Trixie Orders an Argument

by AandWguy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Random, Crossover
Length: 1083

Trixie finds herself in a myterious building where she can buy an argument. What follows is exactly what you expect.

Trixie finds herself in a mysterious building where she can buy an argument. What follows is exactly what you expect.

An mlpxmonty python crossover. Mainly the 'Argument Clinic' skit.

Cover art by the amazing Snow Bullet!

Published 2016-01-19 05:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-19 05:20:02 UTC

A Practice in Futility

A certain blue unicorn entered the building. Her hoof covered her mouth as a yawn escaped. Her eyes shifted around, looking at the plain room in front of her. As she proceeded down the room, there stood a desk with a receptionist behind it. The unicorn walked over and tapped her hoof on the desk.

“Um, hello.”

The receptionist looked up and shined a quick smile. “Ah! Hello! How may I help you?”

“Yes. Um...Trixie would like to know what this place is.”

“Oh, why this is a place where you can buy certain things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well...” the receptionist quickly pulled out a sheet and looked down a list. “You can buy abuse, getting hit on the head with a mallet, an argument-”

“Ha! You can buy an argument here?” scoffed Trixie.

“Yes. Would you like to try one?”

“Try? An argument?”

“Yes. You can buy the five minute or the full half hour.”

“The five...what?! You can buy a five minute argument? That sounds ridiculous!”

“Yes. You can buy a five minute argument.”

“Okay. Trixie will play along with this. How much?”

“One bit.”

“Deal.” Trixie's horn shined as she levitated a coin out of purse she kept in her case.

“Alright, it will be down the hall and on your left.” the receptionist pointed. “Room 5A.”

“Okay.” Trixie turned and proceeded down the hallway. She yawned again as her hooves paced the floor. A five minute argument? she thought, How ridiculous. The Great and Powerful Trixie can beat that in two minutes! Her eyes quickly spotted the door she was looking for. 5A. Alright, let's see this five minute argument.

Her hoof pushed the door as she peeked in. “Hello? Trixie is here for her five minute argument. Is this the place?”

“No. This isn't the place.” said a pony behind the desk in the room, his hooves laid out in a relaxing position.

“But it-” Trixie leaned back and looked at the number on the door. “The receptionist said it would be here, in room 5A.”

“No she didn't.”

“Yeah she did.”

“No she did-hey! This is part of the argument isn't it?!”

“No it isn't it.”

“Yeah. It is.” Trixie then slammed the door and sat down. “Is this how your argument is going to work? You're just going to deny everything Trixie says?”

“No. I'm not going to deny everything you say.”

“Good.”

“But she did tell you wrong.”

“No she didn't.”

“Yes she did.”

“No she did not! Stop contradicting Trixie!”

“I'm not contradicting you.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I'm not.”

“Yes you are. Stop that and start arguing with Trixie!”

“But I am arguing.”

“No you're not!”

“Yes I am. I am most definitely arguing with you.”

“You are not arguing with Trixie! You are contradicting Trixie!”

“No. I'm merely showing you that this futile by arguing with you.”

“No you're not.”

“Yes I am.”

“No you're-” Trixie shook her hooves at the pony. “Grrr...Trixie is here for an argument, not some back and forth 'Yes and No' battle. Trixie is here for an argument so Trixie can crush the five minute argument in two minutes!”

“That's not why you're really here.”

“Yes it is!”

“No it isn't.”

“Yes it is! Trixie is here to show that she is the Great and Powerful Trixie and she can crush any argument whatsoever!”

“No you're not.”

“Yes Trixie is! Stop arguing by just saying no!”

“I'm not arguing with just no. I'm just being contradictive.”

“Ah ha!” yelled Trixie, her hoof pointing at the pony. “Now you just admitted it! All you do is contradict Trixie!

“No I don't. I just take a contradictive stance. I have to if I want to argue with you.”

“No you don't! You just keep denying everything Trixie says!”

“No. I'm not denying everything.”

“You're not?”

“Oh no. I'm only contradicting you.”

“You are-wait a minute...you're gonna try to make Trixie say no to you again, aren't you?”

“No I'm not.”

“Yes you are!”

“No I'm not. I'm arguing with you, not making you say no all the time.”

“No you're not.”

“Yes I am.”

“No! You-Augh! This is testing Trixie's patience!”

“No it isn't.”

“Yes it-” Trixie's eyes began to twitch as her face turned beet red in anger. She gritted her teeth in response. “Trixie's just about had enough of this.”

“No you haven't.”

Trixie just sat there, completely silent for a second. Her neck cricked slightly as she leaned over the desk. “Trixie's not gonna play that game with you anymore. Trixie is here to win this argument and that is final. Now start arguing!”

“No you're not. You're not here to win this argument.”

“Oh? Trixie isn't? And pray tell why Trixie isn't here for that?”

“Because you only paid for the five minute argument. You didn't pay to win the argument.”

“Trixie paid for an argument so she could win!”

“No you didn't.”

“Yes Trixie did!”

“No you didn't. If you did, you wouldn't have paid for this. It's futile.”

“No it isn't.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it isn't! Trixie paid because Trixie knows she can win!”

“No you don't.”

“Yes Trixie does! Stop saying no to everything Trixie says!”

“I haven't been saying no all the time.”

“Yes you have.”

“No I haven't.”

“Ha! See that? You just said no right now!”

“No I didn't it. I just said that I haven't been saying no.”

“But you...wait, have we done this part of the argument before?”

“No.”

“Yes we have! Trixie-”

DING!

“Huh?!” Trixie said as the pony suddenly hit a bell on the desk. “What was that?”

“That means your five minutes is up.”

“It is?”

“Yep. Either you pay for more or leave.” the pony replied as he leaned back in his chair, folding his hooves behind his head.

“But-but-but...Trixie was supposed to...what?!” Trixie exclaimed as shook her hooves on the side of her head. “That was five minutes?!”

“Yep.”

“But that was...how did...Ugh! Forget it! Trixie is leaving!” Trixie said as she got up from the chair. “Trixie came for a five minute argument that Trixie could beat and instead got a one minute argument with a moron. Trixie doesn’t need this.”

“Yes you do.”

“No Trixie doesn't!” Trixie yelled as she grabbed the door. “Goodbye!”

SLAM!

Author's Note

I'm not exactly satisfied with this ending but...I couldn't think of a better way to end it. Oh well...

Hope you enjoyed the story!