Windbags

by Impossible Numbers

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 3478

Fluttershy meets two bizarre visitors from out of town. It's a reminder of why she doesn't visit the Cloudsdale market more often.

On a rare visit to the dreaded Cloudsdale market, Fluttershy encounters a pair of tourists determined to find a mythical creature and determined to get in each other's way. Things get weirder from there.

Published 2016-01-29 04:10:18 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-29 04:10:18 UTC

Windbags

Armed with nothing but two saddlebags and a checklist, Fluttershy took a deep breath and rose over the lip of the cumulus shelf. She was rewarded with the sights, sounds, and smells of packed and jostling ponies among the ice-carved stalls.

Normally, the weekend would see her checking cherries or tapping tomatoes within the maze of wood and tarpaulin that passed for Ponyville market. Oh, the stall-owners charged the earth if you didn’t have “the haggling” to protect you, and she thought some of the patrons were much too rude – why, some of them even looked at her – but the food was fresh and you were usually guaranteed to come out with items you actually went in for.

She fluttered over the heads of the crowd as they surged like rapids through the aisles, but others were still diving in and zipping out, and more than once she had to dodge dodges that Rainbow Dash would’ve been proud of. Her ears were assaulted by a wall of noise that seemed to destroy whatever her brain was trying to do. Stall-owners shouted until curses and spells wormed into her head trying to get her to buy merchandise that suddenly seemed essential to her very existence.

She glanced around the tops of the stalls and sighed. Yes, that explained it. The Wonderbolts insignia winked at her from a dozen angles. Celebrity. Pegasus-style.

Here, Bulk Biceps was carried by the current, yelling and hoisting a bronze dumbbell over his head. Fluttershy clearly saw the scribbled signature of some heavy-lifting hotshot when she nearly collided with it. There, Cloudchaser’s face peeped out from a pile of Daring Do hats, clothes, and goodness knew what else. Everywhere, ponies bragged about nabbing the latest Zapp spin-off comic, or the best Griffonstone griffon-shaped griddles, or the fire feathers alleged to have come from Celestia’s own pet phoenix. To her own shock, there was one stall with her face on it, and closer examination revealed photos of her from her old – and thankfully brief – modelling career.

In short, the place was chaos. She could only stand chaos once a week, and she’d had her share last Tuesday over tea.

Sucking in as much air as she could, weighing the cold bits in one hoof, she dived headfirst into the mad rush and didn’t appear for some time.

It had been a spontaneous change of pace. She could still hear Rainbow Dash’s voice trying to entice her to live a little, try something different, break out of her rut every now and again. So she was going to do precisely that, and was already regretting it as the elbows, kicks, and shouts whaled on her from all sides.

However, she was a pegasus. She had wings that itched to flap among blue skies and hooves that could never ache when on a cloudy surface. No matter how many days she spent cooped up in her cottage, or overshadowed by endless leaves, or pounding her hooves over raw earth and wandering among thatch and daubed walls, every month or so she could take no more and just had to go up to the heavens until the flying beast inside her settled down again. And it went down faster in Cloudsdale, where there was also a market. If the phrase didn’t make her cry so much, she’d have said it was killing two birds with one stone.

Finally, she burst out of the mass, gasping and panting for breath.

“OK,” she breathed. “OK…”

Still struggling against her lungs, she reached into her saddlebags and flicked through a long list that was almost snagged by a passing Equestria Games merchandise collector. She fumbled with the quill, dropped it, dived down to pick it up, and recovered enough control over her panting to grip it between her teeth.

“Cloudsdale Cabbage,” she mumbled while ticking each item off the list, “Los Pegasus Grapes, Golden Harvest Rain of Carrots, Apple Pie-in-the-Sky, and Hail of Green Seeds.”

She wiped her brow with her hoof and put the things away. Nothing had gone wrong. She was still in one piece. Best of all, Angel wasn’t going to go hungry tonight. A tiny “woohoo” escaped her lips, and she turned to go.

“You’re wasting your money with that compass,” said a dumpy mare nearby. “Here, this map is all we need.”

There were two of them, a good few yards aside from the end of the stalls, and both looking outwards to Equestria laid out below. Their voices carried even over this din.

“But you can’t read it,” insisted the other, who was hovering overhead with legs tucked in. This one looked like she was on her way to becoming a hummingbird as wings blurred and two tiny eyes blinked under the harsh sunlight. “You’re awful with maps. Every time I try to trace where we’ve been on it, my legs end up as pretzels. Look, the merchant said this compass could point out which way the wind is blowing, and if we follow the wind to its source – Hey, the needle’s not moving!”

“I told you that guy was making it up. You can’t trust a pegasus market, I always say. You get hero-worshippers, and where you get hero-worshippers, you get faulty merchandise.”

Fluttershy looked them up and down. Neither of them looked familiar, and they both had the stiff air of ponies well out of their comfort zones. Their saddlebags were bursting around the straps with camera tripods, tent canvas, netting, and what she could have sworn was a bolas. The dumpy one seemed to be looking at her own wing.

They were shaking their heads to and fro as though casting wildly for a clue. Fluttershy coughed nervously; this was more out of habit than any practical attempt at drawing attention, as even a trombone-player would have been drowned out. Instead, she flew towards them, away from the market, and landed gently behind their backs. The hummingbird-lookalike spun round with wide eyes.

“Hello,” Fluttershy said. “Are you two lost?”

“No, don’t trouble yourself with us. We’re fine, thanks,” said the dumpy one, who didn’t even look up. When Fluttershy peered over her shoulder, she saw the mare was flexing her wing to consult a map tucked between the feathers.

“Umber!” wheezed the one hovering overhead. “Don’t be rude. Yes,” she said, turning to Fluttershy with an apologetic grin. “We are very lost. Please excuse old Umber here. She’s a rough diamond, but a good soul really. Umber, let’s ask the nice pony the way to the mountains.”

At this, her companion rounded on them both. “Don’t call me Umber! It’s Umbrella Vane, thank you very much. You don’t like it when I call you Jet Buster, do you?”

“Because my name’s Bluster, silly. Jet Bluster. At least my nickname 'Umber' is a short version of your real name.”

“Well, so’s mine. I just knock off the ‘l’.”

Jet Bluster turned back to Fluttershy as though nothing had been said. “We’re hunting for the legendary windhorse,” she said with forced cheerfulness.

Fluttershy frowned. She was still wondering whether she regretted talking to them, and now the words washed that minor worry aside.

“A legendary windhorse?” she said. “What’s –”

“Well, you’re hunting for it,” said Umber. “I’m just tagging along to carry the bags and see you fail utterly, as usual. It’s a game we play,” she whispered to Fluttershy behind a conspiratorial hoof. “At least, I play it.”

Umber lifted her hoof and took a bite out of a cabbage. When Fluttershy stared, the dumpy mare gave a wink that could have meant anything.

“Oh, don’t eat so, Umber!” Jet Bluster waved a hoof to ward off any stray pieces flying from that mouth. “You know what the doctor said.”

Fluttershy gave them both another look up and down. Tourists often came to Cloudsdale, mostly for the Wonderbolts and the Cloudiseum, but hardly any were interested in rare and unusual creatures. She grinned to herself. Perhaps Rainbow Dash had been right to send her up here. This was something well within her comfort zone.

“Did you say you’re looking for mountains?” she said with newfound confidence. Even the disturbing crunching noise of teeth against leaves wasn’t going to put her off now.

Jet Bluster nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Are they close by?”

“Um,” said Fluttershy, pointing out beyond the shelf to the distant, pointy, and above all conspicuous peaks. “If you’re looking for mountains, they’re just over there. It should be calm this time of day, so don’t worry about headwinds or eddies.”

Umber finished her cabbage and peered in that direction. “They look more like hills to me.”

“Big hills,” added Jet Bluster, who nodded again.

“They’re still hills. And whoever heard of a windhorse riding the gales across hills? The legend specifically says mountains, so it’s that or nothing.”

“Oh, the Canterlot Geo… something Society said…” Fluttershy closed her eyes. What was it Twilight had once said? “They said those are technically mountains, though only by a few feet. I think they measured them or something.”

Umber took a bite out of her grapes and chewed thoughtfully. “Measured them?”

“Um…”

“What with? Must have been a pretty big tape measure.”

Fluttershy jumped back to avoid the spray. “I, uh, don’t know.”

“But definitely mountains,” said Jet Bluster quickly as Umber packed the grapes into her own saddlebag. “And where you get mountains, you get windhorses. This must be it. We’ve searched every last mountain in Equestria, even the crystal ones up north!”

“I hated those ones.” Umber fiddled with the strap of her saddlebag. “There’s frostbite where there oughtn’t to be. Took me weeks before I could sit down again.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” said Fluttershy, “but what’s a windhorse?”

“Something that doesn’t exist,” said Umber.

“Oh, it’s a wonderful, magical spirit,” said Jet Bluster gushingly. “Legend says that they’re the lords of the wind, made from cloud and curling breezes. They ride out from the east to bring good luck to the land. Some say they used to help Breezies carry their pollen home before ponies came and founded Equestria. And they do too exist,” she added petulantly to her friend.

“Look, you’ve lived here all your life, haven’t you?” said Umber to Fluttershy, who nodded. “And have you ever seen a creature like that?”

“Uh,” said Fluttershy.

“Exactly!”

“Hey,” said Jet Bluster, “you just interrupted her so she couldn’t answer!”

“What are you gabbling about? She’s just given an answer.”

“She didn’t say anything!”

“Yes, she did. She said, ‘Uh.’”

“That doesn’t count! For all you know, she might have seen one and just can’t remember it.”

Umber grunted and started munching on a bunch of carrots all at once. Fluttershy stared at her; she looked like she was chewing over a philosophical nicety while, incidentally, chewing on a very strange rock.

“Well,” said Fluttershy, trying to pick up the thread again, “I do live close to the Everfree Forest, and I know about all kinds of animals and mythical creatures.”

“But not,” said Umber, “from the mountains?”

Fluttershy winced as bits bounced off her forehead. “Oh, I’ve been up in the mountains lots of times too as part of my duties – meeting creatures that can’t or won’t leave, searching for lost friends, gathering herbs to feed my animals and help cure them when they fall sick – but,” she added, looking downcast, “I’ve never seen or heard of such a thing as a windhorse. I’m sorry.”

“Ah,” said Jet Bluster with a smirk, “but you wouldn’t have, would you? Windhorses can turn invisible.”

Fluttershy chewed her lip. “You mean like spiderglass?”

The smirk evaporated. “What?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. They’re giant spiders. They live in barren places like deserts, chilly tundra, and mountains. When they want to hide, they can turn invisible to avoid danger.”

Umber chuckled through a mouthful of carrots.

“There, you see?” she said with an orange spray that the others backed away from. “She’s got invisible creatures covered.”

“Hold on!” Jet Bluster waved a hoof like a flag. “I wasn’t finished! I was going to say that windhorses can also turn inaudible, intangible, and insubstantial. Like the wind,” she added. “So of course she wouldn’t know if there were any –”

“Ooh!” Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “That’s a lot like a Ghost Crab! I found a whole colony of those up in the mountains once. They’re always invisible, inaudible, intangible, and insubstantial. They’re really friendly, though, once you get to know them better.”

The other two frowned and mouthed under their breaths for a moment. Jet Bluster started counting on her hoof. Umber shoved the last of the carrots down past her tongue and swallowed.

“So…” said Umber carefully, “how did you find them to begin with?”

Fluttershy shrugged. “I think it’s just a knack.”

As she glanced back out at the distant silhouette of mountains, Fluttershy heard a muttered oath and turned back. Umber was raising a whole pie off the cloud and her right saddlebag was wide open.

“Whoops,” said Umber hurriedly. “I, uh, don’t know how that slipped out. One sec.”

Fluttershy cocked her head in a polite show of interest. “Oh, that smells like apple!”

Umber gave her a quick glance and smiled wide. “Uh, sure is! Good, is it?”

“You’re very lucky. Applejack’s the best farmer in all of Ponyville. I’m sure you’ll love that pie of hers. She has it sent up especially for the pegasus ponies at the market. My friend Rainbow Dash told me it’s even better than cider.”

“Oh good. Yeah. Looking forward to it.” Umber fiddled with the catch on her bag and turned to Jet Bluster. “Face facts. We’re clearly dealing with an expert in rare and unusual creatures here. If she hasn’t found any sign of windhorses, then you’re wasting your time.”

“But, but, but…” Jet Bluster looked like her world was trickling down between her hooves. “Wait a minute! If they don’t exist, then where do the legends come from?”

“Gee, I dunno. How about… they were made up?”

“OK, so how did the Breezies get their pollen home before ponies came here? You gotta admit that needs explaining.”

“I don’t know if it helps,” said Fluttershy quietly, “but I think they said there used to be ponies here even before Equestria was founded. They just lived wild and in scattered tribes, not in countries or cities. I think Twilight could help with that. She knows more about the ancient customs than I do.”

Jet Bluster’s face fell. Umber patted her on the withers, not unkindly.

“I know you were getting your hopes up, Buster,” she said soothingly, “but it was a silly idea from the start. This is just natural disappointment, that’s all. You’ll feel much better when you’ve rested overnight and had a good breakfast. Give yourself time to wind down.”

“There is a windhorse,” Jet Bluster whispered, but she was shuffling her hooves and blushing.

Umber looked across at Fluttershy and flashed a grin that looked painted on. “You’re a helpful mare, right? I don’t suppose you have some local legends or lustrous landmarks we could look at, do you?”

“I think you mean ‘illustrious’,” Fluttershy said carefully. “And I don’t think there’s anything like that in Cloudsdale, to be honest. Do Wonderbolts count?”

“Hm. Maybe.” Umber, who had just opened a packet of seeds and was shovelling hooffuls of green into her mouth, nodded eagerly. “They’re in town, are they?”

“Not today… I think… but they do live here.”

Another hoofful disappeared down the gaping maw. Despite herself, Fluttershy couldn’t stop staring. Somewhere amid the flying spittle and damp redness, there was a practised grace and fluidity to the action that was almost pure art. That was no mouth. It was a moist cavern of gnashers and wailers.

“You hear that, Jet Buster? The Wonderbolts live here. You can actually see the cloud mansions where they go after work. Isn’t that nice, huh?” Umber poked her friend in the forelimb, but this produced no reaction. “Come on, it’s no fun when you go all mopey.”

“Now,” Fluttershy added, “Ponyville, on the other hoof…”

Jet Bluster looked up sharply. “What did you say? There is a place around here with a local legend?”

“Oh, Ponyville has lots,” said Fluttershy, beaming and nodding. “That’s where I’m from. Like, uh… Well, it was the first town where Nightmare Moon appeared on the Summer Sun Celebration… Uh…”

“Isn’t she that dark spirit that some six mares beat a few years back?” said Umber, who tipped the last of the seeds into her mouth and dropped the packet through the cloud. “I remember reading something about that in the newspaper, but everyone said it was just Celestia’s excuse for being tardy.”

“Oh no! It really happened. I was there in the Town Hall when she came down from the moon.”

“Hm. Well, it doesn’t seem that legendary to me. That’s just ordinary news. Besides, the story said she was destroyed or something.”

Fluttershy pursed her lips and waited for the memories to line up. “Um… well, I did hear one story… it’s kind of a silly ghost story, though…”

Jet Bluster beamed and almost head-butted her. In panic, Fluttershy leaped back and almost went off the shelf.

“Yes yes yes yes yes?”

“Well… Uh… I heard there was a piece of Nightmare Moon that still haunts the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It’s an evil ghost called the Pony of Shadows that haunts the ruins looking for ponies to scare. But we’ve been to the castle before, and no one’s ever seen –”

“That’s it!” said Jet Bluster. She thumped one hoof of conviction onto the other. “There must be something behind the stories, or else where would they have come from?”

“Hold on,” said Umber warningly. “I don’t even believe that stuff about Nightmare Moon, never mind the Pony of Shadows stuff.”

“But it really happened!” Jet Bluster turned towards Fluttershy. “You said so, didn’t you?”

“Um, I… I was there, yes. I saw Nightmare Moon. But –”

“There! You see! And if Nightmare Moon was real, then this Pony of Shadows must be real too. If there were no Pony of Shadows, then why would we believe Nightmare Moon existed? And she’s a witness, so Nightmare Moon must be real, so the Pony of Shadows must be real too! QED.”

“Oh, this is going to be priceless,” said Umber, “when you go there and find nothing whatsoever.”

“You mean when I go there and find exactly what should be there! Which way to the ruins, please?” she said to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy, who had been out in the middle of space for a moment, suddenly found herself back on Earth again at these words.

“You don’t want to go there,” said Fluttershy quickly. “It’s in the Everfree Forest, and that place is a very dangerous –”

“Everfree Forest! Hot diggory, I’m there!”

Jet Bluster shot into the sky. Umber cursed and shot after her with surprising speed for one so dumpy.

“Wait!” Fluttershy took off and tried to chase them, but they were vanishing into the distance. The last thing she heard was Umber shouting, “Get back here! You don’t even know where it is yet! Oh, you idiot!”

Then, they were two dots against the blue sky.

She sighed and slowed to a hover. Oh dear, she thought. I suppose it’s just as well they don’t know where it is, but I hope they don’t hurt themselves. They seem like such nice ponies.

She turned and drifted downwards, heading for her cottage. Well, it hadn’t been all bad. A bit strange perhaps, but where wasn’t that so in Equestria? Besides, she’d survived it now. Nothing bad had happened. So time to head back before it did.

Just then, someone tapped her on the shoulder, and when she turned around, hooffuls of coins were pressed into her forelegs.

“I’m really sorry about this,” said Jet Bluster, who was slightly out of breath. “My friend has light hooves and a big stomach, but she’s a good soul really. Please accept this to make up for it.”

“Huh? Make up for wh –”

But Jet Bluster was already a vanishing speck on the horizon. Fluttershy frowned down at the coins in her grip, but she looked back at the specks and shook her head. A ‘bit’ strange, she’d thought. She shrugged and landed on a cloud so she could tip the coins into her saddlebags.

Which were both completely empty.

The Cloudsdale market stall almost exploded with pegasus ponies shouting and kicking each other for space. Someone was screaming.

Fluttershy groaned and made her way to the Ponyville marketplace this time. It was bad enough when the crooks were on the other side of the counters.