The Amazing Adventures of Burning Axe
Hello readers, and listeners of Burning Axe’s reading that he made If I begged hard enough! I am the narrator, and this is the first story of…
THE AMAZING AND UNPREDICTABLE ADVENTURES OF BURNING AXE!!!
In this monthly series, I will tell the tales of the most brilliant, most amazing, most sexy- what the…. STAN I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH MY SCRIPT! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADVENTURE COMEDY SERIES, NOT A CLOP FIC!!! (Distant Chatter) What’s that supposed to mean? I can be funny If I try, I just need to take comedy lessons… you know what? *SQUEE* YOU STAN… *SQUEE* YOU…
Well, enough with that, basically I make up the story as I go along. What? Were you expecting a well thought out story? Do you KNOW who wrote this? Let's see what would be a good first story… ah! Here we go.
It was a bright and sunny day In Ponyville, the flowers were blooming, the birds were singing, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Everypony was out enjoying the nice day that Sun-Butt, I I…. Mean… Princess Celestia had bestowed upon them. Well, everypony except Burning Axe, who lived deep In the Everfree forest in a cave. Why would his day be anything less than spectacular you ask? Well, as everypony knows, the forest can't be controlled by regular means, and while the rest of Equestria was enjoying clears skies, Burning had to deal with the fact that there was a thunderstorm hovering over the Everfree forest, and any experienced pegasus knows that flying in a thunderstorm without any protective gear is a bad idea in all cases. Burning was stuck for the time being, and he was no happier than anyone else who gets stuck indoors with no food, company or entertainment.
“Of all the days for it to rain, it HAD to be today!” He complained to no one in particular.
“I knew I should have went to the market yesterday, at least I have enough food for breakfast. But still, why couldn't there be a warning that this was going to happen.”
At this moment, Burning had a flashback to his conversation with Nature last evening.
15 HOURS EARLIER
“Are you sure you’ll be here on time? I mean, look at the forest, It’s going to rain.” Nature looked at her friend with a concerned look on her face.
“Oh, it's going to be fine, It may look like it's going to rain, but the forest always surprises you.” Burning put on his best I know what I’m doing face while explaining his reasons.
“Look, I’ve lived In that cave for years, and the place has only gotten flooded once. Talk about a rude awakening when a wall of water just falls on you…”
“But we have VIP seats for Equestria Strikes Back, that's the biggest movie of the year, It costed me 371 bits to get these and the movie starts at 8 tomorrow… Burning are you sure you can wake up early, get ready, and get here during a storm?”
“Nature I’ll be here, there's no way I’m missing out on this, It’s the sequel to Pony Wars” (boo all you want, can you come up with something more clever?) “But i still think spending almost 400 bits on VIP movie tickets is a little insane, even for a late birthday present…”
7:29 AM PRESENT DAY
‘Well, I guess that was my warning… great, If I can’t fly to town It would take at least an hour by ground… maybe longer with the storm’
All of a sudden, a giant tree just outside the entrance to the cave got struck by lightning, knocking the truck in front the cave, trapping Burning inside.
“Oh, that's PERFECT! I ONLY GOT ALL DAY TO BE STUCK IN HERE…..well AJ always seems to buck trees out of the way when they fall, maybe it’s actually not that hard…”
Burning braced himself as he stood facing away from the entrance, he pulled his hind legs, and kicked….
It was at this moment that Burning knew, he *SQUEED* up…
One leg landed right on a giant split end of the trunk, while the other rammed awkwardly into the wall, with a quiet, yet still audible crack sound, coming from It.
As I’m sure you're all aware, It hurt very much…
“OH SWEET CELESTIA, THAT IS BY FAR, ONE OF THE STUPIDEST DECISIONS I’VE EVER MADE…. BESIDES CHALLENGING RAINBOW DASH AND PINKIE TO A CIDER DRINKING CONTEST LAST YEAR.... OWW…. IT HURTS SO MUCH……...FILLER……..SO...MUCH….FILLER...WOW....”
After waddling around in pain for a while, Burning heard a voice.
“It seems you haven't had the best day, is this not so Burning?”
“yeah, that's one way to put it… wait, who are you?”
“Isn't It obvious? I’m the narrator, i’ve been telling the story… wait… It seems that not all my words have been heard by you, I suspect the writer is running out of ideas, so he’s just’”
“Wait a minute, who’s the writer?”
“Why, he's the reason you've had such a crappy day so far.”
“Really? He caused all this? well, let him know that I think he’s a dick…”
And I think I would agree on that Mr. Burning, not that you could hear that, because you can’t.
“Wait, how can some mysterious writer plan out my life with my permission?”
“YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW? HAHAHA…. You're not the real Burning Axe! You're a Fan made clone of Burning Axe, and this, is a fan fiction! Your life can be anything Mr. Random wants it to be, and before you go on saying, why is my life worth writing about? I don’t have a choice either you know… the writer types everything I say, as if he’s speaking through me. But, as with any work of fiction, anything is possible. I CAN get you to Ponyville, but there's so much potential fan fiction that could happen, so, hold onto your sanity Mr. Burning, because after what I got planned for you, your friend will be the least of your worries!”
“Can you at LEAST heal my leg first?”
“Fine… (random magic noises) there, now it’s time to see If you can survive someone else's fan fiction... oh look at this! a story that hasn't been made yet? And it’s 18+! Well then, I can’t join you, got things to do, so I guess we'll see if you live…”
“You evil bastaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrddddddddd……aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh” it appears Burning Axe has fallen out of this reality…
TO BE CONTINUED? YOU DECIDE!