The light of the sun was blinding. Despite that her eyes were covered by a thick curtain of fresh tears, it pierced right into them. Scootaloo squinted. She looked away from the blinding light, down on the landscapes that spread out under her. They were covered with the brightness of the celestial body that had just hurt her eyes. She rubbed away the tears that obstructed her vision, then let her eyes wander over the places that lay under her.
To her right, she could see the last houses of Ponyville, located at the edge of the little town, their thatched roofs glowing like gold in the rays of the sun. Nothing was stirring around the houses. It was too early and the ponies who lived inside were probably still fast asleep.
Scootaloo couldn't sleep. She had managed to get in a few hours, after having been tucked away the evening before, but it had been a restless sleep. Her mind got tortured by pictures and by fragments of dreams, things she saw for a few days now whenever she had closed her eyes. After waking up, she had spent the rest of the night with staring into the nothingness of the dark ceiling above her bed. For the whole night, she avoided closing her eyes. Even though sleeping was impossible, because the pictures always appeared behind her eyelids, regardless if she was asleep or awake.
At morning, as the sun had begun rising from under the horizon, Scootaloo couldn't endure it anymore. So she had left her house and went all the way up here, on top of a hill beyond the outskirts of Ponyville. As she arrived, the sun had been risen completely, ready to bath the land with its light. Here, Scootaloo knew, she could cry as much as she wanted. In complete isolation, with no pony hearing her cries and coming to ask for her well-being. No disturbances. No ponies who gave her advice that didn't help her in the slightest to feel better. Not having to see the sad expressions of other ponies when they noticed that she was still in this condition. Just her. Her..... and the thoughts. The pain in her heart and the tears that streamed endlessly from her reddened eyes. It was all she needed, just being away from everything and from everypony.
It wasn't that they didn't understand. They understood her condition perfectly and, when she looked into their faces, Scootaloo could see the empathy they felt for her. But that was exactly what she didn't want to see. This expression in their eyes, every time they looked at her..... It had become too much. She needed distance, really badly.
Of course she couldn't escape this forever..... That was something the young pegasus filly realized. She would see plenty of those faces once the moment came that she had to leave the hill and return back to Ponyville. But she still had time until then, a little. Time during which she did not have to see the grief that other ponies felt together with her. Right now, she really needed this time.
Scootaloo retracted her eyes from the houses and let them wander to the left. Here, she could see almost nothing but grass. A few trees were growing out of the soil, but mostly, it were grasslands she was looking at right now. Tall blades of grass, slightly swaying in the fresh morning breeze. Tall enough for a filly like her to disappear under them and to use them as a hideout. Her eyes suddenly showed a longing expression. Maybe she could do it? Hiding away in the wild, tall grass, so that nopony could find her. So that nopony could tell her that it's time to come with them. They wouldn't be able to spot her in there. Unless..... They would ask some of the town's pegasi to fly around and search for her. Her orange coat between the grassblades would stick out to any pegasi flying over the land. A pegasus would immediately notice her.
The thought stung. New tears rose in her eyes, turning the landscape she looked at into a green blur. This time, Scootaloo didn't care enough to rub them away. The peaceful serenity of this cliff in the quiet, early hours of the morning had managed to put her mind at ease. But now, the isolation wasn't welcomed by her anymore. She began to weep. Freely and loudly she mourned her fate, with open eyes, as she still didn't dare to close them even for just a second, lest the pictures that were haunting her the last days would return. She wanted to come up here, but now, having nopony around just hurt. Now, she felt lonely.
Scootaloo's ears perked up. Despite her cries, she could hear hoofsteps approaching her. Somepony was coming, the grass swishing as it trotted closer, but Scootaloo did not look behind. Nopony knew that she was here and surely nopony would expect her to be so far away, at the edges of the town. There couldn't be any ponies searching for her on this hill. She was sure that what she heard was nothing but her imagination, her lonely mind playing tricks on her, born from the wish for company. This conviction faded, as Scootaloo heard a voice ringing out to her.
“Hey, squirt! What are you doing up here this early?”
Scootaloo raised her head and gasped, interrupting her sobs. In slow disbelief, she turned around to face the arrival.
“R-Rainbow Dash?” she managed to say. The lump in her throat made her voice come out only quietly. “Y-You are here?”
“Sure!” The answer came swiftly from the cyan pegasus mare with the rainbow mane. “You know this is my favourite time to fly!” She grinned. “There is nothing better than an awesome morning flight!” As Rainbow Dash had reached the edge of the cliff, she sat down right at Scootaloo's side, facing her.
Scootaloo's eyes had followed each of Rainbow Dash's steps and movements and so, Scootaloo was looking to the left now, fixated on her big sister. For a few seconds, she just stared at Rainbow Dash with her tear-filled eyes. They radiated the pent-up grief that had accumulated over the last days. Then her face distorted with desperation and the tears streamed from her eyes even faster. She reached out, put her hooves around Rainbow Dash and buried her head in the fluffy and soft coat of her chest.
“Why? Why?” she whimpered.
Rainbow Dash looked down on her, face full of empathy. “What's wrong, Scoots?” she asked in a mild voice, circumventing her little sister's question.
Scootaloo pulled away, hooves still loosely clasped around her big sister's back, and looked up into Rainbow Dash's face. Her eyes were wide and filled with consternation. “'What's wrong?'” she repeated the question. “You know what's wrong. Everypony does.....” She swallowed, but it did not make the lump in her throat go away. “And now, nothing is the same anymore.....”
In front of her, she could see Rainbow Dash closing her eyes and sighing. “Yeah..... I know.” The older pegasus folded out a wing and put it over Scootaloo's back, pulling her a little closer. “I know, squirt. And I'm sorry.” Her voice sounded regretful now and tears began to form in her eyes.
“B-But what now?!” Scootaloo asked her big sister, agitated. She was almost shouting. “What's happening now? How should I continue?” The filly sniffed, then swallowed again.
Rainbow Dash blinked away her tears. Her face showed a more serious expression now. She looked focused. “Listen, Scoots,” she began. “You need to go on. It's hard what happened, I know. And I wish it wouldn't have happened.....” Rainbow Dash trailed off. She hung her head, just a little, and her eyelids lowered slightly. “But sometimes, that's how life is. Life isn't a competition. It isn't always fair. And there are no rules that tell life to play fair. Sometimes, dumb things happen and you have to deal with them.”
Rainbow Dash paused. The sound of her voice as she spoke those words had been full of firm insistence. When Rainbow Dash spoke in this voice, Scootaloo knew that she wasn't going to take any buts or what ifs. So Scootaloo chose another word.
“How?” she pressed out. “H-How should I do this? Everything is different now. Everything changed. How should I go on? A-And..... And why?” Scootaloo's voice had become hopeless.
Rainbow Dash's face turned sterner. “Scootaloo, everything else keeps going. The world doesn't stop spinning now. And you are still a part of this world, even after what happened. You need to keep spinning with it.” She stretched out a hoof and put it gently down on Scootaloo's chest, at her beating heart.
Wordlessly, Scootaloo stared at her big sister, her face still showing the same amount of grief, her eyes still leaking tears.
Noticing that her words didn't have the intended effect, Rainbow Dash moved her hoof up and put it under Scootaloo's chin. Carefully, she turned her head to the right, making her face the cliff. “Look at this, Scoots,” she said. “It's the same as with the sun.”
Scootaloo held up a hoof, shielding her eyes. “T-The sun?” she asked.
“Yeah. It still shines. Even if something horrible happens, Princess Celestia still raises the sun and it still keeps shining. That never changes. And your sun will keep shining, too.”
Scootaloo looked into the direction of the sun, trying to make sense of Rainbow Dash's words. As her agitated mind failed with this task, she turned away from it and looked back into Rainbow Dash's face. Her expression was puzzled, under all the grief that her face still showed.
“Scoots, you have a hard time ahead of you now,” Rainbow Dash continued. “And you will feel sad for a while, until you have gotten over it. But the sun inside you will keep shining anyway, every day. And it will make you happy again one day.”
Scootaloo's face eased somewhat. Noticing that her words finally had an effect, Rainbow Dash smiled.
Scootaloo nodded, the meaning of Rainbow Dash's words finally kicking in now. “And then?” she asked. “What about my future? What about flying? What if I want to become a Wonderbolt, just like you?” she asked, desperately seeking advice from her idol.
“I don't know,” Rainbow Dash answered, truthfully. “But it doesn't matter, Scoots. Maybe you find a way to fly one day and I'm sure you would be an awesome Wonderbolt who makes both me and Spitfire proud.” She raised a hoof off the ground and stroke it over Scootaloo's mane. “But even if you don't, you are going to find something else. There are many ways to be awesome and you will find yours, I know it.”
For the first time since their conversation started, a smile flashed over Scootaloo's face, albeit a small one. With the tears still streaming over her cheeks, it looked awkward. Scootaloo tightened the grip around her big sister's back again and rested her head against her chest, snuggling into the soft coat once more. In response, Rainbow Dash unfolded her other wing too and put it on Scootaloo's back, as well, embracing her with both wings now.
“I will always be there and cheer you on, squirt.” Rainbow Dash spoke softly. Her voice was full of love.
Scootaloo stirred a little. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash,” she said, sniffing. “You always support me and you are always here when I need you. It will be hard without your advice..... But–”
“Scootaloo?” a voice suddenly spoke to her, cutting off her speech. It wasn't Rainbow Dash's voice and as Scootaloo looked up, she could confirm that Rainbow Dash wasn't the one who had interrupted her. Her big sister just looked down at her, smiling in content.
Confused, Scootaloo turned her head to the left. Her eyes widened as she found herself looking at Apple Bloom. Her friend was wearing a black dress and, for once, she had no bow in her mane.
“Apple Bloom?” Scootaloo asked. “What are you doing here?” She brushed over her eyes to see her friend better.
The other filly raised an eyebrow. Instead of answering the question, she scrutinized the scene in front of her.
“Scootaloo?” she finally asked, puzzled. “Who are ya talkin' ta?”
Scootaloo blinked. “What? Why do you ask? Rainbow Dash is here, right in front of me, can't you–” She froze in her sentence as she looked at Rainbow Dash again. The place in front of her was suddenly empty. She could see that her forehooves were now clasping nothing but air. Consternated, she put them down on the ground. Staring at the empty spot, her mind tried to process what just happened. Scootaloo dropped her ears and choked.
Apple Bloom cocked her head and her expression turned into one of deep concern. “Rainbow Dash? Ya alone over there, Scootaloo, Rainbow Da–” Apple Bloom felt a hoof on her back. Instead of finishing her sentence, she looked behind and saw Applejack towering above her.
Friendly, but firm, Applejack looked down on her. The latter expression got emphasized by the black hat she was wearing instead of her usual one. “Ah'll be bringin' Scootaloo over, Apple Bloom. Ya just go ahead and meet with the others.”
Sternly, Apple Bloom nodded. She gave Scootaloo another concerned look, then turned around and did as her sister had told.
As the two of them were alone, Applejack trotted up to Scootaloo. The young filly turned at her, ears still dropped. Shock adorned her face.
“I-Is it time already?” she whispered quietly.
Applejack nodded. “Yes.” She lowered herself down in front of Scootaloo. “Ah know that all of this is very hard for ya, Sugarcube, but ya need ta come with us. She would want ya ta be there,” the farm mare spoke, full of compassion.
“I-I know.....” Scootaloo whimpered in response, a sob leaving her throat. “J-Just p-please give me o-one more m-moment, A-Applejack.” Her voice shivered and was a few times close to breaking.
Applejack nodded again. “As many as ya want, take ya time, Sugarcube.” She rose back into a standing position and placed a hoof on Scootaloo's shoulder.
Scootaloo turned away from Applejack, facing the cliff behind them. The light of the sun pierced into her eyes again. This time, Scootaloo did not squint. For a few seconds, she just kept looking at the sun. As she turned back at the mare behind her again and got up on her hooves, Applejack put one hoof around her shoulders. In contemplative silence, they trotted away from the cliff and down the hill.
As Scootaloo and Applejack arrived at the place of the funeral, everything was already prepared and everypony was there. Mr. Waddle stood in front of several rows of seats, before a pedestal with a big and heavy-looking, black book on it and almost all of the seats were occupied with ponies. All of them grieving and a few were crying. Only the third row still had two free seats left.
Scootaloo trudged past Mr. Waddle and towards the seats. She kept her head low, unable to look at the wooden construction that had been placed to Mr. Waddle's right. Only as it was out of sight and she faced the seats, Scootaloo moved her head up again. For a second, she let her eyes flash over the attending ponies.
The first row had been reserved for the Wonderbolts, something that was without a doubt according to Rainbow Dash's wish. The black flight suits they wore for the tragic occasion were adorned with lightning bolts in all colors of the rainbow. Rarity's work, Scootaloo recognized. Spitfire and Fleetfoot looked to the front with stern expressions, as most of the attending Wonderbolts did. Only Soarin failed to maintain the professional appearance. His face was crestfallen and a trace of grief managed to escape from behind the firm facade he tried to keep up. Just as herself, he did not dare to look at the coffin, she noticed.
In the second row, Scootaloo caught eye of Rainbow Dash's parents. They were hardly able to stay composed, but both took a moment to smile and wave at her.
Feeling Applejack gently nudging her from behind, Scootaloo continued her way. Arrived in the third row, the filly sat down without speaking a word. Applejack took seat to her right.
The coffin was right in front of Scootaloo now, her head almost being in linear distance to it. It made avoiding to look at it hard. To her left sat Sweetie Belle, who was wearing a black dress that looked similar to Apple Bloom's. In her mane was a tiny, black ribbon.
Scootaloo choked as Mr. Waddle opened the book and started with the introduction of his prepared speech. She fixated her eyes on the elderly stallion, frantically avoiding to look to his right. At the front, Mr. Waddle started to speak about memorable events of Rainbow Dash's life. Each one let a sob escape Scootaloo's throat. Her sobs were almost perfectly aligned with the sobs of Rainbow Dash's parents. Scootaloo tried to focus on Mr. Waddle's words. They washed over her, like she was sitting in a constant gust of very cold wind. Safe for a few scraps, the heartfelt words barely found their way into her consciousness.
A sudden, tight hug from her left, delivered by Sweetie Belle, was the first thing Scootaloo managed to feel since Mr. Waddle had started to speak. She looked down on her friend, whose eyes were watery. The cloud in Scootaloo's mind only cleared very slowly.
“Scoots?” Sweetie Belle inquired. Her usually so adorable squeak sounded higher than normal, distorted by sadness and worry. As gently as she could, she tapped on the back of Scootaloo's head. Scootaloo looked back to the front, to Mr. Waddle's place at the pedestal. Finding it empty, she finally reacted.
“What happened?” she asked. Her voice sounded drowsy and distant.
“It's over, Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom answered from further to her left. She was sitting right next to Sweetie Belle.
Now feeling confused, Scootaloo looked around. All she saw were empty seats. The ceremony was over. The attending ponies, Rainbow Dash's parents and the Wonderbolts at the front of the group, had gathered in some distance.
Applejack nudged her, just as she had done before the ceremony started. Then she pointed to the coffin. It was still open. “Go ta her, Sugarcube. It's the last chance ta see her before they close the lid.” The words were spoken in a shaky voice.
Scootaloo did not respond, but she began to peel herself out of Sweetie Belle's hug. Assisted by her two best friends and Applejack, she left the row. It only happened slowly, but she managed to bring the distance to the coffin behind her. Frozen in place, Scootaloo watched Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Applejack approaching the coffin and speaking a few words, then stepping away from it. Finally, Applejack waved at her, a sign to come closer.
For a few seconds, nothing happened and her hooves didn't move. Then she gave herself an inner push. Swaying, Scootaloo stepped at Applejack's side. She fixated her hooves, then forced her head up and looked inside the coffin.
Rainbow Dash looked peacefully. Her face showed a smile. It appeared slightly smug, just like anypony who knew her would expect it. She was wearing her Wonderbolts suit, apparently because she wrote this into her last will, as Scootaloo had picked up from some ponies a few days earlier. She was surprised to hear that Rainbow Dash even had written a last will already. Rainbow Dash was too young to think about such a thing, she always felt. And yet, now her idol was lying here, in a coffin that was about to get closed before it would disappear deep in the ground.
New tears shot into Scootaloo's eyes. She detracted her eyes from Rainbow Dash's body. For a moment, she had to look into the distance, to endure all of this. A little to the side of the group of ponies who waited to leave for the Ponyville Graveyard, Scootaloo spotted Derpy and Dinky. Derpy just broke out into a fresh stream of tears on her own, resulting in Dinky wrapping her hooves around her mom for a tight, comforting hug. Derpy was standing there with only her back facing them. This made it possible for Dinky to notice Scootaloo's look. Weakly, she lifted a hoof from her mom's back and waved over to her pegasus friend. There were tears in her eyes, as well. In response to the wave, Scootaloo just nodded. She choked and looked back at Rainbow Dash.
From the corner of her eyes, she could see Soarin and Spitfire coming into her direction, their eyes fixated on the coffin. Knowing what this meant, Scootaloo finally gathered her last remaining strength and forced herself to do what she had come here for. Looking into her idol's and big sister's face, the words from their imaginary conversation this morning resurfaced in Scootaloo's mind.
I will always be there and cheer you on, squirt.
It let Scootaloo erupt into shivers. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom flanked her quickly and put their hooves around her.
“Ya wanna say somethin'?” Applejack asked, giving it a last try.
Scootaloo nodded. “Y-Yes.” She did a step closer, just a tiny bit. The words were in her head. Scootaloo did not know how her distraught mind was able to come up with them. But there was a short speech in her head, one filled with all of her adoration for the most important pony in her life. The problem was not to know what to say. But actually speaking out the words was different. It felt like farewell. And that's what it meant and this made her unable to say the words, no matter how much she pushed herself to finally speak.
Scootaloo looked down again. Her face distorted in desperation and she began sobbing, feeling helpless. At her side, Applejack nodded to Spitfire and Soarin, a silent sign to close the lid. They nodded in return.
Apple Bloom, however, nudged Scootaloo. “You can do it, Scoots!” She gathered all her encouragement in her voice.
Scootaloo looked at her, then at Rainbow Dash once again. Eyes filled to the brim with tears, she directed her gaze into Rainbow Dash's face. “R-Rainbow Dash.....” she pressed out between her lips. Then she wiped the tears out of her eyes and, just seconds before the lid got closed, did a last look at her big sister, now wearing a brave and determined expression.
“The sun still shines,” she said.
Author's Note
Dedicated to a very special bird, who passed away today. May the sun still shine for you in the better place you are in now, Bella.
