Very, Very, Very Short Stories

by cinderthebatpony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3750

Very short stories about ponies.

Very short stories about ponies.

[spoiler]Contains random ships that won't matter later.[/spoiler]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-31 00:41:20 UTC

Double Dashie

Twilight broke into a cold sweat. Two Rainbow Dashes stood before her. One was her best friend, the other a changling. "You have to give me a sign or I'll never be able to tell!"

Rainbow Dash #1 and Rainbow Dash #2 stared at each other for a moment before both shouting at the same time, "I'm the real on, Twilight!" Twilight face-hoofed.

"That isn't a sign."

"Ugh, fine," said RD #1. She flew into the sky until she couldn't be seen, the dropped back down faster than the speed of sound which cased a huge, rainbow-colored explosion. She landed back on the ground. "I'm the only one who can perform the sonic rainboom, c'mon Twi, I'm the real one."

RD #2 rolled her eyes. She walked up to Twilight and gave her a small kiss on her nose. RD #1 blushed. Twilight wrapped her arm around the ponies neck. "I think you're the real one, Dashie." The two walked away together, hugging and kissing the whole way.

RD #1, who had witnessed the whole thing, felt extreamly awkward.

The Lamby Dance

In the changling hive, Queen Chrysalis had a long, twisted dagger up to King Sombra's neck. "Please, your highness," he begged. "Spare me. I will do whatever you wish."

The queens ears perked up. "Anything?"

"Yes, Anything."

~5 minutes later~

Sombra was dressed head to toe in a lamb costume (makeup included). Chrysalis held a camera up, recording every moment of the experience. "Come on Sombra," she said, trying not to burst into laughter. "The sooner you do it, the sooner it'll be over." She giggled. "For you, anyways."

Sombra sighed, and began to sing.

Well, who wants a lamby, lamby, lamby?

I do, I do.

So go up and greet your mammy, mammy, mammy.

Hi there, hi there.

So march, march, march around the daisies,

but don't, don't, don't, forget about the ba-by!

Chrysalis was dying of laughter, rolling on the ground and banging her hooves on the floor. She had given the camera to one of her guards so she wouldn't accidentally break it or not record it due to her fit. Once she had calmed down, Sombra stared her directly in the eye.

"Hey, Chrysalis."

"What?"

"I hate you."

"I know, darling."

Crying Tears And Screaming Cheers

Angel escaped Fluttershy's cottage one afternoon. Hopping around, he thought of his new found freedom. He thought of all the things he could do now that Fluttershy was gone. How he could live. How he should live. He headed directly into the Everfree Forest. A new life for Angel Bunny. I guess the first thing I'll do is change my name. I sound like a girl. I like Tom. Yes, Tom. Tom is a good name. I am now Tom.

He was only a few feet in the forest. Fluttershy was following him...until, that is, he was eaten by a Timber Wolf.

Fluttershy fell to her knees and sobbed heavily into her forearms. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I must be dreaming. She told herself, but alas, this was really happening.

~Meanwhile~

Every brony that ever existed cheered when the news of the dead bunny reached their doorstep. They threw party's to celebrate the little menaces death. All were overjoyed. Some cried of happiness. But no matter what they did,it was clear, today was a happy day.

Humans

Bon Bon walked in her house to find her roommate, Lyra, staring blankly into space. "Uh, Lyra, what in the world are you doing?"

"Humans," she replied.

"Um-"

"Humans."

"Ly-"

"Humans."

Bon Bon stepped back. "Alright then, I'm just going to go now. Have fun doing...whatever this is."

"Humans."

Wubs

Octavia walked in her house to find her roommate, Vinyl, staring blankly into space. "Uh, Vinyl, what in the world are you doing?"

"Wubs," she replied.

"Um-"

"Wubs."

"Vi-"

"Wubs."

Octavia stepped back. "Alright then, I'm just going to go now. Have fun doing...whatever this is."

"Wubs."

Behold! The Toaster Of Wisdom!

Twilight stared at what seemed like a completely normal toaster. Somepony knocked on the large, crystal door of her castle. "Come in." Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy appeared in the throne room. Rainbow Dash cocked her head in confusion.

"Ugh, Twilight?" The alicorn turned her head towards her. "What exactly are you doing?" Twilight let out a laugh, as if her friends concern was humorus.

"Oh, Dash, you're so funny!"

"I'm not trying to be funny! Seriously, what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious!" Fluttershy but into her friends conversation.

"Well, Twilight, I think what Rainbow Dash was trying to say was, um, why exactly are you staring at a...toaster?" Twilight let out another laugh, which confused and worried the pegasi even more.

"This is not just an ordinary, run of the mill toaster. No, no, no. This is the most amazing, most extraordinary, most exceptional toaster that has ever lived!"

The others stared at each other in perplexion. Rainbow shrugged. "And why, exactly, is this toaster so awesome?" she said.

Another laugh. "This was Starswirl the Bearded's toaster! He made toast in it!" The purple one's eyes stared back with enthusiasm, and a hint of insanity.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Twi, it's just a toas-''

"When he used this toaster to make toast, he put it in his kitchen, which was right next to his laboratory, so his magic could have leaked into the machine. If I make toast in this toaster, I could be consuming his magic!" She squealed happily. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looked at her, clearly worried that their friend was taking this all too seriously.

"Twilight...um...I hate to say this but...um...this is...well...all it is is...a...um...toaster." Fluttershy stuttered.

Twilight gave her a deadly glare. "What did you say?"

Celestia laughed until she cried. Luna approached her with concern. "Sister, are you alright?"

"Yes, of course," the white alicorn replied. "I've been watching Twilight again. I just sent her a toaster and said it was Starswill's. Gullible, am I right?"

Luna rolled her eyes. "You have to stop acting like such a troll."

Two Mares, Two Halves Of One Stallion

"He's mine! He loves me!"

"Why else would he ask me out is he didn't have feelings for me!"

Fluer de Lis and Rarity bickered and fought in the streets of Canterlot. The two had bumped into each other and, let's just say bringing up Fancy Pants, Fluer's coltfriend and Rarity's new crush, was not the best idea.

"It wasn't a date! It was a...an invitation to a party between two friends!"

"Oh, you wish! You're just jealous because I don't need him for money or a good reputation!"

This was enough for Fluer to lose it completely, jumping on Rarity, biting her forearm. Rarity returned the favor by socking her in the eye. Soon it was an all out hoof fight over the stallion. A cloud of dust formed around them.

Two hooves grabbed the lady's arms and pulled them up to reality. Both mares recognized the white stallion with a blue mane and moustache. "Fancy Pants!" they both gasped in unison. He chuckled.

"Ladies, ladies, honestly I'm flattered, but you don't need to fight over me. You can both have me!"

With that, Fancy Pants took out a long, silver sword and sliced himself completely in half. Immediately, his body hit the floor in a red, disgusting mess. The ponies around, who had been watching the fight in disbelief, were in even more disbelief. Organs spilled out of the two halves, sloshing around on the ground. Fluer puked slightly on the ground, while Rarity passed out.

Even though everypony already knows it, this proves two mare can't both have the same stallion.

Prince Charmless

Rarity and Prince Blueblood were at the Grand Galloping Galla, arguing, covered in cake. "YOU'RE NOTHING EVEN CLOSE TO A PRINCE, YOU KNOW THAT!?" Rarity screamed. Blueblood just stared at her, stunned by her sudden outburst.

"I...uh-"

"I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF ALL OF YOUR INTERNET BLOGS WERE ALL LIES AND YOU REALLY AREN'T A PRINCE! JUST A UNICORN WITH A SNOOTY ATTITUDE!"

Applejack approached the two. "Rarity, you have to stop believe'n everything you see on the internet. I mean, how would this guy even be a prince? I doubt Luna has a son. He ain't even an alicorn!" Blueblood cringed.

"No, I really am a prince. Why don't you believe me?" he whinned.

"No, you're not," Applejack replied. "You're just some lyin' weirdo off the internet, and Ah'm sure you know what we do to people who lie on the internet."

"W-what?"

The mares smiled.

~Two hours later~

Blueblood cried. He was duct taped to the ceiling. No one liked Blueblood.

Fluttertree

Fluttershy looked longingly at an enormous oak tree. "I'd like to be a tree." Suddenly, Discord appeared out of thin air.

"That can be arranged, my dear." And with the snap of his fingers, Fluttershy's form had changed from a yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tale, to a yellow oak tree with pink leaves and a face.

Fluttersh-  Fluttertree's eyes narrows. "Everything is different now."

Why Apples?

"Hey AJ? Why exactly do you eat apples constantly? I mean, I'm pretty sure that's the only food you've ever consumed." Rainbow Dash had been wondering this for a while now. Even if her friend worked on a farm, it didn't seem normal, or even healthy to eat only the fruit she grew.

Applejack burst into tears. "Is that really what you ponies think! You don't know the burden of being allergic to every food ever besides apples! No pony will ever know!" She began to run off.

"AJ, come on, we can talk about this!"

"Just leave me alone. I-I need a minute."

If Cake Could Talk

Pinkie Pie watched the bakery, even though no pony was around. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had to run a quick errand and left Pinkie in charge of the shop. No customers were at Sugar Cube Corner, though, and she was beginning to become quite bored. So, to pass the time, she asked herself questions.

"I wonder what would happen if cake could talk?" she said, staring at an apple cake with caramel frosting. Before she could react, the cake started to shake slightly, and then slightly more.

"But I can talk, Pinkie. I am your friend." The earth pony shrieked.

"KILL IT WITH FIRE!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!" She, then, proceeded to throw lit matches at the living cake until it burst into flames.

"NOOOOOOOO! HOW DARE YOU DESTROY CAKEY CAKINGTON! I WILL RETURN! I WILL-" Before he could finish, the flames swallowed him, burning him to a crisp.

Let The Dove Bring Us Peace

A snow white dove flew past a pink earth pony with fluffy hair and a white unicorn with purple, curled hair.

"Look, Rarity! A dove! That means peace is coming!" The unicorn chuckled.

"Oh, Pinkie Pie. How can there be peace if there was no war to begin with?"

"There was always your inner war. Have you forgotten about that already?" Rarity's head drooped. Her smile replaced with a frown.

"Oh."

Towels Are Not Food

Spike was doing laundry. He somehow slipped and fell mouth first onto a towel. Twilight walked in at just the right moment. "Ugh, Spike? You know towels aren't food, right?"

Spike stood up and realized there was an entire towel, somehow stuffed into his mouth. He pulled the slimy, blue cloth out of his face-hole. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, uh, just a reminder there, then." The dragon looked as annoyed as one could possibly be.

"Next time you can do the laundry."

Twilight Reads All The Fanfictions

Twilight was scrolling through the deepest, darkest parts of the internet, when she discovered something called a 'fanfiction'. Oblivious to the dangers of what she clicked, she began to read.

48 hours later

Rainbow dash knocked on the alicorns door. "Hey, Twi? You okay? You've been in there for two days."

"MUST. READ. MORE." she responded, so the pegasus just flew away.

"Must be some book thing," she muttered. If only she knew.

Just One Sip

"C'mon, kid. Just one sip of this elixir, and any mare you could ever want is yours!"

"We'll also give you a one bit off discount!"

The two tall, yellow earth ponies stared, longingly at Noteworthy, smiling hard, pleading smiles. Noteworthy sighed. "And you're certain this will get mares to like me?"

"Absolutely!" said the one with the mustache.

"It might also work on other ponies," said the other.

"Want that promotion?"

"Drink some of this before you leave the house, and your boss might just have made a soft spot for you."

"That jacket you've always wanted too expensive."

"After a sip of this the store owner might just put it on sale!"

"Well all right." Noteworthy handed the stallions the thirty bits they were asking for. "If mares'll start to like me, then, it's worth a shot." He smiled.

~Two Years Later~

Noteworthy cried. On a bench. In the rain. With a bag on his head. And no food. And no marefriend. And a piece of newspaper as his only protection.

"Why don't they like me?"

Daring Doo And The Quest For Some Orange Juice

No pony really knows it, but when Daring Doo isn't going on an adventure or writing a book, she spends most of her time relaxing with Netflix. Why? Because Netflix is cool, and Daring Doo is cool. See the connection? Anyway, DD was watching an episode of Orange is the New Black off of Netflix, when she suddenly got a strange craving for orange juice.

Why do I feel like orange juice all of sudden? So she paused her show and went to go get a glass.

The fridge had no orange juice in it. Not a drop. This made Daring cringe because, well, orange juice cravings are extremely serious. So, instead of going back to watching Netflix, she began to pace the kitchen floor. C'mon Daring, it's just orange juice, you'll be fine. But no matter how many times she told herself, she was not fine.

~45 minutes later~

"THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!" The pegasus walked into her bedroom and pulled out a dusty, brown case. Inside was a golden sword with a bronze handle wrapped in white cloth. "Goodbye cruel world," she said, holding the sword up to her neck, but before she could do any damage, she dropped the weapon and shouted "WAIT!"

Daring Doo ran downstairs and opened a small cabinet. Inside was a bottle of orange juice. "I'M SAVED! FINALLY SAVED!" So Daring opened the bottle, grabbed a cup, and poured herself a glass, and all was well...for now anyways.

The End

Detective Fluffle Puff Saves The Day

A tan stallion with a black mane and a fluffy pink...thing were in an ally. "I ain't got all day, you want the goods or not," said the stallion.

"Pffftttt."

"Yeah, whatever, just hand over your side of the bargain."

"Pffffttttt."

"FREEZE!" said a mysterious voice. The stallion turned his head, only to be tackled by a heard of police officers. A brown fedora fell from out of no where and landed on the pink one's head. The stallion gasped.

"DETECTIVE FLUFFLE! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" he said, being stuffed into a police car. An officer approached the detective.

"Great work, Fluffle! I don't know how you do it, but you do it!"

"Pfffftttt"

Muffin?

"I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS-"

"Ugh, sir," said a grey pegasus with a blond mane and tail said, nervously.

"DON'T 'UGH SIR' ME! LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE BUT-"

"Sir, I know this looks bad, but-"

"YOU MADE MY CAR EXPLODE!" The mare chuckled timidly.

"Well, it's kinda your fault for leaving me in charge with your car. I mean, I'm not the most skilled with, well, anything after all." A second later, a yellow earth pony, with an orange mane, and green eyes approached the two in a calm, almost bored mannar.

"You new here?" she said. The colt, confused, calmed down a little.

"Yeah, why?" he replied. She giggled.

"That's your problem. No one has ever trusted Derps here with anything other than a letter, she can't even handle that." The pegasus blushed, while the colt approached the earth pony.

"HOW DOES THAT HELP THIS SITUATION AT ALL!?" She examined her front hoof and shrugged. The colt turned his head towards Derpy. "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THIS!?" She laughed anxiously.

"Muffin?"

Luna's Bad At Parties

Luna took another shot. "Thas ten Celest- Celestia. Bet ya can't top that. A'hm gu'a  do more jusa prove you wrong." So she took another. And another. And a few more.

"How in the world can she last this long?" Cadence asked Celestia. The white alicorn giggled.

"Years of practice." She took a quick sip of her margarita. "I wouldn't say the same for your husband though." She pointed to Shining Armor, who had passed out on a nearby table. "Are you sure you don't want anything Cadence? It's on me." Cadence rolled her eyes.

"Auntie Celestia, I'm pregnant!" Celestia winced.

"He, he. Yeah, right."

"Come on Luna, you've had enough." Cadence said, gripping on to her aunt with all the magic she contained.

"Bu-but I had a cute stallion- and he and myself...more liquor."

"No, Auntie Luna! No more!" Cadence tugged her as far as she could, but her grip on the door frame of the night club was too strong. Celestia, who was also pulling, dropped her temporarily.

"I thought this might happen," said the goddess, rummaging through her saddlebag. "That's why I stole these." She pulled out six stones, all different colors, and began to concentrate on a spell she was about to cast.

Suddenly, Luna disappeared. Cadence gasped in horror, but her aunt ensured her that she was alright. "I stole the Elements of Harmony from the Tree of Harmony. I thought they might be useful if this ever happened tonight. Your Aunt is stuck on the moon. I'll bring her back tomorrow. She'll be alright, although she'll have one heck of a headache."

What Nightmares Are Really Made Of

"NO! NO! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THIS!" Diamond Tiara said while backing up against a wall. Shoot, a dead end.

"Let's build a wall," said the terrifying creature. His face was made of nightmares and it was almost impossible to tell if he had a toupee or not.

"NO! PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO BUILD A WALL!"

"Let's build a wall," the creature continued, "And we'll make Mexico pay for it!" Diamond was now in tears.

"And that is what you will become if you aren't nice to other ponies. Do you understand?" DT nodded at the blue alicorn of the night.

"Yes, Princess Luna. I'm never going to be mean to anypony ever again! I don't want to turn into a monster like that!" She shuddered at the thought of it.

"Alright then, young one. I will be seeing that your nightmares are resolved. Goodnight."

"Wait! Were you the one causing those nightmares?!" But she disappeared before the question could be answered.

Sharpie

Pinkie thought it would be a brilliant idea to draw mustaches on everypony at night in sharpie. They were rather hard to wash off.

Taco

Sonata dusk ate a taco. It was adorable.

On A Boat

"Sweetie, we're drowning!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Wait, what?"

"We're gonna die!!!!!! There are sharks in the water!!!!!!!!"

"Scoots, what are we going to do!?"

"I'll have to fly both of us out of here!"

"Do you think you can make it!?"

"Of course I can!"

"Scootaloo, Sweetie Bell? What are you doing?"

The two fillies looked over at their friend. They were standing on a table. "Well," started Sweetie. "We were trying to get our imagination cutie marks while we were waiting for you to come to the clubhouse."

Apple Bloom giggled. "No wonder Scoots thought she could fly."

"Hey!"

Bad News

Dear Twilight,

Things are going strangely at Canterlot High. Principal Celestia made us write a song about internet safety for an assembly today. Like that wasn't hard at all. A professional came to tell us about 'being safe while surfing the web.' That was what it was called. Sad, right?

Anyway, while we were performing, we ponied up, and the professional flipped out and called the cops. Then she called a priest. She kept screaming "GET THE DEMONS OUT! GET THE DEMONS OUT!" over and over again. The whole situation was quite embarrassing.

I hope to hear from you!

-Sunset Shimmer

Dear Twilight,

This is Pinkie! I stole this book from Sunset for a moment! At least someone finally noted that us, normal, teenaged girls, turn into weird, horse people who sprout wings and longer hair. Just saying!

-Pinkie Pie

Rainbow's Middle Name

"What'syourfavoritecolorwho'syourfavoritewonderboltwhenwasyourfirstflightwhowereyourparentsanyadviceforaflightlesspegasuslikeme?" Rainbow Dash was overwhelmed by Scootaloo's questions.

"One at a time, kid." Scootaloo had to do a report on her idle, which was Rainbow Dash, and since she lived in Ponyville, Cheerilee told her to give the pegasus an interview instead of just a normal paper.

"Well, let's see," the orange pegasus said, looking at a clipboard. "Let's start with your full name."

"Rainbow Dash."

"Do you have a middle name?"

"Ye- no." Scootaloo gasped.

"You have a middle name!"

"No."

"But you just-"

"NO!"

"Please?" Those adorable Scootaloo puppy eyes stared into the deepest depths of Rainbow's soul. She sighed.

"Well, I do have a middle name but...you have to promise not to include it in your paper!"

"I promise!" Rainbow sighed again. Worried that somepony would hear, she scooped Scootaloo up and flew her to a cloud.

"It's Todd."

"What?" said Scootaloo said, not hearing what her her honorary sister had said.

"Todd."

"Huh?"

"Todd."

"One more time."

"Todd."

"Oh, Todd." The filly chuckled at the ridiculous name...then she remembered whose name it was. She cowered. "Um, sorry Rainbow Dash. If you don't mind me asking, why Todd?" A nervous smiled crossed her lips. Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"My parents were expecting a boy. They kept Todd to themselves when I was named."

"So, you're Rainbow Todd Dash?"

"Yes." The cyan pegasus looked down at the smaller one. "Not a word, got it?" The filly nodded.

"Wouldn't dream of it."