The Life and Times of Kevin the Changeling
A Likely Story
By Avianation
Kevin’s
Super-Secret
Awesome Diary!
DO NOT READ!
(unless you’re me)
Dear Diary,
Ha! My first entry, I’m so nervouscited!!! Okay, um… So, I am a changeling, and I uh, hatched from my cocoon about two weeks ago. And I just finished sneaking out to buy this diary. And now I’m writing in it…did I do this right? Ha ha, I don’t care! I have a diary now! This is so cool!
Dear Diary,
It’s been about three weeks since I hatched from my cocoon, and I’ve gotten a feel for things around here. I guess changelings develop rather quickly, heh heh… Anyhoo, our kind don’t really have any need for names, but I kinda want one. I heard one while I snuck out to get this journal last week, and I thought it was pretty good. So from now on I will be known as, the mighty; KEVIN!!! Ha ha, awesome!
Dear Diary,
Today, our Queen successfully overthrew King Orion of Timbucktu. We got to eat so much love from the populace, it was awesome!!! I guess the king turned into a constellation afterwards, uh… I’m not really sure how that works, so I’m not going to question it.
Dear Diary,
So yesterday, our Queen had a meeting of the delegates in our hive. It went okay, I guess. Tirek and his brother Scorpan came, and they brought along General Discord. A few of the guys and I decided to watch from down below. It was actually pretty fun! I could tell the meeting went well, although Scorpan was just not havin’ it. He was fidgety, he was sweaty, and he got a nervous look on his face every time they brought up the destruction of nations. I wonder if he’s okay. I don’t know, he might be goin’ through some stuff. It’s not my place to judge.
Dear Diary,
Today, we had a less than successful overthrow of the Kingdom of Trot. Our Queen posed as Emperor Incitatus’ fiancé for a few days, with us sitting idly by. We would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that meddling Princess Celestia! Why can’t she just mind her own business?
Dear Diary,
After the whole Trot fiasco, we attempted to fight Princess Celestia today. Uh, we didn’t do too well, as in, she’s sealed us in a friggin’ volcano. I know, right? It’s absolutely nanners! I just hope we get out of here soon, it’s hot and uncomfortable, and I don’t much care for it.
Dear Diary,
It’s been years, I say, YEARS!!!! We been in this goddamn volcano for literal years. It’s soooo boring. The heat has done a number on us all, me in particular. My uh, handwriting has suffered exponentially. I might not do anymore entries for a while, there’s nothing to write about.
Dear Diary,
The fire sears my flesh. We cannot hide, the flame finds all. What did we do to deserve this? Ponies, are perhaps too quick to label Celestia a hero, and we the villains. If only they knew our horrible fate.
Dear Diary,
Time has gone by, I have not so much as noticed. The night and day eludes us in this burning tomb. My sanity is slipping, I’m very hot.
Dear Diary,
Today is the happiest day of my life. We escaped the volcano by tricking a stupid ass dragon into freeing us. The outside feels so good! My handwriting is back to normal and I’m feeling like a million bits!
Dear Diary,
So, as an unfortunate side-effect of being in a volcano for a thousand years, we now have holes on all our extremities. ALL OF THEM. Yeah, you know what I mean. So I guess that’s a thing now.
Dear Diary,
I went back today and read those entries I wrote in the volcano, and I sounded really weird. I can’t place my hoof on it, but my writing sounded way different. I guess it was just the unrelenting heat causing my sanity to dwindle. Ha ha, that’s silly.
Dear Diary,
So today some really crazy stuff went down. If I’m gonna write all this I might as well start at the beginning. Our Queen, in an attempt to gain control of Canterlot, disguised herself as the third alicorn princess. She then assimilated into her place, and hypnotized her fiancé. After our queen did away with the purple unicorn, she sang a very nice song and almost got married. Now this is where it really gets bonkers. Chrysalis was revealed, we began our siege on Canterlot, and the purple unicorn returned with five of her friends and beat the tar out of us. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the alicorn and her husband blasted us to kingdom come! Lotta stuff to take in at once, at the very least it gives me some good writing material.
Dear Diary,
Our entire hive, having been defenestrated from Equestria, has landed in a place of sentient cat creatures. Long story short, we left them as empty husks. I almost feel kinda bad, but man the love was good! I’ve never eaten so much love in my life! We ate like kings at the expense of an entire civilization. Was it worth it? Totes magotes, homeskillet!
Dear Diary,
I’m getting pretty bored with the hive. Chrysalis is hell bent on revenge or something, and it’s affecting all of us. I think I’ll go off and do my own thing for a while, maybe take a year off, if you know what I’m sayin’.
Dear Diary,
I slept in the forest last night. I suppose it wasn’t too different than when I was with the hive. I mean, after we killed all those cat creatures, we did spend a few nights in their woodsy domain. I suppose I’m going to have to get used to this kind of living if I’m going to travel the country. I’m making my way north, and I should arrive in Baltimare by tomorrow. Again, nervouscited!!!
Dear Diary,
I’m in Baltimare today, disguised as a young stallion. So far, so good, I haven’t run into any trouble. I’m trying my best to act natural, so as not to let anyone know I’m secretly an insect-horse hybrid. I can’t help but assume that suspicions were only heightened after the incident in Canterlot. I just have to be cool.
Dear Diary,
I’m very hungry. I haven’t eaten since the forest, when I was able to scrounge up love from animals. I asked a scraggly-looking mare where I could find some love, and she told me she could give me some, “lovin’.” I don’t think she and I were talking about the same thing.
Dear Diary,
I’ve been here about a week, and I’ve finished sightseeing. I’m moving north to Manehattan tomorrow, and I’m getting ready for my trip. I spent most of today acting like a creeper at the local hangouts, trying to get what little love I could. If I’m going to be walking, and when no one’s looking, flying, I’m going to need to build up my strength.
Dear Diary,
I’ve made it to Manehattan, and have done some major sightseeing for about two days now, but something’s come up. Nothing bad, mind you… It’s just, I ran into this couple. They’re super nice donkeys, and I think they’re engaged. They haven’t set a date yet, but it’s the love that counts. The delicious love…uh, I mean, I… Alright, here’s the deal. They’ve asked if I’d like to join them on their cross country journey, and I don’t know what to say! The pros are I’d get free food and travelling company. The cons are…I’d be taking advantage of this innocent couple without their knowledge. I told them I’d think about it.
Dear Diary,
I’ve made up my mind. I’m going with the donkey couple. I’ll try my best to space out feasting on their love, but I still need to eat. I’ll keep up this façade as long as I can, although my guilt may get the better of me. Only time will tell.
Dear Diary,
Today we’re travelling west to the Crystal Empire. It’ll be weird seeing the Princess of Love and her husband again. Of course, she won’t know who I am. Heck, nobody knows who I am. Not even me sometimes. Nevertheless, it’ll be nice to see the Crystal Fair and go to the library, ooh maybe even get my shape-shifted hair done! Yes, I think this visit will be A-Okay!
Dear Diary,
They asked to go to the castle specifically. And I had to be like, “Ah, Geez…alright, whatever.” I just had to keep it cool. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. No, I’d say the worst part was when we did a meet and greet with Cadance and her husband. Yeah, no the worst part was when I got PTSD flashbacks of being launched into the stratosphere at a hundred miles an hour. I had to go sit on a bench. I told the donkeys a white lie to cover myself. I’m not going to blow my cover just yet.
Dear Diary,
Today, we’ve made it to Vanhoover. Last night, as they were asleep on the train, I took a little bit of their love. That’s the strategy I’m using, just a little every day. Like a drug addict. Actually that’s probably not the best parallel. Drug addicts do more than that, and my “drug” is necessary for life. I forgot what I was talking about.
Dear Diary,
After a couple weeks in Vanhoover, we’re now down south in Los Pegasus, specifically the Applewood district. It’s rather pleasant, and I’ve seen a few celebrities in passing! I caught a glimpse of Countess Coloratura at a park, and I saw Fashion Plate leaving a boutique! My donkey friends are enjoying themselves, and they still don’t suspect that I’m a changeling. I’ll tell them when the time is right.
Dear Diary,
I did something naughty today. I snuck away from my donkey friends and disguised myself as a celebrity. I then proceeded to walk to the middle of a park and allow myself to be swarmed by a mob of adoring fans. While I was busy forging signatures for autographs, I was also busy draining their raw love for me. Hee hee, it was the best! This’ll tide me over for a few days.
Dear Diary,
We’re at the last stop on our journey, at the small earth pony town of Appleloosa. I’ve decided that I’ll tell them the truth once we get to their home town of Ponyville. I don’t know how they’ll take it, but I have to come clean. Either way, I’ll be doing some damage control.
Dear Diary,
I told the donkey couple that I was a changeling today. I told them that I was in disguise the whole time, and that I had been feeding off their love in small increments. They took it less than well. I then had to explain to them that they showed me kindness, something unknown and foreign to a changeling. I explained that if I revealed myself, they’d view me as nothing more than a monster. That lightened the load, at least for Matilda. I think Cranky is still mad as all hell, (hence his name.) Needless to say, it will take them a while before they forgive me, although I think she’ll come around.
Dear Diary,
I’ve been living in the Everfree Forest for around a month now, going into town everyday. I’ve seen the ones who defeated us in passing, although they have no idea who I am. I’m patiently awaiting a response from Matilda. Until she seeks me out, I’ll keep a healthy distance.
Dear Diary,
Matilda approached me today. Said I should have been more honest with them. Forgave me nonetheless. Heck, she even invited me to her and Cranky’s wedding. I feel as though I’ve gotten away with murder. Hmm…~~I could totally get away with murder if I wanted to~~. Uh, I mean I’m glad –for them. Now I have to uh, play the waiting game.
Dear Diary,
Until the wedding, I’ve decided to take my own vacation and have a little fun. I’ll be free to roam the country without any ~~burdens~~ ~~crutches~~ travelling companions. To kick start my escapade, I caught the latest train to the Crystal Empire, then made my way north to Yakyakistan. I believe I’ll disguise myself as a yak and see what mischief I can get into. It’ll be so much fun!
Dear Diary,
I headed southeast to Fillydelphia. I’ve decided to use my shapeshifting capabilities to get laid. Yeah, that’s right. Make myself a manly hunk. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even make myself a mare. Kevin’s gettin’ freaky. Good thing no one else is reading this.
Dear Diary,
After my month-long, raunchy fuck-fest, I’ve decided to go international. On my way overseas, I stopped off in Trottingham for some sightseeing. Good thing my shapeshifting capabilities also mimic voice, or else I’d be right finely screwed.
Dear Diary,
Last week, I disguised myself as a griffon to pay a visit to Griffonstone. I got off the train, (which is a million miles away, for some reason) and made the long trek into the city. When I got there my first reaction was probably, “Wow, what a shit-show.” I walked around for maybe an hour, and it is a MAJOR ghetto. So I slipped out the back, Jack. I got to a place where no one could see me, shapeshifted back to my fabulous self, and flew away. I think I’ll continue heading southeast.
Dear Diary,
Today I went to visit our old hive. Abandoned and derelict, it was devoid of any changeling life, except for me. It made me think of the rest of the changelings, and Queen Chrysalis. I wondered where they were at the moment. I think I’ll return to Equestria soon.
Dear Diary,
I’m back in Equestria, gallivanting around Canterlot disguised as a rich debutant. After a short reprise of my adventures in Fillydelphia, I caught wind that Celestia and Luna were headed to Ponyville to attend a wedding. I thought it might be the wedding of my friends, but I wasn’t sure. To be safe, I caught the first train to Ponyville to find out.
Dear Diary,
So it turns out that my friends are getting married, and there was some fiasco with the invitations, uh, not really sure what the deal is. It was short notice for everyone, so I’m glad I’m part of the in-crowd on this one. The ceremony was very nice, I saw a lot of familiar and unfamiliar faces. I decided to go undisguised, which I could tell was a little off-putting for some people. I didn’t care though. If they can’t handle the mighty Kevin, then that’s their problem.
Dear Diary,
I got a chance to talk to the happy couple after the ceremony was over. I thanked them for the delightful cross-country trip, and said I wouldn’t trade it for the world. They returned similar pleasantries, and then we parted ways. I’m actually out in a grassy field right now, gazing at the stars. I’m wondering if I’m not a different changeling now, than I was all those years ago. It doesn’t really matter though. I’ll always be me. Until I go on more adventures, this’ll be it. I’ll be sure to include more entries in this journal once I travel the world, but until then, thanks for reading, self. (You’re welcome, me!)
