Never Enough Time

by Frederick the Saiyan

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Comedy
Length: 2222

Twilight tries to understand the TARDIS while the Doctor is away

The TARDIS crashes into Applejack's old barn, and Twilight finds it. She begins to obsessively study it, and brings in Rainbow Dash to attack it. Eventually Pinkie shows up, and craziness happens.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-11 05:54:01 UTC

Never Enough Time

The box, despite all her best efforts, sat there still unexplained. She would have put it aside as one of Pinkie's pranks, but even Pinkie wasn't capable of something like this. Well, she didn't think so. Quite frankly, this wasn't Pinkie's style.

She sighed, and lifted her notes off the table. Thirteen hours of work, thirteen hours of careful study, and all for two lines worth of notes, with more questions than answers.

"Blue. Unknown language/markings. Motion capabilities? How to tell? Further study needed. Door locked. Windows fogged. 2 meters tall. Small house? No, too small for that. Storage? Why did it crash into AJ’s barn?"

The barn door creaked open, and an orange pony wearing a cowpony hat walked in. Her sharp eye took in the hole in the roof, the discarded tools of science, and the quiet seething of her science-y friend in front of her. Her eyes widened as a hammer suddenly glowed with a purple light, and soared into the side of the box, bouncing off harmlessly and landing with a dull thunk on the dirt ground.

"Sugarcube…" she began quietly.”Ya've been out here all night. Ah reckon it's time for a break." At first, as she feared, the only response was the twitching of an ear. Then the unicorn's horn lit up like a lightbulb as an idea occurred to her.

"Applejack, this is an old barn, scheduled for demolition, right?" she asked. Applejack wasn't sure she liked that look in the scientist's eye, but answered the question anyway.

"Well, Rarity put up those signs, accusing us of crimes against 'fabulosity,' but when she paid for a new one, ah let her. 'Course, ah don't see how the new colors and design make it better, but if it keeps her quiet…"

If Twilight had been in any other mood, the last comment would have at least earned a smile. This, however, was business. This was serious. This was a mystery, a conundrum. This was Science.

"Then it’s time for new equipment.”

*****************************************

The cyan pegasus stood in front of the barn, aviator goggles pushed up to her rainbow mane.

"So, let me get this straight," she said. “Last night-" Twilight cut her off.

"Last night, at about 7:33 PM and 33.17 seconds, this blue… thing,” she blanched, then resumed, “fell out of the sky through this old barn's roof. I saw it while sky-watching, and came to investigate." She took a breath to continue, but was interrupted by Applejack.

"Twilight then spent the night sciencing the box. Frankly, ah'm startin' tah get a little worried." Rainbow Dash scratched her technicolor mane, before asking the inevitable question.

"Well, you know that I'll always be there for my friends, but what do you need me for? It's a bit early to be up…"

Twilight turned to her, smiling. “Sonic Rainboom.” As she spoke, the edges of her smile stretched and her right eye began to twitch.

Rainbow Dash's expression, on the other hoof, was one of joy and excitement at the prospect of leveling yet another barn, this time in the name of science. Her wings flexed as she observed the area, already planning her destructive assault.

Applejack stood in the middle, observing Rainbow Dash's oblivious joy and Twilight's expression, and came to a conclusion: Twilight would soon snap, and Rainbow Dash would go with her, just to see the fireworks.

"Ah'll go along with this, but if it don't work, ya have to take a break. Promise me, Twilight."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," the crazed equine replied.

*****************************************

Rainbow Dash had flown Celestia-knew how far away in preparation, leaving Twilight to fine-tune a telescope, seismograph and magicoscanner while Applejack searched for suitable cover.

The orange cowmare had seen Twilight consumed with worry before. There had been that time with that late friendship report, the time at the wedding, and just last week, when Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had tried to create a 'Sonic Pinkie-Boom' and almost killed Celestia. In the first instance, Twilight's reaction had almost destroyed Ponyville (and Applejack's brother in the process). The second, she had been in the right, and had gotten the chance to take out any agitation on a horde of Changelings. When Celestia had fallen from the sky, only Twilight’s raised voice betrayed her worry. It had seemed that Twilight was learning to be calm in crisis situations.

And now this. It had seemed so simple last night: let Twilight handle the box while Applejack handled the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were after 'power tool cutie marks.' She had been so busy putting out the resulting fires, calming the pigs and convincing Celestia's Secret Service that this was not a terrorist attack, that she had forgotten all about the box. What a mistake. She should have known that Twilight would go to any lengths to solve a mystery, and drive herself crazy in the process.

Then it occurred to her.

"Uh, Twi?" she began, hesitantly. "What's so important about that there box?"

"That is what I am endeavoring to discover, my dear friend Applejack. Somepony built it to last. Somepony meant it to stay shut. Look, it fell from orbit without a scratch." Applejack almost asked how she knew that, then decided not to interrupt. “It has doors, meaning it can be opened, so it holds something, but it has the most advanced lock I've ever seen. And look there, and there: some form of writing. Maybe it's a message from another world. Maybe the whole thing is a nonterrestrial form of transport, or even a weapon. It might-" Applejack cut in.

"So, if it's a weapon, is it the best idea to set RD loose on it?" Twilight paused, and then visibly paled.

"Oooh," she whispered. She looked about to say something else, when they heard a loud noise from above.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" screamed the racing pegasus as she tore through the sound barrier towards the barn. Applejack and Twilight tried in vain to call out, to stop her, but the sharp crack and explosion of colorful light sent them sailing, rather conveniently, into the ditch Applejack had been carefully preparing.

Twilight was conscious long enough to see the second explosion, and then all was dark.

*****************************************

"Ooh, the colors," said a voice. It was a unique voice, a special voice. Most voices gave some sort of impression about the speaker, be it arrogant, distracted, obsessed with alphabetized lists, and so on. This voice somehow managed to convey the essence of, quite simply, party. "You know, I was going to say the first Rainboom was the best, but then I saw the second, and then the third, and then the fourth! But I think the seventeenth is really the best!"

The voice continued as Twilight stirred.

"Ugh… Pinkie, why are you here?" she asked.

"Oh, Twilight, you're awake!" the party pony cried. "You have got to see this!"

Twilight suddenly remembered the box. Had it opened? She leapt to her hooves, ready to see what secrets had been revealed.

And so, it was with great surprise that she saw the blue box, sitting unharmed in the rubble of the barn, surrounded by slowly fading rainbows. “Wha…?” she began.

"Twi, ah reckon you should get down," Applejack said as she climbed out of the ditch where she too had been thrown..

"Why?" Twilight asked. In response, Applejack pointed a hoof at a rapidly approaching beam of light. Twilight stared at it, confused, until she heard the ragged scream coming from it.

She dove into the ditch, just as another Rainboom exploded over her.

"Ooh, I was wrong!" Pinkie cheered. "Eighteenth is definitely the best!"

"She's still going?" Twilight gasped.

"Yep!" Pinkie replied cheerfully. Twilight and Applejack shared a glance, and then moved towards the box, Twilight's horn lighting up while Applejack readied a rope.

Off in the distance, the speeding ray turned, and began to return. As it approached, Applejack unleashed her lasso, expertly catching the soaring pegasus as she went by. Then the rope went taught.

Applejack held on for a moment before the rope snapped, the recoil causing her to lose all feeling in her mouth, creating an odd expression. The lightbeam continued, unaffected.

Unaffected, that is, until a purple glow surrounded it, halting it in its tracks. One cyan Pegasus was revealed, frantically beating her wings.

"Rainbow, don't you think you've had enough?" Twilight yelled.

"Does that box look open to you, Twi?" she retaliated.

"Ah reckon we all need a break, girls. It’s time tah relax, let's see if Pinkie has any ideas," Applejack said as she massaged her jaw.

In response, they all turned to Pinkie, who had been very much enjoying the show. When she realized that all eyes were on her, she hopped to her hooves, smiling happily.

"Well, you see Twilight, I saw a shooting cloud yesterday, and I was trying to decide what kind of cupcakes to make this morning when I looked out the window and saw a rainbow explosion over here. So I put 2 and 2 together and got 3.141592653, and realized that there was some sort of temporal anomaly occurring, so I put away the cupcake mix, and began to bake-"

"Let me guess," Twilight interjected. "Pie."

"No, silly! Peach cobbler, of course! And then I came out here and watched Rainbow Dash's show, which was very impressive, by the way!" Rainbow Dash bowed her head in acknowledgement of the praise. "And then you and Applejack stopped her, and then I answered your question!" she finished, smiling brightly.

Twilight paused for a moment, sorting through the explanation. "Oh!" she exclaimed as realization struck. "That question, right. But what's a 'shooting cloud?'"

"Well, that's obvious, Twilight! When ponies see it at night, they call it a 'shooting star,' so in the day, it must be a-"

"Shooting cloud, right," Twilight said. "And the peach cobbler?"

“Well, what else was I supposed to make?”

“Right…” Twilight sighed. “So, Pinkie… do you know anything about opening this box?”

Pinkie frowned, then trotted over to the box, and circled it a few times. “Well, did you try this doorknob?”

Twilight scoffed. “Well, of course I- wait…” Applejack managed to contain her laughter, but Rainbow Dash just lost it.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU FORGOT TO TRY THE DOORKNOB?!? ALL THIS FOR SUCH A DUMB MISTAKE?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

A quietly-snarling Twilight walked up to the box, and jiggled the doorknob.

“Nope. It’s locked,” she snarled.

“Well, nopony’s perfect,” Pinkie sang. “Now, go get some lunch. I’ll watch the box!”

With that said, the three non-pink ponies headed into town, Twilight growling about doorknobs and silly ideas, while Rainbow Dash still snorted in-between breaths. While they did that, Applejack happened to glance back, and see the extent of their activities: a blue box next to a small pink pony, surrounded by the ruins of a barn, set against the backdrop of rainbow smoke.

Twilight followed her view, and saw the devastation.

“We’re going to have to clean that up, aren’t we?”

“Eeyup.”

*****************************************

One refreshing lunch later, the three trotted back up the hill, fresh with new ideas.

"So, if I reverse the computational pull of the gyroscopter, I might be able to get a reading on the lock, and then I could get it open…" Twilight was explaining.

"Ha, with my new trick, you won't have to worry about it! My Triple Rainblast Twist will have that box open before you can say 'awesome!'" Rainbow retorted. Applejack let out a snort.

“Ah’m just glad neither of ya’ll was hurt, though ah am worried about what else might happen this afternoon...”

Upon arrival, all three were very surprised to find Pinkie sitting next to an empty cobbler tray, humming gently. Well, that wasn't what was surprising. What was the surprise was the utter lack of anything blue, or boxy, or insanity inducing (excepting Pinkie, of course).

"Umm… Pinkie?" Twilight began. "Have you seen the box?"

Pinkie nodded vigorously.

"So," Rainbow Dash continued, "where is it?"

"Oh, the owner came by and picked it up!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, who was he, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked. "Did he say anything?"

"Oh, he's never told me his name, but he said something about Inky being clever, but, not clever enough. Not quite the best, but that Inky was one of the best."

Twilight frowned.

"Inky… never mind. Who was he?"

"Well, remember the other day when the sun was eclipsed, and everyone just thought Luna was playing a prank? That was part of Inky’s world conquest scheme. See, he was going to obscure the sun, forcing Celestia to-"

"PINKIE!" Twilight yelled. "Who was HE? The owner of the box?"

"An appreciator of peach cobbler, that's for sure. He always loves it when I bring him one. He tells me I’m going to make him fat, and I tell him with all the running that he does, there’s no chance. He always chuckles, then leaves.”

“So… how did he get into the box?”

“OH! He used the doorknob.”

*****************************************

Author’s Notes:

Inspired while reading this: Mines of Dragon Mountain

Also, read these too (more by the same author):

Prequel: Time Lords and Terror

Sequel: Atmos-Fear (First Chapter only)

This is my entry for the SALT II contest.

And if you see any errors, or think something could be better (as this whole thing could be), go here: Commentable Doc

and make a comment, please!

Special thanks to proofreaders: Nagagon, firebirdbtops, puppo530, Aquillo, curious