No cider and no love from Twily makes Shiny go crazy
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No cider and no love from Twily makes Shiny go crazy
Tuesday
A chariot passed through the forests, the rivers and the mountains, by all the possible angles is seen, the curves of the road were taken by it and the fog covered great part of the visibility. The chariot seemed to be from the royal family and there were only 4 creatures inside.
“I cannot believe Celestia and Luna trust me to take care of their holiday home during winter” said Shining Armor, Captain of the Guard of the Crystal Empire. “And I’m glad not to be alone; I’m here with the most important mares in my life: my wife and my little sis–”
“Hey, what about me?”
“Oh... and my little sister’s assistant.”
“Don’t forget about him Shining. He’s like you nephew” said Twilight.
“Whatever. Well it was a long trip but we are almost there.”
“Shining, do you remember to close the front door of the castle?” Cadance asked.
“SHI–!”
Wednesday
“Well it was a long trip but we are almost there again.”
“Shining, do you remember to close the back door of the castle?”
“FU–!”
Thursday
After that delay the captain and his wife, the Princess of Love, his little sister and her assistant arrived to the holiday home. On the front door both royal sisters were waiting for them.
“Sorry about the delay, there was a problem with the doors of my home.”
“I told you I’m sorry Cadance.”
“No excuses dear”, Cadance then redirected to the royal sisters. “It is a pleasure to take care of your home.”
“Thank you” said Celestia. “This is great Luna, now I have my own diamond dogs to entertain me.”
“Sister, those are Shining Armor and Cadance.”
Celestia put a blank face.
“The ones who are going to protect the house.”
“Oh right.”
Both Celestia and Luna take Shining and Cadance to a tour around the home. They showed them the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, the pantry, the bar and their main bedroom while they told them the history about the house.
“Luna and I were exploring these mountains when we discovered this abandoned house 300 years ago and we decided to transform it into our summer home. It has a long, colorful history: it was built over a buffalo cemetery and it was headquarters of Tirek’s rituals, changelings’ burnings and 5 Photo Finish’s Hearts Warming Eve specials.”
“Ok, the last one’s creepy” Shining Armor said.
Suddenly one of the doors got opened and lots of cakes came out of there.
“So that’s why the pantry is always empty” Luna said and immediately Celestia picked them up. “By the way, where’s Twilight?”
“She’s probably exploring the library. You know her very well” Cadance answered.
Indeed the purple unicorn was with Spike in the library. She was very curious about the books but Spike was getting bored.
“Twilight, you’re not supposed to be with your brother and sister-in-law?”
“Yes Spike but I want to explore this house by my own. After all we are going to stay here for 3 months. Look, a book about spirits and possessions.”
“Gee, I wonder if I can get more bored than I already am” Spike said and then thought. “I miss you Rarity.”
“She misses you too Spike.”
“What?!” Spike was shocked.
“What do you mean by ‘what’?”
“You read my mind. You have the whining.”
“Don’t you mean ‘shining’?”
Spike put a claw over Twilight’s mouth, shushing her.
“Look Twilight, I read about this, it’s a done that only dragons can have and when it appear it can be trade to the closest relatives of the individual. I’m still learning and mastering it but you... you read my mind at the first try.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, probably because you live with a dragon for a long time. Listen, if something happens use that done to call me and I’m going to help you. Sorry to leave you but I have to go.”
“Where?”
“To my room, I’m planning to lock in for the rest of the vacations so please don’t disturb my sleep and by the way don’t call me between 16 and 17, that’s Spike’s time.”
At the end of the day Celestia and Luna were packaging and preparing their last suitcases. Between them were boxes full of cider bottles and while Luna load them to the chariot Celestia cast a spell to the house.
“Are you ready sister?”
“Now I’m ready Luna.”
“What did you do, exactly?”
“I cast a spell to prevent communication with the exterior; it will also prevent them to use any type of magic.”
“Why?”
“By taking all the cider and cut the communication I can assure that they will take care of the house pretty well.”
“But Celestia, don’t you think it can be dangerous, considering what happened with the last caretakers?”
“What do you mean?”
“...You didn’t tell them, do you?”
“About what?”
“The incident?”
“Oh that... sorry, I was so excited about our vacations that I forget it. Can you repeat it to me?”
“*Sigh* Well, 2 years ago we hired a red stallion called Big Macintosh to take care of the house. He came up here with his sister, his grandma and 2 little girls and he seemed to be a completely normal pony. But at some point during the winter he must have suffered some kind of a complete mental breakdown, he ran amuck and killed his family with an axe. He stacked them neatly in one of the rooms in the west wing and then he drowned himself in a barrel full of cider.”
“That’s horrible... If they’re dead when we return I’ll give you control of the Grand Galloping Gala.”
“Deal.”
The family saw through the window how the royal sisters went away. All the ponies had tasks to fulfill: Twilight organized the library and cleaned the house, Cadance cooked the food and trimmed the garden and Shining Armor washed the bathroom and removed the snow from the road, all respecting Spike’s command of not disturbing his nap. During their time in the house Shining Armor tried to pass time with her little sister but she spent too much time playing with Spike when he occasionally got out of his room that he became jealous of him and because of the dragon’s enclosure he barely saw him to the point that Shining forgot his existence. Also his wife was too busy that she hardly shared time with him and the lack of cider made him a little hysterical from time to time. 2 months later, Shining searched for a bottle of cider in the kitchen and in the living room, like usual, but he never found it. Cadance and Twilight at first glance thought he was ok.
“No cider. What a surprise!”
“Shining dear, you are taking this quite great.”
Surprisingly Shining went nuts in one second before Cadance successfully returned him to normal.
“I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you all!”
“Shining!”
“What? Don’t worry, probably there are a lot of things here to entertain me, don’t worry about me, maybe I’m going to check the axes collection.”
Before leaving them, Shining Armor said in a sinister voice:
“See you later.”
“Cadance, is my brother going to kill us?”
“Don’t be silly Twilight. Shining will be a lot of thinks but never a murderer.”
“By the way what time is it?”
“16:30.”
“Oh I’m late to seeing Spike. He found a tricycle and I want to make sure he’s safe.”
“You want to play with him, don’t you? But you have duties to do.”
Twilight put a puppy face to Cadance.
“*Sigh* You can go.”
“Yes!”
Spike and Twilight go through most of the home by the halls, turning around in every corner.
“Are you having fun?”
“With you by my side, yes!”
Both laughed until they reach a specific hall. Twilight stopped the tricycle and when Spike was about to answer why he noticed that she was scared.
“Twilight, what’s going on?”
No answer was given, only heavy breathing.
“What’s happening?”
Spike couldn’t saw it, but in front of them were 2 little fillies holding hoofs. One of them had yellow coat, red mane and a bow and the other one had brown coat and short red mane. Both had a mischievous stare, creepy smiles and repeatedly said the same words:
“Hello Twily. Come and play with us. Come and play with us Twily, forever” *Dead fillies’ image* “And ever” *Dead fillies’ image* “And ever.”
Twilight freaked out and closed her eyes.
“Are you alright?” Spike asked.
She opened her eyes and hugged Spike firmly.
“With you by my side, yes.”
Meanwhile Shining Armor went to the bar whining and complaining. He sat down on the first chair he found.
“I need a drink. Celestia I need a drink, I will do anything for a cup of cider.”
Suddenly one familiar pony appeared in front of him but he wasn’t scared, he was more likely unimpressed, sort of like he knew him.
“Hello there. It’s kind of dead tonight, isn’t it? Ha ha ha!”
“Eeyup. What would it be?”
“Well I’m so glad you ask me that. Can you give me a glass of cider, please?”
“Eeyup.”
Big Mac gave Shining Armor the glass full.
“Can you keep the bottle?”
“Nope.”
“Then can you give me more?”
“Nope unless ya kill yer family.”
“Why would I want to kill my family?”
“Don’t worry; they’ll be happier as ghosts.”
“You don’t look happy.”
“Of course Ah’m happy, very happy. La la la la la la la la” he grabbed him. “Listen buddy Ah will not give ya more cider until ya kill yer family. Understand?”
“Yes. By the way this cider is magnificent. I didn’t think it will be this tasty.”
“It isn’t. Ya just have been hallucinatin’; in fact ya’ve been drinkin’ toilet water for the past 5 hours.”
After hearing that reality hit Shining Armor: he was sat in front of the toilet drinking the water in a glass, he spat and clean his tongue with the toilet paper, then he heard a familiar voice coming from the living room.
“Shining!” screamed Cadance. “Where are you?! Why is so dark here?”
Cadance approached to the writing machine in the center of the room and read the words written on the paper.
“Feeling fine. That’s a relief.”
But when the first lightning stroke the house it bravely illuminated the room and revealed a horrible truth: across the room, on the walls were written the lines ‘No cider and no love from Twily makes Shiny go crazy.’
“This is less encouraging.”
Suddenly her husband appeared by slamming the door backwards.
“AH!”
“What do you say Cadance? All I need is a title” he said as he slowly approached her. “I was thinking along the lines of ‘No cider and no love from Twily makes Shiny’ something, something.”
“Go crazy?”
“Don’t mind if I do!”
Shining went crazy as he said and began to chase Cadance, who run to the stairs for security. Near them was a capsuled bat with the warning ‘Break glass in case of spousal insanity.’ Cadance obeyed the warning and threatened his husband with the bat. They slowly started to climb the stairs while he slowly was losing his mental health.
“Stay away from me Shining!”
“Give me the bat Cadance, give me the bat. Give me the bat, come on give me the bat, give me the bat. Ha ha ha!”
Shining said the same thing until she managed to strike him in the face.
“Oh you little bit–!”
Before he had the chance to finish his line Cadance knocked him a second time and he fell unconscious down the stairs. She intended to use her magic to levitate him but she discovered that she couldn’t due to Celestia’s spell. She realized she had no option but to pull him to the pantry and locked him inside it.
“You’ll stay here until you’re no longer insane” she said and before leaving the room she took a can of food from the shelf. “Mmm, carrot soup will be fine for dinner.”
The hours passed and he was still locked inside the pantry surviving by eating the supplies. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door.
“Mr. Armor it’s me, Big Mac. Look, some souls here are worried ‘cause the project is not workin’.”
“Can't murder now, eating.”
“Oh, for peach’s sake!”
Big Mac opened the door and dragged out Shining Armor of the pantry, then he forced him to obey him and finished the project but he suddenly realized that he was covered in crumbs and looked too haggard. He suggested that Shining should go to the bathroom to clean himself and inside he discovered a new face next to a sink, holding a cloth that helped him to arrange... and more.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t know this was a unisex bathroom.”
“Don’t worry, Ah’m used to. C’mon pass, we need to clean ya. Nopony will love ya with those crumbles over yer mane.”
“Thanks. How do they call you here?”
“Call me... Applejack.”
“...Did I know you?”
“Of course not. It’s the first time Ah see ya.”
“...You have family Applejack?”
“Yeah. Mah big brother who ya already knew, mah grandma and mah little sister, mah brother even brought a cousin here with us so mah sister could play with her. Ah know that ya’re stayin’ here with yer wife, yer sister and her assistant. Ah should know, Ah’ve been always be here.”
Applejack smiled maliciously.
“Did ya notice that yer sister is attemptin’ to brin’ an outside party into this situation? Did ya know that?”
Shining neglected.
“She is, Mr. Armor.”
“Who?”
“Somepony that ya’ve been ignorin’ for the past months.”
“Who?!”
“...A dragon.”
“...How?”
“Yer sister has a very special talent. Ah don’t think ya’re aware how great it is but she will use this talent against yer will.”
“...She is a very wonderful mare.”
“Indeed she is a rather naughty mare. Perhaps she needs a good... punishment. Mah sister didn’t like the house either, she actually stole a box of matches and tried to burn it down and Ah... corrected her. And when mah grandma tried to stop me from mah duty Ah... corrected her too. Correct yer sister and yer wife sugarcube.”
Meanwhile Cadance and Twilight were having dinner in the dining room. Cadance sighed.
“Are you alright Cadance? You haven’t even touched your soup.”
“Yeah it’s just... I’m worried about your brother.”
“Why?”
“Do you remember what you said? That Shining Armor might kill us? I’m thinking more that we’ll just have to wait and see.”
“But I also remember what you said: that he can be a lot of things but never a murderer. Plus he wouldn’t kill his wife and his sister.”
Cadance smiled to Twilight and they were happy until they heard a crack becoming of the door, so they stood off the table and they came together to the wall. They noticed the point of an axe through the gaps, the sounds increased and finally the door ended up broken, revealing Shining’s insane face through the crack.
“Cady, I’m home.”
“Run Twilight, run for your life!”
Twilight ran out to the kitchen and Cadance followed her after she pushed the table to the door so Shining couldn’t reach them. They closed together in one of the brooms closets near to the main hall with no escape.
“Now what should we do?”
“Don’t worry Cadance I can use my ‘whining’ to call Spike.”
Twilight concentrated. Inside his room Spike was sleeping heavily.
“Oh Rarity, give me more gems in my mouth while I massage your hooves and we tell each how much we love each other.”
But his dream was interrupted when he received the distress call.
“Uh oh. Twilight is in trouble. I’m coming to rescue all of you!”
He got out of his room and headed to the main hall.
“Alright Shining Armor, I’m not scared, show me what you got.”
Surprisingly Shining came out from behind one of the windows’ curtains and stab Spike in the back with the axe.
“Is that the best you can do?”
He died and both mares came out of the broom closet, staying near Spike’s corpse.
“Don’t you realize what you did?” Cadance asked frightened. “You just killed your own sort of nephew! You became a monster!”
But that didn’t matter to Shining because he took another axe from the collection of the wall and slowly approached them.
“Must kill family.”
Cadance begged to Twilight to run outside and to always look forward no matter what happened. She did it while the Princess distracted her husband, but she tripped with a red liquid she then realized was blood, when she found the source she discovered the entire Apple family covered in blood, bones, worms and flesh, posing like a picture and Granny Smith with a cup of cider on her hoof said to Cadance:
“Great party, isn’t it?”
“AH!”
She exit the house, actually reaching Twilight because of the thick snow and Shining was reaching them faster. When he actually reached them he was going to stab them until they talked to him.
“Wait Shining, why are you doing this?” Cadance asked him.
“I... need... my... cider.”
“But you went crazy also because you get no love from Twilight. Let her love you and let me love you.”
“I love you big brother.”
In the right time and in the right moment Shining free himself from the spell and let the axe fell from his hooves. He sat slightly calm on the snow, murmuring.
“What am I doing?”
“Are you alright dear?” Cadance and Twilight tried to approach him slowly.
“Urges to kill fainting, fainting” both mares approached him slowly until he got mad momentarily. “Rising!” they kept their distances. “Fainting, fainting... gone.”
Cadance and Twilight signed in relief and finally cuddled him.
“I’m glad that you are back.”
“That’s the stallion I fell in love with.”
“Come here dears; sit with me on the snow so we can feel the love’s heating.”
And they hugged each other and live happily ever after... or do they?
3 hours later
“Shining, can you let us go?”
“I’m stuck dear."
“I can’t Cadance, I can’t. Urges to kill rising, urges to kill rising...”
Author's Note
Shining Facts:
-Twilight here is an unicorn for plot convenience. Don't expect this to repeat on future installments.
-Although this is a parody of The Shining, even borrowing some elements from another parody, I also wanted to do something similar to an homage to the film itself.
-I refused to use the classic "Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny!" because it didn't fit into the plot the way I wanted.
-The Apple Family pose was done thinking in the American Gothic painting.
-We really need an Apple Family tag.
-The primary reason of doing this was because no one had done this before.
