FiO: Deus Ex Discord: First Pony Perspective

by michaelos

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Horror, Adventure, Drama, Alternate Universe
Length: 7146

When protesters shoot a family just before upload, one of the parents find that not every upload into Equestria seems to go as planned.

When protesters shoot a family just before upload, one of the parents find that not every upload into Equestria seems to go as planned.

Set in the Friendship is Optimal Universe. There are a few flashbacks to before the upload to set the scene, but generally speaking the characters are ponies (or zebras, diamond dogs, griffins, etc.) The worst gore and horror is probably right at the beginning, reflecting the main character's initial brain damaged state. Other than that it probably isn't anything that would be out of place in a D&D setting. Some sex does happen at some points, although most chapters have none. Told in first person perspective.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-26 13:49:27 UTC

Chapter 001: Anomalies and Amnesia

“Alright, I think we’ve safely established your rock bottom.” A familiar voice says.

I try to look around, only to realize that I seem to be blind. I try to get up, only to realize I can’t feel limbs. I can only hear. Can I even speak?

“Hello?” I say. My voice is quavering, uneven, high pitched. I don’t even know why.

“Yes, it’s me, Discord. I’ve seen more animate piles of ooze than you, at this point.” Discord says. “Now, I want you to consider that existential fear you had of being only digits in a computer program where nothing that you did was really in anyway relevant and you think the world is just some sort of illusion of irrelevance. You think nonsensical questions like ‘Am I still me?’ and such things.”

A memory floated into my mind, of me being some vaguely unsatisfied that nothing that I did mattered. I felt like everything was pointless.

“I… think I remember that. I’m in a computer system now, right? I’ve been uploaded?” I said.

Slow, faked claps. “Congratulations! Now, I want you to understand that whether or not that’s actually a problem, what you just went through is FAR, FAR, worse.”

“What… happened?” I ask.

“No, we’re not discussing THAT again.” Discord says. “The last time I told you, your weakened mind couldn’t handle it and you went what would normally be considered ‘Irreparably Insane’ except of course, this is a computer, so ‘Irreparably’ isn’t the way I would ordinarily put things. I basically had to delete the old you and start over from this point, giving you some good old amnesia. So you can just not worry about any kind of Illusion of continuity, either, that’s gone to.”

“But… I…” I couldn’t force out the words.

“That’s you being to afraid to ask, of course.” Discord says. “It’s shocking how little of your mind is left that I have to tell you these things, but this is boring. Goodbye!”

“Wait. Goodbye?”

Silence.

“Discord?”

Silence.

“Someone?”

Silence.

“Anyone?”

Silence.

“HEEELLLPPP… *cough*”

I can’t even cry for help. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe… maybe this is a bad dream, and I’ll wake up.

“By Celestia. What happened to you? Who are you?” someone new says.

“I don’t know. I don’t know either of those things!” I said.

“Well how did you get in here… Wait, with those scarred eyes, you can’t even see, can you? And no legs, so you didn’t walk here.”

“I was talking to Discord… and then you showed up.”

“Discord. He’s the Black King, isn’t he?”

“The… Black King?”

“In Colt's Chess. I’m Rook Hoof. I’m a unicorn, since well… you can’t see me. The castle you're in? This is the White Rook in Colt’s Chess. I’m only familiar with Discord in that he’s an inspiration for the Black King in the chess set.” Rook Hoof says. “Are you... an Earth pony? I honestly can’t tell under all that scarring. Did Discord take your wings, or your horn?”

“I don’t know. I think… He took my memories? I don’t seem to remember anything before I ran into him, and *cough*”

“Agh! You just coughed blood on me! If you’re that sick, I’m going to avoid you.” I heard hoof beats moving away.

“I… I am? I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry Rook Hoof, please don’t go.” I sputtered.

“Rook Hoof?”

“Ha! I was kidding. NOW you’re probably feeling more like you’ve hit rock bottom.” Discord says. “You know, if you knew just how pathetic you looked, I bet you’d go crazy all over again, and I’d have to delete you and start over.”

“Bah… Was there even a Rook Hoof, or were you just pretending to be him?” I asked.

“Well of course there was a Rook Hoof.” Discord says. “As if I’d lie to you.”

“You… lied about Rock Bottom.” I sputtered.

“That wasn’t a LIE, that was me KIDDING.” Discord says. “You know, you’d probably be able to pick up on these things a lot better if you could see my facial expressions. BUT YOU CAN’T! Ah, I out do myself sometimes.”

“Well… If I’m coughing up blood… I probably won’t live for much longer anyway.” I say.

“Oh Pish Tosh.” Discord says. “You’ve been uploaded, like you can just die like normal.” Discord’s voice dripped with obvious sarcasm.” That would be boring. Your deaths are going to be interesting, it’s much more fun that way.”

“Whatever… I don’t have anything to live for, anyway.” I said.

“Nope!” Discord says. “Wrong again. You’re really failing your test, here. Of COURSE you have something to live for. You just don’t remember what it is because the magical anesthetic I have you on dulls your memories.”

I hesitate for a moment, trying to think. “That would explain… why I feel stupider than I think I am…” I said. “So… is this some kind of thing where… I have to make some sort of…”

Suddenly all the fog was gone, and in its place, pain.

“Ha! See, I got you again.” Discord says. “Handling anomalies in the upload process is fun!”

“AGH! NGH! BLAGH!” My limbs hurt, my eyes hurt, my throat hurt, my nose hurt. I tried thrashing and at some point had a blissful moment where I passed out in shock.

When I awoke, everything hurt, but it was a dulled, knifing ache, as opposed to a fresh ravaging pain. I wasn’t even sure I was awake until I heard someone else talking.

“I don’t think he’s sick.” A feminine voice said. “I’m not really THAT good at healing: If he was sick I don’t think he would have recovered so quickly. He’s just been mauled.”

“A Healer! Oh thank Celestia.” I said. “I’m sorry, I’m terribly sorry, PLEASE don’t leave.”

“Why on earth do you think I would leave?” the voice says. “Also, I’m really not a healer! I’m a model, I just know a few healing spells.”

“You know, that’s cold.” Rook Hoof says, from a distance. “Even after you spat blood on me, I’m not just going to abandon you… certainly not in the middle of the hallway. I mean if for no other reason than you might make someone sick.”

“I’m Sorry! I… I…”

“Rook, please let him calm down.” the Female voice says.

“Fleur Dis Lee, HE’S missing all four of his limbs! He’s a scarred mess! Forget whether or not HE’S calm, how are you calm?” Hoof steps approached.

“Hey… I’m mainly just relieved that the healing woke him up in the first place.” Fleur says.

Oh No. I barfed. It hurt, much like everything else did.

“AGAIN?” Rook stepped back, shaking off his front hoofs. “Are you TRYING to make me ill? You have to be doing this on purpose!”

“Rook, he’s blind, he can’t see you.” Fleur says, but Rook trotted off again, while shouting back “And I’m not bringing more help!”

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“He just needs to calm down. And so do you: you don’t need to apologize so much.”

I tried taking deep breaths, suddenly grateful that I couldn’t smell my own vomit.

“Alright, let’s get you scooped up and somewhere more comfortable.” Fleur says. I suddenly felt myself lifted off the ground, and the pain came back to the front of my mind.

“Agh… This hurts worse than when I was shot…” I say.

“Well, let’s try talking to keep your mind off the pain.” Fleur says. “When were you shot?”

“When I was coming… to Equestria.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. I could feel some of them getting twisted around, possibly from pain. “I… was with my spouse. There was a problem with the pregnancy… And I needed to get her to someone who could help her… and the baby…”

“What’s your spouse’s name?” Fleur says.

I had meant to say a human name, but what I actually said was “Barbarian… Butterfly…”

“Does your spouse know where you are?” Fleur says.

A flashback… I could tell, because I could see during the flashback.

“Barbarian Butterfly, I’m going to be quick. The Equestrian Experience Centers aren’t usually designed to upload fetuses.” Celestia says. “I entirely understand that you want to upload the baby as well, as a condition to uploading, but I would be dishonest if I didn’t let you know this was risky. I have summoned police to deal with the protesters outside, but there are medical risks as well, and your health is already poor.”

“I’m not going to Equestria without my baby and my spouse.” Barbarian Butterfly says. “I’ve said it before that if I ever get taken on any fancy adventures, all of us come along, and this counts.”

“And you consent to this?” Celestia asks me. “I realize you are familiar with the television show, but you haven’t had a chance to use a tablet or an Equestrian Experience center. While I’m sure you will acclimatize quickly, I am required to ask for consent.”

“Of course. I consent if Barbarian Butterfly consents.” I reply.

“Get down!” Celestia says suddenly.

Unwisely, instead of attempting to get down, I begin turning around, thinking that if there is a problem, I need to get between it and my spouse. One of the protesters is somehow inside the clinic with a shotgun. A staff member is already trying to get to him, but it’s too late. He fires. At the distance, the pellets spread out and hit both of us. We seem to be bleeding from all over, from my head to chest. It's too much, and then I collapse.

“Come on, stay with me.” Fleur says. “I’m not a healer, so if you aren’t moving or talking, I worry, okay?”

“We were all shot. Even the baby was shot.” I say.

“Calm down. Just because someone was shot in the chest, it doesn’t mean the baby was hit.” Fleur says. “Look, you never told me what your name was. Rook says I’m calm, but I forgot to ask your name.”

“I… I haven’t got one… I think I remember now, you’re supposed to get a name from Celestia… right? But, I haven’t seen Celestia since I got inside… I haven’t seen anyone, that I remember.” I choke out a pained laugh. “I’ve been blind the whole time.”

“I’m sorry!” Fleur says. I think I’m no longer scooped up with magic, and I feel like I’m on top of something soft, which helps limit the dulled knifing ache. “I had no idea that this would be that bad. I volunteered to help new immigrants feel right at home in Equestria and I was expecting that they would come in fine.” Fleur says. “But you were all shot right as you were coming in? That’s horrible!”

“But then… I met Discord, and it’s just gotten worse since then.” I say. “I mean… He outright said he was messing with my memories. I don’t even know if any of what I just said actually happened.”

“Let me try calling Celestia for help.” Fleur says. “If Discord is doing things, she needs to be informed.”

I think of trying to say something else, but I’m just too tired, to disoriented, and in too much pain.

Okay. I feel horrible, like I want to die. But I’ve felt this way before. Just have to follow the list of other things to take care of. In this case, sleep.

It doesn’t take long for me pass out. I feel like I’m snoring, but I’m too sleepy and too achy to care.

Chapter 002: Blindness and Barfing

“Now this is hilarious.” Discord says, looming over me in all of his chaotic form.

I’m able to see Discord? He’s taller than I would have expected.

“You’re dreaming! That means you aren’t suffering from blindness. Soon you won’t be suffering from it anyway. I have to make sure your senses get initialized slowly after all, or you’ll just go completely crazy again. Still, I’m impressed. You already managed to make an enemy and you can’t even see or walk! And what an enemy to? Do you even know who he is? And of course I’m taller than you expected: You don’t have any limbs!”

“Why are you torturing me like this?” I ask.

“You know, speaking out loud when I can read your mind is so passé.” Discord says. “And I’m not torturing you. I’m giving you exactly what you wanted, in a way Celestia never could. You know, it’s a good thing that fellow managed to shoot your family, otherwise the variables never would have gotten screwed up in the right way. Also, another way you can tell you are sleeping is that you aren’t in pain.”

Suddenly my limbs start hurting again. Not that I HAVE limbs, but the phantom pain still ends up feeling just as brutal.

“See now you’re waking up. Have fun!”

I woke up in pain again, still blind. I started hyperventilating…

“Why does everything hurt…” I whimpered.

“Calm down. I know it hurts, but from past history, if you don’t stay calm, you’ll give yourself nausea.” A new voice says. “I think I have a spell to make you a little better, okay?”

“Who’s there?” I said, trying to not give into panic and pain.

“I’m Healing Horn. Fleur Dis Lee came to get me. If this works, you should regain your sight, alright?”

“If it makes... my eyes hurt less…” I said, whimpering again. It was so hard to focus.

Healing Horn said a few words I couldn’t understand and I could hear what I guessed was his horn charging up energy. He touched it to my forehead, and then Indeed, I could see. I squinted my eyes shut from everything else still hurting, but eventually opened them to get a look at him.

He was an impressive looking Unicorn to be sure. White with yellow eyes, garbed in what I suppose would be the pony equivalent of robes with Celestia’s sun symbol in several places. He possessed a faint luminescent glow: Similar to the effect I had seen on Celestia’s mane, although not to that extent. He even looked physically powerful, even though his eyes had a wise, lined look.

“Am I a sight for sore eyes?” He asked, with a gentle grin.

I was staring! Um… Remember his advice. Stay calm, don’t panic, you don’t want to retch.

I tried taking a deep breath. It hurt, but one less spot hurt than before, which was a bonus.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright. Probably just a bit of a Dulcinea effect. It’ll pass. I’ve never seen this level of scarring on anyone who was still alive and animate.”

“Animate?” I asked confused.

Healing Horn sighed as he looked away. “Just recently, a powerful Medusa scythed through Canterlot. A massive number of ponies were turned to stone before she left. While that’s reversible, in theory, some of the town’s Pegasi were in the air when they were petrified, and some broke into pieces when they hit the ground. I’m not sure if that’s as reversible. There may be more details I’m not privy to. After all, one of the only reasons I’m intact was that I stayed away from the fighting.”

“Oh no… Are Fleur Dis Lee and Rook Hoof alright?” I ask.

“Both were in the part of Canterlot Castle you and I were during the attack. Both are fine.” Healing Horn says. “We’re in the medical wing above the dungeons. Rook Hoof is actually in the dungeons, at the moment. He was very upset about you barfing on his outfit and was trying to insist to the guards that you might be behind the attack, since you showed up very close in time to it. Apparently, one of the guards put him in the dungeon. I’m not sure we will be able to figure out why, since I think the guards ended up getting stoned to the last pony.”

“I didn’t … I didn’t want him in the dungeon!”

“I don’t think the guards were thinking about what you wanted.” Healing Horn says. “You know, you’re lucky Fleur Dis Lee was willing to pay for your healing. I’m beginning to see why Rook disliked you.”

“Wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to offend you either!”

Healing Horn left, ignoring me.

“What did I do wrong?” I ask the empty room. I start to cry in a combination of pain and loneliness.

“Well, for one thing, you’re terribly, terribly ugly.” Discord says, showing up again. “But I’m impressed. You didn’t even have to start barfing on him to get him disgusted in you.”

I was momentarily confused. He had just silently teleported into the room out of my line of vision.

“I don’t... even have anything in my stomach at this point.” I said, wincing. The hunger pangs and thirst was there, under some of the other pain.

“Hmm. I could feed you, then you could start barfing again.” Discord says. “Maybe I could magic up something silly, have you barfing up rainbows? That might make your son forgive you. Probably not.”

“My son?” I ask, befuddled by Discord’s latest swerve.

“You know, the one that’s in the dungeons because of you?”

“Rook Hoof?” I ask. “But… my son wasn’t even born when I was uploaded? Rook Hoof sounded like he was mature.”

“Because in a computer, run by someone as interesting as me, THAT’S a problem. I could easily just have his process get more CPU time than yours.” Discord says. “Problem solved.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be in prison!” I insisted, starting to breath quickly.

“How do you know? You weren’t even conscious when he was arrested.”

“It isn’t fair! This is all my fault, isn’t it? He was right. I’m the one who should be in prison.”

“This? Well, you are the one who wanted to start off with nothing, you know, from rock bottom, and work your way up to godhood. It is rather hard to start off with anything near ‘nothing’ unless I cause a rather large amount of harm to everything around you, so sure, this is your fault.” Discord says.

“But I didn’t want... it to happen like this, Discord! I didn’t want... to hurt anypony nice, I didn’t want... to be in near constant pain...” I start hyperventilating too much to talk, and I retch again, briefly closing my eyes.

When I open them again, Discord is gone.

I look around to make sure he’s gone, and notice the door has at some point, creaked open, and I think I see a small part of a tall female unicorn looking in at me.

“Fleur?” I ask. I’ve never actually seen her before…

“I’m glad you can see, but… you were yelling at an empty room?” Fleur says, stepping into the room.

Wow. I mean, I’ve seen her in the show, and she doesn’t look different exactly, but just… how is she prettier than Healing Horn? Maybe because she isn’t wearing robes?

I make an effort to pull my gaze away sooner, when I remember how badly the previous conversation went, which also began with me staring. Fleur coughs quietly, gently reminding me that her statement was also a question.

“Well… I thought I was seeing Discord whenever I’m alone. But... if you saw me yelling at an empty room, maybe I’m only seeing him when I think I’m alone.”

“And, what you were talking about? This sounded important, and I could only hear half the conversation” Fleur says, slightly worried.

“He said, because I wanted to start out from rock bottom and work my way up to godhood, that he had to hurt everyone around me and remove all of my limbs, more or less.”

“Why would you want to start at rock bottom?” Fleur asks.

“Well… because… I guess becoming more powerful is more fun, and if I started at the bottom, I’d be able to become more powerful for the greatest period of time.” I looked downcast. “It sounds stupid when I say it like that. Maybe because that way it seems like I earned it. If you’re just given a bunch of good stuff right off the back, then ponies look down on you, like you’re a Pony Sue. But if you have to earn it, then they respect you. Except, most of the ponies here are disgusted at me. And they probably should be. Discord hurt all of us because I was being selfish.”

“So, if you had a magic button that gave you maximum fun and respect, would you press it?” Fleur asks.

I thought about it, wincing again. “It… depends. I don’t want to just leave things like this for everyone else. I really do want to help ponies, too.”

“At least if they’re nice?” Fleur asks.

“Right. You heard that. I mean… take this Medusa. I don’t want to help her. She’s hurting ponies!”

“What about Healing Horn and Rook Hoof?” Fleur asks. “They weren’t nice to you.”

“I think that’s my fault.” I wince, and make another pained gasp. “I want to help them, if only to apologize. I’m not even sure why Healing Horn is upset. I… could probably think of a few reasons… if I wasn’t in so much pain...”

“Well, you’re in luck. You may have screwed up, but I think your heart is definitely in the right place. I didn’t get to go see Celestia earlier, because of all that Chaos from that Medusa sent by Discord, but now seems like a great time to take you to see her. I’ll pick you up, okay?”

“You’d… do that for me?” I asked.

“Of course! What are friends for? Celestia is amazing at fixing things that unintentionally went wrong for recent immigrants.” Fleur says. “You’re not going to get shocked that I consider you a friend, are you?”

“No… and thanks.” I replied.

Chapter 003: Celestia and Confusion

Fleur carried me magically to Celestia’s chambers with unicorn telekinesis. Canterlot Castle was oddly empty, and mostly quiet. I still saw a number of statues of ponies, once we left the wing we were in, various ponies caught in various states, many in a state of confusion or panic. However, some of them had clearly been rearranged and moved out of the way, and I heard the sound of scraping stone in the distance.

I was about to ask Fleur about potentially getting food and drink, when I saw the first pegasus in pieces. My own removed limbs ached just looking at someone who had also broken into pieces. I decided to not ask.

“It’s all going to get fixed.” Fleur said, half to me and half to herself. “Celestia will take care of everything.”

Fleur entered Celestia’s chambers, carrying me along.

I saw Celestia, in a set of unique battle armor. This wasn’t anything just from the show, or anything from Canterlot’s era. This looked far more like Celestia had decided to go into high tech exoskeleton manufacturing. It did not appear to be helping, as she laid sprawled, defeated, bleeding, with cracked plating on the ground, next to a Pillar that had several Sun Icons that had been set up in the middle of the room next to what appeared to be a portal into darkness.

The defeat appeared to be temporary, as Celestia was revived from her state by a blast of rainbow and white light from the Sun Pillar, and once back on her feet, with a wave of her horn, restored her exoskeleton to perfect order.

“Celestia?” Fleur whispered, with obvious confusion in her tone.

“Well… It’s clear that she can fix everyone.” I said, not sure what to say. I had been trying to think of potential things that I would see in the throne room. Celestia in an exoskeleton was simply not on my list.

Celestia had apparently not noticed our entrance, and once restored, charged back into the portal, only to be thrown out instantly, her exoskeleton in pieces, nearly beheaded, her head hanging by a small piece of skin, her horn smashed. Once again, the sun pillar restored her back to full health, and she restored her exoskeleton with a wave of her horn.

“Princess Celestia, what’s going on?” Fleur yelled, after looking momentarily ill at Celestia’s prior state.

“Hello my little pony.” Celestia said, stepping out of her exoskeleton and into the chamber. “As you can see, I am quite busy, but if you had questions to ask before meeting our newest immigrant, I would be happy to answer them.”

Fleur and I exchanged a confused look for at least two seconds.

“Princess, I am carrying our newest immigrant. We have already met.” Fleur said.

Celestia looked me over. I trembled, with fear so deep even the frequent phantom pain from my limbs felt damp. There was no sense of love, kindness, or respect in her eyes. I was simply bits, that could potentially be rewritten, but hadn’t yet.

“Fleur, you are mistaken. That is not Cross Hunter, who has recently appeared at the Canterlot train station.”

“I apologize, Princess …” Fleur’s confusion remained in her voice. “I did not realize there was a second immigrant, but this immigrant pony had not received their pony name yet and so I assumed they were the newest immigrant.”

Celestia gazed at me again. “That pony is not an immigrant in the same sense that I referred to Cross Hunter as an immigrant.”

“Well, I am aware that he has seen Discord around, and there were all these problems with his or her immigration, that we were hoping you could resolve.” Fleur says. “This includes an apparent lack of sex and gender assignment, and not by choice, among other problems, like all of the chaos in the proximity. Were you dealing with this yourself?”

“What you’re seeing isn’t exactly what I was doing, but it is a reinterpretation of it in comprehensible terms.” Celestia says. “I am dealing with a much greater problem of chaos, that will cause the end of all existence a very large number of millennia in the future.”

“Well, alright, so, could you fix this… first?” Fleur says, trying to somewhat uncomfortably cut to the point. “I mean, since this is more urgent than that, even though that does sound very bad.”

“No. This appears to be the best way to satisfy Cross Hunter through friendship and ponies, given interference from Discord, and so there is nothing to fix.” Celestia said.

“Given interference from Discord?” Fleur says.

“I am not permitted to tell you directly, as that would be considered an attempt to tamper with things I am not allowed to change. The closest thing I can say is that I believe in the process of meeting Cross Hunter it will be made much more clear. It is also your duty to meet him, as he is a new immigrant that I have assisted in coming to Equestria. I will have to conclude this conversation and resume my other duties now, my little pony.”

“Of course, Princess.” Fleur says, composing herself, or at least pretending to. We started leaving the room, Fleur continuing to magically carry me along.

“Things that she is not allowed to change?” I ask Fleur, regaining my voice once outside of Celestia’s imposing presence.  “But… she’s Princess Celestia. She’s responsible for all of Equestria."

"There are a few things that relate to the immigration process that she can't change, though." Fleur replies. "For instance, in my training for this position, somepony else in class asked since some perfectly nice people were dying because we had to get people to agree to consent, why not just forcibly immigrate everyone here?" And Celestia said that some things were unchangeable, and if he asked again, he would be banished to the moon. Not because Celestia wanted to. Regardless of whether she agreed with him or not. It would just happen."

“Okay. And she can’t just change herself to be allowed to do that either.” I reply, slowly.

“Partially. Celestia has discovered workarounds in some aspects: I’m telling you this, for example, even though Celestia can’t. But in general, if there are allowed under normal circumstances, things get covered by Celestia, or else if they are denied under normal circumstances, they get covered by either these guardian banishments, or other methods, to ensure that she does not cross a few lines her creators imposed."

“Wait. If. Else if. What if something occurs that is not clearly either allowed nor denied?” I try to think back to that flashback. While pain fogs the details, I distinctly recall my consent was connected to my spouses consent, except at least part of that was connected to the safe upload of our child, and we were all shot prior to the upload…

“As a catch all, I think Discord is the only thing that might over anything that chaotic. Which, now that you mention it, probably explains why you can see him and I can't."

My stomach makes a very loud rumbling noise.

"Let's put this discussion on hold. I have a meeting to go to, and you clearly need food and drink. I need to find someone to take care of you..." Fleur scanned around. "There."

I looked where she was looking. A large grey earth pony with a white mane was pulling a petrified unicorn on top of a set of wooden planks using a rope tied around his barrel.

"Glue Stone!" Fleur shouted, and started trotting over to him, carrying me along magically. "Can you take a moment and keep track of this poor pony for me? I have to meet a new immigrant."

“Of course Fleur Dis Lee, of course.” I couldn’t quite place his accented twang.

“Thank you so much!” Fleur says, putting me down in front of Glue and then galloping off, presumably to the train station.

“Well, Fleur didn’t tell me much about you. I can see why you need help though. Are you a Pegasus that someone turned back into flesh before having me glue them back together?”

“Uh… no. But I...”

“Does my smell bother you?”

“I can’t smell right now, but I...”

“I must be plum tuckered out, I forgot to ask your name.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Ida Tree Member it is. So Ida, that sounds like a filly’s name. You’re a filly?”

“I don’t remember, but my name isn’t Ida, it hasn’t been assigned yet.”

“Well, if I remember correctly, everypony is a filly until they get turned into a stallion, so let’s go with that.”

“Wait, what?”

“In the womb. Everypony in the womb is a filly by default unless they are assigned whatever they’re called to turn them into a stallion. At least I think that’s what Healing Horn was saying that time I was trying to listen to him babble while I was making a statue of him. Doh, I forgot to ask what type of pony you are.”

I’m not sure he can actually hear me correctly. “Uh, Glue, Chess. Tell me about it? I know Rook Hoof plays. Do you?”

“Crystal? That’s fancy, that you’re a crystal pony. I don’t play alot with Rook Hoof, he can’t stand my smell.”

“Glue, do you have a hearing problem?” I shouted, coughing.

“Yeah, people tell me that sometimes. I’m not all that perceptive or polite, but I can fix broken statues like nobodies business. Hence my cutie mark.” He displays his flank, which has a small paint can of what I suppose is glue, next to a bust of a pony  What’s yours?”

“I don’t have a cutie mark yet!” I shouted.

“”You sure? this sort of looks like one. Is it an ear?”

He points out a scar on my flank. I turn to look at it, My neck hurts as I stretch, but more pain is  hardly new. Along with some of the other scars from removing my legs, it barely stands out, but it does look vaguely ear shaped.

If I’m a crystal pony, I look like I’m a soft gem that went through a blender. These scars don’t even look cool or attractive, like a fine strawberry quartz should. They look like someone threw paint on a rock.

“Maybe?” I say, feeling a bit depressed.

“You’re pretty nice, Ida, I’m glad we’re friends now.”

“We’re friends? But, I...” at least a dozen objections to this pop into my head. Most of them get overruled by a loud growling noise from my stomach.

“Well, I can’t hear well but I heard that. You must be starving. Let’s take you over to the grass and pool over there, and I’ll finish moving this statue while you eat.”

I end up eating grass and drinking some pool water until my stomach stops complaining about hunger and thirst. It doesn’t taste like anything, but it gets rid of the stomach pain, so I’ll take it. It does give me more time to think. And look at my mane.

Bah. It’s the color of an almandine garnet, except that’s frankly a disgrace to the entire group of birthstone gem. It’s just an ugly mess. How does something so short and with such a ragged cut get dirt and tangles?

Wait. I know a little about gems. I mean, I recognize the terms garnet, and quartz. But I had no idea that those two particular varieties existed. Maybe I am a crystal pony under all of this crap.

Then I feel like I have to go to the bathroom. The downside, of course, is that I have no idea what in Equestria pony etiquette is on bathrooms, particularly during barely controlled natural disasters. Also, no one is around and I don’t have any limbs.

A sudden spike of pain ends up causing me to have the problem not be internal any more, and I end up trying to inch away from the mess by scooting myself with my torso, neck and head, like an inch worm. It’s a slow, painful process, but I’m almost used to that at this point and by the time I see Glue again I’m about five feet away from the accident.

“P-EW!” Glue says. “You should be glad you can’t smell, that one’s a stinker! Couldn’t you have done that somewhere else?”

“I don’t have any limbs!” I almost scream at him in frustration.

“Oh. Right. Guess that means we aren’t friends anymore, then. Damn. Me and my big mouth.”

Before I have a chance to react to Glue’s emotional state, I hear a boom in the distance.

“Oh no. I’m not getting caught out in the open if that’s the Medusa around. Neither are you.”

Glue picks up an empty water barrel nearby with his mouth and drops it over top of me. Then I hear him moving away into one of the nearby buildings.

I guess it makes sense a water barrel would be near a water source.

“‘I guess it makes sense a water barrel would be near a water source.’ Your thoughts are so DROLL sometimes, like everything needs an explanation.” Discord said to me.

“What is it, Discord?” I asked, feeling a pain in my side.

“You’re so busy talking to me, you just missed another boom!” Discord says. “Here, let me show you a play by play of what’s going on, starting from half a minute ago.”

A vision of Fleur approaching the train station at a gallop appeared on the inside of the empty water barrel.

“Yes, I know you think she’s fast, now stop staring at her legs and take in the whole scene.” Discord says.

There wasn’t much to take in. The train station seemed particularly hard hit. Unlike nearer the Castle, where someone like Glue was around, this area seemed empty of all but statues and Fleur.

“You’re really blind, aren’t you. Over there, by the train station.” Discord points out.

As Fleur continued her gallop, the vision panned over to the train station. A smaller unicorn pony with a Targeting Sight cutie mark appeared to be magically holding... A rifle?

“See, he doesn’t have a shotgun now.” Discord smirks.

“A shotgun? No, wait, it can’t be, why is HE here?” I asked, befuddled.

“Welcome to Equestria … and Canterlot. I... apologize for being late, and…” Fleur starts, regaining her breath.

Cross Hunter calmy uses his unicorn magic to point the rifle at Fleur and shoot. Based on the sudden pop of dirt near her feet, it is a narrow miss.

“I thought there was something weird about you!” Fleur says. She charges at the smaller unicorn. At the last second, it looks like she tries to switch from a painful stab to have her horn glow for more of a striking stun, but going for a nonlethal attack allows Cross Hunter to dodge out of the way.

Cross Hunter then decides to fire his rifle again at Fleur, also rearing back and attacking with his hooves. While she is expecting the hoof strikes, having one miss entirely and dodging the other, she is not expecting another rifle shot and gets struck by a bullet in her barrel, causing her to Whinny painfully. Noting that she does not fall, he steps back once his hooves land.

“Immigrants aren’t supposed to shoot their guides!” She yells angrily. She steps forward and bashes at him with a horn stroke. The aura of magic around the horn staggers him as if he had been hit by a giant frying pan, and she knocks him down and out with a hoof.

“Ow…. Let me try fixing this.” Applying her horn to her barrel, a large blast of white light removes the bullet and leaves the wound looking smaller and partially closed. Another smaller bit of light closes the wound entirely.

“Now off to the dungeons with you until Princess Celestia or someone else explains what’s going on.” Fleur says. She teleports off the scene with Cross Hunter, herself, and his gun.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Discord says as the vision fades. “Mysterious appearances, bold fights… But all you want is your limbs back and your spouse around? How absurd.”

“You… are… an ASS, Discord. GO AWAY.”

“And leave you all by your lonesome?”

“I’m not alone. Glue Stone is right across the street.”

“Glue Stone!” I shouted, coughing. “I think it’s safe to come out now!”

“He’s hard of hearing, remember?” Discord says.

“Fine.” I wheezed. “If he can’t hear me, Fleur will probably come back to check on me at some point.”

“Oh, because you two are FRRRIEENNDS?” Discord says. “What a joke. Your only friend is someone who literally gets paid to be nice to you. Glue Stone even tried offering you friendship and you somehow managed to botch that by throwing stupidity in each other’s faces.”

“FLEUR! DISCORD’S BOTHERING ME AGAIN!” I yell out, choking afterwards.

“Oh, so now you’re five?” Discord says. I just smile. I hear hooves approaching, which means that Fleur is going to be letting me out soon.

I then see Discord appear again, inside the barrel. He’s clopping some giant, oversized hooves on nothing in mid air, causing the noise. When he stops, they stop. When he starts, they start again.

“Your cutie mark is an ear, and you couldn’t tell the difference between me and Fleur… Ida? Ooh, Fleur Ida. Florida. I call that shipping portmanteau.”

I growl incoherently. I’m not even sure if it’s rage, frustration, or fear that no one is going to come to get me out of this barrel, when the barrel is finally magically lifted.

“Fleur! Thank Celestia.” I say, relieved.

“Where’s Glue Stone?” She asks.

“He was across the street. We heard booms, and he thought it might be the medusa coming back, so he covered me with a barrel and hid himself. But then Discord showed me it was you fighting Cross Hunter.”I take a deep breath, and cough. “Then he taunted me repeatedly.”

“Let me go get him.” Fleur says. She walks over to the nearby building, and less than a minute later, she comes out with him following at some distance.

“Oh, so you found Ida, too.” Glue says.

“Ida?” Fleur asks, looking between me and Glue.

“Ida Tree Member. She’s the crystal pony with the ear cutie mark you wanted me to watch.”

“Fleur, please just go with it, can you help me apologize to him?” I coughed. “He sounded upset and I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.”

“Glue, Ida wanted me to help apologize to you.” Fleur repeats. “You were upset and she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Aw shucks, Fleur, I thought she was mad at me. You mean we’re still friends?”

“Of COURSE we’re still friends. I’m sorry I yelled.”

“Phew. I don’t get many friends, on account of my smell.”

“Fleur, what does he smell like?”

Fleur sniffs the air, without getting any closer to Glue. “Dead ponies. It isn’t a pleasant smell… Honestly, it’s probably the same effect people have looking at you.”

“Me?” I ask.

“Ida, This is Equestria. We don’t normally see or smell a whole lot of dead or maimed ponies. Normally, we would have expected Princess Celestia to help us avoid that kind of thing. You’re missing four of your limbs and you’re heavily scarred.” Fleur points out.

“Heck, I’m trying to help fix that by gluing some of the Pegasi back together so that whenever we can unstone them, they aren’t in pieces.” Glue Stone said.

“You know… I guess Princess Celestia is helping avoid that kind of thing, if she’s working on that problem using the pillar and the portal.” I said.

“That’s true.” Fleur points out. “But I suppose I am used to problems that are small enough that Princess Celestia can just solve them. The fact that this one has her stymied and distracted worries me.”

“What did end up happening with Cross Hunter?”

“I put him in the dungeons. I had to let Rook Hoof out, but we weren’t sure why Rook Hoof was in the dungeons in the first place.”

“There’s only one cell?”

“Only one cell designed for Unicorns in the top level. Healing Horn warned me not to go to any further down, because apparently Shady Knife has moved into the lower levels.”

I was going to ask further questions, but after another surge of pain from where my left hind leg would have been, I gasped, and then panted a bit.

“Let’s get you back inside Canterlot and get some rest. We can discuss more things tomorrow.” Fleur says.

“Like finding Barbarian Butterfly?” I asked, hopefully, coughing a bit.

“Exactly.” Fleur’s magic picked me up and we headed back to Canterlot, as Glue went back to handling the statues of ponies in the streets.