Assassin's Creed Wasteland

by FanboyGamer3E

Rating: teen
Tags: Science Fiction, Crossover, Human, Anthro, Second Person, Alternate Universe
Length: 5327

A crossover between MLP ,Assassin's Creed, and Fallout,

MLP IS PROPERTY OF HASBRO
ASSASSIN'S CREED IS PROPERTY OF UBISOFT
FALLOUT IS PROPERTY OF BETHESDA

War. War never changes.
Since the early days of man, War has always been about a difference of opinion that always ended in bloodshed until one side was defeated.
However since the 11th Century a secret war has waged in the shadows between two forces over the control of ancient pieces of technology known as The pieces of Eden.
In the first years of the war between The Assassin's creed and The Knight's Templar, it seemed like the Templars would rule over the world with the power of the Apple of Eden, one of the pieces of Eden used to control the minds of men. This would have come to be if not for the efforts of a young Assassin named Altiar. He single handedly killed all nine head Templar Knights and retried the Apple of Eden, only to be betrayed by the power hungry Assassin Grandmaster Al-Mu-alim.
It was only until Al-Mu-alim was defeated and killed that Altiar learned the truth of the pieces of Eden, and of his bloodline. For centuries, the war of the Assassins and Templars seemed to have same struggle repeating over and over again. The Templars rise to power with in the ranks of government, The Assassins hunt them down and retrieve the Piece of Eden, only to slip into the shadows. This cycle repeated through the years up until the great nuclear bombs fell upon the world on that day both sides retreated underground into underground vaults along with the rest of humanity.
The vaults they hid in where specially modified with hybrid of Cryogenic technology and a device that allowed a person to access their ancient ancestor's lives through Genetic Memory called a Animus. It is here that the Assassins trained themselves in order to determine who would be chosen to retrieve The Pieces of Eden from the hell of the wastes.
Now after 200 years he, and he alone will come out of the icy tomb to journey on his quest for the artifacts. However he is about to get a bit "sidetracked".

If you couldn't guest the main character gets sucked into Equestria, I will also implement factors from both games into this character, Let it be known that this is not a spinoff of Fallout Equestria and it takes place between fallout 3 and fallout 4, FYI fallout 4 takes place ten years after fallout 3, not major spoilers to either Fallout 4 or the story. Anyway, heres the character stats.

Name: Edward Fyre

S.P.E.C.I.A.L.
STRENGHT 7+2+1
PERCEPTION 9+1
ENDURENCE 8+1
CHARISMA 9+1
INTELLEGENCE 7+2+1
AGILITY 8+1+1
LUCK 6+3+1

NATURAL PERKS
Eagle Vision- The inborn gift from your Precursor Ancestors. (Highlights quest markers yellow when you use a scope or enter V.A.T.S.)
Duel wielding- You got two hands, so use them both. (Allows you to use any two small guns, one handed melee weapons, hidden weapons, or unarmed weapons. Weapons this perk can be used with will be marked with (DW)).
Animus Training (Rank 10)- Through the bleeding effect of the Animus you unlocked the skills of you Assassin Ancestors. (You get to increase a S.P.E.C.I.A.L. perk of your choice with each rank you get.)
Multilingual- Your family has been everywhere over the years and you've picked up a thing or two. (Allows you to decipher unknown languages and scripts, as well as adds 1 perk to your charisma.)
Blend- An assassin hides in plain sight, and with 10 centuries to practice you've gotten pretty good at it. (Allows you to disguise yourself as a member of a separate organization if you're wearing it's uniform, and adds 1 point to Agility.)
Stealth kill- The assassins are masters of killing in the shadows or in haystacks.(If you preform a kill within hiding spot you will not be detected, and adds 1 point to Agility.)
Ice Skin- After spending over 200 years in a Cryogenic tube you've sort of gotten use to the cold.( You gain 30% Damage resistance while in cold climates, and adds 1 point to Endurance.)
Extreme Climber- If you have the high ground you're bound to win, better start climbing. (Allows you to scale buildings and large rock formations, and adds 1 perk to Strength.)
Birds eye view- The higher you go the more you see, good thing your not afraid of heights. (Marks all locations on your map for 50 meters after climbing to the highest point of a tall building.)
Leap of Faith- There's only one way down once you get high enough, better aim for something soft. (You don't take fall damage if you land in a hiding spot, and adds 1 to Luck.)
Walking workbench- Tired of looking for a workbench to improve your stuff, just carry around the tools and look for a flat surface. (allows you to modify and upgrade your weapons and equipment anywhere.)
Power Armor Mastery- Your more recent ancestors were trained to use power armor, a few of them even helped worked on the prototype so they know the suits inside and out, and now you do to. (Allows you to use Power Armor and modify them with Enhanced Armor Plating, Tesla arks, Jetpacks, Shielding from rads and energy blasts, etc.)

Weapons:
Adewele's Machete(DW)
Altiar's Short-blade(DW)
Anti-Material Rifle (Extended Mag, Silencer & Red-Dot-Scope)
Berserker Darts (25)
Conner Kenway's Tomahawk(DW)
Custom Assassin Pip-boy (Hidden blade & Phantom blade mods)(DW)
Edward's Kenway's Pistol Swords(DW)
Evie's Frye's Cane Sword
Evie's Frye's Kukri(DW)
Ezio Auditore's Sword(DW)
Fire Crackers (25)
Gauss Rifle
Jacob's Frye's Hidden Blade gauntlet (Grappling hook & Hidden gun mod)(DW)
Jacob's Frye's Revolver(DW)
Rope Dart (25)
Shay Cormack's Dart Rifle (Bayonet & Grenade Launcher Mods)
Sleep Dart (25)
Throwing Knife (30)
Throwing Hatchets (30)
10.mm Pistol (Glow sights, Extended Mag,& Silencer)(2)(DW)
12 gauge shotgun (Extended Mag, & Glow sight)

Apparel:
*Adewale's Hood
*Assassin Emblem Pendent (Golden)
*Bladed Assassin T-60f Power Armor Right arm
*LightweightAssassin T-60f Power Armor Right leg
*Bladed Assassin T-60f Power Armor Left arm
*Lightweight Assassin T-60f Power Armor left leg
*Caped Assassin T-60f Power Armor Torso
*Hooded Assassin T-60f Power Helmet
Assassin Stealth Uniform
*Shay Cormack's Leather Trench cloak (Black and Red coloring)
*Vault-tec Jumpsuit Assassin Emblem varient

Aids:
Addict-hol (100)
Doctor's bag (1200)
Med-X (50)
M.R.E. (5000)
Nuka-cola (5000)
Nuka-cola Quantum (5000)
Nuka-cola Quartz (5000)
Nuka-cola Victory (5000)
Psycho (50)
Purified water (5000)
Stim-paks (2400)
Sunset sassaparilla (5000)
Super Stim-paks (2400)
Rad-away (2400)
Rad-X (50)

Misc:
Cooler
Ezio Auditore's Box
Food Sanitizer
Fusion Cell Charger
Med-Pack
Lock-picking Kit
Portable Power Armor Work Station
Workbench Tools

Ammo:
Fusion Power Cells(1000)
Micro-fusion Cell(1000)
Micro-fusion Cell(Over-Charged)(1000)
One Shot Pistol rounds (400)
10.mm rounds (4800)
10.mm rounds(Holo-point)(4800)
10.mm rounds (Armor Piercing)(2400)
357. rounds (600)
40.mm (Sleep Gas)(100)
40.mm (Berserker Gas)(100)
40.mm (smoke)(100)
50.MG rounds (800)
50.MG rounds (Armor piercing)(800)
50.MG rounds (Holo-point)(800)
50.MG rounds (Incendiary)(800)
50.MG rounds (Explosive)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Buckshot)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Slug)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Dragon Breath)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Flechette)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Bean Bag)(800)
12 gauge shotgun shell (Pulse slug)(800)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-28 00:26:31 UTC

CHAPTER 1 LEAVING THE VAULT

The snow fell over the streets of Anchorage Alaska. Four figures clad in hooded stealth armor stood over a small fishing village that Chinese communists had occupied in their fight to talk the oil refinery. Each had a separate color hood. Blue, Black, Green, and purple.

This is Uncle Sam to Team Venture, come in Team Venture. Over. A voice over the radio said.

The one in blue hood took out his walky-talky and said. This is Jordan Frye leader of team Venture, me and my team have eyes on the settlement, what are your orders. Over.

You are to infiltrate and retake the village and eliminate the Chinese commander stationed there. The man on the radio said. It would also help to  know what the Chinese are planing, so take as many prisoners you can.

Which is why you sent us. Jordan responded.

Yes, I understand two of your siblings are masters of hand to hand combat. The man on the radio said. Your sisters, agents Bethany and Ciara Frye Right?

Yep and Isaac is the Hacker, and I'm the stealth expert. Jordan said sarcastically.

Then quit the sass and get that settlement back solider. The man before signing off said. Over and out.

You know. Ciara said. I heard that the Chinese Commander is one of the Tiger Templars.

Those creeps still call themselves Templars. Jordan said with a smirk. Even though their at war with Abstergo and very other american business.

Who nows maybe the Templars are finally breaking. Isaac said while looking through his binoculars.

Bethany slung her custom crowbar over her shoulder and said. After 10 centuries, it's about time those control freaks lose their grip on the world.

Either way we have a mission to do. Jordan said in a professional tone. Isaac you disable the alarms and automated turrets, Bethany you and Ciara knock out as many guards as you can, and I'll take out the commander let's go.

The four ran down the cliffside towards the town and made their way to the gate that the Chinese had set up. Once they reached the gate, Isaac used his Pip-boy to hack the gate controls, opened it, and unintentionally set off a alarm.

So much for stealth. Jordan said to himself.

The Chinese began firing on them. Bethany, Ciara, and Isaac all activated their stealth-boys as Jordan climbed up a building to avoid the fighting. Jordan knew his siblings could handle themselves, he didn't have time to be worried, he needed to kill the Chinese commander before he got away. As he reached the last house he saw the commander running from the firefight. Jordan jumped of the roof and chased the commander though the town using the ice on the ground to increase speed. Jordan ran onto a ramp and used his hidden blade to kill the commander as he turned a corner. They both enter the Animus plain.

Hahahahaha, you may kill me but you will never win. The commander said.

We're not the ones who are divide against our main force, Tiger Templar. Jordan retorted.

HAHAHA, you think I was referring to you as an assassin, No I'm referring to you as a american. The commander said.

What, do you mean the Chinese have some sort of trup-card for winning the war. Jordan said now mildly intrigued.

No we cannot win, however we CAN make sure you do not win either. The commander said bitterly.

What do you mean, Tell me. Jordan demanded.

I tell you only so you can prepare, One day in the near future we will rein hell-fire down upon you all, Templar, Assassin, Bystander, All shall perish. The commander said before dying of blood loss.

Maybe the ones on the surface, but we will prepare for a better future underground. Jordan said before exiting the Animus plain leaving only one person. A boy about 19 years old.

Exit memory sequence. The boy said before the Animus plain dissipated around him.

Exiting memory sequence. A computerized female voice sound from the void. Now entering Vault 17B multi-user training server. Welcome back Edward Frye.

Suddenly a metal hallway formed that lead to big courtyard fill with other figures dressed in all manner of hooded training robes in custom colors. Some were sparing with one another, others were practicing their marksmanship with throwing weapons and firearms.

Edward Fyre. The female voice from before called out. Please make your way to the grandmasters quarters.

Edward walked out of the hallway and up to a entrance of a large room. He put his hand on the door and let it scan his finger prints. The door opened into a large circular room with nine men dressed in robes all standing in a circle around the assassin emblem.

You summoned me Grandmaster. Edward said blankly.

Yes young one. The Grandmaster said. We understand that you have recently lived through the memories of your farther, Jordan Frye correct.

No, Jordan was my uncle. Edward corrected. Isaac was my father.

Ah yes my mistake. The grandmaster said smiling. anyway that's not why we call this meeting.

Then what is the reason you did. Edward asked.

As you know it has been at least 200 years since the bombs fell, The Grandmaster began. And if the Templars have not already ventured out of their vaults they most likely will soon. Which is why we need someone to leave and retrieve the Pieces of Eden. We have chosen to send you to complete this task.

Why me. Edward asked skeptically.

Because you are by far the most skilled assassin in the vault. The Grandmaster said in a professional tone.

Very well. Edward said proudly. I'll get the Pieces of Eden and defeat any Templars I meet.

Then as overseer of this vault, and Grandmaster of the Assassins, I give you clearance to exit the Cryo-Animus. We have collected and restored all the tools of all the great assassin's as well as the traitor Shay Cormack. I don't know why you insisted his gear be added into the collection.

What can I say? Edward say sarcastically. I like his style, Besides he has some good gear for someone from his time.

Speaking of which. A man with glasses said. I took the liberty of stocking the armory with some more "modern" weapons and equipment such as some modified Pip-boy 3000s, Stealth-boys, Millimeter Pistols, Shotguns, Sniper rifles, Automatic weapons, all with special ammo and attachments. I was even able to pull a few favors and get you a set of Power T-60f Armor and a Gauss rifle, In case you need them.

Thank you. Edward said in a grateful tone.

Edward, time is of the essence. The grandmaster said in a impatient tone. Every second we spend talking, grants the Templars more time to plan. NOW GO.

Understood Grandmaster. Edward said respectfully. I'll come back as soon as I can. Exit Cryo-Animus.

Exiting Cryo-Animus. The female said as the whole world dissipated around Edward.

Edward woke up in a chamber of ice that was melting rapidly. He fell onto the dusty metal floor and shook his head and looked around. All around him were the Cryo-Animus tubes of his fellow assassins. He made his way to the armory while still getting use to his body. Once in the armory he swapped out his wet hoody and sweatpants for a vault-tec Jumpsuit with The assassin emblem where the number of the vault should be.

This will do for a undershirt. Edward said to himself.

He put on his Jumpsuit then searched the pockets of his hoody and pulled out a golden pendent with the assassin emblem carved into it.

Edward gripped the trinket in his hand and said. Not going anywhere without you.

He put on his pendent, Put his wet clothes in his dusty locker to dry, and made his way to the Ancient Assassin robes and Weapon racks, then took everything he needed. (refer to the introduction for weapon list)

Looks like I have everything I need. Edward said while checking his new Pip-boy's inventory sorter. I wonder how they got this H.U.D. to be on my vision.

He made his way to the giant vault door. It was plastered with the assassin emblem instead of a number like the Jumpsuit. Edward walked over to the gate controls and activated the opening mechanism. The massive steel door began to open with a loud metallic screech. Suddenly a massive clawed had reached into the room. As the door continued to open it reviled a creature that looked like it ross up from the bowels of hell itself. The heads up display of Edward Pip-boy labeled as a Rabid DeathClaw.

Edward pulled his 12 Gauge shotgun out and loaded 8 Dragon's Breath shells into the mag. The Rabid DeathClaw became more ferocious as the door continued to open, it had the look of bloodlust in it's eyes. Edward trained his sights on the Rabid DeathClaw's head using V.A.T.S., When the beast finally got in, It ran towards Edward with blinding speed. Edward was only able to fire off seven shots before the DeathClaw picked him up in one hand a mistake on it's part. Edward shoved the barrel down the creatures through and fired, blasting a gapping hole of blood, flesh, spinal fluid, and fire out the other side of the DeathClaw's neck.

Edward fell to the floor along with the corpse. This was the first time he had ever killed something, sure it wasn't easy but he did it. A new feeling coursed threw him, it wasn't bloodlust it was Adrenaline. Edward felt more alive than ever, he needed a trophy. He looked at the hand that still gripped his body. Using Adewele's machete he cut off both the DeathClaws hands, he then deboned them, skinned them, and tanned the leather.

After 10 minutes he had made two clawed gloves from the hands of the DeathClaw. Edward walked out of the vault, and into the harsh desert of the Mojave Wasteland. He began to walk North but was stopped by a invisible force. He felt the strange barrier with his hand. It was like plastic rap he used his new DeathClaw Gauntlets (as he dub them) to cut through the strange substance almost immediately a vortex of multicolored light sucked him into where he had just made the cut, then closed after he passed through. The next thing Edward saw baffled him where multicolored anthropomorphic ponies.

What the fresh fuck. Edward said before getting knocked unconscious by the force of the imploding portal.

CHAPTER 2 SOMEPLACE NEW

Edward woke up, he had been stripped of all his weapons and armor, leaving him with only a white tank-top, gray boxer shorts, and his pip-boy.

They couldn't have left me my jumpsuit. Edward said to himself. Wait I put my pip-boy on over my jumpsuit, so how did they...

Just then the door opened to reveal a girl about his age. She was wearing a light blue button-up tee shirt and purple dress that went down to her knees, She almost looked like a normal pre-war girl, if not for her several odd traits. Her skin looked like every inch of her body was having the circulation cut off. She had wings and a horn which we're oddly enough the same color as the rest of her body, and her ears were on top of her head which made it look like she had on one of those cat-ear head bands that anime fans use to wear before the war. However the oddest thing about her was that she had hooves instead of feet.

Oh good you're awake. The girl said in a cheery tone. My name is Twilight Sparkle.

I'm Edward Frye. Edward said blankly. Where am I and where is my stuff.

Well your pendent is one the table next to you the rest of your things are in the map room. Twilight said calmly. I noticed that you had a lot of weapons swords, knifes, hatchets, this insignia kept popping up, are you in a gang or something.

All I can say is that I'm part of a secret order. Edward said flatly. Now can I at least have my jumpsuit back, because meeting people in a tank-top and boxer is not very becoming.

Right, just a second. Twilight said. I'll go get it.

Twilight then teleported away in a flash of light, Edward was surprised but not dumbstruck after all he's seen stranger things. Edward put on his necklace then walked to the place twilight just was and his pip-boy began ticking. He checked his pip-boy to see how many rads he was taking. He was only taking 1 RPS (Rads per second), this wouldn't be a problem if he didn't already have 651 Rads already.

Definitely gonna need a Rad-Away when I my stuff back. He said to himself.

Twilight appeared in a flash of light with Edward's blue jumpsuit in her hands and said. Sorry it took so long we, kinda just left your stuff in a pile after we got you into bed.

It's nothing. Edward said taking his still ticking pip-boy off his wrist and putting it on the ground next to him.

By the way, is that thing broken. Twilight asked with concern. It kept ticking when ever we used magic near it.

No it's not. Edward said while zipping up his jumpsuit. And it's not the actual pip-boy, it's the geiger-counter built into it.

What's a geiger-counter. Twilight asked.

It's designed to detect the presence of radiation, and keep track of how many rads are present in my body. Edward said. and before you ask a rad is a unit of radiation, and when ever you use that "magic" stuff, you create a cloud of radiation.

The proper term is thematic-fallout, Twilight said in a intelligent tone. It's mostly harmless to ponies but can be used as a weaponized beam, but even un-weaponized it's harmful to you.

Yeah, and enough of it can kill me. Edward said smugly. Or, and mind you this is just a theory I haven't spent enough time in the wasteland to know if it's true or not, it can prolong you life, your body won't age and as long as nothing happens to your brain your basically immortal but if they do exist, they must be horribly burned.

Why would they be burned. Twilight asked.

I'll tell you about it when I get the rest of my stuff back. Edward said putting his pip-boy on.

Alright lets go. Twilight said.

Twilight guided Edward to the map room where her friends as well as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were waiting. Edwards equipment was on a table in the middle of the room. Edward put on his trench cloak and hood. He reach for his gauntlet but Celestia used magic to levitate it as well as his other equipment into the air.

Hey, what's the big idea. Edward said in mild annoyance.

Before you are aloud to have these back, you must answer our questions. Celeste said in a commanding tone.

Could you at least drop down my med-pack, I need something in it. Edward asked. I also need that black wooden box for the explanation.

Celestia gave a nod and lowered down the black and white boxes to Edward, who quickly moved away. Twilight explained that the thematic-fallout

was harmful to Edward. Celestia lowered the boxes down onto the table and released them from her telekinesis. Edward took out a Rad-away and injected the fluid into his arm after explaining what the Rad-away was. After lowering his bodies rads into the single digits, Edward bit his thumb drawing blood and pressed the bleeding appendage against the key hole of the black box. Almost immediately the top of the box opened up and a blue holographic projection of a planet appeared. The planet had little white blips across them.

This is where I'm from, Planet Earth. Edward said. The little white blips all across it, represent precursor sites and temples.

Precursor. Twilight asked.

They were a highly intelligent race that ruled over humans. Edward said grimly.

Were. Luna said in a curious tone. What happened to them.

Apparently the planets' sun sent out a solar flare that destroyed almost everything. Edward said. The precursors that survived had to mate with humans and their descendants gained as special visual enhancement called the Eagle vision.

So how does this Eagle vision benefit you. Twilight said.

It's hard to explain. Edward said. I use all my senses to enter some kind of hyperawareness state, in this state I can sense and track a person's aura.

Interesting. Luna said curiously. Still doesn't explain the weapons.

I'm getting to that. Edward said with a hint of irritation. Anyways the descendant traveled all around the globe and formed different factions, The Huns, The greeks, The Romans just to name a few. Eventually they all got into a massive turf war in the eleventh century, this war was called the age of the crusades. During this time, two factions in particular, the Knight's Templar and the Assassin's creed, were locked in a struggle for a piece of eden, one of the artifacts the Precursors left behind. Turn's out this piece of eden was used to control the human slaves the Precursors used to do their dirty work. The Templars where gonna use the piece of eden to create a quote unquote "Better world", in short they planned to rob people of their free will so they can't oppose the Templars cause.

That's horrible. Twilight said utterly appalled.

That's also where the Assassin's come in. Edward said trying to lighten the mood. My ancestor fought against the Templars and won.

CHAPTER 3 THE GHOUL AND THE MUTANT

It took Edward three and a half hours to tell of what transpired between the eleventh and late twenty first centuries before the bombs fell. Celestia was impressed of Edward's knowledge of his worlds history, even with the unfortunate circumstances that led to it becoming a wasteland.

So let me get this strait. Rainbow said in a distrusting tone. You're part of a secret order that protects the free will of ninety percent of the planet's population even though everything's destroyed.

Yeah basically. Edward said in a cheery tone. Now can I please have my stuff back.

Very well. Celestia said lowering down Edward's gear.

Thank you. Edward said as he began to grab his weapons and put them in there holsters. I really never have felt very safe in a unknown place with out weapons.

Suddenly a palace guard burst into the room out of breath and said. Princess, two unknown creatures have appeared in the out skirts of Ponyville's market area, we believe they are from the same world as the biped that came out of the portal.

Let's go check it out. Twilight said turning her attention to Edward who was now rushing toward the balcony.

Way ahead of you, I've always wanted to do this outside the Animus. Edward said firing a grappling hook from his wrist blade and jumping from the railing yelling. LLEEEEERROOOOOOOYY HN JEEEEEEEENNNKKIIIIIIIINNSSSSS.

I like this guy, he's a daredevil like me. Rainbow said before jumping out the window after him followed by FlutterShy, then Cadence, and Luna.

I'll carry Pinkie and AppleJack. Twilight said to Celestia. Shining and Rarity can teleport to meet us there.

Alright we'll meet you outside the market. Shining Armor said.

The super mutant marveled at the sheer beauty of this world in contrast with the bleak depressing wasteland. While the ghoul was on edge, having lived through the war he knew things could go from sunshine and happiness to absolute Hell in a instant.

I don't like it here. The ghoul said nervously. I says we book it into the trees and try to open up that portal thing again.

You are too paranoid my friend. The mutant said in a reassuring tone. Even if we could reopen the portal, why would you want to leave this paradise, this wonderful, fertile paradise.

The only other place I know that had this much green was The Frontier. The ghoul said in a irritated tone. And that place was swarming with Radstags, Yuo-guai, and Axe murdering mountain men, After that I'm not fucking with anything even remotely close to green that's not radioactive.

Suddenly a voice from inside the town yelled out. THIS IS AWESOME.

What I tell you. The ghoul said sarcastically while taking out his Sniper rifle.

The ghoul fired off five 308. rounds missing every shot due to the speed of his target. Edward disengaged his grappling hook and used his and spun in mid air and used the momentum of his spin to kick the rifle out of the ghoul's hands hand punched him in the face, knocking him down onto his back.

Damn you a one ugly S.O.B. Edward said in a smug tone.

Hey, Little help here big guy. The ghoul said to the mutant.

Excuse me. The mutant said. could you please stop this conflict, Im sure we could solve this in a civilized manor.

Well I can see your the more reasonable one of the group. Edward said in a respectable tone.

Hey Ed, what we missed. Rainbow said as she flew down.

Not much. Edward replied. I kicked this ugly Mofo down on his ass and that's about it.

I'm a ghoul you asshole. The ghoul said angrily. You think I want to look like this.

So that's what happens to someone who absorbs that much Radiation. Edward said in a insulting tone. Ghoul, certainly fits.

Oh you wanna fucking go. The ghoul said pulling out his 12.6mm pistol

OKAY let's just start over. Twilight said trying to defuse the situation. Let's start with names.

Fine, I'm Mike. The ghoul said bitterly. Mike Stevens.

And I am called Fawkes. The Mutant said proudly.

Well Fawkes you're not a ghoul. Edward said in a curious tone. So what are you.

I am a genetically augmented meta-human, more commonly known as a Super Mutant. Fawkes said in a Intelligent tone. I was create by the Forced Evolutionary Virus or the FEV.

Interesting, so how did you two get here. Edward said.

Hell If I know. Mike said. One minute I'm having a machete dueling with a legion assassin, the next I'm in a damn forest with the big guy.

I can to this world through a similar experience. Fawkes said. Only my experience involved a raider and a Chinese sword.

Interesting. Edward said. I came here after a battle with a Rabid DeathClaw, I used the gauntlets I made from its claws to rip through some sort of barrier in reality.

So you all came here after a battle with a opponent that fights with bladed or sharp melee weapons. Twilight said Inquisitively. Fascinating.

Who the hell cares. Mike said in anger. How the hell do we get home.

Why would you want to go back to that bleak wasteland. Fawkes said.

Because It's home. Mike said in a annoyed tone. And I have a lot of shit stashed away.

As much as like this place. Edward added. I have a mission to do in the wasteland so I need to get back.

Looks like we have some common ground then. Mike said in a tone of respect.

Just then the sound of lightning sound followed by a deep bellowing roar.

CHAPTER 4 THE DEATHCLAW TAMER

The unknown creature charged through the forest spooking the birds.

Prepare yourselves. Edward said pulling out Adewale's machete.

Fawkes pulled out his recharging gatling laser, Mike got out his Infiltrator assault rifle he got in the Pitt, Shining armor pulled out his sword, and the princesses readied their battles spells.

Vats says it's a Deathclaw. Edward said. Any tips

I might. Fawkes said. It's hide is tough but if we can get it on it's back you can sever the Madula-ablengata through the Uevualic-membrian.

Can someone please translate that. Mike asked.

Yeah. Rainbow added. some of us don't speak dweeb.

We're gonna get it on it's back and stab it in the mouth. Edward said bluntly.

Damn. Mike said in a astonished tone. That's brutal kid.

Says the guy who looks like a walking dead cosplayer. Edward retorted.

I have no Idea what either of  those two things are. Mike said.

we can talk about this later. Edward said through his teeth.

I SEE IT TROUGHT THE TREES. Fawkes shouted.

The deathclaw bounded through the trees and let out a roar.

Wait, let me try something. FlutterShy said calmly.

Fine but don't blame me if the thing bites your head off. Edward said sarcastically. I MEAN THAT LITERALLY.

FlutterShy shuttered a bit but tried not to let what Edward said get to her. She walk strait up to the creature and held out a hand. The Deathclaw sniffed her hand while licking it with its forked tongue before pressing it's head against it and giving a growling purr.

Did she just tame a goddamn DeathClaw. Mike asked no one in particular.

Apparently she did my good man. Fawkes said.

That's our FlutterShy. Rainbow said happily. Skittish around new people, fearless around new animals, even giant lizards apparently.

A few of my ancestors was able to tame animals. Edward said. A Caveman of the Wenja tribe called Takkar and a mohawk indian name Connor Kenway although they where only able to tame things like wolves and bears, although taming eagles and falcons is a common practice within the creed, I'd like to know you how to tame beasts like that.

Edward. FlutterShy asked. would you like me to teach you how.

Um sure why not. Edward said.

The first thing you need to do is approach slowly and remain calm. FlutterShy said. If you try to force it or come one too strong the animal will either run away or get aggressive.

So taming animals is like picking up chicks. Mike said.

As I was saying. FlutterShy said. Just hold out your hand.

Ok. Edward said holding out his plam.

The DeathClaw hesitated but eventually pressed It's head against Edwards hand.

Good boy, good boy. Edward said calmly. So what do I call you.

You may call me Gorus. The DeathClaw said surprising everyone.

Is this real life. Mike asked.

I...don't now. Edward said. I honestly think I'm having a stroke.

Do you taste purple and are hearing a high pitch noise in your left ear. Gorus said.

No. Edward said.

Then you're not and I can assure you I am very real. Gorus said.

Oh I know you're really I'm more concerned with how you can FUCKING SPEAK. Edward said.

Have you heard of a organization know as the Enclave. Gorus said.

Wait you mean your one of those talking DeathClaws from vault 13. Mike said. I thought the Enclave whipped you out.

I was traveling with a man know as the Chosen One during the time vault 13 was attacked. Gorus said. We eventually paid them back ten-fold for what they did to my people, after the Chosen One defeated the Enclave I ventured out on my own, I eventually found a cave to call my home and some followers of the apocalypse as my friends, occasionally someone would stumble upon my cave and I shared my wisdom with them or scare them away.

I see, so will you join me on my quest. Eddie said. It's not gonna be hard I just have to find these things called the pieces of Eden.

< 30 minutes of exposition later>

Wait so you're part of a group that's been responsible for every know assassination to date. Mike said.

No. Edward said. We didn't assassinate Lincoln or JFK.

Oh. Mike said. Well alright then I'm in, what about you two.

I shall join you as well. Gorus said.

You remind me of someone I use to know so very well. Fawkes said. and as a token of my friendship I have a gift.

Alright want is it. Edward asked.

Close your eyes. Fawkes said.

Alright, but if you fucking kiss me I will kick your aAAASSSSSS. Edward yelled after Fawkes stabbed him in the arm with a needle. WHAT THE FUCK MAN, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THAT.

You'll see. Fawkes said cryptically.

Fine I'll let it slide for now. Edward said begrudgingly. But I swear to god if you gave me some kind of super mutant AIDS, I will use my Deathclaw gauntlets TO GUT YOU LIKE FUCKING FISH.

Super mutants are in capable of contracting the AIDS virus since we are sterile. Fawkes said calmly.

Wow did not need to know that but ok. Edward said.

Just then a royal guard ran up towards the group.

What is it guard. Celestia asked.

Princess. the guard said out of breath. Three more unknown creatures have appeared in the royal palace court yard.

Edward just face palmed and said. faaaan-fucking-tastic as if there were enough assholes to deal with, Lets go.

CHAPTER 5 THE RAIDER, THE ROBOT, AND THE STORYTELLER

The intruders are just through here Princess. The guard said as he guided the group to the courtyard.

The group turned the corner to see three figures in the middle of the courtyard, one was dressed in an unusual suit of jet black power armor, he was a companion by a small floating robot with a camera lens on it's forehead. The third figure was by far the strangest dressed, Sporting a potato sack with a modified gas filter on his head, and blood stained girls catholic school uniform complete with high heels.

Is this normal where you're from. Twilight asked.

That one guy's has an old suit of T-49 armor. Edward said. It was primarily used for recon ops into enemy territory they can also be used for sniper missions.

yeah and he's with an eye-bot. Fawkes said.

Which mean's he's enclave. Mike said pulling out his rifle.

Actually, I think thats an old EDNA unit. Edward said.

Who's Edna. Mike asked.

The Robot, It's an old Eye-bot Documentary Narrative Assistant, EDNA. Edward said. Geez T-49 armor, an EDNA Eye-bot, whoever this guy is, he's got a flare for the classics.

What about that other guy. Twilight asked.

You mean the guy in a dress. Edward said. I honestly have no good damn idea.

Well nice work Dicknuts. The man in the dress said to his armored companion.

Why are you blaming me. The man in power armor asked. You were the one hacking away at the field with a Ripper.

Semantics. The man in the dress said in response.

Where were you even- never mind I don't even want to know. The man in power armor said.

No you do not. The man in the dress replied.

Excuse me. Edward said.

Ah hello there. The man in power armor replied. Maybe you can tell us where we are.

Hell if I know. Edward said. All I know is this is an alien planet populated by technicolor horse people.

We'll now you now who we are. Edward said. so who are you.

I'm called the storyteller. The man in black power armor said. And this is Edna.

Edna emitted a series of beeps as if to greet the group.

My name is-. What came out of the man's mouth was a ancient tongue only comprehensible to demons and fairy folk.- but you can call me Raul.

Holy shit dude. Mike said.

I know. The storyteller said. I've been on the road with him for 6 days and I still haven't gotten use to it, and i've seen and heard about some pretty strange things.