Mamihlapinatapai

by WritingSpirit

Rating: teen
Tags: Flash Sentry, Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Romance, Drama, Original Character
Length: 113668

A study on failure and loss, from the view of a certain royal guard who fancies a certain Princess of Friendship and the awry experiences they were forced to endure.

This is a story about failure.

Believe me, it's not a very nice story. Failure can bring out the worst in everyone, especially when it comes at the expense of someone's life. Especially when that someone goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle.

This is a story about love and desire, about trust and forgiveness. This is a story about shame and despair, about regret and guilt beyond compare.

This is a story about Flash Sentry.

This is a work of an author exploring and experimenting with metaphors through character dynamics amid heavy subject matters. The reader is encouraged to take their time and read between the lines, as well as give a little feedback about the story and such in general.

All rights of cover art go to Mewball

Published 2016-01-23 23:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-06 18:35:56 UTC

Entry #2

"Yakyakistan?"

"Yes, that Yakyakistan."

What's so special about Yakyakistan? What's so special about that yakkity-yak place that made Princess Celestia decide it was a great idea to hold a little summit there? Don't get me wrong, the yaks are lovely in their own barbaric ways, but to go all the way up into the snow-capped mountains where you could be pummeled by snowstorms or hailstorms or yetis or rabid yaks makes me think that they really didn't think this through. Why can't the bloody yaks make their journey down to the Crystal Empire and have the summit there? Wouldn't it easier for everypony (not every-yak) to just gather there instead? I found myself grumbling, a little annoyed that the yaks couldn't be more inconsiderate. They're going to be greeted by all four princesses, for Faust's sake! Wouldn't it hurt to have a shred of fucking decency every now and then?

"Come on, it won't be that bad," Twilight chuckled at my frown, shaking her head. "Just think of all the cultural icons that they have over there! Wonder what they have in their souvenir shops? Spike wanted me to get him something when we get back. What do you think they have there, Flash?"

"Probably yak statues, or statues of yaks making statues."

"Hey, be nice!" she chastised me, restraining her laughter. "You need me to brush up on your Yakyakistani history and cultural studies? They can be pretty sensitive when it comes to culture over there."

"I'll just keep my mouth shut then."

Twilight rolled her eyes at my comment; usually, that meant she was getting a little tired at my sarcastic sense of humor. I can sympathize. After all, it was my friends who've influenced this spawn of humor upon me. I don't know how many times their admittedly witty comments left me with the bitter taste in my mouth and, at times, a knee right into my dignity. The worst I've gone so far with her was when she sighed, planted her face into her book and bemoaned about how it had all come to this, how Spike was already enough and whatsoever. After that moment, I did make attempts to tone it down a little according to the mood, though seeing how illiterate I was to the atmosphere, it only happened a precious number of times.

"Look, I just want it to be enjoyable for you too," Twilight sighed. "I mean, I'll be going there for business as usual and you'll be standing at some corner somewhere, but after that, we'll have some free time, won't we? We can find something to do over there."

"Wouldn't you want to just sleep through the rest of the day after having a summit like that?'

"I know you would," she teased, flying towards one of the higher shelves. "If there's anything interesting other than yak statues, which I have positive information that there is, then I want to check it out. You know, just to spice up the trip a little."

"Spice up? We're talking about Yakyakistan here, aren't we?"

Heading back down to earth, Twilight painlessly smacked my head with one of her books, shaking her head at how immature I was being before handing me the goods. As she flew back in her search for more reads on yak culture, I took a gander at the two books, both on Yakyakistan's 'bright and colorful' culture, before shrugging and taking them towards the map room where her saddlebags were. She might want me to read them on the train later, I surmised. I wouldn't mind a little read every now and then— it's one of the things you're bound to pick up if you've been with Princess Twilight long enough. I've been her personal guard at her castle for almost two months now, which was, to me at a time, almost unthinkable. In short, I turned into a bookworm because of a bound contract. Not that it's a bad thing.

"Excuse me?"

Perking my ears up, I turned around to see a finely-dressed stallion at the doorway. His eyes were glancing around, as if in a search for something. Tucked in the comfort of his hooves was a clipboard with various documents. When he realized that I was the only one in the room, he trotted up to me with a sheepish grin, studying me from head to hoof, before giving a nod of acknowledgement.

"Kind sir, do you happen to know where Her Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle is?" he meekly asked, his voice thin and a little shaky. "My company wants her to go through a few papers, if you don't mind."

"Sure, come with me," I said nonchalantly despite my raised eyebrow, escorting him to the library where Twilight was. I shouldn't be involving with Twilight's royal affairs in the first place, after all, whether it be diplomacy in Yakyakistan or her fiscal matters and business ventures. That was a clear line of separation, one I did not wish to cross. Reaching our destination, Twilight was still scouring through the shelves, looking for more to learn about Yakyakistan in her stash of books. Knowing that could come later, I called her down and told her about our guest, which immediately stopped her dead in her search and settle those papers with him.

"Let's see here..." she hummed, scanning the documents thoroughly as she levitated a quill to her side. "So I'm assuming that all these projects were approved by their appropriate city councils?"

"Yes, Your Highness," he answered, cuing her to begin signing the papers.

"Alright then," she gasped when she was finally done, smiling sweetly. "Tell Mr. Atelier that he'll be glad to learn that I had approved these projects and that he can now start working on them as he see fit. Also, do give him and his family my regards."

"I will. Farewell, Your Highness!"

Returning his goodbyes, I escorted him out of the palace, before heading back inside. Trotting into the map room, Twilight placed the last of her books — something about contemporary Yakyakistani literature — before snapping them shut. She beckoned me over and plopped my saddlebags onto me, the arduous weight of it crashing down onto my backbone and nearly smashing me down onto the ground. Straining my hooves a little, I haphazardly propped myself back up, my leg muscles finally finding benefit from the marathons they were subjected to back in my early days as a recruit. When Twilight had checked everything off a checklist and double-checked it once more, we were off towards the train station, ready to take the journey into the steep cliffs of the frozen north.

"So, what was that about?" my curiosity begged me to ask.

"Oh, that was one of Mr. Atelier's employees," Twilight explained. "He just wanted me to sign some official documents to greenlight some of his recreational projects. Totally forgot that he was sending somepony over today to settle this."

"You met him before?'

"Mr. Atelier, yes. Once or twice at some important banquets in Manehatten."

"Manehatten, huh?" I mused, bringing an end to that conversation. It must be interesting, being able to travel around Equestria to meet all these dignified figures and having to participate in the progressing growth for the future of the country. Well, I guess that's what the princesses do, aside from sitting on the throne and fighting the occasional armageddon-wielding creatures. Ponies would kill to have that sort of power: to dictate what should and should not be built, to control the wealth and power of those spearheading the various industries. Of course, like I mentioned earlier, I shouldn't be involved with Twilight's affairs and such. I wouldn't even know what I'll be doing should I get myself in that mess.

Still, a pony can dream, can he not?

"It was an accident!"

"How could it be an accident?" cried the pegasus sentry seated across me. "Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, she's digging you, Flash Sentry!"

"No princess is digging anypony, Pierce."

"Not until now," he said, sporting his trademark dopey grin. "Flash, dude, come on! T'is the call of fate we're talking about here! I mean, look at it! She bumped into you twice! See the pattern yet?"

All I was seeing was his irregular smile that leaned a little more to the left; a result of his bad habit of smirking at every filly walking by back in high school. We were in the same class together then and got along quite well, due to sharing the same destiny of enlisting into the guard together, to which we did. In the bunch of friends I was with back then, he was the loudest one, but he was perceptive to know if the situation outright rejects his zealous state of mind. Pierce Swiftwind was also a pony of principles, to which he stood by them most of the time, so he claimed; I had never really seen him break any of them, to be fair. He was, in my opinion, what the guard needed more of: a pony with a strong sense of honesty and justice, always willing to serve the needy whenever possible.

Having the rest of the day off, we decided to spend our afternoon at one of the Crystal Empire's taverns. Like most taverns, it was small, packed at every hour of the day and almost every pony would leave with a smile on their faces, mostly buzzing with a little too much from the tap. Though there wasn't such a place back when the Crystal Empire first appeared, the sudden influx of guards assigned to help with protecting the kingdom made building a tavern crucial. After all, it was mandatory for every guardspony to kick back their hooves and have a little drink at their local tavern, so the unwritten rules suggest. Having Shining Armor leading the charge only made the whole thing come quicker.

"I'm telling you, there's nothing like that," I protested. "The princess just bumped into me twice, that's it. There's no double layer, no deeper meaning, no call of fate or whatever you think it was. It's just a coincidence, nothing more."

As I finished that sentence, a crystal mare approached, wearing an apron and a red bandana around her curly locks, notepad in hoof.

"Rose daiquiri," Pierce went ahead.

"Will do. And you, sir?"

"Just some simple cider would do."

Smiling pleasantly, the waitress skipped over to the counter, apron bouncing along the way. I watched, perhaps a little mesmerized by the simplicity and the way she smiled, but I couldn't help but glance at Pierce, whose attention was now fixated as the waitress headed over to the next table. His little grin returned, this time with a touch of wonder glowing in his cheeks, pupils clouded in a dreamy haze. With a chuckle, he managed to turn back to me and opened his mouth to speak, though his brows curved when he saw the cheeky grin I was wearing.

"Oh, come on," he attested for his emotions. "You have to admit, she's gorgeous. Her eyes were sparkling, her voice, petite... and don't even get me started on that headband of hers! Sweet Celestia, that only makes her cuter than ever!"

"Why not make the first move then?" I gave him a nudge. "You'll never know if she might be interested in you!"

"Hold on there, Flash! I know what you're trying to do! Don't try to change the subject here!"

Rats, the voice in my head cursed. At least it was worth a shot.

"Look, I'm telling you, there's something between you two going on here," he pressed on, much to my chagrin. "You and Princess Twilight, Flash! Imagine that! Hell, it could be the story of the century here! This might be the last thing we need for all of the planets to finally align!"

"How do you even come up with those?"

"Spur of the moment."

The waitress returned with our drinks on a tray, serving them immediately before leaving us with another pleasant smile to remember her by. Pierce was quick to indulge in his drink, whereas I just stared down at my cider, my murky reflection barely visible in the frothy liquid. With a sigh, I downed it in one swift chug and slammed the mug onto the table, wiping away the foam around my lips, much to my friend's surprise. Before I realized it, I had already raised my hoof, having the same waitress scurrying over to my table once more. Handing her the empty cider mug, I asked for another one, to which she returned with it filled up in a record time of two minutes.

"Thank you, Miss, uh..."

"Beryl," she answered with a little grin.

"Miss Beryl, yes. Thank you."

One more grin, the waitress, aptly named Beryl, trotted away. I turned back, stifling a laugh when I noticed Pierce was staring at me in complete awe at my performance. With a smug grin, I gave my cider another gulp, this time only drinking down a quarter of it. Meanwhile, my friend wrote something on the napkin, took a little sip of his daiquiri and stood up. I watched, snickering as he strode towards Miss Beryl and handed her said napkin, which started up a small but really awkward conversation between them. It seemed to have gone smoothly as time went by, for when he was done there was a wide smile on the waitress's face and a meek wave.

"You're the devil, Flash." Pierce sighed, sitting back down.

All I could was chortle.

"Spur of the moment," I reciprocated.

"You really don't want me telling this to the other guys, don't you?"

"You do owe me one right now," was all I answered. "So yes, don't tell the others. It'll save the both of us some embarrassment."

"Heh, yeah," Pierce chuckled, sheepishly rubbing his mane while giving a shy glance back at his new date. "One more thing I'm curious about, though. Do you fancy Twilight Sparkle?"

I could still remember the confident answer I gave my friend, clear as day.

"Not really, no."

"You're upset at me."

Twilight Sparkle folded her hooves, tucking them underneath her blankets with her head well rested on the pillow. Her stare was fixated at the ceiling, her mouth cracking open. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, her horn shimmering in a glisten of violet. It was, right now, the only source of light in the room, repulsing the black tendrils of what would've been another callous night. Her voice was breathy and quiet, on the verge of drowning. She had been struggling to keep herself afloat for a while now, so I've heard. I would love to drown with her. To submerge ourselves into an ocean of quietus. That way, we'd both, in our own ways, can find bliss. However, I'm sure if I report such a plan to the princess, she'd be absolutely aggravated and livid, even though we both know deep down she wouldn't hesitate to give this paradisaical hypnagogia a go.

I was paying her another one of those midnight visits, which was a fruitful, once in a lifetime opportunity that I had the fortune of obtaining after much pleading with the staff in charge of taking care of her. It was a loss at their end, what with everything circulating about recently, but I'm happy that their sentiments won over their understandable apprehension. This was my fourth visit, if I remembered it correctly, yet the scenario was still the same. I'm usually seated on a chair readied for me at the side of the bed, whereas she was lying in the bed, curtains all drawn out and surrounding her, hiding her in a thin veil of deep blue with only a shadow giving an indication that she was actually there. In short, I was talking to a shadow at midnight. If I told that to everyone else, I think they wouldn't be surprised.

"What?"

"You're upset at me," Twilight repeated feverishly, turning her head to me. "You are, aren't you? You're upset that I ruined everything."

"Ruined what?"

"Don't play dumb, Flash. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Why would I be upset?" I rebutted, wrinkling my snout. "Why do you even think that, Twilight? There's no reason I should be mad at you."

"Nurse Redheart read the paper to me this morning."

I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came out was a quivering sigh. I should've guessed that Twilight would ask somepony close to her to let her learn of the latest news, and we all know that by somepony, it could be anypony when it comes to the Princess of Friendship. My eyes drifted towards the nightstand, where on the tray beneath the drawers, I spotted a crinkled newspaper lying there inconspicuously in the darkness. Kneeling down and picking it up, my brows furrowing at the headlines defiantly staring back at me. I took a skim through the article, though that only left me with a bitter filth in my mouth, if anything. Hooves beginning to shake, I snuck another glance back at the title, gritting my teeth.

<> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <>

"Throw it away."

I tore my gaze from the paper, looking back at the princess. "Y-You really want me to—"

"Throw it away, or so help me, Flash Sentry!" she snapped, to which I crumpled it up, trotted towards the wastebasket and just tossed it in, giving the rumpled headlines one last disgusted glare. I settled back down onto my seat, shuffling about in a reckless search for comfort, before sighing quietly to myself to just bear with it. So bear with it I did, along with the minutes of temperate silence that followed between us, the opportune moment of a conversation selfishly stolen away by a bunch of loud crickets. Well, not that it mattered anyway; I wasn't really up for our subject of discussion. Instead, I took it as a diversion buying me a little more time, my mind racing against the generous five minutes in a frantic search for something a little more interesting. In the end, however, I had nothing else to provide.

"I'm not upset at you, if you want to know."

"Murderer?" Twilight gasped breathlessly, my voice apparently not reaching her. "Really?"

I shifted my glance to the bleach-white walls.

"They can't be serious..." she rasped, clutching her sheets tighter. "There wasn't even a murder! I'm still alive, aren't I?! I'm still here! It was all an accident... they knew it was an accident, we told them it was an accident!"

"Calm down, Twilight," I quickly interjected in a low hiss. "You'll wake the other patients."

"It was an accident..." she heaved softly; this time, my voice did reach her. "Flash, you can't let them do this to you. Please, you have to tell my brother or... or Cadance, at least! They'll listen to you!"

"Was it really an accident?"

It was a question I had asked myself too many times. Each time, I looked back to when it all happened. Each time, I stared into the abyss of the past, hoping for some hint to peer out from within the darkness. Each and every single time, I tossed and turned in the deepest recesses of my memory, trying to condense and strain something out from the pugnacious haze. I looked over my shoulder at the wastebasket, the ominous lettering of the header drifting over my eyes, before I turned my attention back to the flickering shadow behind the curtain. Twilight was now looking directly at me, her stare powerful enough to be able to burning holes through the curtain, that I'm certain. The weary cull of silence blanketing the room was toxic with shock and drear, the aura of it all now swirling around her. The luminous orb of magic on her horn was fizzing in place, sending her shadow whizzing about. I felt the tingles run up my spine, cold air brushing against my neck as I cemented my solemn stare.

"Really, Twilight," I spoke gravely. "Was it really an accident?"

Another round of silence culminated, this one lasting for several more seconds before she mustered up a reply:

"It was, Flash. I was there—"

"Do you really think that?"

"Faust's sake, you can't be serious!" Twilight cried. "What happened... what happened was an accident, Flash Sentry! You wouldn't do that!"

A grimace.

"How would you know?"

"Because—" her voice faltered and collapsed into naught, before quickly pitching itself back up again. "Because I just know, okay? You wouldn't, for crying out loud, you just wouldn't... would you?"

"I don't know," I sighed, shaking my head and burying it into my hooves. "W-Would I?"

I tried my best to contain my sporadic sobs; hopefully, all Twilight heard from me tonight in my fallen dignity was a few shaky gasps of utter delight. She wouldn't buy it if I told her that, I'm sure. No, she'll know me as the colt who cried just because he can't get a single fucking decision made right. We could've been talking about good things — better things — but we didn't, all because I had nothing nice to say. I could've asked about how her day was in the hospital like I did for the last three fucking visits because I know this big mess just has nothing nice about his recent day-to-day life! What kind of miserable, wallowing mule deserves the attention of the princess? What kind of worthless tumbleweed have business with the guard?

What kind of mistake does Equestria call me?

"Is that why you were upset at me?" Twilight's voice broke me out of my internal rants, my watery eyes lifting away from the cover of my hooves. "Because I don't remember? Because I can't remember?" she squeaked, trembling.

"Twilight, please—"

"I was right, wasn't I?" she laughed callously at the sky. "It's because I couldn't remember a thing about what happened that night that turned you like this! It's because I couldn't vouch for you that all this is happening to you, so you blame me for it!"

"Twilight, that's not true!"

"Then tell me what's true!" she shrieked, jerking her head towards me. "Because I'm sick of you saying that you actually did all those things, Flash Sentry! I'm sick of you pretending that there really wasn't an accident just because somebody wrote it on a fucking piece of paper! I'm sick of all this lies, Flash Sentry! Don't you see? These were all lies! And yet you just had to go be an idiot and swallow it all up because we all know that always goes well, don't we?!"

The sharp tone stabbed me in the heart, my throat gurgling and my jaw slack at her outcry.

"T-Twilight, I—"

"Get out. Get the fuck out."

"Twilight, I'm sorry—"

"You can be sorry by leaving; I've had enough of you for a night. Get out."

With that, the light of hope and the promises of a better conversation was snuffed out. Twilight Sparkle coldly turned to her side and faced away from me. I sat there for just a little longer, not until I was sure that she was finally asleep; the doctor had the heart to tell me about how she wasn't sleeping well these days and thought that I might be able to help. She probably knew that I was doing that, that I was making sure she would be alright. She hadn't barked at me to leave so far, that's for sure: the last thing a pony does not want to lose when trapped in a maelstrom of fabrications, accusations and disgust was the company of those around them. When I was certain she was asleep, I slowly got up and took my leave, greeting the nurses busy in their midnight shift with tired nods and stepping back into the outside world.

Luna's moon looked cold and distant with puffs of dark gray swirling around, the one-eyed glare of scrutiny accompanying me in my lonely journey to a friend's house. That's the strangest thing I find about friendship: that even in times like these, some of them — the ones that really care — would still stay on your side, even if they have nothing to gain. I've lost too many of my close acquaintances ever since the day it all happened, so you could understand how happy I was to still be able to find one who would stick by my side in a town as small as Ponyville. I took a glance back at the window where she would frequently look from, perhaps yearning to see her face again. The disappointment that followed was painless, and sure enough, I marched on, shaking my head at myself.

Oh, how far we've fallen...

Entry #3

Love is disgusting.

Those were my mother's wise words, handed down to me back when I was still a colt at preschool, much like how a position in the royal guard was handed down to me before I was even born. You'd probably be wondering how disgusting love can be; the two key words should be on opposite ends of the spectrum, after all. Well, to give it a little bit of context, my mother was wed to another stallion before she met my father. From what I learned, she loved the other stallion very, very much, so much that she would follow him to the ends of the earth if he went there. Of course, things happened, he was caught cheating and they eventually split up. I don't know what happened then, but after that, she supposedly hated that stallion so much that if he went to the ends of the earth, she would be the first to push him over. Eventually, she and my father met, took a liking to each other, wedding bells were rung and presto, I came into existence, ready to serve in the guard.

A colt's best friend is his mother. Though those words may seem wholly inadequate in the present circumstances, or any circumstance for that matter, it proved to be true. If it wasn't for the letter of worry she sent me, I wouldn't be here right now, striding along the nimbus alleyways between the cirriform bungalows. I had considered taking the quicker route of the main road up by the Rainbow Grande, but I don't want to risk anyone here noticing my presence, not with the situation right now. Unlike in Ponyville, Cloudsdale has folks who wouldn't want more than to cause a scene just because one or two of us didn't like the way someone's teeth was showing. I'd blame the historically-brash pride of the pegasi for that.

"Flash? Young master, is that you?"

The cloud bungalow that I had lived in before serving in the guard still stands tall and proud, towering above all the others; an architectural showcase of the dignity and respect the family it houses had gathered since the dawn of time. It's so wide that it has its own plot of cloud jutting out of the Cloudsdale base, which became the basis of surprise and, soon afterwards, the envy of all my friends I met in my years at school. Pierce once made a remark about me being born with a golden, gem-encrusted spoon in my mouth, though unlike most of the wealthy families I know of, we don't like to intimidate others with our wealth; my father explicitly stated that it would go against every tenet that our family had stood for. Honestly, I'm really, really glad for that.

The pony poking her head out of the double doors that I had just knocked on belonged to Marmalade June, the housekeeper of the estate. She was a scrawny pegasus mare well past her sixties, yet her iron voice was as solid as it ever was, coming in a close second to my father's mythril tongue. Despite the tough, no-nonsense facade, Mrs. June's spirit was notably kind, always meaning well even if it doesn't look like it. I owe a lot to her for taking care of me along with my parents, which only made my unannounced visit a little more painful.

"Mrs. June, are my parents home?" I asked in a low voice.

"Sir's out on a trip and M'am's in the study right now," she answered, before suddenly letting out a hacked gasp. "Oh, what am I thinking, making you stand there? Come in, young master, come in!"

I was beckoned inside, returning into the warm embrace of the place I had called home. You know that feeling of nostalgia brewing up the nodes in the head? You know, where all these memories of your younger self running down the hallways and up the stairs after finally seeing your home for the first in a long time? I'd thought maybe it will happen to me when I stepped through the doors, I really did, though all that came to greet me was a cold, distant emptiness; the same feeling I had when I stepped into Ponyville General Hospital after what happened. It reminded me of my encounter with Shining Armor and Princess Cadance, as well as when I received the letter my mother sent me. With that, it reminded me of my purpose here as well.

"Do you want anything, young master? A drink or perhaps something to eat?"

"Oh, uh..." I managed to smile. Being with Twilight for so long, I was so accustomed to serving the Princess that being served by the maids like how it was in my days of adolescence just felt like a whole new experience. Perhaps on any other day, I would love to have a little taste of the fruit juice she made for me when I was a foal, just to reawaken some of my old memories, though I wasn't feeling particularly thirsty. I was drowning, remember? "It's alright. I'm just here to talk to mother, then I'll be taking my leave."

"Oh, but it is already late out, young master! I'm sure your mother would want you to stay for the night."

"Not now," I replied, what paltry confidence I have left withering away. "Not with what's going on."

Mrs. June opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out; instead she wrapped it all up with an understandable nod. Perhaps before my arrival, the household was coming to terms with whatever that had happened— no, it's whatever that was believed to have happened. It was a field of slanderous rumors, disprovable accusations and questionable eyewitness accounts out there. The only ones who supposedly knew what happened were the two ponies that the story was surrounding upon, both of whom aren't available for questions; one by circumstance, the other by choice, mostly because all of it was, for some reason, hidden beneath a blur. The flood of speculation was rising up to my neck and it would be any minute before I would be gasping for air.

"I'll go and get M'am."

With that, Mrs. June left the room, leaving me alone. I was accustomed with being alone— no, wait, sorry, that made it sound like I was volunteering. Rather, I was numbed to being alone. Ponies talk about how the loneliness would get to you, like a withdrawal symptom that comes with the lack of interaction. In my case, I just found myself wanting to be alone. I just wanted a little time to myself, a little moment to unpack everything that's happened before heading out into the world again. I don't wish for pure loneliness, however; just a close circle of ponies to talk to and understand what's going on, you know; ponies whom I could trust. From what I heard, they're really scarce in numbers these days.

"Flash?"

Clementine Genoise Sentry is a free spirit as much as she is my mother. Before that, she was a wandering spirit, constantly looking, constantly searching for her place in life. That wanderlust of hers brought her to many places and taught her many things, though that all came to an end when she decided to settle down with my father. When I was born, most of her past life had been discarded, but her wanderlust remained strong, joining my father on every business trip and leaving me in the care of Mrs. June. Throughout that time, I've always felt more blessed than ignored, knowing that my parents are having the time of their lives together when other families couldn't strive to even stare at each other in the eye. She would eventually tire out, however, as the idea of age began setting its foundations in her mind. Now, while my father's staying strong with his trips, she's just perfectly content to be at home, especially when I'm around.

"Hey, Mom."

"It really is you!" my mother cried, giving me a hug. "Oh, sweet merciful Celestia! All those horrid things on the news, all those talks about you and the princess... I was worried sick, Flash Sentry! I was worried that you might never come back!"

"I read your letter."

"That you did, Flash, and I'm glad you've decided to come home."

"I'm here only for a while, Mom," I stated, much to her disdain. "You said you wanted to make sure I'm fine and that's why I'm here, but I told Mrs. June I can't stay right now. I don't want to bring you or Dad into this, Mom. I don't want the journalists and everyone else coming here and storming the house just to ask some questions about me."

A sullen frown grew upon my mother's face.

"With the way things are going, it's bound to happen eventually," she persisted.

"I know, but at least it wouldn't be because of something I've done."

"Flash, please don't say that."

I bit my lips, my jaw clenched tight. How many times have I blamed myself already? How many times have I asked myself whether it really happened? Murder, the papers called it. Murder. They may be right, they may be wrong, no one can really be sure. It's all a big guessing game, like some twisted form of Scropdinger's Cat, boxed up in the operating theater while the rest of the world gambles whether she's living or dead; whether it was an accident or I'm a murderer. It's a disgusting game of chance summoned by the papers and the airwaves. It's a big fucking cesspool of cash wavering over the gambling minds of the greedy and we're all fucking monsters for playing it.

"You heard the radio, didn't you?" I asked.

My mother nodded grimly.

"Then you know why I shouldn't be here."

"And why wouldn't you be?" she chastened. "I'm your mother, for Faust's sake! Just because I heard something on the radio doesn't mean I should feel safer with my own son not around in my house! I don't care for one fucking second what the radio host says because you're my son! You'll always be my son and I'll always love you, Flash Sentry! I'll always love you!"

"Mom, they're calling me a murderer!" I found myself yelling. "If you or Dad got hurt because some ponies around the neighborhood broke into the house just to get me, you know what that does to me? I don't want you to get hurt, Mom! I don't want you to get hurt because I was there! So please!"

My mother weaseled out a shaky sigh, one hoof planted on her aching forehead with eyes clenched shut. "Fine, just... fine, fine," she hiccuped. "Just... you have somewhere you can stay, don't you?"

"A friend of mine, down in Ponyville. I just want to be there when they make the announcement."

She pursed her lips, eyes beginning to shimmer. "And if she... didn't make it?"

I couldn't afford to look for an answer.

Shining Armor was a stallion of many titles.

To Princess Cadance, he was the kind and genial husband, a family colt.

To Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, he was a loyal guardspony, gifted with an unyielding stance for justice.

To the Crystal Empire, he was the valiant leader, sharing the banner of freedom and glory alongside his wife.

To most, if not all, of my fellow guards, he was the leading exemplar of what the Royal Guard should be.

To me, he was a stranger I'm joined by on a train ride.

I never really knew who Shining Armor was. In fact, I was already associated with her sister by the time we had our first proper chat. Heard of him, certainly, even way before I joined the guard. Back then, he was a promising recruit, diligently working his way up to where he was now. Even after I was transferred to the Crystal Empire, I didn't really socialize with him much, mostly because I didn't want to bother him. He's a busy stallion, as my sense of duty and responsibility had told me; the fact that he was married enforced it further. All that only made the circumstances leading to our first close encounter with each other much more strange and awkward.

"You look nervous."

"A little, yeah," I admitted. "Listen, Sir, I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for this job."

"I'm just following orders, Private. If the princesses think you're a suitable candidate, then you are one."

"But to be the personal bodyguard for Princess Twilight Sparkle? Don't you think it would be better to have someone more experienced for this post?"

Shining Armor gave a disgruntled sigh; looks like I'm not the only one frustrated at this. "I thought the same, Private, but she insisted on you despite that," he said. "Then again, it wouldn't hurt just to send somepony if she really wants it, no matter how inexperienced that pony can be. It's not like there's anything threatening Equestria right now and even if there is, she can handle it like she always did."

I widened my smile, surprised at how my facade was holding up despite how insulted I feel. So here I am on this train ride to this small town called Ponyville with the title of Twilight Sparkle's Royal Bodyguard being just a fancy pseudonym? I didn't want to believe that it was happening to me! How could a pony, much less a princess, have the ecstatic audacity to just snatch away the life of somepony else for the sake of their own enjoyment? How could another pony, much less the Captain of the Royal Guard who apparently preaches the whole 'blood is thicker' fiasco a little too strongly, completely brush it off like it's just another joke? How am I supposed to explain this to my father? Celestia's fucking Neapolitan ice cream mane, he'll be mad at the guard for making it happen; he'll be even madder at me for letting it happen!

"Twilight took a liking to you."

My lungs constricted when he said that, briefly leaving me choking for air. "S-Sorry, sir?" I responded meekly. I heard him the first time, though I wanted to be sure. "You said that the princess... likes me?"

The captain didn't seem all too pleased from the looks of it, as did I. I knew from the get-go that this whole bodyguard business was a little fishy, but I didn't realize it was actually all for Princess Twilight to get to know me better! This wasn't a recruitment; it was an arranged date! I should've suspected it to happen as much as Pierce did; I could already hear his snarky tone calling it out from the Empire. Why she liked me was really all just a strange mystery: we've never really met, I don't really know her much and I'm guessing she doesn't really know about me either. Whatever she saw in me was lost to Shining Armor as well, as he looked visibly frustrated right now, perhaps mostly at me. After all, I did get the shouting of a lifetime from him yesterday for trying to protest against this.

"Okay..." I mumbled, fidgeting in place from what I'm about to say next. "Sir, can I be really honest with you?"

"Certainly, Private."

"I'm not sure if I'm the right candidate for this... job."

That was the second time I said that, albeit with a different reasoning. I hoped Shining Armor was perceptive enough to see that. Suffice to say, he wasn't exactly pleased with my answer. Being on public transit, however, he refrained from shouting out loud, instead summoning a heart-squeezing glare to counter my statement. Feeling it ripping apart my chest, I apologized immediately after, shuffling about in my seat and drawing my gaze out the window to the landscape speeding by. The snow-capped hills I had been seeing for a while now had changed into a wonderful, nostalgic painting of green meadows. I could already feel the air warming up around me, the sunlight that once gave me a cold glare now running across my coat with a passionate sincerity.

"Give her a chance."

I looked over my shoulder, finding the captain staring at me. "A chance?" I asked.

"Yeah, a chance. Look, I know she's asking a little too much from the guard, from you especially, but between you and me, she never has this much interest in a pony before, much less a colt, to the extent that she would find some unorthodox loophole around the law and made sure you were her personal bodyguard."

That alone was enough to frighten me.

"She wants to get to know you better, Flash Sentry, she really does. It's something she decided to do for herself, which really means something if you know her well. Seeing her made this far, I didn't want to disappoint her. You saw how that turned out for me yesterday, didn't you? You were taking the full brunt of it, after all. For that, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you the way I did yesterday."

I nodded in silence, giving a smile.

"We'll see how it goes, alright?" he proposed. "You can report back to me every week. If you decided that you might like her or you don't, just be honest and let her know, alright? Either way, she has to learn about them eventually, so I wouldn't mind what you do with her, just as long as you take good care of her. You are her personal bodyguard, after all. Can you promise me that?"

It happened in a fleeting moment in a window of time, much like a view from the train ride. The landscapes are forever changing; one blink and you might miss something important. Thankfully, I was aware of the circumstances I was to be placed in. What I wasn't aware of were the ramifications that came later, the changes that tarnished those green meadows and tainted those blue skies outside. What I wasn't aware of was the trail I had trodden upon, whisking and winding in the darkness. If I had only known then that the trail would plunge into a steep cliff, if I had only known then that I was on the road to being accused as a murderer...

"Will do, sir," I answered with naive confidence.

And I shall only inch every step closer...

Love is disgusting.

Those were my mother's wise words.

Do I find love disgusting? Sometimes, yes, but in a different way than how most ponies do. I can handle the mushy words and sweet nothings, even the public displays of affection. What I find disgusting about love is the extremes that it could go to— not the ones you see in the movies or hear in the songs. I mean the extremes that do happen in real life. I prefer not to go in detail, but I'll leave it on the notion that reality can be much more fantastical than you might think. Love itself isn't disgusting; it's what we make of it that makes us churn, twisting our minds to become the fiendish monsters you'd read on the paper on every other day.

"Are you ready yet, Twilight?"

"Just a moment."

That spelled good news: I wasn't exactly confident with how I was looking right now and that gave me a little more time to adjust. It had been more than a decade since I've been in a suit after all, especially in one as stunning as this was. It was exquisitely made by one of Twilight's close friends, Rarity, who runs a popular boutique back in Ponyville and was adamant that I need not pay for it, as well as wishing me good luck. I'm not quite keen on it just yet — we have an appearance to keep up first — but I thanked her anyway. If we have some time off, then perhaps that extra wish would come into play.

I looked out of the window, into the uproar of the night outside. "So how long do you think it's gonna be?"

"Oh, probably just half an hour or so," Twilight's muffled voice replied from the bathroom. "They'll probably just want me to look over some deals and join them in their fancy talk later on."

"You don't mind?"

"I did once, but I got used to it. Then again, if it gets too boring, I'll find some way to skip out. You would love that, wouldn't you Flash?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Would I?" I proclaimed cheekily.

"If I'm going to be the one standing at the corner and watch myself blabber with the rich, you know the verdict."

Shaking my head, I glanced at the flurry of lights outside the window, all of it outshining the stars in the night sky. It's typical in a city like Manehattan, where the day is no different than the night. Underneath the tender gaze of Lady Liberty, ponies still flock the streets, carriages still skitter across the asphalt trails, even the newsponies were yelling out the same headlines that they do in the morning. It's the city ponies turn to for hope and a new life; a city that strives on success and builds upon it; a city of monuments both living and non-living, the former trotting about the streets all to get a cut off the daily cake. We were here on an invitation from one such important monument; an offer that Twilight couldn't just readily refuse, not that I mind. After all, I've done this quite enough times and this one would be no different.

"So where do you want to go after this?" I asked over my shoulder.

"I have one place in mind."

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

"Not telling."

Well, color me surprised. "Not telling, huh?"

"Thought I might surprise you this time," Twilight answered. "Before you say anything: no, it's not the public library."

"Hey, I didn't say anything," I leaped to my defenses, though I couldn't help but snicker at her for doing my job. "You gonna give me a hint?"

"No way! If I did, you'll guess it out immediately!"

Alright then, I sighed to myself. I can count on her to surprise me anyway, even though it usually was because of my poor sense of judgement. That just made me want to skip over the little gathering already; quite a disappointing thought, coming from one from the guard, let alone from a military family. Then again, with my poor sense of judgement, I not entirely sure. I could ask Twilight for an opinion about it, though that would be disrespectful. She's here for work first and play later, I kept reminding myself, which I'm certain once again that it will be playing over and over in my head throughout the night.

The click of a lock made me turn around, only to be left breathless when Princess Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the bathroom. She was wearing a golden-orange gown, the silk fabric flowing with every twitch and movement she makes, be it a shake of her hoof to ease the slight discomfort of the golden, gilded horseshoes she was wearing or a swing of her braided mane to make sure it looked right. At my complete look of awe, she became timid, shyly glancing to the side as we both searched for something to say. Fortunately for me, I emerged victorious; unfortunately for me, it just darted past my security sensors and rolled off my tongue.

"You look beautiful."

Oh, fuck me. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh... fucking Luna's tattooed flanks, I just said that, didn't I? I just let it out like some... oh fuck my runny buttermouth with a spiked yardstick, skewer me into a kebab and serve it to an Ursa Minor! I couldn't do anything when I said that: I just stood there, hopelessly stunned at the sudden turn of events while Twilight Sparkle fidgets her way into my head. I slapped myself internally for doing that and, in a split second, conjured something of an explanation that I strained out from the chaotic typhoon of thought in my head.

"Twilight, I—"

"Y-You really think so?"

I froze up as Twilight, startled as she was, cut me off and looked at me. Immediately, I tried to recover both my composure and my vocabulary, though I failed miserably as a result. The two of us were as red as ever and one of us was sweating as if he ate some raw chili on a hot summer's day. After what felt like an eternity of embarrassment, the first clear and concise thought came into my head: there's no turning back from this. Seeing as this happened, I tried to make the most out of it.

"Y-Yeah, I mean... yes, Y-Your Highness."

Twilight couldn't help but giggle at that. "What's with the sudden formalities?" she teased.

"I-I mean— I was being, well, I was—" I blabbered for a moment, which only elicited more laughter from her. "Ahem, a-anyways, do you want to head out now? We don't want to keep the others waiting."

To that, she gave a meek nod and a minute later, we were trotting across the hotel lobby on the way to the ballroom. We didn't really talk much on the way there. We tried to, but all we could harvest from it were awkward pauses and uncomfortable moments. I'd have to say, this isn't one of my finer moments; I just wanted to run away and cry in the back alleys somewhere. Still, at least she took it well; by the time we reached the ballroom, all the signs of it were gone and she was back to being chatty with the posh again. After all, we have an appearance to keep up first, especially when dealing with the finer members of high society. For now, we'll keep it under the wraps and save it for a later time.

Those were, in a way, my mother's wise words.

Entry #4

"Flash? Flash, you awake?"

"I am now."

I lied when I said that. It's hard to get some sleep these days. Twilight once told me that's the result of a cluttered head still desperately searching for answers, the mind cranking and keeping its motor running way past the working hours. True to her word, there were many questions I'm asking and the rubber was already smoking from the overbearing friction it was undergoing. It's not healthy, as some of my friends would tell me, especially the one giving me a place to stay. I've already asked too much from him; the last thing I would want to take from him is a piece of advice. Disrespectful, I know, but in a time like this, who has time for respect anymore? Who has time to say 'please' and 'thank you' anymore? Who has time for letting others go first anymore? Who has time to knock on the bedroom door to check if somepony's sleeping anymore?

Right now, respect is just another fucking word.

"Sorry about that," came the contrite voice of Cloudchaser, known by many of her friends as Chase. "Someone's here to see you."

I rubbed the fuzz out my eyes and stared out in the darkness peering from the window. Was it the royal guard? Was it some self-appointed vigilante wannabe? Was it an angry mob of ponies, or just one pony like last time? Who could say for sure? Who else would look for me at this late an hour? The night doesn't bear any good news from anyone except the night itself, though the lack of fanfare told me otherwise. Looking outside, I had to squint with my brows furrowed at the figure standing in the cold night. In the nocturnal fog, I couldn't make out who it was. I feared it and welcomed it all the same.

"Who is it?"

When she answered, my lungs begun heaving before I even realized it. Quickly, I turned to the window again, hooves joining by my side as I pressed my forehead into the glass, just in time to see the blur of a figure stepping into the house. With a thrashing heart, I tried to retain control of my ragged breathing, my hooves feverishly clenching onto the sheets. My vision became misty, provoking me to blink it away to no avail. It was only when I shot a look back up to the open doorway that I realized a very concerned Cloudchaser was still standing there.

"Chase, what's going on in there?"

"He's coming down in a moment, Lane!"

"Give..." I gasped, finding my voice and quickly picking itself back up. "Give me a moment... please..."

She gifted me with a lenient smile. "Okay. I'll let them know."

Was I ever this scared? Was this moment truly the scariest moment of my life? The empty doorway never looked so foreboding; I could feel the shadows trailing across my back, caressing my cheek before swirling into a cyclonic entity before me, threatening to shred away at flesh and bone. I struggled to find the ground, limping across the room and to the door; the last barrier before entering the realm where the pony awaits me. Teetering down the stairs, I held my breath at the sight of blue snarling at me in both mane and eye. My wings retracted, my head held low as this pony kept a stern gaze at me, as if he was chiseling his way into the back of my skull.

"Why?"

The first word rolled out and painted an unnerving portrait on our visitor's face. He wasn't impressed, to say the least, not that it was much of a surprise. I could almost see the drear hanging above the four of us, though I believed he was the only one reveling in it. I gave a glance at the owners of the house, my brows drooping down with my sinking heart. What courage I had left leaked between the cracks of the floorboards, feeding the demons below that were awaiting my arrival. Fear had spun me like a marionette; I could only quiver as I stared right into the puppeteer's eyes.

"Why?"

My hairs frizzled at the second word; an impeccable, perhaps more effective copy of the first. It did not come from me, however, though I wished it had. A smile eventually crept up on his face when he realized how much he accomplished with that word alone, how much of a stinging cord he had struck. That was when he reached out a hoof and, to my utter surprise, gestured me towards the couch; a small offer of comfort in this trying times. I was hesitant, but the company of the other two convinced me to be a player in his little game. He was fond of games, certainly, much like how the princess was fond of hillside picnics, though there was always something underneath the curtain. Knowing him, innocence was a surreal thing, a concept to be imagined and not experienced. Knowing him, this game has a purpose of which involves me.

"Surely you must be joking, Flash," he spoke. "You know why."

"I don't know."

"You have an idea of it."

"You came all the way down here for this?" I scoffed. "Please, go back. Just go back."

"Your mother insisted that I should be here."

"It doesn't matter. Go back before somepony gets hurt."

It was a tone I had never used in my life before. It was a tone brewed from the cold, spiritless languor in my withered nights mixed with the bubbling, squalid voices jeering at me from all over and the obscure miasma of the entire scenario, garnished with my growing feckless, nescient attitude. I felt betrayed by my fear: the one thing I had trusted upon to stop me from making such a grand mistake, especially when it comes to dealing with the pony before me. The shadows were closing in faster than I had anticipated and all I could do was give a helpless glance at the other two ponies in the room. All they could do was reciprocate.

"Is that a threat?"

I decided to be quiet; I didn't want to sour it anymore with my contempt and disgust.

"So this is how it is then? Diplomacy doesn't work and now you resort to cowardice?" he sneered. "You have no idea how disappointed I am in you, Flash. I've raised you better than this."

"Dad, please leave."

"I intend to," Gallant Sentry rumbled. "Though not without parting advice."

Have you ever heard of a guard who gives advice? I doubt you did. We may look stern and resolute but we're no better than the rest of the world. We're still ponies who make mistakes, ponies who throw tantrums and cry in their sleep, ponies who blindly follow the rest of the world for the most farcical reasons. We're all ponies who, like all others, shouldn't be giving advice in the first place, not because we have bigger things to worry about or that the advice we give is bad, but because in time, we would stop acting upon them. Be it from whispers of love or words of law, we would regress back into the shallow view we had, forgetting all that was learned. Still, we listen. Why do we listen? Why do we always listen?

"You have to wake up. You have to realize that you would never do such a thing, Flash Sentry. What happened that night... perhaps it wasn't an accident. I'll admit, perhaps there were some cruel intentions to be had in this mess. I was there, remember? I was there when it all happened. For all I know, you may be involved with it, but I'm positively certain it wasn't your fault."

"How would you know?"

"Let me ask you a question." he shuffled forwards in his seat. "Would you kill Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

I gave the answer that anyone would give.

"No."

"You wouldn't. That's enough of a confession for me," he admonished with a huff. "I shall take my leave now."

I wasn't there at the doorway when my father left; Thunderlane did the honors for me. Rightfully so, considering he was the owner of the house whereas I am just the unscrupulous guest. You don't find a friend like him these days. Still, I did give a little glance over the shoulder, watching the fabled guard that is my father put on his trilby hat — a retirement choice in which he traded his golden helmet for — and giving a farewell tip of the brim. It was only when Thunderlane shut the door that I could finally breath, the air wrested free from his presence. I was about to help myself up and hobble back to my room when my friend stopped me in my tracks.

"Your dad left you something," Thunderlane said, slipping into my hooves an envelope.

I wrinkled my nose at the browning paper. "Thanks," I murmured.

"You know he's trying to help you."

"I don't know."

"Yeah, I can tell. You haven't been 'knowing' anything ever since it happened."

"Fuck off."

I must say, Thunderlane took it well, as he just shook his head and cantered over to his marefriend's side. They would become my audience, watching a show where I waxed their disinterest with my slow struggle of climbing up the stairs and doddering back to the guest room. They have learned their lesson, it would seem, because fuck me if I need any help. Fuck me if I can't stand up straight or walk right on my own when I can bring down the Princess of Friendship. I had done what many had failed to do. The names were flashing before me: Nightmare Moon, Discord, King Sombra, Tirek... Equestria had believed they fell because of her; now they believe she fell because of me.

What guard can say they dethroned a princess?

Tell me, what guard can say that?

I shut the door behind me and slumped onto my bed, hissing at the sting in my belly. As I ended my search for comfort and rested my head on the pillow, I began to tear open my father's envelope, sighing when I see the scrawl of words before me. He had been hasty with his writing, which was almost unintelligble with splots of black here and there. It was really unlike him, for someone as stalwart as he was to provide this grueling piece of work for me to read. I tossed it on the table and found a way to tuck myself in without causing any more harm to myself, yet as I reached for the lamp, I stopped short when I gave one last glance at the foot of the paper.

Stay safe

"I fear the stars."

Strange lines filled the paper; my voice breathed life into the ink.

"For they glitter the sky, greeting me in this warm night."

The air was colored with a wonderful symphony of words.

"Attention dazzled, my gaze lingers on them to no end."

I was laid on my side, book in hoof with a wandering gaze.

"As I wonder: what hides behind this glorious view?"

A wandering gaze that occasionally darts over the veil of the pages, to the mesmerized smile I see before me.

"What hides behind the stars, lying await in the darkness? Will it come one day, to this fertile soil and reap it of life? Will it come one day, to swallow the sun? I wonder and wonder still, yet the stars are still there; smiling, comforting, assuring that it will never come to be. They whisper them gently, so much so that it makes me shiver."

A smile swaying with the melody, which began to tremble as it neared its end.

"I fear the stars."

Princess Twilight finally opened her eyes, lips curving higher in silent applause. I set the book down and smiled back, pride swirling in an ecstatic whirlwind across my chest. For half a minute, we both smiled at each other in silence, before she broke away and kept the book in one of my saddlebags. I don't really recall what the title of the book was — something about contemporary Yakyakistani literature — but I certainly had regretted not picking it up sooner. I promised her that I'll read it on the train, though a little motion sickness and the sight of her dozing off on the ride retracted the promise back.

"How was it?"

"It's beautiful," I had to admit. "It's... I don't know, a little magical in it's own way."

"Wanna read some more?"

"I think I have enough magic for one night."

"Same here," Twilight sighed softly, gazing up to the sky.

She was talking about the dazzling sight above us, one beyond all manner of reach. Tonight, like many other nights, we were on a hillside picnic, enjoying the view and the comfort of each other. I had brought my personal stories and witty sarcasm; she had brought her annals of beautifully written works. We had brought scarves that matched our manes to brace against the frigid, crispy winds that would swarm across the snowy plains, though neither of us predicted it to be this harsh. I'm ashamed of myself for not knowing about it, being a pegasus from Cloudsdale and all. Then again, if I did, I wouldn't find myself in the situation I am in. I believe the idiom for this situation was 'a blessing in disguise'.

"Flash, can you move a little closer to... you know what, never mind."

"You okay, Twilight?"

"Not really," she mumbled with a quiet chatter. "Maybe this was a bad idea..."

"Look on the bright side. It's not that bad."

"You're saying that because you're enjoying it."

"Probably as much as you are."

Twilight Sparkle scrunched her snout up in the most adorable way possible, leaving me drifting backwards with my misty chuckles. I didn't drift too far for fear of dragging her along with me; the weather was so unforgivingly cold that we were actually huddling together. Though we had been sleeping in the same castle and, on the regular trips out of town like this one, in the same room, we had never been this close to each other. The closest we were together in terms of proximity was back at the Crystal Empire: the two times she bumped into me in the palace. They were awkward in their own right, that I'm certain, though it could never compare to our situation now.

"I knew it would be cold up here," she mumbled, rubbing her hooves. "But I didn't realize it would be this cold."

"It's not your fault."

"I didn't say it was."

"You were thinking it."

"I'm not thinking anything right now."

"Brainfreeze?"

"Faust's sake, Flash, you did not just go there," she deadpanned as I laughed my heart out. "Celestia, what did I do to deserve this..."

"Just trying to lighten the mood," was my reply, smirking. "If you want to, we can head back to the inn and order a takeaway—"

"Just stop," Twilight immediately snapped with hooves stiffened and wings outstretched, served with a sliver of her venomous glare, to which I immediately complied. Apparently, being in the cold made her a more crustier pony than one would hope. Still, I felt blessed that she made no effort to suppress the voice for her thoughts; the other princesses always put up this royal, elegant front about them, as if a little laugh could erupt the tabloids into a never ending frenzy. For Princess Twilight, I think if I tried hard enough, I could read her like an open book, though I'm sure she wouldn't want me to do the same to her as she is doing to her entire collection in her library. Time would only tell.

"Flash."

"Yes, Your Highness?"

"Formalities," she grumbled. My mistake. "Listen, about last time..."

Last time. How long ago was that fabled period in which she had inaptly called last time? Forever and a day? Just a morning ago? It was neither of those, that I'm certain. Last time... we weren't presenting the best sides of ourselves, both Twilight and I. It was an awkward time for sure, but we were long past that. Well, I was long past that at least, whereas for Twilight, I never really knew about what happened. All I knew was that one day she was refusing to meet my gaze and the next we were happily chatting over a basket of cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner. Genial conversations were had, but not an apology. I slapped myself mentally for overlooking that.

"Do you really mean it?"

My spirit started to tremble, my gaze withered. The smile that lasted all night was losing its touch. "Not everything."

"That's a little vague."

"It's fuzzy on this end too, believe me," I fumbled. "I... I really don't know how to feel about how this whole arrangement's working out so far."

"I'm not so sure now either." Twilight Sparkle rested her head on her forehooves, sighing glumly while she circled another layer of her scarf around her neck. "Horsefeathers, tonight wasn't supposed to be like this," she hissed mostly at herself.

"I don't know," I found myself mumbling. "Maybe we needed a night like this after all."

That statement made Twilight turn and look at me with such surprise, it was as if I said the most disgusting thing she had ever heard. She then exhaled once more and buried her head deeper into the sanctuary of her scarf, leaving me outside its gates for the next several minutes. The atmosphere around us was reduced to a queer warmth, devoid of the raging, tranquil cold. In that time, I solemnly watched the swaying of bald birch trees in the distance, slow dancing to the tune of the wintry breeze. The rhythm of it became stuck in my head as I hitched myself out of the reverie and turned back to Twilight. Slowly, I made my approach, hoping she would finally let me in, hoping she would keep me company. Slowly, she complied.

I don't remember how long we huddled there. It wasn't short enough to be forgettable, yet it wasn't long enough for the other princesses to send a search party after us. The rest of the night was spent in quiet silence, one that we both appreciated. There were no cold shoulders like last time when we headed back to the inn, only warm smiles. Who knew we could find peace in Yakyakistan, of all places? Of course, that stemmed from my narrow alleyway of judgement, like with contemporary Yakyakistani literature. On that note, I recalled one line that stuck with me for a while, chiming itself once more in my head when I watched Twilight tucked in the comfort of the inn's hay beds, sleeping in peace.

"I fear the stars."

"Have you listened to the radio lately?"

I kept my thick silence.

"Flash, the things they're saying about you out there... that's not you, Flash. That's not the pony I know."

The light waltzed with the dark.

"I need answers, Flash. We all need answers."

I stared into desperation.

"At least give me something I can work with. Help me help you, Flash Sentry."

My glance shifted to a cold, hollow pony in the mirror; he shot me a glare with black rings pulsating around his eyes.

"Flash, look at me," commanded the other pony in the room. "Look at me, fucking Faust, look at me."

I found myself looking at him. He had aged considerably well the last time we met, which was at the train station in the Crystal Empire. That had been almost two years ago, if my memory serves me well. It was a happier time, for him and me; he was still better off anyway, fuck him. Probably fucking planned this whole fiasco behind the scenes as well, if I were to take up the offer of judging. I'm horrendously bad at that role, sure, but I'm no better at where I stand right now, with his domineering stance looming over me like a hurricane while I'm meekly chained to a table like some rabid dog. I glanced back at the mirror, to the realm beyond, in scrutiny of what lies there. That changed, however, when he began to turn the knob of the radio.

"—yet he still remains as free as a bird to this day! What were they thinking, letting a murderer like him roam the streets?! I ask you, our listeners: do you want killers walking the same roads as our children do? Ask yourself: would you walk the same road, knowing that a murderer had and still is walking down that same road? Can you believe that something like that still happens in today's society? Can you believe that? Really unbelievable, isn't it? And so, we shall end today's show with a question: how much more disgusting, immoral pigs who'd dare bring hell to our rulers will be drafted into the guard before their captains call it quits? How many more Flash Sentries do we need to bring down our smart, loving, responsible and kind rulers down before we could finally wake up and smell the sewage spilling from the ranks of those serving to protect our country? Our families? Our children? More importantly, would justice finally come to this world?"

"Turn it off."

Mercy was provided to me in my time of need. In any other time, I would be grateful. However, the shadows dancing in the realm beyond the mirror still lingered, their negotiator now standing at me with a graceless look of pity in his eyes. The chain around my hoof felt tighter at the presence of my demons broiling within me, my pupils seeping with venom to face his. The waltz above our heads was slowing little by little, pausing to view our brooding display.

"You heard the radio."

"I've heard it a thousand times before. One more wouldn't make a fucking difference."

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" he scowled. "Back then, one more would've made you change."

"There was nothing like this back then," I corrected with the manner of a snarl. "You wouldn't have known. You were too busy on cloud nine to take a peek down here anyway."

"I'm here now, Flash Sentry. Make the most of it."

"Make the most of fuck all, Pierce Swiftwind."

Pierce's grim frown twisted even further. It was rare, seeing him this angry; I think I might be doing something right. His wings were flared up, his lips were trembling like a shriveling sprout in the frozen north and the first beads of sweat resounded with a clink as they landed on the table. I shifted my gaze once more to the realm beyond, knowing full well what those shadows were and to whom they belong to. I stared beyond the pony with the black rings around his eye and fixated at the two, maybe three or four. They were all there to get what they want; I'm here to show them that they can't get what they want that easily.

"Say what you want to say, Flash," my friend continued. "I'm here for you, no matter what. I'm here to help."

"Did they tell you to say that?"

Pierce stopped momentarily, eyebrow raised. "They?" he asked.

"Them," I answered, cocking my head to the mirror where the shadows lie. "You're not actually looking for answers, are you, Pierce?"

"Flash—"

"You're the star of the play. I'm the antagonist."

"Fucking hell, Flash," he groaned, burying his hanging head into his hooves. "How delusional can you get? Don't you see, I'm your friend! I had been your friend for more than a decade! I'm here because I decided to myself that you needed my help and I have the means to help! There's no script, there's no play or whatever the fuck you think is happening right now! I need you to work with me here, to cooperate!"

"Tell me, who hired you to be here?"

"For Faust's sake, Flash, this isn't helping you—"

"Let's pretend it is," I snapped. "You love that, don't you? Playing pretend? You know, pretending to be all nice and friendly and caring when you didn't even bother standing up for me for these past few months? You can't lie to me, Pierce; I've seen enough liars to tell them apart. Right now, you're only here because somepony told you to. Right now, you're here not because of sympathy, but because of your fucking job, so I'll asking again: who hired you? Give me some names and I'll cooperate."

Having been sagging throughout my onslaught, Pierce's ears visibly twitched at that last word. "You would?"

"Depending on the terms," I added, much to his disgruntlement. "So then, who's behind this mirror right now?"

Nervously, Pierce drew her gaze to the shadows in the mirror. It took a moment for him to reel it and launch it back towards me, all tensed up and ready. With a screech of iron leg against concrete, he lurched his chair closer and leaned in forwards, his eyes shifty and his breathing beginning to sound ragged. I sank my head to meet his level, holding my breath as my hooves instinctively clutched onto the sides of my seat. When he opened his mouth and uttered the first two words, it was too fast for a moment for me to restrain my grin.

"Gallant Sentry."

"Of course," I sighed with a morose chuckle. "If Dad's here, that means he's here too."

I turned to the second shadow in the room; I'd imagine he would be stiff as a plank after I snuffed out his anonymity. As ponies come and go, he was the last pony that I would help right now, which made it more entertaining when I realized how desperate he might be to send Pierce after me. My glare narrowed to where that scumbag might be standing; I was hoping I could kill him right here, right now, with my very own eyes. The coroner would never pinpoint his death to me. In fact, I'm pretty certain that his death would be due to him never being able to shoulder the weight of his guilt.

"Flash, please..." Pierce sighed, sounding defeated. "I want to help, really, I do... but I can't do it when you're... like this..."

"Are we done here?"

Once more, the former guard looked up at me, before sinking down into the trench of his iron seat and giving a limp nod. From behind me, the door swung open with a rusty squeak, the cuff around my hoof was removed and I was finally freed from the center stage. Wriggling out of the room, I stopped short to glance at two ponies looking at me from down the hallway, trying to shower me with their false concern. It was quite a commendable facade, yet I knew better than they could've ever predicted and for that I felt a little more than pride washing up my chest. We royal guards are taught how to put up a farce, after all; what they're doing to me was satirical at best.

From my father, concern hid his disappointment. If we're not in the public arena, he would be shaking his head, perhaps even shout me to my grave with his mythril blade. His eyes were narrowed, disgust swarming like locusts shredding away at the image of his son. Moreover, he was angry, mostly at himself. Shame to direct so much hatred and stress at the wrong pony, really; shame when he should've directed it to the pony standing just right next to him.

From the other pony, concern... concern probably hid his guilt. There's no need for me to elaborate, for this pony knew what he did wrong anyway. He should've been the one chained to the chair and facing Pierce instead of me. He should've been the one ridiculed and mocked and ripped apart by the enigmatic voices of the radio. He should've been the one... he should've been the one and yet they chose me instead. I don't deserve this. I never deserve this.

"Just you wait..." I swore to myself as I stomped away. "Justice will come to this world, alright. When it knocks at your front door, however..."

Something dark pried a smile from within me.

"What would you do then, Mr. Atelier?"

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay! Chinese New Year's a lot busier this year!

Next one would come soon!

Entry #5

"You're not from around here, right?"

I nodded my head.

"Can tell. Looked like one of them blokes from the capital," the old coot with the scruffy beard chortled. "Hard to miss your face in the paper too, you know that?"

I stifled a smile, holding myself back from throwing myself out of the carriage and impaling myself on the spokes of the wheels. My eyes slowly drifted to the view outside the circular window, all tinted in a melancholic gray of a typical Monday morning, made ever the more dismal with a lengthy schedule of rain. Ponies here always looked frantic in the rain: scurrying along the sidewalk, trying to keep their beloved outfits together, snapping their umbrellas from the occasional gust— one of city life's many shortcomings. Then again, perhaps I had become accustomed to the conditions of living in a town such as Ponyville. Perhaps not too long ago, I looked at rain more as a nuisance, only to have my eyes opened. Have I been that blind? Was I once like them, oblivious to the beauty of the rain?

"Not a very nice story, if you ask me. You and the princess and everything."

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder; I'd say most things are. That's the thing about the different consciences of different individuals, that we all have our different thoughts, our opinions. Like the rain, for example: while the world beyond the window would curse at the gloomy skies, I would admire the soft patters, the evanescent trails running down the cold glass between the aqueous cairns, the quaint smell of moisture in the air and the rush of humid air caressing my coat. I would admire what Twilight once called the symphony of the skies. Really fitting name for the rain, if you ask me. Without her, I may have never opened my eyes. Without her, I may have never realized the scenery I had been missing out this whole time. She would've loved to come back if she could, I find myself thinking. Maybe this time I'll be the one to treat her, perhaps a ticket to one of Bridleway's acclaimed performances. Or perhaps the public library, which I recently learned had a long history attached to it. Yes, that might be nice.

"Ah, sorry 'bout that. I just rambled on without asking if you were fine with it."

"It's okay," I managed a feeble reply, putting on half of my best smile. "I don't mind, really, I don't."

The driver spared me a look of pity; an uncommon sight in the abrasive milieu of Manehattan. The wheels clattered along with the pluvial rhythm as the carriage journeyed down the gravel roads. As we winded about the urban jungle, my gaze fell back to the letter neatly tucked in my folded hooves. Though a little smudged, the words were still clear in my head. Once again, I gave a furtive glance out the window, looking up at the towers of steel piercing the clouds. They loom over us, these monuments, and cast us in an unsightly shadow that censors the sun. I found myself biting my lip at that, just as the carriage slowed to a halt.

"You take care now," the driver said to me as I paid the fee.

"Thank you," I replied, smiling.

"Don't be. You're a nice pony, despite what the others say. Good luck."

Kindness was rare in these parts and rarer in these times. I don't remember how long I stood there and watched as the carriage driver trotted away with a chipper whistle. He would never know what those words really did to me in the end. His wish of good fortune echoed in my head, which turned to face the ominous spire before me. I took the first trembling step through the gilded doors, ignoring the detrimental stares given by the unsubstantially relaxed chatting away in the commons. They were stares that I had toiled through; eyes fueled with the same burning disgust that tailed after me wherever I went. I would be lying if I said I didn't pick up my pace then, quickly finding my way into the elevator.

"What floor?"

The operator's insistent stare made me fumble as I unfolded the letter, despite already knowing the answer in my head.

"Uh... eighteen, please."

The doors closed. The metal walls shook with a frail rumble. I stared up into the solace of the light, only to have my eyes snap shut from a sudden crack rippling from beyond the steel walls. The elevator operator turned to me and mumbled something about maintenance, but I was too busy gazing at the pair of fuzzy lights on the ceiling intertwining in some kind of manic waltz, swiveling like a compass gone rogue. I was cornered, tendrils of black began swallowing my vision. My throat convulsed sporadically, my lungs punctured as I gasped for air. I didn't know when I reeled and fell to the ground to see the welded crosses on the floor like gray locusts poising to strike. My mind rang. My breathing grew frantic. My heart violently shook in its cage and threatened to rip apart my chest. I was drowning in abusive jargon coupled with pleas of burning anxiety, though as I began to claw out of the abysmal pit, everything shook me back down to a cannonading crescendo when the next verbal attack from my memory snapped my jaws sideways.

A loud, agony-rippling scream.

"TWILIGHT!!"

"Calm down, sir, calm down!" a voice pierced through the gray clouds. "Okay, just breathe, alright? Breathe as I'm telling you to. Okay, now breathe in."

I panted for a while, before grasping upon a chance to inhale.

"Now breathe out."

I exhaled.

"Breathe in."

I inhaled.

"Breathe out."

I exhaled.

Air returned to my trachea. The tremors in my bones stopped. The haze around my eyes lifted as I tried to understand where I was. The myriad blur of splotches cleared and provided me with all these strangers' faces, glistening with looks of outright concern. I hastily swallowed ample amounts of air, finally finding myself seated on a red leather couch. The world that twisted and turned just moments ago began to solidify, returning me my balance and my senses. I turned to the side, blinking away the last of my blurry vision as I saw a middle-aged mare wearing a gratifying smile that blossomed with a rare sincerity. By recognition, she was an albino, which was really quite a sight to behold, white coat and everything. Her mane and tail were dyed red, matching the crimson fire seated deep within her sharp eyes. I was sure that if she stared long enough, she could squeeze out all the blood in me. Fortunately, she wasn't one that would take sides.

"You feeling okay now, Flash Sentry?"

"Y-Yeah..." I muttered breathlessly. "I'm... I, you... I was..."

"Hold on to your words first and get your breathing back," she chastised. "I know you're here for me, but that can wait. Just settle down and relax for a moment..."

I did as she was told; she was the expert between the two of us. The room was deluged with sighs and scoffs of relief as I was brought away from the edge of the chasm, mostly in part from the mare before me. Even as the others left, she sat by my side, helping me calm down and even offering a cup of warm coffee. I was grateful to have her there, but I know I would be even more grateful later on. When she deemed me to be functioning once more, she led me to her private office at the back of the room, past the many desks of ponies who stared up and looked at me, some with concern, some with disdain. As I stepped inside, the first sight my eyes caught was the grandiose view of the skyline of Manehatten, with the sun blazing in the horizon and Lady Liberty watching over this magnificent city. I tore my eyes away from the view, smiling when she gestured me to have a seat. The name plate on the desk glistened in Princess Celestia's rays, bearing to me the name of the pony I had been looking for.

Melody 'Red Cry' Mandegloire
Attorney at Law

"Flash Sentry," the scarlet-maned judge said, smirking. "Never thought I'd see you coming here. Thought you'd leave a message before coming in like that."

"Miss Mandegloire, I—"

"Just call me Miss Mandegloire, Red Cry, yada yada. Pick and choose."

"Miss Melody," I revealed my choice, much to her amusement. "Thank you. For what you did."

"Shucks, Flash. Any sound-minded pony would do the same. One hell of an entry performance later and I'm just glad no one got hurt. Still, you and I both know you're not here just for that now, aren't you?" The attorney leaned in with this little glimmer in her eye; I could feel those red eyes burning holes into my skull. "You came to the right pony for the job, Flash Sentry."

"I guess I did."

"Oh trust me, mister," she laughed it off as if it was the most ridiculous statement she had ever heard.

"You know you did."

"You sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Twilight sighed for the umpteenth time, chuckling. "Look, I'll be in the room with the rest of the princesses, okay? If anything happens, which I highly doubt anything would, I can handle myself. Plus, I have Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Cadance with me."

"I know, I know... it's just—"

"It's my brother, isn't it?" she ribbed the truth into me, holding back a giggle at my flustered look. "Don't worry about him. I'll find some way to convince him that you didn't skip out on guard duty somehow. He'll understand."

"He'll understand even if you said you saw a flying sheep with rainbow wings."

"I told you we're not like that!"

"For the record, you two are the closest siblings I've ever met! Somepony's bound to get some ideas!"

"Somepony! Anypony! I don't care! As long as it's not you!" Twilight screeched, before we both burst out in laughter. "Okay, now go meet your friends already! Dismissed."

"Thank you, Your Highness," I responded cheekily, to which she stuck out her tongue.

The two of us soon parted ways, with Twilight heading into the Crystal Palace to attend the royal conclave whereas I made my way towards the suburbs. The northern air here felt so strange, so surreal. It was an atmosphere that I had under my wing, only to forget that it was there in the first place. How long has it been? How fast had time flew? I was too caught up in the moment to actually figure out the answer as I skittered down the crystal avenue, glancing around the multi-faceted apartments all around. I reached into my saddlebags, flimsily shoving its contents about before pulling out a postcard I had received back in Ponyville. I took a good, long look at the words scrawled across the pair of lines before looking up at the streets before me. They were streets I had wandered down countless of times in the past, yet never bothered to allow my memory a glimpse of their names. In the end, I had resorted to asking a passerby, who was kind enough to direct to me my destination.

"Flash Sentry? Is that you?"

The house I arrived to was modestly sized in comparison to the others. Appropriately so, considering it served as both the household and workplace to its owner of three months. The pony in question wasn't there to answer the door, however; that was given to a crystal mare, one of an emerald coat who wears a red bandana around her curly locks; whose gorgeous presence was what many in the region would call beauty in simplicity. Being a weekend, it should be expected that she would be at home and he would be out carousing with his merry band of cohorts. Oh, if he only knew how lucky it was to have the presence of a mare right next to you the whole time.

"Hello there, Beryl," I replied, smiling. "Is Pierce home?"

"Not right now, but he'll be back shortly, I'm sure. You know how he is on weekends," Beryl laughed, confirming my suspicions. "Oh, but you should've written to us and told us you were coming! I would've cleaned the house up, you know. Clear out all the dust, let in a little bit of the air."

"You don't need to go that far, Beryl. It's just a casual visit, after all."

"Casual or not, I'm still having a guest over and they deserve all the comfort they need," she asserted. "Ah, to Tartarus with all of that. Just come on in, make yourself comfortable!"

I've never really known Beryl informally, other than the fact that she was the waitress that my foalhood friend Pierce had been constantly ogling at the tavern, that he asked her out on a date that apparently took off, and that they were now living under the same roof. It was a kind of love you'd see in the movies: sweet and innocent, the cosmos swirling around two smitten ponies swooning and fawning over each other. The sun would flush, the moon would blush and the stars would just shamelessly adorn what darkness there may be in a glittering spectacle. I could picture them right now, happily nuzzling each other, though unfortunately, all that crossed my mind was a question.

What hides beneath this glorious view?

"So, what brings you back to the Crystal Empire?"

"Thank you," I muttered as Beryl returned from the kitchen, offering me a cup of tea. "Business, mostly. Princess Twilight's having a meeting with the other princesses at the palace. I was supposed to join her but she insisted that I go enjoy myself instead."

"She's pretty easygoing for a princess, isn't she?"

"A little, yeah," I sheepishly answered. "So I thought I'd come here to catch up with Pierce. You know, see how things are going between you guys. I thought he might be having a hard time over here, what with him leaving the guard and all."

"Oh, far from it, Flash!" Beryl chuckled. "I have to admit, I was pretty doubtful in the beginning as well when he quit the guard, but after the first few cases, everything righted itself in the end. We were faring better than before, if I had to admit, mostly because of the important clients Pierce was dealing with."

"He always had that, you know? That eye for justice."

"He sure does," Beryl mused. "Still, all those clients meant that he would usually be off somewhere, mostly in Manehatten and Canterlot. It can get pretty lonesome here sometimes and the others were always pestering me about where he's off to again. I don't want to blame him, seeing how his job is keeping us both afloat after all, but... it just gets to me sometimes, you know?"

I wouldn't know exactly how that feels. Sure, my parents were always away and I didn't have any siblings to play with, but Mrs. June and the other servants, and the occasional one or two friends that would come over, always kept me company. When I moved to Ponyville, the company around me only grew; when you're in a town where everypony were friends with everypony, it's hard to find some time to be lonely. Being affiliated with royalty only cemented the skyscraper I stood upon in the popularity contest, especially if said affiliation was the Princess of Friendship herself. I don't blame Twilight, though; thanks to her, I had the chance to meet new ponies that I never knew I needed to know. Make what you will of that sentence.

"I'm sure Pierce would find some way to make it up to you," I resorted to vouching for my friend. "Knowing him, he's probably doing it already."

"Oh, I'm sure," Beryl couldn't help but giggle, swooning and swaying. "That would be just like him, wouldn't it?"

"What would be just like me?"

Mr. No-Show had arrived.

"There you are, Pierce," Beryl quickly put up an annoyed front, watching the colt stumble in with a hint of red on his cheeks. "Where have you been? Are you... oh, for the love of Faust, I thought you said you wouldn't go drinking with the boys?"

"I did not!"

"Oh, don't bother. I can smell the alcohol already," she grumbled. "You should at least comb that mane. Look a little more decent for our guest, who had been waiting for you, if you must know."

"Yeah, the boys told me something about that," Pierce said, giving me his lopsided grin that I never thought I would miss. "Why, hello there, royal bodyguard! Should've left me in that last letter that you were coming!"

"Good to see you again, Pierce," I said with a chuckle, standing up and shaking his hoof. "Or should I call you P.I. Swiftwind?"

"Bloody hell, not you too."

"Hey, it's really hard to miss it when it's written in bold. And italicized. On the headlines. With three exclamation marks at the end."

"Running joke of the year," Beryl added, much to Pierce's chagrin. "Anyways, why not you two catch up? I'm going to the tavern, see if I can get them to cook something up. You staying for lunch with us, Flash?"

"Most likely not," I answered sheepishly, ears falling flat. "The princess would probably have a fit, not to mention the captain."

The next five minutes was then filled with incessant teasing from both stallion and mare, to which I could only sit there, cross my hooves and look stuffy. It harked back to the whimsical teasing I received back in the guard when I bumped into Twilight, the thought of it bringing a soft, flurry smile on my face. Looking back, that was a simpler time, one where I would be perfectly happy to even have a little mead at the end of a shift with the rest of the crew, chatting away about the traits of this mare, the habits of that mare, how we each coped with our boredom and other such lax topics. Ponyville had golden conversations of its own as well, no doubt about it, though it just wasn't the same. Nothing would ever compare to the buffoons I met in the guard.

Perhaps Pierce Swiftwind went through the same bout of nostalgia, as he still continued to be a tease even after Beryl had already left. It all felt strange, how we were still a pair of guards in our last meeting and had both strayed from the path in our own ways. Though I strayed unwillingly because of some loophole around the Equestrian laws, Pierce strayed on his own volition. I've always wondered what was the moment that made him wander. What was the key ingredient in the potion that finally made him say: "I've shall now have no more business with the guard!" or whatever dramatic dictum his audacious brain can come up with. I always admired him as a pony who would know behind which door lies his true purpose; perhaps this was finally it. Perhaps this was the time where Pierce Swiftwind would finally shine.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a bit envious of him.

"Why are you here?"

That line snapped me out of my monotonous daydream. "I'm sorry?" I blubbered.

"Why are you here?" he repeated smugly. "Listen, Flash Sentry. You and I go way, way back. One day, some archaeologist somewhere is gonna dig up a stone tablet from the day the three races were united under the Equestrian banner and the first thing they would see is the two of us smiling for the camera. Or sculptor. Hey, I'm not a history buff, so who really gives a damn."

"I see you have not lost your touch, unfortunately."

"Oof! I see you have not lost your sharp edge either, Flash Sentry," he chuckled good-naturedly. "Anyways, point is, you're not that kind of pony who likes to engage in small talk, much less visit an old friend for the very purpose of that. Seeing as you came here looking for me, as Beryl would want me to imply, I believed that you're actually here to request for my services, aren't you?"

I didn't bother holding up the veneer. "Correct," I simply stated.

"That's Flash Sentry for you. All business with his words, no fun at all."

"Can we get on with it? The meeting should be finishing any moment now."

"Okay then, on to business!" he declared proudly, before leaning in. "So then, where do you want to start? Is it something about the princess? Some dark, juicy secret she's not telling you, perhaps, like a romantic affair with somepony else? Or did you just want to learn more about her for the sake of completely winning over her, no strings attached, hmm?"

"None of that, Pierce," I sighed, dragging him out of his quixotic fantasies. "I want you to dig me up some information on a pony."

"Ah, dirty work. You do realize that this line of work don't come cheap, don't you?"

"I did, but I also realized that the pony doing said work still owes me one for introducing him to a certain waitress in the tavern, among other things."

A brief moment of silence.

"Are you blackmailing me?'

"Quite the opposite, mind you," I replied, grinning slyly. "You and I both know how much I had contributed to your life already, Pierce. All I ask of you is to just return it all with a single favor. What do you say, Pierce?"

Pierce looked at me with a raised eyebrow, though a wide smile soon broke out from its chains. "Now, what's the name of this lucky pony?" he asked.

My grin only widened.

"Tabard Camembert Atelier."

"You don't have to do this."

"I'm not fucking asking."

"You're not fucking asking. You're fucking around, that's what this is."

Thunderlane had a manner of self-restraint. The kind of which, in the face of a higher authority or when facing a delicate situation, he would have the courage to stand down. The kind of which, when facing a challenge that he knows would ascertain his downfall, would take a voluntary step back. He was always like that, even back in Cloudsdale Elementary; he was always that kind of pony that gives the bully his lunchbox without any manner of protest for fear of inciting a scene. That kind of act was always frowned upon, especially in the company of pegasi. For that, he was, to say the least, not the most respected pony in school, to the extent where even the teachers treated him with utter disdain. It's a shame, really. For us, I mean. If the rest of us shared Thunderlane's dogma, we would've been better off. I would've been better off.

Shame.

"You don't even know what you're doing this for," he rasped accusingly. "You think you know, but you don't."

"This is for Twilight."

"This was never about Twilight! This was about you! It was always about you! Please, if you just let me speak to her, maybe I can still talk some sense into—"

"And why the fuck do you think she would care?" I snarled, jabbing a hoof into his chest. "She wants me to be out there, not you. She wants to settle this, then I can give what she wants."

"She wants your head, Flash!"

I didn't need to reply to that. This was pointless. This whole talk amounted to a penniless mule's pile of organic crap. I don't know what Thunderlane was thinking, hoping that he could talk some sense into me when he clearly has better fucking things to do. Instead, he's standing up for me. Me, the pony that the papers had labeled as a murderer with a capital M. Me, the pony that had brought down the most resilient princess in all of Equestria. He had stood down so many times before, why stand up now? Why face me now? Why now, of all the fucking times? Why can't he just stay the wimp he already is?

"Would Twilight really want this?"

My ears perked, my lips trembled. The sentence echoed in my head.

Would Twilight really want this?

"Twilight's not here right now," I gave my clear answer to those two voices. "Now, get the fuck out of my way."

Finally, after almost fifteen minutes of bantering, I stepped into the battlefield, garishly trimmed with bulbous clouds of gray, unforgiving spears of rain and the wrathful glares of lightning. I looked up to the accursed sky, feeling the breath of the heavens violently screaming its transparent vulgarities into my face. The thundering war drum pummeled throughout the corners of the world as I marched onward, into the designated location to settle this once and for all. It didn't matter that Thunderlane and his marefriend Cloudchaser was following close behind; I pity them for being at such a loss, siding with a fool. There was no dignity to what I was doing, no grace, no sense of purpose perhaps. There was nothing that should garner such a response from me, yet I complied anyway, because in the end, this wasn't about me. This was about Twilight. This was for Twilight.

It had always been for Twilight.

"You actually came."

Discolored from such a rancid attitude, I wrinkled my snout at the spectrum of blades forming her mane. Her wings were outstretched, feathers ruffled to look a little tougher, though not as ruffled as mine. In fact, I'd say she looked self-deprecating, standing there like that with an eternal snark besmirching her looks. On any other day, I'd admire her heroics, her competitive spirit and most of all, her exemplary representation of what the modern pegasus should be. Now, all that was washed away in the face of the rain backing her, leaving only the narcissist: an arrogant filly who thinks she knows everything that had happened; an ignorant, scrawny filly who thinks she knows better.

"I can't believe it," she sneered. "You actually fucking came."

"I didn't want to disappoint."

"You brought your attitude along with you too huh, chump?" Rainbow Dash growled. "I thought you'll be smart enough to back down, Flash Sentry. Looks like I was wrong."

"As if you made any effort to clarify that to me."

That was the one that made what's left of that repulsive smile of hers vanish. "I believed you, Flash Sentry. We all did. We all believed it. We all fucking believed it. Oh, how stupid we all were, thinking that you will never hurt her again! I should've punched you there and then! I should've kicked you six feet underground back then if I knew this was about to happen!"

I decided to let her yap a little longer.

"Hell, I was going to do it! I was going to make sure you'll never, ever walk again! But then I thought: maybe I'll let that slide! After all, it's not like she's actually getting hurt or anything, right? Fuck me, right? Fuck me for letting you get away with it. However, this time would be different. This time, I'll make sure you'll have something to remember this moment by."

A flash of lightning showed me the hellfire in her eyes, which began burning ever brighter. That should've been a warning, as the moment it flickered, she was already charging at me at full speed, the flash of lightning and clap of thunder accentuated with a loud crack tearing across my chest. I hacked, wind dragged out of me, my diaphragm crumpling in its own weight as I was knocked back, wings splayed and bent at an unsightly angle with mud streaked across my feathers. I slid myself back, struggling to pick myself up as Rainbow Dash began marching towards me. With one hoof reaching down, she immediately hoisted me up by my chest, giving me a menacing snarl.

"Rainbow Dash, stop—"

Without warning, I was suddenly hurled towards the trees, a loud screech ripped from within my shivering vocal cords as my stomach was rammed into the splinters of bark, before collapsing backwards with a splash. The ominous sky howled at me and my misery as I was picked up again, the iron I was tasting in my tongue finally wrenched free in a fickle spray of red as a hoof tunneled its way into my stomach, my mouth torn apart in a silent scream. I fell towards the ground, hanging like a broken puppet with a single string hooked onto my back lifting me up, showcasing the damage for all the world to see.

"Rainbow, that's enough, please—"

"Try me!" she yelled back at Thunderlane, throwing my frail body towards him.

I could only grunt as I rolled across the muddy soil, leaving traces of red along the way. My hoof reached for the soreness resonating from my bladder, my eyes clenching shut as I curled inwards. The warmth of a tear was loosened to join the rain, the adrenaline kick that I had yearned selfishly stolen away from me. Even my own body was crying foul at what I was doing, though that all went away at the sound of sloppy hoofsteps marching this way. I managed a meek, quivering glance up, the burning rage that once tarnished those eyes replaced with a soulless sheen of ice.

"Now you know what happens to those who messes with my friends," she mumbled coldly, raising a single hoof. "Especially if they think they can get away with it."

Almost immediately after she said that, her hoof came swinging down and crunched mine into the ground with a loud snap. An agonizing howl of pain ripped into the skies, my neck jerking up as the floodgates opened in my eyes, streaming down in endless rivulets. The courage I had mustered upon had broken down; I was shaking my head pleadingly by the time she raised a hoof again in preparation for the second strike. She was too far gone to listen, too lost to even give a fuck anymore. The streaming needles of rain traced down her mane and dripped onto my cheeks, my eyes clenching shut as the first inkling of a dark smile showed itself before me.

"STOP IT!!"

A yelp made me open my eyes, just in time to see Thunderlane tackling Rainbow down into the ground, only to receive a kick in the jaw that sent the colt reeling. Hastily, she tried to gather herself back up and began scrambling towards me, only to be reined backwards, scraping across the muddy floor. The two of us look to see her hoof bound in a loop of thick rope, my overwhelming relief welcoming the four familiar faces that quickly joined the chaotic fray.

"Consarnit, Rainbow Dash, snap out of it!"

"Let me go! Let me go right now! I almost had him!"

"Flash, are you alright?" Fluttershy asked right after she hurriedly came to my side. I could only manage a soft gasp. "Oh dear... oh dear Celestia, what did she do to you?"

"Rarity, quickly, that spell!"

"I'm doing it already, just give me a moment—"

"Pinkie, come and help me!'

"Oh Faust..." the party pony gaped, sweating profusely. "Okay, um... um... oh, how do we do this..."

"Fucking hell, AJ! Let me go! I had him, I HAD HIM!!"

"Rainbow Dash, listen to yourself, please!! This isn't like you! You know better than this—"

"Goshdarnit, Rarity, just cast the damn spell! I can't hold her much longer!!"

"I d-don't know Fluttershy! I can't... I can't..."

"Flash, I need you to stay with me, okay?! Flash, just stay with me, alright, stay with me..."

Twilight Sparkle once showed me a word like that.

It was an obscure word like the others; a word that I'd used in this very situation I was facing right now. This feeling... it was unlike anything I had ever felt prior to that moment. It was an unbelievable feeling, being flooded in this strange, disgusting, atrocious form of pleasure. That's right... pleasure. The word, yes, of course. The word that Twilight showed me was a word that rang true to my heart in the chaos unfolding in the rain; a word that was defined as pleasure derived from another's misfortune: schadenfreude. It was a word that resonated in me as my consciousness faded from the pain and the fatigue. That word rung the siren and heralded the darkness into my eyes, bringing a cracking smile to my face. Twilight would've been proud of me, knowing that I've finally experienced it firsthand. She'd probably want to know how the experience was like for me: how I arrived to that moment, how gratifying that experience was and such. It would be like her to write down these notes. Some part of me felt satisfied, knowing that at least one of us would get something out of this.

This was what Twilight would've wanted.

Right?

Entry #6

Last time.

"Oh, and I have a visit with the spa scheduled with Rarity in the evening after that. We're probably gonna take, say an hour? Mark that down."

How long ago was that fabled period in which she had inaptly called last time?

"Maybe we can arrange the meeting with the Ponyville committee on the day after too. They'll probably just go along with it anyway, so tonight's going to be free for us."

Forever and a day? Just a morning ago? It was neither of those, that I'm certain.

"Anyway, that's for tomorrow. By the way, I was thinking we might have dinner at one of the restaurants on the higher end. What do you think, Flash?"

Last time... we weren't presenting the best sides of ourselves.

"Flash? Equestria to Flash?"

Both Twilight and I.

"Huh?" I snapped out of my reverie. "What is it?"

"Gee, Flash, you didn't write any of that down, didn't you?" Princess Twilight grumbled, shaking her head. "Oh well. Guess I'll just make it a mental note then."

"Sorry about that, Your Highness," I mumbled, my gaze falling back to the blank parchment before me. "I was... just thinking of something else."

Her Royal Highness could only giggle at that. "By the way, you can call me Twilight. I don't mind."

"I didn't want to sound disrespectful."

Old habits die hard, with this one ingrained into me since day one. It's to be expected when you have a mythril-tongued father whose blood is pumped with the pride and joy of his military heritage, even if he didn't contribute much of it himself. If he heard me saying that out loud, he'd drill me into the ground. However strict he was, he taught me some pretty useful things that many ponies were unfortunate enough to never learn. He was a father I didn't really ask for, albeit one that I needed. Princess Twilight was much like him in that manner, though last time... back on that fateful day and those before it, I didn't realize how important she was to me.

For a very good reason.

"Trust me, it's okay," she sighed, her smile beginning to secede. "You seem kinda down today. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing," I lied, glancing at the clock on the wall. "So, we were talking about dinner?"

"Yes... dinner..." the princess mumbled, though her eyes were telling me a different story. "I was wondering if we could have something more delicate. You know, have something a little more luxurious from time to time. I'm sure you'd die of boredom from eating hay sandwiches every night, wouldn't you? What do you say?"

"I don't mind."

The weight of her stare became heavier at my response. "Flash, is something bothering you?" she asked.

"Nothing's bothering me, what are you talking about?"

"For one, you seem a little tense."

"I guess maybe it's because I'm exhausted or something."

"It's not only today, Flash," the princess replied wearisomely. Her next sentence came after a moment's hesitation. "You've been like this for a while now."

"For how long?" my sullen curiosity compelled me to ask.

"Maybe ever since you came here."

I should've known the princess definitely had a keen eye from the moment I learned how she got me to be her bodyguard. To have the cracks in my facade forked out so easily is unprecedented at best. It's surprising for me to understand that she knew about it all this time, yet refused to do anything about it. Why not, I found myself wondering? She could've asked in the span of three months that I was here, so why now? Was she afraid? Does she think I'm that whimsical, that I'm that sordidly susceptible to the charming words of royalty? I'd be pretty insulted if she actually thought of that. Of course, I gave it the benefit of doubt.

"Look, you can tell me if there's something bothering you," Princess Twilight persisted.

I offered no reply.

"I could sit here and wait all night until you start speaking," she continued, her face showing the first signs of a frown. "Don't worry. I have all the time I need if that's what you wish."

"Why me?"

The princess raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"You chose me to be your royal bodyguard," I took the first step. "Why did you choose me?"

"Because..." a moment of hesitation wedged itself into her words. "Because I thought it's time I needed a royal bodyguard and you were apparently available."

"Don't even try to make me believe that," I groused. "Your brother told me."

"He what? W-What did he tell you?"

"That you liked me."

I had expected to see a flustered princess the moment I stepped off the train; that moment came three months later than I anticipated. I was treated to an elusive snapshot of her most unbelievable expressions: first her jaw fell in an audacious display of utter shock, then her brows vehemently curled when the news of her brother's betrayal sank in, before culminating in a finale where she tried to force out a laugh, only to falter at the last minute, leaving her trembling lips parted in a distasteful manner. Looking at her like that should've felt satisfying, though it was anything but.

To be honest, it just felt derisively empty.

"So you knew all this time, didn't you?" she said with a defeated laugh. "I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. It's not like I've been doing my best to hide it from you anyway."

"I still don't understand this. I mean, why me?"

Princess Twilight's glance fell; her cracked grace had completely shattered. "Back then, at the Crystal Empire," she began. "When my crown got stolen, I had to go through the Crystal Mirror into another world. While I was looking for it, I sorta met you there. He... I don't know how to say this... every time I looked at him, he just makes me feel all fuzzy inside, you know? When I came back and bumped into you, I just... I just wanted to get to know you more. I just wanted to know who Flash Sentry really was. I... I was..."

"You're upset at me."

Her eyes quivered, pupils dilated. Then, she let out a trembling sigh. "You'e just not... him. Not the Flash Sentry that I know," she mumbled. "Look, I didn't want to believe it, okay? That's why I thought that tonight's dinner would help and who knows, it probably would, yet you're just being so... so cold and so distant. You're just pushing me away all the time since the moment you came here. You're not even willing to give it a chance, to give me a chance."

"I did give you a couple of chances, if you must know. Your Highness, you have to understand that I didn't ask myself to be whisked away just so I can be an experimented in Her Royal Majesty's courtship rituals."

"You're an ass," the princess unruly spat, anger undiluted. "I know it's stupid of me to do that, but you didn't have to put it that way."

"You weren't being sincere in any way either," I shot back. "You've been lying to me since day one. Just a moment ago, you tried to lie straight to my face."

"You said you knew about this from the beginning, didn't you? Why didn't you tell me then?"

"Because—"

A treasure trove of excuses immediately came to mind. Perhaps I just wanted her to have her fun; perhaps I was afraid of how she'd react to me spoiling the secret; perhaps I wanted her to figure it out for herself for her own good. In the end, they were just what they were: a litany of bland excuses. My father was a vocal critic in the face of excuses: they were merely lies with a whitewashed name, he would say. If he was here and listening to all I had to say, he'd lynch me on the spot. He'd tell me that if you have nothing to say for yourself, then don't even bother to try. They were harsh words to live by; it had only been a matter of time before I discarded them.

"You could've told me. You could've left me anytime," she continued haphazardly, ignoring my attempts of responding. "Yet you didn't, Flash. You never did."

"Maybe it's because I'm actually taking my job seriously."

"As if! You just wanted to spite me!" Twilight snapped with a glower. "You sound ridiculous, you know that? Saying all these things and not ever meaning it!"

All semblance of thought went down the drain.

"You're ridiculous for taking me in just because you liked somepony else who has the same name as me! Seriously, you never even thought about how I felt and you just went ahead with it! Didn't it ever cross your mind to ask me personally? Didn't you ever think that I might have feelings of my own? No, you didn't! You didn't because you didn't care! You didn't because you're a mess!"

"Yes! I'm ridiculous, I'll admit that! I'm a mess! I'm a fucking disaster!" she yelled, her eyes shimmering. "I can't... I can't think straight anymore... I was lonely. I felt lonely. Ever since Spike left on the last dragon migration, I just felt like I was left behind by everypony else. I-It's funny, right? The Princess of Friendship, with all her friends around her, yet she still felt that way? I just... I just wanted somepony to talk to... somepony who would listen. I thought you were the one..."

I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes for a while when she said that.

"I thought you were the one..." echoed the princess with a meek shiver. "But you just... you just..."

The princess couldn't bring herself to say it; all of the words been translated through her quiet sobs. I sat there, listening to those cries; the transient shrills of a dying star. The world seemed to converge around us, with the darkness between the galaxies wringing around my neck. I wanted to say something, to reach out across the black mass to that star, though I feared it may only do more harm than good. In the end, I did what I could only do best: I watched in total silence as Her Royal Highness cried for the rest of the night.

Was it what anypony should've done? Definitely not. We of Equestria were conditioned to help, to put more weight onto our shoulders, to save the world when it needs saving. We were taught that each and every day that we can play our part to better each other's lives, to make everypony's day a happier one. It was given the same resolve as when we were told we could reach for the stars, that one day we will arrive at a world where our dreams will be realized. Knowing all that, it should make sense that I should've comforted Her Royal Highness, that I should've apologized and she would do the same. However, for me, knowing all that poses one question:

Was it what anypony would've done?

"Mr. Sentry, there were rumors going around that you and Princess Twilight were having some sort of relationship beyond the conventional of a princess and a guard."

"That's true."

"There were also rumors implying that the relationship wasn't a steady one. Is that also true?"

"Yeah, I mean... it had a rocky start—"

"You mean we had a rocky start," Melody Mandegloire chastised, crossing her hooves disapprovingly. "Don't make yourself sound detached from the topic right now. You are a key figure of the relationship, Flash. Involve yourself. Make it a lot more personal."

"There were a couple of misunderstandings between us," I continued despite feeling sweaty. "We had our arguments, sure, but fortunately for us—"

"So you're saying the bridge between you two would've fallen apart if you didn't have a stroke of luck? If you implied that your relationship was that weak to begin with, then no one would be surprised it turned out this way. Fuck fortune's favors, Flash. Stick with a more dependable arsenal now."

Pierce was the first of us to tire out, sighing as he picked out a magazine to read. The only other company I could turn to was Thunderlane, who looked like he was ready to be the close second, since Melody was currently out of the question. That mare was pacing around the room as she sorted my brain out, endlessly drilling me with potential questions and tearing me apart whenever she felt a word or two stroke her neck the wrong way. I should've realized there was such a harsh side to her the moment I stepped into her office, though I guess her renowned success around Equestria was enough of an indication already. She was truly a remarkable mare, one that does not hesitate to speak her mind with a voice that commands immediate attention from those in the vicinity. It made me curious as to understand what drove her to become the diligent attorney she was today. That secret ingredient could be of great help to me in the future.

"Let's try this again," the attorney sighed. "So, you made a claim that you had no idea what happened on that fateful night."

"I guess so, yeah."

"Fuck guessing that: you did. It's common knowledge already. Also, ease off the tension and have a little more confidence. Show a little bit more spirit."

Yes, Ma'am.

"So let me get this story straight," she moved on. "You had no idea what happened that night, even though you're responsible for ensuring her safety as her royal bodyguard."

"That's correct."

"That's a little too much confidence," she hissed, hoof meeting her forehead. "Stave it off a little. Remember the subject of discussion. You don't want others thinking that you're proud of this. We're here to recover your image, not desecrate it even further."

"I know, I know, I'm trying—"

"There's no point in trying if you're not focused. Look, you got only one chance when it comes to the real deal, alright? No cuts, no retakes, nothing. Get one impression wrong, whole of Equestria hears it and you'll only be giving them another reason why they should sharpen their pitchforks."

"I'm really trying, Melody," I lamented. "Believe me, I am."

"You have been trying and getting nowhere for two days already. The interview's happening tomorrow, mister, and at the rate you're going, I'm not surprised if that blows over as well."

Of all the threats I had received, that hit the closest to home. By the time I felt confident enough to raise my head, Melody had already stepped outside on one of her frequent smoking breaks. She's a heavyweight when it comes to tobacco; told me it takes her mind off the past. Pierce hinted to me that she had somewhat of a bleak one; something about being cast out due to her albinism. He would know, seeing as he was the one that connected me to her in the first place. They've probably met and worked together on one of his cases; I was too busy spending time with Twilight to catch up. Not that I blame her or loathe her for it, but Her Royal Majesty knows how to take my time away. I really missed that royal blessing of hers; it makes a dull day all the more gratifying.

"You think she would wake up?"

I turned to Thunderlane, who looked as if he regretted saying that. "She would," I gave my answer, clear as day.

"Because she has to?"

Some part of me flinched. "She just has to, for her sake," I mumbled, looking away. "I'm beyond saving anyway, from where I stand."

"C-Can I tell you something, Flash?"

"Sure thing, Lane."

"I admire you, you know that?" he began. "I mean, hell, going through all this mess, being called a murderer with Twilight in the hospital like that, and yet you're still going strong. Hell, if Chase was stuck in a coma for five months, I'll admit, I don't know if I'll make it out of the first three weeks. I'd probably not if I had everypony mobbing me like that or sending me all those death threats. Heck, who'd knew how creative ponies can be with those, huh?"

I could only smile. "Trust me, you'd be surprised."

"It's probably not the most popular opinion around town right now, but it doesn't matter," he continued. "I believe I would also speak for Chase as well when I say this: we're behind you, Flash, no matter what happens."

I chuckled at how generically yet softly sincere it was. "Thank you."

"Celestia, you're gonna cry over something like that?"

Flinching in surprise. I immediately reached my hoof up, the dampness it was met with prompting me to hastily wipe off the tears that had sneakily crept out of my eyes. That, and the fuzzy feeling trickling along my veins weren't helping either. "Heh..." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. "Probably needed to hear that more than I thought I would."

"You could've just asked."

"Fuck off," I rasped at that reply, the two of us laughing heartily. "But seriously. Thanks."

"Hey Flash?! You might want to hear this!"

The gregarious tone you'd hear in Pierce Swiftwind was absent in those words. Quickly, Thunderlane and I rushed out, though I had to stop to absorb the looks of distress in both his and Melody's eyes. There was a change in the game, my suspicions concluded. A drastic one, so much so that Melody had brushed past me and headed back into the living room. I turned to the recent addition of the group: a panting, sweaty Rumble, Thunderlane's brother, whose eyes were heavy with purpose, all of which was directed to me. He was the messenger of the aforementioned change; a provider of a pair of volatile words. In a world where I've been a mere listener, those two words came up to me and struck me across the cheek, yet I couldn't deny the fact that it brought an elated smile upon my face.

"She's awake!"

"When were you planning to tell me this?"

The shadow behind the curtain had retained her prudent grace even after being trapped in her long slumber, though this was but only the second time I had seen it flicker as much as it had. I had expected that she may be a little less forgiving for what I've done, but there wasn't a trace of anger in her voice, at least not one that was clear to me. The patting rain beyond the window punctuated the silence that I could only give. I look out beyond the beads on the glass, to the grand, melancholic sight of Luna's moon hanging up there, far from reach and adorned with scarves of gray cirrus. To that, the stars surrounding it stared back at me, fruitlessly awaiting my response.

I reeled my gaze back to Twilight, the mare still lying behind the veil that is the hospital cubicle curtain. I wondered what she would make of the moon? She would probably admire it as it is like most others do, or she may share my view of the moon: an ever-poignant fear of the mask lit before me, never showing what truly hides underneath. In short, much like how I'm seeing her right now. Of course, she might still favor the sun; that would make us true opposites at a perpendicular degree.

"You know I'll find out eventually, don't you?"

"I know."

"So why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because I had other things to worry about."

I could imagine Twilight would be frowning at that. "What kind of things?" she questioned.

I withheld my reply; I didn't want to tell her yet. Not until we were sure with what we had. I could only hope Pierce would quicken things up a little on his end; with all that had gone by behind the scenes, I'd urged him to be, for the sake of everypony. I silently vowed to myself to explain it all to Twilight after it was all said and done, when everything is out in the clear. Until then — and only until then — will I let her know how we had fallen so far. Of course, Twilight Sparkle, being the bright and curious mare she was, does not take a response of silence well. I would know.

"Flash, come on, what kind of things?" she began to push. Still, I resisted. "Fine, you want to be the stubborn pony, then be the stubborn pony. We're going to do this again, aren't we? Not telling each other anything until one of us starts to fall apart and we both start shouting at each other."

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"Then who would protect you?" she rasped with a hinge in her throat. "Didn't you ever think of how I felt when the girls told me about what happened between you and Rainbow Dash?"

My teeth painfully sank into my bottom lip.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" Twilight quivered. "You knew how bad it would turn out for you. You knew how it would turn out and yet you went because, what, you thought that it was what I wanted? You know what, fuck you, Flash! Fuck you for thinking you know what I wanted! What happened to that Flash who once knew how to speak for himself? What the hell happened to that Flash, huh? The cracked ribs, the broken snout... and what she did... what she did to your hoof..."

"It was nothing too serious," I tried in vain to shrug it off. "The doctor said it was only a fracture—"

"It was only a— fuck you, Flash Sentry! If she stepped on it a second time, you would've lost it!"

I almost jumped when the blades pierced my chest, finally finding fear in the shadow after so many nights. The light flickering from her horn fizzled with a spark, snuffing out for a split second before quickly reigniting itself. Twilight's pants soon became quiet sobs, muffled only by the sheets. Immediately, I stepped forward and reached beyond the veil, wandering up the sheets before finally clutching onto her hoof. My meek glance was cast down onto her sheets as she cried, her strained squeaks and convulsing hiccups gnawing at my chest. I stifled a glance at the moon above, once again scorned by its lunar glare in face of her tears. I couldn't bring myself to apologize, no matter how much I pushed myself to; the best I could do was mourn alongside her.

"Flash?"

"Hmm?"

"I..." Twilight swallowed. "I want the old you back... the old Flash Sentry. Not the one I met beyond the Crystal Mirror, but the one who took his time to learn about me as I learned about him, the Flash Sentry that I'm stuck with... I want him back."

"He'll be back," I mumbled. "Once this is all over, he'll be back, I promise."

A meager silence fell between us, the two hopefuls waiting to return to their joyful days. Instinctively, my free hoof reached for the curtain and began to draw it back, only to have it snapped short with the arcane force from an adamant princess, who could only give me a pleading look from the niche I had made. It was a look I had been seeing for the many nights that I had tried to fold the veil back, to see the sight that she didn't want the world to see, even though I had seen it on that fateful night. In all honesty, I wanted to oblige to her wills, though I know that the change she desires — the change I desire — must come unanimously.

"I'll be back," I uttered the first half of the magic words. "But only if you'll join me."

Despite her neverending reluctance, Twilight Sparkle soldiered on and gave a nod.

The shadow of a princess, the one that I had been seeing all night, was finally unfurled. As the blinds folded back, my brows furrowed as the Twilight Sparkle of today finally revealed herself to me. She still looked as radiant as before, though one could not ignore the horrific damage that had been done to her graceful veneer. Her lower half was almost completely mummified, what damage there may be concealed by bandages wrapped around her abdomen and both of her rear hooves. A large, stellate scar branched out from the corner of her forehead, with traces of fresh skin slowly coming out among the crusted burgundy patches, streaked in faint yellow pus. It reeked of medicine and hints of iron, though sadly it wasn't the source of her unyielding shame.

My gaze fell to her back, my lips trembling as I saw the malformed stump protruding from her spine. It was what was left of her right wing, lost to the events that unfolded that fateful night. The patches of grayed flesh surrounding it bulged a little as Twilight shuffled uncomfortably beneath her sheets, her eyes watering the longer my gaze stuck onto it. I could feel a grim fuzz growing in me, the shivers running up and down my chest threatening to rip a tear out of me. Instead, I held it back, clenching my hoof tighter around hers and forced out a sad excuse of a grin, even as she refused to meet my gaze.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Not anymore," she whimpered after a moment of silence. "Think I'm getting used to the pain. It's weird... I keep thinking it's still there. Like... I'm feeling it, even though I shouldn't be..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, just... please don't do this to yourself, Flash."

"No! No, I mean it this time," I struggled to remain firm, even though tears were rolling down my cheeks. "I was your royal bodyguard, Twilight. I was supposed to protect you. That was my duty and yet... and yet... I let this happen to you. I did this to you..."

Murderer.

"I did this to you..." I exhaled, gritting my teeth. "I did this to you... I did this to you... I did this to you..."

After such a long time, on a quiet night within the embrace of Twilight Sparkle, I could finally bring myself to cry.

Entry #7

The first time I acted as Princess Twilight's escort was during a business dinner in upstate Canterlot, held by one of Equestria's diplomats from Griffonstone. It was the first peaceful congregation between ponies and gryphons that I had ever encountered, though that was besides the point. It was also, unknowingly to me back then, the first time I had seen her dealing with matters regarding to state, much like the other princesses would do. I could imagine why she could do such a good job. After all, talk is anything but cheap when it comes to these banquets; to have somepony as literate as Twilight to oversee them could not be more of an obvious choice. She has the capacity to woo an entire kingdom. Who wouldn't want her to be on their side?

"Do I look okay?"

"You look fine."

"Seriously, Flash. Do I look okay?"

"I was being serious! You look great!"

I expected to act no different for this banquet. If I recall, it was to commemorate the re-opening of an old hotel after a long moment of renovation. It was the usual affair, after all, this time with some of Manehatten's higher members of society, mostly from those involved in the recent recreational projects around the city. There was practically a big bang of those in the city and abroad after the Midsummer Theater Revival. It was a good thing— perhaps not done out of good faith, but a good thing nonetheless. That alone sat comfortably well with Twilight, who immediately took it upon herself to oversee that those projects come into fruition without any unintended repercussions. Of course, as everything progresses, it would be of no surprise to me that these deals would eventually lean more towards the fiscal end.

"I can't take you seriously if you're smiling at me like that!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you should stop smiling at me like that."

"Twilight, you're just being paranoid again."

The glare that she shot at me did little to alleviate her fears, I'm sure.

When the doors parted for us, I was once again treated to the assembly of the nobility. The suits and dresses were all regal, the conversations all sovereign in matters that probably don't, well, matter, with soft laughs at jokes that the remainder of us wouldn't bother to understand in their complex jargon, the array of cocktails all vibrant in their fizzling simplicity and, of course, their smiles. Oh, those porcelain smiles, the ones that can outright shatter if they didn't like how another pony was looking at them; we were showered with them as Twilight and I strode in, approached by all these dolled-up ponies as they take turns chatting with the princess. As for me, I just do what a guard is expected to do best.

"Your Highness."

"Ah, Mr. Atelier!"

The Atelier name may not be familiar to most, but it's the name belonging to one of the biggest moguls of Equestria's construction industry. Many of the notable buildings around Equestria, Manehatten mostly, started as projects helmed by the family. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the industry could be represented by the Ateliers alone. It would be unsurprising to learn that they would attend a banquet such as this, what with so many notable figures surrounding them, be it seeking for new projects or even if only for the sake of keeping up appearances. Then again, they may only be here because Twilight was here; she was the one that gave the green light for many of their recent projects after all. They were here as a gesture of appreciation. Otherwise, they're here for another signature.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Your Highness," uttered Mr. Atelier, voice rich and sincere. "First off, I just want to thank you for approving those projects we sent you."

"Oh, you don't have to. It's beneficial for the townsponies, after all."

It was the first time that I could put a face to the widely respected name of Mr. Atelier. He was well-dressed in the manner that his name would carry, his amicable smile freshening the air free of the pompous pollutants. His gaze, when directed towards me, was genial, though it was slightly different from the way he looked at Twilight. Standing right behind him was a mare around his age, whom I believe was his wife, as well as a stallion around our age and a mare that's seemingly five years younger at least. Putting them all together, they would seem like a picture perfect family.

"And this must be the royal bodyguard you speak fondly about," he said, fully turning to me. "Quite a spirited young fellow, I see."

"Flash Sentry." I stuck out a hoof, to which he accepted it.

"Flash Sentry..." Mr. Atelier mused on my name. "I believe we have met before."

Before I could inquire further on that, a volley of applause filled the ballroom as a stallion — I believe to be the host of the banquet — stood on stage, cocktail in hoof, as he made a couple of forgettable declarations and announcements, before commencing the start of a waltz. Immediately, Mr. Atelier's son stepped forward and extended an offer to Twilight, who could only look at me with what I assumed to be reproaching uncertainty. I just nudged her to go ahead, the stare that Mr. Atelier was giving me prompted me to stay. His eyes were giving me a spark that I had seen before in the eyes of my father; he wanted to talk business.

The silence settled in, the voices fell to a hush as the lights dimmed down and the dancers take their position. From the crowd, I watched as Princess Twilight Sparkle put up a commendable facade that concealed her initial uneasiness and gallantly faced her partner. As the violas and cellos began their melodic hums, and the dancing lessons she had frantically scrambled to learn weeks ago came into play, I could hear Mr. Atelier shuffling a little closer towards me. He stayed silent for a moment, carefully watching the dance with his eye stuck on Twilight in particular. There was that same spark in his eyes too, though the serene smile that came with it only made it vaguer.

"So, you said you've met me before, Mr. Atelier?"

"Ah yes," I snapped those words out of him, though his eyes still remained fixated on Twilight. "How are your parents doing, Flash?"

"They're doing well."

"Glad to hear that. I doubt you'd remember me, considering you were just a foal back then. See, your father and I are close acquaintances. We'd always find ways to get together, he and I, though these days, considering how busy we are, we rarely ever meet anymore. I remembered the day I met you was during the 32nd Annual Wonderbolts Royal Derby, if only because he owed me almost eight thousand bits after I won some bets we placed."

"Huh. Didn't know Dad was the gambling type."

"We were still young back then. At least, young enough to still have the gambling bug in us," he chuckled. "All in all, it was good fun. To be honest, I should've realized as much that you were Gallant's young boy the moment you came through those doors. You have your father's looks and mane, after all."

I made sure my smile was still holding strong when he said that.

"You forgot to mention his military heritage as well," I added.

"You misunderstand. I did not forget it, Flash," he reaffirmed, finally directing his gaze to me. "I simply withheld mentioning it. Gallant told me you can be little sensitive with that."

"Yeah? What else did he tell you?"

"That you were always hesitant to pick a side."

It's a strange, strange, strange world we're living in. We were taught the beneficials of harmony and prosperity, raised on the importance of tolerance and acceptance, yet here was one of Equestria's more respected figures, bringing up my father's opinionated view on never standing in the middle ground. Why do we have to pick a side when there need not be a side to begin with? Why can't we find a common balance in anything? It was a view I definitely did not want to partake in, much less inherit; I have enough of my father's traits in me already, uncannily or otherwise. Do note that the shadow of Gallant Sentry is large enough to eclipse the sun if he tried and I'm just one comparison away from being swallowed in his darkness.

"Your father insists that you too often search for the middle ground," Mr. Atelier continued. "That you possess a... well, I'll use his words— a sumptuous indifference."

"It's not illegal, is it?"

"Not so, no. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you do it all the time," he defended. "Right now, you'd only pick a side when you're deeply involved in the situation, especially when it involves your pride. That's fine and such, but with where you stand right now, I'd strongly advise against it."

"Where I stand?" my curiosity was piqued. "What do you mean, where I stand? Where do you think I'm standing right now?"

"With Twilight Sparkle."

I looked back to the mare in question, gliding and pirouetting across the room, the tangerine silk ruffles of her glittering gown swirling along with her grace and vivacity, made more majestic by the elevating music. I never once thought of myself standing with Twilight before; I was serving under her as her royal bodyguard, after all. Of course, thinking about it now, we had been getting closer together ever since the altercation we had and the awkwardness between us, which happened almost a year ago. It's hard to believe how far we had come, though for the better or worse, I don't know, nor do I want to. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

"Is she important to you?"

I almost choked on my drink.

"S-Sorry?"

"Is she important to you?" Mr. Atelier repeated. "You two seem pretty close together. Heard that there were problems between you and her initially about your responsibilities, but right now, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. Looking at you now, you don't seem too resigned to your duties, yet you're not the type that upholds your duties more diligently than anything else, which leaves me wondering: is she important to you?"

"She's... she requested me to be her royal bodyguard, so I guess she's important to me, in that sense."

Mr. Atelier didn't seem all too convinced at my answer; it's not as if I am as well. To be fairly honest, I never really saw Twilight in the way that he would imply before this. In the brief moment of silence he gave me, I brooded for the first time onto thoughts about Twilight, about me being with her, about us together. There was no doubt that the circumstances that lead me here were unconventional. She made a choice that could be called substantially illegal and yes, for a while, I wasn't being the best that I could be and she had admitted not being the best of herself as well. That said, there was one sentence she uttered during our argument that really made me ponder.

"You could've told me. You could've left me anytime."

All that was true. I could've told her how I felt, I could've requested to leave at anytime and knowing her, she would let me without need of a question. Still, had I left then, I may never actually know how she was like. Not many had seen her beneath the elegance and splendor of the mare waltzing across the room right now. Princess or not, she had an innocent charm, an air of naivety that remains untouched by her sovereignty. Princess or not, she has her over-reliance on books and her awkward conversation starters; her quirky eagerness and her adorably uplifting pouts. She has those things that I had never thought I would find in a princess in this realm of reality and I want to know what else she has in store. I want to learn about her, to understand who the mare that calls herself Twilight Sparkle was.

More importantly, I want to know how I can help make it better.

"If that is what you believe. It would be below me to pry in such intimate affairs."

I'm certain Mr. Atelier has the eye to see the nuances I had unwittingly given away, if the creeping smile on his lips told me as such, subtle as it may be. I should be thankful that he brought this up, really. Perhaps without this conversation, I would never have gave Twilight and I being together any serious thought. Of course, he never did intend to talk about that, as I was about to find out.

"Let me ask you something, Flash," he spoke in a lower, huskier tone. "How far would you go to protect someone you deeply care about?"

I felt my muscles tense when he said that. "What do you mean?"

"See, you and I, we're both participants in a growing national phenomenon. Everywhere in sight, every city, every town, every village in Equestria, all of them are going through a development boom. Mall projects in Trottingham, casino resort projects in Manehatten, housing developments in downtown Stalliongrad— you name it, it's happening. Investors from all around and beyond our borders are putting their life savings across all these projects, mostly because many of these projects, if successfully built, would amass an overwhelming profit to cover up those expenses. We're talking seven digit values here."

"Why is that?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Simple, Flash. There has never been an opportunity like this before. You see, to have these projects to be started, we'll need the approval of those in the higher ranks to proceed. Take Manehatten, for example. For that casino resort, I'd have to pitch it to a board of directors in the Manehatten Town Council, who will send it to the Equestrian Inspectorates and they would bring it to the attention of our princesses. The project will and only will be allowed to legally proceed if we receive a signature from one of the princesses."

"So..." my voice trailed off, my gaze drifting back to Twilight. "Why does it happen now? Why weren't the other princesses as involved in this?"

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had more pressing matters in their hooves. The closest we had come to before this was with Princess Cadance, back when she just ascended. Of course, Her Royal Highness was quick to shield her away from us. By the time she got back, she had her marriage and was dealing with matters in the Crystal Empire. Understandable why Princess Celestia had to do that. The Crystal Princess was still young and prone to mistakes; know that the media can be needlessly harsh at the worst timing possible."

I wouldn't have known how badly I needed to know that then.

"You seem concerned that Twilight would be hurt from all this."

"I'm concerned about her leniency," Mr. Atelier disclosed. "Pardon me if I might say this, but despite how much this brings to my family, she's being a little reckless with the power she's using. Right now, all these projects, all the developments across Equestria, all of them were being approved by her under the given pretense that they all benefit the Equestrian population. While I'm not saying that there were deceitful ones, I'm hoping that she would at least take some time to consider them. Change can be good, no question; too drastic a change, however, and the rest of us would have to face any unforeseen consequences. When we do, however..."

The ice in the words that followed froze my heart. The shadows of the world converged over my shoulders, the swaying music buzzing into a heavy, belligerent drone. The spark in his eyes returned, though its intentions were sharper, more menacing. It left me thinking even as a mild applause began resounding throughout the room, stopping only when I noticed Twilight striding back to my side. I could only spare one last glance at Mr. Atelier, the smile he had when conversing with Twilight vanquishing all signs of our previous conversation, the effects of which would linger on in my mind.

"There would only be one pony who would take the blame."

"How could you not know?!"

The words on the crinkled paper I was holding in my shivering hooves wouldn't fade off however much I scrutinized it. Beyond that, the piercing irises of Shining Armor were drilling into me, demanding for answers that he would never find. He was furious, much more so than I had ever seen him, for a very good reason. It's only unfortunate that Princess Cadance made no effort to restrain him either; she's too busy in her dark world, trying to contemplate what had happened. Perhaps she was as enraged as her husband was and I should be lucky that she wasn't taking it out on me either, however much they believe I deserved it. Then again, she may be quiet just because there was a greater presence in the room who, with a gentle whip of her magic, took the paper out of my hooves to have another glance through.

"Can you confirm this, doctor?"

"We'd have run a few tests to be sure, Your Highness," the physician in charge of Twilight's care spoke up. "Though looking through the details given, I would say it's highly likely."

With a nod, Princess Celestia dismissed him, being the first among us to excuse himself and escape the suffocating tension in the interrogation room. I gave a small glance to the side where Pierce and my parents were standing; they could barely look at me, being embroiled in the disdain they were sharing with the royal couple. For a while, no one spoke. No one dared to shatter the barrier of silence, the closest attempt to it being Shining's huffs as he returned to his wife's side, distraught. That was when Pierce stepped up to the plate, the dark glare he was sporting almost unlike him.

"Do you know about this?"

Struggling to even breathe, I could only shake my head, my eyes shifting downwards.

"Why didn't you?" Princess Cadance gasped bitterly. "When Twilight hears about this, she'll... s-she'll be..."

I couldn't bring myself to tell her about how I shared her sentiments, about how sick I felt about all this; I had never felt more disgusted at myself in my entire life. There was no need to do that, as my anguish was clear to all of them except myself. It was only when my mother strode up to me and placed her hoof on my shoulder that I realized how violently I was shaking and sweating. The twisted pangs of guilt curled in my throat, the blackness coiling around the corners of my vision threatening to turn back. Quietly, I tried to regain control of my hasty breathing, though the grim looks being worn by everyone else was admittedly making it harder. The quasi-exception in all those was from Princess Celestia, her expression being more of strained pity.

"Do you need a moment, Flash Sentry?"

The effort I needed to nod was staggering; for that, I was rewarded with a much-needed moment by the Equestrian paragon of perfection. One would think that Princess Celestia would be furious, though I'd reckon it would be uncharacteristic of her image. She was a voice of reason in a world of chaos, one which remained sound and strong even after the centuries she had toiled through. I would go as far to say that she's everyone's voice of reason; how many times had we stopped to think: what would Princess Celestia do? Perhaps if I asked that question far more often that I did, I wouldn't be here. Perhaps, if I had been more perceptive, if I did provide more attention as I was told, Twilight wouldn't be in the hospital. Perhaps if I've been less of the indifferent pony I was, we wouldn't be like this. We shouldn't be like this.

"Your Highness, if I may proceed?"

A serene nod.

Pierce Swiftwind once again stepped to my level, gazing right into me.

"I need you to be honest with me, Flash: when did it happen?"

Still trembling, I managed an answer. "Three months before that night."

"Faust..." I heard Princess Cadance gasp underneath her breath, mortified.

"And you can be certain that she wasn't aware of it as well?"

"I doubt that she knew about it as well," I stuttered, wanting to make sense of everything. "If she knew, I'm sure she would've informed me about it."

A sigh escaped from Pierce Swiftwind as he leafed through the investigation report again, gravely perusing every word that was translated from the crime scene with an expression that would usually precede a grim, hopeless defeat. At the side, my mother looked like she was ready to crack any second and would've done so already if not for my father reassuring her with soft, tender whispers. I gazed up at the lonely light hanging above my head and closed my eyes, letting the quivers skitter down my throat. I recalled her face, I recalled her dainty smile; all that was quickly struck down with a horrifying scream amid an abysmal, crackling roar, punctuated occasionally by loud, resounding booms from above.

"Flash? You alright there?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm..." I choked, snapping out to see Pierce's concerned eyes staring straight into me. "I'm fine, I was just... I was thinking of... that night—"

A sudden sting in my head made me yelp, my hoof immediately reaching up to soothe it. My mother was quick to hurry to my side, already taking out some ointment from her purse. When the pain was appeased enough to allow my eyes to open again, I could see the worried looks that everyone were giving me, Princess Celestia included. Hers was the first to change, her brows wrenching up and her eyes darkening as she turned to my father. An untamed rage — one I had never seen before from her — was swirling in the air; she was here at his behest, though what my father had planned was beyond anything the rest of us could've ever imagined.

"You really think this would help your son, Gallant Sentry?" she scowled.

"He'll be fine."

"Did you really think that planting a memory spell on him would come without any repercussions?"

"It would be unwise to think so," my father asserted with a grimace. "However, he wouldn't be better off if he didn't. That is without question, Your Highness."

"There are reasons why a pony's memory is being actively closed off by their brain," the princess remained adamant. "The last thing I want is to have any of my subjects — however much of a criminal they can be — go through an implicit means of mental torture, even if it were for the sake of Princess Twilight. I do not want another life to be put at stake all for the sake of learning the truth."

"If I may add, Your Highness," Pierce stepped in. "Miss Melody and I were absolutely certain that this was no accident, and that whoever the culprit of the incident was, it certainly wasn't Flash Sentry. He is being falsely accused of a crime that he didn't commit, but the media would have everyone else believe otherwise. We had a strong case built to tackle that in a scheduled interview, but all that changed when Princess Twilight woke up. We had to cancel the planned interview, rebuild the case with what little we have and now, with this report... if what is written in this report is true..."

"Flash Sentry would have a motive," Shining Armor finished the sentence, grimly staring me down. "A motive that wouldn't be easily overlooked by the public when he goes to court."

"So what we're essentially asking for is to even the stakes," my father butted in. "Your Highness, this is our only chance at finding out who the real culprit might be. With that, we may have an idea as to who might be intending to murder Princess Twilight. I would go so far as to say that they intended to murder Flash as well."

Princess Celestia's glance darted between my two defendants, before it finally landed onto me. "Do you understand what you'll be put through, Flash Sentry?" she asked.

Part of me screamed a resounding no; part of me just wanted to slug my father in the face for putting me in this position without any consideration. Still, however absurd his methods may be, Gallant Sentry had a sense of judgement that wouldn't be surprising for one to feel envious about. What horrid luck, for it to be the only thing that I didn't inherit from my father. If his judgement decided that it would all come down to this, then there will be no better move to make than that. With those thoughts in mind, I mustered up what little confidence that remained and nodded.

"How about your parents? Are they both alright with it?"

"Certainly, for his sake," my father quickly answered. "Clementine?"

My mother could only frown, though after a moment, she sighed. "If Flash wants it to happen, then I shall support it."

"It shall be done then," the princess finally relented, all manner of resistance washed away. "However, I'll only comply if I were to use a variation of the original spell, which only allows him to relive those memories when in slumber. I shall come back later at night with my sister and cast it then. That way, I can have Princess Luna to ensure his safety should his memories inflict any sort of damage on his mental state."

"Will do. Thank you, Your Highness."

With all of it said and done, Princess Celestia and the royal couple took their leave. The rest of us, though successful in convincing Her Royal Highness, weren't too keen on lavishing in it yet. My mother was the first of us to act, the glare she gave to my father that came with a cock of her head towards the door making it clear to Pierce and I that she wanted to have a talk with him. Having seen the output of her rage, it's same to assume that it wouldn't be a nice experience.

"So, how are you going to talk to Twilight about this?"

"Don't know," I dejectedly answered my friend, my gut collapsing inward. "I... I really don't think I could do it... if Twilight... if Twilight hears about this..."

I couldn't take it anymore.

"F-Fucking Faust... motherfucking Faust!!"

Some part of wanted to tear myself out for crying again, especially in front of my friend. Such is the pride of the pegasi, injected into us from the moment we were born, yet however much we were told to uphold it, doing it at the face of all that... doing it would be travesty. No one, not even my father, could be subjected to such devastation. It would be beyond cruel if I had wished it on someone else; the fact that Twilight was about to go through the same thing, the fact that she has to face the same devastation as I just did...

What did we do to deserve this?

She was really fond of hillside picnics.

"Yeah, so... surprise! I know it's not much, but, hey!"

That really should've clued me in on what the spot of the night would be. Still, it would just be like Twilight to arrange a picnic and honestly, I wouldn't want to have it any other way. It was in such moments of solitude where you could see her for who she really is inside, where she would open up like a flower in the sincere warmth of the sun. With the many picnics that we had together, I had learned so much about Twilight Sparkle that these days, I often find myself musing on her name. I would never have thought that her picturesque name could portray such an accurate reflection to who she really was.

We were on one of the hills overlooking the bright diamond of nighttime Manehatten from a distance great enough to have the ephemeral cosmos emerge over our heads, wrested free from city lights. There was nary a rock or tree, just a clean slope of feathery green ruffling about in the gentle breeze. I looked at our picnic spot: a large, checkered cloth blanketed over the ground, with the stuffy picnic basket sitting in the corner. Some part of me wondered how she found the time amid all those appointments to look for such a tranquil place; trust Twilight Sparkle to be able to find a good spot for a picnic, however busy she may be.

"It's not much of a surprise," I began, though I had to stop midway to chuckle when I saw Twilight pout. "Still, I don't think I'll ever get tired of having picnics with you."

"Ah... aha..."

I let loose a coy smirk. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"N-Nothing!" Twilight proclaimed with a steaming red. "I just... w-well, I thought I... I'll get the stuff out!"

The fact that she nearly squeaked those last words nearly made me double over in laughter.

Trying to cool herself down, Twilight reached into the picnic basket and took out a bowl of berries, accompanied by a dip of chocolate, elegantly swirled in a luscious mix of white and brown. Before I could inquire about the odd foodstuff she had chosen over the usual sandwiches we would have, my voice was strangled, my jaw dropping when she brought out, eloquently with her magic, a large bottle of red wine, complete with a pair of crystal glasses. It was only when everything was set that Twilight turned to me and, at my expression, let out a light, amicable giggle.

"Surprise!"

"That I am," I had to admit, chuckling when Twilight did a celebratory curtsy; I embellished it by popping the cork off the wine bottle, its contents spraying out in a sparkling shower of red over the grass. "So what's with the new menu?"

"Oh, just wanted to have something different than the usual," she answered with a touch of pride. "That, and I believe it's about time I let loose a little. All that talking and dancing today just felt like such a drag, so I snuck a bottle out, not like they would bother to notice anyway. Really makes me understand why Princess Celestia didn't like the Grand Galloping Gala that much."

"I guess anyone would deserve a time to let loose after a banquet like that."

"Seriously, most of them were literally talking about the same things they were talking about last time! I seriously don't care about how the direction your marble statue is facing would affect your hotel or why the fertilizer you use for your hedges were the best in all of Equestria! Don't even get me started on the dancing: I mean, I know his son was trying to be nice and all, but—"

"Your glass."

"Thank you," she gasped breathlessly, accepting the wine and a moment of inhalation. "—but the way he looks at me really creeped me out! I get it, you're dancing with a princess! Big deal! If he did that to Princess Luna, I'm sure she'll have a fit! Probably send him to the moon as well, see how he likes that!"

Immediately, Twilight took her wine glass and, to my utter astonishment, swiftly downed it in one gulp. Before I could stop her, she was already pouring herself another glass, all while she was complaining about how Discord rearranged the books in the library when we left for Yakyakistan. I didn't dare cut in, even as she poured more and more for herself; Applejack warned me that despite not being the lightweight of the group — that award goes to Rainbow Dash, unfortunately — once Twilight starts, she may never, ever stop. I had seen her do this once or twice at some of our previous banquets. You'd expect not to know whatever the fuck she was saying, but she was the first pony that could be drunk and literate at the same time. Even when drunk, she can be insanely quick-witted.

Seeing Twilight Sparkle ranting and raving like this, however unlike of a princess it may be, was somewhat refreshing. She was definitely letting loose and — it's funny for me to say this — but she just seemed... well, sincere. It's a gesture of honesty, even if it wasn't intended to be. I had lived my days surrounded by false smiles of every kind, so much so that I had to carefully pick and choose the company I keep. It wasn't easy, what with my lackadaisical sense of judgement and all, but I had made some great friends, some of which, as I would soon learn, would stick by my side no matter what I had to go through. To have Twilight on that list, however, was travesty.

She meant much more than that to me.

"So I told her this and exactly this," Twilight snapped crassly in her classy, sassy drunk tone. "If you're going to sue me over the fact that cosmic inflation is falsified, even though I could give you concrete evidence that the Universe is isotropic and that our cosmic microwave background is distributed evenly at all places, which I can prove with the Friedmann–Lemaître–Robertson–Walker metric, then you can go and fucking inflate yourself!"

"Harsh," I responded rather tipsily.

"I fought Tirek, for Faust's sake! What's a stupid lawsuit gonna do to me?" she slurred, downing glass number eight. Or nine. "Seriously, Flash, you're lucky that you just have to stand outside during all those debates! Some of them have their horns so stuck up their asses that they could cast a light spell in their rectum and call it the universe! That's probably our universe right now: a unicorn who stuck their horns up and casting some complex light spell! Seven bits on one of them actually believing that!"

"Twilight, I think that's enough for the night," I managed to speak, stopping her from filling her glass once more. "I'm only at my fourth glass. You're high on cup nine now."

"That's barely reaching number ten!"

"Nine is one number less than ten!"

"Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddy the issue, Flash Sentry," she accused, popping a chocolate-dipped blueberry into her mouth. "What about you? I gave you permission to let loose! What are you, a teetotal pegasus? Hah! My bodyguard is a living oxymoron!"

"Well, one of us has to be sober enough to fly us back to the hotel."

That was when she fell quiet.

For a moment, I thought I said something wrong again. In the quiet, serene silence, I sat there, looking at her, wondering what might've rubbed her the wrong way. Before I could inquire about it, I tensed up when Twilight suddenly looked up at me. I had expected rage, raw and rigid, to burn in her eyes; what I saw instead were watery pupils, glimmering in a pleading manner. She opened her mouth to speak, though all that came out was a trembling squeak. With a long sigh, hoof reaching up to brush her frazzled mane aside, the princess turned away from me to look up at the stars.

"I don't want to go."

I just blinked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to stay here, Flash," she screeched. "I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go back anywhere."

"Twilight, what's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong, Flash! Everything, I just—" she hiccuped on her tears. "I'm scared. Of this whole arrangement. Of the whole fucking thing. I just... I didn't want to wake up the next day only to find out that you just up and vanished, alright? I don't want that to happen. I don't want to lose what we had and what we had... what we had was something! No, it was more than something! So I thought I brought you here and I was... I was thinking that i-if I did this—"

"Did what?" I questioned. "Twilight, what were you planning to do?"

A meek whimper, before she gave her answer.

With a leash of her magic, Twilight Sparkle yanked me forward and smashed her lips against mine.

It was short and sloppy, lacking the practiced sensuality and fluid spontaneity that you'd see in the movies, yet it's to be expected from two drunk ponies, one who had no idea whatever the hell was happening. My eyes were wider than the sun, my hoofs gripping tightly onto the blanket as I was pushed backward by the princess leaning into me, her tongue breaching into the confines of my mouth. It wasn't long before we fell into the checkered cloth, our lips still connected until Twilight finally broke away from me, the strand of saliva quickly breaking apart as she quickly wiped it away with her hoof.

"That..." I gasped, shell-shocked. "That was definitely more than something..."

Instead of sparing a giggle like I thought she would, Twilight blushed and glanced away, brows furrowed. "You're upset at me now, aren't you?" she solemnly spoke.

"No! No, not at all, I'm just... a little surprised, that's all."

"I get it if you are, you know. You'd think she would learn, right? You'd think that just because he looks like somepony you had a crush on in another universe doesn't mean they're one and the same. You weren't him! You're not the Flash Sentry I fell in love with! I knew that already and yet... and yet... look at what I've done..."

Was I furious at her, one might wonder? Simply put, of course I was, but not necessarily because of the reasons she stated. We argued in the past because back then, she assumed my personality just because she met somepony who had my features in another dimension; what I'm furious about her was that she still hasn't gotten over it like I believed she had. It's hard to comprehend that this whole time, she had kept those irrational insecurities to herself without telling me whereas I gave her a second chance to try again, to be the Twilight Sparkle that I came to know and adore. Seeing her torn between two worlds like this, Mr Atelier's words came into mind. With that, came a flushing desire; with that, came the burst of confidence I needed in me to tell her what I wanted to tell her all along.

"You're right," I muttered, earning her attention. "I'm not the Flash Sentry you fell in love with."

Before she could even respond, I placed my hoof on her chin and turned her my way, much to her utter surprise. Her mouth was trembling, her form shaking, her uncertainty wavering what little confidence she had left. We got lost into each other's eyes, looking beyond the black abyss as we search, in each other, for something else we share in common other than the same home; for something more than what we had already.

"This pony will never be the Flash Sentry you fell in love with," I continued, smiling. "But this pony... this pony decided to learn who Twilight Sparkle was. He wanted to know why Twilight Sparkle was the way she was. What he found out was that Twilight... you were much more brilliant than I could hope for, that you were so smart yet so sincere, that you genuinely care for the plights of others. This pony learned that Twilight Sparkle, princess or not, was a great, wonderful, kind mare, and he... he wants a part of that. I want a part of that. I may never be the Flash Sentry she fell in love with, but I want to be the Flash Sentry that Twilight Sparkle learned to fall in love with. I want to be that pony. I want to be with you."

With that said, I dove in for the second kiss of the night.

This one was more sensual, the warmth blooming beautifully between our mouths. The cosmos swirled above us as we shared each other's air, yearning so much more from each other as the night became quite a blur. We never did make it back to the hotel that night; we were too drunk, too far lost in each other to give a damn. There was never a more beautiful mare than Twilight Sparkle on that night, wings outstretched, her face fizzling red and abuzz in pleasure, but what really got to me was at the end, when we laid down on the blanket and stared into each other once again amid our hot, breathy pants, were the tears that were rolling down the eyes. The world between our sweating forms and entwined hooves froze when her lips curved into a smile as she dug her head into the fluff of my chest, sparing a pair of words that twinkle in my ears as we rested for the night together, being so much more to each other than we ever were before.

"Thank you..."

Entry #8

"Tabard Camembert Atelier."

When he spoke the magic words, Pierce Swiftwind slid a yellow folder across the wooden table towards me. I flipped it open, a little impressed when I leafed through my friend's collection of the mogul's documents. It was a treasure trove of papers to dig through, detailing everything there is to know about Mr. Atelier. All of it was neatly arranged in order, dictating the entire journey from his humble beginnings to how he became the ruler of the empire he was running today. I held back the smile trying to burst forth from within, my stare weighing heavier in scrutiny at my friend, who could only cross his hooves.

"You've asked for it. Here it is."

"A little too late for that, don't you think, Pierce?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I beg to differ," he replied, leaning in closer. "If you knew the current circumstances, you'd understand."

Something about the way he said that made me glance down at the papers once again. To be clear, I wasn't ready at all to trust Pierce in this scenario, mostly because of the pony whom Pierce was working for. However, with all these documents presented before me, it was starting to become a little perplexing: what would Mr. Atelier earn from having my friend provide me with all his personal papers? Was he trying to earn my trust? Was he just toying with me? I recalled the conversation that we had back in the banquet in Manehatten, as well as the letter he penned and entrusted to my father to hand it to me just days before. Adding this folder to the list, it made me wonder: perhaps he really was on my side after all?

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Apart from me promising you that I would? Technically, the circumstances called for it."

The silence that followed was thick and brooding. For a moment, the room felt congested, with Pierce bearing, in his gaze, a dark tenacity that I had never seen before. It was only after a while that I realize that it wasn't directed at me; I was thinking that he may have something to say when he learned of what happened between me and Rainbow Dash after seeing my hoof wrapped up in a cast. In fact, it almost seemed as if he was furious at himself, which was something that was truly unlike him. To me, it could only mean that whatever the current circumstances were, it did not fare well.

"What happened, Pierce?"

"It's about Mr. Atelier," my friend began with a disgruntled sigh. "He was reported missing two days ago."

Elation was the first thing that swelled in my chest, followed by a mix of disgust and shame at the prior, followed by the return of my logical ability of reason. Mr. Atelier, disappearing? How can the face of an entire industry, surrounded by wealth, power and importance, just vanish without a trace? How was that even possible? Before I could pursue the matter further, the door opening with a metallic squeak as Gallant Sentry strode in, wearing a look of what I would call rigorous malice. I had seen that before; it was an expression that usually came after my father vents out his anger and frustrations. The darkness in his gaze softened when it drifted to me, warping into something that was really, really unlike the stallion I know.

For the first time in the years I had seen him, Gallant Sentry looked apologetic.

"Did Pierce tell you what happened already?"

"I was beginning to," my friend answered in my stead. "Any progress on your end, sir?"

"Nothing. Faust damn that stallion for thinking he could run away from this."

"Run away from what?" I was compelled to ask. "What was Mr. Atelier running away from?"

"Days ago, he became the prime suspect of the attack you and Princess Twilight," Pierce muttered grimly. "We believe he may be directly involved in what happened. We have a possible lead, albeit a far-fetched one until we can get some testimonies. Then again, the attack itself was a little bit of a stretch to begin with. You had your reasons for suspecting him, didn't you, Flash?"

The nod I gave should've been enough of an answer, but I'm certain they wanted more than that. However, it was pretty obvious if you did a little thinking. I had taken into heart about what he said back in Manehatten, so much so that I had brought it up to Twilight after a moment of serious contemplation. She became a little more stringent after that, beginning to turn away some projects and outright question others. The recklessness Mr. Atelier was concerned about was then replaced with a sense of moderation, though knowing Twilight, she can be really finicky about every detail in the process.

Perhaps Mr. Atelier knew how fastidious she could be and kept that in mind. Perhaps he knew that all those projects would be rejected, most of which would come from his competitors. To use Twilight and I like that, all to smother the competition and solidify his foundations as the leading face of the infrastructural industry of Equestria... it had invoked a different kind of change not in Equestria's landscape, but in the hearts of all those investors and magnates. They had been clamoring for her, inviting her to all those lavish banquets and exuberant gatherings, showering her with praise and appreciation; with that change, you can be certain that all that esteem withered into a bristling, bubbling apathy, gradually building up until one day, one of them decides to let it loose.

To have Mr. Atelier be the one, however... all of it started to not make any sense.

"You know the motive?"

"Not a fixed one. Like I said, the whole thing's far-fetched," Pierce reaffirmed. "Some of his documents had Mr. Atelier mentioning something about having his son as being the potential husband to Princess Twilight. If she ever became his daughter-in-law, you know how much power he would have, right? He would draft out all these projects and he didn't even need to blink just to get a signature. If he wanted to, he could ask the princess to refuse any projects that come in."

"But it still doesn't make any sense," I prodded on. "If he wanted Twilight on his side, why attack her?"

"Tell me, Flash Sentry," my father posed a question. "Who do you think was the real victim of the case?"

I could only muster up a blank stare.

"What are you talking about?"

My father shifted his gaze to Pierce, prompting him to speak. "I was looking over the case file to see if everything matched up and all the leads I was given by the team just weren't adding up to anything. So we decided to tackle this from a different angle and... well, with the way the circumstances are now, it's starting to come together. Honestly, Flash, I don't know how to tell you this."

"You're not saying..."

"There's a chance that Princess Twilight may not be the target."

I couldn't bother recalling how many questions that I bombarded myself with when I first heard that. All I remembered was that my initial shock quickly warped into something else, with my raised brows furrowing, cheeks darkening in a darker shade of black, and a stinging lump curling like a grisly centipede in my throat. It was an emotion I was taught to cage in by my mother and taught to shun by my father, both whom emphasized to me how much it could damage the reputation my family had worked hard to maintain. It was antipathy, caustic and untethered, twisting and coiling around my bleeding heart.

"Mr. Atelier knew about you and the princess, didn't he?" my father asked.

I managed a glum nod.

"So that's how it is," he concluded grimly. "He wanted you out of the picture, so he sent some ponies to get rid of you or, at the very least, make it seem as though you were the one behind the attacks. Knowing him, he'd probably go for the latter: have Princess Twilight believe you're responsible for the attack, she might lose her trust in you and he'll have his son step in to take care of her. Cowardly, certainly, but one couldn't argue with the results."

"Where is he?"

"No one knows, Flash, and if they did, they'd have no obligation to tell you," Pierce barked, mustering a glare. "You think hunting him and destroying him would solve everything, Flash?"

"It'll solve something, I'm sure."

"No it wouldn't, Flash!" he scowled sharply. "I've seen ponies do that. I've met those ponies and they all thought the same thing. They all thought that just because they got rid of someone, it'll better their lives. They all thought that without even thinking about the consequences that would come to them. What do you think, that I'll just let you do it? That I'll let you kill Mr. Atelier? You're no better off killing yourself, Flash Sentry!"

"I'd kill myself too if it means Twilight would be safe!"

Even my father recoiled at the harsh tone loaded in my voice, dripping in the venomous anger freed from its rusted confines. I shot my friend an intense glare, though he already reciprocated before I even began. The thundering cannonade in my chest was welling up to a crescendo, blood gushing and jostling around like a mob in my veins. When he opened his mouth, I braced myself to retaliate with my arsenal ready, only to stop in surprise when he let out a soft, deploring sigh.

"Look, Flash, I'll never understand the places you have gone to," he stated in a mild tone. "Still, you know what I understand? You're the most hated pony in all of Equestria, but you and I both know it wasn't because of you. I understand that now and I apologize for not realizing it sooner. I also understand that you care deeply for the princess and you think it's because of you that she's hurt. You're angry that the princess had been hurt because Mr. Atelier roped her into this and that's why you want to settle this between you and him. There's one thing, however, that I understand and you don't."

I looked up at him from the abyss I was in, daring him to speak.

"Twilight Sparkle wouldn't want this," he said.

"How can you be so sure?"

"How can't I?" he retorted with a sorrowful chuckle. "Flash Sentry, you're one of my oldest friends. I've known you ever since we got sent to detention together back in high school. Sure, you may not have the strongest sense of judgement, but you always had a strong sense for balance. You were always a mediator, seeking for an ideal equity; a mantle that the rest of us couldn't hold. Whatever the princess saw in you, I'm sure it was that. She would want to wake up and see the Flash Sentry who counters hate with peace and goodwill, not a Flash Sentry who would murder in response to it. The Flash Sentry that she knows — that I know — would return it with tolerance and forgiveness. The Flash Sentry we know would want to see justice be done in a rightful manner."

Somehow, I felt a fourth presence in the room. It was warm and benevolent, though there was not an aura of sovereignty and power that would come from Princess Celestia, nor was there the temperance and tranquility one would expect from Princess Luna. As the warmth embraced me, the spiked vines entrenching my heart began to unfurl, the flickering embers in my chest dying down. From over my shoulder, I could picture her smile, genial and sincere; I could hear her voice, soft and gentle as it allayed all my worries. Perhaps it was all my imagination, this calming presence. Perhaps it was just my mind's way of telling me that I never really wanted this, that Twilight would never want this, no matter how hard I wished it to be. The look of resignation I bore was palpable to Pierce, who managed a smile.

"We'll find him, Flash, I will promise that," he assured. "In the meantime, we'll need to convince the rest of Equestria that you're not the pony they think you are and I know just the pony who can help. Does the name 'Mandegloire' ring any bells?"

I shook my head, though it would seem my father had an inkling of who it might be. "Wasn't she the lawyer who famously convinced the jury to overturn the verdict in the case of the Wonderbolts ownership scandal?"

"The very same," Pierce said, sporting his trademark grin. "To put it simply, Flash, she has a knack for working on the more impossible cases. If there's anypony who can turn you from the most hated pony in all of Equestria into anything else, she's the one who you'll want help from. Of course, you'd have to go to her office in Manehatten and request her services personally if you want to."

There's the catch I was waiting for; I suspected an opportunity like this wouldn't come by so easily without effort. "So, I'll have to convince her to take my side," I sighed.

"Yeah. A spur-of-the-moment kind of deal," my friend reiterated knowingly. "It's something you're pretty good at, last time I checked."

I couldn't help but let out a chuckle, the muscles and tendons around my jaw and cheeks straining once more as they remembered how to form a smile again. That alone set off a light chortle from my friend and even brought forth the rare smile from my father, especially so from what Pierce pulled out next from his glossary of dramatic vocabulary.

"Lo and behold, Flash Sentry has returned."

"I must say, you've made some significant progress, Mr. Sentry."

"I did?" I blurted out.

"Well, if what you told me truly reflects your thoughts, then yes," Nurse Redheart answered with a sympathetic smile as she flipped through the papers in her clipboard, archiving the progress of my cognitive behavioral therapy from day one. It might not be a therapy I asked for, along with the multitude of things that my father provided me, but it was one of the few that I appreciate. "Would you imagine that you'll ever be this happy eight months ago?"

"I can't honestly say I would be," was my response, accompanied by a chuckle. "Come to think of it, it's been eight months already..."

Time is a smug, impatient bastard of a pegasus that sneers at the happier moments you revel in and gloats in the darker moments you fell into. In the eight months I've toiled through since the incident, time was especially cruel, making every passing day last a little longer. It's frightening, how far I had come. Of course, I wouldn't be here without all the help that I had received as well as the therapy I underwent to free myself of the anxiety attacks I was constantly under. I shudder to think where I might end up otherwise if it weren't for everyone else. All in all, I was glad that I could be here.

If only I could say the same for Twilight.

"How's the princess doing?"

Nurse Redheart's face fell when I said that. "I'd say Her Royal Highness is going through a lot," she mumbled, hooves tensed. "Of course, that's an understatement, really. You would know that, since you were going through the same things before. It's utterly cruel, whatever you both had to go through."

Cruelty, huh? Come to think of it, there had been an abundance of those lately. It's one of those things where everyone has in their possession, but won't ever admit they do. We've all been cruel at some point of our lives, most of us unintentionally so. It's something that, as we learned ever since we were foals, provides us a sense of self-satisfaction and a little bit of pride, albeit unwittingly at the unwilling expense of others. No one — not even myself, not even Twilight and might I even add Princess Celestia — was free from the temptations that cruelty would promise. If we were, Equestria would never be here. That's the curse of cruelty: no matter how much we dissociate ourselves from it, cruelty will always be at the heart of progress as a conduit to sate our dissatisfaction.

"May I see her?" I asked.

"Sure thing," the nurse chirped, scavenging through her clipboard. "According to the schedule, Her Royal Highness should be having her physical therapy session right now."

"Thank you."

"Don't be. It's best if you're there with her."

I made my way to the physical rehabilitation room without needing to spare a thought. Having been there many times myself when I had my hoof broken from a moment I'd rather not talk about, the whole journey felt natural, as if I was heading home. It was bliss, being able to walk again; all that remained of my pain was the occasional fuzz that comes and goes in my joints. Sometimes, it does come back if I put a little too much pressure onto it, which had amounted to a number of sleepless nights. It's a pain that I'll have to live with for quite some time, according to the doctor, who also told me to lay off any laborious work for the time being. Still, I'm not making any promises.

It's almost tragic, trotting in to see the medical staff awkwardly cheering Twilight on as she struggles to canter down the treadmill, lightly huffing in an attempt to ease off the pain. What's really tragic, however, was the dismal look in her eyes, bereft of the hopeful, lively spark that was true to her name. A little bit of it came back when she noticed my presence, but it was only a lackluster shard of its former glory, easily snuffed out by the gloom bubbling from within her. It was enough, however, to fan the moribund embers of determination still flickering within her, bringing newfound power to her bandaged hooves as she soldiered on against the shifting road beneath her.

"Great to see you here, Flash Sentry," the head doctor said as he stepped over to my side. "I take it your panic attacks have become less frequent now, yes?"

"Yeah," I half-heartedly replied, a little more concerned on other things. "How's the princess doing lately?"

"Physically, she's doing well. Her therapy's been progressing healthily and the phantom pain sensations she's getting from losing her right wing are mostly sedated. All in all, she's doing fine and will be discharged in a few months at earliest." The doctor adjusted his glasses, sneaking a glance back at Twilight as he lowered his voice: "As for her mental state... to say the least, it isn't in its best form. Her Royal Highness had been refusing to talk to us or even eat her meals. When we ask her if anything was bothering her, she kept on insisting it was fine and would throw a tantrum if we persisted. Just a moment ago, we've barely managed to convince her to attend the physical therapy session. That's not to mention the case report which, as I promised, I had confided the details to her."

"How did she take it?"

The grave shake of his head was a foreboding gesture, warning me of what I was about to face.

"Pardon me truly if I say this," the doctor stuttered. "Her Royal Highness would've been better off not knowing it at all."

Some part of me secretly and selfishly yearned for just that: the convenience of silence. Of course, Twilight Sparkle, as I had mentioned before, does not take a response of silence well. I'd reckon that if we told her after all is said and done, she'd be much more devastated than she was right now. To her, silence was secrecy, a truth withheld and a mask for lies. Silence was something she had come to reject ever since we argued about hiding secrets from each other. As for me, I would say that I'm indifferent either way, but in all honesty, I'm beginning to share the same view as well. Seriously, how many complications could we have avoided if we spoke up a little more? How many misunderstandings could be averted if we knew what was happening? Even now, I'm keeping a multitude of secrets from her, from the ongoing investigation into Mr. Atelier's disappearance to the deal with Princess Celestia, all for her safety. What if, in the end, her unknowing became her undoing? What will I do then?

"Look who's here to see you, Your Highness!"

Despite the nurse's cheerful tone, all that elicited from Twilight was a broken smile. As despondent as it made me feel, I made sure my own smile remained strong and firm when we helped her back onto her wheelchair before we escorted her back to her room like a procession. There were some conversations had between us, though Twilight never took part in them, with me following suit when my gaze fell back to the stub where her right wing once was. One can only imagine how distressed she was, especially after some of the papers dubbed her the 'One Winged Alicorn', an untactful pseudonym which incited enough public outcry to force them to apologize. It's downright disgusting really, how low some establishments would go. Of course, right now, she's indifferent either way.

Funny how things turned out for us.

"You had lunch yet?" I asked

A shake of her head.

"Well, you want something light, at least? Like an apple or a hay sandwich?"

A nod.

The journey back to her room was a short one, even with the added detour of picking up some donuts from the cafeteria. With the help of the staff, I carried her back into bed, thanking them with a nod and that cracking smile of mine when they left us with a gift of privacy. It was the longest moment we spent together in total oblique silence, avoiding each other's gaze and shuffling in place whenever the awkwardness tried to settle in. I had no idea what to say or where to begin, with some callous part of me wishing that she started the conversation despite all she's been through. Of course, it will be unlike me to stoop that low.

"Twilight?"

Her Royal Highness sullenly glanced up at me; to that I held my breath and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Y-You gonna eat that donut? It'll be stale if you leave it like that."

Way to fucking go, Flash Sentry.

That, however, seemed to do the trick: within the next few seconds, Twilight started to splutter and choke, before a fit of laughter burst forth from her after so long, bringing joyful tears to her eyes. I sat there with a light blush, chuckling sheepishly at myself and my fallen dignity, sacrificing itself for the sake of her happiness. It was refreshing, seeing her laughing like this after such a long moment in darkness. They do say laughter is the best medicine; Twilight's was probably a miracle cure, in this case. However, as much as we both wanted it to linger, it was quick to drift away. When the last of her short-lived laughs faded into memory, her gaze fell and the darkness returned to swirl in her eyes once again, growing larger and larger in the uneasy silence resettling in.

That is, until she spoke.

"Would you have come up with a name?"

My stare hardened, all my muscles beginning to tense up. "Don't know," I admitted breathlessly, trying my best not to shiver.

"Me neither," she shakily sighed with a strange, somewhat disconcerting smile. "It's weird... how dismissive I was... how I thought it was just me being under the weather..."

"You couldn't have known."

"I should've known, Flash. Every mare should," she rasped bitterly. "The signs were there! The signs were all there! Th-They were all— the nausea, t-the cravings, the... everything was there! Everything was there! Everything! Tell me, Flash Sentry! What kind of a mare am I?!"

"Twilight, you're not—"

"Tell me, Flash Sentry!!" Twilight started to shout, glaring right into me. "What kind of a fucking mare does not even know that she was three months pregnant?!"

I could only glance away, gritting my teeth as the words on the report slowly slipped back into mind, still horrifying and sickening as it was when I first read it. They found it when scouring through the rubble: the remains of a small fetus, curled up, greasily molten into the cement and caked in dredges of soot. All matters were made worse when the results of the genetic tests came back, leaving no question as to who the devastated parents were and sealing the makings of an unprecedented motive that would not easily be overlooked, as Shining Armor had put it tremendously. It was unbelievable, how much a pony can lose in the course of one night, all because of the selfish endeavors of another. By the time I could bring myself to look at Twilight again, she was already sobbing loudly into her sheets, trembling violently even as I stepped up and wrapped her hoof around mine.

"Where have I gone wrong?! Tell me, Flash, what did I do wrong?!"

I retained my grim silence.

"Flash, look at me! For fuck's sake, LOOK AT ME!!"

Immediately, I snapped my wandering gaze back, staring into the abyss in her eyes, seething in a dark mess of rage and confusion and forcing the tears out from me. I was afraid. I was truly afraid at the mare before me, ensnared in a cavernous gossamer of raw, malicious anger. This was not the Twilight Sparkle that I knew nor was it the Twilight Sparkle that the name resembled; this was but a poor substitute, twisted and warped in a malignant pool of hate, demanding for answers that no one would ever unearth from the grayer atmospheres of Equestrian morality.

That is, no one except me.

"It's me."

The whirlwind of emotion stopped in silence. "Wh-What do you mean?" she whimpered.

"It was me. They were after me. They were after me and you got—" I choked on my tears towards the end, retracing my breath as I tried again. "They were after me and you got caught up in this. They were after me because I was with you, and because I was with you that night and... they did this because we were together, Twilight! They wanted to use you, to turn you against me and they thought this was the best thing they could do! All of this... all of this..."

For a moment, neither of us spoke.

Once again, she shattered the fabled silence.

"F-Fuck..." she gasped eloquently, eyes wide open as everything sank in.

"All of this was because of me..." I quivered. "You lost a wing, you lost a foal... it was all because of me... they were all fucking right this whole time, weren't they?"

"Flash Sentry, don't you dare—!"

"It's my fault! It's justified! They were all right!"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, YOU—!!"

"They're Celestia-damned right! I am a murderer!"

That was when Twilight struck me across my cheek.

The sting of her slap burrowed in me, etching itself into my memory. I could distinctly recall the look she gave me: her furious glower, her grinding teeth, her damp cheeks, her sole wing fanned out in a display of animosity... I didn't want to believe it was her, that this was her, yet this was what she had become, what we had become. All our brighter days together seemed so distant and minuscule, cowering in the shadow of the past several months of turmoil. We had fallen too far into the chasm to crawl back up, too lost into the black hole to scramble back to the world we had lived in. We were mere children that had strayed too far from reality and are now paying the fucking price.

"Don't say that... please..." she begged. "I can't do this... not with you like this..."

I couldn't bear to stay long after that. It'll be cruel to both me and her if I did, and with how abundant it was currently, it was really the last thing we both need. In the end, this is what we make of it. Of love, that is. Argument after argument, insult after insult, vitriol malignantly spewing out like a geyser from both of our mouths even while the whole of the world fixated onto us... this is what our love had come to. We had been churned, twisted and turned, warped by so much malevolence and so much revulsion, and got fucked over countless of times that we had grown into the fiendish monsters you'd read on the paper on every other day. We had reached the extremes foretold in the legends and myths, which really brings back the undeniable conclusion, first whispered tenderly to me by none other than Clementine Genoise Sentry.

Love is disgusting.

"What is this?"

Shining Armor's glare was as caustic as I had expected it to be when I handed the letter to him. It was a letter that I had unceremoniously prepared the night Twilight and I had our first argument. I had kept it safe and was planning to scrap it, though learning the truth behind all that happened prompted me to bring it back out again, for the sake of whom, I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I watched the frown on the captain's face grew ever darker as he skimmed through the scrawl of words I had prepared. When he was done, he let out a morose sigh and looked at me with a wrinkle of his snout. By then, I was already bracing myself for another one of his shouting sprees, though, as I would soon find out, I did not actually need to.

"What's this all about?"

"It's my resignation letter, sir."

"I know what it is," he scowled disapprovingly at my obvious statement. "It wouldn't be like you to resign from your position as royal bodyguard, no matter what the situation calls for. Plus, you're a little late for trying to pull this off, don't you think?"

"Trust me, Captain, it's better this way."

"For who? For Twilight? Or is it really for you?"

"I'm trying to keep her safe," I argued. "You read the case file, Captain. It is my innate belief that I might be responsible for the ordeal that Princess Twilight had been put through. Without me—"

"Okay, okay, stop," he butted in, shaking his head. "First off: cut the formalities. I'm Shining Armor and she's just Twilight, without the royal titles and everything, alright? Second: you're correct that I read the case file that your attorney had provided me. It's the reason why I convinced our parents to retract the lawsuit against you and also the reason why the guard is busy hunting down Mr. Atelier even as we speak."

That was a move that I had to desperately thank Melody for; the only mare with enough bravado to coax a livid Shining Armor to read the case file. It was that move that issued a change, that paved the way for the two of us to become unwitting allies fighting for the common ground for bringing justice where it's due. To me, it was the move that saved my flank from being kicked into the cell with a life imprisonment sentence handed down by the jury. Perhaps without Melody, I may not be the free pony I am right now. I may still be the most hated pony in Equestria without her help for the string of interviews I had on the radio. She had done what most attorneys would fail to do; I'll need to find a great way of thanking her for that.

"However," he continued, his tone softening. "What I got from that as well was that without you, Twilight would've been worse off, being married to someone's son just so they could selfishly profit from something as simple as her own signature. If she knew, she would appreciate that. I might not have Cadance's love magic, but that's enough to tell me that you really care for her, no matter what you have to do."

"So you do understand why I have to do this."

"No doubt I do, but did you consider what Twilight would think about this?" the captain questioned. "Do you know how devastated she would be if she heard that you're gonna leave her? Honestly, Flash, I'm more afraid of what happens to her when you do. She might go through worse than what she's going through now."

"What could be worse than having your wing amputated and going through a miscarriage?"

"Granted, those two things are absolutely terrible, but still, she strove on. You know why? She kept on going because she had you. She had someone who would support her and help her, to share the burdens with her, to be a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. She had a pony who really cares for her as much as she cares for him. Believe me, Twilight needs you now more than ever. Doesn't that make you stop and think for a second what you're really risking here?"

I did not give a reply, forcing out a defeated sigh from him.

"Fine then, if that's the best you can come up with," he mumbled quietly, folding the letter with his magic. "I'll see what I can do..."

One can tell that it's a strange time when the captain of the guard — your very own superior — becomes willing to run an errand for you, especially when you're aware that he loathed your presence up until a few weeks ago. I'm guessing this was his way of trying to make up for the other days he bitterly treated me, which I can wholly appreciate. With all that said and done, we made our way down the hospital corridors, to a room booked and prepared by the guard with cooperation from the medical staff. It is in this room where everything is decided; it is in this room where the truth of what happened that fateful night shall be revealed.

You know what the heartwarming thing about all this was? Stepping into the room to see all these familiar faces that had been there when it all started to come together and give you one last push. Pierce was the first of the group to greet me with his quaint, lopsided grin, followed by Melody who gave me a hearty pat on the back. Then came Shining Armor and Princess Cadance, both of whom finally brought an air of sincerity to their voices as they wished me good luck. To have Thunderlane and Cloudchaser be there as well was especially encouraging, the couple having willingly housed me in the turbulent months I had to go through despite starting off by being a fucking asshole to them. It was a kindness and understanding that I couldn't appreciate more than I do now, and for that, I gave them a thankful nod.

"You ready, son?" my father asked me.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied back, putting in some mediocre effort to look confident. "Dad, I... I really didn't have the chance to say this to you, but I... I'm sorry. About everything I said, about how I treated you—"

"It's just a memory spell. You're not dying, Flash Sentry," he snorted, making the rest of the ponies chuckle. Some part of me became a little afraid that I inherited his form of humor as well. Honestly, though, I would be a little proud of that. Of course, as only Gallant Sentry would, he topped it off with another of his traits I wouldn't mind having under my wing as well: one last piece of fatherly advice.

"Just remember to stay strong in there. Remember: you've been through this before and you're stronger because of it. Prove it to everyone here that you can go through this again."

My mother still wears the same look of absolute worry she had when she was first informed of this back in the interrogation room, but the little smile she gave me convinced me that she will be there at every step along the way. Instead of speaking, she decided to convey her message with a tight, warm hug; one that urged me to come back no matter what happens. For her, I mustered my most confident grin, coupling it with what little pride I have left in me as I climbed into the bed. With that, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna strode up to me, both with genial smiles of their own, with the former princess' horn lighting up in a wisp of faint yellow.

"Okay, Flash Sentry," her voice soothed my ears with its blossoming warmth. "We shall begin with the memory spell. Now, close your eyes."

To that, my vision blurred into an inky darkness, the faces that surrounded me lost. I could only see one face: that of Twilight Sparkle, smiling the way she smiled back when the days were brighter. It was a smile that I would want to see it returning to its rightful place, a smile that I would give to see it back on her face. Perhaps, with this, it could finally come true. Perhaps, when all is said and done, Twilight Sparkle would finally be able to smile again. Peace flourished within me, flooding over my chest that rose and fall along with my steady breath as I clung tightly onto that prospect, even as everything started to flare up into a brazen glare of white.

"Did I ever tell you why I liked you, Flash?"

Not really, no.

"It's funny when you think about it. I mean, you can't really say this about everypony, you know."

That kinda makes me special, doesn't it?

"Probably. Maybe. Almost definitely."

I think the word you're looking for is 'truly'.

"That might be it."

It might be not, you know?

"Of course, it might be not. Still, I'm definitely sure that's the word I'm looking for."

Truly?

"Truly, or at least, the base word it's derived from. That's the word that best suits you, Flash: true."

That's a pretty big word, don't you think?

"Correct, which means you've got some big horseshoes to fill, mister."

If it is the wish of Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle, I will.

I truly will.

Entry #9

I remembered it was snowing that day.

It was the first snow of the year, heralding what would become the coldest winter in a while, according to the Cloudsdale schedule. Not that I was worried about that; we had braved through a Yakyakistani snowstorm together before, after all. I would love to step out and have time to patiently wait for me as I admire the fluffy, crystalline flakes gently drift in the chilly breeze, if only time wasn't that cruel of a bastard. I'm sure Twilight would love that as well, you know, spending time to admire the snow. We would frolic in the fuzzy fields of white, perhaps make a few snowponies — Twilight was pretty adamant about how it trains your concentration — or even just have something as simple as a picnic. Perhaps after all that, she would disclose to me what she thinks of the snow and how she would describe it, much like how she embellished the rain by entitling it the 'symphony of the skies'. It was something I'm pining to hear from Twilight, what with her extensive and eloquent vocabulary. She would know what to call the snow.

"...can't believe I left it in the bathroom... of course it has to be in the bathroom..."

I withstood the urge to laugh, instead focusing my sights on the magnificence beyond the carriage window. One would be envious, seeing all the ponies prancing outside in their best bib and tucker. It was almost as if naturism was against the law in this city, though anyone would know it was anything but. All the sleek suits and frilly dresses were really to conform to have a place in the baroque backdrop of Canterlot; an unwritten rule conditioned in the mental annals of the respective figureheads that live here, set in stone alongside other ludicrous, redundant rules such as how your head must be angled towards the sky in a show of dignity, or how you must have a moderate spring in your step as you trot by to enhance your fanciful display. Canterlot was the apotheosis that resulted from a society of conformists; an epitaph dictating the loss of individuality as they all desperately trample over each other, striving to steal the light of recognition.

Thank the alicorns Twilight wasn't one of them.

"I even wrote a reminder for that too... what's the point of a reminder if it doesn't, well, remind?"

"Twilight, you should really stop beating yourself over it," I finally butted in. "It's nothing major you should be worrying about."

"What do you mean it's nothing major?" she cried haughtily. "This is my speech we're talking about! It's the speech I've been preparing ever since we've been invited! I've toiled through hours and hours up to midnight just for trying to make it sound right! All that work, all those hours of thinking and writing and drafts... all of it was wasted because I forgot to take it out of the bathroom!"

"Well, I did ask you not to, I don't know, bring it into the bathroom?"

"Oh, please, Flash Sentry! You were saying that because you thought I'd get it wet, which was why I had all the proper spells ready in case such a scenario were to happen! I casted all four of Starswirl's basic water resistant spells, a variation of enchantments that prevent any possibility of the paper coming into any contact of water at a molecular level, some charms that cancels out all the chances of osmosis ever happening to an infinitesimal degree—"

"The point is, you're being excessively worried over a piece of paper," I cut in. "Look, I get it. You want to look your best, it's an important speech to a bunch of high horses, one mistake may or may not cost everything— in retrospect, it's not that big of a deal."

Twilight glumly frowned at my response. "I'm not worried about that..." she mumbled, glancing away.

"It's Princess Celestia, isn't it?"

The meek nod she gave was not surprising. The funny thing I find about Twilight, chastely speaking, was her perpetual goal of sustaining whatever attachments that she may have, whether it be with her big brother, her best friends or even her former mentor, the latter being especially so. One could not deny the influence that Princess Celestia had wielded to all of her students, especially to Twilight; one also could not deny that Twilight was the only one of her students still actively trying to impress her former mentor, even after her ascension into princesshood. Some would cry obsession, though they would rather have their dignity intact than risk disparagement. Really, if you tried to bring any sort of harm to the darling of Equestrian royalty, you're really better off playing a little game of Russian roulette. Trust me when I say you'd have much better odds of winning there.

I would know.

"What makes you think she'll get upset at you for not delivering the perfect speech?"

"What makes you think she won't?"

"Because it's irrational. Last I checked, that was Discord's job," I retorted. "I don't know what you'll think she'd say, but you know she wouldn't get mad over something as small as a speech. If I were her, I would already be proud just to see you standing up there and trying your best. Hell, Twilight Sparkle, I know I would be."

For a moment, there was a little spark in her eyes, though it quickly vanished a blink later. With a soft sigh, Twilight crossed her hooves and shuffled in her seat, drawing her gaze out the carriage window into the city she had once called home, perhaps musing on some thoughts of her past; one could only tell so much from the soft smile she was giving. Throughout most of the time we had left in our journey, I kept my eyes fixated on her, for once to plainly admire the mare I was guarding instead of figuring out what she was thinking. That warm and pleasant smile, those soft and fluffy cheeks that just looked adorable when she pouts, the rosy streaks in her violet mane that mimic the ethereal rays of sunlight currently streaming across her visage, the violet flame of life burning brightly and joyfully in her eyes as she turned my way... it might just be me, but Twilight looked a little more beautiful than I remembered.

"See anything you like?"

"Definitely," I muttered breathlessly in response to her tease, smiling when she giggled mirthfully. "Look, don't worry about the speech. Whatever you come up with, I'm sure it'll be a good one, what with your way of words and everything. Even if that fails, at least you know that one pony would cheer for you, no matter what."

The cheesiness of that line was enough to make her roll her eyes.

"Charmer..." she muttered gruffly.

"You know you like it."

"I do, unfortunately," was her response, sighing dreamily as she slumped towards her side of the carriage. "Gods above, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Technically, you worked through a loophole in the law and dragged me into being your bodyguard."

"You're never gonna let me hear the end of it, aren't you?"

"Probably not," I responded cheekily, to which she rewarded me with a pout.

The carriage quickly came to a halt, signaling the end of our short journey. As the carriage pony came and open the door, I carefully stepped outside and, with a slight bow, offered my hoof out to Twilight after me; to that, she stifled a grin and played along, trying her best not to giggle and holding her head high as she stepped down, her hoof in mine. Together, we strode into the venue of our next gathering: the Hôtel Sanctuaire, one of Canterlot's largest and finest hotels with a rich history of hosting a countless amount of gatherings arranged by nobles and corporate entities alike. It was essentially a monument of and to luxury, with all the biggest names in the world having walked down its halls before us. It was also home to the Canterlot Sanctuary Gala, the annual function we were attending alongside all of Equestria's largest financial players and, suffice to say, it's the wildcard of business gatherings in Equestria, second only to the Grand Galloping Gala. In short, this was to be the most important function I would be attending in all my life.

"Any plans for tonight?"

"None so far," she answered breathily. "I looked up all of the places Rarity suggested for us to visit after the banquet and I honestly doubt we can appreciate visiting an art gallery or a sculpture garden or something along those lines. Whatever deeper meaning they're trying to convey is beyond even my capacity of understanding, much less they try to invoke yours. No offense."

"None taken," I nonchalantly replied. "So it's just gonna be another one of those nights, huh?"

"I guess so. Then again, maybe we need a night like that after all."

I sported a knowing grin at those words.

"Maybe we do."

We strode across the carpeted halls, with walls gleaming in sleek marble and furniture all gilded in gold. All the staff members and whatever few guests that could afford spending a night or two here quickly bowed as we trotted by them, to which she could only awkwardly acknowledge each of them with a nod. Our next moment of solace together came when the sleek doors of the elevator started to close, leaving us in a world where we're joined only by our reflections fading into perpetuality within the realm of the two mirrors built into its sides. That moment was quickly broken when a hoof quickly wedged itself in between the narrowing niche, forcing the doors to part again. The look of surprise on the unicorn's face was evident, as were the ones we both wore.

"Your Majesty!"

"Cardinal!" Twilight exclaimed. "What a coincidence! What are you doing here? I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"I wasn't, but I had to because my father had some company matters to settle back at home," the young colt explained. "It was to be in the end that I'll have to come in his place. Not that I mind, of course."

Cardinal was the name given to the younger Atelier, the scion to the mogul's iron throne and, as I would find out much later, one of Twilight's potential suitors. We had met before back in Manehatten, when he offered to dance with Twilight while I was busy talking to his father. Still, this time I actually got to see him up close and the conclusion I came to was that he was like his father in almost every way: smartly dressed, sincere with his smiles, aggressively diligent and possesses a keen eye for a profitable business venture. Even the gaze he spared for me, with the telltale spark and everything, uncannily resembled his father's. It's not surprising that many had spoken highly of Cardinal Atelier, at such a young age even. I'd reckon that like his father, he would go far.

"You'll be giving the speech later, aren't you?"

"Y-Yeah..." Twilight flusteredly replied. "I'm actually kinda nervous just from thinking about it already."

"You'll do fine, I'm sure. Ain't that right, my friend?"

"Huh?" I stumbled on my words when I realized he had turned to me, making Twilight giggle. "Oh, I, uh... sure, I'm sure!"

"See? What did I tell you?" Cardinal retorted, grinning at me just as a ding sounded off in the elevator, prompting the doors to part. "Well, I guess this is my stop. See you at the gala!"

Some part of me was flushed with relief when the doors finally closed, once again leaving us alone together. I would call it selfish, but I knew it was much more than that. Was it envy, I wonder? Perhaps it was, though I would be quick to dismiss it with a bit of rational thought. There really is nothing to be envious about, especially since Twilight was the one who made the first move, which was a choice that I had come to admire and appreciate. It was, as Shining Armor said, something she had decided to do for herself, which meant a lot if you knew her well. Having been with her for more than a year, I could understand that; the mare who calls herself Twilight Sparkle was unbelievably selfless, to the point where having her finally do something for herself was akin to a miracle. With that in mind, I was proud that she chose me, even though it hadn't been the smoothest road to travel down. Question is, was she?

"Twilight?"

"Hmm?"

"You think it was all worth it?" I asked, fidgeting in place. "How we got here, the things we said, the things I did especially..."

"Why? What brought this up all of a sudden?"

"Just contemplating, you know? About you and me being together... about us..."

To that, she bore me with her warmest smile. "You know how I feel about that, Flash," she said.

As the doors parted the second time, I looked on as she strutted out, only to tense up when she teasingly brushed her tail against the underside of my chin. The heartwarming smile of hers turned into a coy smirk, leading me along as we headed to our room when I should be the one escorting her. To be clear, we didn't do much that afternoon, as Twilight insisted that we sleep it off and brace ourselves for tonight. Though she was quick to doze off, I couldn't find it in myself to do the same, mostly because I still wasn't exactly used to having her snuggle up against me like that, with her rear hooves brushing against mine and the feathers in our wings entwined. It was a petite situation that should be handled with care, so to speak. I do manage to doze off after obliging myself with a couple rounds of slow breathing, the lights and sounds of the busy city of Canterlot fading away into the distance as I sank further into her fuzzy warmth, joining her in slumber.

In peace, together.

This was supposed to be the part where I quote the finishing lines of her speech.

Unfortunately for you and me, I couldn't recall anything of what she said that night. If I could, I would go back in time and memorize every line, every word, everything. Sadly, time being the cruel bastard it was, I will never know. Mind you, I'm not saying Twilight made a forgettable speech; I was regrettably too mesmerized in her delivery of it. It was the way she articulated and enunciated certain words, the gentle gestures she make with her hooves and the swirls accentuated by her chartreuse strapless dress; it was the way her wings sway and ruffle at every turn, the candid smile she wore and, most of all, the fire of life in her eyes, punctuating her vigorous convictions that came in her sentences. This was a moment for her to shine, for her to captivate. It was her moment and she reveled in it.

"Thank you, fillies and gentlecolts. Enjoy the rest of the night."

I was still left in awe even as the drizzle of genial applause filled the room, snapping out of it only when Twilight strode back to my side, giggling at my expression. There was a bounce in her step and an almost visible flutter in her chest; both of that, combined with the glowing simper she wore, attested her pride and confidence, to which she has every right to. I would say that only because it was a side you don't see often in Twilight. Beneath her heroics and her royalty, her courage and glory, the Twilight Sparkle I know was a mare that was apprehensive with every move she makes or, to put it nicely, she's overly cautious. There were times, however, where it would relent, if the motives behind choosing me as her royal bodyguard were of any indication.

"Well? How was it, Flash?" she asked breathlessly. "It wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Not at all, Your Highness."

"Formalities!" she whined, giving an insistent tug on my wings with her magic when I chuckled. "Just because we're in an important function doesn't mean you get to call me that!"

"This being an important function is all the more reason that I should refer you properly. Plus," I stopped to lower my voice. "We don't want anyone here to get any ideas."

Twilight rolled her eyes at that statement. "There's nothing to worry about," she said. "Everyone here would be more concerned about making the right deals and looking their best instead of us. Plus, last I checked, there isn't any law that forbids a princess from getting together with her own royal bodyguard, even if he's a lump like you."

"This lump has feelings too, you know?"

"Yes he does. My big, fluffy, handsome worrywart of a lump."

Honestly, I might never get tired of hearing that.

You could say that my presence alone was enough to have Twilight lower her guard. After all, having to guard her was my responsibility. I really liked the idea of that, the notion of her feeling safe around me, even though it should actually be the other way around. Seriously, if a manticore showed up at the door, I'd reckon Twilight will handle it more effortlessly than I would. I'd try my best to fight it off, sure, but she would pull off the final punches needed. She was really shaping up to be an icon of grace and power, much like Princess Celestia; a thought made known to me when Twilight careened to the elder alicorn's side, gushing with pride at the words of praise she received. All I could do was smile at the growing resemblance between teacher and student, that is, until they start striding towards me.

"We meet again, Flash Sentry."

"Y-Your Majesty!" I instinctively stuttered with a quick bow, much to their amusement. "It's an h-honor to be in your presence once again!"

"Rise, my loyal subject," her gentle voice, coupled with her effeminate laugh, caressed my ears. "How have you and Twilight been these days?"

"We've been doing fine, Your Majesty," I answered breathlessly, my glance drifting over to Twilight as she trotted back to my side. "The both of us are."

Princess Celestia's smile only widened.

"Glad to hear that. Come now, the buffet's upon us."

Can a buffet be criminal? With what I was looking at, I'm inclined to think it should be. Pounds upon pounds of food gathered on the table from all over Equestria and beyond, from the instantly recognizable to the unbelievably exotic, a latter few of which even Twilight looked mildly disgusted by. Honestly, it's hard to like the swamp-green clumpy moat that they labeled 'spinach stew' or whatever in Faust's name is the abomination that they dare call a 'candle salad'. With such choices listed out there, it's expected that we opted for something that looked and sounded safer; I had a Caprese hay sandwich and some pita wraps whereas she stuck with a Mediterranean salad and a slice of strawberry shortcake for dessert.

"You're really eating that?" I couldn't help but question her second choice. "Weren't you feeling a little sick this morning?"

"Think it was just the nerves from the speech."

"Twilight, you were throwing up in the shower."

"Okay, so maybe I'm just a little under the weather," she fussed. "That's what I get for working on a speech for days on end and barely getting any sleep just because you have some words on the tip of your tongue that just won't come out. Still want to indulge myself in some cake though. If I do fall really sick, at least you'll be there to help me, won't you?"

I didn't know whether to feel blessed or lament at the possibility of that. "Suit yourself," I simply replied.

You know what they say about ignorance.

"The signs were there! The signs were all there!"

Such a blissful night indeed.

"Flash Sentry!"

I turned at the sound of the voice, putting up a smile when I saw the distinguished stallion that is Cardinal Atelier approaching me, holding in his hoof a bottle of wine with a scarlet ribbon tied around the neck. I would've turned and beckoned Twilight over but she was too busy discussing the fundamentals of cake-eating with Princess Celestia, whom I heard was quite the expert. It took me a while to realize I didn't need to; the spark in Cardinal's eyes — a spark akin to his father's — were a sure sign that he has some sort of business with me instead. Before I could inquire, however, he suddenly handed the bottle to me, much to my surprise.

"A gift," he said, grinning. "With regards from my father to the princess."

"Thank you..." I mumbled, blankly staring at the bottle in my hoof. "Won't you be joining us?"

"Oh, I would love to, certainly, though I have other plans as of late. My father had some deals he wanted to settle, as it were. You know how our fathers can be with managing their businesses, don't you?"

"Of course. Please help us thank your father, on behalf of Princess Twilight."

"I will. You two have a good night, Flash Sentry."

A good night was all that I wanted, really; I wouldn't ask for anything more. The rest of the gala was uneventful for me, the royal bodyguard who had to make himself content with standing beside Twilight as she steered herself into having conversations like knowing what kind of marble you use in your fountain would bring good fortune or figuring out how to make nose rings seem trendy. As the eccentric talks wind down and the multitude of ponies headed home, I escorted her and her sagging frame back up to our room, her droopy eyes trying its best to prop itself back up alongside her listless mumbling. Her tired gaze drifted towards me once the elevator doors parted, her pent-up frustration culminating in a loud, languid sigh when the doors closed.

"Thank Celestia and Luna that's over!" she cried haughtily, throwing her hooves in the air. "So, this is with regards from Mr. Atelier, huh? Neat bow and everything."

"I... uh, yes," I stuttered, flimsily handing her the wine bottle. "Still, don't you think it's best if we save it for tomorrow instead? Considering what you've been through, I understand if you would want to have some rest. If you ask me, you look pretty worn out from all the chatting."

"I can handle being awake for another hour or two, Flash," Twilight assured.

"Plus, I think you should at least have a chance to enjoy yourself tonight as well. You were really, really tense today!"

"Oh, you have no idea."

Like in the afternoon, we didn't do much once again, instead indulging in the opulence of free wine and starting off the fiery chain of conversations that would precede them. I couldn't remember what Twilight had been rambling about that night, nor do I remember what I went on to bewail about either. Perhaps it was the fatigue, perhaps it was our drunken state, but that night... on that crispy winter's night, all that happened after the banquet became a nubilous blur. The last thing I recalled seeing was Twilight snoozing in bed, bottle empty and rolling underneath the bed while I tried my best to fight the sleep in the side chair, only to have my efforts be in vain. The sounds of Canterlot drifted away, followed by the lights as the two of us were swallowed back into the black of slumber, not knowing that one of us will soon venture far below the abyss that she would ever want to.

Tonight was the night it all started. All it took to change the public eye was one moment. One moment of chaos and frenzy, of disaster and agony. One moment that shook the Equestrian core, that pierced the hearts of ponies nationwide. One moment entombed in their heads, unearthing its marred form with every glance they directed at me. Tonight was the night that I became a murderer and I had not realized it yet. If I knew — if I only knew — then perhaps it would've turned out differently for us. Perhaps we would still go on with our daily lives, not worrying what the world thinks of us. Perhaps the semblance of gray permeating over the plains and cities would be bright and clear instead. Perhaps the unborn child would grow up into a healthy foal and we would teach it how to stand, how to walk, how to read, how to use its horn if it were a unicorn or how to fly if it were a pegasus. All those moments that could be... they were lost to us now. Lost in the furor that would come, all in a flash, all in a moment, all of it.

In flames, together.

I heard it.

Through the thick haze of silence, I heard it. It was faint, but I could hear it, whizzing around and darting about in the darkness, aimlessly and senselessly in its blind search for me. In its frailty, it was a stinging buzz, though as it grew it transformed into a rapid patter, like raindrops on a window. Without ever resting, it started to morph once again, growing louder and louder until there were cracks in the darkness. I could only cover my ears with my hooves, to no avail as a frantic ringing of a bell unfurled and unleashed itself upon the world, tearing apart my senses with its defiant, deafening tone, so much so that the darkness retreated into the distance without delay.

"Be careful! You don't wanna wake them up!"

"I really don't think we should be doing this..."

"Our fucking lives are at risk here! We can't back out now..."

The encroaching rays of light caught me off guard in a blinding glare. In my returning vision, I could make out the luxurious suite Twilight and I were in. I could make out her form breathing steadily and wings folded neatly as she slept on the bed. What I couldn't make out were the other two figures scampering about. No matter how hard I squint, I could never make out their faces, though their voices were as clear as day. One of them — from what I could tell, the leader of the two — had a gruffness and grittiness in his tone, while the other was exasperated with anxiety. For some reason, the latter voice sounded a little familiar, as if I heard it somewhere before.

"You really don't think he'll actually—"

"I don't know and I don't intend to know. I just want to get this over with."

I strained to open my eyes, though with my consciousness drifting in and out like that, it was hard to even think of doing it. The two colts remained oblivious to my attempts as they continued their work, with one of them heading out and returning with something in his hoof. The unmistakable sound of something splashing into the carpets and the blankets began to ring in my ears, the pungent aroma of kerosene filling the room making my heart drop. I tried to yell, to cry, to scream, trying to reach them with all my might even though my voice refused to come out. It was as if something was holding my senses back, caging the growing desperation and turmoil within my head. When they were finished with their work, I could hear one of them — the passive of the two — approaching me, tensing up when his familiar voice uttered a single word.

"Sorry."

A loud boom rocked from somewhere beneath us, one strong enough to shake the room. By the time I realized it, the two ponies had already left, leaving me struggling to grapple with my senses. My vision was scurrying in a blur, the pounding in my head quickening as I teetered my way towards Twilight, trying to balance myself in the spinning world. Before I knew it, a second boom suddenly threw me off my hooves, leaving me tumbling onto the damp floor. From below, amid crackles and crashes, I heard a voracious rumble, one growing dangerously in intensity. It was reaching for Twilight and I from within the dampness, its intent made known to me once I cleared enough of the haze around my head to piece everything together.

"TWILIGHT!!"

Before I knew it, I was thrown out into the corridor, gnarling with a grunt when my back slammed against the wall. Quickly, I tried to pick myself up, hissing when I felt a twinge in one of my rear hooves, only to pale when I saw Twilight in the corner of the room, teeth clenched and wings unfurled while she struggled to get up. It was only when she could finally open her eyes, seeing the floorboards around her falling into a pit of fire, the embers climbing up the walls and the cracking beams of wood from above, that everything began sinking in.

"F-Flash?!"

Without a second thought, I dove back into the room, grabbed her hoof and leaped back out into the corridor, just as another explosion from below tore up the remainder of the floor, the force of it throwing the two us forward. I could only turn around and watch in utter horror as the ceiling came rushing down, ripping through the floor and sending what was our room spiraling down into an abyss of flames, punctuated with one more explosion that made Twilight jump with a gasp. I gritted my teeth, hugging her trembling form tighter defiantly in the face of the roaring blaze before me.

"F-Flash, what's happening?!" Twilight squeaked with a shudder over my shoulder.

"I don't know..." I gasped, wracking my ringing head. "Th-There were these ponies, they— I don't know, they c-came into our room and they were... fuck, it's not coming back to me!"

"We need to get out of here," she stuttered, looking for any means to escape. "We need to get out of here now—"

All I heard was a telltale creak before the floor beneath us gave away.

For a moment, time, true with its cruelty, ceased to exist. We were falling through space, spiraling in irregular pirouettes with our gazes firmly stuck on each other. The sparkle in her eyes had burnt out, her pinprick pupils frozen in utmost terror as we drowned in a hail of splinters, rock and glass, the sonorous thunder of flames swirling about and barraging all our senses. I could see the moments she spent with me flashing before my eyes, with some part of me believed she was viewing the same sight as well. It was a terrifying cliche, wasn't it? Having our last moments in playback at times like this? Still, I was mystified. In fact, I was so fixated in that, so selfishly grasping onto the idea of it, so conceited with those moments of the past, that I failed to notice a steel bar protruding from the floor below.

A loud, metallic pang rang through my ears, my world crashing to a halt with reality yanking me back to the sight of Twilight Sparkle being struck on the forehead by the thick cylinder of steel.

I let out a pained yelp, my back slamming into a blunt corner of rock before I tumbled across the ground and onto my sides. Gritting my teeth, I looked beyond the growing flames, horrified to see Twilight lying there without any sign of movement while the flames began eating her away, the first feathers of her bent right wing beginning to scorch into a sooty black. With much of it being drenched in kerosene, the embers soon burst out into a large blaze, screaming and roaring as I hastily dragged myself over. The numbness stirring in my lower body was starting to sting, forcing me to crawl around the burning debris as I reached out to her, trying my best to clamp back a scream of agony while doing so.

"TWILIGHT!!"

When I finally reached her side, I immediately kicked and fanned away the flames. I must've looked sacrilegious, half-soaked in her blood, the rivulets of which were streaming from her bludgeoned forehead and creeping out from her nostrils while a greater volume rushed down from her thighs. I choked at the smell of burnt flesh and the sight of her spindly wing bones, some of them black and broken, jutting out from the charred, rubicund crust of her burnt skin, the remaining coral fibers of tissue clinging onto it quickly melting off like candlewax in the intense heat. Her mouth was slack and open, shivering manically with quick, silent gasps. What really terrified me, rather, were her eyes: blank, listless and distant, yet glistening with fresh tears. My hoof trembled violently as it descended onto her form, my breath strangled as I gave her a desperate shake.

"T-Twilight?"

She did not respond.

"Twilight? Twilight, say something!"

Still as a rock, soaked in a puddle of red and staring into nothing, Twilight Sparkle did not respond.

Correction: she could not respond.

"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, PLEASE, FAUST—!!"

Another explosion rocked from somewhere above us, reminding me of the situation we were in. With a screech of pain, I wiped my tears away and hauled Twilight up onto my back with my wings, dragging myself away just in time before the ceiling above came crashing down in a roar. Everything still in a blur, I sauntered towards what I could make out as the fire exit, using all my strength to heave the door open before finally tumbling out into a stairwell. Quickly, I shut the door behind me, the ravaging booms and razing embers that had been bombarding my hearing lassoed into an abysmal rumble. With my wings folding in around the prone mare on my back, I soldiered onward to safety.

I fear the stars.

"SOMEPONY!!" I shrieked, heaving and panting in a funnel of echoes as I made my way down. "PLEASE, SOMEPONY!! HELP!!"

For they glitter the sky, greeting me in this warm night.

With a strained push, the steel door parted with a rumbling squeak, allowing me to fall forward into a pile of wet snow with a pained cry. Carefully, I pushed my wobbling hooves back up, all while having my wings holding Twilight safe around my red-stained back. Her figure felt cold, her inner warmth draining out along with her blood rushing down my sides. Adjusting my vision, the foggy pants I was giving out told me that I was definitely outside, with the murky puddles I was splashing in and the nauseating smell coming from the sides making it known to me that I was in one of the back alleys. For a moment, I gazed up into the snow sparkling in the backdrop of a starless night and exhaled a long gasp, before trudging on.

Attention dazzled, my gaze lingers on them to no end.

The murky lights in the distance were leading me onward, beads of sweat and tears intermixed with the streaming trail of blood I was leaving behind me. From beyond, past the rampant howl of the flames above, I could hear the sounds of the bustling capital, all converging toward the horrifying sight they were looking at in the middle of the night. There were cries and wails of terror and despair; there were the unmistakable barks from the guard trying their best to contain the escalating situation. Feeling frantic, I quickly dragged myself into the open, hissing and wincing before my voice, mangled and croaky, finally broke free.

"SOMEONE HELP!!" I yelled with all my might. "PLEASE, HELP US!! SOMEONE, PLEASE!!"

As I wonder: what hides behind this glorious view?

I could make out a few figures rushing towards me, supporting me as I made my last steps into the main roads of Canterlot. Right before the public eye, my hooves finally gave way and I collapsed, the collective gasps of every single pony resounding throughout the crowd when they saw the mare I was carrying on my back, frenziedly shaking and horrendously disfigured as she slumped over to my side. With a moan, I finally turned to her, my tears welling up at her petrified look of terror with my hoof reaching out to caress her cheek, staining it as it sank into the rivers of burgundy trailing from above.

"T-Twilight... Twilight, please... Twilight, we're safe now, Twilight, please...."

What hides behind the stars, lying await in the darkness?

"Twilight, please! Twilight, it's me! It's me! Please just..."

Will it come one day, to this fertile soil and reap it of life?

"Sir, we need to bring her—"

"NO!!" I howled, gripping tightly onto her hoof even as she was being lifted onto the stretcher. "Please, Twilight! I'm begging you, say something! Twilight, just say something!!"

Will it come one day, to swallow the sun?

"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, NO, LET ME GO!! LET ME GO!! SHE NEEDS ME, LET ME GO!!"

I wonder and wonder still, yet the stars are still there; smiling, comforting, assuring that it will never come to be.

"TWILIGHT!!"

They whisper them gently, so much so that it makes me shiver.

"TWILIGHT!! Twilight, Twi..."

I fear the stars.

"I'm sorry..."

I remembered it was snowing that night.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Kneeling on the paved road, I watched, sobbing in a fit of tears as Twilight Sparkle, the mare whom I fell in love with, whom I was supposed to protect, was carted away hurriedly in a stretcher.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

I was her royal bodyguard. I was her royal bodyguard, yet... yet...

"I'm sorry, Twilight, I'm sorry..."

I could've saved her but I didn't! I could've stopped the fire but I didn't! I fucking didn't! I was too weak to even save myself, to even stand up and walk, to even think, to even give a flying fuck about whatever that was fucking happening before me! I should've known whatever the fuck I was supposed to do, I should've realized that! The whole time... the whole fucking time... I'm a useless excuse for a pony! I failed to do the one thing I was tasked to do! I was her royal bodyguard and, as her royal bodyguard, I was tasked with protecting Twilight Sparkle, yet when the time came...

"T-Twilight, I'm s-sorry..."

MURDERER.

I played the part of a neurotic apologician quite well, don't you think? Perhaps a little too well, if you asked me; something like this would usually be quoted to be exemplified as the moment I was born for. It would've been an utterly surreal sight, I'm sure, seeing the royal bodyguard of Princess Twilight Sparkle on his bruised knees, thrashing and screaming into the sky while tears ran down his eyes, all the while having a large crowd surrounding him and the raging fire still burning strong in the higher floors of the hotel. The sky was a myriad of blue, violet and a glimmer of orange, the spectacular hue of chaos bursting in the night. What captivated me that night, however, wasn't any of that.

What captivated me was the snow.

When I opened my eyes into the ephemeral abyss above me, my delirium could make out the snowflakes dancing before me in an erratic waltz. They were showering heavily, almost as if laughing at my devastating predicament and brushing me off. They were spiteful as much as they were sporadic, piling onto me and my burdening despair. They were envious that I remained standing there, willpower shaky but still strong. They were once stars that hung in the night sky, once marveled in its array and complexity, only for their grace to shatter in their long fall back to earth. Like how the rain was the symphony of the skies, the snow was a threnody; an ode played at the funeral for all these fallen stars, to which was only met with disgust and rage. Twilight would've been proud of me if she heard that.

That night, I could feel the semblance of Equestria already shifting, all of it converging against me. In one moment, Twilight and I were holding the crown from the sky we once ruled; in the next, she was torn down, stripped of a wing and a child, whereas I had to endure the most difficult months I would ever face in my entire life, all because of one pony's elaborate ruse for personal gain. I remembered thinking about the grin she wore, the gentle laugh she gives and the omnipresent spirited curiosity in her eyes; I remembered believing that they were sights I might never, ever see again. Lastly, I remembered finally surrendering to my fatigue, falling forward into the pile of fallen stars with only a passing thought in my mind: that the stars had finally fallen to earth and, lo and behold, reaped me of life; that I truly, truly, feared the stars as I thought I would.

That was the last memory I had of that night, before everything was swallowed up into nothing and the world around me finally grew still, leaving me in the darkness.

In silence.

Alone.

Entry #10

"I'm sorry, but Her Royal Highness had specifically requested me to refuse you entry into her room."

Was it meant to be like this?

"Of course," I finally found it in me to respond to the head doctor's words. "Tell the princess I said hi."

Yes, it was.

It was meant to be like this.

I couldn't blame him for giving me that pitiful look; it's not as if I made it known to the world that I was sick of seeing it. Princess Twilight was the one that needed that, not me, and I'd be grateful that more ponies directed it at her instead, despite knowing that she would say otherwise. With a nod farewell, I made my way up to the roof of the building, just to get a little fresh air and a silent place for a moment of introspection. Something about these sanctuaries was that they usually tend to be in the most unlikely of places, though if you've ever been through a moment that blared with the most dissonant noises howling from every corner, it's for sure that you'd find a quiet haven in every corner of the street if you looked hard enough. With all the ruckus I had to go through, I think I well deserved such a special spot.

The light drizzle that met me when I emerged into the open was refreshing. With the first rays of sunlight finally breaking through the stretch of gray, I made my way towards the railing, adding little to the fantastic scenery with just a plaintive sigh. The many hay roofs of Ponyville's thatched houses were laid out before me, with certain colorful oddities such as Sugarcube Corner and Carousel Boutique standing out from among the crowd of straw, all of which were converging upon the iconic Ponyville Town Hall. Beyond that, down a dirt road, was Twilight's castle, a place that I once called home. Perhaps I might never be welcome there again when all is said and done. I, for one, certainly wouldn't want that, though sadly, this is how things are. This is how it's supposed to be.

It was meant to be like this, wasn't it?

"Not planning anything sinister up here, I hope."

I turned at that familiar voice, smiling when I saw who it was. "Not at all, Melody," I responded in turn.

It was rare to see Melody Mandegloire looking so laid back like this, flicking her pack of cigarettes back into the pocket of her ruffled suit before lighting the one already in her mouth. The scent of burnt tobacco that she exhaled mixed with the earthy smell of the rain, making me wrinkle my snout when she trotted up to my side as she was graced with the humble landscape before her. For a moment, neither of us spoke, with some part of me wondering what she was doing here in the first place when she's usually cooped up in the makeshift study Thunderlane had prepared for her, making plans and devising tactics to help clear my name. Instead of querying, however, I just let the strolling hands of time wander in its own pace, knowing she would indulge me eventually.

"It's a nice town."

"Yeah," I mumbled wistfully. "Twilight told me about it: how it's not too busy until it becomes a little overbearing, but with enough going-ons around to keep a pony interested."

"Hard to argue with that," Melody chuckled. "So, any luck with visiting the princess today?"

I shot a stare at the snide tone of her voice. "How did you—"

"It's my priority that anything that happens and will happen to my client must get by me first," she explained, frowning. "Shining Armor told me about your resignation letter."

"He did, huh?"

"You don't seem all that surprised."

"It's bound to happen eventually."

"With the drastic decisions you're making, of course it's bound to happen."

"It's something I decided to do to keep Twilight safe," I retorted, voice hardening. "Look, I appreciate you wanting to give me advice, Melody, I really do, but this isn't about what I want. This is about making sure none of this ever happens to her ever again. This is about making sure that Equestria doesn't lose the Princess of Friendship. What I want isn't imperative to that."

Melody, of course, wasn't easily convinced by that. "Tell me then, what does she want?" she questioned. "You've never asked yourself that question, didn't you?"

I could only glance away.

"Wait a minute... no, you did," she corrected herself, crossing her hooves with a sneer. "You did wonder whether Twilight would want this, though along the way, you didn't think it was important anymore. You didn't think that the opinion of the very mare you were trying to protect was worth noting. What she thought of it didn't matter, even though in the end, it all concerns her. Talk about hypocrisy."

"You don't understand—"

"Oh, I fucking understand what this whole fiasco is about, Flash Sentry."

A cold shiver ran up my back when she said that, unwilling to let itself go unnoticed in the presence of the attorney's keen eyes. The gentle breeze that picked up didn't do much to help my trembling spirit, which resorted to cowering in fear when Melody's red mane began to billow in the wind, the mare pausing to take a puff of her cigarette, all the while flashing a dark, brooding smile. That, coupled with the resentful gleam in her crimson eyes, made her look like a banshee. In retrospect, that would a fitting term to describe Melody Mandegloire: a blood-maned banshee, ready to swoop down for the kill when she has the chance.

"You think it'll be over once you're out of the picture?" she rasped. "What makes you think that there wouldn't be some other rich pony out there who would think of doing the same thing?"

"This whole thing started because I was with Twilight," I countered. "If she didn't have me by her side, none of this would have happened. Mr. Atelier wouldn't have planned something like this."

"So what, you think that leaving her was the best option you could think of? You think, what, that Twilight isn't capable of looking for another stallion that would take care of her like you did? When that stallion comes by, she falls in love and she gets hurt again, what would you have to say for yourself, Flash Sentry? What would you have to say for yourself as the pony who ran away?"

I couldn't muster up the spirit I needed to reply. With a scoff and a shake of her head, Melody crushed the bud of the cigarette with her hoof, letting out a tobacco-laced sigh. The thick silence was foreboding, so much so that the pressing question as to why she was being concerned over this decision I was making was held back. When she drew her gaze back to me again, however, there was nothing left of the spite simmering in her pupils; all of it was replaced with a sobriety bordering into the province of an apology.

"Believe me, you don't want this," she muttered. "This will never end well, no matter what you think."

"How would you know that?" I rasped.

"Because I've been in that position before, Flash Sentry!" she snapped, clenching her hooves. "I had to decide whether to stay or leave the side of a pony I loved and I chose the latter. I did what you're doing right now, Flash. He and I parted on amicable terms, we went our separate ways and for a while, I thought we were both safe. I thought it was finally over. Guess what happened in the end?"

A chilling gust of wind blew across my neck as I shook my head.

"Two months later, I was at his funeral. Somepony came up from behind him and took a clean swipe at his throat."

In a manner of disgust, Melody quickly fumbled to pull out another cigarette, all the while with her hooves shivering violently. I watched, biting my lip as she sporadically tried to ignite her lighter, the sparks flying with every flick she was giving almost as if protesting her harsh actions. She was desperately clinging onto the final threads of her comfort, yearning for the accursed embrace of nicotine like a lost foal calling out for their mother. In a world of noise such as this one, however, it isn't surprising for such a meek voice like that from a child to be smothered and thrown aside.

"It's something that comes with a position such as mine. When you've felled enough moguls from their thrones, you'll come to make some really powerful enemies. It just so happened that the enemies I made were bloody fucking psychopaths. If it weren't for me running away, he would've... he would've still be alive right now, you know that? If... if I hadn't ran away..."

The sparks finally burst into a flame, if only for a moment.

"GAH!!" Melody shrieked, dropping both lighter and cigarette with a hiss of pain. "Fucking hell..."

"You okay, Melody?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm..." she scowled, shaking her singed hoof. "I probably deserved that, since I shouldn't be doing this anyway."

"Doing what?"

"Telling you how to live your life. It's not what you've signed up for."

I would want to argue that what she had been technically doing in these last several months was exactly that, though the last thing we both want was her throwing another fit. However, I was grateful for all she had done for me, beginning with her hauling me out from the panic attack I had in the elevator. It may have been her job, but I appreciated the fact that she helped me even when the rest of Equestria was ready to cast me into Tartarus. That being said, there are some decisions — hard decisions — that I have to make even if she would say otherwise. What I wanted was some peace and quiet with Twilight by my side; what I was offered required me to give up on one or the other. How I reached the verdict was simple.

If I could, I don't want to lose her again.

Even if it means leaving her for good.

"I don't want you to go through what I went through," she said firmly, picking her lighter from the ground and smoothing out her suit. "You could say that this is how I'm coping with my loss and you'll be right, it is. Still, I thought just maybe I could change your mind, even though I knew it's impossible when Pierce and even your own father couldn't do the same. I don't want you to lose Twilight, and I'm not talking about her being the princess or anything. I'm talking about her being the mare that you love. Seriously, there must be another way."

"There might be," I replied, pitching up a sullen smile. "If I thought long and hard about it, I could probably come up with one. With how things are going now, however, I don't think there really is much of a choice. Twilight isn't safe around me, even if she might say so otherwise. They wanted me out of the picture, yet look what that did to her."

"You can't blame yourself."

"I was supposed to protect her," my voice hardened. "That's my job. That's my only job and I failed just that."

"Anyone would've easily failed, but I know for a fact that you didn't," she asserted. "No one except the perpetrators knew that this would happen. No one would imagine that a pony would go so far as to mix some drugs in the wine, pour gasoline around the room and hallways, cut some holes into the gas pipes and blow the entire hotel up just to bring you down. Even through all that, Princess Twilight emerged alive. That didn't sound like a failure, at least not to me."

With the words sinking in, I didn't know how to reply.

"You've protected the princess, Flash Sentry. That's all it was," came the cherry on top. "As for why I'm really here, just letting you know that we've finally landed an interview with the Equestrian national radio tomorrow. It's going to be the first time that anyone would be actually hearing about some of the later details in the case, especially the one about Twilight's miscarriage and your resignation from the position of her royal bodyguard. This interview would change everything, however it might go. What you say and how you say it will determine what Equestria might think about you."

"No pressure," I quipped.

"None at all," Melody replied, cracking a smile. "You think you can handle it? Though I would advise against it, there's no shame in backing out, you know?"

I firmly nodded my head.

"That's the spirit. Be careful when heading home, got that?"

Melody Mandegloire was a strange mare. Before any of you ask, no, I wasn't referring to her albinism. It's just that the stories I heard about her — the brutal ones about how she could easily break you down with just the volume of her voice — made me envision her as a mare who would bring you to the edge of your life when in reality, she was just another mare with her own set of insecurities and problems, albeit one ready to set those aside to help those in need. It would be fitting then, for her to bear a name such as Mandegloire, which — fun fact I learned from Pierce — actually translates to mandrake, a plant once mistakenly believed to let out a blood-curdling scream that kills all who had the misfortune of hearing it, but in reality, it was a coveted medicinal plant used to relieve any forms of bodily pain. Much like how Twilight was just a quirky bookworm at heart, Melody was a sympathetic attorney who will do her best to see that justice is done. They were, in the end, ponies; nothing less, nothing more.

Perhaps what made her strange wasn't, well, her; it was more of the impression that the everyday pony has of her. Take me, for instance: for a while, I was once the most hated pony in Equestria. I was a murderer, a disgrace and a failure, among the other distasteful things that the Equestrian media had called me, though you and I know that I'm more than that. In all that had happened, I had been the royal bodyguard; I had been the colt who yearned for balance and a sense of good judgement, all the while desperately trying to escape the clutches of my father's shadow; I had been the stallion who was once courting Princess Twilight and, for a fleeting moment of three months, was the father to her lost child. Perhaps back then, at a time when I was but a palace guard in the Crystal Empire, if I looked hard enough into the multiple facets of the crystal pillars in the corridors, I could see all these different sides of me shining brilliantly from the future. Perhaps, if I had only looked hard enough, I would've known what it would be like, but alas, this is the way things are. Now, with my resignation letter, I'll become just another stallion, ready to resume his daily life even as he uncertainly looks onward into the future.

A future where Twilight Sparkle no longer stands by his side.

This is the way things were meant to be.

I once fancied the idea of loneliness.

I had used a myriad of different words to describe it back then: solitude, seclusion, privacy, serenity, tranquility; all words taken from a different lexicon. In one way or another, I would yearn for a little moment of silence, all to unwrap and let the chaotic noises of the world sink in; to comprehend the distorted melodies and crooked harmonies that plague my everyday life. It was a mistake on my part to believe them to be nonsensical when really, I just couldn't see the pattern. Twilight was the one who helped me connect the last of the dots, though all of that was lost after that fateful night in Canterlot. Now she's just like me, devoid of the light she once shared between us, hopelessly confused, wracked with pain and emotion as she seeks for her own moment of peace. Now, she's just like me, stuck in a belief that the world around her was dissonant, erratic and writhing in grated hymns, to which all she knew was to respond in turn.

"Get out. Get the fuck out."

Since I was born, I never understood why the common pony would not want to escape the dreadful, almost lawless noises of everyday life— not to say that I have that exact idea in my head as a foal, but the concept of it was there. You could imagine my confusion then when I learned about what kind of a pony Twilight Sparkle was before she ascended into princesshood, which effectively thrust her from the shadows and into the public spotlight. I wonder and wonder then, as a pony who had been raised in near-isolation with only a few friends to call my own, what purpose is there to have your voice heard above the furor of the crowd. It was only while toiling through these months that I began asking a different question.

Which would be more insufferable: to have your voice drowned out when given the chance to speak, or to never have that chance to speak at all?

"Where have I gone wrong?! Tell me, Flash, what did I do wrong?!"

It was that question which I contemplated about on my way to Twilight's castle. It would be my last visit into the crystalline abode, mainly just to grab the last of my possessions but also to have a trip down memory lane, which all began with the parting of the golden doors. I looked up into the faceted ceiling, my breath thinning at the extravagance and grandeur of this place despite having lived here for so long. All the rooms and the maze of corridors that connect them, all of it belonging to one pony... one might find it a little intimidating, don't you think? To have a space on such a grand scale... the loneliness would be unbearable, if not agonizing.

"I can't... I can't think straight anymore... I was lonely. I felt lonely."

I'll be the one to resign her back to that fate, all for the sake of her life.

I'm just trying to protect you.

"Then who would protect you?"

Some questions were better left unanswered.

As I made my way to the guest room, the sounds of ruffling stopped me in my tracks. Perking up my ears, I turned a corner and held my breath when I saw a slit of light shining from down the hallway, coming from the library door left ajar. Creeping closer, I tensed up suddenly when a gangling shadow skittered past the tight niche, followed by a muted growl. The ruffling of books were louder now, with some part of me wishing it wasn't some wild animal inside making a large mess. When I mustered up enough courage to step in, however, I was met with a sight that I had not expect to see; from the look of surprise on his face, he wasn't expecting me as well.

"Flash Sentry, right?" he asked, raising an eye.

"And you must be... um... what did Twilight say your name was again..."

In the end, I could only sigh in humiliated defeat; to that, he sported a fanged grin.

"The name's Spike," he answered, placing the duster he was choking underneath his paws aside. "Spike the dragon."

I have to say it: he looked much more different than I expected. It wouldn't be surprising if I gave it a second thought; he had left in the last dragon migration, which was almost two to three years before I arrived in Ponyville. All I knew of him were the photos that Twilight showed me and the stories she told about him, as well as the fact that he left in search of some sort of draconic enlightenment. Having been gone for so long, he was no longer the whelp that I had envisaged him to be; he was now almost twice my size, was walking on all four of his feet and had donned a pair of large wings. His fangs, horns and claws had grown out, making him much more fierce and intimidating than he used to be. He also possessed a keen eye, as he immediately laughed out loud when he noticed the slight tremble in my hooves.

"I won't bite, in case Twilight failed to mention that."

"Oh, no, it's just..." I managed to gasp. "Well, I didn't expect you would be here, that's all."

"Yeah, thought I'd pay Twilight a surprise visit, so I didn't want to spoil it," he chortled. "Sorry if I scared you. Was here just to drop off some of my things and clean this place up a little. You know, let some air into all of the rooms, clear out all the dust, make it more like the home she remembers when she comes back, though I'm sure she wouldn't approve of the spiders I found at the back of the shelves. So, how's she doing these days?"

I clenched onto a tight-lipped smile. "She's doing well. Doctors said that she'll be discharged in two or three months at least."

"That's good to hear."

"You heard about what happened to her, right?"

"Yeah, about a month late. News traveled slowly from where we were." Spike gave a morose sigh, his eyes wistfully traveling across the room. "I wanted to come back then, I really did," he rumbled. "I thought of dropping everything and just coming back here to take care of her, but you know how she's like, right? Twilight being Twilight. I knew she would just outright blame herself for if I did. She's been through much more than what most ponies would go through in a single lifetime; the last thing I want is for her to beat herself up any further."

"So any chance you'll be moving back in?"

"Unfortunately, no," he admitted, smiling solemnly at my crestfallen expression. "I managed to stop by, if only because the dragons finally settled down for a rest at a mountain range not too far from town. We'll be staying here for a week, but we'll be flying back into dragon territory after that. At best, it'll be another year or so before I can finally be back."

"Oh... I see..."

"Yeah..." the dragon managed a sheepish chuckle. "H-Hey, no offense or anything, but you're much different than I expected."

Nostalgia pinched me on the cheek when I heard that.

"You'e just not... him. Not the Flash Sentry that I know."

"So I've been told," I replied in turn with a knowing smile. "What's he really like? The other Flash Sentry? I mean, I've heard a couple of things about him from Twilight, but other than how I look like him and something about a guitar and everything, not much else."

"To put it best, I would say he's the opposite of you."

"And what would I be?"

The dragon presented his trademark smirk.

"Interesting."

I guffawed at the answer he gave me. This must be the blunt, sarcastic and witty side of Spike that I've heard so much about from Twilight and her friends, the one side of him that had been likened to me. Unlike me, however, he had a slight bit of charm and flair to go with it, fulfilling his existence as the full package of chivalry, charisma, cunning and compassion, with an extra side of allure in his admittedly good looks. Twilight was lucky to have him by her side, be it to wear her down in laughter with his remarks or even to provide a shoulder to cry on. It was a job that, at this moment, only Spike the dragon could do.

"Seriously!" said dragon retorted. "The other Flash was... well, I could see why Twilight liked him, but I don't see why he deserves Twilight, you know?"

"You really don't let off easy, don't you?"

"Hey, someone has to be the sensible one around town."

"Wasn't that supposed to be Twilight's job?"

"Eh... she can be a bit unrealistic about it sometimes," he said. "You know what I'm talking about, right? Considering that you've been with her and everything."

I was surprised that my lackluster smile could withstand the growing apprehension in me, especially when our conversation waned into silence, leaving Spike to resume his cleaning while I pondered on about what little discrepancies Twilight may have in her perception of reality. I would admit that some of the decisions she had made in the past were a little on the extreme side, but save for that one instance — you might know which one — she has the best interests of everyone involved in mind. I can't chastise a pony for breaching through the fabric of reality all for the goodwill of her fellow ponies, can't I?

All those decisions she made weren't about her.

One might say that I now strive to emulate her example.

"So... you're really leaving her, huh?"

My eyes widened in surprise. "You knew?" I asked.

"Well, the moving boxes in your room and the interview you had told me as much," Spike chuckled. "That, and Shining Armor wasn't really holding back when he ranted about it in his last letter."

"I kinda guessed he wouldn't take it well, as usual."

"You know how protective he can be of Twilight. Hell, even I was angry at you when I read about what happened." A sheepish, almost apologetic laugh came from the dragon while he started placing the books back into their proper places. "I couldn't believe it. You, the pony that Twilight loved, the one supposed to protect her..." he murmured. "She told me so much about you, about how important you were to her, yet there I was, reading the headlines, not knowing what to believe. I thought it was something about that argument you two had, but to do all that? Then I thought it started to make sense when Shining mentioned about the foal she was carrying, but when I heard the interview they had with you yesterday—"

"I meant every word of it."

"I know," he replied, smiling. "I guess I've known it all along, but to hear it from you, that conviction in your voice... you could say that it's what many of us needed to hear, you know? I'm sure the things you said in that interview, the promises you said you'd keep and everything... perhaps she might understand why you did what you did."

"I don't even know if she listened to it," I sighed. "Or if she even wanted to..."

"She did, I'm sure of it. If she still felt the same way about you, she wouldn't miss it for the world."

Which would be more insufferable: to have your voice drowned out when given the chance to speak, or to never have that chance to speak at all?

I never really understood the importance of that question up until now, mostly because I thought that neither would ever outweigh the other. After all, what's the importance of speaking if there was no one who would listen to you? It was a philosophy I stubbornly clutched onto even to this day; there are just some things in a pony that could not be changed. However, though one's innate beliefs could never be uprooted, it's a different story when it comes to one's perspectives. It was this conversation with Spike the dragon, held in the library of Twilight's castle, that unveiled a new perspective upon the question that I had been pondering on and, in turn, revealed the answer that I had been desperately searching for.

Which would be more insufferable: to lose your chance to be heard, or to never have that chance at all?

A scaly paw gingerly rested on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts as I turn to face the dragon's slightly frightening yet somewhat endearing grin. "So this is how it is," he continued. "Saying all that, about what you'd do, what you would've done and yet here we are. It's not in my position to stop you from leaving, of course. It's your choice whether you want to leave or stay, no matter what the rest of us think. We can't make you stay if you don't want to. Despite all that, I want you to do me a favor, Flash Sentry."

An uncertain nod.

"When all of this is over," the dragon said in a softer, more amorous tone. "Promise me that you'll at least consider returning to her side."

I remembered sifting through the confines of my mind for an answer, only to realize that there was no need to do that. There were some things in this world that a pony would be better off without the many voices of judgement in his head, especially if said pony's sense of judgement wasn't the greatest in the first place. With a heartening grin, I listened to a different kind of tune, one emanating in a rhapsodical warmth from my chest as it reawakened feelings of the past that had rested long and nestled deep, bringing a new light of confidence into my eyes.

"I promise."

One last night.

It was hard to put it all into perspective, especially since this town was and had been my second home for the past year or so. One would say it was surreal, as if it had only been yesterday that I had sullenly stepped off the train and onto the platform of the station where a certain princess eagerly awaited my arrival. So much had happened since then, hasn't it? To be frank, it's frightening to me, how fast all of this was going. If I could, I would make sure that my time in Ponyville would never, ever, ever be seen to the end. In the words of a certain mare, it's a nice town, after all; not too overbearingly busy, but it has enough daily going-ons to keep a pony interested.

One last night in Ponyville.

I spent most of that night wondering what I should do to make the most out of that night, which was really just a waste of time in retrospect. I couldn't blame myself, seeing as my mind had been preoccupied with other thoughts, many of which concerns about the days ahead of me, having rescinded my position as the personal bodyguard to Princess Twilight. As I laid there in bed, thinking of all that had come to past and what might soon come to be, a soft knock at the door halted my drifting thoughts as Thunderlane poked his head in, looking a little more elated than usual.

"Hey, Flash? Can you come downstairs for a bit?"

At the time, I didn't think much of it as much as I wondered about the lively chatter that was happening downstairs or why my friend looked as if he was about to explode into a myriad of streamers while he giddily lead me on. It was only when I heard a set of familiar voices that I realized that we had company. My look of surprise accompanied the sudden drop of silence as I saw my father, Melody and Pierce around the table, the latter pony raising his glass of fizzing champagne with that gleeful, lopsided grin of his etched across his face.

"Here comes the star of the show," he declared, earning chuckles from the others. "Seriously, I thought it would take a century before you would ever show up!"

"What's this all about?"

"We're celebrating the fact that you didn't lose your head, of course! It's about Celestia-damned time we reward ourselves with all our hard work trying to get your ass out of the frying pan, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well, considering that most of us were actually done with our respective jobs," Melody stopped to give my friend a mischievous smirk, to which he rolled his eyes at while the rest of us snickered. "You wanna join in? We were just about to have a toast."

I must admit, with the selfish exception of letting loose with Twilight, I wasn't really fond of drinking in particular. It was one of the few personality traits I shared with my mother, who viewed drinking as a pastime indulged only by the desperate. Still, there were times where she indulged in a fair amount of it from time to time, as do I. Plus, the offer of celebrating does seem more of a blessing that I didn't know I needed. With nothing else better to do, I sauntered over and poured myself a glass, before the five of us raised them up in unison and meeting with a resounding clink.

"Cheers!!"

The fizzing in my throat was enough to make me squirm; Pierce's selection of alcohol tend to lean on the stronger labels. When the sensation died down and I could finally open my eyes, I found myself smiling at the sight of the company I'm surrounded with. All these ponies, all different in their mannerisms and ideals, yet here they are, having came together to help yours truly. Seeing as this was the best time for it, I grasped at the opportunity, standing up amid their idle chatter and earning their attention as I put on the best smile I could ever give.

"I just want to take the time to say a few things," my speech began as such. "Throughout these past few months, I had toiled through some of the most challenging moments of my entire life thus far. Granted, some of them were the cause of my undoing, but most of it were not of my own volition. For a while, I thought I was alone. I couldn't trust anyone around me, I couldn't believe all the words of encouragement given to me. I didn't think that there was anyone that was sincerely and genuinely on my side."

The last remnants of my pride swirled down the drain.

"I was wrong. There were you guys," I said, smiling. "You guys... you guys have done so much for me, even when you really didn't need to, even when I treated you like I didn't need you. Truth is, I just wanted to apologize to you guys for how I've been, for any wrongs that I might've done that offended you, and I also wanted to thank you guys for... for everything else, really. Until now, I never had that chance, but since you guys were all here, I thought... well... it'll be a good time to say it."

I raised my glass one last time.

"Thank you. All of you, for everything."

"Thought I might never live to see the day you finally say that."

"Well, isn't somepony feeling a little entitled!" Melody rasped playfully, even as Pierce roared with laughter. "Did your wife ever tell you how big of an ass you can be?"

"Occasionally," he admitted smugly with a tip of his glass. "I'm not one to mince words anyway. I am to working on my cases as you are in the courtroom, Mel."

"Hold on, mister, I don't talk like that!"

"Like what? The entitled judge who has enough bravado to strut in with her head held high and a verbal arsenal at the ready with the knowledge that no one in the courtroom would dare chastise her for it?"

"Now listen here, Pierce Swiftwind, you're making very, very baseless accusations right here—"

Ah, the wonders of alcohol. To see two usually composed and level-headed ponies going out at each other, throwing verbal insults and limp flails across the room, was a scene to behold. Even my father was chuckling deeply at their petty argument. I joined in as well, even though it could never hold a candle to Twilight Sparkle in her drunk and glamorous splendor, but it was entertaining all the same. Still, at this late hour, it's a wonder that none of the neighbors came over to knock the door down and demand our silence. Is such a rowdy scenario expected in a town as tranquil as Ponyville? Seeing how close it was in the vicinity of the Everfree Forest, plus with most of Equestria's creatures' natural instinct to make a pit stop here, it shouldn't be that surprising.

*DING DONG*

Speak of the Tartarian three-headed guard dog.

"I'll get it," I groaned, striding towards the door, shaking my head as I watched the two drunk friends of mine rolling off the couch, sprawled out on the floor and wrangling each other's throats. Seeing as we were bound to get a complaint eventually, I simply sighed and reached for the knob, turning it and ready to face whatever pony is there to shout the living daylights into me even as I try to explain how we didn't expect our little celebration to go this awry. He or she might probably get the authorities over and we'd have to spend the rest of the night trying to negotiate that it wasn't suppose to turn out this way. At worst, we might get a stern warning, but that's about it.

That was how it's supposed to be.

"F-Flash...?" came a quiet whisper.

That was how it's meant to be.

"You..." my voice quivered. "Why... you... what are you—"

A sudden whiz broke through the night air. I reflexively shut my eyes as I was suddenly clouded by a spray into my face, only to pale when I saw the plentiful flecks of red that coated my cheeks and snout. The figure's gaze onto me wavered down to the growing stain of maroon in his trench coat, a deep, pained groan gurgling from his throat with every spurt of blood from his punctured chest as he collapsed onto the floor. Before I could react, another whiz shot past my ears, sending splinters behind me flying across the hallway. I immediately ducked down when a second, third and fourth followed, screeching through the air above me and hailing onto the wooden walls with loud cracks.

"GET DOWN!!"

The breaking of glass jolted my head to the living room, where I saw Thunderlane and my father bracing behind the couch, the fabric shredding in wave after wave of bullets, sending all the cotton nestled within flying around in a show of confetti. At the side, Pierce was desperately dragging Melody away, the color draining from my cheeks when I saw the bloody trail snaking closely behind her, misting in the presence of champagne spilling from the broken bottles and glasses. The windows shattered, the wooden walls around me snapped and shuddered, the shrieking seemingly getting louder and louder and louder. All I could do was look at the other pony, prone in a puddle of blood before me, as I desperately called out to him:

"MR. ATELIER!!"

Suddenly, the hellish sounds died down.

The hell tearing through the house halted.

A void of silence filled the air. For a moment, no one moved. None of us dared to, lest we incur another assault in the household. When the coast finally seemed clear, I watched, trembling and frozen in place as my father galloped past me and dragged the bleeding Mr. Atelier in, slamming the front door shut.

"Don't just stand there, for Faust's sake!" he yelled at me. "Help me carry him!"

Immediately, I lifted his hoof and wrapped it around my shoulders, lifting the injured stallion up alongside my father as we sauntered into the living room. Upon seeing us, Thunderlane quickly brushed the table free of soaked cotton and glass shards, before helping us carefully lay Mr. Atelier onto the wooden surface. On the couch, I could see Melody squeaking and hissing, gripping tightly onto her rear hoof, stained a dark crimson with blood spewing from the ruptured hole in her flesh. From the kitchen came sounds of shuffling and ruffling, before Pierce's voice broke through the corridor.

"For fuck's sake, where's the first aid kit?!!"

As Thunderlane rushed to my friend's side, a pained groan yanked my glance back. "Tabard, stay with me now," my father gasped, clutching tightly onto Mr. Atelier's shivering hoof. "Tabard, come on, don't do this—"

"I... I'm sorry..."

"You can fucking apologize for all that later, just don't you dare give up on me, Tabard!"

"F-Flash... Flash..."

I joined in alongside my father's hoof, clutching onto it for dear life. My breath squirmed in my throat when I saw the unmistakable shimmer of tears in his eyes, one of them slowly trickling out and down his cheek. With feverish gasps, he stared right into my eyes, his pupils swirling in a vain attempt to wrest free from the tendrils of the abyss, his mouth shaking fervently in a desperate attempt to speak. At the very last moment, he clutched onto the last of his strength and breathed a deep breath, his chest cresting at a never-before high, before gently taking the plunge for one last time.

One last night.

I was haunted by the mere recollection of that expression frozen on his face as he laid still on the table in a dripping pool of red; it was one of fear and terror, twisted in the throes of guilt and shame. It would leave another mark in my mind, another scratch in the back of my head. More so, I was haunted by the gentle whisper he graced me before departing into the darkness of the night, a chance to hear his final plea. It was an echo rumbling softly in the ocean, creating the tides of change rippling across my mind. It was the last word Mr. Atelier uttered in his dying breath, forever entrenched in my head. It was the last thing he could do to change what he knew needed to be changed; a last ditch attempt to salvage what he had lost with only one last word as a guide.

"... f-forgive..."

Author's Note

Whoops! Published the unfinished file by accident! :twilightblush:

Anyways, finally great to see this chapter out! I had been rewriting it over and over as I didn't find it satisfying of a read. Hopefully won't have as much trouble with the next one!

Entry #11

"It's good to have you here, Miss Mandegloire and Mr. Sentry."

I could only hope to have the confidence exhibited by Melody when we strode into the building. Perhaps it's a trade secret that I wasn't let in on, or maybe it's just from a culmination of experience dealing with similar affairs. Even after having walked into a multitude of other establishments, I never found a way to shake that sinking feeling in the depths of my gut. The zealous smile of our attendant did little to alleviate them, unfortunately, as did the stares that we were getting from her colleagues all around. All those hopeful looks, all these ponies expectant of what's to come... it was frightening. The fact that most of Equestria share that very same expectation was terrifying at best. For the sake of my reputation, I really didn't want to disappoint.

"Wait here for a moment. We'll have you in shortly."

With a smile, the mare strode off, leaving us waiting. I drew my gaze down a small hallway where, waiting at the very end, was the door that lead into the studio, the light with the words 'ON AIR' imprinted on it glowing in an ominous red. The couch sank underneath my weight, the air around me feeling stuffy. It might be the nerves, it might be the lack of sleep, it might be the fact that Melody looked as stressed out as I was, with her earlier facade already chipping away as she leafed through her papers, though she was quick to patch it back up when our attendant suddenly returned with glasses of water. It was only minutes after the mare left us alone again that she turned to me, trying her best to look confident.

"So, it all comes down to this."

I stifled a smile of my own. "Guess it does," I managed a lukewarm reply.

An interview to convince a nation; the interview of the century; the moment where I have my say; the truth of the matter behind what happened, revealed. To me, this was the zenith of all the interviews that I had to put myself through, and for good reason when you consider the fact that it will be aired on national radio for the whole of Equestria to hear. To the rest of the world, this was the moment they were waiting for, their flames of anticipation fanned by all the titles I've mentioned and more. It didn't help that the hosts of this 'humble' station kept reminding everyone about it like a broken record, or that most of the media outlets were constantly listing out its scheduled date and time to jam it into everyone's heads, all of which only steepened the price of failure for me. All the world's a stage, so the saying goes; now the spotlights were cast on me, on this very day, and everyone is listening closely to what I have to say.

One mistake might warrant the end of the line.

"Nervous, huh?"

"Y-Yeah..."

"You have every right to be," Melody said, before placing a hoof on my shoulder. "Be succinct and steady. Just remember all the shit I've put you through and you'll be fine. You're here to convince the whole world that what you had with Twilight was genuine. You'll have to prove it to all of us that you really do care for her, which I know you do. With that in mind, I want you to be honest with the world. Let the rest of us know how much you really care for her. Show us what Twilight Sparkle means to you."

We didn't need to wait long for our attendant to return, this time gesturing us down the hallway. The light buzzed into silence as it faded out, signaling my entry. I glanced over my shoulder back at Melody, who gave me a nod of good luck before she followed the attendant into the control room. With the months of being shouted at frantically and endlessly looping in my head, a deep breath, and a distant memory of Twilight's smile still stubbornly clinging onto me, I opened the door and stepped inside, greeted by the quiet sound of music and a warm yet somewhat uncertain smile from a radio host seated across me.

"Name's Stentor Scoop," he introduced himself, extending a hoof. "Please, have a seat. It's a great pleasure to have you on our show, Mr. Sentry."

My ears perked, a heated tremble rushing up my spine when I realized who this pony was.

"How many more Flash Sentries do we need to bring down our smart, loving, responsible and kind rulers down before we could finally wake up and smell the sewage spilling from the ranks of those serving to protect our country?"

"You..." I quivered, clenching my hoof in an attempt to quell my flaring temper. "You're the one that said all those things about me."

"Aha... yeah..." he sighed despondently with a defeated chuckle. "L-Look, before you start, I'm not going to deny that it was me who said those things. The whole world heard me say it, loud and clear. Still, I want you to understand that it's nothing personal or anything, alright? Really, I thought long and hard about what I said and I admit, I've gone a little too far on my end. Hell, even before that, I honestly didn't want to do it."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because that's not how it works around here. We have to say those things or we get cut off the airwaves." Scoop crossed his hooves, swirling his chair back to face his desk as he creased his brows. "I know it's selfish," he grumbled. "I mean, to have to trample on someone just so you can stay on the show is hard to take in, but that's just the biz around here. That's just how it is. We were paid to do this, so we had to deliver. It didn't matter whether we got it right or wrong; all that mattered was hooking in all the listeners to tune in, that's all. It's the same with this interview, it's the same with all our previous interviews as well. It's just like that."

The grim frown on my face was enough of a reply.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Flash Sentry, I really don't," he sighed. "But if you would, I want to have the chance to redeem myself with this interview. Once it's over, I promise we would never have to see each other ever again. You want to sue us for defamation or slander us through your own methods, be my guest. Some of us here deserve a little taste of their own medicine anyway."

A strange, gurgling mix of relief and denial rumbled in my pit. I was about to respond when a red light on the control board started to flash. Immediately, Scoop swiveled his chair around and put on his headset, gesturing me to do the same. Exhaling a long, deep breath into the microphone, I turned towards the control room beyond a pane of glass, nodding diligently when I saw Melody mouthing out a wish of good luck. As the seconds counted down and the flustered radio host on the other end retrieved his composure, I gripped tightly onto my attorney's words and the distant memory of a conversation with Twilight, both sides of which gave me one last simple piece of advice.

Be true.

"A very good afternoon to all you listeners out there! This is the Equestrian National Radio's Afternoon Show, with your friendly radio host Scoop here to finally give you the moment that we Equestrians have all been waiting for!"

She knew that this moment would come.

"You've seen it in the newspapers and you've heard it from your friends, everyone! We've all learned about what happened up in Canterlot and we've talked about it a few times in the past. All of us were eager to know the answer to all these questions amid the sea of rumors: what happened up there? How could this happen? Why did this happen? Finally — finally — the answers we've been patiently waiting for are finally here!"

Like many others, she had been ceaselessly reminded about it, over and over and over. "Tune in!" roared the advertisements. "Listen to the interview of your lifetime!" cried the numerous other hosts. She must've been deeply irritated by all of them, I'm sure, though I'm positively certain she'd rather soldier through all those dramatic, repetitive fanfare instead of contenting herself with the scenery, one dulling with each passing day outside the window. After all, she'd very much prefer a day's worth of an uproar over a minute of solitary silence. Within all of Equestria, she would be the one who would know, down to the grittiest second, when the interview would take place.

Question is, was she listening in right now?

"I have, in the studio with me, a stallion who was the escort to Her Royal Highness, the Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle. He's the son of military officer turned businessman Gallant Sentry, the stallion whom many had speculated about his relationship with the aforementioned princess and the pony who had witnessed all the events that had unfolded on the horrifying night it all happened. He had been the subject of scrutiny and controversy these past few months— a pariah, if you will; now he's here to tell us his side of the story."

I knew it didn't matter if she didn't. I can't stop her if she didn't. In fact, with what I've put her through, I'm pretty certain that she wouldn't. Perhaps, on this very afternoon, she would force herself into an unwavering glare against the landscape beyond the glass pane, perhaps even called for the nurse to throw out the radio as well. She had every right to do that, princess or not. Then again, it's all speculation on my end; she might even be listening in to my thoughts right now if she wanted to. If Twilight's listening closely as I believed she would be, then she would know how much this whole thing mattered to me.

To us.

There's only one way that this must end.

"Be true," I chanted my mantra for the last time.

"Welcome to the show, Flash Sentry."

"Thank you for having me here," I responded in turn, putting on my best smile.

"So, let's get right into it," Scoop spoke lowly as he leaned in close with a grin. "One night in Canterlot. You and Princess Twilight were asleep in the hotel after attending the Canterlot Sanctuary Gala. Fire breaks out, some explosions, and you emerged with the princess injured and comatose. Those are the facts of the case that we know about, but now, to me and to all our listeners out there, we're about to wander into unfamiliar territory."

My hairs tensed up when he asked the first question.

"Was it an accident?"

"It wasn't," I answered firmly, despite having answered the same question countless of times in the past in other interviews. "We both thought it was, but it wasn't."

"So there is an intention of harming the princess, like many had speculated. Quite a number went ahead to say that what happened that night was your doing, that you were responsible for what happened to Princess Twilight."

"I felt responsible. It wasn't me, but I felt responsible for what happened to her."

A distant bang sent a shudder up my spine, though it took me a second before I realized it was only my imagination. My sudden attack of distress must've been visible to Scoop, who looked at me with a growing amount of concern creasing the curvature of his cheeks. Even after bemoaning about it so many times, I couldn't help but be shaken when I mention it again. Even after I had been admonished about it by all the ponies around me, the harshest of all being the stinging slap I received from Twilight, the thought of it still made me gasp for air. I hated that side of me, that vulnerability. It took all of my willpower to restrain the tingling shivers running down my hooves, clearing my throat free of my stammer before finally charging back in.

"I could've done more to protect her," I stated firmly. "Instead I've... I've became so certain that she wouldn't get hurt that I just... I lowered my guard, and when the time came, it was already too late. I know it's not me and I've been told countless of times that it wasn't my fault, but if I hadn't shirked away from my duties, maybe... maybe all of this wouldn't have happened to her. Maybe things would turn out different for her. She probably had a chance to escape from it unharmed, but my negligence made sure she never had that chance in the first place."

"You seem to care a lot for her."

"I have to. It's my responsibility to do so."

"Of course, though there were some who suspect it to go beyond the conventional," he clarified. "Allow me to reiterate: do you fancy Twilight Sparkle?"

That question sounded a little too familiar.

"I do."

A significant pair of words, brimming with intent. Those words, as I've learned, had the power to captivate a nation's worth of ponies. From what some of my friends confided to me, there were gasps of surprise and wide eyes of disbelief, the affirmation of the Princess of Friendship being romantically involved with her bodyguard apparently shocking whether one speculates or not. That knowledge was apparently clear to Scoop, whose glint in his eyes started to flicker brighter as he leaned in closer. He had cast the line and hooked onto all his listeners' attention; now it's my turn to reel them all in.

"So the rumors were true then, that your relationship with her goes beyond that of a princess and her guard."

"It started out that way. In fact, we weren't really on good terms with each other in the beginning. After a while, we... well, we started to have feelings for each other. Mutual feelings."

"I would say that raised more questions than answers," Scoop pressed forth. "That night in Canterlot, about the fire that burned down the Hôtel Sanctuaire— in contrast to your words, there were some claims saying that you were the one that started the fire, that you intended to kill Princess Twilight."

A sudden jolt in my head nearly made me gasp, a meek tremble running down my hooves. "So I've heard," I said, not bothering to conceal the venom dripping in my tone.

"What's more concerning is that some pointed out you apparently have a motive for doing so. According to the official investigation report, released just days ago, there was a section mentioning about Princess Twilight, in that— and I swear to all my listeners out there, this is true to what's written in the report—"

The jaws of the world fell in silence, their weight slamming down onto my shoulders.

"The princess was carrying a foal when it happened, one of three months."

Many had their cheeks paled an ashen white, many more with hairs standing to attention as a cold, dreary wind blew through the semblance of ponykind, the air resonant with gasps.

"Sadly, due to the injuries she sustained and the shock she underwent soon after, she had miscarried the foal in the fire." Even Scoop squirmed in his seat when he read through his next lines, his voice turning haughty and flushed. "Workers found its remains when clearing the site. Immediately, the investigators were called back, retrieved it and sent it for testing. When the results came back to them, they listed the mother as Princess Twilight and the father... the father of the foal was none other than you, Mr. Sentry. All those things I said, every last word..."

Sweat beaded at the corner of his forehead, the tension of the room threatening to tear out our chests.

"Was it all true?"

"Yes."

Disgust gurgled and melted down my chest when I realized how impassive I sounded, affirmed by the look of worry Melody was wearing on her face when I stole a glance over to the other room. Perhaps it was my willpower triumphing in its struggle to remain steady, or perhaps it was because I was already numb to it. Either way, it didn't help drive off the sickening, twisted feeling snaking into my gut. "The child was Twilight's and mine... yet..." my voice sank, my hooves clutching onto the side of my seat. "We didn't realize— no, we never realized that she was... that she carried a foal. If I had known, I would've done more to keep her safe, I would've... I should've—"

"Do you need a moment?"

I was bewildered at what he said until I felt a tingle running down my cheeks. My hoof quickly rushed to wipe the stray tear away, only to be confounded when another came rushing in its place. I opened my mouth, wanting to explain myself, to dismiss those tears, only to have my voice hitched and shriveled into a feverish gasp. It didn't take long before I started to weep, trying my best to silence my sniffles with a hoof shielding my watering eyes in shame. The thorns coiled around my broiling heart sharpened, the rust in my aching joints desiccating them and leaving me limp in a gutter of despair. I didn't know how long I was trapped there, my mind waltzed to the merciless rhythm of time; all I remembered was that when I lifted my gaze, I was met with the sight of a glass of water, offered alongside a sympathetic smile by Scoop.

"Th-Thank you..."

"Take all the time you need," he said with a softer nuance in his voice. "We'll continue whenever you're ready."

I spent the next few minutes sniffling the last of my tears, wiping them all away, trying to rid this fucking parody of myself sullying what was suppose to be the interview of my life. A sickening vitriol seethed through my gritted teeth sinking into my lips, the taste of blood desperately rushing to calm myself down. With quick, punctuated breaths, spirit and reason hastily returned in place of my bubbling hatred, rejuvenating me as I let out one last puff. Seeing as I'm ready, Scoop cleared his throat, gave one last peek at his notes, before finally leaning forward, the smile that had faded immediately finding its way back again.

"It must've been hard for you two," he began, subdued at first. "I think most ponies would offer their condolences, though it is a fact that there would still be naysayers out there that would make some outrageous claims. They might say that you orchestrated this whole attack in order to hide the fact that you sired an illegitimate child with the princess, that you did all that for preserving your dignity."

"That's ridiculous," I rasped, my flame stoked once again. "Both of us never knew that she carried a foal. Plus, I wouldn't hurt Twilight, no matter what it comes down to."

"But an illegitimate foal, with the princess no less! The scandal it would cause were it discovered earlier would still be devastating likewise! It wouldn't be far-fetched of a claim to say that you were lying and that it really was the motive for the attack, wasn't it?"

"I won't do it if I knew she would get hurt," I stated firmly, looking right into the other pony's eye. "If I knew that Twilight was pregnant, that she would be having a foal, then by all means necessary, I would make our child legitimate."

Scoop's smirk widened when I said that, his eyes blossoming as he leaned it. "Flash Sentry, are you saying that if you knew about the foal—"

"I would propose to Twilight, yes."

There was no lie, no hint of a quiver in my throat; there was not a waver in my stare nor a tremble in my clenched hoof. Carpe diem, as some would put it, and I intended to, though it turned out differently than I thought it initially would. For one, Pierce had called it the defining moment of the interview; Melody was less enthused about me just blurting it out. I'm sure Twilight will have her own opinions about it, though I'm already certain would be furious from embarrassment at me for doing that. Happy, yes, but furious as well. For that to be the only bad thing to come out from this, however idealistic it may sound, would be... well, pretty heavenly; if you think about it, an angry Twilight Sparkle is an adorable Twilight Sparkle after all. What I did was unforgivable, perhaps to the point where she will ceaselessly tease me about in the days to come, if such days were to ever come at all.

Would she ever remember how it was like before?

Would we ever go back to the way it used to be?

One can only hope.

"I must say, that was really something," Scoop continued after a moment of silence, nodding in admiration. "A proposal to take the princess's hoof in marriage... that's a large responsibility to shoulder."

"I know."

"You think you'd be ready for that?"

"I don't think I would ever be ready," I remarked, the two of us chuckling softly. "But honestly? I think that's the best part of it, really. You'll never know how it goes with these kinds of things, which makes it a little more exciting. Twilight and I, the time we spent together, the moments we had... we were not ready for any of it. I wasn't even ready from the start, but I... I came to like it, not knowing where things would lead."

I clenched onto the last figment of hope left in me.

"Before that, I wanted to know where things were heading. Hell, I needed to know. I needed to know how everything was working out from top to bottom. I needed to know what she really thought and felt about the things I'm doing and the things I'm about to do. I needed to figure out what exactly did she want from me without her saying it. Suffice to say, I think Twilight must've asked herself the same questions as well. After a while, however, it... it didn't really become important to me anymore."

The hope that Twilight was listening to me right now.

"Maybe it's because we lived in the same castle for a year or so, or maybe it's because we've actually been speaking our minds and we just didn't realize it. Maybe I just started catching onto the hints she might give, or maybe I was used to any sort of bickering that we might have with each other. In the end, I'm not sure what was really behind that. However, what I'm absolutely sure of is that with her, I know that it would turn out to be something great, no matter what."

That was certainly it.

Right, Twilight?

"Commendable, that speech of yours. Fortunately — or unfortunately in your case — things didn't turn out the way it did." Another drawn-out sigh from Scoop, before his gaze darted back to his papers. "According to some sources," he began. "You had apparently resigned from your designated position as the royal bodyguard to Princess Twilight. Is that true?"

The warm smile I finally found in me was wearing off again. "Yes, I did."

"Would you care to explain why?"

I snuck a glance over to the other room; the grimace from Melody was enough of an answer. "I can't say anything about that yet," I strained a reply. "Not until everything's over."

"Might only be me, but I sense a reluctance in your tone." The devious grin of Stentor Scoop grew as he drew one last card from underneath his sleeve. "I wouldn't want to pry into it too much. I'm sure you have your reasons," he began. "It's just that I want to clear up one little thing that's bothering me."

Some part of me knew it was coming.

"What about Princess Twilight?"

Some part of me just knew, yet...

"What does Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle think of this?"

Yet... yet...

"Princess Twilight..." I began with a breathy gasp. "Princess Twilight... she..."

The mantra I had chanted mere moments ago fell apart.

The promise I made was broken.

"She was fine with it. She understood why I made that decision and supported it without any complaints."

A lie.

A big, fat, fucking lie on fucking national radio.

Melody's chagrin was the second warning sign that I might've screwed up the entire interview, the first being my common fucking sense. Even I couldn't believe the string of words that I pulled out of my mouth, though by the time I managed to stop myself, it was already too late. I could see it already, the shade of black on Twilight's face; the discolored pigment of utter disappointment. I could hear the silence she would scream at me, one unpleasant and tinged in an accusation of betrayal. The distant bang of the past quickly rushed back in, driving into my pounding mind and chest, leaving me sweaty and breathless. Scoop didn't seem to notice, however, what with his focus averted towards his papers and all. That, or he was just brushing it aside.

"What a disappointment."

I froze at that word.

"I could hear it already, Flash Sentry." Scoop ended with a sigh. "Ponies don't want this. They'd want anything but this."

Gripping tightly onto my chair, I grappled with my ragged breathing as I await what's coming.

"They would want to see you two back together."

"Wha— I mean... p-pardon?"

Terror had been strangling me, clawing at the last layer of skin still sticking onto my neck. If I didn't quietly inhaled the lungfuls of air like I did earlier, I'm sure I would've collapsed right there, shivering in a puddle of spilled nerves. To have that lie flying right over his head... I couldn't believe it! I wasn't even that great of a liar to begin with! I could see Melody's debilitated look of relief from the corner of my eye, only to tense a little at the sudden glare in her eyes, reminding me of the long and wonderful lecture she will have in store for me later. Quickly, I pitched up my collapsing facade, rerouting enough confidence to look back into the radio host's eyes.

"Flash Sentry, I think most would agree that you and Princess Twilight actually shared something special," he said warmly. "From what our other sources had told us, you were actually playing quite a significant role in her recovery, despite all the claims being made against you. You were at her side when all of the world — us on the station included, I'll admit — were crying foul. What I really wanted to say... is that you are the pony Princess Twilight needs, now more than ever. If it were up to me, I would make sure that you stay by her side, come what may."

I didn't know how to reply, as much as my ears were charmed by his words. Be mindful that this was coming from a pony who had called me the biggest injustice to ever sully the royal guard, and that he had warned me previously that all that mattered was hooking the listeners in. I was as much of a believer at his sincerity as I am what many had accused me to be. However, from the looks of it, that didn't really matter to him either way.

Gathering and collating his papers, Scoop shot one last smirk at my stunned look, before swiveling back to the mic. "So do you have anything else you want to say?" he asked the question on everyone's mind. "Any final words for all of Equestria to hear?"

It's a tempting offer. To have your thoughts be heard to the entirety of the country, to say the things you want to say... I could already imagine all the possibilities it could bring me. I could spend it proclaiming how Twilight is important to me. I could send a warning message to Mr. Atelier and whoever else is responsible for the attack on that fateful night. I could thank all the ponies that supported me throughout all this time. I could say all those things and just let my words blanket the Equestrian sky for all to see.

"No, it's okay," some part of me pushed to reply instead. "I think I've said all that is to be said."

When I think about it now, I really did do just that. One attains more diligence in silence, as my father had told me once upon a time. Even though I could've seized that moment to say all the bottled-up things I wanted to say, it might not have done much in the end anyway. There was no need to go that extra mile all for nothing. Plus, even if I did, I'd break my oath of honesty I swore upon once again; I really did have nothing to say. Knowing me, the last thing I'd want to rely upon would be my spontaneity, especially not with the whole of Equestria listening in.

"And I think we all heard what we wanted to hear," Scoop ended it all with a sweet cherry on top. "Once again, thank you for coming onto the show, Flash Sentry, and informing us about your side of the story that we all so desperately wanted to hear."

"The pleasure was mine."

"And of course, thank you to all our listeners tuning in! Now, we shall resume with our daily dosage of the latest hits, recommended by your friendly neighborhood doctors to brighten up your day! This is Scoop Stentor, signing off!"

And just like that, it was over.

The interview of the century was over.

I don't remember how the rest of that day went, apart from the verbal lashing that Melody unleashed upon me once we made it back home. In fact, now that I look at it, it was just another ordinary, uneventful day. There's nothing wrong with one of those, sure, but I did partake in what had been hailed as the interview of the century after all. When you circled its date almost seven times on your calendar, you'd believe that the excitement would burn out every last second. Twilight would attest that I misjudged the whole day to be exciting when it was all compressed into a mere fifteen minutes. Granted, she'd be right, but she might overlook the uncomfortable uncertainty that came along with the question replaying over and over in my head.

Were you listening closely, Twilight Sparkle?

For a moment, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

When you wake up to see a bunch of white, wispy clouds swirling over your head, you'd find yourself asking that same question as well. It should've been something I was well accustomed to, not only because I was a pegasus, but it was also the ceiling of my bedroom back in my parents' home in Cloudsdale. All I could say was that it's a refreshing sight compared to the dreary planks of wood I've been seeing in these past months, no offense to Thunderlane. However, what really concerned me wasn't the sight brought before me so much as what actually brought me to it.

"And what?! You expect me to just simply ignore what you did?!"

"We've talked about this already! You said that if Flash was okay with it, you'd go with it as well!"

It's a little disheartening to be waking up to the sound of your parents shouting at the top of their lungs. Ever since learning about that fateful night, Mom and Dad were not in good terms with each other; if it were not for Mrs. June disclosing me of that fact, I would've never known about it in the first place, mostly because they rarely argued about anything at all. They were pretty adept at keeping it a secret from me, I'll have to admit, though I would add that it's a little insulting to me as well. In fact, I'd march down there right now, sit them both down and persuade them to involve me into their conversation. With the way things are going, however, I could only make it as far as step one and it'll go completely awry; Dad has his mythril tongue and Mom, despite never being able to match his tone, does not mince her words when she's furious as well. The most I could do in my groggy state is sigh.

"You didn't even bother telling him about it beforehand, Gallant!! He had no choice but to follow along!"

"He did have a choice and he chose to go ahead with it! You can swear it on Princess Celestia and she was even there during the whole thing! I didn't push him, Clementine! None of us did!"

Silence swept into the household; one can only guess what's happening right now.

"Fucking hell, Clementine..." my father was the first to gasp out. "We can't do this forever..."

"Don't you dare—"

"We have to. It's the right thing to do."

Another worrying pitfall of silence beckoned me to listen in a little closer.

"Clementine, don't—"

The slam of the front door jolted me out from my eavesdropping. Holding my breath, I stepped outside, tensing up at the sight of my father begrudgingly shaking his head with the door in his face. When he turned around and noticed me standing on the landing, he greeted me with a weary, dejected sigh, beckoning me towards the dining room. We quickly settled down at the table, our breakfast already served hot and laid out neatly thanks to Mrs. June and the rest of the staff. The both of us had been given a simple platter of pancakes, perhaps in adherence to my father's occasional demands of a simple breakfast. The only exception served onto the table was a half-eaten plate of Perigourdine salad, right before one of the maids quickly picked up what's left of it and scampered back into the kitchen.

"How goes with moving out, Flash?"

"It's going smoothly so far. I just have to head back down and retrieve a few more things, that's all," I answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm hoping you'd spare some time to attend Mr. Atelier's wake with me."

To attend the wake and probably the subsequent funeral service of the stallion who conspired to murder both the Princess of Friendship and your very own son came off as condescending to me. Dad knew it perfectly well, of course, and if it were anypony else, I'm certain he wouldn't even bother attending it either. Still, this was Tabard Camembert Atelier we're talking about: a dignified stallion who was as much my father's friend as he was a business magnate. Seeing as they both shared a long history together, it would be beyond me to stop him from attending. It was a different matter entirely, however, if he wanted me to go along with him.

"I initially planned to ask your mother about it, but with the way things are between us right now, it's best that she's left alone." A deep, rumbling sigh soared from the bottom of my father's chest as he leaned it a little closer. "Now, I understand that there's no reason for you to come in the first place," he said. "It's just that... well... in light of the recent report and Pierce's investigation and everything... ponies want to keep their distance, to put it simply."

"Yeah..."

"If you don't want to talk about it, then we can forget about it."

"N-No, it's just... how should I put this..." I stuttered, trying to find the right words. "I just... understand somehow, that's all."

Excruciatingly complicated were the words I'd use to describe my thoughts then. To pen it down here was harder still, seeing as I'm not as literate as Twilight can be. A gross oversimplification I'd use to sum it all up would be that I could empathize the feeling of being ostracized by society, discounting all the many differences between us aside, the most prominent being that I'm still alive and breathing. Funny thing about that: it was oversimplification that brought us both to those depths in the first place, or classification, to be exact. For months, I became synonymous with the word 'criminal' and its various alternatives before, just recently, the baton was handed to Mr. Atelier. Eventually, that baton would fall into somepony else's lap and on and on goes the vicious cycle.

It's a terrifying mess, albeit a mess all the same. We were stricken with the habit of placing the blame, of electing the next scapegoat to take their place. We could've spared with words of pity yet we resorted to chants of treachery, with some not even knowing what the incantations stand to mean. It's in our nature, to classify, to categorize, all to sate our want to identify. There is certainly a need, like a name or title, just to know where one stands in the world, but desire had long overshadowed that. They called us criminals and treated us as such, yet I have so many questions to ask that might leave some scratching their heads.

Why would you ostracize the suspects when the perpetrator had not been identified yet?

What sort of influence do you think I'd have on your children just by walking past them?

What made you think that a criminal was of a different kind than any other pony?

What do you think a dead pony can do to warrant you not attending to his funeral?

"I'll go with you," I gave him the answer he was waiting to hear. "The family wouldn't mind if I'm there, would they?"

"That I do not know," my father said, uncertain at first, before he put up a genial smile. "But I believe they'll be glad to have you."

Breakfast was quick to pass, our stream of conversations quicker. It wasn't long before my father was out the door and I was left alone with my thoughts once again. Most of them were recollections of the past that I'd rather not dwell upon, though there were one or two of them involving Twilight that made me smile. When all those had passed, I began thinking of what to do in the days to come. Should I request to return to my post back in the Crystal Empire, or should I follow my father's hoofsteps and delve into the murky waters of business instead? Question after question, yet I didn't have time to ponder long as I was suddenly yanked out of my thoughts by a knock on the door.

"I'll get it, young Master."

Some part of me felt guilty for troubling Mrs. June with such a menial task like that; anypony else of her age would've kicked back their hooves and yelled incessantly at their children or grandchildren to do it for them. Instead, she remained vigilant as ever, her strut poignant with a disciplined finesse whether I'm looking her way or not. Try as I may, I couldn't hear who was speaking at the other side of the door. It must've been one of dad's friends seeking to interest him in a new deal, or perhaps it was time for Mom's appointment with the psychiatrist again— Dad insisted on calling one over on a weekly basis when she began having nervous breakdowns some time ago. When Mrs. June excused herself and returned to me, however, my expectations completely blew out of the water.

"Our guest said she's here to see you. A Miss Rainbow Dash?"

Had I been just a tiny bit more apprehensive, I would've chased her off our property or demand the staff to do as such. Perhaps I might even send them after her, with flaming torches, pitchforks and everything. What ample curiosity I may have inherited from Twilight, however, made me wonder what she was doing here in the first place. Wanting to find out for myself, I stood up and warily strode to the front door. It had been left slightly ajar, allowing me a glimpse of her unmistakable prismatic mane fluttering about in the wind. Gingerly, I held my breath and raised my head high, before reaching out for the doorknob and giving it a light tug.

"Hey..."

"Oh, uh, h-hey, Flash," Rainbow Dash stammered, standing before me in all her faltering glory. "How's it... um... well, how's everything?"

"Fine... everything's fine, I guess..."

"Ah... well, I just wanna talk... you know, about that night, and... well... other things..."

"Y-You wanna... come in?" I attempted to salvage our conversation. "We can talk more inside if you want."

"S-Sure thing."

Call it a twist of fate if you will, but were it not for my parents arguing with each other, I don't think this conversation would've ever happened; they didn't take it too kindly upon learning from Thunderlane about what happened to me. When it comes to their only son, my parents — my mother especially — can be really, really aggressive if they wanted to. Pierce learned that the hard way back in the day when he dragged me into one of his fiascoes with a couple of colts he wasn't exactly keen with back in Cloudsdale High. I can't say what really happened then as he made me promise never to bring it up again after the fact, but he was left off a little more cautious around me than before. To do that to the Pierce Swiftwind himself was arguably mythical.

With what Rainbow Dash did, I shudder to think what might happen to her if my parents had their say.

"So this was your place all along..." she mused aloud, dragging her gaze across the living room when we stepped inside. "I always thought it was some posh, stuck-up pony that lived here when I was a filly."

"Well, you wouldn't be the first to say that," I remarked, beckoning her towards the couch. "Still can't understand where ponies get the stuck-up bit came from."

"Oh, you know. One thing leads to another."

Gross oversimplifications galore.

"So your father's a military pony, huh?"

"He was," I affirmed, following her gaze towards the gleaming medals in a glass display on the wall. "Served as master sergeant in the Equestrian Air Force, fourth division."

"Huh. Think he and my mom might've met? She served in the sixth."

"Dunno. Have to ask him to be sure."

"Yeah... anyways, about why I'm here..."

Rainbow's glance fell along with her voice, letting the silence flutter over our heads. It was then that Mrs. June grabbed the opportunity to step in and serve us each a glass of water before excusing herself out of the room, which turned out to be just the thing we needed to regain the momentum. A few sips was enough to soothe her throat, parched perhaps from the anxiety she had been compiling on the way here. It wasn't enough, however, to push her to make the first move; I had to bring myself to take up that mantle for the both of us.

"Did Twilight send you here?"

"Not entirely," Rainbow replied earnestly enough. "It's just that she made me Pinkie Promise to apologize to you if I ever had the chance. You know how she is with those."

"Second only to Pinkie herself," I quipped, the both of us chuckling.

"Yeah... well, t-to be honest with ya, I didn't want to do it." My look of puzzlement was met with a nervous laugh from the mare. "Seriously, If it weren't for Spike talking me into it, I don't think I would be here," she explained. "Sure, most of it was because of that fire in Canterlot, but when I thought about it, it's a little more than that. You... how do I say this... it's a little funny, but you could say that I was a little jealous of you."

That only made me a lot more confused than ever.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Jealous about what?"

"You mean... Twilight never told you?"

I blankly shook my head.

"Really? She never said anything about us?"

"Us? What do you mean by us?"

Her frozen look of disbelief trembled, her brows beginning to furrow, before she breathed out a long sigh of what sounded like unmitigated disappointment. "And she told me she wasn't insecure about it anymore..." she grumbled vehemently. "Okay, just to be sure, don't tell Twilight I told you this, alright?"

A firm nod was all it took this time for her to speak.

"Twilight and I... we were in a relationship once."

I didn't respond. No, more like I wanted to respond but I just couldn't, because how the fuck was I suppose to respond to that? You'd think that by now, I've heard everything there is to hear in the entire world, yet life would somehow save a boatload of surprises waiting just to have them tossed into your face. I had to make sure my jaw didn't fall out of the clouds when she said that, not wanting to seem scornful towards her confession. Despite that, I could already feel the knife in my back twisting a little deeper, rekindling a flurry of feelings about Twilight that I never thought I might be feeling again, all of which culminated in a dry, apathetic scowl.

"She never told me anything about it."

"Probably because we ended it not long before you came to Ponyville," Rainbow surmised wistfully. "I guess she didn't want to make it awkward between you guys. She must've thought that you might feel cheated once you learned about us being together. Even came up to me and made me Pinkie Promise not to ever mention about us to you as well."

"Well, I feel cheated now," I remarked coldly, shaking my head. "What was she thinking..."

"You know how Twilight can be when she's desperate."

A desperate Twilight Sparkle makes far worse decisions than even the inebriated and obtrusive Twilight Sparkle could. It's a lesson that I've learned the hard way when the list she had made to keep track of resources during the preparation of the Summer Sun Celebration accidentally flew out of her hooves and got trampled into a patch of mud underneath the wheel of a passing carriage; there had been more work put into fixing the volley of mistakes she made in her panicked state than into the festivities itself. You could also say that it was desperation that drove her to assign me as her royal bodyguard in the first place. Sure, that decision was what brought me close to Twilight, but I'll have to acknowledge that it was still a bad one.

Enough about me, however.

"So, you and Twilight..." I began, intrigued. "How did it happen?"

Rainbow spluttered on her drink, coughing for air as she hastily set her drink down. "W-Why... why would you want to know?" she croaked.

"Just curious."

A deadpan stare from the mare.

"Twilight made me Pinkie Promise not to talk about it, remember?"

"Yes she did," I replied. "However, Twilight and I also made a pact that we won't be keeping anymore secrets from each other. Since she didn't exactly live up to her end of the deal, I think it's only fair that she lets this one slide as well."

"But if she finds out and starts searching for me—"

"Tell her to come find me instead. I'll handle it from there."

Her surprise at my answer quickly steamrolled the last of her insecurities, the look of resignation crossing her face announcing my triumph. "You'd better handle it," she sighed exasperatedly. "So... where do you want to start?"

"From the very beginning," I answered. "Who made the first move?"

"You're looking at her."

Considering Twilight Sparkle, I wasn't exactly surprised. Aside from one particular instance, she wasn't a pony who would customarily take the initiative. Many of the things she did, she did so at the behest of somepony else, which may be unbecoming of a princess of Equestria. Still, it's rich with hypocrisy for it to be coming from a stallion whose whole orchard of life was rife with opportunities, yet he never had the courage to pluck its fruit. Pierce wouldn't have been my friend if he didn't drag me into his shenanigans, my position in the royal guard wouldn't have been possible if my father had not pushed me into it and I wouldn't have come to know Twilight if she didn't make her first move either. She was like me in that sense, which served as a constant reminder about one thing.

Shining Armor was right: it really does mean something when it comes at her volition.

I wouldn't know what it might mean if it came from Rainbow Dash though.

"How did you do it?"

"You know how Twilight and picnics go well together?" Rainbow asked, to which I nodded. "Well, I just arranged one, only invited her and just told her how I feel. Naturally, she didn't take it well. Took a week for her to come up with an answer. I was positive that she might say no, but when she said that she wanted to give it a chance... heck, I had to slap myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming."

"She wanted to give it a chance..." I muttered in contemplation. "What did she mean by that?"

"Oh, you know Twilight and her curiosity." Kicking back her hooves, Rainbow let out an effeminate sigh as she sank backwards into the couch, eyes drifting to the ceiling. "Put it simply, she said yes for all the wrong reasons," she said. "It started out like one of her experiments. For the first couple of weeks, she was recording everything that happened for the sake of 'research'. It got to the point where I had to stop her from bringing along her quill and scrolls on our dates, but Twilight, Tartarus be damned, just went ahead and memorized everything that happened before writing it down when she went home. That happened for a while before I found out and confronted her about it. Told her I didn't like being used like another lab rat and that she could've just told me that she didn't want to take it seriously."

The grin on her face fell as she turned away.

"I don't know how many times she apologized to me that day," she continued sullenly. "It just doesn't feel right being used like that, but it didn't feel right that I had to tear her down as well, you know? Now that I think about it, you and Twilight sorta started out the same way as well."

"I guess we kinda did," I murmured as I was reminded of those early days. The similarities in between our experiences when starting a relationship with Twilight Sparkle were too conspicuous to be ignored; the only difference I can think of is that one of us willingly initiated in, while the other was casually roped into it without consent. Perhaps it was part of the package, or perhaps it was just merely one of the many strings in fate's crooked design. It was maladroit as beginnings go, though from the smile slowly returning to her face, the clouds in those distant skies of yore cleared as quickly as they came.

"Of course, I forgave her. After that, being with her just felt... right..."

I almost chortled at her dreamy expression. "Oh yeah? How so?" I asked.

"Like she's the last piece of this gigantic puzzle of life... shit, I gotta write that down somewhere!" Chuckles filled the room just as Mrs. June briefly stepped in to refill our drinks. "She was a nervous wreck at first, I'll admit," Rainbow said. "After that... well, you know how she can be..."

Twilight Sparkle as a pony was caring and emblematic of sympathy; Twilight Sparkle as a lover was something else entirely. I don't know how often I used that to describe it to other ponies, but it was the truth. She may not be perfect in every way as most ponies would care to think, but as Rainbow Dash and I had witnessed, she was somepony worth fighting for. True to those words, we had both fought to protect her and, until now, fought each other, all to bring back a smile on her face. I tried to picture her smile to remind myself of her happier days, the times we shared before fate reared its ugly head, albeit to no avail under the shadow of the present. The Twilight Sparkle now, the one who was born from the ashes, spurned by anger and grief... a pressing question came to mind, though as I compelled as I was to say it, my spirit churned my voice back down my throat. Still, I wanted to know.

What does Rainbow Dash think of her now?

"We really had something back then, looking back. Give another month or two, I think we might've pursue something a little more serious. That was when I was assigned to the main team of the Wonderbolts. That meant touring from city to city for months on end, which meant that I only get to spend a few days with Twilight before heading back out again."

A wistful sigh escaped her lips as the mare took one more sip from the glass.

"We tried to keep in contact, we really did," she continued. "In the end, we simply couldn't find any more time to write our letters. I had my routines to practice for the shows and Twilight was doing her princess stuff. I mean, sure, we cherished every moment when we could get together, but I knew that we couldn't keep it up any longer. One day, she came up to me and just straight up said she wanted us to split up. Naturally, we had a fight about it."

Silence filled the room as Rainbow Dash, strangely enough, was absorbed in a moment of somber contrition.

"After that, I realized the reason behind it: our relationship became all about me. I was the one going away, I was the one she had to make time for, I was the one she had to wait for, I was the one still trying to make it work even though we both knew deep down it would never work at all. It became all about me instead of us. Hell, I was leaving her behind and I didn't even fucking know it." Her scornful glare softened suddenly as she let out a distant, dismal chuckle. "Still, you'd think you'll know what's going in her head," she muttered. "I thought I knew. For a long time, I thought that she would brave through it all, no matter the distance. I never thought her to be that kind of a mare who would want you in her reach. Even after that, I didn't think she'd rope you in just four months later. Looking at her like this right now? I don't want to know what she's thinking and I really, really don't want to."

That answer, coming from Rainbow Dash, scared me.

It also made me wonder about Twilight. Having been with her for so long, you would've thought that I exhausted any and all topics for my thoughts to feast upon. Funnily enough, there were still many unanswered questions I have about her, though what Rainbow said jostled out one from the deck. Just this past year alone, I've seen Twilight Sparkle laughing at her happiest and crying at her saddest. I've seen her drunkenly sassy attitude and her awkward, quirky self that is the very essence of her. I've even seen her temper flare one too many times. The different sides of Twilight Sparkle had all been displayed, though with all that happened, it revealed to me one more facet that I never thought I would see.

The Twilight Sparkle of today... the Twilight Sparkle that lost everything in a single night... everything...

What would that Twilight Sparkle be like?

Some part of me hoped that I will never find out the answer.

"You know... it's hard for me to say this cause I don't do this often." Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and exhaled the last of her jitters away. "Do me a favor, will ya? Take care of that egghead for me."

A blank stare, before a small laugh from yours truly. "You make it sound as if you're leaving town indefinitely."

"I guess you could say that, Wonderbolt shows and all," she chuckled lightly. "Seriously though, if there's one thing I know that's on her mind, it would be you. It doesn't matter whether you're her royal bodyguard or not; Twilight needs you, now more than ever. You're the only one she can count on to be by her side when the rest of us can't. I don't know how many times I'll have to apologize to make you stay, but if at least makes you reconsider..."

"You're not the first to ask that from me," I replied, much to her surprise. "Spike made me promise that I'll think about it when it's over. I intend to keep it."

Her lips curled up, for once, with genuine warmth.

"Thank you."

Rainbow Dash didn't stay long after that, perhaps not wanting to overextend her welcome or start off a chain reaction of awkward moments. The words she left me with were hard to swallow; it isn't everyday that somepony comes up to your door and says that they once dated the pony you love. Call me insensitive for saying this, but I couldn't fathom what Twilight sees in Rainbow, though I guess you could say the same as to what Twilight sees in me as well. It's a little mysterious to keep it a secret from me, yet it's so very much like the Twilight Sparkle I know, or knew, as things stand right now.

"I fear the stars."

It's a distant echo, yet it still rings true. I didn't want to allow my fears to surround her, yet I've done it subconsciously. There had been too many days where I felt reluctant to open the door into Twilight's room. Even seeing her deformed figure for the first time sapped all my confidence away in a heartbeat. Melody said that I succeeded in my job, that I protected her, yet I watched her, suffering with each passing day when she finds a new loss to mourn. I watched her heart scream even when she smiled the brightest, those cardiac pleadings that would reduce her to nothing more of a falsified shell. I was afraid of the Twilight Sparkle of today, to the point where I was relieved when the doctors mentioned her not wanting to see me. The thought of her forbidding me to pay a visit... it's like she's paying me a favor, one that somehow liberated me, the heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. It's almost impossible for me to see Twilight Sparkle now, to be in the same room with her.

Still, deep down, we both know one thing.

We can't do this forever.

"I've known Tabard ever since registering for the draft."

The foggy pits of early morning, pungent with petrichor, made it hard to resist the urge to close my eyes. Having spent countless of nights in deep contemplation, it's becoming habitual for me to wake up to the glare of the afternoon sun. In fact, I almost didn't want to attend this funeral, though I'm not one to back out from a promise, especially not from one I made to my father. Still, it'll be nice if there was a spell to keep me awake. I did ask Twilight once about it, though she claimed that the closest to such a spell was actually a cup of coffee. Apparently, it was something that all the princesses, even Princess Celestia, had indulged in from time to time, to the point where it had become a pastime of theirs to get together and have the liveliest of conversations over their respective brews. Sadly, the bitter taste of what was essentially a royal remedy... really wasn't quite to my liking, much to Twilight's devastated disappointment.

"We were assigned to the same division. Being the young, hot-headed stallions we were, it wasn't long before we got into a fight with each other. We spent most of our time there being yelled at by our superiors, all because we argued over the most mundane of things."

You'd think that most people would see me as the gleaming epitome of a mundane pony, and with good reason. Even I'll have to admit, I'm not the most interesting pony in the neighborhood. It's not something I believed initially, but you'll have to confront the truth when some of the local schoolchildren likened to your disposition to that of a statue's. Perhaps it stemmed from a childhood spent in solitude, roaming free only in the confines of my home with only the staff to take care of me in my parent's stead. Nevertheless, it was a far cry from most of the slanderous accusations that had been thrown at me.

"If you told me then that he would become one of my most dependable friends in the future, I'd laugh it off, yet that was what he was: a dependable, trustworthy and understanding friend."

Dependable, trustworthy, understanding— those were words Twilight once used to describe me. Though I'm not sure how she finds that in me, it certainly warned me of the values she would want to see me uphold. There were many times, however, that she didn't look as if she wanted any of that from me. Back then, I wondered if there was something else that the Flash Sentry beyond the Crystal Mirror had that I didn't, though from what Spike had said, I was more deserving of Twilight's affections than him, which only made it a little queer. Now that I think about it, I guess she did yearn for a little excitement from me from time to time, to participate more in holding up my end of our relationship, as vague as it may sound.

"He was a great pony, always capable of reaching new heights, of shooting past what you'd expect of him."

To expect that from the ever generous Twilight Sparkle might seem beyond me, yet my conversation with Rainbow Dash reminded me that Twilight was still a pony, and like many other ponies, she was prone to the unspoken quid pro quo. It took me too long to figure that part out, and by the time I realized it, she was already sobbing and screaming over her miscarriage. Yet, I still remembered that brief flicker of hope in her eyes when I stepped into the rehabilitation room, excited at the prospect of being comforted by the pony she deems dependable, trustworthy and understanding. She needed me back then, trapped behind her most desperate display ever, yet I went ahead and shifted the blame onto me. I should've realized then that it wasn't about that, that what she wanted to hear was never about that.

"It was beyond my expectations when I learned of his involvement in the ugly state affairs that happened in Canterlot. Were it not for that, all those close to him that were not present today in spite of my behest would see to it that he may be given a proper farewell. Perhaps if I had known what drove him to make the decisions he did, I would've been able to help him. I could've saved him."

All she needed was my strength.

If I had known, I'd spare some, even if I had none.

"Regrettably, I may never find it in me to forgive him for what he had done, but I know that he doesn't deserve to meet such a gruesome end. If there's one last thing I can do for him, if it may bring peace of mind to his family and his fellow friends, myself included, it's to find the vigilantes responsible for taking his life away. It will be my last offer to pay back the countless favors that I owed him, to change him back into the stallion that everyone remembers."

With that being said, my father took a step back and performed a strong salute.

"Rest well, Tabard," he uttered aloud the final words of his eulogy. "May you find peace, my dear friend."

The first droplets of rain came with the sounding of the horns, serenading along with the wind as we watched in somber silence Mr Atelier's coffin being lowered into the pit. Slowly but surely, it descended, resting perfectly at the bottom as if it was already there in the first place. When the first spadefuls of dirt clattered across the wooden lid, the priest stepped forward and cleared his throat and uttered his first words of prayer.

"And so we witness, under the twin gazes of Sun and Moon, sisters in unity. And they will shine their rays, a bridge for our dearly departed."

My gaze drifted across the many faces surrounding me; many of them skittered about the borders of familiarity. From there, I recognized a few of Dad's friends that occasionally stopped by our house for a business deal and a chat, brought here at his request. I saw Mrs. Atelier and her daughter as well, both silently weeping and marking the ground with their fresh tears. However, among all of them, one pony in particular stood out.

"And so he shall ascend, and he will see the world one last time from the skies and give a bidding of farewell."

He bore a gaze brimming with intent, akin to his father's.

"And we shall hope to be graced by his parting words, before he finally comes back home."

He bore such a gaze and he was staring right into me.

"His soul shall find eternal peace, his body eternal remembrance. May he be graced by the virtuous, wonderful rays of Celestia and Luna, may they bless him for all eternity and forgive his errs in their divine shadow. May he find a place in the sky, to observe us, to watch over us, to be a guardian among countless others."

The gaze of Cardinal Atelier.

"May he be reborn as a star. May he be revered and remembered as he was in life. May his body rest in peace 'neath the earth. Rest well, my fellow pony."

The last patch of dirt was flattened, the many ponies beginning to diverge. Cantering up the hills behind my father, I could still sense Cardinal's stare on the back of my neck. There was no doubt that he wanted to talk to me, yet one can only speculate on what it might be. It seemed pretty urgent, as he suddenly quickened his pace, catching up to me before we could even reach the top of the hill. Tensed as I was, I stiffly turned around, the glint in his eyes freezing me in place. He opened his mouth to speak, though faltered when he noticed my father heading back to my side from over my shoulder.

"Cardinal," Dad solemnly acknowledged with a nod. "Do you have some business with Flash?"

"Oh, nothing too major, rest assured," Cardinal said with a grin. "Just want to have a little talk with him. It would take but only a moment."

"Very well. I'll see you afterwards then, Flash."

"Alright."

With my reluctant answer, Dad excused himself and continued trotting away, leaving the two of us alone. Before I could ask anything, Cardinal beckoned his hoof, directing me towards the welcoming shade of a lone tree among the forest of tombstones, his soft smile prompting me to follow along for now, however apprehensive I may be, and with good reason. After all, this was the colt whose father had attempted to murder me in order to get him and Twilight together. However much he may be involved in the whole ploy, I was not sure, though I wouldn't want my lackadaisical judgement to cloud my decisions too early.

"I wanted to thank you, Flash."

Surprise came and washed the slate anew. "Thank me? For what?"

"For coming here. To be honest, I'd expect you to be the last pony to attend the funeral, but you've certainly surprised most of us today. Not everypony would attend the funeral of the pony who tried to kill them in their sleep."

A morose sigh and a shake of his head, as Cardinal drew his gaze back to where his father laid. "Father... would've loved to know that you're here, in spite of what he did," he sighed. "You're impressive, you know that? Even after all that you've been put through, after everything that's thrown against you... I can see why Princess Twilight has taken quite a liking to you."

"It's nothing really," I awkwardly replied. "I just... I just hoped that it might make a change, you know?"

"Change... now that's something we need more often in Equestria: change, or at least, the willingness to accept it." The glamorous glint of intent returned to Cardinal's eyes as he let out a gleeful chuckle. "It really is strange, living in a transient world of ideals," he lamented almost woefully. "We, as ponies, lead different lives throughout the ages, yet many of our ideologies remained fixed, like a constant unwilling to budge. The most frightening part was that we're the creators of the constant in the first place, yet it still stands there, dauntless even as we pass, all because it works in the interest of a few. Well I say this: out with the old, in with the new. We need more ponies like you, ponies who are willing to usher in a new kind of change. A better kind of change."

"Uh... pardon?"

Cardinal suddenly broke into a hearty laugh, giving me a firm and discomforting smack on the back. "That all sounds a bit pretentious, don't you think?" he chortled. "Well, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I had in mind an agreement for you, with your willingness to change and all. I didn't really think you might come along, yet you showed up, which makes this whole part a lot easier."

"What part?"

Scruffy crackles of trampled grass reached my ears, spurring me to turn around to see a pair of colts trotting up to me, devious grins curving on their lips. Before I knew it, I felt a cold ring prodding from the side, my breath tensing when the unmistakable click of a revolver filled the air. Color drained from my cheeks when I saw that fiery glint in Cardinal's eyes once again, accentuated ever further by the low, maniacal chuckle underneath his breath.

"And here I thought I needed your father to get to you," he cackled. "Oh, Flash Sentry... you really do make it easy."

"What are you doing?" I gasped fearfully.

"What I said I'd be doing. I've an agreement to talk to you about. A matter to discuss." Adopting a wary glance, Cardinal's eyes darting about the empty cemetery, before turning back to me. "Though said matters are rather sensitive in nature," he explained. "We'll have to find somewhere more private to speak of this. Somewhere out of the ears of common folk. Now, we don't want some gossipy mare to hear us talk about the details, don't we? It'll be a damn shame if somepony else were to get hurt from this."

His grin grew wider, defiant in the face of the rising sun.

"Well, somepony aside from Princess Twilight, that is."

Trudging along the slope with a gun pointed to my sides, my mind was yanked into a frenzy. Cardinal Atelier? Him? The younger Atelier was part of this? I was furiously connecting the dots, working my head into an overdrive. It was only when I was lead towards a carriage and settled down in its velvet seats that the many strands, seemingly irrelevant and out of place, started to entwine, culminating into a singular expression of terror in response to his bemused smirk.

"You..." I quivered. "It was you..."

"Surprised, aren't we?" he laughed. "Yes, it was me all along. Nothing personal, I assure you. Many ulterior motives, some beyond your comprehension. We'll have a long, long chat about it later, that I can promise."

"But... your father—"

"Daddy dearest had nothing to do with the whole scheme and it was supposed to stay that way," Cardinal rasped, gritting his teeth.

"But no, he had to do a little snooping around all because a tiny bug in his head said so. He found me out and tried to find a way to tell you, and with you, the royal guard. My friends and I can't have any of that, so we'll have to do away with him. An unfortunate and unnecessary death, but he really does make a great scapegoat, don't you think?"

"You..." I growled, seething with rage. "You'd kill your own father because he stood in your way?"

"Not in my way. In our way." Darkness engulfed his visage, his smile grimly fading away. "I would love to elaborate, but let me remind you where you stand," he rumbled, waving his revolver for emphasis. "You'll come to know everything, sooner or later. Till then, I would advise you to be quiet. Otherwise, you'd find that I can be a rather carefree pony when it comes to pulling the trigger."

I didn't want to, yet for the sake of my life, I had to comply. Everything happened so suddenly, all the grueling hatred I had reserved back then for Mr. Atelier diverting its course. Meekly, I stared into the cold, dead eyes of Cardinal Atelier, question after dreadful question drilling into my head. How can somepony be as apathetic as this pony? Who did he mean when he was talking about his 'friends'? Does this have something to do with the big talk about change he was giving a moment ago? Even more so, what was the agreement about? What was he hoping to get from me? I sat there, across from the pony with all the answers, the pony who was behind the dreadful attacks that tore into the life of Twilight Sparkle and took the life of his very own father, Tabard Camembert Atelier. I sat there, across from the pony that snatched what little I had from me.

"I would advise you to get some rest, Flash Sentry," he said, grinning deviously.

I sat there, across from the pony whose current state of mind decides on whether I live or die.

This is going to be a long ride.

Author's Note

Holy :yay:ing hell, this took way too long.

So finally, I managed to get Entry #11 out after a long period of inactivity. Things have been pretty busy on my end and I couldn't really find the time to sit down in my comfortable desk anymore.

I don't know how long the next chapter would take me, but I know it would take a while. I feel a little low for saying this, but you can help out by pitching in to my Patreon to help speed things up over here. Pony stories can't solve my real life financial stuff just yet, but here's hoping. :twilightsheepish:

Entry #12

I didn't want to ruin it.

There are times where some things should be handled with proper care. While the idea of such things vary from pony to pony, there is always the rare few that all ponies could agree to act upon as such. Of course, I can't really say that for everypony without blindly relying upon my confidence, but I could only hope it would be true. After all, with a sight like the one I was rewarded with right now, who wouldn't cherish every single moment, down to every last speck and fiber, of the situation I was in right now, however awkward it may be?

It was breathtaking.

Few would bring out that and other such words to describe mornings in Manehatten, though I could never find a more apt word to put on paper how I felt then when my tired eyes gazed into the distance. Beyond the lithe and taut wires of the steel bridge, over the unyielding columns of glass skyscrapers and brick apartments, the sun tore through the dense fog, shooting forth its rays to bask the world in its divine splendor. A gentle wind blew from behind, the dew-tinted blades of green across the meadow genuflecting, almost inclining for me to do the same. Fallen leaves were tossed up, swirling and twirling in formation before breaking into a synchronized dive into the river. It was a spectacular sight worth remembering and certainly one that would worth more from sharing, though I dare not perturb the only other pony that was with me.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, as benevolent as her title may imply, had a really adorable way of sleeping on a picnic mat, with her wings half spread, body curled inwards, the hairs of her mane fanned out and, occasionally, soft mutters slipping out from her mouth. She looked so vulnerable, so fragile in her gentle slumber. I looked on, smiling while she rests, her chest steadily rising and falling, unaware of the world already waking up before her. As far as my responsibilities go, I would be waking her up at around this hour, though with all the work she had done in these past few weeks, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have her rest a little longer. Moreover, it would pain me if I had to break up what I consider a delicate and pristine moment.

I really didn't want to ruin it.

Alas, it is but a moment. Like all moments, they are temporal, with a tendency to feel brief in the wake of their passing. Still, as short and elusive as they may be, such moments remain as fables, etched forever in our heads and our hearts, for the illustrious and lucrative hands of time, deft as they may be, never finds it in itself to show concern for such treasures, which leaves only us of the mortal plane to figure out how to deal with such inconveniences. Were it up to me, I would do everything in my power to encapsulate this moment, to ensure that it will never be forgotten, reminding me of a plea Twilight had uttered almost desperately the night prior.

"I don't want to go."

Me neither, Twilight. Me neither.

"Mmn..."

"Hello, beautiful," I hummed, watching her stir from over my shoulder. "Sleep well?"

"Flash, the day just started..." she exhaled softly and blithely, rubbing her eyes. "I don't remember bringing any cheese last night... I didn't, did I?"

"Yeah, you didn't."

"It would've gone great with the wine though..."

Her musings left in a slow, strenuous groan, her wings meekly propelling her forward only to slump onto my back, the sudden plop of her entire alicorn body onto my spine eliciting a grunt; fortunately, as she had not arrived at the peak of her consciousness yet, I was spared from her taking it as a insensible judgment regarding her weight. She murmured something as she frequently does in her drowse — such conversations would range from a certain royal remedy, to Princess Celestia, to something about waking ladybugs, to the basic fundamental theorems of energy conversion in magic — before dropping her chin onto my shoulder.

"Were you awake this whole time?" she rumbled. "You could've... woken me up..."

"You looked like you needed the rest," I replied, chuckling at her listless gaze. "From the looks of it, seems like you need a little more of that."

"Mm-hmm..."

"Feeling honest today, aren't you?"

"Hey, it's not like I wasn't being honest before! That was just... ja..." she stumbled back to let out a long yawn. "Ah... never mind... what about you? You seem pretty considerate today... a little bit more than usual..."

"I wouldn't want to wear you out any further, Your Highness."

"Ugh, Flash, I'm taking that back... formalities... mornings..."

"Caffeine deficiency, got it," I chimed gleefully, a little proud to have the chance to get away with teasing her. "Any preferences?"

"Don't know... don't care..."

"As you wish."

With my princess too weary to even bother thinking about working, I was left tidying up the surviving remnants of our nightly excursion. Not that I mind, as there isn't much of it left after I inexplicably nibbled on some of the leftovers while waiting for the impending sunrise. It took a little more effort to move Twilight's drowsy form off the blanket without paying heed to her insistent whines, but once I passed that hurdle it was neatly folded and placed in the picnic basket.

"We're ready to go, Twilight," I called out, turning around. "Twilight?"

"Huh-wha... what is it..."

The biggest smirk of the day crossed my lips.

"You dozed off."

"N-No, I didn't! I just... uh, blinked!"

"Of course you did," I retorted, chuckling at her drowsy, flustered look. "Twilight, if you need a little more time to rest, just let me know. I don't mind waiting."

"No! Just... no... I don't want to keep you waiting any longer... that'll just be—" another yawn broke in, much to her disdain. "L-Look, I can handle... handle myself fine..."

"No, you can't."

Sometimes, you just have to admit the cold, hard truth, even if it was something as whimsical as not being able to work four steps before tripping over your own hooves, which a sleepy Twilight was more prone to doing than the Twilight that guzzled down nine glasses of wine. It took me a victory in the ensuing pouting contest before she finally left it off a huff, creasing her brows with a low, disgruntled mewl. Wearing a smug grin, I was about to kick back and wait for her doze off when she suddenly turned my way, a small smile growing across her muzzle.

"What is it?" I hummed my question.

"Well... I was thinking that maybe... you could carry me there..."

"Carry you?"

"What?" she frowned at the look on my face, vitalized if only for a moment. "After what we did last night, I don't think there's any reason for you to feel ashamed about something like this."

"No, it's not that," I attested. "It's just... well... what if somepony sees us?"

To that, she graced me with a wide, foxy grin, only to break out into another frustrated yawn. "I don't really care what they think... I'm too tired to care, to be honest..." she giggled. "It'll be fun to just tease them a little... you know, give them a little hint, let them speculate..."

"Since when were you this playful?"

"I was always this playful! Let's just say... last night gave me the encouragement I needed."

I could only return a wordless smirk.

It wasn't long before I was trudging up the slope, with a contented Twilight Sparkle resting on my back, the picnic basket hanging from her folded wings. I tried not to pay heed to those somewhat endearing mumbles in her sleep, or the occasional fits of light snoring, or the little damp patch of drool that was gathering at the nape of my neck. Instead, I found myself distracted with the sights of the waking city in the distance. The sounds, true to their nature, came soon after, with the clatters of wooden carriages surfing across the tarmac and the busy chatter of the city's earliest birds filling the silence in the streets. Perhaps it was fortunate that many of Manehatten's residents weren't too keen on viewing a princess's sun as they did in the olden days, though they would certainly be keen on seeing a princess being carried around by her royal guard. What few of them there may be, I'll have no choice but to leave them, jaws slack and all. Here's hoping they won't mob us soon after.

"Flash..." Twilight suddenly muttered, prompting me to look back. "Can I... can I ask you something?"

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Last night... the things you said..." she sported a hopeful glance. "Did you really mean every word of it?"

Some part of me knew the answer, yet curiosity prodded me over something more urgent.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I meant every word of mine..."

I couldn't help it. "Every word? You weren't exactly chaste with some of the words you used last night."

"Stop it, Flash," she rasped with a growing blush, my little bout of laughter cut short when she jabbed a hoof into my sides. "I'm being serious here... about what I said last night, before everything that happened... I thought it was the wine getting into my head when I said that, but it wasn't that..."

The shimmer in her eyes made me stop in my tracks.

"I'm scared, Flash. I really am. I'm terrified..." Her grip onto my back tightened, her throat quivering against the hairs of my mane. "I thought it'll go away if I just confessed, but it didn't," she whimpered. "I don't want to lose it... not when we've come this far... what if it was all for nothing? What if one of us decided that we don't love the other pony anymore? I didn't want to think about it, because I know I shouldn't be thinking about it, but I just... went ahead and—"

"Twilight..."

Stiffening up, her wide eyes glanced up to me, before falling away. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be bringing this up."

"No, no, it's alright. I just wished you told me earlier. We'll have to deal with this sooner or later anyway..."

I guess it was around this time that I realized how much my patience with her had grown, at least, to the point where I'll be willing to listen to her personal fears while I'm carrying her towards the nearest cafe. It's something that you'll never learn in the royal guard's regime— there were a plethora of lessons detailing on how to identify enemy offensive aerial formations, figuring out the minor differences between a xyston, a sarissa and a goedendag, and even a section about the various paths taken by dragons during their migration period. Perhaps it might be disrespectful to royalty, though I think us guards would fare off better if we included a section on how to handle adorably awkward princesses with anxiety issues; call me a heretic if you will, but I wouldn't mind giving a private lesson.

"I think if we lost it, we would have a perfectly good reason why," came my earnest conjecture. "If we had a good reason, it wouldn't be a waste of time. I mean, we tried after all, didn't we? We really tried. Sure, there's a lot of things we could never ever get back, but it was worth a shot, something like that."

"But what if there wasn't a good reason? What if something happened to us... to you or me... and because of that..."

"Then we'll have to figure it out, don't we?" I answered with a chuckle. Oh, if I only knew. "Until all of it was sorted out, I'll be right beside you."

Twilight strained out a quavering grin. "You make it seem so easy..." she mumbled.

"That's because I meant every word that I said last night."

That was definitely what she wanted to hear from me, if her peaceful return to slumber was of any indication. I didn't mind the silence, though there's only so much tranquility that a waking Manehatten would spare, if only because I was afraid it may stir the princess from her sleep. She may tease me for being a little overprotective because of that, though considering how anxious she was at the thought of our relationship falling apart, I'm sure she's pretty happy to hear that as well. Likewise, I'm glad that I could allay her fears solely with my presence alone, however insignificant it may be.

That kind of trust isn't something you'd simply bestow to anypony. It's the kind of trust that does not need to spoken, that gradually grows as time would see fit. When it grows, it grows deep, reaching far into the depths of our consciousness and, when nurtured well, it would bear fruit something invaluable. For Twilight to entrust her sapling to me... it was with that in mind that I finally decided, after all these months, to bring myself to trust her as well.

"Flash... are we there yet?"

I could only chuckle at that. "Not yet, but we're almost there," I chimed softly.

You can trust me on that.

"I'll really need to pay you back somehow."

"And I'm saying you don't have to. Just think of it as helping a friend out, which it is."

"This is more than that, you know! You've done way too much for me and I didn't even ask for it! In fact, from day one, I kept denying you, yet you insisted on helping me! Even now, I told you I didn't need help with moving my stuff out from Twilight's castle, yet you kept on pressing to help out! It's like you're obsessed with helping ponies out or something!"

"That's not a bad thing, right?"

"No, it's just... somepony might take advantage of that."

"One day, perhaps somepony will," Thunderlane chuckled. "But hey, I'll figure it out when that day comes. Until then, you'll just have to deal with it."

I guess I will.

I really, really don't deserve a friend like Thunderlane. To be honest, I don't even remember how we became friends in the first place, though I'm sure he might know a thing or two. Quite frankly, all I remembered was that I wasn't really keen on having him as a friend in the beginning— I never told him about it, for I don't think he really needs to know that. Back then, his chummy, enthusiastic and somewhat carefree attitude just rubbed the wrong way somehow, as if he was looking down at me, telling me how better off he was, patronizing me— all of that done with his presence alone. I still ask the question: 'how can a pony like Thunderlane exist?' from time to time, albeit without adopting the acerbic tone like I did before. It's, unfortunately, the most I can do for now, a speck of dust before all that he done for me.

"So, moving back to Cloudsdale..." he mused. "Any chance you might come back for a visit?"

"I... I don't know, really..."

Times have changed.

As we trudged across the snow, I realized that it was clearer to me now than all the times before, for I've seen some unspeakable things, done some unspeakable things, that provided the clarity I needed. I never intended to leave Ponyville — it really is a wonderful town to be in — but in light of recent events, this place is better off without me. Still, I find myself always being drawn back to this charming little town, as if there is something left to be done before it would grant my much-needed leave. Every time I come back, hoping I would arrive to an epiphany as to what this town might want from me, even though some part of me knew the reason all along.

"You think she'll be fine?"

Were he a less courteous pony, Thunderlane would've just shrugged. "After this afternoon's town meeting? I'm sure she will be," he assured. "Rainbow Dash and co would make sure nothing gets into the castle without their say, I'm sure. As for the rest of us, we'll try our best to keep an eye out. The extra guards Captain Shining Armor said will be coming here tomorrow might help as well."

"Honestly, I don't know if that's enough..."

"It will be, I'm sure," he stated. "All of us here have been through a lot. We've had food-eating bugs, giant bears, Spike growing into a full-on dragon... hell, we've even had the spirit of chaos and disharmony turning this place upside down, and that was before he was living here! If they try anything here, I'm really gonna feel sorry for them before I'll take my turn to kick their flank."

I could only offer a mediocre smile; to hear that coming from Thunderlane, of all ponies, was assuring as much as it was amusing.

"As long as she's safe..." I muttered.

As long as she's safe, I'll be happy, wouldn't I?
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"SURPRISE!!"

I almost tumbled back out the front door from the prodigious ensemble of voices barraging my eardrums. My eyeballs momentarily grappled to stay in their sockets, dilating in awe at the crowd of ponies standing before me, all these faces that I've known and regrettably didn't take my time to know. Almost the entire town was here, gathered together for what reason, I'm not entirely sure, though I'm sure I fit somewhere in that equation. I couldn't help but crack a smile when they break into a verbose cheer, the sound of applause reverberating around the crystalline great hall, before whirling back to Thunderlane and his lofty, shrewd smirk.

"You asshole," I began, earning a cacophony of laughs in return. "And here, I thought the journey felt longer than expected."

"Heh. Well, sorry about that. Captain Dash's orders."

He stepped to the side, allowing the masterminds behind this devious plot to step forward; none other than Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Rainbow Dash. They marched forward, looking almost a little proud of themselves for making it happen. With everything I've seen so far, especially at such a scale, I guess they really deserved to have their moment.

"So, what do you think?" Rainbow Dash gave me a nudge. "Pretty sweet party, huh?"

"I guess so, but... well, what's the occasion?"

"Oh, silly!" Pinkie exclaimed, hopping up to me and digging her hooves into both of my cheeks. "It's all ready just for you!"

I would've yelled out in protest when she forcibly turned my neck upwards, were it not for the decorated banner screaming for attention while hanging high above our heads.

"Apologanza?"

"Because 'Saying Sorry To Flash Sentry Party' doesn't really have a nice ring to it," Applejack said. "All of us reckoned that since you'd be leaving, perhaps for good, we should get together and give you one last... uh, what was that word you used, Pinkie?"

"Apologoodbye!"

I just stared at them, dumbfounded.

"What Applejack is trying to say," Rarity interjected. "Is that... we're sorry. We truly are. All of us here had held at least some semblance of doubt that you didn't do anything that would bring harm to Twilight. We should've known, especially after all the time that you and Twilight had shared together, yet we distanced ourselves from you. To do that as Twilight's friends — to do that to the stallion she had the tenderest affections for — was despicable, unjustifiably so. When Thunderlane mentioned that you were stopping by to get the last of your belongings, we... we just had to come together and figure something out."

"And you had the whole town here for this?" I gaped, to which I received uncertain nods. "You... you really don't have to do this..."

"We wanted to," Fluttershy spoke up, smiling warmly. "It's something all of us decided to do, so we did it."

"Besides, it's not like we're asking you for permission or anything," Rainbow Dash added. "I think all of us can agree that we each have things we want to get off their chest. This might be your last night here, Flash, which means it's the last chance for some of us here to apologize."

I peered into the crowd, to all the hopeful, longing faces awaiting my answer. Many of these same faces were the ones that turned me away in my time of need, notwithstanding their friendship with yours truly. Some of them had gone one step further with their colorfully-worded death threats, though my encounter with an equally colorful mare was the closest attempt of it ever coming into corporeality. What they've done to me was something that should not be forgiven that easily. In fact, it's a little puerile and somewhat condescending to think that all those months could be brushed away with balloons and streamers, however magnificent Pinkie Pie's parties can be. Knowing that, I'm pretty certain that some of the ponies here had that same notion as well. Time would tell who these ponies might be, but until then, I'll have to be content with what they had in store for me.

"Well, since everypony's here already, there's no reason to call it off, right?"

A chorus of hoorays, before the party's in full swing. I have to admit, with how everypony's enjoying themselves all around me, it's as if this whole event was more about the partying and less of the apologizing, where everyone was having the time of their lives, though that's to be expected from a Pinkie Pie party. Make no mistake, there were still a multitude of ponies coming up to me with their vocal reparations at the ready, though it's a little hard to hear them over the inconvenient chatter and laughter of everypony else. I can't blame Twilight's friends for that — for them to organize all this deserved the contrary — but this was not the best solution they could go with. It's a mess of a cocktail to behold, the dissonant hurrahs clouding over what should be a sedated moment of repentance; all they needed was Discord to turn it into a full-blown riot.

I wonder what Twilight would've make of this?

"Flash? Come here for a sec!"

At a little corner away from the main spectacle, Rainbow Dash was waving me over. I sauntered across the room, weaving through the crowd of ponies as I made my way there. Along the way, however, I could make out a pair of ponies that were quietly conversing with her. From my passable judgement, they were a couple. There was a strange air of familiarity over them, as I've seen them from somewhere before. Whoever they were, they seemed pretty important, if the serious look Rainbow Dash was adopting were of any indication. You could imagine my surprise when I realized all of my above points checked out when they turned around, though I can't stress enough about how astonished I was when I realized who they were.

"Flash Sentry..." the mare spoke with a flutter, her husband watching on in stoic silence. "You... it's really you..."

"You two... you're—"

"You guys wanna find someplace quieter to talk?" Rainbow Dash cut in, throwing a sideways glance to the partying crowd. "I'm really starting to think that this Apologanza wasn't the best idea..."

At least somepony else here shares my thoughts.

With both sides giving our appreciative nods, the four of us strayed from the rowdy scene and made our way upstairs. There was nary a word between us, giving only a few awkward glances at each other while Rainbow led us onward. I don't know about them, but personally I'm not exactly that comfortable with meeting them yet, and that was even before the chaos unfolded on that fateful night. Twilight was rather insistent about rearranging the schedule to pay them a visit; I was rather insistent about the opposite, no matter all the many variations of her puppy eyes she would muster and throw at me. It was only in due time that fate rolled its dice and I, a piece from its board, was thrust forward face to face with them on the wintry solitude of one of the castle's many balconies.

"You cool with this place, Flash?"

"It'll do."

"How about you two, Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle? You guys okay talking out here?"

"It's fine," Mr. Sparkle answered. "We'll find a room inside if things get too chilly."

"Alright."

Rainbow Dash was quick to leave us, providing us the privacy that we needed. Hesitation pushed me to seek comfort in the tranquil view of a snow-covered Ponyville below, so it surprised me when I turned back to find that they were looking down at the same view as well, their smiles suffused with a faint melancholy. Mrs. Sparkle's smile especially was somewhat reminiscent of her daughter's, though I shouldn't be surprised, seeing as they shared a lot of things in common, from their mane style to their graceful literacy to even their first names. From her father, I figured she attained her steadfast determination, natural leadership and, as she once disclosed to me, her quirky knack of organizing. Thinking about it, Twilight rarely spoke about her parents, though the few times that she do, she always spoke highly of them, of how they were with her on every step of the way and how they believed she would eventually do something great. I would like to ask if they ever imagined she might one day ascend to princesshood, though right now that question would just leave a bad impression.

That's the last thing I need right now.

"She told us a lot about you," Mr. Sparkle exhaled softly. "Always mentioned how much you really listened to her, how much you meant to her. That you were the one she was looking for this whole time. I didn't think she could ever be that excited about somepony else ever since Cadance stopped foalsitting her. She really made you sound like you were the one for her."

"Really?"

"That was before you two had the argument."

My smile trembled. "Ah... okay..."

"Don't worry, it's all water under the bridge," Mrs. Sparkle chuckled mirthfully. "Ponies argue from time to time, no matter how petty things can get. Arguments happen to everypony— even the princesses themselves had them and that lasted for a thousand years! So it's only natural that one of you would have a disagreement sooner or later, and if it helps to shout it out, then do it. We sort of knew that what she wrote about you was a little too good to be true. It's just a matter of time, really."

"She'll have to make her own mistakes and learn from them," her husband chimed in. "It can be hard for her sometimes, but she'll make it. We know she will. She always had done that and she always will."

It really is a different set of rules for everypony.

Usually, I'm not as arrogant as Pierce to handle that kind of talk, because I really couldn't even imagine pretending to. I could, at least, conceive a passing thought, even if said thought doesn't really showcase what that phrase stands for. What they said puts into perspective on how different our lives were: for Twilight's parents, they were happy to let her run wild so that she could figure out how to pick herself up whenever she trips and falls; for my parents, they were afraid to let even a single snowflake land on my snout for fear of me getting a cold. We were raised differently, the set of rules thrust upon by the ponies around us all vying for the same goal. They want the best for us, obviously, but things might never turn out the way we want to.

In the words of Twilight Sparkle, there were too many variables.

Sometimes, the rules just don't apply anymore.

"That's what we hoped."

I couldn't ignore the meek shiver in Mrs. Sparkle's voice when she said that. Fresh tears gathered at the edges of her eyes as she turned away, before a sniffle gave them the final push they needed. Mr. Sparkle held her closer despite his own wavering composure, threatening to fall apart from even the gentlest breeze. I started to speak, though a sniffle from her lashed me short, leaving us hanging amid the looming serenity of a winter's night. With that, it also prompted her husband to speak up instead.

"Pray you never know what it's like to see your children suffer."

His tone was eerily cumbersome, his glance drawn downwards. There was certainly pain, and it certainly struck deep, but from the looks of it, it was twisting and burrowing deeper, as if the torment wasn't enough. I remembered how ecstatic they sounded in the paper when Twilight woke from her coma, which reminded me of how happy she was when she knew that I was alive and well. It was what came after the fact, revelation after dreadful revelation, that changed her. They were present at every phase she underwent; they saw the changes that took place. I had seen how devastated my parents were when I was toiling through those months; I can't imagine how terrifying must it be for them to see her like this.

"Any day now, I'll tell myself. She'll get over it," Mrs. Sparkle stuttered. "She'll get over it... she always does... she always had..."

How much times had they convinced themselves that their daughter will be fine?

"She's faced worse. She's seen worse. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Tirek... this... this..."

What happens if she could never get over all that has happened?

"We told Twilight she can't lose hope... she knows that..."

What if she comes to the conclusion that there's no purpose to her life anymore?

"She knows that... yet..."

Have they ever felt so helpless?

I was reminded of my second visit after her return to consciousness. Our first visit was spent mostly her sobbing when she realized that I was alive, so much so that she cried herself to sleep. Make no mistake, she cried in the second visit as well, though we managed to have a little heartfelt conversation soon afterwards. I remembered in that conversation, she talked about the wing she lost: about the phantom pain sensations she was experiencing, her muddled sense of balance and her fear of never flying again. I remembered asking whether she recalled the night it all happened, only to receive a sullen, somewhat apprehensive frown. I remembered how that frown lingered, breaking momentarily if only to say farewell as I took my leave. I remembered regarding the frown as something that will fade with the passage of time.

How fucking wrong I was.

"What happened?" I finally asked, a sinking feeling growing in my chest.

"Y-Yesterday afternoon..." Mrs. Sparkle swallowed, shuddering in her recollections. "We went to the hospital to pay a visit. Twilight, she... she never had it in herself to tell us no, so she let us in. There was nothing out of the ordinary that happened, we were just talking and catching up, seeing how she's been and all that. When lunch came around, Night Light here thought of getting something from one of the restaurants outside instead of just having the cafeteria food, you know, just to tickle the taste buds a bit. I think the two of us talked a little bit more before I stepped out to head to the washroom to just clear my head..."

That was when her lips started to quiver.

"When I came out, there was a commotion... the doctors, the nurses, they were just galloping down the hallway. I thought that something happened, I thought... I thought maybe one of the other patients had something going on, but when I realized they were all running towards Twilight's room..."

Mrs. Sparkle broke down into quiet sobs, her husband hugging her closer as he continued in her stead, though even he couldn't hold back the tears leaking down his cheeks. "Doctor told us she had a heart attack. It... it didn't make sense... she was always healthy, there was never anything wrong, she never had anything like this happen before, but... I-I was there, I saw the nurses and the doctors and... and Velvet was just standing there at the door... and when I saw Twilight on the bed, she was just... she was shaking, sh-she was trying to breathe but she couldn't and... her eyes were just frozen and everything... and then she suddenly stopped breathing and they had to take out the defibrillator..."

"We c-couldn't do anything..." Mrs. Sparkle wheezed, almost tumbling onto the floor. "We just stood there... and we watched... our very own daughter stopped breathing and we just watched..."

I didn't realize how long I held my breath until I mustered it to speak, preparing for the worst.

"Please tell me she made it..."

"They managed to resuscitate her a few minutes later," came the answer from her father, drawing out a sigh of relief from me. "The nurses told us to give her some time to rest. After that, when we came back and asked what happened, she... she kept mum about it. We had to resort to begging to get an answer out from her and when she did..."

"She said she was conjuring up some sort of... mnemonic restoration charm..." Mrs. Sparkle hiccuped her answer. "She must've heard of it from one of the nurses about what you were put through, so she tried to force some of her memories back, specifically from the night of the fire. It must've... worked a little too well and she might've remembered a little of what happened. We asked the doctors about it and they mentioned that the overwhelming pain and stress, both physical and mental, from reliving something like that... it might've been too much for her to handle and... everything else just happened..."

Whatever that was seething in me when I heard that made me stopped bothering on holding anything back.

"What the fuck was she trying to do that for?" I rasped, earning a pair of stares.

Really though, was it really too much to ask?

Don't do anything stupid, that was it. Don't do anything you usually wouldn't do.

The last thing that was asked of her was to put herself in harm's way, yet she somehow managed to do just that, all by herself while confined to a hospital bed. Were she anywhere else, she wouldn't have made it out of that ordeal alive. What was she hoping to gain from remembering what happened anyway? What was it that she wanted to remember so badly that it was worth risking her life for? It isn't like her to just charge in without thinking of the consequences; the Twilight I know was a lot more careful than that. Then again, with what I've seen from her this past few weeks, I'm inclined to think that she just stopped caring about anything altogether.

What's to stop me from saying that she does not care about me anymore? About how I felt?

I shouldn't feel too disgusted, after all.

"You knew how bad it would turn out for you. You knew how it would turn out and yet you went because, what, you thought that it was what I wanted?"

Was this how it felt like for her? This sordid, squeamish sensation of what was technically utter betrayal? Perhaps it's what I rightfully deserved, though I'd be selfish to think this was only involving us. This involves everyone that holds her near and dear to their hearts, which can be quite a number if loosely defined. Her parents were the ones that witnessed her cardiac seizures, not me. Her brother was finding ways to protect her from any further harm, not me. Her friends were the ones desperately finding the time to keep her company, not me. To top it all off, it was the other ponies that tore her down to where she was, not me. Losing her was something many feared as much as I do, so to say that what she did concerns only the two of us would be downright wrong.

That's what I really wanted to believe, but somehow, I just couldn't.

"No one else knew about this?" I asked after taking a moment to calm down.

"It was only us and the staff. She made all of them swear not to tell anypony else, not even her friends."

"You tried asking her why she did it?"

An uncertain nod from Mr. Sparkle. "She refused to tell us why," he replied with straight lips. "Not even after all the begging her mother did... Celestia damn it..."

"I don't know how to help her..." Mrs. Sparkle whimpered. "She doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to listen... every time we ask her something, she just brushes us off... I just want my daughter back the way she was. I just want her to smile again, to... to just be herself again. I don't care how we do it, I just want it all back the way it was..."

"And that's why you're here..." I rumbled airily when everything clicked. "You want me to do it. To bring her back."

A fresh moment of hesitation, before a pair of uneven nods.

Was it desperation? Perhaps one that's sorely needed. Was it hope? A little too much of it, I reckon. Might this whole thing be in vain? There's a good chance of it happening, though I'd like to believe otherwise. I still fancied the idea that Twilight, the alicorn princess of Friendship and the savior of Equestria for a countless amount of times, would seek for solitude in the form of yours truly. It's an immodest thought to pine upon, though from the looks of it, it may not be as far from the truth as I initially believed. On the notion of bringing her back, as they inaptly described, I could think of a few ways to go around it, though there was only one problem with that.

They were asking all of this from Flash Sentry.

"Why me?"

"Because if she would listen to anybody, it would be you."

"You really think she might still listen to me?" my skepticism played its card. "After all I've done? The resignation letter, the interview, everything? You think that if I paid her visit, she'll just forget everything?"

Exchanged glances, before her father provided the morose response. "We don't know..."

"You don't know..."

As I withheld the urge to scoff, I looked towards the brumous winter sky, to where the moon had shied away underneath the solace of the clouds. The snow had started to fall then, gratuitously regarding me with scorn like before as they waltzed across the sheets of moonlight. I felt her presence there and then, though however much it tried to grapple me with sweet nothings, I knew that this was but a shadow from the past, lingering because I wanted it to. What I wanted isn't impertinent, I told myself again and again, that it was because of such fallacies that Twilight wound up where she was right now. The Twilight I saw that day had bequeathed to me nothing but contempt; the Twilight they believed might listen to me was long gone.

Such high hopes were lost to me, though it would seem that to them, there's an inkling of it left.

"She often talks about you, you know?"

I remained resolute, even as a wistful smile graced Mrs. Sparkle's lips.

"She frequently mentions your name from time to time, sometimes without even realizing it."

I remained resolute, even as her words tempted me to respond.

"Just yesterday, when Night Light here was rambling on about his star charts," she shot a smug stare at her sheepish husband, "she was talking about cheesy you can be and how it always gets on her nerves somehow, but in a good way."

I remained resolute, if only for a little longer.

"She... she still has some love for you, Flash," her words came with a little reluctance. "I don't know to what extent, but I know it's there. Somewhere in that head of hers, my daughter still has her feelings for the royal guard she met in the Crystal Empire. All those words in her letters, all those written musings that we get from her, she talked about you, and with each passing day, her thoughts about you just... flourished. They grew with depth, with affection. Even now, she still brings them up from time to time. When she reminisces upon them, she would smile— and sure, it would be brief and it would quickly fade, but it was still a smile all the same. She smiled because she cared, because it was something she believed would be worth living for. She smiled because you were there with her."

"But that Flash Sentry... that isn't me anymore," I quavered. "What good would it do for me to visit now? After all that transpired? After what I've done?"

"We don't know... but that's the best part of it, isn't it?"

The cold winds lulled as the cogs in my head lurched at her sentence, before my eyes gradually dilated. I stifled the growing smile nestling in my throat, though it didn't take long for both of them to notice it through my cracking facade. A pair of chuckles were elicited, with Mr. Sparkle finally having the chance to explain.

"We listened to your interview at the hospital with Twilight," he said. "She didn't want to initially, but that's because she thought she should spend more time with us instead. We kept insisting that she just go ahead and she gave in. Truth be told, we really wanted to listen in as well. Honestly, for the both of us... I think we've heard what we wanted to hear from you."

"And... what about Twilight?"

"We're not entirely sure," Mrs. Sparkle professed apologetically. "When you started talking about how you would've proposed to her, she was just... stunned. Shocked probably, from not knowing what to think. Then, when you started talking about how everything would be great with Twilight, no matter what, she... she just started crying. She just cried and cried and... well, we both thought of finding a way to cheer her up by the time the interview ended, but she wanted us to leave and give her some time to herself before that could happen..."

My eyelids drooped, my glance falling sideways.

"Oh... okay..."

"She might tell you if you ask her," Mr. Sparkle suggested. "She'll never confide anything about it to us and I don't think her friends would know about it either; she's too proud for that."

For a moment, there was frustration which, as I had believed, once again rose against their attempts to coax me into visiting her. It took me less than a second to realize that said frustration was actually directed towards myself and at all the things I've done. Seriously, somehow, I could muster up enough spirit to attend the funeral of what I thought was the pony that conspired to kill me, yet for some fucking reason, I couldn't even conjure the thought of paying a visit to see the pony that would've been killed alongside me. Even with all that I've done against her wishes, she still brought herself to listen to my confessional over the radio. She could've turned it off and ignored it, much like how I could ignore my dad's request on attending Mr. Atelier's funeral, yet she didn't.

That was when I had a revelation.

What was it that's actually stopping us?

Was it shame?

I thought it was. I couldn't face her, knowing that I failed my duty, that she went through such pain because of my negligence. I couldn't even look her in the eye when she questioned me what she had done wrong when in fact, she didn't, that I was the one to blame. Melody, however, argued that if I didn't, she wouldn't be alive today? If I really failed, I would've been scorned to the ends of the earth, perhaps even by the likes of those who had supported me initially. In the end, there was nothing for me to be ashamed about. Both of us knew that.

No, it wasn't shame.

Was it selfishness?

Perhaps. We were both selfish ponies, even from the very beginning. It was selfishness that brought us together; it was what made me stand up against Twilight the first time we had argued, and what Twilight attested upon to counter mine. It was my selfishness overwhelming hers that, as my conversation with Rainbow Dash had shed a little light upon, made her, the mare who had once lived through such an experience, halt our relationship indefinitely. Still, if that were true, if she viewed me as a selfish pony as well, then why would she even bother listening in if she viewed me that way? Why would she still care, as her parents adamantly claimed?

Perhaps it wasn't selfishness.

Was it fear?

That seemed like the right answer. It was my fear, first and foremost, that brought us to where we were. Above everything else, it was fear that gripped my hoof into handing in my resignation letter. It was fear for the monster that I was turning Twilight into that made me abstain from visiting her; in reciprocation for that perception, she forbade me from paying her a visit. However, I know now that the longer I was absent from her side, the more frightening of a monster she was turning into, inching ever closer to the abyss than she normally would. There's no doubt that I was truly afraid of what might happen if she took that malevolent leap of faith, though if I was really that afraid, I would've found a way to stop it. I would've rushed to her side and pulled her away from the cliff's edge.

It wasn't fear.

It wasn't anything, for there was nothing stopping us the whole time.

Amid the changing world, we tend to forget that change is always imminent. When I made the decision to resign, some part of me started to wonder the next day if such a decision was even good enough at all. Perhaps when Twilight stopped me from visiting her room as a result of my resignation, she might had some second thoughts the next day as well. If there was really anything to blame for all this lost time, it would've been our pride. To be born into affluent families and having ties to nobility ever since we were young, it was the pride ingrained in us from all those years that stopped from speaking up, from telling the other pony that it's alright, that I've changed my mind. With how much the two of us tend to swallow our pride around other ponies, it's funny that we always choked on it whenever we're around each other. We never realized how much we changed our thoughts about each other and, to go another step further, how much we changed each other. Even if we did, we'd be too proud to admit it.

Perhaps it's time one of us finally made the first move.

"Say if I went and pay her a... surprise visit... do you think... do you think she would want to see me?"

A pair of smiles, warm and wide.

"She would be delighted to," Mrs. Sparkle promised. "Thank you, Flash... really, thank you for doing this."

I felt a little guilty, having to sneak out of the party like that, though I'm sure the others would understand; I trust that Twilight's parents brief at least Rainbow Dash about the reason for my sudden absence. In this cold, tranquil night, I walked alone upon the trail trodden by all of Ponyville, away from the uproarious scene where all but a few gathered, seeking for the silence where she laid. She must be resting feverishly tonight, clinging tightly onto her sheets, dreaming of a paradise she would often wake up crying over. I would know that, having had a fair share of such nights myself, though I had at least the comfort of those around me. The princess was underprivileged in that regard, regrettably so.

"What should I say to her?" I thought aloud.

In this lonely night, among the empty abodes, the world held no answer. The nonsense whispered by the wind especially gave no regard for my desperation, picking up only to barrage me with a fistful of snow. Mrs. June did inform me of the weather schedule Cloudsdale had planned before I left— something about a potential storm system picking up southwest of the Everfree Forest that will be passing over the town before the night ends. She warned me how cold it would be, though after Yakyakistan, I doubt the winter could scorn me any more than that. Still, I found my thoughts wandering astray, instead pondering on something else that may just be what I need to make this cold night a little warmer for the both of us.

I have a promise to keep.

The dark waltzed with the light.

My vision swiveled, scrambling out of a blur. A fuzzing numbness resonated onto one of my hooves— I don't know which one, but I know it's there. I craned my ears, hoping for indulge in something else other than silence, only to be rewarded with muffled voices coming from an unlit corner. It was only when I shuffled about that I was graced with a rattle of chains, yanking my eyes towards my rear hooves bound to the legs of a chair. My hanging breath faltered into shuddering pants, my eyes frantically searching for any sense of familiarity that would be circling me, all in vain. It took me ten or so blinks to finally remember how I got here.

I must've slept sometime along the ride. That, or they somehow found a way to make it happen, I might never know how it was done. Quickly, I scanned what was essentially my prison; if I'm not too careful, it would become my tomb as well. I really wouldn't want to die here, in this decrepit-looking warehouse, surrounded by crumbling pillars and shelves of forgotten boxes, with a poorly orchestrated threnody derived from the irregular hums of a rusted generator made visible by moonlight streaming through the small windows dotted high in the walls. I'm a little too proud to find peace among grease and mold, thank you very much. Of course, it's not like I had any say in this whatsoever anyway.

"Had a good rest, I hope?"

Descending from a crumbling staircase, Cardinal Atelier looked giddy in morbid excitement. His body may never show it, though the feverish glint of his eyes proved otherwise. He was like a showmare being beckoned onto the stage for the first time, ready for his turn in the spotlight. My gaze soon drew to the balcony in the distance, where I could make out the distinct outlines of some ponies, brought here to see him usher in the so-called change that I was wrested to partake in. They must be the friends that he mentioned earlier, the ones that seemed to have carved their own sickening testaments and indoctrinated him somewhere down the line. For all I know, Mr. Atelier wouldn't have stood for this senselessness, though it was senselessness that ultimately won over paternal love in the end. It was senselessness that won over most of Equestria, to the point where even I once swayed to its malicious tune. Now, they have all gathered here, witnessing their next messenger's ascension to power.

"I really wish you did," he chuckled. "I did say we're gonna have a long talk, didn't we?"

I withstood the urge to spit in his face.

"You left out the part where you tie me to the fucking chair."

"You don't have be so bitter. There are some unnecessary risks that would come into play had we not do that." Cardinal knelt down, his domineering glance lowering to meet mine, his smile almost heartwarming. "Honestly, Flash, you're a sight for sore eyes," he spoke with a chilling tenderness. "We have a lot in common, you and I. You... you reminded me how I used to be, how naive I was. Back then, I would yearn for something great, though I would never imagine actually working to get it. It's nice, just dreaming about it, you know? You have to admit that happened to you, don't it? That one time, back when you're just a guard somewhere up north, when you and Twilight locked eyes for the first time? You fancied the idea of it, of her fawning over you."

My jaws tensed, my teeth grating behind my tightening lips.

"You must be wondering how I knew about that, aren't you?" he laughed. "We'll get to that in a bit, don't you fret. First things first, however..."

His stilted smirk started to widen.

"Let's talk about your father."

I glared at him with bated breath, my scorn for him pushing me to show my teeth. "What does he have to do with anything?" I rasped.

"Oh, I believe this meeting of ours has a lot to do with him. More than you think," he asserted. "One cannot agree upon how far Gallant Sentry's influence extends. Aristocracy, nobility, military— you name it. It was through that degree of influence that our fathers met and began forging their fast friendship. Without that, we would never have known each other."

"Maybe it might've been a good thing."

"Maybe it might've," he chimed, lips tightening at my thinly-veiled jab. "Still, I believe we can come to some sort of agreement, at least a compromise. Our fathers were good friends; I believe we can do the same, perhaps see eye to eye on certain things."

I remained silent; he took that as an answer.

"I want you to convince Princess Twilight to step down."

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because it's inevitable. Change, that is," he elaborated as he began pacing around. "Think about it: for millennia, Equestria had been under the rule of one. Today, it has been extended to four, yet deep down it's still all the same. The jurisdiction of every stallion and mare's way of life is in the hooves of the princesses. Only they have a say on what can be done and what shouldn't. Sure, we've had centuries of peace for a very long time, though many of us know that there are some things that the princesses should've done better in the recent past. Many more believe they could've, but didn't. One can't help but question their rule, about how long they would want to lead Equestria, whether they were really certain of where we're headed and how big of a threat we were in due to them having their own powerful enemies. It's about time that we, the common folk, finally have our say."

"So you decided to, what, kill her?" I snapped. "After all that Twilight did, all those years of protecting Equestria from everything else, after all she had done... you wanted to pay her back by trying to burn her alive in the hotel she was sleeping in?"

"It's not like we haven't tried anything else, Flash Sentry. Our fathers have tried for so long, to no avail."

"My father wouldn't have partaken in anything such as this." I could only scowl grimly at that sneer of his, that patronizing glint he had oh so confidently adopted, as if he knew any better. "You keep talking about how you want change," came my accusation. "It didn't make sense to me and it never will. I'll never understand why you would do something like that. Twilight... she wasn't even a princess a decade ago, yet... yet just because she became one, you all just went ahead and attacked her..."

"There were other variables in play, Flash," Cardinal had the audacity to tarnish those words. "In the end, there really is nothing personal. We did it to prove a point."

"To prove what? That you wouldn't hesitate to cripple and maim when it comes to change?"

Bullshit.

"You didn't do this for change," I spat. "This was never about change. This was about power. This was about wanting control of everything for yourselves, to do things as you see fit, to make an Equestria to your liking and only yours. You really think that after what you did to Twilight, the princesses are going to step down for you and every single pony would be grateful for what you've done?"

"They will come to realize the good of it, as did I."

Solemnity disfigured his proud veneer by the time he returned into my view, looking somewhat distracted. "I really wish you'd come to see what you might get from this," he said almost pleadingly. "Don't you want to usher in a new change? Don't you want to see a world without fearing another monster or disaster coming in to take all of that away? Don't you believe that we could be better off working together to make sure that fate would come into fruition? To lead us to a better world? All you need to do was just convince her to step down, that's all. After that, Twilight... Twilight will never be hurt again, nor will the other princesses, I promise."

If only for a moment, I understood. Beyond every hill and valley somewhere, there would lie turmoil; beneath every oasis and glade, there would lie peril. Underneath their rule, Equestria had seen dangers the likes of which had never been seen before, and the threats are growing ever larger. All that said, the princesses were being ignorant to such dangers, as 'they' believed, and are instead ruling to their hearts' content. I, for one, would not be certain about what the other princesses were like, but I understand that Twilight does not fit that mold. She was striving to make the lives of everyone better, however large of a mess they can be in. She was the one that allayed our fears and risked her life to defend our cities from everything that dared rampage across the country. Perhaps if she rescinded her powers to 'them', she might never need to face another King Sombra or Tirek ever again.

Perhaps if they had their say, Equestria might just be a safer place than it is today.

That's not what I wanted.

"Twilight would've been better off... maybe all of us would..." I began. "Equestria might've been a better place if all that happened. However, there's nothing wrong with Equestria as it is now. There's nothing wrong with what Twilight or the other princesses were doing. There might be danger, but that's just the way Equestria is. On the contrary, there is definitely something wrong if you think that the only way to change things as they are now was to make sure nothing stands in your way. There is definitely something wrong to bring about change from someone else's suffering. I don't want to be a part of any change that throws the life of another in harm's way, especially not the life of a mare that did not deserve any of it."

Disappointment glazed his eyes.

"So... it's a no then?"

"It's a no fucking way."

Cardinal Atelier could only offer a grimace. With everything said and done, he cantered back into the shadows, shaking his head all the while, before reemerging with revolver in hoof. The steel of its barrel gleamed, my breath hanging taut at that fiendish sight as he made his way back to me. Steadily, he brought the cold ring of the barrel up to my forehead, the circular, stinging chill eliciting from me a quiet gasp. What remains of my wavering spirit prompted me to look at him square in his cold, dead eyes, just as he let out a sigh gravid with despondency.

"I really hoped it didn't have to end this way, Flash Sentry," he grumbled, his weapon letting out a wary click. "Shame, really... we could've been great friends."

"Wait! Cardinal, please!"

It came from the balcony where the shadows watched. My blood curdled, my bones trembled, my eyes swelled in disbelief at the cry for mercy. Of course, I do not wish to pass up the offer to live another day, but for it to bear that voice... it was the voice crying out that was twisting another blade into my heart. I briefly prayed for it to be the trick of my ears, but when I saw its owner stepping into the clarity of the light, I could scarcely control my jaw from going slack. There was no mistaking whose voice that belonged to, for it was the voice that had graced me from back to the day I saw the first glow of light; it was the voice that had embraced me from back to the hour I developed my first fears of the night.

It was the voice that had advised me from back to the minute I learned about how disgusting was love at first sight.

"M-Mom...?"

Clementine Genoise Sentry rushed down the stairway, hesitating if only because she saw the look on my face. I could only look on in bubbling disbelief as she stepped between us, much to Cardinal's disdain. She and I could feel the eyes of the remaining ponies in the room pricking into her, though we both know that mine pierced her at her core. In that short moment, shock warped into malice, permeating from me despite all the tearful glances she had been stealing over her shoulder. I would've voiced out a desperate question or two, were it not for Cardinal suddenly raising his gun once again, this time pointing it right at my own mother.

"Do not believe for a moment that I would even hesitate, Mrs. Sentry," he warned grimly. "Step aside. Now."

"You promised!" she cried, not only to Cardinal but to everyone else as well. "You promised me that Flash will never get hurt, no matter what happens!"

"We've talked about this," he growled. "If Flash Sentry isn't willing to do it, if we couldn't convince your son to help us, he'll only become a liability. With all that had transpired, we can't afford any more risks."

"You never mentioned killing him!"

"We never mentioned anything because we expected everyone to know that getting rid of him is the only other option!"

"Even if you did that, what happens next?" she argued. "You kill him, what would you do then? You think his friends wouldn't realize that one day he just suddenly disappeared? You think that they wouldn't stop by just to check up on him?"

"We'll figure it out when we get there, Mrs. Sentry. Now, if you will..."

Vehemence was poignant in her stance, standing strong as a mother would for her son. It was honestly a first from her, though for it to come now only made me ever the more conflicted. I didn't know what to think, bewildered as I am, to see my very own mother, who had a part in Twilight's downfall, suddenly taking the other side. Cardinal, however, held no opinion of it, the notion of which was disclosed to me when he steadied himself, hoof garishly shivering as it descended upon the trigger, only to suddenly pull away. Instead, he followed my mother's airy sigh of short-lived relief by suddenly flipping over the revolver, his ribald grin only widening as he handed it to her.

"You do it then."

Horror disfigured confidence; shock distended courage. Cardinal gushed with sickening pride at the aftermath of what he had done, stepping back into the shadows and leaving us to bask in the light. With her back turned to me, I was left guessing in this stunning silence on what she might do, what other tricks she might pull out from her sleeve, until she started to turn around. My gaze, once jumping in reluctant joy, froze at the helplessness dancing in her eyes, before darting to the gleaming curves of the revolver as she shakily brought it up to me. My breath hung, my jaw partially agape, the sight of my very own mother turning the gun towards her only son... I didn't know where to begin. I didn't know what else to do, what else to say.

In my final moments, it's only fair that I'm given one more chance to speak my mind.

"W-Why?"

"I'm sorry, Flash..." she mewled.

"You... you knew that I loved Princess Twilight... you knew that from the very beginning..."

"If I had known—"

"If you had known? No, you knew! You knew what they were planning to do, you knew that they were... that they tried to kill her! All those months of... of being accused and ignored, of being spat at by every fucking pony I pass by... all those times you wrote to me, asking how I was doing, whether I needed anything... what were those, then? Just fucking lies?"

"Th-They weren't lies!" she openly wept. "I-I... I d-didn't think that ponies... that it would actually g-go that far, I'm sorry, I just—"

"What about Twilight? Was all that stuff you talk about her just lies as well?"

"No! I didn't—"

"We could've had a foal together!!" I yelled, tears dripping onto the concrete floor. "I could've been a father and... you and dad... you both would've been grandparents, yet... yet you took that away from us! You took that away from me! All because of what, to make a fucking difference?! I never asked for any of this to happen! Neither did she! Twilight and I... we just... we just..."

I couldn't even bring myself to say it.

We just wanted to be together.

Was it really too much to ask?

My mother feverishly held onto the gun, even as she was sniffling uncontrollably as well. She clenched her eyes shut, drew out a few quick gasps, before looking into my eyes once again. The tenderness of a mother was in her irises, tinged with so much guilt and regret that she knew she could never be forgiven for. No deity would forgive a pony for the murder of their children, and she knew perfectly well that repentance had long been forsaken from her. With a heavy heart and a heavier weight on her hooves, she gazed into my eyes once more, searching in me the foal that she had nursed and nurtured throughout the years. I never knew if she did find it, though judging from that smile, I reckoned that she did.

"Flash?"

Misty eyes drilled into her begrudgingly.

"I... I know that you'll never forgive me for everything that I've done and I would expect as such," she mumbled softly. "I just want to know that I love you, no matter what happens, no matter what you've done. You're my son, after all, and you always will be. Right now... right now, if you would listen, I just want to ask you to do one last thing for me..."

That was when she suddenly leaned in close to me, whispering something out of earshot from everypony else in the room.

"Trust me."

Suddenly, there was a whiz in the night.

In almost a split second came the cracking of glass, followed by guttural cries and hoarse screams. I was suddenly yanked backward my gravity, back slamming into my chair with a grunt as a myriad of bright lights began weaving in from the outside before I was dragged away, to the back of the shelves. The generator suddenly died down, plunging the entire room into a thick darkness. Chaos immediately erupted from all sides, the rumbling of hooves and the cacophony of gunfire filling my ears before I hear the unmistakable snap of chains. Quickly wringing my hoof free, I scrambled desperately onto my hooves, only to be met with the most comforting sight I have not seen in a figuratively long time.

"You okay, Flash?!"

"Pierce!" I yelled over the gunfire when I recognized my best friend, ducking from the bullets ricocheting overhead. "W-What's going on?! What's happening?!"

"Can't talk right now! We need to get you out of here!"

Before I knew it, a volley of bullets suddenly zipped towards our direction, sending sparks flying across the walls and splinters flying off the wooden boxes. A loud yelp made me turn around, only to pale when I saw Pierce tripping and falling onto the floor, hissing in anguish as he quickly brought a hoof to his side, just underneath his wing where a growing stain of red was beginning to form. Before I knew it, I swiftly scampered back to his side and, with his hoof around my shoulder, started lifting him up, his only acknowledgement of it being a pained groan as we hobbled together into safety outside. A rush of cold air met me as we emerged from the battlefield, relief washing over me when I noticed a group of guards stationed nearby.

"Over here!" I called out, a few of them quickly rushed over as I carefully laid him down on the grass. "Is he going to be alright?"

"I'll be f-fine," Pierce managed to gasp, wincing when one of the guards started to press down onto the wound. "Bullet barely... gah... grazed my artery... just hurts to fucking high heaven, that's all. Nothing a— fuck, too much pressure, too much... s-simple operation couldn't fix, I hope."

"He'll live," the guard tending to him affirmed. "We'll have a doctor over here at once."

With a nod, I turned back, steeling myself to charge back into the firefight once more. Some part of me was trying excessively hard to convince me that there's no reason to go back in there anymore, though my conscience knew that was anything else but true. I stopped at the last moment, however, if only because I saw her emerge from the front line, unscathed and worse for wear. Her eyes were wrinkled with fresh tears, her breath barely clinging onto her throat, only to wash it all out in a fit of gasps when she finally spotted me and rushed up to yank me into her grand embrace.

"F-Flash!"

My mother had cried in a way that she had not cried for a long time, or at least that's what I'm inclined to believe. In her tightening hold, I stood there, firm and steady, yet uncertain and wary, as I watched the turmoil of emotions unravel before me. There was nothing I could say to her, for the things I wanted to say were the things I couldn't bring myself to say, not after what I had learned. She had no need for words, however; just my very presence alone was enough of a comfort for her to indulge in, dampening my chest with her tears and babbling apologies for the world to hear. I could only stare down at Pierce, who could only weakly grin back at me, giving something that looked like a pained shrug. It really was something out of a movie if you think about it— me, standing there before a raging firefight in the warehouse, with my mother hugging me for dear life and my friend wounded on the ground, being tended to by the guards. To view such a glorious sight alone, one shrouded in ambiguity, much like the questions that were churning in my head, it really begs to wonder what good really came out of this. In the end, I believed there were some lessons that were learned, though that all were quick to deteriorate when I recalled the smile on a certain somepony's face.

How can I face her like this?

Entry #13

Well, here I am now.

It's a disconcerting thought to have. Most ponies would wholeheartedly disagree on that, but when you have lead a life like mine, the notion of knowing where you stand in your frame of existence was a little frightening. I had fell into and scrambled out of what should've been the lowest point of my life, yet the possibility that something more devastating might come my way in the near future terrifies me. Had my life ended somewhere there and then, back in those grueling moments, I might be in a greater state of peace than I am now. I could only chuckle, forcing myself out of those thoughts; something about long and tiring train rides always bring out the nihilism brooding in me.

If you'd ask me, Flash Sentry, on how my life is now, I'd answer that it has never been better, because really, these days were some of the best days of my life so far, no question. Every morning, I would wake up facing the sun, eager for another fresh day, with opportunities here and there ripe for the taking that might bring a smile on my face. My parents couldn't be happier with what I'm doing, even if all I'm doing is just aimlessly wandering around Equestria, much like how they had done back when I was still a foal. Wanderlust, it would seem, was an inheritance from my mother and nurtured with great care in my time as a royal bodyguard — a lovely gift from my father.

Some ponies roam with reason, though for me, I just roam to take in the sights and sounds that Equestria and beyond has to offer. I visited so many different towns, met so many different ponies and learned so many stories, I don't think even the thickest logbook would be enough to pen it all down. There were even times where I hoped a pony would just drag me back into the common life, just to give my spirit some time to settle down and take a breather. Pierce did that once, dragging me to the Crystal Empire to be his best colt at his and Beryl's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony with many in attendance; the Princess of Love herself even personally overlooked the whole function. It really does show how much P.I. Swiftwind was adored and respected by the stallions and mares in the country, with the incredible and sometimes risky service he had done for so many.

This time, it was Thunderlane's turn.

Below the rim of the trilby hat my father handed down to me and the ultramarine scarf wrapped around my neck, I grinned at the intricately decorated invitation card; that dastardly colt somehow made sure it found its way to my hotel room in Fillydelphia. Sadly, I do not know anything more about Thunderlane and Cloudchaser as personally like I do Pierce and Beryl. What I do know is that a number of familiar faces would be attending as well, namely Pierce Swiftwind and Melody Mandegloire. It was to be the reunion of the ages, as the former pony quickly and audaciously announced, even though all four of us were present when he still played the part of the groom. Nevertheless, I'm more than enthusiastic about seeing them once again.

I'm a little less keen about the venue, however.

The words 'to be held in Ponyville Town Hall' at the very bottom really made me reconsider attending; it had been too long since I've stepped into the fabled town seated at the edge of the Everfree. I shouldn't be surprised that the wedding would be there anyway and I'm sure there would be more than just those familiar faces in attendance that I would like to meet. There were so many things I have left unanswered when I departed, so many words left unspoken and deeds left undone, that the mere presence of me at the wedding may inadvertently sour the whole service. Thunderlane must've known the possibilities that could occur, but he must've figured they were just what they were: possibilities. With possibility, comes probability, though I personally feel that it just wasn't the risk.

Five months.

Five wordless, soundless, thoughtless months.

Should my worst fears materialize, it was to be a wedding remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Craggy cliffs dulled into grassy plains, dense forests into scattered trees. I winced from the sudden glare in my eyes as the train rushed out of the tunnel, resuming my observation of the sun's slow but sure ascent to the abstruse peak in the sky. I was long numb to its mystique about thirty-something observations ago, these days frequenting it only because there was nothing else worth enrapturing my eyes. One might say it's a meandering and somewhat boring way to pass one's time. For a boring pony like myself however, that's really all he needs.

That, and a little less shifty glances from the rest of the passengers on the train.

I could hear them, those wary whispers and hushed gasps, though I feigned ignorance. Speculation was abuzz on this ride from all those who recognize me the moment I stepped onto the car while those who don't would be reminded about everything almost immediately. Five months of naught became five months of fuel, burning the hopeful candle bright once more, only for it to disconcertingly melt away, leaving nothing but a wax puddle of disappointment in its wake. For the moment, however, they shall have the chance to let the fire burn a little longer.

In all honesty, I wish for the same as well.

"Next stop, Ponyville. Ladies and gentlecolts, this will be the last stop on this train. Please ensure you have all your belongings with you when you step off the car..."

All roads lead to Ponyville, so the saying goes. Though I wouldn't say that for every road in Equestria, I believe it's appropriate when it comes to the railroads, seeing as most of the railroads end at Ponyville. Speaking of which, Twilight once mentioned that Ponyville is a town of endings, both figurative and literal, where all journeys conclude and stories come to a close. One can't deny that there is a darkness in those words, though I'd say it's all a matter of perspective. As with all endings, there were beginnings; conversely, Ponyville was a town of new beginnings as well, where all uncharted expeditions begin and fresh tales unfold. It's a town brimming with prospect and venerated as such, to the point where it was often sought after by the darker powers of the world. Ponyville was a town in betwixt and between, where the unlikeliest of change happens notwithstanding reason or rhyme, as those with a history to this place would know.

Perhaps it should only be fitting that my months of roaming should end here.

"Well, look who it is."

There's no hiding a smile — or anything else, for that matter — from someone as sharp-eyed as Melody Mandegloire. With gentle hearts and steady hooves, we wrapped each other into a hug the moment I stepped off the platform, with the mare giving me a contented pat on the back before separating. She had changed a little in appearance since the last time we met at Pierce's wedding, most evidently her vivid scarlet mane being tied back into a ponytail, though if one looked a little harder, there was a brighter glimmer in her eyes, while her cheeks, once creased with a scant solemnity, wrinkled with an unlikely yet refreshing shade of mirth. Apart from that, she had also recently quit smoking; these days, you'd find her chewing on some mints instead of having a cigarette in her mouth. It's a nice, refreshing change that's sorely needed, for her sake.

"It's good to see you again," she stated with a plain smile. "Now that I look at it, you look pretty good with the goatee."

I withheld the urge to laugh, my hoof reaching to brush the extra tuft of hair growing on my chin. "Think I've grown a little attached to it too," I added. "I planned to shave it off before coming here, actually."

"Well, I believe it makes you look more dignified. A splendid little touch of maturation."

"I can't think of anything more exaggerating coming from your mouth than that."

"Hey, is it exaggeration when I dish out a compliment every now and then?" she pleasantly questioned, giving a rib into my sides. "Seriously, grow it out a little more and the next time I'll see you would be on some poshy lifestyle magazine."

I immediately gagged at that thought. Picture me, with the most pretentious, shit-eating grin gracing the words 'Equestria's Most Eligible Bachelor' in some zany font at the corner bombarding the readers' eyes with enough snark to make Rainbow Dash puke storm clouds into a bucket, and add the fact I got there somehow because of a small goatee hanging at the tip of my chin.

"That's... one way of convincing me to shave it off... you're convincing me to shave it off, aren't you?"

To that, Melody snorted with laughter, before giving me a playful shrug.

The walk to Thunderlane's house was short as it should be. We didn't talk much, mostly because there was no need to. Being two ponies who yearn for purpose before speaking up, neither of us felt inclined to engage in any small talk and we knew the other pony felt the same. I did wonder a little about the newfound gleam lifting up her cheeks, though I guess that's a question reserved for another time. Walking up to the household, my smile immediately widened when a couple trotted into view, the stallion of the pair suddenly raising his hoof when he caught me in his sights.

"And so he emerged from the depths of the unknown, his conquest of self-discovery finally coming to an end at the behest of his friend. Here it is, the one, the only... Flash Sentry!"

Two long groans from the mares and a chuckle from me.

"Good to see you too, Pierce."

"Sometimes, I don't know what I see in you," his wife sighed. "Do you really have to do that every time you two meet?"

"Oh, this tradition goes way, way back, but I wouldn't want to bore anyone with the details," he quipped, turning to Beryl. "Especially not the most beautiful mare in the world. It would be but a travesty to bore her now, wouldn't it?"

"I really don't know whether to love you or hate you right now..."

Pierce and Beryl, despite being near polar opposites to each other, were always delightful to watch when they were together. They bicker a lot over the smallest things, to the point where one might wonder how they could be in the same room with one another, much less get married together. I would say that it's just the way it is with those two. For them, a quick exchange of words, adjusted to a low flame, was their shared way of releasing their frustrations. It can be a fireworks show, watching the two of them go at it, with Pierce doing what he does best within the audacious realm of imagination while Beryl's source of strength lie in the very plane of reality where we stand. If there was anyone that would've gotten hurt from that, it's because they tried to step in. With them, it's best to keep your distance and just enjoy the view.

A piece of useful advice, coming from one in the royal guard.

"Leave it to Pierce Swiftwind to churn out four corny sentences per minute," Melody chortled. "You promised poor Beryl here the moment you lifted the veil that you wouldn't bring about that dramatic flair anymore."

"Well, what about you? Thought you said that coltfriend of yours was gonna show up?"

I blinked my eyes at that statement, which only widened when I noticed the attorney's flustered look. "Wait a minute, what's this about Melody's coltfriend?" I asked, curious.

"You didn't know? The famed 'Red Cry' here got invited on a date with one of her clients. Wasn't some random small fry either."

"You're lucky he isn't here to hear that, Pierce," Melody groused. "Technically, he's the former consigliere for a defunct mafia family who was arrested for something he didn't do. I pretty much bailed his flank out and he thought of repaying me with a night at one of the finer restaurants. Had a little wine, yada yada, he said he wanted to know me better, fast forward a month, we're pretty much living together."

"Think I'd like to meet him someday," I stated simply from the itching curiosity.

"He can be a little rough at first, but once he opens up, I'm sure you two would hit it out the park."

"Hopefully so." For my sake, I would like to add.

"Anyways, since you didn't know about my coltfriend, I take it you didn't know what happened with Pierce and Beryl as well."

"Why?" I asked, this time turning to my smugly grinning friend. "It's nothing too bad, I hope?"

"I'm rather appalled you'd say that, Flash!" Pierce exclaimed with a laugh. "No, it's nothing like that! It's the opposite, actually."

"Pierce and I will be having a foal come next winter," Beryl said warmly, smiling from cheek to cheek. "I really wanted to tell you about it in the last letter, but this knucklehead here thought it'll be great to surprise you with the news when we meet at the wedding."

"Hey, from the looks of it, it sorta worked! Sorta."

"Well, I was kinda expecting it, but it's still great news to hear," I chuckled. "Congratulations, you two. I would've brought a celebratory gift too if I knew earlier."

"Now you're just making me look bad," my friend retorted, followed by all of us laughing in unison.

It's really amazing what can happen in a span of two months. Already the ponies that I came to appreciate and trust crossed a new hurdle in their lives, blessed with fortune's bearings guiding them along the way. I do wonder what it means for me, as a pony who was just wandering across the world. Don't get me wrong, the past two months for me were invigorating and worthwhile all the same, though in comparison, it just seemed lackluster. I know I shouldn't compare in the first place, yet I can't help but wonder if I could've done a little more for somepony else like they did. I wonder if there will come a time where I could make somepony else's day a little bit brighter.

Perhaps there'll come a time I'll fulfill that role.

"Was kinda worried you guys wouldn't show up."

"Have a little more faith in us, Thunderlane!" Pierce exclaimed jovially the moment we stepped into the house. "Groom's got the marriage jitters already, huh?"

"No kidding," Melody chimed in, with Beryl giggling in turn. "Hey, you'll do fine with or without us, Lane. It's your big day, after all."

"Yeah..." he nervously chuckled, his cheeks lighting up when he spotted me. "Celestia, it's good to see you again, Flash. Really, thanks for coming."

"After what you've done for me, I should be hanged if I missed out on your wedding," I simply said with a wry smile. "How's life in the Wonderbolts reserve doing for you?"

"Pretty amazing actually. Even better, knowing that Chase is with me this whole time."

"Wonderbolts supercouple. Huh. Never knew you had it in you, Lane."

"And I thought you're the detective out of all of us here," Thunderlane remarked wittily, much to our amusement. "But yeah. Wonderbolts supercouple and we barely even made our debut on the main stage yet. Talk about unneeded attention."

I could only chuckle along with the rest.

Most of our time devolved into the usual conversations, made ever fanciful by the presence of Pierce Swiftwind and his sensational lingo. Still, even as I laughed along to the jokes, I couldn't ignore the squirming, burrowing worm of discomfort deeply seated within my gut. It had been there ever since I left the station and it was only growing bigger from there on out. Some part of me just wanted to snatch Thunderlane away in a desperate search for privacy before asking him questions that I fear he may never find it in himself to answer. A lot can happen in two months after all, yet it's been five months since I left this town; five months since I ran away from reality and responsibility to see the world. Curiosity begged to know all that happened and all that didn't in my absence, yet I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to explain it all, especially not on his wedding day.

In my days of roaming, there were times where my thoughts would drift back to this very town. Even now, amid the cheerful chatter, my gaze would linger towards the town outside the window, hoping to catch sight of a familiar smile passing by. I've heard little of her since I've left and there wasn't even a mention of her in the news lately. Knowing her, she would want some time to herself, to recuperate from all that had happened and find a little moment of solitude. She would seek solace in her family and closest friends, as well as all the other princesses that might come by to see how their young compatriot was doing.

Still, was that really enough?

"You okay, Flash?"

Thunderlane must've noticed my fading facade. We were alone by then, with the rest outside busily setting up the banquet and leaving the groom's care to me while he dresses himself up, as if I had a good track record of doing as such. I wouldn't want to bother him with such furtive ruminations from within the nadiral depths of my heart, yet I could tell he wasn't about to let it go from the way he was staring straight into the abyss. Plus, it would be a misdeed were I to appear at the wedding grim-faced and neck-deep in melancholy.

"I'm just wondering," I professed softly. "You know... whether she's doing alright and everything..."

"Ah..." his voice trailed off. "Twilight... she's doing fine. Not as cheery as before, but still the same Twilight we know."

"Nothing happened to her, right?"

"Nothing that we know of."

"Good, I... just good..."

"You know, you could go up there and visit her if you want," Thunderlane suggested meekly. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind seeing you again, even after... after everything that happened. She isn't the vindictive type, as far as we know. That night was just... well, she wasn't in her best state of mind. You know that, I know that, practically everyone knows that."

"I don't even know how to face her anymore," I stated with confidence, funnily enough. "Maybe if... maybe if some things were different..."

"Flash, you know there's no way anything can be different after everything that happened, and I'm pretty certain that if you know that, it means Twilight knows that."

"Still, what does she think of it? Of all this?"

"You mentioned in the interview back then that it didn't matter what she thought of anything anymore, remember?" came his rather convincing argument. "That no matter what, it would lead to something great when it comes to her?"

"She was a different pony back then... we both were. Five months can change a lot in us, Thunderlane. You saw how it turned out for me back then. You saw what happened after that."

"Yeah. I've seen you change for better and worse. However, there are some things that time just can't change about you, Flash. Even after five months, you're still beating yourself up over everything, for example."

"Gee, that really hurt," I remarked, earning a bout of laughter from him. "Maybe you're right about that. It's just... I don't think I'm ready yet."

"I don't think Twilight's ready either, if you ask me."

All I could do was bear a pitiful grin.

It's like I snatched something away from her, some stream of her personality that I'll never be able to return, leaving a void that was soon supplanted by a dark mass of dissent and incoherence; a parasite greedily leeching away all her nights of reprieve and leaving her in trembling slumber. However much other ponies tried to discount it, I felt responsible for the mess that happened and the ensuing chain reaction of bad decisions that only seemed to make it all the more bigger. She may find it in her to forgive me, but I could never do the same for myself and she knew that. I deserved some penance, despite what the princesses would have me believe.

Thunderlane didn't pry any further than that; all those months of tolerating my presence must've taught him a thing or two. As short and inexplicable as it may be, it did just enough for me to retrieve the smile that I had lost along the way; by the time we strutted out the door, my spirit had floundered its way back up to the heights it had slowly withered from. I would soon be surrounded by my friends once more, all of which were subsumed to the wonders of change in a town where change is as much of a constant as time itself. One couldn't help but wonder whether I was a late bloomer in this regard, or just a stagnant sapling. Perhaps I might learn where I stand; perhaps I would learn where I belong among the currents of time. Until then, all I had was hope.

The hope that, in this town of change, I could discover a brighter future.

Why did I listen?

I must've looked like a fool, seated in the middle of the room with them. I would say that no words could express how disgusted I am to be in the same room with them, but I'd be lying. If anything, disgust was all that I could turn to now to stop me from brandishing my hoof. I had one night to let everything sink in, yet I remained bewildered by all that happened. I would never imagine ever linking those faces to the definition of betrayal, yet there they were, fitting side by side in this malignant jigsaw puzzle. Was it not enough that my rose-colored glasses were torn off my eyes? Did it really have to be like this, that the faces I once viewed with utmost respect should be trodden and trampled with nary a care for what I felt?

Why did I fucking listen?

What good did it do for me? What good did it do to listen to the very ponies responsible for this whole mess? How many half-truths did they spew out from among the garbage they sold to me that I now have to sort through? Even now, as we await for Pierce to arrive with Shining Armor, I wondered why I should care about what they want to say, for I have nothing to say to them. From their glimmering, uncertain gazes they had been reluctantly tossing at me, it's clear that they had a lot on their mind. However, there were rules to follow, protocols to maintain. I'm sure at least one of them knew how the process goes, which only meant we could only be patient, sitting across each other. In this mirthless, gauche silence.

Was it worth it?

Listening to them? To their little white lies, telling me that it'll be over soon?

Perhaps senselessness might've won over familial love as well after all.

With the creak of the door came the resounding draft of relief. In stepped my friend and the captain of the royal guard, the former perhaps the more uncertain of the pair when he eyed the suspects. Judging from the thick file in his hooves, a long conversation was warranted to unpack everything they had. Pierce informed me prior that I wouldn't stay for the entire session, confidentiality and whatnot, though he believed that it would be best if I was present to understand the crux of the situation despite my parents' dismayed protests. Without a moment to spare, the private investigator in him cleared his throat when he flipped open the files, leafing through document after document, before his stern gaze, firm even after having a bullet dug in and out of his now-bandaged sides, rose to meet the challenge.

"Shall we begin, Mr. and Mrs. Sentry?"

A pair of uncertain nods in unison. Silence unyielding hung like a blade at the throat as all eyes turned to me. Judging from my father's gaze at me, he had disapproved of my presence and had perhaps only relented due to my mother's coaxing. Were it not for Shining Armor being in the room, however, I'm sure he would've spoken up to ask me to leave, which only lead me to wonder in amazement at the tricks Pierce could pull off sometimes. Then again, when I steeled my glare and turned to him, I knew that even if he dared to stand up and say that, I would be too angry to even care.

"You knew."

The gaze of Gallant Sentry shifted downward.

"You knew... this whole time, you knew that Cardinal Atelier planned the attack," I began. "You knew that he was the one behind everything, yet you never said anything..."

"I had my suspicions, but I... wasn't sure."

That sickened me. Hearing my own father say such detrimental words, that disgusted me to my very core. This was a pony whose judgement bore no question, whose hunches were usually on the nose, yet he had the unnerving audacity to say that he wasn't sure? I clenched my jaw to stop myself from yelling at him; Shining Armor's fierce, constant gaze on me was enough of a warning sign.

"It was only after Tabard... after Mr. Atelier got killed, that everything made sense," he continued. "The two of us knew Cardinal was involved in it somehow, but we needed to be sure. When Mr. Atelier disappeared, I thought that it was because of the evidence surfaced that implicated him in the attack and that he somehow managed to hide his involvement from me, but in the end... you were there. You saw how it ended."

"Even then, you kept silent."

"Because it'll put all of us into danger. You, your mother, your friends, even the princess and those close to her. Mr. Atelier tried that and his death came as a result of it. Believe me, I wanted to tell you with all my heart, but your mother insisted the risk was too great."

"It was my fault," Mom took her turn to pipe in with a shiver. "I was in this from the beginning. I believed they really intended to make things better for everyone. Your father didn't want me to associate with them, but I didn't listen. When they talked about wanting to shake up the princess a little, I thought they were joking. I never expected that they would actually go that far, yet even when your father questioned me about it, I acted like none of what happened was their doing. Even when they killed Mr. Atelier, I didn't want to say anything, but when I heard that they wanted to involve you in their next meeting... I knew it couldn't go on any longer."

"Your mother told me and Pierce about what they were planning to do," my father took over. "All we needed to know was where the meeting would take place. Your mother attended to make sure that nothing happens to you, and if anything did, she wanted to make sure that you'll escape alive. With the Royal Guard surrounding the warehouse, we wanted to make sure we got every single pony involved."

"Yet there were some who escaped, didn't they?"

"Unfortunately so," Shining Armor grimly answered that question instead. "Cardinal and a couple of others managed to evade capture with the help of some of our own. If we knew earlier that he had ties with some of the guards, they wouldn't have gotten away."

To hear said news must not have sat well with the captain of the royal guard. None of us might never know what absurd promises Cardinal had made to them, though it certainly rang true that such temptations could easily waver the will of the weak. It's no question that those guards were simple-minded if they could simply dismiss the Royal Guard's code of honor, though when it comes to someone with such a grand network of power like him, you can never be sure. However, that was the strange part of the whole situation; a fact that Shining was aware of and treated with a kind of callousness that I inadvertently came to associate him with.

"Those guards knew what would happen if they went down that route," he asserted. "The only conclusion I can come to was that this wasn't something that was done out of the blue, like bribery or blackmail. This was all planned in advance. This was an established arrangement that the guards were in on it from the very beginning. What I would like to know is how these ponies managed to win those guards over in the first place, which I'm sure at least one of you know about."

"At this stage, whoever or whatever else you're hiding is compromised," Pierce added his warning. "What we're aware of is this: they were directly involved in the attempted assassination of the princess, which was an act of treason of the highest order, punishable by life imprisonment or even a death sentence. As a friend, I am urging you to come to realize that such losses isn't worth keeping a secret for. They would be roaming free out there while you two pay the price for their crimes. That's not what you want now, is it? Would the risks you take from providing the information we need to catch them really be greater than if you stay silent?"

Dad and Mom exchanged uncertain glances, a first in all this turmoil that shared the same thoughts.

"There's this society formed by Equestria's biggest players," my mother explained. "Many of Equestria's most influential ponies are involved in this society. Aristocrats, nobles, certain ministers and governors, industry moguls, creative virtuosos, scientific and religious scholars, retired military commanders— you name someone with influence and a patrician family history, they are part of that society. It was set up a long time ago with a single goal: to ensure decisions deemed for the good of Equestria were enforced. The society seeks to improve the lives of every pony across Equestria, initially through means of statutes and legislation as it had always been done up until now."

"Was Princess Celestia aware of this?" Shining questioned.

"It was decided that the princess and all her affiliations are withheld any knowledge of this society," she affirmed. "Traditionally, it's because they do not want any predispositions to affect any of the decisions made during the discussion."

"And what do you all often discuss about? Which prominent figure should you assassinate next?"

"It was nothing like that," my father rose his voice. "True, we hoped to implement change on a greater scale and it's something we've been gradually working towards to, especially after Princess Twilight was crowned, but we would never resort to something as reckless and senseless as that. It was some of the younger members who believed that a more radical change was needed. They wanted more than what they already had, so they disillusioned many of the other young ones, Cardinal included, into believing that they could bring about a change that was desperately needed. They were tricked into believing that with the princesses gone, they could make the world a better place."

"Those... ponies did not represent us," my mother added begrudgingly, hoof clenching. "What they did... I didn't realize it then, but the 'change' they were going after was far from what was promised. I believed that they were really passionate as we were, but... I realized too little too late what they were being passionate about..."

Animosity was a quick brew, especially with a spoonful of betrayal thrown into the mix. My mother, of all ponies, loathed the taste, having been a victim of such even before meeting my father. Were it up to her and her alone, she wouldn't hesitate to track them down and force that lurid grog down their throats until they would be blue and gasping for air. Clementine Genoise Sentry, discounting all that she was to everyone else, will not hesitate to wander down the road to murder. Dad knew that, which was why he was always keeping her in sight. My only regret is that I never got anything worthwhile out of knowing that, for I was too blind in my own rage to see it.

"And all this time, you kept that from me..."

Silence was a rope around their necks, awaiting the eventual plunge. Penitence, passionless and dour, adorned the noose. I ached to seize them by the shoulders, to shake the words out of their throats, and perhaps I would have if the other two ponies weren't present. Then again, there was nothing they could utter that may bring me to forgive what they've done; a dark stain of shame and treachery, forever blotching the ancestral tree. My father, however, still rose to meet the challenge, however vain the attempt may be.

"You were supposed to be one of us."

Some part of me already knew that, having fit two and two together. If what my parents claims of the society were true, it meant that however Cardinal was indoctrinated into those false beliefs, it all started with his father's introduction into said society. I couldn't blame my parents if they wanted to uphold tradition, but to say that on the unruly pretense that they were on my side, to stake a claim over a 'what if' situation and completely disregarding everything that happened— no, that they allowed to happen... I couldn't stand it.

"So what if I was?" I snarled. "Was I supposed to care? Was that supposed to make me understand?"

"Flash—"

"I don't understand any of this, alright?! I don't understand whatever the fuck this is all about! What the hell does the good of Equestria have to do with this? Why do you even care?"

Mom and Dad had no more words to convince me.

"We're already living a good life already— hell, I was! I was lucky enough to be with the princess... with Twilight... yet... yet..."

No more ways to tell me it was all for my own good.

"Maybe... maybe back then, things were different. Maybe it was that bad back then, but by now, everything already changed! Everything became better! You said this society wanted to change the world for the better, yet none of you even realized it already did!"

"You're right... you're right..."

Some might know this already, but I always saw my father as a polar opposite of myself. Where I could barely contained my rage, he would be still and firm. Like right now, when I'm heaving with all my might, he accepted it gracefully with his head hung low, solid as a mountain. Of course, as my feasibly erroneous judgement had proven time and time again, we were actually alike in almost every way imaginable. In all my envy, I was the chip off the old block without realizing it, down to the colors of our coat and mane. In some way, I was him and he, me. Like right now, when through all my exasperation, I beheld a tremble shadowed in subtlety, before he finally brought his gaze up to me, his eyes shimmering and misty.

"I failed you."

Silence, dreadful silence, swept in.

My pounding heart had stopped, as did the grueling churns in my chest.

"Dad..."

"No, I failed you. There's no excuse for that... not for me... not anymore..."

A soft, pained grin grew on his muzzle as he brought his gaze up to me. "I brought pain and suffering to my own son... no father should be excused for that," he quavered, shaking his head. "You have every right to be angry, Flash. I was never there for you, not since you were born. I pushed you into doing things without even asking you what you wanted, yet when you stumbled and fall, I wasn't there to pick you up. Even now, I chose to hid the truth from you for so long when you deserved to know it. It may had been a risk, but it was a risk worth taking, yet I couldn't do it. I'm a failure as your father, Flash. I know that now."

"No... no, that's not what I meant..."

"But it's the truth, isn't it?" Mom piped in destitutely, gripping onto my father's trembling hoof. "We're sorry that we couldn't be better, that we couldn't do better. We failed you, the both of us. We know that now, Flash... and we're sorry..."

Before I could go any further, the hoof on my shoulder cut me short, with Pierce's solemn nod giving me the sore reminder. Even so, I was ready to brush his hoof off, though the captain's glare alone was my one and only warning sign. With all the hesitation on my shoulders, I'm surprised I could even lift myself off the chair, joining Pierce as we head out of the room. I couldn't even spare a glance back, not with what I said. It might've been the truth, all of it, yet to say it aloud, to spill it all out like that...

White spilled my vision, the fluorescent almost searing into my skin. I don't remember how long I staggered through those halls. Without Pierce beside me, I figured I might've just wandered off outside in my stupor. Instead, he guided me towards one of the benches and set me down shortly before heading off. I didn't know how long I was left alone there, trapped in the mundane world of the marble floor tiles before me and being given odd stares from many that trot by. It wasn't until my friend sat down onto my side that the gears began to shift again, made more smoother with the mug of cocoa he offered me.

"You okay?"

My dead, cold gaze struggled to meet my friend's. "I don't know..." I gulped. "I should be happy, right? To hear them say it. To finally know the truth."

"It's not a must. Sometimes, the truth just isn't what you make it out to be, so no, you shouldn't actually be happy. Still, you should take comfort in what your parents are doing. At least right now, they're trying to do the right thing."

Silence takes the center stage.

"We'll have to gather everyone in Ponyville later to talk about this," Pierce began, already leafing through some documents.

"The captain would be stationing some guards around town and informing the princesses of what we had learned from your parents. In the meantime, we'll have to gather everyone else in Ponyville and let them know what's happening and what they can do, in case those ponies want to try something again."

"They'll be alright, wouldn't they?"

Silence, once more.

"My parents..." I asked again, tearing my gaze from the murky brown reflection in my mug. "They'll be fine, right? They're helping the guard out, they... they already admitted everything and..."

"Flash... honestly, I'm not so sure," he muttered glumly. "There's no good way to say this, Flash. However much they helped us, you can't deny the fact that their crime still persists. An act of misprision of treason... we're looking at a maximum sentence of seven years. They'll both be lightened depending on the information they've got about this society of theirs. For your father, I suspect he would be free, say, in a year or so, give or take a few months from that. Your mother, however, was directly involved in this. She'll be tougher to appeal in court, even with Melody at the helm. Least we could do realistically is reduce it to three years."

"Celestia..." I found myself gasping, throat running dry. "There... there really isn't any other way?"

"I'm sorry... as much as I like to say there is, there really isn't..."

I couldn't bear to sit there long after that. There might've been a way to change things as they stood, though I couldn't bring myself to do it. Pathetic, isn't it? All those chances to bring about change, to salvage what that's left, yet I chose to mourn endlessly, to bemoan, to lament, to cry about how woeful my life came to be. For all it was, in the end, this was the side of me that I despised. This was the side that Shining Armor deemed disgusting, that Rainbow Dash found insulting. This was the side that Twilight Sparkle abhorred, decried and disdained. This was the side that my parents had just threw their years away to save me from and for that, I have not enough words to express my gratitude for. It pained me that I would only come to understand it much later, after all that is said and done.

Back then, all I could ask was if it was all worth it.

Telling them off? Digging their very mistakes into them? Shouting them into admission?

The only thing closest to an answer was the bland aftertaste of diluted cocoa in my mouth.

I have a promise to keep.

No, it wasn't the one I made to Spike.

This was another promise. An important promise that I had made long before penning this story's first words. It was a promise I made from conversation after heartfelt, painful conversation. It was a promise that I had to ascertain was made with sound mind and spirit. It was a promise derived from the false deity of logic and reason to be transcribed into a scripture for the ethereal demons that we call our emotions. It was the promise that decided the dictum of these very words you're reading, those you have read and those you will read.

Suppose you know by now that this is a story about failure, which it certainly is. This is a story where each and every one of us had failed, where we had all lost something important through the course of these events. These were the moments chronicled to remind us of how we got to where we were, to recall why we headed down this dark and meandering path. At some point, we all have failed, some more than others, some bearing bigger consequences the others. In fact, it would only be fitting if there was an index of each and every single one of our failures at the very last page. It should serve as a grim reminder, to be sure.

What does it all matter, one might wonder?

I made a promise to Twilight.

That I am not to hold back. That I should not bear any sort of reluctance when the ink touches the paper. That when the time comes and we ourselves read this story again, we are to be reminded of the deeds that we've done. We should be, we must be. Such a promise was made with a particular moment in mind: the one you are about to read. For Twilight, it must serve as a grim reminder to forever linger among her shadow, where it would time and time again come back to stare her from the mirror. It always does now and then, sometimes to the point where she couldn't even read anything for a while. The pain was agonizing, but she was willing to cling onto it, to be a better pony because of it. It became, in the end, something I would admire about her.

For myself... I have said that this was a story about failure. That was a half-truth, for this was really only a story about one out of many. It was to be the greatest failure I shall ever commit in my life, as it will be the last in the course of this story. This moment shall haunt me as much as it haunts her. It shall follow me to the ends of the earth, to the time my life shall dangle off the cliff's edge. This moment shall burn me in my dreams and crucify me in my nightmares as it should be, for I deserve each and every singe into the flesh. Twilight wouldn't want to have any of it, but it was something that happened, that I let happen.

This is a story about Flash Sentry.

This is a story about how he failed to save Twilight Sparkle from the dark, far-reaching clutches of the abyss.

Again.

"What should I say to her?"

Thinking that aloud for the fifth time yielded as much as you'd expect. Wandering down the quiet roads, with only the distant howl of fierce winds in the horizon, I have no other pony to turn to except for myself, though knowing myself, I'd be better off not depending on him at all. It must be the grandest tragedy in a pony's life, not being able to depend on his very fiber of being. A greater tragedy was how those around him were depending on him to make things right. They must be daft and blind to even think that, or maybe they saw something in me that I didn't quite realize yet.

The quietest night in Ponyville drifted along ever cumbersomely. Even the crickets and toads and owls and whatever else is out there kept their voices to themselves, though such tranquility was brief. In no way would the world be still in silence, for even the world itself wasn't silent in its spinning. Twilight mentioned that should a unicorn carefully attune their magic to a specific set of axes, they could hear the sound of the planet's rotation. She tried it once and heard the sound for only a few seconds, though she claimed they were some of the most magical seconds of her life, describing the sound as a fluctuating hum, like hearing a whale's warbling through the ocean in a conch shell. Perhaps if I had placed my ear close to the ground that night, I could probably hear a sliver of those planetary harmonies strumming from the cosmic strings, considering the after-effects of residual magic and whatnot.

Twilight believed silence was a lie.

I merely see it as the luxury life could never afford.

There I go again, having to wrestle myself out of these dark thoughts. That's what too much silence does to ponies; it drives one to think to an unnecessary degree. It was on a silent night like this that I perceived the notion of Twilight and I drowning in an ocean of quietude. It was in silence that I brooded over the fiendish idea of pride coming from felling a princess. It was in damning silence that I strode off to meet Rainbow Dash that one rainy night and got myself beaten and bloodied close to death. It was in silence, deathly and ruthless, where my memories of roaring flames and crashing beams would come flooding back, where those glassy eyes and frenzied gasps shall strangulate me until I could pull myself out from the wreckage in my head.

Silence had became an unwitting enemy.

An enemy I intend to push back, at least for tonight.

"What should I say to her?" I repeated aloud.

The hospital looked cold and unforgiving on nights like this. As the winds began whipping across the ground, tossing fistfuls of snow about, I quickened my pace and clambered up the steps, heaving and stumbling inside away from the oncoming storm just in time. Still, even after being here, after letting desperation take its toll on the cogs in my head, it remained barren with any worthy topics of discussion. Twilight would be displeased, though she might just remark how it's just like me. I might even laugh along, just for the sake of it. If silence would even pardon me as such, I wouldn't actually mind.

"Flash! What a surprise to see you here again!"

"Nurse Redheart," I managed softly. "It's good to see you again too. I was hoping if... well..."

"Oh, you didn't need to ask," she retorted smugly, placing her clipboard aside. "Well, I'd be breaking a few rules if I did so, though I'm sure Sweetheart and Tenderheart might understand. It'll be harder convincing Doctor Horse to let it pass however, but nothing that can't be cleared up with an explanation."

"I rather not do it if it troubles you, Nurse Redheart."

"You're too humble, Flash Sentry. Do think of it as part of my job. After all, it is the duty of the nurse to provide the greatest of care to their patients. Perhaps a nightly visit from you might just be what she needs."

I could only offer a sincere grin.

"Thank you. Really."

"Not a problem at all. Just make sure to let her friend know when you head in."

"Her friend, huh?" I asked; seems somepony else was missing out the party over at the castle. "Who was it?"

"Not quite sure, to be honest. For what I saw, he looked pretty important. He came in just shortly before you did, said he had something to talk to her about. Some rather sensitive matters, best had... what were those words... ah, out of earshot from the common folk."

I paled at those words.

"It'll be a damn shame if somepony else were to get hurt from this."

Don't tell me...

"Well, somepony aside from Princess Twilight, that is."

"Nurse Redheart, get the guard."

"What?"

"Listen to me, Twilight's in danger," I quickly explained. "I need you to go and get the guard. Go now."

"In danger? I mean, but... w-what about you?"

"I'll handle it somehow, just go!"

With a terrified nod, she scurried off, trusting what little judgement of mine she could believe in. Quickly, I rushed up the stairs and galloped down the hallways, my breath tensing when I noticed the door to her room was left ajar. One of the ceiling lights was turned on, for a little bit of it was slipping out from within, beckoning me yet chasing me away at the same time. I held my breath and sieved through the deathly quiet, though there was not a noise, not a word. Withering and writhing, my hooves crept nearer and nearer into the brightness. My heart swung about like a loose pendulum, hung by a single thread of confidence. All that tension, pulling it tauter than ever, finally made the paltry string snap, pushing me to take a leap and lunge through the door.

"Ah, ah, ah!"

Twilight Sparkle was lying on the bed, still and silent, as perfect as the day I last saw her. It took me a second too long to realize she was still breathing, much to my utter relief. Her eyebrows wrinkled, perhaps perturbed at my sudden entry. Perhaps even in the tranquility of her slumber, she knew that something was wrong. She knew that something was happening around her, something that I desperately want her to wake from. My hopes, however, quickly burned out when her breathing steadied itself, her chest descending back into the peace she was rudely stirred from. Eyes trailing to the intruder, I could only grit my teeth as he brought up a hoof to his thin, curved lips, demanding only one thing from me.

Silence, my unwitting enemy.

"We don't want to wake her up now, don't we?"

By the left side of the bed sat Cardinal Atelier, slightly bruised and battered, yet I would never forget that glint in his eyes, that sordid smirk, that gleam of the revolver that he not too long ago stuck into my back. I watched, helpless as I was once more when he raised the muzzle of his weapon to meet my gaze, the clear shimmer of copper I briefly spotted nestled in the darkness of the barrel warning me it's fully loaded before he turned it down towards the sleeping princess, pointing it right at her sides.

"You really do have a way with surprises, Flash," he chuckled in a low voice. "I didn't actually think you'd be paying her a visit. Shame, really. Makes all my plans a little less feasible."

"You can have me instead," I rumbled gruffly. "I'll go with you willingly. Just take me and don't hurt her. You want to take out your revenge, take it out on me."

"Revenge?"

His smile disappeared. His forehead began to crease with his eyebrows. His jaw faltered, as if speechless, struggling to hold his collapsing composure. My gaze wavered towards the revolver, shaking and threatening to go off anytime like a provoked rattlesnake. A quick glimpse of the cylinder made it known to me that it was a six shooter, its filled slots aching to be emptied. Darting my glance back, he was staring into me now, his broiling fury a brand singeing my head,

"You think this is a mere case of revenge?" he growled. "You... you really think that, don't you? You think... y-you think that I'm here for revenge, that's it, don't you?"

I didn't dare respond.

"No amount of revenge could even... it could never come close... you... you ruined all that I had. You ruined all that we worked for. You tore everything apart, Flash, all for what? To keep your precious Twilight Sparkle on the throne? Tell me, what did you do all that for?"

Was there any right answer to that?

My gut reminded me to keep my mouth shut.

"You're mocking me, aren't you?" he rambled on. "You are! You must be! They promised me so many things, so many great and wonderful things. I did my part in Canterlot for them, I killed my father for them! All for what? In the end, when things went wrong, they just chased me out like a dog. They shot at me, spat at me like I'm worth nothing to them! You must be happy, aren't you? You must be laughing at me right now, aren't you? All this... all this for nothing! Go on then! What are you waiting for? Laugh then!"

"Cardinal..." I hissed, watching fearfully as Twilight stirred about once more. "We can talk about this, just you and me. We don't have to involve her into this."

"No, you see, you don't get it. You don't get it at all." A twisted, sickly grin ripped through his trembling lips. "She's my asset. She's the solution," he driveled. "She... Twilight... I'll take her to them. They'll let me back in for sure, wouldn't they? They definitely would. I'm going to take her to them—"

"Cardinal—"

"—and you're going to help me."

"Mmf, Flash? C-Cardinal? Wha... what are you doing here?"

The winds began to scream louder and the snow battered at the windows harder when Twilight Sparkle rose from her slumber, who froze up when Cardinal trained his gun up to her forehead. I began to open my mouth, only for my throat to constrict when his hoof returned to the trigger, aching for the right set of wrong words to give it a little push. His eyes were bereft of reason, superseded with the senselessness his so-called 'friends' have injected into his head. The glint of ambition I've seen back in Canterlot was all gone, left stranded without that dark mantra, that corrupted set of ideals they tainted him with. It was all lost now, the fragments of it warped into his dangerous manifesto a long time ago. What's worse, he intends for me to aid him in his fruitless crusade, for lack of a better word.

"You don't have to do this."

"You said you care for her, didn't you?"

"Flash, what's going on?" Twilight whimpered, fearfully yet indignantly turning to me. "What's he talking about?"

Silence, my unwitting enemy.

"He never told you, did he?" Cardinal spoke instead.

"Told me what?" she asked, her uncertain gaze more fixated on the revolver than the pony speaking to her.

"Everything. All that transpired in the days he was away."

"What? What are you... what do you... mean..."

It's amazing how much Twilight can piece together with what little she has, yet realization was the same to her as to everyone else: a slow burner down the wick to the stick of dynamite at the other end. All that remained in the debris was horror, glossing her features a deathly white. She was about to open her quivering mouth once more, only to be silenced when Cardinal raised his revolver once more, its barrel perversely pressed against her lips, only to pull away. With a repugnant grin, as if proud of silencing a princess, he resumed attending to me.

"If you really do care about her, you will help me bring her to them," Cardinal continued. "As long as you comply and ascertain that she does the same, she wouldn't even have so much as a scratch."

"And when she's there?"

"We'll find a way to make sure it's all done without bloodshed," he assured rather flimsily. "They'll know what to do... they will know..."

All my wants of speaking out was crippled by hesitation in the face of a pony too far lost to know of his own good. With the guard's raid into their previous meeting, there's no doubt the unfathomable 'they' wouldn't let me off easily, much less Twilight herself. The promise of safety was all a woeful fabrication, pulled out from the mammoth trenches of desperation. That much was palpable to me, the stallion who had seen desperation unfurl in the gauche splendor as it did from Twilight herself. Were he of a sounder, steadier mind, Cardinal would realize it as well.

"Now then, would you do the right thing? Would you save the life of a princess, or..."

A quivering gasp followed the the cold barrel of the gun twisting into her forehead.

Silence hung at the edge of the cliff, this time with the lives of Twilight and myself being pulled down with it. I could only stare at those eyes, those pleading, misty, terrified eyes shaking in utter misery. I'd mouth out to her that it'll be alright, that I'll figure it out somehow, but it would be a lie, which was the last thing we needed. Were we closer to the window, I might've even spared a quick peek, just to see if Nurse Redheart managed to get some help in time. Instead, here we were, stuck with a pony whose mind reeks of incoherence, whose hooves were willing to spill all of our blood if everything does not go his way.

What more can one do but nod?

"Then we'll be leaving. Now."

With that said, Cardinal prodded Twilight onto her hooves with his revolver, though she only managed a second before stumbling over. She would've even hit the floor were it not for me catching her in time, but in the end she could barely look at me in the eye, much less utter her gratitude. With Cardinal leading us from behind, we hobbled down the stairway and headed outside where the gales tossed us around and the barrage of snow pelted at us, as if sneering at our defeat. Without any sight of the guards, there was nowhere to go but forward, away from the quiet hamlet of Ponyville and into the dark, sprawling forest of dead trees before us.

Back into darkness, together.

I didn't know how long we trudged through the blizzard.

We barely managed to keep ourselves warm, marching through the thick blur with shivering hooves and chattering teeth. The longer we marched, the closer we huddled, up until our cheeks were barely grazing the other pony's. Even Cardinal, who was not far behind, was shaking violently, the telltale sign being the rattling of his revolver. I could feel Twilight's shivers through her form and wing reverberating with mine, providing an irregular rhythm in unison. Sparing a glance, I frowned at her frailty, borne of all those bedridden months. She was slipping in and out of consciousness, her body and mind unable to take the sudden strain thrown against her. There were times along the way where she suddenly went limp and nearly dragged me down, only to catch herself back again at the last moment. It was after the third time that I noticed the peculiar frost surrounding the bottom of her eyes.

They were crystallized tears of hopelessness and despair, and most of all, fear, for she knew a fact made clear to me when we set off on this insane journey.

This was it.

Princess Twilight Sparkle will die in a blizzard outside of Ponyville.

Even without those wordless pleas, I knew that it must not happen.

"Twilight," I muttered, soft enough so that Cardinal wouldn't hear it over the storm. "If... if-f you're hearing this... blink once for a yes... twice for a no..."

One blink.

"Think you can stand on your own?"

Twice.

"C-Can you... can you use your magic?"

Twice again.

Fucking damn it.

"Okay... okay... just... I'll figure something out..."

A whimper, then two blinks.

"No? What do you me—" Realization struck me square in the jaw, which fell limp at the sight of another tear worming its way between its frozen siblings. "No... don't you dare, Twilight," I hissed. "I'm not gonna leave you here to die! There's got to be a way out of this, there's got to be a way—"

Twice, rapidly, tearily, head shaking in desperation.

"Don't you fucking start with me now. I saved you once, Twilight Sparkle. You can be damn fucking sure I'll be saving you again."

A croaky, haughty whisper. "W-Why...?"

My lips curved. "Because I'm your royal bodyguard, Twilight. It's my responsibility."

Were she a little stronger, she'd lament about how cheesy I was being right now.

The whipping winds settled for a brief second, though a brief second was all I needed to realize that the trees were sparser in this end of the forest. I stole a glance over my shoulder, first at Cardinal trying to wipe away the snow pummeling his eyes, then at his glinting six shooter. It would be safe to assume that it was fully loaded, just in case one of us tried to make a run for it. That would mean six bullets, which meant six chances at getting shot. In any other circumstance, it would be a huge risk, though with the extra space in between the trees, plus the snowstorm providing an extra bit of cover, it may be the one and only chance we have at escaping.

It may be the one and only chance for Twilight to live and see another day.

It may be the best chance I might ever have in my life.

"Twilight? You okay?"

A fluttering blink.

"Alright... okay..." I managed, working my head into overdrive. "In a moment, I'll be... I'll be counting to three. After that, we'll make a break for it, alright?"

An uncertain stare.

"It's the only way I can think of right now... I know it's not much, but it's worth a shot."

A wilted nod was all she could muster.

Closer and closer towards darkness I went, yet I was not even aware of it. Even as the storm grew louder and louder, there was no place to move but forward. I squinted through the sweeping blinds, searching for the one place we could bolt for a shot of freedom. With Cardinal beginning to trail behind, I knew that the moment, as fleeting as all moments tend to be, would come any second now. With that knowledge, I held Twilight just a little closer, the voice in my head fated for the countdown.

"One."

I glance down at Twilight, her eyes closed in the seconds that flew by. Perhaps she was in prayer, seeking for a blessing from one of the other princesses, which was a perfectly logical course of action in such a dire situation. Or perhaps she was beseeching time itself, praying that it would even provide such a moment. In times of desperation, even a princess would resort to prayer. Question was, does time treat a princess like it would the common pony? Does time reserve special standards for such beings? Would time listen to her pleadings and, for our sake, give us to this day the moment that we sorely, woefully needed?

"Two."

Suddenly, the winds stilled, the snow settled. It took me too long to conclude that we were actually trapped in an off-season hurricane, one that brought more snow than rain, and that we've just emerged into its eye. The silence had crept in undetected, bringing with it solace from the wintry clamor. The visage of night as it would wear every other time came back, bringing with it a shower of moonlight, funneled by a towering circlet of stratus gray. With the thick gales lifted, I could see the sparse islets of barren birch dotted around the snowy hillside, with only more of the barrage we left behind slowly making its approach. Quickly, I turned back, spotting the bleary form of Cardinal Atelier beginning to break into this circular solitude. I must be smiling right then, for when our eyes met, all that I discerned from those pupils, once glinting with pure ambition, was horror.

"Three!"

Heaving Twilight onto my back, I took off for the other side of the clearing, weaving and darting between the sparse trees. I could hear the first hoofsteps of our pursuer tearing himself away from the storm, yelling something that I couldn't quite hear over all the air that was rushing past my ears as we galloped down the hillside. It was only when Twilight hoarsely yelled out something that I tossed a glance back, my blood running cold when I realized that he came to a halt, his hooves steady and ready to pull the trigger.

*BANG*

The bullet narrowly whizzed past my side just as we dove back into the roaring snowstorm, only for a particularly strong blast of wind to knock me off my hooves, throwing Twilight off my back and sending us tumbling down the wintry glade. I began to pick myself up, only to tumble back down, wincing with a hiss of agony shooting up from one of my hooves: the one that I nearly lost to Rainbow Dash, where the feelings of pain long thought to be buried began blossoming again. Gritting my teeth, frost streak through my nostrils and throat as I heaved myself back up, limping blindly through the winds in my frantic search for Twilight. The winds were getting stronger, the snow whisking about a lot thicker. The storm, unrelenting as it was, already swallowed most of the hillside; it won't be long before Twilight would become its next meal.

"Twilight! Twilight, where are y—!"

*BANG*

The sound gunshot piercing my ears halted me, only to cry out in the jolt of pain from the sudden pressure on my injured hoof collapsing underneath my weight. Falling backwards onto my flank, I immediately scrambled to drag myself to safety behind one of the trees, huffing and panting. He couldn't have caught up with us already! Glancing from behind the trunk, I held my breath as our pursuer hobbled into view, snarling with his revolver recklessly dragging him along in search for his targets. He did not seem to notice me, as he finally came to a halt, opened his mouth and shouting right into the night sky.

"Flash Sentry!!"

I hastily yanked my head back.

"Come on out now!! We can still talk about this!!"

Hooves strenuously crunched into the snow, barely audible over the howling winds.

They were getting louder and louder.

I held my breath.

"You want the princess to live, don't you?!

No... no, it couldn't be...

"She's right here, Flash! Come on out now!"

He's lying. He's just lying. He's just trying to bait you into coming out! Whatever you do, don't take the bait. Just don't take the bait—

"Don't you care what happens to her, Flash?!"

Don't take the bait, don't take the bait—"

"Oh, Flash Sentry... you're leaving me no choice."

That's when I heard a sizzle.

Above the furor of the gale, I heard a sizzle.

Of metal. Hot, scorching metal.

Pressed against meat, flesh and bone.

"Gah... G-GAH!! FL-FLASH! FLASH— AAAHH!!!

"Don't hurt her!!"

A sordid grin was the first thing I saw when I stumbled out. The second was Twilight's tears running down her cheeks as she hissed and whimpered in pain. The third made me grit my teeth: a ring of scalded flesh just beside where her right wing once was, freshly planted there by Cardinal with the muzzle of his revolver. Upon spotting me, he yanked Twilight backwards by the mane with his teeth. She could only yelp in protest, though even that was quickly stolen from her when he trained his weapon back to her head.

"You really, really do make it so easy! It's almost frightening!" he snickered. "Did you really think that I''d let you two go so easily? That you can run away to your hearts' content?"

"For Celestia's sake, Cardinal, look at her!" I snarled. "Twilight's not going to survive this storm! She's not going to make it through this!"

"So what? I let you two go? Should I write a sweet letter to ask the guard to toss my flank behind bars and prance about here as I wait for them to arrive as well?!"

"Just think reasonably for a moment here! Think about whether your friends would hope to gain anything from that! It's no use bringing her to them if she's dead!"

"H-How would you know?!" he bellowed. "They might find a way! They always do! They always have a way!"

"You know's that not true, Cardinal!"

"You're just lying to me, Flash! You're hoping to run away again, aren't you?! You think I didn't hear you tell that nurse to get the guard?! In the end, all you're hoping is for another pony to come by and finish the job, just like you've always done! Your father, your friends, Twilight Sparkle herself— it's always somepony else with you, isn't it?! It's always about running away when troubles comes to you, you coward!"

"Yes! Yes, I'm always running away!" I shouted back. "But right now... right now, I'm really fucking sick and tired of running away! Right now, all I can say is to fucking hell with you, saying that I'm running away! I've ran far enough, Cardinal, so here I am right now, ready to face whatever the fuck you, your friends and this damned reality is gonna fucking throw at me! Funny thing is, the way I'm seeing it, you're the one running away from it instead of me! You're being the coward here, not me!"

Cardinal twisted his revolver back towards me, eyes lost between anxiety and fury. His hoof was rattling, grazing at the trigger and waiting for me to give it a final push. However, from behind all that conviction, all the frenzy of a misguided pony, something else was peering out. It was chipping away at his facade, resurfacing under the pressures of time and hauled up by the taut ropes of reason. It was tearing him inside out, pummeling at his already volatile head, yet all it needed was a push. A gentle yet ever wary push, one that I gave after I reeled my temper back with bated breath.

"Listen... I know how it feels, Cardinal."

My little gamble paid off; for once, confidence swayed with my voice, the notion of it enough to freeze him up on the spot. "I know how it feels to be... to be cast aside. To be left behind," I gasped to him. "I know how it feels to be lost. I was there before, Cardinal. I've been so lost, I did things that I wouldn't even consider doing otherwise. I felt like I was being trampled on everywhere I went. I felt like I was being buried and everyone was just there to flatten the dirt. I felt like... I felt like I was nothing... like the only pony I could turn to was myself..."

Cardinal remained wary in his stunned silence.

"And I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I know that now and if... if I knew it then, I could've stopped this... I could've stopped you..."

"What makes you think I didn't want this to happen in the first place?" he argued. "What makes you think that... that this wasn't what I wanted all along, Flash? I was the one that tore you down in the first place, Flash Sentry... I was the one that brought you here! Hell, I was there! The hotel, the fire... I was there, watching as you cried and yelled in the middle of the street! I made you go through all of that! I was there!"

"I know."

For some time now, I've known he was there. Perhaps I've always known, though it never came to me until just recently. In my disjointed memories, all I had were bits and pieces, the rest sent adrift in the ashen pestilence of obscurity. Still, beneath the smoke choking my lungs and the flames searing my mind every time I revisit those nightmares, I could remember one voice. One oh so familiar voice, tinged with so much innocence back then, so much doubt, never knowing that it would one day be skewered and mutilated by the rhetoric of its peers to become a blossoming cadaver like them, yet a cadaver all the same.

"It was you, wasn't it?"

Cardinal Atelier flinched.

"I really don't think we should be doing this..."

"I was half-awake back then, but I was conscious enough to know you were there," I continued. "That was you... that night, that pony was you..."

"You really don't think he'll actually—"

"The pony who doubted at the very last minute, who knew that they could do better than what they were doing. The pony who knew that it was wrong, that what they were doing was just... just plain wrong. The pony who doubted, only to relent because he knows that those ponies that orchestrated everything... those ponies would not spare his life..."

Cardinal raised his gun again, albeit limply this time.

"Sorry."

"The pony who apologized to us that night... that was Cardinal Atelier. That was you..."

"Yeah... so what?" he rumbled. "That's not me anymore, Flash. That was then, this is now."

"That's where you're wrong, Cardinal."

"And why the fuck would you think that?"

"Because you would've shot us both back in the hospital otherwise," I stated firmly. "If your friends really changed you, Twilight and I would've been dead. You would've started the change that you and your friends were desperately trying to enact to the rest of Equestria. You would be revered and celebrated as an icon of change. You would've been their savior — their martyr — for bringing down the princess and providing the path to a necessary future... but really, that's not what you wanted, is it? What you wanted was the contrary. What you wanted was to be remembered for doing something good."

All I got was a stern silence.

It shall suffice as an answer.

"Cardinal, it's not too late to back down from this."

"No... no, it's too late for that, Flash," he stubbornly asserted. "Don't you see? I've gone too far to stop now. I've done too much, I know too much... I can't back down. Not anymore."

"You don't have to go back to them."

"So what, I just surrender? I've seen how ponies treated you, Flash. I've read of the things they did and... and I don't want to go through that. It's something that I've put you through, so you might be thinking that I deserved it, but... but I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to let you tear me down like I did to you."

"They wouldn't do that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I'm not going to let them," I said simply, despite being unsure of it myself. "I don't want them to repeat the same mistakes that they made with me. You might not be entirely innocent with the things you've done, but that wouldn't make their actions all the more better. No one deserves to be cast out like that. Not even you."

"You... you're willing to do all this..." he gasped, inadvertently pulling down his weapon. "You're willing to do this for the pony who... who tore you down... the pony who made the whole word turn against you, the pony who took everything from you... you're willing to all this for me?"

"I'm not doing this for you, Cardinal, initially. Even right now, I'm having my doubts."

Slowly, I dragged myself towards him, already certain that he wouldn't raise his voice nor his revolver. All he could do was stare at me, stricken with utter disbelief. He could only so much as stand there and gape now, conflicted beyond comprehension. With only but a sliver of senselessness still lingering within, I steeled my gaze, providing him the most considerate smile I could fix up in a roaring snowstorm battering at my cheeks.

"However, we have a lot in common, Cardinal," I said to him. "You're standing right where I once stood months ago. You were lost as I was back then. Right now... right now, I'm trying to help you get back, Cardinal, but I need you to cooperate with me as well."

All he could do by then was stutter. "W-What do I do?"

"Put the gun down."

Softly as those words went, the revolver slipped from his hooves and fell into the snow. His composure came next, his hooves faltering from the lack thereof as he fell onto his knees. All he could do was look up to the screaming sky, to what would've been a star-filled night, where the snow shall shower and rain upon all of us in disdain without so much as an uproar. Sighing in relief, I could only kneel down with him, knowing full well the one final thing that still remained on my mind.

"Your father said something to me the night he died."

"Wha... w-what did he say?"

"Only one word: forgive," I answered, which only drew confusion from him. "I didn't understand it either. At first, I thought he wanted to repent for all the things I thought he'd done. I thought he was seeking forgiveness from me, yet when I learned that he wasn't actually behind it... I knew he meant something else. Night after night, I couldn't figure out what it was that he was trying to tell me... at least, until now."

"What is it? What was he trying to say?"

A smile was unsheathed from the warmest depths of my heart.

"He wanted me to forgive you."

The core of Cardinal Atelier shook for the first time that night. For a moment, he looked at me as if I said the most idiotic, most unbelievably stupid thing in the world, but it wasn't long before the first tear fell, followed by the second, followed by the third and fourth. With stuttering, hissing gasps that broke into a whimper, he began to wail, his throat straining and voice screaming into the ground. He cried shamelessly, as if this was something he sorely needed his entire life. Some part of me tingled at the sight of that; maybe, just maybe, paternal love won over senselessness after all.

Quickly, I staggered over to Twilight's side, relief washing over me for the umpteenth time when I realized she was still breathing, albeit with cold, short, feverish huffs. Were it not for the storm, I might've spotted the hospital, plopped her on my back and rushed her back to that sanctuary. Instead, we were left stranded in the binding, blinding wraps of snow after thick snow, which only seems to be growing worse as the seconds flew by.

That's when I saw it.

Through the frosty gale, I saw it coming closer.

A hovering light.

"H-Hey... HEY!!"

The distant light hovered towards us, only to stray away.

"OVER HERE!!" I yelled, hastily shuffling towards it. "HEY, WE'RE OVER HERE! THE PRINCESS IS HERE!!"

The light stopped, if only for a second before it suddenly rushed towards us. With it came shadows of what seemed to be a royal guard platoon, probably alerted by Nurse Redheart about our situation. I laughed out in utter delight; they found us! Somehow, in this forsaken storm, those guards found us! Just in time as well! I was already giddy with glee, waving a hoof up and about, jumping for joy! We were finally going to be rescued, the voices in my head cried in unison. We're finally safe!

"We're over... ha... haha... we're over here!" I couldn't help but shout one last time before whirling around. "Twilight! Twilight, we're gonna be safe! Twilight—"

Silence slammed my throat.

I heard a sparkle.

I saw it manifest in a violet blur.

Cardinal was never aware of it, kneeling there, bemoaning and wailing in defeat, trapped in his incomprehensible loss that he couldn't tear himself from. I could only look on, my jaw muscles slacking at the sight of his revolver's handle being carried away by a cloud of magic, rattling almost feverishly in its trembling embrace. My visage paled, the air caught in my lungs when the revolver turned, the muzzle pressed against the back of Cardinal's head. Horror beyond horror froze me much more than the winter cold could ever do that night, for I could see her standing tall behind him, providing to me the answer to a question that I never thought nor hope I would see it realized in my entire lifetime.

The Twilight Sparkle of today... the Twilight Sparkle that lost everything in a single night...

What would that Twilight Sparkle be like?

"TWILIGHT, NO—"

*BANG*

A garish spray of crimson whipped across the ground, the limp form of Cardinal Atelier falling forward into the snow with a splat. Immediately, I limped as fast as I could, gritting and hissing as I rushed over to her side, though she wasn't done yet; she had already swiftly hoisted the smoking revolver and waveringly pointed it back down to the prone Cardinal Atelier, already submerged in a puddle of his own essence. All she did... all she did was stare down at him, sparing not even a passing thought, not even a moment's reprieve, before she pulled the trigger.

"TWILIGHT!!"

*BANG*

Flecks of red tainted the white.

"TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT, DON'T—"

Yet all I could do was limp closer.

All I could do was watch in horror.

Unable to save him from his past.

Unable to save her from herself.

All I could do was watch as she was spurred on by nothing but hatred, to become something I never realized until it was too late.

"Murderer."

*BANG*

"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, PLEASE STOP—"

Suddenly, heaving and panting almost maniacally, she turned the revolver towards me, abruptly stopping me in my tracks. Immediately, I raised a hoof up, fearfully staring into those eyes... those beautiful eyes, once filled with life and imaginaton. I couldn't recognize them anymore, those irises churning in turmoil. There was naught but rage within them, wrung out like a blade embedded in her gut, twisting with every serrated avenue of suffering. Her magic had unconsciously began pressing down onto the trigger, the final bullet cloistered within threatening to shoot out any second.

"It's me, it's me," I could only gasp out breathily, swallowing profusely. "Twilight, please, it's me... it's me... it's me..."

Silence.

A guillotine hanging over my head.

"Twilight, it's me. You recognize me, don't you? You know this face."

Silence.

A noose wound tightly around my neck.

"It's me... it's just Flash Sentry, Twilight... it's just me..."

Silence, my unwitting enemy.

Then, a whimper.

"Flash... Flash..."

The revolver fell into the snow once more.

Everything slowly sank in, like fangs into flesh. She could only stand there, aghast at everything. With a tremble, she could only fall backwards, hyperventilating. The specks of blood on her hooves, the nauseating worm burrowing through her stomach, the knowledge that she had shot dead Cardinal Atelier and that, within rage upon rage, she almost did the same to me... everything began rushing through the cracks of the dam. She was breaking apart, tormented in her mental soliloquy, impaled on the reality of what she had just done, of the actions she committed. She needed to be saved, to be torn away from those flames eating at her form.

To that, I did what anypony would've done.

I simply headed up to her and pulled her into a hug.

It only took a gasp and a strained whine before Twilight Sparkle could finally find it in herself to cry.

And I hated myself for that.

In all her debilitating anguish, she never realized how disgusted I was at everything: the damned hurricane, the scornful snow, the fact that the guards came a little late than I hoped, the idea that the pony I was trying to save from the clutches had his life inexplicably severed short, the notion that I was trying to comfort her when right now, all that's left in me was fear. I didn't want to be seen as a lesser pony, yet there's no denying how afraid I was of her that night. There's no denying that in the end, after all that was said and done, all I could think of doing was doing what I do best.

I ran away.

I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to know, so to speak. When the guards came and rushed us both to the hospital, when we were placed in adjacent beds, I didn't know how to face her, to tell her that it's alright because in the end, I knew that really isn't true. When the other ponies quickly ran to the hospital upon learning of what happened, I couldn't say a word. I couldn't look into their eyes and tell them this: that Princess Twilight Sparkle shot someone in the back of the head. That she had became a murderer. Worse still, I couldn't even look at her, not even a brief glimpse, not even a word of comfort, not even so much as a smile. All that we shared for the rest of the night, between the night sky and the hospital beds, was silence, glazed in nothing but bitterness and dysphoria.

This was how we spent our last night together.

In silence.

Alone.

I made a promise to you.

Hopefully, I fulfilled that promise.

Did it hurt? Did it remind you, as it should? Did it burn, the very thought of it? How bad was it? How much do you hate yourself for it? How much do you wish that you could go back and do it all over again, even though you know you just couldn't? How much do you scream and shout in the mirror every time you were reminded of what you've done— no, what your rage made sure you've done? How much did you slam yourself mentally against it, making sure it would crack and shatter, making sure its fragments would puncture you to bleed out all the guilt and self-loathing that had haunted you for days on end? How much did it want to make you wish that everything would just stop? That for once, you're not moving unless you're getting the happy ending you sorely needed?

Did it hurt, Twilight?

Did it remind you, as it did remind me?

Author's Note

Took a little longer than expected thanks to the final sequence, but here it is!

Next one would be the last chapter. Look out for it soon!

Entry #14

I remembered walking through the mist one morning.

It was a morning lost in the crack of time I had unconsciously opened in my head. A morning somewhere in between now and then; a morning among one hundred and fifty-one uneventful mornings between an excruciating winter and an uncertain spring. I don't remember when it was, but I remembered it rained the night before, draping the world around me in ribbons of fog, pungent in humidity. I remembered the mountains of mud that I had to scale around, freshly molded by the gentle flicks of a spring shower. I remembered sunlight's fine rays barely slipping through the seams, bringing into view what little there is to be seen.

I remembered walking alone, silence my only companion.

Through the barren fields of gray; of stagnant grass and fleeced trees.

Reading name after passing name; mere echoes in a breeze.

The careful craftsmanship of the letters before me, carved intricately into stone, was as astounding as it should be. It was all that remained of those who had left us, as well as all that would soon remain of us. It's chilling to be reminded of how fragile we were, how fleeting our years would be, how... how intangible we shall become, like flickers after a bonfire. I wondered how many that rested here had their years stolen away, their unfulfilled promises forever lost in a moment long ago? I wondered if I would one day be like that? Will all my remaining promises fade away, never to be realized?

All that remained would be just a name, engraved lest we forget.

Yet among the aisles of this memory lane, only one word stood out among the rest.

Perhaps it stood out because it was the name I was looking for, or perhaps it stood out because I couldn't readily ignore the wild tufts of reeds beginning to creep up its sides, embracing it in a disgraceful cusp. It was a sight that welcomed from me only disgust and disdain. Withholding that thought if only for the moment, I knelt down into the dirt and donned my softest smile, supple and fragile underneath the pressing gravity of regret that was left on my shoulders, though not enough to weigh my voice down.

"Mr. Atelier," I greeted the first, before turning to the next. "Cardinal."

We didn't talk much. There wasn't much for me to talk about, much less share with anyone. Some things were best kept to oneself, as they should be. All I could disclose was that they were dainty as commonplace conversations go, no more quaint than at most the everyday fable. With what little I knew about them both, I could only draw out questions that may never be answered. The rest had long skittered down the whirlpool, gracelessly swirling and twirling until it becomes a diluted matter that does not. I have no fond memories to attach them to, unfortunately. Instead, all I could do was talk. Shameful, perhaps, but my pride had long been battered down into dust long ago. So, yes, I can only talk.

That was how the four of us conversed.

Gallant Sentry, Tabard Atelier, and their respective sons.

My father would've loved to come along, though he could only send his best regards through a crackling phone behind a mirror riddled in black spots of moisture. He'd never admit it, though I could see clearly the sadness in his eyes, the longing to be on the other side. Two years in prison wasn't something that I'd expect Gallant Sentry to toil through, though I'd expect him to toil through them without so much as a whimper. However hard Melody had fought and fought for our family's sake, the judiciary remained an astringent bunch. I couldn't blame them, for they were doing their job; Dad clearly knew that, and so he capitulated.

Mother's case was almost a tragedy.

Six years.

There's nothing more to be said about that.

In the few days that I would stop by here, I was the role of a messenger, diligently delivering all that my father believed needs to be said. I'm inclined to think that it could make a change, that somehow those words would reach to them and they would find a way to preserve the legacy that could've been. Instead, I was once again kneeling before their tombstones, clutching onto burnt straws that would never grow back, desperately searching for peace. It's with certainty that I'll keep coming back again and again in the days to come. In time, my father would join me, as will my mother. All three of us would be here one day in a reunion of the ages, striving for the better. Perhaps if we could muster enough courage, we'd ask the remaining Ateliers to come as well. They were rarely seen here, strangely enough, albeit with good reason. Perhaps when that day comes, when two families join together to be whole again, we'd find it within each of us to forgive ourselves and each other. Perhaps then, we all could find peace.

"Young master."

Mrs. June sighed in a hissy fit at the sight of my besmirched knees, already pulling out a kerchief to wipe it all away. She was all that was left of my past, stubbornly clinging onto me without fail. With my parents' incarceration and my own unwillingness to lead the household onward, I had to come to terms with the decision of relieving the staff. So one by one, the servants marched out of the house, leaving behind their well wishes and honest prayers until it was only us left. I had tried talking her into finding somewhere else to stay, yet she remained adamant on standing by me throughout my way. However, with all the time we both know how this was all supposed to end.

"So... nursery, huh?" I began, grinning.

"It's where I believe my skills would come in handy," she retorted warmly. "I have taken care of the young master for most of his life, and though he may never be as rowdy as the children there tend to be, it does serve as worthwhile experience, don't you think so?"

"I would've traveled the world if I were you. You know, enjoy the rest of my life."

"Ah... well, this old mare is just content in doing what she does best," came her soft rebuttal. "Now, as for you, young master... you continue traveling yourself in place of me. You continue wandering and wondering as a pony your age should. You do that until you find what you're looking for, understand? You do that, Flash Sentry, and don't you ever come back until the day you realize what it is you're missing, what it is that you need to move forward."

My nod was enough for the largest smile I've ever seen from her to grace her lips. "You seem really certain that I might find it," I chirped.

"Because I've raised you ever since the day your mother brought you home from the hospital, and I've seen this pony at his best and worst. I've seen this colt grow up to be a fine stallion, even after everything he was put through, and from what I've seen, from all I've seen... I'm sure he'll find it."

"And what would it be?"

"Who knows? Well, who really knows?" she chuckled. "I am a pony thrice your age, yet all my life, I never knew what this world had ever reserved for me. All I've known to do was that I could only hope, for in the direst of times, that really is all I need. For you, perhaps hope isn't enough anymore. Perhaps what you're searching for goes beyond something as whimsical as hope, and... well, I can only hope you'll find it."

It was her last advice from her to me, from the last pony holding my hoof before setting me free. With all of it said and done, I drew her into one last hug, my shoulder gathering the few tears she was beginning to shed. The sight of it alone was enough to give my heart a stir and before I knew it, I was crying softly alongside her. Don't get me wrong, despite standing among tombstones, we weren't mourning. Quite the contrary, in fact: we were celebrating all the times we had, all the moments we shared, and there were a lot of those moments. She was the one pony that never seemed to bring herself into my matters, yet she mattered as much as everyone else. My gratitude to her was limitless, justifiably so. There'll come a time where I'll settle down to weave the threads of memory into a lattice of sentences, to commemorate all that the mare known as Marmalade June had ever done for me. Perhaps I'll write it out one day; a chapter chronicling how this mare had raised the one they call Flash Sentry to become the pony he was today.

Not in this story, however.

There's too much sadness. Too much fear and abhorrence. Too much malice and rage and hatred churning and broiling and bubbling in this cauldron.

Her story does not deserve to be here.

Not among all of this.

"I'll miss you, Mrs. June."

"And I, you," she replied with a most bittersweet tinge. "Take care now, Flash."

She never looked back when we finally parted ways, and I didn't only mean it in a literal sense. I had once pestered her to learn which nursery she was working in, though at every attempt, she remained stubbornly silent. The one time she did respond, she gave a wry remark on how she didn't want me stumbling into her changing some diapers, as if such an act was taboo. In truth, I knew all along she was encouraging me to move on, to forget about this old mare named Marmalade June. Thinking about it, she was always forceful like that, striking a fine balance between lenient and stringent that so many could never achieve. I can't recall how many times she kept on pushing me when I stumbled and fell, with some times even resorting to just shoving me over. From this moment on, however, she wouldn't be there for me anymore, which meant I had to do all the pushing and shoving by myself.

Honestly speaking, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Five months.

Five wordless, soundless, thoughtless months.

Staying away from Ponyville after so long was enough for attention to broil and bubble on its own, particularly when many of my fellow guests started to arrive. Most were surprised at my abrupt appearance, though they knew better than to head out their way and ruin a perfectly good wedding, fortunately. Still, I tried my best not to draw any attention to myself, often shying away when the opportunity arrives. This was Thunderlane's day, after all; it'd be wrong for me to steal the spotlight away from him.

Of course, that didn't mean that curiosity died there and then.

There were some ponies who came up to me the moment the ceremony was over or veered to my side during the reception. They mainly asked the same questions: where have you been this whole time, how are you feeling right now, would you ever come back to town and such. As you would expect, I mainly shrug off the questions or provide them with halfhearted answers, hoping to avert their curiosity instead of quelling it. It wasn't long before the ponies realized they wouldn't get anything out of me, much to their utter disappointment and, for some, their annoyance. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

"Word of advice: don't bum everybody out, Flash Sentry."

I merely scoffed at that, a quick glance showing Pierce proudly flashing his insufferable, lopsided smirk towards me. "Last I checked, ponies were here for a wedding," I retorted, setting my gaze adrift into the sea of chattering guests across the town hall.

"You know they can't help it, seeing you here and whatnot."

"Well, I'm here for a wedding, not a whimsical Q and A session."

"Right, Flash," he chortled. "You and I both know you're here for more than just the wedding."

Those words, coupled with his snark attitude, made me turn. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you know me longer than anypony else in this room. What do you think it means?"

I didn't bother providing an answer; he took it in his stride as he usually would, though he threw the lever up a notch by plopping a chair and sitting right next to me instead of simply trotting off like I intended him to. Patience isn't Pierce's strongest suit; I would know, having known him longer than anypony else in the room as he had previously declared. I could even see traces of his fervent side struggling to tear through his creasing cheeks already, though that was quickly displaced when he tossed up a grin.

"You can skip out if you want to."

A blank stare.

"What?"

"You know! Skip out the reception. Probably the dinner as well. Go and have dinner someplace else— b-but not alone, I mean... you know, just make sure that by the time night falls, you manage to, um... damn, how do I put it without beating around the bush?"

"Just get to the point."

"Pay a surprise visit, that's what I'm suggesting," he said, much to my chagrin. "Look, I know the last time you tried to do that, the both of you almost got... well... um... too soon?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay... what I'm saying is that between then and now... things have changed, Flash. Who knows, maybe she's seeing everything in a different light now. Maybe this was what you two needed this whole time: a moment alone with each of your selves. A moment of recuperation. Maybe that's it."

"For a detective, you seem to use a lot of 'maybes' in your deductions."

"Hah!" he scoffed. "Harsh as ever, aren't you?"

Two old friends chuckled, though I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. It took me a little longer than I hoped to notice the crestfallen expression Pierce was wearing on his face, though he was quick to sew it up into a smile. His patchwork, of course, was never that great to begin with, even back when he was still a fellow royal guard, for it slowly began to unravel itself shortly after he stood up and strode outside, the notion of it beckoning me to follow along.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing.... just that what you said hit a little closer to home than I thought."

"Really? How?"

"Well, you do the deducing then. If anything, you're being more of a detective than I am right now."

Even before he said that, I was already racking my head. Admittedly, I'm not as much of a sleuth extraordinaire as I hope to be, though in all honestly, it didn't take long even for a lump like me to figure it out with his response, especially once I spotted what can only be described as melancholy already unveiling itself with a lackluster shimmer in his eyes. My shade of disbelief must've been palpable to Pierce, who acknowledged it with grace and finesse in the form of a sincere smile.

"You're not..."

"Before you start, yes, I've thought long and hard about it," he said. "I knew Beryl felt the same way about it, especially with the foal coming along. Figured it was just a matter of time anyway. I'm pretty sure Beryl wouldn't mind an extra hoof in the kitchen as well."

"But retiring? Just like that?" I gaped. "What about your detective work? What about those ponies who might need you? What if they needed your help?"

"I'm not the only detective in Equestria, aren't I?" he chuckled heartily. "Don't get me wrong, Flash, I would want to help every other pony I can come across. Beryl would like that too, in fact. It's just... it's just that when you've helped enough ponies caught in a bind, you tend to draw the attention and ire of some rather unsatisfactory figures. I've made enough enemies in my days of detective work, Flash. Granted, none of them would go as far as Cardinal went with you, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that they have a sickening willingness to try."

"Pierce—"

"I don't want to lose them," came his sternest proclamation, one at odds with his smile. "I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm not gonna give them a chance to even think about it. I don't want to lose them. Ever."

That's when that smile — that insipid, unrelenting smile — finally broke away.

"I want you to respect that decision, Flash. I know it's tough, but it's for the best, really. I don't wanna elaborate on how we're old friends and such with that 'beating around the bush' rigmarole. All you have to know is that you're the one pony I can count on to affirm that. I just want to hear you say it."

"You know I don't exactly have a good track record when I'm being counted upon."

"A disappointing one, yes," he teased, giving me a playful nudge. "But you haven't disappointed me yet, Flash Sentry. Not one bit, and that's a given."

He may still staunchly wear that grin of his. In fact, he could even go off onto his pompous tangent with nary a care for what others might think. It would be just like him to make a proud statement verbose enough to educate the illiterate, all just to hide how terrified he really was. With what he had witnessed this past year, such a fear was certainly legitimate, especially so when you're about have a foal. I'm inclined to believe deep down inside that Beryl also talked him into it somehow, even though I trust the idea of him giving up his career for the safety of his family. As much as I like to ask what hid behind this glorious view before me, fate had decided that I shall only be a spectator for now.

"Alright, Pierce. If that's what you want, then I'm fine with it."

For fate itself already had other plans.

"Flash Sentry? Is that... you really came!"

It's hard for me to pinpoint how I felt about seeing Rainbow Dash after all this time. For one, she had grown out her mane, which was something I would've admired were it not for the fact that it was still as frazzled as before. She was wearing her sleek Wonderbolts suit, the flight goggles dangling around her neck bouncing with every excited step she makes. Before I could react, she quickly planted her hooves onto both of my shoulders, her magenta gaze deadly firm in a brash display of intent that lit up in a flurry the moment she laid her eye on me. All I could do was gulp, particularly so when she spoke.

"There's something I need you to do for me."

"Had a good rest?"

I could only groan, trying to rub away the stickiness gathering underneath my eyes. Drawing my tired glance up, I was immediately faced with a face that I'd reckoned could only be seen in my dreams, particularly when it wears such a warm, mesmerized smile like the one I'm seeing right now. It looked a little more somber than I remembered, yet I'd be damned if I said I did not miss seeing such a lovely sight again.

"How... how long was I here?" I murmured.

"Just barely past fifteen minutes since you... well... stopped."

"Ah... I... I really shouldn't be here... I'm sorr—"

"You don't have to apologize, Flash. It's fine."

Dead drop silence. Her lips strained, especially once my gaze returned to her back.

"It really doesn't... hurt anymore?" I spurred myself to ask.

"It comes back sometimes..." she began somberly, though that slate was quickly polished anew with a quick gasp. "Not all the time though! I had a few sleepless nights because of it... but nothing major. Nothing to actually worry about."

A spiritless nod was all I could muster.

"Flash, I... well... does it hurt?"

"What?" I managed to gasp.

"The stares. The words. The things they said, the things they did, everything..."

"I... I'm not so sure anymore, really," I professed. "But they're doing it to cope, I guess."

"Cope? You think Rainbow Dash almost breaking your hoof into two was coping?'

"They think it's me, you know that. I don't even know if it was me, or if it was someone else. All I know is then until everything is done, I'm the one they would throw under the bus."

"But you can't just take this quietly! What Rainbow Dash did—"

"What Rainbow Dash did was what I asked for. Thunderlane tried to stop me, but I went ahead with it anyway."

The faint soreness in my hooves returned, serving to pummel that reminder deeper into my skull. Was there anything more regrettable than my actions that night? I wondered about that sometimes: of all the fuck-ups that happened underneath my watch, which one was the biggest? It's pretty hard to tell them apart by myself, though in time, I'm sure I'd find the answer. If only time should spare me so.

"Even so, everypony else... they just... they went ahead and..."

"It's okay. Really, it's okay."

She wanted to protest, I could tell, though she knew as much as myself that no change shall come from this conversation, as well-versed as we might be in the intricacies of change. She looked outside, to the town that laid before her eyes, where the ponies she had greeted everyday — the same ponies that scorned me — soundly slept. Slowly, the night went on, with her hauntingly watchful gaze drifting among the night sky and mine drunk in mesmerism on her beauty, thriving despite sown on the fields of solemnity.

"You know, I... I was thinking lately," she mumbled again, biting her lip. "About... well... things..."

I remained silent in attention.

"I was wondering if... well... if somehow, when this is all over... when everything's said and done... if you would perhaps, well..."

"Yeah?"

"If you don't mind joining me for a picnic."

I'm sure if I laughed right there, she'd pull out my mane.

"You have something in mind?" I asked.

With ever growing reluctance, she shook her head, momentarily glancing back to me before teetering to the floor. "It's been a while since I... since we had one of those..." she continued. "Maybe... maybe it's because I have a lot of things on my mind right now that I want to talk to you about and... I just wanted to let it out somehow, so I thought... well... if my brother would let you..."

"Well, if there's anything you wanna say, you can do it now, can't you?"

"I know... but it's more than that. I don't know the right words for it. I just know that if it's a picnic, there's a lot more I could be open about when it comes to us..."

"Us..."

Silence.

"Haven't heard you say that word in a while," I breathed.

"Us..." she murmured again, before chuckling solemnly. "It's strange... it sounded so distant, as if... as if..."

She didn't dare say it aloud, as would I. We spent the next few minutes simply smiling at each other before I took my leave with an awkward pain in my chest. I couldn't tell whether it manifested from all the energy she was expending to look a little more cheerful or whether it was from me doing the very same thing. Instead, I began to focus on that one word she uttered during our midnight conversation; a singular incantation wrapped around my head, cursing me to stay awake in the nights to come.

Us.

It's strange.

"It sounded so distant..."

As if...

"As if..."

"As if we don't know each other anymore."

Why me?

I should've asked it then. I should've just asked that question and watch her stumble and fumble through her words, but no, I just had to follow the notion of being dragged around by spontaneity on a leash. With how fast she took off the moment I nodded, however, I don't think Rainbow Dash would even bother, what with her 'super important Wonderbolts show to get to' and all. Pierce didn't do much to help, instead eagerly kicking back his hooves and wishing me good luck with that punching bag of a grin. I'm pretty sure Beryl wouldn't mind me stamping a bruise on her husband's face anyway. I really shouldn't be angry at him though; if anything, my reluctance and indecision was what ultimately staged my downfall.

"Quills and Sofas..."

Melody would've castigated me if I said no, that I'm certain. Thunderlane may not be as stern, but he'd still be able to talk one of my ears off if he has to, perhaps for good reason. To them, this was a chance. To them, this was an opportunity to mend things with her, to start everything anew. This was an opportunity to bring a long-awaited, woefully-needed close to the gap that had been widening between us. This was the love story of the princess and her royal guard, finally resuming after months of delay.

If only it was so simple.

"Carousel Boutique..."

I almost traipsed in there to ask its owner about her. After all, among her closest friends, she seems to be the one I'd turn towards to look for some relationship advice. The princess was pretty adamant about her friend having a collector's fever dream of romance novels hidden somewhere in the building, though I'm sure Rarity would simply dismiss that claim and whine about the princess's overactive imagination instead. Personally, I believed she would have at least one or two of those stashed somewhere in her dresser. At this point though, I'm up for advice from anyone in town.

"Sugarcube Corner..."

Well, almost anyone.

The trip to the hospital was long, if only because I was making it so. I have carefully avoided every shortcut along the way so far, even purposefully making a few wrong turns. It didn't help that there were ponies all around, their inconsiderate stares driving me into the ground. I tried my best to pay no attention, instead drawing my gaze towards my destination looming at the edge of town and just pacing back and forth; as stoked my flame was, there's nothing good to come out from snapping someone's loose jaw to silence their innocuous gossiping. Still, I could hear them whispering among themselves, with a few of them quietly gasping and snickering after sussing out what I was doing.

"Ponyville General Hospital."

By the time I was cantering down that dirt road, a thick curd of amber was beginning to spread from between the hills, radiating as far as the gem nestled there would allow it. I held my head high as I made my way, enveloping myself in the slanting shadow of the building welcoming me with a glare. I looked up, hoping to spot an inkling of violet in the windows only to stop and remind myself that she had long since been discharged from here. After all, she can't wait here forever, can she? It would be a new low for me to think that she would do that. She was a princess first and foremost, and she was well aware of that. In that regard, I'm merely just a passing pony willing to help a friend out.

From what little Rainbow Dash disclosed to me however, she might need all the help she can get.

The instructions were clear: escort her home. They were horrendously simple, to the point where I was terrified I might get it wrong. It didn't help that Rainbow had to mention that she did it a couple hundred times before; I'm pretty sure the last thing she would want was an abrupt change of scenery, so to speak. I couldn't help but wonder if something happened between them in all these months, though all of that was quickly brushed it off when I stepped through those double doors.

It felt like I was heading home.

The familiar landscape of the hospital lobby bombarded me with a cannonade of emotions that I thought I had outgrown. I softly shivered, slowly striding in. For a moment, I almost forgot why I came here in the first place. Ponies all around me, be it patient, nurse or doctor, lit up at the sight of me, as if they had missed my presence. They should've outgrown me as well, I thought to myself with a soft chuckle as I waved to some of the nurses who had once treated me. It was only after nearing the counter that I froze in place, the breath I was clutching tightly onto finally drifting away when I spotted a familiar face.

"I know it was a little too much to ask."

There she was.

"I really have to find a way to thank you guys for doing this for me."

"Oh, b-but Your Highness, you really don't have to—"

"I insist, Miss Redheart. Even before this, you guys did so much to help me out, I just... I need to do this."

Standing there in all her majesty.

"Ah, I'll figure something out eventually," she sighed, beginning to turn around. "Never mind that, where's Rainbow Dash? She's really taking a while this time. Seriously, sometimes I really don't know what's so important with her stuff that she just has to..."

Her Majesty.

"Has to... has to..."

"Hey, Twilight," I breathed.

The smile she wore was still as bright as I remembered. It was a neat smile, cleanly curved with nary a dimple or crease in her lips. It goes well with the quaint glimmer of her indomitable, invigorating temperament in her eyes, like amethysts basking in eternal sunshine. Those were the eyes of a leader, brimful of confidence unwavering and compassion unsparing. Those were the eyes that inspired and inspirited many of this world, their respect flocking to her no matter their feathers. Those were the eyes, precious as they are, that I came to recognize, to familiarize and to slowly fall in love with.

Those were her eyes.

The eyes of Twilight Sparkle.

The lovely violet eyes that I viewed with bated breath when her gaze met mine.

That's when her smile faded.

Her lips fell apart, her cheeks rumpled. Her breathing quickened, her hoof searched for support. Her eyes glimmered again, though this time they dilated, flitting alongside her somatic tremors. They stared into me, those precious eyes, churning with disbelief unsavory and disdain unshapely, shaking within its cage so much so that she stumbled backwards, back pressing against the counter. Those eyes trained on me, searching for a nightmare in this reality, or rather hoping for it. One could only imagine her heart-wrenching disappointment when those eyes found nothing.

"Flash..."

Those were the eyes of Twilight Sparkle, rife with only one thing left to regard me when her gaze met mine.

Horror.

"W-Wh... why are you..."

"Rainbow Dash sent me," I managed.

Silence.

I tried again.

"One of the Wonderbolts had an injury before the show, so Rainbow Dash was suddenly called in to replace them."

Dreadful, painful silence.

Her glance fell.

Nothing.

Her voice lost amid grinding teeth.

Nothing.

The eyes of everyone were watching.

Nothing.

Still.

"Twilight?"

They watched closely.

Carefully.

Warily.

Finally, her eyes met mine.

A glower.

"I need to use the restroom."

"W-What?"

"I said I need to use the restroom," she rasped bitterly, turning away from me. "Just... just wait here..."

I remembered wanting to reach out to her.

To hurry down the hallway and grab her by the hoof.

Were it not for Nurse Redheart stopping me, I'm certain I would've done just that. A grim sternness adorned the nurse's features as she shackled my wringing hoof with hers, before she forcibly pulled me aside to the counter like a spoiled foal. Whispers fluttered about the room, the words indiscernible and the telltale tones reeking of disgruntlement. I turned back just in time to catch sight of Twilight turning a corner, my tangled hoof instinctively rattling in protest.

"Don't do it, Flash. Give her some time to process this," she reprimanded, sighing when she let me go. "What are you doing here? Where's Rainbow Dash?"

"I... I'm supposed to pick her up," I answered breathlessly. "Look, I was at Thunderlane's wedding and Rainbow Dash had something up with the Wonderbolts and... look, it's all true, what I said just now."

Again, a sigh from her. "I'll just have to take your word for it. Just know that you really came at a bad time."

"I know, I know... I wasn't thinking... I just thought maybe..."

"It's fine. You wouldn't have known anyway." Nurse Redheart's frown finally broke into a sincere grin. "Still, it's good to see you again, Flash," she said. "You seem to be doing well, even with the goatee and all."

"Hoping the goatee's not a bad thing."

"Oh, it's the least of your worries right now, I can assure you."

From behind the counter, Nurse Redheart held up a packet containing a small, metallic hoop, its surface marked with a burnt fissure zigzagging down the circumference with bits of some blue crystal pouring out from within. She opened her mouth to speak, pausing if only because she noticed the shimmer in my eye.

"You know what this is, don't you?"

"Magic inhibitor," I exhaled. "I've seen these being used by some of the unicorn war veterans with PTSD we visited when I was still in the guard. They used it to repress the magic surges they would sometimes get during their sleep."

"Well, well, you sure know the works."

"So... she really is—"

"Having surges? Unfortunately so."

That's when I had to frown.

"Thunderlane said she was doing fine."

"Well, he wouldn't have known. Almost all of Ponyville wouldn't. You see, she was keeping it a secret. Only a number of ponies knew about it. The hospital staff, her family, some of her closest friends and the rest of the princesses, and now you."

I should've known she would do such a thing.

No news is good news, so the saying goes. I was never keen of life lessons being compacted into silly, witty one-liners, if only because the world I had seen wasn't as simple as it seems. Life isn't a one way street where you can slowly stroll along; a lesson I found out the hard way, having toiled through the bends myself. It's a perspective not many ponies would get the chance to have or even should, for that matter. To Twilight, such a liability was one she was willing to use to retain the image of a headstrong, determined leader, much to my dread and fascination.

Nurse Redheart's smile faded as she placed it on the counter, my eyes never leaving it even as she continued. "This is, or was, an experimental prototype," she explained. "The usual inhibitors we gave out weren't powerful enough to contain her surges. She was an alicorn, after all, not to mention being the Element of Magic and everything. We had to get some of the most proficient unicorns from around Equestria to help out with this. Fortunately, many of them were Twilight's friends to begin with, so it wasn't that hard for them to agree on doing it."

I could think of a few names off my head.

"This one was broken just last night, so we'll have to wait at least a week until they come up with a new one."

"A week?"

"That's how long they would usually take."

"Usually take? You mean this wasn't the first prototype?"

"This was their... well... fourteenth try," she reluctantly admitted. "We'll have to see how this next one might do. Usually, Twilight would have Rainbow Dash over to look after her and keep her in check, just in case she loses control of her magic, but with her suddenly gone and you taking her place... you're absolutely sure about this?"

Every nerve and fiber of me screamed a desperate, harrowing no. If her reaction upon seeing me were of any indication, she wasn't exactly comfortable with me being around, to put it in a most redundant way. It shouldn't be too hard of a decision to make, should one think logically as she would. Fitting, provided that I was in Ponyville after all, a town that Twilight mused as a town of endings. A town where everything that is will cease to be. A town that, for better or worse, stories must come to an end. This was how it's supposed to be. This was the way things were meant to be.

This was how our story must end.

"I can't..."

"Okay... alright... I'll have to ask her other friends to see if they—"

"No! Not that... not that..." I gasped a little too loudly, drawing some gazes from around the room. "I'm not going to... I can't... I just can't leave it like this..."

To be frank, I was never a royal bodyguard from the very beginning.

At best, it was just a fanciful pseudonym. At worst, it was a small lie perpetuated about until it had snowballed into a disproportionate idea that had firmly entrenched itself in my head. It was easy to give in to that temptation, being the bodyguard of a princess, feeling important and needed by a figure of great power such as Twilight Sparkle, to be able to guard her as much as I did with her heart. In fact, it was something akin to a fairy tale, except all of it was conjured by a magic of clauses and signatures, lasting if only a short while before the parchment was shredded by the very claws of reality itself. To say the least, it was rude, as awakenings tend to be, though I had by now realized that it was more than that.

What we had wasn't a mere fairy tale.

What we had together may have started out as a lie, but all that emerged from that lie was genuine. All those emotions weren't just pathetic— they were truly pathetic. They were as true as they were disgusting and divine. As much as we are tossed and turned in the currents of life, those emotions remained as raw and true as they were the moment we found them. In a world where silence was seen as a lie, it was the greatest gift Twilight and I were beheld by, for it was the truth. It was the whole truth, the absolute truth, nothing but the truth.

The truth that I care deeply for Twilight Sparkle.

And that she cares deeply for me in turn.

That sounded excessively sappy, coming from one in the royal guard.

Sappy enough to know that leaving it all behind would be the worst fucking decision I would ever make in my life.

"Miss Redheart, I know you don't have to do this. In fact, you've done too much for me to ask, but I'm doing it anyway."

"Flash... to be honest, as much as I would like to help you—"

"Please, just this once," I interjected. "Just one chance. One chance. If that fails, it'll be the last she will hear from me."

A brief hesitation, before a mixed sigh.

"Fine," she said, much to my relief. "Just remember to take it slowly with her. Filly steps, Flash. Remember that."

"I'll try my best."

A parting grin from Nurse Redheart. "I know you will. Good luck."

The sky wore bands in the many different shades of violet by the time Twilight and I left the hospital. She begrudgingly refused to look at me the moment she emerged from the restroom, to which I could only reluctantly do the same for our sake. All she could do was look ahead, hopefully into the uncertain near future as I would. Stealing a glimpse, there was nothing left of that smile I saw earlier, not even a crumple. I could only shiver when all I saw, the one moment she turned to me, what I could only comprehend as pure disgust.

"Well? Let's go then."

The distance between us was disconcerting, appropriately so. With the venom packed up in her voice, you'd think she'd be beyond a hoof's reach away from me. Instead, I was stuck with her being uncomfortably close, enough that I could wrap a hoof around her if I wanted to. Her brows furrowed, I guess from noticing me glimpsing the sadness in her eyes, yet she remained silent. It's scary, seeing her being so quiet. The mare that I can trust with pouring her heart out was now speaking in voiceless words in her head, leaving it all up to my imagination and knowing that with my lackadaisical judgement, I'd never figure it out.

Not that I minded.

"Princess Twilight!" came the first of many.

She smiled.

It was frightening, really.

How genuine it looked.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cake!" she reciprocated their excitement to a terrifying degree. "Good to see you back in town! How did the contest go?"

"First place once again, as usual," Mr. Cake chuckled with a sheepish pride, before noticing me. "Now isn't that... Flash Sentry! Haven't seen you in a while!"

"Oh, are you two..." Mrs. Cake started.

"We're thinking about it," I immediately cut in before I could shut myself up. "We're... gonna talk about it a little, just to see... well... to see how it goes."

"Oh, we understand. Do get well soon, Twilight! We hope you two would come by Sugarcube Corner again!"

All she could manage by then was a nod.

It went on like that for the rest of the journey, where stares and whispers and gasps were abound. What few ponies that dared came up to us, their curiosity will always spur them to ask the one thing that will be on everyone's mind, and each time I would try my best to leave them wistful with hope. Twilight's facade was commendable, notwithstanding the cracks grew larger and larger with each pony that came up to us; for a moment, I was afraid it might actually collapse from all the emotions storming through her head. You could almost hear her sigh in relief when the unmistakable sight of her castle became visible over the many thatched hay roofs around and the last of the conversations were had, until it was just us standing before the doors.

"So... this is it for me..."

And so the doors parted.

She took her first step in, never turning back, never bothering so much as to give me a stare.

As if I was never there.

As if I didn't matter.

"Just go."

You know, I can't imagine Twilight uttering those words.

"Leave."

She probably can't imagine herself saying those words either.

"I don't want to see you again."

She might think it best to keep quiet, yet we both knew it all too well. Here was this stallion, being left at the doorstep by the mare whom once showed him affection, by the mare who had guided him down this very road in the first place. Here was this fool, seeking for something lost a long time ago, desperately searching for something he had once held dear. Here was Flash Sentry, being left there with only an inkling of hope where, once lost, would render him aimless once again.

Little did she know he wasn't there to hope.

And he expressed it in the only way he knew how.

"Pancakes!"

Twilight immediately stopped in her tracks.

"W-What?"

"Pancakes," I repeated, scratching my head. "Making pancakes. I mean, I can pan... I mean, I can make pancakes. Mrs. June... she taught me how to make pancakes one time and I thought maybe... pancakes might be something you'd like to have right now... and... and... they're delicious. The pancakes, I mean."

She turned around, presenting to me a most rancorous frown.

"You don't have to."

I flinched when the venom sank in.

"Don't you fucking dare."

Two can play at that game.

"You're skipping dinner, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Rainbow Dash told me," I stated sharply. "She mentioned you would skip dinner when you don't have any company around to join you."

A meager silence, then she crossed her hooves.

"So what if I am?" she swiftly retaliated.

"How long have you been doing that?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I rebutted, much to her ire. "Look, Twilight, I want to do something to help you out, alright?"

"You can do that by leaving."

"And leave you to starve? No fucking way."

"Right. Now, if you have nothing else better to say, then just leave."

"One night, Twilight Sparkle."

The door stopped, leaving only a niche.

"You can give me that, I know you can."

Yet a niche was enough to see the storm of shimmers clashing in her eyes.

"Just one night. Please."

Finally, relief washed over me in the form of her sigh.

"One night," she grumbled, more at herself than at me. "Just one night. That's all I'm going to give. By tomorrow, I want you out of town, got that?"

A reluctant nod from yours truly as I held back a smile and stepped into her castle once more.

One night was all I got, so you could be sure I was willing to make this one night count. Nothing could've prepared me for it, yet I had stumbled through worse things in my life. She was well aware of that, I'm sure of it. If anything, I was afraid she might find a way to use it against me, as she had done with so many of those she shared a town with. You could say she was unprepared herself, what with my unceremonious arrival at the hospital, which means that the coin shall be left spinning in the air, dangling onto a single thread as it laid in wait for the palm of fate.

One last night was all that's left.

One last night.

Together.

"I'm sorry."

The frequent apology is a pointless apology. Though it was a lesson that shall soon worm its way into my head, it was a lesson I didn't even had an inkling of back then. Instead, I used to think that an apology was enough; that a mere verbal gesture would be the most viable solution to even the hardest problems. Naive, isn't it? Even after all the drills, exercises and having your eardrums pummeled by the shouts of your supervisor, the royal bodyguard still believes an apology was all that was needed. Reality, however, did not play its terrifying hand of cards that time around; I don't know whether to feel fortunate or not at this chance inoccurrence.

"For?"

"For everything I said."

She neither smiled nor frown, content instead with staring out the window.

"Is that so?"

To be honest, there was never a more inadequate place she had to choose than Sugarcube Corner for something like this. Perhaps she chose it knowing how uncomfortable it would make me feel, to which I can say was definitely effective. It was an assault on the senses, to the point that I could call it harassment. For me to face the technicolor, audaciously decorated treats on display at the counter; the vibrant, vivid wallpaper; the omnipresent smell of pastries wafting in from the kitchen alongside cheery humming and giggling; the laughter of a pair of playing foals that ring out over our heads. For me to face all that whilst formulating an apology, to endure this saccharine crucifixion... I could only imagine what she was thinking, wanting to put me through this.

"Say something nice."

I flinched.

"Pardon?"

"Say something nice," she repeated.

A cough.

"Um... about what?"

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything," she asserted, leaning in. "Say something nice."

The lump in my throat must be visible to the world. I glanced around, hoping to find something that might strike her fancy, yet with everything in this very shop setting my senses alight, the most I could do was gag. Sticking to the sights beyond the window, all I saw was banality after languid banality, so much so that I'd fall asleep just thinking about it. I returned my gaze, hoping to formulate the right words to explain my incompetence, only to stop short at the sight that laid before me.

Of course.

Of course.

"You have beautiful eyes."

Her gaze fixed upon me. "Go on," she urged.

"I... I could get lost in those eyes if I wanted to. They're an ocean, still and tranquil, with a beauty unmatched, but when needed, it will toss and turn the world over and over and over until it loses its head."

For a moment, she hummed in thought.

"Go on," she urged again.

"Um... the ponies that get lost in the eyes... they're like sailors. The sailor admires oceans to a greater degree than other ponies do. Whereas other ponies admire its tranquility, they feared an ocean being tossed up in a hurricane. Not the sailor, though. The sailor revels being wreaked havoc by those waves. The sailor revels feeling its wrath as much as its serenity. To that, the sailor keeps going back to it, earnestly yearning for more and wanting the best the oceans could offer."

Another hum.

"Go on," she urged yet again.

"R-Right now..." I breathed, my voice mellowing. "Right now, I'm a sailor, a novice if you will... and these are waters that I've yet to tread. These are uncharted waters and I'm an inexperienced sailor who had already wrecked his ship in his first voyage above these waves. The ocean, however, decided to still itself against even the strongest gales, hoping that the sailor would dip his first hoof into the water, hoping that he might find a place in its vastness. The sailor complies, perhaps with hope that these waters would treat him well, that they would rock him back and forth in the right direction. The sailor hopes, with its permission, that he could build a ship to try its waters once more."

One more curious hum.

Then, she finally, finally, smiled, providing to me a trio of words that I never thought I'd want to hear her say.

"I forgive you."

"How was it?"

Silence.

"Twilight?"

"Wha... oh, it's good, it's good..."

Twilight Sparkle had been lost in thought. It was always something that she does frequently, sometimes to a frightening degree. Her mind was a castle, befitting of the princess reigning from it, and if it was anything like the labyrinth of her home in reality, it should be an easy place to get lost in. However, there were doors that remained locked, assuring that some rooms shall never be brought to light, perhaps for the good of everyone. Being the stern gatekeeper she was, she yielded the key to only a few, myself included, though I had fallen out of her favor at some point, having carelessly unleashed something from within the depths of the castle's dungeons upon the world myself.

Wrath remained more ubiquitous and fickle than I liked it to be.

Filly steps, the echoes warned me.

"Glad you liked it."

I assumed she liked it, if only because she seemed to enjoy it a little more than most. With how slowly she had been chewing and the frown cemented on her veneer though, there's no question that something was bothering her greatly. Likewise, there's no question on what that something actually was. Still, I donned my best smile, some part of myself pleased that she was, at the very least, content with this little meal I've cooked up.

That's not to say that she wasn't tense. Perhaps more than myself, she was a proper depiction of that word. Her chews were stiff, her handling of the fork even more so. Her right wing would bristle against her throne every so often, made more conspicuous by the cold presence of her gleaming prosthetic left, no matter how complicated and lifelike its creators intended it to be. I'm pretty sure it was a custom model, having seen a fair share of pegasi in the guard don the same. It was a little larger than the average, as are alicorn wings to us pegasi, painted to match with the rest of her form. I do have to commend them for producing a wonderful replica from scratch, and a working one at that. Nevertheless, it remains a scar in memoriam of the times she endured, my unwanted presence only serving to reopen them once more.

"Why?"

I tensed, yet I did not falter.

"Hmm?"

"Pancakes," she uttered. "Why those?"

"Oh... that," I said, chuckling at the meal I had laid out neatly. "Mrs. June insisted that I learn to cook at least one dish from her before she left. I know it's a pretty bad choice, but all things considered, it's the simplest thing I could find her to do, for her sake."

"That's rather... thoughtful of you."

"In a way, yeah."

Silence.

Dreadful silence.

Not on my watch.

"What would Rainbow Dash usually do at times like this?" I asked.

"Well... not much really..." she answered, albeit hesitantly. "She never actually... does anything, as far as I know. She just keeps watch and does whatever I tell her to do."

"You're okay with that? With her not doing much and just listening?"

"I... yeah, I guess..."

Silence.

Painful, aggravating silence.

"So... you and Rainbow Dash..." I breathed out before even becoming painfully aware of what I just said.

Immediately she tensed up again.

"What about it?" she questioned.

"You two seem close."

"Y-Yeah... we're friends. Of course we're close."

"Okay... b-but there's nothing more than that, right?"

"Not that I know of."

Silence.

I was about to open my mouth again before Twilight beat me to it.

"Why did you ask that?"

"About?"

"Me and Rainbow Dash?" she inquired, brows furrowing. "About how close we were being?"

"Oh, I just thought... well... you could have Rarity or Fluttershy or Pinkie... okay, maybe not Pinkie Pie, no offense. Point is, you could have somepony else, yet you kept sticking with Rainbow Dash."

Silence.

Our glances fell back to our respective pancakes.

"Look, I knew."

"About?" she uttered almost immediately.

"You and Rainbow Dash. That you two used to be together."

Silence.

"Who told you that?"

I gulped, clutching onto my seat. "Rainbow Dash did," I answered.

There was an unsightly twist in her features. It trembled with her form, her hooves clenching tight with her eyes clamping shut. A disquieting sigh left her lips, before her gaze drifted from the plate to somewhere over my right shoulder. Her throat forced out a sardonic laugh, her head shaking in blithe disapproval— at me, at herself, at her absent friend, who knows? In the end, the words speak louder than ever.

"Well, Rainbow Dash should learn to keep her mouth shut."

"She said it because she was worried about you," I repudiated sharply.

"Is she?" Twilight scoffed. "Tell me, Flash, is she actually worried? Because if she really was worried, she would be here right now instead of you. If she was, she'd knew not to go to that Wonderbolts show and be right here. No, instead, I get to spend the night with you, so yes, I'm pretty fucking sure I'm the least of her worries right now."

Silence.

"She's not the only one who's worried about you."

A calm before the eye of the hurricane.

"Really? Do enlighten me."

"Why do you think I'm here, Twilight?"

A gut-wrenching laugh burst from her chest, to the point where she almost fell off her seat. I didn't know if I should've gaped or frown at malice cackling in my face in utter disregard for my words. She watched, seemingly amused at how much my frown had skewered, before sighing with a shake of her head. I opened my mouth in retaliation, though a glower from her was enough to silence me, even as she smiled. They bore a bitterness I had not seen before, encapsulating every moment I've seen her in her darkest: the Twilight that argued with me every night since the first, the Twilight that screamed at me upon learning of our unborn child, the Twilight that shot Cardinal Atelier dead without any hesitation— it was a amalgamation of all of these moments, of rage and grievance and terror, and now, it was staring right into my soul.

"You really want me to answer that, Flash?"

"Maybe I want you to."

"Why?"

I held my breath. "To know how much it hurt you."

Twilight scoffed. "You've lost that privilege a long time ago, Flash Sentry."

"You wouldn't tell anyone else about it anyway," I snarled. "You didn't want to make anyone worry, but that's the irony of it. You know how many came up to me just to talk about you? Rainbow Dash did, Spike did, even your parents did! And they told me everything!"

"Yeah, sure, of course they did."

"Fine... fine... if it had to be this way..."

"Now, if you have nothing else to say, you can finish up those pancakes and leave—"

"Your parents told me about your heart attack."

There was a visible flinch. Once more, her glance strayed back to her meal.

"What heart attack?" she merely muttered.

"You're really gonna do this to me, Twilight?" I hissed. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The heart attack that you got from trying to conjure up some memory spell. You're trying to tell me you don't remember that?"

Her shivers revealed themselves. From her lips came another laugh, albeit this one sounded more painful, as if the fork in her hoof was beginning to twist into her gut. She craned her neck to the sky and beyond, cursing whatever demons living at the edge of the stratosphere for bestowing this damned fate. By the time she got back from her blaspheming high, there were already tears threatening to spill from her eyes. I watched with a trembling sigh as she tried her best to at least steady her breathing or quell her shivers, only for it all to shatter into pieces.

"Why can't anyone just keep their fucking mouths shut?"

"Twilight, you can't be serious," I gasped. "They're your parents, for Celestia's sake—"

"Then they should know better!" she howled with a slam of the table. "I don't even know why we're talking about this! Yes, Rainbow Dash and I were together once! Yes, I went into cardiac arrest after using a memory spell! So what? What does it all have to do with anything?! I don't know why you'd bother listening to Rainbow Dash in the first place! Hell, I don't even know why you're still here!"

"Because I'm worried about you, Twilight!"

Another moment of suffering silence.

"I'm worried, and you know I am..." I whimpered, sighing. "I was... the whole time, I was just... hoping you'd get better somehow, but every single time I asked around, every time... we promised to each other, didn't we? About not keeping anymore secrets? What happened to that promise? What did you think, that I'm dumb enough to never learn about them eventually? That just because it didn't really matter anymore makes it all the more better?"

Twilight said nothing.

"I trusted you, Twilight Sparkle," my voice shivered with those words. "Just like you trusted Rainbow Dash and your parents. For you to say all of that..."

With those words came the coldest laugh I've ever heard from the princess to my ears.

"You said it yourself, didn't you? It doesn't really matter anymore."

I opened my mouth to speak, only to find silence swallowing me once more.

"Figures," she scoffed amid her sardonic chuckles, even as a tear ran down her cheek. "Coming in here, acting as if you know everything, as if this came anything close to what you did, to what you're trying to do..."

The air began to simmer before her cracking bout of laughter. The shadow skewed as it grew underneath the moonlight, filling the room in its maw with the aid of a shroud of rumbling clouds. Rage upon rage, grievance upon grievance, terror upon terror, all clashing in a dissonant display before me, its sole viewer. Gripped was my throat by the talons of fear, sinking beneath my flesh and squeezing out every sliver of air that it could find, though I quickly grappled it and twisted it in my grip.

"What I did..."

"You could've told me."

"Twilight, what I did—"

"You could've said something. You could've said anything."

"What I did, I was doing it—"

"The memory spell, the fight with Rainbow Dash, Cardinal— all of that..."

"I did it to protect you."

"I didn't ask for your fucking protection!" she shrieked. "I never wanted you to protect me, Flash, I never did! I just wanted you to be honest with me! That was it! Be honest! You couldn't even do that! Instead, you went ahead and got yourself captured by Cardinal! You went ahead and almost got yourself killed! Tell me, how the fuck is that supposed to protect me?! Tell me, Flash Sentry!"

I couldn't look at her anymore.

Not with the tears in my eyes.

"And when everything else happened, then what did you do?! Tell me, what did you do?!"

I didn't want to say it.

"Tell me, Flash Sentry, what did you do?!"

But I didn't have much of a choice.

"Say it!"

"I ran away."

"Louder!"

A feverish gasp.

"I ran a-away..."

"For fuck's sake, look me in the eye and say it! What did you do?!"

"I RAN AWAY, ALRIGHT?!"

Thunder slammed itself against the crystal walls; my voice thrashed against the walls of my throat. We were both panting messes, glaring at the other pony for being the incomprehensible mess that they are. We were irresponsible, irredeemable, that much was indisputable. No amount of sorrys could save us. No amount of smiles could ease the suffering, for we had become insufferable to each other. After all, who could love a monster like her? Who could love a monster like me? Who in this fucking world would love us murderers seated across each other, who couldn't even look at each other in the eye?

"Five months."

My silent sobs filled the air.

"Five months of nothing. Not even a word, not even a sound, and yet you come in here, acting so high and mighty and righteous as if you can fix this— you can fix all of this when you... when you're the one who ran away in the first place."

A gasp scurried out my mouth.

"And to that, I say this: how dare you, Flash Sentry... how fucking dare you..."

Silence, our enemy.

To which I strangled it without a second thought.

"Go to hell."

Another scornful laugh.

"I'm pretty sure I'm there already," she snarled. "Get the fuck out of my house."

At this point, I was ready to wipe my tears away, stand up and leave. With how the night was turning out, even a lump like me could tell this will not end well. However, something shifted in my head and snapped the notion of it into pieces. Something within me persuaded me to stay. Perhaps it was a sense of duty and responsibility, for I was tasked with taking care of Twilight Sparkle for one night. Or perhaps it was my sense of pride yearning to retaliate, battered as it were by all the screaming and shouting she had drilled into me. Or perhaps it was something else entirely.

"Well?"

Perhaps it was because there were some things we still haven't said to each other.

"What the fuck are you waiting for, Flash?"

Things that we both needed to hear from each other.

"Leave now, or else I'll call the guard."

Things that we both wanted from each other.

"Didn't you hear me, Flash? I want you to leave, or else—"

"I'm a coward."

Twilight froze.

"W-What?" her bewilderment voiced.

"You heard me. I'm a coward," I declared a little too proudly. "You never knew why I ran away that night, didn't you? Yes, it was because I was afraid, but it's more than that. I was afraid at what you were becoming, Twilight. Even more so, I was afraid that I was changing you for the worse. Twilight, I ran away... I ran away because I didn't know how to deal with it. I ran away because I thought that if I gave you a little space, you'd find some way to patch everything back together, like you always did."

"For fuck's sake, this doesn't matter anymore—"

"Yes it fucking does!" I yelled inexplicably. "Five months! I was gone for five months! That's too long, I know that now, but in all that time, I thought you got better! In fact, I thought you had move on with Rainbow Dash or some colt from Celestia knows fucking where! No, instead, you're falling apart! Instead, you're starving yourself just because you can't find anyone to talk to at night! Celestia forbid I leave right now and you do something I wouldn't even dream of doing!"

"Oh, don't you fucking start, Flash! This whole thing happened because you were being the fucking coward that you are! Don't act as if none of this was your fault!"

"I'll admit it then! I failed! I failed! I failed and failed and failed, over and over again! This was my fault! All of it! Every single fucking thing!" With a sniffle, I whipped the fresh batch of tears off my eyes and faced her once more. "But don't get me wrong, Twilight," I asserted grimly. "I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness! Never! No, I'm here because I'm really, really worried about you, Twilight Sparkle, and Celestia be-damned, they're as different as night and day, no matter what you fucking say! I'm here because I care, and I'm not going to walk away until you finally return to being the Twilight Sparkle I remembered to be!"

"You think I'd just—"

"I don't care!" I screamed. "I didn't ask to be stolen away from you! I didn't ask to spend all my days with you! I didn't want any of that! You forced me into this, Twilight! You pushed me into this! You think this was my fault?! From the very fucking beginning, I had to deal with all the shit in the world because you were stuck in a coma!! I had to be there every single time to defend myself because you couldn't do it for me!! Even when you woke up, I still had to go visit you as if my life depended on it when it really fucking shouldn't! I suffered just as much as you did, Twilight! I should've left then!! I should've just leave you there to die in the fire! But I— no, I had a responsibility, Twilight! I was your royal bodyguard! I went through hell and back doing everything for you, and you couldn't even see that!! The Twilight I knew wouldn't do that! The Twilight I knew and served would take notice of it immediately! The Twilight I knew wouldn't be screaming and ranting and raving at the table for something she had started in the first place!!

Silence hung long and low. The words sank in and sawed at her spirit, leaving Twilight exasperated and agape throughout it all. Her horn was crackling dangerously, streaks of violet lightning threatening to burst from the tip. As the first tinkles of rain fell outside, her glare rose to meet my defiant voice. One last laugh was all she could muster. One last broken, tumultuous, miserable wreck of a laugh, until all those years of maintaining her composure finally came crashing down in flames.

"You think... you think it's that easy?!"

And the flames burned brighter and brighter.

"You think I wanted this?! You think I wanted to put on a fake smile and run around town?!

And they roared against the crashing thunder and the howling winds.

"Every single time I closed my eyes! Every single time I stopped to think! Every! Single! Fucking! Time!"

And they scrambled underneath my hooves, before they finally seized me in their jaws.

"If you want to leave, then just leave already! No, instead you're still fucking here!!"

All because I had an epiphany.

"What more do you want from me?! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

One which every fiber of my judgement, what little of it I have left, revolted against.

"Do I have to say it?! Do I really have to say it?! Then I'll fucking say it!!"

But this wasn't about me, after all.

"I HATE YOU, FLASH SENTRY! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!"

This was about Twilight Sparkle.

This had always been about Twilight Sparkle.

"I WISH YOU'D JUST DIE!!"

A loud crash was all I heard before I was thrown to the other side of the room.

Pain slammed into my back, a howl rupturing my throat when my weakened hoof snapped underneath my weight when I fell to the ground. Lightning seared through me, my back jerking upwards with each powerful jolt across my veins as I was showered by pummeling rain, shattered glass, crystal shards and ceramic chips. Blood trickled from the wounds in my skin, soaking in red swirls across the growing puddle underneath me as I reached out into the flaring darkness encroaching upon my vision. My mind scrambling with heave after heave, my head tossing and turning, my glance swiveling with flickers dancing in its wake.

"Twi..."

All I heard was ringing. Beyond that, there was the hum of the rain and the distant boom of thunder. The world shook suddenly, though it was only later that I realized I was the one trembling in agony. With a hiss, I reached out one more time, hoping to grab onto something— anything! Anything that I could find, anything material in this world I could stubbornly cling on to, just to prove to myself that I can survive this, not that I needed it. In the end, my scorched muscles tired out, my jolted nerves ached in protest, before I allowed myself to relax, setting my limp hoof loose to the jaws of gravity.

Only for it to be grabbed mid-air in an onslaught of warmth.

"Flash?! Flash! Say something, Flash! Don't do this to me, say something—"

I coughed out a laugh.

Oh, how I missed that voice.

"Y-You know it... gah... it'll take a lot more than a surge to kill me, Twi... Twilight."

"Oh... oh, C-Celestia..." Twilight gasped, shaking. "Thank Celestia, thank Celestia... th-thank Celestia...!"

A sigh left my mouth when she finally burst into sobs. It was hard not to tear up, hearing that voice, regal and powerful as I remembered and revered, struggling to regain control. Her screams drove through the ground, her grip on my hoof tightening as the tears joined the puddle of rainwater that had gathered from the shattered windows. I gazed up to the mare before me, the Twilight Sparkle crying brazenly underneath the pouring rain, and could finally find a reason to smile.

"Feeling better now?" I asked.

Silence, soft and tender amid the patter.

"You... you idiot..." she finally mewled softly. "You fucking idiot..."

"I know."

"You could've died!"

"I know."

"You could've died... you could've died..."

"I know..."

"Y-You could've... you could've..."

My smile faded as her tears dripped onto my cheek.

"I could've lost you... I could've killed you... I don't want to lose anything anymore, I don't... I can't lose anything anymore... I can't lose you too... I can't lose you too... I can't lose you too..."

"I'm sorry."

Silence soon seized my voice, its grip hard and heavy. Throughout it all, Twilight Sparkle cried for the longest time, pouring out emotions so familiar yet so refreshing at the same time; emotions that she had been holding in for five months, perhaps even more. How long had it pained her? How many days had she suffered just from smiling? How many nights had she woke up sweating and panting? If I could count them in my head, I would, though that would be travesty. Instead, I watched her cry and cry, letting it last as long as she wills it, until she finally wipes her tears away, sniffling as her hooves began to carry her.

"C-Can you stand?"

"I can try, but my hoof..." came my withered response.

"I'll carry you."

"You don't have to—"

"I'll carry you," she cut in sharply. "Come on. Try to stand. Easy now..."

A graceless bout of wobbling later, Twilight Sparkle was helping me hold up my limping form. Slowly but surely, we hobbled out of the broken mess of the room and into the hallways, leaving behind a snaking trail of dampness. As we left, I glanced back from over my shoulder, trying my best not to gape at the broken glass windows, the black blotches on the crystal walls and the conspicuous remains of a chandelier sprawled on the table, still flickering and sparking faintly nevertheless. Rain was spilling in from all sides, with the occasional tree branch and leaf being blown in from the strong gales assaulting the castle. To think I absorbed some of that momentum was staggering, though the cuts and bruises on my body told me as such.

"Nurse Redheart told you, didn't she? About the surges?"

I turned back at that question. "A little, yeah..." I muttered softly, noticing her growing frown. "How long were you having them?"

"A while. I don't really remember."

I stole a glance back at the trail of water snaking behind us. "You'll have to clean all of that up later, don't you?"

"I'll have someone take care of it tomorrow."

"But your secret—"

"I don't care. Not anymore," Twilight rasped. "It was going to happen eventually and it did. Plus, it's about time everyone knew about it anyway. Sooner or later, somepony was bound to get hurt. Somepony... anypony... it's just I never thought..."

"I deserved it."

"Don't, please just— just don't..."

"No no, I... I-I mean this in the nicest way..." I muttered. "I deserved it. I shouldn't have ran away. I shouldn't have left you alone to handle all of this by yourself. If I was there, maybe this whole thing wouldn't have happened, maybe we could've found a way to fix it together. You wouldn't have to go through it alone and I knew that. I... I needed this to happen to me, I guess. To understand how painful it was. To understand how... lonely and lost and frustrated you were. Who better than me to take the brunt of that?"

Twilight remained sullen. "Don't say that... I-I didn't mean to..."

"But you did, that's how it was. You know it'll happen eventually, to me, to Rainbow Dash, to some random pony, who knows? In the end, I can take comfort in the fact that if it happened to me, I knew that it would bring the Twilight Sparkle I remembered back."

You could almost hear her groan from that. Given any other circumstance, she probably would, or perhaps even laugh at the insanity at it all. Instead of that, however, she bore a most serious yet kindest frown, her voice adopting a tone remotely soft and stern, like that of a mother reprimanding an obstinate child.

"Don't ever do that again."

The smile I had returned to me.

A smile I had lost long, long ago.

"I won't."

The hallways seemed to stretch forever. With my crumpled hoof in tow, I suppose it should feel that way. Glancing into my reflection, I almost laughed at the disheveled, disoriented stallion staring back at me, the royal bodyguard, being carried by the princess he was supposed to protect. At this point, I wouldn't mind being mocked anymore, seeing how useless I was being this whole time. How pathetic must it be for me to realize it long after the fact. I pitied the fool I was, even as the journey dragged on and on, until I couldn't ignore the rust of discomfort settling in my mind any further.

"Twilight, we've passed the main hall."

"I know."

"But shouldn't we go to the hospital—"

"I'm not letting you leave here looking like a mess."

Her declaration was proud. Arrogant even, to a degree. It was, without a doubt, selfish, perhaps cold and uncaring as much as my hoof ached and stung. Underneath the apathy, however, there was this singular shred of hope, battered and bruised by the winds of time, waiting for the right hoof to come by and pluck it from the soil. For that honor to be bestowed to me was wasted, though I readily did it nonetheless. Twilight seemed perfectly content with that, though I wouldn't know; with how blurry my vision was getting then, it's hard to tell if I was imagining the smile she was wearing. I'd imagine she would wear one nevertheless.

"Well... if that's what you wish..."

I soon found myself in her bedroom, which had been, until now, one of the doors she had closed off to me and most of the world. Gently, she helped me down onto her bed, ruffling the wrinkle-free sheets with my weight. She strode to her vanity, where, in place of perfume bottles and brushes, there were a set of neatly arranged books, bundled-up rolls of parchment and an inkwell in which lounged a feather. I watched, once again lost in mesmerism as she reached back and fumbled with her prosthetic wing, its metallic blades fanning out and glinting in the moonlight. For five minutes, I watched, before I finally found it in me to speak up.

"Need some help with that?"

Hesitation was poignant in her face, though the sigh of resignation that followed won over in the end. She trotted over to me, her grimace only darkening further, before settling onto the floor and faced away from me. Slowly, my hooves traced the blades, before reaching underneath to where metal meets burnt flesh. Nestled between makeshift coracoid and scapula was a small, glowing gem of crystallized magic powering it, a hole for inserting a crank to retract the wings when not in use and the focus of my hunt, a small knob. With a little twist, the gem's glow faded out, followed by a hiss, before the wing was unseated from its nest. I held my breath, slowly pulling it away, though a gasp quickly escaped my lips when I was met with the sight of a grayed-out stump of dried flesh revealing itself again to me, still garish as I distinctly remembered it to be.

"Flash?"

"Sorry, I just..." I swallowed. "I forgot how it... how it must've hurt..."

"It's alright, it's fine."

"I know, I know, I just... I can't, I shouldn't, I... I shouldn't have forgotten... I shouldn't have..."

Silence, save for my feverish, feeble breaths yearning for balance.

I don't really remember what happened after that. Most certainly, Twilight cranked her prosthetic wing and placed it on the vanity, that was clear. After that... after that, it was pretty much a blur. I remembered glimpsing her as she strode into the bathroom and the sizzles of a warm shower filled my ears. I remembered rising onto my three good hooves and limping after her. I remembered steam clouding my vision as I ambled about, wincing from the needles hot water stinging my wounds. I remembered the flustered expression of annoyance she wore when I finally found her amid the thick haze of warmth.

"You could've knocked."

My mind snapped back into clarity.

"Sorry, I... I wasn't thinking, I just... wandered in... after..."

Only to be cast away again.

"After..."

Hopelessly lost.

"You... you know..."

Hopelessly seeking.

"You..."

Hopeless.

I reached out to her cheek, feeling her tense from my touch. I stared into those eyes, hopelessly lost, hopelessly seeking, hopelessly drowning underneath the vapors. I found myself drifting in an ocean, vast and endless, with turmoil and terror riding its waves. However, slowly but surely, I stared those tides down, until they finally came to a lull. Looking down, I saw myself in the water, gazing back at me with the tenderness I was displaying to her. I reached forward, sinking my hoof into her mane and forming the smallest of ripples, taking one long, deep breath before I finally let the rest of my body be swallowed by its majesty.

Her majesty.

"You're as beautiful as I remember."

I couldn't tell which of us needed it more. Our breaths collided, our gazes locked for we were swallowed by the sea. For a moment, it felt like a dream, though the hot water scalding my cuts constantly reminded me otherwise. Slowly but surely, our lips met, the last of our bodies submerging into desire amid steam and vapor. By the time our tongues wrested, we were thrashing each other into the shower walls, as if trying to retrieve all the time we had lost without each other. My hoof tried its best to remember her form, running down her neck and below her wing, as if reminding her nerves of my gentle touch. All those moments of sadness; of fear and abhorrence; of malice and rage and hatred, churning and broiling and bubbling between us— all of it was spilled out into our mouths without a wasted drop. With it, came memories of bitterness. With it, came our tears.

"Flash..." she broke away first, shivering and stumbling. "I can't... I can't..."

"Okay..." I gulped, beginning to back away. "I'm sorry, I just thought... I... just..."

For a moment, we stared at each other. At the uneasy pony before us, fidgeting after everything that happened. We would glance away, forbidding our eyes to meet, only for them to meet once more. We would open our mouths to speak, only to close them to allow the other to go first, only to open them again. In the end, silence played its damning part, hanging by a thread as we stared into each other, searching for any trace of distress or denial, before we succumbed to each other again.

Once more, our lips met.

Then we cried. Then we kissed and cried, and kissed again. It was a vicious cycle of euphoria and dysphoria, of love and hate, of joy and suffering, clashing together in dissonant harmony. It drove us over and over, right onto the brink of madness, until finally, we grappled our emotions with our bare hooves and, in all that furor, forced ourselves over the cliff. We fell far and fast, never letting go of each other, never letting our lips break as if our lives depended on it. We were monsters, screaming obscenities as we asphyxiated each other with our tongues, all because we knew nothing would be better than this. In this spur of the moment, nothing would be better than this maelstrom tearing into our minds, leaving nothing left for the imagination to scavenge.

A few familiar words quickly came to mind.

Love is disgusting.

With how we writhed in agony and ecstacy in the shower room, there was no question how disgusting it was. We were leashed to desire and chained by time, sweeping against the currents of change. No amount of fear, of selfishness, of shame and pride could stop the rampage of these two monsters. No amount of courage, of kindness, of joy and laughter could stop their raging emotions. If the curtains parted and we were set on the world stage, no amount of gasps and jeers would stop us from this desecration. We were too far gone to listen, too lost to care, too senseless to give a fuck anymore, because for once, we decided in unison that this Celestia-damned planet spinning and humming as it pleases should, for once, give more than just a fuck about us. That we weren't going to let ourselves spiral down the causeway to hell just because it decides to. That, for once, we were getting what we wanted, no matter how disgusting we'd have to be. As our worlds converged and our inhibitions swirled down the drain; as our emotions soared through the clouds and our spirits trampled upon each other; as our lips tossed and turned and twisted and scrambled in a shameless, revolting display, I could finally say it with utmost confidence.

This is the way things were meant to be.

"It's not all bad..."

He kept telling myself that, yet honestly he wasn't actually sure. You'd think the guard wouldn't ask such mundane questions, though in the end, he was as mundane as they come. A guard should expect the worst to be handed to them at any time, as his supervisors had drilled into his head, and that moment was the very instance in which he believed that it was being forced down his throat. He actually believed that! How wrong was he, the guard from the Crystal Empire! How wrong was he, the colt as naive as the day he was born! I would laugh at him now if I was there!

If only he knew.

"Next stop, Ponyville. Ladies and gentlecolts, this will be the last stop on this train..."

All roads lead to Ponyville, so the saying goes. As he hauled his saddlebags off the train, he remembered wondering if his road leads here as well? If, guided by the deft hooves of time instead of the interventions of royalty, he would find his way into this town nevertheless? As much as he would wonder, even at that point, it doesn't really matter. With how much he would face soon, it was to be the last of his worries. Filly steps was all it took for his journey to spiral out of his grasp, until all he had were echoes to remember them by. Echoes lost in the breeze.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm... just nervous..."

"You'll be fine. She's not one to judge based on appearances. I should know that, seeing as she saved my flank before it could be married off to some bug queen."

The journey was long, if only because his head was too busy trying to make sense of it. He would never make sense of it in the end, but in time, he decided soon enough that it didn't matter either way. The stares he got from ponies around town were discomforting, and though the colt would rather reciprocate it with the frostiness of a Windigo, he decided it best to leave them be. He had appearances to keep up, after all, not to mention the overwhelming presence of the stallion marching before in that wouldn't hesitate to chew him up and toss him away had he gave so much as a sneer.

"Captain, can I ask you something?"

"Well, that depends." he stopped in his tracks. "What do you wish to know?"

"Do you trust her? On making this decision, I mean?"

How defiant one must be, to question to his captain a princess's very authority, the one he was about to serve no less! Were he any other unscrupulous guard, he'd had his titles stripped and his flank sent flying home with a punt of the hoof! Instead, the captain choked on his laugh — a first throughout their entire journey together — before shaking his head at the ground.

"Between you and me, Private, I'd say she must be out of her mind," he snorted. "As much as I don't like it, it's her decision in the end, after all. It's what she wants for herself. You're an only child, Private?"

A dubious nod.

"Well, when you have a younger sister like her, you'll come to realize that they would want a little space to make their own decisions. You know, a little bit of privacy when they request it, however much you care about them. Nevertheless, there are times where they might need you to be there for them. Twilight's a little more... reserved about mentioning that notion, and I'm saying this as her brother. She doesn't really like to speak her mind on many things. Equestrian law, certainly; arcane sciences, definitely. When it comes to her personal choices? You can be sure she wouldn't be willing to elaborate on that."

"Okay... okay..." the guard mumbled. "Pardon me for asking this, but how do you, for lack of a better word, gauge these moments? How do you know when she needs time for herself and when she needs you there?"

"You don't. You can't. It's something that you'll have to trust your gut with. All I could say is that Twilight spends a lot of time with herself. You know, reading books, paperwork and such. She rarely opens up about everything, even to our own family at times. Still, there are times that she would, and when she does, my advice is just stay close and pay attention. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two about her that I don't. I'm just her brother, after all. Even she has secrets she'd like to keep from me."

"Alright... I just wanted to be sure..."

"That's the thing: we can never be sure. All we can be sure of is that it takes time. With Twilight, it might take a little longer than most ponies, but with you, I think she might take a few liberties for herself. Just remember to trust your gut. Stay calm and do your best."

He tried his best, though with the double doors looming before him and his reflection within them harshly staring him down, it's hard to even imagine the concept of calmness itself. With a cough, the captain gave it a knock, his frown quickly wiped away for a smile when those doors finally parted. From within, she emerged with glee, greeting the captain with a tight, loving embrace and sisterly teasing, before the colt finally found the courage to step up. As he did so, he had a good look into those pair of eyes, one that he'll treat at first with disdain. Surely though, he would find himself caught within those churning waves and he would struggle to keep himself afloat. However, those waves would still with time, and when that time comes, he'd find it in himself to admire them for what they are and how much it would really mean to him. Until then, he can only do what he does best.

"Flash Sentry," he introduced himself with a salute. "It's an honor to serve you, Your Majesty."

She could only giggle at that, before playfully saluting alongside him. "It's an honor to have you in my service, Flash Sentry," she said with a grin. "First things first, I don't really do well with formalities as such, so..."

"How should I refer you as, Your Majesty?"

A feigned moment of thought, before her answer came bursting upon him with a smile as bright as the first rays of sunlight.

"Twilight Sparkle."

I remembered walking through the mist that morning.

Thick and velvety were those scarves of vapor, draping the land in a humid tranquility. It was all that remained of last night's rain, though I have to admit, the thunderstorms last night were particularly ferocious, made more ghastly by the resonant walls that make up the castle. With every snare of lightning, those crystalline hallways funneled it into a grandiose boom, loud enough to shake the very foundations of her home. I couldn't get enough sleep because of them, for every time I closed my eyes and find myself drifting away, I would always wake up with a sweat. Anyone would do the same if they closed their eyes and bear witness to the flames and the explosions I saw coming my way.

"F-Flash..."

Twilight fared better in her endeavors for slumber than I did, though by only a small margin. She whimpered and shivered, jerking in her sleep with the occasional clap as she laid next to me. I don't remember enough about what happened that lead me to sharing a bed with her, to be honest. In fact, I didn't even remember when my limp hoof was bandaged up. As much as I liked her clinging onto me, however, it was hard to see her like that. The Twilight Sparkle that laid before me had everything stolen from her in life, was thrown into the corner of a pit and left to fend for herself. All I could do was hold her closer and help her brave the storm, especially when the first of her tears leaked out of her eyes.

"Cardinal... Cardinal..."

Another boom, another jolt.

"Cardinal, please... Flash... Flash, save... save him..."

I should've done that: I should've braved the storm.

"I killed him... I killed him, Flash... I killed him..."

That's what I should've done instead of running away.

I should've done that.

If only time would help me so.

"Murderer..."

As much as I'd like to stay in bed further and mourn for those five months, she had already left by the time I woke up, leaving behind a small note in her place. It was the contents of said note that led me here, wandering amid the darkness before the coming dawn. The stars still glinted over my head, leering from behind the clouds and right at me. Of course, I tried my best to ignore them; as much as I'd like to admire their beauty, there was nothing beyond the glorious view for me. I can't say what lies beyond it to be sure, though I knew it wasn't something for me to behold at the moment. Perhaps one day, my wanderlust would drive me there, to the place beyond the stars. There would be fear, as chronicled in contemporary Yakyakistani literature, though with the numbness irradiating me these past few months, fear would be a welcome friend.

My mind returned at the note Twilight left me, the words drifting off the paper and whispering in her voice. I surveyed the blinding darkness before me, hoping to glimpse her silhouette as a slight breeze dove from the clouds. Celestia knows what she was doing this early in the morning, though I can trust with all my heart that it wouldn't be something beyond my imagination, what with everything that had transpired last night. Once again, I recalled her note, her voice reminiscent of a distant memory; an echo in the breeze.

"You know where to find me."

To be frank, I knew only after giving myself a moment of contemplation. All I needed to do after that was to trace back the steps as I did countless of times before. With how dark and misty it was around me however, coupled with the aching in the back of my head, the soreness of my injured hoof and the swelling weight of lethargy over my eyes, it became more of a struggle than the leisurely canter I had hoped it was. Luna's graceful light was kind enough to seep through the clouds to aid me in the last steps of my journey, before finally, I found her, once again epitomizing a well-known fact that many had come to realize about her.

She was really fond of hillside picnics.

"How's your hoof?"

"Fine, I... I think it's fine..." I stammered, glancing down at said limb. "I... don't really remember bandaging it last night though."

"Oh, that was me. I did that about a couple of minutes before coming out here."

"Okay... thanks, I guess..."

A distrait nod.

Carefully, I carried myself down onto the picnic blanket, settling beside her. Twilight had already laid out a platter of hay sandwiches, though it was left untouched, mostly because she was busy indulging herself in one of the many books she brought along. All I could do then was quietly help myself with the food, my gaze drifting up to the intricate lattice of constellations over our heads and making out their names interwoven in my memory. For the longest time, we bathed in the serene moonlight without a word, letting the earth spin underneath our hooves as we lost ourselves in our separate worlds. In time, the silence between us soon overstayed its welcome; it didn't take long then for the bubble to burst.

"Madrugada."

My glance towards her had no shortage of bewilderment.

"What?"

Twilight raised her book to me, her hoof underlining the word. "Madrugada," she repeated. "It's the time of day occurring between late at night and early morning. We've just past that time."

"Huh," I mumbled, looking at the pages before me, scrolling through the volley of words. "That's a pretty unique list you have there."

"It's a little quaint, don't you think? Want me to read them out for you?"

"If you don't mind reading them, sure."

And so, here we are again.

"Forelsket."

"That one sounds neat. What does it mean?"

"The feeling of euphoria when you're falling in love with someone for the first time."

We've spent the better part of an hour scouring through the list.

"Nunchi."

"Definition?"

"The art of gauging another's mood. You're not really good with that."

Some of them were a little more on the nose than I had hoped. Of course, I was only there to accompany her. To make sure she was safe and sound and content, the latter of the trio stealing the spotlight in this particular instance. You could say I had the experience, being the lump of a royal bodyguard that I am frequently called. It's not easy, being the butt of her teasing; this time was no different from the rest. Don't be mistaken though, for I do like to retaliate when I have the chance.

"Maybe, but I can make up for it."

"Sure you can."

Of course, Twilight Sparkle being Twilight Sparkle, it usually wouldn't work out for me in the end anyway.

"Pochemuchka."

"Huh. What does that mean?"

Mischief danced before my eyes. "It means you," she slyly hummed.

"Me? What about me? What does that mean for me?"

"Pochemuchka means a pony who asks too many questions."

"That's pretty unfair, don't you think?" I pouted, taking a bite off my first sandwich.

You could hear her laughing from a mile away. How I missed it, that laugh that wasn't too brusque and yet wasn't too delicate either, balancing just nicely on the scale. Beneath it, the innocence I thought she had lost long ago had found its way back, which was enough to almost crack a smile upon my face. I didn't want to look overenthusiastic though, not when she's really having her fun right now. All I could do was, at the very least, pretend.

"Hyggelig."

Silence from me.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt your feelings?"

I feigned a loud, airy sigh. "What does it mean?"

"It's how I'm feeling right now," came her amicable answer. "Comfy and content, especially with you here."

A faint blush tingled my cheeks; I tried my best to ignore it.

"Mamihlapinatapai."

"Mami— what?"

Another giggle.

"Mamihlapinatapai," she repeated.

"O...kay..." I muttered, perplexed as ever.

"What does that one mean?"

The answer remained as mystifying as the first time I heard it.

"A look shared by two ponies, wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but that neither one of them wants to begin."

Silence.

For a moment, we just stared into each other, losing ourselves into the currents sweeping us away as we did before. Her smile had since faded, as did mine. She opened her mouth, wanting to speak, as did I, before we both faltered. There was a shimmer in her eyes, beautiful and bountiful. It twinkled like the stars, though one couldn't ignore the gloom that resided with it. Slowly but surely, our gazes parted once again, with Twilight returning hers to the pages and mine to the heavens up above. Every so often, I would steal a glimpse of her, hoping we'd share a mutual stare once more, to no avail. No doubt the events of last night were still flitting across her mind. Being a pony who wasn't accustomed to taking the initiative, to say that she would begin talking about what might be bothering her was a fanciful, whimsical notion. Then again, it wasn't an impossible one either.

All she needed was for me to take the first step.

"I remembered you mentioning something like this."

Twilight glanced up from her book.

"Something about joining you in a picnic when it was all over."

Her gaze wavered, before falling to the side. "I remember saying something like that, yeah," she muttered. "I guess I was trying to... I just wanted to talk about things back then. You know, talk about us, about where we're going to go from there, all the stuff we'd talk about last time."

"Last time... how long ago was it? Last time?"

"Forever and a day? Just a morning ago? Who knows anymore?"

"Yeah..." I chuckled, sighing. "Who knows... still, I was thinking that since we're here already—"

"You want to talk?"

Silence.

"There's a lot to talk about, isn't there?" I asked.

All to make way for the things that we had to say to each other.

"There is, there is..."

For the things that we needed to hear from each other.

"What do you wanna know from me first?"

"Just one thing."

"That is?"

"Your parents."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tense every single time that question found its way back. I'm pretty certain that Shining had told her about their involvement in everything that happened at some point in those five wordless months. She deserved to know that as much as anyone else, though that didn't make it any less apprehensive to talk about them.

"What about them?"

"You're fine with that? With your parents in prison?"

"Well... I don't know... should I be fine with that?" I brought up the question looping in my head every day. "Dad has almost two years to go, Mom has six, all because they knew a little too much... I mean, it's not like they did anything, but that's their crime, supposedly. That they didn't do anything. They could've said something about it, yet..."

"I could pardon them if you want," she suggested, crossing her hooves. "If it came from me, I think everypony would agree that it's fine, wouldn't they?"

"Yeah... we could do that..."

Deep down, however, there was a pain we easily recognized. You could tell from the reluctance in her eyes that the bitterness was still there, just beneath her melancholic sheen. To pardon my parents might be a good thing for them and, to an extent, for me, though I'd figure she would do it more as an obligatory gesture than anything else. Deep down, the pain struck deep, and my parents helped with hammering that nail. She would never pardon them out of the kindness of her heart, that bit was clear to me, so much so that I knew not to broach that topic any further. It must be cruel of me, to subject my parents to that despite everything I said. In the end, it would become one of the many things I would never forgive myself for.

"My turn, I guess..." Twilight hummed, waiting for my first question.

Filly steps, I told myself.

"Your nightmares."

Almost immediately, her expression shattered, though she quickly salvaged what's left of it to patch into a broken smile.

"I was talking in my sleep again, aren't I?" she sighed.

All I could do was nod with a pained grin, to which she began after a shiver.

"They're all the same. Each and every one of them. I close my eyes, I'd see... faces. Faces. All the faces would look at me, but Cardinal's... his face... his one would look into me. He looked so cold and angry and... and it'll always bring me back... to that night... to the night I—"

Her voice faltered into a gasp, prompting me to hold her hoof.

"Sorry, I'm— I can't..."

"No, it's fine, it's fine," I assured. "You don't have to talk about it, if it helps you."

Twilight could only whimper something I believed was akin to a 'thank you'.

"What about the memory spell? Why did you do it?"

"I... don't know really," she admitted. "There's a lot of reasons for it, but in the end, I just wanted to know who it was. I just wanted to know who did it. I just wanted the whole world to stop blaming you for everything and... and just... tell the truth... instead all I got was pain. Extreme pain."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know... I know..."

Another shiver. Another question answered.

"The interview," came my last question, along with a warm smile glistening in the last rays of moonlight. "You listened in with your parents, didn't you?"

"Mm."

"Well? Did I do alright?"

Twilight let out an airy hum of thought, before breaking into a slight giggle. "I don't know, really. Did you actually mean everything you said?" she asked.

"I'm not so sure either," I admitted sheepishly, the both of us laughing. "But I guess when it comes to you, with the things I say just... coming as they are, then yes, to an extent, I do mean them. I was thinking about them when I said it, after all. Is... is that a bad thing?"

"You remember what I said I liked about you?"

"About me being true?"

"Yes, that. You were doing that in the interview. You're just saying everything that came to your mind, didn't you? Sure, some of it was a little off the rails, like that part where you said you would marry me, but you didn't like sound like you were reading off some paper or something like that. You were as true as you could be, Flash. That's far from being a bad thing, at least to me."

"But I did lie about my resignation and everything..."

"You lied, yes," she attested, before breaking into a smile. "But you weren't lying to me. You didn't try to hide it from anyone either. At the very least, I could appreciate that."

Somehow, her saying that made me feel all the more guilty about it.

"That's it from me, I guess," I sighed, glancing back at the stars. "I don't know if there's anything else I should know about."

Silence beholds us both, if only for a brief moment.

"It's a filly."

I turned to her with a blank stare.

"What?" I murmured.

"It... it was a filly..."

It took a lot longer than I had hoped for me to realize what she was saying.

"You mean..."

"Yeah..."

"You... you mean our..."

A muted nod.

"Okay... I... okay..."

Silence, tenser than most. My throat lurched, my eyes clenching shut. You could almost hear the cries it would make, as if trying to claw its way out of the nightmare we were living in and into the fabric of reality. By the time I could gaze back at her and speak, Twilight was trying her best to hold her sniffles. Slowly, she leaned against me, snuggling against my chest. Slowly, I complied, wrapping my left wing around her shaking form. It didn't take long before her quiet sobs filled the air, tempting me to join the fray. All we could do was mourn the times that could've been, even as I struggled to find words of comfort to soothe us both.

"She would've been something, wouldn't she?"

Twilight laughed amid her cries, wiping her tears. "She... she would've been a sweet bundle of joy. The sweetest one Equestria would ever see. You'd spoil her, wouldn't you, Flash?"

"I'd spoil her silly. As would you."

"Yeah... we would be the worst parents ever. We'd be the worst of the worst."

"Scum of the earth," I reciprocated.

"Disasters in the making."

"Failures."

Twilight paused, before nodding glumly. "Failures..." she murmured. "Heh... failures... as if we aren't failures already."

Silence.

"We couldn't do anything about it even if we wanted to."

"How could you be so sure?" she cried out. "If I knew... if I knew earlier that I was... then things wouldn't turn out like this! Things wouldn't be like this!"

"But it's like this now... it's like this..." I gasped feverishly, clutching onto her hoof. "There's nothing we can do about that anymore, Twilight. Nothing... and that's okay. At least know that I'll be right here with you, every step of the way. It hurts me as much as it would hurt you, okay? You're not alone in this."

Her whimpers were cold and barren, her eyes a swirling storm of emotions staring into mine. "I can't... I can't..." she sighed, shaking her head. "When I look at you... I don't want to, but I remember everything that happened. All the things we said to each other, all the pain we made each other feel... I can't go through that again, Flash. I don't want you to go through that again..."

"Twilight, I made a promise that when all is said and done, I must consider if I would want to return to your side. I'm intending to keep that promise, alright?"

"But just now, my surge! It almost... it almost—"

"I almost lost you in a fire as well, Twilight!" I yelled sharply. "And every single time. Every. Single. Fucking. Time... it'll come back and remind me of what I've done, of everything I've done after that... I could've lost you too, Twilight. I could've lost you to the fire, to Cardinal, to Celestia knows what else. I could've lost you too. I could've lost you many times over... and I'm willing to make it up for that. I'm willing to do what it takes to earn my title of royal bodyguard back and I don't care how I'm gonna do it. If it means keeping you safe, then I'd do it."

"Even if it would kill you?" she snarled.

"Even if it would kill me," I stood my ground. "Twilight, I know we've been through a lot. I know it's been hard for us, but I still care about you, and I know you care about me too. I'm not willing to throw that away because what we had... what we've been through... they can't be replaced. They can't be shouldered by anypony else and you know that. I can do that— no, I want to do that. I'm not asking for forgiveness, remember? I'm asking you to become the Twilight Sparkle I remember you to be despite everything. I'm asking you to be brave, to be smart, to be the beautiful mare that I fell in love with. Celestia knows she still in there somewhere and by the Goddesses, I'm going to bring her back, no matter what."

All she could do was stare into my eyes, trying to search for any inkling of hesitation, any show of reluctance, any form of trepidation, to no avail. With furrowing brows, she clutched tightly onto my hoof, hissing me when I made any attempts of raising a question. Despite the tears brimming in her eyes, she sported a newfound glare, entwining my hoof with hers before the horizon where the first rays of sunlight had already begun creeping out from the edge.

"Fine then, just... fine. If you want to stay with me so badly, then you'll have to promise me a few things," she scowled. "First things first, promise me that you'll never, ever, ever, run away again."

I gulped, though remained firm.

"I... I promise."

"Second, promise me that you'll never do anything in my name ever again."

My gaze steadied itself, as did my breathing.

"I promise."

"Lastly... promise me..." her voice faltered into whimpers once again. "Promise me... please promise me, Flash Sentry... don't go ahead and die before I do... promise me..."

My lips curved into a small grin, my mind knowing just the right words to say.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

It didn't take long after that for her to quickly wrap her hooves around me.

The first rays of sunlight tore through the night sky, the glorious view burning brighter and brighter. Even as Twilight cried the last of her tears into my chest, I could only smile and look ahead to the rising sun and to the foreseeable future. Hugging her a little tighter, a single tear leaked from my eye and dripped onto the blades of grass, whether in celebration or in mourning, one can never be sure. Nothing was ever sure in this town of beginnings and ends at the edge of the Everfree. Nothing can ever be certain, yet as I mentioned before in the interview of the century: when it comes to being with Twilight Sparkle, I know with all my heart that it would turn out great, no matter what.

Breaking from our embrace, it wasn't long before we succumbed to the other's gaze once more. The ocean was as tranquil as it had always been, welcoming me into its waters. I could only stare into its beauty and magnificence, the smile I was wearing only widening at the prospect. Even with everything we had toiled through, even with the nightmares keeping us tossing and turning at night, there's no question that we both wanted this to happen. There's no question that this was how things were meant to be. We shared that same look of desire— that same, hopeful gaze of yearning as we stared into each other. Throughout all the time in the hospital, the gaze persisted, with silence happily taking the center stage. It was a desire that started the moment she woke up from her coma and shall finally find a fitting end here on a hillside picnic. It was desire that the two of us wanted from each other, yet never had the courage to swallow our pride and say the words we needed to say. However, in the end, it was a desire that needed no words at all, for all of it was easily summed up and sealed with a single, gentle kiss.

It was the desire to breathe anew.

The desire to begin again.

And whatever what anyone would say, you can be certain I'll be indifferent either way.

Author's Note

So, after almost a year, I could proudly say that Mamihlapinatapai is finally complete! :pinkiehappy:

~~There'll be one more extra optional chapter in which I'd list out the order of the events in which they happened, as requested.~~ Decided against it. Was a little more of a backbreaking task than I had hoped. I'll also put a link in there to an upcoming blog post that's basically gonna explain why I started working on this story in the first place for those interested in that kind of thing.

Once again, thanks to everyone who followed this story. Been one hell of a ride and hopefully, for you guys, it was a good one! :twilightsmile:

Optional Read: How This Story Came To Be

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The Many Variations Of Mamihlapinatapai - A Little Insight

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Entry #1

"Forelsket."

"That one sounds neat. What does it mean?"

"The feeling of euphoria when you're falling in love with someone for the first time."

She was really fond of hillside picnics. It was an elegant pastime of hers, as I was informed. Right here, underneath the threads of a distant cosmos woven into the night sky, sharing a basket of sandwiches on a blanket spread out for two. While I was making out a few constellations from the expanse above, she was reading a book, aided by the brilliant light of Luna's full moon. She was particularly fond of reading on the hillside, especially during a picnic. I find that a little quirky of her; why bother taking the time to look through a book when you can have a chat while having a bite with someone else? You know, learn about their past experiences, talk about likes and dislikes, that kind of stuff. Of course, a mare like her would have an explanation for that. Last I checked from an acquaintance of mine, she mentioned that it calms her mind, that it brings her a state of tranquility. There should be a word for that: finding serenity in the form of a good book. Perhaps there is one in the very book she's reading now. I ought to have a look just to find out what it might be.

"Nunchi."

"Definition?"

She gave me a mischievous smile. "The art of gauging another's mood. You're not really good with that."

"Maybe, but I can make up for it."

"Sure you can."

I was there to entertain her. Well, not really, more like she graciously allowed me to entertain her. Funnily enough, royalty in Equestria never really asked for any sort of entertainment. There are no jesters here in the Canterlot court or back in the Crystal Empire where I was posted, that is, until she requested me to be at her side. I wanted to decline, really I wanted to, but it didn't help that her brother was the commander-in-chief in the empire. I could still remember him giving that deadpan stare of his when I tried explaining myself, enough to gouge holes into my trembling shins. All I could do after the reprimand that followed was salute and, immediately by instinct, shouted 'Yes, Sir!' before heading home and grovel at the bedroom ceiling.

"Pochemuchka."

"Huh. What does that mean?"

Another mischievous grin. "It means you."

I blankly stared at her, blinking and cocking my head sideways. "Me? What about me? What does that mean for me?"

Immediately, she laughed an effeminate laugh, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Pochemuchka means a pony who asks too many questions."

"That's pretty unfair, don't you think?"

Another laugh.

Something about the way she laughs always gets to me. How shall I put it... it's not too brusque nor verbose, unlike the rambunctious hoots and howls that the few mares in the guard would have, but at the same time, it isn't too delicate nor tactful either, which was a surprise when you consider where she hailed from. Her laugh echoes a certain innocence filled with delight— a genuine laugh, all in all, no second nature whatsoever. I found that really quaint. After all, with all the creatures she had fought with, I thought maybe it would take some form of toll on her outlook of life, not that I might want it to change, mind you. In fact, she was, true to her name, a sparkle of light that would guide us out of hopelessness in our darkest times to a brand new day. I, on the flip side, was just one lucky colt.

"Hyggelig."

I said nothing, chewing on my sandwich with straight lips.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt your feelings?"

"What does it mean?"

She giggled at my snarky tone. If her brother were here, I'm sure I'll be pummeled senseless. "It's how I'm feeling right now," she answered, giving a sigh. "Comfy and content, especially with you here."

I momentarily felt my face flush, before hurrying to restore my composure. Fortunately for my dignity, she didn't notice that, as she was already looking back down at her book, looking to quiz me with another entry. That was how I entertained her on most nights: being the target of her verbal teases that she would dish out every so often, all because she found my reactions, in her words, dorkishly hilarious. I watched as she scanned across the words, mumbling softly to herself while trailing down the paper. She wasn't laboriously and meticulously reading it, as her friends would have me believe, nor was she drowsily skimming through it either. Surprisingly, I would describe it exactly as how she did it: tranquil, gentle with a passion beyond the realm of my vocabulary, perhaps even beyond the realm of hers. Still ought to find a word for that.

Eventually, she landed on a word. It seemed to take her a while to pronounce it properly, but after she got it down, she closed the book as well as her eyes, placing it against the picnic basket. I just stared at her, waiting for her to say something, for her to grace me with a little bit more of her vast knowledge like she had the many times we had met before, all of which had the details faded into obscurity. It took her a minute to turn to me and open her eyes, before she muttered a singular amalgam of a phrase that baffled me so, that she giggled when I had to ask her to repeat it just to make it clear.

"Mamihlapinatapai."

I first learned about her when I was still a private, name freshly printed on the enlistment records. It is an heirloom given to me at the behest of my father, whom I'm not really that fond of but respected all the same. See, I come from a long line of decorated military officers. My great, great, several more greats-grandfather was a principal commander responsible for quashing a platoon of gryphon invaders in Trottingham. My great-grandfather was, aside from being part of the Wonderbolts, was in a squad that quelled a few dragons that were being unscrupulously territorial in the south. My grandfather and father, though never achieving glory to the extent of their predecessors, were highly respected in the guard despite. All that meant that I was destined to follow the same path whether I liked it or not. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

I remember that day pretty well, for it was the first day where I was dumped with a bucket of ice-cold water in bed by some of the juvenile rookies that enlisted alongside me. Typical behavior, really. There were a few more instances after that, but once they received a harsh scolding from our superiors after a few friends and I pointed it out, they immediately stopped. Anyways, it was in the afternoon, after wiping myself dry and heading to the canteen with some of my buddies, where I read in the news about her acts of heroism. It was to be the first of many involving her friends, altogether being the Elements of Harmony. They made headlines all over not only for ending what was to be an eternal night, but also for being responsible for the return of Princess Luna. That article gave me a respectable impression of this mare, the mare who would soon become known as the Princess of Friendship across all the corners of Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle was, to me, quite a picturesque name. When I read that name out loud in my head, I immediately thought of the blue and magenta hues of the early morning sky, with a few constellations barely visible behind the breaking rays of sunlight saying their poignant goodbyes. A feeling of melancholy washed over me as the name sailed off my tongue for the third time, almost as if I've met an old friend for the first time in a long, long while. Gosh, that sounded excessively sappy, coming from one in the royal guard.

My first time seeing her came a month after I was posted to the Crystal Empire, which appeared out of the blue in the frozen north. She wasn't a princess then, with her lack of wings and all. Apparently, she and her friends were there to welcome the inspector for the Equestrian Games that will be held at the empire, though I heard from the others that they made a blunder doing so. I was at a stadium then, overseeing the installations being built in preparation for the games, when she arrived with her friends and the inspector, apparently here to talk to Shining Armor on giving the inspector a proper tour. At that time, I didn't really think much about her, though I have to say, she does look pleasant to be around.

A couple more sightings and a princess-hood later, I finally had a proper encounter with her during the princess summit, when she bumped into me moments after her arrival. It wasn't really her fault; she was too busy taking in the sight of all those ponies trumpeting at her arrival. I would be too, if I had all that prepared just for me to trod on the carpets and giving the other princesses various hugs. Us Equestrians could never do anything without little fanfare. Anyways, when she bumped into me, I was, at first, slightly surprised, but I quickly proceeded to carry out the mundane duty I was tasked with.

"Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle," I recalled myself announcing.

When we retired for the night, the guys couldn't stop teasing me about it while we were at the local tavern. So a pony who had ties with royalty bumped into one of the stationed guards! Big deal! Knowing them, I'm sure some of them would like Twilight to bump into them too! Sometimes, I can't believe that the guard were a bunch of goofy ponies that were my friends instead of the strong-willed and ever determined stallions tasked with the security of Equestria, as my father had me believe. Still, I would never trade those guys for a bunch of stone-faced statues; they just make life as a guard seem all the more better and exciting.

Few days after that, I was posted in one of the castle hallways. Up until noon, nothing really much happened, just the humdrum of whistling and staring at crystal walls. Life as a guard in the castle really boils down to that, which can be pretty boring. You'd find a way to entertain yourself after some time, of course. Back then, I think I was counting how many facets were there on one of the crystal pillars, when I heard a bunch of questions coming down from the corridor. From the corner of my eye, I could make out Twilight dragging herself down the hallway, with Princess Cadance and the rest of Twilight's friends following closely behind.

"I wanna tell you everything, I do," I heard her say. "But I'm exhausted from all the dancing."

"Dancing?" exclaimed the others, bewildered.

That was when we 'met' the second time.

When you become a guard, you'll tend to notice the eccentricities of those you're serving. As much fun as it might be for a juicy discussion over dinner, you are expected to turn a blind eye and never speak of it when you notice them. What happens in the guard, so on so forth. So when she bumped into me and fell back onto her flanks, I clutched on a shred of decency, put on my best good-natured smile and helped the newly-crowned and admittedly klutzy princess up. That was when I noticed her cheeks turning red and a glamorous shimmer in her eyes; two things that were not present in our first encounter. That bugged me for a little while, but with my decency and common sense still intact, I shook it off, reached out a hoof and helped her up.

"We've got to stop bumping into each other like this," I quipped what I find now to be a horrendous attempt to be a tease, before trotting away, ignoring the curious stares of the rest, even from Princess Cadance. Some part of me just wants to hightail it out of there before the rest of the guys could see me; their incessant teasing had gone stale last night and the last thing I wanted was for it start up again. Another part of me, however, was still in a state of shock. Was Princess Twilight Sparkle really fawning over me?

That question lingered for a moment, before I shook my head. "There's no way, Flash Sentry," I chastised myself. After all, what are the chances that a rookie guard could find affection in a princess? It was, to me back then, a pretty unbelievable concept originating from a far-fetched and highly-strung imagination. With that, I dismissed myself from those thoughts and trotted onward to the barracks, not realizing I was biting my lip throughout the way.

"Maybe..."

"Excuse me? Nurse?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm here to see Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

"Ah, the Princess. Third floor, room six."

The Princess once talked to me about the number six. She explained that it is the smallest perfect number and followed that up with an explanation on what a perfect number is, which I had obviously forgotten. She was as fascinated with mathematics as she was with science and literature. I find that fascination unique; most ponies I've met understandably abhorred mathematics, which made it ever more fascinating for me to see her expressing her love for numbers and equations. There was a time when she read out loud a book regarding a subject she had called 'mathematical beauty'. Don't remember the details, but it was about how some formulas are exquisite because of how perfect they seemed to be, how they appear in instances of nature and so on. Hearing her read that out loud really was like watching a play. Somehow, Twilight Sparkle enthralled me with a speech on mathematics!

Thanking the nurse, I trotted up the first flight of stairs, leaving behind a trail of puddles along the way. It had been raining heavily outside, the sun shying away behind a veil of dismal gray, and according to the weather factory, it will be for another week or two. The prospect of that put a damper, no pun intended, on my mood, though I did expect it to happen. After all, it was tradition for the weather scheduled by the pegasi to reflect the general semblance of Equestria. In fact, I believe they should've added in a little more precipitation, as well as throw in some lightning and thunder into the mix, should they want to accurately portray the general populace's atmosphere.

I reached the second landing and turned to the left, though I immediately halted, stiffening up when I saw a pair of familiar faces seated on one of the many waiting benches outside. Sleeping quietly was none other than Princess Cadance, whose mane looked unkempt and strewn about with visible black circles outlining her eyes. Her head was resting on the lap of none other than her husband and captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, who immediately perked up at my arrival, his drowsy visage abruptly skewering itself up into a dark, menacing frown.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Out of fear, I gave no reply. At that point, Princess Cadance stirred from her sleep, turning to look at me. "Flash?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes before letting out a languid, unprincess-like yawn. "They're not allowing anypony into her room right now..."

"I see."

"Especially you," Shining callously added, the toxicity of his tone stinging me a little. "Not after what you did."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? After what you did, now you're fucking sorry?"

"For Faust's sake, Shining, we're in a hospital!" Cadance exclaimed, shocked. "Flash already apologized, okay? Like he did the hundred times before! Just leave him be!"

"That doesn't change anything!" he hissed, his vengeful glare shimmering. "If it wasn't for him, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Look, Shining, he's here because he cares about—"

"If he did, she wouldn't be in that room right now!"

"SHINING ARMOR!"

The hallways boomed in what we call the Royal Canterlot Voice, leaving the two of us stunned, the doctors and nurses aghast, and sending a few patients scurrying into their rooms. Rarely does Princess Cadance ever utilize the Royal Canterlot Voice. In my time of serving her, I had never seen any instances of her using such a powerful form of speech ever, even when dealing with the most unruly and unscrupulous of subjects. There was one time that it really came close, when she was in court interrogating the head of what was arguably a fanatic cult that worships King Sombra. All of that only makes it surprising to see the very first demonstration of it right now: against her own husband, of all ponies!

Shining, of course, didn't take it too kindly. At his wife's outburst, he immediately stormed off towards the washroom, leaving us alone in a huff. The princess, quick to realize what she had done, opened her mouth and began raising her hoof to reach out to him, only to cease on either. As for me, I just solemnly looked on, once again doing nothing. I'm not one who likes to get involved with certain affairs, especially when it comes to couples. To me, a mess between two lovers should be handled by their own volition; any suggestions from an outside party would jeopardize the relationship indefinitely. Twilight would've been proud to hear me say that out loud.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness."

"Don't be, Flash," Princess Cadance managed a closed-mouth smile, breaking her gaze and turning to me. "It's been a long day for the both of us, and I'm sure it's been a long one for you as well. Shining will get to his senses eventually. You know what, I'll have a talk with him and I'll ask him to apologize to you later."

"But I don't want to impose—"

"I mean it," the princess bluntly snapped. "Shining shouldn't be acting unreasonably like that in the first place and he knew better, damn him. You didn't do anything to deserve what he said. It was an accident, alright? We all knew it was an accident."

I swallowed to soothe the ache gnawing my throat. "Do you really believe that?" I asked dryly.

Princess Cadance's smile grew wider, the corner of her shut lips creasing with a breathy hum. "Does it really matter?" was her response.

I spent another minute in silent contemplation, before excusing myself and made my way down. Was it silent contemplation though? Was I really thinking and reflecting as I wanted to believe I had done? Or was it silent prayer? Oh, certainly nothing like that, I suppose. Maybe it was silent mourning, though that train of thought would derail eventually later on, so I guess not. Maybe... yes, maybe it just had an extra unneeded word. Maybe it was just that: silence. I spent a minute in silence, thinking nothing, doing nothing, all for nothing. Alright then, enough rambling, let's move on.

When I stepped out into the rain, drenching myself in the ceaseless volley of empyrean accusations, I made my way to the local tavern. In my journey, I remembered thinking about Shining's outburst. He had every right to be angry with me, even if Princess Cadance insisted on an apology from him. I don't mind an apology every now and then, not that anything would change. After all, I played the part of a neurotic apologician and look how that turned out; we all believed what we wanted to believe, in the end. I may deny how everything had played out as much times as possible and I will still be subjected to the same treatment. I'm fine living as a villain, however. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

I stared up at the maw of the sky, up against the needles firing at me, only to notice that the storm clouds were drifting in opposite directions. Even the sky, like the married couple before me, was divisive at the very notion of my presence. I didn't really expect that, even though I should by now, pegasi traditions and whatnot. In the end, however, we believe what we want to believe, remember? It was probably all a coincidence, I may never know. When the rest of the world has shunned you, what else is there for you to know? To that notion, I thought back to when I asked the Crystal Princess that question, on whether it was an accident or not with what happened.

"Does it really matter?"

Princess Cadance generously provided me that answer, and for that, I thank her. She was acknowledging the hardships I was facing and was extending her deepest sympathies, much like Her Royal Highnesses Princess Celestia and Princess Luna did. I appreciate it, having to hear something sweet once in a while, especially if that sweetness has its origins in royalty. However, compared to her aunts, she was still rather young. Being young, she was inexperienced in certain fields, which was expected. Do understand, if you're in my position right now— scratch that, if you are a new recruit in the guard, you'll come to learn about the subtle art of putting up a farce, whether it be from you or from somepony else. You'll learn that when a princess smiles like how she did, with the lackluster shimmer instead of a glorious, confident sheen in her tired eyes, it really could only mean one thing.

"No, I don't. I don't believe you. I don't believe it was an accident. I'm not sorry. Shining was right about this whole thing. You deserve it, so you bloody damn well suck it up. In fact, you should be the one that's supposed to be sorry in this whole mess, you murderer."

Really though, can you imagine Princess Cadance spitting out that word?

"Murderer."

Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.