Body Armor and Black Suburbans

by totallynotabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Sunset Shimmer, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Spike, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 11328

The girls try the latest tabletop game sweeping Equestria, the sci-fi urban action adventure role playing game known as Body Armor and Black Suburbans.

The girls try the latest tabletop game sweeping Equestria, the sci-fi urban action adventure role playing game known as Body Armor and Black Suburbans.

The dice giveth, and the dice taketh away. With any luck, the group will be able to complete their covert ops mission and not take it too seriously along the way.

A comment driven story.

Editing by Melancholy

Published 2016-01-30 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-03 22:07:02 UTC

Chapter 1

It was game night. The girls had gathered at Twilight’s place, all of them looking forward to the evening ahead. There were snacks on the table, but more important was the game itself.

“What is it tonight?” Pinkie asked, actually ignoring the cupcakes to take a closer look at the box that contained the game paraphernalia.

“Sunset Shimmer’s visiting,” Spike replied. “She brought this game over. I hear she’s doing really well making games based on ideas from the other world.”

“Didn’t you used to get games from that store in Canterlot?” Applejack asked.

Spike shook his head. “After that magic comic book, I decided I should go somewhere else to get stuff like this. I’m all for tabletop role playing games, but we go on enough quests for real.”

“What is this?” Rarity asked, as Pinkie removed her eyeballs from a close examination of the box.

“It’s called Body Armor and Black Suburbans,” said Sunset, coming in from the other room. “It’s an action game set in what you might consider a dystopian alien world. Spike wanted something sci-fi with lots of action.”

“Well, you can hardly blame me. Fluttershy was game master last time,” said Spike. “Besides, it’s not really dystopia, just a grittier version of the world on the other side of the mirror.”

“I suppose we’ll see,” said Twilight, who had entered with Sunset, bringing more snacks from the kitchen.

“I’ve given Spike a rundown on the mechanics,” said Sunset. “It’s based around a twenty-sided die. The rules are pretty simple. I’m afraid I can’t stay very long tonight, but Spike should be able to run things.”

“An action game sounds like my kind of night,” said Rainbow Dash, plopping down at the table and opening the box.

Applejack took a look at the rulebook, which was labeled American Action edition. “I’m not sure about this sci-fi, though.”

“It’ll be a challenge,” said Sunset. “There’s no magic. Easier rules to remember.”

The others sat down around the table and Spike passed out the character sheets. Applejack glanced at the rulebook and decided, “I suppose I’ll make my character a member of the Delta Force class. Good enough as any, I suppose.”

“I’m totally going for Air Force STS,” said Rainbow. “I’ll take the Rescue perk.” She passed the rulebook on.

“Why do they call it an Air Force?” Pinkie asked, looking at the rulebook. “The description doesn’t say anything about flying.”

“I guess the human characters themselves are a little boring,” said Spike. “It’s the stuff you can do with them that’s the cool part.”

“Like perks?” Applejack asked.

“Right, extra skills,” confirmed Spike.

Applejack smirked at Rainbow and said, “In that case, my perk is Airborne.”

“I like the idea of Marine Corps,” Pinkie decided. Her lips popped on the P sound. “The Heavy Weapons perk sounds good!”

“I don’t think ‘Corps’ is pronounced that way,” said Twilight as Pinkie passed her the rulebook. She read a few of the descriptions. “Oh, Intelligence! I think this CIA character is right for me. I’ll take the Sneaky Spook perk.”

Rarity took a long time with the rulebook. “I just don’t think any of these really feel right. Do you have anything else, Spike?”

“Well, I don’t know if you’re really supposed to use parts from other editions, but maybe I could make an exception, Rarity. I picked up this British Forces expansion.” Spike showed her another rulebook.

Rarity quickly focused on a character. “SAS sounds lovely. Oh, and it comes with a Teatime perk.”

“How do we explain a character from a different nationality being on our team?” Twilight asked.

“What does it matter?” asked Rainbow.

“You can’t just have a role playing game and not play your role,” Twilight admonished. “Twilight Sparkle, CIA, would never let tiny details slip past.”

“Oh! I would-er, I mean, Pinkie Pie, USMC, would.” Pinkie’s statement didn’t really surprise anyone.

“Perhaps the two governments are on good terms and my character came as part of an exchange program,” offered Rarity. She passed the rulebook to Fluttershy.

“Oh, this looks good,” said Fluttershy. “A Navy SEAL. Oh, wait...”

“What’s wrong?” asked Spike as her face fell.

“It’s not an actual seal.”

“You can have a nice Corpsman perk and be the team healer,” offered Spike.

“That sounds nice,” Fluttershy agreed. She turned to Sunset. “Are you creating a character?”

“Not this time. Like I said, I can’t stay for the whole game,” Sunset reminded. “Since Spike’s also game master, his character will be taking a more reserved role. The two of us put together a pretty good scenario for this game.”

“Is everypony ready?” asked Spike. “All right. We’ll get to character descriptions as we go. Let’s get started.

“You find yourselves in the basement of an anonymous building in a bureaucratic mire known as Washington, D.C…”

The six women had introduced themselves, but otherwise had kept conversation to a minimum. They all knew how these things went, and knew to keep their mouths shut.

The room was small, containing only a circular table and chairs. None of them had sat with their backs to the door, though the one named Pinkie Pie was closest. She seemed at ease, her constant fidgeting more a part of her personality than any signs of nervousness. Applejack, the tall blonde, sat relaxed but not limp. Beside her, the lithe Rainbow Dash was another notch up on the readiness scale. Fluttershy’s build was hard to determine beneath her clothes. She clutched her bag close and alternated between looking at the others and looking at the door. Rarity’s clothes were at the opposite end of the spectrum: stylish, fitting, and sophisticated. Of them all, Twilight Sparkle looked the most at home in the tiny room, but also the most interested in their purpose.

The door opened and a young man with a folder in his hand entered. “Good morning, my name is Spike. I’m an organizer with the CIA.” He gestured to Twilight. “You too, huh? I knew I’d seen you somewhere before.”

Spike shuffled some paperwork and veered back to topic. “I need to get some personal information from you all before we begin.”

“We gave you all of that already,” Applejack said.

“It could have changed,” put in Pinkie. “Maybe a spooky spook like Twilight scared some of it out of the files.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s just a nickname for the CIA,” said Twilight.

Spike opened the folder and reviewed some basic identifying information, mostly regarding appearance. The more personal topics the questions touched on regarded tattoos.

“I’ve got my Airborne wings tattooed on my chest,” Applejack contributed.

Rainbow snickered. “Really?”

“I consider it an important step on the way to Delta,” Applejack replied.

“As STS, I’ve got way more time airborne than you,” Rainbow replied.

Applejack shrugged. “Air Force? Why would I want my head in the clouds?”

“Well, at least I got my wings tattooed on my-” Rainbow abruptly stopped speaking.

“I bet I know where,” giggled Pinkie. “I’ve got my MARSOC tattoos. EGA’s for days. Scars, too. I really should get my money back from that discount place.”

“You shouldn’t pick at them when they’re healing,” Fluttershy said.

“Anything else?” Spike asked. “Rarity?”

She smiled. “No tattoos. Just a very...particular birthmark.”

Spike blushed. “With preliminaries out of the way, let’s get down to business. When picking members for a secret mission, it’s customary to give one last chance to back out before revealing the terms of the mission. If anyone wants to leave now, you can.”

No one did. Fluttershy may have been about to say something when Pinkie interupted with, “We’re ready for anything!”

“Very well,” said Spike. “The leader of the CIA, Director Celes-uh, Celeste has called you all here to undertake an important task. I’m glad you’re enthusiastic, because this will not be a standard mission.”

“So are we going to do what the CIA does best: infiltrate some third world place and topple their regime?” asked Pinkie.

“Not exactly,” said Spike. “I’ve got the intel right here. There’s this bad guy who’s been trying to incite government overthrow.”

“Ooh, that sounds like just the job for us,” said Twilight.

“Yeah, we’ll protect America!” contributed Applejack.

“Well, that’s the thing,” said Spike as he read from the folder. “The American political system is too complicated for your average miscreant to penetrate. For that, you need a politician. This bad guy is working in another region of the world and we have to go stop him. It’s a place called the Middle East.”

“So why do we care about some other place?” asked Rainbow.

“Well, no government means no stability and that happening on the other side of the world could lead to a domino effect that-” Spike frowned “-the page is smudged. Something, something, freedom.”

“Sounds good to me!” cheered Pinkie.

“What was this bad guy’s name again?” Rarity asked.

Spike fumbled for a moment. “How about...Sombr-uh, Sombrero. Yeah, Sombrero the evil bad guy attacking the Middle East. Our mission is to track him down.”

“A worthy quest,” said Twilight. “Alright, girls, let’s do this!”

“We’ll need to travel to the quest location and set up the starting conditions,” said Spike. He pulled out a twenty-sided die and gave it a roll. “Twelve. Okay, we...get coach tickets on an airplane. We arrive within one day, but are jet lagged and cranky. That means we can go straight into the quest, but we’ll all have to start with a fatigue penalty.”

“Where are we, exactly?” asked Rarity.

Spike raised his claws, gesturing for effect. “Welcome to the glittering city of Dubai. As the airplane lands, you can see the tall towers in the distance. It’s a desert oasis bordering the sea, a city created from sand and powered by money.”

“It sounds big. What should we do first?” wondered Fluttershy.

“I think we should find a hotel and get rid of our fatigue,” suggested Twilight.

“No way!” said Rainbow. “We’ve got to hit the town. There’s got to be some seedy bar where we can learn about Sombrero. Everypony knows you always go to the tavern for information.”

“You think so small,” commented Rarity. “Surely there’s a casino in a place like this?”

“We can solve this with a roll of the dice.” Spike picked up the d20. “Does anypony else have an idea before I roll?”

Chapter 2

The jet touched down in Dubai less than a day after leaving Washington.

Twilight looked out the window, her fingers tapping on the closed Toughbook she’d been using during the flight. The coffee they’d served helped, but she could feel the fatigue of being on the airplane all day getting to her.

The jet pulled up to the terminal and they got off with the other passengers. The group of seven found their way to the exit. Outside, a blast of desert heat was waiting to greet them.

Each of them had a suitcase, except for Fluttershy who also carried her bag over her shoulder and Rarity who had three suitcases.

Rarity had somehow convinced Applejack to carry her third bag with a free hand, though she didn’t look pleased about it.

At the parking area, a woman leaned against the fender of a black Suburban, arms crossed. Despite the heat, she wore a leather jacket. Based on the picture Twilight had been given, this was Sunset Shimmer.

“You all look like a bunch of dweebs straight from Washington,” said Sunset, opening the back of the truck for them to place their luggage. She glanced at Twilight. “When was the last time you got a tan? Even that Limey has seen more sun.”

“Good to see you too,” said Twilight. Sunset might have been getting just a bit too much pleasure from playing the bad girl.

They piled into the truck with Sunset driving and headed off, leaving the airport.

“Dubai’s not bad,” said Sunset. “I’ve been here for a while. Most people behave themselves, but it’s the dirtbags you have to watch out for. We’ll make a stop by the candy store and then you can do whatever you want.”

Twilight understood some of those words. Sunset didn’t seem to care about filtering down her local knowledge to be more easily understood by the visitors.

Sunset went on. “The Agency’s kept me here for a couple of years. I guess you get used to it after a while.”

“Speaking of being local, we need to figure out where we’re going to find these people,” said Twilight. “But first, a good night’s sleep is an order.”

“No way!” said Rainbow. “We’ve got to hit the town. There’s got to be some seedy bar where we can learn about this guy Sombrero.”

“You think so small,” commented Rarity. “Surely there’s a casino in a place like this?”

“A casino might have both a bar and a hotel!” said Pinkie.

Sunset put on the turn signal. “I know a place.”

“Um, the government’s paying for this, right?” said Fluttershy.

There was a silence in the Suburban.

“I guess we’re just going to have to win at the tables,” said Pinkie.

The casino was on the water. Like most places of its ilk, it had a central theme. It seemed to be over the top opulence, a little like the city itself.

The group of them walked inside, taking in the card tables and slot machines that seemed to stretch on for miles.

“How much money do we even have?” Rainbow asked.

Spike rolled the d20 and did some figuring. “One thousand.”

“One thousand what?” asked Applejack.

“Does it matter?” said Rarity. “We’re in a different country now.”

“It’s kind of a big deal,” Twilight pointed out. “We don’t even know the exchange rate.”

Spike waved his arms to calm them down. “Let’s just say betting chips for now.”

“Twilight’s probably best qualified to play the odds at gambling,” said Rarity. “Could we give her our chips?”

“If you trust me,” said Twilight. “All right, I’m ready.”

Burdened with everyone’s money, Twilight went over to the roulette wheel. Curiously, this one had only twenty numbers. She bet on black.

The ball dropped in and went around, catching on number four.

The others groaned. There went half their money.

“Well, that was a failure,” Rainbow muttered.

“Wait a second, why did we even bet in the first place? We don’t even know how much things cost around here.”

“Well yeah, you could have asked me,” said Sunset. “Hello? Local guide?”

“Well, what should we do now?” Twilight asked.

“How about we go over to the bar and use what money you have left to buy a few drinks and see if it gets anyone to talk,” Sunset suggested.

The bar was large and tiki-themed. Rainbow grabbed a bucket of iced beers and brought them over, along with a bottle of liquor and a tray of glasses.

Rarity stared at the Bud Light and Bacardi. She shook her head and went to order something for herself.

Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie, however, dove in. Twilight crossed her arms and gave them disapproving looks. Fluttershy sat with her hands in her lap and said nothing.

Rainbow filled the glasses from the bottle and distributed them. She stared at Applejack as the two of them lifted their drinks in unison and slugged. Rainbow quickly refilled both and raised her eyebrows.

Applejack smirked. “You’re on.”

“So we’re just drinking?” said Twilight. “Come on, it’s in a game, not to mention we only have limited money!”

“So roll for something to happen,” suggested Rainbow.

“The last time we tried that, we lost half our money!”

“Well, do you have a better idea to shake something loose?” asked Applejack.

With everypony’s consent, Spike rolled. “Fourteen. Okay, the two of you having a drinking contest draws a crowd. You’ll have a hangover in the morning, but you see a suspicious looking individual in the crowd.”

“That man over there looks suspicious,” said Fluttershy to Twilight as the others got increasingly drunk.

“What about him looks suspicious?” Twilight asked, looking where she indicated.

“I don’t know, he just does.”

Sure enough, he did. Twilight didn’t know why, but he did. She took out her phone, pretending to record the rowdy drinking contest, but instead snapped a covert picture. Perhaps someone back in D.C. could determine who they were looking at. It would take some time.

The satellite phone functioned like a normal cell phone but was bulkier and just not as nice all the way around. The reception anywhere was a boon, however.

Meanwhile, it was difficult to discern who had won the drinking contest. Perhaps Pinkie, and she hadn’t even been playing. Rarity had been sipping more sedately.

“We still need to find a place to rest,” said Twilight. “Especially those that are going to be hungover.”

“I’ll tell you what,” said Sunset. “I’ll get you a long term reservation here to act as a base of operations if you agree to spend the rest of your money at my candy shop.”

“Deal!” Pinkie immediately agreed.

“Is that a literal candy shop?” Twilight asked.

“No, it’s actually a gun shop.”

“You’re making us pay for guns? I thought you were our friendly neighborhood CIA agent.”

“Maybe, but I’m not very good at it.” Sunset grinned. “Come on, you’ll have a place to stay and get some weapons.”

After a quick huddle, they all reluctantly agreed.

At least the casino hotel was nice. Sleeping there would fully cure any fatigue they felt.

“I’ll come by in the morning and take you to the candy shop,” said Sunset. “I’ll let you get a little taste of what I’ve got.”

The seven visitors retired to their rooms to rest. They discovered that three rooms with dual beds had been reserved. It wasn’t perfect, but certainly not the worst hardship any of them had ever endured.

Rainbow was quick to stake her claim, tossing her suitcase on the bed. She paused at the window, looking out at the water only a few blocks away, a huge artificial island shaped like a palm tree visible in the distance. Applejack came in, looked over her shoulder, and then flopped into bed. Pinkie had dragged Fluttershy into another room, leaving Twilight, Rarity, and Spike to share the third room with all the gear. Rarity kept a stiff upper lip about it, but did not look pleased.

In the morning, Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie were hungover, but they had the others for support should it become necessary. The coffee maker was working overtime.

Sunset arrived and drove them away from the dazzling buildings of downtown. She turned into the parking lot of a refrigerated warehouse that was battered from years of desert climate. The sign on the outside was in Arabic.

“I try to read it!” said Pinkie.

“Do you speak Arabic?” Spike asked.

“I don't know.”

“Is it on your character sheet?”

“No?”

“Then no, you don’t understand a word!”

“Awww....”

“I speak the local language!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Or I could just tell you what it says,” said Sunset.

“We keep our place inside this refrigerated warehouse,” Sunset explained, as she led them into the building.

The environment inside featured icicles growing from the ceiling and pallets of various temperature-sensitive goods. Suddenly Sunset’s jacket made a lot of sense. Fluttershy was thankful she hadn’t dressed as lightly as some of the others.

“So this is the candy shop,” said Sunset as she led them towards the rear.

“More like an ice cream shop,” countered Pinkie. “Although I imagine your euphemism is indicative of this being the place where you keep the sweet stuff that everybody wants.”

“In a manner of speaking,” said Sunset. She turned a corner around a leaning tower of TV dinners and revealed her wares.

Pinkie’s gasp lasted several seconds before abruptly terminating. “Wait, what are we looking at?”

“For your money, I’ve got you all a standard group of weapons,” said Sunset. “An M4 carbine and a SIG Sauer P226 sidearm each.”

“Don’t we get a choice? Just how many guns do you have?” Rainbow asked.

Sunset stared at her. “Well, you try smuggling this stuff into a foreign country and see how much fun it is.”

“Fluttershy and I had a little bit more money since we didn’t drink,” Twilight reminded her.

Sunset nodded. “Good point. I’ll allow the two of you an upgrade. Would you like more mobility or more firepower?”

“I think dodging attacks is more important,” said Twilight.

“Then I have a compact MP5 PDW for you,” said Sunset.

“Oh yeah, I have the heavy weapons perk,” broke in Pinkie. “Does that do anything?”

“I can upgrade you to a M1014 shotgun for no charge,” Sunset allowed.

Pinkie practically dove into the pile, calling “Dibs!”

Sunset turned back to Fluttershy. “Have you decided?”

“I suppose I’ll take whatever you give me,” Fluttershy replied.

“Then she should get more firepower!” Pinkie insisted.

“All right, an M14 it is,” said Sunset.

“Do I get anything for winning the drinking competition?” Applejack asked.

“There’s no way you won!” Rainbow argued.

“She has higher constitution points,” said Spike. “She won.”

“Well, maybe a small sidearm upgrade: the larger, ambidextrous M9 for a slight bonus to accuracy,” Sunset suggested.

“Somebody needs to be the techie,” said Spike. “Instead of weapons, I’m going to buy surveillance equipment to track bad guy cell phones.”

“Wait, that was an option?” said Twilight.

“For me,” said Spike. “Hey, I’m voluntarily going out on a limb here to be unarmed and I need the rest of you to cover me.”

“Ugh.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Escort missions.”

They picked up their gear. Fluttershy’s battle rifle was a little unwieldy, but Rarity reassured her.

“It’s an interesting aesthetic,” said Rarity. “This rifle looks like it’s been very well preserved for how old it must be. The wooden stock is even varnished.”

“Wait, you actually like that?” Rainbow said. “It totally clashes with the slick new SIGs.”

“You monster,” muttered Rarity.

“Um, I just want to get going,” said Fluttershy.

Rarity nodded and turned to the pile of weapons, selecting an M4 that looked a little cleaner than the others.

“So now that we have weapons, what about armor?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, what about some bulletproof vests?” Applejack asked.

“What, are you scared?” said Rainbow.

“I take it you’ve never been shot,” Applejack retorted.

“Well, if you only had the money for vests…” Sunset smirked. “Just move fast and hit hard. Group tactics.”

She handed over the keys to the Suburban. Rainbow grabbed them.

“That’s it,” said Sunset. “Have fun.”

“I’m out,” said Sunset, getting up from the table. “I’ll be back later if you need anything.”

“See you later,” said Twilight. “We’ll do our best with the scenario.”

“What are we supposed to do now?” Twilight asked as the group of them drove away.

Rainbow drove with a lead foot, which was not too out of the ordinary in Dubai, but also made it easier to determine if anyone was tailing them. Police presence was fortunately low.

Answering Twilight’s question, Spike indicated the electronics he’d picked up. “If we knew bad guys’ cell phone numbers, I could track them down.”

“That’s right, I saw someone suspicious at the bar,” Twilight remembered. “I wonder if the report came back?”

“If he has a phone, we could track him down, or maybe find out who he’s talking to and track them down,” Spike offered.

“Or maybe ping the home office for more information,” said Twilight. “Either way, any of those options could take time.”

“We could break for tea,” Rarity suggested. “There’s always time for that.”

Rainbow snorted, but winced. “Okay, maybe that could help my aching head.”

“Why did we let her drive again?” Applejack asked.

Chapter 3

Rarity made them all tea. They sat in the Suburban in a parking lot and drank it.

“Where did you get the cups?” Rainbow asked. “How did you heat the water?”

“Dear, it’s tea. One simply does not ask such things.”

“Well, it was refreshing,” said Twilight. “Thank you.”

“How’s it going on the intel?” Spike asked.

Twilight had switched to her Toughbook, holding her teacup in one hand and typing with the other. “We’ve got a little, like the name of the man we saw in the casino. Sure enough, he’s a bad guy. He trades in exotic animals. It’s possible the business is a front for money laundering.”

“If we go down there, we can persuade him to tell us where Sombrero is,” Applejack offered.

“It may cost us the element of surprise,” said Rarity. “We could do it at night and search the place thoroughly.”

“I like that idea,” said Twilight. “If we don’t turn anything up, then we can grab him when he shows up in the morning.”

“Wow, for being the Princess of Friendship, you’re pretty ruthless,” Pinkie giggled.

Twilight flushed. “I’m just very mission-focused.”

“What do we do to kill time until nightfall?” said Rainbow.

“We could figure out some way to get heavier weapons,” suggested Pinkie.

“What, just go down to the ‘ol black market and ask, if anybody’s got any RPGs?” said Applejack.

“Do you have a better idea?” challenged Rainbow.

They were all getting more talkative now that the tea break had begun to cure hangovers. Twilight stepped in. “If we’re going to try to make a deal, we’d better let Rarity do it.”

Rainbow got the Suburban moving and they headed to the black market. It wasn’t on any map, and they only knew they had arrived when Spike said-

“-you’re in the black market.”

“All right Rarity,” said Twilight. “You’ve got the most charisma.”

“I roll to persuade a nearby black merchant to give us an RPG,” said Rarity.

Spike rolled. “Six. Uh, that was a bad one. I should probably roll again.”

“You can’t just re-roll.” Twilight put a hoof on his arm. “We can’t just play with fate like that!”

Rarity sighed. “Very well. What does a six get me?”

Spike fumbled for a moment. “The vendor says he’ll give you the RPG if you kill his rival for him.”

“Well, we’ve got all these guns,” said Rainbow.

“Do we really want to do this?” Fluttershy asked.

“I mean, arguably this warlord’s rival is also probably a warlord and therefore a bad person,” said Twilight.

“And it’s not like we weren’t going to kill Sombrero,” said Pinkie.

“Wait a second, I thought we were supposed to capture him,” said Applejack.

“Actually, the mission was just to track him down,” corrected Spike. He frowned. “I guess someone should have come up with a plan for after that. As Americans, we’re not really good at exit strategies.”

“Speak for yourself, darling.”

“Wait, so we’re killing some guy just so we can merely track down some other guy?” said Pinkie.

“Let’s not kill anyone,” said Fluttershy.

“Says the woman with the eleven pound rifle,” Rainbow retorted.

“Look, if we think we need it, we can come back later,” said Twilight.

Everyone agreed to that, and they set off for their next destination.

Night was falling as they pulled up to the place that was supposedly an exotic pet store. It didn’t look like it from the outside, but perhaps that was due to some of those animals being illegal to import.

Rainbow pulled around to the back where they were less likely to be observed and shut off the engine. They got out and went to figure out how to get inside.

“I also knitted everyone these cute hijabs, considering where we are,” said Rarity. “We’ll look great in coordination.”

“And it might make us less conspicuous among the natives,” noted Twilight. “Or disguise us for breaking into this place.”

“That too.”

The back door was locked, but that was to be expected. “Does anyone know how to pick locks?” Twilight asked.

“I’ve got a paperclip,” said Rainbow. She bent down to the lock.

Spike rolled the d20. “Two. You break the lock. Now it’s even harder to open.”

Rainbow crossed her arms. “Stupid foreign locks.”

“I’ve got a solution!” said Pinkie. She grabbed her shotgun from the Suburban.

Twilight stopped her. “That’s last resort. We wouldn’t want them to know we’d broken in.”

“The little pieces of metal stuck in the lock will tell them that somebody tried to break in,” Applejack noted. “At this point, there’s no real reason to keep being subtle. Why don’t we back the truck into it?”

“We could explore alternate routes,” suggested Rarity. “If you’re as Airborne as you say, perhaps the roof?”

“Hey, what are you doing, Fluttershy?” Pinkie asked.

Fluttershy turned from where she was kneeling. “I was just talking to this rat. He agreed to bring us the key to the front door.”

“Since when can you talk to animals?” Applejack demanded.

“I’ve always been able to,” Fluttershy said.

“I meant in the game.”

“It’s on my character sheet.”

“I’ll allow it,” said Spike.

“What, they don’t teach you that in the Army?” Fluttershy asked.

Applejack was about to reply when the rat returned with the key. The front door was out in the open, but if they moved quickly, perhaps no one would see them going inside.

As they went into the building, Fluttershy was disappointed to see that the building was not actually an exotic pet shop, merely a pet supply store.

There didn’t seem to be anyone around and the group of them met in the back room. There was a desk, containing a laptop computer and a large pile of paperwork.

“It would take us all night to search this for useful intel,” Twilight guessed.

“We don’t have anything else to do, especially if we wanted to grab this guy in the morning,” Rainbow pointed out.

“Did anyone else notice that alarm panel out front?” said Rarity. “I wonder if it’s a silent alarm. Or it’s not a silent alarm, but it just hasn’t alarmed yet. Or maybe it just wasn’t turned on.”

“If we stay and the alarm goes off, it might draw the target to us,” said Applejack. “Of course, it might also draw the police.”

“We could leave,” Fluttershy suggested.

“We could leave and go take that arms dealer up on his deal for an RPG,” Pinkie said. “We might even be able to do that and come back by morning.”

“What do we do?”

Chapter 5

“Now that we know where they are, let’s go gear up and take them out,” said Pinkie.

“It might also give us more time for observation,” Twilight mused. “Although I’m pretty sneaky. I might be able to infiltrate quietly.”

“If we’re buyin’ RPGs, then we aint’ doing this quietly,” said Applejack.

“Well, at least we’ve decided on a course of action,” said Rarity.

Excited by the prospect of explosions, Rainbow happily drove them back to the black market.

Counting out the stolen money carefully, they found that they had exactly enough for an RPG tube and several rounds.

“Does anypony else think this game went weird places?” said Applejack. “We’re stealin’ and workin’ with arms dealers.”

“It’s a game,” Twilight reminded her. “Amoral, perhaps, but I don’t see anything wrong with it in a fictional setting, especially since we’re doing it for the greater good. I don’t think I believe that adage that games make you violent, either. We were beating up bad guys long before we started role playing games.”

“Yeah, there aren’t any arms dealers around Ponyville anyway,” said Spike. He grinned and wiggled his claws. “There would be no business. I’ve got the only set of arms in Ponyville.”

Pinkie laughed.

“All right, let’s go back and blow up some bad guys!” cheered Pinkie, hefting the RPG in the back seat of the Suburban.

“I’m afraid someone else will have to do it,” said Twilight. “We need you to breach doors.”

“Well, okay, I guess I can do that too.”

“Applejack, Rainbow, you use the RPG to clear a path and set up a distraction. The rest of you come with me to hit the other side.”

“What about me?” said Spike.

“Fluttershy, stay with the vehicle and protect him,” ordered Twilight.

They pulled up to the building. Spike went to work on the internal surveillance systems again. Everyone else connected their headsets to get realtime updates from him.

“Are we up?” said Twilight. She looked around the vehicle and got nods and thumbs up from all of them. “All right, let’s do this.”

The five that were going piled out of the truck, racking bolts and readying up. The hijabs Rarity had made would do well to conceal their identities.

The five of them hit the building hard and fast. Applejack steadied the RPG on her shoulder and Spike gave her a direction to point it in order to do the most damage. Rainbow made sure to clear the back blast.

“Twenty!”

Applejack chuckled. “That’s what I like to hear.”

“Yeah, wow, you just killed all the bad guys on the first floor.”

AJ dropped the empty launch tube and followed Rainbow into the building through the hole they had made. Taking an RPG indoors was a bad idea. It wouldn't meet the minimum arming range, if nothing else.

The two of them found the room they broke into to be full of exploded bad guys. “Well, that was easy,” remarked Applejack.

“Everyone’s dead,” Spike reported to the group.

“So no door breach?” said Pinkie.

“No need. Just walk in.”

Pinkie let out an extended sigh and turned the knob. Twilight and Rarity followed her in.

The two assault groups met in the center of the first floor. Rainbow pushed the button on an elevator.

“Really?” said Twilight. “That’s an obvious giveaway!”

Rainbow grinned. “I was counting on it. See if you can keep up.” As quickly and quietly as she could, she mounted the stairs, racing the elevator. The others followed.

The group burst out onto the next floor, a crowd of guys with guns waiting for them.

“Freeze!” shouted Twilight, though none of them seriously thought any of the combatants would. They didn’t. There was a firefight.

It was easy to hear the shooting from outside. Spike looked nervous, and kept glancing up from his computer. Fluttershy kept her pistol in her lap and her head on a swivel.

Room cleared, the team moved on. “So where’s the big bad?” asked Pinkie, kicking away a few empty shotgun shells.

Spike replied, “There’s only one last room. That’s where the HVI is.”

They stacked up and Pinkie blasted the hinges off the door. She gave it a kick, and Applejack and Rainbow rushed in, plastering two enemies inside. Twilight and Rarity went next to sweep. Pinkie followed them in, bringing up the rear, careful not to let their quick progress allow enemies to encircle them.

The HVI was behind his desk, speaking rapidly into a phone.

“He might be trying to warn someone,” said Twilight. “I try to shoot the phone out of his hand!”

Spike rolled. “Six. Not only aren’t you fast enough, but now he’s also pointing a gun back at you.”

“Really? I didn’t think a six would get me that kind of bad luck,” Twilight argued.

“Hey, be glad he hasn’t fired yet.”

“I’ll shoot the gun out of his hand so we can interrogate him!” said Rainbow.

“Ten. You’re safe, but he’s dead.”

Rather than simply allowing himself to be captured and interrogated, the HVI chose to fight. It was a very short fight.

“Well, now he’s dead,” observed Applejack. “You shot him in the face.”

Rainbow shrugged, unable to come up with a catchy one-liner.

“Now what?” Rarity asked.

“Everyone, sweep for intel,” Twilight ordered. “Maybe we can salvage something here.”

“Well, since you missed his phone, we can pick that up,” Pinkie pointed out.

Twilight touched her earpiece. “Spike, we’re bringing you a cell phone. We’ll need a trace and find out who and where it last called.”

The five of them hurried back downstairs and and got back into the truck. Applejack remembered to grab the RPG tube.

Spike ran the phone signal. “Narrowing it down…” His eyebrows went up. “The call went to the indoor ski place.”

“I heard about that,” said Rainbow. “Hard to believe they were able to create so much snow in the desert.”

“Get us some blueprints, Spike,” said Twilight. “They probably know we’re coming.”

“Wait, we’re going to go into a situation where we have inferior equipment, we’re likely outnumbered, and we don’t have the element of surprise?” asked Rarity.

“I like those odds!” Pinkie declared.

“I never said we were going in,” Twilight clarified. “Because we’re such a small team, we can recon first and decide if it’s worth the risk to engage.”

“Which probably means we’re engaging because no plan ever survives contact with the enemy,” said Applejack.

Fluttershy clutched her rifle tighter. “Are we just rushing into this? I know surprise is important, but we already blew that. The next time might be a harder fight, too, if the HVI was calling Sombrero and the ski place is his headquarters.”

“If we wait, they could bring in more defenses,” said Rarity. “Either way, we might not be able to afford to leave someone behind as an escort for Spike.”

“Um, maybe I could get us some intel and we could go back to the hotel to really plan this thing out,” suggested Spike. “Or I could stay at the hotel when you go on the mission. The realtime intel wouldn't be as good, though.”

“Well, we should at least get out of here,” said Rainbow. She punched the gas and they zoomed away.

Chapter 6

As they drove, they decided to recon the ski place and see what they were up against first. It should be fairly easy to pick out anyone on guard outside. However, the bad guys probably had warning that someone was gunning for them. Going into the building could blow their cover. It remained to be seen whether Spike could hack the commercial grade security system.

Rainbow turned into the parking lot at the indoor ski resort. They made a circuit of the building, which took a longer amount of time than any of them had predicted.

“How big is this place?” wondered Applejack.

“Their website says the slope is about a quarter of a mile long and nearly three hundred feet high,” replied Spike. “To house a ski park that big plus all the equipment makes it a pretty large building. It’s going to be a pain to locate the bad guys. Especially if we have to pick them out of all the skiers.”

“We may try waiting for when they close, then,” said Rarity.

That was a couple of hours away. “I think at least one of us should get eyes on the place,” said Twilight. “The whole group would look suspicious.”

“A woman going skiing by herself would look strange anywhere, much less in Dubai,” Rarity noted.

“Spike? Can you intercept cell phone signals while skiing?” Twilight asked.

“Um, maybe I could keep the equipment in a backpack and set it to collect anything it detects,” said Spike. “Except I can’t ski.”

“Oh, now you’re just being difficult,” Twilight grumped.

Spike chuckled. “It’s not on my character sheet.”

“Well, maybe my Sneaky Spook perk can cover us both.”

Spike rolled. “Eighteen.”

“So just pretend you’re James Bond and you’ve got a pretty girl on a date in an exotic city,” Twilight coached Spike as the two of them walked into the resort.

“So...we’ll have a shootout eventually and then sex?”

“WHAT!?”

“It’s roleplaying, Twilight! It’s what my character would say! Besides, you totally left yourself open for that!”

“I don’t think the Agency health insurance covers anything that might result,” said Twilight. “From either. Probably also not the skiing. So don’t break a leg. From any of the the three.”

“How would I break a leg from-”

“Hate to cut y’all short, but Fluttershy’s about to blush herself to death here,” Applejack’s voice broke in through their earpieces. “If you could get back to the mission.”

Twilight and Spike went on their way. The others sat in the Suburban. The engine was running to power the air conditioner. While the mission expense report had gotten them precious little in the way of gear, they could probably justify the expense for gasoline. It was cheaper in an oil country like Dubai.

“Tea?” offered Rarity.

There was little else to do, so they all sat around sipping tea and waiting for something to happen.

“I think we should have looted the bodies,” said Rainbow.

“I mean, it’s standard RPG play. And could use the money and whatever else we could get.”

“None of us would ever do that in real life, whether we killed a bad guy or not,” Rarity pointed out.

“Sure enough,” said Applejack. “But you have to admit, it makes sense from a purely practical standpoint.”

Pinkie said, “I think the only reason we didn’t was-”

“-we didn’t have time at the time.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

They waited a while longer until Twilight and Spike returned. They had made a rough sketch of the places that the public was allowed to go. Spike started to analyze the signals his gear had picked up.

“We couldn’t go into some of the back rooms and the offices,” said Twilight, showing the rest the map she’d drawn. “Maybe if I had been alone. But we did get a general idea of where everything was.”

“And I got what I think is Sombrero’s phone signal,” said Spike. “We should be able to locate him now.”

“I noticed some definite security around,” said Twilight, circling the locations with armed guards. “If we wait a little while, the ski resort will close for the day. Let’s hope Sombrero stays put. Maybe the guards will even draw down a little if there’s nobody around.”

“Then again, if they didn’t know about our earlier raid before, they certainly know now,” Rarity pointed out.

“So what can we do to give ourselves an edge?” Applejack said.

Rarity toasted with her cup. “Finish your tea.”

“Anything else?” Rainbow asked.

“Hit them as hard and fast as we can,” Pinkie suggested.

“We’ll have to get closer,” said Twilight. “We’ll get a fix on Sombrero inside the building, and then we’ll drive up to the nearest door. From there, no turning back.”

“We could just RPG the wall,” Pinkie pointed out.

“Good idea.”

However, fate conspired against them and Sombrero seemed to be in a small office at the top of the ski slope by the time they felt ready. It would be an uphill battle the whole way.

“Shooting gallery,” Applejack muttered. “I’d rather come in from the top.”

“They’d probably detect you climbing the building,” said Twilight. “Although, perhaps if the rest of us caused a distraction at the bottom of the slope, you could slip in from the roof.”

“I’ll go with her,” said Rainbow.

Rainbow started the engine and they started rolling through the mostly empty parking lot.

“Hey guys,” said Spike. “Did I mention-”

“-that random encounters are part of the game?”

The girls groaned. Twilight gestured. “Get it over with.”

Spike rolled. “Four bad guys come out of the building and two more come at you on motorcycles.”

“How do we want to handle this?” Twilight consulted the others.

“Full auto!” Rainbow declared.

Spike rolled. “Ten. You meet the objective, but mildly injure yourself in the process.”

They opened up with as much firepower as they could muster. Their ears rang from the huge volume of full-auto firing. It worked, though.

“Oh God, oh God!” Rainbow slapped at the front of her tank top. “Hot brass went down the neck of my shirt!”

“You should have worn your hijab, darling,” Rarity remarked.

“‘Least there ain’t much there to burn,” added Applejack.

“Ooh, that’s a burn of a different kind!” giggled Pinkie.

“I think her pride’s injured more than anything else,” said Twilight. “Which for Rainbow hurts more than anything.”

“Yeah, well, at least they’re all dead!”

“Hey Rainbow, remember in the Cute Critters game last week Flutters ran when you nearly got mauled to death by that bear?” Pinkie giggled. “I’m noticing a trend.”

“How was I supposed to know you shouldn’t poke the bear!?” Rainbow demanded.

“You were playing as a bunny rabbit,” Rarity reminded her.

“I wanted to play as the bunny,” said Fluttershy quietly.

They made it to the door and got out of the truck. There were no more enemies in sight, but that surely wouldn’t last long. Twilight took a knee. “All right everyone, we need a plan.”

“Rainbow and I could still go up to the roof,” said Applejack.

“Encirclement could work, but you two would be out of the fight until you were in position,” Twilight noted.

“Um, guys?” said Spike. he pointed through the door. “Does that look like a bomb to you?”

It did.

“Somebody’s going to have to take a look at it,” said Twilight. “And defuse it if possible. Volunteers?”

“I like bombs,” said Pinkie.

“Remember, the objective is not to set it off.”

“I don’t like setting off bombs,” said Fluttershy. “That’s why I took those EOD courses.”

“And someone has to cover Spike,” Twilight said.

“He could stay with whoever is defusing the bomb,” Rarity suggested. “Perhaps he can help.”

“What?” yelped Spike. “Not cool!”

Voices came from inside the building, getting closer. Whatever they decided, it needed to be fast.

Chapter 7

The team quickly came up with a plan.

“We’re running short on assets,” said Twilight. “If we make a lightning attack now, we can gain a foothold into the building. After that, it’ll be an uphill battle - literally. AJ, Rainbow, go for the encirclement. Pinkie, you set up the surprise attack. Fluttershy, once we’re in, you need to defuse the bomb. Spike, I’m sorry but you’ll have to come with us. We can’t spare anyone to guard you.”

“Can I at least get something to protect myself?” Spike asked.

“You can have my pistol. I’m carrying the RPG,” said Pinkie. She handed it over.

“Ready?” said Twilight.

Applejack and Rainbow took off sprinting for the other end of the building. The others grouped up and made their push.

Pinkie fired the RPG through the open door, shooting past the bomb and blowing away anything in the room beyond. The others charged in to claim the area.

Fluttershy slung the rifle on her back and crouched nervously in front of the bomb. “Um…”

“It’s up to you, Fluttershy. You’ve got the training!” called Twilight as she and the others covered the entrance to the ski slope, standing among fragged bodies.

“Spike, can you help?” Fluttershy asked.

Spike rolled the d20. His pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks. “One…”

Coming forward to assist Fluttershy, Spike tripped. The gun in his hand went off and he shot himself in the foot.

The rest of the group groaned.

“It’s still up to you, Fluttershy,” said Twilight. “The rest of us are going to go now. If you get that thing defused, come find us.” She, Rarity, and Pinkie ran out onto the ski slope and out of the blast radius.

Faced with the bomb, Fluttershy gulped. “Um, I think I’ll cut...this wire.”

She winced, but nothing happened. She let out a long breath, closed her eyes and whispered, “I'm a lover, I'm a fighter, I'm a UDT Navy SEAL diver.”

“That’s great, Fluttershy,” said Spike between gasps of pain.

“Oh my! You need help!” She quickly turned to him and began to bandage his foot.

In an attempt to remain conscious, Spike kept the conversation going. “So how is it you know so much about explosives?”

“Guns are scary,” Fluttershy admitted, “so I signed up for all the specialist courses which didn't involve guns.”

“Aren’t bombs more scary, though?”

“I...didn't know that at the time…”

Spike lay back and activated his earpiece. “Team, the bomb’s disarmed thanks to Fluttershy’s freaky knowledge of EOD.”

“Good to hear,” replied Twilight. She let of a burst of nine millimeter rounds at an enemy who had appeared over the bunny hill.

“Good thing we didn’t put Pinkie on the job,” said Rarity, providing cover fire while Twilight reloaded.

“Hey, I could have defused the bomb!” Pinkie argued.

“I fail to see the benefit of putting together an egghead like Spike and a jarhead like you.”

The staccato of Twilight’s MP5, the sharper crack of Rarity’s M4, and the boom of of Pinkie’s shotgun carried up the ski slope, audible even over the AK-47 rattle of their opponents. Crouching over an access hatch in the roof, Applejack and Rainbow prepared to make their entrance.

“What does the Airborne perk get me?” Applejack asked, contemplating her next move.

“You’re good at falling,” said Spike.

The two of them got the hatch open. There was nothing they could use to climb down to the floor fifteen feet below. Applejack lowered her body into the hole, hanging onto the edge.

Suddenly, the door to the room burst open and two enemies ran in. Applejack took one hand off the edge and yanked her Beretta, cutting down the first gunman. The other ran forward and Applejack let go.

“Rangers lead the waaay!” Her boots hit him in the face and cushioned her fall.

Looking around, Applejack realized she was in the room at the top of the slope where the ski lift equipment operated. A sudden idea came to her and she chuckled.

Rainbow peered down through the hole. “What’s so funny?”

“Well, these are big winches, right? What if we lifted the Suburban up here? I bet they wouldn’t expect that!”

“This is stupid.”

“Roll, Spike!” Applejack ordered.

“Seventeen!”

Rainbow had to admit that if it was stupid, but it worked, then maybe it wasn’t stupid. At any rate, Applejack couldn’t be dissuaded. They hooked a thick cable to the front tow hooks and winched the truck up the side of the building and into the room.

“Your chariot,” Applejack said. She grinned.

Rainbow got into the driver’s seat and slammed the door. “All right, let’s do this!”

She let Applejack borrow her rifle and punched the gas. The Suburban crashed through the wall and out onto the ski slope.

Down the hill, the others advanced. “It looks like our plan to encircle the bad guys is working,” said Twilight.

“I’ll say!” added Rarity, seeing the black Suburban tearing up the snow. A few startled bad guys got plowed over and a few more caught bullets fired from the passenger window.

“There’s some bad guys coming this way!” Pinkie pointed out. Apparently the distraction of a full-sized SUV indoors hadn’t been enough to draw them all.

“How many are there?” Pinkie asked.

“Three,” said Spike.

“I’ll use the RPG to take out the group.”

Spike rolled the d20. “Seven. The RPG misfires. The warhead just barely pops out of the tube and…” he rolled again “...lofts towards Twilight.”

“I, um, attempt to catch it safely,” said Twilight.

“Ten. You fumble it, but it doesn’t explode.”

“I’ll try to catch it safely,” said Rarity.

“Nine. You fumble it and it goes back towards Pinkie.”

“Ooh! I put up the launch tube so it will go back in and I can fire it a second time!”

Spike rolled. “Two. Sorry Pinkie. You miss. The warhead lands at your feet and blows off your right leg.”

Well, it was all fun and games until someone lost a limb. Twilight screamed into her mic, “Fluttershy, we need you here now!”

“I guess I shouldn’t have tried that,” said Pinkie weakly. “If I tried to argue that it was a good idea, I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. Get it, because-”

One of the three bad guys opened fire, drowning her out. Rarity returned fire as Twilight tried to drag Pinkie into a more defensible position.

Fluttershy came sprinting up the slope. She hit her knees and slid across the ski surface, her momentum not slowed in the slightest. Sliding into the fight, she raised her rifle and hammered half a magazine into the nearest bad guy, turning him into pink mist and using the recoil to slow herself to a stop right beside Pinkie.

The whole table was in awe. “Wow, Fluttershy,” said Rainbow.

“That’s what an eighteen gets you,” said Spike. “Now as for me, I'm not trained for combat. I pretty much need a eighteen or more just to hit the next bad guy, let alone actually cause damage.” He rolled the die. “Nineteen! Lucky us.”

Limping behind Fluttershy, Spike raised his borrowed pistol. His hands were shaking and he definitely hadn’t done anything like this before. Still, his friends were in trouble and computer nerd or not, he had to help. He squeezed the trigger and managed to put a bullet into the next bad guy. Not expecting shooting from that direction, it caught the enemy by surprise and he went down.

That just left one more.

“This is all my fault,”’ said Pinkie. “I got everyone into this mess by getting my leg blown off. I should help.”

“We’ll figure something out,” said Rarity.

Pinkie shook her head. “Nope. I have to do this even if it kills me. I attack.”

The d20 rolled. “Twenty!”

As the last bad guy reached them, shouting and holding his AK-47 at the ready, Pinkie grabbed her own severed leg by the ankle and smacked him across the face with it. He lost his balance and fell. Now that he was down to her level, Pinkie didn’t let him recover, beating him to death with bloody smacks from her thigh and femur. The snow for ten feet in every direction turned red with spatter. It was a good thing Fluttershy had already completed the tourniquet.

Everyone else stared, speechless. Pinkie giggled weakly. “You should see the looks on your faces.”

“She’s stable,” said Fluttershy. “Twilight, Rarity, get going.”

The two of them continued up the slope. They met up with Applejack and Rainbow, who’d cleaned up the enemies at the top.

“We think Sombrero’s in this last equipment room,” said Applejack.

“All right,” said Twilight. “Let’s finish it.”

The burst through the door. Sombrero was alone. He raised a gun. Twilight maneuvered to get out of the way, but tripped and fell facefirst against a stack of supply crates. The whole pile tumbled over on Sombrero and knocked him back into an electrical panel.

“That’s not what I meant to do!” said Twilight. “Such a fickle die.”

“Well, let me see what kind of damage he takes.” Spike rolled. “That’s enough to kill him.”

“Well, either way we’re at game end,” said Applejack. “We took care of Sombrero. Did feel a little unfulfilling, though.”

“But I feel like we should have taken him alive,” said Twilight. “Maybe to give just a bit more feeling and meaning to this game of otherwise wanton destruction.”

“Well, I’ve got my Rescue perk,” said Rainbow. “I could try to get him out.”

Sombrero was starting to smoke. Hundreds of volts would do that to you. Rainbow broke open one of the crates and found a nylon rope. After tying a quick loop, she tossed it around him and pulled. He fell forward and lay limply on the floor, smoke rising from his back.

“Fluttershy might be able to fix him,” said Twilight. “Rainbow, do you have any medical training?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, my job gives me a little, to stabilize people. I might even be able to heal the surface injuries of someone who’s already been fried. The emotional scarring is all Fluttershy’s deal.”

Fluttershy nodded.

Twilight said, “But she isn’t with the rest of us right now. We need another way.”

“I have an idea,” said Rarity. “My Teatime perk offers a bonus to stats. With all of us attempting first aid to Sombrero, that might just put us over the top.”

Spike rolled. “Sixteen. Not quite.”

“Well, how are we administering it?” said Rainbow. “We could shoot it straight into his veins.”

“With what?” said Twilight. “Not only does that sound like a bad idea, but where do we get the needle and tubing?”

Rarity smiled. “I’m very prepared for tea parties.”

The smell of the brewing tea and the caffeine seemed to improve everyone’s mood. Particularly Sombrero, who regained consciousness. He was definitely not in the best shape, but alive.

“All right, great,” said Twilight. “Let’s get him out of here and complete the mission.”

“Not so fast,” said Rarity. “I didn’t make this tea for nothing. We’re going to sit here and enjoy it.”

So they forced Sombrero to have a tea party with them. He seemed uncomfortable.

“We should get going soon,” said Rainbow. “So, you know, Pinkie doesn’t bleed to death.”

“Oh, all right,” said Rarity. “But don’t you dare pour that cup out.”

They tied up Sombrero and put him in the back of the Suburban. Rainbow drove them back down the hill with one hand on the wheel and the other holding a teacup pinkie out just to keep Rarity happy. They picked up Pinkie, Spike, and Fluttershy near the bottom of the ski slope. Pinkie had improvised a peg leg from the RPG launch tube.

They drove out the double doors at the bottom of the slope. Sitting in the passenger seat, Twilight pulled out her Toughbook to write the after action report. “What an operation.”

“Yeah, we operated pretty hard,” said Rainbow.

“It’s what elite operators like us do,” added Pinkie.

The strike into the ski resort had taken long enough that the sun was now beginning to set. Rainbow put on a pair of sunglasses and drove them off into the sunset.

“Into my what?” said Sunset, coming in. She smiled.

“You just missed the ending,” said Twilight. “Definitely one of the stranger campaigns we’ve played.”

“I think you mean awesome,” said Rainbow.

“Well, if you liked that, I have a few other games I’ve been putting together based on my experience,” said Sunset. She showed them a box. “This one’s called High School and Hoes.”

“Farming?” said Applejack.

Rarity started to speak in correction, but decided it might be more fun to let her find out for herself.

“Well, we’ll pick a game to play next week,” said Spike. He looked around the table. “Who wants to be game master next time?”

Author's Note

Thanks to Melancholy for editing. CptBrony also contributed to this final chapter.

I started laying the groundwork for this story in October 2015 after seeing the movie Sicario. Then, in January 2016, a whole bunch of D&D posts started appearing on the internet and I thought a quest-based story could be cool. In the end, I got lucky with the right editor for the job and the story turned out even better than expected. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 4

“We should get out of here before anyone comes,” said Fluttershy.

“We should at least take the laptop and documents,” said Spike. “Intel is what we came for, after all.”

“But it would look suspicious if that’s all we took,” Twilight noted. “You have a camera in your spy gear, right? Let’s photograph the papers and take the laptop, along with a few other expensive items.”

“And then we can burn down the building along with a bunch of nearby shops and homes so nobody is sure that this specific place was targeted,” suggested Pinkie.

“While I enjoy arson as much as anyone else, maybe that’s a little too much,” said Rainbow.

“Yeah, I’m right there with you,” agreed Applejack. “Maybe this ain’t the time or place for wanton pyrotechnics. We should still rough up the place, though.”

“Well, if we’re going to stage a robbery, then we should get started and be gone before anyone shows up,” said Rarity. She picked up the laptop and carefully tucked it under her arm. “I’ve got this.”

“Dibs on the cash register,” said Rainbow.

Spike took pictures of all the papers on the desk and gleefully scattered them around. The rest of them spread out, grabbing at shiny objects. Pinkie pushed over a rack of pet supplies and it dominoed into the rest.

“It will also look suspicious if we just opened the front door with a key,” said Twilight. “We should find a way to break open the back door.”

“Using the truck is still an option,” said Spike.

“So’s the shotgun!” added Pinkie.

“I have a better idea,” said Applejack.

“I’m going to kick it down.” Applejack directed Spike to roll the d20.

“Twenty!”

The door exploded off its hinges as if hit by a missile. There was no way it could have been less subtle, and perhaps the raw, intimidating force with which it had been destroyed would give pause to whoever came to investigate.

“We could have just kicked it together,” muttered Rainbow. “I’m the strongest after you.”

Applejack shrugged. “I’m my own air support.”

They all loaded up with their purloined goods and headed back to the hotel. Rainbow drove them on a detour along the way and they threw the things they didn’t intend to keep into the ocean. The cash register sailed out the window after being emptied.

“I wonder if we have enough for an RPG now?” Pinkie wondered, counting the cash.

“I wonder what else we could spend it on,” said Rarity.

“We could try the alcoholic activity again,” said Rainbow. “It got us a lead last time.”

“Only if we have to,” said Twilight. “I get the feeling this intel will be pretty valuable, so everyone will want to be fully rested tonight. Tomorrow might be a big day.”

“Yes mom,” said Spike, rolling his eyes.

“Except for you. You get to stay up late and process the intel.”

Spike sighed this time. “Okay.”

“Wow, even in a game,” muttered Spike.

“Hey, you wanted this,” Twilight reminded him. “You were the one who got the spy gear. I know you’re game master, but you might as well do something useful if you’ve got a functioning character.”

“At least I’m not a functioning alcoholic,” Spike shot back.

“Hey!” exclaimed Rainbow and Applejack. Pinkie giggled.

The group of them, save for Spike, settled in for a good night’s rest.

In the morning, Spike had managed to pick through the copied documents and examine the contents of the computer. He wasn’t exactly rested, but coherent enough to present what he had collected.

“Anything interesting?” Twilight asked as the group of them met for coffee in the morning.

“Well, I noticed that if you stay awake long enough, things start to make less sense. Like the five daily prayers the people here in Dubai do. I mean, what’s up with that? Why not just do it continuously throughout the day? That way, you’re not only getting more prayer but you don’t have to remember the designated times to do it.”

“I meant the intel,” clarified Twilight.

Spike yawned. “Oh, right. So this Sombrero guy has been making a lot of waves recently. We don’t have any GSM COMINT from him directly, but based on his network that we’ve been able to discover, I ran it through Palantir for correlation and narrowed down the circular error of probability of the phones to about five miles.”

“I understood some of those words,” Applejack deadpanned.

“We tracked his friends’ cell phones, including the guy who owns the pet shop,” said Spike. He showed them a map of Dubai with a circle drawn on it. “He’s somewhere in here.”

Spike paused for another yawn. “Boy, I’m beat.” He turned to a piece of equipment resembling a radio beside him. “If you drive around there with this, it can home in on certain signals and maybe we can narrow it down.”

“Do you know how to use it?” Pinkie asked.

“Of course.” Spike nodded.

“Well, it’s way easier for you to just do it than trying to give us gun toters a crash course,” said Pinkie. “We aren’t what you call smart on science.”

“Speak for yourself!” protested Twilight.

The others, however, were nodding. “I’m all for letting the expert do his work,” said Rarity.

Spike flushed. “Well, okay. I guess maybe I could go with you guys instead of sleeping.”

“What if he slips up and gets shot in the face?” asked Rainbow.

That wiped off Spike’s expression.

“Calculated risk,” said Twilight. “They shouldn’t know we’re here yet, so there shouldn’t be much danger.”

They loaded up into the Suburban. Spike ended up sandwiched between Applejack and Pinkie Pie in the middle seat. Fluttershy and Rarity took the back. Rainbow drove, and Twilight held the passenger seat.

“Um, is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” Spike joked.

Applejack looked at him. “It’s a gun.”

“Okay.”

They headed to the uncertainty zone, as Spike termed it. He passed a power cord up front. “Could you plug this into the cigarette lighter?” He fiddled with his gear, looking at codes and signals.

Rainbow stopped for a red light. Spike said, “I might have something. Could you go left?”

Punching the gas, Rainbow cut across oncoming traffic. “I meant when you got a chance!” Spike amended.

“Remember that we’re here covertly!” Twilight shouted. “The point is not to make a scene.”

“Yeah, yeah,” muttered Rainbow.

As they headed down the new street, Spike kept fiddling with knobs and switches. “I think I have something. Stop at the next block.”

In another minute, Spike was sure. “I think we’ve got a high value individual in the building to our right.”

“Who’s the HVI?” asked Twilight.

“We’ve got his info here. He’s suspected of being one of Sombra’s lieutenants.”

“Then let’s go get him,” said Rainbow.

“Why don’t we circle the building?” suggested Twilight quickly. “Look for a loading dock or something.”

They found an inconspicuous back door and Rainbow stopped the truck. Pinkie racked her shotgun beside Spike’s face. “Let’s do this!”

“Whoa, dial the gung-ho back a notch,” said Applejack. “We don’t know anything about that building. We need some recon first.”

“We're lucky that their cameras are on an unsecured network and I was able to hack them,” said Spike. “It’s full of bad dudes.” He showed them the video. Sure enough, most of the occupants carried AK-47’s and seemed to be protecting the HVI.

“Well, I think that establishes that,” said Rarity.

“Do we want to do this now?” said Applejack. “We could use some of that money to get bulletproof vests.”

“Or an RPG,” countered Pinkie.

Twilight frowned. “I don’t know if we can do both.”

“We can hit them hard and fast now,” said Rarity. “Or we could go gear up and come back. No telling what this place will be like when we return, however.”

“Could we maybe stay out here and hack the system some more to gather intel so we don’t have to go in?” Fluttershy asked.

“Maybe,” said Spike. “Sitting here could make us look suspicious and blow our surprise, though. But if you do go in, what am I supposed to do? Sit out here all alone? I would sure feel better if someone stayed here.”

Twilight looked at the rest of them. “Do we think we can do this now? Do we want to risk going to get more gear? Who wants to babysit Spike?”