Out of the Light

by glorg

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 18653

The ponies find themselves turned into humans and stranded on Earth, without a plausible way home.

Twilight Sparkle didn't mean for the spell to happen. Twilight didn't want to send herself and her friends to this unknown place, transformed and without a way home. But now, they're stuck, and she has to figure out what they're going to do.
Even Princess Celestia can't help them now.

-

Author's Note: Decided to add Comedy and Dark tags, even if they're conflicting, because this is looking like it'll shape up to be a bit of dramedy. Also not sure if Romance will be an option later on or not.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-17 19:32:58 UTC

Lost.

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter One

Lost.

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am a unicorn.

Was.

Am.

I... I don’t really know anymore, to be honest.  Things have been very... confusing, lately.  It was an accident, but it’s my fault, I know it is.  Now my friends and I are in the biggest quagmire of our lives, and I doubt even Princess Celestia herself can help me now.

I’ve really messed things up this time.

I don’t think I can get us home, not like how I am now.

Are we doomed to stay in this place forever?

It seems like it.

It’s my fault.

It’s all my fault.

But I have to write this down.  Maybe we’ll have a break-through.  Maybe Spike will hiccup a flame or I’ll grow a horn... I don’t know.  Things are too dismal to hope for a miracle like that.  In any case, I’m writing down what happened.  To me, my friends, my dragon.  Even if you don’t believe it, whoever finds this, this story is as real as... well, as real as I thought I used to be.

I believe in this story.

You should, too.

It all started in my tree.  My little library.

I miss it so.  Those yellow pages, jaundiced by time; the firm leather of the hardback covers; the smell of ink, of knowledge just waiting to be consumed.  Some libraries here are almost like that, but the books aren’t the same, not nearly.

I had become the unwitting host of yet another Pinkie Pie party.  By then, though... well, I was used to it.  Pinkie Pie was a manic mare, for certain, but her affection was never scarce, nor her contagious laughter, and she was always welcome company.  She just had a certain... affinity, I suppose, for bursting out surprises.  Not somepony I could complain about, though: our group of friends always showed up with her, the five ponies who had showed me the magic of friendship the first time I had set hoof into Ponyville.

The five ponies I’ve ruined.

Honest Applejack, loyal Rainbow Dash, kind Fluttershy, generous Rarity, and (of course) laughing Pinkie Pie.  My best friends, after Spike and my older brother.

Shining Armor.  I wonder if he knows I’m gone.  I wonder if anyone knows we’re gone.

The party itself had actually come to its lackadaisical conclusion, another late night festivity for us all.  Spike was sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs, clutching a half-eaten sapphire to his chest and snoring ever so slightly.  Rarity was likely amused.  She thought everything he did was cute, even unconsciously.  The rest of us ponies sat around the table in the middle of the room, staring at one another with intensity.

I believe Go Fish had never been played so seriously.  Or, at least, for Applejack and Rainbow Dash.  Both ponies were overshadowed by towering piles of cards, glaring at the cards in their hooves and waiting for the other to speak first.  This was the championship game, as Rainbow Dash had called it; the players had whittled down to only two, and they had scrounged together three decks of cards to make sure nopony would win from an empty pool.

I remember the tension so well.  I swore I could see the sweat bead on their brows.

It was Applejack’s turn, but she refused to speak, refused to ask Rainbow Dash for any cards.  What were their hands?  I have no idea.  I suppose both were so dead-set against giving the other an advantage that they wouldn’t even have told Nightmare Moon if she’d threatened their lives for the information.

We were calm spectators.  Rarity daintily stifled a yawn every five minutes or so, but otherwise, our gallery was relatively peaceful.

...Barring Pinkie Pie.

She twitched.

She tapped.

She twisted.

She could not rest a bone in her body.

“Say something!  Why don’t they say anything, Twilight?!  Oh my good golly gosh, this is taking forEVERRRRRRRRRR!”

“Pinkie, I...” I began.

“Can’t you, like, make them do stuff with your magic?  Let’s get the game going, Twilight!  Somepony has to win!!”

“Pinkie, please!  I wouldn’t do that, even if I could.  It’s not right to—”

“Yeah yeah, I know, morals, blah blah blah.  Just give them a little push, Twilight!  It’s so late and they’re taking wayyyyyyyyyy too long!”

“Actually, Twilight, I must say I agree with Pinkie Pie,” said Rarity, flipping back her luxurious hair.  “The hour has become quite late, and we all know they would never leave a competition unfinished.  Perhaps just a little spell?  To move things along?  Nothing too serious, darling.”

I rolled my eyes and glanced at Fluttershy.  She watched Applejack and Rainbow Dash with startling intent, almost studying them as something to model off of.

“Fluttershy, what do you think?”

Immediately she drew back within herself, abashed by the sudden attention.

“Oh, uh... well, I... I think, maybe, I do have to check on the animals... maybe it would be better if you helped them finish up... just a little.”

“SEE?!  Even FLUTTERSHY thinks they should hurry up!  C’mon Twilight, just a little magic.  Please?  For Auntie Pinkie Pie?”

“...You’re our age, darling,” commented Rarity.

“Age shmage.  Like I said, for Auntie Pinkie Pie?”

I rolled my eyes once more and grimaced, levitating a book from my shelf over to where we sat.  Pinkie clapped her hooves together excitedly.

“Only a little spell.  And only because they’re so focused they didn’t even hear us talking about them.”  What I said was true: neither one had even so much as flinched at our conversation, they were so engrossed in the cards.

“Yeah yeah, whatever, just get the hocus pocus going already!”

The spell was discreet and small, simply a minor motivation charm.  It was no great task, no difficult enchantment, and I don’t say that condescendingly.  The magic coursed through my horn as usual, and I began to formulate the thoughts in my head.  No complications to be seen.

What happened next was purely an accident, but it is also what I blame myself for in this whole mess.  You, reader, may look at it as Pinkie Pie’s fault, for how she pushed me to use my powers and what entailed, but I want that burden.  For her innocence, first of all, and also for my mistake in judgment.  I knew that I shouldn’t have attempted to enchant my friends, that abuse of magic is never right even in small doses and my own morals should have won over peer pressure.  It was my decision, in the end, to heed Pinkie Pie, and that’s why I hold myself as the culprit.

Pinkie Pie, so invested in my conjuring, was leaning forward blindly, and had forgotten that a bicycle horn rested next to her hoof, a remnant of our party.  She stepped forward a little to gain balance, and it was everyone’s horrifically bad luck that her hoof just happened to stomp down upon this wayward bicycle horn.  Immediately, the horn’s wail broke the quiet, startling everypony except Rainbow Dash and Applejack.  Spike was thrust into wakefulness, bleary-eyed and unaware of what was going on; in his stupor, my dragon stumbled into me and knocked me over.  Fluttershy, possibly the most apprehensive of us all, was so shocked by the sudden noise that she flew back into the wall, causing my library to shudder with the tremor.  Almost at once, my entire library came flying off the shelves, an avalanche of books headed in our direction.

I should’ve stopped to think and plan.  Should’ve thought of a specific spell.  But I panicked.  My mind was blank, and the magic, already bubbling in my horn, burst forth with passion.  For all of its terrible repercussions, it truly was a sight to see: akin to aurora borealis, even.  The spell grew and grew, freezing everything it touched, flashing colors of the rainbow all the while (and some colors I’m sure aren’t normally conceivable by our eyes).  It was quick and determined, enveloping everything in sight with haste.

Indeed, faster than I could comprehend, it swallowed me as well.

All I knew was magic, pure light.

And then, darkness.

When my eyes opened, there were no books to obstruct my view, nor the bark of a tree ceiling.  There was only the sky, and for some reason, it looked peculiar.  The clouds were not fluffy, but transient, wispy shams that felt wrong to even look at.  The sky was blue, yes, but it wasn’t the right color, not nearly lively enough.

I attributed this to disorientation, and tried to sit up.

I couldn’t hoist myself, as hard as I tried.

Exasperated, I fell back with a thud.  Still, the sky looked so wrong, so tainted.

“WHAT IN TARNATION...?”

“H-HEY!  THIS ISN’T COOL AT ALL!”

The alarm in my friends’ voices propelled me forward into a sitting position.  “What?  What is it?  What’s wr...?”

The words danced on my lips, but they wouldn’t, couldn’t come out.  How could I hope to verbalize the thoughts in my head, the nonsense that it was?

It was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, sure.  I would know them anywhere.  But they looked all wrong.  Horribly, horribly wrong.  Those weren’t muzzles.  They were shaved.  Their ears were shaped like C’s.  Their hooves were gone, replaced with... by Princess Celestia, I’d never seen hands on a pony before.  And perhaps that was the most jarring fact of all, the truth that made my heart stop in my chest.

Whatever they were, neither of them were ponies.  Not even close.

What used to be Applejack, examining the hands that had replaced her hooves, glanced my way, and those familiar green eyes widened with bewilderment.

“Oh.  Oh, my.  Sugarcube, it happened ta you too.”  She paused, taking the chance to gaze around in growing horror at the rest of our party.  I was afraid to do the same.  I wasn’t prepared to look.  “By golly, it happened ta all of us.”

I looked down, almost not surprised to see that my own hooves were replaced as well.  They reminded me of Spike’s claws, almost.  I had read about them once in a book.  What had it been, the mythology section?  Certainly not anything anypony would usually take seriously.

Not me.

Not until it was staring me in the face.

But I had fingers.  That was what they were called.  Such an abnormal experience, to move them; it was nothing like having a hoof.

And it was with these abnormal fingers, this hand, that I tentatively touched my forehead.  I had a sneaking, sickening suspicion.  My hair seemed prickly, my face naked to the touch.

Flat surface.

Just hair.  Just my head.

I could feel the tears swelling inside, slowly leaking out of my betraying eyes.

“Twilight?  What’s wrong, hun?”  Applejack sounded so far away.  “...Twi.”

“My horn’s gone, isn’t it?”  I started to almost choke out the words.  “It’s... just... vanished.”

A sorrowful nod from my friend.  “Ah... Ah’m ‘fraid so, hun.  But, it’s not all that bad, right?  Ah’m sure it’s jus’ temp’rary.  The spell will wear off in no time, you’ll see.”

“What if it doesn’t?”  I didn’t want to be a pessimist.  Really.  But every passing moment, as reality hit me harder with every punch, just made my heart start to sink lower and lower.

“Ah... Ah plum don’t know, Twilight.”

And that was what scared me the most.

It took some time, but ultimately we were able to regroup, if an altogether dazed and daunted bunch.

Applejack and Pinkie Pie had been able to utilize the forms the first and foremost out of all of us.  I suppose maybe that being Earth ponies made the transformation less traumatic; they had not lost wings or horns, not like the rest of us.  Those were the main points of consternation, in all honesty.  I’m not ashamed to admit I was somewhat enfeebled without my horn.  Certainly I didn’t use it in every aspect of my life, but it was as if... as if someone had cut off my ear, or my tail.  I wasn’t whole.  Rarity faced this crisis as well, but with considerable more poise.  It’s just her nature to be like that.  Even Fluttershy, wingless as a tree, didn’t seem very bothered by her unwarranted alteration.  And Spike?  Scaleless and without a tail in sight, he was almost jovial about it all.  He’d grown in height.  Being taller was just about the best thing he could imagine happening.

No, out of our motley crew, the worst...

The worst was Rainbow Dash.

Dash was a being made for flight.  Not just her anatomy, but her very soul.  Sometimes I fancied she was comparable to the mighty eagle, a magnificent creature of the air, and I doubt many would disagree with me.

What does such a bird do without its wings?

I’ll tell you.  It shuts down.  Closes up.  Ceases and desists.  As the rest of us talked in hushed tones and attempted to create a plan of action, she only sat by herself, burying her face in what I was sure were her knees.  She did not cry, did not moan or gripe, but merely hid from it all.

Truthfully?  I was close to joining her.

We had all crowded together in a circle of nearby trees, hidden by the protective underbrush of the forest, in fear of being discovered by strangers.  Even if they were other ponies, none of us wanted to be seen, not yet.  We felt we might be... distressing to see, to say the least.

“Ah dunno what we should do, Twilight.  Ya think vent’rin out there is really a good idea?  Lookin’ like we are?  Somepony could get a mite flust’red.”

“Darling, she has a point.  Besides looking positively dreadful in this outfit, I know I would be quite perturbed by our appalling countenances if I were somepony else.  Also, does anypony know why our bosoms seem to be so enlarged?  The weight is practically unbearable.”

“Silly willy!  The aliens use them as antennae to communicate with the mothership!  That’s why they’re so extra big and fluffy and jiggly.  Ooh!  Poke ‘em!  It feels like jello!”

“Um... pardon me, but... even if that’s what they’re used for, Pinkie, why doesn’t Spike have them?”

“Duh!  Fluttershy, helloooo?  He’s a dragon!  Alien dragons are different than alien ponies.  We get cool, bouncy jello orbs on our chests and they get... what do you get, Spike?  Green hair, I guess?”

“Uhm, I think so.”

“See?  Auntie Pinkie Pie is never wrong.  Now I have to try and call the Spaceship Command with my antennae so they can beam us up and take us to their leader.  We’ll blend right in, and when we reach the Queen Alien, we’ll all attack her, and hold her captive, and make her turn us back into ponies!  Easy as Pinkie Pie!”

I sighed irritatedly to break off the conversation, and sure enough, all eyes turned toward me.

“That’s an interesting theory, Pinkie, but I don’t really think it’s that complicated.  Obviously, my magic transformed us.  Into what?  ...I’m not sure.  But we’re certainly not ponies, or pegasi, or unicorns.  Even Spike isn’t a dragon anymore.  We don’t have magic, or flight, or Spike to call for Princess Celestia.  I have no idea how long we could stay like this, or where the spell took us.  Personally, I believe this is part of the Everfree Forest, but I have no way of truly identifying that fact.  I would suggest going in further and approaching Zecora for a possible cure, as I’m certain she would have the knowledge we need to cure these afflictions, but, still, I’m not entirely certain that this is even our forest.  I can’t be, not unless we leave our hiding spot and go ask for help from outside ponies.  Hopefully, we’re somewhere near Ponyville, but if we’ve ended up near Fillydelphia or Baltimare... well, at least we’ll have somewhere to start off.  And I would recommend that we figure out a way to Canterlot as soon as possible so we can inquire Princess Celestia for a solution.”

I stopped to scan my friends for their responses.

“...Ah do believe Ah second that.”

“I do as well.  Simply brilliant, Twilight.”

“Awh, no Queen Alien? ...Okay!  Off to the princess, then.”

“It sounds like a very good idea, Twilight.  ...A-At least, I think so.”

Rainbow still would not respond, but I was really waiting for Spike to reply.  He seemed to be mulling it over in his mind.

With a shrug and a smile, Spike nodded.  “Sounds like a plan to me, Twi.”

“All right, perfect.  We should head out now so that—”

A near-silent rumble caught in my ear, buzzing like a fly.  I thought I was the only one to hear it, but I noticed all of us froze, trying to hear it more clearly.  It rumbled again, more coherently, and I could tell it was Rainbow Dash speaking, muffled by her body.

“Rainbow?  Could you repeat what you said, please?” I asked timidly.  Almost begrudgingly, she lifted her head to reveal the nervous frown that spread so uncharacteristically across her face.

“I said, that I don’t want to go out there.  I don’t want anypony to see me like... like this, whatever the heck it is.  It’s totally not awesome!  Needs to be 20% cooler.  And have wings.”  She pouted like a foal.

Rarity stepped forward, stumbling a little but regaining her posture quickly.  “Rainbow, darling, do not fret the opinions of others!  Why, I loathe our current states and outfits (mine especially), but the best chance any of us have to mend these mutations lie with Princess Celestia.  You know I wouldn’t be caught dead going out in public looking unfabulous, and yet our situation calls for it.  We won’t reach Canterlot and be repaired to our natural forms anytime soon lounging about here, now will we?”

Rainbow Dash contemplated this.  “Huh.  I guess you’re kinda right, Rarity.  But I’m not walking ahead of you guys, got it?  Not that I’m, like, hiding, or anything lame like that, but just ‘cause it’s easier to—”

“To not be seen?” Fluttershy offered.

“Uhh... sure.  I guess.  Whatever.  Anyway, let’s go!”  The forlorn Rainbow had burst into an almost excited energy.  She’d gone from despondent to optimistic in five seconds flat.  How could she be so confident that everything was going to be okay?  It was my own plan we were following, but I didn’t have much faith in it.  The pit in my chest had not gone away; in fact, it seemed to get heavier as I thought more and more about the situation.  This cold sense of trepidation would not leave me, no matter how many times I assured myself that Princess Celestia would help us in our most dire hour.

“Right, y’all ponies fall in line behind me, Ah’ll be the first ta face anypony we run into.  Ah don’t care too much ‘bout lookin’ like this in public.”  Applejack, always true to her word, strode confidently toward what laid beyond the trees.  Exchanging doubtful glances, the rest of us followed, unsure of who would be waiting beyond.

Out in the open once more, I could see the landscape wholly for the first time.  My judgement remained abysmally the same: something was horrifically off about everything, like I was viewing it through tainted lens.  Everyone else seemed to have stopped as well, captivated by the scene in front of us.

“...Som’thin looks funny ‘bout this place.  Ahm not the only one who thinks that... right?”  Applejack seemed to be chewing on her tongue nervously, her eyes flitting about.

“No no, me too A.J.,” said Rainbow Dash.  “Man, it looks... wacky.”

“ALIENS.”

“Pinkie, darling, perhaps your eccentric convictions about our current predicament are best left to yourself, yes?  But I, too, think this panorama looks rather... odd.”  Frowning, Rarity picked a blade of grass off of her shoulder and flicked it to the ground, turning back to inspect the sky.

“Um, pardon me. but—”

“C’mon, what other explanations are there?  The alien-monkey-bugs live in a world that looks like ours but isn’t as fun and cheery, because their Princess Celestia is a big fat ugly meanie weenie who hates cake and tortures the aliens all the time, and they just used Twilight to get us here so they could suck out our fun for themselves!  I wonder if it tickles?  Maybe, they’ll hold a HUGE party, and we’ll all get invited, and—”

“E-Excuse me, but—”

“Pinkie, could you stop that?  You’re making me feel totally not awesome.  Stupid aliens wouldn’t be smart enough to catch us, anyway.  Or at least me.  No way they’d—”

“I’m terribly sorry, but if you’d just listen for a minute—”

“Aw man!  I keep trying to burp, Twilight, but I can’t!  I can’t even feel the fire in my chest anymore.  Being tall’s cool but I liked my job.”

Exasperatedly, I sighed.  “You’re not unemployed Spike, you’re just transformed like the rest of us.  You’re still my assistant.  I’d ask you to write down everything we see but I don’t think we have any parchment or quills... hmph.  Maybe you could—”

“Uh, I don’t mean to interject, but if you would just hear me out—”

“Ahm thinkin’ we should jus’ get goin’ again.  This place is creepin’ me out, no doubt ‘bout it, but if we get a move on Ahm sure we’ll be back to our old selves lickety-split.  Ah bet y’all two bits that—”

“SHUT UP!”

The roar tore all of us out of our thoughts.  I know I even cringed, expecting an unknown assailant to appear out of nowhere.

Imagine our surprise, then, when it turned out meek Fluttershy had been the one to yell.  I could feel all of us staring at her, utterly bemused by the outburst.  Under the weight of the attention, Fluttershy folded into herself, electing to stare at her feet and blush ever so slightly.

“Um... please.  If it’s not too much of a bother.”

“Well, sugarcube, ya sure as buck got our attention.  Tell us what’s on your mind, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, no, nothing’s on my mind Applejack, it’s just... well, I think the rest of you didn’t hear me talking to the animals earlier... but of course you wouldn’t have, what am I saying... um, it’s just that...”

“Darling, as the resident drama queen, I must implore that you eschew the suspense and just tell us what it is you’d like to say.”

“Oh, yes.  Sorry, Rarity.  Um, I think, maybe, we should turn around.”

In what seemed like a recurring motif, I exhaled irritably.  “Fluttershy, we haven’t even headed out to Canterlot yet.  What could possibly be scaring you?”

“Nothing, Twilight, not yet.  I-I meant more like we should turn around, right here, in this spot.”

Pinkie scratched her head, making her curly rose-colored hair bounce almost comically.

“Huh?  But why, Fluttershy?  WAIT.  Are the aliens telling you to do it?  Are they talking to you through your antennae?  SHH!  Let me listen!”  Eagerly, Pinkie Pie jumped in front of Fluttershy and put her ear to Fluttershy’s chest, monitoring it for any little sound with determination.  Fluttershy drew back slightly, clearly uncomfortable with Pinkie Pie’s proximity.

“Uh, n-no, there are no aliens talking to me, Pinkie Pie.  Could you... please, step away from my chest?  Um, thank you.”

Squinting her eyes suspiciously, Pinkie obeyed and gave Fluttershy her space, although she was studying up her own “antennae” with visible distrust.

“Anyway, the animals told me to watch out for the place behind us because there are... um... things there, and when we walked out, I looked back just to see what they were, and then I did, and I thought, Everypony else should see this, so I started to ask to turn around, but nopony would listen, so I had to yell, and now you’re listening and I told you what I wanted you to do so I think you all should do it.  Please?”

The rest of us scanned each other for an appropriate response.  Eventually, it was Rarity who stepped forward.  It made sense; she and Fluttershy went to the spa together weekly, they were a little bit closer as friends.

“Alright, Fluttershy.  Seeing as you feel so very strongly about your opinion, it could be of no plausible harm to humor your wishes.  Come, everypony: let us turn around and heed Fluttershy’s bidding.”

It was a very simple thing to do.  I didn’t see much logic in it, but Fluttershy seemed quite adamant, so I followed suit with everypony else.

Upon turning around, the pit in my chest seemed to drop down to what must have been my stifles.  I suppose that it was because they were almost knobby and weak in this form, but these very same stifles shook ever so slightly, all-too-revealing of my internal agitation.

There must have been about two-hundred of them, maybe three-hundred.  Some were alone, some were in pairs, and some were even in odd little families, but all in all, my friends and I were looking at a park filled with the things, as Fluttershy had called them.  Bipedal, hairless monstrosities of nature.

In fact, the very things we had been turned into.

“...Oh,” said Rarity absent-mindedly.  Fluttershy nodded knowingly, tucking a stray strand of pink hair behind her ear.  I quaked on the inside.  The things looked far too comfortable in their bodies to be ponies like us, transformed accidentally by my spell.  No, they had been born that way, and since they most certainly did not live anywhere in Equestria...

“Spike, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Ponyville anymore.”

Spike nodded slowly, never tearing his eyes away from the things.

So my impressions, deep-seated and deadly, were correct.

So my fears, crushing and creeping, were true.

We were lost.

Fillydelphia Freedom

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter Two

Fillydelphia Freedom

“See??  I told you.  Aliens,” declared Pinkie Pie resolutely.

“Shush, Pinkie dear,” whispered Rarity, holding her forelegs together in a posture that screamed of uncertainty.  I’m sure most of us looked the same.  In fact, I’m positive I did.  Celestia forgive me, I wasn’t holding myself together much at all.

“...What in Equestria are those... those thangs?  They’re all kinds of unnat’ral, Twilight.  Makin’ me uneasy and the like.”

“I...I don’t know, Applejack,” I admitted sadly.  Rainbow Dash stepped back severely, looking more bewildered than ever.

“You don’t know?  TWILIGHT SPARKLE, Princess Celestia’s star pupil, doesn’t know?  Look, you’re the biggest egghead out of us all; if you have no idea what these things are, then...”

“It’s not good,” offered Fluttershy.

“‘Yeah!  Jeez.  This just keeps getting lamer and lamer, man.”

“You’re telling me,” replied Spike.  Much to my surprise, however, Spike began to walk in the direction of the park.  Impulsively, I lashed out to grab his shoulder.

“Spike?  What are you doing??  You have no idea what those things are, much more what they would do if you approached one!  What if they don’t even speak our language?”

“But Twilight—”

“No, Spike.  You can’t approach them.  We should all just turn around and head back into—”

“Nice cosplay!”

I know all of us practically jumped out of our skins when the foreign voice seemingly appeared out of nowhere.  Hastily, all of us turned around, ready to combat any assailants.

Thankfully enough, no such course of action would be needed.  Upon facing the voice, we were greeted with the sight of two Spike-sized things: pale of color and dark of hair, one’s mane was short and spiky while the other’s was long and straight.  I was not entirely sure, but I was under the impression that they were stallions, or at least males.  The one with the short mane smiled widely, whereas its long-haired twin remained almost aloof.

“Uh... come again, sugarcube?”

The short-maned one laughed.  “Wow, you even have the voice down!  That’s so cool.  Isn’t that cool?”

“Yeah,” agreed the long-maned one.

“Um, excuse me, Mr. Alien sir, but what does that even mean?”

“Oh my God, dude!  She has Pinkie Pie to a T!  Wow.  How about that.  Hey, are you heading to a comic convention or something in Philly?  I didn’t think there was anything coming soon—”

Pinkie gasped loudly, stepping back (and accidentally crushing Fluttershy) in horror.  “THE ALIENS KNOW MY NAME.  IT’S A CONSPIRACY, TWILIGHT!  Stand back scary-wary aliens!  I have super-antennae-laser-machine-guns on my chest and I’m NOT afraid to use them.”  For emphasis, Pinkie grabbed her so-called antennae and aimed them threateningly at the thing, apparently entirely convinced that she could turn them into weapons.

The long-maned one chuckled slightly, and the short-maned one put up its hands almost mockingly in defeat.  “Aha, you got me, you got me.  I’m an alien to a pony, right?”  Still smiling, the thing put one its hooves (or rather, hands) in front of its mouth and leaned toward me.  “She’s really good, but the method acting’s a bit much.  Like I said, are you guys heading to Philly?”

Even upon the intriguing revelation that the things spoke the same language as us and were not hostile, I was still nervous, on edge.  The short-maned one, especially, had baffled me entirely.  It seemed to be familiar with us, even calling Pinkie Pie by name, and had called us... what had the word been?  “Cosplay”?  Not in my dictionary, but I could learn it, quickly enough.  Tentatively, I leaned forward to engage in its secret dialogue.  Something else it had said had caught my attention, as well.

“You said something about ‘Filly’?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, you know, Philadelphia.  I could tell you guys weren’t from around here, so I figured maybe you’d gotten turned around on the turnpike or something.  You know where you are right now, right?”

“...Not a clue.”

It guffawed at my response.  “Yeah, that happens.  You’re in New Jersey right now.  Listen, just follow that road, it’s called Prospect Ridge.  Follow it all the way down and make a left onto the Black Horse Pike, there’ll be an exit on your right to 295.  Just keep going  and you’ll see signs for Philadelphia.  Take the exit.  Make sure you have EZPass or some change for the toll to go over the bridge, and you should be able to find where you’re going from there.  Got it?”

“...Yes?”

“Awesome.  Okay, well... we gotta go.  But love the costumes!  Keep it up!  Even your Spike looks pretty legit.”  Spike, looking perplexed, inspected his claws quizzically.

“Yep,” said the long-maned one, and they headed off together, trotting in tandem.

“What the hay was that all ‘bout, Twi?  Ah swore Ah heard som’thin ‘bout Fillydelphia,” said Applejack, staring curiously at the pair as they disappeared in the distance.

“You heard right, A.J.  I-I don’t know how the spiky-maned one knew about Fillydelphia, but it did.  You don’t suppose...?”

“Suppose this really is Equestria and everypony has been transformed?  Oh darling, that sounds simply awful.  You really don’t believe the spell could be so colossal, do you Twilight?”  Rarity put her hand to her forehead, contemplating the immensity of such magic.

I realized later she’d likely been feeling for her horn.  The one that no longer existed.

“I don’t think so, Rarity.  But this situation becomes increasingly more and more peculiar as time goes on.  Recognizing Pinkie Pie and Spike... it’s all just so very odd.  I honestly don’t know.  ...I’m sorry.”

“Dude, let’s just go to Fillydelphia,” stated Rainbow Dash nonchalantly.  “I dunno if YOU were listening, but I caught that... thing’s... directions.  We get there, we find out what’s up with this place, and then we kick alien butt!”

“...Kick alien butt...?” repeated Fluttershy slowly.

“Yeah!  Oh... oh c’mon, there’s no way you guys DON’T think we’re dealing with aliens.  Okay, I know it’s Pinkie, and she’s got her weird Pinkie Pie thing going on, but seriously, that’s like the best explanation any of us have.  I guess I’m just too awesome and know what’s going on more than any of you guys.”

Applejack rolled her eyes.

“Agree to disagree, Rainbow.  But at the same time... it’s conceivable that heading to Fillydelphia would be a good idea...” I mused.

“Got another plan a’brewin, Twilight?” said Applejack.

“I think so, Applejack.  Spike?”

“Yeah, Twilight?”

“I was wrong.  Go around and speak to as many of the things as you can like you were planning to.  I’ll go with you, along with anypony else who would be comfortable speaking with them.  We need to find out more about this Fillydelphia first, as well as... I believe it was called ‘New Jersey’, correct?”  Several of the ponies nodded in agreement.  “Right.  Everypony, split up into groups.  Remember, don’t leave anypony alone, we still don’t know if there any hostiles in this place.  Ready?”

“That’s a big 10-4, Twilight,” grinned Applejack.

“Alright everypony, what did we find?”

Regrouped around a weathered old bench, I looked from friend to friend, anticipating any response.

Rarity cleared her throat and stepped forward.  “Well, Pinkie Pie and I tried conversing with several of the... erm... things, but many of them simply refused to speak with us.  I’m under the impression it might have been—”

“The Queen Mother Alien telling her little babies not to talk to us because they know that we know what they know but we don’t really know what they know but they think we know what they know so it’s almost like we know what they know we know what they know!  But, you know... not!”

Rarity raised one eyebrow in a questioning manner.  “Er... why, certainly, Pinkie Pie.  Marvelous thinking, dear.”  Rarity leaned in to whisper in my ear.  “This pony ruined every chance we had to talk, she made a ruckus every blasted time one of them came near her.  I’m terribly sorry, Twilight.”

“It’s okay, Rarity.  What about you and Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy smiled sheepishly.  “I didn’t really talk to many of the things, Twilight, but I did talk to the animals.  They said that Fillydelphia is a very big city where not a lot of animals live; there’s lots of trash and the air smells funny.”

“Yeah, well, while she was chatting it up with the squirrels, I was actually talking TO the aliens,” proclaimed Rainbow Dash.  “Some of them were jerks, but I got a few to spill the beans.  They said Fillydelphia was in, um, ‘Pencil-vania’, or something like that, and that we could probably take a ‘bus’ or a ‘cab’ there.  Believe me, I asked if we could just walk or whatever and they were like, ‘What?  No way, it’s too far’, and I was like, ‘Naw uh, not for me’, and they were like, ‘No lady, we’re pretty sure you physically can’t’, and I was gonna fly there just to spite them, but then I remembered I don’t have wings anymore, so I just kicked some dirt on the ground and walked away.”

“...Sugarcube, that makes jus’ ‘bout no sense.  But Ah got down ta bus’ness with some of ‘em too, ‘long with Twilight and Spike.  They kept mentionin’ som’thin ‘bout a thing called the ‘Metro’?  Ah plum don’t know what it is, but we figured from what they were sayin’ that it’s some sorta train that runs to Fillydelphia a couple towns over.  They were kind enough to even give us some directions.  Plus, we managed to mooch off some parchment and a pen from one, right Twi?”

“Correct!  Spike’s been writing down any important information we would need as we’ve been speaking, right Spike?”

Spike lifted his head up from the parchment and gave an encouraging thumbs up.  “Check!”

“Excellent.  Alright, everypony: we know what the game plan is, right?”

“Um, go to Fillydelphia?” answered Fluttershy.

“Exactly.  It sounds like it might be a long journey, but I’m sure we can find our way there easily enough.  Be it ‘Metro’ or ‘bus’ or ‘cab’!” I declared.  I felt like such a hypocrite, because I didn’t really have true confidence in my own words.  The pit in my chest had become more like a monkey on my back, dragging me down with despair.  It was... well, shocking.  I’d never been so despondent about a situation before in my life.  Was there really anything different to this little mishap from the millions of others we had all run into together?

My heart said yes.  My brain told it to be quiet.  Nevertheless, the monkey remained.

“And then we take down the Queen Mother Alien Overlord?” proposed Pinkie Pie.

“...Sure.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed, falling over herself in excitement.

“Come along everypony, let’s head to the top of this hill.  The alie... the things told us that this road would be able to bring us to the Metro.”

“OR we could go the other way and just head straight to Fillydelphia,” protested Rainbow Dash.

“We’ll see, darling.”

The hill was actually quite large, almost creating a sort of valley.  A single, paved road ran through and disappeared over the horizon, but no carriages or coaches had passed through since we arrived.  I began to wonder: what if these things were a primitive race, sort of ascetic in lifestyle?  I could feel no magic, and none of our inventions seemed to be present, save for the roadwork.  Something about that train of thought made me feel almost... comfortable.  As if we were higher beings and these things, a frightening prospect originally, were really just undeveloped.

Power and its implication is the dirtiest comfort you can ever have, reader.

I was approaching the top of the hill with newfound confidence.  We would be okay.  We would find a way to get Princess Celestia, call for help, and go back home.  Easy as Pinkie Pie.

Imagine my surprise, then, when the metal monstrosity roared by as fast and fierce as a dragon.

Frozen in my tracks, I shut my eyes fearfully.  I had not seen that.  I had not seen a blur of green zoom by.

“Oh my gosh, did anypony else see a blur of green zoom by?!” squealed Pinkie.  She sounded almost excited by the prospect.

Almost as if in response, a succession of blurs flew by from either direction: black, blue, red, white, black, silver, red, black.  They roared as dragons, moved as dragons, and emitted smoke as dragons, but something about them insinuated an artificial nature, something far removed from anything a dragon was capable of.

“What in tarnation are those... those devils?  They’re fearsome, for sure, but Ah can’t help but be reminded of the coaches back home.  Tain’t anypony pullin’ em, but Ah see wheels.”  Applejack guardedly stomped at the last strip of grass before the road began, clearing her throat in a nervous manner.

“I daresay I’ve made the same observation, Applejack.  Oh, how horrible!  Stranded abroad, mutated beyond recognition, surrounded by monsters, dressed in this manner without any other outfits... woe is me!” moaned Rarity.

“Dude... chill out, alright?  They’re probably just stupid little carriages, that’s all.  Check it out, I’ll stop one dead in its tracks.”  Apparently convinced by her own words, Rainbow stepped forward.

“Um... Rainbow?  I-I don’t think that’s, uh, such a good idea...” said Fluttershy.   Rainbow Dash waved her off, looking expectantly at the passing monstrosities.  One came along at a relatively safe pace, a big blue horror, and Dashie looked back at us with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Watch this,” Rainbow smirked, and as the monster advanced, she leapt into the road, pointing an accusatory finger in its direction.  “STOP!  I’m Rainbow Dash, and I want you to—”

She never finished the sentence.  The monster attempted to stop, but its screeching halt went too far, and before I knew it, our multi-colored friend was sprawled out on the street.  Nopony could move.  How could we?  It had been just the blink of an eye, and she was down for the count.

No, the only motion came from the monstrosity; I watched incredulously as one of the things appeared out of the monster’s side,  looking quite distressed by its incident with Rainbow Dash.  Its mane, chestnut in hue, reminded me of Spike’s... well, spikes.  It was tall, almost wiry, favoring clothing with the motif of skulls and darkness, and I was sure the glint of metal on its face was due to copious amounts of piercings.

Somewhat of a scary thing, to be honest.

It ran out and knelt down next to Dashie, gazing down with concern.

“Oh, Jesus.  Ohhhhhhh God.  Oh man.  Lady?  Hey.  Hey, lady?  Lady?  Get up.  Crapcrapcrap.  GOD, what the HELL??  WHY DID YOU JUMP IN FRONT OF MY CAR?  ...Damnit damnit damnit.  Lady?  C’mon lady, please please PLEASE be okay.  Please?  I’m... I’m sorry I hit you, alright?  Just-Just get UP!  Shi...”  It paused, turning its head slowly in our direction.  “H-Hey!  Are you with her?”

Shaking off the stupor, I nodded and rushed down to her side as well.  “Rainbow?  Rainbow Dash, wake up.  You’re not dead, I swear.  We’re all her friends, sir.  She gets into crashes like this all the time; she should be up and about soon enough.”

“Are-Are you sure?  I mean, I wasn’t going that fast, but she doesn’t look too good...”

As if in reply, Dashie mumbled and attempted to focus her wandering eyes.

“...On second thought, maybe not.  Um, perhaps we should get her to some medical attention?”

The thing, biting its fingers (could I do that?  I made a mental note to try later), ogled me with wild eyes.  “Huh?  Oh, yeah.  Good idea.  Um, I don’t know if, uh, if moving someone with a concussion or whatever is dangerous or not, though.  Do you have any idea?”

Studying Rainbow Dash, she seemed to be almost with it, her purple eyes coming closer and closer to focusing.  “I believe if we were very careful in moving her, we could transport her to your...”

“...My van?  What, you don’t want to call, like, paramedics or whatever?  Aren’t you... aren’t you going to file a police report?”

I raised an inquisitive eyebrow.  “I’m sorry?”

For the first time, its face relaxed a little.  It was almost handsome, if terrifying.  “No way.  NO WAY.  You are NOT being that nice.  No way.  That’s... ugh, damnit.  Man, now I feel even more bad.  L-Look... um, if I took all of you guys to, like, the hospital, and made sure she was okay, would that be fine?  Fair and square?”

Leaning back, I took a moment to ponder the stranger’s agreement.  “If we went in your, uh, ‘van’... would you be able to take us to Fillydelphia?”

Its face lightened up with a large smile.  “Philly?  Hell yeah I could take you to Philly!  I live there, man!  I just went to the ‘burbs to visit one of my friends.  Uh, which hospital do you want to go to?  UPenn, Thomas Jefferson, Temple...?”

“The best one.”

“Alright, UPenn then.  Um, I-I think, anyway.  Here, I’ll open up the backdoors, can you get your friends to help us out?”

“Certainly!  C’mon, everypony!  Let’s help Rainbow Dash into the ‘van’!”

“Every-what?” said the stranger.  Quick as lightning, the rest of group had circled Dashie and were gingerly carrying her into the back of the monster with the stranger and I.

“...Lame...” Rainbow mumbled under her breath.  Fluttershy shushed her, combing back Dashie’s hair gently.  Fluttershy had crawled into the monster as well, seemingly to be Dashie’s pillow; I imagined it was because she didn’t want Rainbow’s head to rest on the cold metal of the “van”.

“You got her, right?” asked the stranger, peering in through the hole.

“Oh.  Um, of course.  She’s in good hooves, don’t worry,” smiled Fluttershy.

“Uhh... sure,” the stranger said, obviously puzzled.  It finally occurred to me that perhaps our colloquialisms made no sense in their language.  Maybe they’d never even heard of hooves before, or ponies.  The thing shrugged and pointed to me.  “Alright, you come up front with me.  The rest of your friends should climb into the back, make sure she doesn’t get tossed around too bad.  I’ll get you to Philly ASAP, yeah?”

“Excellent!” I replied, jumping in through the back and climbing over the seat.  Sprawled before me were switches, buttons, and all sorts of gauges I had never seen before.  “Interesting...”

The stranger climbed back into the monster on the side he had originally exited from, staring at what I was inspecting as well.  “Oh, it’s just vintage.  ‘69 Ford Econoline.  It used to be my dad’s.  I, uh, didn’t catch any of your names, actually.  Name’s Dom.”

“Hello Dom, my name is Twilight Sparkle.  That’s Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, and our friend you hit, Rainbow Dash.”

“Um, hello.”

“Howdy doody, alien!”

“Pleased ta meet you, sugarcube.”

“Charmed, darling.”

“I like your mane.”

“...20% cooler...”

Dom drew back in his seat, his eyes flitting back and forth between each of us.

“...You’re pulling my chain, right?”

“I’m sorry?” I said.

“OH.  Wait.  I got it.  Those are your ‘new’ names.  Got it.  Hey, make love, not war, got it.  I’m all for that hippie peace stuff, man.  Goin’ Walden and whatnot.  Major respect, for real.”

“Uh... sure?”  I had no idea what the stranger was talking about, but he seemed comfortable with the idea, so I felt playing along would be of no harm.

“Awesome.  Alright, everyone ready?  I’m about to kick this baby into high gear.”  True to his word, the “van” coughed into life, and even though I was digging into the inside of the monster with terror, I couldn’t help but smile.  Coincidence, it seemed, had somehow miraculously worked in our favor.  Very soon, we would be headed to Fillydelphia.

Of course you, reader, know it is Philadelphia.  I was so ignorant.  I still am.  It took me so long to realize that single, sober fact.

Beaming, I looked ahead at the rapidly moving landscape.

“Filly, here we come,” I murmured.

Stranger in a Strange Land

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter 3

Stranger in a Strange Land

“I got somethin’ to say

I killed a baby today

And it doesn’t matter much to me

As long as it’s dead”

The “van” vibrated with the song, echoing through my bones and jittering my teeth.  I clutched my seat tightly.  Dom, bobbing his head along with the beat, began to sing along roughly.

“Well I got somethin’ to say

I raped your mother today

And it doesn’t matter much to me

As long as she spread”

Dom turned to me and smiled widely.  “You ever heard of the Misfits, Twilight?”

“I can’t say I have,” I replied through a fake smile.  The lyrics were... well, gee, highly disturbing.  There wasn’t much of a nicer way to put it.

“You diggin’ it?  Go!  Speaks to me on a deeper level, I guess.  The chaos in my soul, coming out with crazy drums and brash guitars.

Sweet lovely death

I am waiting for your breath

Come sweet death, one last caress.”

“Um... indubitably!” I declared.  Perhaps being frightened by Dom at first wasn’t so far off the mark.  That song, that morbid tune, was nothing like the sweet melodies in Equestria.  Quite literally, it was making me sick: I could feel my stomach churning.  So... so simply horrid.

“You don’t like it, do you?” Dom said sadly.  Genially, I nodded my head.  Dom pushed a button in the car, and suddenly the music changed.   In truth, it was still odd to me, but at least the offensive words had been entirely replaced by instruments.  “I’m sorry.  Heh.  Should’ve figured hippies wouldn’t be into punk.”

“What are ‘hippies’?”

Dom kept his (I was quite certain by now that Dom was a stallion in his race) eyes on the road, but I could see the raised, ringed eyebrow.

“...I’d usually figure that you were just screwing with me just to be an ass, or just ‘cause you’re pretty and I’m freaky-lookin’... but you’re not fake, Twilight.  I can tell.  So what are you, if you’re not hippies?”

“Uh... I... don’t think you’d really believe me.”

Dom raised his hand on the wheel, almost as if asking for money.  “Shoot, Twilight.  Gimme your best shot.”

I’m not sure why I trusted Dom.  Just a few moments ago, his violent song had upset me.  And yet... he’d been caring enough to transport us to Fillydelphia, to take Rainbow Dash to the hospital.  Even complimented me.

A peculiar thing, for certain, but a nice one.

So I turned in my seat to face him, to clandestinely expose our precious secret.

“Swear to give me a fair chance, Dom?”

“Cross my heart, hope to die.”

“Stick a cupcake in your eye,” I finished silently.

“What?”

“Oh.  Nothing.  You really, really swear?”

“Of course!  Jesus, you go on and on with this stuff, don’t you?  Just spill it out, no worries.”

“...Okay.  My friends and I are all really ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, except for my assistant Spike, who is a dragon I’ve known for many years.  We live in a magical land called Equestria, in a town called Ponyville, and are ruled over by the two alicorn sisters, Princess Luna and Princess Celestia.  I was with my friends at a party, and a rapid series of events created a situation where I believed us to be in danger, so my magic horn reacted blindly and apparently cast us off to this place, in these strange forms, without anyway back.  Now we’re headed with you to Fillydelphia, not only to make sure Rainbow Dash is fine but also because the name of your city is exactly like one near where we live in Equestria.  We don’t have much of a plan otherwise.”

Dead silence.

During the awkward hush, I scrutinized everyone holed up in the back.  We had not been travelling for very long at all, but nearly all of them were fast asleep, save for Fluttershy.  Even she did not acknowledge me, instead focusing entirely on the sprawling, knocked-out Rainbow Dash.  She liked to take care of sick animals; it almost made sense that Fluttershy would have an apt bedside manner.

Thinking back, I realized how late it had been when we were transported.  None of us were really rested.  For some reason, though, I felt as awake as I’d ever been.

When Dom began to speak, it startled me.

“Look... I’m all for weird stuff, alright?  I like David Lynch movies.  I listen to Pixies.  I got a thing for H.P. Lovecraft.  But... c’mon.  That’s just too damn weird.”

“...Oh.  I’m sorry, then,” I answered softly.

“Which is why it’s crazy that I kind of believe you.”

I nearly fell over myself.  “C-Come again?”

“Yeah.  I know.  I don’t really get it either.  Shit, I don’t even really know you, but somethin’ about you just screams truth.”

“...You’re not making much sense yourself right now, Dom.”

“No, I know, believe me.  I dunno.  Just kinda have a... a gut feeling about it.  Hey, wait a minute, shouldn’t you be HAPPY I believe you?”

I considered this.  “I suppose you’re right.”

“You suppose?  Pfft.  You should be.  Gave you a ride, accepted your crazy-ass story, turned off some classic Misfits for you.”  He sounded irritated, but Dom’s face gave away his amusement.

A funny thing, for sure.

“Dom, I was certain you would call me liar.”

“Mmmm, I think you are.”

“...Huh?”

“Look.  I’ve dealt with some oddballs over the years, yeah?  Not saying you’re insane or anything like that, but sometimes... people crack a little.  Or not even that they crack, but, I dunno, I think everyone’s got their own little psychoses.  Their minds...  go down south for the winter, I guess.  I believe YOU believe whole-heartedly you’re all ponies.  And if you really believe that, then I feel like in some weird, far-out, over-my-head existential way... you really are.  So... yeah.  That’s why I’m diggin’ it.”

“...Oh.”

Very curious.

“So, Dom.”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering... what are you?”

He cocked his head.  “Um... Goth?”

“Is that what your race is called?  The Goths?”

“Oh, no no.  That’s my stereotype.  My label.  My, uh... ‘fashion choice’.  No, I’m white.  Err, Caucasian.  Whichever.”

“...So you are all called ‘Whites’ or ‘Caucasians’... interesting...”

“OH.  Wait, you mean... right.  Ponies, and all.  Um, I’m what’s called a ‘human’.  That’s what we’re, uh, all called.  One of us is usually called a ‘person’...when it’s more than one, you say ‘people’.  Then there are guys, or males, like me... and girls, or females, like you... and some people who kinda go back and forth between the two but they’ve got their own thing goin’ on, I wouldn’t worry about them too much.”

“Intriguing.”

“Ah!  Check it out, we’re on the Ben Franklin Bridge right now.”  Gazing out the window, I saw a colossus of iron and road stretching out ahead of me.  It was flanked by deep blue water on either side, but I could only glimpse it through the zigzag of steel beams.  The bridge emptied out on the horizon into the biggest city I had ever seen in my life.  Perhaps it was not as magnificent as Canterlot, but it was by far much larger.

“Fillydelphia?”

“Philadelphia,” Dom agreed.

“How fascinating,” I mumbled, leaning forward in my seat.  We had apparently passed over the water and were now physically inside the city: far away to my left, I could see hulking towers standing tall as giants, partially obscured by the smaller buildings in the foreground.  There was nothing that gargantuan in Equestria.

“...You good, Twilight?”

“What?  Oh, yes, I’m fine Dom.  I’ve just... never seen a city quite like this.”

“Heh.  Yeah.  Philly’s all right.  Takes some getting used to for some people.  If you know where to look, though, it’s beautiful.”

“Is that so?” I retorted absently.  Too busy staring at the urban forest.

“Um... Twilight.”

“Yes, Dom?”

“Look, I dig your names, okay?  And maybe you had real ones before and you’re just doin’ the ‘rebirth’ thing, but when we get to the hospital, I can’t tell them ‘Rainbow Dash’ got hit by my van, see what I mean?”

“I see what you mean, Dom.”

“Awesome.  Sooo, maybe... you go by pseudonyms?  Just for the sake of... normalcy?  Or whatever?”

“Do you imagine creating fake names for ourselves would really be the best choice of action?”

“Totally.”

“Very well then.  My name is now Sunshine Meadows.”

“...That’s literally not even a little bit better.  Uh, try again.”

“Okay... Magic Star.”

“...No.”

“Eclipse Light?”

“...’Kay, there’s no way this is gonna work.  Um, maybe I do the name-picking?  I won’t do too bad, I swear.  I’ll rattle off and you tell me which one you like.”

“Certainly, Dom.”

“Tabitha Small?”

I shook my head.

“Trixie—”

“NO.”

“O...kay... er, Tara Strong?”

“Hmm... it sounds nice, but it’s just not me.”

“Tessa Shepard?”

“...Say that again.”

“Tessa Shepard.”

“I like that name, Dom.”

“Yeah?  Great!”  He beamed at me sideways, never taking his eyes off of the road.

I said it aloud several times to try it out.  It wasn’t quite Twilight Sparkle... but it felt like putting on a lovely dress.

“Awesome, one down, six to go.  You said Spike was your assistant, right?”

“Yes, I actually hatched—”

“Now he’s your younger brother.  How does Sean Shepard sound?”

“I think he’d like it.”

“Cool.  Erm... the country gal’s name is Applejack, right?”

“Correct.”

“...Annie Johnson.”

“That sounds excellent.”

“Sweet.  How about the fancy, urbane chick?  Rarity, right?”

“Yes, that would be Rarity.”

“Robin Hepburn.”

“Spot on, Dom!  She would love it.”

“Goodgoodgood.  Hey, is your pink-haired friend still awake?”

“You mean Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy?”

Turning her attention away from Rainbow Dash for perhaps the first time during our trip, Fluttershy peered up bashfully at Dom.  “...W-Who, me?”

“Mhm,” said Dom.  “What was your name again, sweetheart?”

“Oh, um... Fluttershy,” she whispered.

“Fluttershy.  That’s a very pretty name.”  The heated blush crawled up her cheeks and onto her ears.  “Would ‘Faye Harrison’ be a good name, too?”

“...It’s perfect,” she assured faintly.  Dom grinned.

“The other one, Pinkie Pie... she’s ‘Pam Pearl’.”

“A little flashy, but Pinkie would laugh at Pam, so that sounds fine.”

“And all we have left is Rainbow Dash, right?”

“Right,” I testified.

“Hmm... ‘Ramona Dean’.  She looks like a Ramona Dean to me.”

Still relatively unconscious, Dashie loudly moaned a garbled word that sounded bizarrely like “Okay”.  Gaining no further response, I caught Dom’s eye and shrugged.  “I’m sure she would be enamored of it.”

“Nice.  Okay, you’re all set.  See?  What would you do without me?  You found the one guy in all America who would give you a ride to Philadelphia, believe your wacked-up pony story, and give you a brand new name so you could fit in.  Good thing you met Dom, am I right?”

“You hit my friend with a van.”

“...Shit.  I forgot about that.  Can I tell her how sorry I am when she wakes up?”

“Why wouldn’t you be able to?” I inquired.

“I dunno.  Kinda got the feeling that she won’t be so happy to see me when she wakes up.”

“What?  Noooo.  I doubt she even knows it was you!  Just... just be very careful breaking the news, huh?”  Suddenly, I was somewhat worried about Dom.

He gulped audibly and nodded.  I suppose even though she was near comatose, he could tell Rainbow Dash was a ball of fire.

A few moments went by where neither of us talked, the only sound the still questionable melodies that Dom was somehow able to create from his monstrosity.

“Dom?”

“Yeah, Tw... Yeah, Tessa?”

“What’s your full name?”

Dom’s eyes became wrinkled and heavy, almost obscuring his pupils, and the tight smile on his face was almost bittersweet.  “Not to be mean, but, uh... you don’t quite get to know that story yet.”

I was certain the perplexity was apparent on my face.

“We’ll save that for later, okay?  I’ll tell you sometime.”

And he would say no more.

“Twilight.  We’re here.”

A nudge on my shoulder stirred me awake.  I was surprised; I hadn’t even realized I was taking a nap.

Outside the windows, I could see only concrete and bland, beige walls, along with a sea of various monstrosities (some of which looked a lot like Dom’s van).  It was dark, lit by strangely-colored candles on the ceilings, and admittedly made me a little nervous.

“Wake everyone up, right?” Dom asked, peering over into the back.

“Sure.  I’ll help you.  Head around back,” I replied, climbing out on my side.  Upon opening the door, a musky smell smacked my nose and threw me back a little.  It was just so... unclean.  Nevertheless, I pounded over to the back of the van, meeting Dom just as he was opening up the doors.

I wasn’t expecting anypony to jump out.  Neither was Dom.

With a thud, his spiked head knocked onto the ground.  I could see the pain in his face.  The pony on top of him was rigid with fury, holding him down with brutal intent.  She was no longer blue-furred or winged, but I would know that prismatic hair anywhere.

“DASHIE!” I yelled.  She didn’t acknowledge me, dead-set on Dom.

“YOU IDIOT!  YOU STUPID ALIEN!  YOU RAN ME OVER!”

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry—” Dom began to chant.

“THAT.  REALLY.  HURT!”

“I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY—”

“YEAH?! WELL YOU WILL BE!”  Rainbow wound up for the punch, even curling her fingers up in a sort of ball for extra power.

“Whoa nelly!”  Somepony interrupted, and then yet another shape came bursting forth from the rear of the van.  Her blonde hair bobbed wildly as she wrestled Rainbow Dash away from Dom.  “Calm your britches, Dashie.  ‘Twas an accident, nothin’ more.”

“HEY!  Get off me, got it?  I need to teach that punk a Rainbow Dash lesson!”  Rainbow struggled desperately to throw Applejack off of her.

“Oh no you don’t!  Ya can’t fly away from me and Ah AIN’T lettin’ go ‘til you calm yourself down, Dashie!”

“BUZZ OFF!” Rainbow screamed.

“Oh!  P-Please be careful!  I don’t want anypony to get hurt...” trailed off Fluttershy, climbing carefully out from the van into the open.  She stood by me and bit her lip anxiously.

Applejack was almost twisted in a knot around Rainbow Dash, making sure that Rainbow could never budge from the trap.  Dashie was trying to, no doubt about it, but Applejack’s pure strength had clamped down like iron around the pegasus.

Haltingly, Dom hoisted himself up from the ground and rubbed his head.  “Damn... I didn’t think she’d be that mad... ow, shit.  Where the hell are security guards when you NEED THEM?” he shouted to nothing, throwing one hand up in exasperation.  No response.  I was under the impression that he had not been expecting one.

Within the van, I could hear the sounds of ponies rising.  Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Spike were likely to join our party soon enough.

None of us really knew what to do.  On one hoof, we wanted to break our friends apart and make sure Rainbow Dash wasn’t injured even further; on the other, there was no breaking things up when it came to Applejack against Rainbow Dash, and I was sure none of us wanted to intentionally put Dom in the way of danger.

I felt horrible, standing aside as a spectator whilst two of my best friends grappled in a battle of wills.  But I had no magic, and there was no way I could tear them apart.

“Relax.”

“GET OFF ME!”

“Ah said, relax.”

“GET YOUR STINKIN’ HOOVES OFF ME!”

“SUGARCUBE, IF AH SAID IT ONCE, AH SAID IT A THOUSAND TIMES: ya don’t get OUTTA MY REACH ‘til you settle yourself down, and Ah AIN’T plannin’ on weaselin’ outta my promise, ya got that?  Now SIMMER DOWN.”

Rainbow struggled for a moment more, a dark look passing over her face, before finally resigning in defeat.  Her whole body seemed to fall.

“...Fine.  I won’t beat up on the alien, okay?  Just... lemme go already.  You’re giving me a headache.”

Applejack promptly unfurled from Rainbow Dash.  “Y’all good, sugarcube?  Ah didn’t mean ta hurt you none.  Jus’ didn’t want ya ta hurt anypony.”

“Ugh... yeah, I’m fine, whatever.  Help me up at least, A.J.”

“Sure thing, R.D.,” Applejack laughed.  They were on their hind-hooves within seconds.

No, no.  Feet.  It was so difficult for me to think of us as ‘human’ instead of pony.

With more than a hint of menace, Rainbow Dash pointed accusingly at Dom.  “YOU,” she snarled.

Dom put his hands up in defense.  “I’m sorry I hit you, I’m so so sorry, you can beat me up later if you want to, I swear, I swear on my life, but first you have to go to the hospital—”

“What?  No!  Shut up.  I’m not going to the hospital, alien dude,” Dashie retorted, still pointing intimidatingly at Dom.

“B-But you might have a concussion!  I need to—” he stuttered.

“Shut it... uh... what’s your name?”

“...Dom.”

“DOM.  Shut it, Dom.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Better be.  I’m guessing YOU were paying us back for hitting me by taking us here in your weird... metal... alien space-carriage, right??”

“I mean... I mean, I guess—”

“CAN IT TOM!  But since I never made it to the hospital, you didn’t pay us back, right?!”

“Uh, right?”

“YOU BET YOUR FLANK THAT’S RIGHT!  So, Ron, you still owe me and my friends, got it?”

“Erm... it’s-it’s Dom.”

“DON.  Like I said.  But get it through your THICK, ALIEN skull.  You.  Owe.  Me.”

“Okay!  Okay, I owe you!  I’m really really sorry I ran you over, alright?  Like, seriously.  Not just because you’re threatening to beat the shit out of me.”

For the first time, Rainbow regarded Dom with an emotion other than rage.  “...You for real, Jon?”

“Yes.  Totally.  Without a doubt,” ascertained Dom.

“Huh,” said Rainbow Dash.  “Whatever, then.”

Dom exhaled in relief.

“But you still owe us, Dan.  Don’t you dare forget it.”  It was with that ultimatum that Rainbow dramatically turned around and refused to look at Dom.

Dom glanced my way, asking mutely for an answer to her actions.  I simply shrugged.  Rainbow Dash is as Rainbow Dash does; there wasn’t much more to the logic.  It’s precisely the same explanation for all of my friends (except it is used exceptionally often for Pinkie Pie).

The atmosphere inside of the van was...

...Uncomfortable.

...Painful.

...Awkward.

I was not sure how long we had sat there, looking at one another with apprehension, but it felt like an eternity.  Dom was still in charge of the van and had commandeered it out of the hospital, half-heartedly paying some woman as we went out (I could not understand for the life of me why he had to compensate without actually going into the hospital).  I sat next to Dom once more, for I felt that he was much more comfortable with me than the others, but this time Rainbow Dash had decided that she would experience the van from the front.

This is what she told us.

What I suspected was that she wanted to make sure Dom wouldn’t run off on us.  Hard as nails, she could be.

The rest were in the back, awake but strangely silent.  I imagined they were scrutinizing the tension up in the front, which was inadvertently contributing to the air of animosity.

Though, really, I’m in the opinion that what was on everyone’s minds was the issue of Dom’s debt.  To me, he had already paid by taking us to Fillydelphia; to the much more impassioned and forceful Rainbow Dash, he had a lot of making up to do.  So how would Dom respond?  How would Dom offer recompense?

Rarity cleared her throat.  Just about everypony in the van turned to stare at her.

“Oh!  Don’t mind me.  Had something in my throat.  Nothing more,” she claimed quickly.

Back to the unsettling quiet.

Dom, who had been drumming the steering wheel and appeared to be far off in thought, suddenly straightened in his seat.  I glanced over, curious; upon seeing his face, I saw the look of epiphany bright within his eyes.

“Hey.”  Once more, everypony in the van faced the noise-maker expectantly.  “Do you guys have anywhere to crash?”

“...Ah beg your pardon?” said Applejack quizzically.

“Crash?  Y’know, sleep?  Are you living anywhere, is what I’m saying.”

“Nope Mr. Dom the Alien, we don’t have a house in your alien homeland.  I was thinking of living out of a trashcan and baking garbage cupcakes myself, but do you have something better in mind, Domnomnom?”

“I do, Pinkie.  You guys are staying with me in my apartment while you’re in town.  How does that sound, Rainbow?”

In turn, everypony gazed at Dashie for her retort.  She was mulling it over in her mind, scratching her chin thoughtfully.

“You have enough room?”

“I think I could make some.”

“And it’s not lame?”

“Heh.  No, it’s not lame.”

“And you have food?”

“Tons.”

“...Show me the money and I’ll be satisfied, Sam.  If your apartment’s as cool as you say it is... you’re off the hook.”

Dom chuckled.  “Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Your plan better work, Tim.”

“I’m pretty sure it will, Ramona.”

Rainbow practically whipped around in her seat.  “What’d you call me?”

I laughed hesitantly, feeling the weight of the van’s attention thrown on me.  “Uhm... about that...”

*Author's Special Note: Anyone who gets the references in their pseudonyms is awesome*

Intermission: The Prodigal Student

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter Four

The Prodigal Student

The following is an excerpt from the diary of Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, raiser of the sun, and mentor to Twilight Sparkle.

Dear Diary,

I realized today that I have not written in my journal for... well, years now.  The moths were certainly surprised to see me in the secret section of my bureau.  But I believe bringing you out of retirement now is a good idea.  I do not know what my opinions or my thoughts shall be later on, but I am in the opinion that recording everything is the best course of action.  Perhaps even just the action of writing would be of cathartic value.

My star pupil, Twilight Sparkle, has not sent me a letter about friendship in almost three days now.

At first, I felt no apprehension.  ‘Twilight is such a studious, punctual mare’, as I explained it to myself initially; ‘I’m sure she just could not send me a letter today whilst too busy learning about friendship.’  And even if that was not so, I had told Twilight before that she needed to relax, especially after the incident with her stuffed toy and the spell.  I was certain of every possible reasoning I gave for her tardiness.  Daresay, all of them were entirely plausible.

Even when the second day went by, ignoring the funny feeling in my stomach, I refused to believe that anything could be wrong.  If a disturbance or accident had created this delay, I felt, then it would have been large enough to warrant my involvement, or at least rumors would have spread through the ubiquitous gossip chain in Canterlot.

No word.  Not one neigh.

Throughout today, I have become more and more troubled by what may have happened.  I did not hide from my royal duties, certainly, but I can tell that Luna senses my worry.  She has not spoken of it to me yet, but I have caught her looking at me curiously several times.  I shall not bring it up with her, not yet.  Personal research would be best beforehand.  I would not want to cry wolf so soon, to throw her concerns into something that may just be my own delusions.

But still, my stomach wails with dread.  I am almost certain that this is just irrational fear.  I am almost beating my head over my emotions, so disgusted with how unregal I am acting about what could quite possibly be an imaginary issue.

Almost certain, however, is the term.  I simply cannot rest my inner turmoil until I do some investigation on the matter.  Whatever results this may bring forth, all I hope for is the safety and well-being of Twilight, as well as Spike and her friends.  Something about the thought of all of them brings me the greatest unease I have known in years.

I would much rather look back on this and laugh at my silly behavior than lament not acting upon instinct.

I intend to head down to Ponyville and solicit some testimonies.  Perhaps to begin with the Cakes would be a good start, or those three fillies preoccupied with gaining their Cutie Marks.  I wish not to cause alarm.  I have considered going incognito, although I worry that the ponies would not divulge enough if they saw me as a stranger instead of their monarch.

I will write soon.  I do not plan to waste much time with this business.

But I must sleep.

The following is an excerpt from the diary of Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria, raiser of the moon, and the reformed Night Mare Moon.

Dear Diary,

Something is wrong with Celestia.

Let me tell you something, and I mean it: Celestia does not “do” frantic.  She is my elder sister, and I swear I have only seen her frazzled two or three times in the millenia that we have spent alive.  Even with some of the most serious threats we have ever faced, including my own turn for the dark side, she has never been the kind to fall apart.

In truth, it is wrong to make it seem as though she is a mess right now, for that is a lie.  She still has her regal composure, and I doubt that anypony in the court of Canterlot has noticed any divergence in her majesty, but I know when my sister has something weighing on her mind, and this is one troubled Celestia.

But what troubles her?  I refrain from asking her just yet, for the sake of respect.  She is fully capable of taking care of herself, no doubt about that.  And I have always known that she was never too proud to ask for help.  But for the life of me, I cannot discern what is perturbing her so.

For some inexplicable reason, my mind keeps returning to Twilight Sparkle.  Certainly, they are close.  Even I have an affinity for the little unicorn.  But I doubt my sister would not alarm Equestria if the mare and her friends were in trouble.

At least, trouble that she knew of.

I have already checked the statue of Discord, in fear that he may have escaped once more and attempted to wreak mischievous havoc on those who imprisoned him in his marble tomb, but he remains blissfully trapped.  I did not believe he could have a hand in this, whatever it may be: Discord does not act without an audience to appreciate his chaos.  He would not, could not bear to go this long with such a ploy and not attempt to attract some attention.

No.  No such wickedness is apparent.  Even so, perhaps acuity is best.

Something about this situation has me... on guard.  I am the watcher of the night in any case, vigilant when others rest.  My sister most likely sleeps as I write in you, my journal.  I shall keep a watchful eye to the ground and an open ear to the wind.  Perhaps the stars will have whispers and the moonlight secrets to tell.

Rest, my dear Celestia.  And be careful Twilight Sparkle, wherever you may be.

I must ponder if I am the only pony with a curious feeling in her stomach.

Curiosity Killed the Colt

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter Five

Curiosity Killed the Colt

“Oh... so this is your apartment, darling?  How... delightful.”

Rarity put on her best fake smile and nodded encouragingly at Dom, but he merely chuckled.  “It’s okay, Rarity.  I know you don’t like it.  No hurt feelings here, ‘kay?”

She exhaled in relief.  “Dom, you have no fathoming of how gracious I am for your charity, but just about nothing in here is aesthetically pleasing for my tastes.  Could I please, at the very least, organize some of this rubbish?  It would be far more comforting for me.”

Dom smiled.  “Sure.”

“And it’s ‘Robin’ now, dear.  We must keep up appearances, yes?”

“Gotcha.”

Rarity disappeared into the dark room, working furiously to clean up the various clothing and junk spread about the floor.  Categorically, we each entered into Dom’s apartment, all at least a little bit wary of what was to be found inside.

Dom, who had entered behind us, apparently had a way of igniting candles from afar; suddenly everything was bathed with light, and I could see his apartment in full.

Skulls.  Lots.  Of.  Skulls.  Images of macabre things.  Words were often displayed with these images, seemingly at random: Misfits.  The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Pixies.  The Crow.  Siouxsie and the Banshees.  Donnie Darko.  The Cure.  Edward Scissorhands.  Perhaps not all of the images were so ghastly.  Quite a few simply showed long-haired humans standing about with each other, often with more corresponding titles.  The Beatles.  The Rolling Stones.  Led Zeppelin.  Queen.  Pink Floyd.  AC/DC.  The Who.  The Doors.  The walls were a deep garnet color, the floor furry and an olive shade of green.  There seemed to be a kitchen area, a long hallway that held doors to different rooms, and a sort of large black window that stood separate from the wall.

It seemed to be fairly well-sized.  Enough for several ponies to live in, at least.

“Do you live with someone, Dom?” I asked as I sat down on a rickety chair in the kitchen area.  It complained about my weight, but thankfully didn’t break.

Dom didn’t respond.

“Dom?” I repeated, a little bit louder.  He was fiddling with the big black window.

He mumbled something under his breath and went back to work.  Noise began to fill the room as everypony else began making observations and conversations with each other.

“What?” I said resonantly.

“Huh?  Oh, uh, no.  But my best friend’s the landlord, so I get the nicer apartment.”  Whatever Dom had been fiddling with finally worked, for the black window sprung to life with brilliant light.  I almost fell back over the seat.  Sounds of talking and music fizzed into existence, silencing everypony.  “There we go.  Damn thing’s finally working.”

Something seemed a little fishy about it, like he’d been avoiding yet another question from me.  I elected to let the matter pass, but not without a mental note of remembrance.

“What... is that?” said Spike, almost levitating to the illuminated window.

“That, ‘Sean’, is a TV.  Depending on who you talk to, that’s either the greatest thing we have ever made or the worst thing to ever happen to mankind.  Just don’t watch it too much.  Gets into your head.”

“Uh huh,” said Spike absently, flopping down onto the ground in front of the “TV”.

“Don’t get too close, it’ll fry your eyes,” Dom advised.

Spike was lost.

“Uh, ‘scuse me, Dom, but... where are we sleepin’?  And does this ‘partment have windows?” inquired Applejack.  She seemed a little bit agitated.

“Take your pick,” invited Dom.  “All those rooms are just kinda guest rooms, extra beds and space.  A lot of people crash here during parties, but you can kinda claim your territory.  If you want some air, though, head to the last door on the left.  It’s got, like, four windows and really catches breezes when they come by.”

“Much obliged, sugarcube,” she said in a relieved manner, and headed off down the hallway.

“Did.  You.  Say.  PARTY?!” said Pinkie Pie as she jumped in circles around Dom.  His eyes followed her every bounce.

“...Yeah?  I’m guessing you like parties?”

“Like?  Like??  LIKE??  I LOVE parties, Mr. Dom the Alien.  Oh my good golly gosh, can we have an alien party?  Could you invite all of your alien friends so everypony could meet each other and we could watch you aliens hail the Queen Mother Evil Overlord Dictator Supreme Being for Life Alien?!”

“Well, I was supposed to head over to Ant’s place for a little bit later tonight.  I mean, if you guys wanted to come along, I wouldn’t care.”

“ABSOLUTELY,” bellowed Pinkie.  She drew Dom into a tight hug, prompting what I swore was the lightest tinge of blush on his cheeks.  “Maybe the scary aliens are okay.  Who knows.”  She peered over his shoulder to where I was seated and gasped loudly.  “AN OVEN!”  Pinkie broke away as fast as lightning and flew over to the kitchen, absorbed with the appliances.  I supposed she was afraid that the “aliens” would not have the baking capabilities of ponies.

“Anyone else...?” he announced to the room.

“Ah’m ‘fraid not, sugarcube.  Ah’m hittin’ the hay for today.  Don’t know how long it’s been since Ah’ve gotten sleep, ‘sides that lil’ nap in your... uh, ‘van’,” yelled Applejack from the room.

“Would it be a glamorous get-together?” said Rarity, pausing her arduous work for a moment to look at Dom.

“Uh... not really, no.”

“Ah.  No disregard meant on your part, Dom, but I believe I shall stay behind as well.  Your apartment is in dire need of maintenance after all, darling.”  Quickly enough, she was back to her cleaning.

“Oh, um, I’d love to, Dom, but, um, I’m actually very tired too.  I’m sorry.  I would’ve liked to go to the party...” muttered Fluttershy apologetically.

He shrugged it off coolly.  “Don’t sweat it.  I’m not offended.”

Spike remained absorbed in the “TV”.

Rainbow Dash, who had been skulking about the apartment and scrutinizing every nook and cranny, took this opportunity to swagger over in front of Dom and freeze him in place with a death stare.  I cringed.  What in Equestria was she going to say to the poor human now?

“...This place actually isn’t too lame.  I guess it’s okay that we’ll stay here.  But I don’t know how awesome you are yet, Sam, so I’m gonna have to come along with you to this... ‘party’... and evaluate your coolness.  You know.  See if you’re cool enough to hang with me.”

“...Okay,” replied Dom matter-of-factly.  “Sounds like a plan Ramona.”

“Rainbow,” Dashie practically growled, walking over to watch Pinkie Pie rummaging through the kitchen.

“What about you, Tessa?”

“Oh no, I’m fine Dom.  Thank you for being such a good host, though.  I would just... rather stay here and make sure Spike does not become too captivated with your ‘TV’.”  This was a half-truth.  Everything I had said was entirely true, but I also wished to explore the apartment without Dom’s presence.

Sneaky?  Somewhat.  But in truth, we did not know Dom.  We had made introductions and he had been very generous and very courteous, in all honesty; but it was suddenly occurring to me that perhaps being so trusting of a stranger was not a good idea.  True, we outnumbered him, if push came to shove, but I would rather that we would not be thrust into a bad situation.  No, a little detective work would be pertinent to our interests.

“S’all good.  Man, what time is it?  Five-ish?  Huh.  Ant’s is kinda out of town, just so you know.  We would have to head out, like, now.  To get a good parking spot, I mean.  So many friggin people go to his parties.”

“Okie dokie smokey!  C’mon Dashie!”  Pinkie Pie bounded out the door.  Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash followed.  Just before she exited, however, Dash turned around and pointed accusingly at Dom.

‘I’m watching you,’ she mouthed, and squinted menacingly.  Dom nodded slowly, his face blank.  She seemed satisfied her message had been conveyed and turned around with an almost haughty demeanor.  For a moment, I wondered why she was being so rude, and then remembered that Dom had, after all, run her over with the van.

Not the greatest of ways to be introduced to somepony.

“...‘Kay.  Well, there’s my daily death threat.  Um, I’m gonna lock the door on my way out.  There’s an extra set of keys to the apartment in that bowl on the counter; if anyone knocks, don’t let them in, because I have my keys with me; and, uh... make yourselves comfortable, all right?  You’re living with Dom now.  We don’t do ‘uptight’.”  With a flash of a smile, Dom shut the door tightly, and I listened as their hoofsteps became fainter and fainter down the staircase.

“Rarity?” I said, tracing my finger (such a soft little thing, compared to a hoof) along one of the words on Dom’s walls.

“Yes, Twilight?”  Certainly Dom’s apartment still had its morbid decor, but it was absolutely much tidier, thanks to Rarity’s somewhat obsessive maintenance.

“I thought perhaps some research into Dom’s apartment would be appropriate...?”

“Way ahead of you, darling.  I’ve been devising the same plan of inspection since the moment we stepped hoof into this building.”

“They are called ‘feet’, Rarity.”

“Oh, is that what they are?  Hm.  Peculiar things.  Nonetheless, let us investigate, shall we?  You can join in if you would like, Fluttershy.”

“Oh my, but wouldn’t that be... sneaky?” Fluttershy replied pensively.

“Indubitably,” I grinned.

I slammed the table angrily.

Rarity sighed exasperatedly.

Even Fluttershy appeared to be chagrined.

We had searched Dom’s apartment and had found next-to-nothing incriminating or deceitful.  This was not the issue.  In fact, just about everypony was relieved.  Well, I vouched for Spike and Applejack; Spike was mesmerized by the “TV” and Applejack had slipped into a deep sleep, so much so that we could not stir either of them.

No, that was not what was wrong.  What was wrong was the mini-“TV”.

We had found it in Dom’s room, seemingly turned off.  It sat on a table, and it was Fluttershy who had bumped into the mini-“TV” accidentally, retreating in reproach from a picture of a staring skull, emblazoned with the caption “Evil Dead II”.  It lit immediately, casting a blue glow over the room.

“My word.  What is that?” gasped Rarity.

“It’s scary,” whispered Fluttershy.

“It’s intriguing,” I said, and sat down on the chair by the desk.  It seemed to have a sort of typewriter, and a round orb attached that clicked when I put my hand on it.

On the mini-“TV”, I noticed a little arrow scurry across my sight.  I moved the orb again.  It scurried as well.  I moved the orb one more time.  So did the little arrow.

“They’re connected,” I said in awe.  Did this world have magic too?

“Look, Twilight, it’s asking for a password!”

Rarity gestured to the mini-“TV” for emphasis.  She was right.  Two little boxes, one titled “Username” and the other “Password”, sat below a small picture of (wouldn’t you believe it) yet another skull.  The “Username” was apparently groundcontroltomajordom90, whatever that meant.  But the password line was sadly blank.

“What do you think it is, Twilight?” asked Fluttershy, edging carefully closer to me.

“I have no idea, Fluttershy.  ...Darn.  If only we knew Dom more, maybe we could figure it out.”

“Perhaps we should guess?  I would think that Dom would have some sort of personal touch to the password... maybe it would be one of the words he has spread out through the apartment?”

“Excellent idea, Rarity!  You and Fluttershy should find all the different phrases so I can try them out.  Hopefully one will work.”

...Thus was why I slammed the table angrily.  Thus was why Rarity sighed exasperatedly.  Thus was why even Fluttershy appeared to be chagrined.  Typing with fingers had been easy enough to do, once I had figured it out, but no combination of words we tried would unlock the mini-“TV”.  We could think of nothing to do, no secret to use.  Surely, if it was so protected, Dom was hiding something in the mini-“TV”, and yet there was no way to get to that information.

“The juiciest thing in the apartment and we cannot even attempt to infiltrate it... what a pity.  I do so wonder what our Dom does not want us to find.”

“...More skulls?” suggested Fluttershy, shuttering at the notion.

“Maybe,” I admitted, leaning back in the seat.  What in the world could the password be?

I don’t know how my eye caught it, but suddenly a glint in the corner of the room became of the utmost interest.  Curious, I sauntered over, and pulled a heavy book off from the floor.  It was dusty.

“Is that a...?” trailed off Rarity, leaning over my shoulder.

“...Photo album?” finished Fluttershy, hovering over the other.

“Why don’t we find out?” I suggested a tad bit mischievously, and pried open the cover.

Midnight Cowgirl

Out of the Light

by glorg

Chapter Six

Midnight Cowgirl

The following is a entry on the blog “frankthebunny”, written and managed by Dom.

Holy shit.

Hoooooooly shit.

No way.

No way, no way, no way.

Okay, none of you, my nonexistent audience, will ever believe this, but I have SIX.  HOT.  CHICKS.  LIVING IN MY APARTMENT.

Granted they think that they’re ponies or some shit, but OH MY GOD.  And that’s the thing!  They’re all gorgeous!  Every single one!

How the hell did I get that lucky?

...Wait.  That’s right.  I ran one over.

I’m such a dumbass.

Of course, she kinda wants to kill me right now, but the other five are nice enough.  And maybe she doesn’t hate me so much, after what happened at the party and all.

Oh yeah.  The party at Ant’s.

Now there’s a story.

But first, some background.  Anthony “Ant” Marino has been one of my friends since freshman year of high school.  He started off a punk-rocker anarchist, and I’m pretty sure he got into cocaine junior or senior year.  He always had his eyebrows shaved off and dreamed of living on the road, going from town to town, with his dream band: Skumthumb, a post-punk cover band for David Bowie.  Ant was always a bit off, but he was fun to hang out with.

During college, I found out that he’d gone to rehab and started dating his therapist, this girl named Rachel.  Guess he wanted to renew himself or something, because he suddenly started calling himself by his full name, dropped the punker fashion for hippie threads, became Buddhist, and started a vegan, eco-friendly, pot-smoking, animal rights activist lifestyle with his new chick.  Happy little hippies together, I guess.

I still call him Ant, even though he prefers Anthony these days, but we stayed in touch and he always invites me over to his parties.  His parties kick ass.  Always have, probably always will.  I swear he gets the entire city to show up, and it’s a good thing his house is gigantic or else there wouldn’t be room for jackshit.  There’s always so many different types of people, too.

So it was there that I took two of the chicks I’m living with, for their first Philly party ever.

Did I mention they might be insane?  Or just really drugged-up.  I can’t really tell.  But Christ, they’re gorgeous.  Every single one!  The two I brought with me were named Ramona and Pam.

At least, that’s what I call them.  I think they have real names, but they kept telling me they were called this weird shit, like “Applejack” and “Twilight Sparkle” or whatever.

Not my style, personally.

We rolled into the driveway just about in time, I think; as soon as I parked the Dommobile next to Ant’s Ford Fusion Hybrid (like I said, eco-friendly hippie), an avalanche of cars stampeded in behind me, touting lots of dirty-looking guys wearing wifebeaters and sunglasses with over-tanned and bleached beach-girls hanging on their arms.  Guess one of Ant’s better qualities is that he isn’t really one to discriminate against other people, but sometimes I wish he wasn’t friends with so many douchebags.

What can you do, though.

Pam and Ramona stood by the van, gawking at the sudden influx of people.  I had almost forgot that their whole shtick was that they weren’t used to “humans”.

“C’mon you two, we’re heading in,” I called to them over the growing noise.

A thin layer of smoke was already laced about the ceiling.  Ant always had the foresight to turn off his fire alarms before parties, at least.  The rank of weed was permeating and obnoxious, but I was used to it after so many years.  Again, not my style.  Ant lived for the stuff, though.

The chorus of coughs behind me caught my attention.  Ramona and Pam were practically doubled over.

“>cough< Gah!  What the >coughcough< BUCK is that stuff, Tod?” Ramona’s teeth were bared, like a tiger’s growl.

Kind of sexy.

“...You mean the pot?” I offered.  Through the haze, I could see the silhouettes of a dumpy man and a skeletal woman, lounging in bean bags and passing a glowing red light between them.  Ant and Zsa Zsa.  “You’ll be okay Ramona, I swear.”  The silhouettes raised their arms in greeting.  I mirrored them and said “What’s up, guys.”

Pam jumped onto the coffee table, wiry and erect.  “Pot?! >cough< That means that you guys have a >cough< kitchen?!  CAN WE MAKE MUFFINS??  CAN WE >coughcough< PLEASE???  And oh my gosh, I mean how could I not have realized it before, you silly-willies must’ve >cough< been trying to make a soup and you put it on for too long because you started staring at the wall and talking about tangerines >cough< and then you decided you wanted a party because you realized you hadn’t seen anypony else for the longest time so you called up all your friends and said >cough<, ‘We haven’t seen any of you *forever*, you should come over!’, and now they all are, >cough< and you didn’t even REALIZE that your alien soup had caught on fire, so it filled up your entire house with smoke, but even though you put it out, you’re all just sitting around in it because you don’t know what to do! >coughcough< Don’t worry, Pinkie Pie knows what to do!  MAKE MUFFINS! >cough<”

Man, my stomach dropped.  She came off too wacky.  I swore even Ant would be turned off by the insanity.

Guess it was my surprise that made me jump when he started to laugh, cackling like a choking demon.

“Dude!  Where the fuck did you find this chica?” he laughed, passing off the joint to Zsa Zsa and pulling me into a tight, nauseating embrace.

“Er, off the streets of New Jersey, man.  Her and her friend.  She’s Pam, and that’s Ramona.  They’re cool, I swear.”

“I dig it, I dig it.  Name’s Anthony, ma’am,” he grinned, holding out his grubby hand for her to shake.  Perplexed, she put one of her hands over his and the other underneath, before squashing it together.

“Sandwich!” she giggled.  “I’m supposed to say my name’s Pam Pearl but I’m really Pinkie Pie, just so you know.  >cough< Can we go make muffins now?”

Ant chuckled and pointed to the left.  “Kitchen’s right there.  Call if you need anything, yeah?”

All that was left behind to even suggest a person had been standing there before was a curly strand of pink hair, which promptly floated through the haze and landed on my shoulder.  I didn’t bother removing it.

A roar of voices shook the room violently as the door swung open, and suddenly a certain rainbow-haired lady was clinging to my arm.

“Oh CELESTIA, what is it with you aliens and coming after me?!  Jeez, give a pegasus a moment to breathe, would ya?”  Pretty sure she didn’t realize who she was cozying up with; I could see the realization in her eyes as they traveled up my arm and ended (disgusted) at my face.

I would’ve complained if I hadn’t, you know, run her over with a goddamn car.  There’s some entitlement on her part.

She definitely would have broken off immediately and regained her posture somewhere else.  I know she would’ve, in fact, but the wave of people had finally caught up to us, and what had been uncomfortable with smoke was unbearable with claustrophobia.  Grabbing Ramona’s hand with force, I pushed through the crowd with determination.  This had happened to me thousands of times: all you have to do (if you, my nonexistent audience, ever end up at an Ant Party) is head for the stairs.  None of the party-zombie horde ever seem to think of heading up a level until much later in the party, and even by then, about half of them will be outside, traipsing about in various degrees of inebriation.

Just saying, drunkgazing is a great pastime.  Some people really do get shitfaced.

But that’s where I was going, elbowing and kicking my way through scores of bodies, touting spunky Ramona like a trophy.  Felt pretty cool, not gonna lie.  Wanna know how I’ve never gotten my ass beaten, too?  Just keep moving.  Act like it wasn’t you.  At Ant’s house, at least, it gets so congested, no one can ever really chase you for too long.  Things were going according to plan.  I figured I would drop Ramona off upstairs and go back to pick up Pam, make sure she didn’t get squished in the kitchen.  Simple stuff.

I think someone got tripped, or maybe they just tripped over their own two feet trying to get somewhere, because before I knew it, a two-hundred pound gorilla was pressing on my back.  The wind knocked out of me immediately, and I lost Ramona’s grip just trying to keep from being entirely crushed.  For the first time ever, I saw the crowd part like the goddamn Red Sea as I came hurtling through.  Somewhere along the way, the dipshit figured out how to fall off of me, but my momentum was too strong.  I was heading for a doorway, at least; I would’ve been shit out of luck if a wall was waiting for me.

Through the doorway, crash landing on the carpet.  The linoleum tiles reflected the sparse, ambient light.  Air freshener, toiletries, towels.  I knew what this was.

It was a goddamn bathroom.

Before I could react, before I could move, before I could even think, the door slammed shut.

I knew this bathroom, specifically, because it was screwed-up.  It always had been.  It locked from the outside.  Which meant that someone inside would be locked in, if someone else decided to play a practical joke.  Grimly, I jostled the doorknob.

Wouldn’t budge.

I was fucked.

About seven, eight hours went by.  I tried yelling and pounding the door for about the first two, but eventually?  I gave up on it.  Everyone at the party was probably either drunk, high, or some combination of the two.  Hell, I slept for three hours in the tub.  I had nothing better to do.

I got lucky, eventually: Zsa Zsa and Ant, wrapped in each others’ arms, stumbled in together.

“W-Whoa, dude.  That’s where you WERE?  I was... lookin’ all over for you... hahaha,” said Ant, accentuated by a burp.

Zsa Zsa wrinkled her nose and pushed Ant against the wall.  “Nasty.  Ugh.  Um, Dom, your girlfriends?  You might want to take them home.  Both of them are whacked out, man.  The hyper one’s even worse than before.”

I flew past them instantly, cursing under my breath.  What the hell had they gotten themselves into?

Ah, shit.  It’s too late.  I can’t finish this right now.  Man, I didn’t even get to the interesting part yet, but my eyelids keep drooping and I need to crash right now.  Shit.  All right.  Well, I’ll post the rest tomorrow or something.  Gotta check up on Ramona and Pam in the morning, anyway.  I don’t think Ramona’s going to be having too good of a time getting up.  Hangovers always suck.

Peace.

Dom

The following is a piece of what appears to be Pinkie Pie’s attempt at keeping a diary away from Equestria, scrawled on a series of stained 3x5 note cards held together precariously by a staple.

Dear Index Card Diary,

These finger things are so weird!!  Writing without your mouth feels funny-wunny.  But it’s okey-dokey-lokey for me, I know we’re all going to be okay.  Even though Twilight is totally freaking out on the inside about everything, even if she doesn’t know she is, and even though everypony else is scared, I know we’ll all be fine.  Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will find a way.  Still, though, I don’t know when they’re coming to pick us up!!  So maybe learning to use these finger things isn’t too bad of an idea.

Ooh.  Those were really good muffins.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah!!  I kind of remember Mr. Dom the Friendly Neighborhood Alien saying he was locked in the pooper for a really long time, so I guess I’ll write down everything that happened at the party while he was gone before I forget it all.  I don’t even know what Rainbow Dash will remember; she got all funny and started acting like something was wrong with her.  Maybe she got sick!  She sure was throwing up a lot when we were trying to get her into the van.

Where did it start, Pinkie Pie?

Oh!  Muffins!  Yeah, I ran out to Mr. Ant the Smoky Alien’s kitchen to make some muffins.  He had the trays and the oven and the mittens, all the stuff for making muffins, but all the food he had was weird-looking and smelt... funny.  I decided I didn’t want muffins too much anymore, because I mean, c’mon, would Nightmare Moon eat a parasprite with jam and butter at Winter Wrap-Up while playing chess against Gilda?

Exactly.

I was going to go back out and be with Dom some more because sometimes I catch him looking at me when he thinks I don’t notice (which is really totally funny because I totally do but he totally doesn’t know that I do what he thinks I do when I actually do what he thinks I don’t do which he only does because he thinks that I don’t do what I’m actually doing), maybe get the Ant alien to take me to the Ant Alien Overlord Mother Superior Dropped the Gun, and then all of a sudden, all these other aliens came rushing in!

I was super-duper quick and jumped up onto the kitchen counter.  It was a good thing, too, because soon enough the entire room was full of the aliens!  Some were really tall, some were really short; some were really hairy, some were really bald; some were really plump, some were really thin; they all had different mane colors, and I guess it was their skin that I could see the most?  That was all different colors too.

Tee-hee.  They’re all naked.

One of the aliens looked like a mare, with really long green hair and thick eyelashes.  She had ginormous teeth that looked like they were going to bite me whenever she opened her mouth, and she was staring at me, all up in my Pinkie Pie business!

“Excuse me Miss Alien, why are you staring at me?  It’s making my Pinkie Pie sense all sorts of funny!” I gasped as an idea came to my mind.  “Can you get me ingredients to make muffins?!  I’m sooooooo hungry!  Please?” I asked.  I thought it was a simple question.

She started to laugh.  When she spoke, she sounded funny, like she got her words out in a different way than Mr. Dom did.  It was almost kinda like Applejack, but all wrong.  “‘Ello love, gettin’ a lil’ bit antsy with tha special brownies, eh?  Drewbaby wasn’t gunna make ‘em ‘till later t’noight, yah?”

“Brownies?  Oh no no Miss Alien, I want muffins.  Muffins are very different than brownies.  Do you know cooking?  Can you cook?  I can cook.  Wait.  No.  I can bake.  OH MY GOSH.  Maybe you can cook and I can bake and we can be a cooking/baking team and make food and get famous and give free food to ponies everywhere!”  It sounded like a great idea to me.

She laughed again, braying and wheezing.  “Yer a funny one, yahear that lass?  Comin’ to tha party prepared.  Who sells ya yer stoof, eh?  Ah’ll be wuntin’ summa that later t’noight, yah?”

“You talk funny.”

“Yah talk foony yerself, gal.  Name’s Sheena.”

“Ooh!  Are you a punk rocker?”

“...Ah, no?”

“Hmm.  Just wondering.  I’m Pinkie Pie!  Er, Pam Pearl.  Whichever.  Are you my friend??  I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS!”

Sheena laughed, hacking up something gurgly in her throat.  If she wasn’t so nice of an alien I would’ve pointed out how her mouth had sores around it or her eyes had really dark bags or how she kind of looked like she was really really REALLY sick, but she was a nice alien, so I didn’t point that out.

“Yah?  Me too, girleh.  Come along, won’tcha?  Ah got ta show ya to mah friends.”

“MORE FRIENDS!”  Gleefully, I jumped off of the counter and into the ocean of aliens.

So many aliens!  I met so many aliens!  So many friends!  There was Jaime, there was Stan, there was Daniel and Levi, there was Eileen and Wendy and Lola, there was Roxanne and Beth and Dillon and Everett and Taylor and Kimi and Austin and Paco, there was J.P. and Quinton and Megan and Sarah and... oh my good golly gosh, there’s just too many for me to even try to remember!

Sheena stayed with me most of the time, introducing me to the aliens, making sure I wasn’t swallowed in the crowd.  Sheena was a nice alien.

Rainbow Dash popped up a few times when Sheena and I were going around, playing this funny looking game with a little white ball and red cups in triangles on a table.  It looked like tennis!  Whatever it was, she looked like she was winning.  Hmm.  I have to ask her when she wakes up.  She got REALLLLLL loopy somewhere along the way.  Maybe she ate something bad.

Oh.  Uh, yeah.

Sheena went outside at one point to “have a smoke”, so I followed her, because I liked Sheena and because I didn’t get how she had a smoke.  Was it in her pocket?  Did she conjure it with magic?  Could she send us back home?  I had to find out, sworn by my Pinkie Pie-est oath to help my friends get home AT ANY COST.

FOREVERRRRRRRR.

The sky outside was the same color as Princess Luna’s hair.  I looked up at the moon, half-expecting her to come flying down from the heavens and zap me back to Equestria, but it didn’t happen.

I still wanna be zapped.

Sheena had this weird white stick in her mouth and held up a little fire to the end, sucking on the stick like it was a candy cane.  She blew a gust of smoke out of her mouth and cocked an eye toward me, kinda smirking too.

“Wanna cancer-stick, gal?” she offered.  I don’t like smoke too much, it makes my lungs feel all ewwy, so I said no.  Sheena shrugged.  “Suit yaself.”

“What’s cancer?”

She spat all over herself laughing.  Before, when she laughed, I had laughed too, because, I mean, C’MON, I’m the Element of Laughter, right??  But after a while, I realized that Sheena thought different things were funny than me and it wasn’t worth it trying to laugh with her.

“Yer a reg’lar arse, yaknow that, gal?  Love it girleh.  Love it.”

“Oh.  Uh, thanks, Sheena.”

We stood outside for a moment or two, too quiet for my tastes.

“Welp, I’m goin’ partyin’ again, see ya later alligator!” I yelled over my shoulder as I walked back towards the house.

The alien’s hoof (hand, silly willy, hand) clomped down by my neck; I could feel Sheena breathing behind me, the cancer-stick fumes hot on my skin, and she seemed closer than anypony usually got to me without me getting there first.

Oh my gosh.  I HAVE MOSTLY SKIN SO I’M ALL NAKED TOO.

But besides that, Sheena twirled me around, still holding me tight in her power.  Still a nice alien, Sheena, but she looked unexpectedly terrifying in the shadows of the night.

“Lissen, girleh... Ah like ya.  Yer fun.  Bit o’ a ditz, but ‘ey, whatsit ta me?  Anyways, since Ah like ya... how ‘bout ya try some Adam, eh?  Really getchyer party started, if ya know whut Ah mean, yah?”

“Adam?  Is that another alien?” I thought she meant another friend.

“Yaknow.  Debs.  Cloud nine.  Blue kisses.  Four layf clovah.”

“...What in Celestia are you talking about?!”

“Oh, c’mon, gal.  Yaknow!  E!  Ecstasy!  Tha happy pill?”

“...Okey-dokey-lokey... I’m still not getting what you’re trying to say, Sheena.”

She sighed irritably and pulled something out of her pocket, way different than the white cancer-stick.  A little blue pill with a smiley face on it.  It looked almost like...

“CANDY!” I screamed, and Sheena grinned.

“Yah!  Ya got it!  Fuckin’ foinally.”

Nodding excitedly, I snatched the little candy and practically swallowed it.

“Thanks so much Sheena!  How’d you know I love candy more than ANYTHING?!”

She smiled again with those big, bitey teeth.  “Figured ya were one who did, Ah guess.”

That was when the... funny things happened.

Don’t make any mistake, Index Card Diary, I love everything funny and fun.  I mean, duh, I’m Pinkie Pie!  We’re synonymous!  But this wasn’t ‘fun’ funny.  I mean, it was fun when it was happening, and I guess for the aliens it was funny, but I really meant funny like how dirty socks smell after weeks of not being washed, not funny like a prank.  Besides, now I feel tired and thirsty and achy.

And... sad.

I feel sad.

Why do I feel so sad?

Maybe I should take the funny candy again.  It made me even happier than usual; I’m sure it could cheer me up all over again!

Hoo boy, though, but after I took the candy pill?  BOOM!  I was a rocket!  I know I talk fast and move quick and party hard all the time, but the candy must’ve been the biggest sugar rush I’ve ever had, because I talked even faster and moved quicker and partied even harder!  I couldn’t stop dancing!  I kept picking up aliens and making them dance with me, even if they didn’t want to!  And oh my GOSH, the music!  THE MUSIC!  I always like music and singing and songs, but somepony was playing the kind of songs that DJ Pon-3 puts on at the bestest pony parties, and SWEET CELESTIA, I had to dance!

One of the aliens told me I’d been dancing for hours, which was surprising, because it only felt like a few minutes.  But that was okay.

Oh, and the COLORS.  Colors everywhere.  Colors in my brain.  Colors on my mind.  Colors on me.  Everywhere I looked, something new was popping out, like this one alien’s super-duper fantastically vermillion-colored hair that totally looked like a fire.  I stared at it for an hour!  The flames danced with me, and I just couldn’t stop laughing, no matter if I wanted to be Pinkie Pie silly or not!

And, gosh, I think I must have said I loved everypony at the party a million times.  I mean, I always love everypony I meet (that’s just how Pinkie Pie rolls her personality dough in the bakery of life), but I just kept saying it, like the words were pouring out of my mouth and I wasn’t even the one who was talking!  I just kept TOUCHING the aliens too, over and over and over.  Whenever I touched somepony else, it was pure Pinkie Pie bliss!  Like every little contact was another party all over again.  I just wanted to be friends with everypony (and every alien) in the whole wide world, and NOTHING was going to stop me!

I was still dancing and laughing and touching and telling aliens I loved them from the very bottom of my deep Pinkie Pie heart when Mr. Dom found me.  Poor Mr. Dom was carrying Rainbow Dash, because she got sick while I was dancing and started to throw up a lot and slurred her words when she talked and laughed at weird things, kinda like Sheena.

Ooh, Sheena!  I have no idea where that alien went.  She left me alone after I took the candy.  She said something about shooting a heroine, which I thought was real weird, because who would try to shoot a hero?  The urge to dance harder than any other pony had ever danced before was too much, though, so I just let her do her own thing.  I forgot to tell Mr. Dom about her when we started to leave.  Maybe I’ll tell him tomorrow!

“PAM?  WE’RE LEAVING!” he shouted over the music, trying to tap my shoulder while holding a feeble Dashie.  I was all sweaty from dancing so much, and kinda deaf, but I heard him anyway and pulled the two of them into a tight hug.

“OHMYGOSH, MR. DOM!  I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUNNY-WUN!  CAN WE DANCE ALL NIGHT!  WHAT’S WRONG WITH RAINBOW DASH?  HELLOOOOOO!  DASHIE!  WAKE UP!  DANCE WITH ME!  I LOVE YOU GUYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT!  I LOVE EVVVVVVVVVERYPONY HERE!  HAHAHAHAHA!”

Rainbow gurgled something back down her throat and moaned pathetically.

“MAYBE LATER.  WE HAVE TO GO HOME NOW, PAM.  PLEASE COME WITH ME?  I NEED HELP WITH RAMONA.”

“HER NAME’S RAINBOW DASH, SILLY-WILLY!  AND I’LL ONLY COME IF YOU LET ME GIVE YOU A PECK ON THE CHEEK!”

Mr. Dom’s cheeks got really red.  I think he was blushing!  I just wanted to kiss him, though.  It felt right, at the moment.

“UH... OKAY?”

I giggled and threw myself around him, pulling his face into my wet smooch.  He felt really hot to the touch, like he was embarrassed about something.  I wonder what?

“THERE!  NOW WE CAN GO.  OFF TO THE VANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!” I yelled, charging through the aliens to the door.  Guess even aliens know to get out of the way of a Pinkie Pie trying to get somewhere, because they all moved out of my way!  Such nice aliens.

Mr. Dom, still kinda red, dragged Rainbow along and set her against the front of his van, fumbling in his pants for the thingy that made it move.  Rainbow Dash turned away from the machine to let loose some grossy-wossy vomit on the ground.  When she was done, she started coughing, and I think she was even crying a little, what with those tears in her eyes!  I felt so bad, I went over and gave her another great big hug.

“YOU’RE GONNA BE OKAY, DASHIE!” I yelled, even though the music was only inside the house.

“...Mmmneh...” she groaned, leaning into my antennae.

“Dashie!  Try talking into the antennae!  Maybe you’ll call the Predator Queen Mother Overlord Dictator Alien!” I whispered into her ear.

She didn’t try.

Mr. Dom finally opened up the van, looking really concerned.  Maybe it was about Rainbow Dash being so sick all of a sudden, or maybe it was because I gave him that little kiss.  I’ll ask him tomorrow!  He’ll be awake by then.

“Pam?  Can you bring her into the car?  Keep her by the window, in case she needs to... you know... barf, or whatever.”

“OKEY-DOKEY!” I jumped into the middle seat, plopping Dashie down next to me and slamming the door behind us so she wouldn’t fall out.  As soon as I let go, she dropped down on the seat and crawled up in a ball, grumbling softly to herself.  Mr. Dom jumped in as the driver, and turned the van on eagerly.

He was still blushing.

By the time we got back to the apartment, I think the candy had worn off.  In fact, I know it did: for the first time in my life, I was actually tired after a party.  I still am now, too.

The ride back had been real quiet, except for Dashie waking up every ten minutes or so to tell us something important in gibberish and go back to being all sick.  Mr. Dom didn’t talk to me much, kept his eyes on the road.  It was probably the kiss.  That’s okay, though.  Sitting next to him, I could feel his body grazing mine, and that felt real cool, even without the candy.

When we got back, it was super-duper late, so Mr. Dom and I went into stealth mode trying to get Dashie back into the apartment.  Boy, carrying her up all those stairs was hard!  Especially being so randomly tired.  And she kept trying to roll off on us, but we didn’t let that happen, nosiree!  Not on Pinkie Pie’s watch!

The apartment was pitch black, except for these little red numbers and letters that came from the kitchen area.  “2:37 A.M.”  It took me a second to realize that it was a clock.  It was so late!  Or early.  I never get where super later and super early become different.  Time is funny, isn’t it, Index Card Diary?

Dom found one of the empty rooms and put Rainbow into the bed, careful not to drop her too hard.  Guess he still felt bad about running her over, and now what with Dashie being sick, he couldn’t have felt much better!  Poor alien.

He was going to leave the room, though, but Dashie grabbed his... what’s it called, an arm?... she grabbed his arm out of nowhere.  It was real dark, so I couldn’t see too well, but I could tell he was as confused as I was.

Dashie mumbled something incomprehensible, choking out the words.

“...What?” he said, almost like he was afraid.

“...Party... party was cool,” she breathed.  Dashie let him go.  She turned over in the bed, and after a minute, I guess we both must’ve realized that she was snoring softly.

“What a silly sick pony,” I whispered.  Mr. Dom didn’t respond.  “I’ll stay with her tonight, Mr. Dom, don’t worry.  Nurse Pinkie Pie will make sure Dashie doesn’t hurl all over your room!”

“Thanks, Pam.  Um... goodnight, I guess.”

“Goodnight, I guess, too!”

“...We’ll talk about the party tomorrow, yeah?”

“Sure as Celestia brings up the sun every morning!”

“Uhhh... sure.”

And then Mr. Dom the Alien left, and I’ve been writing on you ever since, Index Card Diary.

I want to go to sleep real bad, because I’m really really REALLY tired, but I can’t.  This usually never happens to me.  Twilight told me about it too, one time.  What’s it called again?  Inzombia?

OH MY GOSH!  AM I A ZOMBIE?!

Hmmm... no.  I licked Dashie’s hindlegs to see if I had a craving for pony, but I didn’t get hungry.  Oh well.  At least I’m not a zombie!  Still, though, this Pinkie Pie is tired, and she just can’t go to sleep!

Darn inzombia.

...Can I tell you a secret, Index Card Diary?

You have to promise!  To keep your promise FOREVERRRRR.

...I really want some of that candy again.  It... it made me feel so much better than... than I ever have in my entire life.

All I want is some more of that wonderful candy.

Maybe when everypony else wakes up and Mr. Dom and I can talk about last night, I can ask him if he has some.

...I hope he does.

I need some.

I’m just so tired, and I can’t get to sleep!  I need a pick-me-up.  Just a little one.  Some little bit of candy wouldn’t hurt anypony, I know it.

Just one more, and I’ll be okey-dokey-lokey, I know it.

Why do I feel like somepony’s watching me?  It can’t be Dashie, she’s out cold!  Everypony else is asleep.  I can hear them all snoring and dreaming, leaving me all alone to face the night.

Did you hear that, Index Card Diary?

...Oh Celestia.

All I want is the candy to make the scary things to go away.  I can’t laugh this off, not right now.

I’m... I’m going to go into bed with Rainbow Dash, Index Card Diary.  I need to know somepony else is here with me, even if she’s not awake.

Just having her here next to me makes things so much better.

But I’m still scared.

And tired.

And thirsty.

And achy.

And sad.

I’ll just hide under the covers and hug Dashie for now.  I’ll have some candy in the morning!  Then things will be better, you’ll see!

I gotta try to go to sleep, Index Card Diary.

But I don’t know if I can.

Goodnight, Index Card Diary.

Please keep me safe.