Foalsitting

Today was like any other day. A day where the skies were clear, the sun shined high, and ponies moved about the streets of Ponyville minding their own business. And just around the corner, was everyone’s favourite baking shop, Sugarcube Corner. The spot where the infamous Pinkie Pie and the Cake family baked and sold goodies.

Few ponies that passed by the shop noticed that it was closed early, as it should be on any Saturday afternoon. Some even stopping and staring at the large diabetic based home as noises, crashing sounds, and a few shouts would occur that seemed to shake the entire building’s very foundation.

The ponies that stayed long enough to stare at the front door, unaware of what went on inside, listening carefully to every crash, every painful smack on the ground, and every shout soon enough caught the drift of what was happening. Especially when one particular stallion they’d all come to know quite well, kept shouting the words: “GET BACK HERE YOU TWO!” With the occasional giggles from Pinkamena Diane Pie and two foals.

Other ponies that had simply been passing by would stare at the door with a great look of concern, some even gasping in shock at the wave of profanity that escaped the stallion’s mouth.

“My Word!” some would say.

“Dear Celestia!” another would exclaim before promptly fainting on the spot.

All this commotion eventually drew the attention of a certain pegasus. Thunderlane, a pegasus who was somewhat well acquainted with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.

Floating over on a cloud, Thunderlane started with a raised brow at the Cake household, watching the building shake, jump in the air, shake some more, drop on the ground then shiver before going still.

Minutes passed and not a sound came at all. Finally Thunderlane found a great sense of anxiety pass over him, one he could not understand as he began doing a little dance on his cloud.

Hopping off and flying over to a unicorn he knew quite well, Thunderlane asked the question that had been bugging him for the past five minutes as he landed by the light cerise unicorn carrying pastries in her magic. “Sparkler what’s going on with the Cake’s place??”

“Oh you didn’t know?” she asked. Thunderlane merely shook his head in response. Sparkler smiled warmly in return before opening the bag and offering him a muffin.

“The Cake’s went out on a delivery and left Pinkie in charge of the twins. I heard them talking when I came to get my order about ten minutes ago. Mrs.Cake said the twins were being a bit of a handful today so Pinkie may want to get help if necessary.”

“Ok” Thunderlane nodded. “So she’s just foalsitting, but the twins can’t be that bad can they? I mean she’s babysitted them before right?”

“Yeah, but apparently things got a bit crazy this time. So bad that I watched her literally fly out of the house and drag some poor stallion inside the house like it was heat season!”

“Whoa...heat season? Really?” Thunderlane asked full of disbelief. Pinkie was the type of mare that didn’t really submit easily. One could say it was almost impossible for her to submit to something when she set her mind to it. But that analogy, heat season, that was troubling.

One could only imagine the horrors that were transpiring in the house right now.

“Yup. Heat season” Sparkler said in a almost sultry manner. For some reason Thunderlane felt a chill. “Anyway, I’ve got to get these muffins back home. See ya later.”

The two waved goodbye and the pegasus remained in front of Sugarcube Corner for a few more seconds before leaving.

Thunderlane watched the front door of Sugarcube Corner as silence continued to fill the once tumultuous house.

For a second Thunderlane thought of going inside to see if the two ponies taking care of young energetic twins needed help. However just when his hoof was about to knock on the door, a loud sound made the mahogany wood of the front door vibrate with powerful airwaves. A nanosecond later something on the other side of the building made a painful crack on what Thunderlane could only assume was the wall.

He winced, deciding to ask questions later, the pegasus opened the door and rushed in.

His eyes widened at what he saw next. Sitting on top of Pinkie Pie’s party cannon, the muzzle smoking after fire, now pointing at Thunderlane was...Pumpkin and Pound Cake.

Thunderlane, who knew what the cannon was capable of wasn’t worried. That is till he saw the young filly’s horn glow, gather the pieces of torn up paper around and firmly compress and condense it into a party ball of pain, which she then inserted into the muzzle, down the cannon.

Thunderlane swallowed, unable to speak, unable to move. Just frozen. Staring at the cute, innocent, smiling faces of the twins.

Maybe they’ll just get distracted by something else. Thunderlane eyed a balloon, seeing his chance.

“Pound, Pumpkin” he said gently perspiration beginning to form as he eyed the cannon pointed at him. He took a step forward and noticed a inverted couch. He gulped, wondering what could have happened there, and if the cannon was the sound he had heard earlier.

“Let’s get off that cannon now okay?” he said gently, taking another step forward.

Pumpkin’s smile still stood, Pound however seemed to get what the older pegasus was saying, basing it off the way the older stallion’s wings were unfurled and the bothered expression on his face.

Thunderlane continued to gesture towards the two to get off the cannon, that had adjusted itself now to hit him right in the chest. Perspiration slowly sliding down his face as he increased his desperation to get the two off the cannon.

Pound Cake, was having none of their fun being spoilt so soon.

Leaning in and whispering to his unicorn sister, the pegasus floated into the air smiled at Thunderlane, then dashed off in a different direction somewhere within the house.

It was just Pumpkin and Thunderlane now.

The two stared at each other in silence. Pumpkin’s innocent smile now turning to a slight frown, that radiated a deeper feeling of displeasure.

“Pumpkin” Thunderlane said in a strained voice, his senses now telling him to get out of the way. “Could you please get off the dangerously loaded party cannon?” he asked, his voice cracking at the last few words.

Pumpkin Cake’s expression was now completely one of displeasure. The young filly shook her head, her horn igniting as her feelings took over, mana flooding the magic carrying vessels in her horn, slowly wrapping around the string that would release the compact confetti ball right at the older pegasus.

It didn’t hit the Wonderbolt recruit immediately, but when it did the nervous smile he’d been holding slowly faded into one of horror.

Pumpkin please, he tried to say but only managed a pathetic wheeze.

Pumpkin’s magic pulled the string, a large blast filled the room sending other scraps of confetti on the ground, flying everywhere all around the baby unicorn as the cannon moved back thanks to friction and the force that shot the death party ball straight at the pegasus.

Thunderlane tensed. Everything moving in slow motion. Jumping back and with a strong flap of his wings, the pegasus managed to not get shrouded in the smoke that came out of the cannon as it shot the party ball right at him.

He didn’t get far.

The condensed party ball hit him square in the rump, just above the frosting maker, as he tried escaping the painful fate.

Thunderlane’s wings froze, his whole body twitching in pain as his sack was thoroughly violated by the confetti ball. The ball exploding in the process as it hit his tail first before firmly slapping his rump with such a force that he let out a surprised filly like scream before falling to the ground several feet away from the Cake residence, glitter and confetti now decorating his butt, spelling out the words: “Party Time.”

Pumpkin Cake oblivious to the pain she had just caused somepony only trying to help, watched the door close, once again thanks to the cannon’s force, before bursting into a fit of giggles at Thunderlane’s pained and slightly teary-eyed expression just as the front door slammed shut on his immobile figure feet away.

Thunderlane slowly began to slip, only hearing Pumpkin Cake’s giggles till the door shut. His bottom violated, his ass and tail now feeling a bit pretty and strangely sticky, and the pain in his sack not unbearable but not something he’d ever like to relive once he awoke.

A stallion now lay on the ground, silent, still. Slowly regaining his vision after the strange blinding light, that had hit him in the face after a party ball shell exploded just a couple of inches in front of him.

The first thing said stallion saw was a crater in front of him, and the overturned couch he hid behind.

Confetti everywhere, most likely because Pumpkin Cake if I now recalled correctly had the party cannon and had made it into an actual weapon. Proof enough being the crater in the wall in front of me that had just been badly bedazzled by the confetti and boat load of glitter.

It took a second, but eventually the stallion was able to fully regain his senses, the world coming back to full view once again as his eyes readjusted. He blinked once, twice a third time, then quickly recalled everything that had happened.

Hailstorm’s eyes widened as he realized that he was now trapped.

Slowly, cautiously, I peered over the rear railing of the couch. My eyes slanted, observantly scanning everything, till they rested on a small amber filly, who reminded me a lot of a unicorn version of Carrot Cake.

Pumpkin I thought, noticing that she still sat on the party cannon.

My eyes glanced back to the cracked walls behind me. “Oooh” I shuddered, then turned my attention back to Pumpkin Cake.

She was still sitting on top of that blasted cannon! DAMMIT PINKIE!! Why did you have to use that to cheer them up when they were crying earlier!

I let out a quiet sigh, the paranoid side of me beginning to fear that if I made a real sigh, the unicorn would fire another raging cannon ball of confetti at me again in an attempt to play.

She heard me.

Pumpkin Cake no longer giggling in a cute manner that made me want to cringe with a large smile, stopped and looked up at me. I froze and just stared back.

“Ahdababababadafa!” she said in incoherent baby-- foal language. The cannon turned away from the door and towards the couch I was using as a shield.

I swallowed, biting my lip before slowing rising to my hooves, ready to charge.

“Sweet baby Jesus help me” I whispered.

Briefly standing on my hind legs and kicking my forelegs with such a force I cried out a mighty battle cry that shook the candy based ceiling and pierced the freaking heavens, before charging at the unicorn foal with haste.

Pumpkin giggled cutely at me in mockery, and I bucking froze for a second. Had it not been for reflexes the confetti death ball she shot at me would have hit.

I broke my trance and charged forward once more. She needed time to recharge her magic before firing again.

In a matter of seconds before that annoying, cute foal could do anything that she considered “fun”, I snatched her up with a foreleg and quickly cantered away from the cannon.

“Phew” I said wiping sweat off my brow, staring out the foal. Pumpkin smiled...and it irked me, but I managed a smile back. “You sure know how to put a guy to work.”

...Oh I thought, the innuendo now catching up to me. “Don’t tell your parents I said that.”

Pumpkin giggled, I genuinely smiled this time. But our merry moment died quickly.

“HAILSTORMMMMM!!!” Pinkie yelled.

Both Pumpkin and I jumped, I caught her wrapping my forehooves around her and squeezing her close to my chest. The little foal’s horn then ignited and the next time I blinked we were in the twin’s room.

I looked at Pumpkin, she looked up at me, still smiling, static around her horn as the glow on it died. Then a loud fwoosh passed by us.

Looking up I could see Pinkie trying to use her weight to drag Pound Cake back to earth, but for some bizarre and strange reason this little guy was easily dragging Pinkie around all over the place.

“And it looks like she was currently...heading” I began to back up as the two of them got closer, “my way." Pinkie was about three feet above me and Pumpkin, inching closer every second as Pound floated in our direction with jubilation all over his face, meanwhile Pinkie’s legs were kicking insanely as she kept trying to bring the strong little flier back to earth.

“Cmon Pound, play fair! she whined.

I was unsure if she was being serious or if she was actually trying to do the job Mr. & Mrs.Cake had assigned her.

Just like that I felt something gently brush my flank, I froze, my legs buckling, tail uncontrollably sliding in a protective manner over my jewels, as I glanced back to see what was behind me. “A beach ball?” I noticed a light cerulean glow around it, and glanced at Pumpkin, the foal still in my foreleg.

She had intentionally pushed the ball in my way to block me. I shot her a look, which she proceeded to giggle at. I felt no affection this time.

“Hailstorm get out of the wayyyy!” Pinkie yelled, her hind legs spread wide as she kept wiggling her slender figure to drag Pound Cake down in one last attempt.

That attempt failed. Miserably.

With Pound Cake now bringing Pinkie closer to me, his sister laughing at the insane antics they had wrought, and myself blocked by a beach ball and my only exit now a window I began to weigh in my options.

Should. I. Jump? I thought in all honesty with a pensive look. I could survive, I am an earth pony after all and unlike when I was human I wouldn’t suffer any injuries, earth ponies bodies seem much more durable but. Giggling drew my attention to the bubbly foal in my arm.

“Ugh” I sighed.

No sooner had I said that, did Pound wriggle Pinkie off his hind legs, sending her flying in my direction. I glanced back at the window, and for a brief second I was pretty sure I saw a pegasus laying on the ground not to far from Sugarcube Corner. If my vision served me right, it looked like he’d sat inside a box full of frosting and glitter.

“Someponey catch me!!” Pinkie squealed as she came in like a meteor, missed me...then went out the window.

Both our eyes widened. Pound and Pumpkin stopped laughing and stared at each other worried, as Pinkie remained suspended in the air, not falling, not rising just freezing there with a worried expression.

It was the coyote and roadrunner bit all over again.

“Wait...Wait right there” I said slightly flummoxed by how she was just floating there.

Pinkie nodded, and I quickly released Pumpkin and headed downstairs, outside then towards her direction. I could hear groaning as I passed the now awaking pegasus who appeared to be-

“Thunderlane?!” I shouted.

The pegasus coughed, then winced. Slowly he pointed a hoof up in my direction that began to descend downwards at whatever he pointed at.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything, but he did keep pointing at where I believed I was to catch Pinkie. It took a second but then he spoke: “...Watch...out...” his voice weak, slightly high pitched.

“...Oh fu-” everything went black as something fell right on me when I looked up and tried to move out of the way.

Everything was dark....I think I smelled perfume, sweet really...the kind I smelled every now and then whenever I saw couples together on Hearts and Hooves Day. Whatever was on my chest felt real warm all of a sudden also...strange.

I groaned, coughed, then gasped, trying to get up only to find I couldn’t. Something heavy yet light, soft yet warm was on top of me.

My mind whispered: “Looks like you got some Pink, me thinks.”

Eyes shooting open, I looked up to see just inches from my own muzzle was Pinkie. Those big blue eyes of hers staring into my brown eyes, her cheeks actually a noticeable shade of red. Her forehooves were keeping her from falling any closer to me. The party planner looked genuinely embarrassed, I had to admit, was a bit cute.

I just lay on my back my own forehooves now moving to my mouth as I felt a sudden wave of embarrassment, my muzzle scrunching up a bit.

Through all this embarrassment, I decided to look at Thunderlane who was still on the ground slowly rising to his hooves. His hind legs spread far enough to give...I winced. Them some well needed space.

“Party Cannon?” I asked doing my best to ignore Pinkie, the growing warm sensation on my chest and the strange feeling I was beginning to feel myself.

Thunderlane nodded.

“Foals messing with you?” he intoned, once he was able to stand.

“Yes” Pinkie and I deadpanning together.

Once Pinkie got off me, and we all acted like none of these painful and embarrasing moments all happened, we turned our attention up to the two foals giggling at us through the shattered window.

None of us said a word for a few seconds, then we all agreed on something.

“I’ll get someone to fix the window” Pinkie said.

“I’m going to get some ice for...” Thunderlane gestured to his rump with a wing. “This.”

The two looked at me waiting to see what I had to say before they departed for their destinations.

Pound and Pumpkin Cake had stopped laughing at this point and were staring at me. Also waiting, expectantly.

I almost whinnied. Almost, but swallowing what fear I had I closed my eyes and fixed the twins with a stare, which soon died into a defeated and accepting expression of fate. “I’ll go face hell.”