“Sasha! Stop chewing on that potato, we’re moving on out!” Captain Levi of the Scouting Regiment called.
Sasha rolled her eyes and put the potato down. But she ate it anyway once he’d stopped looking at her. “You should focus on more important things than my potatoes, Captain. Like why there’s a horse-statue there! Hey, Jean, did your family own this place or something?”
“As it happens, we will be focusing on potatoes! Just not the potato you had in your mouth… hey… where did it go? There are problems on this potato farm… problems that need the Scouts to investigate!”
Sasha’s jaw dropped in shock. “A… p–p… po–potato mission?!” She pinched herself on the arm. “I must be dreaming,” she mumbled, and almost started floating a few centimetres over the ground.
They were in the ruins of some place that looked like an old school. But it wasn’t possible to say for sure, because everything was so old. Levi led Eren, Sasha, and Jean through a hatch in the ceiling, the only entrance to the mostly buried building that was still accessible. They descended some stairs, and switched on their lamps to explore the gloomy building.
Many of the rooms looked dangerous with unsafe floorboards. They went down another set of stairs and found what looked like the original front entrance. It would have once been a set of glass panelled doors, but the glass had long since smashed.
Levi pushed open one of the doors and saw a small cavern. At the back of the cavern was a flat wall. “Hey, that looks like the base of the horse statue you can see from above,” he said. “That’s strange though… Eren, Sasha… turn off your lamps.”
The two obeyed, and Levi switched off his own. In the dark, they could see that the base of the statue appeared to be glowing faintly. “Let’s take a closer look,” Levi suggested.
The four approached the statue together. Levi cautiously pressed his hand against the glowing rock wall. His hand disappeared through the rock. He recoiled it in shock and looked at it. It seemed to be undamaged.
He turned to look at the others, who were illuminated by the faint glow coming from the rock. “It appears to be some kind of… portal.”
“Yay, maybe it’ll take us to some kind of potato-land?!” Sasha suddenly exclaimed with a big smile, and before they could stop her, she had jumped through the portal.
“What the?! Urgh, that fool!” Levi hissed coldly and jumped after her. “No deaths on my watch.”
Eren, who was completely frozen from shock from Sasha’s sudden jump, regained his consciousness when Levi jumped too. “I’m helping too!” he screamed in rage, and dived, head first after his two friends.
“Wait, guys, don’t leave me here alone!” Jean shouted once Eren had jumped, and he started running towards the statue. However, he tripped on a rock, and greeted the hard stone floor with his face. Jean pushed himself up again, but he felt something warm rolling down his mouth. He wiped his face, and realized his nose was bleeding. “Well, whatever, nobody cares,” he grunted, and threw himself into the portal.
The three humans and horse emerged blinking into the daylight… except that they were no longer three humans and a horse.
“You’re a horse!” Sasha exclaimed to Levi. “And you’re a horse!” she repeated to Eren. “And you’re a horse too,” she added, seeing that Jean had joined them, but in a less surprised voice because Jean had already been a horse.
“And you’re a horse!” Levi, Eren, and Jean pointed out in unison.
“But you guys have wings!” Jean said, a little disgruntled at still being a normal horse. He looked up and noticed two candy-coloured horses that seemed to be females looking at them. The others noticed Jean was staring wide-eyed at something behind them, so they turned around.
Two mares were standing and looking weirdly at them, one sky blue with a rainbow-coloured mane, and the other yellow with a cute pink mane who was holding a small bouquet of flowers in her right wing.
Sasha suddenly burst out with laugher and fell down to the ground again. “This has to be a dream come true for Jean!” She rolled over to her stomach and wiped away the tears. “I mean, look, his nose is bleeding!” she giggled, while Jean’s face turned into a beautiful shade of tomato.
“N–no, that’s not it!” Jean desperately tried to explain that he had just tripped and that was the reason his nose was bleeding, but with no results.
The blue horse — or pony perhaps, as she seemed quite little — flew over to them and landed a few steps away. “Who are you? I can’t remember seeing you around here before.” She addressed them with an almost military-like tone to her voice.
“Eren Yeager, member of the Survey Corps, ma’am!” Eren parrotted.
“Sasha Blouse, member of the Survey Corps,” Sasha added.
Levi was unsure why his companions were acting so deferentially to this strange pony, but joined in. “Levi Ackerman, captain of the Survey Corps. And this is Jean,” he said, gesturing to their other companion who seemed too nervous to answer for himself.
“I’ve never heard of the Survey Corps. Have you, Fluttershy?” the blue pony asked her companion.
The yellow pony evidently known as Fluttershy answered quietly. “Ooh… no… at least, I don’t think so. I’m sure they’re a very nice corps though.”
“Well,” the blue pony announced proudly, “I’m Rainbow Dash, captain of the Wonderbolts, and this is my friend, Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy nudged Rainbow Dash. “You’re… ummm… you’re not technically even in the Wonderbolts.”
Rainbow Dash whispered back. “Shush! I’ll make an excellent captain.”
Fluttershy nodded. “I’m sure you would.”
“Will,” Rainbow corrected.
“Will,” Fluttershy agreed.
Sasha faked a cough to get their attention back. “Eh… do you guys have any food?” She smiled awkwardly and pointed at her stomach.
“Sasha!” Levi hissed with his usual grumpy voice. “Get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about food all the time.”
“But I’m hungry! Look, I’m dying from hunger!” Sasha cried out and fell down on her stomach.
Levi sighed. “The shit I have to deal with is almost unbelievable.” He walked over to Eren.
“What is it, Heich—” He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because Levi suddenly kicked him in the face with a back hoof. “What was that for?!” Eren grumbled, while rubbing his head.
“I needed to relieve some stress,” Levi answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Haha, AJ would like someone like you, mister captain,” Rainbow Dash laughed, while Fluttershy stood like a tree, holding her breath. “Flutters? What’s wrong?”
Fluttershy released the air and cleared her throat. “W–Why doesn’t Jean have any cutie mark?”
“Look, don’t hassle him about it… you know how stressed Apple Bloom used to get about it,” Rainbow whispered.
“Oh my. You’re right,” Fluttershy whispered back. “Maybe we should let the fillies take care of that poor thing?”
Rainbow Dash decided to change the topic. “So, how long are you four planning on staying in Equestria? Would you like the grand tour?”
The visitors to Equestria nodded enthusiastically. Levi spoke for all of them, “we don’t know how long we’ll be here, or how we’ll get back. But we’d appreciate being shown around, and being made aware of any problems you have with giant flesh-eating monsters.”
“I don’t know if Equestria has any giant flesh-eating monsters,” Fluttershy stated.
“Ummm… Fluttershy… timberwolves? ursas?” Rainbow pointed out.
“Oh… they’re just big pussy cats,” Fluttershy said dismissively.
“How about we start with a tour of the skies?” Rainbow asked. “That’s the best way to see Equestria… from up high… wind in your mane, bugs in your teeth.”
Fluttershy gestured towards Jean. “How’s he supposed to do that?”
Rainbow smiled. “Perfect opportunity to introduce him to my little sis and her two best friends!” She turned to face Jean. “While we explore the skies, I’m going to leave you with some friends of ours who we think might be able to help you.”
Jean wasn’t sure what help he exactly needed, but nodded.
Rainbow turned to Fluttershy. “Flutters, could you take Jean to the CMC clubhouse, and the rest of us will meet you in Cloudsdale?”
*
Fluttershy led the way, fluttering along close to the ground in her characteristic manner. Jean followed behind, his nose thankfully having stopped bleeding — otherwise he would no doubt have been accused of paying too much attention to her sweet yellow flank.
Soon the buildings became less closely spaced and large gardens and small orchards filled the gaps between them. They were in the countryside. An enormous farm loomed in front of them with a sign ‘Sweet Apple Acres’ making it perfectly clear what fruit was grown here. Jean idly wondered if there might be a ‘Sweet Potato Acres’ lurking somewhere nearby that he could take Sasha to.
Fluttershy led him under the sign and through an orchard full of trees, juicy ripe red apples, hanging heavily from the branches. Jean was tempted to grab one in his teeth, but thought it would be impolite.
As the trees thinned at the other side of the orchard, a ramp came into view. Fluttershy came to a stop at the bottom of the ramp. “Girls!” she called.
Three small ponies… smaller even than Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash trotted down the ramp. Even the pegasus pony trotted rather than flew. Jean immediately felt comfortable with these non-flying horses.
Fluttershy introduced them. “Jean, this is Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.” Jean gave each of the fillies a hoof-bump. “Girls, this is Jean. He is an adult pony but still doesn’t have his cutie mark. Could you help him out?”
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Jean interrupted, “what exactly a cutie mark is.”
The three fillies gasped. “Come on up to the club house… we’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” said the one with the little wings.
Fluttershy left Jean in the capable hooves of the Crusaders and after a quick gallop, launched herself into the air, bound for Cloudsdale.
*
“So, kind of a weird question, but how do you use these… things?” Sasha's voice was full of uncertainty.
“Wait, you guys can’t fly?” Rainbow laughed, but stopped immediately when she noticed Levi’s death glare. “Well, it’s never too late to learn! And you’re all lucky to have the best teacher in Equestria! My little sister’s getting better at flying all the time!” Rainbow bragged, poking her chest out.
“That’s amazing, so she’s a really good flyer then? When does she get here?” Eren asked with a smile.
Rainbow’s glare washed the grin away from his face. “Anyway,” she said, ignoring the question. “Simply imagine having a controller in your mind, as if you’re playing a game! And then thrust yourself into the air, while you hold your body off the ground by beating your wings. Easy!”
The three ponies nodded. It did sound easy enough. But they quickly found out it wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Eren was the first one to try, believing he could just fly perfectly right away. But the ground told his face that was not the case. Sasha and Rainbow fell to the ground with laughter, and even Levi smirked.
He tried again and again, but failed every time. "Ich bin es Eren Jeager, werde ich diese verdammte idiotischen Dumme it, und ich werde senpai stolz auf mich machen!" he screamed and picked up his hoof to bite it, but a strong hoof knocked it away. He looked up, or rather down, at Levi.
“You know I don’t understand German, Eren. Calm down, you shitty brat,” Levi growled coldly.
“But how am I supposed to—” Levi grabbed Eren’s left wing with his free hoof.
“Just relax your muscles and trust your instincts. Didn’t you want to be as free as a bird? Well, now you have the wings. So use them.” Levi’s face was right to Eren’s, close enough to kiss him, close enough to taste his sweat, while he whispered the encouraging instructions. Eren narrowed his brow, and pushed himself up one last time, but without putting as much pressure on his wings. He braced his face for the painful fall, but… it never happened.
He slowly opened his right eye and saw Levi’s smirk. He did it!
“Okay, so if you’ve done playing around, we can start the tour.” Rainbow giggled.
Rainbow flew into the air and the other three pegasus ponies followed her, dodging clouds, catching breezes and making their way to Cloudsdale. On the way Rainbow pointed out the sights to see — the Everfree Forest with its mysterious weather systems, the Ghastly Gorge, the Smoky Mountains, Rainbow Falls, and eventually Cloudsdale itself.
She landed with a flourish in the middle of the city’s main square. Fluttershy trotted over the cloud floor to greet them. “I’m glad you’re here now. I get a bit nervous on my own in the big city.”
“Well, this is Cloudsdale centre,” Rainbow explained. “Here you can see all of Cloudsdale’s main buildings. There’s the arena for the best young flyer competition…” — she gestured with a hoof — “the weather factory, and…” She struggled to think of another interesting building to show them. “Well, I guess there’s not really that much to see in Cloudsdale after all.”
“Is there a bar?” Levi asked.
“No!” Fluttershy answered quickly.
Rainbow looked at her suspiciously. “I don’t know what Fluttershy’s talking about… of course there’s a bar.”
“I just don’t think it’s a very good place to show them,” Fluttershy whispered. “It’s not a very nice place for respectable ponies like these.”
“We can handle ourselves,” Sasha promised.
“I think I… I might just… yes, I might just wait here for you,” Fluttershy stammered.
“Nonsense… you said it yourself,” Rainbow exclaimed, “you get nervous here by yourself. Come and have a drink… let your hair down… you might even enjoy it — you never know until you try!”
“Oh…” Fluttershy muttered under her breath… “I know.”
*
Rainbow pushed open the door and sniffed the air. “Take a deep breath,” she said, “because to me, that’s part bad stallion smell… and part really bad stallion smell. I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the colour brown.”
Fluttershy, Levi, Eren, and Sasha all followed Rainbow into the bar. All the ponies in the bar became silent and heads turned to look at the newcomers. A whisper started circulating amongst some of the patrons at the back.
Suddenly a grey pegasus stallion stood up and grinned widely. “It’s Fluttershy! Long time no see! Can I buy you your usual?!”
All eyes turned to Fluttershy.
“Ehm, Flutters? Is there anything you want to tell us?” Rainbow Dash asked with narrowed eyes, while trying to breath as little as possible in the stinky air.
Fluttershy looked away. She was biting her lips and sweating, and her heart was fluttering uncomfortably hard in her chest. “Not really,” Fluttershy whispered.
“Spit it out!” Rainbow’s voice was full of unusual authority.
“Okay! Those are… my friends!” Fluttershy cried out. “And now if you’ll excuse me, I really need a drink.”
Rainbow Dash was dumbstruck. She had known her best friend for so long, yet they had still secrets that they kept from each other. Then she remembered the guests. “Well, I'm sorry you had to see that guys! Now, let’s get some drinks!”
Minutes later, the five ponies were gathered around a table. The visitors were telling stories of distant lands populated by humans and giant flesh-eating humanoid monsters, and laughing with good cheer about the times they had spent there. Rainbow Dash was explaining pony culture and the history of the Wonderbolts. And Fluttershy was getting progressively more drunk and leery, assisted by a collection of so-called ‘friends’ who kept buying her more drinks, much to Rainbow’s disapproval.
Soon Fluttershy had enough glasses of cider in front of her that she would never be able to drink them all, and started passing them to her companions. By the time Fluttershy was dancing on the table, the others were too drunk to think anything unusual about it.
Eren looked at Levi, his eyes turning into heart shapes. “Levi… I… I’ve never noticed how beautiful you look,” he said.
Levi turned to him and his eyes also turned into heart shapes. “Eren… that’s the nicest thing any pony has ever said to me.” Maybe it was the alcohol, but his lips felt dry. He licked them to moisten them.
Eren leaned in towards him, licking his own lips before pressing them against his commanding officer’s. The two engaged in passionate kissing for the next eight and a half minutes. Finally Eren broke away. “Marry me, Levi!”
Sasha and Rainbow gasped! “Can I be bridesmaid?!” they both asked at the same time.
“Yes!” Eren and Levi answered simultaneously, as if sharing a new mental and emotional connection that could never be broken.
*
“It’s a shame Fluttershy won’t be conscious for your big day,” Sasha said, her voice still slightly slurred as they waited outside the Cloudsdale wedding chapel.
The sun was slowly setting, and the skies were painted in warm and gentle shades of pink. But nopony was able to notice, as they slowly walked up to the entrance.
Rainbow stumbled behind them, a sleeping Fluttershy draped over her back. “So, shoul’we like, get a dress for — hic! — one of you or something?”
Eren and Levi both looked upset upon hearing this.
“Where are we going for our honeymoon, hooooney?” Levi asked while nuzzling Eren’s face.
“I don’t care, as long as I can be with you.” Eren whispered.
“You make me blush, you shitty brat,” Levi said, with the most loving voice he could produce. Suddenly, he laughed. “You have no idea how long I have waited for this day. I’ve wanted to have the legal permission to beat the crap out of you whenever I want — I mean, call you mine — since the day I first saw you.”
“You’re so hot when you’re lying, Heichou. And I don’t mind you’re really short. Midgets are adorable!” Eren replied happily, while trying to not lose his balance, which wasn’t an easy task after all those drinks.
The chapel’s doors opened before anypony could say anything more, preventing Levi from beating the crap out of Eren for calling him a midget. But punishment would come later.
*
“I promise to love, honour and obey Levi, in sickness and in health, forever and whatever and blah,” Eren slurred drunkenly.
“And?”
Eren sighed. “I promise to never call him a midget again.”
“Yeah… same… whatever,” Levi promised, staring into Eren’s beautiful eyes.
“Then I now pronounce you husband and husband,” Celestia announced, looking up from her book. “You may kiss the groom.”
Levi leaned in and kissed Eren.
Eren pulled away. “Man, your breath stinks of booze. Get away from me!” He angrily pushed Levi away and bit his own hoof, multiplying in size and becoming a giant flesh-eating pony.
Ponies gasped. Ponies screamed. Ponies ran away from Eren.
“It’s a megasus!” shouted one of Fluttershy’s drunken friends as he tried to escape.
“Yoink! I’m outta here. I’ll just leave this one to Twilight Sparkle… as usual,” Celestia said, flapping her wings and returning to Canterlot.
“Great,” Rainbow said sarcastically. “What are you going to do?” she asked Levi.
Levi threw his front hooves in the air. “Me? Why do I have to do it?”
“Well, he’s your husb— wife… whatever,” Rainbow answered truthfully.
“Fiiiiiine!” Levi rolled his eyes. “Come on, Sasha, let’s do this!”
Sasha flew into the air. “These wings beat 3DMGs any day!”
“Yeah,” Levi agreed, flying up to Eren’s massive face and kicking him in the nose.
The two pegasi did their thing, quickly adapting to the fighting style of using hooves instead of hands.
After an intense battle, Levi bit into the nape of the megasus’s neck, and dragged Eren’s pegasus body from the dead megasus. Eren, though unconscious seemed unharmed, apart from singed fur around his eyes.
The dead megasus lay steaming in the middle of the main square of Cloudsdale, surrounded by bits of wrecked building and blood.
Levi inspected the scene of devastation and then reached behind his head with one hoof before pulling a white mask over his muzzle. “Time for the fun part to begin! We have to clean this all up, so get your constipated asses up and start cleaning!”
Levi directed Sasha, Rainbow Dash, and many of the residents of Cloudsdale in a massive clean-up operation, tidying, scrubbing and polishing every inch of the square. The city had never looked better, not that Levi would ever agree.
Levi looked at the still unconscious forms of Fluttershy and Eren on the cloud floor. “We will return to the issue of your half-assed cleaning later,” he said to them.
*
“I think it’s time for us to go home,” Levi said.
The lavender alicorn nodded agreement. “That would be for the best.”
Sasha and Eren stood beside Levi. “I guess Equestria just isn’t ready for a pony like me,” Eren sighed.
“Okay,” the alicorn said, her horn beginning to glow. “I’ll send you back.”
In a flash, the three were back in their own world, standing at the base of the horse statue.
*
Jean yawned and woke up, looking around the tree house. He trotted outside and down the ramp before breathing in a deep breath of Equestrian air and thinking for a moment.
“Hey, where did every pony go?”
THE END!!!
