Aft

You don't mean to, but you pass out as the glow of dawn hushes over the horizon. Your joints ache from sitting still for so long, and the cushion beside you lures you ever closer, and before you know it you're waking up at noon to the faint sound of someone vacuuming somewhere. Your apartment smells like tea. You wonder sleepily if you even own tea.

As you sit up, your hair stuck to the side of your face and a textile imprint from the cushion on your cheek, you realize someone has covered you with the thin blanket you keep folded on the armchair. It's still raining outside, the glass doors to your balcony have been left open to allow a fresh breeze into the room. Stupidly, slowly, you stare at the empty kitchen island and the cabinets beyond. It takes your brain a full 10 seconds to process that something about it has changed. Where there used to be the familiar clutter of dishes and bread and assorted newspapers, now exists a clean emptiness.

You've been burgled, you reason sensibly. Someone's broken into your flat and stolen all your garbage, but mysteriously left your TV and also covered you with a blanket because you looked cold.

What the hell.

Climbing off the couch, you realize the vacuuming you heard earlier was coming from inside your flat, and that someone is using it in your bedroom. Following the cord down the hallway, you nudge the slightly-ajar door open to find Diamond inside, cleaning your room. Suspended in her baby blue magic is a feather duster and a cloth, both of which are dusting down and wiping every surface in the room while she tends to the carpet. She doesn't see you at first, or if she does, she ignores you, but you take your sweet time staring at her from the doorway. She's shed her fancy waistcoat and gloves completely. Her red-rimmed glasses, usually hanging from a silver chain around her neck, are nowhere to be found. Diamond looks so normal it shocks the words right out of you. You would almost believe she was just a normal strange unicorn aggressively deep-cleaning your apartment.

“Hey,” you croak, your voice thick with sleep, “the heck are you doing?”

It's too quiet beneath the vacuum, you think, but she hears you anyway - of course she does. She turns off the vacuum and tucks a strand of her lovely violet hair behind her ear.

“A clear environment makes for a clear mind, darling,” she lilts, “and you're going to have to do a lot of thinking these coming weeks.” The feather duster comes to attack your nose, and you swat it to the ground and squint at Diamond. She beams back. Too bright.

“You're a morning person, aren't you.”

“I'm a life person, dearest Twilight.”

“Ugh.”

You turn and skulk off to the kitchen to make yourself coffee, unplugging the vacuum cleaner as you go. Was this going to become the norm? Would you constantly wake up to this overly-cheerful unicorn using your appliances? Did she really throw out all of your coffee?

You glare down into the pristine, empty tin, which smells vaguely of dish detergent. Not a single crumb of coffee is left in any of your cupboards. She has replaced it with tea - your nose had been right.

“Diamond!” you growl. She near prances out of the hallway in response, an amused expression on her face. “You threw out my coffee.” It's an accusation, and you mean it as such. Your jaw snaps shut after the last syllable leaves your mouth. Diamond's amused smile only grows wider.

“I did. Coffee is dreadful for your health, darling, especially if you drink it several times a day. Do you know what that does to your teeth?”

You drop the empty tin onto the counter, defeated. You can live without coffee. If she's trying to get under your skin, you reason, she'll have to try harder.

Diamond inhales deeply beside you, her side brushing yours. “Don't you just love the smell of a clean house? Breathe it in, Twilight. That's the smell of sanitation.”

You glower at your reflection in the shiny back wall panel of your kitchen. Diamond has her head tipped back and her eyes closed in bliss, ignoring you, like her own cleaning job on your flat was worthy of a standing ovation.

“Smells like a lemon farted in here,” you retort, brushing her off. She tuts back at you.

“Now, now, darling. That is no mood to start your first day of work in. Today is the day we begin reshaping your life! The situation calls for a little more enthusiasm, wouldn't you say?” After a moment, her cheer evaporates, and she seems to realize her words aren't having the desired effect. Her gaze becomes measured, careful, though her expression is almost condescendingly blank. “It will not be a terribly enjoyable thing. I did not want you starting this task in a bad mood. I apologise if I overstepped.”

You're taken a bit aback by this, and immediately feel an instinctual desire to apologise in turn, but you swallow it. This is your apartment and your life. Your rules. “Yeah, well,” you mumble off-handedly, “just don't touch my stuff without asking.” She smiles in return, a small thing that doesn't touch her eyes, and you suppose it's the best apology you’re going to get. Oh well.

Diamond waits patiently for you to wake up without the aid of coffee, a feat that takes you almost an entire hour, before sitting you down at your kitchen island. She takes the stool across from you and unfolds a familiar list on the bench. “I've upset that many people?” you wonder incredulously, twisting your neck around to try to read the upside down letters. The taller unicorn snorts.

“No, some of this is notes I have taken on you. In actuality, there are only….seven people you must see.” She turns the list around for you to read.

1. Catch up with Rainbow Dash.

2. Visit your parents.

3. Apologise to Sunset Shimmer. Reconcile.

4. Find where Pinkie Pie moved to. Visit her. Apologise.

5. Call Cadence. Congratulate her on her foal.

6. Visit Celestia. Explain.

You flinch upon reading the words. A long silence passes between you. In your peripheral vision, you see Diamond watching you carefully. “This is a whole lot of things I don't want to do,” you manage weakly, looking up at her. She is resting her hooves on the counter, her chin atop them, looking at you with a twinge of sympathy gracing her features. The familiar crease has returned to her brow.

“I know.”

For the first time, you feel as if she does know, maybe just a little bit. If she really has been watching your life, does she understand the pain this list causes you? Does she know how bad reading those things makes you feel?

“Yes,” she says quietly, and you stare down at the list to avoid looking at her any longer.

“I don't know how to deal with any of these things,” comes your eventual murmur, your mane falling into your downcast eyes, obscuring her from your view. “Some of them happened years ago.”

From behind your hair, you hear nothing. Eventually the silence starts to bother you, so you look up - and find her watching you still, her face sad. “I did not promise it would be easy,” she says to you softly, “and worse yet, I did not promise you any of your apologies would be accepted. I wish I could. You must try anyway, Twilight. Please,” she adds onto the end. A glimmer of what you think is fear dances across her pale blue eyes, but it's gone before you can fully register it. Her face goes back to an expression you are far more familiar with - a carefully-composed mask of indifference. She now looks properly like the pony who broke into your house two days ago, and you snap out of your trance, ashamed you allowed her to see weakness.

“So you're saying I have to waste my time apologising to these ponies, who may just throw it back into my face anyway?”

“Yes.”

“What's the point? How would that help me at all? I'm pretty sure that would make me feel worse, actually.”

Diamond heaves a great sigh and puts her head in one hoof, like you are a foal throwing a tantrum. Anger dances warm across your cheeks. You bite your tongue. Using her magic, she folds up her list again and pins it to your fridge with a magnet. “I believe you will understand in time. For today, a visit to Cloudsdale is in order.”

The day they brought Cloudsdale down to the ground was the day the world got a little bigger. Weighed down with the demands of an entire nation’s weather, it became impractical to keep it in the sky, and impossible to hire help from the earth ponies, who had no means to walk on clouds - the unicorns were unwilling to donate that much magical energy towards cloudwalking spells. Rainbow Dash, as you remember it, had always been annoyed with the decision. At the time, she and Fluttershy had come to blows over it, and after the race card was played, their friendship ended. You really doubt they've spoken to each other since in the 3 years passed. Guilt washes over you as you think about this. After all, it’s been 3 years since you spoke to either of them, so you are no better. Diamond stands beside you at the bus stop, holding an umbrella over the two of you with her magic. Rain patters on the semi-transparent plastic above your heads. She had acquired a thick, woolen scarf from somewhere while you weren’t looking. You wouldn’t call the weather cold exactly, but a bite was definitely present in the air.

“Aren’t you the least bit concerned about someone seeing you?” you hiss to her. “I mean….should your kind just be…..walking around? In public?”

Diamond huffs. “Give me some credit, Twilight. Do I not look like a normal unicorn?”

She raises an eyebrow at you, as if daring you to answer. You make a point of looking her up and down very slowly, squinting. She scoffs, and you fight back a smile.

“Alright, if you must know, my existence is shrouded in an anomalous effect which causes regular ponies to simply not notice me unless I interact with them myself. To everyone else, I may as well be a tree, or a sign post. I am here, but I am on a level of their subconscious they do not normally notice.” As if proving her point, the bus rolled up to the stop, and the driver did not acknowledge Diamond at all as they stepped on. When she cleared her throat and paid for her ticket, the stallion behind the wheel looked at her with dazed eyes, handing her the small piece of paper as if he was in a dream.

“That’s…..really weird,” you say, climbing onto a double seat near the back of the bus. It puttered off down the cobblestone street, occasionally jostling its passengers. After a brief pause to tuck her ticket into her scarf, Diamond sits down next to you, seemingly unbothered by the swaying of the bus.

“I suppose it is, but it’s necessary. How would you explain my presence to Rainbow Dash?”

“I could go alone.”

“I don’t think you can do what’s necessary without me.”

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence, Diamond.”

She frowns then, and you can see your shortness has at least miffed her a little. “Sorry,” you mumble, pinning your eyes firmly out the window in shame.

It’s a short ride to the lake where Cloudsdale now resides, resting peacefully on the water. The clouds had soaked up enough moisture that they had become heavy, and as a result, no spells were needed to traverse its streets. A large stone bridge connects the island to the shore, and as the bus nears it, you can see the steady stream of ponies coming and going. Many of them are weather factory workers, but plenty are just normal citizens going about their business. It was true that most considered Cloudsdale to be a part of Canterlot now, but it was still proudly a pegasus town. Diamond readies her umbrella as the two of you move for the side doors, and step carefully into the rain as the bus pulls up near the bridge.

You don’t remember exactly where Rainbow Dash lives. She used to own her own place outside Ponyville, but after joining the Wonderbolts, she moved into the city for the sake of convenience. You remember her describing her new condo to you, insisting you come visit her there. You’d never gotten the chance; you lost touch with her soon after. You are about to ask for directions when Diamond points up the main road.

“It is this way.”

Wordlessly, you follow her. You doubt she’d tell you why she knows where Rainbow Dash lives, and you’re not sure you care to know, anyway. She kind of freaks you out. You spy her looking back at you from the corner of her eye for a heartbeat, and remind yourself to keep your thoughts in check. Diamond leads you to a large, handsome building just off the main road. “I suppose I’m not surprised a Wonderbolt lives here,” you sigh, tipping your head back to look at the highest floor of the condo. Diamond jerks her head towards the intercom, and you creep towards it, already afraid. For a moment, there is no answer to the subtle buzz the shiny golden PA makes, but eventually you hear a click, and a familiar voice calls out to you.

“Twilight?”

You grin sheepishly - of course a building this expensive would have a camera system. You can hear Rainbow Dash laughing through the speaker.

“Oh my god, you look exactly the same. Come on up!”

She buzzes you through to the lobby, and together with Diamond, you ride the polished elevator to the 15th floor. Rainbow Dash’s door is the only one in the hallway, and it’s already open when the elevator doors slide apart. She is grinning ear to ear, leaning against the doorframe.

“Well it’s about time you came around!” she exclaims, sweeping you up in a very feathery hug before you can so much as open your mouth. You can hear Diamond giggling quietly behind you. Rainbow eventually releases you from the hug, but holds you at leg’s length, scrutinizing your face for a bit with a very determined frown on her face. “Yep, she says eventually, “exactly the same. You haven’t changed a bit.” Another dazzling smile splits her face in two, and she ushers you into her flat, chattering excitedly about whatever’s in the sports’ section of the newspaper this week and settling you on her living room sofa. Diamond follows you silently, and sits down on your right. You try your hardest not to draw attention to her, because Rainbow Dash is carrying on blissfully without noticing her at all. She speaks to you as if you never left, telling you about her job, cracking jokes, and then  laughing at them. In turn, she asks you about your life, and you try to be honest - you tell her about your cafe job. As you chat, you notice she has grown her mane out over the years, and she no longer brags about herself nearly as much as she did when you last knew her. You may not have changed, but she sure has.

“Still love being a Wonderbolt?” you ask her, smiling in spite of yourself. She tosses her head back and barks out a single laugh.

“Sh’yeah! Every time we perform together, it’s like….I dunno, it’s like it’s the first time all over again, you know?” Rainbow stares into the middle distance, lost in her thoughts. “Nothing could ever beat that feeling.”

“I remember your first performance with them.” You had been so proud of her - all of you were. “Fluttershy cried.” Immediately after the words leave your mouth, you snap it shut, swearing internally. You should not have brought Fluttershy up. Diamond looks at you, but you refuse to meet her eyes. To your surprise, Rainbow just laughs some more.

“No way! Really?” She leans towards you. “Nobody ever told me that! She looked fine after the show!”

You feel your eyebrows raise in shock, and you see confusion dawn on the pegasus’s face, but before you can analyze it, the front door opens. There’s a quiet jangle of keys being set down on a surface, some rustling (you assume it’s a paper bag), and then the pony you least expected to see walks around the corner into the living room and stares right at you in horror.

It’s Fluttershy.

Your mouth hangs open like a fish. Fluttershy’s jaw is clenched tightly. “I heard voices,” she says, clearly to Rainbow, but her eyes never leave you. To her credit, Rainbow Dash tries to break the ice.

“Yeah! Isn’t it great, Shy? Twilight came to visit!”

Fluttershy says absolutely nothing, but continues to pin you in place with her stare. You suddenly feel very unwelcome, but Rainbow carries on talking like nothing happened. “We were just talking about my shows, what we’ve been up to all these years. Hey, I know! Shy, why don’t you join-”

“Leave.”

This time, you know she’s speaking to you. Nothing could have prepared you for how angry she looks. This is not the Fluttershy you were friends with three years ago. Rainbow’s head jerks back and forth, from Fluttershy in the doorway to you on the sofa, in rapid succession, like one of you is going to lunge and she might miss it. Next to you, Diamond makes a sudden motion that startles you, and your head turns to her before you can stop it. She is looking at you meaningfully, and perhaps a little urgently, and you understand what she’s getting at. It’s time to go. As you stand up, Rainbow also takes to the air, hovering in front of Fluttershy.

“Come on, Shy, let’s just sit down and talk about this. It all happened years ago. We can get through this, right? Let’s talk about it together, as old friends.”

“Leave,” she says again, leaning around Rainbow Dash to glare daggers at you. The blue pegasus looks terribly forlorn, like she wants to say something, but nothing comes out of her mouth. With Diamond trailing silently behind you, you skirt around Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and make for the door. You hear Rainbow speaking to Fluttershy in a low, frantic voice back in the living room as you close the front door behind you and climb back into the elevator. The trip down to the lobby is silent. Diamond fetches her umbrella from the rack beside the glass doors. For once, she says absolutely nothing, and you appreciate the quiet. You have absolutely no idea how you feel right now.

As you push the doors ajar, you hear frantic hoof-steps behind you, and Rainbow comes barrelling from the staircase towards you at full-pelt. “Twilight!” she yells, breathing hard. “Wait!” You pause in the doorway, keeping your face carefully blank. Diamond is already outside ahead of you. Rainbow stops to catch her breath for a second, then rushes out “I’m so sorry! About Fluttershy. I should have explained things to you earlier.” Her face is so sad, any biting remark you may have been considering dies off. You just look at her passively.

“It’s alright," you tell her. Both of you know it isn’t alright, but one of you had to say it. The blue mare you once called your friend looks at her hooves, ashamed.

“We…..we made up. A few months after you…...you know. And after that we kind of got really close, and one thing lead to another, and…..yeah.” She fumbles for words, exactly like she always has. You feel it coming before Rainbow says it, though - something final hangs in the air, and you know this isn’t going to end the way you were beginning to hope for.

“She really hates me, doesn’t she?”

Rainbow Dash does not deny it. She shuts her mouth and looks guiltily at you, but also past you. She does not look you in the eye anymore. So that’s it.

You force a smile. “I guess an apology won’t change anything.” You meant it as you apologising to Fluttershy, but the double meaning isn’t lost on Rainbow, because she flushes to her ears and looks as though she might cry. How time has warped the pony you used to know. When did she become so humble? You suppose, with slight bitterness, that it was probably Fluttershy’s influence.

“She doesn’t hate you, Twi,” she tries. “She’s just angry. A lot happened after you left.”

“So I see.”

Rainbow Dash looks over her shoulder, back at the elevator, as if she’s considering running. Worrying her lower lip with her teeth, she turns back to you. “You had three years, Twi. Three years and not even a letter to say hi. Why’d it take you so long? Why’d you have to wait so long to come see us? You could have- she might have been-”

A pause. “Things might have been different. WE might have been different.”

You smile at her again, and she winces. You know it doesn’t reach your eyes and she isn’t fooled. “Bye, Rainbow.” Her ears droop.

“Later, Twi.”

When the door closes behind you, Diamond is right there, holding the blue umbrella above your head to shield you from the rain. You do not cry. After all, Rainbow Dash had not been your friend for three years. You had only confirmed what you already knew - they had moved on, without you, and didn’t need or want you back in their lives.

“Is this what you wanted?” you say to Diamond, suddenly angry. “Do you want to see me suffer as I upset people? Is that it?” The main street, populated before your arrival, is now mostly empty as the rain continues to pour down and the sun sets. You turn on her, standing in her way. You expected her to be annoyed with your accusation, but she just looks sad. Like Rainbow.

“No,” she says softly. It is almost lost under the din of the rain. “Never.”

“Then what? Why are you here? Who are you? You owe me some goddamned answers!” Your voice rises to a shout, red seeping into the edges of your vision. It isn't fair.

“This didn’t need to happen. None of this needed to happen. You made me come here and see that and do that to Rainbow Dash and none of it needed to ever happen! You could have left me alone to die like a normal person!” You are yelling at her now. The rain pelts you mercilessly. Diamond’s face never shifts, she just keeps holding that same, muted sadness you’re coming to hate. It looks like pity. You hate pity.

After several heartbeats of her not saying a word, you turn abruptly and run off into the rain without her. Raindrops fall in your face; you can barely see where you’re going through your blurry eyes, but you somehow make it to the bus stop and onto the bus. It takes an eternity to reach your home. Diamond is not there, and you are glad for it. You shower, moving sluggishly through your flat on autopilot, before collapsing into your bed. You don’t really dry your mane properly, just leaving it tangled about your head like a storm across your pillows.

Your final thought before you drift off is that you are glad you will not have to live with the shame for long.