Peace Behind Me, War in Front of Me

Muh Dick (April Fool's Chapter)

Canterlot Castle, Canterlot, Equestria

Celestia couldn't believe it, the Humans have taken Equestria. She watched them bomb the city from the ruins of the throne room.

"OW"

She winced as a piece of rubble bounced off her dick.

Yes, her dick.

Both herself and Luna were turned into hyper futanari dickgirls thanks to Twilight. It was the day before when Twilight decided to pay them back after they set her personal bookshelf on fire. Twilight panicked and quickly put out the fire. She cried after seeing her books were either partially burned, or were ashes. It was only after, when she picked up one of the partially burned books, that she find out these weren't her books, but a collection of pornography books. Twilight knew there was only two other individuals who entered her room that day.

She quickly teleported to the Canterlot Throne Room where Luna and Celestia were having a discussion where she had her payback.

This was a completely new spell. Even Celestia and Luna didn't know it. Now, they were stuck like this until Twilight decided they were punished enough. Probably never thanks to the Humans.

Celestia looked up and saw her sister, struggling to fly because of the weight of her dick and her tits. All around her, Humans were falling out of the large planes, followed by explosions wherever they landed.

"Are these Humans crazy? Why are they using themselves as bombs?" Luna said as she avoided the"Human Bombs".

"ALLAHU AKBAR!"

"BANZAI!"

"'MURICA!"

She can hear all of the Humans yelling different war cries.

"This is crazy. Are they really this desperate?"

Onboard T-5 Gigant Transport Plane "We Are #1"

Canterlot, Equestria

Operation U Want Sum Fuk

At the end of the line of "Human Bombs", two of them were having a conversation.

"Hey, um, who's the guy throwing us out of the plane?"

"Oh, High Command thought it was fitting, so they hired Harrison Ford to throw us out." said the guy in front of him.

"Get off my plane!" Ford said before he threw a Human Bomb out before grabbing another.

"Get off my plane!"

Ford reached for another when the next guy said something that stopped him.

"So I fall out the plane, throw out the bomb, parachute, and then big boom."

Ford decided to correct him, "No no, you are the big boom. Big hero."

"Okay, so I fall out out the plane, throw out bomb, parachute, big boom, and then we have party with many virgins."

Ford stared at him right at the eye quizzically.

"Riiiight, now get off my plane!" He said as he threw him out.

"Ech, these Humans are annoying me."

"LUNA LOVE ME!"

"Wut?" Luna thought as a fat Human sailed past her and blew up on one of Canterlot's building.

She avoided the falling Humans while trying to knock out the Humans' transport planes.

"IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!"

There was a flash of blue before Luna knew no more.

Celestia stared at where Luna once was in the sky. That laser completely vaporized her. She lost all hope and just stood there, accepting her fate. She noticed the boot of a Human soldier that rampaged through the castle. How his boot ended up here, she has no idea.

"What coward sends these babies to fight me? HEY EVERYONE! FRIENDSHIP MAGIC IS STUPID MAGIC!"

"Yep, definetely still alive somehow." She thought.

Curiously, she levitated the boot. She noticed one of the Human fighters was flying low. She aimed the boot at it in an experiment to see if a boot can take down one of their fighter.

F-17 'Flanker-D'

Lieutenant Emmanuel McDonald

Cobra 2-3

Lieutenant McDonald just finished a strafing run when he began to pull up. He could see all of Upper Canterlot and was amazed by the carnage.

"Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess."

All of a sudden, a yellow beam flew past him.

"Whoa what the fuck?" He said as he pulled up quickly to avoid anymore returning fire.

Celestia

"Drat, I miss-OW!" Celestia backed up as more pieces of rubble bounced off her dick and her tits.

She looked up into the sky to see more Human Bombs heading straight towards her.

She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

"I wonder, what tactical geniuses brought down Equestria?"

Rebel Headquarters

Everfree Forest

Colonel Darren Winslow, Lieutenant Colonel Lucas "Boom Boom" Batista, Captain Katelyn "Widow" Phillips

Winslow, Batista, and Widow were playing poker, waiting for the signal for the end of the war.

"Ugggghhhh, I'm bored." Batista said.

"Well, what are we going to do in the meantime then?" Winslow said as his cards face down.

"Well I dunno, I did bring some stuff when we got here. You guys wanna try some meth?"

5 minutes later
Winslow sat on the table, eyes wide open, and staring at a wall. Across from him, Batista was banging his head on the table, and across the room, Widow was trying to punch a hole into the wall.

Imperial Palace

Agatha, United Terran Empire

Emperor Maximilian Vorenus

Vorenus stared from the balcony of his bedroom in his Officer's uniform, staring in the distance where many of his brothers and sisters sacrificed their lives to destroy the Equestrian Menace. He saw a light in the distance that was getting bigger and bigger.

"What the hell?" He said as whatever it is, collided with his crotch, and throwing him to the ground.

"Owwwwwww." Vorenus said, his voice an octave higher, while clutching his crotch.

"Honey, are you alright?" A woman said from his bathroom.

"Muh Dick." He whispered.

He heard his bedroom door open.

"Oh wow."

"Fuck off Owen Wilson." He said while still clutching his crotch in pain.