[CR DD&AH] 30Min Writing Challenge #3 *TreeTime Edition*

by DerpTime

Rating: teen
Tags:
Length: 2182

Celestia Radio 30Min Writing Challenge #3

Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour
Presents: 30Min Writing Challenge #3
Original Air Date: August 29, 2015

The Prompt:
You have 30 mins to write a story about Twinkleshine As well as Derpy. Your story must include or use or allude to a Cookie Jar at least once. As well the more abstract Bottomless pit.

All stories were written on-air live over 30mins
In one Google doc, editing and corrections of any kind were forbidden.
They are completely terrible, hard to read, and lack any thing that could be mistaken for a plot.
Celestia Radio holds no responsibility for lives, minds, or cannons ruin or destroyed by reading these fics.
[You have been warned]

Enjoy and tune it to Celestia Radio for more randomness.
Drunken Debauchery and Art Hour is preformed live every Thursday at midnight Eastern time

Audio: Coming Soon

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-27 00:12:31 UTC

[Xai] cookies and dinos and stuff and angry twinkles

“DERPY WHAT THE FLYING SQUIRREL DID YOU DO WITH MY COOKIE JAR?!” Twinkleshine shouted as she burst through the doowr .

Dery was might frightened and hid beingd the chair. “I’M sorry I arte the cookies.”

“TYOU WHAT?!” the unicorn growled. “I had thoise brought in from some random place called [insert pony pun name here]”

“PLEASE DONT HER T ME!” derpy shouted and tried to run away but since twinkleshine was in the door she had to sgo through the wal but she just splatted into the wall.

“Ugh forgett it you butt” sh twinkleshine talked and walkeded out the door but then a little while later she smashed through the window even theough there was a door smashed just next to her. “WAIT i changed my mind this is not good enough!”

“I’m sorry” derpy said i na sweet coice and she made puppydog face and twinkleshine wsws shot by the cute and fell back out the door hole.

BUT THEN a little while later she smashed throug hthe roof

“HOW DID YOU DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT” derpy said because she was imprsed and clapped her hooves and then clapped her hother hooves by laying on her back

“IM A UNICORN I HAVE FLAPJACK MAGIC”

“WHAT. FLAPJACKS?! “

“NO WAIT PANCAKES!

“I LOVE PANCAKES!” derpy druled.

“I ALSO locve CooCOIRES and you ate themmm!”

“OH NO!” derpy said being much scareded again and was dragged through the last wgoosd wall with twinkles and then her house broke.

“You muffin breath are going to come with me and get me a snack BECAUSE I’M HUNGLES AND ITS LUNCH TIMES

“It wstopped being lunch time like three hours ago-

“I WANT PANCAKES!” she interruptes

But on the way there they fell down a hole. twinkles floated back out because unicorn magic buitches, but she looked down to see where derpy went but it was just black

“WSho the fuck put this whole here?”

“My baaaaaaaad” depy’s voice came from down as it fasded away.

what why is she not coming back, twinkles though, “is this like a forever puit? how could derpy mess things up that bad. she’s too cute to be so bterrible.”

“DEPRY YOU HAS WINGS YOU BUTT”

“OH YEEAH” her distant voice came and she flew back up.

“NOW LETS GO!”

on theri adventure to get a cake they bumped into a platapus and decided to ride it the rest of the way. but the platapus didn’t have wifi so twinkles shot it away with her magivc and then they fell down to the fground again.

derpy preten ded to be as duck to hide but twinkles found her because she is obviously not a duck silly.

theyn they went to the market but it was invaded by a dinosaur who looked so grumpy. it had a big hat on its head and it was chacing rartity who was just trying to make it fabulous,and then all the ponies were like “RARITY STOP IT YOUR ENDANGERING PONYIVLLE AHGAIN.

But then they all beated up the dinosaur before the mane 6 even got htere because they were making ponies be their friends in some random place or maybe being sqashed by yaks.

And then the market ponies were so grateful they wanted to vive them a pcake but they were OUT OF OANCAKES!

“NOOOOOOO” twinkles shouted.

“Didnt you want cookies instead?” derpy asked

“OH YES” and then they went to look for cookies.

Rarity came up “thank you for helping me, you know us mane 6 have way too many pancakes. we just somehoe get them forom everywhere. i think twilight is the pancake princess otr some blargh.”

“NO I DONT WANT PANCAKES NO W I NWANT COOOKIEEES”

adn the nshe turned rarity into cookeis and that was the end. she and edrpy were FRIENDS AGAINNNN forever and ever until the next time she ate her cookies . and then a giant mecha pony wil lcome to sqish them because twinkles seriously has andgre issues but instead would just dance because it is scared of twilight and her pancake wrath.

and that is why you never accept pancakes from rarity, cus she wil lalso give you a giant hat. and you will become a dinosaur and go stompin but then be blown up by twinkles. although we can all agree derpy being a duck was just adorable. DUCKIN ADORABLE

[Tenkage] No Jar for Cookies

It was yet another beautiful day in Ponyville, when everyone’s favorite mailmare was out for delivery. Derpy was lazily flying through the skies over town, with a heavy package in her saddlebags. This caused her already opsided flying to already lisy even morwe than usul, making her spin in half-circles. Given her destination was on the other end of time-er town, right? Right- no adventures with the Doctor today, she had work. Right! With her destination on the other end of town, she was likely to be very dizzy by the time she arrive.

Amd what diestination was this?Why, it was Twinkleshine’s house, of course! but whetever she had ordered that weighed so much Derpy would ike to know. It was really making flying diffi-

WHOOHSHH!

Out of nowhere, a stray gust of strong wind sent Derpy’s lop-sided flying spinning wildly out of control, making the mailmare flail her hooves about desperately while her wings flapped about like whipping leaves. She felt herself veering dangerously off course, lunging towards- wait was that?! It was! the bottomless pit, just outside of Ponyville! EVERYpony knew to avoid that! Story had it that any pegasi dlying too close to the pit, and being sucked down into a never-ending vortext. Where the pit led to, nopony could say, but Tartarus was a populare assumption.

Not particularly keen on being sucked into anything, Derpy flapped ever harder, trying to regain some sense of balance, and steer away from the ever-approaching pit. She glided low, ducking into the trees to cut off access of the wind trying to blow her to it, but was bounced around somewhat hasrhly for her effort- resembling a grey pinball as she bounced through the trees. Thankfully, her saddlebags took the brunt of the damage, and Depy was able to land safely, and regain her footing. Shaking out her hings, Derpy elected to trot the rest of the way to Twinkleshine’s house.

She arrived a little before noon, giving a resounding knock on the unicorn’s front foor. the pink-aned, white unicorn opened quickly, having been eagerly waitingh for her package.

“Oh! I can’t wait to openirt it!” She exclaimed, wrapping the package in her magic, and tearing the paper covering. “My collector’s cookie jar for Captain Equestria and Buc-”

But alas, as Twinkly opened her box, out came a tinkling of broken powrcelain- followed by a broken-hearted- and then irritated- look shot at Derpy. The mailmare grinned sheepishly.

“I just don’t know what went wrong!”

[DerpTime] The Fall

This is the end.

    The ivory mare sared up at the emptyness above. aspect was all that she could make out of the sky above. she was traped ther was no escape. she sighed as she layed down on the cold porcelin floor . Her mind wandered, How did i end up here? what twist of fate landed me here?

~~ *** ~~

The dop closed with a click behind her. here pink hare flowing in the winf. Twinkleshine was hading out on here nomal rought to work. Tha was en a giant derpysauruse Rex atacked!

“Ahhhhh~” she screamed as it pihk here up in its jaws.

Twinksjine shut her eyes tight as it charryed her in to the air. the wind buffeded her for wath seemed like hours . when the derpuy saureus finaly landded twinkleshine fellt she could under stand what sheets left out in the wind on a sunny day felt like.

She was carryed inside, the cave was sparcly furnished with muffin print on most of the fruniture. it charryed her inside and though the house, only to finaly stop in the citchen . tweekleshine was suddenly filled with fear. as hes saw the stains on the counter. at the mounment a smakk *ding* could be heard. the monster quickly set her down on the counder.

twinkalshine made a  break for it as the monster waswas besy withe the oven,. she was half way across the counter, when a huge plater of muffins was droped infront of her, they were all read.

she was scuped up and then driped in a cookie jar. the fall lasted what seemed like forever.

[Fangirl] Last Favor

“This is the absolute LAST favor I do for you, Derpy!”

The two mares looked up from the ledge the two set at. THeir backs were pressed against the rock, their manes whipped by the wind. Below them lay a pit with no end, while above them was their safety and salvation… If only they had the rope that Derpy had dropped.

“I’m sorry!” Derpy whined. “It’s not my fault! I- I just don’t know what went wrong!”

“Well I do!! If you hadn’t wanted to keep that stupid cookie jar--”

“But it had all the best cookies!” Derpy whineda gain.

“Don’t talk to me about cookies- it was not the best choice!” Twingkleshine looked down at their fearsonme, possible doom, and then at Derpy’s wings. “Why can’t you fly up?!”

The wind is too strong,” Derpy told her. “Even if I were a Wonderbolt this wind wouldn’t be good! I can’t fly in this mess! Why don’t you use your magic to levatate us or teleport us?”

“I can’t! I never learned that spell!” Twinkle replied. They soon felt the WHOOSH of another particularly storng wind, and they screamed, then together they dropped to crouching on the ledge.

“What do we do now?” With their last hope gone with that rope, they were both in trouble. Until they heard a voice calling down to them.

“Hey!! Twinks! Derps! Grab on!”

Twinkleshine and Derpy looked up to see their mutual friend, Lyra Heartstrings, dropping down a ladder! They smiled abd reached for the rope ladder and started the long climb up.

“Thanks Lyra!” said Derpy as she reached the top of the cliff. “How did you find us?”

“That was easy.” Lyra pointed down along the gruond. “I found the trail of cookie crumbs. You were eating while flying again, weren’t you?”

Derpy blushed, and laughed a bit. “Yeah… that’s how I dropped the jar.”

“and got us into trouble,” Twinkleshine said with annoyance in her voice. But with cheer, she said to Lyra,” Thanks for comeing for us. Where’s your frien Bon Bon? Isn’t she usually with you?”

“She um...had to take care of something. Come on! Let’s get back to town. These pit-cliff-things are really, really common in this forest.” With that the mares headed for the path that would lead them out of the Everfree forest and back to Ponyville.

“Remind me,” said Twinkleshine, “Not to come visit this town ever again!”

“Only when Derpy’s involved.” Lyra said.

“HEY!” Derpy pouted, but the expression changed into a giggle as all three mares laughed about the odd misadventure.

The End

[Trademark] Da Fuq is Dis? or Cookie Jars are Evil

Twinkleshine stared at Derpy, who wa s currently stuck in a cookie jar. Her pony ass swayed as her ledgs flailed in the air. Twinkle could her a muffled shout.

“I just don’t know what the fuck whent wrng!”

“Hold on, Derpy , I’ll get yiu out!”

Twinkle pulled on Derpy’s legs, but her ass was stuck pretty good. Why was Derpy in a cookie jar anyway? Her thing is muffins, not cookies.

As Twinkle pulled, it elt like Derpy was actually going deeper...into the jar. WTF is this shit?

ND THEN SUDDENLY the cookie jar sucked both Derpy and Tiwnkle into a bottom ledd pit. This fucking jar was a TARDIS.

As Twinkle and Derpy fell...and fell...and...fell...and...fucking fell more, Twinkle could onl y give Derpy an annoyed glance. Derpy smiled shee[pishly and then puled a muffin out of her ass.

“Muffin?”

And thats how the cookie jar began its rampage across ponyville, cucking all innocent ponies into a ottomlesspit of horrs. Adn the worst part was...there were never any cookis in the goddamn jar!

Praise the Spurple, The Fucking End.

Doo doo doo, da doo doo. Doo.

What are you still doing here? This is the end. There’s no more story. This isn’t The Stanley Parable. There isn’t some big secret here at the end. OR IS THERE?! You’ll never know. NEVER! Unless this is some not so elaborate rouse made by a guy who thinks he’s so fucking clever but is ereally as clever a s Trixie (lol ten). But seriously, this is the end. Go home. Do something else/. Bye. Bye. BYE. ….FUCKING LEAVE. DerpTime, stop reading and end this story...or at least whoever is reading right now, stop doing so now. Don’t kepp reading cuz hteres more words. Just Stop. STPO. STAHP. STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHP. Thank u.