the others again!”
“And Pumpkin and Pound told me the same thing!” Pinkie added, confusion in her voice.
Standing up suddenly, but still refusing to look at all of them, I said, “And who do you think told them?” Anger started to bubble in my chest, and I half-shouted, “Sorry if I decided that your friendship with each other and Kyle was more important than the fact that none of you could really stand the sight of me!”
I think this is the first time I’ve really ever shouted at my friends like that on this world. Sure, I’d gotten mad at them when they had wronged each other, but whenever they did something to me, I’d always just brush it off, and move on. Heck, it almost always happened that way on other worlds too.
Turning, I started to head towards the door, only to find that Kyle was standing in front of it, pure resolve on his face. Snarling, I said through grit teeth, “Kyle, I’d get out of the way if I were you.”
“Not until you talk to them!” He adjusted his hat, and crossed his arms stubbornly.
“You think that I can’t-”
“Beat me to a pulp? No, you can’t, and you won’t,” He said, meeting my gaze evenly. “You’re not in your right mind, you need help.”
“Help?” I said in a deathly quiet voice. “Help? Why would a bunch of ponies who think that I’m a piece of shit want to help me?”
“Because they-”
“I DON’T CARE!” I finally shouted. “I’ve had it with others always pitying me! I’ve had it with always trying to help others, and never receiving any type of thanks in return!” Okay, that’s new. It never really bothered me before, but now, that same voice was calling forth these petty thoughts. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“Omnius, please, stop!” Fluttershy said, her voice quavering, as if she were crying.
“IT SUCKS TO BE THE TRAVELER!”
There was a collective gasp from everypony there, and Kyle…did what I still say is probably the smartest thing he’s ever done. He punched me straight in my jaw, taking me completely by surprise, and he pinned me by my throat against the wall. As Kyle reached his fist back to sock me again, the voice started yelling, “YES! YES! Don’t you see? He’s finally proving that everything I’ve told you is true!”
My hands balled up into fists, and I felt my rage start to pour into them, as Kyle’s fist shot forward-
-and connected with the wall next to my face. Surprised, I looked at his face, and was shocked to see that tears were falling down his face. My head was blissfully silent, as I listened to Kyle talk.
[Hey, music. Listen. Now. ]
“Dammit Omnius! What's wrong with you?! Can't you see we were all worried about you?! We're your friends, and we care about you! The only reason the girls weren't looking is because they've been a whole mess of hormones! You have to know about that!” I felt a faint glimmer of realization. It had completely slipped my mind, but he was right…Why hadn’t I remembered something that important? “As soon as we realized you've been gone, we all started to worry! I even went into that Goddesses forsaken forest for you!” He shook his head, and continued. “I don't understand... Why are you like this? You've lost all hope... But we still have hope in you, Omnius. We know this isn't you. You're just broken, and need some friends to fix you.”
He took his hand off my throat, and clasped my shoulder. With a friendly smile and wink, he said, “And we're just the friends you need. So get off your ass, and cheer up! I'll even buy you a drink” he added jokingly.
I could only lean against the wall, as the voice in my head started yelling now, and the mental pressure continued full force. Tears brimmed in my eyes, and I clutched at my forehead, grimacing.
“NO! HE LIES!”
I shook my head frantically, and thought as loud as I could, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” The voice seemed to recoil, and the pressure lessened considerably. Suddenly, I remembered where I had heard that voice before. With a huge amount of strain, I lowered the shields, and sent a mental attack of my own towards…Torrentican.
That explained why I had been able to hear what he was speaking to Kyle earlier. While I was out in the forest, my instincts must have caused me to forget about shielding my mind, and why I was having these thoughts pulled up in my head. Some of them weren’t really my own. As soon as I attacked Torrie, he left, a mocking laughter in his thoughts as he pulled himself out.
[Music done]
I slumped back to the floor, and hung my head in shame. Kyle and the girls stared at me, and finally, I said, “You know something? I don’t think that anything is mad when they hear voices in their head, even if those voices tell us to do bad things.”
Kyle sat next to me, and said, “Really?”
I nodded. “We’re only mad when we choose to listen to those voices...” Tears fell down my face, and in a trembling voice, I said, “I’m…I’m sorry...for yelling at you all, and for…for what I said.”
“Ah, it’s nothing,” Kyle said. “You just weren’t in your right mind.”
The sound of clopping hooves made me look up, and I saw Fluttershy, who was smiling softly at me. She wrapped her forelegs around me in a hug, and whispered, “It’s okay. We forgive you.”
Before I could even say anything, Twilight wrapped her hooves around the both of us, and added, “We really should have just listened when we had the chance.”
The others hugged me too, and added their own apologies/forgiveness to the mix. Tears rolled down my face, and there was a small flash of light. Kyle smiled, and said, “Well, it looks like you’re back to your normal color.”
Indeed, glancing at my arm, I saw that it had returned to its normal tan color, and I chuckled. “Hey, you know what?”
“What?”
“That sounded incredibly racist,” I grinned.
At this, we all started laughing, and I managed to push myself to my feet. “I take back what I said earlier.”
“Oh?” My friend grinned, crossing his arms.
“Yeah…It’s good to be The Traveler.” We bumped fists, and I pulled my bandanna out of my pocket, and put it into its customary do-rag position. We migrated into the kitchen, and Twilight levitated a bunch of bottles in front of us.
“So, does this mean you’re gonna be in human form more often?” Pinkie asked me, as we all sat around a table, a bottle of apple juice in front of me.
“I think so, at least in this Equestria. After all, I’m not the only human here now,” I shrugged, popping the bottle cap off. I lifted it up, and said, “I call a toast…To Friendship, and to the reunion of Harmony!”
Everyone lifted their respective drinks, and echoed my toast enthusiastically.
“And…FOR ASGARD!” I shouted, draining the bottle, and then smashing it over my head. Everypony stared at me, and I muttered, “Ow. I’ll clean that up.”
Twilight’s horn was already glowing, and the glass bits were shoved into a dustpan. “No need. I think we’ve all known you long enough to expect something like that.”
“Ah. Hey, you know what I just realized,” I said, frowning.
“What?” Kyle asked, sipping his drink.
“We never properly celebrated,” I stated.
“Celebrated what?”
“Let’s see…Kyle, we never celebrated your return to life,” I thought for a second. “And if I’m not mistaken, we also never celebrated kicking Torrentican’s ass in the first place, and we also need to celebrate the fact that we’re all friends again, right?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened, and she dashed out of the kitchen, leaving a Pinkie-shaped cloud of dust in her wake.
“Sean?” Kyle said.
“Yeah?”
“What have you done?”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Side Story:
A Blaze of…Glory?
(Crossover with "Living The Dream")
I was tending to the small flower bush outside of my house when with a sudden POOF, a purple Pegasus appeared from out of nowhere on top of my flower bush, a dazed expression on his face.
“Holy Frijoles!” I shouted, jumping backwards.
The Pegasus blinked, and then looked around, confused. “Um…Greg? Dude? Where are you?”
I cleared my throat, and looked at him pointedly. He met my gaze, and his eyes widened. “You’re not Greg!” He said, surprise evident on his face.
“And you’re not the Pizza delivery guy!” I replied. I then sniffed the air, and asked, “Hey, do you smell something burning?”
We both looked around, trying to find the source of the burning smell. With a sudden gasp, I pushed the Pegasus away, and cried out, “MY AZALEAS!!!”
Sure enough, the spot where the Pegasus had been standing was currently on fire, probably a remnant of whatever sent him here. I levitated a small watering can over, and quickly doused the flames before they could consume the rest of the small patch of flowers.
The Pegasus snickered, and said, “You’re more worried about your flowers than the Pony who just landed on them?”
I shrugged, and said, “I like my azaleas. Plus, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”
He gave me a confused look, and I said, “I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and say that somepony messed up a teleportation spell.”
He grinned, and shook his head. “Nope. Moustache spell actually.”
I blinked. “Didn’t see that coming.”
“Neither did I. Oh, when I find Greg, I’m gonna totally get him with my best prank!” He said, a slightly angry glint in his eye.
I raised my eyebrow, and said, “Greg? What kind of Pony name is that?”
The Pegasus ignored me, and flew into the air, looking around. I noticed that his wings were slightly larger than the average size, and briefly wondered if they allowed him to fly faster than normal. He gave a little “HA!” of triumph when he saw Ponyville, and he flew off, leaving a trail of purple flames behind him.
“Hey, hold on!” I shouted, shifting into Pegasus form. I unfurled my wings, and took off after him. He was surprisingly fast, and I had to strain my wings in order to get within shouting distance of him.
“Sorry about the azaleas!” He shouted, once he noticed me following him.
“What’s your name?”
“Purple Blaze! You?”
“Omnius,” I replied. I then pointed at the ground, and said, “Hey, you mind landing for a second? Whoever this Greg guy is can’t be going anywhere anytime soon, so I figure you can answer my questions!”
Purple Blaze shrugged, and landed, folding up his wings as he did. “Sure.”
I landed next to him, panting slightly as I did so. Once I caught my breath, Blaze smirked, and said, “Wimp.”
“Whatever. So what exactly happened? How did you land in my Azaleas?” I asked, adjusting my vest.
“I was at my friend’s wedding, and I had just gotten finished playing a song right?” He started explaining. “Well, my idiot of a friend, Greg, decides that he wants to see if he can do a moustache spell like Twilight ca-”
I interrupted him with a raised hoof, and said, “Wait, wait, wait. You know Twilight Sparkle?”
He rolled his eyes, and said, “Well, DUH! I was at her wedding!”
I blinked, and said, “Twilight isn’t married! Hell, she’s not even dating anypony!”
Blaze looked at me, and said, “What, have you been living under a rock or something? She’s been going out with my friend Lan-, er, I mean Girokon for a while now! They just got married today! Or I guess it’s last night now.” He looked around, just noticing it was the middle of the day.
I scratched my beard, as I tried to figure out what he was saying. I have a feeling he’s not lying…but how can he be telling the truth, when I know for a fact that Twilight hasn’t shown any interest AT ALL in anypony? To buy myself some time, I motioned for Blaze to continue his story.
“Anyways, he tried to do the spell, fucked it up, and then BAM! I’m standing in your flowers,” He finished, getting ready to take off again.
I clamped my teeth down on his tail, and said, “Whoa there, you’re not going anywhere just yet!”
He looked at me, and smiled. Without even blinking, he pulled a pie out from nowhere (how?) and slammed it into my face. I was taken by surprise, and I stumbled backwards, letting go of his tail as I struggled to wipe the bits of lemon-meringue flavor pie out of my face.
“P.I.T.F tactics for the win!” He shouted, laughing as he flew off.
I scowled in his direction, and thought more about what he said. I started mumbling to myself as I followed the path, not feeling like flying just yet. “Let’s see…A married Twilight…pony with weird Japanese type name I’ve never heard of before…teleportation spell…disrupted feeling of whether it’s night or day…” I stopped suddenly, and face-hoofed myself. “Shit. He’s from another Equestria. Oh, I’m gonna need a bigger drink to deal with this! Wait, if he thinks ‘Greg’ is in Ponyville… Oh, Ye Gods, I need to hurry!”
I unfurled my wings, and took off, following the quickly fading trail of warm, purplish flames.
“Shit always happens when I’m doing something, doesn’t it?” I complained, not really meaning it.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I flew over Ponyville, searching for the displaced Pegasus, when I heard an angry voice shout, “I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!”
I turned to see a very irate Rainbow Dash, who was currently wiping off bits of pie off her face, while she flew in a seemingly random direction, shouting all the while. I flew over to her, and gently grabbed her by the tail, halting her flight.
“I GOT YOU NOW!” She shouted, spinning around, and bucking at the air, missing my head by a hair’s breadth. I removed a small handkerchief from my pocket, and wiped off the pie from Dash’s face. She blinked, and looked at me, surprised.
“Purple Pegasus hit you in the face with a pie?” I asked, putting away the handkerchief.
She nodded, and looked around. “When I get my hooves on him, I’m gonna-”
I cut her off, and said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of him. Where’d you get Pie’d?”
“I was just sleeping on that cloud over there,” She said, pointing at a nearby, pillow shaped cloud. “He flew by, said he was glad to see me again, and when I told him I didn’t remember him, he threw a pie in my face!”
I face-hoofed. Yep, he definitely wasn’t from THIS Equestria. “I can guess the rest. Alright, I’ll find him. Take care Dash.”
I flew off, and brought myself closer to the ground, watching for some sign of Purple Blaze. I spotted Pinkie Pie, and hovered over her.
“Hi Omni!” She called out, skipping along merrily.
“Hey Pinks. You haven’t seen an insane looking purple Pegasus, by any chance, have you?” I asked.
She stopped for a moment, and put her hoof on her chin, thinking. “I think I actually saw one just a second ago! He said something about going to the library, so he could find that ‘grass smoking idiot’ who messed up a spell!”
“Thanks Pinkie. Hey, what’s in the bag?” I asked, noticing the green shopping bag she carried on her back. Part of something resembling a slinky was hanging out of the bag, and I could smell something that reminded me of onions coming from the bag as well.
Pinkie giggled, and said, “It’s a surprise!”
I groaned inwardly. Whenever “Pinkie Pie” and “Surprise” were in the same sentence, it didn’t bode well for anypony involved (unless “Party” was in the equation).
“Riiight. Seeya Pinkie!”
I took off, flying towards the library as fast as my wings could carry me.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
As soon as I reached the library, I grinned. There was no sign of Purple Blaze anywhere, which meant that I had gotten here before him. Not wanting to lose any speed, I decided to enter the library in typical Rainbow Dash fashion (fly through an open window, and hope that there was a pillow nearby that I could land on).
I crashed into the library, and landed on a convenient pile of paperback books that had just been stacked into a corner. With a muffled THUMP sound, they all tumbled over, forming a cocoon of old books around me. As much as I loved the smell of old books, I quickly stood up, and shook off a couple of stray books.
“Omnius, I just organized those!” Twilight complained, her horn glowing as she magically restacked the books.
I grinned sheepishly, and said, “Sorry Twi. It’s just that I had to get here before Purple Blaze did.”
Twilight gave me a look of confusion, and asked, “Who’s Purple Blaze?”
“Long story short, I think he’s from another Equestria,” I said, picking up a couple of books and putting them back into the stack.
“You think?”
“Well, it’s just that he said some things that didn’t match up with this world, but I could get the feeling that he was telling the truth,” I explained, looking out the window that was next to the door. “From what Pinkie said, he should be on his way here…”
Just as I said that, the door slammed open, and pressed me uncomfortably against the wall. “Ow…” I muttered, as the door closed, and I comically pealed myself off of the wall, while stars danced around my head. Shaking my head, I tried to focus on what was happening.
“Twilight! It’s really good to see you!” Purple Blaze was saying, as he gave the surprised unicorn a huge hug. “Congratulations on getting hitched and everything! Hey, how come you aren’t so fat?”
Twilight’s eyes widened in both confusion and indignation, as she pushed herself away from Blaze. “What? I’m not married! And what do you mean FAT?”
This time, it was Blaze’s turn to look confused. “But you and Girokon just got married last night! And aren’t you supposed to be preggo?”
I face-hoofed, and mumbled, “Oh, tonight definitely calls for some soda drinking…”
Luckily, for the first time in my eternal life, I was GLAD that Twilight was socially awkward. Why? Because it meant that she didn’t understand what Blaze meant by preggo. Oh, thank you Gods and Goddesses…
I rushed forward, and clamped a hoof over Purple Blaze’s mouth, and said loudly, “Don’t worry about it Twi, he’s just confused.”
Blaze glared at me, and said something unintelligible underneath my hoof. I shot a look at him, and said, “If I let go, you have to promise to be quiet until Twilight and I explain what’s going on. Savvy?”
He rolled his eyes, but nodded. As soon as I removed my hoof, a mischievous glint shone in his eyes, and he quickly shouted, “PREGGO MEANS PREGNANT!”
I slapped him upside the head, and shouted, “Dude!”
He just laughed, as Twilight’s eyes became extremely wide, and her mouth tried to spit out words that described what she was feeling. I sighed, and said, “Twilight, this is Purple Blaze. Purple Blaze, this is Twilight Sparkle…a different one. One that you DO NOT know.”
Blaze tilted his head, and said, “Well why wouldn’t I know her? She’s married to one of my friends!”
I sighed again, and decided to just spit it out. “You’re right and wrong at the same time. This is a different Equestria than the one you know. This is, to put it in its simplest terms, a different UNIVERSE.”
Blaze’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. He looked at me, and then back at Twilight, who was still in a bit of shock from what she had heard. He nodded slowly, and then without so much as a single warning, flew out the window, leaving the now familiar trail of purple flames behind him.
I shook my head, and went over to Twilight. I waved a hoof at her, and she finally blinked, and met my gaze. “I’m pregnant?” She said in a small voice.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Not in this world, but on another one. Don’t worry ‘bout it Twi. Just do me a favor and start researching Teleportation spell please. I’m gonna go get him before he does anything stupid.”
Twilight nodded, and immediately immersed herself into a book, wanting to forget what she had just heard from Blaze. With my luck, she’d probably be slightly traumatized for a while…greaaaat.
Flapping my wings, I followed the quickly fading fires, and searched for Purple Blaze.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I looked around for a few minutes, but then spotted the Pegasus, who was sitting on a tree stump near the forest, clutching a guitar in his hooves. I landed silently next to him, and approached, my hooves barely making any noise at all.
“Yeah, getting tossed through dimensions is a tough thing, isn’t it?” I said casually, sitting next to him.
He jumped, and looked at me, a small smile on his face. “You could say that.”
I nodded at his guitar, and said, “Nice guitar. Yours?”
“Yep. I had it with me when I got here…Oh, when I get back, I’m gonna kill Greg!”
I tilted my head, and said, “Okay, who the hell is Greg? And you talk too violent to be a pony.”
He grimaced, and looked at me, before saying, “Are you a human too?”
“Well that depends on your story. Care to tell me about it?”
Purple Blaze mentally debated with himself for a moment, but then shrugged. “Sure. It’s not really any big deal, but I’m not sure if you’ll believe it.”
“…Dude, I’ve beaten Dragons by shouting at them, seen male versions of the ponies here, and met a guy with an endless supply of cigarettes. Not to mention I’ve been tossed into a cannon by a giant gorilla, and been beaten so badly I’ve had to recover on another world, thirteen times! Try me,” I said, laughing all the while.
He started laughing too, and we both just laughed for a while, the tension in the air completely forgotten. “Alright, I guess you’ve got me there. Okay, so in, um…MY Equestria, I guess you could say, I used to be a human named….”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
“….And then, that idiot tries to do the moustache spell, and the next thing I know, I’m standing on your flowers!” Purple Blaze finished, his mouth raspy from having to talk so much.
“So you’re telling me that that same unicorn not only did this, but he also brought WEED,” I said in amazement, “to Equestria? Dude, that is effed up so much!”
He chortled, and started randomly strumming his guitar. “Wouldn’t I know it?”
We were silent, as he started playing his guitar. Night had fallen, and Luna’s moon was currently casting its pale light onto our surroundings, letting us see.
“So, you’re a prankster then, huh?” I asked, pulling out my harmonica.
“Oh yeah. Probably one of the best!” he said, eying my harmonica. “You play the harmonica?”
I puffed out a few notes, and nodded. “Eyup. Everpony has gotta have at least one, right? And I just so happen to have quite a few hobbies.”
Purple Blaze grinned, and said, “Want to have a quick duel? I play my guitar, and you try to beat me with that harmonica!”
“You’re on.”
His grin getting wider, he immediately started to strum out a slow tune on his guitar. In a low voice, he started to sing, “Mercury dances in its skyscraper cell, rising and falling like rhapsody…
And I see winter's broken like lace, in time for a celebration…”
[Full song here . Right now, Imma gonna go ahead and skip to my part.]
When he was finished, I nodded. “Good song. Now I believe it’s my turn…”
With that, I slowly put the harmonica to my lips, and started to play a familiar tune on it…Purple Blaze’s eyes widened, as he looked at me with amazement. When I finished, he said, “You didn’t…”
“I did.”
“You played Enter Sandman…on a harmonica…”
“Oh yeah,” I said, smiling as I put the harmonica in my pocket.
“Dude…”
“Took me forever to learn how to do that.”
We both laughed, and he finally got up, and slung the guitar over his shoulders. “So what now?”
“Twilight’s looking up a spell to get you back to your world,” I said, walking down the path. Blaze followed, and I added, “So for now, you’re gonna crash at my place for the night, and tomorrow Twilight should have a spell ready to git you home.”
He let out a sigh of relief, and said, “That’ll be good. I can’t WAIT to get Greg back for making me come here in the first place!”
I raised an eyebrow, and said, “Have you tried using a phony French Chef costume to trick him into getting a pie in the face?”
Blaze laughed, and said, “No, but it’s weird. A few days ago, I felt a disturbance in the Joke Force-”
“The Joke Force?” I interrupted.
“Well, that’s just what I call it. Anyways, I felt like somepony had just ripped off one of my gags by doing that very same thing.”
“Wait a second…I did that a few days ago…You don’t think that-”
“I can rip off of Star Wars, and become a Joki Knight?” He pronounced ‘Joki’ as ‘Joke-eye’.
“…Blaze, get your Light-Joybuzzer. We’ve got some training to do!” I said, a mad smile on my face.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
We had been up all night, both of us managing to get a semblance of control over the mysterious ‘Joke Force’. So far, it could do anything that could be considered a joke, but not really anything dangerous, such as choking people with a thought (although we could make them laugh so hard that they needed to breathe, or pass out).
I stood off to the corner, as Blaze silently levitated a massive pie into the air. With a flicker of thought, he sent it flying at his target, a crudely drawn picture of who I guessed to be Greg. With a violent SPLAT, the pie completely covered the picture, and nearly took out my living room.
I trotted over to him, and said in my best Yoda voice, “Ready you are, young Pun-awan.”
Purple Blaze bowed to me, and said, “Thank you Master Luke Piewalker.”
I bowed to him, and replied, “And to you as well, Purple Wan Prankenobi.”
We both gave each other a bro-hoof, and grinned. I looked at the clock, and gave out a low whistle. “Well son of a bitch, look at the time.”
Blaze looked, and chuckled. “7:45? That’s not too bad…”
“In the morning.”
“Oh. I stand by what I said earlier.”
“Good point. Wanna head into town and test out our newfound pranking powers on somepony?” I asked, walking out of the door already, deciding for him.
“You know it!”
We walked to the town, randomly flinging pies and rubber chickens as we walked. I spotted the perfect potential target, and pulled Blaze into an alley.
“Blaze,” I whispered, my head barely poking out of the alley. “We have a fresh candidate…”
He snickered, and said, “Ah yeah. Who is it?”
“Rarity,” I answered, already calling a bottle of soda-water into my hooves. “Oh, this is gonna be gewwwd!”
Blaze knocked the bottle out of my hooves, where it fell onto the ground, and rolled away from me. “We are NOT pranking her,” He said simply, fires glowing in his eyes.
“Why not?” I asked, a little miffed that he had gotten rid of the sprayer.
“Because…um, she’s Rarity!”
“So? She doesn’t mind a good prank every now and then!” I retorted.
“Yeah, well, I, um…”
I had to stifle a gasp, and I managed to say, “You have a crush on her, don’t you?”
“No, I, um…” He started stammering, until he finally sighed, and hung his head. In a barely audible voice, he said, “Yes. I have a crush on Rarity.”
I raised my eyebrow, and said, “Well why didn’t you say so? Have you told your Rarity that you dig her yet?”
“N-no.”
I shrugged, and flew out of the alley, Blaze following close behind. “Why not?”
“Because…well, look at her! She’s probably the most generous pony in all of Equestria!” He said, sighing dreamily. “She’s just got that perfect white coat, and those eyes! Oh, her eyes…” He trailed off, looping lazily in the air.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” I said, flying in front of him, and forcing him to stop.
“Dude. Look at me! I’m a pony who’s obsessed with childish pranks! A pony of her class would never go for me…” He sniffed a little, and looked longingly at Rarity.
I thought for a moment, and then snapped my hooves (wait a second, I SNAPPED THEM! SWEET GLORY HALLELUJAH, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!) as I had a brilliant idea. “Blaze, come on, let’s skedaddle over to the library, pronto!”
“Why?”
“Because before Twilight and I send you back, we need to teach you how to be a proper gentlecolt!” I said, laughing as I flew off towards said library.
Purple Blaze’s face lit up with happiness, and he followed, thanking me as we flew.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
Twilight, Spike, and I all stood nervously next to a table, as Blaze walked over, and sat in a nearby seat, with a napkin tied around his neck. A set of fancy silverware was in front of him, as was a bowl of steaming hot tomato soup.
“Now come on Purple Blaze,” I said encouragingly, while silently thanking James Bond and The Spy for teaching me these things in the first place. “All you have to do is pick the right utensil, and you’ll have mastered the art of being a gentlecolt.”
He gulped audibly, and his hoof hovered over a set of spoons. A bead of sweat glistened on his forehead, as he tried to decide which spoon to use. Twilight and I both held our breath in anticipation, wanting to see if our combined knowledge of Spies and How-to books would pay off on our pupil.
Blaze finally smiled, and said in a polite voice, “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m not hungry at the moment. But I’m sure the soup would have been lovely.”
We all cheered at that, and gave Blaze a victorious round of applause. He tore off the napkin, and asked in a hopeful voice, “Did I pass?”
I wrapped a foreleg around him, and gave him a friendly noogie. “With flying colors you sunuvabitch! Now come on, we’ve gotta get you home! Twilight, you got that teleport beam ready?”
She nodded, and her horn started glowing. I stepped away from Blaze, and said, “I’ll be there in a second! I’d go with you via Twilight, but dimensional transport spells don’t work on me unless I give them my full consent!”
“Why didn’t you give me your permission? Don’t you trust me?” Twilight said, a bit of hurt in her tone.
“I trust you! It’s just that this way, I won’t have to have another unicorn zap me back,” I explained, scratching my beard.
“Oh. I guess that makes sense. Alright Blaze, it was nice meeting you! And tell my other self that she better not fall behind on her studies!”
“Will do Twilight. Nice meeting you again for the first time!” He called back, right before Twilight’s horn shot out a purple colored beam at him, and sent him home.
“Good job Twi. Now then: just look at this light for a moment please?” I said, holding out a small silver cylinder while putting on a pair of sunglasses.
“Sure but what’s going-” FLASH! Twilight’s eyes glazed over, and she seemed slightly distant.
I cleared my throat and said, “Even with your best efforts, your trans-dimensional teleportation spell didn’t work, so I had to step in and send him back myself. You did a wonderful job, and feel compelled to research the matter.”
She blinked, and shook her head. “Omnius? What were you saying? And what’s that in your hoof?”
“Neuralizer. Just had it in my pocket and wanted to show you. Well, if you excuse me, I need to make sure that Blaze made it back alright,” I said, following my new prank-happy friend into another world.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
I landed gently on the ground next to Purple Blaze. He blinked, and looked at me. “You made it!” He shouted, slapping me on my shoulder.
“Wouldn’t dream of missing this. Now here, put these on,” I said, hoofing him a large brown cloak and jester hat. “These are the official garbs of the Joki Knights. We’ve gotta look the part if we want to get your friend back, right?”
He snickered, and put on the outfit. “This is gonna be awesome.”
“Hell yeah.” I wrapped the cloak around me, and we flew off towards Canterlot, going over our plan as we flew.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
“Blaze, dude! You’re alright!” Greg said, trying (and failing) to sound relieved. “What’s with the getup?”
Blaze had a wicked smile on his face, as we both lifted two giant pies into the air. “My name is Purple Wan Prankenobi…”
“And I am his new ally, Luke Piewalker…”
We both slammed the pies into his sides, effectively encasing him in the pastry version of Carbonite. “And we are Joki Knights!”
While Greg tried to kick his way out of the massive pie tins, we dashed up to where Blaze knew Greg would keep his “blunts” as he called them. With a quick use of the Joke Force, we turned his precious stock of weed into…well, let’s just say it’s blue and can still cause some pretty intense hallucinations.
I gave Purple Blaze a bro-hoof, and smiled. “Nice meeting you Blaze. Can’t wait to be in this story from the beginning next time! Who knows? I might just randomly show up later on too!”
“What?”
“Traveling! It’s what I do!” I turned overdramatically on the spot, and said one final line before disappearing:
“IT’S GOOD TO BE THE TRAVELER!”
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
**CROSSOVER: *
Living Their Dream!*
(Crossover with ‘Living The Dream ’ on Fimfiction. Read it. No, seriously.)
(My Point of View)
“You’re leaving?” Twilight said as I packed a few essentials into a set of saddlebags. “But it feels like you just got back!”
“Yeah, but don’t worry,” I replied, lifting the bags onto my back. I tightened a strap, and grinned at my friends. “I actually know that I’ll only be gone from this world for only a few minutes this time.”
With a grin, I popped open another bottle of soda, and chugged it down, relishing the fizzy drink. Applejack looked at me with concern in her eyes, and said, “Well, still. You never know if anything’ll happen to ya.”
“Actually, I’ve been to this world once already,” I replied, wrapping my forelegs around the others in a quick goodbye hug. A couple of days after I had helped Purple Blaze with his revenge on Greg, my curiosity had been piqued. See, while I was there, I had gotten a memory back, but quickly lost it when I returned. Problem was, I could remember remembering that memory, but I couldn’t remember what memory it was.
…Okay, I read that sentence, and I still find it confusing! Anyways, I wanted to go back to his Equestria for a quick visit, just to satisfy my curiosity on the matter. I had told Twilight my plans, but she instantly assumed that I would be gone for a few years (she tends to overreact easily, does she not?) and she had gathered the rest of the girls for a goodbye.
“Oh, well, be careful though, Sugarcube. We know yer immortal and all, but that don’t mean you cain’t get hurt,” Applejack said, playfully punching my shoulder.
“Don’t I know it? I still have bruises from when Rainbow Dash tried to teach me how to do a Sonic Rainboom,” I chuckled, teasing the Pegasus I was in the middle of hugging.
“Hey, how was I supposed to know that you weren’t going to pull up? I thought that when you saw the ground coming up that fast-”
“Shaddap.”
I gave the rest of the girls a quick hug, and then saluted at them, saying, “You all know what I’m gonna say now, right?”
“Goodbye?” Pinkie said, tilting her head.
“No! I never say goodbye! I just say I’ll see you later! But that’s not what I’m gonna say,” I said, laughing.
“Well, shoot, just come out and say it!” Applejack said, shaking her head at my antics.
With a crazy grin, I leaped out of the open window (even though my door was still open…screw logic) and shouted, “IT’S GOOD TO BE THE TRAVELER!”
As my hooves touched the ground, I willed myself into another world, and felt the wind rush through my hair as I plummeted to the ground.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Seven things popped into my head as I was falling through the sky:
1) I’m falling. Again.
2) This was the right Equestria.
3) I’m a Brony.
4) Holy Shit, I’m a Brony!
5) Sweet Glory Hallelujah, I’m a Brony who’s been with the Mane 6 since the beginning!
6) I’ve been a Brony since before I started Traveling.
7) I’m still falling....
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed, as the ground rushed up to meet me. I put my forelegs in front of my face in an attempt to ward off the inevitable crash, when the small part of my brain that wasn’t screaming, calmly said, “Don’t we have wings?” THANKS FOR MENTIONING THAT EARLIER!
I quickly unfurled my wings, caught the air in them, and managed to pull out of the sharp nose dive…then I crashed into a tree. And then the momentum of the fall carried me through that tree, and into another one. And another one…And another one…And then a boulder…And then another tree.
As I peeled myself off of the me-shaped imprint I made on the tree, I saw stars fly around my eyes, and I sang in a slightly quavering tone, “Nate, Nate, Nathan Traveler, living Eternally! Watch out for that tree!”
I felt myself fall onto the ground, and I laid there for a moment, waiting for the world to stop spinning. I felt my soda try and make a less than triumphant return, but I barely managed to keep it down. After a few minutes, my brain decided to say, “Okay you sunuvabitch, get up!” Why Brain? Why must you torment me so?
As I stood on trembling legs, I made sure that my saddlebags were still firmly attached to my sides, and then nodded once satisfied they hadn’t been damaged.
“Okay. I’m still in one piece, I’m not splattered all over the ground, and, oh yeah, I’m a Brony,” I listed, taking stock of the situation. “That just blows my freaking mind. Welp, I’m not gonna accomplish much just by standing here and talking to myself. Let’s see if I can find my way to Ponyville!”
With a grin, I flew into the air, and took off towards Ponyville. As I reveled in the wind that rushed through my mane, I started to let my mind wander.
So wait a second, if I didn’t know anything about this Equestria (other than the Brony bit), then that means that I still remember my friends, but they don’t remember me. I remember the events that happened on the show, and I also remember what happened when I got involved. How the hell am I gonna manage to explain that? And why am I doing all this thinking when Sugarcube Corner is just below me?
I snapped myself out of my thoughts, and felt my mouth start to drool with anticipation as I spotted a few tables that stood outside the by now all too familiar Gingerbread house shaped bakery. I landed just outside the shop, and walked in, inhaling as I went.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” A sweet and happy voice called out from the counter. I looked over to see that Mrs. Cake was running the shop, and she was greeting me as if I was new to town. Wait, technically I am. Dammit, I can already tell this is gonna get awkward.
“Howdy,” I said, trotting up to the counter. “You wouldn’t happen to have any Blueberry Muffins, would you?”
“Well you’re in luck! We just finished pulled a fresh, hot batch, right out of the oven!”
Alternate Universes, same delicious sweets.
Oh yeah: It’s good to be The Traveler.
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
I sat at a table inside, and looked through the windows, taking in my surroundings. Everything and everypony still looked the same, except for that Pegasus over there. He was clad in all black clothing, and he had a set of thick goggles on his face.
“Hm…Don’t remember seeing him in the show or in another universe…” I muttered, as I munched on a muffin. “Could he be Girokon?”
Shrugging, I decided, “What the hell, I ain’t got nothing to lose.” I finished my muffin, and then hollered out, “HEY! ARE YOU GIROKON!?”
Oh yeah. Master of subtlety, right here people.
[Lance’s Point of View (written by kickass222urmom, author of ‘Living the Dream)]
I looked at the muffin in front of me, trying to decide if I should eat it or not. I'm not much of a muffin man (Muffin Man! Get it? Oh, forget it), I'm more of a cupcake kind of guy.
I shook my head and glanced around the building. I was at Sugar Cube Corner, taking a snack break. Walking around town sure built up an appetite.
"HEY! ARE YOU GIROKON!?" a loud voice called out.
I looked up and began searching for the pony who yelled my name. It wasn't hard, since there was a brown Pegasus standing on its hind legs and waving.
I raised an eyebrow, and thought to myself, who is that? I've never seen him before. I pressed the button on my goggles and zoomed in on his face. I don't think... Wait a second, I think I know him. He's that pony who had been with Peter this morning.
I stood up and reset the goggles back to normal view. I then began walking over to the brown Pegasus.
As I neared, the brown Pegasus smiled, "So, you ARE Girokon."
I nodded, "The one and only. So, why did you call me over here?"
He got a smug look on his face, "I never called you over, I just asked if you were Girokon."
Okay, I'm stupid, "Oh." I looked him over, I never saw him on the show or around town. "I haven't seen you around town before. You don't seem..." My eyes widened and my mouth started drooling when I looked at his saddlebag, which was slightly open, revealing a single object.
I pointed a hoof at his bag, "Is that...A COKE!?!"
He looked back at his saddlebag and smirked. "It sure is."
I pulled my saddlebag off and put it on the table. I opened it to reveal muffins, a bag full. It’s a good thing they messed up on my order. "I'll give you all of those for it!"
You see, I have a huge weakness for Coca-Cola. Those things are amazing! Let me say that again: They. Are. Amazing! I would do anything, and I mean anything, for one bottle.
He looked at the bag and its contents and his eyes widened. He let out a squeal of delight, "Deal! It’s a freaking deal!" He pulled the coke out and put it on the table before diving into the bag, sticking his head in and chewing through the muffins.
I quickly grabbed the coke in my mouth, as if it was about to disappear, and used my teeth to rip the cap off. I then tilted my head back and began chugging the coke, gagging a few times when it went down the wrong pipe. I then spit the empty bottle out and belched loudly. I smiled sheepishly and turned to face all the ponies, "Sorry about that everypony."
I felt somepony tap my shoulder. I turned to see the brown Pegasus, his beard flecked with the remains of the muffins, (Messy eater much?). "I didn't tell you my name, did I?"
I shook my head, and replied, "Nope."
He held out his hoof, "Well, the name’s Omnius."
I shook his hoof. "Cool name."
He nodded, and said, "Thanks. Sounds better than Mr. Snuggles at least."
I chuckled and looked around…I think I can tell him my real name, since he seemed to be a Brony. Come on! He has COKE! "Well, I think I should tell you my real name, since you’re obviously human."
He nodded.
"My real name is..." I looked around to make sure nopony was listening, "Is Lance Greenfield."
He stroked his beard, "I think I might have something to tell you too."
I raised an eyebrow, and asked, "What?"
He smirked. "I'll tell you on the way to the library. I need to check on something."
I shrugged, thinking it was no big deal. "Okay, but if you’re looking for Twilight Sparkle, she doesn't live there anymore."
"What!? Where does she live then?" He said, shocked, a look of surprise on his face.
I laughed at his reaction, "My house in Canterlot. Come on, I'll take you there. You can tell me what you had to tell me while we fly there."
He nodded, "Alrighty then. Let’s hit the road...er, I mean, sky."
I smiled and we turned for the door. Once outside, we took to the air.
When we were high enough that nopony could hear us, I looked over. "So, tell me what it was."
[My Point of Veiw!]
Lance and I were flying towards Canterlot, and I tried to think of a good way to tell him. I mean, come on! He’s a dude who died (at least from what Blaze said) and chose Equestria as his afterlife. Why wouldn’t he believe me about my Traveling?
Wait, I bet you’re all wondering why I decided to tell him. Mostly because a little voice in my head that sounded like a certain someone (Who’s name starts with “Princess” and ends in “Celestia”), told me that I could. Well, if a Goddess of Good says it’s good to do, I can’t exactly argue with that!
“Hm…How do I put this…Okay, screw it, Imma just say it,” I said, rolling lazily in mid-air.
“What?” Lance asked, confused.
“I’m the Eternal Traveler of Good,” I said simply. “I am doomed, fated, and destined to Travel throughout all of Time, Space, and Matter, and across all of the Realities for all of eternity, and beyond, for the side of Good.”
He looked at me, one of his eyebrows raised quizzically on his face. “Are you being serious?”
“To quote a certain pony, Eyup!” I replied, smiling.
He was silent for a few moments, before I heard a very familiar sound…barely suppressed laughter. I sighed, and waited for the eventual outburst, which, if my calculations are correct, will happen in three…two…one…cue the giggles.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Lance laughed, almost forgetting to flap his wings in his mirth. As soon as he got quiet, he looked at me again, and the laughing started up again. “Seriously?” He finally managed to sputter out, grinning at me.
“Yeah. But seriously, is it as unbelievable as you being a Zebragus?” I asked, looking at him.
“Well, yeah! At least mine you can see! What about you?” (Wait, here comes my favorite line!) “How can you prove that what you said is true?”
Oh, I love it when someone asks me that!
“Well, I can show you my true form,” I said casually, positioning myself so that I was right above him. He looked up at me, and I grinned. “Make sure you catch me!”
“Catch you? What are you-” He started to ask, but I didn’t let him finish. I was too busy shifting back into human form.
I felt the pins and needles feeling pass, and then the expected falling sensation. I shot past Lance, and waved at him cheerfully as I fell, a huge smile on my face. Then, just to really mess with him, I pulled a nail file (a remnant of my lessons on Jail Breaks) out of my pocket, and started to go over my finger nails with it, whistling as I did so. The wind pulled the sound away from me, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
As I cheerfully fell, seemingly about to become a street pizza again, I felt a sudden tugging sensation around my armpits, and turned my head to see Lance, who had just grabbed me. I saluted at him, and said, “Top ‘o’ the marnin’ to ya laddie!”
“ARE YOU CRAZY!?” He shouted, as he slowly flew over to a nearby outcropping of rock that was large enough to hold the both of us.
“Probably. I hear voices in my head all the time,” I said nonchalantly, as he set me down. I looked at him, and asked, “Hey, you alright there? I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything, I just wanted to make a point.”
He panted, and shrugged his wings carefully, as if testing them to see if they still worked. “I think I’m fine. You’re just heavier than anything I’ve ever had to carry,” He said, once satisfied his wings were in working order.
“Good. Hey, wait, was that a fat joke?” I said, smiling. We both laughed, and I leaned against the mountain, and added, “So I take it that now you believe me?”
“Well, after a stunt like that…” he mumbled, scratching his head.
“Good! Now then, take a rock,” I said, sitting down on one that would allow me to lean against the wall of the mountain. “Or maybe just stand, or sit, or whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Why?”
“I’ve got a few things that I need to tell you before we go on,” I explained patiently. “Just to clarify a few things, and let you know why I might suddenly burst into flames, or maybe jump into a burning building to save a few kids.”
“That doesn’t make much sense…”
“It never does,” I agreed. “Now then, let’s start off with a quick story…There are Gods, capitol G, and Goddesses…”
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
After I was finished explaining everything (and after I finished a couple of bottles of coke) I shifted back into Pegasus form, and cracked my neck.
“So…You can’t die?” Lance said, confused.
“Nope.”
“Then why did I have to catch you?” He asked almost indignantly.
“Because ‘can’t die’ doesn’t mean the same thing as ‘can’t feel unbearable pain’,” I replied, already taking off. “And I did tell you about the whole ‘regenerate on a home-world’ thing, right?”
“Oh yeah,” He replied, with a hint of chagrin in his voice.
We flew in silence for a while, before finally reaching the city of Canterlot. I still have to say, no matter how many times I see that city, it still sends a certain amount of chills when I see it approaching on the horizon. It’s such a serene picture; a castle that hangs onto the side of a mountain, with the sun shining it in an almost perfect light, casting its many turrets and towers into a frame of illuminated gold…Yeah, the cartoon definitely didn’t do it justice.
“So you and Twilight are hitched?” I asked, just as we reached his home. Gotta say, it looked pretty nice from here.
“Yes, we are,” He answered simply, landing in front of the door. He opened it, and walked inside, calling out, “Twi?”
I looked over, and felt my jaw drop to the ground (again) as I took in the appearance of my friend…Er, I guess I should say, my friend’s alternate universe self. She looked like the normal Twilight Sparkle, with a lavender coat, and the same cutie-mark…but now she had a swollen gut that was very disproportionate to the rest of her body.
I recalled what Purple Blaze had said before I got him back here…Twilight was…HOLY SWEET GLORY HALLELUJAH, TWILIGHT’S PREGNANT! And I also remember her on the show…GAH! Conflicting thoughts in my head!
“Hello Lance,” Twilight said warmly, as she nuzzled Lance affectionately. “Who’s this? Is he another human?”
I stood there, dumbstruck, as I tried to wrap my mind around what was going on. There were now three realities of the same nature that I had remembered…the show’s universe (where one of the biggest differences was the fact that Nurse Redheart was an Earth Pony, as opposed to the universe I was in), Lance’s universe, and the one I had come from. Whoooooooaaaaaaah…
Mind = Blown.
“Erm…Hello?” I dimly heard Twilight say. She made an obvious effort to try and remain nonplussed, and she said, “Hello there, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and you are…?”
I blinked rapidly, and looked at her. Being me, I obviously had to reply, “In a bit of shock…Oh, sorry, my name’s Omnius.” I took her extended hoof, and shook it gently.
“And what’s your human name?”
“Omnius? Or do you mean Sean? Maybe Nathan?” I said, trying to come up with a good answer.
“Ooookay then,” Twilight said, eying me apprehensively.
“I’m not a stoner like Greg,” I finally said, once I decided that it didn’t matter. She was obviously an alternate Twilight, and I would just have to adjust to it.
“Excuse me?”
“Well, it’s just that you were looking at me like I was crazy,” I explained in an even tone, while Lance face-hoofed in the background. “I figured you must’ve already had to deal with Greg, so I just wanted you to relax. I am not under the influence of any narcotics or hallucinogens, so you don’t have to worry about anything.”
Twilight smiled then, and said, “Oh. Well, that’s a good thing to hear then.”
“Yeah,” Lance said, intervening before I could say anything else that would make me look like an idiot. “Well, if you excuse me, I just have to go get Omnius settled into his room, he’s going to be staying with us for now.”
“I am?” He hit my shoulder with his wings, and I quickly amended, “Um, of course I am! It’s only going to be for a little bit though. You know, places to go, things to learn, all that good stuff.”
With that, we headed upstairs, and I heard Lance let out a huge sigh of relief. What? I thought I handled that pretty well!
[Lance’s Point of View]
As we walked into a spare room, (It was the dog’s room, but he doesn't have to know that) I got everything ready for Omnius, who just stood there watching.
I have to admit, the whole idea of him being some Traveler who travels between reality sounds impossible. But look at me and the others, we're in Equestria! That alone is beyond impossible. But him turning back into a human sealed the deal.
I stood up and nodded, everything was set up for him to stay. I turned back to him and did a bow, "There ya go, one flea ridden... I mean dust mite... I MEAN... There's a bed. Take it or leave it."
He laughed loudly. "I'll take it."
We walked out of the room and laughed, "So, how was it seeing a pregnant Twilight?"
He smiled and shrugged, "You know, I've seen worst, but that was just weird. She's so out of character! In my Equestria, she's the way she was in the show. But here, she's like a more…relaxed version."
I chuckled, "Yeah, ever since I've arrived, she's been acting like that."
He glanced at me. "Strange?" he commented
I shrugged, "Sure is, but I like it." I gestured for the stairs, "Wanna meet a dragon Brony?"
His eyes widened, "Holy crap! A dragon is a Brony? How’s that possible?"
I laughed, "A guy chose to be a dragon, a bad choice in my books."
He furrowed his eyebrows, "Sweet! I've been a dragon before."
I smiled, "You already told me that."
He facehoofed. "Damn, I forgot."
I looked at his saddlebag, and asked, "Got anymore coke?"
He smirked, "Maybe. Got anymore muffins?"
I nodded, "Oh yeah." I walked into my room and brought out a 'muffin.'
He squealed and pulled out a coke. I grabbed it and chugged it down before he bit into the 'muffin.'
He chewed on the 'muffin' with a strange look on his face. He began examining the 'muffin' and frowned, "Hey! This isn't a muffin! It’s a freaking cupcake!" He glared at me, "You cheated me out of a coke!"
A smile started to form on my face, but I covered it up by laughing, not a good cover up, "I see it as, relieving you of a coke."
He pointed a hoof at me, and said, "Give it back! Or I’ll be forced to resort to...overdramatic measures…"
I chuckled and rubbed my stomach. "You'll have to drain it out of me."
He pulled a tube out of his saddlebag. "That’s always an option."
My eyes widen, "Oh hell no! You keep that tube away from me." I backed my flank against the wall to keep it safe.
He laughed, "Just kidding! Besides, it’s just a test tube."
I let out a sigh, "Thank God."
He put the tube back in his bag, and added, "But if you do that again, I will love and tolerate the shit outta you…in retrospect, that sounded manlier in my head."
I shuddered, and decided I'm not going to try that again. "Gotcha. Me, plus stealing coke, equals bad things."
He nodded. "I'm glad we have an understanding."
I walked over to the stairs, "Let’s get going, before someone does something regretful."
He ran down the stairs, "Then let’s get going." He ran to the door and slammed into it, flying through it and doing a barrel roll once he hit the ground. He stood up and did a pose.
I walked out and raised an eyebrow, "Over dramatic much?"
He smirked, "Hey, it’s part of what I do."
I pointed to the sky laughing, "Just take to the sky. I want to show you around before we go see the Brony dragon."
[My Point of view!]
I had to stifle a laugh at the expense of Lance. Sure, I wouldn’t have really done anything to him, but come on! He didn’t know that! How could I pass up an opportunity to get back at him for cheating me out of a muffin? Although I guess maybe I should have just given him one for free. After all, he is letting me stay at his place for the duration of my trip. I’ll make it up to him later…maybe I’ll give him a full 20 pack of coke. That’s a nice thing to do, right?
After he gave me the tour of Canterlot (and after he told me that one of his friends was married to Princess Luna now…Wait, does that make him a God of Good? What the Heimlich?)we flew on towards Fluttershy’s cottage in silence for a while, and I didn’t make any attempt to break it for once. Surprised? Well, hey, even I like to just enjoy a nice quiet flight. There’s something about flying that really helps to clear my head. Maybe it’s the feeling of freedom, or maybe it’s just the way you have to focus on making sure that you don’t fall, or hit into anything. Maybe it’s the feeling of the wind, literally blowing away any cluttering thoughts.
I sighed, and let myself be carried in the wind, for once just letting go of all of my thoughts. For now, it was just Lance, me, and the wind, as we flew onwards to Fluttershy’s house, and the supposed Dragon Brony. Man, that’s gotta be awesome…
…Then again, in retrospect, maybe not. I mean, for one thing, if he’s a big’n, wouldn’t that mean that all of the ponies might look at him in fear? I tried to think of why he might have become a dragon, and tried to guess what I could of his personality.
“Alright…he was given a choice, and he chose Equestria. That means that he must have some sort of love for friendship and magic…He chose to be a dragon though, meaning he wanted to do something…well, different. So far, he’s only chosen to live with Fluttershy, which implies a certain kindness or shyness about him. Maybe he chose to be a dragon because he wanted to be something that couldn’t get pushed around so easily…”
I shook my head, and decided not to try and form any opinions about him until I got to meet him. It’s a slightly bad habit of mine, but I like to try and guess what I can about people from what I’ve been told about them. Kind of like Sherlock Holmes, I guess. I always tried to wait until I met the person before I did my guessing though, as it might make me think otherwise bad things about them.
Lance looked at me, and asked, “Hey, you alright over there?”
“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” I called back, lazily rolling in the air. “I just like the feeling of flying, you know?”
He nodded, agreeing with me. I lost myself in my thoughts again, and felt a memory start to show up...and then I firmly pushed it back, denying the viewers the opportunity for a flashback sequence. Ain’t I a stinker?
Grinning, I decided that it was time for a bit of Traveler shenanigans, and I instantly shifted back into human form without warning Lance.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” He shouted, as I plummeted towards the ground.
“I don’t know!” I called back, laughing. I looked at the ground I was plummeting towards, and realized that we were still fairly close to the mountain walls. I spotted a ledge that was sticking out from the mountain, forming what would have been a really cool snowboarding path, if it was actually covered in snow.
“Hey Lance, follow me!” I called out, pulling a metal square out from my pocket. I pressed one of the corners with my thumb, and it slowly expanded into a long, blue and white hover board type deal. I gripped the side of it with my hand, and carefully placed myself on top of it, making sure that I wouldn’t fall off.
With a cocky grin that hid the nervousness I was feeling, I quickly stomped on a switch, and activated the hoverboard. There was a steady humming sound, and I shouted, “Race ya to Fluttershy’s!”
I leaned forward, and the board took off, racing along the narrow pathway.
“What!?”
“Lance, come on!” I shouted over my shoulder. “Follow me, set me free! Trust me and we will ESCAPE FROM THE CITY!”
“Huh?”
“Damn it Lance, don’t you recognize a Sonic the Hedgehog reference when you hear one?!” I shot down the path faster than a bullet, and did a couple of show-off type flips in my enthusiasm. “Anyways: Race to Fluttershy’s, you in?”
He grinned, and called out, “Oh, it’s on!”
“That’s what I like to hear!” I laughed, right before Lance blurred past me, leaving a streak of black and red in his wake.
“Note to self: Win first, THEN mock!” I smacked my forehead, and focused on the path ahead of me. If I was right, then this path should carry me down the mountains, and into the woods, where I could easily make it to Fluttershy’s without any chance of danger or injury. At least, if I was planning on doing things the “Easy” way.
I cracked my knuckles, and pulled my bandana on. With another short burst of speed, my board launched down the path, and everything around me became a blur. I couldn’t see Lance anywhere and I figured he must have already took off towards our goal.
Well, at least he doesn’t know that I know a veeeeerrrryyyy good shortcut...I call it, the “OMGWTFBBQ” path. Long story short, I just follow this here path for a ways, before jumping off of it and riding down the mountain, and then, now this is the crucial point, hit the big pointy rock, launch off of it like a ramp, spam the “X” button (and by that, I mean ‘spin like crazy’), and land right in the thick clump of woods behind Fluttershy’s place.
Mess up, and I could end up in an angry Ursa’s den. No pressure.
I gulped, and murmured a quick prayer to the Gods and Goddesses of Good, asking for a bit of luck. After a deep, steadying breath, I leaned forward, and pushed the board to its limits, my eyes watering as I went. Spotting the turn, I made the board veer off course, hitting the even narrower strip of path that was outcropping from the mountain.
“Here goes nothing!”I shouted, right before hitting the rock. “Remember kids, don’t try this at home!”
I shot off the rock, and was suddenly soaring through the air. I started spinning on the board, and had to resist the urge to vomit violently. Instead, I just settled for flying over a very surprised Lance, waving cheerfully as I did so, and spun through the air, screaming madly all the while.
The momentum brought about from the spinning carried me through the air, and I landed in the woods, at least fifty feet from Fluttershy’s cottage. I folded the board back up, and tucked into my pocket, smiling.
“I haven’t had a chance to use that in a while. I should try to use it more often.” I stretched out my arms, and heard the satisfactory sounds of bone popping. I shifted into Pegasus form, and strolled out of the woods, and waited casually on the path.
A moment later, a very irate looking Pegasus/zebra/human landed next to me, panting slightly. “You cheated!” he said, punching my shoulder.
“I didn’t cheat,” I replied. “I just used the environment to my advantage!”
“And used an alien hover board!”
“And you have a friend who’s a dragon, and who’s married to Princess Luna!” I retorted good-naturedly.
“What does that have to do with anything!?”
“I dunno. I just thought I’d point it out.”
We walked the rest of the way towards Fluttershy’s cottage, and I felt a small moment of apprehension. I needed to be insanely careful about what I said, or else I might accidentally let them know that I’m technically not from their world, and alert them to my Traveling. Thankfully, this was something I’d had a lot of practice with. I should be fine.
Lance strode up to the door of the cottage, and quietly knocked at it. The door creaked open, and a butterscotch colored Pegasus peaked out from the small crack. The door opened a little wider, and a soft voice could be heard, saying, “Oh, hello Lance! It’s good to see you again.”
“Hi Fluttershy. I was just showing my new friend around Ponyville, and I decided to drop by and say hi,” Lance replied.
“Oh?” Fluttershy opened the door all the way, and looked at me shyly.
“Howdy,” I said, pushing up my glasses. “My name’s Omnius. It’s nice to meet you.”
Fluttershy nodded, and all three of us stood there for a moment in silence. Lance then remembered why we had come here in the first place, and he asked, “Is Malbatorus anywhere?”
“Oh, are you sure you want to introduce him to Omnius? He might scare him…”
“It’ll be fine. He in the usual spot then?”
She nodded.
“Cool,” I said. “Thanks Shy.”
And with that, we headed into the forest.
[Lance’s Point of View]
As we walked up to Malbatorus, who was asleep, Omnius whistled in awe, and said in a Texan accent, "He's ah big one isn't he?"
I chuckled, "What did you expect? He's a dragon after all."
Omnius looked at me and smiled. "I was expecting something smaller, not a fully grown dragon!"
I waved a hoof over to Malbatorus, "Well, I give you the honor of being the one who wakes him up."
He raised an eyebrow and did a small wave. "Psh, easy is easy."
What?
He walked up to Malbatorus and started poking his stomach, "Yo, big red! Wakey wakey!"
I face-hoofed. What is he trying to do? Piss off Malbatorus?
Malbatorus sat up, towering over us, "What?" He said in his booming voice. He looked over to me and smiled (That smile still gives me the creeps). "Hey Lance."
I waved, and said, "Hey Malbatorus. I brought a friend to meet you."
He sighed, "Please don't tell me you brought Greg back to see me? That guy is annoying."
I chuckled, "No, this time it’s someone new." I pointed to Omnius, who was smirking for some reason, "This is Omnius."
Malbatorus looked down at him, "Nice to meet you Omnius."
Omnius nodded, "Good to meet you too Malbatorus."
They did an awkward hand... Claw... hoof... shake.
Omnius looked up at him, "So, why did you become a dragon?"
Malbatorus sighed loudly, "I was picked on back on earth and thought being a dragon would mean no one would mess with me. I was right. No one will mess with me... or be my friend. Only the other bronies and Fluttershy will even come near me."
Omnius wiped a tear out of his eye, and said, "Manly tears have been shed man."
Malbatorus Chuckled, or more like a booming chuckle, "Don't worry about me. I'm having the time of my life here. Way better than Earth."
Omnius nodded again. "I see. Well, like I always say-"
A loud scream from Fluttershy's cottage caught us all off guard. The first to react was Malbatorus, who cried out, "Fluttershy!" He flew over to her cottage, followed by me and Omnius.
Upon reaching the cottage, we saw Fluttershy jumping around and looking through things.
Omnius walked forward, "What's wrong? Why did you scream?"
She looked at us, tears in her eyes, "It’s Angel! He's gone!"
I rubbed my chin with my hoof, "Maybe he went out for a walk?"
She shook her head vigorously, "Oh no, he would have told me."
Omnius cocked his head, (Get those dirty images out of your heads!), and thoughtfully asked, "Then how did he go missing?"
She shook her head, looking around in desperation, "I don't know! I wouldn't give him a carrot because he wouldn't go outside and play. He ran off, and I don't know where he went."
I thought for a second and had an idea. In every show, there's always a set of foot prints that showed where the missing person (Bunny in this case) went. I looked around, and would you believe it, I saw the paw prints of a bunny that lead into the Everfree Forest. I pointed over to them, "Well, I think I know where he went."
Everypony, and dragon, looked over to the prints.
Fluttershy flew over to them and looked into the forest with a look of dread, "Oh, poor Angel Bunny, all alone out there in the forest."
Omnius walked up next to her, "Come on, we'll all go in after him. He couldn't have gotten far."
She shook her head, "Oh no, I can't go in there... It’s too frightening."
I walked up next to them, "Well, me and Omnius can go after him. We've both been in the forest alone before."
Behind us, Malbatorus asked in a confused voice, "Uh, what about me? You seem to forget I'm here."
I shook my head, "I didn't forget. I just thought you should stay here with Fluttershy, in case he comes back out."
"Alright, I can do that," He said.
I looked at Omnius, "You read to brave the Everfree Forest?"
He smirked and put on sunglasses, "Oh you know it!"
I furrowed my eyebrows, "Where did the sunglasses come from?"
He smiled, "Transition Lenses. Gotta love ‘em, right?"
Okay? "Well, let’s get going. We have a bunny to find."
He smiled, "Let’s do it." He turned to Fluttershy, and reassuringly said, "Don't worry, we'll bring back your bunny, dead or alive."
Fluttershy's face filled with worry and concern, "Dead or alive!"
Omnius's eyes widened, "I mean, we'll bring him back alive and healthy." He laughed nervously.
She nodded, "Please hurry back with him. I'm so worried about him."
I began walking towards the forest, "Come on Omnius, stop scaring Fluttershy."
He began following me, "I'm not scaring her. Just reassuring her."
I smirked, "Yeah that worked."
He nodded, "It sure did."
I sighed and we continued on in silence. Well, silence for about a minute.
Omnius looked at me, "I just noticed something."
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow, "What would that be?"
"Does it feel like we're being watched?"
I looked around and shuddered, "Yeah, it kinda does."
He nodded, "Well, watch this."
Before I could answer, he jumped forward and stood up on his hind legs. He pointed his hoofs into the forest and said, "I know you’re out there! Whoever is watching us, come out!"
I face-hoofed, and thought that wasn't going to work.
A rustling off to the side of the path caught my attention. I'll be damn, it worked!
[My Point of View!]
I put myself into a battle stance, and flapped my wings a few times, stirring up some dust to make my appearance look more intimidating. That’s one of the major rules of fighting: If you know you’re about to be attacked by something, you can either make yourself look meek and useless, thus making your opponent underestimate you, or you can do your best to look like a badass and give your opponent second thoughts as to whether they should attack you or not.
I snorted a few times, and said, “Bring it!”
The bushes rustled a little more, and strange wooden creature walked out, gnashing his teeth all the while. It looked just like a wolf, only it was made entirely out of gnarled branches, and was a fair bit taller than both of us.
“Timberwolf!” I snarled, putting myself between it and Lance. Never taking my eyes off the thing, I said to Lance, “When I give the signal, I want you to fly above me, and buck it in the head.”
“Are you sure? I’m not sure a single buck will take care of it,” Lance said, unsure.
“NOW!” I charged at the Timberwolf, who seemed to be surprised that I wasn’t running, and planted my front hooves on its chest, pushing it away from me. At the same time, I heard a solid THUNK sound, which told me that Lance had done what I told him to, and the combined force of our blows sent the Timberwolf to the ground, where it tried to stand up.
I glided over, and planted both of my hooves on its throat, and bared my teeth at it in a feral snarl. I met the beast’s eyes, and glared into them unblinkingly.
After a few moments, I got up, and slowly backed away, as my eyes started to water. I fought the urge to blink, and kept staring at the Timberwolf silently.
“Omnius, what are you-”
“Shush!” I shot at him. The Timberwolf blinked its eerily glowing eyes, and shot off into the forest, leaving me and Lance alone.
“What was that?” Lance asked, looking at me strangely.
“Lone Timberwolf. We got extremely lucky,” I answered, relaxing now that the danger had passed. “It wasn’t fully grown, and it wasn’t in a pack.”
“But why didn’t you kill it? I mean, you’ve got all of those weird powers!” Lance said, while he resumed following the tracks.
“They’re actually pretty rare creatures. Besides, it was just a young’un,” I replied, trotting next to him. “It wouldn’t be right to kill it, since it was just trying to protect its territory. So I just scared it off by asserting myself as the alpha. At least, I think that’s what I did.”
“Think?” Lance said worriedly.
“Either that, or I just sent it to get help from the pack. We should find that bunny and then make like a tree- and get out of here!” I said, picking up speed.
“Don’t you mean ‘Make like a tree, and leaf?’” Lance pointed out.
I face-hoofed, and said, “Oh come on! Does no one get ‘Back to the Future’ jokes? Great Scott, but you’d think at least ONE person would get it!”
We walked in silence for a while, following the cartoonish rabbit tracks (shhhh. Be vewy vewy quiet…we’re looking for rabbits! Huhuhuhuhuh) deeper and deeper into the forest. The trees became thicker, and what little light that managed to penetrate the leaves was dimmed, and tinged with green.
I stopped suddenly, and Lance looked at me. “What’s wrong?”
Looking around, I whispered, “I don’t know…But I think we’re being watched again…only this time, whatever is staring at us is a lot more dangerous than that Timberwolf…And the tracks suddenly end here…”
We looked around, and searched for the bunny, and every little sound we heard made us jump. It was almost like that moment in a horror movie, when you KNOW there’s a monster in the closet, but you have to open the closet anyways, and HOLY SHIT!
A white blur had launched itself at my face, and it immediately went into a frenzy, scratching and biting at every inch of my exposed visage, and I frantically started running around, yelling, “GAH! LANCE GET IT OFF! SEND IT TO THE MOON OR SOMETHING!”
The white monster jumped off of my face, giving me just enough time to see a brown bag get pulled over my face, effectively giving me a burlap mask.
“Thanks Lance,” I deadpanned, removing the bag. I looked over, and spotted the vicious, bloodthirsty monster that had attacked me.
“…Angel Bunny…” Lance said, looking at the small, way too innocent looking rabbit.
“Alright, we found the bunny. Let’s get him back to Fluttershy’s pronto,” I said, slowly approaching the rabbit. He glared at me, and I bared my teeth at him. “Come on Rabbit. We’re going back to Fluttershy’s.”
He jumped onto my head, and started rapidly stomping on it, plainly telling me, “Hell no!”
Lance stifled a laugh, and I ignored him, choosing to focus only on the rabbit. “Yes, you’re going. What? Surprised I can understand you?” I said at the rabbit’s surprised look. “I can get the gist of what you’re saying. Now look, I know you’re probably miffed that Fluttershy and Malbatorus are spending a lot of time together, but seriously? Running away?”
His face fell, but then he got an angry glint in his eye as he jumped onto the ground in front of me, and crossed his arms.
“The worlds don’t revolve around you! She has other animals she needs to take care of!”
“Omnius, are you talking to that rabbit?” Lance said, looking at me like I was crazy.
“Yeah, but he’s not listening!” I replied, kneeling next to the bunny.
“Great. I’m in the middle of the Everfree with a psychotic rabbit, and an insane Traveler!” Lance muttered to himself, pacing while I talked to Angel.
Eventually, I managed to convince him to go back with us, on the condition that I didn’t mention to anyone that he was jealous of the Brony dragon.
“You actually convinced him?” Lance asked in disbelief when Angel jumped onto my back. “How?!”
“Very carefully. Now come on, we’ve got a worried Pegasus to attend to.”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
We returned to the cottage, where an enthusiastic and relieved Fluttershy was waiting. She immediately grabbed the small rabbit, and covered him in affection, hugging him close to her chest.
I walked up to Malbatorus, and said, “Hey!”
He leaned his head closer to me, and I whispered, “Good luck with Fluttershy. She’s a nice pony, and deserves someone who’s as nice as her. I sincerely hope you can do that for her.”
The dragon blinked, and I chuckled. He looked at me, and said, “How did you figure it out?”
“Elementary my dear Draco, I guessed,” I replied, scratching my beard.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Starstruck
Crossover with Cyber5555’s “A New Point of View ”
Part I
You ever wake up some mornings, and think to yourself, “Shit, something’s gonna go horribly wrong today”?
Because that’s how I felt when I woke up this morning. I mean, sure, the sun was shining, and birds were chirping, but I still had that dark sense of foreboding.
Reluctantly, I crawled out of my bed, and slapped my glasses onto my face. “No sense in sitting around during the apocalypse,” I jokingly muttered, knowing that the world probably wouldn’t end today. Besides, even if it did, I’d end up doing some sort of crazy Traveler stuff to save it.
Either way, I managed to go through my unusual morning routine of getting ready for the day. Get dressed, shave, eat breakfast, and all the typical stuff. Why was it unusual you ask?
Well, normally, I’m woken up by some form of annoying sound, or ala-
“Omnius!” I heard somepony call from the front door. “Darling, could I have a word with you?”
“Of course, it’s while I’m eating,” I sigh, quickly shoveling the rest of my Frosted Flakes into my mouth. “Coming!” I called out around a mouthful of food.
Once I shifted into my pony form, I opened the door so see Rarity standing there with an impatient expression on her face.
“Oh, dear, I’m terribly sorry to bother you this early in the morning,” Rarity began, an apologetic smile on her face. “But Sweetie Belle…accidentally…ruined my Male Pony models.”
“Did she?” I asked, shaking my head. “Terrible shame, that.”
“Indeed,” she agreed. She got a certain glimmer in her eyes that made me nervous, and said in a sweet voice, “But you see, I have an order for suits that I need to finish today…and you just happen to be the same size, and build as the customer!”
“Um…right,” I stalled. Crap, she needs me to sit still for a few hours, and use me as a sewing dummy. “Look, Rarity-”
She gave me her best version of puppy dog eyes, blinked rapidly, and said, “Yes?”
Damn me and my old-timey values.
“Let’s go,” I relented, before she ran behind me and started pushing me.
“Wonderful! Let’s not hesitate a moment longer!”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
A few hours later, and I was standing in the Boutique, wearing a white suit with diamond cufflinks. I gotta say, it was pretty cool looking. Hell, if it made me look all swanky and sophisticated, who ever ordered it would look stunning.
I tried to tell Rarity that, but she just told me to shush, and shoved some needles for me to hold in my mouth. My tongue was grateful that she put them in my teeth. My teeth were glad that they were made of tougher stuff than needles.
“Now, Omnius, I need you to stand perfectly still,” Rarity whispered for the tenth time that hour. “These proportions have to be perfect!”
And of course, that’s the time that I felt something tear open a hole from another dimension.
Fun fact everybody: If I’m on a homeworld, I can feel when something opens an interdimensional/time portal on it. When that happens, I tend to deal with this Mr. Crocker style:
“PORTAL’S OPENED!” I shouted suddenly, randomly twitching and jumping in the air.
The suit miraculously didn’t tear, and actually just fell off of me in a neat bundle. The needles, however, launched across the room, and surrounded Rarity in a comical outline of herself.
“Dear Celestia!” she shouted in surprise. “Omnius, what was that?!”
I grinned sheepishly, and said, “Sorry about that, Rarity. Um…are done then?”
She rolled her eyes at me, but answered, “Well, I suppose so…Thank you for your help. If you don’t mind my asking, what did you shout back there?”
“Oh…right.” I looked out the window, and slipped my vest back on. “Someone opened a portal to another world here,” I muttered darkly. “I don’t know if they’re friendly or not, but I’m gonna have to figure that out.”
“Oh, Celestia,” Rarity said, taking her glasses off. “If that is the case, then I’ll make sure to keep an ear out for anything odd.”
“Thanks.”
I trotted out the door, and did my best to make sure I didn’t look like I was worried about anything. If there was another alien from an alternate universe here, then it was my responsibility to see who the hell it was. Then, find out why they’re here, where they’re from, and try to get them home…
That last part was gonna be complicated. See, there’s a strange thing about my Traveling: If they came to a world by any other means besides my Traveling, then I can’t take them back to their homeworld. Other places, sure, but…well, say that they took the TARDIS to the Marvel Comics universe. If that happened, then I couldn’t take them back home. It’d ruin the story.
Speaking of stories, let’s get back on track.
After a bit of wandering around, I managed to overhear ponies talking about a white and silver Pegasus pony that had broken into somepony's house a few minutes ago. According to them, he was going on about how they should’ve known him. Not only that, but he mentioned some stuff about other ponies who I’d never heard of… “Arcana”?
I couldn’t figure out what his name was, but from the sounds of things, it seemed like it was your typical displaced dude who wants to get home. Luckily for me, Torrentican wasn’t on this world at the moment, so I should be able to find the guy, and work something out. Worst case scenario, he overreacts, and tries to kick my ass.
Please note the word choice of “tries”.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
Now, if I were a pony who thought that everyone should know him, then where would I be?
“Sugarcube Corner!” I shouted, a grin appearing on my face. “Anypony here who knows Pinkie would know that she always remembers every party they’ve thrown. So, if they’re about to make sure that somepony knows them, they’d head there!”
Well, at least that’s the most logical place. Wow, the irony of that statement. I mean, Pinkie Pie being a logical choice.
Okay, enough internal monologues.
“Right,” I said out loud, picking up the pace, and racing to Sugarcube Corner.
Once I got there, I wasn’t too surprised to see the Pegasus mentioned from earlier half-shouting at Pinkie in a mixture of anger and confusion.
“Hey, new guy,” I called out over the commotion. None of them heard me, and I had to let out a high-pitched whistle instead.
Much to my surprise, the silver-winged Pegasus turned around with an astonished look on his face, and blurted out, “Sweet Celestia, Morgan Freeman is on Equestria!”
I cleared my throat a little self-consciously. “That’s a new one,” I muttered dryly. Taking advantage of his apparent confusion, I managed to get a good look at his appearance; a white coat, silver wings and mane, and he was wearing a pair of familiar looking goggles…kinda like the ones that the Wonderbolts wear.
Wait a second…
“Who are you?” the strange Pegasus asked me before I could say anything.
“Who am I?” I responded. “The better question is how the hellion you know about Morgan Freeman!”
He blinked, and backed away from me slightly, allowing me to spot a strange silver tattoo thing on his foreleg.
Okay, we’re definitely dealing with displaced human, turned pony. It looks like he knows how to maneuver his legs right, so he’s been a pony for quite some time now. He knows an alternate Pinkie Pie, indicating he’s not evil. Maybe we can actually get through this without starting a scene.
“Hey, kid, come on now,” I said reassuringly. I reached a hoof towards him, adding, “Why don’t you just come with me, and we can get things sorted out, alright?”
His eyes somehow got even wider, and his pupils were black pinpricks. In a panicked tone, he asked me, “Who are you? What have you done to my friends? Where’s Arcana?!” The last part he practically shouted at the top of his lungs.
As he took on a sort of fighting stance, I carefully nodded at Pinkie, letting her know I’d take care of this. He didn’t notice due to his panic.
“Whoa there, buddy,” I quickly said, sneaking between him and the front door. “I am not here to start something…I am just trying to help you out.”
He shook his head wildly, and said, “Then tell me what happened here! What did you do to my friends? Where’s Arcana?!”
Okay, this Arcana person must be pretty important to him. I’m treading on thin ice here. Best take it nice and easy, don’t startle him…but my first priority is to get us out of here. We don’t want to draw unwanted attention, right?
“Let’s just go somewhere that is more private first,” I slowly said, taking a cautious step towards him. “And I’ll explain everything…especially to this, ‘Arcana’, you mentioned.”
Without warning, he suddenly leaped at me. I tried to brace myself, but instead of colliding with the door, I felt a strange tingling sensation, and realized he was trying to do some sort of warp.
Another fun fact everyone: Traveler’s are immune to all forms of Time/Space/Matter manipulation, unless we willingly let them use it on us. This means we can’t be forcibly moved to another dimension, unless we get caught up in the moment, or if they take us to another point on the same world/reality.
What this meant was that I just got slammed by a crazed Human turned Pegasus, and was teleported to a random field just outside of Ponyville.
Before I could even get in a witty one-liner about a first date, he kicked me off of his chest. I rolled off of him, and quickly shook off the kick. For once, luck seemed to be with me, as it seemed like that teleportation bit took a lot out of him.
“Whoa,” I stated as he picked himself up off the ground.
What really surprised me was the fact that he was still standing. I mean, if my theory is correct, then he used most of his energy accidentally getting to this alternate universe in the first place. And then after that, he warped two living beings a few miles away from Ponyville.
“Now,” he gasped out. “Tell me…where…Arcana is!” His eyes burned with fury and fear, and he wheezed, “What happened to my friends?”
I’ve only got one last chance to get him to stop before he seriously hurts himself. “Calm down-” I started.
“NO!” he shouted at me. “I won’t calm down until you tell me what happened!”
He flared his wings and took off into the air. When he was high enough, he charged into me again, and sent a clumsy swing at me. I neatly avoided the attack, and he shouted, “Now tell me where Arcana is!”
Shite.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Every Time…
Part II of a crossover with cyber5555’s “A New Point of View”
Once again, I ducked back and said, “I don’t know who Arcana is! Dude, chill out!”
The crazed Pegasus swung at me again, and shouted, “LIAR!”
Alright, screw this.
Instead of waiting for him to attack me, I jumped forward, and crashed my head into his. He stumbled back, but quickly recovered and sent a buck towards my side. I let myself get pushed back, wincing slightly.
I fell to the ground, pretending to be wounded. The Pegasus thought he had me, and with a cocky smile on his face, he charged at me again…only to get a swift uppercut to the chin.
“SHORYUKEN!” I shouted.
The silver winged Pegasus was sent flying backwards, where he crashed into a tree. Taking advantage of the moment, I galloped forward, summoning my Traveler’s Blade in whip form. A quick flick of my head sent it spiraling around the tree, effectively wrapping up the Pegasus.
“Now, are you willing to listen to me?” I asked, cracking my neck.
He struggled against the whip even harder.
“LET ME GO!” he shouted.
“Just shut up and listen,” I repeated. “And don’t bother trying to break that whip. Unbreakable stuff, so-”
Suddenly, he disappeared in a flash of light.
“…Or you can teleport. That too.”
Stars exploded in front of my eyes, as I felt myself get slammed on the back of my head. I fell to the ground, where the Pegasus placed a hoof triumphantly on my neck.
“Now, you’ll tell me-”
I smiled, and interrupted him by saying, “You should learn the first rule of pinning your opponent.”
Before he answered, I brought my back legs up, and launched them into his groin.
“Always protect the jewels.”
He groaned in pain, and rolled off of me, and onto the grass next to me. In an instant, I was back up again, and I had my hooves wrapped around his neck in a full-nelson.
“Now, calm down, and we can get something worked out,” I calmly said.
He flailed about wildly, before I felt the warping sensation kick in again.
“Oh, come on!” I shouted.
The next thing I knew, both of us were hundreds of feet off the ground. The Pegasus rolled in the air, flinging me off of him, and I plummeted towards the ground. Thinking quickly, I flicked my whip at a tall pine tree, hooking it onto one of the upper branches. I yanked on it with as much strength as I could muster, and used it to slingshot myself back into the air.
“What?! How did you-”
I collided with him in midair.
Thank you Equestrian physics!
I slammed my forehead against his, and shouted, “STOP! FIGHTING! ME!”
The Pegasus tried to say something, but I wasn’t in the mood. We were falling at high speeds, he wasn’t listening to me, and I never got to finish my cornflakes from earlier! I am NOT a happy Traveler right now.
This time, I shifted into human form, and started spinning us in the air.
“Atomic…”
I bent his head towards the ground, and forced us to fall faster.
“PILEDRIVER!”
His head collided with the ground, and I pushed off of him, landing a bit unsteadily on my feet.
He groaned in pain, and stirred feebly on the ground. He muttered something about Arcana, causing me to sigh regretfully. I placed a hand on his shoulder, and rolled him over onto his back. “Sorry about that, buddy,” I said while he lost consciousness. “I had to do that to calm you down.”
I heaved him over my shoulder, straining a bit under the weight, and hauled him to the nearest place where I could successfully explain everything without getting assaulted. Of course, there weren’t very many options.
“Hope Applejack doesn’t mind entertaining guests,” I muttered.
XHXHXHXHXHX
“So yah mean to tell me that this feller,” Applejack said, nudging the unconscious Pegasus’ unmoving body, “is from another universe?”
“Yep,” I stated, scratching my beard. “Seems to have rookie control over Space magic, and he took some pretty hard hits.”
Pinkie Pie nodded sagely, munching an apple tart. “Is that why he thinks he knows us?”
Before you ask, Pinkie Pie was there because she had to work out some apple treats with Applejack. Not just because of plot convenience. I know, shocking, right?
“He does know you, actually,” I cheerfully replied, shifting back into pony form. “The thing is, he only knows alternate reality versions of you two. That Arcana he keeps mentioning is probably one of his friends, possibly his special someone if my hunch is right.”
The three of us sat there in silence, as we waited for him to wake up. Thoughts raced through my head in a blur of ideas. I needed to think of a good way to break this to him gently. None of us need him to go bonkers and try to hurt anyone.
Which is why I had Pinkie make a Pinkie Pie promise to keep him there. And nothing escapes one of those. NOTHING.
“Looks like he’s getting up,” I muttered. “You two can deal with him first. Let him see some familiar faces, and we’ll ease him into it.”
I let the girls talk to him for a moment. The poor sap was pretty confused, not really helped by the fact that Applejack was starting to get in his face.
“Alright girls, you can lay off the guy now,” I finally intervened. “He’s just been through a lot. Apparently, he lost someone close to him.”
At the sound of my voice, his eyes widened, prompting me to step out in front of him. “S’up?” I casually asked.
He started flailing about even more, struggling to get a word out. Thankfully, Pinkie had pulled through for me again, and had remembered to Duct-tape his mouth shut.
“Guess I’m lucky you have that on,” I commented dryly. He glared at me in anger, silent fires behind his eyes. Clearing my throat, I continued. “Well, anyways…Name’s Omnius. I’ll be your guide to the multiverses today. Oh, and before I forget, sorry about the nutshot.”
The bound and gagged Pegasus started thrashing about violently at the mention of the low blow to his nads. Hey, all’s fair in love, war, and comedy. Obviously, this was the third option. I opened my mouth to say one of my trademark witty zingers-
Only to get interrupted by the sound of Big Macintosh opening the door to the barn. A look of surprise shot across his face, and he said, “What are you…”
“Therapy,” I cut in, a large smile on my face. Dashing over, I began to shut the door again, adding, “Don’t worry, Pinkie, Applejack, and I know exactly what we’re doing. In fact, AJ, GET THE ROPE!”
Big Mac’s eyes widened, and he backed away a bit quicker. Smart move. Don’t wanna confuse any more ponies than necessary.
“Now then, enough joking around.” I cracked my neck eagerly. Meeting the captured Pegasus’ eyes, I slowly said, “Okay. I’ll try to explain what happened to you and this ‘Arcana’ you mentioned before, but I need to know that you’ll calm down and not attack me again…Or I’ll suplex you again. Got it?”
Reluctantly, he nodded.
“Alrighty then.” I smiled cheerfully again, and ripped the duct-tape away from his mouth. He gasped in pain, soliciting a pang of sympathy from me. Okay, don’t mention the small patch of fur that got torn off. “Now, let’s start with your name.”
He glared, and growled out, “Can you let me go first? Because I’m getting slightly uncomfortable sitting in this chair for so long.”
Should’a thought about that before you attacked me.
“After you answer some of our questions,” I compromised. “And don’t try to lie, because the Element of Honesty is here.” I pointed towards Applejack, who grinned deviously, like we had rehearsed. “And when you answer truthfully, I’ll take another bond off.”
He sighed, but nodded in agreement.
“Now, I repeat: What’s your name?”
“Star Streak,” he answered.
At this, Applejack frowned. I raised an eyebrow in surprise. “What’s wrong? He tellin’ the truth?”
“Well…yes,” she hesitantly said. “But it feels like he’s hidin’ somethin’ else.”
Hmm…Normally, that implies another name in these kind of scenarios.
“Do you have another name?” I asked, voicing my thoughts.
“Yes I do, but I rarely use it though,” Star admitted. “My other name is Eirc Moore.”
“Ah ha,” I nodded triumphantly. “Just like I thought. Right, this will make things a lot easier. So, I presume you’re a human in pony form then? Well, you’re not the first I’ve met who’s been in that situation.”
“What? What are you talking about? There’s no way you can possibly know what I’ve been through,” he spat out, obviously still pissed at me.
I took a steadying breath to control my own temper. Sometimes it’s hard to be the guy who has to explain things to an idiot. Fortunately, I’ve had experience at both sides. The only thing I can really do now is calmly walk him through this.
For now, I’ll have to ignore that insult.
“Okay, Star Streak. You’re more comfortable with that name because a lot more good things have happened to you while you’ve been a pony, right?” I started, taking a seat across from him. “Maybe your life was normal, or maybe it wasn’t, but either way, you consider Equestria your true home now. Right now, you’re not mad at me. Right now, you’re scared because you don’t want another home ripped away from you. That’s why you blame me for everything that’s going on.”
I sighed, and brushed my mane out of my eyes.
“You have to understand though; I understand what you’re going through. You’ve just got a life you want to get back to as soon as possible, and I assume that Arcana is who you want to get back to? Since you’re worried, your home must have evil in it. It must have some form of monster you’re used to fighting. That would explain your lack of hesitance to attack me. Since you could barely handle me when I was holding back almost everything, you’re somewhat arrogant. That means you’ve fought some major-league villains, and come out on top.”
“H-how do you know all that?” Star Streak muttered, shocked that I had guessed all of this.
“Your scars and the look in your eyes tell me everything,” I replied gently.
“What scars? How can you see them on me?” asked Star, confusion apparent on his face.
“I don’t need to see them to know they’re there. The way you talk, and the way you’re holding yourself tell me something about you. But that’s not what you really want to ask. You want to ask me how I can read all of that, and how I can tell you where you really are, right?”
Star glared at me for a moment, before faltering slightly. His anger was finally starting to fade away. He hung his head, and asked me, “Where am I?”
I undid one of the bonds on his wings as a sign of good faith. “You can do some pretty impressive teleportation magic. In fact, it seems related to the element Space, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve guessed.”
Another one of his wing shackles was removed.
“I’m gonna say that you overcharged one of your warps, and ended up in an alternate Equestria,” I stated bluntly. “That’s the only logical explanation, as you didn’t blame Twilight or Arcana for this.”
He flapped his wings a bit in relief, then frowned. “I wouldn’t ever blame Arcana for this!”
“Ah, so she IS a unicorn then,” I asked, confirming my thoughts.
“Yeah, she is. Why?”
“Just curious. She’s a human too, isn’t she?”
He got a thoughtful look on his face, as if he were considering denying it, but then sighed again. “She is. Her name is Brittney.”
“Okay then,” I nodded. This time, one of the leg bonds came off. “You’re being very calm about this,” I observed.
“How do you know about all of this though? I mean, nopony should know about alternate dimensions, or Space related spells like that!” he half-shouted, his impatience getting the better of him.
“Right…okay, bear with me for a second,” I calmly stated. “What I’m about to say will sound like total bullshit. But if you want to go back home to Arcana, and the rest of your friends, please listen to me.”
“…Alright…” he hesitantly answered.
“Okay. So, let me tell you a story.” Applejack and Pinkie Pie sat on the ground next to me, already familiar with this explanation. “There are Gods and Goddesses, capitol ‘G’…”
And I lunched into a short summary behind the Travelers. I even mentioned to him that I can use Time/Space/Matter magic, and that I was really human. I didn’t even hide the immortality and inability to die factors from him.
“…Are you being serious?” he finally said when I had finished.
“Eeyup,” I smiled.
It was his turn to be blunt.
“You’re insane,” he stated, eyeing me as if I needed to be locked away.
“Well, that’s not a new one,” I sorrowfully said.
Applejack made a move as if to smack some sense into him, but Pinkie stopped her with a quiet look. Both of them understood how much pain it caused me to hear that when people were talking about my Traveling. They also knew that I would deal with the person saying it in my own way.
For instance, I shifted into human form spontaneously.
“What the buck!?” he shouted, scrabbling backwards in his chair.
“Boo,” I deadpanned.
That reaction never gets old.
Oh, it’s good to be The Traveler.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Homeward Bound
Part Three of a Crossover with Cyber5555’s “A New Point of View”
“Alright, come on now,” I said, as Star scrambled backwards in his seat, falling over as he did so.
“What are you?” he asked in surprise. In his struggling, he had managed to free himself from the last of his bonds, but apparently the shock of seeing me change from an Earth pony to a human was a little more than he could deal with at the moment.
I sighed, and offered him a hand to help him up. “I’m the guy who’s gonna help you get home. Now come on, on your hooves.”
Pulling him back up, I scratched my beard thoughtfully, while he dusted himself off. “Thanks, I guess,” he muttered.
“No problem. Now, the sooner we can get you back to your world, the sooner you can see Aracana, right?” He nodded, and I clapped my hands. “Excellent. Right, now…I need you to tell me everything about what you were doing before you warped here. Something tells me that holds the answer to this.”
“Alright then, but if you have to know, I will have to start from the beginning then,” Star said, making himself more comfortable.
For a moment, I debated mentally with myself. I only needed to hear what caused him to get here in the first place, and if he could feel any ties to his old world, but then again…he might not realize what he’s talking about if he skips it.
So, guess I’ll endure the whole she-bang. Who knows? Maybe I’ll tell him some of my stories.
I nodded at him, and he launched into a tale of life, strife, and bad luck, mixed with romance and adventure. Otherwise known as his side of the story. Several hours, backstories, and Victoria’s Secret jokes (Pinkie didn’t get it), and I had heard the gist of what had happened to him.
Apparently, there were three humans on his Equestria: himself, Arcana, and some guy named Aceiro. Not only did they posses unusual abilities, but they somehow had come into powerful artifacts known as the “Elements of Reality”. He had the Element of Space, Arcana wore the Element of Time, and Aceiro dealt with the Element of Will, and Entropy.
Now stop me if those three things don’t sound familiar. I have to say, it’s a little disconcerting to hear that three kids are bearers of the powers that I’m technically an expert on. Time, Space, Will/Entropy. Strangely enough, that last one can be considered “Matter”. Now I’m more interested in what Star has to say…
A low growl broke me out of my thoughts, and I glanced at Star. He winced slightly, and asked, “Can we go and get something to eat? I haven't eaten anything since I woke up this morning.”
“I agree,” I nodded. “After all my breakfast was interrupted too, so I’m a bit hungry myself. How’s about we go to Sugarcube Corner? I could really go for some banana nut muffins right now.” In a trance like state, I licked my lips and started walking towards the doors, muttering, “Mmm…muffins…”
“Uh, Omnius?” Pinkie asked, snapping me out of my stomach’s control. “You’re still in human form.”
I glanced down at my pants, and muttered, “Oh yeah…Hm…I feel like being a Pegasus right now.”
With that, I started to focus my thoughts on changing forms once again. The familiar stinging sensation shot throughout my entire body, as I fell to all fours. In an instant, I had shifted into my classic Pegasus look, while my wings idly flapped the remainder of the sensation out of them.
I grinned at the surprised Star Streak, and said, “Alright, now that I am ‘appropriately dressed’ let's go get something to eat.”
Trotting over to the doors, I saw Star shake his head slightly and semi-reluctantly follow me outside. As I wondered which way would get us there without being noticed by too many ponies. It’s not exactly a good thing when you see yours truly with somepony who just caused a small scene in a bakery.
After Applejack told me that she still didn’t trust Star, and asked me to keep an eye on him, I said, “Yes ma’am.”
She left with Pinkie after that, saying something about how they had stuff they needed to do. I was too busy being distracted to pay attention. Either way, when she was gone, I extended a hoof towards Star, and said, “Even though I have to keep an eye on you, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends.”
He sighed, replying, “Even though what you said earlier is true, I still think you are nuts…” He then smiled, and accepted my hoof. “But I’m slightly nuts as well.”
That got a laugh out of me, and I cackled, “Excellent. So, now that we’re friends, do you know how to get to Sugarcube Corner? Quickly?”
“Do you let your stomach think for you sometimes?” he joked.
Yes.
“Nope,” I casually said. “I sometimes let the little person that lives in my hoof make some decisions.”
“You know what?” He started, but then thought better of it. “Forget about it. Let’s just go to Sugarcube Corner.”
He draped his hoof over my shoulder, and in an instant, we were at the famous bakery, thanks to his warping powers.
Teleportation. Gotta love that stuff.
Star swayed uncertainly on his hooves, before he shook himself out of it.
“Whoa, you okay there?” I asked, concerned about him.
“Yeah, but I don't get it,” Star wearily said in a confused tone. “I can warp without any problems at all, but now I get tired every time I do though.”
That’s not surprising, to be honest. Maybe his body has to constantly exert energy to keep him in a different dimension, or whatever was feeding his powers had been cut off. If that were the case, that meant that he was running off his own tanks. I can’t tell him my theories yet though. There’s gotta be more evidence backing it before I can begin to consider it.
For now, I just chose to say, “Maybe it has something to do about your arrival.” His stomach growled, and I added, “Or maybe you’re just hungry.
After reassuring Mrs. Cake that Star wasn’t going to do anything fish again, we placed our orders and went to our table. From there, Star started to go on with his story.
He mentioned a new pony named Shadow Breeze…
Why does that name sound familiar?
Anyways, he went on to mention some stuff about the remnants of Nightmare Moon, lovingly dubbed “Nightmare” and about how they had clashed time and time again. Hell, she had managed to end Star’s life once, but he was brought back by some being named Fate.
Oh boyo…I have a feeling that I know this guy.
Other than that, there was one part of the conversation that really stuck out in my mind. He mentioned that he had a “Leading Star” or something like that in his Equestria. After he said that, he tried to reach out to it with his mind, but could only partially reach it.
That gives me an idea…
I motioned for him to finish his story.
Several cinnamon rolls and muffins later, and he had finished his story with, “And there you have it, the whole story that had happened to us to now.”
I contemplated on everything he said. Ye gods, but this kid’s gone through a lot. Somehow, he had been gifted with extraordinary powers, been put in the right places at the exact right time to fight off a serious villain, and had gotten his hooves on a powerful artifact.
The artifacts themselves are items of interest to me. Time, Space, Will/Entropy…those things are something that I’m considered an expert on. I even feel a slight connection to him through that. Like I can sense his Space energy around him. It’s perplexing, to say the least. Just what does all of this mean? Could there be more to this story than what lies on the surface, or is it just a tale of opportunities?
In any case, right now I need to focus on the important things.
After going over plans in my head, I finally said, “Well I have to say that is a very interesting and complex tale…so there’s no way you could've make up all of that.” Okay, small lie. He could be bonkers, but my gut’s telling me he’s telling the truth. So here is what I am going to do.”
I leaned forward, and smiled an insane smile.
“We're going to get you home, and I think your leading light is going to help us.”
“…Huh?” Star asked in a confused voice.
Evidently, this kid doesn’t watch enough sci-fi movies if he doesn’t get where I’m going with this. Seriously, does Arcana do all the thinking for him?
“We’re going to get you home and I think your leading light is going to help us,” I explained, a confident smile on my face.
“What makes you think that?”
Okay, maybe I wasn’t too far off on what I just said. If he can’t figure out how to put the pieces together, it’s no wonder he can’t think of a way to get himself back. No, Omnius…be calm, and civil. Don’t let this supposed bearer of the Element Space and his lack of knowledge on the subject get to you…
“Well,” I started in a slow and calm voice, “the way you described how you can feel your star in the sky, yet at the same time not there as well, is like a…temporal dimensional shift.”
He continued to stare at me with the same look of dumfounded shock on his face. It was starting to annoy me. I mean, he learns that he’s got magical powers relating to one of the noble elements (it’s a term!), and he hasn’t done ANY amount of studying behind it? That’s just poor planning right there. He should have found out early on that he was in danger of accidentally going to another universe, yet he didn’t do a thing to prevent it!
Some of my irritableness leaked out into my voice as I said, “I’ll explain it so that little mind of yours can understand…”
“OI!”
I ignored him, and went with the most probable multiverse theory that would fit someone with his type of space magic. Fun fact: each universe has different laws regarding those. As a Traveler, I can adapt to those rules, or just ignore them entirely. It’s also how I’ve managed to study up on those things.
“Your dimension works on the principle of ‘overlapping’ realities, otherwise known as ‘branch-offs’, or…well, you get the idea. Now, due to the similarities between your Equestria, and the one I’m currently on…” Not to mention the fact that his powers could have possibly reached out to me as well, due to my Traveler status…
I cleared my throat to make up for the silence that followed for a moment.
“Anyways, because of that, it would explain why you appeared in somepony else’s home, and why you can still feel a connection to your star,” I awkwardly finished.
“So what about the part of getting me home?”
CONNECT THE DOTS YOU IDIOT! Seriously, the answer is blaringly obvious! No, no…control your temper, Omni…no exploding on guy who can’t seem to grasp the importance of the power he can now wield and use…
Even the Doctor would have been extremely cross by now.
“I’m getting there,” I half growled. “You see, I think your star acts like an anchor. That means if you happened to cross into another world, you can use it to find your way home. So all we need to do is recreate what you did to get here in the first place…” I sighed, tired of having to explain the obvious to him, and added, “You can do that, right?”
He hesitated, before nodding. “I think so,” he said in an unsure tone.
Good enough.
I got up from out table, and started walking out the door, saying over my shoulder, “Alrighty then, let’s go!”
“Where are we going?” he asked me as he got up to follow.
“Well, we don’t want to cause another scene here, do we?” I asked rhetorically. We both continued down the street, and I added, “We need to get to the area you arrived at. Do you remember where that was?”
He quickened his pace, and said, “Yeah, I do. Follow me!”
XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX
“What happened here?”
I was staring at a door that looked like some vicious dog had torn out a chunk of it with a claw, or something like that.
“A frightened mare with a knife, and a habit of throwing things,” Star shuddered.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Good, the universe is kicking Star’s ass for not learning about his power. Thanks Karma.
“Alright, now’s not the time to be laughing,” I said, sobering up. “We need to get you home as soon as possible. So, let’s do this.”
“Okay, but not here,” Star whispered, looking around for the mare that had scared the bejeezus out of him earlier. “Don’t want to cause a panic…”
We made our way to the side of the house, where I said, “Alright, now. Try to repeat what you did, and we’ll be on our way.”
“Wait, you’re coming with me?” he asked, surprised. “Why?”
“In case this little trip takes us to a place that isn’t exactly… friendly with us, so I can just pop us back here.”
Okay, that’s a blatant lie. Another major rule of Traveling is how we take others with us. See, if they left by means other than our version of Traveling, then we can’t take them back to the point where they started. For example, I can’t take Star back to his world myself, because he left it using his own power. If he were to make it back, then I could take him anywhere, but as he’s still here…
You get the idea.
Other than that, I need to see more about these Elements of Reality he’s talking about. There’s something about them that bugs me…and what about those two figures? “Fate” and “D”. How do they fit into the grand scheme of things? Are they gods? Does “D” stand for something more?
What is going on?
Star shrugged, and said, “Okay then.”
Before he started bringing up his magic, I felt compelled to interrupt him by saying, “Wait!” He stopped to look at me, and I said, “Rule number 17 of interdimensional traveling: NEVER piss off the birds.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? And isn’t that from Angry Birds?”
“It means what it means. And it’s the same thing!”
Amateurs.
He rolled his eyes at me and what he probably thought was my insanity. Thankfully, he didn’t question it, and just told me to put a hoof on his shoulder. Once I did so, he started to call up his magic again…
And we were falling. Well, I was. I can’t quite remember what I saw during the “jump” as I like to call it, but I do know one thing…
I screamed, “FALLING! EVERY TIME!”
The next thing I knew, I had landed on top of Star, while the sound of shattered glass reached my ears. The strange tunnel we had been falling through disappeared, revealing a different looking house than the one we had just been in.
From the lack of marks on the walls, and surprisingly clean furniture, it was pretty obvious that it had just been moved into. I guess this is Star’s home.
“Ah…cushiony,” I joked, patting Star’s head. I hadn’t bothered getting off of him yet. Can you really blame me? I mean, you all know how often I land on my face! Then again, as soon as I had said that, my guilt started to get to me.
“So, it looks like your dimension isn’t overlapping mine. Seems to be off by a couple of feet,” I commented in an offhand tone.
“Who the hoof are you?!” a new voice asked from the other side of the room. Without warning, Star kicked me off of him, and he ran to the source of the voice.
“Arcana!” he happily cried out, embracing the voice’s owner, a light tan colored unicorn, tightly. “Oh, thank goodness that I am back in my own world!”
Yeah, thank Goodness. Wait, that unicorn has another of those weird looking markings on her leg…Guess this must be the bearer of Time, like Star said. Can I get three cheers for plot convenience?
Still, I have to say it’s a good feeling to reunite people. Sure, it may be awkward to be there FOR the reunion, but I always love how friends can get back together, no matter the odds. It’s part of what I live for. Gotta love it.
“Okay, what’s going on here?” Arcana asked, tearing me from my thoughts. “And who the hoof are you?”
I picked myself up off the floor with a small groan of discomfort. Once I had dusted myself off, I gave Arcana a smile, and said, “Oh, I’m just a Traveler. Name’s Omnius. Nice to meet you Arcana.”
She started in surprise, and asked, “How do you know my name?”
“I’m a wizard,” I grinned, winking my eye at her. “I also know about Victoria’s secret.”
Star attempted to stifle a laugh.
“W-w-what?” Arcana asked, confused.
“Okay, you got me. I’m actually part Timelord,” I said in a cocky English accent.
A vein throbbed dangerously on Arcana’s forehead. She took a step forward, a jewel encrusted necklace glinting dangerously in the light. She growled menacingly at me, and I nodded in approval. Good, she knows not to mess around when a stranger is in her home.
“Alright, alright, chica,” I finally relented, becoming serious. “Your boyfriend there took an accidental trip into an alternate world, much like you took an accidental trip through time. I helped him get back.”
Arcana’s eyes narrowed, and she looked to Star for confirmation.
“As crazy as he is, he’s telling the truth,” he admitted. “You won’t believe his story though.”
“Oh? What makes you say that?” she asked.
I shrugged, and leaned against the wall casually. “Oh, I’m just the Eternal Traveler of Good, and I’m doomed, fated, and destined to Travel throughout all of Time, Space, Matter, and across all of the realities and dreams for all of eternity and beyond that.”
“…Yeah, I don’t believe that. At all,” Arcana deadpanned.
I sighed, and slumped against the wall. “No one ever does,” I muttered. “I always have to show them something breathtaking and unusual first before they’ll even begin to believe it. Jeez.”
“Star, why did you let him into our house?” the unicorn whispered into Star’s ear, trying to be stealthy.
I rolled my eyes, and said, “Save your breath, Arcana Timekeeper. I can hear every word you’re saying.”
“Timekeeper?” Star and Arcana asked in confusion.
“Yeah, Timekeeper. You bear the power of time, and have traveled back in time while resisting the urge to throw off the continuum by changing the course of history,” I explained. “It’s a title I like to give to people who do that.”
“…He IS insane.”
I just sighed again. No point in arguing when I can just totally mess with her mind. Then again, if I keep switching between human and pony forms, I might tire myself out too soon. Never know when things will get bad.
Looks like I just gotta do this the old fashioned way.
“Star, tell her I’m not insane,” I said, face-hoofing.
“But you are though! Even though you’re telling the truth,” Star laughed.
“Oh sure, mock the guy who knows more about what you’re dealing with than you two do. Hardy-har-har,” I growled. Feeling my temper at both his slight arrogance, Arcana’s stubborn disbelief, and what was apparently their combined ignorance of their true powers rise, I got up and trotted towards the door.
“Hey, where are you going?” Star asked.
“That’s a good question. This Ponyville have a soda bar? I remember this one great place called the Five Leaf Clover…good times,” I responded.
I shrugged indifferently, and opened the door to leave. Just before I stepped over the threshold, Arcana shot forward, slamming the door shut on my face. I tumbled backwards in surprise, clutching my bruised nose, and growled, “Ow! My schnoz! Why’d you do that?”
Arcana stood over me, and said, “You’re not leaving this house ‘till you tell me who, or WHAT, you are!”
“Didn’t we already do this?” I asked, getting back up. Even though she won’t believe it, I may as well repeat what I said earlier to get under her skin. “I’m the Eternal Traveler of Good, and I’m doomed, fated, and destined to Travel throughout all of Time, Space, Matter, and across all of the realities and dreams for all of eternity and beyond that.”
Her horn started to glow ominously, and I sighed in boredom.
“You’re going to-” she started, but my patience finally wore out.
“Start talking, and you’re going to start listening,” I countered, all traces of humor gone from my voice. I glared silently at the two of them, telling them to shut up. “What I’m about to say is incredibly important, and I’m only gonna say it once: You bear a terrible power. One that has the potential to do great things. If you haven’t already, learn how to control it. And make damn sure you study the theories behind your powers. Alternate Universes, timelines, the whole she-bang. You need to learn all about those if you want to truly realize your full potential. Understand?”
They nodded, Arcana somewhat reluctantly, and I closed my eyes.
“Who ARE you?” Arcana whispered.
For added effect, I leaked some of my Traveling magic into the air, causing it to shimmer violently, bending the light into an array of mysterious lights. Shadows flickered across the walls, my vest ruffled lightly in an unfelt breeze.
I smiled at the two of them and winked.
“I’m the Traveler…and now, it’s time I took my leave…ESPERANTO!”
As soon as the words left my lips, I tipped over backwards, and disappeared.
XHXHXHXHXHXHX
It had been a couple of days since I had returned Star to his world, and I was wondering if they would be alright. I mean, they have no idea of what kinda powers they're using.
But there was something eslse bugging me...
I violently spasmed once again, and shouted out, "ANOTHER PORTAL'S OPENED!" Nearly as soon as I had said that, the sensation passed, and whatever had caused it had disappeared.
And then my house of cards fell over.
Son of a bitch.
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Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Christmas Shorts - The Travels and Eternal Twilight
Merry Christmas, Omnius!
A Travels’ Christmas Special
What can I say? It’s Christmas, and I got bit by the Holiday Muse! So here you go. A couple of short little Christmas moments to enjoy, with Omnius and the Gang. Nothing too serious, but just a couple fun little snippets.
-Happy Holidays,
Nathan Traveler
“Are you certain that this is a good idea?” Cheerilee asked me for what must have been the millionth time. “I’m sure that the children would be alright i-”
I interrupted her with a jolly laugh, happily tightening the heavy black belt around my red coat. A little awkward to do with just my hooves, but I managed to pull it off without too much hassle. “Miss Cheerilee, I do believe that you’re worrying too much,” I told her. “Just make sure that the kids are ready!”
She hesitantly nodded, while her eyes flicked over to the large red sack slung over my shoulders. “And how do you plan on fitting that through the door?”
“Did you put up that chimney prop I asked for?”
“Yes, but I don’t see how-”
I gave her a small wink, and tapped the side of my nose with my hoof. “Just have a little faith, ma’am,” I whispered, already trotting away into the snow.
Cheerilee shook her head, and sighed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Alright class, gather around!” the teacher said to the rest of her class, gesturing for them to sit around the “fireplace” at the back of the room. Smiling at the assembled colts and fillies, she positioned herself at the center of them, a small book placed in front of her.
“Now class, this is our last day together before Hearth’s Warming break, an-”
She was briefly overcome by the sudden chorus of cheerful shouts and yells at this statement. Scootaloo even tossed in a high-pitched cry of, “FREEEEEDOOOM!”
“Settle down, now,” she laughed, unsurprised by this point. “Anyways, I just wanted to share a story with you that I think all of you would enjoy.”
“A story?” Diamond Tiara groaned. “Booorrring.”
Cheerilee ignored the spoiled filly’s complaints, her will already virtually immune to her whining. “Yes, a story. This one was made by somepony who lives right here in Ponyville, and I think it’s an excellent Hearth’s Warming story. Perfect for the season! And it even has Santa Hooves in it!”
That got everypony’s attention. If there was one thing that everypony loved about Hearth’s Warming, it had to be Santa Hooves, the pony who delivered toys to every good little child in Equestria.
“What is it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
In answer, the teacher held the book out, and read the title out loud to the class. “The Night Before Hearth’s Warming .”
“That doesn’t even SOUND like a good book! Ugh,” Tiara once more complained, even louder than before. Surprisingly, Silver Spoon whirled around on her friend, and shushed her just as loudly.
'Twas the night before Hearth’s Warming, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there...”
Cheerilee’s years of telling stories to her class truly showed that night. Every single child listened to the story with wide-eyed attention, clinging to every word. One might have said that even they had visions of sugarplums dancing through their heads. Even Diamond Tiara began to reluctantly enjoy the story.
By the time Cheerilee had read, “As I drew in my head, and was turning around...” the children were startled out of their trances by the sound of heavy objects falling onto the roof of the school, echoing through their silence.
Excitedly, Apple Bloom shouted, “It’s him! It’s gotta be him! Santa’s here!”
“Pfft, of course a blank flank would believe that somepony like him exists,” Diamond Tiara scoffed. “It’s probably just some snow, or something.”
“What, ya don’t think that he’s real?” Apple Bloom challenged.
“It’s just...unrealistic! How could one pony make it all over Equestria in just a single night?” she countered. “My Daddy says he doesn’t exist, so it has to be true! Isn’t that right, Miss Cheerilee?”
Cheerilee smiled a bit at that. “Well, I don’t know...maybe we just have to have a little faith?”
As if that were the cue, the chimney started to shake from side to side. Small bits of dust were flung into the air, as a large red figure crashed into the room, tumbling out of the chimney.
All of the children stared in awe at the sight...the entire room was silent, as the figure looked each and every single one of them over. He was an earth pony, with a large, curly white beard, and garbed in a heavy outfit of red and white. He wore black boots over his hooves, and a dark red sack was casually slung over his back.
Finally, he let out a large smile, and laughed, “Ho, Ho, Ho! Hello little ones!”
Diamond Tiara’s jaw dropping to the floor could be heard for miles around.
Santa Hooves laughed once again, and eased himself into the chair by the fireplace. “Sorry I’m late, Miss Cheerilee,” he said to the teacher in a jolly tone. “I got caught in a bit of a tailwind on the way here.” When she shook her head playfully at him, he addressed the class. “Now, I was told that there were some good little fillies in here...like...”
He paused, and looked over the entire class again, his eyes twinkling behind his wireframe glasses. When nopony made a move, he idly tapped his head as if he was thinking.
“Like...you, little Pipsqueak!”
The foal in question gasped in shock, looking around to see if he was talking about another Pippen Squeakenstock Esquire. When no mysterious clone appeared, he had to finally admit that Santa was still looking at him.
“Come here, little one,” Santa kindly said to him. “Sit on Santa’s lap, and tell him what you want for Hearth’s Warming.”
Slowly, as if he were approaching Celestia herself (Not Luna - He’d dash to her and instantly proclaim his adoration for her), Pipsqueak crawled onto the saint’s lap, and shyly stared at his own hooves for a few moments. He couldn’t muster up the courage to even vocalize his many thoughts.
Santa smiled at him softly, and said, “It’s alright. I think I already know what you want...” He reached into his sack and rummaged around in it for but a moment, before coming back up with a brightly wrapped package. He gave it to Pip with another smile, saying, “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Pip.”
Pip’s eyes widened as he excitedly tore open the wrapping to reveal a beautifully carved wooden cutlass. Everything about it had been given the utmost attention to detail, and even the nicks on the sword part of it looked like a part of its design.
Only one word could sum up the beauty of this toy.
“Wow...” Pip looked up at the smiling Santa, adoration in his eyes. “Thanks, Santa!”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Pip. Now go on, I’m sure you want to give that sword a try! Just make sure you don’t hurt anypony. Even a pirate has to be good sometimes, doesn’t he?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
Pip nodded, his eyes widening in surprise at the fact that he knew that much about him. Even the other ponies were surprised about it. Excited and happy, but still surprised.
“Now, who’s next?” Santa asked, looking at the children.
“Ooo! Me, me, me, me, me!” a high-pitched voice announced loudly, dashing over to Santa before anypony else could react. Santa raised an eyebrow at the sight of the periwinkle-and-white maned filly.
“Ah...you are Diamond Tiara, aren’t you?” he asked.
“See? Even the big pony knows who I am,” Tiara said, tipping her namesake on her head. “My Daddy made sure that he got me the best present ever. Riiiight?”
There was a brief pause, as Santa idly tapped his beard. After a moment, he smiled at the filly, and said, “Oh, yes. I’ve got just the thing for you.”
He then reached into his pocket, rather than his sack, and started searching it.
“Seeeee? He has to carry it around on him, just to make sure it’s safe.”
Santa then plopped a lump of coal in front of the filly.
“There, made with you in mind, Miss Tiara. Now, who’s next?”
Diamond Tiara couldn’t even comprehend what just happened, and Cheerilee had to personally take her back to her seat, while the rest of the children clambered onto Santa’s lap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How’d your Santa gig go today, Omnius?” Twilight asked me as I tiredly collapsed onto my couch.
I smiled at the memories of the smiling faces I had seen that day.
“Pretty damn good,” I told her, pushing my glasses back onto my face.
Eternal Twilight - It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
“Gloves?”
“Check.”
“Boots?”
“Hush, you. Now...ridiculously cool and holiday themed scarf?”
“Check...you know, you don’t have to do this,” Spike told me as he marked the final item off of the list.
“I do. It’s a tradition that I shan’t give up on now,” I replied, tightening my belt. “A battle that all sentient life has to deal with at one point or another. I’m not gonna lie, Spike. This may be the toughest trial I’ve faced in my years as a Traveler. I might not make it back. If that happens...tell Twilight that...Oh, she already knows.”
“...Dude,” Spike said, giving me a blank stare. “It’s just gift shopping.”
I shook my head in disagreement. “This isn’t just any kind of gift shopping. This is last minute, fast paced, extremely crowded, Christmas shopping for the love of your eternal life.”
“Yeah, so?”
“At Macy’s in New York.”
“...Celestia protect your soul.”
“Amen,” I gravely agreed.
Spike looked down at the list, and back up at me with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Say...you Travel through time, right?” he asked.
“Yeah, so?”
“Couldn’t you, I dunno, go there a bit earlier, and then just get her gift when it’s less chaotic?” he pointed out.
“Spike, Spike, Spike,” I chided, shaking my head. “There’s just some things that you’ve gotta do as a Traveler. This...is not one of those times. Besides, if I had gotten her gift any earlier, she would’ve deduced what it was, and I would’ve had to go to the trouble of trying to come up with clever ways to deceive her.”
“That’s not what I aske-”
“Esperanto!” I cried, diving through the front window of the library, barreling into another world entirely.
Traveling. It’s the best way to get out of a pointless argument. Especially useful when the other guy makes a valid point, and you can’t come up with a witty response to it.
Politicians would kill to get something like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I reopened my eyes, I wasn’t surprised to find myself standing in the middle of a nearly completely white bank of snow, in front of a pristine, white building that had a great red star sitting on it. Hordes of people swarmed around me, all moving with the type of reverence reserved for pilgrimages to Bethlehem, or wherever extremely religious people went during times of God and stuff. It was obvious that they held a great contempt for each other, however, and seemed to eye each other as if they were their next target.
I scowled at the very sight of the monstrosity.
Christmas shopping... I growled mentally.
“Alright, Macy’s,” I said out loud, ignoring the stares I got from the passing swarms. “I don’t like you, and you just want my money. The only time we’ve ever gotten along is when I’m watching Miracle on 34th Street , and I sure as Hell don’t see Edmund Gwenn dressed up as my childhood hero. And yes, I do mean the guy in the 1947 original film. The remake is bad, and it should feel bad. But! I’m willing to show you mercy this day. Just let me get a present for my girlfriend that’ll make her day, and I might not start a fire. Comprende?”
Macy’s star seemed to laugh at me.
I scowled, and aimed a kick at a passing black-and-white cat. The cat nimbly dodged me, and - I kid you not - raised its paw at me, giving me the unmistakable bird. I swear, the damn cat also threw out an irritated, “Merry Christmas, Asshole!” as it passed by. An instant later, I think...I think I saw a bowler hat on its head.
“...That was in no way an omen,” I solidly denied.
That being said and out in the air, I tightened my duster, and walked into the Hell that was Macy’s.
And let me tell you, my earlier thoughts hadn’t been an exaggeration.
They had been a freaking understatement.
Everywhere I looked, people were rushing all over the place, throwing elbos, knees, punches, and the occasional $4,000 high-heeled shoe at anything that was foolish enough to be caught in their paths. Bags and boxes were stacked up so high, that I thought they’d be seen all the way from the top floor way above their heads. The air reeked of a sickening mixture of sweat, hot chocolate, candy canes, dirty diapers, mixing together in an unholy stench that would send even the most foolhardy of shoppers running away with their purses between their legs. By all that was good, I wanted to run out of there screaming as well.
Instantly, I felt an insane sense of claustrophobia take over, as I found myself facing what could only be the Macy’s equivalent of the Persian Army. I pressed onwards though, making my way over to the first stop on my list of potential gifts for Twilight:
The bookstore.
As several angry and impatient children stomped on my toes as I passed through (only to be thwarted by my steel toe boots), I couldn’t help but keep draw parallels to that damn 300 movie. In the end, I just shouted, “TONIGHT, I SHOP IN HELL!” and finally made it there, after an entire fifteen minutes of dealing with the crowds.
Ye gods, and that was just the entrance.
In any case, though, I made it in there relatively unscathed, and only one of my pockets had been rifled through.
“Excuse me, miss?” I asked a passing clerk. “Do you know where I might find a book on...say...Merlin, or the Knights of Camelot? Maybe a nice Dungeons and Dragons manual?”
“Sorry, sir,” he growled in response. “Just sold the last of ‘em. Better luck next year.”
I sighed heavily, and looked back out into the crowd. I was gonna have to go back out there, wasn’t I?
“Thanks anyways, doc,” I told him. “Merry Christmas.”
“Good luck,” he told me, right before I dived back outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’ll have you know that I spotted this lovely necklace first!” an extremely heavy-set...female(?)...with too much makeup told me in a posh and uptight voice, as she clung to the pearl necklace with a grip that would’ve put Mr. Krabs to shame.
“Look, lady,” I grunted, ignoring the fact that she was basically swinging me into mannequin after mannequin with barely any effort at all. “I’m just trying to get a gift for my lady. Surely, we can work something out?”
She smacked me with her umbrella, and haughtily spat, “I shall NOT allow some hussie of a woman claim what is rightfully mine!”
“Now, liste-” I paused, and stared at her as if she’d just sprouted snakes from her shoulders. “What did you just call my girlfriend?”
“You heard me,” she said with contempt.
I nodded evenly at her words, and looked at a security guard who had been watching everything with a small smile on his face.
“Excuse me...” I glanced at his nametag, “Rawlins. Would you be mad if I used this overweight bitch as a battering ram?”
“Oh gee, look,” he drawled lazily, his smile growing slightly. “Something suspicious. I better look at it, and focus entirely on it.”
“Much obliged. Merry Christmas,” I told him.
“Happy new year,” he replied.
“What are you-”
Before she could even say anything, I had grabbed her by the folds of her coat, and pushed her onto the ground.
Was it rude, and extremely unbecoming of me? Yes.
Was it totally awesome to push her like she was a giant katamari thing through an entire crowd of people in the best cartoonish scene-transition ever, and crush everyone in front of me?
You better believe your ass it was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay. Next goal was the candy kiosk I had seen a couple of hours ago. I thought I had seen some kind of chocolate covered orange that I knew Twilight had a fondness for. Unfortunately for me, the crowd had somehow grown, nearly doubling in size, making it damn near impossible to get through. That meant that my only way to get there was...
Was...
Through the perfume department.
I gulped nervously, and pulled my scarf over my face.
“Let’s do this.”
Lowering my head, I charged into the store, screaming my head off. And in almost an instant, every single “helpful” assistant was onto me like vultures to a corpse. My world became an insane blur of toxic fumes, nauseating me to my very soul. I almost preferred the fresh scent of “Eau De Christmas Shopper” to that free sample’d stuff.
One of the bastards actually sprayed me in my eye. My freaking eye. These guys just don’t like anyone.
Oh, and the worst part? That candy kiosk had already been sold out of everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I had gone through every single store in that damn...erm...store...and there weren’t any presents that I had seen that would work for Twilight. Nothing that I thought would really show her how much she meant to me. No jewelry, no candies, no packages, presents, or boxes or bags!
Damn it, I almost made a Dr. Seuss joke there.
Then, just as I was considering throwing in the towel...I saw it . The perfect gift, that would not only show her I cared, but it also fit her devotion to learning about other cultures, love of the sun, wisdom, and cuteness overall, but it was something that only someone like me would get her.
A plushie of Ameterasu. Yes, the one from the kickass video game. If you don’t know about either of them...you don’t know life, man.
So there it was, sitting on a little stand right by the entrance...the exact opposite side of where I had been standing. I didn’t know how long it would stay there, but I knew I had to reach it. That meant I had to do this in the fashion of the best Christmas shopper of all.
Goofy.
I jumped onto the guardrail that would normally keep unruly kids from falling to the third and/or second floor, and latched onto some tinsel that had been artfully used as a decoration.
And then I did something that should never be imitated in real life: I jumped, and used that tinsel as a makeshift vine, allowing me to swing down onto the ground floor. Then, just before I crashed into the giant pine tree (I don’t know how the hell I missed it), the tinsel snapped, sending me tumbling into a sunglasses stand. The momentum forced the kiosk/stand thing to roll forward through the crowds, parting them with more efficiency than even Moses could command.
Around that time, physics decided to kick back in, and send my improvised ride crashing into an escalator. I ended up getting catapulted out of the stand, and right into the front doors of Macy’s...after a fun little slow-motion falling montage.
I peeled myself off of the door, and clumsily snatched the doll before anyone else could take it, slapping a twenty dollar bill onto the stand.
“Merry Christmas,” was all I said, right before I ran out of Macy’s like a bat outta Hell.
Now. I should have taken off before anything else could happen. I should have just Traveled back, and said screw it. But you know what happened? Something incredibly cliche, overused, and unfortunate as all get out.
I saw an empty Toys for Tots box. You know, the ones where you put in a toy, and it gets donated to homeless kids on Christmas. And it was empty.
Ye freaking Gods. Now my conscience is conspiring against me. Hell, even the guy standing next to it to make sure that no one would steal anything looked depressed.
I stared at it for a few seconds, and then looked back at the doll I had in my own iron grip.
“...Damn it,” I muttered.
What could I do?
I dropped the damn doll into the box.
Maybe I’d have a bit of luck somewhere else...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So, how’d the shopping go?” Spike asked me as I stumbled back into the library, back in Earth Pony form.
“Horrible,” I grumbled. “I searched Macy’s, Walmart, Pawn shops, and even Costco for a present for Twilight. I Traveled for almost forty-two days, each time going to a new Christmas store. And I couldn’t find a single damn thing...”
“Why’d you do that?” the small dragon asked me, using a strangely loud voice.
I rolled over onto my back, and sighed once again.
“Because, Spike. It’s our first Hearth’s Warming together. Sure, I know it’s just another version of Christmas, but that doesn’t change the fact that they both stand with the same morals. It’s a time where you can show kindness to everyone, right? Goodwill towards men or mares, yadda yadda yadda.”
“Doesn’t sound like a yadda yadda moment to me,” Spike commented.
“Well, it’s not,” I told him. “Christmas is much more than I can give it credit. I mean, look at me. This is a holiday made for families. I know a lot of people complain that it’s been corrupted into a marketing campaign or something, but I don’t think that’s the case. There’s always at least one person who keeps the heart of it alive. Anyways, that’s not the point, is it?”
He didn’t respond...odd.’
“The point is...I’ve always believed that Christmas is something you do with your family. You get them gifts from the heart, you show them you care. I wanted to get Twilight something that really told her that...I wanted to tell her something that I couldn’t just express with words. It’s weird, isn’t it? Me failing to describe something with words. I’ve always got a comment for anything.
“But...I just want to tell her I love her. That I would do anything for her, no matter what. If I could, I’d even give up Traveling, just to stay with her. I’d find a way. I want to say that I’ll stay with her as long as it takes. That she could never do anything wrong, that she’s the only thing I’d call perfect. Cheesy, sure, but it’s the truth. Do I even need to add anything else?”
“Maybe you could say I look pretty?”
“That goes without say...though...I mean, she knows I don’t put much stock on looks, but she does look beautiful. Hell, she barely even...tries...ah...” I trailed off, this time looking at the person I thought I had been talking to.
And lo and behold, like a mighty Christmas miracle, Twilight was there, watching me with a warm expression on her face. She looked like she was having a tough time trying to decide whether to laugh, or to give me a hug.
I get those moments a lot.
Giving her a weak smile of my own, I asked her, “So...did you hear all that?”
She nodded, and then asked me, “Did you mean all of that?”
Did I? Did I really mean all of that?
Well, I can only tell the truth.
“Of course I did. I just wanted to get you something that could say it better than I could,” I told her, pushing myself back up into a standing position.
Twilight replied to that by throwing her forehooves around me in a tight hug. I held her close to me, and we sat there, in the library, simply enjoying each other’s company.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming,” I told her.
“Merry Christmas.”
I love being the Traveler.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
How The Hell Did He Get Here?
**Crossover:
How The HELL Did He Get Here?
(Crossover with k12314’s ‘How did I get here? ’)**
[If you haven’t read that story, go onto fimficiton, and do it. NOW.]
It was a bright sunny day when I returned to Ponyville.
What? Do you think that it always has to be a dark and stormy night when something strange comes to town? That’s freaking cliché!
I breathed in the fresh air, and shook out the pins and needles feeling from my Transformation. I grinned, and shouted out in a loud, joyous cry, “IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK IN BOST- Er, I mean, EQUESTRIA YA’LL!”
I stomped around for a bit, laughing. I was already hyper with the joy I felt at returning to a home world, and to top it all off, it was the home of some of my greatest friends. I couldn’t wait to see what Twilight and the others had done while I was gone, and I already planned on visiting Derpy and The Doctor, since I surprisingly missed them just as much as the others. “Maybe I’ll pay Octavia a visit too…Wonder how she and Scratcher are doing?”
I shrugged, and looked around. “Okay…finely honed sense of deduction: GO!” I took in the surroundings, and tapped a hoof on the ground. “Hmm…Trees don’t have any leaves...Chill in the air…Hard, compact ground…Sense of longing for eggnog…I must have just missed Hearth’s Warming!”
I shook out my mane, and zipped up my vest/coat. “Once again, I gotta thank Rarity for this thing. Surprisingly warm, and it comes with pockets.” I then pretended to look at a camera, and said, “All for the low, low price of 29 bits! Can you believe it folks? Order now, and I’ll throw in these free beard trimmers!”
I laughed, and shook my head. “That’s the last time I see Billy Mays before going to Equestria…Gods and Goddesses I miss him.”
A moment of silence…AND WE KEEP MOVING!
I walked through the fields, and took in the bright sunshine. Without the birds that had gone south for the winter, the area was surprisingly quiet, except for the crunching sound my hooves made as I trekked through the powdery snow.
“Ah, there’s nothing like Equestria in the winter time,” I sighed, looking around. “The soft snow…the peace and quiet…Torrentican holding a pretty blue flower…wait, what was that last part?”
I whirled around, and saw Torrentican, in human form surprisingly, who was holding a familiar looking blue flower.
“Welcome back Sean! Did you have a wonderful time?” He said in a happy voice.
“Yeah, I suppose I did!” I said, conversationally. “Killed some zombies, stopped you from unleashing that Super Green Flu, and I fought zombies in a rock concert. One of my better adventures actually!”
Torrentican glared, but then did the strangest thing: He put the flower in his mouth, and started to chew it.
“Now Torrie, I know I’ve told you that that coat makes you look fat, but flowers are actually surprisingly high in calories!” I said, getting myself ready for him to try and pull one over me.
Torrentican smiled, and then-ptew! He spit on my face. I frantically tried to wipe off the blue spit, and said, “Argh, Torrie! Damn it man! Say it, don’t spray it, you bugger.”
I tried to clean off the gunk as fast as I could, but Torrentican had already vanished, leaving behind a haunting echo of laughter.
“That doth not bode well,” I muttered. I grabbed some snow in my hoof, and used it to wipe off the remaining spit. “Well, nothing’s wrong with me yet. Wonder how the others are doing?”
With that, I walked into Ponyville, trying my best to not think about whatever Torrentican had done to me.
XHXHXHXHXHX
I had just reached the outskirts of Ponyville, when I heard three familiar voices call out, “CUTIE-MARK CRUSADER SNOWBOARDERS! YAY!!!”
Uh-oh. I looked up, and saw that Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom, were currently flying through the air, all three of them on one shared snowboard. They were whirling out of control, and it was pretty obvious that they had no idea of what they were doing.
I quickly focused, and tried to shift into unicorn form…and nothing happened.
I blinked, and decided to worry about it later. Right now, I needed to make sure that the fillies didn’t get themselves hurt, so I did what I’ve had to do a few times now: Be a human (I mean, pony) pillow.
I slid to the ground, and caught the crusaders on my back. “Aye, me back’s gonna hate me in the marnin’” I said in a slight Irish tone.
“Omnius!” Three voices cried out, and I felt myself wrapped in three pairs of small hooves.
“Howdy Scoots, Belle, and Bloom. How’ve things been?” I asked, chuckling.
“Scoots got adopted!” Apple Bloom said excitedly.
“Really? That’s great little one!” I said, picking up the small orange Pegasus in a hug. “Who’s the lucky parents?”
“Rainbow Dash and Kyle!” She said happily, for once not minding the hug. That just shows you how happy she was about it.
I felt my eyebrow shoot up, and I asked, “Really? Dashie did? And who’s Kyle?”
“Kyle is Rainbow’s colt-friend!” Apple Bloom said, as I set Scoots down and got up.
“Well, it’s nice to see that Dash has somepony now,” I said, smiling at them.
“Yeah! They even sleep in the same bed and everything!” Sweetie Belle said. Scootaloo blushed, and waved her hoof at Sweetie Belle, trying to get her to shaddap.
I felt my eyebrow shoot up even higher, and I said, “Is that so? Well, congrats on the new parents Scoots! Anyways, it was nice seein’ y’all, but I gotta go and say hey to the others. But first…” I grabbed the snowboard, and flung it in a random direction. “No more Snowboarding.”
“Awwww,” They said as a trio. I felt a little guilty, so I added, “Hey, why don’t you try ice-sculpting? All you have to do is take some snow, and put it into a cool shape!” Half-truth. Technically, you needed a shiz ton of ice, but hey, I’m not gonna tell three hyper-active, danger-prone, children that!
“CUTIE-MARK CRUSADERS ICE-SCULPTERS! YAY!” They screamed, causing me to wince. Jeeze, hearing that was like taking a FUS RO DAH! to the face.
“Ow,” I muttered, as soon as they had run off, scooping up snow as they went. “Well, now that that’s taken care of…UNICORN FORM! GO!”
I tried once again to shift into a unicorn, but to no avail.
“Okay…Wonder Traveler Powers, activate! Form of: a human dude!”
Nothing (still beats a bucket of water).
“Shazam!”
Still nothing.
“Hm…up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start?” I said hesitantly.
Once again, nothing happened. Damn it! Even the Konami Kode (Yes, I spell it with a K, dammit!) had failed. I thought for a moment as to why this might be happening. I let my mind wander for a moment, before remembering: That Blue Flower….
“Shit, that wasn’t just a flower!” I cursed, kicking up some snow. “That was Poison Joke! AND TORRENTICAN SPIT IT AT ME?!” I grabbed some more snow, and rubbed it into my face. “Ewewewew! Evil spit, evil spit!”
Once I had used up the majority of the snow around me, I sighed. “Well, it ain’t that bad. I think I still have some of that fancy bath stuff at my house, and I technically am supposed to be a pony. I can fix it later once I’ve said hi to everypony.”
I walked down the road, and continued talking to myself. “Besides, it’s not like there’s a human here…Me and my big mouth.”
I stopped on the road, my jaw dropping, and watched as two Pegasi, one of them Rainbow Dash, flew through the air, while a human being followed them.
“…He has Hermes’s shoes,” was the only thing I said, as I watched them fly by.
Holy shit. A Human. That’s not me. That’s in Equestria. Wow, I missed a lot while I was gone. I galloped down the path, and followed, trying not to be noticed. This was something I just had to see.
XHXHXHXHXHX
After a while, I stopped on the outskirts of a large field, hidden from the sight of the ponies and human in front of me.
“Is that the TARDIS?” I mumbled quietly. “What’s The Doc up to? Oh look, it’s Derpy and…who’s the dame with the rose cutie-mark?” I shook my head, and kept watching silently.
After a few seconds of them talking, they all stepped into the TARDIS, leaving me alone outside. Screw that! It’s warm in the TARDIS!
I trotted over to the TARDIS, and raised my hoof to knock on the door, when it suddenly started to do its…erm, warping thing. Stupid lack of grammar. I’ll fix that eventually, I swear! Anyways, the TARDIS disappeared, while I just stood there with a hoof in the air.
“…It’s always when shit starts happening, isn’t it?” I sighed, and touched the ground where the TARDIS had just been standing. I cast my mind into the spot, and found a small inter-dimensional trail that provided a tenuous connection to another world.
“Can’t ditch me that easily!” I grinned. Forgetting that I was still stuck in pony form, I quickly jumped through the barriers that joined and separated the worlds, and followed the trail.
“It’s good to be The Traveler!”
XHXHXHXHXHX
I stumbled out of the trail, and blinked.
“Am I on Earth?” I said, looking around. I was standing next to the TARDIS and there were a few white vans that were surrounding the area, keeping any spectators from getting any closer. A few people in black suits and sunglasses milled around, as one of the larger men shoved a cyan colored Pegasus into a van…Oh no they didn’t!
“Hey, suits!” I called out. Three of the guys looked at me, their faces a neutral mask, and I said, “Hi there, I just wanted to ask you a few questions.”
One of the men smirked (Whom I dubbed Smiley, because of the scars on his mouth) and said, “Oh? Well go ahead and ask ‘em.”
“Do you have any mental problems?” I asked.
All three of them blinked, and Smiley frowned. “No?”
“Good. Cause when I get through with you, you’re gonna have ‘em,” I said, never dropping the smile on my face.
In an instant, all three of them had pulled out their handguns, and aimed them at me, their laser sights trained on my legs.
“Try it Ponyboy,” Smiley said arrogantly.
I smirked, and said, “Here’s a little something I picked up recently…”
“Oh? Come on, what’s the worst you could do to us?” The guy on Smiley’s right said.
“You should be afraid…for you see, there is one that you should fear…In some tongues, I am Ul-vakiin…ETERNAL BORN! ”
Before they could react, I took a deep breath, and shouted, “FUS RO DAH!”
All three of them were pushed back by a blast of pure energy, and a few of the vans tumbled over as well. Luckily, none of the vans that were hit had Dash in them, so I just hoped that I didn’t hurt anypony. The windows in the vans that were hit shattered, and I could hear the terrified yells of the drivers inside.
“Sir, we have a new variable on the field,” One of the men said into an earpiece. “Yes sir, it appears to be the same species as the ones already captured…No sir, none of the specimens have been harmed. Understood sir.” He looked at me, and said, “I don’t know what you are, but you’re coming with me.”
I looked at him, and said, “Dude, do you have a wife and kids?”
I couldn’t tell if he narrowed his eyes or not, but I could feel him glare at me from behind his sunglasses. “What of it?”
“Would you like to see them again anytime soon?”
He cracked his knuckles, and said, “I’m gonna enjoy taking you down.” He charged at me, and I did the first thing that came to mind: Bucked him in the face.
He stumbled back, blood dripping from his nose, and I shouted, “THEN GO HOME AND BE A FAMILY MAN!”
While I said my witty one-liner, I felt a sudden prick on my leg, and I bent my head down to look at it. A small dart was sticking out of it, and I started swaying. Tranquilizer darts…how original. The guy looked at me, a smug grin on his face. He grabbed me by my mane, and punched my face.
“That felt good,” He said, tossing me over his shoulders.
“I’ll kick your ass later,” I mumbled, before darkness overtook me.
XHXHXHXHX
It felt cold.
I groaned, and put a hoof to my head in a feeble attempt to get the room to stop spinning. It helped minimally, and I was able to get up. Once the pounding in my head abated slightly, I looked around the room.
There weren’t any windows, and the walls were completely barren. In fact, the only bits of furniture in the room were two small cots, one of which I was on. The other was occupied by the guy that had been flying with Dash and that other Pegasus, and I thought it was lucky that I managed to get in the same cell as him.
“The Gods and Goddesses must have wanted me to meet him.” I shrugged, and looked at the door. It had a small opening that looked like it was used to slide bits and pieces of food in, and was completely made of steel. Metal Bars made up the door frame, and, after giving the knob an experimental twist, was locked.
“Well this bites,” I said. I turned to look at the passed out human, and muttered, “Alright, let’s see who you are…”
I lifted up his arm, and looked at the shirt. “Rarity’s stitching marks…that means that he had to have new clothes made for him when he was in Equestria.”
I took a look at his hands, and noticed an engagement ring that adorned his left hand. “Married, or about to be.” His knuckles had small marks on them, and he also had a few other scrapes and bruises on him. “He’s a scrapper this one.”
I didn’t think it would be right if I went through his pockets, so I decided that the only thing I could do now was wait for him to wake up. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait for very long, because as soon as I had made myself comfortable, he let out a groan.
“Ohhhh... Me head...” He got up, and started rubbing the bump where he’d been hit.
“Ah! You’re awake,” I said, getting up and trotting over to him.
“Huh?” He replied, still groggy, as he took in my appearance.
“So…how the heck did you get into Equestria?” I asked, deciding to say the first thing that was on my mind.
“Wait, wait, wait...” He said, cutting me off. “Before you start asking ME questions, lemme ask you one: Who are you?” He asked, pointing a finger at me.
“Well, everyone calls me Nathan Traveler, but I prefer to go by Omnius. Charmed, I'm sure,” I answered, holding out a hoof. He grabbed it, and we shook.
“Freakin' ECSTATIC,” He replied, irritation in his voice. “Now... How do we get out of here?” He turned and looked around the room, as if he could find a magic exit portal.
“Hm…” I thought for a moment, and then figured that if he was with The Doctor, he probably already knew about what I did. “Well, I have an idea.”
“And what would that be?” He asked, backing up slightly.
To answer his question, I closed my eyes, and started to concentrate. I immediately started to think only of strength, and I started to summon my Strength Aura. Newfound power coursed through my limbs, and I felt my skin stretch uncomfortably over me, as my muscles rapidly expanded. I felt myself grow taller, taller than Big Macintosh, and my clothes morphed into heavy armor.
For almost no reason at all, I felt angry. Glaring at the metal door, I focused all of my anger on it, and let loose a series of rapid bucks, yelling in a surprisingly high-pitched voice, “ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!”
The door was violently bent out of shape from the force of my bucks, and with a final “ATATA!” The door launched outside, the metal doorframe now in shambles around us. I dismissed the Aura, and swayed, the sudden drop in energy taking me off guard.
I leaned against a wall, and said, “Wow…That really took it out of me…”
“Well get up,” The Human said, grabbing a piece of metal that used to belong to the doorframe. “We’ve got other ponies to save.”
I nodded, and forced myself to move. We both walked out into the hall, and I asked him, “So… what’s your name then?”
“Kyle,” He said simply, adjusting his grip on the metal bar.
“Ah.” Wait, so this is Kyle? Rainbow Dash’s colt-friend? Huh. Welp, I’ve seen weirder things…hold on, that engagement ring…Is he- Nah, he’s not. But if he is, does that mean him and Dash did the nas- NO! Not going there. Mm-mm. No.
“Well, what’s your plan?” I asked, wanting to stop my current train of thought.
“Beat the crap out of anyone we see, and just walk around until we find my friends,” He said, an angry gleam in his eyes.
I like this plan.
“... You're just making this up as you go along, aren't you?” I asked after a moment.
“Eeyup.” Wow. That sounded familiar.
“Wow, you sounded a lot like Big Mac there,” I said, scratching my beard.
“You know him?” He asked, obviously surprised that I knew the big guy.
“Yeah, I’ve been in Equestria for a while now,” I answered shrugging.
“Huh. Amazing that I never saw you around.”
“I’ve been on another world for a bit now…” I started to explain, before we were interrupted by…hey, is that Smiley?
“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!” He shouted, running in front of us and blocking the hallway. I had to resist the urge to say, ‘Stop right there, Criminal Scum!’
He glared at us, his gaze lingering on me, and he said slowly, “OK, I don't know how you two got out, but you're going right back in.”
Before I could say a smart-ass remark about paying a fine or serving my sentence, Kyle promptly kicked him right in the danglies. Smiley instantly fell over, clutching his crotch, and started groaning in an octave higher than most men can reach.
“Do you always hurt people out of nowhere?” I asked, chuckling.
“Well let’s see,” Kyle said sarcastically. “I'm a slightly unstable sixteen year old boy, with a long history of dangerous schemes and violence. What do you think?”
I felt my smile grow wider, and I said, “Kyle, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship!”
Smiley groaned again, and started to slowly get up, obviously not in enough pain yet.
“Omnius,” Kyle said, looking at Smiley. “Give him a quick kick.”
I like the way this guy thinks.
“Sure,” I answered, before bucking the guy in the face. “HOOF TO THE HEAD!”
Smiley fell to the ground, out like a light. Night-night.
“Very original,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes.
“Shut up.”
“Let’s keep walking.” We walked down the hallway, and Kyle stopped next to a slightly opened door. “Hey, a storage room.”
We walked inside, and saw a few empty cardboard boxes. Kyle and I looked at each other, at the same time, and grinned. Both of us had the same idea…
XHXHXHXHXHX
A few moments later, both of us were hidden in our own cardboard boxes, and we were both trying not to laugh. It had been a bit of a pain to find a box that comfortably fit me, but we had finally managed to find an old box for a washing machine that fit just right. Music started playing in my head, as we crept down the hall .
“You know, if this actually works, I’m gonna laugh,” Kyle snickered, his voice muffled slightly from underneath his box.
“Kyle…” I started, but then snickered too. “OK, I can't even argue. I will too.”
“Oh! Shhh...” Kyle said suddenly. “Someone’s coming...”
We both huddled into a corner, and tried to look like we did this every day. A guard walked by, and stopped to look at our boxes. He shook his head, and mumbled, “I'd better tell those janitors to get off their lazy butts and do some work for once...” He walked off, still grumbling about lazy janitors.
As soon as he was gone, we both took off the boxes, and took deep breaths of fresh air. Snake might have made it look too easy, but it was actually harder than it looked.
“That actually worked, didn’t it?” I said with a poorly concealed laugh.
“Yes, yes it did,” Kyle said, laughing. “And this is why I'm glad I ended up falling into Equestria one day. Our world is full of idiots...”
I shrugged, and added, “Yeah, well, with how many worlds I've been to, you see some pretty stupid things,” I pointed in the direction of the guard, and said, “But THAT. Takes the cake.”
“Wait, you’ve been to other worlds?” Kyle asked, confused and surprised.
“Yeah. How did you get back here from Equestria anyways?” I asked, not wanting him to know that I was secretly following him all morning.
“I came with The Doctor,” he said, shrugging like it was no big deal.
“You’re kidding…” I stared at him with false disbelief.
“What, you know him?”
“Know him? We’re like best buds, he and I! Well, the human looking one at least…” I trailed off, scratching my head.
“Huh... Alrighty then, let's keep moving... Hey, how come you are still a pony?” Kyle asked suddenly, not breaking his stride. “Wouldn't you do the same thing The Doctor did? Well... Until now... The TARDIS got all messed up, so everypony is still just that: A pony”
That was news. I’d ask The Doc about it later, but for now, I’d answer Kyle’s question. “Well, this guy named Torrentican got me with Poison Joke-”
Kyle interrupted me with a shudder, and he said sympathetically, “You don't need to explain any further. I know how THAT stuff feels…”
“Ugh,” I agreed. “Well, let’s keep moving, shall we?”
“Good idea. ALLONS-Y!”
“…Isn’t that The Doctor’s catchphrase?”
“Shut up.”
XHXHXHXHXHX
After about ten minutes of silent walking, I decided to break the silence again (I really do that a lot, don’t I?).
“So…you and Dashie?” I said casually.
“Yeah? What about us?” Kyle responded somewhat defensively.
I didn’t exactly know how to respond, so I just went with the old fallback: Say whatever is on my mind.
“You tapped that flank?” D’oh.
“You wanna die?” Kyle snarled, staring at me with anger in his eyes. I could tell that this was something that had been eating at him for a while now, and was a bit of a sensitive topic to him.
“Well, I can't die, but don't hit me,” I said, half-raising a hoof in defense. “You see, I heard about it, but I thought you were a pony.”
“So what, are you grossed out or something?” He said angrily, tightening his grip on the metal bar. Jeez, he looked like he was about to go River City Ransom on my flank.
“No, of course not,” I answered calmly. “As long as you two are happy, you have the Traveler Seal Of Approval.” I would have given him a thumbs up, but alas, I only have hooves. Damn it.
“Good. Now I don't have to beat you senseless, and then some.” He turned his gaze back to the hallways, as he glanced in every window he could, looking for our friends.
“You really are a violent person, aren’t you?” I said rhetorically.
“I thought we had already established that.”
Good point…I think we’re gonna be good friends, you and I!” I said happily.
XHXHXHXHX
After a few more minutes of walking, Kyle glanced into another window, and did a double take. I joined him in staring through the window, and saw that most of our friends were in there, passed out, and chained down to some tables. Some figures wearing lab coats carted in a platter that was completely covered in tools specifically designed to tear through flesh and bone. They were planning on dissecting my friends…
I glanced at the look, and thought, “Looks easy enough to pick. I’ll have us in there in no- Wait, what’s Kyle doing?”
Kyle’s face was set in an angry snarl, and he rammed the door a few times with his shoulder, easily breaking it down. The scientists looked up from the work they were preparing for, shocked at the sudden appearance of Kyle. Never even skipping a beat, Kyle quickly grabbed a computer screen, and hurled it at the nearest chump. It hit his head, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.
I watched in awe, as Kyle tore up the entire room in a blind rage, scaring the piss out of most of the scientists. Those who weren’t lucky enough to have already fled got hit by flying bits of expensive government technology.
Barely two minutes had passed, before Kyle calmed down, panting heavily. Not wanting to feel outdone, I kicked at a set of glass test tubes, and they shattered on the floor.
“Erm…you okay?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yes... I feel... Satisfied...” He answered, tired from his temper-tantrum.
He walked over, and grabbed a set of keys from a guard who was unfortunate enough to slip on an unbroken test tube, causing him to get a T.V to the face. He quickly unlocked the others, and then noticed something.
“Oh for the love of- WHERE ARE THE OTHERS!?” He screamed, realizing that Rainbow Dash and the other Pegasus (that wasn’t Derpy) weren’t here.
“Hey, I’m just Nathan Traveler, not a psychic!” Yet. Once I get that pyrokinesis patch from camp, I am golden!
We walked into the hallway, and spotted a cell at the end of it. Making our way over there, Kyle let out a huge sigh of relief. Rainbow Dash and the other guy (I’ll get his name eventually) were in it, both of them still awake. Thank the Gods for small miracles!
Kyle ran up to the cage, and the happiness lit up his face once he saw Rainbow Dash. I watched them, smiling, and then noticed that Rainbow had a pair of earrings on that matched Kyle’s ring. Huh. Guess they’re hitched. Good for them!
“Oh good, I was wondering when you’d get here,” Rainbow Dash said casually, trying to hide the relief and happiness she felt at seeing Kyle.
“Hey Dashie…” He said, opening the door. It was then that we both looked at the other Pegasus, who was currently trying to head butt his way out. I commend him for trying such an original idea, but I’m pretty sure that even my head would fail to break a wall.
“What’s with Zeph?” He asked, watching him worriedly.
“He was freaking out, and hit a dude in a white coat. A guard stabbed him with a needle...” Dash said, trailing off as she watched Zeph (short for Zephyr I presume) collide with the wall again.
“Tranquilizer,” Kyle and I said at the same time.
Kyle walked over to Zeph, and smacked him upside the head (bitch slap FTW!). “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
Zephyr shook his head, and then started laughing, just like a druggie.
“You have GOT to be kidding me,” Kyle mumbled. He turned to me, and asked, “Omnius, any ideas?”
“Well…You have a piece of metal…” I answered, pointing at the bar Kyle was still holding.
Kyle looked at it, and said hesitantly, “I don’t wanna hurt him…”
Dash looked at the still giggling Zephyr, and said, “I don't think you have a choice.”
To emphasize the point, Zephyr walked into the wall again, giggling madly as he did so.
Kyle sighed, and looked at his bar. He lifted it over his head, and brought it down on the drugged Pegasus.
BONK!
Is it just me, or did that sound like The Scout from Team Fortress 2?
Zephyr swayed for a moment longer, but then his eyes rolled back into his head, and he collapsed to the ground, knocked out. I laughed quietly. He’s gonna have one hell of a hangover when he wakes up…and I’ll be waiting with a pair of cymbals.
Hey, just ‘cause I’m the Traveler of Good, doesn’t mean I don’t like to troll people every now and then.
Rainbow Dash lifted up Zephyr, and placed him onto her back, making sure that he wouldn’t fall off. “Are you sure you can carry him?” Kyle asked, concerned.
“Kyle, have you forgotten who you’re talking to?” Rainbow Dash said, arching her eyebrow.
I thought of something ‘wrong’ and blushed. Oh, I’m sure she can carry a lot more than that…NO! Bad Omnius! Don’t think about shit like that!
Kyle rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. We all went back to the experiment room, and I tapped at Zephyr’s face. His head rolled a little, and I had to poke it again to make it stop. Okay, so Ponies can get high off of whatever was in that tranquilizer…wait, why didn’t it screw with me that badly? Oh well, that’s another question for another day.
As we entered the room, we saw that the rest of the ponies had awakened, and were currently looking at the carnage Kyle had created. Note to self: Ask Kyle if he’s part Angry Bird.
The pony with the rose cutie-mark walked up to Kyle, and asked in an impeccable British accent, “Did you do all this?”
“Yeah, I did. Why do you ask?”
“Oh…no reason, just checking.”
The Doctor walked up to us then, a huge grin on his face. “Fantastic break-out you two!” He said. He then looked at me, and narrowed his eyes. “Hey, who’s this one then?”
I felt a brief flash of indignation. “You broke a bunch of clocks over my head, how can you NOT remember me?”
He shook his head slowly, and said, “No, that wasn’t me.”
I then smacked my head, as I realized that this was a different Doctor. Thankfully, I think I know this one. “Oh! Wait, that’s the PONY Doctor. It’s me, Omnius!”
“Oh, fancy that! It’s great to see you again, Omnius!” The Doctor said, shaking my hoof enthusiastically.
“So…how do we get out of here?” Derpy interrupted, frantically looking around the room.
The Doctor cleared his throat, and pointed a nearby glowing sign that said, “Well how about we follow the signs that say ‘Exit’?”
I face-hoofed, and said, “That might be a good idea.”
XHXHXHXHXHX
We somehow escaped the base with little-to-no trouble, and made it safely back to the TARDIS. After they glanced some of the van wrecks that were still being cleaned up, I shrugged and said, “I had to sneeze. They didn’t offer me any tissues.”
Everypony piled into the TARDIS, and I stood off to the side, making sure that nothing else would try and ambush us. As I stood to the side, I heard a quick little argument between The Doctor and Kyle.
“Ah-ah-ah, you know what has to happen,” The Doctor chided, as he stopped Kyle from entering the TARDIS.
“I'm wanted by the government! What do I do?” Kyle asked, a small hint of desperation in his voice. He looked around The Doctor, and into the TARDIS, where he knew Rainbow Dash was waiting.
“Well... I dunno... But if Equestria is to stay in one piece, you stay here.”
Kyle hung his head, defeated. “Alright... I guess I'll stay... Goodbye, Doctor,” He said in a low tone, knowing full well that he would never see his Dashie again.
The Doctor looked as if her were about to say something, but he then shook his head. “Goodbye,” He said, the tiniest hint of sorrow in his voice.
He walked into the TARDIS, which started to fluctuate, and then disappeared entirely.
Kyle stood there, looking lost. I thought I saw a tear or two streak down his face, as he thought of all that he had left behind. A family…friends…a home…
He was giving up hope.
No way in hell am I gonna let that happen.
I trotted up to him, and said conversationally, “Hey, you don't wanna miss your wedding with The Dashter, now do you?”
Kyle looked at me, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “How did yo-”
“Dude,” I interrupted. “You're wearing a ring that matches Dash's earrings. I may be dumb, but I ain't stupid. Now, just hold onto my coat, and hope for the best!”
He grabbed my vest/jacket, and, after a few quick mental calculations, jumped into another world.
XHXHXHXHXHX
When I landed, I glanced around, and clucked my tongue. Kyle looked around too, and we both spotted Ponyville off in the distance.
“Erm... I think I forgot to carry the two...” I said sheepishly.
Kyle stood up, sighed, and said, “Well, let’s get walking...”
Once again, I’d given hope to a friend, and not only that, but also helped make sure that Scootaloo still had her father, made sure that Rainbow and Kyle could still be together, and…I did the right thing.
I’ve said it once, and I will most definitely say it again:
It’s good to be The Traveler.
Omnius' Travels: Tales From The Other Side
Eternal Twilight - Maintenance Day
Eternal Twilight Side Story:
Maintenance Day
Traveler’s Note: So this was just a little fun idea that my friend helped me think of, after I told him about the “Tales From the Other Side” bit I had set up. He basically came up with the idea of having Twilight fill in for yours truly for a day, and see what would happen. We both agreed that it would end in disaster of the hilarious kind, and that I should get to work on it. I mean, who doesn’t want to live up to their loved one, and help them out when they can? So, here it is: Enjoy.
Normally, I’m the first one to say that I love sleeping in. It means I get those extra few minutes of sleep that I’ve always wanted, yet can never seem to get. Those few minutes can make a ton of difference for you in the end. It can make you wake up feeling refreshed and ready for a new day, or if you miss them, you’ll wake up feeling like you just slept on a bag of rocks.
All of that changed, though, when Twilight and I finally became a couple.
Now, I looked forward to waking up. I could actually have someone to wake up with, to hold in my arms. Someone who would want me to do that, and who would do the same for me when I needed it. And I knew she would be there for me each time.
So when I opened my eyes that morning, I didn’t think about how the sun was shining in my eyes, or how I had to go into the Vault to run its yearly maintenance check. My only concern was the lavender colored warmth that was pressed into my chest, still sleeping peacefully in my arms. Two minutes later, she stirred, and opened her eyes to meet my own. She smiled at me, and touched her nose to my own.
“Mornin’,” I chuckled.
“Good morning to you too,” she replied with a chuckle of her own.
“Feel like getting up yet?”
“Mmm...” she pretended to think about it for a minute, and answered by moving herself closer to me.
“Me neither.”
We lay like that for a few minutes more, until...
My stomach gurgled, and ruined the moment.
“...Erm...Food time?” I asked hopefully.
She rolled her eyes at me, and used her magic to lift me out of the bed. “I suppose.”
I lazily rolled in the air, and managed to land solidly, if not gracefully, on my feet. With a small smile on my face, I walked down the stairs to get breakfast going while Twilight elected to clean herself up.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
“...How...I mean...you don’t normally...” Twilight stuttered, looking between me and the oven.
In my defense, I had only caused a small fire in my own kitchen, and managed to put it out without burning the eggs. I don’t see why she was surprised. After all, it’s not a normal day unless I cause some form of property damage. Even if it is my own.
I have my standards, damn it.
“Twilight, are you really going to ask me how I did that, when you could be asking me to pass you the sugar?”
She opened her mouth to stutter out a few more incoherent words, and finally relented with an adorable pout.
I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You’re cute when you’re confused, you know that?”
She stuck her tongue out at me, and dug into her breakfast, graciously allowing me to pour sugar into her hot chocolate.
After we had some idle chit-chat, I started to think about those things I was supposed to be thinking about earlier. You know, the maintenance day thing.
“Hey...Twilight?” I asked hesitantly.
Twilight looked at me from the corner of her eyes, and said, “You want me to take care of something for you today?”
I nodded sheepishly. She knew me so well. “Yeah, you could say that. See, I’ve got a bit of business I need to take care of in the Diamond Dog warrens nearby. Runt asked me to come by and help him out with a potential poisonous air type of deal. But...it’s also Maintenance Day in the Vault.”
The Vault, also known as The Place I Keep All the Dangerous Stuff. It’s basically a Fortress of Solitude on crack, and an IV of Red Bull. Extremely dangerous to those who haven’t had the years of experience with dealing with it. Unless, you know, you were me...
“Do you want me to go there instead?” she asked.
“Well...no,” I sighed. “I need to go there to establish my trust with ‘em. Let ‘em know I’ll still help ‘em, despite that...fiasco. You know what I mean.”
She nodded, remembering just as well as I was, the day she unlocked even more of her power.
“So...” I gulped, and told her, “I need you to do the Maintenance check on The Vault.”
Her eyes lit up with excitement, and she nearly smiled with a childish glee, before she reigned herself in. “Are you sure?” Twilight asked, her voice trembling a little.
I nodded. “Twilight, I love you. And part of love is trust. So I know I can trust you with thi- OOF!”
Before I could finish my sentence, she had hug-tackled me around my midsection, and cut off my oxygen supply.
Yeah. I think she accepted.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
“Alright, pay attention, Twilight. You need to follow these instructions to the letter . Got it?”
Twilight nodded, and levitated a large scroll and quill in front of her.
“Okay. Now. The Timeless Library and Stable will take care of themselves, for the most part. Slim and Ivy are in charge of those, and they’ll keep things going over there,” I started, closing my eyes to help me see it clearly in my head. “What you really have to worry about is the Chaos Section, and the Armory. In fact, that’s the only part you’ll have to deal with today. I can help you with the rest when I get back.
“So, the Armory. Every weapon has its specific cleaning process, but your magic should tell you how to deal with all of that. Just be careful, though. A lot of that tech is automated, and could accidentally see you as a target. The last thing I want is to come home, and see you with a few bullet holes in you. Just don’t hit anything that’s bright red and button-shaped, and we should be good there.
“The Chaos Section, though,” I paused for a moment to take a drink of water. “That’s gonna be tough. Luckily, Ivy has a book on the standard procedure on how to deal with that. Just swing by, ask her for it, and follow what it says.”
“Alright, I got it. Anything else?” she asked me.
I nodded gravely, and told her in my most somber voice, “There is one final thing. The most important, and crucial part, that could end up saving your life in this madhouse.”
I held up a small, white-and-green cardboard box, and pointed at it.
Twilight raised an eyebrow, and deadpanned, “Hot Pockets?”
“On High. Two minutes.” I held up my index and middle fingers on my right hand for emphasis. “Thou shalt not warm it to three minutes. Nor one, unless proceeding to two. Five is just out of the question. Understand?”
She rolled her eyes, but wrote it down anyways. Or, at least, I think she did. Nothing to do about it, though.
I gave her a goodbye kiss, and jogged outside, quickly shifting into my unicorn form to help me along.
Twilight was a little surprised by how easy everything was.
The TL had indeed been maintained by Ivy, just as Nate had said. The Stable was still in one piece, and Slim was just as busy as ever. And the Armory hadn’t even once tried to blast her, as much as he had worried about that. She actually managed to clean everything in half the time she thought she would be able to.
She even organized all of the weapons in order of type, damage, and ammunition. Slim had helped a little in that regards, by pointing out where everything would go, but it was mostly Twilight. Mostly.
She knew what she was doing.
Finally, she stood in front of The Chaos Section.
“This should be easy! Everything else was a snap,” she giggled. Looking on at the ominous shelves, she said, “I can’t believe he thought I’d have a hard time with this.”
Twenty minutes, seventeen seconds later...
Twilight’s tail was on fire, there was an unrealistically enormous elephant with a tent on its back charging into a wall repeatedly, and a banjo was strumming itself idly in the corner. Overturned metal barrels were spilling their hazardous contents onto the floor, while purple squid tentacles slowly reached out of them and tried to grab the poor unicorn.
She fell back against the corner with the banjo, as everything around her started to go horribly wrong. Entire bookshelves would get up and walk into a different spot, inhuman roars and shrieks would echo across the Vault, and a miniature figure in green clothes kept leaping around, a bowl of marshmallows clutched in his greedy hands.
Once more, she tried to use her magic to attempt to clean everything...but that only resulted in a pair of broomsticks coming to life, with newly acquired arms, that decided to “help” her...by dumping copious amounts of water onto the floor, and occasionally into her face. At least the fire had been put out, and Nate was-
“What the Hell happened here?” a voice asked in concern. Footsteps, achingly familiar footsteps, echoed softly, still heard even in this clamor, as The Traveler knelt beside Twilight, his face etched with worry.
Twilight met his eyes with her own, and let out a sheepish smile, her mane frayed at the ends. “Um...I can explain...”
Omnius looked around at the mess, and nodded sagely. His eyes took inventory of everything, and hardened noticeably at one particular sight. He sighed, and picked himself up, leaving Twilight to hopelessly gaze after him.
Sharp lances of fear shot through her, as she watched him with fearful eyes. The small illogical part of her brain started yammering about how she had failed him, how she hadn’t done the instructions like he had said. Tears fell down her cheeks, as she closed her eyes...
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“W-what?” she asked, surprise chasing away her immediate thoughts.
As if that were the ending cue, all of the chaos abruptly came to a halt. The tentacles pulled themselves, and their ooze, back into the barrels, the elephant’s trunk reached out to push everything back into place, and the brooms actually started cleaning. Even the banjo became mercifully silent.
Within the span of two minutes, everything had been put back into its rightful place.
Twilight looked up to see Omnius standing over her, with a plate in his hands.
“On High. Two minutes,” he somberly repeated. “The High Law Of Nerds states it clearly in section 9 part 4.”
“But...how?” she asked, looking from the plate, back to her special somepony/one.
He smiled, and sat beside her, already eating one of the recently microwaved goods. “I don’t know, actually. This is the Chaos section. You just have to do something completely unexpected, or unexpectedly expected. In this case, the randomness of my Hot Pockets was able to counteract that...thing’s...whatever, and set a series of events into motion.”
“So...why the pockets?”
He thought about if for a moment, before answering, “Well, without that law, gamers would think
‘Oh, I have plenty of time’ and microwave it longer. That longer time could mean one more minute of hunger, thus concentration would be lost, and they’d have one minute of being out of the zone! Due to that sacred rule/law, and the complete obscurity of it, I think it meets the criteria pretty nicely.”
“...And a pony doing it would be unsurprising how...?”
He wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her tightly to him.
“Because. Obviously, it was to be expected that I’d trust the one I loved to come down here. That she’d know what to do. So, it tried to come up with something you wouldn’t know how to do.”
She cringed, and whispered, “But...it still did.”
“How long did it take?”
“I...I think about...twenty minutes?”
He whistled respectfully. “Twilight, that’s seventeen minutes longer than I lasted down here, during my first time. See? You managed to think of a way to go against it. And it had to actively fight you.”
“So...you’re not mad?”
In answer he pressed his lips to hers.
“I’m only a little irritated that I didn’t get to spend the day with you, and had to deal with cleaning the air.”
She smiled, and returned the kiss enthusiastically.
“At least we have the rest of the night. And the rest of the Vault isn’t gonna clean itself.”
Twilight groaned in exasperation, but didn’t complain.
After all.
He had to deal with this every day. She felt like she had better get used to it.
And she didn’t mind that at all.