Anti-Brony Sky Soldier

by SkySoldier

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human
Length: 2658

Throw an Anti-Brony into the heart of his hate and see what comes out.

If you read this you will possibly die many times with your "chosen character".
To read this means you are willing to lose part of your sanity to see an Anti-Brony's point of his hate.
This is nature. Not hatred.

PS. I have never viewed a video of the show. Just going of what my brothers and sisters are telling me.
GoodLuck to myself I guess

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-14 07:28:24 UTC

Spawn. Mantread Kill

*opens eyes*

I start to look around and get my surroundings. Tall dark trees. Growth of plants are in abundance. No markings of human activity. Definitely a forest preservation.

*Gear check*

I lug a rocket jumper from my back and a Market Gardener that unfolds when wielded. My boots feel very comfortable in my Mantreads as the design easily absorbs knockback and has a very silly attribute of crushing people when you land on them.

Not a bad loadout.

Obviously not the best for fighting an army, but great for recon/hit-and-run.

Considering the fact I had just arrived in a new world for some Gaben forsaken reason. I felt like I might need a good map or an indication where I am.

For all I know I might be in Heaven. Or Hell.

*an hour of rocket jumping later*

*sigh*

"Where am I Gaben dam going?"

*gurgle* *gurgle*

Hmm my stomach also wants to know where the nearest food is as well. Good thing for the conch's regen, but a soldier needs his meal.

*bush to the right rustles*

I instinctively raised my Market Gardener up and ready for combat.

(I'm one of those F2P noobs who shoot Jumper shots at people when the gun say ZERO DAMAGE on the tag. sigh such a sad thing to see)

And what I see next confirms my Hell theory.

A fucking horse. A fucking colored horse at that. And two others emerge as well.

One normal, one with a spear head, and one bird hybrid.

And there cartoonish looks tell me that the Internet Gods are creating a FanFic.

*sigh*

"well dam. If you can talk then I am going to kill you and fucking paint this forest red. If you don't then I am still going to kill you and eat you considering in pretty dam hungry."

With these words they look at me with complete fear. But somehow with faint curiosity.

"You going to say something or will I choose"

"neeeeeigh" "snort"

"Well looks like I'm going to try some horse today."

They bolt. Not a big surprise. I simply aim my jumper down and I can see there retreat.

I feel lazy and don't equip my MG but considering they may have low health I land on one.

*crrrratck*

The other two continue to run none stop. I examine my kill.

A yellow horse with red hair. The reason I chose this one was: A. this was the biggest one, B. the flying one was to skinny, C. I didn't want a spear-head up my ass.

The neck is snapped in a very close to perfect 180 degree angle. I pull out a standard issue K-Bar knife and skin the horse.

I'm not sure why but I cut the tail off and wrapped the cut part with duct tape. I might need to keep track of my kills.

No matches. No problem. I position my jumper straight up and fire a round. As it launches out of the tube I reflexively grab the rocket and angle the thrust down towards the group of logs laid out and ready.

And soon I'm walking witha satisfied belly and Horse-Tag (dog-tag) in my satchel.

Combat with Blue

A road.

Nothing to weird besides a sign that is hard to translate. With only a few words recognizable. Such as ‘happiest’, ‘population’, and ‘ponyvile’.

‘Ponyvile’? Ugh. To bring a Anti into a world that he hates is bad enough. But to bring one Lock and load for a kill. That seems like a good trade off.

*Gets knocked onto his back by what seems a blue cannon ball*

“Shit, uhhhhg. Feels like the time when a Pro double donker came to a server and rektd a everyone in the server.”

*stands up only to be kicked forward and stood on*

Whatever is on me is probably alive and probably the one that attacked me. Because is is neighing like crazy at my face.

The dam thing starts to ‘punch’ and kick me constantly. Over and Over. Couple to the face, four to the gut, and many more healthpoints more.  I get a few seconds to see my attacker when it shoves me into the sign.

Some kind of weird short donkey of the sorts. Shorter, and sports the colors of a hippie. Blue into total with some kind of trippy mane that changes color.

Can’t tell who's on drugs at this point. Me, racked up in pain. Or the thing that looks like a pony…

“That word” quietly in pain.

I rise up slowly and painfully. But surely get up.

The pony now looks at me in what can be called astonishment and wonder to the thing it just beat to near comatoses. It begins to bray and, i’m not joking, trying to mouth out words.

I don’t realize it was trying to comunicate till the aftermath. Because now my soldier spirit is turned on.

*does the soldier stock shovel taunt*

“CHARGE!!!”

I take a good swing at the enemy only to wiff the air.

*duck*

If you have never fought this type of creature then I will describe this one.. If a Projectile and a Hit-Scan gave birth while on drugs, this is what it would shit out.

As the pony rockets past me I get an edge. It leaves one hell of a trail. A rainbow of the sort seems to follow it like a weak spot. Very beneficial to me.

The animal seems to use a kinda hit and run tactic. Charging in to take a punch, then using the cloud cover to get another attack off.

A two ways I could fight this. One, find the patterns of this creature and let it run into my shovel when it passes by. Although I will probably be at -40 healthpoints by that point. Or do things the way of a Sky Soldier.

I dequip the Stock weapon I was carrying and use my Jumper loadout. (Rocket Jumper, Mantreads, MG)

*bonk*

Fucking thing decided to conk me in the head.

This fucking hurts. Better finish this off. Then I can get to that town and see how the locals survive these kind of animals.

As the animal goes up to the clouds again to ready another attack I change to the offensive.

“Screaming Eagles!” (my mentor would be proud)

I then rocketjump to where the the rainbow was last seen. In a cloud that serves as good cover.

I then break that cover to find the thing jaw open in complete puzzlement as I thwack 195 damage.

The thing starts falling and, yet I am confused, lands on a cloud below it. I then begin falling and as I do I grab my enemy down and take a crunching 40 points of damage.

These things have some high Health I have to admit.  My Market Gardener just knocked it out, or comatose, can’t tell.

Either way I am not letting this thing run wild and kill another human.

So I take the Pegasus…

*my head starts to throb with hatred and anger from the word*

...and snap its wings till I can hear many strong snaps and a groan come from the horse.

That definitely should incapacitate it for a carnivore to come and end this demonic creatures life.

But before I go I cut off the tail and fashion it in horse-tag style. (duct tape the cut part) and move on toward civilization.

Fighting a Reality Bender

I put my concheror on and begin the slow but constant regen.

I get a good glimpse of the town. Couple of one stories, and a few 2 or 3 stories.

*BOOOOM*

“ahhhhhh shit” as I fly forward and come within the town grounds. Back rattle with pain.

What ever hit me hit me with some kinda buckshot…

Or confetti? What?

Gota find cover quick. Although the town looks like is functional. All I see is the once living streets that held people.

Aww who cares. I go up to a random building and try the door. Locked.

“Yo whoever is in there let me in before I get shot down!”

*more clicks of locks are heard and a possible table is being moved to barricade the door*

“What the fuck is wrong with you. Letting a soldier die like this?”

*boooom*

I have just the time to kick a cart down as a mess of confetti buck shot hits my cover. A few holes are even made it through the dam thing.

I immediately run over to stall and take cover again . Hopefully the person is too busy reloading there buckshot bazooka.

I take a risk and peer my head to see what I’m fighting. A canon stands, small wisps of smoke come out of the muzzle as it stands without its attacker.

“sigh” I swap out my jumper for my stock (Stock Launcher, GunBoats, and Frying Pan. Feels just the same as my shovel but I pulled it out for some reason) just in time to see a pink horse standing in front of me holding a cupcake on its head.

*Grabs the horse and mutes the muzzle with his hand*

Fuck. I can’t let the attacker figure my position now that he has another gun somewhere searching for me.

Pink (designated for its loud pink color) starts to squirm around.

Not wanting speak in fear of being heard I lower my voice and try to calm the thing down.

“Not sure if you can understand shit, but right now I am playing a very serious game of hide-n-seek right now that may determine my life. Now shut the fuck up before I break something in you”

I probably shouldn't break anything in this things body cause it will sound in pain. But it seemed to calm down the dam thing.

Wait.

My hands now hold nothing. Just holding the ghost Pink once was.

Then I feel a weight on my head. And its fuckin Pink.

Now is a time to relocate. I throw Pink off and run. I hear explosions of canons as they take shot.

Strafing the best I can and knock down a large stand and hope the thing can withstand the shots.

Hopefuly the shooter has lost my where abouts and I am no longer spoted.

Except I was. Sitting behind my new cover is...Pink. I look at it and figure it out. A fugin Reality Bender.

Like me are uncommon. Most though are even rarer. Probably because they were killed off young considering the fact they had the power to make you stop existing with a single thought.

I figure that it is a lower level Bender. Only able to manipulate non-living objects and itself.

Any how back to the story. I am quite amazed, not by the fact that I found a Bender but by the fact that in its mouth is a note. In ‘Merican. Though I can’t read most of the shit anyhow.

I do get a few words though. Here’s what I can read.

“Hello. My ____ is _____ ____ . Can _  join ___ ______ ? ______ _______ __________ ________ ________fun!”

(actual words for some curious people “Hello. My name is Pinke Pie. Can I join your game? This looks super duper trooper fun!)

Anyhow I don’t care. Seeing that this thing may spawn an anvil on me sooner or later cause it wants to have fun, I shove Pink away and say “nah”.

See. It understands its head looks quite sad. Even its mane agrees.

But hell I’m trying to survive getting pierced with confetti.

“Here’s the thing this is not fun. I am trying to find where this person is before they find me and I have to end them before the same happens to me. If you could find the one who pulled that canon by all means do it. But for now don’t get collateralized.”

Another note comes out “I ______ to show ___ __  _____ cannon __ YOU! Do ___ like __?

(I wanted to show you my party cannon to YOU! Do you like it?)

Takes a while but I figure thing out. This Pink Bender spawned Buckshot-Confetti cannons to try and kill me just to have a bloody fun time. Gaben dam me.

*Frying pan sounds as it connects with Pinks skull*

Crit. Nice. Pink goes into Ko I think, or maybe dead, anyhow a pool of red starts to form round its head and I take its Horse-Tag.

Kinda hard to squeeze into the spy-tech bag but it makes it in.

Job well done. Now time to get the thanks and praise from the locals for killing the Pink Bender.

*gets shot by a purple cow mangler shot*

What this story wants

Anti-Brony. One of the rare species that roam the internet. I am one of the few.

One does not ‘commit’ to being an Anti-Brony within seconds. Rather it is born within you.

I never knew what this ‘little pony friends’ was. But a strong fighting spark was kindled and now is is a blazing fire.

People tell me to lighten up and use the phrase ‘Tolerate and Love’.

The best I can do is Tolerate the amusement of others trying to weigh me over with ‘love’

I have seen others of my race rant and rave of the ‘childish’ and ‘immature’ nature of the watchers of the show.

I may be no different. But I bring not a ‘rant’ but rather a simulation if you will...

Throw me into a world that makes me want to rip the throats out of all inhabitants of this God forsaken lie.

To bathe and enjoy the deaths of the creatures that built thousands upon thousands of infernos of hate suppressed/compressed within my Anti-Brony soul.

And see if I will change into a brony because that is the expectation of the crowds that read my suffering.

Yes I see this as a battle worthy for a Sky Soldier.

Loadout

Sky Soldier.

The loadout will be based on TF2’s Soldier

I am given all weapons belonging to the Soldier including secondaries such as the ‘Reserve Shooter’ and the ‘Panic Attack’ even though other classes can use them as well.

Ammunition is another concern. Metal scraps that are found can picked up can be turned into ammunition, like in the original game, and food items that are consumed are used as healthkits.

Although my arsenal is very wide. I am limited to 2 main loadouts.

One being the Stock loadout. Rocket Launcher, Shotgun/GunBoats, and Shovel

Stock as in Stock Rocket Launcher instead of my festive Rocket Launcher)

The other being the Rocket Jumper, Concheror/ManTreads, and Market Gardener.

Other loadouts will be summoned occasionally with the help of the Spy-Tech bag holding my armory of weapons.

As for my stats and figure I am 17 6’1, brown hair, determined face, upper build, essentially looking much like the soldier from TF2 except my clothing colors are a mix of grey and dark blue.

Biography:

Anti-brony. Born as a normal child in a family of 2 brothers and 2 sister. Being the second oldest. While his sibling both young and older watched cartoons, Sky (legit real name) would be found jumping, climbing, and essentially "parkour".

His "parkour" tended to leave him in injury. Falling off a wall, falling off a truck, and leading up to falling off a building. Though many saw Sky being a bit overboard with freerunning.  He lived by a certain motto "The SkyBox may be the limit, I still am trying to find a better Sky."

Now to add credibility for using TF2 I have played Team Fortress 2 for over 1000 hours and have received one unusual hat from a pub game and denied it. (The final fact should tell you looks are deceiving)

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