The Diary of Aryanne Frank

by The Boy Zone

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Comedy
Length: 1004

In WWII Germany, Jewanon finds a pony in a box. Unfortunately that Pony is Aryanne.

In WWII Germany, Jewanon finds a pony in a box. Unfortunately that Pony is Aryanne.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-25 08:50:01 UTC

Ish liben da peepee

It was a brisk German morning, and Jewanon was out taking his daily walk, picking up pennies that others had dropped, and reveling in the slight chill of the morning air. Unfortunately his delightful stroll was interrupted, as he saw a flock of Nazis, flying overhead, scanning the area for any signs of Judaism.

Knowing his huge nose would be a dead giveaway, Jewanon covered his face and ducked into and alleyway to avoid the oncoming Nazis.

"Hitler!" Cawed the Nazi at the front, who was the largest, with the most vibrant plumage. He scanned the area with his eye-dars, which is a fancy term for eyes, and related to the rest of his flock that there were no Juden in the area through a series of clicks and flashy hand waving.

Once the Nazis had flown off somewhere else, Jewanon made his way out of the alley, only to trip over a cardboard box.

"Autsch, was zum Teufel war das?" came an adorable, muffled voice from the inside. Jewanon hurriedly opened the box, only to be greeted by large, curious blue eyes, and an inquisitive but friendly smile on the face of what looked like a miniature horse. The stark white fur, blonde mane, and blue eyes were not only adorable, but highly reminiscent of the ideal German. Jewanon had to bet that if Hitler had stuffed animals, this is what they'd look like.

"Well, I guess it'd be pretty messed up to just leave you out in the streets, you can come with me to my annex, we'll weather the storm of fascism together," said Jewanon as he picked up the small pony and placed her in his nose for safe transport. Jewanon then hurriedly snuck his way through the streets of Berlin, ducking his way past various flocks, packs, and schools of different Nazi subspecies. After some time, Jewanon reached the annex, and once he was inside, he removed the horse from his nasal cavity.

The small white pony shook the globules of snot off of its coat and went to find a place to sit. Now that Jewanon could look at her without worrying about being gassed, he noted that she looked very young. Admittedly his knowledge of puny ponies was limited, but given that she was smaller than a Labrador puppy, he guessed she was maybe a few months at the very oldest.

Jewanon decided to relax, so he St down on the plush leather couch and turned on the 70-inch flat screen TV that all Jews in the holocaust had(look it up). He was getting sick of all the German propaganda, so he decided to enjoy some American propaganda. As Jewanon flipped through the channels, his new quadrupedal friend decided to join him on the couch, so she curled up on his lap, as Jewanon stopped on a Donald Duck cartoon.

The adorable filly's ears perked up at talks of führers and war. As Donald worked on the screen, he heil'd Hitler, and the small pony responded in kind with a huge grin on her face. Jewanon was somewhat alarmed by this, but he let it go, figuring she just liked the cartoon duck.

Then the small pony got up off of the couch, and began to mimic the exercises she saw, while Jewanon roared with laughter at the parodic Disney cartoon.

"Ein, zwei, drei, heil," she mimicked in her native tongue, Waving her hooves clumsily as she tried her best to copy Donald Duck. Jewanon chuckled at her efforts.

"You know, I think I'm going to call you Aryanne, ironically of course."

Aryanne skipped gleefully at her new name, as she happily heil'd in response, having finally gotten the hang of it.

"Well Aryanne," said Jewanon as he looked at his Rolex, "it's time for dinner, what would you like for dinner?"

"Die Ausrottung der jüdischen Bedrohung," replied Aryanne gleefully with a twinkle of fascism in her eye.

"Carrots it is," said Jewanon as he rummaged through the cupboards of his luxurious Jewish annex. They were all stocked with spices, and expensive foods.

"Ugh, where is the paprika, my steamed carrot dish will be ruined," cried Jewanon as he searched frantically through the pantry, "oh, here it is."

Jewanon added the paprika, and let his dish sit while he chopped up some onions, only to look up and see Aryanne staring out the window, heiling at whatever was below.

"No no Aryanne, don't look out there, go watch TV or something."

"Ich werde gehorchen," Aryanne replied as she trotted over to the television and turned it on. She was met by one of Hitler's speeches.

"Sobald die Deutschen Juden in meine Prophezeiung lachte. Ich weiß nicht, ob sie immer noch lachend, oder ob sie auf der anderen Seite der Gesichter lachen. Ich kann einfach wiederholen - sie werden ganz aufhören zu lachen, und ich will meine Prophezeiung auch in diesem Bereich zu erfüllen." Said Hitler to his adoring public.

"Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!" Yelled Aryanne at the television.

"Aryanne, it's time for dinner," cried Jewanon as he placed a plate with his carrot dish on the floor.

Aryanne trotted over to the dish in question, only to look up angrily at Jewanon.

"Dies ist nicht die Vernichtung der jüdischen Bedrohung!"

"Yeah sorry, I was fresh out of that, but carrots are just as good as dead Jews right?"

Rather than respond, Aryanne turned and ran to the bathroom, locking herself inside.

Jewanon figured she'd be fine and ate his dinner, enjoying the taste until he noticed a strange gas coming from the bathroom. He rushed over to the door, only to be assaulted by a wave of hydrogen cyanide.

Almost immediately, Jewanon perished at the hands of the gas, while Aryanne remained perfectly unharmed, her Aryan blood making her immune to the Zyklon-B gas. Once Jewanon was dead, her flanks began to glow, and a mark appeared. It was a swastika inside of a heart.

"Endlich habe ich mein Ziel entdeckt."