The crying scientist

by skyward

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1800

Interdimensional calls are not covered by your phone provider

Who knew that interdimensional calling was hard? Not hard as in feasibly possible, but hard as in trying to keep an alien on the line.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-19 05:15:56 UTC

Chapter 1

The crying scientist

Chapter 1

Rygel Sen is a hard working American, a lad of 21, and about five foot eight with no medical issues. These specifications are precisely why he shouldn't be balancing a handstand and attempting to walk backwards towards his fridge, lest he values his whole and unbroken bones. Rygel's theory was, how is he supposed to get better at something unless he does it, and he was dead set on impressing girls with his newfound gymnastics. Sweat beads on his forehead, close to becoming a drop as he monkeys along the floor. A twinge of pain in his shoulder causes him to wince, soon thereafter he found himself cursing at the floor that would soon become his landing pad. He landed heels first into the fridge, knocking the glass inside around and ungracefully discovered a new yoga pose called the dumbass. It was in this grace he froze, and decided to charismatically savor the moment in an, "I can't believe it" attitude. He frowned. The table started buzzing fervently, Rygel rolled his eyes at his phone. He proceeded to un-pretzel himself from "the dumbass" and right himself vertical, rubbing his black hair tangled head. His mostly straight hair reached his collar. Rygel was mostly vertical, shuffling and groaning on the way to the table. His phone continued its rant and demanded his attention, but Rygel noticed something strange about the particular number, predominantly the fact it was completely lacking in one.

He picked up his phone and stared. No, "Unknown caller", just blank. Rygel couldn't help himself, and since he already was the proud owner of a job, he was in no risk of offending a potential employer, he had to play it off.

"Cryogenics, you kill em, we chill em how may i help you?", Rygel expertly suppressed his laughter. But what was on the other line turned his mood around 180 degrees. He heard gentle sobbing, from a female. Sincere sadness.

"I uh, oh geez, i don't think you have the right number." Rygel said, but when he started the sentence, the female's sobbing intensified slightly, he was completely at a loss, and feeling helpful this evening, so he decided if he could improve her mood.

"Hey there, i may not be who you're trying to reach but, please. I'm not in cryogenics, that's just a stupid joke. Why are you crying?" the voice on the other end struggled to find the energy to reply. But Rygel gave her time, and eventually he got a response.

"Because." She said between sobs. "I am at the forefront of the most prominent discovery in pony-kind, and nobody there is helpful at all." She started to sob after barely squeaking out that last bit.

Rygel was admittedly confused, but life has taught him that a solid amount of empathy is needed to help people. So instead of asking all the questioned he wanted, he simply said.

"Just take a minute, i'll be here. When you're ready, tell me why you called." Rygel said, on the other end, her sniffs subsided. And the mysterious voice continued.

"Maybe you won't be like all the others...  Please, i know what i'm about to say is, surprising, but it's all true. My name is Twilight Sparkle and i am not from your universe. I have studied for what seems like all my life to find a way to connect with a compatible parallel universe that speaks my language for science and research. And as soon as i do, i get ponies on the other line that aren't helpful at all. They say strange words that sound like they could be profanities, they disrespect me, laugh at me, laugh at my life's work and achievement."

"Okay, but why are you crying?"

"Because what if you just won the award you were training for all your life, and when your award is presented you're totally disrespected and people physically stand in the way of you receiving your award? Nobody in this universe that speaks equestrian has been helpful to my research, and i feel like giving up. They, blow me off and laugh at me!" It sounded like that last bit was difficult for her to say, she might be really innocent. He also speculated this may be this girl's first experience with drugs because she's spouting nonsense about parallel universes.  But, for entertainments sake, and this girl's sanity, Rygel continued his regime of patience.

"Alright, so you're Twilight, my name is Rygel, and you're not from this universe, care to explain how this is happening? We certainly didn't punch in the right number now did we?"

"Yes, i am, and it is nice to meet you. My magic connects to pre-existing connect points in your world's communication system. I choose them based on which ones typically speak equestrian. I need data from these calls, so do you mind if i ask you some questions about your world?"

"Rygel held his tongue, he had more questions for her probably. But he patiently said, "Sure, ask away."

"Okay, Rygel. What race are your parents?"

This question startled him a little but he made sure not to laugh, it seems as though this chick had post traumatic stress about laughing at her, so he was careful.

"Both my parents are white." He chose to reply. "That's why i can't dance." He tried to lighten the mood.

"I, uh, okay. Coat color is duly noted, but what race are you, as in earth, pegasus, unicorn?"

This was the most elaborate prank ever, or this girl is on serious drugs. But he was set on making her feel better. Rygel thought carefully, he was pretty good at picking up people's vibes and he strangely detected sincerity from this girl. He rubbed his cheeks with his offhand, and replied.

"I'm none of those things." After replying, her response was silence for a moment.

"Y-You, You're not a pony?"

"I am not a pony." Rygel responded, in a sentence he never anticipated he would ever say.

"Are you a gryphon? Dragon?"

"No, and no, i am a human. Although there are days at work i wish i was a dragon"

"Absolutely fascinating, how dumb could i have been not to take this into account. It's a different universe, sure i spent decades nailing the one that i could communicate with but to be a new species i am unfamiliar with, H-hold on spike i'm finding out now what he is"

"Spike? Nevermind, okay how about i get a few questions answered, you're a pony, that speaks english then?"

"Yes i am but i'm speaking equestrian, spike they call equestrian english, are you writing this down? hurry." The sound of shuffling came through the phone. Rygel was an empathetic man, sometimes even patient, but this was getting out of hand, he wanted to hurry up and direct this girl to a mental institution already.

"Look, Twilight, where do you live?"

"I live in Ponyville, Equestria."

"I'm going to need proof you're from another planet-"

"Parallel universe, but you're not wrong. And i anticipated this because nobody believes me. You, Rygel, get the extra special treat. Since you haven't laughed in my face, disconnected on me, or told me to screw myself, whatever that means, to which i can only assume is derogatory. I will now send an item to your location using a spell."

Rygel raised his eyebrows sarcastically to nobody around and shifted his seat on the table.

"Okay then, shoot. You even know where i am?"

"I do, relatively. Spike put the hayshake in the center of the scroll. No it doesn't need a refill, he just wants proof. Yes. Just one moment Rygel, i'll try my best to send this to wherever your voice is coming from across space and time. Beginning spell.

"Oookay, Twilight, what exactly is a hay-" Rygel was cut off by some force sucking his head forward, then a loud pop of smoke directly in front of his face that made him scream like a small child. He fell off the table, coughing and gasping for air from pure shock and surprise. His heart was beating so hard it hurt. He breathed in and out as fast as humanly possible." The smoke in the room started to clear, it had such a strange new smell he had never smelled before. And in the center of the kitchen, knocked over and spilling into the ground was a cup, lid, and tan slush spilling onto the floor. Rygel coughed one last time, and blinked repeatedly. He took a moment to look around, feel his own arm, and asses that he was in fact, in the world of the living and not dreaming. His phone was face down on the floor. Rygel swallowed, and closed in on the cup. He creeped over to it like it was venomous. Faint female yelling could be heard from his phone, but he picked up the cup and examined it.

"Super shake, from Tina's Treats" It smelled like the great outdoors and was on the small side. He didn't dare try the liquid, it emitted a way too earthy smell for him. Suddenly, he snapped, and scrambled for the phone.

"I don't know what game you're playing but am i in a coma? Is this hell? I had the shit scared out of me moments ago and are you to blame?" His hands shook and his down the earth voice lost its calmness.

"Please stay calm Rygel, i need you."

"I, hmm" Rygel froze, no one had ever told him that they needed him with sincerity before. With family and girlfriends it's assumed you need each other but something in her pleasant voice made him freeze up.  "I don't know how any of this is happening, this is impossible"

"It is possible, with years of studying magic, are you harmed? I heard another mare scream, er sorry, human scream."

Rygel couldn't laugh, he was too shaken up, "It was me, i'm unharmed but i can't believe you did that twilight."

Twilight sighed with heavy relief, "I almost fell out of my chair from all the stress that suddenly vanished. I'm glad you're co-operating, i have-" And with that, his phone died. Rygel forgot it was less than 15% before the thing even rang, Rygel sat in silence for about a second while his brain comprehended what had happened. He got up and made a dead sprint for his charger, slipping on mysterious earthy tan goo on the kitchen floor, and landing on his elbows with a grunt. Slowly the gymnastics master rose and shuffled to his charger, letting loose a suppressed string of profanities enough to make a sailor blush. But he smiled, because someone said that she needed him.