Take it from me, little buddy
Welcome to the MTT-Brand Burger Stand!
“Okay Apple Bloom, ready to go to the farmer's market?”
“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom said with a huge smile as pulled a small cart of apples to her sister. “Ah am as ready as ah ever will be sis!”
“Good.” Applejack patted her little sister on the head. “Now remember, no going off and wandering anywhere with any strange ponies, alright?”
“Ah know...ah know.”
The two sisters soon set off, making sure to say goodbye to their big brother Big Mac and Granny Smith. The next few hours were filled with small talk and happy conversations between the two. It wasn't long till they hit the farmer's market. There, they set up their stand and began to sell every type of apple based food they could sell. Their time there was lively to say the least, as huge crowds stampeded through the market, everypony trying to buy everything they could.
A few hours later...
“Okay Apple Bloom, why don't you take a break?” Applejack said with a big grin. “Why don't you go see what other kind of stands they got here?”
“Okay!” Apple Bloom replied, her tiny body jumping for joy.
“Now remember-”
“Ah know sis. Don't go anywhere with any strange ponies. Ah know, I'll be careful.”
“That's my little sis. Go have some fun, I'm gonna restock the stand.”
“Okay! I'll be back later!” Apple Bloom gave a Applejack a little wave and left. She found herself going to every stand she could, her eyes shifted through the crowd. 'Wow...' she thought, 'there sure are a lot a neat things here...just look at all this stuff!' Then, her eyes suddenly stopped. In a small corner, she saw a small lone stand with no line in front of it. Now, this wouldn't be out of place expect for one single thing. The individual running the stand wasn't a pony. It looked a standing cat with fake grin on its face. 'What the...why is a cat running a stand?'
She slowly approached the stand, seeing the cat just stand there, shaking. “Uh...are you okay mister?”
“Huh? Oh!” the cat's eyes glanced at Apple Bloom. “Right...welcome to the MTT-Brand Burger Stand, home of the Glamburger. How can I help you, O customer?”
“O customer?” Apple Bloom said, her head tilted sideways in confusion. “Ah don't get it.”
“Don't worry about little buddy. Now, what can I do for you?”
“Uh...what do you have here?”
“Oh. We have uh...we have the Starfait, the Glamburger, the Hero Sandwich and the...” the cat looked at Apple Bloom with strained eyes. “We have another product but...let's just little buddies like you can't have it.”
“Why not?”
“Long story little buddy. So...you want anything?”
“Ah don't know...what's the Starfait?”
“Oh. That's uh....” the cat's eyes shifted constantly. “Just a dessert...that's all.”
“What kind?”
“It's like a...sweet treat made of stars.”
Apple Bloom's eyes began to shine. “Oh! That sounds good! Ah take one of those.”
“Thanksy! Have a FABU-FUL day!!!”
After the little filly had paid, she quickly ate the Starfait. However, as she began to eat the dessert, she kept looking at the cat. The cat just stood there, shaking like a leaf. The filly soon made one last gulp and walked back up to employee. “Um...why are yah shaking like that?”
“What? Are you trying to talk to me?”
“Yeah. Ah mean, there's nopony around to buy your stuff and you look mighty nervous. Are yah okay?”
The cat bent over with a pained expression. “Listen little buddy, I'll get in trouble if I get chummy with the customers.”
“Yah will? But my sis says you need to get to know the customers if yah wanna sell yer wares.”
“Yeah well...” the cat's head drooped down. “Sorry. I uh...I wanted to be an actor. Not this.”
“Oh...wait, why'd yah tell me that?”
“Take it from me, little buddy. I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever. So don't worry about it.”
Apple Bloom wasn't sure on how to reply to that. On one hoof, she wanted to be blunt and say it was depressing. On the other, she felt like saying nothing might be the better choice. However, she found herself unable to speak when the cat suddenly lit up a cigarette and put it in it's mouth.
“Listen. I like you little buddy, so I'm gonna give you some advice.”
“Some advice?”
“Yeah. I'm getting on in my years little buddy. So, let me give it to ya straight.” smoke flew out of his nostrils as the cigarette got more and more burnt. “Don't live like me. You still got plenty of time kid. Trust me.”
“What do you mean? Are you that old?”
“Yeah. I'm that old little buddy. You see kid, I'm nineteen years old and I've already wasted my entire life.”
“Nineteen? Ain't that kinda still young?” the filly's head going sideways in confusion. “Ah don't think mah sis is that old.”
The cat's face kept shaking. “Well...it is. Listen little buddy, I'm just trying to give you some advice. That's all.”
“Oh. What kind of other advice do yah give then?”
“I can give you some romance advice little buddy.”
“Romance?” Now Apple Bloom was really confused, especially since this cat was definitely not a pony.
“Yeah.” the cat's eyes shifted back and forth. “Listen little buddy. I like you, so I'm gonna save you a lot of trouble.”
“Trouble? Wait, so romance is trouble?”
“That's right little buddy. Now, here's your first rule over romance little buddy. Never interact with attractive people.”
“What's 'people' mean?”
“Oh. Right...sorry about that little buddy. What I meant to say is, don't interact with attractive ponies.”
“Why not?”
“Because unless you're 'one of them', they're just gonna take advantage of you.”
“Why would they do that?”
“It's what they do little buddy. Remember, never try to be friends with attractive ponies.”
“Ah can't be friends with them? But mah sis says its good for anypony to go out and try to make friends.”
The cat blew smoke as threw away his first cigarette. He soon lit another. “Poor, naive little buddy. They've brainwashed you. 'Friendship' is just a hot pony's way of making you their slave.”
Apple Bloom just stood, blinking. Her mind wasn't sure what to think from the cat's so-called 'advice'. She decided to just leave. “Um...thank yah for the Starfait but...ah gotta go back to mah sis.”
“That's fine little buddy.” The cat blew smoke out one more time. “Let me give you last piece of advice little buddy. Lie to yourself all the time. It makes you feel better.”
With that, Apple Bloom left the strange cat and it's stand. She soon made it back to her sister, who was just standing there, counting bits. “Hey sis.”
“Hey Apple Bloom! How's it going? Did yah have fun?”
“Say sis...uh, can ah ask yah something?”
“Sure.”
“Yah always told me that lying's bad, right?”
“Yep. Lying don't do yah any good.” Applejack said as a small scowl appeared on her face. “Why'd yah ask?”
“Um...is it okay to lie to yerself then?”
“Uh...no. Why'd yah ask?”
“Oh. Um...just something someone here told me to do. It's nothing.”
“Sounds like that pony doesn't give good advice.” Applejack deadpanned. “Listen Apple Bloom. Lying don't do yah no good no matter what the situation. Understand?”
“Ah understand sis.” Apple Bloom nodded. “Say, can attractive ponies brainwash other ponies?”
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Let's go home sis.”
Author's Note
This is...it's been a long while since I've done a one-shot. I always wanted to do something with Burgerpants and...to be honest, this one shot still doesn't feel right. I feel like I could've done better with it. Oh well. Burgerpants is one of my favorite Undertale characters so I felt he could at least star in a mlp one-shot, even if I don't mention his name. Though...Burgerpants doesn't like it when you call him that anyways.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
