Bath? Check.
Perfume? Check.
Mane brushed?
Twilight examined herself in the mirror. Blue strands of hair stuck out from her head at all angles. Her bangs hung in ragged clumps. Her tail was in better shape, but she could still see several long strands that curled the wrong way, dangling out into space like she hadn’t brushed herself in days. Even as she examined herself, her left eye twitched.
In short, she looked like a madmare.
She pulled open her drawers, one after the next, slamming them shut with a loud thump when they failed to yield the item in question. Her hooves tapped a staccato rhythm on the crystalline floor of her bedroom as she trotted in place.
“Spike! Where’s my mane brush?” she yelled.
“What?”
“My mane brush, have you seen it?”
Her reflection’s eye twitched again. Twilight’s eye wasn’t twitching. Oh, no. The mirror was just lying to her. She didn’t look crazy at all. She looked just fine. Sure, her mirror had never mislead her before, but clearly she must have cast a spell on it in her sleep. It wasn’t like she was completely unpresentable less than an hour before—
“Are you alright, Twilight?”
Twilight whirled around at the sound of her door being pushed open. “Spike! Have you seen my manebrush? The one Cadance gave me when I was in magic kindergarten?”
“I’m pretty sure you left that in Canterlot when we moved to Ponyville.” Spike scratched the back of his head as he glanced around the room, his eyes finally settling on Twilight. “Sheesh, you don’t look too good. No wonder you need that brush.”
“No, really? I’m sure I’m fine. I’ll be fine, everything will be fine. I can just fix my hair with my hoof!” Twilight began to rub at her head with her hoof to demonstrate, the hairs falling flat against her head, only to spring back into disarray the moment she removed her hoof. “No, no, no!”
Spike sighed . “I think I saw a brush in the bathroom.”
Twilight blinked, straightening. “The bathroom! Of course? How could I forget that?” She laughed as she galloped past the little dragon. Silly her. Of course it was in the bathroom. She’d brought it in there to brush her mane after she took a shower.
“Uh, are you alright, Twilight? You seem a bit… off,” Spike said as he jogged behind her down the hall.
“I’m fine! Nothing’s wrong. It’s not like today is the most important day of my life or something! No, that’d be crazy.” Twilight laughed again, the sound almost a cackle as it reverberated off the faceted walls of the hall.
“Oookay. Maybe you could slow down for a minute and explain what’s going on?”
Twilight rounded on Spike. “It’s April 10th, Spike! April 10th, 1003! Do you know what that means?”
Spike stopped and stared, his head cocked to the side. “It’s Arbor Day?”
“No, Spike! It’s the day I’m supposed to meet my true love! In less than an hour!” Twilight whirled around again, ripping the door open with her magic before stepping inside. Her eyes scoured the countertop. “Aha!”
“Wait, is that why you were up all last night? Twilight, Princess Celestia told you that spell doesn’t work!”
Twilight looked at herself in the mirror and scowled. Her mane was still crooked, and her stripes were on the wrong side of her horn. Growling to herself, she viciously drug her brush through her hair. “What she said was that it never worked for her. It just gave her some time and nopony special showed up! But what if she missed her chance? What if her true love was there and she didn’t even notice them?”
“C’mon, Twilight,” Spike said, stepping forward and setting his claw on Twilight’s shoulder. “Princess Celestia is never wrong about stuff like this.”
“But what if she is, Spike? What if this is my only chance to meet my true love and I miss it?” Her vision blurred as she examined herself in the mirror. She lifted her hoof to rub at her eyes. “I almost missed out on having friends. What if I miss out on having a special somepony?”
Twilight blinked as she felt sudden warmth against her chest. Looking down, she was met by a pair of shimmering green eyes as Spike squeezed his arms around her shoulders.
“That’s ridiculous. You’re Twilight Sparkle! Everypony in Equestria likes you. I’m sure you’ll find somepony, someday.”
Twilight smiled weakly and sniffed. “You’re probably right, Spike,” she said, lifting one hoof to stroke his back before taking a deep breath. “But I can’t take that chance.”
Spike groaned and shook his head. “Will you at least let me help?”
Twilight’s knees buckled as she leaned into the small dragon. “Of course. Would you mind getting out that dress Rarity gave me?”
“You’ve got it!”
Twilight glanced up at the clock tower as she stepped out of her castle. 8:40. Seventeen minutes to go.
She looked back at herself one last time. Her dress shimmered as she walked, the multicolored gems set into the green fabric scintillating in the morning sun. It was fascinating how the gems refracted the light onto the ground around her, little motes of color dancing over the road and grass with her every step. It was a little silly that her dress had false wings when she already had real ones, but apparently just about everypony in Canterlot had wanted one of them, so—
Twilight stumbled, only barely keeping her footing. Sure, she hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, but she’d planned things out to a T. Knowing what she was doing was more important than sleep anyway, right? And here she was, about to mess it up admiring herself! Shaking her head once, she gave another glance at the clock tower before she began trotting into Ponyville.
Her hooves moved automatically as she threaded her way through the carts and stalls leading into the town square. Everypony in Ponyville would pass by sooner or later, and if somepony new was in Ponyville – and they would have to be new, right? – it was as good a place as any to find them. She looked back at herself again, her horn glowing as she adjusted her dress before continuing on her way.
She wasn’t exactly sure of the mechanics of the situation. Would they instantly fall in love when their eyes met? Would they strike up a conversation, and only realize they were in love later? Would there be some sort of strange sequence of events that conspired to make them spend time together? Or would it be one of those cases where they got into a fight and only later realized that they were destined for each other?
Twilight giggled to herself. She was being silly. If you knew they were your true love, why would you get into a fight? Well, sure, her parents argued sometimes, and Shining Armor and Cadance didn’t always get along. And, okay, maybe some random pony coming and telling you they were their true love might be a little awkward. On second thought, maybe she should keep that under her mane.
Her eyes swept over the ponies threading their way around and between the shops. Peachy Pitt was debating over the price of a banner with Filthy Rich, the business stallion’s charming smile not seeming to do him much good judging by the large pile of bits on Peachy’s counter. Toe Tapper and Torch Song were carrying a sofa out of Davenport’s shop, the long piece of furniture carefully balanced across their backs. Ponies laughed and babbled as they bought food and drink and party favors from stores all along the way, foals weaving between the legs of the older ponies as they laughed and played tag.
Twilight glanced up at the stone clock tower. 8:50. Perfect. Twilight hopped up on top of the marble rail around the water fountain, shooting an apologetic smile up at the Equestrian statue looming behind her before she caught herself. Who was she, Pinkie Pie? Using her magic, she swiftly smoothed out her dress once more before sitting back on her haunches and putting on her best smile.
Why was everypony giving her strange looks? She was probably smiling too much again.
Twilight glanced in the water in the fountain and adjusted her smile. There. Perfect.
8:51.
Twilight turned her head, glancing over the crowd. Her very special somepony to be was somewhere out there, waiting for her. They must already be on their way. Or maybe they were in one of the shops? Maybe a writer, buying their quills? She craned her neck, trying to peer in the windows of Davenport’s store, but there was no sign of anypony unusual.
Well, they still had time.
8:52.
Twilight lifted a hoof to her chest, taking a deep breath, then letting it out slowly. No point in getting all frazzled. They’d be here in five minutes, no more, no less. Well, maybe a little bit more, because it wasn’t precise down to the second. She giggled nervously. She could admit that. Anypony would be nervous meeting the pony they were going to spend the rest of their life with for the very first time.
8:53.
She was up on all fours now, peering over the crowd. She was more visible like this anyway; you might miss a pony sitting on the edge of the water fountain, but standing on it? For all she knew, they might be moving around Town Hall right now, talking to one of their friends, or maybe buying some food for the dinner they were planning on cooking alone at home that evening.
Twilight licked her lips and glanced up at the clock again.
8:54.
Twilight began pacing. They were cutting it kind of close. Of course, they would have to, seeing as the spell said 8:57. There was no point to looking around like this, really. They’d come right on time.
Or maybe they’d be coming from the other side of the statue? Twilight peered around behind her, swallowing as ponies passed around, several giving her a wide berth. She didn’t smell, did she?
Twilight bent her head round to sniff at her side. Nope. Nothing but perfume.
8:56. Where had 8:55 gone?
Twilight straightened up to her full height, extending her head as high as it could go. No matter what Rainbow Dash said, she wasn’t that tall, but she could see better this way. Besides, it wasn’t so bad being a taller pony anyway. Princess Celestia was tall, and everypony always said she was a model of Equestrian beauty. They had a point; she did have really nice legs. Not that she’d ever looked at them or anything like that.
Her wings pressed against the inside of her dress. Why couldn’t Rarity have made holes for them?
8:57.
She rapidly smoothed down the front of her dress with her hooves, putting on her real best smile this time as she stared out over the crowd. Who was it? They were in the square, right now. Any second now, they would turn around, and meet her gaze, or fall into the fountain, or call her name from across the way, or stumble into her…
Twilight glanced back over her shoulder at the shallow fountain water. It wasn’t deep enough to drown in, not even with a dress. She lifted her hoof to paw at the side of her mane again before looking back out across the crowd.
8:58. Maybe the clock was fast?
She rose up on the tips of her hooves, craning her neck to peer over the crowd. Any second now, she’d see the pony of her dreams.
Any second now.
Was that them?
She felt a fluttering in her stomach as a stallion slowly made his way through the crowd, laughing, smiling, glancing up at her…
…along with his marefriend.
Drat. It was just Caramel.
8:59. Where was he? Or she? Maybe it was a mare? It wasn’t like she was adverse to the idea. Her first crush had been a mare, after all. But she was over that. Even if it had been kind of embarrassing.
She walked around the circumference of the fountain. Maybe they were sitting on the other side, waiting for her? No, nopony there either. There had to be some mistake, right?
Twilight flinched as the clock tower began tolling. One. Two. Three…
She hung her head, slumping back on her rump, not even caring as her dress fell into the fountain behind her, slowly growing heavy as the water seeped into it. It didn’t matter now. It was all stupid anyway.
Twilight’s vision swam as she looked down at her chest. Princess Celestia must have been right. It was just some stupid spell that gave some random time. No, it couldn’t have been that; she’d checked it. It was doing something. Something to do with other ponies. Even Cadance had agreed with that. But maybe it was something else.
Or maybe she was right, and she’d end up like Princess Celestia: alone forever. It didn’t seem too bad. Celestia didn’t seem to mind too much. It wasn’t like she really needed anypony like that anyway; she had friends, right? It wasn’t like there was something wrong with her.
She sniffed loudly as the first tear fell down onto the grass.
“Twilight?”
Twilight’s head jerked up at the sound of Applejack’s voice. Her hooves slipped from the edge of the marble fountain, the world tilting as she toppled over backwards into the water, her wings pinned uselessly to her sides.
“Woah nelly!”
Her movement stopped with a sudden jerk as she was yanked back up over the side, a familiar brown Stetson obscuring the face of her rescuer.
“Thanks, Applejack,” Twilight said, breathing heavily as she slid down off the cold stone and sat on the damp grass below.
“You’re welcome, Twi.” Applejack slid a hoof cautiously around the shuddering alicorn’s shoulders. “You alright there?”
“I-found-this-spell-that-tells-you-when-you’re-going-to-meet-your-soulmate-and-Princess-Celestia-said-it-doesn’t-work-but-I-cast-it-anyway-and-it-said-I-was-going-to-meet-them-today-and-I-thought-I-would-find-them-and-I-know-it’s-stupid-and-illogical-but-spells-do-all-sorts-of-things-and-Celestia-never-found-anypony-who-loved-her-and-I-thought-it-might-mean-it-worked-and-she-just-didn’t-realize-it-or-didn’t-want-to-get-my-hopes-up-and-oh-I’m-a-mess-what-if-I-was-wrong-and-did-the-wrong-conversion-and—”
“Woah, woah, slow down there.” Applejack said, stroking Twilight’s back. “You eat breakfast yet, sugar cube?”
Twilight hiccoughed. Breakfast? That hadn’t been on the checklist, had it? Wait, hadn’t she thought that maybe they wouldn’t have eaten breakfast yet and maybe that way they could both go out to breakfast together and do date-like things and—
“Twilight? You okay there?”
Twilight blinked and shook her head. “No.” She glanced down at her own chest and laughed for a moment. “And I am kind of hungry.”
“Let’s get you over to Sugarcube Corner then. My treat.” Applejack lifted her head and called over towards her cart. “Hey, Apple Bloom? You mind takin’ over the cart this morning? Twilight needs me for somethin’.”
“You mean all by myself?”
Twilight couldn’t stop herself from giggling as she lifted her head, spotting the beaming filly leaning over the back of the wooden cart, her eyes wide.
“Eyup. Twilight and I are headed to Sugarcube Corner. We might be awhile.” She glanced over at Twilight, smiling encouragingly as she offered a hoof to help her up.
“You can count on me,” Apple Bloom said, lifting a yellow hoof to her forehead in a sharp salute.
“Heh, good. Just uh… don’t stick any apples in anypony’s bags this time, okay?”
“So let me get this straight,” Applejack said as Twilight slurped noisily at her milkshake through one of Pinkie’s swizzle straws. “You cast some spell that Princess Celestia told you didn’t work worth a lick, and got upset because it didn’t work?”
Twilight sighed as she let the straw fall from her mouth back into the thick vanilla milkshake. “It’s more complicated than that. I actually checked the spell, and I know it has to do something.” Twilight sniffled. “I mean, it gives you a date.”
Applejack arched an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t that be mind control or somethin’?”
Twilight laughed, some of her energy returning, though the motion made her wet dress pull at her shoulders. She wiggled a little, then sighed again. “A date as in a date and a time. It’s supposed to tell you when you’re going to meet… somepony. Or that’s what the spell says.”
“Your soulmate. I got that much out of your thing earlier.” Applejack leaned back in her seat and shook her head. “Gotta admit, Twilight, I never figured you for the type that would believe in that sort of hooey.”
Twilight laughed nervously. “Really, me neither. I just kind of got… swept up in it all.” She waved her hoof vaguely in the air. “I mean, I’ve never really dated, you know?” Twilight sniffed. “No, that isn’t true. I never dated at all.”
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Plenty of mares your age ain’t done that. Heck, I ain’t ever been out with nopony neither. I ’spect the only one of us who has is Rarity. And you know how that went.”
Twilight laughed again in spite of herself. It wasn’t very nice; Rarity had been furious the first time, and heartbroken the second. Besides, it wasn’t like she’d done any better. “It’s just…” Twilight spread her hooves. “I spent so long waiting to meet you girls. I might have never made any friends at all if Princess Celestia hadn’t forced me to. I was just trying to be a little… proactive.”
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that either.” Applejack pushed her hat back, leaning over the table and meeting Twilight’s gaze. “But there ain’t no rush. It ain’t like you’ve just got one chance to meet somepony you’d like. My ma always said, there’s plenty of oranges out in the orchards.”
“Wait, oranges?” Twilight stared. “Shouldn’t that be apples?”
It was Applejack’s turn to laugh. “Nope. Valencia Orange. S’why my aunt and uncle are Oranges; they’re on my ma’s side.”
Twilight rubbed her face with her hooves. Of course she was an Orange. She already knew that from Applejack’s birth certificate. “Ugh. I really am out of it this morning.”
“You were wound up tighter’n a ten-day clock when I found you.”
“Yeah. I got a little carried away this morning. As usual.” Twilight grimaced, reaching up with her hoof to flatten out her mane for the fifteenth time this morning.
Applejack rubbed her mane. “I didn’t realize you were even lookin’ for somethin’ like that, Twi.”
“I wasn’t.” Twilight rubbed at her snout with the back of her hoof. “I found the spell in the Canterlot archives a long time ago, back when I was a filly. Princess Celestia told me that it didn’t really work, so I put it back and didn’t think of it again until… well, until I found out Cadance was pregnant.”
Twilight stared down into her milkshake and licked her lips. “I mean, I’m really excited about being an aunt, but it got me thinking. Shining Armor and Cadance first started seeing each other when they were about my age, and I remembered the spell, and so I went back to the Royal Archives yesterday and—”
“Ya got scared that you were gonna miss your shot.” Applejack leaned across the table to set her hoof on Twilight’s.
Twilight sighed heavily, staring down at Applejack’s hoof. “I mean, I know it’s ridiculous. But the last time I found something silly in a book, Celestia told me not to worry about it, and then I met all of you and beat Nightmare Moon. It’s not like there isn’t a precedent.”
Applejack arched an eyebrow and chuckled, leaning back into her seat. “And how many times did Princess Celestia tell you to get your nose out of a book?”
“Hardly any. She always encouraged me to read more, and to think for myself.” Twilight’s horn glowed as she pulled her milkshake closer, leaning forward to take another long sip out of her swizzle straw to give herself more time to think. Had Celestia ever told her something like that before? It was hard to know for sure. Confirmation bias was a tricky thing; it was easy to forget all the times that it didn’t matter, but easy to remember the few times when it did.
Applejack rubbed the side of her snout with her hoof. “I still think the whole thing’s only fit for washin’ pigs. It don’t really make any sense in the first place.”
Twilight blinked and tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“Well, first off, the spell’s supposed to tell you when you meet your match, right?”
“Yup. The exact date and time you will meet your true love.”
“See, that don’t make sense. How’s it supposed to do that?”
Twilight brightened. Applejack was asking her about magic? “Well, the function of the spell is largely hypothetical. But from what I can tell, it seems to be targeting your secondary thaumic aura and runs it through your agapic field. Frayed strands are woven through a modified form of Staryab’s pseudo-abacus—are you alright, Applejack?”
Applejack’s eyes had taken on a glazed appearance. After a moment, the farmpony clenched her eyes shut, then rubbed at her eyes with her hooves. “I don’t think I understood more than two words of that, sugar cube.”
Twilight’s ears drooped. Of course Applejack didn’t know all that terminology. Even most ponies who went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns didn’t know what Staryab’s pseudo-abacus was; most spells used ethereal adding loops these days, even if they were much less efficient. Twilight licked her lips. What would be the best way of putting it? “It… uses your cutie mark and feelings to try and figure out when you’re going to meet your very special somepony?”
Applejack stared at Twilight for a moment longer, as if waiting for something else, then nodded. “Right. And how does it do that?” She held up her hoof as Twilight opened her mouth. “In Equish?”
Twilight winced. Right. It was really unfair to ask Applejack for help with this. Maybe Rarity would know better? Or maybe Princess Celestia. Maybe she should ask her why exactly she thought the spell didn’t work. Did Celestia understand the converter function better than she did? But it was pretty opaque; that sort of converter function was completely nonstandard and unique as far as she knew, and seemed kind of kludgy. It was probably derived from trial and error. Who knows how—
“Uh, Twilight?” Applejack leaned down over the table to meet Twilight’s eyes. “You alright there?”
Right. “Sorry about that. Was just thinking. Uhm…” Twilight fidgeted. “I think it is trying to see when your agapic fields interact with each other.”
Applejack’s jaw fell open. “In the middle of the town square?”
Wait, what? Oh. Oh. “No, no, nothing like that!” Twilight waved her hooves, her cheeks burning. “It really just requires close proximity, that’s all.”
Applejack looked across the table skeptically. “Close proximity.”
“Close-ish?” Twilight said weakly.
“I see.” Applejack relaxed, then narrowed her eyes. “Let me get this straight. This spell of yours is supposed to figure out when two ponies meet that are supposed to end up together?”
Twilight nodded her head.
“No matter where they are or what they’re doin’?”
“That’s the idea.”
Applejack shook her head slowly. “I’m sorry Twi, but that’s the biggest load of horse honkey I’ve ever heard.”
“What? But I checked the spell!”
“I ain’t sayin’ that you didn’t, but think about it logical-like. First off, if you’re really gonna spend the rest of your life with them, it ain’t like you’re gonna meet them just once, right? So how’s the spell gonna be able to tell one time you meet ’em from another?”
Twilight’s mouth opened, then closed. “Oh.”
“And second of all… well, from what you’re sayin’, the spell knows exactly where you and some other pony you ain’t never even met are gonna be when the time comes? What if one of you was on top of a mountain? Or down at the bottom of a mine? Or off in the middle of the Everfree forest? It ain’t like it brings them to you, right?”
Twilight slumped forward onto the table, the wooden surface cool against her face. “Ugh. I’m such an idiot.”
Applejack scooted around the table to pat Twilight on the back with her hoof. “Now, now, sugar cube. You just got all wrapped up in the spell, and didn’t stop to think—”
“Of course I didn’t stop to think! It should have been the first thing I thought of!” Twilight straightened, throwing her hooves up in the air. “Going to the town square was completely wrong! I should have stood out in the middle of nowhere, where there wasn’t anypony else around. Then I’d have to see them!”
Applejack blinked. “Say what now?”
“Applejack, you’re a genius! Thank you! Oh, I’d better go test this out.”
“Twilight, wait, I didn’t mean—”
With a flash of light, Twilight was gone. Applejack stared at the empty chair for a moment, then sighed. “Well, that ain’t gonna do nopony much good.” She glanced at Twilight’s milkshake for a moment, then leaned forward to take a sip out of the swizzle straw. “Mmm, still cold.”
Twilight smiled to herself as she reappeared on the schoolhouse road. She glanced in both directions before wheeling around and marching out of Ponyville, her still-damp dress only dragging slightly on the road. Applejack was right; of course the spell couldn’t just make someone appear in some random location, they’d have to already be nearby anyway. But if she stood around outside of town, they were bound to walk by!
Not to mention the fact that the spell only returned information on the next agapic field interaction. How had she missed that? Princess Celestia had even said she had cast the spell a bunch of times, and it never worked. That implied it gave a different time every time!
Twilight laughed to herself, the sound echoing strangely off the grassy hills, making it almost sound like she was cackling again. She wasn’t, though; she’d gotten all that out of the way this morning. Now she was totally cool and clear-headed. All she had to do was—
Oh, right, the spell. Closing her eyes, she focused on her magic, drawing it out through her horn as she drew the complex design out of her memory. The threads of her magic wove through her horn, forming the complicated ethereal apparatus into being, the holes of the sphere forming, her thaumic aura leaking through…
527682467. Divided by 60, divided by 24, divided by the length of the year (including leap days), left…
“Nine forty-seven,” she said out loud, glancing up at the clock tower. It was convenient that it was out on the edge of town like this; most clock towers were built in the middle of town, but it really made more sense to put it on a hill where everypony could see it from any cross-street. Well, except for the ones in eastern Ponyville which were built at a funny angle. That really was poor urban planning.
“Well, I’ve got another ten minutes. Better get going.” Twilight trotted along the dirt road, a cool breeze blowing across her face, carrying with it the scent of dewy grass and pine trees. It really was nice out this morning. Sure, there were a few clouds that hadn’t been there earlier, but there wasn’t a rain shower scheduled for today. Right? She paused, tilting her head, then nodded to herself. #43, check weather schedule.
Twilight made her way around the hill until Ponyville was completely hidden, only the spire on top of the clock tower betraying the presence of the town on the other side. From here, only a hundred feet of the road could be seen in either direction. Smiling proudly to herself, she turned and sat on the grass, staring down the road towards Ponyville.
Oh, right, her dress. She looked down at herself; it didn’t look too bad. A bit crumpled, a bit damp on the tail end. A quick burst of magic flattened it out, smoothing away some of the folds, though there was nothing to be done about her hindquarters. Well, she was sure her special somepony would understand.
She craned her neck to peer up at the clock face, then sighed. It was alright. Sure, she couldn’t see the clock from here, but it wasn’t like she really needed to. Besides, she should focus on the road. Her head swiveled first one way, then the other, scanning the road for any sign of passers-by. There really shouldn’t be, out here, but it was the best way to test the spell, right? If nopony showed up, then she’d know it was broken.
But how long had it been? Twilight rose to her hooves, then sat back down. She could wait. It couldn’t have been that long; the shadows hadn’t really moved much at all. Maybe she should get one of those hoof-watches they sold in Canterlot. They always seemed like they would pinch her coat, though.
Twilight’s eye twitched as her head swiveled back and forth. Back and forth. Wait, what happened to all the shadows? Why wasn’t the sun shining anymore? And when had it gotten so cloudy?
“Ugh, I can’t take this anymore!”
“You’re telling me,” answered a raspy voice from above. “It was supposed to be my day off.”
Twilight started. “Who’s there?” Twilight shouted up at the clouds.
“Uh, me?” Rainbow Dash peered from over the edge of the clouds from above.
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight’s eye twitched again. That’s strange; it didn’t have any reason to do that. “What are you doing all the way out here? There isn’t supposed to be anypony out here!”
“Uh, my job?” The pegasus gestured vaguely at the clouds half-covering the sky.
“But there wasn’t supposed to be a rainstorm today!” Twilight stomped her hoof.
Rainbow Dash shrugged as she swooped down from beyond the edge of the stormfront. “Blame Cloudsdale. They were supposed to deliver the clouds tomorrow, but they got them done a day early. Now I have to use them before they dry out.” She drifted in a bit closer to Twilight, narrowing her eyes. “What are you doing out here wearing a dress? Is Rarity like, taking pictures or something?”
“Well, I was supposed to meet with my special somepony.” Twilight snorted, glancing back at herself. Her dress wasn’t so pretty now, the gems and fabric muted in the shadow of the storm. She looked like a discarded bottle.
“Wait, you’re dating somepony?” Rainbow Dash’s high-pitched shout drew Twilight’s attention back up. “Why are you meeting them all the way out here?”
“I’m not! I just… am supposed to be.” Twilight’s ears fell. “You wouldn’t happen to know what time it is, would you?”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like I’m wearing a watch?”
“The clock tower is right over that hill,” Twilight said, doing her best not to grind her teeth. It wasn’t Rainbow Dash’s fault; the pegasus hadn’t planned to ruin everything.
“Oh, right. Uh… nine-fifty.”
Twilight slumped to the ground. “Great. Thanks.” She sighed and rolled over onto her back, not even caring as her ugly dress sank back against the grass. “Ugh. It isn’t even sunny anymore.”
“Yeah… it might not be the best place to lie down. We haven’t quite finished setting up yet, but unless you want to get rained on, you’re probably going to want to move.” Rainbow Dash gestured vaguely.
“Wait, we?” Even as Twilight watched, Thunderlane and Cloud Chaser pushed more clouds into place, blocking out another chunk of the sky. “Ugh! Why didn’t I think of that before? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” She covered her face with her hooves, blocking out the sight of the pegasi flying overhead.
“What’s wrong?” The crunch of grass underhoof announced Rainbow Dash’s landing.
Twilight cast her hooves out wide, forcing Rainbow Dash to quickly jump to the side to avoid getting hit. “Oh, nothing important. Just a spell that was supposed to tell me when my soulmate was supposed to meet me. So I went out into the middle of nowhere and waited for somepony to come along the road at the right time. And now I realized that I wasn’t even thinking about whether a pegasus might fly overhead and I’d totally miss them!” She paused. “Or a griffon. Are there any griffons who live around Ponyville?”
“So, what, a pegasus isn’t good enough for you?” Rainbow Dash flared her wings.
“No! I just… didn’t even think about looking up.”
Rainbow Dash stared for a moment, then cackled madly, falling over sideways onto the grass and kicking up her hooves in the air.
Twilight curled up on herself. “It isn’t funny! I came all the way out here to test the spell and now the experiment is ruined!”
“Come on Twi, it’s hilarious!” Rainbow Dash snorted as she rolled back up onto her hooves. “Woo.” She shook her head, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hoof. “So you went out to the tail end of Ponyville because what, the spell is supposed to summon them to you or something?”
“No! It’s just supposed to, you know, tell you what time they’ll meet you. And Applejack thought without many ponies around it would be easy to tell which one it was. But now I realized that I’d have to look up and down and sideways all at the same time and I can’t even tell if the spell worked or not because there’s always a bunch of ponies around and nothing seems to work!” Twilight’s chest heaved as she slammed her hoof into the grass. “Ugh.”
Rainbow Dash snickered. “Wait, Applejack sent you out here? You sure it wasn’t like a prank or something?”
Twilight glared. “No.”
“Okay, okay! Sheesh.” Rainbow Dash held up her hooves. “It’s just kind of ridiculous, you know? What’s wrong with just asking somepony out on a date?”
“But what if they’re the wrong pony?” Twilight swung her hoof through the air. “What if I ask somepony, and they don’t like me? Or if things don’t work out?”
“Then you deal.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I mean, who’d want to go out with somepony just because some spell told them to?”
Twilight looked down at the grass, awkwardly poking at it with her hoof.
Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her face. “Look, Twi. I’m not saying nopony would go out with you. But you gotta take a chance. Put yourself out there, fluff up your wings. You know?”
“That’s what I’m trying to do with this spell,” Twilight muttered.
“But there’s nopony out here!” Rainbow Dash hesitated, glancing up at the weather team. “I mean, normally. If the spell tells you who your true love is, wouldn’t it be easier just to go to their house or something?”
Twilight stamped her hoof. “It tells me when I’m going to be meeting them, not who! That’s why I came out here. If there’s nopony else around, then obviously whoever shows up is the right pony.”
“Seriously? Wandering out into the middle of nowhere to see if somepony shows up?” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What’s next, you going to hide in your closet or something?”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “You’re right! That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Thanks, Rainbow! You’re a genius!” Twilight’s horn flared, and in a burst of purple light, she vanished.
Rainbow Dash stared at the suddenly vacant grass and groaned. “Well, that can’t be good.”
Twilight wasted no time as she reappeared in the front hall of her castle. “Hi, Spike! If anypony comes looking for me, I’ll be in the closet!”
“What?”
Twilight didn’t waste any time, trotting down the hall to her room before pulling the door open with her magic and stepping inside. It was nice in here – big bed, lavish curtains (she really should thank Rarity for those again, they really looked nice), big bookcase for the books she needed to keep close at hoof, and, of course, her closet. Sure, it might be slightly awkward meeting the pony she was going to be with for the rest of her life for the first time in her bedroom, but she’d live with it.
Or was it the rest of their life? She was an alicorn, after all, and Princess Celestia was at least a thousand years old. How did that even work with soulmates? Did that mean that Princess Cadance was going to be a widow forever?
Twilight shook her head. “One thing at a time!” she announced to herself as she regally pulled open the door to her closet and stepped inside, closing it after her before beginning to cast the spell again.
527682504. “Less than an hour, not so bad,” Twilight said to no one in particular as she crouched between her dresses. She probably was getting grass on them. Oh well, she’d just have to wash them. No big deal.
It was surprisingly dark inside; sure, it looked bright from the outside, but all that translucent crystal wasn’t nearly as translucent once you were looking through several feet of it. At least the door gave her some light. Maybe she should have brought a book?
No, she would be paying attention this time!
Though it would have been nice to have a clock.
“Spike? What time is it?”
She paused for several long seconds. Well, heartbeats, but they were probably roughly seconds.
“SPIKE!”
She heard the muffled sound of claws against the crystalline floor.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“What time is it?”
A long pause. “Nine fifty-eight.”
“Thanks.”
Another long pause. “Why are you in the closet?”
“Oh, I’m just waiting for my very special somepony to show up. They should be here in 36 minutes. You will let them in, won’t you, Spike?”
“Uh… sure. What do they look like?”
“I don’t know! I haven’t met them yet!”
“Riiight. So… I’m just supposed to let anypony in who knocks on the front door?”
“Well, if they seem like they might be my very special somepony. Oh, and if Applejack and Rainbow Dash show up, tell them not to worry, everything’s under control.”
“Okay, then.”
Twilight sat back and waited. It was pretty cozy in here, really. Sure, it was a little uncomfortable sitting around in this dress all morning, but it would all be worth it. The other dresses brushing against her flanks weren’t too annoying, either. It really was nice of Rarity to make those for her to replace the ones that Tirek had burned up.
She stared at the door. Maybe she should go out and get a book to read?
“Twilight, are you in there?”
Twilight blinked at the sound of Applejack’s drawling voice. “Yup! Nothing to worry about in here.”
“Twilight, I wasn’t serious about the whole goin’ out somewhere silly and castin’ the spell thing. I was tryin’ to point out that the whole thing was a bunch of hooey.”
“Nuh-uh! I’m going to test this spell, and do it right this time! If it really does work, then my soulmate will show up in…” She paused. “What time is it?”
“You can check it yourself when you get out of there and stop with this.”
“Nope!”
Applejack sighed loudly. “Come on, Twilight. Nopony is going to find you in your closet.”
“Well then, we’ll know the spell doesn’t work, won’t we?” It felt like her eye was twitching again, but she was totally calm this time. Clearly there was just some dust in here. It wasn’t like she wore her dresses that often, anyway.
“Twilight, the idea that there’s only one pony in the world for you is plumb ridiculous and you know it.”
“Well, then, the spell won’t work and nopony will show up.”
Another sigh answered her, followed by the sound of retreating hoofsteps, then silence.
Seriously, didn’t anypony else appreciate science? If the spell worked, she’d meet her true love. And if it didn’t, she wouldn’t, and she would know it didn’t work! Obviously this was completely ridiculous, but if the spell really did work, it would revolutionize Equestria! What if you needed to set up a meeting with somepony? With a few alterations, you could just cast the spell, and you’d know whether you should show up late or not!
Well, assuming the spell didn’t make them show up late as well. How would that work?
“Twilight, you in there?” a raspy voice asked from the other side of the door.
“Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” A bluish shadow moved up against the semi-transparent door of the closet.
“I told Spike to tell you and Applejack that I was fine.”
“Twilight, you’re hiding in a closet waiting for somepony to show up and kiss you. You’re not supposed to take stuff like that literally.”
“Well, it was a good idea!”
“C’mon, Twilight. If you really want a date, you need to ask somepony out or something, not rely on some spell. Even I know that’s not how it works!”
“But if this spell works, then I’ll know everything will work out.” Twilight stared at the door. It all made perfect sense, it really did. If the spell really worked, then everything would be okay, and she wouldn’t have to worry about it.
“That’s not how it works, Twi. Even if there was such a thing as soulmates or whatever, it’s not like everypony always stays together forever anyway.”
“Nope. I’m testing this spell and that’s that.”
Another loud sigh came from the other side of the door, followed by the muffled sound of wingbeats.
Rainbow Dash didn’t sound very happy. But she was wrong, wasn’t she? It wasn’t like dating was easy or anything; from everything she’d read, it could take you forever to find your special someone. Sure, Cadance and Shining Armor had met when they were her age, but Cranky and Matilda spent their whole lives searching for each other! Well, Cranky had. Matilda had just kind of hung out around Ponyville.
But the point remained that she wouldn’t have to do that. Not if the spell worked.
“Twilight Sparkle. Please open the door.”
The firm voice of her mentor shattered her thoughts. “Princess Celestia?”
The doors glowed with golden light as they swung open, revealing the eldest of the princesses of Equestria, her regalia gleaming in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Celestia’s characteristic smile was gone, replaced by a disappointed frown. Behind her, Spike wrung his tail nervously.
“Sorry, Twilight. But I figured this was an emergency.”
“It seems you were correct,” Celestia said, her eyes flickering over the smaller alicorn as Twilight slowly stepped out of the closet.
Twilight looked back at herself; she really was a mess. Blades of grass were sticking to her everywhere. The back of her dress was totally soaked from the fountain, and dirt from the road clung to her all along the rear hem of her dress. She’d even managed to get a couple of drops of chocolate milkshake on her chest somehow. Twilight hung her head.
“I’m sorry! I know you told me not to worry about it, but I just thought, you know…”
Princess Celestia shook her head. “That was a very long time ago. I must admit, I didn’t think you’d even remember that spell, much less look it up again.”
Twilight stared at the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m probably completely ruining your schedule, and all because I couldn’t listen.”
“Mmm.”
Twilight blinked as a gold-shod hoof lifted her chin, finding Celestia’s pink eyes dominating her field of view. “Tell me, Twilight. What was it that drove you to take such extreme measures?”
“Well, it’s just…” Twilight gestured vaguely. “I took so long to make any friends, I thought maybe I could actually try and get ahead of things for once. And I was reading about dating, and it all seemed so big and scary, and I know all the romance books are wish fulfillment, and—” Twilight swallowed.
“I just wanted to do something on my own for a change. I’m always reacting to things. I thought it would be nice to find somepony before a national emergency made me find a boyfriend.” She paused thoughtfully. “Or girlfriend. I mean, there are a few mares I’ve found attractive, and it isn’t like I’m totally against the idea. I mean, I’m not really sure that I’m actually interested – I mean, you can like what a mare looks like without thinking you want to, you know, kiss her or something – but—”
Celestia gently tapped her hoof against Twilight’s shoulder. “It’s alright. But that isn’t what I meant. I meant, why didn’t you ask your friends for help? That’s often a good place to start.”
Twilight took a deep breath, then sighed. “I don’t know. I just… thought I could try out the spell, and then ask them for advice if it didn’t work. But then it said I’d be meeting them today, and I… panicked.” She poked at the floor with her hoof.
“I see.” Celestia patted Twilight’s shoulder. “Well, at least your reason is better than mine.”
Twilight’s ears pricked forward. “Why did you cast that spell anyway, Princess?”
“I was lonely. After Luna was banished, I realized that I had no family beside her, and thought that the spell might give me somepony else to replace her.” Celestia walked over to Twilight’s window, gazing out over the town as her rainbow mane rippled behind her. “But try as I might, no suitor ever arrived at the appointed hour. I was never alone, but I never met my true love.”
Twilight furrowed her brow. “The spell isn’t just a random number generator, though; it is doing something.”
“I know. I think it really does show ponies’ hearts, just not quite in the way it claims.” Celestia turned and smiled. “You are a very special pony, Twilight, but no spell can tell you when to fall in love, or who to fall in love with. No more than it can make you friends.”
Twilight shook her head. “But that’s not true. If Rainbow Dash hadn’t done her Sonic Rainboom, I wouldn’t have any friends. We really were destined to be together.”
“Really?” Celestia smiled. “You told me that, when Starlight Glimmer cast her spell, that you and your friends never got together in the other worlds. If you were truly destined to be together, how could Starlight Glimmer change that?”
The floor suddenly seemed absolutely fascinating. “Oh.”
A musical laugh drew Twilight’s eyes back up. “Don’t worry, Twilight. You are hardly the only pony who has forgotten that she is in control of her own destiny. It was your choices that made you your friends. Never forget that.” Celestia stepped up beside Twilight and spread one wing, gently settling her white feathers over the smaller alicorn’s shoulders. “Why would it be any different with love?”
“You’re right.” Of course she was right. She was Princess Celestia. Still… “What do you think the spell does, then?”
Celestia laughed again as she began to walk towards the bedroom door. “I think you should ask your friends that question. Maybe they’ll be able to answer you.”
Twilight trotted after her. “Oh, gosh. I can’t believe I just sent them away and hid in my closet. I’ll have to go find them and apologize and—”
“Er, we’re actually just out in the hall,” came a familiar raspy voice.
“Hey, Twilight.” Applejack waved from beside Rainbow Dash. “Princess Celestia set you straight?”
Twilight glanced up at the taller alicorn, then smiled slightly and nodded.
“Good. Want to go get some grub, then? Half a milkshake weren’t near enough.”
“Yeah. And pushing clouds around all morning is hard work.”
Twilight giggled. “Let’s go get lunch, then.” She looked around. “Where’s Spike?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Oh, Doc Turner showed up a few minutes ago. Said something about the Ponyville clock tower running a few minutes fast, and that he wanted to make sure everypony’s clock was set to the right time.”
Twilight’s eye twitched.
Author's Note
I'd like to thank my editors:
ChappedPenguinLips
Emerald Knight
Shrink Laureate
Southpaw
Sypher
I'd also like to thank everyone in the Writeoff Association who gave me feedback on the original version of this story from the "Look, I Can Explain" writeoff, and suffered through Twilight's original, full-length explanation of how the spell worked.
