HAND

by XiF

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 3907

Lyra Heartstrings goes on a journey across Equestria.

Lyra Heartstrings, a pony with a little more than fanatical interest in humans, goes on a journey spanning across Equestria following a highly dubious clue. Also, Bon-Bon tags along.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-05 15:27:47 UTC

Chapter 1

HAND

By: XiF

“Chapter One”

Lyra Heartstrings stared blankly at the mess. Various electronic parts, including brightly colored wires and microchips, were strewn across the floor. What was she going to do? Sweat beaded on her forehead as she swiveled her head, eyes landing on the old analog clock that always hung on the kitchen wall. What’s the time? The hour hand was half way between the four and the five, and the minute hand was just past six. When would Bon Bon be home? Five fifteen. You still have time, Lyra, she told herself. Forty-five minutes wasn’t that much more time, however. She would have to fix this problem quickly.

Bon Bon would be furious! But what was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to piece this thing back together? She didn’t know anything about electronics! Never needed to! Nope, good ol’ magic was enough for this mare. She shook her head. That kind of thinking wasn’t going to help. Whether the stupid thing was useful or not, she still needed to fix it! Maybe she could get help? Maybe someone could fix it for her.

That was it!

Lyra had an idea. She trotted out of the kitchen, down the long staircase, and into the basement.

“Now where is that old thing?” Lyra asked herself, illuminating the dark room with her magic. The basement was a small room. It was about as big as the kitchen‒ perhaps even a little bit smaller. It was filled with a lot of old junk; neither she nor Bon Bon had ever bothered to clean it. Lyra trudged through the clutter, searching, when finally she found what she was looking for.

The old computer sat in the corner of the room, covered in dust. For some reason, it seemed that this corner was exempt from the litter that brightly adorned the rest of the room; Lyra, for once, could actually feel the cold, concrete floor. As for the computer itself, well... it was a crummy old thing; Lyra had bought it several years ago on a whim‒ like most of the other things found here. They rarely used it, and thus, it had found itself thrust out of the bedroom and into its welcoming new home in the basement, in company with all the other junk. However, every once in a while there was use for the otherwise purposeless hunk of metal, one instance being right now.

Lyra reached out and gingerly pushed the ‘on’ button and watched, as the computer sprang to life.

At first the screen was dark and only displayed bright green letters. Then, after a few moments, a pompous animation embellished the screen. Various colored orbs danced across the monitor until finally dissipating into Hi-Teck Co.’s characteristic logo, which in turn faded out into the desktop. Finding the light from the computer screen to be enough, Lyra ended the illumination spell. She put her hoof on the mouse and tried to maneuver it around the screen, but her attempts, much to her dismay, were met with little success.

“Work, you stupid thing!” Lyra exclaimed, slamming her hooves on the keyboard. The time, according to the computer, was 4:43. She had to hurry! Lyra decided to use her magic to manipulate the mouse instead, and this proved much more successful. She clicked on Equinet Surfer’s icon, and up popped the web browser. Clumsily, she moved the mouse up to the search bar and typed in, “Hi-Teck Support.”

A few seconds later, the results popped up. She chose the first link:

Hi-Teck Technical Support and Consumer Services

A gaudy Equinet page showed up, displaying all of Hi-Teck’s latest products. Below all of this was a small button labeled, “Support”.

She clicked on it, and a new window popped up.

Silicon Chip [4:51] : Hi, this is Hi-Teck Technical Support. How may I help you?

Lyra typed in her response.

Customer [4:52] : i have a broken mitlekylero

Silicon Chip [4:54] : I’m sorry, but we don’t sell that product. Are you sure you didn’t mean something else?

Customer [4:55]: im not sure it looked a lot like that to me

Silicon Chip [4:56]: I’m sorry, but I need to know the model before I can help you.

Customer [4:57] : one second, let me go check

Customer [5:01] : i think the model number is 45306

Silicon Chip [5:04] : I’m sorry, but we do not support that model anymore. You will have to purchase a newer version if you want one. However, we do thank you for your interest in our products. HAND!

Silicon Chip is now Offline

Lyra stared at the screen in surprise. Hand? As in a human hand? As in a human hand with five fingers? As in a hand with a thumb, an index, a middle finger, a ring finger, and a pinky?

Customer [5:06] : wait did you say hand?

We are sorry for the inconvenience, but

it appears that Silicon Chip is Offline.

This window will close in 5 seconds.

Lyra gasped as the the timer counted down and the window closed. Almost immediately, she searched for ‘Silicon Chip’.

“Silicon chips for sale, computer parts for sale, silicon chips for sale,” muttered Lyra scrolling through the search results. “No, no! Silicon Chip the pony!”

She searched for ‘Hi-Teck Silicon Chip’. Again, she was rewarded fruitlessly by a page full of advertisements. She tried once more, this time adding ‘employee’ to her search.

Hoofington Branch Hi-Teck Employee of the Month: Silicon Chip

Lyra clicked on the link.

Employee of Month: Silicon Chip

April 1, 997

Congratulations to employee Silicon Chip for her outstanding performance this month! Silicon Chip has proved an indispensable employee, contributing many things to the company. She is very dependable, hardworking, and honest. In fact, she is one of the most reliable workers in the Customer Support department. During this month she has helped thousands of customers each day fix problems with their devices. Compare that to the average of one hundred per day.

Lyra groaned and scrolled through the pompous passage, skimming it.

“That’s it?” exclaimed Lyra. The only information she had on Silicon Chip was that she apparently worked at Hi-Teck’s Hoofington Branch! And on top of that, the article was four years old! How was she supposed to get anything out of that? Then Lyra had an absolutely crazy idea. Perhaps... maybe, that was enough information?

But then there was only one way she’d find Silicon Chip...

“LYRA HEARTSTRINGS!”

Lyra knew that voice. It was Bon Bon.

Uh-Oh.

Lyra slammed her hoof on the computer’s off button. Turn off!

Becoming impatient, she jammed her hoof into the off button repeatedly, until the screen suddenly went black. Without the computer’s light, nor Lyra’s illumination spell, the room was pitch dark.

Think Lyra, think!

“LYRA, WHERE ARE YOU?!” called Bon Bon.

Lyra heard trotting near the staircase. Uh-oh. This was not good at all. Maybe she could hide in the computer desk? She tried stuffing herself in the small space under the computer desk, where the computer tower and modem sat. It took her a few tries, but eventually, she found herself hopelessly crammed in a place way too small for her to fit in comfortably. Excruciating pain shot through her body as she tried to position herself in a more comfortable state.

“Oh, great,” Lyra whispered to herself. “Great. This is just fantastic.”

“Lyra, are you down there?” called out Bon Bon. Lyra didn’t respond. There was still a chance that Bon Bon would go away and this would all be over, at least for now. But of course things never happen the way you want them to. Bon Bon trotted down the steps and into the basement. Lyra noticed that didn't hear the door open. Did she really forget to close it? How stupid! Bon Bon flipped on the light switch—which Lyra had also forgotten about— exposing her to sight.

Bon Bon almost immediately saw Lyra crammed in an unlikely place— although, nothing could quite be labeled ‘unlikely’ when it came to the mint green unicorn. Lyra was, quite simply put, absolutely daft.

"Oh! Hey, Bon Bon, you're home early!"

“Lyra, what are you doing?” demanded Bon Bon, trotting over to the computer.

“I uh...” stuttered Lyra.

“And just what, may I ask you, was my Mitlekylero doing in the kitchen?” Bon Bon asked.

“Actually Bon Bon, it’s not called a Mitle—”

“I DON’T CARE!” screamed Bon Bon. “What were you even doing with it?!”

“It was an accident...” muttered Lyra.

“I needed it to make that special sweet Luna ordered!” exclaimed Bon Bon.

“There’s always the Sugar Cube Corn—”

“NO!” said Bon Bon. “Never!”

“Okay...” said Lyra thoughtfully. A plan was quickly taking shape in her mind.  If Bon Bon absolutely needed one of those Mitlekylero things—she mentally noted that she needed to stop calling it a Mitlekylero; that wasn’t its name— then she needed to get a new one. Maybe she’d even need to go to Hoofington to get one...

“Don’t you see, Lyra? I absolutely need it! I can’t process the sugar the right way with anything else!”

“Well, I looked it up and found out that we can get one of those things in Hoofington,” said Lyra.

“Hoofington?” repeated Bon Bon, surprised.

“Uh, yeah. Hoofington.”

“Where did you look this up?” asked Bon Bon.

“On the computer,” said Lyra. “You know, on the company’s website.”

“But Hoofington is so far away from here...” said Bon Bon.

“Well, if you don’t want to go, I’ll go,” replied Lyra, all too quickly.

“No, no. I couldn’t possibly let you go to Hoofington by yourself. Something terrible is bound to happen. Nope, I’ll go myself,” said Bon Bon.

“Erm, I’d better come with you,” said Lyra.

“Why?” questioned Bon Bon.

“You see, er... I need to make sure you get there safely!” said Lyra.

“Lyra, you needn’t worry about me!” replied Bon Bon. “I’ll be fine!”

“Yeah, but what about those wild Tikbalangs that live near the Spellwood Forest?”

“Wh-what are those?” asked Bon Bon.

“You don’t know about the Tikbalangs?” asked Lyra, feigning shock. “They are wild pony-eating beasts that prowl around the Spellwood Forest!”

“B-but the Spellwood Forest borders Hoofington!” said Bon Bon.

“Yeah, it does. The only reason I mentioned it was because the company’s headquarters—that’s the closest place you can get a Mitlekylero— is near the town’s outskirts,” said Lyra.

“U-uh, ma-maybe you should come after all, Lyra,” said Bon Bon.

“If you insist, Bon Bon,” said Lyra. “When are we leaving?”

“We need to go immediately,” said Bon Bon. “Just let me get ready.”

Lyra groaned. “Ah Bon Bon, you don’t need to dress up just to go to Hoofington.”

“Just because you don’t give much heed to your appearance doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t,” said Bon Bon. “Et for the record, Lyra, I’m not dressing up.”

“Et?” retorted Lyra, “I swear, Bon Bon, you're getting crazier and crazier every day.”

Bon Bon, ignoring her, trotted away.

“Hey! Hey, Bon Bon! Aren’t you gonna help me?” called Lyra. “I’m sorta stuck here!”

Unfortunately, Bon Bon was already out of view. Despite her pain, Lyra allowed herself a small smirk. Bon Bon always was a gullible pony. Soon enough she would find out what Silicon Chip knew about humans; everything was working out perfectly. Lyra only hoped that Bon Bon wouldn’t change her mind in the four hours it would surely take her to get ready.

***

“How do I look?” Bon Bon beamed. She was right about one thing, she didn’t dress up. In fact, the only discernible change, as per Lyra’s concern, was that Bon Bon’s mane seemed a little curlier than normal– if that was even possible. Bon Bon stared at her, expectantly.

“You look exactly the same as normal. Now let’s go,” replied Lyra.

“Well, somepony’s in a hurry!” said Bon Bon, indignantly.

“I just wanna get this over with, okay?” said Lyra.

“Why, so you can get back to lazing around at home?” asked Bon Bon, her voice bitter.

Lyra glared at her. “The key to being an arteest is creativity,” said Lyra, holding her head high. “And that only comes under certain conditions.”

“Yeah sure, Lyra,” replied Bon Bon. “Creativity is what you get when you sit around all day and somehow manage to empty half the pantry.”

Lyra groaned.  “Fine, Bon Bon. You look very posh-like. Okay? C’mon now, let’s go.”

“Fine, let’s go,” said Bon Bon, picking up her bag off its rack with her mouth.

“Do you need that?” asked Lyra.

“Undoubtedly,” said Bon Bon, swinging the bag onto her back.

“So yes?” said Lyra.

“So yes,” agreed Bon Bon.

Lyra pushed open the front door. “Anything else you need before we go?”

“Nope, I’ve got everything,”

“Did check to make sure you didn’t leave behind your ‘Sapphire Shores Designed Eyelashes?’”

“Lyra, that wasn’t funny in the slightest,”

“No," replied Lyra, "but it's pretty pathetic."

“Whatever,” said Bon Bon, brushing past Lyra and trotting out the front door.

“Hey, wait up!” said Lyra. “I have to lock everything up!”

Bon Bon paused and turned around. “Fine. Hurry up. Vivos, Lyra.”

“What does that mean?” asked Lyra, trotting outside and closing the door.

“Vivos— living, as in lively. As in be lively, Lyra. Be quick,” replied Bon Bon.

“Pardon?” said Lyra, sliding the chain lock.

“As in ‘Make haste you big oaf!’” exasperated Bon Bon.

“Right,” replied Lyra, sliding the deadbolt. A few minutes later, she finished, and stepped back to admire her work. “Now can some pony explain to me why doors here lock from the outside?”

“What do you mean ‘doors here’?” asked Bon Bon, trotting out into town. “That’s how all doors in Equestria lock. That is, the doors that even have locks.”

“I mean, in the human world, doors are locked from the inside. It makes much more sense!” said Lyra, following after Bon Bon.

Bon Bon stopped in her tracks. She turned around and stared at her room mate, visibly irritated. “Lyra, humans don’t exist. Honestly, Lyra, I thought you had gotten over that!”

“Yeah,” muttered Lyra under her breath, catching her mistake. “I thought so too.”

“I mean, there’s no proof!” said Bon Bon. Her angry tone suddenly changed to an amused one. “You had me stumped for a little bit about doors and shovels being incompatible with hooves and other stuff like that, but really, it’s obvious when you think about it.”

Lyra had heard this rebuttal more times than she could count; Bon Bon had thought of herself quite clever for coming up with it. She took every chance she got to rub it in Lyra’s face.

“Yup, obvious...”

“If you think about it, almost all of the prehistoric inventors were unicorns, so of course their inventions were designed for magic and not hooves,” said Bon Bon.

"And of course, back then, there were no earth pony inventors,” said Lyra.

“Well, back then, all they did was farm. There wasn’t any need for inventions,” replied Bon Bon.

“Oh,” said Lyra.

“Anyways, it’s getting late. We’d better hurry if we are to get to Hoofington in time,” said Bon Bon, picking up a slow trot.

“C’mon, Bon Bon. It’s not even evening yet. It can’t be that late,” said Lyra, following her.

"I want to be back home by tomorrow," replied Bon Bon. “I can’t afford to miss a day of work.”

Their house was far away from the rest of Ponyville, located at the edge of town. It took them a good fifteen minutes to get to center of Ponyville, the marketplace, and it would take them a good fifteen minutes more to get to the train station, located conveniently at the direct opposite edge of town.

The marketplace was surprisingly less filled than usual. Lyra and Bon Bon were accustomed to the big crowd that usually formed around this time of day. It was the end of the week and ponies usually came here to pick up groceries for the weekend. That isn’t to say that it wasn’t at all crowded. It may have not been as crowded as normal, but there had to be at least over fifty ponies drifting from stand to stand. Smells of freshly baked goods and fresh fruits wafted out and filled the air. As they trotted near, Lyra asked, “Hey Bon Bon, wanna pick up something for the trip?”

“Nah,” replied Bon Bon. “It’s not we’ll be gone that long.”

“Suit yourself,” replied Lyra. “Gimmie a few bits.”

“What?”

“I’m gonna get somethin’,” replied Lyra. “Gimmie a few bits.”

“No!” said Bon Bon. “We’re leaving. There is no need to waste my precious bits.”

"Fine. If you want to do it the hard way," Lyra wore a mask of boredom as she snatched Bon Bon’s bag with her magic and dangled it in front of her face.

“Hey! Give me that!” exclaimed Bon Bon, trying to secure the bag.

“Sshh!” said Lyra. “You’re making a scene.”

“I’m making a scene?!” said a rankled Bon Bon under her breath. “You’re the one who stole my bag!”

“Fine, take your bag,” said Lyra, returning the bag, but keeping its contents in her telekinetic grasp. Bon Bon, furious, slapped Lyra across her face, causing Lyra to lose focus and drop all the things she had been holding. Bon Bon quickly returned everything to her bag and slung it around herself, eliciting a groan from Lyra. “You suck.”

“I didn’t even have any bits,” retorted Bon Bon.

“You suck even more now,”

“You know, if you really wanted, maybe you could buy something and then work off the debt,” Bon Bon retorted. “Then maybe you coul—”

“Hey guys!” greeted an overenthusiastic voice.

Lyra and Bon Bon turned their heads and watched, as a light blue unicorn sprightly trotted up to them.

“Hey, Colgate,” greeted Lyra.

“What’re ya guys doin’?” asked Colgate.

“A better question would be, ‘What are you doing’,” replied Bon Bon, extending her hoof to indicate the giant toothbrush and tube of toothpaste tied carelessly with rope to the mare’s back.

“Oh this?” Colgate blushed sheepishly, making Bon Bon even more suspicious. “It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?” asked Lyra.

“Anyways, what are you guys doin’?” asked Colgate quickly, ignoring Lyra’s question.

“We’re going to Hoofington,” replied Lyra.

“Really? What for?” asked Colgate. “Wait! Did you say Hoofington? I happen to have train tickets!” Colgate pulled out three shiny golden tickets.

“Why do you have three?” asked Bon Bon.

“Well apparently Brushie and Paste don’t need tickets!” replied Colgate with an everlasting grin.

“‘Brushie and Paste’” muttered Bon Bon trying not to facehoof. “Of course.”

Colgate remained silent.

“So, Colgate, what time is the train?” asked Lyra, several moments later.

Bon Bon nudged her. “Who said we’re even going with that—that maniac!” she said under her breath.

Colgate, seeming not to notice, looked up at the sky and gauged the sun before suddenly gasping. “We have ten minutes!”

“Ten minutes?!” repeated Bon Bon and Lyra simultaneously.

“Yup! We’d better hurry!” said Colgate, running off into the marketplace. Lyra started to run after her, when suddenly Bon Bon grabbed her by her tail.

“What are you doing?”

“Are you kidding? We are not including ‘Ms. Toothily Touched’ in this!” said Bon Bon.

“What do you mean? We don’t have any bits!” said Lyra. “How else are we going to get to Hoofington?” Bon Bon blinked twice, processing the information before dashing madly after Colgate. “Hey! Wait up!” exclaimed Lyra, who was soon to follow suit.

“Excuse me! Pardon me!” said Bon Bon, pushing through the crowd. “Coming through!”

“Hey Bon Bon, wait up!” called Lyra.

“Oh, my! I am really, really, sorry for that...” said Bon Bon after knocking over a orange-coated mare. She paused for a moment before continuing to push through the crowd. Eventually, she made it through. Bon Bon looked behind herself. She could vaguely make out a mint green figure forging through a sea of indignant ponies. Bon Bon waited, until finally, Lyra managed to catch up to her.

“Bon Bon!” exclaimed Lyra.

“Come on!” said Bon Bon grabbing Lyra by the hoof. “We have to go!” She took off after Colgate, but unfortunately, running with only three legs proved disastrous.  She tripped over herself and flung Lyra a good two feet. Lyra landed on her head and somersaulted; she hit the rocky ground again belly first.

“Ow!” she exclaimed as she skidded painfully across the road. She groaned and curled up into a little ball.

“Come on Lyra! We don’t have much time!” exclaimed Bon Bon, pulling her up off the ground.

“Ow...” groaned Lyra. Everything she saw was a complete blur, and she had a massive headache. “I’m coming...”

“Lyra! We’re going to miss the train! Come on!” said Bon Bon, trotting away.

“H-hey!” exclaimed Lyra. “W-wait up!” She ran after Bon Bon, despite not being able to discern anything.

Eventually they made it to the train station, Bon Bon, of course, arriving first.

“Hey, Bon Bon!” greeted Colgate. “Where’s Lyra?”

“She’s on her way,” replied Bon Bon. Sure enough, Lyra came, stumbling into view.

“H-hey, guys...” she said, staggering over to them. “What’s up?”

“Lyra, are you Okay?” asked Bon Bon.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine,” said Lyra, falling over. Suddenly, a deafening train whistle filled the air.

“Oooh! The train!” blurted Colgate. “Exactly two minutes early!”

“Come on, Lyra,” said Bon Bon, attempting to lift her onto her back. “The train’s here.”

Lyra just groaned.

***

The train was surprisingly empty, and in fact, the first car was the only one filled. Bon Bon shifted uncomfortably in the old seat. Stuffing spilled out; it was so old that it had turned friable. The glass window was old and dirty as well. Lyra was sleeping in the seat across from her, and in the seat above that one, slept Colgate.

It was nighttime, and Bon Bon should have been sleeping. Instead, she was awake, listening to a certain cerulean blue pony talk to herself in her sleep. Colgate was rambling on, clutching to that wretched giant toothbrush as if it were a baby. She was talking something about teeth, as far as Bon Bon could tell. What a surprise. Could Bon Bon ever catch a break?

"Quies..." muttered Bon Bon.

She stared out the window, watching the starry filled night pass by. The train seemed to be going awful slow. How odd. Maybe she was just tired. That was probably it. She was tired. After all, it was probably eleven o’clock in the night after all. Of course she was tired! Why wouldn’t she be tired?! It was two hours and thirty minutes past her normal bedtime! She looked away, and her bloodshot eyes landed on Lyra, who was sleeping peacefully.

Bon Bon wondered what Lyra was dreaming about. Music? That was it, Lyra was dreaming about music. Bon Bon stifled a giggle. What a ridiculous thought! Dreaming about music? No, she was probably dreaming about something much more interesting. She was awful cute, now that Bon Bon thought about it. Lyra cute? Did she just say that Lyra was cute? Oh how tired she must have been, saying that. But Lyra sort of was cute. Was she crazy? Maybe she had just lost it. Maybe...

Bon Bon let out a yawn. She needed to... needed to... She yawned again, barely being able to think straight. She needed to go... go to sleep...