Crystal Conspiracies

by Tennis Match Fan

Rating: teen
Tags: Sandalwood, Random, Principal Celestia, Other, Equestria Girls
Length: 1650

Sweet Leaf and the Eco-Kid clique of Canterlot High unearth the hidden secrets of their rival school, Crystal Prep.

Sweet Leaf is convinced that Crystal Prep students make crystal meth. The rest of the Eco Kids have other ideas. Together, they are going to find out what exactly Crystal Preppers do with their time. You might even say they are unearthing secrets. Get it? Because earth and eco-kids- nevermind. :derpytongue2:

Published 2016-01-30 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-30 06:00:01 UTC

Crystal Conspiracies

Thursdays at Canterlot High were usually uneventful. This particular Thursday was an exception to the rule. Green Cycle whistled amiably as he made his way down the hall to dump his books in his locker. The overhead lights flickered on and off, before finally shutting off completely. Green Cycle and the hallway were plunged into unnatural darkness.

"Woah, Vice Principal Luna really needs to fix the lights down here," Green commented. "I can't see a thing!"

Before Green could move, a hand reached out and pulled him into the nearest classroom.

"Woah!" he cried as he was thrown into the nearest table. Green shut his eyes tight and cowered before his captors. "Don't hurt me, zombie dudes!"

"Zombies?" A familiar feminine voice repeated his last word.

Green opened his eyes as the classroom lights began to operate again. With one finger on the light switch, Sweet Leaf was staring at him with a bemused expression.

"There's no such thing as zombies, Green!" Sweet Leaf said. Her sunhat was precisely angled so that a vaguely sinister shadow fell over her eyes.

"Oh, but there are such thing as magical portals to alternate dimensions inhabited by ponies?"

Green Cycle turned around to see Starlight. Her lavender pigtails were pulled back into a singular ponytail.

"Hey, we have proof of that!" Sweet Leaf argued.

"Wait, what are we doin' here?" Green asked, suddenly remembering he had not come here by his own free will.

Sweet Leaf took a seat on the desk next to him. "We're going to unearth the greatest conspiracies known to teenage kind!"

"Paisley and Cap are in the back washing the test tubes," Starlight interjected leisurely. "Then we can begin."

As if on cue, Captain Planet and Paisley emerged from the back room. Each was carrying a box of test tubes.

"I guess you got Green in on the plot, too, huh?" Cap commented as he set his box down on the teacher's desk.

"More or less," Green answered. The five Eco Kids huddled around the test tubes.

"My friends," Sweet Leaf began, talking in a low, secretive tone, "we are here to prove, once and for all, that Crystal Prep students are on drugs!" She spread her arms wide and began laughing manically. Green swore he saw a flash of lightning behind Sweet. That was probably a hallucination, since there were no windows in this particular classroom.

Starlight folded her arms, clearly unimpressed by Sweet Leaf's accusations. "Proof?"

"Well, for starters, it's Crystal Prep," Sweet Leaf pointed out. "That alludes to their underground crystal meth laboratories!"

"Yo, Principal Cinch is watchin' them like a hawk," Green Cycle interjected. "Trust me. Since I participated in the Friendship Games, I saw her a lot. She'd never let kids get away with an underground drug ring!"

Sweet Leaf's pine-colored eyes glinted mysteriously. "That's where you're wrong, honey. While you were failing to build a birdhouse, I happened to strike up a conversation with one of the Preppers. She told me that she passes out counterfeit hall passes in between classes! She's brilliant!"

"There's a big difference between hall passes and meth," interrupted Cap, who was scratching his mustache thoughtfully.

Paisley spoke up in Sweet Leaf's defense: "Metaphors. Obviously the Crystal Prep kids wouldn't tell the opposing team about their drugs, lest we rat them out to Principal Cinch or Principal Celestia. She was implying drug use, but not directly stating it."

"Clever," Sweet Leaf agreed, "which brings me to my next point- the Crystal Prep kids are exceptionally skilled at everything! Sports, academics, you name it! We only beat them in the Games because of the magical plants that Twilight unleashed!

"You might say to me, 'But Sweet Leaf, crystal meth is a recreational drug!' And I'd be inclined to agree with you. But!" Sweet Leaf pulled her phone out her pocket. "Thanks to the internet, I learned that crystal meth can be used to treat ADHD! What if I told you that most, if not all, Crystal Prep kids have ADHD and are treating themselves with their school-made meth?"

"If you told me that, I'd say you were crazy," Starlight responded dryly. She gently pushed Sweet Leaf aside. "Look, I agree that there's a conspiracy surrounding Crystal Prep, but crystal meth is not it. You know what I think?"

"What?" Green, Paisley, and Cap asked in unison.

"I think the CPA program is only benefiting twelve students! The only ones that matter are the twelve that participated in the Friendship Games!" Starlight locked a death glare on Green, one that sent shivers up his spine. "Same for here! If the Friendship Games are supposed to be about two schools getting along, why are only twelve kids competing?! I would've loved to be a chearleader, but no! It's a conspiracy against the rest of us, I tell ya!"

"So what's your point?" Sweet Leaf asked, still annoyed Starlight had stolen her spotlight.

"My point is that Principal Celestia and Principal Cinch don't care about the rest of us! We could all die, and they wouldn't care! The Games were only a test to see which students were actually worth their time."

"I'm glad I am, then," Green commented.

Starlight rolled her eyes. "No offense, Greenie, but you got eliminated the first round. Is it any coincidence that the students who moved on were the magical Rainbooms?!"

"You have a point," Cap admitted.

Sweet Leaf rolled her eyes. "Please! You're only on about this 'cause you got your feelings hurt when Vice Principal Luna wouldn't let you cheerlead! My conspiracy has more solid facts behind it!"

"Bros, what if Principal Cinch is actually Vice Principal Luna in disguise?" Green suggested out of the blue. "Maybe she started CPA 'cause she was jealous of Celestia!"

"That is the least plausible theory out of the three presented here," Paisley answered, casting a sympathetic glance at Green. "Sorry, bro."

Starlight gasped in a sudden revelation. "They're gonna feed Sunset Shimmer to the government!"

"Sugarcoat is a psychopath!" Sweet Leaf added. "Sour Sweet's mood swings are cause by the meth in her system!"

"I really like my idea," Green protested. "My spirit guide's showin' me the way." He shut his eyes and imagined Celestia and Luna walking along the spirit path. The sisters came to a fork in the road, and each went a separate way. "Bros, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna have some deep rifts."

"That's preposterous!" Cap snapped, crossing his arms indignantly. "I think the Battle of the Bands was rigged!"

"Cap, we've been over this," Paisley commented. "It was rigged. By the Dazzlings."

"Or maybe the Dazzlings are Principal Cinch's daughters!" Sweet Leaf cried. "She sent them to cause bad vibes between us!"

"I dig that," Green agreed. "They went back to Crystal Prep crying to their mommy."

"We're obviously forgetting the real problem here," Starlight added, "favoritism from the Principals!"

Suddenly, everyone started talking at once, arguing about their multiple conspiracies.

Green's eyes were still shut. He could see the faint outline of Spirit Guide putting his hands over his ears. That was never a good sign.

"Yo!" Green Cycle leaped on to the table. He accidentally knocked the crates to the floor, sending test tubes spiraling. Green ignored his blunder and continued talking, "We've been too busy arguing to actually get anything done! We are harshing the vibe." The Eco Kids were silent as his words sunk in.

"I guess you're right," Sweet Leaf admitted. "We just need to settle on a conspiracy theory that we can actually set out to prove."

Suddenly, the door was opened. The Eco Kids turned around to see Adagio Dazzle and Lemon Zest in the doorway.

"...What are you two doing here?" Sweet Leaf asked.

Lemon Zest giggled nervously. "We totally weren't going to vandalize your school."

Adagio shoved her hands deeper into her hoodie's pockets. "It was all my idea, anyways. Come on, Zest, let's go."

"Wait!" Starlight cried, leaping up to chase after them.

Adagio and Lemon Zest paused in the doorway.

"Adagio, are you actually Principal Cinch's daughter?" Starlight asked.

"Do Crystal Preppers do drugs?" Sweet Leaf called out.

"We're gonna leave now." Adagio, unamused, ushered Lemon Zest out of the room.

"That didn't solve anything," Paisley pointed out softly. "And we didn't even use the test tubes."

"The fact that they didn't answer prooves that our conspiracies are true!" Sweet Leaf proclaimed, triumphantly placing her hands on her hips. "To the press!"

Green Cycle flashed Principal Celestia a sheepish smile, hoping that a friendly gesture would help tone down their punishment. Beside him, Cap fidgeted nervously. On his other side, Sweet Leaf was sitting, her back arched in defiance.

Celestia sat down at her desk and sighed as she rubbed her left temple. Cap could see the front page of the Canterlot High Press before her on the desk.

"I'm sure you all realize I've called you to my office to discuss the unfounded, unsettling claims you wrote in the newspaper," Principal Celestia commented, holding up the paper in question. 'Crystal Prep Students on Drugs!" screamed the headline.

"Well, freedom of the press-"

Celestia held up a hand to halt Starlight's protests. "Thanks to your efforts, Crystal Prep is being searched this very minute for the meth."

"So you're thanking us?" Green asked, scratching his scalp, which had grown itchy as Celestia had talked.

"That remains to be seen," Celestia answered dryly. "However, I have asked Trixie, the edior, to bar any future articles written by any of the five of you. When you go searching for conspiracies-" Celestia looked each student in the eye and set her mouth in a firm frown. "-you might find something you don't want to find."

Author's Note

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about drugs, most information in this story comes from hasty searches on Google. :pinkiecrazy: