Thoughts of a Typical Disgruntled Teenage Foal

by lordnyan

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Scootaloo, Random, Slice of Life, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1006

As told from the mind of Apple Bloom.

As told from the mind of Apple Bloom. Got the idea for this after reading a few pages of "Furiously Happy" by Jenny Lawson.

Published 2016-02-02 02:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-02 02:10:02 UTC

Chapter 1

The air was unusually foul that morning as Apple Bloom set off school. Of course living on a farm meant she was ALWAYS surrounded by foul odors and assorted aromas. She suspected recently most of it was provided by Applejacks pregnant overweight ass. If constantly passing gas was a necessary part of procreation, maybe Skynet had perfectly good reason to decrease the surface population.

Apple Bloom absolutely HATED going to school! Seven hours of having useless information hammered into her head she would never have to know or use again in the future. Who cares when William Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet? It was a horrible story from front to back, and was clearly written by a man sitting on a toilet constipated while high on LSD. It was a well known fact that a team of highly retarded monkeys, aka politicians, could easily be given several type writers and write his entire library. Though hopefully they would make it funny and therefor actually have value. The only value the original works of Shakespeare have that Apple Bloom could think of was that the pages made quite excellent toilet paper.

Six in the morning is a really dumb time to have to get up for school Apple Bloom thought as she continued dragging her hooves along most unwillingly. The sun was still very low in the sky, and there was a faint tint of red on the clouds lingering over head. That meant it must be roughly around six twenty, that or Rainbow Dash was on her period. Apple Bloom was hoping for the latter. Being not a morning pony, Apple Blooms typical morning routine involved getting up, brushing her mane, calling Applejack a bitch for waking her up so early, and attempting to eat her lunch while her sisters snot nosed brat made disgusting noises and threw his food all over the kitchen walls and flooring, which of course Apple Bloom then had to clean up before leaving for school. Sometimes it felt like she was living in a zoo rather than a house, or rather one of them freak shows you only hear about in tabloid magazines with bearded ladies and alligator girls.

All around her Apple Bloom could see the adult ponies all heading off to work. Funny how every pony puts themselves through twelve years of horrible homework assignments, long bus lines or walks to school, horrible cafeteria food or sack lunches, and worst of all Diamond Tiara just so they can get a diploma that allows them, to waste the entire rest of there lives sucking the balls of some corporate scumbag who probably spends his free time jacking off to Dora The Explorer. In Apple Blooms opinion, if this was truly the Equestrian dream that all those changing terrorist and other assorted weirdos wanted to take, they could have it!

A loud bang suddenly jarred her out of her thoughts as Derpy the mail mare lodged herself into yet another unfortunate pony’s mailbox…for probably the hundredth time that morning. How some pony as dumb as Derpy was allowed to handle the mail, or even breath was beyond Apple Blooms comprehension. Then again stupid ponies were useful for a good laugh or two, which for a budding teen like Apple Bloom were too few and far between.

Earlier that morning before leaving Apple Bloom had been forced to repack her lunch after her sisters demented spawn had gotten his hooves on it, and dropped it all over the floor. Apple Bloom had been quite mad over the situation, however Applesmacks of course defended him saying he was only a baby and therefore didn't know any better. Applejack always doted over her precious Del. She always said he looked like an angel, Apple Bloom always said he looked like a pig in a wig. The fact that Applejack was pregnant again did not make Apple Bloom any happier. Especially sense business was down for the farm, and therefore they had to cut down on expenses, including Apple Blooms allowance to save up for the new baby. There was even talk of having Apple Bloom take up a part time job to help out. Apple Bloom failed to see how she should be punished for her sister opening her legs to every Dick, Tom, Harry, and Beyoncé that visited the farm!

Finally reaching the school her thoughts turned to her two best friends. She probably had some of the weirdest best friends in the entire school. One of them was a walking dictionary, and the other a soon to be KFC value meal. The three of them had been besties since elementary school, mostly due to being the last three in their class to get their cutie marks. A picture that appears over both a ponies ass cheeks that signifies what they will do for the rest of their lives. Apple Blooms was a flower with a hammer over it, Sweetie Belle’s was a microphone with a bell, and Scootaloo’s was a wheel that was lit on fire. Once she reached them she barely had time to exchange hellos with them before a loud bell signified it was time for them and the other prisoners to file in for another day of torture. As they marched in a certain song popped into Apple Blooms head, and she found herself singing it under her breath. “I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow!”

“Welcome to the new age, to the new age, welcome to the new age, to the new age!” Scootaloo chimed in beside her.

“Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh. Whoa, oh, oh, I'm. Radioactive, radioactive!! Whoa, oh, oh, oh. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm. Radioactive, radioactive!” Sweetie Belle chorused along side them. They giggled enjoying one more moment of glee before taking their usual seats. Despite all the pain and torture life loves throwing at you, there are still some things that make it all worthwhile. Amazing friends and good music are some of them.