Let's see, here . . . I have about a dozen or so stories . . . with about probably a couple hundred people in total waiting to see them updated . . . well clearly the most logical next step in this progression would be for me to start a new story, and a completely random self-insert at that! Ah, especially when I already have another self-insert, also abandoned!

I would plead for my life, but you'd have to get through about 352 rounds of hollow-point 5.56s, first.
Dear heavens do I love the 2nd Amendment.

WARNING: Contains gun jargon, autism of the nth degree, and some Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann spoilers. Don't worry; spoilers are marked.