Eating onions

by The Frank

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Drama, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Applejack
Length: 1129

What's wrong with eating onions? It's good to eat onions. There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing at all. And I'm not crying.

Applejack realizes she hasn't seen her friend Rainbow Dash in a while. Actually, quite a while. A couple of weeks to be honest. Yeah, actually a month. So, she decides to go and have a little chat with her, as a good friend would. Just to check, nothing more. She did look a little sad last time she saw her and ... actually, she looked like a trainwreck.

However, Rainbow claims there is nothing wrong with her.

Nothing at all.

Really, it's nothing.

NOTHING! *CRUNCH*

Dialogue only, because I wanted to try it. Cover by Artypaints, who made this piece inspired by the story. My first fanart! WOOOO!

Published 2016-01-25 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-25 23:50:01 UTC

Have a bite.

Have a bite.

“Well uhm, howdy, Rainbow Dash.”
“Oh…Hi, AJ. “*Crunch*

“…Nice day, isn't it?”
“....”
"Yep... yep, sure glad to be outside enjoying a nice day like this."
"Eh. It's an ok day, I guess."
"...Ok..."

*Crunch*

“So… What was ah thinkin'... ehm...yer gonna sign up for running of the leaves?”
“I guess.”
“Well, ah sure hope ya do. It won’t be the same without ya, ya know.”
“It’s five moons away, AJ.”
“Yeah, but… well, it’s good to be prepared ya know.”
“I guess.” *Crunch*

“So…any new stunts ya been practicing?”
“Nope”
“Really? Ya usually keep practicing all the time.”
“Well, I can change my mind from time to time, can’t I?” *Gulp*
“Yeah.... Ya know, it’s been a while since ah saw ya around the acres?”
“I know.
“Ya know... Have ya…been up to something special?”
“No.”
"...Ok..."

*crunch*

“Ya know, Rainbow, yer starting to worry ponies. How are ya really? It’s been a while since we had a talk, ya know?”
*gulp* “I’m fine, AJ. Everything’s ok, everything’s great, everything is… just peachy.”

“Ya look a bit off.”
“What do you mean, off?”
“Well… Them black rings under yer eyes.”
“Oh. Tank has trouble sleeping.” *Crunch*
“Tank?”
“Yep. Poor little guy. He keeps me awake all night.”
“Tank? Tank is keeping you awake? How?”
“He’s pining for the fjords.”
“Pining for the…?”
“The fjords. You know, tortoises as water-living animals. He longs for the sea.”
“Yeah, ah get that, but… fjords?”
“Yes, fjords. A long, narrow inlet with steep sides or cliffs, created by glacial erosion.“
“Say what now? On the other hand, never mind. Ya read that in a Daring Do-book, ah guess?”
“Yep. You learn a lot from Daring Do.” *Crunch*

“O…kay… Sorry, Rainbow, but ah have to ask, what are ya eating all the time?”
“Onions.”

“Onions?”
“Onions.”
“Alright. “

“Well… Ah was just wondrin’ how ya were.”
“Uhu.” *Crunch* “And now you know.”
“Yeah, yer eating onions… Is that all ya do?”
“No.”
“Okay?”

“I sometimes eat garlic as well.”
“Garlic?”
“Garlic.”

“But now… yer… just eating onions.”
“Yep.”

“Well, that’s good.... Ah guess.”
“They contain anti-oxidants, have a high content of protein and reduces the risks of cancer in your teats, uterus, stomach and other stuff.”

“Oh…that’s…interesting.”
“When you're an awesome athlete you gotta care about your health, you know.”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah, yer right here, he he…uhm…”
“What?”
“… Yer eating onions just 'cause ya need more protein?”
“And to avoid Cancer.”
“Yeah, that to. Read that in Daring Do as well?”
“Daring Do.” *Crunch*

“Ah was wondering… What were ya doing last night?”
“Nothing.” *Gulp*
“Nothing.”
“Nothing. I was home. Read a book. Played with Tank. Ate an onion.”
“Okay… Pinkie Pie missed ya, ya know.”

*Crunch*

“So?”
“So? Well… to be honest, ya don’t usually miss a party at the corner.”

“I...I can’t be in partymode all of the time, can I?”
“No, ah guess… but still.”
“Still, what?”
“Well… Yer haven’t been around very much at all lately. Ah mean… it was some weeks since ya were down at the acres, Twilight almost miss yer crashing through her windows, Pinkie says ya haven’t been pranking with her in a while, and Fluttershy…”
“-What about Fluttershy?”

“Yer dropped yer onion.”
“Forget the onion, I have more. What about Fluttershy?”
“Well… she… She misses ya as well.”

“Oh.”

“To be honest, she’s afraid she… and since it was an engagementpar… sorry, how many onions do ya have in that bag?”
“Twentyseven.”
“TWENTY...seven? ”
“Twentyseven. And one hundred and one more back at home. I eat at least fifteen a day.”
“Wow… That’s… that’s mighty impressive.”

“But, wouldn’t that give ya an unruly stomach?”
“Perhaps. So?” *BURP*
“Oh, just wondering…ah guess.”
“Well, you might think it would be a problem, but because it’s mostly water, while it increases the amount of urine, it reduces the amount of faeces. It’s quite useful when you’re in the jungle… or fly a lot. Urine takes less time to dispose of and leaves less tracks.”

“…Daring Do?”
“Daring Do.”

“Wow. Never knew there was so much in them books.”
“Sure is.”

“Rainbow?”
“Yes?”
“Fluttershy is afraid she hurt ya.”
“Ok.”
“She’s afraid ya didn’t take her engagement with Rarity very well”
“Ok.”
“What’s that in yer eyes…”
“ONIONS! I’M EATING ONIONS!”

“So… yer okay with her and Rares being a couple.”
“S-sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, sugarcube, yer did look kinda down when I saw ya last week when they went public with it.”
“Well, you are wrong. I’m fine. Totally fine. Never been better.”
“Yer sure? ‘cause it looked like ya had been cry…”
“ONIONS! I WAS EATING ONIONS!”

“Could've fooled me.”
“Yeah, tough luck.”
“But seriously, RD. Yer been like this since Fluttershy and ya broke…”
“For the last frigging time, AJ! I am NOT CRYING! I am NOT sad because the love of my life decided that we ‘weren’t good for each other’ and wanted to take a ‘break’! I am not sad 'cause I’m twentythree years old, single, and alone for the rest of my life! And I AM NOT UPSET because she started dating RARITY! RARITY! THE PRISSIEST SAPPIEST PONY OF THEM ALL! WHEN SHE COULD HAVE ME! When it SHOULD have been me! But just because I… I wasn't… I could have… She…” *Gulp* ”I am not… I am not…crying.” *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*

“So…them tears…”
“Onions. Just onions. Yesterday it was onions, today it’s onions, tomorrow it’s onions.”
“Ok.”

“Rainbow?”
“…Yeah?”
“Ya know, it’s okay to cry?”
"..."

“It doesn’t make ya less of a pony to let yer feelings out once in a while, ya know? Open up them floodgates, clean the system. Makes ya feel better.”
“….”
“Sorry?”
“Yeah, you are the one to talk”
“Sorry, sugarcube?”
“I said: Yeah, you are the one to talk.”
“What do ya mean by that?”
“When you and Twilight broke up I didn’t see a tear on your face! Not once in spring, not at the summer sun celebration, not in cider season, not once! Just bucking trees and being…being you! And then, that heart's warming, when Twilight and Trixie told everypony they were engaged, and she was blabbering about how much IN LOVE she and Trixie was and how she finally found TRUE happiness, you didn’t cry. And while you really should have thrown a tantrum over how unfair everything was, which 'doesn't make yer less of a poney and make ya feel better', you just stood there."

“Yeah, if you’re not crying, neither am I."

“…Rainbow?”
“Yeah?”
“…Can ah have one of yer onions?”
“…Sure.”

Author's Note

I regret nothing, and you will know me by the trail of dead onions.

But If you have the time, listen to The Everly Brothers.