Energy Efficient

by Emotional Flight

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1066

A researcher is trying to create a new and more powerful stimulant called Exo-pep. Unfortunately for him, headquarters keeps sending him stupid test subjects. A mixture of many of ocalhoun's works.

A researcher is trying to create a new and more powerful stimulant. Unfortunately for him, headquarters keeps sending him incompetent and idiotic test subjects.

A spin off of The Canterlot Vaults, Six to Eight Weeks Dungeon, The Adventures of Batsy Fluffentuft the Magnificent, Arachnophillia, Unicorn Horns Are Made Of Candy, What Does the Fox Say?, Frostbite the Snowmare, That one strange story about a donkey., and A Frog's Life (With video!), all by ocalhoun. Written for ocalhoun's Big 250k Contest.

Published 2016-01-14 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-14 05:10:01 UTC

Stimulation

Energy Efficient

Stimulation

Exo-pep Test 2C

Current Test Subject: Rana Temporaria (Common Frog)

Current Stimulant: Dextroamphetamine

Test Notes:
Current subject had jumping power of 3.9 at the start of the test, increased to 6.1 after a 10 mg dosage. Unfortunately, one of the side effects included more warts along his back and a penchant to eject flames out of his mouth at 60 degrees Celsius, much like a dragon. Subject appeared indignant after the test, and jumped away through a window before further study could be done. Based on previous studies of Rana Temporaria, his ability to escape suggested an increased cognitive ability compared to unstimulated Rana Temporaria.

Personal Researcher Notes:
That frog was the absolute worst test subject I’ve had in weeks! He did not cooperate in receiving the stimulants, and we had to inject them instead of him eating them. Afterwards, he refused to jump until we shocked him. On all of the next tests, we should shut the windows to prevent further escapes.

Exo-pep Test 4B

Current Test Subject: Vulpes Alicornes (Fox - Alicorn)

Current Stimulant: Aderall

Test Notes:
Subject’s wings were able to produce 3 times the lift when under the influence of the stimulant, and his horn exerted 4.5 more thaumic watts in a magirater. Run speed was 1 minute 45 seconds faster on a closed mile course. Equish, though garbled, did appear to be more sophisticated after the stimulant was given. As there was no control group, it is unknown if he was raised beyond the normal levels for his species.

Personal Researcher Notes:
First of all - where did headquarters even get a fox with wings and a horn!?! I mean, I know they have their secret projects, but this is ridiculous!

...Okay, that’s over with.

This subject was absolutely fascinating, as he spoke Equish. While the things he said were only mostly interesting, I’ve never seen a more fascinating case of magical genetic manipulation in my life. He was also very cooperative, though the stimulant did make his Equish slightly garbled afterwards. I hope I get to experiment more with the strange phenomenon that was this fox in later experiments.

Exo-pep Test 5A

Current Test Subject: Snow Construct? Unknown Scientific Name at this time.

Current Stimulant: Ampalex

Test Notes:
Subject was not able to consume or otherwise be injected with stimulant. Subject Rejected.

Personal Research Notes:
I am so confused. Why did headquarters even send me a snow construct? I need live subjects!

Whatever.

Exo-pep Test 6D

Current Test Subject: Equus Terra (Earth Pony)

Current Stimulant: Hydrafinil

Test Notes:
Subject was able to run 2 minutes 44 seconds faster on a closed mile course, and an additional 37 seconds faster when asked to attempt it again. While initially slower than the control group by 49 seconds, her end time was 1 minute 32 seconds faster than the average. Hind hoof strength, measured with a pressure gauge, was 2.19 times stronger after the stimulant was given. Subject refused to go to sleep, citing no need as ‘she did not feel like she needed to’, and stayed up 74 hours, 57 minutes and 21 seconds before going to sleep voluntarily. Her previous day, she had stayed up just 23 hours 5 minutes, 43 seconds. This area seems to be the target of this stimulant.

Personal Researcher Notes:
While very complying, there was something creepy about Sugar Berry, which was the subject’s name. She had very wooden features and didn't seem to have any sort of personality. At all.

...

Nuff’ said.

Exo-pep Test 6E

Current Test Subject: Equus Umbra (Thestral)

Current Stimulant: Alicorn (And no, I don’t mean the type of pony! I mean the stuff that makes up horns, you idiots!)

Test Notes:
Subject reacted positively on all areas tested with a 25 mg sample. Run speed was increased by 4 minutes 6 seconds, flight speed was increased by 7 minutes 23 seconds, and bucking strength was increased by 4.78 times. Sleep was not achieved for an additional 129 hours 25 minutes, though the subject did sleep for 49 hours, 32 minutes afterwards and reported a massive headache. Compared to the average for her species, all of her stats after stimulant was given were at least twice the average. After stimulant, the subject was incredibly forwards, though she was forwards before the stimulant was given, so it is unclear whether this is simply a side effect of the stimulant or simply a natural progression when her cognitive abilities increased. Subject reported that the stimulant tasted ‘like chocolate’, though at this time we are unsure whether that is the particular alicorn flavor or a side effect of the casing that contained it.

Personal Researcher Notes:
I am never testing another bat pony again. Despite her compliance to most of the requests, she seemed to be crushing on me. The constant innuendo for five days was incredibly annoying. Self-styled Batsy Fluffentuft the Magnificent, she actually said that she was here because she had been put on ‘Super-probation’, which sounds equally strange and disturbing.

The alicorn did seem to be a success though. I’ll try a different mixture on the next group.

Exo-pep Test 6J

Current Test Subject: Equus africanus asinus {Vampirius Subtype} (Vampire Donkey)

Current Stimulant: Alicorn

Test Notes:
As the subject had only three legs, he was not required to run the mile course, and he was too big to use the bucking machine. His Vampirius subtype makes it impractical to test awakeness, and his autism causes any cognitive tests to be inconclusive. Subject Rejected.

Personal Research Notes:
Where did they even find a giant three legged retired transvestite autistic vampire donkey pirate?

Never mind. I don’t want to know.

Exo-Pep Test 6Q

Current Test Subject: Theraphosidae (Tarantula)

Current Stimulant: Alicorn

Test Notes:
No. I am not testing a spider.

Personal Researcher Notes:
I’m done here. It works fairly well, and I think it’s safe. Headquarters can stuff it. I have arachnophobia - testing a giant tarantula was not in the job description.

I’m outta here.

Exo-Pep has been released to the public!

The long awaited stimulant, Exo-pep, has finally been released to the public. The researcher in charge of the project has proclaimed it ‘Completely Safe!’, though he did appear nervous when speaking to our interviewer.

Author's Note

Yes, this is incredibly stupid. No, I don't care.