The Book of Awesomeness

by Kimmo Rabies Pronger

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 3434

Rainbow Dash publishes a book about how awesome she is.

Rainbow Dash publishes a book about how awesome she is. Of course her first published book would be about that.

Published 2016-02-12 04:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-29 20:03:11 UTC

Introduction

First of all, let me give my obligatory thank-yous out of the way. Wanna give thanks to my main mare Twilight Sparkle for getting me into books and giving me the rundown on how this writing stuff works, too. Also, she helped me through the publishing process of it, so that's another big thing. You are awesome! Thanks!

Great! So now, let's get to know each other, shall we? You have no doubt picked up this book because either...

A) You have heard about me (Who hasn't at this point?) and wished to know more about the fastest flier in all of Equestria.
B) You thought to yourself, "A book made by Rainbow Dash of all ponies? What is this?"
C) You know how awesome I am and wished to see my personal formula.
D) All of the above (Which is likely your pick.)

Whatever your choice, know that I'm honestly flattered that you decided to pick up my book but I'm not surprised. After all, this book is twenty-percent cooler than all the other books out there so it's only natural that ponies would wanna pick this book up to know me. I know because it says so on the cover page. Hee-hee!

Now wait a minute! Before you put that book down from what seems to be "arrogance", just know that you're not giving me a proper chance to explain myself to you.

First of all, I take pride in who I am. I am the Rainbow Dash and there's nopony else like me. That's a fact. I leave behind rainbow trails wherever I go so that you'll know that I passed by. That is also a fact. Then, there's the awesomeness that I possess. That's three indisputable facts so far about myself. I could say more, but we'll never get through the introductory chapter at this rate.

My goal when writing this book was to give ponies a better idea of how awesome that I am and know that I am not just a pony who brags about herself all the time or plays pranks on all her friends (Some even call me a bully to my friends, can you believe it?). I wanted to portray my own message to the ponies out there, and that's where you come in. Yes, you, the one who's standing or sitting there and leafing through these pages with a ton of questions in your head. I put out some...interesting clues on how to be awesome within this book but however you interpret it is up to you. If you take it the right way, you'll be awesome. If you take it the wrong way, then, I don't know what to say except that you don't know the meaning of awesome.

But there's one thing I want to make clear in this introductory chapter to you readers: You will never be as awesome as me, for there can only be ONE Rainbow Dash! You can be sure of that! This is an example of an interesting clue for you to take on how to be awesome as you read this totally awesome book that I have written (And that Twilight has proofread).

I hear some ponies out there how they say that I'm supposed to be the Element of Loyalty but I do stuff like play pranks on my friends and tease them. Sometimes, ponies try to tell me that I don't get what loyalty means! How sad. I get what loyalty is supposed to mean. Doing them favours when they need you, coming through when the time is critical, and being a hero when needed is okay, I guess. But that's a bit too mainstream and boring for me. I believe that loyalty is not just about being a hero. It's about staying you and showing them that you have your own meaning of the word loyalty. Like, I'd explain what I mean in greater detail but this is just the Introductory chapter, so, no. I won't tell you that just yet. Sorry!

You know a small but big example of how I'm loyal? I don't ever ask my friends to change who they are and what makes them my friends. Did I ever tell Twilight to put her books down forever and fly more? Nope. Did I ever ask Fluttershy to stop befriending animals and make "real" friends? Nada. Did I ever ask Applejack to stop being the hardheaded rival I've come to know and love? NO! See, when I show off my sense of loyalty, I want us to see it as our true selves with nothing to hide!

Which brings me to the next thing I want to tell you readers before we get into the bulk of this book: I don't make an attempt to hide how awesome I am! Where's the fun in just being reserved and humble all the time? It makes me want to create a thundercloud and scare ponies to spit out what's on their minds! You don't want to seem too brash but I don't think you should ever be so overly humble, either! Sheesh! Learn to take a compliment, ponies! (And I'm especially looking at you when I say that, Twilight!)

So, once again, I'd like to remind you that if you just can't handle how absolutely awesome I am, you should really put the book down, give it to somepony else, or even return it to whatever bookstore you got it from! I honestly don't care! I'm not here to focus on ponies who don't like me, I'm here to focus on the awesome ponies that do like me!

Once again, reader, have fun and I'll see you in the first chapter!

Chapter A

Hello, ponies! Are you reading with proper lighting and positioning? You'll need to be once we get started so what you'll read in this book doesn't fly over your head! Oh, wait! I already did! Ha, ha, ha! ...I hope that joke made at least some ponies laugh. I know Twilight or Applejack didn't when I told them...

Anyway, welcome to the first chapter! Here, begins my grand ramble of how awesome I am! However, this is the start of your own journey on being awesome yourself within these pages! ...Careful not to be eating anything that may stain the pages so the quality stays somewhat intact, by the way. Wouldn't want a good book to be ruined.

So now, let's start with our most important rule of being awesome. Simply put, the most important part of being awesome is literally....just being awesome. I can't say that word enough to describe myself! You see it every day as I fly around and greet the citizens of Ponyville and do my part to protect the skies from bullies and Pegasi that try to impede others from taking flight.

However, while I make it look totally easy, it is actually a very hard and arduous process. Believe me, it's deceptively easy. It's the same way how we don't think about how we eat brush our teeth before bed, dress up for the Grand Galloping Gala, or train for the Sisterhooves Social. We just know what to do and so we don't really think about how we're doing it.

Being as awesome as the Rainbow Dash is straight up impossible. Why? Because once again, there is only ONE Rainbow Dash in Equestria and that's me! However, the things I do to be awesome, there really is a lot that goes into it. Going as fast as I am, it looks amazing but to actually do it, I've practised going at that speed for literally since I was a little Filly.

When I was a little Filly, I was out of control whenever I flew. I struggled to control my speed at first and it took some practise to get a sense of precision and control to get the most out of my speed. That being said, it's actually quite hard to stop, too! Slowing down isn't as easy as I make it look, I'll say it once more. I have to think so far in advanced where I'll be in what amount of time and then mark where I'll start the process of slowing down. And I do this process many, many times flying each day. As I said, however, it's become ingrained in my mind that I simply do it without even thinking about it. Muscle memory, essentially. Ever head of it? Well, now you do.

That's simply the flying that gives me my Pegasus identity. What about me as a pony? I may have these wings but I'm still a pony.

The thing about me as a pony is that I like to have fun wherever and whenever. I mentioned her name a lot of times, already, but there are so many things about that mare that just gets on my nerves. First of all, the way she sits down on the floor or table to read books, it makes me feel sore! I'm still! I can't stand being still or in one place for too long because I feel like I won't be able to get anywhere or do anything!

...Then again, you do need your full attention on the book whenever you read, just like this one that you're reading right now.

Whatever! The problem isn't reading. Reading is like food for your brain. The problem that I have with Twilight is that she reads too much! Knowing is important but action is, too! What's the point of having knowledge if you don't even know how to use it? It would be the same as having a shiny new set of shoes but never putting them on your hooves when you go out! Now that's something I would have against Rarity, now that I think about it. She can't stand to get dirty for even a second! Ugh!

It may seem like I'm whining about my friends, but believe me when I say that this is another part of being awesome: Having qualities and traits that others complain about. See, all of us have different perspectives on something. Unlike genuine bullies out there, I know when I'm being a jerk and try to come out a better pony whenever I do something to hurt my friend's feelings. But! If somepony has a problem with me just being myself? Pfft! They can go take a hike for all I care! I can respect when a pony honestly doesn't like my swagger or sense of pride.

I am aware that the pride I take in myself can be unsettling to someponies and can come off as arrogant. It's not like the number of complaints I hear from them when they think they don't notice me lurking around doesn't tip me off! But it's also what makes me myself, and therefore, awesome. You know why my five main mares are awesome? They understand that the pride I take in myself may seem excessive but it's how I accomplish my sense of self and that I don't use it to put other ponies down. They are the ones who can handle this rash, hot-headed, and hyper-competitive pony. But in return, they have a truly caring, dependable, and loyal friend who will never let them down.

I have my ups and downs. Twilight has her ups and downs. We all have our ups and downs! Both of these, however, make us awesome and interesting ponies! There's that delicate balance between good and bad that each of us ponies have that make us interesting to know and initiate conversation with. If everypony was the same and had no differences between each other, would we really we awesome? No. Without a question, the answer is a big fat no!

A large part of being awesome is being different. Different in the ways that make others jealous of us, wonder about us, and creates conflict between us. Think about it. If all of us could do the same thing with as much skill, and we all had the same viewpoint on every concept that exists, what is the point of even saying that life is interesting? It'll be boring.

Can you imagine if every Pegasus that ever lived had my speed in flying? Heck! The reason why we even have speed competitions is because we don't have the same speed! Face it. Not all ponies are cut out to be contenders for the fastest flier in all of Equestria. Seems discouraging? It does, but it's the truth. And the truth does hurt like how I broke my wing that one time and landed myself in the hospital... Nasty stuff I went through, let me tell you that.

Carrying on with this point, I see this all the time where other Pegasus try so, so hard to be like me. Even Earths and Unicorns! Believe it or not, while it does flatter me, that makes me sad. Because there is nopony more awesome or fast like the Rainbow Dash, and I will continue to say it as many times as needed. They're ignoring the real path to awesomeness which is their own path. I am the only one suitable to take the Rainbow Dash path to awesomeness. For them to be awesome, they must find their own path, and walk down it with their gut sucked in, their intervals wide, and their flanks covered! (...And shut up...)

I told you that there is a lot that goes into being awesome, didn't I? Well, we only scratched the surface, seeing as how we're only on the first chapter, my readers. Think you can handle this entire book in one sitting? Go ahead if you can read more but taking a break can be awesome, too. Remember, I hate long periods of inactivity so go do something for yourself if you feel the need to move around. Even having a meal is good.

Whatever you do, I'll be waiting for you in the second chapter.

Who's awesome? ...I am! Hee-hee!

Author's Note

I was honestly not expecting this positive reception to come so fast within the first 24 hours of releasing this story. Thank you all and consider this fast release a token of my gratitude to you.

Chapter W

I hope you're ready young Colts and Filies! Because we're about to go into one of my personal favourite chapters in this book!

A part of being awesome is winning. Winning, we all love it. Don't you deny it. Somepony like Twilight Sparkle will say something like, "It's not about winning. It's about having fun!" Trust me when I say that she is lying. Twilight, I love you, but with all due respect, you don't know what it means to win. (She probably got mad when she was proofreading this part of the book.)

To win means to prove something. When I compete in all sorts of races, I am out there to prove something to the world. Lots of ponies out there hate my guts and honestly, I relish in that. Because once I prove that I am not a joke, they will not be able to argue my skills in flying. Talk is cheap and unlike them, I don't do cheap!

See, Twilight doesn't exactly know what it means to win because to just have fun when competing or playing a game with your friends is like saying you don't want to put extra salt or pepper in your food to make it tastier. If winning isn't part of your motivation to compete or play, what is even the point of taking part?

Sure you can have fun when competing or playing games, I'm not saying you shouldn't. However, the most fun you get out of it comes when you're standing on top of the hill as the victor. Also, let me ask you something, when you train for a tournament, do you even have the thought of "I'm going to compete to be the best but second place is fine"? No? That doesn't make sense, you say? Well, of course it doesn't!

When I compete, I don't just compete with other ponies. I compete with myself. I am my own harshest critic and when I lose, I immediately train extra hard for the next competition! I know that if I don't get first place, I wasn't at my best. Now, that isn't to say that I can be the best at everything you could be good at. Like for example, I would lose in a flash of being an actual bully. Heh... No, but seriously, while we cannot be the best in everything, which is okay, we can be the best in what we do best.

However, it's tough to have constant motivation to be the best you can be to win. You wanna know who fuels my drive to win the best? Applejack. I love Applejack because she gets what I define as winning the best and therefore, she has the honour of being my eternal rival! That hardheadedness and stubborn attitude is what I admire in her because in turn, it brings out my own desire to win even more!

Rivals are just the best. Rivalries create spectacles for watchers and brings out the best in those of us who compete. Best friends often make the greatest rivals. So even though I really like Applejack, I also see her as a worthy adversary to take down by winning in front of her. Her skills with that lasso makes me feel cautious of where I take myself with my speed because I sure as heck don't wanna end up being caught up in her grasp and unable to move. Nope!

As much as I love winning, I have to acknowledge the fact that even an awesome pony as myself loses from time to time. Let me tell you, I sometimes fear losing. Because when you're supposed to be the best and you lose, you can bet your flank that critic after critic will often try to butt in line in order to be the first in taking shots at you. That goes double for the ponies that really hate your guts. Then again, with an attitude from a pony like myself, that's something I have to live with.

When I lose, often I'm reluctant to acknowledge the fact that they beat me. Sore loser, you might say, but hear me out. Somepony better than me is the vision of who I could be in real life. I already said that the pony I'm constantly trying to compete with is myself. If I come in second place and not first, then clearly I didn't do enough to beat myself in a race. I give credit where credit is due, though. It takes so much skill to beat a pony like me whose skills in flying comes around once every five-hundred lifetimes.

Whether I win or lose, though, I'll still be awesome. Ultimately, it's up to me to decide if I'm awesome or not. Win or lose, I am Rainbow Dash and when I'm Rainbow Dash, I win every time. The ponies that hate me will say what they want but I have to always remember that true victory comes when you focus on those who support you and love you, just like my main mares because their love will mean so much more than the mean things other ponies say will ever say. I want to complete that love...by winning.

So now you're probably asking, "Well, how do I start winning, Rainbow Dash?" Tough question and one that's for you to answer. I found my way of winning and my way isn't probably going to be your way. Well, most likely, it won't be. However, the first step is to find something you are good at and challenge yourself entirely. The first step to being a winner ultimately starts with you. If you believe in yourself and stick to the ponies that have your back every time you embark on a quest, you will win. Losing will keep your ego in check and serve as a learning tool. To win, you have to lose and when you lose, you're not done. Who says you have to be done after you lose? Well, your critics, maybe, but it's really nopony! Only you can tell yourself that!

Winning. Start doing it today, ponies! Because when you can discover your own way of being awesome, you're on the road to being a winner!