crimefull equestria

by LightningSparkwoodWave

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Thriller, Mystery, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1974

no matter where you go...there will be crime, especially in equestria. who will take down many dangerous criminals of equestria or supernatural beings? well leave it to lightning wave and dim mill to take em out.

no matter where you go…there will be crime
especially in equestria. who will take down many
dangerous criminals of equestria or supernatural beings?
well leave it to lightning wave and dim mill to take em out.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-29 19:11:29 UTC

case 1: scootaloo missing

case 1: scootaloo missing

date of crime: august 30, whatever damn year it is

notes: not that much is known about the incident as this

happened just a couple days ago. and because non of our agents

want to take the job, i'll probably hire two new ones that will probably

do it.

                                                             general office of the United Agents of Equestria

after we where hired for the agency we got our first case. i was shocked to hear this news, the fact that a helpless filly like scootaloo became missing. our first order was to go around town and as a couple suspects or witnesses of the crime. the general gave us a list of names of the ponies that might of known what happened in this crime. we walked out of the HQ and headed back to ponyville to ask a couple suspects or witnesses. our first suspect was rainbow dash, lucky we noticed her doing her usual job of controlling the weather in this town. i flew up there to meet up with the mare. "hello rainbow, my and my partner down there would like to speak with you about an incident that happened a couple days ago." i said to her.

"what is this about lightning?" she asked me, i told her about what has happened. the look on her face is what you would obviously see on somepony's face when you hear that someone that is practically like family to you goes missing. "oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooddddd! IS THIS TRUE!" she said in shock. i responded with "yes, sadly it is. but we came here to ask you a couple questions about the incident in hand." she nodded her head yes as we flew back down to the ground, we walked to the police station of ponyville to ask her some questions. "when did you last see scootaloo?" I asked rainbow. "Just a couple days ago, she was ridding her scooter. i asked her where she was going, she didn't respond to what i said. so i came down towards her and asked again. She said she was just strolling around the town. I didn't think of it that much and went back to fucking with the clouds. and that is all i know." Dim asked her the next question. "what day was it when you last saw her?" "august 29th" she replied. oddly enough the date she stated was before the day of the crime. "okay your free to go, we'll go ask somepony else that might know about this fully." I said to her. she got up and slowly walked out as she felt terrible that she wasn't that much help. After she walked out we walked out to and went to the next witnesses that might of known what happened. the next one the list was applebloom and sweetie belle. by this time of day they must be at school, so we went to the ponyville pre-school. Mrs. chrillie was ,of course, teaching a class when we looked inside the window. We then knocked on the door. she looked over and she had a worried expression on her face when she saw us. she walked over to the door and opened it, "yes sirs?" she said with a nervous voice. "we need to speak with applebloom and sweetie belle." i said to her. her face went from nervous/worried to a devastated look on her face, she might of thought that the two filly's were getting arrested but as you know that is not the case. "why do y-y-you need to speak with them?" she said. "because something happened to their friend and we need to speak with them if they know what is going with scootaloo." dim replied. cherilies expression was relieved but still worried. "uh, applebloom, sweetie belle, the officers need to speak with you two." cherilie said as boldly as she can. "WHAT! WHY?!" they both said with their voices devastated as it can be.

"look, you two aren't getting arrested, a ciretain friend of yours went missing. and we where wondering if you know where she is." i explained to them. five hours later, we're back at the police station questioning them. "okay this one is for Appleseed, i mean appleblom, when was the last time you saw scootaloo?" i asked her. "well, applejack and big mac where gone so i invited scoot and sweetie. we played hide and seek. fifteen, no twenty minutes later i found sweetie belle but not scootaloo. so me and her went and looked everywhere on the farm and we didn't find her!" i asked them the next question, "what day was it when you saw her?" "august 30th" sweetie belle replied. "AND BINGO WAS HIS GOD DAMN NAMO!" dim yelled. "um dim, children in here." i said to him. "sorry" he replied. dim asked  the last question, "did you hear or see any thing while you where looking for her?" "well i did hear scootaloo screaming, but it was so loud i didn't know which direction it came from. afterwards i noticed sweetie belle walking towards rattling bushes. she then turned around when she didn't see anything. she then asked me, "where the hell was that screaming coming from?" i told her that it might of been scootaloo." she answered.  this was great, mainly because me and dim know where to look first. "alright that would do, now you can go back to school." i said to them. as they're walking out, we're talking about how we can do this. afterwards we came out of the police station and headed to sweet apple achers. once we got there applejack came up to us with a strange look on her face. "what are ya'll doing here?" she said. "me and my partner heard that scootaloo went missing after a game of hide and seek. we questioned applebloom and sweetie belle to see if they know about scootaloo's disappearance. and they told us that it happened here." dim replied.

applejack understood and she steeped out of our way so we can search the place. scence they're playing hide and seek they had to hid somewhere through out the farm including inside. so we checked inside the farm building, no where to be found, so we checked around the outside. we turned to back of the farm, and oddly enough the back side of their farm had an entrance to an unknown forest. dim noticed a rattling bush, like the one sweetie belle noticed when she and applebloom where looking for scootaloo. "hey lightning, i have a feeling if scootaloo is anywhere she is inside that forest." dim stated to me. i mean he does have a point, all of the evidence and information we got leads up to the fact that scootaloo is in that creepy ass looking forest. With that in our minds we started walking through the forest. thirty minutes later we started to hear pleads for help, and we went towards the same direction the pleads where coming from. about two minutes later the pleads and screams lead us to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. dim looked inside and saw scootaloo tied up in a chair screaming. "holy shit, LIGHTNING I FOUND SCOOTALOO!" dim yelled to me.

i came over there and looked through the window. i banged on the window to get her attention, she looked at me with fear thinking i was a killer or something. i let her know that me and dim are here to help her, she then was relived to know that somepony is here to help her. we tried opening the door, but as expected it was locked. so we banged the door down and managed to enter the house. but we heard hoof steeps and we hid. we then saw a pony wearing a white mask and a coat that was covered in blood. we saw scootaloo trembling, but right be for the pony with the white mask stab scootaloo with a kitchen butcher knife, we came out and pulled out our guns and pointed at the psycho. "DROP THE FUCKING WEAPON!" dim yelled. and the pony threw the knife at me, "you know what they all say, never bring a knife to a gun fight BITCH!" i yelled at the pony while firing my gun. i managed to shoot him a total of ten times, by that many shoots you know the basterds dead. as dim untied scootaloo from the chair i shot the other pony one more time, for good measure. afterwards dim called for the other officers to take care of the psycho's body while i took scootaloo back home. then later that night me and dim celebrated by drinking a shit ton of beer.

prolauge

has anypony heard the phrase " no matter where you go, there will be crime?" in all cases that is true. now you might be skeptical about this but trust me it's true. but not that many people notice it. in equestria people (or ponies i should say) sure as HELL don't notice it! fuck, there might be a pink pony that kills her best friend and cooks said friend into a cupcake! but i'm off track. so today ladies and gentlecolts, is a story of how me, lightning wave, and my twit friend, dim mill, become agents and take down equestria's most wanted. a couple months ago me and dim mill moved into ponyville, let me spare you the details...bla bla bla bug-bear attack bla bla bla now! one day in like august or something, me and my bruh got a phone call, from the ponyville sheriff. the sheriff told me that the leader of the UAE (United Agents of Equestria) wanted me and dim. and like anypony in this situation i ask "why? and why me and dumbass sitting on the couch eating Doritos reading marevel comics?" "just get your asses over here." replied the sheriff.

before i asked why again he hung up, me thinking that this must be important, i told dim to get off his lazy ass looking at porn and marevel and one we went. it was a long walk to the HQ of the UAE but within two hours and a restroom break we made it. we looked at the building wounding what a waits us within in side. we walked through the main door ways the through the main hallway. "damn, who runs this place? Stephen king?" dim said as we walked through the hallway with portraits of who i presume is the main guy's relatives. we saw his office in wondering excitement of what this guy wants. as we entered i heard the general i guess say "ah ,lightning, dim, please sit down." before we could ask how he knew our names, an urge came to us shut the fuck up and listen to what he has to say. "okay so the reson why i called you two here is that, we all know equestria is filled to the brim with dangerous criminals right? thought so, anyways as you have might of noticed, our system of agents is praticaly empty as most of our agents where either fired or retierd. and i was thinking if you two will take the jobs as your new agents...you have eight seconds to respond." he said to us, and scense we had eight seconds i was the first to respond. "YES WE WOULD KINDLY TAKE THE JOB!" i yelled as quick and as loudly as i can. "alrighty then! here are your badges and paper work with only one pice of paper each." we signed the paper work and retrived our badges. and so with that we are now getting started with our jobs as agents for the UAE.