Hearth's Warming Turkey

by Titanium Dragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Scootaloo, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Smart Cookie
Length: 2495

Scootaloo is angry after being assigned the role of the Hearth's Warming Turkey in the school play. She's no turkey! Pinkie Pie tries to encourage her by telling her the totally true legend of the first Hearth's Warming Turkey.

The Ponyville school is putting on this year's Hearth Warming play, and Diamond Tiara has given the Cutie Mark Crusaders their roles. Sweetie Belle seems happy enough working backstage, but Scootaloo doesn't like it one bit. She's no turkey! And who's ever heard of a Hearth's Warming turkey, anyway?

But as Pinkie Pie explains, the Hearth's Warming Turkey played a crucial role in the founding of Equestria - and rock farming.

There is now a Spanish translation of this story, courtesy of Spaniard Kiwi

Published 2016-01-15 23:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-15 23:40:02 UTC

Hearth's Warming Turkey

Sweetie Belle pushed her way through the heavy red curtains at the back of the Ponyville Theater. “Thirty minutes until the play starts. Are you two ready?”

Apple Bloom nodded reluctantly. “It ain’t like we’ve got any lines anyway.”

“Ugh! This is so stupid!” Scootaloo turned her head to bite into the feathery side of her costume, tugging on an oversized wing.

“Hey! My sister made that!” Sweetie Belle shouted. “Knock it off!”

“Sweetie’s right, it ain’t the costume’s fault,” Apple Bloom said, laying her hoof on the back of the rotund costume. “Besides, it ain’t like my costume is any better.”

“What do you mean?” Sweetie Belle asked, tilting her head. “It looks nice!”

Apple Bloom gestured at her bulbous green form with her hooves. “I’m a pear!”

Scootaloo growled. “I bet this is all Diamond Tiara’s fault!”

“Hey! She’s been nice.” Sweetie Belle stamped her hoof on the wooden floor of the hallway. “You know, since she stopped being evil.”

“Sweetie Belle’s right. We ain’t had a bit of trouble with her since we got our cutie marks.”

“Oh, come on! You’re a pear. Stop defending her!” Scootaloo swiped her hoof through the air.

Sweetie Belle glanced over at Apple Bloom. “Maybe she was just trying to avoid typecasting?”

“Then why am I a turkey?” Scootaloo spread her stubby wings, her costume rustling loudly.

“Because you’re orange?” Sweetie Belle asked, tilting her head.

“That’s not what I… ugh! You know what, fine! You two have fun. I’m outta here.” Scootaloo whirled around and fled through the back door into the street, ears pinned back against her mane as her friends called after her. “Stupid Diamond Tiara. Thinks she’s going to get the last laugh.”

The costumed pegasus wandered the streets of Ponyville aimlessly. Every few steps, she bent her head around to try and pull off her costume, but never accomplished more than getting a mouthful of dry feathers. Sighing, she sat down on the street corner, glaring at the oversized yellow talons that had been fitted over her front hooves. “Ugh. Why can’t I get this costume off by myself?”

“Well, you’re supposed to have your friends there to help you.”

Scootaloo yelped and whirled around, blinking at the sight of Pinkie Pie peering out from behind a tree hidden between two buildings. “Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, just checking on my emergency stashes. You can never be too careful.” Pinkie Pie grinned.

“Emergency stashes?” Scootaloo brightened. “You mean, for saving Equestria with Rainbow Dash and Twilight?”

“Mmm, kind of! Though mostly they’re for little things, like baking emergencies. You can never have too much baking powder! Or baking soda.” Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin. “Well, unless you add too much. Then it doesn’t taste so good. Kind of soapy.”

“Oh. Well, that’s cool too, I guess.” Scootaloo’s ears fell and her gaze returned to her costumed hooves.

“You look like you’re having a smile emergency! You know what that means?”

“Uh…”

“Cupcakes!” Pinkie Pie’s head disappeared back behind the tree, only to reappear with a suspiciously orange frosted cupcake balanced on her snout.

Scootaloo blinked. “Wait, you have cupcakes in there?”

“Well, duh! What else would I do in case of a Scootaloo smile emergency?”

Scootaloo slumped in her costume. “I didn’t think I frowned that much.”

“Oh, don’t worry. They also work for Applejack, Apple Cobbler, Caramel Apple, Junebug, Mr. Cake, Mr. Rivet, Mr. Beam, Orange Swirl, Golden Harvest, Sunfire, Sunburst, and my cousin Perfect. And also Miss Harshwhinny, when she comes to town. Though she never really seems to want a cupcake.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” Scootaloo raised one hoof to rub at the back of her neck, only to have it bounce off her feathery costume. “Ugh! Stupid costume.”

“Hey, that’s not very nice! The costume never got the chance to go to school!”

Scootaloo stared, then shook her head. “Whatever. Can you get me out of this?”

“Get you out of it? Doesn’t the play start soon?”

Scootaloo groaned. “I don’t care about the stupid play. Who ever heard of a Hearth’s Warming turkey anyway?”

Pinkie Pie gasped, then gasped again. “Who’s ever heard of a Hearth’s Warming turkey? Who hasn’t heard of the Hearth’s Warming Turkey, that’s what I want to know!”

“You mean Diamond Tiara didn’t just make it up?” Scootaloo asked, tilting her head.

“Of course not, silly filly! Why, when I was a foal, I couldn’t wait to be the turkey in the Hearth’s Warming play!”

Scootaloo stared. “I thought you grew up on a rock farm.”

“Of course I did! But that didn’t mean I didn’t go to school. It’s important for rock farmers to know the elements of geology. And math, too! If you can’t count rocks, how would you know how many you’re losing to the lithovores? Not to mention accounting, and reading books on rocks, and home economics so you can make stone soup, and—”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Scootaloo waved her hooves at Pinkie Pie. “So what’s the deal with the Hearth’s Warming Turkey?”

“Well, today is your lucky day! Because I’m going to tell you!”

“But I just asked—”

Long ago, in the earliest days of Equestria, it was very cold. Not as cold as when the windigos were there, but there was snow on the ground and dark clouds in the sky and ice everywhere! The ponies had journeyed far and wide to get here, but there wasn’t any food for their tummies because they’d eaten it all on the way there. They didn’t even know what rocks they could eat!

The ponies were all so cold and hungry. The pegasi were too weak to clear the clouds away. The unicorns were too weak to raise the sun to melt the snow. And the earth ponies were too weak to dig holes and plant seeds to grow more food.

And so everypony was sad, even though they had new friends.

One day, after everypony was so hungry they ate Chancellor Puddinghead’s hat, her super-smart secretary Smart Cookie went out looking for food. He searched high and low, but there wasn’t any sign of it anywhere! No apples. No broccoli. Not even any grass!

Smart Cookie wasn’t going to give up, but the only thing worse than being cold or hungry is being cold and hungry, so he began to look around for someplace where he could start a fire and warm up. But there was snow everywhere! Do you know how hard it is to start a fire on the snow? Because let me tell you, it isn’t easy, no siree! First, it’s super cold. Then, the snow starts melting and the water puts out the fire. And then, if you make a really big fire, you end up with a big puddle of mud to sit in.

Anyway, Smart Cookie needed to get warm, and he really didn’t want to sit in mud, so he looked around for a cave or something. Finally, he found a small little burrow, just barely big enough for him to squeeze into. But there was something in that burrow! Something big and feathery! At first, he thought it was just one of the pegasi hiding from Commander Hurricane, who was super cranky when he skipped breakfast, but then it made funny bird sounds at him.

Smart Cookie had never seen a turkey before, so he was kind of confused. But the turkey wasn’t confused! It flew at him and flapped its wings and made loud turkey noises. “What are you doing in my house‽” it shouted. But Smart Cookie didn’t understand him, because he wasn’t Fluttershy. The turkey tried again, gobbling slower and more loudly, but sadly, Smart Cookie still wasn’t Fluttershy. And so it gave up and let Smart Cookie into its home, just like the buffalo did in Appleloosa, though it worked out a lot better for the turkey.

It was cold outside, but the turkey didn’t want to stay in there with Smart Cookie– after days of being trapped in a cave with a bunch of arguing ponies, and with no running water, he really didn’t smell very good. Smart Cookie tried to apologize. “I’m really hungry,” he explained, but the turkey just gobbled at him, and he was sad.

But the turkey understood him. Now, a lot of ponies don’t know this, but turkeys are actually very smart. Some ponies say mean things like they drown in the rain because they look up at the clouds, or that they’re so fat they can’t fly, but that isn’t true at all! And this turkey was particularly smart, because after Smart Cookie took over its house, it realized that all Smart Cookie wanted was food. So the turkey went away, while Smart Cookie tried to rub his hooves together to get warm.

After a while, Smart Cookie wondered where the turkey went, and followed its tracks through the snow. He walked and he walked, and eventually, he found where the turkey went, pecking at the ground through a patch of snow. Now, he didn’t know much about turkeys, but he did know that animals can’t eat snow – that’d be silly. It’s just water! “Silly bird-I-don’t-know, don’t you know you can’t eat snow?” he asked.

But the turkey did know it couldn’t eat snow! Underneath all that snow and ice were some plants, buried by the windigos, but crispy cold and ready to eat! Sure, they were kind of funny looking, and not what ponies were used to, but something is better than nothing, right?

So Smart Cookie raced back to the other ponies and gathered up everyone he could to go out and gather the food, even crankypants Commander Hurricane (though Smart Cookie did have to bop him on the nose a few times to keep him from eating the food while they were bringing it back). Soon, they brought back a whole pile of delicious food.

But how could they cook it? They needed wood, and all the pegasi were too tired to clear the snow from the trees. So Smart Cookie went out, and looked around, and realized he couldn’t find the turkey anywhere, not even in its house! He searched and searched, and then he heard some snow falling off of a tree. The turkey was up there!

Smart Cookie hadn’t realized that turkeys could fly, but it could, and it was sitting there, gobbling at him. Obviously, it was his friend now, and it wanted him to use the wood.

So Smart Cookie went and kicked all the branches off the tree and brought them back so they could make a fire for a big, healthy pot of soup. The other ponies worked on cutting up and smashing and cooking the greens, but no matter what they did, it tasted terrible – so terrible, nopony could eat it.

This was even worse. The turkey had given him all its food and helped him get firewood, but the ponies still wouldn’t eat it. It was terrible. All the smiles had turned to frowns, and some ponies wanted to throw the soup out, and maybe the pot, too, because it had been ruined forever by the leafy stew.

Smart Cookie knew this was wrong, and so he went back to the turkey to tell him his problem. But the turkey already knew! It was sitting on a rock next to its home, pecking at it like it was food. At first, Smart Cookie was confused – sure, the turkey had helped him find food to eat and wood to cook it with, but rocks are rocks.

But rocks aren’t rocks. Okay, yes, they are rocks, but they aren’t rock-rocks. And when Smart Cookie tried a bit of the rock that the turkey broke off, he realized that some rocks can be really tasty! So he rushed back with the rock, and put it in the soup, and now it didn’t taste so bad!

So the ponies had a great feast where all they ate was rock soup. Everypony was so grateful, they brought in the turkey as their special guest, right in the middle of the table! And so everypony was happy, because they had friends and food.

After that, the ponies were all feeling great and could do their job again. The pegasi could clear away the clouds. The unicorns could bring out the sun and melt up all the snow. And the earth ponies could dig holes and plant seeds – and rocks, so they could have more rock soup because it was soooo good.

“And that’s how I got my cutie mark!”

“What?” Scootaloo blinked.

“What?” Pinkie Pie fluttered her eyes innocently.

Scootaloo shook her head. “Wow. Cheerilee never taught us about that in history class.”

“That’s because they act like ponies did everything. You’d never believe some of the stuff they leave out about the buffalo. Not to mention the breezies!”

“Yeah! That stinks.” Scootaloo stomped a costumed hoof on the ground, the false talons making a strange whumping sound as they struck the dirt road.

Pinkie Pie smiled as she sat down beside Scootaloo, casting a hoof over the back of the oversized costume. “So, ready to go back to the theater and do that play? Make sure nopony ever forgets the good that turkey did?”

Scootaloo raised her head high and flared her wings against the inside of her costume. “You’re right! I can’t let them just leave them out!” She paused for a moment, then deflated. “But I don’t really do any of that stuff during the play. I just kind of stand there.”

“Don’t worry! I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” Pinkie Pie beamed.

“Well, that was somethin’, all right,” Applejack said as the curtains fell for the final time across the stage.

Rainbow Dash spread her wings and sprang into the air over her seat. “I was skeptical at first, but Scoots was pretty awesome.”

“It was interesting,” Twilight said, rubbing her chin with her hoof. “But I have to admit, I’ve never heard anything about any Hearth’s Warming turkey.”

Rarity winced, shielding her eyes with a hoof as the lights turned back on in the theater. “I didn’t know what to expect when Diamond Tiara asked me for a turkey costume for Scootaloo. I was half-afraid that she was teasing the poor dear again.”

Fluttershy nodded. “That would have been awful.”

“Well, you know kids these days. Always coming up with new traditions!” Pinkie Pie beamed.

Applejack sighed and stretched. “Yup. But I’ve still got one question.” She tilted her head towards the stage. “Why was my sister a pear?”

Author's Note

This was my belated Jinglemas gift to Trick Question. Sorry about the extremely long delay on getting this out to you, Trick; I hope you like it!

Special thanks to Spectral, Foehn, and Not_a_Hat for their help editing this piece.